Introducing the reason you'll never achieve your way out of the self-doubt trap (this is good news)

[@Mallowolf]

Oh man. I feel like you’re the only therapist I’ve seen talk about this. I remember talking with a psychologist I was seeing about how I couldn’t stand the feeling when I started to gain attention by succeeding and it just made me want to stop and hide, and he wasn’t helpful at all. To be honest I still don’t know what to do about it, I get overwhelmed and get dissociated whenever I start to do well. Thank you for talking about this, I look forward to more of your videos on the topic.

[@Betwixt_App]

I’m so glad this clicked for you! I’m definitely not the only person talking about this but I do think it’s a nuance that often gets skipped. When I first landed on this stuff, it was a real lightbulb moment so I feel very passionate about sharing it 🖤

[@rudigerhonsbein9286]

The impact of your content is priceless. Thank you for the difference you make.

[@Betwixt_App]

Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear it!

[@thekrunkymonkey]

I know this ignores the point of all of your past and current content but you have an excellent selection of boardgames on your bookshelf.

[@Betwixt_App]

Hahahahaha! Well, thank you. And I _live_ for board games, so I'm glad you approve of the selection. My fave: Terraforming Mars. Can't get enough of it!

[@JaneNewAuthor]

A psychologist introduced me to Gay Hendricks' book The Big Leap. I'd already been accepted by a publisher, but stalled when it came to working with an editor. 13 books later, I've gone independent, and have stalled again, this time around marketing and publicity. I know what I have to do, but... Thank you for this video, very timely for me. Off to read The Big Leap again.

[@Betwixt_App]

It’s a great book! And good luck! 🖤

[@JaneNewAuthor]

@@Betwixt_App thank you!

[@rachelthomas9529]

Wow, I didn't have 'champion kickboxer' on my Hazel Gale bingo card lol. Thank you so much for another inspiring video. I love how you get at little problems. Like no I'm not being impaled by my mental health anymore, but there is constantly a rock in my shoe and I would like to get it out. Thank you for being cool, posting short but meaty (and full sized!) videos, and acknowledging the shoe rocks.

[@Betwixt_App]

Haha! Yes, I sometimes forget it’s on the card, too! It feels like another life now. And you’re welcome. I’m very much here for the shoe rocks! I really think that many of the impaling mental health issues can be broken down into multiple pebbles, actually! 🖤

[@DanielDogeanu]

The fact that you were a champion at kickboxing, and now you're championing psychology is amazing! You're truly inspiring!

[@Betwixt_App]

Thank you! It was a very natural progression. Kickboxing (and boxing) broke me in a whole load of ways, but if it hadn’t been for that, I don’t know if I’d have had the motivation or empathy required to really engage in my training and practice.

[@CreativeArtandEnergy]

It even applied to friends who had more experience or resources. You are right on point about how this glass ceiling process works.

[@Betwixt_App]

Yes, it’s incredible how many of these limits appear when we know to look for them! 🖤

[@paolacastillootoya8904]

underrated chanel

[@Betwixt_App]

🥰🥰🥰

[@Celeste-in-Oz]

Wow can’t believe how timely this is. I just completed my doctorate, only to deftly write it off as “not a particularly good thesis” Can I add something surprising I discovered …while desperately digging around to figure out ‘what the hell is my problem?’… back in the 70s, early school was full of angry teachers who held a few students up as ‘golden children’. I and others who didn’t measure up were regularly humiliated, scolded and barred from opportunities as ‘not worthy’. Here’s the 💡… I came to associate leadership, competence and success with cruelty and rejection. I cannot reconcile that with who I want to be, hence I regularly turn my back on success and leadership. I’ve decided to reframe success and competency as a way I can help others - hold the door open for people instead of doing what was done to me. I have work to do but, I’ll get there. Great content, I look forward to your next instalment!

[@LaytonObserves]

V comprehensive, thank you

[@stellarbones]

I'm in a really bad headspace today, but "men/women/spiders are dangerous" just made me genuinely laugh. I can't even tell if you meant that to be that funny, but I think my disoriented brain interpreted spiders as the third gender, and that's now the highlight of my day, so thank you.

[@Betwixt_App]

Haha! I’m so glad that made you laugh!! I say lots of things _I_ think are amusing but apparently I have such a dry tone that people rarely see the funny (I have learned this the hard way - as a result of nasty comments from outraged people who have taken some flippant comment totally seriously 😂 I’m more careful with this these days!)

[@stellarbones]

@@Betwixt_App Their loss then. Completely straight-faced humor is some of the best imo. But I can definitely relate. I hope you don't suppress it entirely though -- I've found it's a great secret weapon for ending arguments between others by saying something that makes them both stop and try to figure out if you're serious or not 😁

[@Betwixt_App]

@@stellarbonesHahaha! Yes, I can imagine. And I’m not suppressing it so much as being careful not to make comments that don’t _also_ work as a straightforward comment. The best example I have of an error in this is when I was talking about people who stay friends with others for some kind of secondary gain. I said: “maybe we’re friends with them because of of some kind of perk, like, they have a nice yacht or villa in the south of France”, and people went wild on TikTok, sending me DMs about how I had “shown my true colours” and was really only interested in sponging off people. Omg 😂

[@stellarbones]

@@Betwixt_App Lol, ok yeah that sounds like a headache to deal with. It's probably for the best that this is about the extent of my social media presence, because I'd be way too tempted to respond to that by continuing to make the same statement but with increasingly more absurd and overly specific things. Soon enough I'd be staying friends with someone only because they have a secret volcano lair and an original translation of the Voynich Manuscript or something. But yeah, you probably have the more reasonable response there.

[@Betwixt_App]

@@stellarbonesHaaaahahahahaha! Don’t!! That’s so very tempting. I was even thinking about remaking that particular vid (there are other things that get misunderstood in it). If I do, I’ll have to use this 😂😂😂

[@fatherburning358]

I do love the feeling of winning a fight well fought. Me myself and i have at it many times a day....and i always win! 💪😊🙏

[@Betwixt_App]

@@fatherburning358 😂😂😂

[@mariiazatorska]

It helps a lot, thank you so much for your videos!

[@paulidevoss7249]

Thank you very helpful

[@Betwixt_App]

You’re welcome! 🖤

[@densedecisions4568]

The limiting faulty observation (aka story) that I have to be a savage and work around the clock to get my needs met.

[@Betwixt_App]

Oooh! That sounds like an incredibly important one to work on!!

[@Zurasuta]

Thank you.

[@Betwixt_App]

🖤🖤🖤

[@9ersfannorth531]

So well expressed and relevant. Another detailed explanation that increases my understanding of my personal struggles. The best part is that now I don't feel so odd about it, realizing this is many of us and not just a small group of misfits of which I would be a part. Thank-you. When you see something clearly, it's so much easier to navigate. :O)

[@Betwixt_App]

I’m so glad it helped you to reposition things, and I absolutely agree about how clarity helps with processing. It’s really why I want to make these videos 🖤 Thanks for the lovely comment!

[@valeriejoyce5407]

Thank You✨💜✨

[@Betwixt_App]

You’re welcome 🖤

[@annalockwood3021]

I’ve become more aware of those moments of breakthrough in recent months, and more conscious of the self sabotage cycle. Progress? Being made, for sure, but I struggle with a sense of overwhelm each time I realize that I’m breaking new ground. Meditation and mindfulness help, journaling does too, but I wonder if you have any advice on how to accept being surrounded by so much that is unfamiliar. I feel as though I keep letting that sensation of disorientation drag me back to the more familiar tracks and the self critical habits of mind. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts so generously.

[@Betwixt_App]

Yes, you’ve described my experience of this type of self-sabotage so clearly! The advice I would give is this: work on ways to ground into your own self-trust and your values/sense of purpose or meaning (especially but not exclusively within a work context). These two anchors - one into who you are and one out into something bigger - can really help you to feel stable, even when everything around you is unfamiliar 🖤

[@21cormorants]

Does the advice remain the same if the whole “menu” is our truth? Should we focus on just one at a time? (The only one I’m good with is spiders!)

[@Betwixt_App]

Hmm. I’m not sure how it would work out in a practical sense if you work in such an abstract way. It might be fine, but may well be harder to track, measure and keep up with.

[@ProxyAuthenticationRequired]

_I produced a couple of well know theories and contributed to the development of a radical understanding of reality at the very small scale, all of which had some influence on physics and the history of the world. I received a lot of accolades and recognition, but all I really wanted was to simply to be hugged and feel self-loved. The lack of this was my motivation for escapist intellectual pursuits._ -Albert Einstein, who developed the Special and General Theory of Relativity and substantially contributed to quantum mechanics

[@Betwixt_App]

Wow!! I’ve never seen this quote before. Do you know where I can find the original source? It’s amazing!

[@ProxyAuthenticationRequired]

@@Betwixt_App OK. I'm sorry. Was making a comical post on how motivation alone would not have been enough for even a lovable character like Einstein. Wasn't trying to troll. As far as I know, Einstein was a solidary but--seemingly--well adjusted man. Your video topic here resonated with me. Shortly after graduating college with honors with dual degrees in what are considered difficult majors, I was alone in the library still happy over the achievements. But in short time, I manage to convince myself of all the things that were wrong, the "mistakes" made, and then how insignificant and baseless my sense of accomplishments were. I often wondered if someone like Einstein, to entertain this vain thought, would have ever experienced this? My reading of him is that he most likely didn't, as he was driven by curiosity and didn't care for accolades or external validation or what others really thought. His sense of self wasn't invest in output but rather his purpose of being was process: the pursuit of discovery and understanding of the world.

[@Betwixt_App]

@@ProxyAuthenticationRequiredHaha! That’s a relief 😂 I didn’t think it could possibly have been a legitimate quote but didn’t want to be too blunt in asking for verification. I haven’t seen anything that smacks of self-doubt from Einstein either, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t suffer from it. I expect he did, purely because I believe it to be a fundamentally human experience. But there’s no way of knowing where that doubt may have been focused.

[@ProxyAuthenticationRequired]

@@Betwixt_App It's a horrible two-edge sword: self doubt. On the one hand it does serve to help us consider negative outcomes and question our assumptions of confidence, which can help us identify falsehoods and where to improve. But on the other hand, and sadly more frequently, it proves pathological and self-defeating if you let it get run wild. I have become more convinced those with a heightened sense of danger and imagination are more prone to suffer anxiety of this sort. Those I know who really lack imagination don't seem to suffer from this automatic negative thought generation (ANTs) or to the same degree. In retrospect, some of the thoughts are so comically improbable, to an outsider it must appear as the product of a mentally unwell person, and in a way it is. But at the time experiencing these and allowing themselves to be akin to be possessed by negative thoughts, the thoughts lead to beliefs that seem so potently an impending danger and feel like truths your rational mind cannot overcome at that moment. A true tragicomedy of the mind! I really enjoy your videos and thought that goes into this topic. It shows not only intelligence but empathy that can only be born (I am convinced) for a compassionate heart that has suffered through this all too common insanity of humanity. Wishing you peace and success. You're doing a great service with these videos. Cheers. :)

[@Betwixt_App]

@@ProxyAuthenticationRequiredYes, I agree with all of this. We can’t (and shouldn’t) get rid of self-doubt entirely. And I do think the most rampant fears tend to be experienced by the more imaginative, too. I remember reading an article about the genetic difference between those who feel big emotions and those don’t (long vs. short alleles). Apparently, it’s been known for some time that people with short alleles are more prone to mental health issues, so we used to think they were simply a bad thing. But more recently, they’ve discovered that these same people also experience bigger positive emotions, a richer imagination, a greater capacity for immersion into narrative, etc. So there we go… I’m most certainly in the short allele category, and though I’ve had my struggles, I wouldn’t swap imagination for more stability. I’m glad you’re enjoying my videos! Thanks for the kind words 🖤

[@Eduardado]

You just blow my mind with this phrase "I spent ten years of my life training full time as a fighter". Seriously, from fighter to psychologist to creator. Please, tell us your life story.

[@Betwixt_App]

@@Eduardado Haha! I wouldn’t know where to begin! Actually, I think life stories are probably best digested in little bites anyway. I’ll tell you the best bits every now and then 🖤

[@Shelleysnail]

7:15 You scare me! 😳

[@Betwixt_App]

Eek! 🖤🖤🖤