Is The Narcissist Harming Your Health? (Causing Chronic Pain, Autoimmune Disorders or Fibromyalgia)

[@djnquire]

I had so many ailments that i couldnt explain. Body pain, headaches, rashes, ED and a horrible memory

[@Hennaqueenbee]

This is absolutely true! I'm 39, had an abusive childhood and got married at 18 to my soon to be ex husband only 1 week after meeting him. NO KIDDING! I was so desperate to escape my dysfunctional family that I ignored all of the red flags. Needless to say, I married a narcissist. We've been married for 21 years and it was only about 6 years ago that I began to see my relationship for what it was. It was my unfortunate mental and physical collapse that finally opened my eyes. I've been bombarded with multiple health issues that I know we're caused by the abuse. I have degenerative disc disease, PCOS and fibroids which lead to a complete hysterectomy, heart palpitations, osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, muscle spasms, restless leg syndrome,IBS, ulcers, chronic pain, migraines, severe hair loss, (female) insomnia, anxiety, depression so on. Also, one of my biggest health issues that I have, wasn't initially caused by the abuse, but it was made so much worse by it. I had a hernia repair 15 years ago as a result of 2 c-section and sadly, but not surprisingly, I didn't get any support or care while I was supposed to be recovering. I'd ask him for help and it always resulted in a fight or being gaslighted. I was expected to bounce back and remember countless times I would silently cry while trying to do the things I normally did plus take care of 3 young children. I've had 8 hernia repairs total and currently have another one, all because he made me feel so badly about myself that I'd rather take the physical pain than the emotional pain. Going through this kind of abuse is the hardest thing I've ever been through, but ironically, I am grateful for it. After completely collapsing, I was literally fighting for my life and had no other choice but to put myself first for the first time in my life. The abuse I suffered as a child was so damaging that I didn't think I deserved anything better and i didn't stand up for myself at all. It took decades of abuse to finally see myself as a good person who deserves to be treated right, and I was finally able to forgive myself and shed the shame. I'm grateful because if I didn't go through this, I might not have ever found and fought for my true self and would have lived my entire life shackled to the anger, pain, guilt and shame, that was my burden to carry. I refuse to let anyone dim my light again. I refuse to let someone change and harden my heart. I filed for divorce at the beginning of the year, and if all goes well, it will be finalized by the end of August. I choose to forgive but never forget, and gratitude made that possible for me. My intention is to focus on me and discover who I am outside of my past relationships and experiences. Just me, myself and I. For the first time in my life, I know what I deserve. I'm currently in the eye of the storm, but I know the peace and calm that follows is waiting for me on the other side. My heart goes out to anyone who has been affected by any kind of abuse. you are far more powerful than you think and you'll get through this. Peace and love.

[@Edinah55]

What a beautiful sharing, thank you! I can relate, I only realised now that all that chronic pain, inflammation stems from emotional abuse. ❤

[@butterflytotem]

Thank you for sharing so vulnerability and beautifully Amber. I feel very identified and only recently learnt about the link between my chronic health issues and the narcissist abuse. It's so difficult because we love each other very much, and he's working on his patterns which his slowly realising. But my pain still increases every time there's a big trigger and my nervous system is very dysregulated. So even though I'm hopeful that perhaps we can still heal together, or I can heal within the relationship, I can't help but wonder if in order to heal we need to be apart. I lost my ability to work several years ago and I'm economically dependent on him now, which also makes it very tricky. And I'm doing so many kinds of therapies with the intention to recover my health and my autonomy, before I decide anything... But I don't know if its going to work. Anyways, thanks for reading. You're story is like a warning and very inspiring to me. Many blessings your way and all the best in your recovery 😃🙏💜

[@shaylenegrekul628]

Diagnosed at 15 with Fibromyalgia, then Endometriosis, then Rheumatoid Arthritis in my late 20's, Pericarditis of the heart, Interstitial Cystitis, and Migraines. I believe that both of my parents are Narcissistic. The damage is ongoing as I try to navigate relationships with them as an adult. Finally realizing that the pain is stemming from the mental trauma Ive been dealing with my entire life.

[@remaininganonymous4129]

I have allergies to almost everything, I was brought up by narcissists. When I started dating a narcissist they got sooo much worse. Eczema, chronic aches, feeling like I can't get out of bed, food sensitivities, constipation or constantly going to the toilet.. Grinding teeth, clenching jaw.. It goes on. I've had breaks from narcissists and felt sooo much better but as soon as I'm back around then it starts again. Fascinating but frustrating. Thank you for sharing this Caroline, I'm sure you're helping so many ❤️

[@melissasills579]

Multiple autoimmune disease processes. Celiac disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and lupus. Depression and anxiety. That marriage, took my health from me... I'm slowly trying to get it back

[@Canaday291]

I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, autoimmune disorder, was constantly sick with Stress, , anxiety, and depression from the ptsd the malignant narcissist alcoholic I thankfully divorced caused . I was constantly in fight ,flight , freeze,hyper vigilant mode. And of course whenever I was sick or needed his support and any empathy he would abuse me further , belittle,neglect and turn his back on me more , weaponize what he caused against me He should come with a warning label that says WARNING he is dangerous to your health.

[@susanotway7875]

Totally get this Caroline. I suffer with chronic back pain. I have done a lot of research on causes etc and sadly have come to the conclusion that living with a covert narcissist has caused my problem. I really regret that I didn't leave years ago..The pain started about 7 years ago - the slow drip of low level abuse finally caught up with me. I have been married for 37 years. Yes 37 years! The body certainly keeps the score. I am now 70. Wish I'd left years ago but stuck my marriage out for the sake of my children who have grown up and left home.Thank you for all that you do Caroline. Best wishes to anyone suffering as a result of narcissist abuse. So many health professionals don't understand how narcissist behaviour can impact one's health...

[@aleksandramakuch5133]

Don’t feel bad Susan. I did it for 30. When you’re under the spell, you don’t know. The best I can describe it is you wake up one day as if you no longer have any patience to put up with this horseshit, you just blow inside at something nominal and you don’t care anymore; you feel something is really off. So, I subconsciously stayed in it until the boys became adults. I think devoted mothers do that. Except in my case, my narc turned the boys against me. We end up being so much stronger no matter what they put in front of us. It’s only been four months but I am surviving it all. How do you put the two together abt back pain and trauma from him? What kind of a narcissist was he? What was his biggest treatment pattern towards you?

[@susanotway7875]

@@aleksandramakuch5133 Thanks Aleksandra! Seeing a physio who deals with pain caused by low level trauma set me on a road of discovery. I looked at the work of the late John Sarno and so much was explained. It's the lack of empathy, affection and sarcastic remarks that made me realise my partner has narcissist tendencies. Still living with it but surviving!

[@aleksandramakuch5133]

@@susanotway7875 Susan, I assume that at this point you are staying in it for financial convenience and are learning to cope with it. I have lost my professional confidence and I am currently not employed but I have a goal to be employed and happy by the end of the year. Taking the summer and early fall to heal and enjoy on a very low income, but happy to do it, as I never pursued alimony and finished the marriage quicker so I’d be free sooner.

[@susanotway7875]

@@aleksandramakuch5133 Yes, staying for financial reasons is one reason why I am still here. Also, don't know if I have the confidence to 'go it alone.' I also have visions of turning into a nutty old lady! Thanks for your message.

[@aleksandramakuch5133]

Susan, trust me you ARE strong enough to do it. I did it and despite the boys being turned against me and no job just yet, I’m better and better each day. It will give you the true freedom, you can’t feel that when you’re in it and continue to live it. Where do you live? I’m in SC

[@ongbaklegends]

For what it's worth... 6 years into relationship with my covert narcissist ex, I was diagnosed with very severe reactive arthritis. Thankfully recovered 1yr later, but still get flares. There is an excellent book called The Body Keeps the Score which I recommend, goes into far more depth. Still learning about this stuff, 1.5 yrs out of an abusive relationship / marriage and recovering...

[@amberjacobs4417]

I have been the sickest I have ever been this past year and half with him.. already was disabled with severe stomach issues from growing up with a narc mother and mental health... As soon as I had some space I did get better... Had to cut off bc I could no longer function and just got over having shingles at forty bc of stress. Literally he preferred me sick in the bed bc " at least he felt loved then". That right there with all I needed to hear and all I need to remember for the rest of my life. I was willing to do fentanyl due to the extreme pain and if I died, more peace for me. He actually ended up ODing and I had to narcan him back from the dead.. if I would have known I don't know if I would have saved him and that makes me feel horrible, but pushed too far.

[@thisisnoam]

Seems to be overlooked when talking about the physical health effects from narc & emotional abuse, but there are many other health issues that come from high cortisol production. For me: rapid weight gain (hypothyroidism), complete lack of energy- like going up the stairs I'm out of breath, skin rashes/issues, digestive problems, high blood pressure and eventually found out I developed severe sleep apnoea. From these come a whole new host of complications long term. The trouble with high cortisol levels is that it hinders the body from doing what a victim of narc or emotional abuse need to be doing to heal. You have no energy, not able to loose weight, your body is in a state of shock and nothing functions the way it needs to. Over time, it throws the rest of your endocrine system out of balance. Inflammation starts and then the rest follows. I never had any of these health issues before and my physical health really hit rock bottom toward the end and part of the reason I left. My health issues are an endless cycle where healing one, requires fixing the other. For example, fixing apnoea- you need to loose weight- high cortisol levels - no chance you are going to loose weight even on highly controlled diet and when you're completely fatigued. To fix high cortisol and other issues, you need to sleep and avoid stress- with sleep apnoea, you simply don't get into REM state where the body actually does the healing and resetting work. All this happens when you're at your lowest emotionally, battling a trauma bond and in most cases, failing at life in general, struggling with the injustice of the whole experience, confusion etc and you're completely isolated. For anyone reading and going through this, the light is bright and you'll get through both the emotional and physical effects of emotional and narc abuse. You will heal.

[@brandiihouchin1774]

Yes, RA and Scleroderma. It's such a HUGE learning curve to recognize how my body was storing other's behavior. Thank you for your info!! It's been incredibly helpful.

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

Certainly is 😘

[@audreylonsinger2678]

I have multiple sclerosis and fibromyalgia. Been suffering with chronic pain around 15 years. I started with a covert narcissist mother who all but destroyed me. Then getting on my feet met the worst malignant narcissist partner. I was hit from both sides guess! Truly horrible. It was not until a few years ago I was free. Free and did not know how to process anything. I get everything you are saying here❤️

[@gg-lc5of]

I have chronic back pain ever since i met my narc. I have fatigue and sleep problems from dealing with the abuse and manipulation. I think this is fibromyalgia. Hoping for a positive outcome and recovery

[@canderson4712]

Yes, I have RA, Fibromyalgia, Sjogren's Syndrome, and a slew of other conditions and symptoms that have spiraled out of the RA and Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed at age 33 and I'm 40 now.

[@delaney5721]

I’m out of the relationship but I developed chronic pain after I left and still have it it’s been 6 years since then

[@MorganaHisBeloved]

I needed this soooo bad! I've been hearing there is a connection. I've been going through emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse and neglect the past 5 years and I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia 3 years ago, and other health complications I didn't have before.

[@MorganaHisBeloved]

I also had a traumatic childhood and had verbal and physical abuse growing up even sexual but I have forgive them and healing.

[@motionmuse5684]

I had that with Him and then started a horrible job that I got stuck in needing the money because he wouldn't help me so I had to stay and I became very sick. Trying to heal now that I'm going my own way from him and trying to quit this job in the next 30 days.

[@plumbaby483]

I have fibro and it took a few years but between my mental health provider and my PCP, we believe that it was triggered by extreme childhood trauma and then a long marriage that had a lot of mental abuse. It was hard to accept at first because it felt like they were saying it is all in your head but after some time to adjust I was able to start putting in the work in therapy and over the last few years my pain has improved so much and I'm almost completely off my medications for it.

[@elizabethhoward6349]

I've been diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder. Struggling for 7 year's now. Was born into a severe domestic abuse environment. And as much as I have been successful in careers. I married a similar man and the abuse continued. Got the strength to break from him with help from the police. I need to heal

[@keelymarrs2993]

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year. I “coparent” with a malignant narcissist. The pain began when the relationship began. I also have Graves’ disease. Also have PTSD from military sexual trauma. Lyrica, prazosin and methocarbonal, cognitive behavioral based therapy works for me. But knowing I’m not alone helps my mind sort out my behavior around the narcissist. Thank you!

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

So sorry to hear this and sending healing. Don’t suffer in your own 😘

[@marzenagrabias9896]

Yes, narcisistic abuse from my father, then my husband triggered cortisol response, now I have fibromyalgia, ibs, rheumatoid arthritis

[@tonijones-patterson5684]

Crohm disease and high blood pressure. From a 24 relationship and childhood trauma from family

[@TheErraticCollector]

I married a narcissist. I suffered for 25 years with nerves. Bells Palsy, Irtecharia, Fybromyalgia. I blamed myself. I put myself 100% into my family. As my kids got older, my narcisstic husband past on his disrespect of me onto my kids. I was fascilitating them by running the home whilst they all took university degrees. I proudly put all their graduation photos on the wall in a row. One day I realised that they were all living their lives whilst looking down on me as some inferior being. When I said I was leaving, they all told me I was mad. I was suicidal. I slept for a whole year trying to recover. I haven't seen my grown children for 6 years. My ex cut off all communication. I stupidly accepted a divorce which tied me to him in spousal maintenance. 10 years later and I still can't escape from him or move on with my life. I live in a twilight world and feel dead inside. I have lived over half my life in abject misery because I married a narcissist and there is no escape from his control

[@mandybennett1629]

I was diagnosed with a brain tumour in January. I’m now convinced it’s due to having narcissistic parents and a narcissistic husband. Just wish I’d realised sooner, and I now need to prevent these three people doing the same to my kids.

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

So sorry to hear this. Sending healing ❤️‍🩹

[@revheimliliam1305]

, I am suffering with chronic pain, osteogenesis imperfecta was my diagnosed

[@revheimliliam1305]

Thanks

[@alir2777]

I'm struggling so badly. I've been watching your videos and everything u say I can relate to. I left my home with narcissist husband 6 months ago. It was scary and became dangerous when I was trying to leave. The first few months I felt good and strong I had boundaries but the hovering was still manipulating my mind. Once he figured out I wasn't going back or doing what he wanted, the abuse started again and it's back to overwhelming me every day. I feel horrible physically and mentally. I've been I counseling and I feel like all we do is talk about the drama of the week and I'm not doing anything to heal. How do I get the professional help so I can heal for myself and my kids?? I can't keep going like this

[@josiejackson1677bopbjjosh]

I'm going to be honest after reading these comments I feel like I might as well fall off into the abyss,seems like these people run through you and they get to go on with they're lives while we continue to suffer forever smh!!!!!

[@annikadjurberg6762]

How would this relate to a codependent passive aggresive ....

[@heidirojas8388]

At this time I have stopped talking with my family who has gaslighted me and minimized some very scary things that took place in my childhood. I just couldn’t take them shoving things under the rug anymore so it’s been 2 weeks going no contact. They all have tried reaching out and I’ve ignored there attempts. But I am experiencing major fatigue all of a sudden. And now also questioning whether my boyfriend is a narcissist. I can’t see whether or not. It’s a blur coming out of all this. Any input by chance?

[@Alexandra-xj7gs]

I suffered and still suffer from IBS and ovarian cysts after my 8 year relationship with my ex narcissist. It took me a long time to put the jigsaw together and see how my trauma was linked to my illnesses. I had never suffered before!! I’m slightly better now as I’ve been out for 5 years but I’m still not right.

[@CarolineStrawsonHealing]

Sending so much healing and this first start is AWARENESS 😘

[@RissaMarie401]

If he touches me to much my muscles hurt so bad.

[@daisyh8481]

Her delivery is too fast and too loud…yuk

[@revheimliliam1305]

Traim aea him Osteogenesis.perfecta and Cataracts. Our relationship can be resumed in that's aee knew how to do, abdnowse failed ..yes, all he knew and themedical license denied because he had suicidal ideations, and he said I had to be a professional, a lawyer and now cortysol and cirtusone created a traumabond, he made my legs shake forcing me to go to idefir him