Is It Okay to Be Angry?

[@TheXeeman]

"No one is owed forgiveness". words to remember

[@alexanderkroboth3310]

But it's still better to forgive, otherwise you'll hold a grudge against that person, and holding a grudge burdens you. So in order to let go of that you have to forgive. That doesn't mean you have to be their friend or be nice to them, you can forgive and still cut them out of your life.

[@GhostlyNomad130]

@@alexanderkroboth3310 Yes, But it's kind of missing the point. Forgiveness isn't owed I Interpret it as a warning against Obligated Forgiveness. It's not like your "Balancing The Scales" so to speak. It isn't necessary to forgive. Just remember, it's forgiveness or resentment, and YOU have to carry that burden, Nobody else.

[@stanleyelnats]

@@GhostlyNomad130 I feel like not forgiving can mean having a blindspot to your own shortcomings though.

[@GhostlyNomad130]

@@stanleyelnats It can. But your presuming that I'm not forgiving Because I feel I've done no wrong. It's just as likely I'm choosing not to forgive because I realize that the blame is not equally placed. One last counterpoint, If your forgiving as a formality it cheapens the act the more you do it. It's better to forgive when you know for sure your responsible. But rarely are things so Black and white as 1 side is Victim, other perpetrator. There is usually blame on both sides

[@stanleyelnats]

@@GhostlyNomad130 ah I see, I just meant that oftentimes when I look at my own blindspots and shortcomings it leads me to want me to be more more forgiving. And I think forgiveness is about moving past something despite the other person being the wrongdoer. But Im not sayimg that you need to forgive.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

I remember hearing a therapist/self help teacher say that "anger is a sign that my boundaries have been crossed". It's time to play detective and discover what (often hidden) boundaries have been transgressed.

[@DieFarbeLila88]

The problem is, that boundaries are tested all the time. How it feel anger sadly without lashing out is the great question

[@Ruffles2012]

For a healthy person, sure. But narcs get angry when you try to enforce a boundary. Like if you tell a narc, please don't kiss me, they get angry because they feel entitled breaking your boundaries

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@Ruffles2012 That's a really good distinction to make and one I'll keep in mind.

[@CallMeCoachWalker]

In my experience, I’ve found that, like you say, “playing detective” over and over and over helps. In the moments after the yelling/fight/argument/abuse sitting in it and understanding what boundaries were crossed and allowing all the emotions to come up allows you to heal slightly in the moment. For those of us who are only now processing the interactions years and decades later, it’s still cathartic to thing about those times and try to see what boundaries were crossed and allow the emotions to come up. This video brought this all back up and tears started rolling down my face. Happy healing!

[@divinesilence]

💯

[@tenaciousgamer6892]

I've experienced life differently, anger was feared but accepted. Saddness/crying was ridiculed and looked down on.

[@Harevald]

I think it's evolution of society, we shifted from seeing anger as something honourable (remember duels? People literally used to kill each other, because someone disrespected them) to something that's shameful. Crying and saddness was once ridiculed (still is in many places, because many people see it as a weakness of person), but when we started to talk more to people, understanding their emotions, frustrations, we started to feel okay with people being sad. Now anger is villain, because we see it as something dangerous and barbaric (like how can you hit someone because you got angry? 50 years ago it was normal, now it's seen as pathological)

[@svader9680]

That's interesting, can you elaborate?

[@Derekyounan]

@@Harevald good comment bro

[@Harevald]

@@svader9680 What I'm trying to say is that anger used to be seen as an appropariate response to being disrespected and people matifested it with violence. From simple slapping someone, to dangerous fights and duels. Men were taught that they should fight and not cry, because they have to be strong and be able to protect themselves and others. If you get disrespected, proper answer was not to shake it of, but to "have balls" and fight. As people started to talk more about our feelings and started to be empatic of human weaknesses, backstories and genuinely tried to understand people better, it started shifting society perspective on how to behave. Now many people tell you, that you shouldn't get into the fight, even when you are bullied. That you should tell authorities and get help. Previously it would be seen as something unthinkable, because you have to be able to defend yourself or you aren't a worthy men. So what's the outcome of that perspective shift? Anger is seen as something inappropariate, uncivilized, savage. Like only stupid people with no self-control can get angry. It's just coming from one extreme to another. Every emotion is there to help you. You are allowed to be angry, when things are unjust and you are allowed to be sad, when life hits you in the guts. People from both ends need to understand that.

[@bouclechocolat]

@@Harevald your points are fine, but I would caution against muddying the waters between feeling anger and behaving in harmful, irrational ways out of anger.

[@janco333]

My father was extremely abusive. He was a sociopath and narc with a massive anger issue. I did grey rock and avoided him as much as possible. I finally escaped when I turned 18. After I left the house, his tune changed completely, but I never forgot. When the power dynamic shifts, the bully becomes nice.

[@mrs.quills7061]

The same thing happened to me with my father when I left home at 20, although I’d paint mine more as a manipulator and narcissist… I haven’t forgotten either even after he passed away a few months ago. The good guy act for the past few years prior didn’t make up for the trauma or therapy I have to pay for now because of his behavior. The bully as you said becomes nice because they try to control the people around you when they can’t get to you. I hope you’re healing friend, I wish people who aren’t mentally fit for kids would think before they breed.

[@mary96houseoffun]

Hi… same here. As time passes he’s just getting better, in spite of 20 years of abuse I witnessed , he’s regarded as a great person now, including by my mother ( which suffered even more years of abuse, practically acting as human shield for me and my brother). In the end I got the blame, was told I had a great childhood and that I shouldn’t go back there anymore… and I agree…

[@NikHem343]

@@mary96houseoffun Fuck that. You deserve better. Great that you made it.

[@fireflieer2422]

oh my god my mom is the same way, though she is not as severe as in your case. But she definitely acts overly nice ever since I pushed her out of my life which is a big contrast to how she acted towards me when I was home.

[@nxcts20]

Same here. So fucking apalling how they have the gall to switch up their tune when you leave

[@Zelphraeya]

From my experience, anger is often frowned upon as much as any other "negative" emotion. The problem seems to stem from how people are often made to feel unsafe in expressing these emotions, so those emotions end up blending into one emotion, anger. It is an emotion that causes us to take action and feel in control when we are not in control. Anyone who has been told to suppress their emotions because they are "unacceptable" have dealt with this. Men are particularly put in this position since they are often shamed for expressing their emotions; so anger becomes the go to emotion that they express in a very quick manner from the suppression of emotions over time. I like to think of it in the same way as how particular thoughts can become instantaneous when triggered by particular occurrences over time. The more they happen, the stronger the neurological link to that thought/ emotion/ belief becomes; and therefore it becomes instantaneous.

[@hazezero689]

I agree with what you are saying here. I am someone who has anger issues, for decades now, who has been to anger management therapy, and who to this day deals with anger issues. I can only ultimately speak for myself but I think this is a bit of a generational and gender thing. I disagree with Dr. K about how anger is 'demonized'. If you a man of a certain age or older in a western culture, ANGER is the only acceptable emotion. "Men are strong." "Only weak men cry". "Only weak men feel sad." Only weak men feel shame, or regret". "You can't be depressed, you are a man!", "Feelings? Men don't have those". But you are allowed to be angry. Your allowed to yell, your allowed to curse, your allowed hit things. When your favorite sports-ball team fumbles the ball and the other team gets an interception? You can't be disappointed at that, or sad at that, or feel pity for that player that fumbled, but you are allowed, expected and even encouraged to scream and yell at the top of your lungs at the tv-screen, allowed and expected to curse, belittle, and berate the player that fumbled, your allowed to bang your fist on the arm of your couch, or your coffee table, sending chips flying everywhere. If your team is doing well, you can't show excitement, or giddiness, or happiness.. you can instead express frustration "About time we fucking score!", or you can turn your anger on your friend who is a fan of the other team, to humiliate, embarrass, or belittle them for their teams shortcommings. And this is just one (perhaps poor) example of how anger is encouraged and allowed.

[@Zelphraeya]

@@hazezero689 That's spot on.

[@VioletEmerald]

@@hazezero689 this is like a genuine talent for writing, like creative nonfiction or creative fiction level descriptions to bring to life that man watching a sports game with all his anger.

[@Dialogos1989]

Anger is an approach emotion, so it’s technically positive

[@ExeErdna]

@@hazezero689 Anger being the only acceptible emotion is why it's demonized it's double standards.

[@anindependent3126]

Anger is the emotional response to a perceived injustice

[@nekokna]

Ah, that explains why i sorta never get angry. i think i have no right to feel angry! because i have no way to do something real about anything .what can the usseless do that wont make things worse?.interesting!

[@someonewithandwithoutthoug3414]

@@nekokna if I were you in that situation I would just get angry at the idea/"fact" that I am supposedly incapable of changing things. The idea of being useless is in itself infuriating

[@nekokna]

@@someonewithandwithoutthoug3414 after time you get tired of feeling angry and beging to not feel anything, sadness persists though

[@maxgucciardi4507]

@nekokna You're probably just thinking too big about the problems and being overwhelmed by them. You can't give all the good the world needs but she needs all the good you can give. Even if it's just donating blood, or growing an onion plant yourself instead of supporting big agricultural businesses. Worried about poverty taking food out of peoples mouths and cloths off their backs? You can help someone you know in your life or you can even ask whatever local place that collects donations if they need help sorting cans or cloths (they always need help). If it's animals you're worried about, lots of vets or animal shelters give CNR (catch neuter release) for free or discounted to prevent thousands of feral cats from living short, miserable lives. You just have to catch the cat for them first. Instead of the big impossible global issues, you can make dent in your local issues and see the change first hand.

[@booksale5]

Amen! I think this needs to be prefaced with unconscious biases which makes anger or being an a-hole just who they are (ie cis white men) vs personality or behavioral issue when expressed by women and POC. There needs to be an expansion and recognition of systemic racism/sexism that allows the voices of white men and women be heard but the rest ignored and then punished once “enough is enough.”

[@Asathegoopy]

This is validating because my entire life I’ve seen people react more harshly to someone acting rashly out of anger than they do to the person who instigated the outburst. Especially as kids when we’re still learning how to control ourselves. I’d get goaded until I’d snap and then I couldn’t ever talk to an adult because before they just said “talk it out” and when that didn’t work and I’d lose my composure, it’s “you shouldn’t have done that.” Even after I did learn how to regain composure immediately, it’s still “you’re too angry/you never gave the person a chance,” regardless of how I acted before and after.

[@nowie4007]

Damn

[@zoecore2204]

@@nowie4007 fr

[@DC502_]

You can't instigate an outburst in someone else.

[@muchozolf]

@@DC502_ you absolutely can drive someone nuts, intentionally or not

[@ExeErdna]

Yupo, I know this feel

[@gabrielpittman105]

you should do a study on why everyone always thinks you post everything at the perfect time for them

[@Maverekt]

I literally just commented this because I had an anger incident just this past Saturday where I physically acted out on a friend. Definitely interesting timing.

[@jojojo9240]

It just seems like it, you do not hear from the people for which it was not the right video.

[@adamasher7301]

Its almost like people click on the videos they think will be helpful for them

[@DamianSzajnowski]

@@jojojo9240 feels like survivor (commenter) bias

[@defaulted9485]

People who don't need this video wouldn't watch it. So everyone here needs this video right now, at the right time.

[@tannerdietz3865]

I’m not a young chap and I’ve been dealing with suppressed anger for many years. The best piece of wisdom I’ve received is that anger is best described as a response to defending your self image. There’s a positive feedback loop between low self image and suppression of anger that escalates into depression and extreme low confidence. You have to build your ego and self image to feel worthy enough to produce the anger to defend it.

[@sneedle252]

I suspect that anger is the feeling we get when we don't want to believe the thing that a person or event is telling us (either literally telling us something, or implying something to us that we think might be true but don't want to be the case). We then have an impulse to shoot the messenger of the thing that we don't want to be true. I believe the solution is to feel out what that thing is that we don't want to be true. And, if it is true, accept that it's true and if it is a problem, work out ways to fix it, and, if it isn't a problem, that solves itself.

[@Vannabee13]

@monk Well, I have high self worth and I'm not easily phased by things. When you're coming form a place of emotional security you are better able to assess a situation to decide if anger is necessary or not. I'm not afraid to get angry. But anger is a tool, and like any other tool it's not always effective for the specific situation you're in. Also, anger is a behavior, and people learn behaviors when it's rewarded or punished. People who were punished for getting angry will learn to suppress their anger, people who were rewarded by having others give into their demands when they got angry enough learn to use anger as a means to get what they want and were never taught an effective alternative. I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where I was taught when anger was okay and when it wasn't.

[@DC502_]

Nice. It's important to deal with anger responsibly

[@davontaej]

As some trying to build up their self worth & confidence, I heavily identify with this. I always saw anger as a bad thing, and suppressed it for years. I mistakenly thought I wasn't an "angry person". As I've been slowly building up my confidence and processing traumas, I noticed that I feel anger more regularly and and i stand up for myself more often.

[@Ignozi]

I think low self-esteem and confidence manifests in irritability and lashing out at any perceived threats and to a fragile ego, everything is a threat. High confidence people are secure in their own self-worth and have no need to lash out and respond with anger. They don't get phased easily and perceived insults roll off like water on a duck's back.

[@nuncapasaran9374]

"Anger is trying to protect you" I really love when I make a connection like this! I've been reading into IFS therapy, where you examine parts of yourself that are stuck in an unhealthy role because of a trauma at an earlier age (I'm probably describing it wrong), in order to make friends with those parts and unburden them so they can take on healthier roles in your current life. Those parts are often stuck seeking destructive impulses to protect you. It's so cool to hear your explanation of anger in this kind of similar context.

[@JVPrice713]

"Forgiveness is not entitled to anyone." This hit hard. I've had a lot of problems with family recently, and feelings of guilt as to whether or not I've been too hard on them after the way they treated me. This makes me feel a bit better

[@anonymouse7773]

When I was a little girl, I struggled a lot with anger/outbursts mainly stemming from all the different sh*t I internalized from the environments around me. Then I was told to “control” my anger, not how to deal with it and openly communicate in healthier ways. So I learned the ways of becoming passive & manipulative. Lemme tell you: neither is healthy. I hate that our society thinks passive anger is okay, or fueling our sense of ego thru flaunting our success& pushing random ppl down along the way is another acceptable form of anger. Ostracizing is yet another still common form. Just bc it doesn’t involve screaming, yelling, or physical fighting, doesn’t mean that it’s a form of anger that’s healthy or okay for humanity. Passive anger can also be very damaging. IMO, as someone who has been putting more focus on how to actually deal with my anger in recent years, so many of us need to learn to put words to our feelings. I know what it’s like to have the type of anger where everything goes red. The older I got I dealt with this by hiding in my room and distracting myself with KZbin, or if it was too overwhelming I just coaxed myself to sleep until I was in a depressive state. I would say, if you don’t trust yourself to be “safe” around others when you’re angry, it’s totally fine to go to your room. But don’t hide there forever. Journal to put your feelings down, and don’t shame yourself for them. Don’t control your feelings; let them occur. Just bc you feel like hurting someone in the moment, it doesn’t mean you’re actually going to hurt them. Ask yourself: what did they do that provoked me? Why do I feel this bad? My therapist taught me another good technique, esp for ppl in my past that I hold grudges against bc they hurt me so bad. Put a chair in front of you and imagine that person is there. Say all the mean things you wanted to say to them but never got to. Or speak your truth. Maybe record yourself, and it may even give insight into whether the situation was really as bad as you thought. I mean maybe it was, but each day you can reform the things you wanted to say into something that makes a lot more sense. Actually this is a good way to learn how to properly speak up for yourself. Let’s not forget that as bad of a connotation anger gets, that it’s necessary and has served to do good also. Anger is the reason for social reform; anger for injustice. It’s the way we deal with that anger that can turn into a bigger problem.

[@ReddAngry]

I’m here to say thank you to this community. In just a few weeks of watching and reading, I feel like I have made significant progress in understanding myself and why I take certain actions. I’m even starting to think about a career change into mental health help because of how much of an effect you all have had on me. Thanks Dr. K. Thanks everyone!

[@tirushone6446]

welcome aboard friend

[@virgojwy2024]

We all gonna make it bruh

[@TheSabotaje]

Thank you for sharing! Feel the same

[@ReddAngry]

@@tirushone6446 thanks! Glad to be here.

[@ReddAngry]

@@virgojwy2024 yes, I really believe do believe that. Thank you.

[@train_cam]

Whoa, how are Dr.K's videos so darn relevant always ?! I was literally going through anger issues and discussing them with a friend. Sudden bursts of rage while jogging in the morning. Even joined brazillian jiu-jitsu to try to burn off some steam!

[@KSTED1980]

it's cause everyone is dealing with these emotions/issues to varying degrees of intensity; what might be all-consuming and negative to one person, might not even effect another person, but they both deal with those things still. Dr. K's ability to take all of these topics that apply to everyone, and make them feel personal and approachable is astounding!

[@aoastley841]

I was literally about to apply for jujitsu lessons as well

[@safir2241]

@@aoastley841 ive been doing krav maga classes and all the getting my ass beat really helps

[@raresmocanu1743]

Bjj is good because it doesn't... Hurt people. At least not like striking arts do. I gotta be really careful about ever having explosions of anger after doing Muay Thai because entering a clinch and kneeing someone in the liver has quite the unintended consequences.

[@NanoBruv]

Right lol they really are! I was angry at work today and chatted about it :3

[@Outlawsrevenge1020]

Holy shit, this was the most important thing I needed to hear. I am a survivor of childhood emotional abuse. My whole life I held endless amounts of anger at my father. But I wasn't listening to the anger. When you said anger is a response to being hurt, I just broke down. I was hurt so bad, even though I was an innocent, good, happy child. I eventually learned to constantly be on guard and to do everything possible to not make my dad angry. I lost that happy child, and was always on the defensive to keep myself safe. I believed I was bad, and that hurts too. I think I found why I get so angry. Because I don't want to ever hurt like that again. Thank you.

[@Zetos]

Watching my parents fight so much and nothing get resolved made me really shun anger as an emotion. You always hear things too like don't let your anger get the best of you. I'm starting to think anger in itself isn't a bad emotion, it's how you act on it that's either good or bad. Hurting other people is never okay, speaking up for yourself is.

[@ViiZiiOnZ915]

This is awesome. As someone who was just yesterday in a situation where I was vilified for my anger, I knew deep down that the anger was telling me something and that it was a valid emotion. Getting called "toxic" and immature for expressing my frustration at being disrespected did not help, but I knew that there was value in what my anger was telling me. It was telling me "it sucks to be disrespected" and that sometimes when life throws you bad lemons, you don't have to be grateful for them.

[@emjhendrickson8290]

Bravo!

[@ultralysp]

24:00 I feel your emotions here. I’m just like the person who wrote the Discord message at the beginning. I learned that the best way to not give in to anger for me is to cry. I see that your eyes started getting misty as well. Is this a good universal solution?

[@DieFarbeLila88]

I cry when I get angry, and so far all it accomplished was that the other person would either think I`m manipulating or they would simply disengage because the crying made them uncomfortable. So at least in my anecdotal experience, crying wasn`t really much of a solution

[@tabby842]

This is validating, I also come from an angry family and for a couple years I thought I needed to get rid of my anger to grow as a person. Long story short, I eventually came to the conclusion that anger is useful to have and we probably evolved to utilize it. This was by no means an invitation to being always angry again, but it helped me view anger from a survivalistic pov, and identify that fear and anger are 2 sides of the same coin. Another similar concept is my relationship with creating expectations. You see a lot of resources say that creating expectations is a bad thing, but I'm coming to understand that it might also be a survival mechanism that has very applicable uses, and you'd only be doing yourself a disservice by trying to rid yourself of it. But like anger it can be used destructively

[@kolinaspronok]

I'd say excitement and anger are the two sides of the same coin although something quite fascinating is how they appear. You feel excitement from events in the present and future but anger the opposite - you feel anger from events in the present and the past.

[@hansonel]

Very validating. As someone who was raised by an abusive NPD father which then primed me for more abusive adults as an adult, until I finally recognized I needed to develop healthy boundries and heal the childhood trauma, I want to give Dr. K a standing ovation for validating those of us who were abused and/or are in abusive situations. We are told we shouldn't be angry by the abuser(s) and their enablers even tell us we need to forgive our them. "No one is owed forgiveness." Thank you.

[@humourlessjester3584]

I needed this a lot. I've been in that situation of being the abused kid and so I never knew how to handle other people's anger properly. My automatic response was to allow the person what they wanted to make their anger go away because I was often afraid of it. Knowing that I should start setting boundaries instead of appeasing the other party is such good advice that I wish I had many years ago. I remember in my recent relationship I let their anger break the boundaries that I vocally set until it came to a point where they had violated what was for me an unforgivable boundary and that ended the relationship. As for myself I was always open and perceptive about things that hurt me so this explains why I managed my anger well on most things. It only ever exploded once when I first started experiencing hurt that I cannot truly explain at the moment that it was happening, something I have to watch out fornext time it happens.

[@SIC647]

"Emotions are a mute all/mute none matter." 🤯 That makes so much sense of why I struggle to feel anything.

[@Burner-B]

"do we blame people who break down crying?" .... Thank you. Honestly, sincerely, thank you. As someone who is often quick to anger (but will act on that much later than most), and is currently struggling with it more than usual as a possible symptom of burnout, that is such a welcome line of reasoning. And like many words of true insight, so deceptively simple it makes you wonder why you never heard or thought of it before.

[@KarlOlofsson]

I felt my teenage anger was very stigmatized in a household with a lot of stress related health issues so I think I learned to bottle it up a lot of times. We had "anger management" stuff we were supposed to do but I usually just got more annoyed by that.

[@FangSoup]

This one came right on time. Lost all my friends for being angry at their hypocrisy when it comes to integrity. I keep away from most family because they took their anger out on me when I was younger even when I had nothing to do with what caused it, and was told I need to watch my attitude when I had problems with it. Have gotten bullied/"tested", when I fought back out of anger (both as a kid and adult) got punished for it and told "you should know better". So I have a very confused relationship with anger and when to/how to express it without costing me in some way. At this point it felt like I just have to put up with whatever people want to do no matter if it puts me in the lines of physical or emotional harm or discomfort, and if I have an issue with either thing, I have to walk away and/or just keep enduring it no matter how many times a person wants to put me through it, because approaching people about what they say or do isn't a smart thing to do. Best bet is to just gamble again on the next person and that's getting tiring, or rearrange my financial situation/position at each encounter in a work environment. Now I'm just convinced on its better to get used to being alone.

[@SabiLewSounds]

I started tearing up when Doc got angry because of those who hurt us. I was never allowed to feel anything, good or bad, all of it would ignite anger in my father one way or another. My mom was usually the person who would get hurt because of it. For years since my father left I have been fighting to let myself feel everything. I always had the arts to save my soul, as they were the only refuge for listening to myself. Anyway, thank you for this and everything you do.

[@TheCof6656]

I had tears in my eyes as well, I felt really comforted by it and like he is a person who is trying to protect one from damage, and such a person was definitely missing in my life, even though there were people around me, noone helped me. And art is one of my main outlets as well. I guess I felt a bit connected because of the teary moment and art. Cheers!

[@nannuky1128]

once I read something that stuck with me: "anger is an unrealized need for change"

[@sparklinggrey3]

Anger came up in my therapy session today and it was so hard to talk about. But also felt some relief at having identified anger as being something I have always been afraid of, after a childhood where there were abusive moments centred on anger. Thanks for sharing this Dr K, I have a feeling I'll be coming back to this one again and again. Now to go meditate for a bit 😴

[@Harry-dh2pm]

Epictitis was robbed (the guy never locked his house), had some expensive vase stolen. He laughed it off, saying he was a fool for buying such an expensive vase in the first place. He brought a cheaper one, thanking the gods for teaching him a lesson. Agrippinus was in deep shit with Nero. When the news was delivered he didn't shout down the messenger, he calmly asked "execution or exile?". "Exile". This meant he lost everything, position, power, estage. "Very well, let's leave right away, we shall take our lunch in Africa!" The stoics had an obsession with control. Specifically, focusing on what you do control ONLY. "If you control it, give it 100%, if you don't, give it 0". All they define as truly in your control are your actions. So for everything else, they take the position of "you don't get mad at the weather when it rains on you, you bring an unbrella. Some people are like the rain, just bring an umbrella". So they see anger as a bit of a failure in logic; you're angry because you think you control something that you don't. So I think if you could ask Marcus or Seneca today they'd say: do not let it govern your immediate actions, they are yours to control. But don't struggle against the emotion itself. Be present with it, listen to it, learn from it. Stoicism gets similar critiscism as Buddhism with things like this. The rejection of 'righteous anger' while also accepting anger as just another emotion.

[@gamarleton]

the worst shit is when people fuck shit up with you and then when you're rightfully angry they ridicule you and make your anger into you having problems.

[@krisleigh2005]

More of this please! I feel like I'm destroying everyone around me with my anger. I will do my best to listen to what anger is telling me. Also, love the bit about getting away from abusive parents and waiting for them to want the relationship. That worked for both of my parents, and it's been the key to us developing a much better relationship, though still not perfect. I had no intention of forgiving my dad ever, but when I was praying one day, I had the thought that I needed to forgive him. Still my gut response was, "no." I considered it for a few days, maybe weeks and decided it had to be on my terms, so I worked on developing a relationship with him that I had basically all the say in and was able to forgive him over time. I never told him that he'd been forgiven, just let the improved relationship speak for itself.

[@artisticfix3392]

Needed to hear this today❣️ these are things I know, but hearing them out loud in the way in which you speak on them is very enlightening and helpful. Thank you and much love!

[@mrblok1992]

Takeaways: → Acknowledge anger is different and vilified. → Suppressed anger tends to explode, acknowledge the message behind the anger at every step (most often its hurt). → The goal is to live in a healthy relationship with all your emotions including anger.

[@papakael8247]

This already helped me process the shame I felt from sending a polite email to management that was initiated by anger. I listened to why I was angry and the shame melted away.

[@TheJoshShephard]

Just wanna add to this and say a few things. 1. Think of anger also in terms of setting boundaries. If you're angry, sometimes someone is crossing your boundaries in some way. 2. When we are young, most of us are taught to feel ashamed of our anger (especially when some of us are trying to set boundaries) so we begin to repress and fear it. Which then gives it more power over us in our lives. Which leads to implosive anger. Also which is why it multiplies and sometimes manifests itself at inappropriate times. 3. With regards to forgiveness, remember forgiveness is for the forgiver not the forgiven. It is an act of self compassion and self liberation. Which releases any power if not some power anger has over you. (Also forgiving yourself) Also If you do not forgive others, you continue to give them permission to have power over you in the present. As the Buddhist would say. "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Likewise unforgiveness is like sentencing your self to hell and choosing to stay in prison with those who hurt you. It defiles the soul and keeps one spiritually dead. Hence loving our enemies Anger is a necessary part of our humanity but without self compassion and understanding. It can can become our masters and rule our lives! ♥️

[@terminaldeity]

Important to remember that anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is an expression of another underlying emotion like frustration, fear, sadness, etc. Anger doesn't exist in a vacuum.

[@manictiger]

This sounds like a woman's perspective. No, there is pure anger. It's something I'll always have, that warrior spirit that wants to solve everything with brute force and intimidation. It's there not out of fear, sadness or even frustration. It is primal and pure, and it is there because this world sometimes just doesn't know when to leave someone alone. It is there to destroy tyranny. Since this world is led by tyrants with wet dreams of a new world order, it's in their best interest to destroy real men and suppress anger with social engineering. If you're angry, you must be a bad person. You're not allowed to rebel against the system. That's a crime. That's "toxic masculinity". Reminder: Angry men freed Europe from the Nazis.

[@Kyrmana]

@fingore12 I'd say frustration is when you're trying to make sth happen but can't

[@tomwright9904]

Like maybe... but I see like evidence for this and there are critiques. The main thing is that of control "sad people" are easy to control.

[@u13erfitz]

Maybe in some cases. Physical violence brings out anger as a response and you certainly aren't frustrated. Also you aren't always frustrated with betrayal, you may not even be sad but you will certainly be angry.

[@lysasarah-jaeviolet2072]

Anger is a healthy emotion. It exists to alert us when our boundaries need attention. Either others are crossing our boundaries (anger is appropriate in response) OR we are saying yes to things too much when we really need to say no (resentment forms. Part of ourselves is angry at the part of ourselves that is failing to prioritise our own needs)

[@theletters9623]

Honestly I have been looking at my anger as whistleblower for years now, if something is wrong and that makes me angry, then something is wrong. If I go in and fix what is wrong or at the very least tell my anger "yes, that is messed up" the anger gives me a thumbs up and goes back to wherever it hangs out when I'm not feeling it.

[@advaitgaikwad943]

The moment I stopped acknowledging the demon in me and accepted the fact that I'm that demon, it's relieved me ever since. Anger makes me feel alive, invincible, anger has made me more intelligent and makes me think more clearly. I don't see it as a positive or a negative, I see it as a immense force that has to be routed carefully towards what I want to achieve.

[@ConservativeSatanist666]

I learned a lot of bad habits due to anger. Banging my head, punching walls.. ect. Took every bit of past 6 years to get ahold of. The first biggest step is exactly what Dr. K said; realize where it was coming from. I felt helpless and alone in a bad situation that had spiraled out of control for years. But at least finally stopping to realize why I felt this way was the only reason I could start redirecting my energy to be productive. It was a long road.. but it had to start somewhere. Great advice as always Dr. K 🙂

[@EsperHubb]

Excuse the extremely long post. I remember vividly how my anger was demonized and how everyone was against me when I became livid, despite me realizing it and trying to step away from it ONLY TO GET CONFRONTED ABOUT IT IMIDIATELY IN THAT MOMENT. The last few times it happened was the last few weeks before my mother had to be hospitalized before dying two months afterwards and when my drunk brother decided hugging me while I was pissed at him was a good thing that broke out to me restraining him as he beat me. Part of me wish I should of just gave in and just abandon my humanity but then that would cause more issues than what it was worth. So I get told that I was a F***** after that exchange of me having to restrain him to a corner on the floor. Can't show empathy, can't show rage, I lose every time for show any kind of reaction I guess. I rarely talk with those people anymore, I already knew at that time what kind of people they are. The problem comes from Just not being able to release the urges of going on a violent rampage now even when things are calm. It really feels like I can't lighten that kind of baggage.

[@ArcadianCatharsis]

I agree with almost everything, outside of opposing someone's anger with strength It's literally the worst thing you can do, to tell them to calm down, because that's already putting the other's person's anger as less important and less valid, than their words. The whole thing about anger is that it takes over control of you, so you want to 1. Not let the fear control you but 2. Understand their anger, and show compassion and understanding for them, let them be able to express it in a less toxic way 3. Afterwards talk about it and set healthier boundaries, you can't set boundaries when the anger is already taking over control because you're basically trying to put down the fire that you said is there to protect the other person for some reason

[@dresdenvisage]

Wow. This comes as I am dealing with reopened wounds from my ex, who has untreated Borderline Personality Disorder. Dr K mentioned the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, and I can't recommend it enough. My anger definitely comes from being hurt. I know my ex's does too, but it was never okay for him to take it out on me.

[@straighttothedisco]

There’s a old story about Buddha and the “gift” of anger. If you can look it up I would recommend it. I heard it when I was a kid and really I think it’s the quote that has stuck with me the longest and completely changed my perspective on how to deal anger. Essentially that anger is a secondary emotion and it is not one that you need to respond to or accept. It’s on the person displaying the anger to interpret it and properly express it, not you. You do not need to respond to anger. I think it speaks that anger isn’t a bad emotion but you shouldn’t give yourself to it. There is a way to properly express your anger in a better more productive manner.

[@christianpaulmusica]

Processing emotions and suppressing emotions are not mutually exclusive. Emotions and thoughts can be suppressed temporarily and processed later on. This is especially useful to get work done or to enjoy social events. “Suppressing emotions” is a loose phrase that can mean multiple things: 1. Avoiding analyzing the internal emotions. 2. Avoiding talking about the internal pain externally. 3. Avoiding feeling the internal pain. 4. Avoiding external emotional expressions of internal pain: i.e. crying, screaming, etc. *We should generally analyze the internal pain to an extent. How much we should analyze the internal pain varies from person to person and day to day. *Sometimes we should talk about the situation to others depending on the person and situation. *After some processing, we should force ourselves into healthy, leisurely activities and/or work. How much and when we should force ourselves varies from person to person and day to day. *We should rarely hold back from crying as crying will reduce the suffering, even just temporarily. Analyzing or talking about the internal pain is different from analyzing or talking about the external problem. Emotions are not toothpaste in a bottle. After we process them, they often come flooding back later. Often times bringing negative unconscious thoughts to the conscious level (“surfacing”) will trouble people significantly more than they did when they were unconscious. It’s crucial to find a balance where emotions are acknowledged and dealt with without getting stuck in a cycle of rumination.

[@rondorevolution]

This made a lot of sense. A few years back I realized I was becoming angry like my father and that moment of realization changed my life. I still get angry from time to time but I can mostly manage it well. Still, I need to listen more to myself when I get angry so I can further change and understand but I now know why I get angry at some things that are said to me. I wish I wasn't traumatised of confrontation to mitigate this tho. Thanks Dr. K, your videos are great.

[@tinkerbaek7744]

Thank you, Dr K, for understanding and even teaching me that it's only normal to feel anger when you're being mistreated. For so much of my childhood, I've been mistreated by my sibling. I've taken damage to the point that I lost myself in trying to be good to him, to be liked by him. I have been so scared to express myself, to be me because I thought that I was just an embarrassment and just an inconvenience to be around. I have walked on eggshells to not be an inconvenience to him by becoming mute and invisible in my own house. I still love and care for him. I can't imagine severing ties with him. It is even hard for me to feel anger for whatever he has done to me. Whenever I think about that, I start crying, feeling pity for myself. But I am just realizing that it is okay to feel anger towards the way he has treated me. It is okay to feel and express that anger. What you said about dealing with other people's anger is very helpful. Thank you for teaching me this today

[@LearningKaizen]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:40 🧘 *Acknowledging anger is a challenge, especially when it was demonized in one's upbringing; understanding its role is crucial for personal growth.* 02:46 🤔 *Society tends to vilify anger, unlike other negative emotions, making it challenging to develop a healthy relationship with it.* 09:44 🚦 *Start by recognizing that all emotions, including anger, exist for a reason; treat anger as information rather than judging or suppressing it.* 12:23 💔 *Anger often masks underlying hurt; understanding the source of anger can help address the root cause and prevent a destructive cycle.* 14:47 🤝 *Listening to anger without judgment or immediate action forms the foundation for developing a healthy relationship with it.* 16:43 🧘 *Stoicism aligns with acknowledging emotions but emphasizes control over reactions; it's about acceptance, not numbness.* 18:39 ⚖️ *When dealing with other people's anger, focus on managing your own fear, set appropriate boundaries, and address unacceptable behavior calmly.* 20:48 🤔 *Communicating assertively with a parent about the impact of their anger, in a respectful tone, can lead to progress in challenging situations.* 21:20 ⚖️ *In power dynamics, addressing the hurt caused by someone's anger may be challenging; choosing the right time and ensuring personal safety is crucial.* 22:15 🚪 *Once independent, don't let guilt control you; if you've faced anger in dependence, bide your time, play it safe, then leave and assert your boundaries.* 23:30 🚫 *Don't succumb to fear or guilt when dealing with anger; recognize the damage done, assert your boundaries, and prioritize your well-being.* 23:57 🧘‍♂️ *Embrace anger as a valid emotion, especially when advocating for those in unfair power dynamics; use it as a catalyst for positive change and closure.* Made with HARPA AI

[@zer0nix]

The way to deal with emotions is by facing them. Absolutely fantastic! I didn't think this one was going to help - and to be honest I already knew most of this, but it's always nice to have ones ideas solidified with eloquence and grace. Brilliant!

[@VitaTuggummin]

I came here because I'm learning to feel and I was so angry, I didn't know what to do. I felt it. I listened. Feelings are information. I paid attention to what exactly mad me angry, what feeling and thought. And then you talked about being disrespected and that anger is telling me to gtfo, basically. And wow, yeah. My anger got me way out of something I used to put up with beacuse I didn't wanna hurt someone's feelings by telling them they were out of line. Thank you for your work. It continues helping me.

[@JarthenGreenmeadow]

Anger is a good emotion. It tells you what in life is unsatisfactory.

[@notbrad4873]

Would love a video from Dr K on the positives and negatives to all the emotions. I know many people who believe Empathy is only positive, not understanding that 1) empathizing with misery means you too are miserable, and 2) empathizing involves a target of the empathy, taking on all their biases for or against the people you are not empathizing with. Unmoderated empathy does not lead to justice in situations of conflict.

[@ExeErdna]

That's why for the most part I say empathy is a lie. Since it doesn't exist until you understand other emotions, empathy for the sake of empathy is just somebody lying. That's why it doesn't lead to justice when there's conflict

[@sebastiannille6723]

Thank you Kuiper Blue. I can 100 % relate and this is exactly the same development step for me for the next years! Still Angry at my Dad and even if i try to let it go - theres a lot of surpressed energy thats either make me sick or tired. So it follows me in my dreams and i can watch it in silent moments during the day

[@TheGreenTaco999]

here's a bit from the book "On Anger" by Lucius Annaeus Seneca: "There are certain things whose beginnings lie in our own power, but which, when developed, drag us along by their own force and leave us no retreat. Those who have flung themselves over a precipice have no control over their movements, nor can they stop or slacken their pace when once started […] So, also, the mind, when it has abandoned itself to anger, love, or any other passion, is unable to check itself: its own weight and the downward tendency of vices must needs carry the man off and hurl him into the lowest depth."

[@VioletEmerald]

I relate to OP but instead of what sounds like an abusive rageful father in their case, I had a rageful abusive mom. Anger terrifies me in others and i avoid feeling it in myself.

[@jake_with_the_BIG_snake]

same!

[@xxxthwagdrakexxx4672]

Same, idk what to do with myself because of all of the parts of life I missed out on paying for others mistakes. Their anger fucked us mentally

[@jake_with_the_BIG_snake]

@@xxxthwagdrakexxx4672 i feel you, i got some kind of PTSD from that.environment. i joined a 12 step program for adult children of alcoholics (ACA). It's been around 2years now and i finally feel like things are starting to shift in a big way. Wish I had done it years ago but didn't know about it. Also found a therapist that works a lot with breath work, a bit like WIM Hof and i get assistance with feeling my own anger which is very helpful.

[@VioletEmerald]

I'm 32 years old and finally feel like I've found so many resources and so much education that helps with healing including a million Dr. K videos. Dr. Patrick Teahan on here is one of the best. Also my therapist is like the 9th one I've ever tired seeing and gladly i genuinely feel like this therapy is helping me. It's not just random talk therapy, it's TIR traumatic incident reduction sessions which are evidence based and really work. I've been seeing my therapist for 11 months and doing a lot of TIR work for maybe 8 months. My mom had untreated, severe, mental health problems. She had BPD and was an alcoholic but it was more than that and hard to figure out what exactly was causing what. When i was 29, almost 30, she died. I was estranged from her for about 12 years since my 18th birthday. When i wss 31, a psychiatrist i was finally seeing for undiagnosed ADHD highlighted my mom was clearly narcissistic in a covert narcissism kind of way and i should watch Dr. Ramani's videos on KZbin maybe. Some of her older/most basic/most popular videos truly are amazing. My mom had narcissistic rage and was so severely damaged by her own childhood. I'm not a parent yet and neither is my only sibling. We're healing as much as we can FIRST before having kids and will not be perpetuating this cycle. And it's an empowering thing to realize. Cutting off contact with her was so necessary for our well being.

[@farfa2937]

Normal people: Don't want to be angry. People who live by the Sith Code: *I don't have such weaknesses.*

[@mattisvov]

Yeah I'm working on my anger a lot now. Most of the tips in this video I had figured out on my own, but it's still a comfort to hear someone talk about it.

[@lastround2357]

"for the years it went on did you feel sorry?" i'm so emotional over that line, i wanna cry

[@REDsWALL]

I have immense gratitude for your work Dr k. You done did it again! The subject of anger being the most frowned upon emotion is much over due. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for sharing your perspective. ❤️💕❤️💕

[@go_better]

Thanks a lot, Dr. K. You are doing great work to help other people.

[@durandus676]

I’ve been in situations where I can’t use anger like I could as a kid too shut down uncomfortable or unfair situations, or ones based on childhood trauma and I just shut out. It’s really easy too be angry, it’s been easier learning how to use anger to fuel conviction or other ways too deal with situations. I’m working on being angry on my own then using the steam to actually get things done. Still working on it. I’ve spent the last few years just being passively angry and learning how to use that energy has been such a relief.

[@jnlopez97]

I couldn’t even put into words how much this podcast has helped me mature mentally, emotionally, even spiritually. It could almost bring me to tears thinking about all this has done for me. All I can say is, thank you.

[@TheCof6656]

I moved out as soon as I could... Thank you for your kind words about all of us who had to deal with abusive parents or other caretakers. It moved me to tears to hear you speak with sympathy for us - and me. I'm not used to that. My eyes peed a little. Thank you.

[@RagingInsomniac]

teaching people to suppress their emotions will always end up badly. every time i hear someone say "why are you so angry what did we do" it just makes me want to put their head on a spike. it feels like some form of gaslighting when youre legitimately angry about something, and someone says that.

[@alejrandom6592]

As I heard you read the post I kept thinking "damn, OP already did half the work". Beautifully worded.

[@Nynkx]

I've made a lot of changes to try and overall be a nicer character because I am a very blunt person and even when I was expressing things lightly, I've been told that I can be a bit mean or unpleasant. however not that long ago, someone close to me said that they felt I was too aggressive when dealing with our problems and it also felt like I was annoyed with them frequently as well. Because of this, I had to really think about why I was angry and how to reduce the aggression, as that was the only solution and I honestly felt like an above average level of control was what they needed. Long story short is that my view is that yes I can do better to not use caps or swear when I'm frustrated but in every frustrated discussion we had, they were needing something from me, and just being unhappy about it when I didn't provide or change. I realised that frustration/anger/annoyance like all emotions are there for a reason and there to look out for you. It's an emotion for getting your ass into gear and confronting problems and protecting the things that are important to you. I was frustrated because the discussions essentially felt like non negotiable changes to me and my life, they just weren't able to understand and would push harder. Although I can and will try to be nicer still I don't think I responded unreasonably, and whenever they did something small that I didn't like even though there were only a handful of things that really bothered me, I would only ever complain a bit and then move on. So when this person talked about feeling like I was always annoyed and never happy with them or too aggressive. I tried to explain that I honestly felt like the takeaway is to try and stop doing the things to me that I would obviously be uncomfortable with and feel a little annoyed at because I believe those emotions are also there to naturally communicate that you need to back off or change whatever you just did or there will be larger confrontation. I don't think that idea ever got through though. Point is yeah, anger is there for a couple of good reasons, only thing you gotta do is really think about why you're feeling it and make sure that it's reasonable and that your response emotionally, mentally and physically. are proportionate to the amount of reasonable anger for the sitaution.

[@Joltaru]

I REAAALLLY needed this one omg. I've been afraid of anger as an emotion my whole life, and was taught to just put my head down. Thanks so much!!

[@kolinaspronok]

Anger shall only be used for resolve. I love anger because for me it makes me clear and direct with my issues and those around me. It's like the key to the door of society to me. I unleash my true thoughts about the certain problem with no regrets. But I'm very well informed that in many situations it's not a fine tool to use, but It's just that - a tool.

[@nnarcus]

that bit about awareness of the anger reminded my being hangry... Sometimes you're hangry and don't really notice it so you're kind of flamy, while sometimes you DO notice it and suddently it's just a different mood.

[@mindinmotion4615]

The best way I've found to deal with someone else's anger is to get angry back at them. Only this needs experience and courage to discover what is the right amount of anger. The response needs to extinguishes the other person's anger and does not increase it. A lot of people in my life have turned from enemies to good friends that way. Sometimes when a person meets anger back, he actually feels seen and reflected. If I tell him to go take a walk and relax, he will feel that I am cold and indifferent and will only get angrier. I too had an abusive father and I was afraid of my own and other people's anger. So I know it's not intuitive or easy.

[@Drax9697]

“Anger doesn’t take all the way to the end” That’s why I love Berserk, I mean this dude is practically angry 90% of the time and it helps him to fight literally everything and everyone, and I love how you said no one ows anyone forgiveness. That sounds much more reasonable than *you have to forgive*

[@hkab6763]

I've always had the opinion that anger is a sign that someone needs attention. Something is wrong, and it has to be addressed. At least that's (ideally) my immediate reaction whenever family members / someone very close to me gets angry. The power dynamic is the really hard part, when it is difficult for a child to stand up to their angry parent who deep down is only hurt and is unable to process that they even are. A child can be scared for life by this, and really damage their growth and potential. And that makes me angry too..

[@86sweetasarose]

Thank you for these videos, I’m an adult child dealing with wanting to have a healthy relationship with anger as I grew up with addict parents and wasn’t shown healthy displays of how to deal with anger and how it can harm relationships

[@ic7846]

Powerlessness is often the source of my frustration which causes anger

[@JLchevz]

I used to get biblically angry. Turns out my dad always got angry (freaking ironic) with me for being angry. He used to think that me being angry meant that he did something wrong or that I was making him "feel bad" with my anger. Not surprisingly I tried to not show any anger but when I showed it, things got broken, people got punched, and it was way worse than just accepting my small anger when things I didn't like happened.

[@stevensmith8566]

I always find your videos when im going thru the exact problems you cover. I find that my hardest time dealing with anger is working in customer service though because i can make the connection as to why i am angry because customers can be awful to workers but we arent allowed to express those feelings or address those feelings because we have to be professional. People have called me every name in the book, thrown drinks at me, forced me to cry and scream and i dont really know how to address that kind of anger without losing my job

[@emjhendrickson8290]

Wow it is so refreshing to hear someone say "no one is owed forgiveness. " my entire life most people have been telling me to forgive my dad. I've tried several times and even apologized to him for distancing myself. I hate myself f for doing that. I felt like i sold out. Now I'm realizing that i did it out of peer pressure instead of an actual desire to forgive. I think it boils down to trust. This person has hurt me enough in various situations that i don't see a reason to expect anything else... it's funny cuz now that he's had heart surgery he's finally apologized for something but its way off from the real reason i don't like him. He's like immune to actually seeing what i see. I'm glad i don't have to give into peer pressure or shallow advice. I can focus on myself and choose my own path without guilt.

[@toms6361]

Mis notas (siga bajando nomas): Las emociones existen por una razón, son mecanismos útiles que perduraron por ser una ventaja evolutiva La ira es una emoción diferente en el sentido de que no está bien vista por la sociedad (es como la emoción del mal), por eso es común que la gente intente suprimirla, de esa supresión surgen los ataques de ira descontrolados.

[@chris1549]

This is very insightful. I as a person tend to hsve angry outbursts, and they've always been suppressed so I struggle a bit. My mom has horrible outbursts. I've been learning to drive, and about a month ago I had a massive fight with her in the car. I'm still quite alow when getting onto the brakes, and my mom gets nervous VERY fast in the car. She will just try take control. Anyways I jad a massive fight and it turned into "you never listen to me. You ALWAYS have an excuse or an argument" but what she's perceiving and argument I'm perceiving as information thst is useful to her. "I have a bsd reaction time, so I'm slow on the breakes mom". She will reply "DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. Whrn I say something you do it". This is made worse by the fact that I HATE being dictated to. I HATE it. And my mom alwwys dictates and controls. She never tries to talk about it. It's really frustrating. I got to school and broke down crying that day. Well right there I just had a small sti t of anger because I was thinking about my mom bring so fucking controlling over everything. That's my story IG Am I in an unfair power dynamic?

[@SHOVEIT]

This made clear to me that I am always scared to make others angry... It was so obvious yet I didn't realise

[@thetuckcanon]

What you said about how to deal with other peoples anger hit home for me. Thanks for the book recommendation.

[@MaeV808]

A core memory was of me and my brother crying in bed bc my dad was leaving for work (Army). His response was anger. I remember being sushed/slapped and told to stop crying. As an adult I realize he was raised by a very patriarchal family that viewed being emotional as weak/unstable/dramatic. Ironically his side of the family are some of the most emotionally unbalanced people I know.

[@lolocorona1643]

Dr k ,thank you for all this free information that you are providing us .I’m an immigrant ; I came to this country to live a better live and I stayed at my uncle’s home ,it should be noted that my parents gave him and his wife a ton of money ,so I could stay in their house.I’m in a particular situation because I know they are exploiting me ,but it feels weird because I’m also thankful they took me in their home but at what cost , I truly feel disrepected with things they have done to me ;thanks to you now i know what i should do with my anger. Thank you for helping us getting through the tough times

[@hiltonbates7015]

I like to think of forgiveness as one of the greatest tools we can use to reward somebody for putting effort into changing their behaviour. Chances are if they really feel shame and remorse, forgiveness can strengthen a relationship more than any physical reward ever could. That being said, I agree with you. Nobody deserves forgiveness and it should not be given out lightly. Forgiveness is a gift and a privilege.

[@captainzork6109]

One thing which I find interesting is that via music anger is actually accepted as a cool vibe to celebrate. Often it's vindictive anger, too

[@obliclinks5822]

The timing with your videos is always so on point it's almost scary. Thanks for discussing this topic.

[@rahulvpoojari905]

So True

[@RooKangaRoo]

That’s because you’re like me: Checking his page everyday, all day, until the Dr. K Serotonin drops.

[@Violet-rv1fv]

This is your simulation.

[@UroborosB]

I can't say anything more than thank you, I really appreciate this. With every video you upload I learn more things about myself and the others. You're the best, I wish this kind of content were in my native language, tbh this is one of the best KZbin channels regarding mental health.

[@ReubenAStern]

Kinda glad you brought up love. It's actually very dangerous. It's a catalyst for all the other emotions too.

[@alainerookkitsunev5605]

Absolutelly. Some of the most evil things done by humans are done doing the "right" thing, the "compassionate" thing. Anger is honesty and pure emotion. But it needs to be more harnessed, anger is a good companion but a bad master.

[@d.e.v.z.e.r.o]

Long story short: as you already described it in the end, the emotion of anger has the issue that it is affecting other people negatively. Sadness and such is a emotion that is not damaging others.

[@camronchlarson3767]

I've always bottled up my anger for as long as I can remember which leads to explosions of anger at the worst possible times. The only time I was ever fired from a job was because I was working door to door sales, everyone was treating me like crap and I finally exploded on this old man who slammed the door in my face before I could get a word out. I stood there and cussed him out through his closed door. I was so angry I stopped thinking and couldn't control myself. Unfortunately he grabbed the card I was going to leave on his door knob with my information on it so he called the company and reported what I did and I was fired the following week.

[@DavidZobristGames]

Literally 2 hours after listening to this, I rushed around a door to quick, the key in the door stabbed me in the side. I was getting angry I kicked the door and yelled at it. I am not going to apologize, that door deserved what it got, teaming up with the stupid key.

[@Hassan-zw9tb]

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it. - seneca

[@disjunction66]

I dislike anger partly because it can be contagious. For example, Dr. K getting angry on behalf of his patients got me thinking of things that made me angry in the past. So I was disappointed when the video cut out the meditation at the end.

[@americajocelyn1035]

Thank you so much for your videos, really I appreciate your opinions❤

[@krzmaciek6010]

As always, great video. Thank you!

[@ken90017]

Give the next anger level talk pls. Anger as a motivational tool

[@kailinsun6182]

I seriously recommend watching Angry Birds the Movie. A rare example of a movie which shows anger as a healthy emotion.

[@KxNOxUTA]

You speak for me and it warms my heart that someone is angry for me out there. Because I can't quite afford that yet. Obviously, for myself in my safe-ish corner, yes.

[@jorgefernandocho7824]

I've been having anger issues with someone close, and, boy, may I say it may have been one of the best videos I have seen on the matter! Thanks a lot, dr. K. Keep up the good work

[@bike4aday]

Every feeling is okay to feel. The problem arises when we do not see clearly what is happening and thus react to the feeling or act it out unconsciously. When this happens it becomes like a program that takes over control instead of just something to experience and let be.