INFJ Relationship Problems (INTP)

No, God. No, God, please, no. No. No. NO.

[@Skimmerlit]

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[@hanspotterman3668]

Infj(M) here. I am amazed at the accuracy in this video(for me). I was always sure i was doing something wrong but this just connected the puzzle pieces. This explains why my first relationship(another infj) worked "so well". We were both somewhat faking it which kept the harmony constant but little pet peeves got ignored. I am amazed that it lasted so long(almost 2 years). It wasn't even the reason we broke up. But this issue came to light only now when i am in a new relationship(intp). This video came to me in the perfect time. Just a few more weeks of this and i would have snapped. Now that i have a different perspective i finally feel like i know what to do. Thanks skimmerlit. You are right, infj-s are stupid. But also fuck you anyway. And i really hope you read your comments.

[@sylviaowega3839]

INTP here. This video session reminds of the one unhealthy INFJ best that I used to have, whom would constantly either door slam or ghost me until I eventually quietly walked away and to never return. She would always assume that hair because I didn’t show a lot of my emotions, and always being chill, calm and logically driven that I didn’t have any feelings what-so-ever, but it was so frustrating because I always knew I felt intensely, and that each time she would just simply door slam without ever bothering to listen to me, or giving me the opportunity to let her know how I felt. She always expected me to listen to her and comfort each time she would get upset, but each time I would either ask her for a favour, or she would promise to do something, she ghost me when the time would come. When I would call her sudden ‘disappearance’, or no show, then she would come up with some excuse that I didn’t show any appreciation, or gratitude, and I would get more confused. She always always intrigued by my Ti hero and my intense intellectually curiosities, but at the same time couldn’t accept me being as emotionally expressive as she is. Soon I got fed up and unfriended her for good.

[@amilee7580]

Intp here and used to be in a relationship with an infj. It was incredibly frustrating. When there's an issue, he would ghost me instead of communicating. I was hurt many times by his actions but he keeps doubling down. Instead of compromising, he insists I follow what he wants. His apologies come out insincere. It felt like his feelings and beliefs should be prioritized over mine. So I ghosted him. If he can't give me the time to communicate properly, I'm not gonna give my time and energy into it either.

[@sylviaowega3839]

@@RaidenShogun..INFJ’s do often use their strong Fe to manipulate others and act according the mood.

[@sylviaowega3839]

@@amilee7580If it is the one thing that unhealthy INFJ’s continually fail to understand is our strong loyalty and commitment with which they are not able to provide. They are often distrusting and have loyalty issues.

[@__D10S__]

I can see how this behavior (chameleoning) can look manipulative, but I think it’s important to note that the INFJ has a really tenuous relationship with their identity in the first place. INTPs use Si to anchor themselves from their Ti-Ne. There is a chain of Si across time constantly reiterating a sense of self. Both Fi and Si (both being the two main cognitive functions involved in forming and maintaining a solid self concept) are in the back stack for the INFJ. There isn’t anything solid in that regard for us. In more ways than any other type, INFJs are pretty much empty vessels who absorb particular zeitgeists where they find themselves. So I can see how this can be disconcerting for an Si user, and especially a tert Si user. But the intention is very rarely to manipulate. (Im not entirely set on what I said, but I wanted to type some of my initial thoughts)

[@detonateinc]

INFJ here, as I've grown older I've noticed that I've become more resistant towards people who are different from me/do not think the same way as me. Especially when it comes to dating, I may particularly forget my boundaries but I've grown to question my original values and stick by them closely. I have developed a system through visual expression or sharing my interests and addressing misalignments whenever possible. People have told me that I come off as aggressive or not wanting to submit to them but I think that in most instances people respect me for being clear in this way.

[@mahakhatib27]

Your exactly right. We are actually pretty sensitive about our beliefs and don't really like criticism as a result. I like how you verbalize any misalignment since its easier just to keep it inside. I hope we INFJ continue to grow and become more honest with ourselves and others.

[@TreasureSeasons]

Yes boundaries were an issue when I was younger ❤

[@giomar89]

you're extra lucid today. Which sounds even more impressing considering what you've been going through recently. Take care Skimmerlit!

[@aaronmanabe3278]

what's he going through

[@Bobby_101]

Had an ISTP woman try to have closure for her abusive father through me. Painting his behavior on all men in general, then needing to play out a revenge fantasy. Everyone does this as long as they can put their abuser into a specific or even general group.

[@existenceispain2074]

The thing about "true self" is that there is no "true self" all is an illusion or your true self is really just "nothing". Different people anchor to different things in the confine of mbti it is your thoughts (Ti), your values (Fi), your experience (Si), your principles (Ni). I guess it is the most difficult thing to do for Ni people because of how detached Ni is, it is what intuition do, essentially to retreat, to go away, to try to give "meaning" to the experience, also to abstract away. The infj you met probably anchor their "identity" to their relations to other people at least unconsciously. But the illusion shall soon be shattered they discover there is nothing other than your performance. The lashing out is internal and is the frustration. I heard a story about a person not being acknowledged by the other person, he killed that other person violently afterwards, and his "identity" is entirely shattered and he wanted to suicide. It is the extreme case. The artistic depiction is breaking the mirror in front of you. The lashing out at least let them to pretend there is something behind. Ni people tend to have problem anchoring their personal identity. Especially infj since their other introverted function is Ti. Just imagine when such people discovered mbti and it is telling them they are special. Even if they do not discover mbti they would eventually latch on some goal, some "destiny" essentially they will latch onto some "symbols", there is how ni work. Society is full of traps for this kind of people. If you are this you are "special", if you have this you will finally be "fulfilled". A practical advice I can give is actually learn some actual psychoanalysis and philosophy. A second advice is to embrace your life not to retreat to your "principles", not to hide behind theories, try to actually help people around you and in the society.

[@TreasureSeasons]

Your voice is soothing. There's no logic to love but eventually I learned to know where I began and ended. The grass is greener where we water it together. Thanks for deciding to share ❤😂

[@youtubeaccountone]

Every single one of my friendships has been like this. But when i see something as small as a word someone didn’t like being used and seeing the pure hatred it caused in them, I don’t understand how I can even start being a little authentic without them wanting to ruin my life, or why i should do it. Without desensitizing myself and becoming a worse person at least. But maybe you’re right, maybe interactions should feel bad, I’ve never thought about that. Thanks for the video

[@deviedorillo3689]

This was such an interesting video, Skimmerlit. I've dealt with a male infj before who believed is an intj and used "violence" and "harsh words" to show he's not a softie Fe user; he also had a mother wound(he believed she was entj) and that somehow made him obsessive towards me(I'm entj too). He reeked of façade and even though I tried to help him be himself, he "doorslamed"me and even tried to hurt me to show me he's real. Like... why? Infjs never make sense to me.

[@theburnboss]

This and your video "definition as contract" has too perfectly summarized the reason my ex is now my ex. You're actually amazing at what you're doing! Keep it up.

[@warmpolar2941]

Do you study socionics? The infjs you describe sounds a lot like an EII, Fi in this case detecting the emotional needs of the other person and Ne generating a persona to fit that need. Ive only seen a handful of videos of yours, and it sounds like mbti is doing someone like you injustice, you should try socionics or vultology. You might like vultology more because you can map facial expressions and occular tension to a personality. A lot of the things you struggle to explain make much more sense in those systems.

[@AuthoritarianAbstractionist]

For whatever the fuck reasons he’s sticking with MBTI

[@jeremysiegel10]

Perfectly described my ex, she literally door slammed me and we were supposed to be married the next month. Complete 180 in the span of 3 days. Lovey dovey to cold shoulder to outright hostility and resentment just like that. I saved her life (literally) and so was so hurt by this but I guess she was never the person I loved in the first place, I just couldn't see it

[@ethereal_7]

This is so great dude

[@daisy-wx7ro]

what's with these absent intp dads fr why don't you like me dad

[@gandadorf7886]

Oh god not the unicorn, not the circle jerked introvert that is too cool for INFP but supposedly too empathetic for INTJ. The internet allstar, your neighborhood therapist for some reason, the unorganized judger, the mbtis gemini, the RAREST type despite evidence, the mysterio.101, probably believes in crystals having healing properties. I dont know, the internet covers this type already, not that interesting in my opinion. However since Skimmerlit is the one that made the video I watched it anyways and even liked the video. Skimmerlit is the one that can give a valuable lesson about garbage. So technical and meticulous that even the CIA cant figure out what he is up to, they are either thinking about recruiting or killing him.

[@mahakhatib27]

Well, he earned a recruit in me that's for sure. I am sensitive to criticism and always look for a deep meaning in things that don't really have anything deep to begin with. My Islamic beliefs govern my life, not MBTI and I know I can get along and understand people if I put in enough effort to do so. Thank you for your comment☺

[@Skimmerlit]

It’s every day with this shit. Negative? Bad. Positive? Not positive enough. Discussing any other topic? You should discuss INFJs NOW. You’re discussing INFJs? Fuck you. Do you understand how many Discord INFJs have claimed old videos? For a while, any INFJ mentions equaled Discord shares and suspicious interference; I wonder what may be occurring here. Someone must’ve hurt you (not many people at once after using me together and then an entire community being carbon copies of them all and each other for YEARS); you’re making this up; you haven’t done any research; 16p says we’re the best; what you’re doing is literally hate speech. If I could disable my brain and never think about patterns in their behavior specifically, then I would never make any INFJ videos again. They’re stupider than INTJs and more obnoxious than INFPs. I don’t know how they managed it collectively. INTJs have an obnoxious streak; I’m beginning to think those are INFJs posing as INTJs. I’m fucking tweaking. I know exactly what will happen, yet I’m still shocked every time, every day, they can’t read and don’t shut the fuck up for ANY reason. You want essays about nothing? They got you. You want your oxygen taken? Boom. Your time feeling a little too valuable? Gone. It’s done. It’s done. It would be funny if a person’s, or in this case a group’s, inability to learn anything ever weren’t so distressing (and annoying).

[@kokikokic9874]

This INFJ unicorn shit is so annoying it makes me ashamed to be one. Especially those idiots who make us look even worse then we already do.

[@haoding2706]

"Skimmerlit is the one that can give a valuable lesson about garbage" lol so true.

[@oracle__21]

Smh🤦 Imagine putting all infjs in such a pathetic box, doesn't get more irritating than that. What the actual heck? I'd rather banish myself to an unknown island than spend five seconds in the same breathing space as a human this condescending. At this point, I wish mbti wasn't mainstream and everyone would just fucking go about their daily lives without some rando psycho analysing ' my type' without actually ever hitting the nail on the head.

[@mahakhatib27]

Thank you for making this video. I want to say that my biggest flaw as a INFJ is my sensitivity towards criticism. You touched on it in your video, but I want to go more in depth. My beliefs about myself and the world through the understanding of my religion (Islam), not MBTI, is what I value most. In the religion we keep our beliefs strong, and we tend to work towards a balance of helping others and helping ourselves. I think about what others feel and think so much that I start to lose sight of myself, and I get really hurt when these people say anything remotely negative about me or what I do for them. I need to be stronger and worry about myself more, rather than what other people say or think. It not anyone's problem but mine, and I shouldn't expect anyone to deal with it or to help me fix it. If you relate to this comment, do yourself a favor and take a good hard look at yourself and learn to accept the criticism and do something about it!

[@theultimatedisciple7974]

INFJ here also. I am very open to criticism, but those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Do not criticise me to high heaven unless you are divinity incarnate. I take pride in my ability to admit I am wrong because I know ultimately other people will strengthen me with their POVs and that is what life is ultimately about. Improvement. It frustrates me when people do not let me help them improve too.

[@mahakhatib27]

@@theultimatedisciple7974 The person who gives you criticism has to be perfect from the sounds of it. I used to believe like you, but I learned that everyone is valid in their criticism, and you should at least hear it out. Also, you can't change people and ultimately the improvements have to come from the person themselves. We can aid them, but if they don't see any need to improve, then we just have to accept that. It was really nice to hear from you🙂

[@mahakhatib27]

@@AnnieTyzak True. I like to hear about them, regardless. Who knows, I might learn about a new type of thinking I would have never considered before.

[@mahakhatib27]

@@AnnieTyzak Fair enough 😂

[@TehPaintman]

Completely off-topic question, but have you played Baldur's Gate 3 yet? I feel like a Myers-Briggs approach to exploring the game could be something that may be fun pursuing.

[@Skimmerlit]

I’ve been trapped in a house for months. I can’t stomp the landlord but won’t lower the difficulty. I miss Minty O’Hara.

[@jessijay9665]

That sounds cool. I'd be interested in it.

[@oracle__21]

Infjs will probably never be fully understood and I'm starting to think they were never meant to be.

[@CoranceLChandler]

Do you think any personality type will ever be fully understood? Or even any person?

[@oracle__21]

@@CoranceLChandler I don't doubt that. But I made this comment because a lot of people really do not understand infjs even at their base form. At this point, I'm starting to wish mbti didn't exist and that's a lot coming from someone who finally felt understood and didn't feel like I was weird for being the way I am. People act like they know but turns out in the end they know next to nothing and it's annoying. Only few people have ever gotten close to understanding who or what an infj personality truly is.

[@mustafams2742]

Can u do for INTJ ?! ... thx

[@gommito]

I didn't need my dad anyway bruh

[@espressocoffeeshine4346]

So I as an INFJ ghosted a friend once because I was appalled by their attitude toward something. While you are correct in concluding that could have been worked out in a short period of time in theory. The friend didn't know what was wrong, so he could not have worked it out. I was acting on inverted intuition and it took me a couple of years to use my inverted thinking and define why I was appalled by him. So ya, it can be worked out quit easily, yet it takes time to sit down and logically work it out ourselves.

[@LittleMew133]

I don't typically like other INFJ's actually; I find them rather ... slippery. Except for the ones with developed Ti or enneagram 5. In other words, not absolutely retarded and only able to get by, by playing social games. I like a strong thinker (don't care if Ti or Te) because they will sit down and work sheet out with me (like real men). Fe is just incredibly womanly avoidant. Don't get me started on Fi, which is just childish explosions without any logical reasonings.

[@EH_888]

Functions have nothing to do with a person being reasonable or unreasonable nor can they be attributed to masculinity or femininity.

[@yanamclaughlin1644]

You sure you aren't working out mommy issues around some INFJ dame yourself? Yikes.

[@Skimmerlit]

Too close for comfort? Who says “dame”?

[@yanamclaughlin1644]

Your obsessive hatred of one type reveals the ruffled feathers are yours. You need a vacation or something from being a brain in a vat. Who says dame.... I don't know man three raccoons in a trench coat

[@Skimmerlit]

No, a poor imitation of a human who falls for bait says it. I would've assumed you'd been around the block enough times to know that one. Never acknowledge a question like that.

[@yanamclaughlin1644]

My goodness you are feisty

[@Skimmerlit]

You don't like feisty?