INTJ Emotions

[@ahmed6472]

INTJs got scared and clicked away

[@Mxrk_Hxshim]

Finally have the guts to watch this after a week of its uploaded

[@jasonperry7428]

I didn’t know intjs’s had the emotions to be scared

[@Renarrd]

@@jasonperry7428sometimes internally maybe but not usually.

[@am74343]

Other types to INTJs: "Do you need help?" INTJs: "No, I don't need any help. I can do it on my own." Also INTJs (5 years later): "Ok... Now I need your help, but now when I need it, you're not around." Also INTJs: "Why did I even bother asking them for help? I knew they wouldn't help me anyway."

[@John3_17-21]

"They are an irrational type" *Triggered*

[@InternetLiJo]

So well said about us having respect and affinity towards Fi but rarely show it. I think that’s why we often are attracted to people with Fi in their top two functions because we can observer them use the function with a greater level of expression and respect... and we respect that. Lol

[@Ella-qg4bq]

So true! My hub as INTJ best to INFP. He is only person, who can ground my shattered mind all of placed time to time lol and I help him express emotions. He is extremely sensitive to certain things even though he appears insensitive! Someone intj wrote this I completely agree to this in INTJ and INFP relationship! My mind is a large, reasonably well ordered world. I spend a lot of time in there, examining things and people and relationships. Planning this, planning that, testing plans and changing plans. In the middle of the world is an ocean. The ocean is my feelings. There is one river in my world. I have yet to discover its source, but it meanders and flows through every region in my world, on its way to the ocean. The river is love. I can’t swim. In order for me to move from place to place in my world, I have to solve the riddle of love, and the problem of my feelings. So I build little (or big) boats that allow me to safely experience and enjoy my feelings, and love, without being destroyed by them. From time to time, I meet a strange creature who has wandered into my world. This person splashes and plays in the waters of my ocean, and swims in the river of my love. They live and breathe in these strange waters that can threaten me. They are INFP women. They have no need of a boat, and find it to be a barrier. They invite me into the water with them, and while we are joined I am overwhelmed with joy and perceive the world that I thought I knew in a completely different way. As long as I stay with them, I am safe in these waters. But these waters are not their world. And just as they have to return to their world, I have to return to my boat, and to dry land. For your relationship to work, your INTJ friend must overcome his fear of water. He must get out of the boat, and join you where you are most natural: in the world of feelings, and love. He must learn the beauty and logic of that world, because it is so much a part of how you view his world, and him. If he can overcome his fear-much of the ocean is fear-he can have a relationship with you that will change his world. But he will always have to return to dry land because he is a creature of light and land, and not of water. You are each separated by a shared strength: You are each masters of the world that defines you. You are a master of the world of feelings and love, he is a master of the world of harmony and order. You each highly value the other’s world-but the worlds are frequently separated from each other, while they are also always joined to each other on the shores where we spend our lives. I don’t know if your INTJ friend is willing to set aside his fear and learn to swim in your love. But without that work, you will always be separated. I hope that he is worthy of your patience, but for this relationship to work, he must let you be his medium and his boat. He must trust you with his feelings, and this is not something that you can do for him. He must leave his boat, and hold onto you. If he won’t do that, he is not worthy of you. If he will, then both of you will experience the incredible joy of the union of the worlds of harmony and love. It isn’t easy for either of you. But he has to do his part, or your part won’t work. I hope he is mature enough to recognize this, in his world and his My mind is a large, reasonably well ordered world. I spend a lot of time in there, examining things and people and relationships. Planning this, planning that, testing plans and changing plans. In the middle of the world is an ocean. The ocean is my feelings. There is one river in my world. I have yet to discover its source, but it meanders and flows through every region in my world, on its way to the ocean. The river is love. I can’t swim. In order for me to move from place to place in my world, I have to solve the riddle of love, and the problem of my feelings. So I build little (or big) boats that allow me to safely experience and enjoy my feelings, and love, without being destroyed by them. From time to time, I meet a strange creature who has wandered into my world. This person splashes and plays in the waters of my ocean, and swims in the river of my love. They live and breathe in these strange waters that can threaten me. They are INFP women. They have no need of a boat, and find it to be a barrier. They invite me into the water with them, and while we are joined I am overwhelmed with joy and perceive the world that I thought I knew in a completely different way. As long as I stay with them, I am safe in these waters. But these waters are not their world. And just as they have to return to their world, I have to return to my boat, and to dry land. For your relationship to work, your INTJ friend must overcome his fear of water. He must get out of the boat, and join you where you are most natural: in the world of feelings, and love. He must learn the beauty and logic of that world, because it is so much a part of how you view his world, and him. If he can overcome his fear-much of the ocean is fear-he can have a relationship with you that will change his world. But he will always have to return to dry land because he is a creature of light and land, and not of water. You are each separated by a shared strength: You are each masters of the world that defines you. You are a master of the world of feelings and love, he is a master of the world of harmony and order. You each highly value the other’s world-but the worlds are frequently separated from each other, while they are also always joined to each other on the shores where we spend our lives. I don’t know if your INTJ friend is willing to set aside his fear and learn to swim in your love. But without that work, you will always be separated. I hope that he is worthy of your patience, but for this relationship to work, he must let you be his medium and his boat. He must trust you with his feelings, and this is not something that you can do for him. He must leave his boat, and hold onto you. If he won’t do that, he is not worthy of you. If he will, then both of you will experience the incredible joy of the union of the worlds of harmony and love. It isn’t easy for either of you. But he has to do his part, or your part won’t work. I hope he is mature enough to recognize this, in his world and his mind.

[@ZealousWins]

I agree. They're incredible for at least that reason.

[@Cashcash08]

I can't deal with sensitive and highly emotional people. I always see myself tip toeing around to not hurt their emotions

[@rameshcppodcasts]

How about people who have Fe as their second function?

[@carlospaulino405]

As an INTJ who's kind of broken, my neuroticism is on the higher side. Processing emotion for myself is incredibly difficult because I tend to push things deep inside, where I usually live. I can be incredibly cold, but I think as a result of burying my own emotions, I've become sensitive to emotions outside of myself that I'm forced to face. If I'm listening to a traumatic experience from another person, tears immediately come to my eyes. When a group of people are experiencing strong emotions, grief, anger, whatever, it feels like a heaviness in the room. I believe it comes more from being able to perceive different situations, rather than from feeling them. Although it does manifest itself physically; I can cry for others at the drop of a hat, if it's an uncommonly traumatic experience, but for myself, I haven't cried since 2014. Thank you @Asurapsych for you content.

[@elysian5074]

Literally experiencing the same thing... But instead of crying I tend to get incredibly anxious and uncomfortable.. crying is a blessing in these cases

[@whoisray1680]

@@elysian5074 same I get really anxious and so overly sad that I have trouble controlling my emotions and can’t quite quiet them down. I think that this is because of my childhood trauma

[@Harshasha1920]

On the other hand, I cry a lot, I just think it's just, I feel a huge emotional turmoil inside me, and I need to get it out . but in a private space. Emotions are private! But recently someone caught me while I was having a good cry- in the shower room. And my whole school knows about it. Then these gossips were spreading like fire in my boarding school! And Bam! I ran away! That was just way too much drama to handle. I swear I don't want to go back there, but I am aware that I have to.

[@carlospaulino405]

@@Harshasha1920 I've grown to have a thick skin around people who are just background noise. Hopefully you will too. The down side for me is it creates this false sense of confidence around me. It keeps most of the unwanted drama at bay, but becomes awkward when I actually need to prove my confidence. Although, I guess with age, it's becoming easier to fake. Still incredibly difficult, but ever so slightly easier.

[@vegan__girl]

I'm the total opposite of you, i cry for myself, but not for others, I'm an INTJ I sympathize with myself a lot.

[@Diaming787]

Expressing emotions...it gets very awkward, even to my closest people. But yes, there is a lot of awkwardness because for my strong fear of being used against. There were times in the past I did risk it and I felt really shattered in the end and I felt very broken from. Such experiences made me close up with extremely thick walls, which is why I get really awkward about feelings to this day. When I do express however, it is via by Te, always putting logic info everything, including emotions. That way, I do express in a somewhat healthy manner so I do feel approachable with others.

[@Jack_howard_mayer]

We just keep our feeling to ourselves not because we are afraid but because we have to it's a way for us to understand ourselves on a deeper level in which we understand logically and mentally

[@rameshcppodcasts]

​​@@Jack_howard_mayer Sharing is caring, connection based as well. INFJ here

[@tofusamurai22]

Talk to an INTJ about something they like, and want to talk about (at that moment), and they may surprise you... It IS true that INTJ's are one of the least outwardly expressive, though. Thanks for the reminder about the nature of "response to stress" with the fourth function, and why you'd likely see that more than the tertiary function. Keep it up, Chris! ^_^ ~Matt (a fan, lol)

[@krystalsoong740]

What’s interesting is that there’s always so many videos on T types and their emotions. But we hardly ever see a video called “ENFJ and Thinking” or “ENFJ and Logic” 🤔

[@LentilSoupGirl]

Society clearly isn't a herd... Definitely not.

[@lIlIlllIIlIlIllIl]

Great video, it's always valuable to remind fellow INTJs that they can/will evolve over time! Once they discover that they are INTJ, they can progress further on their path since they understand themselves better, all thanks to your videos. Also, i saw on your channel infos that you got "5w4" on the enneagram test, and I think you doing a video on it would be more than interesting to watch!

[@gak925]

This is so true! I've learned so so much about myself, why I do what I do, why I am so different then everyone else. One thing that really "got me" was when I heard someone say that many INTJs feel as though they're an alien in a human suit when observing and interacting with other humans, that was a breakthrough for me. Now watching this videos fills in so many details about why I am the way that I am and I've learned to appreciate my being so much more and ways to make me better. Keep evolving!!

[@obscurellepriscillatopin7506]

Absolutely! INTJs need to be trusted to sort out what they're going through - it's hard to explain and I always feel guilty about turning away people's gestures to help, but learning to be intentional with my facial expressions has definitely helped me to communicate to others that I'm aware of what's going on and I'm invested; I just don't always have the words

[@dasein9980]

4:45 my understanding is that in order for INTJs to get out of an Ni-Fi loop, they need to Te.

[@aimieleeb]

The only way I can actually express what I'm feeling is through my photography or writing. It also helps me getting back to my senses every time I loose myself in Ni-Fi.

[@shnotcheese6695]

Agree

[@buzan2296]

Personally it's not that I don't express emotions, it's that I express them in different situations and in different ways. I have an ESFJ mom, who is on the healthy side, so I have grown up surrounded by Fe-heavy people. All this display of emotions outwardly and physical display sometimes makes me cringe on the inside, and it makes me feel embarrassed, but I have grown to become better at dealing with it than I would say most INTJs are. For instance I'm completely fine with hugging, and usually hug my aunts when greeting them on their birthdays, and I'm also more emotionally expressive when I am surrounded by others. I wear what I call a "politicians smile" in a sense. Because of this learned trait, I'm better at dealing with the emotions of others, at least for a short while, and which is one reason as to why I took an interest in psychology over the hard sciences. It's not so much that I am bad at dealing with the emotions of others, in fact I actually consider myself very good at it if I force myself to it. Constantly dealing with heavy emotions from others on the other hand, quickly drains me, and I become both irritated and exhausted., which is why while I'm fine with giving advice and listening to others, I don't want to be someone else's shoulder to cry on. That's what tires me out. BUT if I force myself to it, I'm actually the best people scientist out there no joke. As for my own emotions, this is something highly private. While I don't mind talking about other peoples' emotions, I do mind talking and revealing things about myself. In a sense I feel very vulnerable. It's my most vulnerable part truth be told, and if I receive any direct criticism while opening up to someone, I fear being shattered on the inside. Which is why I don't reveal much about my private life to others, or let others in, aside from more objective/factual matters that can be spoken about in a neutral manner. Even telling someone: "I love you" is pretty difficult for me. It's easier for me to say and do these things if I'm putting on my politician mask, i.e by hugging a random aunt I don't really care about, than by hugging someone I really do care about. I have more difficulties taking actions if its in accordance with my emotions, than when I feel nothing at all. This "nothingness" is what I call the politician's mask, and is what allows me to deal with public situations better than the normal INTJ. It's simply be feeling nothing, only pretending to feel something, that i may come across as more emotionally expressive than I really am. I wouldn't say it's so much a Fe-warmth though, as it's a Te-warmth of sorts. Also, I can be very emotionally abusive online when playing games like Dota 2. It's not that I react emotionally and actually am angry on the inside, it's more that the incompetence of others make me lash out at them. The words I say and type to others can be so crude that I'm not willing to reveal it here. In fact I'm probably one of the most toxic players in the entire game, and that says a lot. I'm adding this part, even if it may discredit me in the eyes of others, because it's a necessary part of this post. Very few people if any know I have this side to me, considering I don't express myself like this in real life.

[@johnpossum556]

Holy Book-Report, Batman!

[@17x71]

Ugh, KZbin deleting my comments...

[@17x71]

There's a good video with BBC Sherlock Holmes that depicts exactly that "pretend to feel something". Thing

[@peterdentice5725]

17X Hey, long time no see. You still haven't substantiated yet why you would think I'm INFJ.😆

[@deborak.9284]

Does anyone know or presume that other tipes can have that too? I took the mbti test and i came out as infj but taking into consideration the fact that it has only 50% chance of being right i wouldn't put my trust in that. I tried to tipe myself also but i would say i am more in a process to since i am reading more about it and it's harder to do it on yourself because of the subjectivity.

[@dirtywhitellama]

The remark about not reacting in a noticeably feeling sort of way even to the passing away of a relative is very on point. I heard halfway through the work day that my grandmother had passed away, and while I was sad and took 10 minutes to collect myself... my boss offered to let me go home, and I was like, what for? It wasn't necessary. I even kind of worried about my lack of response, but finally realized: Even if I don't feel like I care, that doesn't mean I don't care, because I do. Caring is not predicated on feeling like you care. The times when I do feel like I care and actually get upset about stuff horrify me and I hate it, it's so distracting and difficult to deal with. I almost don't even like positive emotions if they get to the distracting and difficult to deal with level. The comments about it being *less* helpful for someone to approach, than to leave me alone, are also spot on. When I'm really struggling emotionally I often don't want to talk to literally anyone for any reason. Although, this can also be a symptom of depression, so....? There have been times when the emotional load is so out of control that I have had to get help from friends. *Weirdly*, I don't treat online communication the same as in person. I will ask for help and express private emotions online much more readily, there are things I will communicate in a text based chat that I would literally never ever say in person to anyone. I kind of feel broken at these times. Like, I *shouldn't* be expressing certain things, they ought to be private, and my cognitive patterns kind of get messed up by this. If I'm not built to express those things in person, should they really even be 'out there' at all? The comments at the beginning about ExTJs give a valuable perspective on a conflict I had with a very close ENTJ friend recently, in which he got extremely cruel over me failing to have taken a certain piece of his advice in a timely fashion. Realizing this morning that that particular advice must have been far more important to him than he had indicated and probably I actually hurt his feelings, whether he will admit it or not. I guess this can be a danger of two low Fi types interacting, if neither is good at picking up or expressing Fe signals, each's values can go completely unperceived and run over inadvertently. I have been trying for days to figure out what caused his sudden lashing out in a previously friendly and enjoyable conversation. In terms of strategy - so I can see it coming if it happens again and prevent the escalation of the problem. I am sure neither he nor I actually want to hurt each other. Regarding neuroticism, I am unfortunately someone who tends to score highly on that, although it can vary depending on where I'm at with things. I do tend to be more emotionally reactive, at least...online. Definitely worth taking into account to give myself a bigger time gap between stimulus and reaction in volatile situations. I have been kind of realizing that anyway, but it's good to have it explicitly stated. Thanks for a great video!!!

[@dirtywhitellama]

@Serra 힘 Heïmgardé yeah, for sure! I'm getting to the point where I really hold myself back from online relationships, which is almost kind of weird for an introvert, but... Things tend to be healthier and less weird with the primarily in-person friendships I've had, less drama, less intense even when they're close. I'm developing an increasingly strong preference.

[@BuizelCream]

There's so much truth to the fact that INTJs don't like being pursued by immediate assistance during an emotionally charged experience. Right now, I am dealing with a life-altering decision out of the blue, and it is occurring not by my own choice. There's lot to process during this kind of period. The moment I was given emotional encouragement by my friends, obviously as their way to help me cope, it actually made my emotional situation even worse, which just completely scrambled my mental focus. It was the last thing I needed.

[@SPaZchAOs]

I am an INTJ, but something that seems strange to me is that I enjoy listening to others tell me about their problems. Apparently i give good consoling, because all of my friends who come to me with their problems say I've helped them out a lot. And i enjoy giving them "therapy" on their problems. Hence why now i'm on the path to becoming a psychologist. I am definitely emotionally unavailable, but i'm good at expressing empathy. Is all of this common for INTJs? Am i just an outlier in a sense? Any thoughts?

[@folklorianevermore8843]

Same here. I'm an INTJ and my friends usually come to me for my insight and my advice. I tend to give an objective explanation to their problem. Most of my friends are Feelers and they tend to seek a logical/psychological advice from me when they are troubled by their emotions and overthinking. Sometimes I give them options to solve their problem by giving an action plan.

[@dasein9980]

INTJ's absolutely enjoy helping others grow and progress as people. I have to wonder how much of INTJs solving personal problems is merely due to our desire to analyze and troubleshoot, and problem solve and not necessarily out of desire to purely help people.

[@SilverIncense]

:) Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in that, but it doesn't seem to be that common. I just graduated my masters in counseling psychology to become a therapist. One of my professors was physically taken aback when I shared in class that I'm INTJ (we were doing MBTI). I'm not overwhelmingly warm and expressively loving to my clients, but I express empathy and understanding very well while maintaining calm and sincere expression of some emotions (sadness, praise, concern, etc.).

[@imanafdar]

@@dasein9980 ahahaha agreed, there are several friends who thank me for my advice and yet i dont remember giving them any

[@peterdentice5725]

Good at expressing sympathy not empathy.

[@cazbee6126]

My (INFJ?) mother said she only saw my INTJ father cry once - when he spoke of his brother's death (as a teenager). We (4 kids) had our emotions discouraged/suppressed in our formative years which had its biggest impact on me, the INFJ, although is unlikely to be healthy for any young 'un. Has had me wondering if an emotionally-repressive INTJ-dominant household environment can flip an INFJ into an Ni-Ti jumper.

[@TheSystemaSystem]

As an INTJ-A father of two, this hits home. Father forgets.

[@darklydreaming2193]

I think sometimes the way people have treated me in the past because I am different, has caused me to become defensive and keep everything to myself. I feel like I cannot even trust my own parents because we're so different to one another that I didn't want to embarrass myself so I keep my emotions bottled up. I rarely get upset, and whenever I do, I HATE getting upset in front of people. Can any other INTJs relate to this?

[@rameshcppodcasts]

❤

[@kssgpv]

You were shamed for your feelings and now you feel you don't have a safe space to express them. Your parents had good intentions but they were wrong. Kids need space to express their frustration and anger, process it and regulate their emotions. Now you learned to bottle up your anger and feel shame when you express it in front of them. Therapy can help you solve this problem..

[@meagiesmuse2334]

Thank you so much for this video. I only wish I had this knowledge when I was young. I hope it can save the relationship for other women who watch it, who think the INTJ must not really care for them, because he says it rarely, and never repeats it once he finally says it.

[@sketchyAnalogies]

For NiFi loop it's good to use Te. Explain it to someone else, jumpstart with Te and the loop falls apart. Even if it doesn't seem like it will help, this helped me - an INTJ

[@Sharkuterie327]

In terms of emotional support from others, the most effective for me has been when others are perceptive enough to see I am in a bad way without my overt expression, for one, and then say something like, “I know you are struggling. If you need me, I am here,” and then never bring it up again or get upset with me for not opening up. Just hearing that is always a game changer and all I need.

[@SM-es2os]

I got INTJ and did not understand the judging part very well. Your explanation of INTJs needing to process before they come to a judgement is spot on with how I work. I want to understand the complexities of all sides\angels and how they relate to each other before I make a judgement.

[@April18265]

Yes! I am an INFJ and my boyfriend I believe is an INTJ. Words of affirmation / discussing emotions / feelings / relationship concerns, etc. is very important for me. Not so much for him. He's expressed that this is due in part to him being very introverted with those kinds of things but also needing structure with how / when / what to say during those kinds of conversations. He can't just decide what to ask or say on the fly. We have discovered that books / workbooks help us a lot in this area. It gives him a bit of a framework to start from and has brought up many conversations that we may not have otherwise had.

[@Irawry0u]

Can you share the books please? I am also in an INTJ/INFJ relationship and it can be a real struggle. Me being the INTJ. When things get really heated I just shut down while he is needing emotional affirmation so bad. And I just cannot lol it’s a struggle...

[@April18265]

@@Irawry0u that sounds like a difficult situation! I wonder if you explain that you need some space and then will come back to the issue later if that would help? Here are the titles of the books we've been using most recently: love more, fight less, questions for couples journal. Good luck!

[@getreadywithmemamma6973]

Thanks Chris, this was so helpful for understanding those INTJs and their feelings. I really respect them in how they try to manage their own emotions. I see it as an attempt to be responsible and to keep the emotional chaotic parts of themselves under wraps. It makes sense, it just makes me sad for them but I know that this is just their own process. Great advice!

[@user-zl3mw9ek6i]

I'm INTJ who was brought up by an extroverted mother. And thanks for this I understand that I can be emotional, however, I need absolute safe conditions for that. Even in my own family, I started to express emotions quite recently at 17-18 (now I'm 20). When I am alone I can be like I noticed that I don't like expressing emotions to everybody in my life because I need a strong understanding that the person is interested in my feelings and thoughts. Otherwise, why do I need to use my energy in emptiness? I tried to express myself some times and okay, people understood that I'm a quite normal person with feelings but after this act of trust I felt so bad because, "Okay, Julia, you express your feelings. And what? Does this person become closer to you? Or do you feel relief?" In both questions answer NO. So I prefer to trust myself and express feelings when I want. I understand when people are sad but I don't know what to do with it. That's why I turn on 'act with people in a way you want they relate to you' and do nothing with situations, because for me personally important to be alone sometime during sadness and I think that maybe people also want the same. But, for example, if my mother or sister feels sadness I understand that they need my support: hugs, soothing words. And of course, with them, I can share my soul warmth. However, as I said earlier, I learned this from them and it takes time for me to understand that person will be glad for my support. The same with my grandparents. My mother explained to me that they would be glad to know I care for them and for this I need just to call or visit them. I don't do it often but they are happy when I do and they support our relationship more than I do. For them it's so important just to know that I care, I love them. By the way, if you are INTJ and have a problem with expressing your feeling - get a dog or cat. Really, I think it helps and works! Because you see how they express love to you these perfect creatures, you know that they don't judge you, they just love and want to be with you. Sometimes they want to play, sometimes they want you to care for them and they share warmth without any words that's really perfect for introverts.

[@y2kmedia118]

I admire this consistency in uploading, I used to make YT videos few years ago and it was a lot of effort so I do respect someone who consistently upload videos on KZbin especially when the videos are insightful and meaningful.

[@tutlolwow1749]

I always like to be alone to solve my feeling, it became worst when friends tried to help me

[@AllGlassEmpty]

hey, can you do a video about neuroticism and MBTI?

[@schparque]

Yeah, I'd watch the heck out of that. Dealing with stress and traumatic events with insight would be super helpful and interesting.

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

Its interesting that you mentioned how neuroticism relates to the INTJ type. I am an INTJ who also has Aspergers and in high school I scored quite highly on the neuroticism trait. I largely attribute that to my difficulties learning to cope with Aspergers. Now I am 36 and recently retested myself on the Big Five and found my neuroticism score had dropped quite a bit, I'm now near the middle on that trait. I think that is a reflection of my learning over time how to cope better and thus experiencing less emotionality due to stress. Of course women also tend to score a little higher on that trait than men anyway.

[@maironaulendil972]

My neuroticism: 87th percentile. If other INTJs have similar scores, 'you're not the only ones'. However, a caveat, my childhood and mental health are a mess. I used to mistype as INTP because of that.

[@bellis8204]

This makes so much sense, re: stepping back and processing information re: emotional responses. I've often wondered about this in regards to my own delayed (but often subsequently powerful) responses to events - whether positive or negative. I also appreciate the info on intj neuroticism. I personally experience a lot of anxiety (ironically created primarily by a lifetime of being treated as different or defective because I'm both an intj and adhd inattentive type), but hearing your info on the topic makes it easier to step back and view those feelings from an empowered perspective.

[@xav5502]

Growing up in a /pretty/ expressive house has taught me to show fake first reactions, not all of them, but I could read people really well. Becauseof that I can learn to react the way they expect me to even when I still haven’t formulated my emotions. Also I grew up knowing how to fake being interested it got in handy:)

[@ryanquick1824]

you ABSOLUTELY NAILED IT here... the ENTIRE. WAY. THROUGH. REALLY, as an intj myself, i feel that it ALL comes down to LOGIC. oftentimes, once emotions get involved logic, then, gets thrown out damn near COMPLETELY. us intjs are simply trying to stay on the light side of the force. THATS ALL.

[@DH-ig3bo]

Props to you for persevering with your relationship. I dated an enfj and it went terrible for me. I really didn't have the patience to constantly reassure someone but I am working on being more affectionate. I agree with acts of service (it's actually my love language), but with my ex it wasn't enough. Words of affirmation was everything to him and cringey to me lol. You are spot on with everything. Especially, about having to take a step back to gather your feelings and thoughts. A lot of ppl don't understand how much it's a necessity for me. I really try my best not to make irrational decisions. Great video.

[@mosesmasaba1736]

Awesome work Asura. I love how you slowed down for this one and spelled out the information more. Really considered all the information intake levels. Thanks.

[@Cashcash08]

When I'm feeling down, I want to cry and I can't cause I can't muster enough emotion to release my burden. I tend to listen to sad songs that I can relate to, lip sync to the song and then cry. Sometimes I watch competitive reality shows so I can see people that I like in the competition leave then I cry and then feel the triumph of the winner of the show then I cry of happiness.

[@whatablissfullife]

Apparently I express anger… when I’m sad, mad, frustrated, hungry, sleepy, tired, thinking, happy, sleeping, under water, exercising and drinking tea.

[@schparque]

As an intj with high neuroticism, I thank you for mentioning that it can happen.

[@NoDnaJustRsa]

Finally found a real INTJ giving out real INTJ advice and information.

[@dracocaelestis6370]

you should write "how to use an intj" manual haha. i was raised by what i suspect to be infp mother and our relationship has always been turbulent due to both of us not getting each other at all. while i accepted it and moved on, i remember very well that in a few very stressful situations she accused me on not caring and not having emotions, and asking me what was wrong with me. she's a very pushy, touchy-feely kind of person and that just causes me to retreat even further. i almost lost a friendship over a similar issue. while i was in the state of extreme stress and grief, i just wanted to be left alone. a friend of mine got so upset and resentful because she felt i didn't want to be her friend anymore because i refused to talk about a very traumatic end of an relationship for a few months. i think it's even more challenging for an intj woman to deal with emotions, because you are expected to behave in a certain way as a woman and you simply cannot (or don't want to) deliver. i also have very strong boundaries and can be rude when someone is too nosy when i'm not ready or simply don't want to talk about something. the upside of all this that at least my marriage thrives since neither of us expects nor wants to be showered by unwanted attention, emotions and what not. we just let each other be and show love through actions more than anything else.

[@cheyennemckinley7029]

This was such a helpful video! I've been trying to figure out if I am an INFJ or an INTJ and I relate very much to everything for an INTJ except for being "cold and emotionless". This helped me realize that because I do have a higher neuroticism score that affects my emotional reactions, but I process them in a very similar way to what you described. Thank you!

[@jakeglumm8225]

My ENFJ girlfriend sees me as robotic. She claims she can feel emotions radiating off of everyone except from me and she described it as a 7/10 on a deal breaker scale. Im happy, smiling, and laughing 90% of the time so how am I not conveying emotion constantly?

[@arianam9977]

I relate so much to this (although I'm an INTP). I'm generally happy and laughing, yet my family always tells me that I'm super cold. I mean, I agree that I'm kind of cold, but not that much, I think :|

[@TheSystemaSystem]

Here's a list of the feelings I want to express and/or share after watching this video: I'll drop a like, anyhow.

[@user-nx2pm9pz5z]

you literally told my thoughts that i couldnt put into the right words

[@Sajotyn]

For the last almost month I have this kind of personal problem, yesterday I just decided to treat it, mostly by calming down, using Te to beat Fi back to the place where it supposed to be XD. I'm also using helluva Se, to avoid Ni, whenever I think about that problem I'm trying just use Te-Se loop (if that's even some official thing -2nd and 4th function loop). I started with completing everything that had to be done, I was in like 5 places to be sure I won't be bothered or those minds won't bother me. Then I drove to some quieter places, mostly it was about the journey, I sang, shouted and so on, all of that in my car while driving of course. There was also a little breakdown but when I shouted out my Fi through Se I think I'm good. When I came home I decided to write some things about that problem, that I will send to some person to calm if needed and explain what I did and why I had to do it. Then I stopped watching series that I'm not done with, I'm rewatching some of my favorite show - still of course using Ni, but you know, I already know what's going to happen, so I do not go into some deep analyse or daydream that will sooner or later sidetrack me on my problem. Also I'm doing some projects that I abandoned, projects that don't require Ni anymore, just monotonous Se thing. And for more Se I decided to workout for next few days and counting what I'm doing to not focus on that particular problem. I even established some goals accoarding to them. And I decided to stop listen to some emotional, sad music while training or do any activity that don't require of me to hear anything. Only aggresive, powerfull, fast or sublime songs to give strenght. And unwading I did exactly what you said, I cut out of each communication form with another person, I mean FB, discord, even email. I decided to not stop using phone in case of unexpected event or someone would need me, especially person connected with that problem. And you know deep in heart I want to hear that phone ringing, but I need to break that loop. And now I'm seeing this video so I had to watch it and write this XD and I'm thanking you for all videos that you publish, you are certainly the best to explain all that MBTI, cognitive function or personality stuff.

[@tehufn]

I've got super high neuroticism as an INTJ, so much of this isn't true for me. I need people to talk to me.

[@dasein9980]

What function do you attribute the INTJ terror of confessing they are attracted to another human being? Also, Fi? What about our fear of talking about our experiences and our past? Going to counselingin college was almost unbearable due, in large part, to how uncomfortable I was talking about my past and my experiences. I'd usually rather not. In addition, fears I've had since being a young lad also include fear of initiating conversations; trying new things has also dogged me. It would be awesome if you could talk more about how you negotiate your relationship with your ENFJ. I love ENFJs, possibly my favorite type, but I find them intimidating because their feelings focus conflicts with my INTJ pragmatism and my unawareness of other's feelings. Miscommunications are bound to occur. I hear INTJs often have to do a lot of explaining with ENFJs so that they understand each other, but the two types often make great friends.

[@jennahudson3420]

INTJ here and my bf is INTP and he is more reluctant to discuss feelings than myself so it takes a lot from me and it’s uncomfortable for me too.

[@chrisadam9080]

Talking about Ni-Fi loop, I'd like to share my experience. I've been kinda stuck in this loop for months. My way to get out of it was to deeply use Te. I learned to program in a new language and started to write a useful program in this new programming language. It took me a few months but I finally got out of it. It was both the worst and best moment of my life and I've learnt a lot.

[@rafalpotasz]

I find this to be extremely true: you can develop these emotional skills. I've been at this for at least 4 years now and the results do show, especially internally. Reading into how someone is feeling and understanding what they feel, perhaps why they feel it, being able to put myself in their shoes and ultimately being able to console them without becoming 'the fixer' is a fantastic human skill to have. People who understand other people are in my view superhuman as most people don't even understand themselves. And if any type can learn something I do believe, from personal experience, that the INTJ is the type to learn it. Especially if it agrees with our goals. In my case I have an extremely emotional girlfriend who I want to be a better partner for. On the side I think that understanding people really well will be a strength when I finally get into the world of web-dev and away from finance.

[@ChantelStays]

I even have a hard time showing when I'm excited. ..even if I am truly so. Also acts of service are a perfect way to show love. Lastly, I think this type feels, so so deeply even if they aren't expressing it. Waters run very deep. - I'll be trying that coffee.

[@jamesconboy1491]

Really good understanding of INTJ emotional limitations and preferred expression.

[@MrNobody-fk7fc]

You are very validating!

[@leggi_bois4eva]

Just spent a solid minute trying to find where the reactions went. This is youtube. I realise that now

[@cailinekeirsteaddesigns]

INTJ + depression = I will be alone forever bc no one gets me so logically no one will miss me when I’m gone…but suicide is irrational…hmm

[@dragon_nova_luna]

i think im more highly neurotic, because i do feel a lot of anxiety and can become irrational, especially when it comes to socializing , romance and medical issues. though most of my panic can go into fearing diseases and death. i have a close infp friend who helps me reason with some things when i go into that mode, but it takes me a while to rationalize things....and while i understand that constantly asking why on her logic is starting to irritate her, i can't just go with it just because they said so, as i need to understand the logic she presents so i can think for myself if it makes sense or not to me and decide if i got a reason to worry or if im overthinking things. i rarely have these worries though, but it is probably draining to everyone when i have them.

[@catherinerhea6336]

Others will start saying something... be chattering away... I only faintly hear what to me resembles "background noise" & a few have actually grabbed my arm & ask if I heard them... I don't do it intentionally... but my "mainframe" is crunching & I am completely zeroed in on those computations... and I really never heard a word they said... Even though they were right in front of me... Some have told me when I get that "fixed glaze" stare, they know I'm not "there" ... ...& it could be a client, a repair tech working on my prize hotrod, a veterinarian, the cashier at the store... I'm usually "stacking" something, fine-tuning an adjustment, modifying a piece of hardware... Even family have told me at gatherings to stay "tuned in" but when my mainframe "kicks into gear" I go off in that direction. The only time I over-ride it is when I'm driving...too many inexperienced operators who have zero clue what they're driving is capable of...OR NOT... & I am ready to circumnavigate their blunders...to the tune of whatever CD is in the drive. Seriously...when younger I struggled with emotions... Then finally 30+ YEARS ago, adopted Spock's attitude: I find them illogical & annoying. I can empathize... But not share... & No.... NOT in the least interested in reversing that... I am quite content to remain as I am.💜

[@cazbee6126]

Yes! I have seen this sudden Fi mini-explosion in ExTJ. It's as though they feel fundamentally attacked at their very core, even though the slight seems less personal viewed from the outside.

[@weevix3]

I'm so interested to know what the overall attachment type is for intjs when it comes to secure, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant and anxious preoccupied. I'm dismissive avoidant and I feel that and being an intj go hand in hand

[@rameshcppodcasts]

Sharing emotions is equally important to sharing logic. INFJ

[@jimmywoolever798]

"it doesn't give you an excuse to be push-offy" Jokes on you, I don't NEED an excuse.

[@ludwigvannormayenn8657]

thanks a lot for the great video :) this helps understanding I'm enfj and my wife is intj

[@marigi2013]

INTJs need their space in emotional times, therefore make sure the INTJ is not distant and let them know that they should not be so cold. What?

[@shaibalsheikh6660]

Empathy is one thing we learn with time.

[@sheyaj1268]

I only found out about 8 months ago that I am an INTJ and I'm still learning a lot, so I tons of questions. But one thing I wonder is that do other INTJs constantly feel at odds with their selves, in regards to processing emotion with logic? It takes me forever to get through my emotions because I feel I have to give everything a label, within a linear fashion or timeline. The partners I've had find me exhausting, and say I'm over emtional, but I just feel that I just have to analyze everything. I often feel alone because of this. Is this an INTJ trait or something individual?

[@vetar3372]

There is a difference in understanding emotions, and ignoring them. Now which one do you think is the most beneficial to you, others and the society you live in?

[@necromancerdancer1480]

Can you compare ISFP with their Fi-Ni emotional expression vs INTJ Ni-Fi? Also isn't the Tertiary function easier to work on than the inferior? People seem to loop more often than seriously grip, which is why ESTJs seem to mistype so often as ENFP cause they seem too strong on Ne rather than dominant Te. A lot of the ESTJs on Personalitycafe seem to have that experience atleast, and I've noticed a lot of other types mention how their Tertiary function can come off as strong as well, although as adults everyone seems to know it's definitely not their dominant energy or force. That's how I feel about my Tertiary Fi as well. I'm pretty confident with my type as an INTJ, and the whole thing you said about how INTJs need a lot of time to assess emotions is very true to me. However back when I was a kid and young teen, I definitely came off as very emotionally expressive (although still restrained and was seen as shy or kinda hard to read) and even now people wouldn't call me completely stoic because I can be very articulate and discuss hard things quite easily or bring up controversial things to illustrate points. Cause of that, even I can't really call myself stoic or unexpressive, especially with how I can seem very frustrated and excited easily (although I'm high on the Big 5 Neurotic scale as well). It just boggles my mind how despite being that way, I still fit in with the things you described. I've had significant trauma in the past (like besides emotional trauma, I've probably suffered a concussion (unsure because there was no extreme head pain lol) in the past and have noticed a significant shift in personality, ideology and values around that time. It kinda has me wondering if there's any actual chance that it had caused my developing teenage brain at 14-15 to be altered slightly and thus change my cognitive functioning.

[@wegotonelove]

This would be lovely

[@Sharkuterie327]

Yes, I have these questions as well. Thank you for this comment!

[@17x71]

Dude... I stopped reading at "ESTJ mistyping as ENFP"... I don't know where the fuck you got that from but no wtf. Just to make something clear, thinking types literally NEVER mistype as feelers. Literally reread that because all you feelers always want to be thinkers. You are not INTJ, you are ISFP. And to your question in the first half, he literally answers it but you feelers always want to have that last hope that you are the "mAsTeRmInD LoGicAl ThInKeR iNtUiTiVe" just because you realize you have half a brain. Again, he literally answers your question. Like he literally is comparing how much more feely feeling Dom's are. He literally used that as an example. Tertiary function is not what people always are trying to make it out to be. What literally happens is you have INFJ's for instance begging to be thinkers so THEY loop to the tert. But the same is not the case for thinking types wanting to be a feeler. Though actually, you do have people like Gary Vaynerchuk, clear ENTJ, being all this lovey dubby shit. But he is 3w2 with emphasis on the w2. Regardless, it is very clear he is not a feeler.

[@MrLanceDaily]

Great video!

[@kbflash2543]

wtf INTJs have emotions?!

[@Kevidiffel]

3:43 What if I did that for a long period of time and realized how dumb it is to keep everything to yourself and how much it destroys you over time? Does this make me less of an INTJ? I'm still trying to find the personality type that fits me the best and after several videos from you and others and reading several articles, I would describe myself as an INTJ, but things like this make me wonder if I'm correct. EDIT: Okay, I think you already answered that in the next minutes of your video.

[@Irene77545]

Great video as usual!! Thanks for dealing with neuroticism!

[@ruma6848]

If this doesn’t apply to me completely, does that mean there’s a chance I’m not an intj? Because I’ve always been expressive and compassionate (and honestly a bit of a people pleaser). I feel comfortable talking about my emotions and am completely fine with people seeing me emotionally vulnerable (depends who it is of course). However the reason I believe I’m Te is because when dealing with other peoples emotions, I usually take a more logical approach, also when dealing with people in general. And for my fi, I’ve always known what I want for myself and was always in touch with my emotions. Because of this, I actually mistyped myself as an infj before learning about cognitive functions. However videos like these make me question if I truly am a healthy intj, and not just a logical infj. Or maybe it’s just the 9w1 in me.

[@jamiedowler653]

Love bones coffee, good sponsor.

[@virginiabutters1229]

Great video, love your approach

[@Thereshewonders]

Thank you for sharing 💯

[@Encryptus1]

Always in my inner world as an INTJ. Neuroticism is at 8%.

[@KouzyFox]

Nailed it

[@bouclechocolat]

Ni-Fi loop is always talked about in the context of negative emotions but does this not also happen for positive emotions? I feel like this happens when I write fiction; the more I perceive and re-perceive the story, interactions, and themes I want to tie together, the more excited I feel about the piece

[@chiantisampson8687]

What you're describing is not a loop. You simply have access to parts of yourself that others may not. Also, excitement about your ideas and plans is not usually considered to be part of your deeper emotional side. But a person can be strong in either one or both when healthy. It's just that the INTJ type often doesn't have the best influences in their lives to deal with their rare differences and often develops walls or other coping mechanisms. A 'loop' is one of them. Being able to readily tap into Ni Fi together when it suits you is not necessarily a loop. Think of it this way: Traveling to different points in a river whenever you want is not the same as being trapped in a whirlpool.

[@arratos4071]

As an INTJ, the only time I show strong Emotion is either Johnny Cash: Hurt or Dog rescue videos.

[@cassiopeia8066]

Hurt is such an amazing song! very powerful. I don't really cry to songs, but some movies have me weeping lol.

[@irvinsaa2009]

Hello Asura, Can INTJ’s be affectionate towards those they love? I resonate with the INTJ personality, however I’m very affectionate towards those I love (my wife, mom, nephews, even pets). For this reason, I have questioned whether or not I am on INTJ personality. In this video for example I resonate with wanting to grief privately. (A couple weeks ago my grandma got into an accident and I didn’t tell my wife until 4 days later because I wanted to process how I felt first). I however express love openly and loudly. Can an INTJ person express their love without difficulty? Or is it more likely that I am missed typed?

[@fvm8906]

You're probably the atypical INTJ that could express affection quite easily or at least much better than typical INTJs.

[@the_agate_gate3782]

I am an INTJ that scored 98/100 neuroticism. 😂

[@feriiixl]

That was really helpful ❤️❤️❤️

[@GoblinToxin]

So they're...irrational for doing research before acting? Is that what you just said or am I stupid? Somebody in this equation is stupid. Is it me?

[@larapunk3532]

Idk then, how would we deal with them "Intjs" 😟 If we're fe users and want to connect emotionally with ppl, it really sucks 😔

[@AsuraPsych]

I think the best approach is to recognize that INTJs tend to show how they feel through their actions instead of their words or expressions. An INTJ showing care is often them making sure you are ok, checking in on you, doing a difficult task for you that you didn't want to do, discussing an interesting topic with you, things along those lines. Understanding that that is them being authentic and real with you is a big step to getting closer to an INTJ and developing a deeper relationship.

[@Wulfshade]

Speaking of the big five, is there some particular (free) online version of it you'd recommend?

[@mjpottertx]

A video on INTJ emotions? Shouldn’t be any longer than 5 seconds. Why? Because we have none.😊

[@scotshuthats5268]

Helpful.,thank you.

[@rameshcppodcasts]

INFJ here who has an INFJ girlfriend 🥴🤓😴

[@Leo_G.]

INTJ here Can we finally stop being so rigid in judging people and us!? Stop boasting about what we have and let's work about emotions

[@JoaoJGabriel]

Is Marcus Aurelius I see?

[@CaDzA818]

He was INFJ but that haircut looks similar to his, he only need beard :p

[@keshahamilton8426]

If you don't mind me asking, what is your ethnicity?

[@annalizaculminas2539]

Hi. I'm depressed. What can you say about my situation?

[@rachelbass7914]

Suggest DappyTKeys KZbin channel to encourage your spirit!

[@TheSystemaSystem]

Stop being depressed and start being happy. That's a joke. Remember that you are important to a lot of people, and never give up on yourself. If it is bad, see a therapist, at least for one session. That's what they are for. Good luck, friend.

[@Raphsophomes]

Lil sasuke's over here

[@Hani_Hissam]

Can you do a breakdown of esfp? :(

[@blazewarrior8740]

Is Isaac Newton intp or intj?

[@justinejacks0n]

Hey, AsuraPsych. You take yourself too seriously. You garner no brownie points for repressing the sense of humour I, as a fellow INTJ, suspect you must possess. Often it comes out as misconstrued sarcasm with no nastiness behind it - just fun. Smile, occasionally, dude - even if you have to fake it 'til you make it. Pretty soon you'll be relating to people and situations better as you learn to find amusement everywhere you look.

[@wegotonelove]

😁

[@judael5605]

Wrong. It is not I who need to learn how to interact with people in a somewhat emotional manner every now and then just because the majority wants it, but it is they who need to learn that emotional expression is not a requirement for a happy and fulfilling life. It is they who need to learn that the more the need for needles emotional expression to common everyday occurrences, the less the meaning and value of your expression is towards yourselves and towards me. Emotional expression is fine, but you need to learn to not throw emotional response to every silly and petty matters. That only proofs your emotional instability and immaturity. If a partner constantly require emotional reassurance and validation, then he/she needs to learn and grow in respect to their mentality and emotional stability. I don't need adults with mentality of an infant to be my partner.

[@schparque]

congrats on being low in neuroticism. I strive for that daily.

[@smileycat767]

Obviously the worst personality type