INFJ RELATIONSHIP ADVICE | Reasons INFJs Fall For Love Bombing

[@Wenzes]

Have you had experiences with love bombers?

[@jimboarmour4755]

Narcissists suck.

[@Wenzes]

You got this 👍

[@muja_hid7273]

So you sayings the only way to get over them is to be yourself all over again?

[@simovtransportmedia1137]

This topic is actually one of the most inspiring INFJ topics. What the tale saids, a friend in need is a friend indeed. The real love, just like the real friendship, accepts you for who you are with your bright and your dark side, not who you seem to be from someones immature perspective. Words of love are one thing, real love whole other thing. I am desperetly looking for this kind of people in my life, people who can pass the test of loyality, not superficial people who first want to be with you, then get uppon your head and when you statrt to tell them things you have kept for so long, suddenly from best friend and person they so much want to be with, you bacome „idiot“. Morover this toxic people only can reveal our dark side.

[@Wenzes]

The stricter you become with these ‚boundaries‘ the easier it becomes to connect to people who see it the same way as you. We have to be courageous enough to say no to friendships and relationships that aren‘t giving us what we are looking for and not stay attached because of the ‚hope‘ they might change

[@MimiBigCat]

So very true and inspiring, while it's counterintuitive,we have to be more conscious when this scenario and dynamic presents and arises itself before we realize it!

[@di380]

I agree, if you have a strong sense of self and healthy self esteem than you don’t fall for love bombing. This is the first time I heard the term but I understand what it refers to.

[@TroyPosey]

Great video Wenzes! I've been studying up on this stuff as of lately. 👍🏻 Yep...I have experienced them in person before... And it's not just in dating relationships, it can be when it comes to friendships, as well. Ironically, most of the algorithms on social media are setup in this very dynamic... You leave a comment, someone likes, "hearts", and/or responds to your comment, and you get a tiny little dopamine rush. And sometimes it goes deeper... And because you leave a nice comment, and show the video uploader some "love". And if they're very attractive now, but they were not very popular, cool, or considered attractive growing up and they have some have self-esteem issues, they get a very large dopamine rush from all the people fawning over and swooning them with comments about how hot they are, etc... So the uploader respond with a comment, a like, or a heart. Which in-turn, gives the simps a dopamine rush when they get a response. Then you leave more comments...They leave more hearts...This all = more dopamine being injected into your brains... And it eventually gets both people addicted to the interaction. This can make you feel like you're falling for this person, but in reality, it is a false connection, because you're only attracted to them because of the dopamine rush addiction you have developed, that you both get from the interaction. This is also how relationships develop in REAL LIFE... And yes, some folks could meet on the internet in that very same way, and then actually be soul mates, and everything works out perfectly to the universe's plan. But, the odds of that are pretty slim. So, if this happens, its most likely just that dopamine rush you've been deprived of, be-it lately (quarantine or singleness), or your whole life. I hope this video helps lots of folks, because It happens to everyone, not just INFJ's. But as INFJ's we are very prone to this, which is how we get fooled into relationships and friendships with narcissists and bad people, because they have spent their entire life honing their craft (narcissism) and they KNOW how to push buttons and manipulate people to get what they want.

[@Wenzes]

👍 exactly

[@muja_hid7273]

So but when you fall in true love you get that dopamine rush anyway??

[@serban2139]

Been there, done that. Was a "victim of a lovebomber narcisist", no regrets. Learnt a lot. I've thought nobody cares about my interests, hobbies, views on life, but I've listened to this advice to open up more and it made me realise that people actually care EVEN LESS than I thought they do, lol; it's actually good, in some way, because that way at least I know it's never personal, I think? I feel that way though. I do have a question though, is this normal or should I drop my standards? I have some people in my life that I know they genuinely care about me, but not understand why and how I can be who I am; these are females all, me being male. On the other side, I have 2-3 male friends that really understand me, but don't really care like...when I need it, it's like they are incapable to feel any empathy or sympathy. Anyway, I feel like, even though I am not perfect, I can do both really well and...am I asking for too much when I say I want at least one person to have both? Like...I don't think I've ever met someone like that before? hmm..

[@Wenzes]

For now just enjoy both ‚type‘ of companies without expecting too much but also knowing what they are about...accept that some people won‘t understand you and you still have them in your life because they are good friends and vice versa...you need both in your life, they just don‘t need to be the same person 😉 just make sure you don‘t expect anything from somebody that you continuously see they cannot live up to...THAT is what sucks

[@solarqueen2555]

I am super into an INFJ. Once we connected and built a strong bond I started showing him a lot of affection. Then, when i realized that my attraction was stronger than his, I stopped. I’m not sure if this is a case of love bombing at all. It’s more that I assessed his hot and cold actions and thought “well.. this is sad. I feel so silly being the one to initiate and show affection all the time - I’m gonna try to move on I guess? 🤷🏻‍♀️” I think we need to consider the fact that some “love bombers” might be genuinely good people who are just hurt by distance and decide to cut their losses lol

[@owellthomas]

Truly love all your videos and perspectives! Thank you so much. Learning so much.

[@bortiz805]

So insightful! The love bombing feels amazing the first (second, third) time we experience it, and we think someone has finally seem our true amazing self. We INFJs often feel different or struggle to fit in at times and to feel like someone sees the real US feels like such a relief and joy. We just don’t know yet that it’s a game.

[@Ausgrave]

Very timely video! Had my first experience with being blindsided by love bombing about a year ago... I've since learned this is a tactic used by narcissists (like you said) and that empaths attract them unintentionally. I'd recommend looking into attachment theory (avoidant, dismissive, fearful) -- might help to round out understanding on this. I consider myself to have high self esteem and was assertive in what I wanted. I even knew the struggles I'd had with boundaries and thought that the issue was taken care of... Looking back, I was keeping an open mind and really didn't know what to expect--much less having her opinion of me subvert my own. Maybe there's something unconscious? I knew this woman two years before we slept together so I didn't think it was impulsive... The whole thing went cold fast and still stings--but, I'm going to have to double down on ME being the final authority on ME.

[@Wenzes]

Yes, be always the last authority on you 👍

[@isabellec4642]

Thank you so much ! This really helped me ❤️

[@jeydinho17]

You're talking directly to me Wenzes! Thank you, I need to hear this in this moment in life.

[@Wenzes]

Glad it was helpful 😊

[@MT-uk4sq]

I don't think I am a INFJ, but I still related so much to this, I talked to a guy and he was being super sweet, probably not narcissitic, but he was just enjoying his new single-hood... I'm really trying to grow my confidence, and fighting my loneliness.

[@lynnejames2806]

Thank you. Spot on.

[@kristyc1177]

Your videos are incredible. It’s so liberating to finally understand why I do the things I do. It all makes total sense now. Thank you so much for your work. I feel like you should be the leader of the infj’s 😅. Seriously though, this has changed my life.

[@hamzayusuf333]

Don’t look at it as regret look at it a learning experience some narcissists are so good actors that you can’t read them immediately

[@imaniwilson7841]

I wonder how many INFJ’s are also Aquarius ♒️. I am. Woot woot. It’s intense.

[@amandagarcia9022]

Yes. But, unfortunately I believe Infjs can have love bomber tendencies as well. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I loved when you spoke about how to get out of this dynamic, in the latter part of the video. It was very encouraging. :)

[@Wenzes]

Yes. INFJs can have those tendencies too...totally...I know I have done when I was younger...not with bad intentions but it still turned ugly pretty fast

[@amandagarcia9022]

@@Wenzes I concur. Thank you Wenzes. :)

[@kristianjensen5877]

Yep, experienced that too, but, luckily, I trusted my gut feeling about what was going on (excessive and "weird" attention) and that it wasn't "normal" behavior. Luckily got out in time to only get a few emotional boo-boos and it taught me a lot about how people *actually* work instead of relying on an "intuitive model" of how they *ought* to work.

[@Wenzes]

👍👍👍

[@KauperXx]

This makes me feel it comes at a perfect time. almost 5 months in a relationship with a girl who seems to fit what you call "a love bomber" and I feel like I am an issue and feelijg guilty. Tomorrow we will meet up after 2weeks of non communication to try to speak about this. I felt that I am at fault for the most part, but after watching this it becomes clearer that I was just stepping up to my own being and my needs the night we got into an argument where I said some things tuat hurt her and she run away crying...

[@Wenzes]

We have to learn that we deserve to be treated right just as much as anybody else...

[@carolynchlebowski7680]

Wow, yes. Thank you.

[@pixie89]

Thanks 😊

[@chaudiep8274]

13:09 I will watch this part again if one day I forget to focus on myself and still care more about what people think

[@thebestdanceofthenighthing1633]

Thank you my twin INFJ sister 😏💙

[@mr.goodwrench8273]

Have I had experiences with love bombers ? One time back in 2013. I didn't mind the attention she gave me. It's just that I just wasn't moving at her pace, and she rushed things along too fast. Very controlling. Needless to say, I had to break it off from her. She had some baggage from the past that she hadn't gotten over yet. I was so glad to be single again after that. Freedom and liberty. I'm not ruling out a relationship with a lady in the future, yet I hope she has taken care of past issues, and has a calm demeanor about her. I like having peace in my life so that I can pursue the goals I have.

[@Wenzes]

👍😊 very well

[@captainxxx5725]

Yeha, i am known with love bombers, I am tired of them... I watched a lot of videos and i read a lot of articels about this Ni, Ti etc.. stuff. But honestly, i have no idea what this should mean to me. Can someone recommend me a good page for it?

[@jsnldn]

Uff this is so me. 😭

[@greeneyedparadox6609]

I absolutely totally experienced this. I was like, this is too intense and too fast. I don't want to be put on a pedestal. I am not perfect and i make mistakes. Please, i feel uncomfortable. I like you but i want to get to know you...

[@Wenzes]

Exactly...take your time!!

[@taylorswift6683]

Hii Wenzes i wanna know are there are lot of types of infj's Or we are all the same. Btw great video☺😊

[@rajnishsingh2208]

I just think a lot and expect way too much. This made me blank all the time especially when around a new friend circle, i feel like what if they judged me for this or that. I just don't know how to express myself especially talking with opposite gender. So, i don't even talk to girls and when they try to talk, i just walk away or pretend that i didn't hear you.What should i do this is getting very serious???

[@purplecrayons96]

This is such a good video! I am currently living with the love bomber and he has ignored me for years. No thank you, Sir.

[@bobevans5282]

How tap into the part of the brain who is telling and trying to remember us past to show how much loser we are? Because thats one of the most important thing for infj to always remember we can live an epic life but our past just trying to drag us where we are in the past.

[@MattTheVegan]

💚