INTP Relationship Problems 2 -- Bipolarity (INTP)

Even when you can't see it, this will be happening. The stack of evidence matters most, but our feelings are fickle.
Putting up a front affects this process.
Personal-er video I made earlier this morning: • Video

[@Skimmerlit]

My novelette is available. Picking it up and leaving a positive review would be a tremendous help to me. Thank you. Novelette: www.amazon.com/dp/B09XL1VWJW/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2O9IAGTS3FCV2&keywords=skimmerlit+book&qid=1649553882&sprefix=skimmerlit+book%2Caps%2C132&sr=8-1

[@yulissamiramontes3729]

I am an entj woman and I have not met an intp yet, the ones I have met are married and and old.

[@BartholomewHenryAllen]

I think this actually is for INTPs. Basically a warning of one's self. I appreciate it.

[@sinisterkitty8411]

"When the conceptual you feels good, we do not like anything messing with that. Not even the REAL you." You just described the downfall of most of my relationships...

[@seufimeaqui9034]

omg you have realtionships

[@CalogeroTurco]

It happens quite often to me to categorize people based on our latest interaction, especially if I expect a certain behavior from them and instead they act differently ( like I expect them to be warm instead they are cold), the funny thing is that the next time I interact with someone I categorized as 'bad' there is a chance they make me feel good and so they become good again for me. So like someone is bad for me for a long time until we have another interaction most of the times. I guess the solution would be to notice when we (intps) categorize people and start looking at the bigger picture instead on focusing on recent behaviours. PS: loved the outro, always digging those nice catchphrases at the end and loved the 4 minutes of rain noises before the video ended PPS: sorry if my English is bad :/

[@plots4]

It fits in very well with the psychological concept of black and white thinking. It’s why INTP’s often feel they have personality disorders. I haven’t been diagnosed with any specifically, but I bet I could be two or three if I was ever honest with a therapist.

[@savvageorge]

I think it helps to remember there is good and bad in everyone including ourselves which helps to even out these black and white feelings.

[@halfofakitty]

Not exactly wrong. Things like black and white thinking, completely flipping on some (aka splitting), idealization/favorite person, and how the video says a friend is perceived are all from Borderline Personality Disorder, which commonly coexists with other conditions. Thinking we have a condition isn't bad since this one is treatable with therapy. Why seek help or get diagnosed if you've lived with it your entire life? Because the more I look into it the worse I see it is and how it can hurt the people around you, let alone yourself. It stems from an inadequate childhood/childhood emotional neglect (CEN), which also causes our low emotional intelligence (which our parents likely had as well but it's taught not genetic). Not everyone knows they have CEN unless it's looked at in the right light. Oddly enough BPD can get misdiagnosed as bipolar or even autism. 6% of women have BPD but the percentage in men is inadequate because it typically presents differently by gender.

[@plots4]

@@halfofakitty I do believe I have the quiet type BPD. The problem is I have my shit together just enough to keep the crazy inside my head 98% of the time. I hold a professional job and can be a social chameleon as needed. I just can’t regulate emotional AT ALL. I certainly was a CEN victim, including both the abuser and the enabler (and the golden child gaslighter sibling). I’ve been diagnosed GAD and bipolar 2 but I am 99% positive BPD is more accurate. Getting taken seriously by doctors is a problem for those of us who show up in dress clothes because we somehow hold real jobs.

[@halfofakitty]

@@plots4 Same, and a brief Google search says it's not uncommon for INTPs. I have wondered if mines combined with Schizoid Personality Disorder. You can have a Schizoid Narcissist so it may look impossible but it can still happen.

[@plots4]

@@halfofakitty I was not informed of the bipolar diagnosis being added a couple years ago. I stumbled across it going through lab results online. I actually found it validating and it answered some questions in treatment plans that hadn’t made sense before. I have BD and NPD confirmed in the family, and I’m fairly certain a BPD parent if all were to be properly diagnosed. The enabling parent with avoidant traits at minimum. I went no-contact 5 years ago despite living ten minutes apart.

[@venmis137]

I don't just do this with people. I do it with fucking everything, it's exhausting. In particular with political positions. I once went through a week where I was: 1. A passionate welsh nationalist (I'm from Wales) 2. In favour of Wales being annexed into England 3. A moderate devolutionist 4. A unionist 5. Apolitical (I kinda realised I was being retarded and distanced myself from anything remotely do with this subject) Granted that's "just" politics, and I was 16 at the time, but the process was remarkably similar to what you described (and in my opinion, it was the wrong way to approach politics). It doesn't just have to be people, it's really whenever you're judging "something". Be it a behaviour, an action, a person, an ideology, a country, a group, an idea in general. Although actually, thinking about it, I think the common thread is the existence of an idea. It is far too easy to become enamoured or disgusted by an idea, and for that attitude to shift drastically with so little pressure. It can be incredibly annoying at times, I'm constantly looking for ways to mitigate it (especially since it makes it fucking impossible to decide on anything abstract or long term, like a career path).

[@giomar89]

It is, indeed, embarassing. How f**king sensitive we are to consistency (whether it’s consistency agreed upon with you, or completely inferred in our head without you). That surely has to be the combination of Ti dom with Ne aux? (A natural inclination to seek patterns logically coherent?)

[@justplayin8395]

one word from an INTP: perfect

[@core7796]

the virtue (attentiveness) and vice (apathy) of INTPs seems to fit with their Bipolarity

[@ntsomewhere885]

I know better now, at my advanced age, to say this, but if I had listened to this video decades ago, I would have asked, "But doesn't everyone do this?" A part worth repeating: The pieces don't change. The way we are putting them together does. Calling it a Case File makes sense. Creating a "conceptual you" makes sense. Contrarians at heart? Isn't everyone? 🤣

[@freshmintbubblegum3831]

Everything mentioned in the audio resonates so much with my own experience in people's interactions. The weirdest thing is that it's just now that I've been studying MBTI for couple years, I started to understand that it's only my own perspective on relations with people, and other people don't get me because of that strange behaviour. Atr least I know what that is, so i can figure out what to do with that.

[@enmanuelsancho]

I think this is related to having a wild auxiliar Ne that some times feels like ADHD to be honest. Some months ago I started to consume noopept which is a nootropic that have helped me with concentration (I was reeeeally unconfortable with how much distracted I were) and also I have been doing more excersice I have noticed that this is happening less. I mean now I still have this bipolarity impulses but they are not so edgy, now I feel nothing is so black nothing is soo white. No one is so bad and no one is so good. And this "little things" are not a big deal now. I like this better because I think I'm beeing more rational and behaiving more like the ideal that I have of my self.

[@mbuyelo7131]

we're sensitive.

[@markmillington605]

Hey. Great video . Quick rebuttal. Never talk down to yourself or others. WORDS HAVE POWER. What you say is what you become. INTPs should review this to learn how people WILL annoy them as opposed to overthinking WHY they have become annoyed.(reverse engineer the purpose of this video) ALL PERSONALITY TYPES HAVE FLAWS THAT CAN BE EXPLOITED. Protect yourself from being exploited! Learn how to exploit others if they purposely invade your thinking space.( With a good moral compass of course) Mirror what annoys THEM back to them.( Non verbal cues) Learn how to act. Seriously. Take acting classes. Learn your triggers Learn what calms you down Learn other personality types weaknesses! INTPs are rare. 3 percent of the population. This means up to 97 percent of the people you meet potentially won't understand you. Think about that! History has proven people attack what they don't understand! INTPs need to think of people as a project and solve them using" controlled emotional bursts" as the key component to the solve.(like a satellite during course correction). Do this instead of using logic. Once you master this( if you ever do). Feel real emotions with the people you love, ACT your emotions with everyone else. You will be drained but find alone time and likeable hobbies to recharge. Another way of saying this is learn to act like an ESFJ OR INTJ from an INTP perspective. Last note. Most INTPs may not believe in God. I do. Research Apostle Paul. He most likely was an intp. His teachings and experience will remind you of some of the things introverts go through God bless

[@sash8099]

This might be because of Se PoLR too. Unable to see the actual reality and so living with perceived reality.

[@chrisblacklock9468]

"Analyzing yourself into the dirt or the sun" made me laugh so hard. So true.

[@leamubiu]

That background thunder is gold. The words are steel, tho.

[@maniacallyhappy]

I agree with the behavior being present, but do not agree with your explanation. In my head, I am constantly running mind experiments based around the gathered data. Even being younger and less developed, the mental construct was to be and continues to be for the purpose of being able to build a strong enough simulation to run scenarios, either in favor for or against whatever the question I am trying to prove for. The majority of it is usually building statistical percentages to poke and prode behavior from either a positive or negative stand point, for example if someone's behavior towards me at that point is being manipulative or genuine. If the behavior passes the sniff test, they will get the benefit of the doubt, and if it smells funny... further scrutiny is required either through direct means or indirect means. This usually matters mainly only with someone or something that has attracted interest. It's either attentiveness with hyper fixation, absolute apathy, or blinding rage towards something that triggered me, in which case the most anyone will see anymore is a stream of expletives because the thing won't do the thing... I can imagine younger INTP's may fall into those pitfalls until they develop their inferior Fe... but the last thing I would ever want to do is come off feeling manupilative by engaging in a biased way whether or not someone caters to my feelings... thats bullshit and immature, and absolutely requires a privilege check on our behalf because that's shitty behavior.

[@AyukaXD]

Embarrassing how true this is. Sometimes I can't decide if I truly like the other person or it's something different why i hang out with the person. I don't make a list of their flaws or categorize i guess or just don't do on a conscious level. But i certainly do store those informations, and if the person do something different than what i expect, those all past mistakes, and flaws overwrite the person's positive side and the good memories in my mind, and i start to be very skeptical and attack their logic, prove their reactions are incorrect. I became hostile. I must be a pain when that happens. haha but i'm an enneagram 8 too, so 2x pain.haha The only thing what i can compare it to is the human brain and trauma related reaction. xd There are 2 - 2 hippocampus and amygdala. The one stores the good memories. The other the bad ones. When I react to someones behaviour or what the person says i react with only the connected amygdala. No positive reaction from the positive section if the negative was triggered....and i can see only the bad side of the person. Like utopia and dystopia of a nation. Very bad, very bad, ssshhaaame on me. Same when i like someone and i idealise them or idk, i cherish them so much, and forget the little bad things related to their personality. But if someone step over a particular line i throw the person out emotionlessly like the banana peel. Yeah, and i'm addicted to analyse/watch/guess other's behaviour, manner, verbal, nonverbal things, their inconsistencies if it is someone that is interesting or i know the person in more details. But never use or say to them this.It's for fun. It's something that comes to me naturally, and do it with even myself. lol but no surprise i like psyhology too. I guess it is when others say "nasty". eeeww Ignored double checking on editing. Ignore my not native English.

[@ashleahtaylor7747]

I think infp’s go through this too It’s the extroverted intuition next to introverted sensing smack bang in the middle.

[@Ashley-yy3de]

I definitely do as well as an infp. It’s tough to live with tbh. I especially do the negative thoughts about managers or ppl in power. It sucks

[@agentesmith1548]

i think people behave often in a chaotic and they have no self-awareness. So we try to build a scheme in order to predict the behaviour and to know the real essence of that person. It's an experiment and it has to be adjusted according to new datas. The toilet paper put in a wrong way is not a problem if you introduce yourself as a disorderly person. But if you say you are tidy, you generally are tidy, it could be a problem. Something is false in the scheme and so everything could be false. Perhaps the person is not sincere and we have made a mistake. This can make me angry, I fell for the deception, and it seems that I hate that person but I hate my mistake, and I have lost my trust in that person, I don't really know him or her enough. It can happen a lot because people aren't consistent, it takes a while to find the pattern. I think that it is right to go on in this way. I see other people use Fe, so they say immediately, at first sight : he is marvellous, so a good person! she is a bad person! But they often are wrong, in many cases they guess the personality like guessing the right number at the casino.

[@annerittwage1401]

Sounds like splitting in BPD.

[@heartpoint5289]

I was thinking the same

[@hyneksmid3293]

What you talking about. I am INTP and doesnt hate anybody. Hate is reserved is somebody who killed on purpose somebody i love. etc

[@wut_horse]

question for intps: If you see this in yourself do you see it happening more when you don’t know a lot about the person? Is it like you are trying to create a pattern for / concept of someone with too little details or data to create an accurate one? Does this happen with your people you know well? (close friends/family/anyone you speak to often?)

[@onemoretime734]

Yes

[@wut_horse]

@@onemoretime734 ty

[@halfofakitty]

Uh. Borderline Personality Disorder red flag

[@RayVitoles-h2t]

I thought Fi dealed with absolutes,but Ti is the same sh1t. A non- refined and isolated Ti,is basically Fi in disguise. Infp can somewhat thrive in isolation if they don't get depressed.INTP in isolation is basically a villain in the making.INTP need external points of view, to internalise aspects they actively ignore . As an INTP you need a close friend ( ideally an INFJ or ISFJ ) and share your views on people with them.From experience, those 2 types have very precise insights.They can pinpoint the truth in what concerns other people.INTP need for an absolute truth,(does he like me or not) is his downfall.its funny because other people don't even notice INTP

[@RayVitoles-h2t]

And infp get the bitchy nickname wrongly.INTP are bitchy, because they don't have a clear sense of identity, so when others crack a joke on them, they don't know what is the correct way to react.INFP are perfectly cool with most of the things and everything that falls in their Fi sensitive area, they will quickly set their boundaries.INTP don't set boundaries,think they are cool, then go on to hyperanalyze in secret whether the joke you made was innocent or offensive .

[@entjfemme7032]

Define”acting in an annoying way”. Lol this statement cracks me up.

[@Skimmerlit]

When someone around does? Petty, petty example: I like my roommate. He's a cool, kind guy, and he's someone I work to help out when I can. That said, he gets Fi-y sometimes, and that annoys me. We were discussing some things a few weeks ago, and he asked about a project I've been chipping away at. I explained it was nearly complete and I'd finish it and try to publish before I graduate. He responded with, "You should finish it because that's what a man does. A man finishes what he starts." That annoyed me because 1. Don't tell me what to do. 2. I said I was going to finish it. 3. Men who talk about masculinity, at least in that way, come off as [adjective]. 3a. That's like these tough guys who discuss what other men should do with their penises. Really [adjective]. 4. People I tend to dislike hold similar sentiments and speak the same way. 5. That's one of those sentiments someone brings up in passing that's part of a wider *thing* but doesn't matter in the moment, so you don't say anything, but you still notice and think about it. 6. Don't tell me what to do. I thought about those two sentences longer than I should've, but, seriously, screw people telling other people what to do, especially when their framing's [adjective] and [adjective]. It's such a small thing, but it's connected to a wider thing, so you can't point it out without causing undue trouble, but then it goes un-pointed out, and fuck that. He's still a cool dude. I'm autistic. Enjoy your evening.

[@entjfemme7032]

@@Skimmerlit you seem extremely normal to me. You have your own individuality. I don’t see why that has to be labeled. You are passionate about what you like and don’t like. Some people are passionate about jumping out of airplanes. Now that seems effing crazy. But I don’t want to step over any boundaries so I’ll stop. The comment from your roommate was so aggravating. I guess I would have snapped at him if I was there. An ENTJ would let someone know they were stupid. But I don’t have Fe in an inferior function so it’s extremely easy to let someone have it. I think the extreme feelings come from being conflict avoidant. It’s a way to protect yourselves because you can go from one extreme to another plus it seems you are having an internal debate. It all sounds exhausting. Now I see why INTPs need naps all the time. You burn an insane amount of calories thinking. Hence the need for snacks as well. This video has helped me understand INTPs immensely. Thank you

[@leamubiu]

I don’t like how gratingly true this is. >

[@sagazcidade]

just the video I was needing

[@HikiOmo]

I'm just regular bipolar.

[@kateharrison]

Thoroughly enjoyed this 2 parter

[@lakejimin8117]

i'm an enfj but i relate to this so much??????? expect i simply don't make it look like i do on the outside. i tend to get very negative or positive about people, but have to not be too expressive about it, because it usually goes away (and comebacks more or less often depending on the person) and also because if i snapped at one person i would have to do it with literally anyone. i'm just not made to interact with others i want them to be perfect. coherent and stable and humans are naturally not. not even i am. it makes me furious.

[@teensytinyninja]

This one was a bit hard to follow in the last 1/4th. (Intp) maybe adding a real world example would have helped. Like, maybe describe it in not just a conceptual way… bc I found a few ways to interpret what you were saying. adding a “real world” conversation as an example would have helped. It kinda felt like what you were trying to say got lost in the side notes you included. So either mentioning side notes later or including an example after would have made your point better. Anyways, I love your videos so far and they are really getting me back into mbti after my 4 year hiatus.

[@hellomehi6692]

10:30 I feel so called out.😅

[@Raphael0654]

What you're describing here is the e5 INTP's narcissistic e3 ENTJ shadow.

[@harambe3363]

I don't know. I take people how they are until shown otherwise. If you are bubbly around me and i like it then to me you are a bubbly person until shown otherwise. That is how I see you and it is not my fault but your own. If you suddenly start acting different well yes I will be taken a back and I think I have a right to reassess and determine if I still like you or not because suddenly you are not just a bubbly person anymore. If I don't like it I'm sorry if it comes off as mean or bipolar but I didn't make your character on a whim. YOU SHOWED ME WHO YOU ARE, and willingly chose to hide other details for whatever reason. I have every right to be upset. The only time I without knowing characterize people in a box that may or may not be them really is when you are purposefully withholding information. If I cannot tell you are ABC I am left no choice but to analyze what I see and hear to determine if you are ABC or not. The difference between if stereotyping is toxic or not is how aware you are of it. There is one coworker I know who is extremely secretive. I know nothing about this man and the things he tells us can be a bluff or not. You'd never know. I have an idea of who he is but at the end of the day I realize I know nothing so i cannot confidently and honestly move along around this person like I do. All i know for a fact is he is no mean spirited and has done me harm and that is enough to be friendly and enjoy their company enough. But I'm sure things would quickly spiral into bipolarity if he decided he wanted to be a best friend of the sorts but still wanted to be a nobody or a ghost in terms of his identity and values. Then I'd be very weary and undecided and quite frankly frustrated.

[@gio-ve7vn]

Yeah, I'm guessing this video has some hyperbole. I'll remember what you say and compare it to what you do. If there is some mismatch between the two, that would prompt further investigation. But I generally withhold judgement on people until I have enough evidence one way or another if I can trust you. Until then, I will act cordial and polite and will be generally helpful. If I decide I trust you, then I will trust you until you give me reason not to. I think, like you said, I might go down with rabbit hole of vacillating feelings towards a person is if that person really blindsides me, does something I think is out of character to what my previous experiences and forecasts tell me. Then I just wouldn't know what to do with that and I'd end up questioning my own judgement and actively weighing attitudes. For example (story time): I had a friend in college who had much better work ethic than I do, but I produced more accurate work. For a previous semester, the professor had us all pair up to complete assignments together. This was a CS class so git commits showed who did what portion of work. I had paired up with my hard working friend and it worked out great! I would laid down a road map, she would get started on assignments early, I'd get started late and check-over/debug her submitted work to make sure it all ran smooth. I'd submit everything 5mins before the deadline and everything ran smoothly. We both got an A in the class. Later, in our senior year, we had the same professor who had the class group up. Teams could range from 2 to 4 people. The more people in a group, the harder the problem set she would assign. So I thought working with my hard working friend would work out again. First problem was she brought two other people into our group. I didn't want to do harder work but she vouched for them so fine, this could work. But basically everyone in my team over the course of the semester proved that they had no idea what they were doing. I was shocked as I had to basically re-code every submission by myself at the 11th hour, for the entire semester. This is a senior year class! How could they not know how to debug, let alone submit code that didn't even run?? To say I was confused and fuming about it is an understatement. I should've told the professor earlier and switch teammates but I'm loyal and conflict-avoidant and gave them more opportunities to prove my faith in them - only to disappoint again. I ended up coding the final project all by myself. I finally told the professor as I submitted some jumbled garbage code that barely ran. We all got a B in the class since we all share the grade. To this day I have mixed feelings about this experience and person. I know for a fact they didn't do this out of malice, that they were ashamed at their work and couldn't admit they needed help. The other people in the group took advantage but I don't care about them. I'm more concerned that I still don't know how I could have avoided this mess...

[@BDSandM]

This sounds toxic and exhausting. I'd rather not be in an emotionally-dismantling relationship than play these mind-reading games.

[@d.v.5645]

There is an old fairy tale titled "The Princess and the Pea" in which a princess is given a bad night of sleep by the Queen who put 3 little peas under 20 mattresses as a test of her sensitivity, which, if present, was supposed to vouch for her true royal identity. This video reminded me of that story. The only difference is that Andersen's tale was written as a mockery to the pretentiousness of the aristocracy, while INTP's sensitivity to the 3 little peas is to be taken in all seriousness. Big sigh. I truly hope this video is serving its main thesis in a more extreme and hyperbolized way in order to draw attention to public discourse, because if it were all true, then it paints INTPs as people who have lost touch with reality and are too moody and easily swayed by the tiniest of things to ever be able to make a fair judgment of someone's character. You help them out once - you're an altruist, you share you've struggled with their emotionally inconsistent behavior - you're manipulative and are only trying to make them feel bad for you, commit unalive already. Wait...what's that in your hand? Chocolate? For INTP?? Omg hiiiiiii [satisfied emo noises]. Op, no, you picked the wrong kind. Man, there it is again, you cannot be trusted. To the person dealing with this kind of INTP (as I refuse to give up my faith in the good ones out there), I have better advice for you. Simply don't. Because one thing I agree with, if said INTP has decided to see you as the reincarnation of Lilith herself, no amount of authenticity and effort into correcting their wrong perception will turn fruitful. Because that perception is not a misunderstanding, it's a choice. That's a mistake I used to make in the past, too - believing it's a misunderstanding and all I had to do was explain more, open up more, give more support. Boy, was I wrong...At some point, you're happy to accept whatever negative labels have been placed on you just to get this over it and rush into self-preservation mode. That's how draining it can be. I also don't recommend anyone to approach an INTP's misconceptions in a harsh manner. INTPs have a deep sensitivity they are disconnected from and that is one of the main reasons their emotions cut like a thousand knives - INTP never bothered to acknowledge their existence and study them with the intent of self-mastery. The moment the knives start cutting, the instinctive response is to numb themselves, retreat into cold logic (as flawed as it may be, but INTPs in their shadow don't bother doing a 360 view of the issue), and see it as some restoring of balance. Cue delayed emotional response that triggers an overly pessimistic view of the world. In conclusion, if an INTP is running this kind of war on your mind and heart, just set them free and keep walking. Yeah, that Ti is a damn sugar addiction, I know. But addictions put you in rehab. When they lose enough people, they'll make a change. It just wasn't your time. It was only your turn. And to the healthy INTPs out there - you've paid your dues, you went through the individuation process, you overcame your trauma, your past, your fears...It's been a long journey. Cheers.

[@shh7600]

Intp here. As I was listening, I was like “yep, this is what I do!!” And thought “but…doesn’t that make me kinda…stupid?” At the end you say that intps are stupid😂lol

[@rickmaneiro93]

This fits my INTP partner behavior

[@willyboy7141]

I feel so attacked lol

[@thisismyyoutubeaccount2470]

Wow. Thanks for this.

[@Codychro]

thank you man❤

[@laurarizo1719]

How can I tell if my friend INTP hates me or loves me?

[@enmanuelsancho]

If he is still your friend he probably loves you... (As an average) If he is not showing up and avoids you probably hate you or at least doesn't likes you enought.

[@Mickmat]

You just can't jaja! We are socially-autistic Hannibal Lecters

[@maestro9615]

I don't see part 1

[@akazicool87]

Why are we so complicated!!

[@Skimmerlit]

Because it’s interesting but unnecessary. That’s our lot.

[@fsycb]

You are scary smart sir

[@anniw.4737]

INFPs do this too

[@kathleenperez3154]

respect lol

[@8teillumin]

Oh lord yes 🙌…. I am currently being reviewed for Bipolar Light - Cyclothymia…. It’s cool it’s not an issue it’s just a thing… I’m also a Joyous INTP who has a neuro-chemical illness. I do all of this in this video and it’s bounded by my mood illness.. well it’s killed another relationship so upwards and onwards