INFJ, WHY OUR SUPPRESSED ANGER IS COSTING US EVERYTHING

[@Wenzes]

Do you tend to suppress anger as an INFJ?

[@natureglimses]

Wenzes thanks for bringing out such topics, it's superb🎉 👏👏❤

[@natureglimses]

In the past I used to get angry and my reaction comes only after a few days, if the person who is bad to me is intentionally bad then I am happy somewhat because in my mind I have already judged the person and that satisfies me , yet if the person miraculously becomes good one day then i will respect him

[@DearYoungerSelf111]

Yep - and emotions deemed as negative - like sadness - depressed feelings - I realized I bypass the feeling and then rationalize - not allowing myself to fully feel - And it feels a bit awkward when I have allowed myself to feel it because I feel it so deep - Feels like I am not going to recover from it due to the intensity of the feeling - This is actually pretty fascinating to be aware of this now

[@TheyCallMeSir_H]

All the time.

[@lesleyrose6282]

Angry playlist and go! V 1.Halestorm “Psycho Crazy”

[@Missdovanova]

Unfortunately suppressed anger comes up as depression 😢 boundary setting is difficult with family

[@corporaterobotslave400]

The best music for me to help feel and then release anger are punk rock and heavy metal in their many forms. What really helps me regulate my anger is actually writing songs in these genres; performing them in front of an audience is a phenomenal catharsis.

[@johnkeller5163]

As kids, INFJs really get used quite easily by powerful people until door slams and ferocious fighting surprises those who push with no mercy (potentially parents, siblings, authority figures, false friend, etc). Funny thing about music that Wenzes mentioned, I have gone to over a thousand concerts from my youth and developed honest friendships with people that have my best interests at heart as well as their own. The INFJ is always the eccentric, self possessed, unique, wise counsel that is highly valued by real friends. I learned long ago as an adult to give people honest chances with candid diplomacy to negotiate a win/win result whenever possible. When not possible, it is best to clash early to get difficulties resolved as soon as possible. When that is not possible, the last resort is plan the battle to win before the confrontation begins....on your terms as Wenzes says.

[@SweetandSassyRedhead]

I walked around for decades avoiding my anger until I hit my menopause. It was uncomfortable but liberating...stepping into my POWER and setting boundaries.

[@editorjeannie2318]

AGREEEEE!

[@BillTheCat47]

I'm 61 yrs old and when I was very young , the rule of the day was "Children should be seen, and not heard..." Some of us have stayed silent, despite our mental or physical sufferings...and information like this has given us the ability to find out who we are and how to rise above ourselves, and our own personal idiosyncrasies to see how others perceive us, and be more receptive to their input...if they don't push us away...yeah....🤙

[@derekmorcom9431]

This sounds especially applicable enneagram 9 INFJs. As a 4 I could still express anger earlier but I generally feel pretty in tune with it. When I start advocating for myself out of anger it’s actually very powerful and I really start to make things happen. I’ve had it build up until I suddenly go into work and start scheduling 1:1s with every manager, talking to them with an energy they’ve hardly seen me have before, going over everything I want changed. And I instantly straighten out every issue in a way where they know they have to take it seriously. Then I go back to normal being quiet lol. But I can imagine how powerful it’d be if I channeled that more often and just integrated it into my daily behavior.

[@tracythomson2604]

This is IMPORTANT (and difficult - for me). Every single time I have employed the 'door slam' in my life - it has been about THIS. **I think because I am so attuned to how others are feeling -- and have an understanding that what they are feeling and why - I somehow 'excuse' it --- over and over again --- and THEN I become somewhat resentful and feel 'abused' - taken advantage of - because they don't seem to understand ME (and I feel disrespected/discarded/disappointed) - and then I BLOW. The ANGER becomes unbearable to me - and so - I CUT THEM OFF **it is painful for them and for me. ***I am now realizing it's because I have not set CLEAR boundaries --- I am TRYING to do that - and yet still often feel that the other person is not HEARING me - not paying attention - unwilling to take me seriously!! I have tried to be more direct...i.e. WHEN you **** I FEEL ***(Hurt or disrespected or devalued) - but I cannot FORCE someone else to behave as I want them to. I fear that once again - I am headed towards a point of "DOOR SLAM" - it's not what I WANT - but I also don't want ANYONE to think - I am a doormat - and I am WILLING to tolerate the disrespect I am feeling.

[@suemaz9846]

💯

[@sagebay2803]

Oh, I so get this!!

[@christinewilliams1984]

I am just watching this video at 66 yo, an RN. I have experienced alot as an RN after being raised by a narcissistic father ( l was his "favorite child ") feeling way too much of an emotional burden. I had many spiritual guides/ interventions so that l have identified my need and goal of individuation( Carl Yung version) as a process of personal evolution. After going to team building exercises l found out l was an INFJ. I thought nothing of it as my responses to the questionnaire were authentic ( about 20 yrs ago.) Years later, l have come across these postings on KZbin regarding INFJ's. It makes alot of sense to me now, looking back over my life. I never had the vocabulary for it then. Thanks for providing context and vocabulary 😊

[@DearYoungerSelf111]

4:11 Inside Out! So funny you mentioned it - I went and saw it this past Sunday - Very cool movie (1 and 2)

[@natureglimses]

When we are healthy we can pack the anger and analyse it and let it land on the right people at the right time or mostly we see the light side of the issue and let it cool off 🎉it's great I think healthy infjs are the masters of this 👌✨

[@endacollins1]

when I was younger yes I did express my anger at people but now I'm 50 plus and I'm well able cut people down with words , because two things if someone is just in a bad mood Ill give it a miss because anyone can have a bad day, but if they are really angry now I just out talk them, laugh and walk away I don't get angry any more I feel I'm only letting my self down , but that's my way.

[@AspasiaB]

The Simpsons episode, "Hurricane Neddy" (season 8, episode 8) is another good example. Ned's rant is cathartic.

[@BajanBeauty090]

You are absolutely correct from the jump! I never enjoyed getting angry and when I finally faced and learned to let it go, not allowing it to sit. I got it under control. That anger is unbelievable and in order to concur it, it had to be faced and placed on the back burner. It takes a long time to get me angry now. I now understand human emotions etc

[@livelovealive988]

@@BajanBeauty090 Do u care to share ur techniques please?

[@Scaredycat55]

Very very cool Perspective really helps me understand what has happened, cause and effect

[@gamermum2.0]

This video is very good. Recently, I have been feeling angry all the time and trying to suppress it and drown it out with anything and everything I could. When you said listening to Eminem, i laughed because I started obsessively listening to his music even though I didn’t think he was my taste in music at all. But I can't get enough of his music when I have that much pent-up rage. It's almost like a completely different person takes hold of me when I have this much anger, and it's the type of person to ruthlessly burn bridges and not care about anything or anyone in the process.. It's very scary when I realize what happened afterward. I feel like I have completely opposite sides to me, and it's very strange.

[@Natalie-lf7hb]

That is very i interesting it is DEFINED in such a manner by so called experts because i have felt as if the opposite is more true. They just dont listen. They as in many types of professions and all kinds of services. And i feel really angry about it and to such extent i really do not longer take many people in many professions seriously at all. It is a HUGE DISGRACE what i have seen and i feel rather upset about it. Because if you can no longer take many people with their presumptions role playing in several important professions seriously, for.me i am just done with those sections. The number of cases are astonishing and i will just keep it with this at this moment!! Thank you for addressing it. 🙏

[@anaantadze]

Metal music like good old "Pantera" has been a great assistance through my ferocious times. It really took a lot of effort to work through anger. Every time I made effort to not suppress it, it paid off big deal. Still it stays the one emotion I'm having the most resistance with and if I'm not cautious it slips into suppression.

[@marinamayer6920]

As many times, right on point. 'Always put the other cheek', well, I only have 2 of them.

[@kan0762]

I think a lot of us deal with this. It is needed. And it is necessary to mention a boundary where necessary. Not everything is purely spiritually describable , we are dealing with people who are entrenched in a monotonous system in society. Doing it in smaller doses is the way to go.

[@ernestobusnelli5892]

Excellent understanding of the subject treated, thank you @Wenzes. The video is even very supporting of a subject that has given me trouble with therapists; they tend to "calm you down" and bury down deep righteous upsetness when someone has violated our rights and steamrolled our boundaries, spaces, finances, etc. I believe it is healthy to get in contact with this emotion, or any other for that matter, the only thing is how to process it and what to do with it

[@fuzbugg]

thank you so much for sharing your genius with us!

[@Wenzes]

You‘re flattering me ☺️

[@braxtonmills1235]

Good Advice

[@Candyliz2003]

After a lifetime (67 yrs) of putting others first, being the prisoner of several narcissists, and, swallowing my anger - because I had been the victim of narcissistic rage and know how terrible it is... I now recognize the anger as the huge red flag it is! I still couch my anger - that will probably never change - but I'm not afraid of it anymore.

[@mantsabengmokorosi3186]

The movie is Inside out. It's helped welcome every emotion and let it run its cause,

[@deborahwolff5651]

I love, love listening to music to release pent-up anger, pain, and frustration. My favorite music is Ballet Classical, Opera. It is creative, original, and beautiful. It is calming for your emotions, too! Thank you for this video, I need to express myself more on anger.

[@livelovealive988]

its so fuuny cause was just being angry on someone and felt bad for taking it somewhere far ,and this video just got published

[@nourfattouh6547]

I do agree was saying that just yest it's scary bcz u lose control we don't like that

[@ILEANAPONZO]

For me, starting practicing sports at 7 helped me a lot. Even before that age I was simply letting out my anger in the circumstance that was occurring and towards who provoked it. Simple as that. Of course, it brought huge criticism on me since I was a kid, in my own family, but I really didn’t give a damn. Growing up I started using my anger to do something practical. My raging outbursts were absolutely awful and I was always very tired afterwards. Therefore it became instinctive trying to remaining calm, for MY sake. I was capable of doing much evil when I was very angry. And then I was feeling bad with myself. Having the control over ourselves is helpful.

[@evbemma33]

I had a narcisstistic parent full of anger. I am an infj, introvert, people pleasing, my gallup talent is harmony. I was bullied by one girl at school, and by women leaders at work. After 40+ on theraphy im trying to find and wakeup my anger.

[@cherylclough1804]

~3.00 into feed. Precursor, keep doing the work you are doing, it is great. Then there is another level "the one who hunts". Who knows you are dealing with collective sociopathy, mobster culture, slavery, human and/or child trafficking, nil sum, extinction, intimidation games. This is high level in that the collusive sociopaths only reveal themselves once they "own the game" and can "take out" the likely opposition. There is a sweet spot, where the INFJ "one who hunts" knows they are dealing with a predatory collective sociopathy (e.g. wanna be genocidal fascists intent on world domination, slavery, and tanking of a biosphere if "they" do not "own" it). The sweet spot is knowing there is this collusive dynamic, and that they "own" "all" the normal means of communication. There is a sweet spot (think of it like avoiding an event horizon before collapsing into a black hole or local sun or similar gravitational force). If you can find that sweet spot, you can bring out the numbers to highlight to others, and you are not lost in the gravitational swallowing so can go back and fractal repeat in other engagements. INFJs at this level, recognize they have the paradigms, technology, communication, to make the breakthrough. But they have to wait for that sweet spot where time, mass, energy, and momentum means their message gets through and they emerge to continue to re-iterate. One of the differences between INFJs and most models is that many go for the explosive output and are then spent and exhausted afterwards. They think short term and live and die a soldier/pawns' existence. INFJs, who see the bigger picture, know if they are immolated in the first encounter, the deeper messages and lessons are not heard or learnt. So they sit back and wait and observe, wait and observe some more. When they move, it is because the preconditions are good to move, which includes an audience that has grasped the basics so when they do their fireworks display, the savvy can see the patterns, interpret to projections, and hyperbolize to the next levels. Another comment is that INFJs might appear to be solo players. They do not share, or are prudent with whom they share their playbooks. But they ensure their playbooks precepts are in the public arena. So that when the right momentum, right players, right dynamics come into play, the game takes on a life of its own. It is the penultimate INFJ play, where a culture, principle, precept, takes off and earns and retains momentum with no ongoing input or accolades back to themselves. In this sense, INFJs are biosphere launchers, guardians, protectors, and enlighteners. They enable biosphere occupants to see the game, understand the game, and play the game, so that the biosphere and occupants do well. So one form of INFJ rage is not ego to ego posturing winner takes all. It is rather, see the existence of Creation, this biosphere, this species, the multiverse. That still exist, are still alive. Sociopaths rage and posture and threaten what they can and would destroy. INFJ consciousness steps back and says "it is, therefore I am".

[@sportsaregreat1131]

Wow thanks, Wenzes. I totally needed to hear this.

[@Jasonwritescode]

Awesome video. I like the stove analogy but changed it for FB into "if you don't like getting burned, stop touching the stove. " Point was made.

[@BeStillandKnow0000]

reinforcing boundaries = taking care of your space, energy, values, everything. see it more as taking care of ME rather than being hard on others even when it can be received harshly by others if they dont actually respect your limits

[@BeStillandKnow0000]

i'm also reminded of a scene in a movie "no strings attached" (lol so random) but there's a section where her mother told her to express her anger or something because she can take it, the world can take it. and that is also helpful for INFJs. we sometimes want to protect others from our emotional expressions. but even if they are uncomfortable, they can still take it.

[@FanTasteRPG]

I have more anger/rage than I can handle, so yes it is suppressed, but I am in too many toxic relationships for expressing it to help anything. I really make people think about the things I say, so I am either dismissed too easily as a liar, or people think I'm more profound than I'm trying to be just based on seemingly mundane conversations, I too easily get caught up in either group.

[@Express700-3]

Dr Gabor Mate's Books are worth Reading for us

[@adatybor]

In my experience, concrete communication of boundaries is a healthy thing. It is therefore always important that you know your own boundaries and formulate them transparently. Because many people don't know if there is a boundary or where it starts. People get angry because you trigger something in them (repeatedly) without them knowing it or the other person realizing it. And also because boundaries or personal values are violated or it is seen/perceived as such. (Also in cases of injustice, disrespect, attacks on personality, disappointment, exploitation, inappropriate criticism, damage to self-esteem or dissatisfaction, excessive demands and harassment, etc.). Whether boundaries can be set better with negative feedback can only be assessed by each individual. In my experience, people understand better when boundaries are formulated clearly and transparently. I now view this much more rationally than I used to. Setting boundaries does not necessarily have to be accompanied by negative emotions. This can lead to irritation that is not absolutely necessary. Anger is an emotion that I know. I also know the TNT state (rage). Anger is often an indication of unfulfilled needs. These can be physical as well as psychological. They include the need for autonomy, esteem, security and belonging. In my experience, it is similar to the tip in the video: locate the feelings in your body and mind and see what their specific origin is. Bringing your own triggers into a healing process is wonderful. Everyone has their own individual limits and triggers. It is unfortunate if you cross them with people you like and vice versa. At the same time, boundaries are important in terms of growth. Justified boundaries need to be respected, just as you would wish for yourself. It's a matter of fairness. For many years, I communicated boundaries late, if at all, and then in such a vague way that they were not understood or seen. Or the boundaries surprised my counterpart because they came out of the blue. In retrospect, I now see my behavior as unfair. I often set boundaries too late to protect others and then set them too harshly. Anger yes or no? Early, clear and transparent communication when setting boundaries is my key. Then you can formulate and maintain your own boundaries without anger and negative emotions. Both internally and externally. Suppressed anger can lead to discomfort or make you ill. However, in my opinion, not all anger should be released to the outside world with an open, explosive pressure valve. It is also always a question of what the goal is in our dealings with each other and what importance is attached to it.

[@ivysapphire]

This is one of the most relatable videos I have ever watched. And perfect timing for me, too. My favorite musician just released a new single as well with a similar message (from my perspective/interpretation anyway. 😸) I'll just be blaring metal in my ear holes! 😅 Thank you so much!💖

[@Wenzes]

😊❤️

[@kathana221b]

I had it once and it was so terrible! I was 17 an I remember my parents were afraid of me. They locked their door as I "exploded" and broke nearly everything in my room. I was a thin weak girl, who was very shy and quite most of the time. It happened only once and 20 years have passed since then, but I feel horrible when I think about that day.

[@Tiiney-cv2qd]

Sis just ask them for forgiveness and tell them you feel ashamed about it. Me and my mum laugh about my young anger tantrums 😂. ❤

[@hailstorm0976]

Super helpful thank you Wenze❤

[@ranc1977]

Disney movie is Inside Out. It depicts various emotions inside us and importance of feeling them - and dangers of suppressing them.

[@willnelrodriguez3752]

This is so "funny"...I just had a conversation with my therapist about how much anger I have inside me, it's not violent, just anger. She told me to journal about it and move it from mind to paper and I wrote for a full hour...afterwards I was so drained physically, mentally, and emotionally....I have been holding back for 30 + yrs 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[@demetheoharis3960]

Been there.. twice.

[@femmefataleracer]

not eminem…i got so angry once that my fiancé forced me into therapy. none of the anger was towards her, but it scared her plenty…our rage is truly unique esp after being suppressed for so long. it seems like we swallow it down for freakin ever…and then…whew…what a tornado.

[@stevenjohns-savage7024]

Yeah I've crossed supernova a few times 😠. It's them poking the bear joking 😊

[@PenelopePitstop0078]

~ I can, and do, suppress anger, but I can only do so for a limited amount of time. I’m (INFJ-ness) most angered by people who are inconsiderate. Being inconsiderate towards me, or even to others who I have deemed to be like me, will (& does) send me into a near apoplectic rage. “This” is also, without question, my weakest characteristic. I’ve come a long, long way, but even though I have adopted & endeavor to embody Stoic philosophy and have grown tremendously in understanding my INFJ-ness, I just wonder if my particular childhood experiences so deeply ingrained my tendency to become enraged at inconsiderate people. And, God help anyone who purposefully interferes with anything that I consider to be an act that “messes with my life.” That, because I would never do that to another, immediately puts my brain into Destroyer Mode. But, the very, very good thing for me is that my frontal lobe (executive function) is super strong, so I’ve never put my hands on anyone who didn’t put their hands on me first, then (b/c I grew up getting beat up every day by my older brother) I will most certainly beat the snot outta that female or if male, I’ll bring financial or legal pain.

[@Outwars1]

: _Embrace the dark side..._ lololol

[@karenlamb5302]

A question; when you listen to music to feel anger is it HOT rage you are aiming to feel, or COLD calculating vengeance (much easier I think! but maybe not what is needed...?)

[@bamgold4677]

Which one do you get.

[@Wenzes]

If you tend to suppress it I would definitely go for feeling at hot as possible but we are always calculated and calm to some extent

[@SupaMac1002]

I suppress mine because mine manipulates reality

[@Wenzes]

And why is that a bad thing? Maybe you are supposed to alter reality. Your anger matters, your boundaries, your perspective matter.

[@SupaMac1002]

@@Wenzes you know I never looked at it that way.. maybe that's why life felt so empty & fulfilling happiness so shallow

[@aquariusstar7248]

I have found myself using music to release pent up anger unexpectedly. To anyone who is reading this what are some songs you would do this process with? I like Little Simz "Boss"!😅

[@heathermanley153]

I find that if I get pissed, it’s usually because I’m hurt. Two songs come to mind: Meg Myers “Monster” and Bjork “Pluto”. Really any strong female voice that’s enraged by the pain caused by being unseen and unheard.

[@bamgold4677]

@@aquariusstar7248 Kalis Bossy.

[@slmadison1213]

The Dead Weather "Treat Me Like Your Mother"

[@hollienemitz9103]

My music is Nelly ❤

[@cynthiamarston2208]

I get broken shoestring moments. Is that a small dose way?

[@MatthewHayes909]

Oh darling... Your expression for rage was Eminem? Bless you. Was expecting something a bit more rough/hard than rap lol

[@Wenzes]

Are you trying to be condescending? I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of my ‚darling‘ anger expression cause it hits were it hurts but you know I am just a sweet darling angel with no capacity of destruction so what do I know 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@livelovealive988]

A question:Do INFJ in most cases find it somehow easy and put their ego aside for the sake of apologizing to the other person if they thought they did something wrong?

[@Wenzes]

totally! I think it is often WAY easier for us than for others...we can go overboard though when we take on all the blame and allow others to get away with it because it's "harder" for them to apologize

[@livelovealive988]

@@Wenzes Oh ,it was a thing then,cause it always felt weird for it to be easy,bc people describe INFJs as people who claim to not do any wrong ,so in that case we can find it harder to not apologize,but it was the opposite,thanks for replying and making it clear!

[@mariagordanier3404]

I find it very easy to apologize when I am wrong. I have noticed this is not true for many others.

[@livelovealive988]

@@mariagordanier3404 You mean its not grue for many others that its hard to apologise or the otherwise?

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

But if you have no boundaries people can't cross them, in turn minimizing anger. 😮

[@Wenzes]

Unfortunately we do have boundaries even if we don’t show them and they just keep getting crossed and so at some point we just explode with rage because our boundaries have been crossed so much

[@CrystalMouse1]

I’ve read that the historical character Jesus of Nazareth was an INFJ. He took people’s energy for the longest time and then would blow up and curse fruit trees 😂

[@Natalie-lf7hb]

And so on and so on. The number of cases are off the chart completely. And yes that would make any sensible individual feel anger and in time, just some kind of desperation but not really desperation but just i dont even know the word for it now to captivate the level of .... i have encountered in so many cases it is just....

[@cherylclough1804]

Dude, we are changing the game. For the sustainable better. If you have players wanting you to call out the dynamic, ask how you are being played. Hitler was an INFJ...

[@bamgold4677]

Inside out. I'm definitely the Yellow Girl and I can have the red as back up.

[@Wenzes]

😊