INTP Dating: How to Flirt

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Today's video discusses INTP dating and how to possibly improve your flirting skills including:
Why INTPs are usually bad at flirting
The problem I have with the "Nice Guy" mentality
Conversation examples of what to say in certain situations
Summary of the ideas in this video on how an INTP may improve flirting
Thank you for watching!

[@VinnesRC]

We may be awkward in conversation generally, but when we nail it, we nail it!

[@Primatenate88]

Are conversations those things where you nod your head and filter out the BS they say?

[@VinnesRC]

​@@Primatenate88something like that

[@theburnboss]

Me casually making jokes, 99% of the responses "Huh what?"

[@chairmanrexton956]

Yep, lots of our humor goes over people’s heads. Especially if we deliver it deadpan. Like Steven Wright. Pretty sure he’s an INTP.

[@saragarofano9727]

SAME mine are too obscure apparently

[@Drarack]

I almost feel like I tend to have in-jokes with myself

[@walterpeet5691]

Totally agree! Although I tend to adjust to the interaction. Not saying become fake but allow yourself to interact on different levels? Whore with whores(or don't?), romance when neccessary? And if it's true you can deny it?

[@Pizzahutbaby]

@@Drarack LOL same here dude

[@akeznov6035]

I’m so glad I found this channel and I hope you keep posting! I’m a 22 M INTP starting to go out and learning to be more confident in social situations. These videos feel like what an older smarter me from the future would tell the me from right now. Thanks again for making this channel I can literally watch these all day.

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Thank you for watching! Should have a new video out tonight

[@cross-eyedmary6619]

I think I was a sage when I was younger and now I’m just a moron. These videos feel like what my younger wiser self would tell me now.

[@entjfemme7032]

As an ENTJ female, this is all very interesting. ENTJ women are drawn to nice guys who also take care of themselves. They are competent at their job and enjoy doing the work. They work out and have a variety of interests. ENTJs can be delicate when it comes to their emotions so they want to trust that their love interest will be kind. Not all girls are like that. An ESTJ woman, for example, is going to want someone way more assertive and domineering. If you are good at typing women, you could use this to your advantage. I can type men pretty easy now, there are only 16 types and once you have several interactions with a certain type it takes away any anxiety you may have. You will know how the interaction will go. You don’t have to ride blind. Good luck fellas.

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Thank you for the perspective! You ENTJ woman are hard to find in the wild and can come off quite intimidating sometimes. But being the best relationship for INTPs I think your advice is really good. That will be a topic for future videos how to befriend/seduce someone based on their type. I checked your channel out and really enjoyed the content. Thanks for stopping by!

[@popkhorne5372]

Literally why we get into mbti ^^ even if its somewhat iffy scientifically it still mostly serves its purpose.

[@diogenesdacynic8656]

Correction, when he says nice guys hes referring to people pleasing. People pleasing is a maladaptive social strategy that requires excessive sacrifice in order to gain what one wants instead of being direct and assertive.

[@diogenesdacynic8656]

​@@popkhorne5372how is if iffy? It might be incomplete but it is objective that people have differing personalities, even dogs have personalities. Therefores if there are differences in personalities then it must be possible to quantify these differences somehow, yes?

[@popkhorne5372]

@@diogenesdacynic8656 to some extent, but the way mbti does it is considered not scientifically accepted. The methods nescessary for such a study did not exist at the time of myers and briggs. They mostly built off carl jung and called it a day. Mbti is popular because it affixes an archetype to you, and always finds a way to be positive. I hear big 5 is way more scientific, but it is also a lot more negative and does not give you an archetype.

[@user-ke3hh4fv3k]

Dont go for dates, better develop yourself first. But when you built up much confidence and feel ready, you are ready

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Yes dating is not as important as many people make it out to be. I agree working on yourself is a much better use of time

[@DoctoMud]

It’s still important to practice, even if you’re not trying to date the person you are talking to. Get comfortable talking to more people (unthinkable concept, I know) especially women. Flirt with them a little bit, try new things (within reason ofc) and gauge their reactions. If you don’t, you could lose any game you thought you might of had.

[@BL00DYR0S31]

I haven’t been ready for the past 25 yrs of my life and quite frankly, I think my OCD will agree with me that I will never be ready so rich single aunt here I come.

[@mylesrobinson9822]

Don't date at all>. No stress at all.

[@AreaFortyTwo]

I know I can flirt and give the 2nd responses, but man is it effort. Also you can’t do it all the time or she’ll think everything’s a joke to you. Good video, took me a long time to realise women want the banter.

[@Drarack]

Yeah, when you're in the thick of things it's really difficult to go against your instincts _and_ be witty while doing it right there and then on the spot.

[@AreaFortyTwo]

@@Drarack You described it exactly right

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Yes you need to have some serious talks but I believe it is more of paradigm shift. You don't need to be on your "best behavior" and in my opinion this is actually damaging for your chances

[@AreaFortyTwo]

@@intpsurvivalguide2473 Definitely. You want to associate a feeling of excitement with your presence in the woman's mind. Part of doing that is giving cheeky witty answers to things she says, especially when you're just getting to know each other.

[@Eliean77]

Yes, women want the banter :) My late husband was an ENTP, omg... OK, it was a bit too much sometimes. :) My recent partner is an INFP smart guy, but he always was afraid to hurt my feelings. He is improving, so it is not impossible ;)

[@je6874]

Nice video and I agree with the nice guy mentality... it's like a mask I have on, and beneath it are some things I'd say that would make me come across as offensive or whatnot (being brutally honest). I'm not sure about the lying bit because I feel I'm perhaps overly-conscious of people lying and can catch things out - again, the nice guy mask stops me from saying anything. It's the flirting part that goes past my head.

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Thanks for watching!

[@Drarack]

Yeah, responding jokingly is the thing I'm still really struggling with. I've been working on myself for a couple of years now and the confidence and my appearance is really coming along. I used to have crippling social anxiety, and have made it to a point where I can keep a conversation flowing, but when I'm with a girl and think there might be a chance it's still really hard for me to not switch into this kind of serious facts-oriented mode because my intuition is telling me the next step should be coordinating the escalation with her. Like, I'm trying to initiate things the way two contractors at a construction site might when they're approaching a shared project. That's why I used to be so fixated on my hate for how much reading between the lines is involved in getting with someone. Rapport is not built following a blue print, it grows organically during playful interaction, but playful interaction is just not the place I would intuitively go in order to pursue a goal. I'm also still really having a hard time being consciously choosy. I suspect it still comes through when my intuition on some level tells me she's not right, but it always feels like self-sabotage. If I'm being completely honest, I actually have a hard time connecting with most people because, even when I have a lot in common with someone, maintaining even just a friendship usually turns into a chore real fast and I find myself forcing myself to apathetically go through the motions with people. Being lonely does very much bother me, but spending time with someone is so often only stimulating to me, like, 20% of the time, if at all. So, if I were to really give in to my picky side, I fear I'd never find someone. There has been exactly one girl so far I really could've seen myself being more happy than exhausted with, but I fucked it up in typical INTP manner, and I guess the isolation from the pandemic is making me feel like at this rate I'll be 45 before the next one comes along.

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

You don't really need anyone. But the Fe inferior can be really difficult sometimes and it is nice to have something to fall back on. But yes if you can just make dating more secondary (for your pleasure not because you "need" someone), then this in turn will make is easier to do. Thanks for watching!

[@Drarack]

@@intpsurvivalguide2473 Yeah, well, what do you really _need_ in life anyway. I just know I used to have a very close friend who I felt really got me and I've been sorely missing that feeling of feeling seen and understood, since they're gone. But, of course, a part of it is also that our culture just has this way of suggesting to you at every turn that you're incomplete if you're not in a romantic relationship. Especially beyond a certain age, you just can't help but feel like you're missing out

[@cross-eyedmary6619]

Rampant Obesity You probably will be 45 before the next chance comes along again...unless you take the advice in this video. -38yr old single INTP

[@drivenwave7428]

Maybe I'm the only INTP that feels this, but wanting someone there is often a random feeling that comes across me. But then when you realize you don't have anyone, it kinda just brings ya down and crushes before that blissfulness of being by yourself settle in. My advice would just dating something to combat that feeling of wanting to be with someone. This'll probably make it much easier and benefit the relationship

[@DrGecko1]

You are THE INTP you have the power of logic with you! You're the only one who can save the world! now go my son!

[@tramarthomas6105]

I'll never find an opportunity to flirt, but thanks for the great content anyways

[@jeancozan4910]

The world don t like loosers stop whining and finding excuses , use your brain capacities and rationalize the opportunity.

[@jeancozan4910]

Let me know about your results, in the next days or years

[@reznorrokicki3407]

@@jeancozan4910 I suppose your right in a sense, but why are you being so antagonistic?

[@drivenwave7428]

Then ask for when it's right to flirt instead of whining. I suggest flirting whenever you feel the conversation getting too monotone and bland. Gotta mix things up

[@mister.07]

you have to make the opportunity, the world won't make it for you

[@Ignasimp]

Being a gay INTP makes dating a hell.

[@hooman9554]

legit

[@DGDDice]

as a gay INTP myself I agree I feel completely out of my element in the dating scene.

[@TheCasualCosmonaut]

Great video. I've heard the bit about being a "nice guy" a number of times before, but this is the first time I've heard it specifically in the context of INTPs. That connection really made it click in a way it hadn't before. Definitely stung a bit. Right on the money there.

[@lightartorias552]

I have been waiting for this video! Thank you my man! Also, take care of yourself out there.

[@chairmanrexton956]

I’m out of the market now, but I wish this video had been around when I was younger! Great advice for younger INTPs. I was completely oblivious to the approaches of quite a few quality girls, and only clued in when a couple of them got frustrated and stated their affection in black and white😳🤪 Getting out of your comfort zone is a must. I decided to go to Japan for an adventure, which forced me out of my comfort zone big time. Had to learn a bit of the language and sharpen up the social skills. Even bought a couple of books on language used for dating, etc. And it worked. The learning curve was steep but it paid off. Still in Japan and happily married for almost 17 years now. So, INTPs, it is possible.

[@darklight898]

Hmmm.

[@evadebruijn]

Needing feelings in black and white to even see them, check

[@teddypuccini9824]

You're back finally, great video as always. You advice is great, however there are so many things to work on that it quickly gets extremely overwhelming. To work on Fe inferior and Se trickster and at the same time trying to bypass Si child is no piece of cake. I wish I could have been an ISTP...being an INTP in this world/era really is a curse, but I won't give up !

[@darklight898]

How its a curse

[@caioramos8454]

@@darklight898 extroverted/sensing world

[@heioca9556]

Confirmed. Always had better luck pretending to be somebody else 🤣🤣🤣

[@charleyn71]

Message to your Si Child :) your Videos are really great and help me (f intp) a lot! I’m really happy every time you upload a video and I don’t mind if I have to wait a few weeks for your next video. I guess you’re not a full time youtuber so you probably have something else to do between uploads! Have a great day!

[@jwastken8814]

Dude, this is great. Thanks 👏🏾

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Glad you liked it!

[@abdullahvlogs2919]

I just needed some one like you

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Thanks for watching!

[@theyetti90]

Me: I see you're breathing. I also like to breathe. If you figure out your kid is an INTP, without being overbearing, try to help them socialize. I've had a lot of girlfriends throughout my life, because I was told there was one out there for me, so I was determined to find her. Always thought girls were beautiful. Were things awkward sometimes? Yes, but I didn't have to wonder what if. I even got together with the most beautiful girl in school. I have to tell this story, because the end is classic INTP. I was 16, she was 14. My best female friend heard her age and said, "I don't know if I'm okay with that." I said, "There she is." She looked and was like, "Oh my God, never mind, forget I said anything." 😂 After I'd gotten with her, and a lot of other beautiful girls I was like, "Do women like me, do I look attractive?"🤦 It didn't help my self-esteem being the little brother if the most popular guy in town. I always heard girls talking about him and other guys, and I thought I might not be attractive because I didn't hear them talking about me. Finally it occurred to me one day, "Yes, they're not talking about you because you can hear them, those other guys aren't there, are they?"

[@Tue_]

Unfortunately you need someone who is set on being interested in you for the “nice guy” to work - as in being more on the passive side. Especially with being unaware, or inexperienced with signals. So the person you like might go for someone else if they somehow think you arent actually interested.

[@sauravthegreat]

Can you make a video on intp daydreaming and focus issues

[@Degrees-qe5gk]

Love you man, make more vidoes when u can.

[@divinetrouble66]

INTP female here. Guys, do not attempt his conversation examples unless you have excellent control over your intonation (as assessed by someone else, preferably a feeler). There is an extremely fine line between joking and being an ass. The nature of second suggestions really push that boundary and are not for amateurs.

[@transformativethinking2855]

43yr old INTP here and for the life of me I still often miss the cues of a woman liking me.

[@gabrijelagavric6247]

HI INTP’s! I think you’re great!! ❤️❤️ ~ENFP Ps, try an ENTP or ENTJ😎

[@endofpixel3712]

I'm glad that I don't have to deal with the dating scene as Im taken, but the advice is helpful. Took me some time to get comfortable in the relationship but when I stopped caring about everything I said things definitely got better, and while I never gave those flavorless responses I definitely got way too over apologetic when I thought I offended her. that being said this video would have saved me a lot of pain had it come out earlier and it really put what I learned through experience into words. This dating stuff is definitely important for others, though I would appreciate you going back to covering more of the shadow functions as I find them harder to be aware of in the day to day and reflect on. I really appreciate what you are doing because I find understanding the functions, and typing others, and learning how all this stuff works together to be a herculean endeavor that takes up too much of my time while your videos give me the awareness I need to start acting immediately. As much as I love C.S Joseph the fact I have to watch digest and interpret 30 hours of lectures just how to understand how they interact is a bit tiring. I feel that your videos give a baseline that I can work up my knowledge from in a much faster time allowing me to work on myself while I try and figure out how these things work more in depth so I can start applying them to other people Know your work is appreciated and you are helping me become more productive.

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Thank you for the kind words! This will be my last dating video for some time. My next video will cover INTP socionics which helps me understand my MBTI on an even more deeper level. There isn't too much info on it out there so I think it is an important topic. Thanks again for the comment these keep me going!

[@gnarkani2275]

The following applies to your content generally, not just this video. Although I do enjoy your approach, I think it is very flawed. You overgeneralize a lot of stuff and talk about MBTI and its types as if it were a law of nature. But it's not. It's just a model and a pretty flawed one at that. As an INTP I love MBTI for how it helps us categorize the thing we are most unfamiliar with: Other humans. But we shouldn't praise something just for its convenience when its basis is flawed. The 16 types were likely not created evolutionarily. If you try to measure something with 4 variables that are binary in nature you will always end up with 16 types (2^4=16, obviously). You could do this with basically any arbitrary characteristic, amount of variables, or amount of values these variables can have. This is not to say that the MBTI model is useless. It can tell us a lot about ourselves or at least nudge us in the right direction, but you are making a fatal error when displaying the 16 personalities as separate entities. They are not. Personality is a spectrum (or plain, cube, add as many dimensions as you like) and the 16 personalities are just labels for certain parts of the spectrum. Realistically, nobody fits a certain stereotype exactly. INTPs have a very positive stereotype, from an INTPs perspective as the flaws they have (lacking social competence) does not feel as relevant as many of the positive traits the ideal stereotype possesses (extremely smart, calculating and analytical). As many INTPs (especially the one's not actually knowing about the stereotype and thus not knowing of its positives) tend to have low self-esteem it is nice to help them and show them their place in society, but what you are doing very much feels like self-indulgence disguised through the semi-scientific grounds you base your claims on. TL;DR -If you show strengths, show weaknesses -try being more scientific with your reasoning (cite your sources?) -don't lean this heavily on the different stereotypes I hope this all makes sense. It's 10AM, I haven't slept, and I feel like I'm dying. Cheers Edit: Typo

[@jacobkuchavik9367]

I am also an INTP here, and as much as I appreciate the skepticism overall, especially considering my own skepticism of any personality assessment thingy (from Myers-Briggs to the Big Five to Astrology), one thing I would ask you is “If this content is helpful, then does it really matter if it’s based on faulty premises or lacks evidence behind it?” Because I don’t watch these videos and put everybody in a box and deduce that they are this or that. You are a fellow INTP but that doesn’t mean that you and I are clones. I think anybody with any amount of understanding of humanity knows that people can be similar but never truly identical; that everybody is an individual (as ironic as that statement is). I listen to this and relate to a whole lot of it and what he is saying. And I intend to take in what seems wise and reasonable. Anything that doesn’t connect I ignore because it doesn’t seem relevant to me. That said, I don’t want to seem like I am trying to start a fight. Maybe you’re entirely correct, but I just don’t see it. I feel like this content is helpful and not meant to be self-indulgent or over-simplistic. The author seems to be sincere, open-minded and intentionally speaking in general terms and not declaring any laws, maxims or dogmas.

[@jacobkuchavik9367]

(Sent that before I meant to) Cheers to you too. And while my whole comment is rather critical of yours, please know that reading your comment was a breath of fresh air. Because I also don’t believe that you are being insincere or pointlessly argumentative or close-mindedly judgmental about your reservations. It’s relieving to see calm, thoughtful skepticism in the world.

[@evadebruijn]

It has been proven people's personality is not static. Spending a decade working on wall street or volunteering in a developing country and you will have developed in different ways. I tested INTP at 23, but decades later when doing tests online I test INFJ a lot of the time. I seem to switch between these two. Supposedly this happens more often with people who have complex post trauma stress

[@gnarkani2275]

@@evadebruijn I'm not sure whether you are agreeing with me or trying to make an opposing argument but I believe I have never stated/implied that personality is static. You are definitely right in stating that it is not static, but I don't think an online test says anything about that. They are highly inaccurate when it comes to differentiating between similar types. So it might as well be the case that you give slightly different answers on different days depending on how you fee, leading to different test results. Once again, your main point is right, but I don't think you support it well.

[@evadebruijn]

@@gnarkani2275 Thanks, I was in a hurry when I wrote it, it was meant as adding my 2 cents, having encountered people who were of the opinion personality IS static. That's all :) And yes online tests are not that trustworthy. The test I did that came out INTP was a very long questionnaire a psychiatrist had me take. I think it is safe to assume that was an official MBTI test.

[@LK_019EI]

hello ! i'm 16, F INTP and someone has been sending me good morning and good nights, idk him irl and idk how to tell him i don't want him talking to me on chat 'cause idek him or what kinda person he is.. . idk what's he tryna get to 'cause he's not a straightforward person in the chat lmao

[@venmis137]

13:12 How about: "How many people have you beaten up so far?" or something along those lines?

[@divinetrouble66]

Much better!

[@chey_mz]

Great channel

[@evadebruijn]

Someone will pick up on me being awkward and aloof means they got under my skin. That someone will be my person

[@jaredvaughan1665]

I think the critic function serves a purpose as alot of what NPs want can be unrealistic.

[@adollyscent7490]

This is great advice for men. I think of a nice guy as a person that want to sell me something. If a man is too nice I'm getting suspicius becouse they pretend like they are these pure creatures that don't think about anything sexual. U guys need to realise that we sense your atraction to us and being just nice and bubbly is shady. Also u need to risk offending a woman otherwise you seem like a person needy of acceptance.

[@walterpeet5691]

Seeking a response, preferably Intp Survival Guide. I've commented twice, 2 different replies. Thank you

[@manzell]

Can you do a primer on what "SE Trickster" and "NP hero" even are?

[@aledorya7838]

Nice job

[@kenrocketman897]

Commenting for intp squad

[@walterjames8230]

"I'm talking years guys" had me laugh haha

[@BL00DYR0S31]

We don’t🤣 seriously though don’t try it gets awkward real fast.

[@Testfortest142]

And also take 3 seconds before you speak, higher energy and more time to think for a good response

[@mitoroskokoros589]

uhm i kinda have a question mark over my head what about introverted girls? does it also apply for them?

[@xiau]

Maybe talk and Act to them like Good and a little bit of Nice person May be then you can start a big convo and then It will work out for ya

[@mitoroskokoros589]

@@xiau i see

[@youssefshahir8624]

What is the software you use for writing in the video ??

[@dinner8204]

Looks like PowerPoint

[@minjoolee2231]

Its worse to have to speak your awkward second language and also try to socialize normally

[@popkhorne5372]

Don't be a nice guy. Be a good MAN.

[@popkhorne5372]

@Dale Owens not exactly. They are nice because they have nothing else to offer.

[@popkhorne5372]

@Dale Owens yeah, its more accurate.

[@popkhorne5372]

@@mylesrobinson9822 spoken like someone who has lost already.

[@popkhorne5372]

@@mylesrobinson9822 in life, you truly lose only by not playing. Life IS the game.

[@popkhorne5372]

@@mylesrobinson9822 Enjoy your life of solitude at 50 !

[@savosavic1222]

looks like ur guide is based on coulture that you live in for example I'm my area guys are always like that when it's about girls always to confident and going in for that and most of girls are bored of that i have some female friends who are my guide for that fizzy world of romance and everything what I did thy praised me for that.... and yea like idk

[@noonereally4798]

Is femoid intp, please send help.

[@iLikeTrains0372]

Step 1: Don’t flirt

[@bandagewastingmachine386]

A sign someone likes you is they're offering to hold stuff for you. You're welcome.

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Or they want you to hold their stuff could also be a sign. Thanks for watching!

[@tramarthomas6105]

@@intpsurvivalguide2473 lol

[@whatisupwithkhurshida]

Or they might be just being nice

[@bandagewastingmachine386]

@@whatisupwithkhurshida I had a friend who kept trying to hold my stuff for me and I thought they were just being nice but apparently they liked me

[@sylvia470]

>>We can't. End of guide.

[@intpsurvivalguide2473]

Have some faith!

[@walterpeet5691]

@@intpsurvivalguide2473 I don't know, fellow inpt. Faith may cripple an inpt. Let me know what you think about this. Just allow it to happen if it happens? Never could you load all your eggs in one basket! But don't expect outcomes of interactions with others to work out as if they aren't "other people " . Big difference rational/irrational! Situations/people?

[@dinner8204]

J

[@mylesrobinson9822]

Those "jokes" are cringy