Is Therapy Speak...Gaslighting Us?

The Philosophy of Therapy Speak
Therapy-speak is the byproduct of increased comfort with mental health language, but has it gone too far? What’s going on when we over-use therapy speak, and what does it mean on a philosophical and sociological level? What's more, are we losing sight of bigger societal problems when we get too obsessed with “gaslighting" and "self care?" Let’s find out in this Wisecrack Edition: Is Therapy-Speak Driving Us Nuts?
Support us on Patreon! ► / wisecrack
Join this channel to get access to perks ► / @wisecrackedu
=== Watch More Episodes! ===
Therapy Can't Fix Everything ► • Therapy Can't Fix Ever...
Adult Animation: Why Cartoons Make Great Therapy ► • Adult Animation: Why C...
The Real Reason No One Has Friends Anymore ► • The Real Reason No One...
Written by Rachel Van Nes
Hosted by Michael Burns
Directed by Michael Luxemburg
Edited by Andrew Nishimura
Produced by Olivia Redden
Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound
#therapy #philosophy #wisecrack
© 2023 Wisecrack / Omnia Media, Inc. / Enthusiast Gaming

[@ML-di8lt]

As a therapist, I was hoping you would go into the weaponization of therapy speak, such as people using "toxic" when they really are just trying to excuse bullying someone

[@MrAnimeluver]

This

[@jamalhartley5863]

Oh do you mean when someone accusess someone of being toxic?

[@lamario]

​@@jamalhartley5863I believe she is talking about not being kind to someone because you're accusing them of being toxic.

[@Ulitmatemuffin]

I started telling old “friends” I didn’t like how they treated me sometimes and they got upset with me and essentially started accusing me of using my therapy as a weapon to dictate people’s behavior. I think the condescending language they often used towards me was mean and I think pointing that out made them upset and uncomfortable. “Why don’t you like it when we joke around with you? [other person] never gets mad and can just brush it off? 🤨🤪”. They also told me no one gives a fk about my mental health struggles which really hurt considering they were people who I considered close friends and knew for 12 years…

[@jamalhartley5863]

@@lamario oh okay yeah that makes sense

[@HipsterLumberjack]

I feel like a big outcome of therapy speak is that it leads people to say, "anyone could be traumatized or neurodivergent, including me, so people should be considerate of me" but they never apply that to how they treat others and say, "anyone could be traumatized or neurodivergent, including you, so I should be considerate of you"

[@silvercakes]

But this isn't a problem with therapy speak at all. This is self-centeredness, which is nothing new.

[@Celatra]

yeah i actually have witnessed this in action. i got told by a person i hope my friends leave me and that i have no future and that my gf breaks up with me, all because i criticized their procedures and behaviors as a discord mod

[@HylianFox3]

There's definitely a lot of "I am unique and special, everyone else is worthless" going around...

[@OversoulGaming]

Not enough people living by the do no harm but take no s*** rule. That's the problem. Too many people seek to do harm. The phrase treat others how you want to be treated is outdated. Instead we should be following treat others how THEY prefer to be treated

[@GreebusBleeb]

@@silvercakes yeah it's nothing new, this is just the newest excuse for it. In some cases. Overall I'm happy that the language of mental health is becoming more common but it's definitely misused as a convenient label or way to other someone.

[@razvangrelus5664]

you should also make a video about corporate talk. I swear to God I literally cannot have normal conversations with any person in mid to late 20's anymore because I feel like I am speaking with either a HR manager or an annoyin team lead.

[@WisecrackEDU]

We have a video kind of like this coming out very soon.

[@AbhilashPotharaju]

I saw a Twitter thread recently on how to set OKRs for your relationship with your spouse and it ruined my entire day

[@jwomackandcheese73]

My guy are you not on that sigma male grindset? Sounds like beta energy. No for real, the finance bros are exhausting...

[@WisecrackEDU]

@@Snake369 Way too much baseball. There is a good scene in an episode of The Office where Jan teaches all the women sports terms so they can understand what the corporate bros are saying.

[@BenutzerWalter]

​@@Snake369 you know, I never realized this. I looked up some lists of corporate jargon (including one with only baseball metaphors that's way too long) and realized how much of this is stuff that I use regularly. It's just what I've always heard my entire life. There are a few of these that I've actively avoided using _because_ of corporations using them but not many of them.

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

As an abuse survivor with CPTSD, words like abuser, gaslight, narcissist, and the like get misused so much. The dilution of those terms does harm to the conversation around mental health and abuse. In addition, both my abusers learned the psych terms to weaponize them against me.

[@xyz-jv9df]

Ooooh that happened to me too. . . So sorry. . . I hope you are in a better place now

[@drd0114]

It also didn't help that we had a textbook malignant narcissist for a president and supporters who resonate with his behavior or adopt his behaviors as their own. He brought public awareness of it into the spotlight, while reopening old childhood wounds in some of us.

[@Skarry]

I feel you. You deserve better and I hope you're finding it.

[@659dude]

CPTSD is also not an officially recognized mental illness. So you contribute to the problem.

[@leeprice133]

​​@@659dude this is false. CPTSD isn't currently included in the DSM but is included in ICD-11 and is recognised as a diagnosis by multiple major psychiatric care providers.

[@Relesy]

BetterHelp preys on people’s pain and then doesn’t even provide quality therapy, and takes people’s money. They spend so much money on advertising it’s insane. And they call patients “customers”. Not to mention they sold people’s private health information. There were so many people that were worse off after using the app.

[@joshzirkel2127]

Wasn't Wisecrack sponsored by BetterHelp?

[@Relesy]

@@joshzirkel2127 Yes they were haha. It’s unfortunate they haven’t apologized for this mistake directly and instead simply talk about the predatory behaviors of these unnamed companies.

[@christofthedead]

I had mixed results with BetterHelp, the same as any other mental health service provider. When you employ that number of therapists, the odds of every single one being compatible with every potential client is obviously low. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to write off an entire company for something that is statistically inevitable, or for spending money on advertising. Under a capitalist economy, all patients are "customers." Blaming one company for the consequences of a global economic system seems like a good way to make yourself angrier, if that's what you're going for.

[@catsmom129]

@@christofthedead The thing that bugged me is that they chose the therapist. I couldn’t do an advanced for a specific topic or modality. Maybe some people feel that simplifies the search, but I didn’t like my agency taken away like that. I’m glad it helps some people though.

[@Relesy]

@@christofthedead lmao, you do realize they’re under fire from the FTC for selling private health data? They also don’t quality check any of their “therapists”. Why the hell would anyone stick up for such a shady company?

[@HaloJumper7]

Is Wisecrack lovebombing us with all this quality content or am I being gaslit into believing so?

[@autumnrain7626]

As an empath, I have to say that it really feels like you're just projecting right now.

[@donaldmokgale3123]

😂😂 i think it's definitely the former

[@michaelhastie6831]

Nah, it's good food.

[@thoughtfuldevil6069]

As somebody actually diagnosed with autism it's good to see somebody finally addressing this, especially when 'On the spectrum' gets thrown around like a cow in a tornado.

[@WisecrackEDU]

People are way too reckless with throwing "on the spectrum" around.

[@crossdressfet-ish]

I'm autistic and even I do that we won't truly know the ranges til neurology becomes commercially mainstream I.e neuro tests at home

[@Darkflowerchyld718]

I was diagnosed back in the dark ages, AKA 1994. I never in my wildest dreams thought Autism would EVER become so mainstream. In my youth I often found myself wishing regular society even knew the word autism let alone understand me... And now we're here where every other person I interact with is "on the spectrum" and still I feel just as isolated and misunderstood as I did back then. It brings to mind one of my favorite quotes "when all of your wishes are granted many of your dreams will be destroyed".

[@ianmiller6798]

Same. At some point it made me worry that the spectrum was too broad

[@jskrabac]

As a cow currently in a tornado, that triggers me.

[@RecklessFables]

The notion of " Concept Creep" happens for a lot of professions that have their own jargon.

[@sc065]

Schroedinger's "whatever-funny-lol-meme-I-can-think-of" comes to mind.

[@headecas]

Gender is the perfect example

[@dielaughing73]

It's bound to happen, as concepts filter into public consciousness

[@RiC_David]

@@headecas It isn't though, gender is not a profession. You've shoe-horning some unrelated grievances here, they're talking about the over-generalised application of industry specific terms and concepts.

[@swordigosung994]

I mean, language evolves, it itself isn't necessary a bad thing.

[@toysoldiernerio7172]

I think this is a bigger issue than people realize and im glad someone as big as wisecrack is talking about it.

[@degla232]

Its cringe how he framed it like its a problem of "neoliberalism". Instead of therapy talk he is using politics talk. He seems the one who dosent understand how the mind works.

[@anothenymously7054]

​@@degla232 you seem to not understand how the collective mind works

[@degla232]

@@anothenymously7054 ?

[@jfkst1]

​@@degla232 It's inseparable from modern progressives. A mentally ill society is a neoliberal society.

[@lordblazer]

@@degla232 it is a problem of neoliberalism.... like dude, neoliberalism is why folks think everything is a freaking marketplace of ideas and why incredibly wrong people truly believe they are correct when they spread bullshit.

[@Newton-Reuther]

Truly bizarre when people accuse their friends of "emotional dumping," as if you aren't supposed to talk to anyone about your problems except for your therapist. Surely there can't be any issues saving everything you have to say to a one-hour block once a week (or less)

[@satyasyasatyasya5746]

honestly think this is by neoliberal design. breakdown friendship to nothing but consumption and transaction, and then monetise/commodify real emotional needs because now everyone is a selfcentred narcissist and doesn't want anyone elses problems.

[@rosabscura]

Ok but some people do actually emotional dump.. like if all you do is talk at me about your issues and trauma and there’s no real exchange happening because you take up the entire conversation,, that’s not a friendship. That’s you using me as a human dumpster. That’s not ok and no one should have to put up with that

[@Newton-Reuther]

@DarkRose You sound like the kind of person who responds to a friend's venting as them being "toxic" and only allows their friends to be positive around them.

[@joriansmith-sherry9148]

I do think emotional dumping is a real thing and it's bad to put someone through it but I also think that "normal" friend activities like leaning on a friend for support after a bad day has begun to get conflated with emotional dumping and so now it has become harder to have meaningful connections with anyone that isn't a therapist and it makes It feel like the only way a person could care about you is if you pay them. I just feel like friendships are starting to be seen as more transactional these days and that doesn't seem to bode well imo.

[@rosabscura]

@@Newton-Reuther i grew up with my mother emotionally dumping on me at any given moment! I grew up thinking I didn’t matter because it was always about her and her struggles and never about me and mine! So if anyone knows what tf it is, it’s me! FUXKING hell.

[@theroamingsavage8813]

Agreed. All of a sudden everybody is "gaslighting" everybody. Everyone is a "narcissist", and everyone has BPD 😂

[@samuelcharles7642]

Yes I’ve been saying this. It’s so cringe

[@authaire]

I mean, if the shoe fits and one acts exactly like whats written in the DSM-5 .... then idk yeah maybe. lol Yes I realize not everyone is like this and I'm just jaded. But still just sayin .. lol

[@ketaminepoptarts]

and now people act like gaslighting means correcting someone when they say something wrong

[@JennBit]

Oh my GOD people calling everyone they don't like a narcissist drives me up the wall.

[@derek123wil0]

It's called collective psychosis. It's true, basically everyone has BPD now.

[@dondrap513]

Agree. Now everyone calls everyone else "toxic" or "a narcissist" or "on the spectrum", etc.

[@WisecrackEDU]

Has this ever happened to you: you're having a normal conversation with a friend and all of the sudden you feel like they're dropping hyper clinical terms to describe a pretty normal human things? Has this ever happened to you?

[@RoundHouseDictator]

The idea of a taboo is appropriated from a culture where you stop using certain words for a while to be polite. If someone is using clinical language, there's a good chance that it's a bandage covering their own wounds

[@luisapaza317]

Yes, from my fascist leaming ""friend"" 💀He too has lived in a broken home. But he fills his mouth with pseudo-philosophy. He has no future as a great person. He may know quite a lot of technical stuff but he limps in ethics.

[@EddieVillanuevaArt]

This is such a poignant video. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@aaydinturk]

sometimes

[@Sphyraminx]

It’s “all of a sudden” 🙄 … and you dare to call this an education channel … 😔

[@bobbypines]

Really loved the point about how while the search for self-understanding is definitely a good thing, it further emphasizes the neoliberal self as an agent of change and takes our eye off the ball in terms of acting collectively.

[@butterflymoon6368]

it doesn't have to be either/or. It can work together, like an individual person existing within a family.

[@heyd5305]

​@@butterflymoon6368 thank you ! You can absolutely find hapiness individually but be unhappy and revolting against society/capitalism. Of course, both is connected so it's kinda paradoxal but i do believe there's a healthy balance between self-care and manifesting/revolting against the disgusting society we live in.

[@martakoakowska9872]

Like, in my instance, as a person in therapy I currently have been feeling more anxious, bc my therapist is insisting on me focusing on myself to what seems to me like a point where whatever is going on around me is supposed to just be allowed to happen and not my problem - even though I feel a natural inclination to use my resources for greater good by sacrificing myself a little bit, but at least doing something that might actually be of greater societal value, and might lead to change that will be beneficial to more people than just me. I have no idea if I should stay or I should go with my therapy.

[@marcriba7581]

​@@martakoakowska9872 After 20 years of doing different therapies, now I don't accept none unless I can percieve they are openly anticapitalist, as they take into account the overwhelming need to change circumstancess instead of just adapting to them. Like this idea that "you have to be alright yourself in order to be of any help". BS. You can find plenty of people with chronical mental conditions who do their best at local causes, which can greatly help their mental condition and give them a network of normies to lean onto. Know your triggers, most causes have a very varied set of work to do. In my case, I can't deal with confrontation without becoming an angry dumbass but I'm really good at background work and I do enjoy it. A therapist that's out of the mainstream individualistic ways can help you set a line of max involvment that you shouldn't cross, while knowing it comes from someone who respects the need to unite and act against harmful circumstances.

[@heyd5305]

@@martakoakowska9872 this is a prime example on why a hardcore revolutionary mindset is unhealthy. If you're not feeling okay, take care of yourself before taking care of others. Even psychologists need some breaks eventho the more they work, the more they can save lives. It's a tough decision but it's the good one. On the long run, you will do more good around you by taking care of yourself when you need it than to burn yourself out. Then again, there's a healthy-balance between self-love and being selfish. Selfish is when you prioritize your needs and desire before others, self-love is when you prioritize your health over others for helping others more.

[@rabsaque]

Also the goal of therapy has changed is not anymore about fixing ourselves to be happier or healthier but about to fixing ourselves to be more productive, cause got forbid you may be a psycho or be depressed AF everybody will accept that about you, but nobody not even yourself will accept you if you are unproductive.

[@darthdank1993]

Most of medicine stared out as a way of keeping workers productivity up….the old holistic ways didn’t jive with industrialism. I get what your saying but I think it’s more about prescribing since they used to have very few psych meds and that’s what make it look more about productivity. They didn’t have a lot of scripts to give so long term talk therapy with the carrot of being happier on the other end was all they had for a long time.

[@rabsaque]

@@darthdank1993 I get your point and i thik its rigth it was never a bout be better nowadays everything is prescriptions i was diagnosed with ADHD like 4 years ago i used to live in the countryside been known by my family for always forgeting stuff and constantly be talking and stuff when i moved to the city i could not adapt i can;t focus on anything lost job after job till i got diagnosed and they gave me some pills now i can focus but to be honest i was happy with who i was before the pills the only reason i take them is to keep my job and money for my family comming

[@darlalathan6143]

Yeah, we need to fix therapy! Everybody can't be a breadwinner or captain of industry! Some conditions best qualify us to collect government checks!

[@MrBones105]

As a therapist, and someone on the other side of things - a lot of clients I’ve worked with get angry with me when I tell them that therapy is not about making you a productive ubermensch who is an eternally happy sex god with tons of friends and a lucrative career (although I don’t normally say it this way). I also tell people, “if your house is on fire, or your job is terrible, or some societal force is making you miserable, therapy will not make your house not on fire, your job good,” etc. I’ve actually lost a lot of potential clients this way.

[@rabsaque]

@@MrBones105 TBH that would tell me you area good headshrinker, i don't want to be productive i just want some tools to deal with the BS i deal with every day and try not to make stupid decisions, thats it.

[@meringue3288]

"they are individualizing a societal problem" perfectly put

[@angelcanez4426]

That last bit about just shoving all your emotions deep down inside and just die is so relatable. That's exactly the mentality my grandparents taught me LOL

[@jeffreythomson3789]

I'm so glad you touched on the larger societal issues that underlie a lot of the mental health issues - that boys having a hard time sitting still in school must mean they have ADHD rather than it pointing to schools being poorly structured. Or for adults, wondering why everyone seems to be depressed these days without thinking that maybe it's because they work a job they hate for barely enough money to survive while having to worry about getting shot walking home from work because their car broke and they can't afford to fix it. Like, maybe it's just me, but pretty sure that's going to make your life pretty f*$(%cking depressing and full of anxiety. Not because you actually have those conditions (and to be fair, a lot of people do clinically have them) but because life in general sucks and needs to be improved. It's like seasonal affective disorder only it's situational affective disorder. Once the situation is improved, depression goes away.

[@peachypietro9980]

Damn, this video sums up exactly what I've been saying for YEARS!! I even had to argue with my therapist that the diagnosis she was going to give me needs to be contextualized, that I don't exist in a societal vacuum. Sure, I have problems, serious ones, but you can't just absolve the world of its collective involvement in those problems. Am I totally responsible and at fault for my family being scattered all around the country, with none of them living near me? What about my student debt and how that has cut into my financial security for over a decade now? What about my lack of decision making ability at work? The ever dissolving third space that's important for developing and maintaining social bonds with people you care about? The f**king toxic water I was exposed to as a child? My parents getting divorced and forcing me to go to a school where physical violence was ubiquitous? Where is the line between my mental illness and the larger forces at work in my life? THAT is why I don't like pop-psych and why I can't stand the current trend toward framing everything with it.

[@weregretohio7728]

That's the thing - therapy as an industry is separate from its supposed purpose. It is, inevitably, a facility of the society that created it. In reality, it exists to promote the social order, which is totally disordered. Therefore, we get assigned labels and drugged to hell because reactionary medicine is great for capitalism. Addressing social concerns isn't. And the general public goes along with it by gaslighting us the whole way.

[@thelordakira]

in life sh*t will happen, it is not that it happens that defines you, it is how you handle it.

[@Boardwoards]

​@@thelordakira waste of words.

[@Rithmy]

This interactionistic /holistic working model of psyche is something i see trending in the good parts of science (i can't estimate how big that part is, but there is also this very close minded neuropsychology field that is only in for fame). This collective involvment yoiu talk about is what made me question the use of therapy. I mean i resolved that doubt, but it was there for a time. I like to make analogies for that. YOu asked awhere the line bettween your mental illness and your circumstances is. I think you can also ask where the line between a physical illness and the circumstances is. Sometimes a car crashes into you. Sometimes you decide to take the risk. Sometimes it is the best course of action. Sometimes it is so complex and strange that you could say its pure chance. Yet it still is usefull to have tools to work with what you have now. The availability of medics could also be just a part of the larger forces at work. Just another collective involvment that makes your tubercolosis cureable, that fixes your knee problems (or not) and that helps you gaining weight. To go back to therapists: it is never about you having a mental illness. It is about helping you dealing with your situation by clarifying what the hell is going on in this complex world. And it is about being able to accept yourself despite knowing all that. Accepting that you might never be able to walk, but still having the joy of moving around though different means. Now to my part and why i questioned the use of therapy: Do you know about those Zen boxes in Amazon? Or this general boom of mindfullness? I find it great that people do it. But how companys use it is soulless. It feels like they prefer promoting mindfullness instead of fixing the collective problem. Instead of giving better work environment they make the individual stronger to tolerate more abusiv behavior. Does Therapy work the same? Does it make people just "stronger" so that our system is able to milk them more? I don't want that... I want systemic change. But for that Change we also need "strong" individuals. ....

[@Boardwoards]

Environmental factors and what brought you to a point in life don't mean you should have to take amphetamines or whatever else to keep up with normal people. like the grandpa talking about the father to his siblings from the host.

[@TAP7a]

Probably. It's one of those annoying things where by popularising the topic and breaking the stigma, all we've done is give people more words with which to either sound smart or further manipulate the people around them.

[@anthonyshea6048]

Signs you might have ADHD: you walk into a room and forget why you’re there. You’ve been late once in your life. You haven’t accomplished any of your goals recently. You’ve been within 50 feet of a phone. Sponsored by Amphetamines

[@MisterCynic18]

Don't forget also: you get bored by doing repetitive tasks for several minutes or longer

[@ericlanglaismm]

Say "I don't know shit about ADHD" without saying "I don't know shit about ADHD".

[@ethandavis7310]

@@ericlanglaismm That's the joke idiot

[@GreebusBleeb]

@@ericlanglaismm it's a joke my dude

[@EccentricEnthusiadam]

You're right, but of course the offshoot of that is that us with ADHD diagnosis' are dismissed as lazy. Apparently society is only capable of believing that nobody has ADHD, or that every claim is legitimate. I grew up in the "nobody has ADHD" days and they were fucking awful.

[@EpicSquirrel496]

As a psychology major, I always ask my professors how they feel about the improper use of mental diagnosis or therapeutic methods being used by people who don't really know what they are talking about. And they are all annoyed about it, especially how social media seems to have trends where everyone has ADHD, Autism, or that everyone is a victim.

[@satyasyasatyasya5746]

You should ask him how much of peoples mental problems are nothing to do with them and everything to do with just having a shitty life. so many of us do, and being miserable and acting out is totally logical. but we're told its an 'us' issue.

[@EpicSquirrel496]

@@satyasyasatyasya5746 I shit you not, I am currently taking a class about studies and practices of well being and happiness. And it is literally all about how we should change our lives and behaviors to be happier or promote mental health. For the most part a large majority of my professors haven't tackled nor capable of tackling that problem. Simply because for the most part not a single class really discusses this in the psychology degree program. Or at least for the colleges I have attended or looked into.

[@satyasyasatyasya5746]

@@EpicSquirrel496 Maybe you should make some noise? Ask that psychology courses at your university don't neglect politics or treat mental health like its some brain in a vat. I had to argue as much with some professors once or twice. They act like the world is just neutral, or basically fine, and its some failing of the brain or a persons character to ever be sad for a long time or something. Its... creepy.

[@EpicSquirrel496]

@@satyasyasatyasya5746 Lmao already bugging my teacher about it, but it doesn't change that easy so I don't know

[@bazzfromthebackground3696]

Literally the DIY help groups are "You are ADHD, and if you're not you're autistic."

[@katattack907]

Excellent analysis! I think culture-wide openness to talking about mental health is largely positive. It does come with increased commercialization and monetization, but that's a feature of our hypercapitalist socioeconomic cultural landscape-nothing is safe from its clutches and we need to be constantly on guard to protect ourselves from its distorting effects. I hadn't considered that therapy can further reinforce the individualist narratives that cause so much alienation in the United States. I LOVE the quote about collective resilience at the end. This is the way through the mess, and individual self-improvement can help us be ready to do our part.

[@ComradeDt]

Wouldnt it be hilarious if this episode was sponsored by BetterHelp? Haha

[@WisecrackEDU]

Honestly that would've been pretty amazing.

[@mattmew28]

I am a licensed therapist, and I really appreciate the video. I would like to offer, however, a little bit of a tweak. Many behavioral therapies do emphasize societal and collective participation. Take acceptance and commitment therapy, for example, which strongly emphasizes one’s values and encourages collective and societal participation as a common and encouraged path to well-being.

[@WisecrackEDU]

Thanks for this Matt!

[@cronchyskull]

The point about the usefulness of collectivism always makes me nervous because I have no idea where to start or where to go to find people or what the first step would be. All the irl groups I've ever been to I've slowly drifted away from. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way, so, that's a start 😂

[@alicewright4322]

it feels like everything is a scam or everything is monetized, as wisecrack has pointed out before. therefore it feels naive to look for a collective: how can you be sure the "collective" is not another scam or monetization scheme?

[@churchofmarcus]

Join my cult. It's a good cult, I promise.

[@lWlVl]

Make a ritual that you enjoy and invite people to it. In my experience proximity is key, so invite your neighbors and nearby friends first. Watch a movie, play basketball, get lunch, laze at the lake shore, watch astronomical phenomena; just pick something and do it consistently with other people, once a week, once a month, ~twice a year (for meteor showers). Make the start predictable and approachable, i.e. a consistently timed email of where to be, or just begin at the same time and location, but let the rest evolve freely with the group. Be willing to keep it up by yourself when there's a dry spell. That's where you start. At some point, pass the ritual down to someone else and let them do absolutely whatever they want with it, but let them understand that consistency is key. Come back as an honored guest or an old guard. There's a reason it's school kids that band together to fight climate change when adults don't. They have a ritual together called school or sports or scouts and they make friends and find collective meaning. Also, drifting away, moving, growing out of, etc. are normal and it should hurt a bit, but remember to pass the ritual off. Visiting a place you used to live and joining in on a club you started is an amazing feeling. Personally, I've used this strategy to build a garden club, a yearly fall cookout, a summertime weekly hangout by a lake, a few gaming guilds, and I've joined in on lots more. Good luck! ;D

[@TheAutisticBrewer]

A big part of that is because all public spaces are monetized. Used to be you’d sit at the local park or town square or something similar and wouldn’t be expected to pay for it. Now there are hardly public areas where you aren’t expected to pay. For my age group we mainly hang out getting food or drinks, and the bill always comes and it can be awkward, or you invite each other over and it becomes a “we both invited each other” and no one goes. Then everything is a micro transaction, streaming service, etc. so you have to maximize what you paid for while your income is dwindling and those transactions keep becoming more. Atomization is highly profitable, and being profitable is incentivized, last stage capitalism baby. Atomization increases unhappiness and this video points out THAT’S profitable too!

[@williambartley1608]

As a worker in the field of mental health care, it is perplexing to see so may individuals self-diagnosing symptoms. Most therapists and workers are moving away from diagnosis unless the symptoms are at debilitating levels where it impacts the daily quality of life. The driving reason for this shift is because people have a tendency to centralize their identity on their diagnosis. In this lens, every fallible quality or failing you may have had or experienced can be put on the mental health concern, which has a profoundly negative effect on both self-efficacy and self-determination; which are essential qualities in improving the odds of success within a healing journey. Working with the service user to accept how their mental illness has affected them AND ALSO aiding them in developing the tools to take accountability and responsibility for these affects is one of the cornerstones to effective care. While there are a couple areas I disagree with in this video, I simply appreciate seeing something in the mainstream algorithm tackle this controversial subject.

[@BH-2023]

I don't disagree with you, but I don't necessarily agree with you either. From what I've seen (as a therapist), it's more the case that therapists are moving away from diagnosis because they are either (1) too poorly trained or (2) too incompetent to make valid/reliable diagnoses. At the end of the day, every therapist is trained to not make a diagnosis unless it is deleterious to the individual as deleteriousness and distress is one of the necessary criteria for what constitutes psychopathology. With respect to the identity argument, this is more a phenomenon you see when dealing with personality disorders (where identity in and of itself is either severely warped or non-existent). But, even to that extent, that phenomenon is not general to human nature. Most people who have a diagnosis and are aware of their diagnosis do not do this. The aforementioned phenomenon is more of a myth/stigma among therapist circles than an actual universal fact. Interestingly enough, we know for a fact that withholding a diagnostic label from clients/patients increases distress and suicidality (an analogue of this is those with chronic illnesses).

[@TheVailFamily]

As someone who has in a sense diagnosed themselves, you both have good points. I’ve always lived life thinking my brain was broken or that I was crazy. Though I did well in school thanks to excellent memorization skills and a creative mind when it came to writing, it was a struggle in finding my work, remembering to do it, waiting until the night before to get it done, never being able to get my house clean, burning things on the stove, getting fired from jobs from getting too excited about odd things that happened, interrupting people constantly etc etc. When I realized, thanks to social media, that a lot of these things were symptoms of adhd, it was like my whole life made sense. I’ve started putting into practice things I’ve learned to make my life work better and I am feeling like I am better able to handle life. Still have a long way to go, but it’s better.

[@nooooooooope3809]

Okay, but also it is really hard to get diagnosed for things like autism, so many people don't have another option outside self-diagnosis. The diagnostic tools at our disposal are a fucking joke. They only look at symptoms as they present to the outside world, not how the individual experiences them. I learned more about my BPD and ADHD from their respective subreddits and from friends with them than I ever have in therapy. That's actually fucking insane. Diagnosis should inform treatment and understanding. I agree that the identity issue is concerning, but not telling people that they have a thing that has symptoms that have names and they can understand these things is moronic.

[@georgehitler7488]

I have ADHD (clinically proven, been apart of a few studies with my twin), I’m honestly worried about talking about it due to the chance people will totally misunderstand what it is and treat me weirdly for it

[@dontmisunderstand6041]

As someone on the autistic spectrum, I've long said that the spread of "awareness" about autism only had a harmful effect on people who are on the spectrum. Specifically because people who have no clue what you're talking about are more likely to actually listen than people who think they do know what you're talking about.

[@grzegorzswist]

Today, people use words "autism" and "poor social skills " interchangeably. Also, caliming to have Autism is treated as an excuse for a shitty behaviour. Because of that, people who are really on the spectrum will rarely Shere that information.

[@luciskies]

As someone who was clinically diagnosed with ADHD-PI and ASD, I totally get it. Ppl are so misinformed. *sighs*

[@Sin355]

I completely understand what you’re saying and agree that it opens the door to some pretty unfortunate comments/assumptions but I’m also recognizing that society is evolving it’s understanding of other people’s experiences and this is really a good evolution for us as a collective. We are merging into 1 big team hopefully

[@sadies8100]

​@luciskies1742 out of curiosity, what does 'ADHD-pl' mean? Specifically the 'pl' part. I've never seen that added on before.

[@TheSpiritualGeek]

You've done an incredible job of articulating my thoughts and feelings as a sub clinical specialist. One of the biggest things I find disheartening in the space is the lack of understanding that a deeper level of self care will naturally awaken a deeper desire to contribute to community care. So much of the space right now is incredibly stewed in capitalistic neoliberalism and it's heartbreaking

[@soufflegirl36]

Yes! I love the reference to love is blind. The therapy speak went overboard and peaked in the reunion episode where the show’s hosts acted like therapists and even tried to psychoanalyze actions taken by participants. This may be a hot take, but Personally, I found it exhausting. I understand it’s important for relationships to have open communication however when constantly breaking down and explaining actions or words seems to take away from living in the moment and perhaps keeps us from accepting that our partner can occasionally be a flawed human.

[@momopb]

thank you for bringing attention to this topic! i'd like to add something though: it seems like a lot of people (especially in north america) think that therapy is just CBT because it's been made to be the standard type of therapeutic approach over there (i live in brazil and it's a bit different here) and most of the time it's such a bad experience because of how much it can isolate the person from their external situation sometimes. there needs to be a way of showing people that there are many different therapeutic approaches that can accommodate certain struggles that CBT just can't deal with. i think if people had access to that information, there would be a lot less frustration towards therapy and maybe unqualified "life coaches" and straight up grifters would be less successful at profiting from other's suffering with predatory covert marketing techniques on social media.

[@saskiascott8181]

Great point, CBT is awesome but it definitely can't address everything. That's a very insightful point about this gap being behind the rise of social media gurus and what not

[@dexterman6361]

Damn, this hit home. I cried. Sure I am the reason I'm like this, but please, stop ignoring the fact that there are external reasons why I am like this in the first place. It's humiliating, shameful and guilt inducing. Thannk you for making this video. I really mean it. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Knowing it's not "just me" .... feels .. good? I guess? I hope there is a way out, either by ending myself haha or otherwise

[@user-su4tm5gd5g]

As a therapist I’m happy to see this video. I just had a conversation with a friend about the importance of words and why clinical terms need to be protected lest they lose their meaning and become too broad. I hear terms like “trauma” being used to describe every day experiences of negative emotion, or diagnoses like “ADHD” being used to justify/explain poor habits and a lack of executive functioning skills. In the desperate search for answers it seems like people are latching onto the first thing they identify with, which only leads to more confusion and frustration.

[@godsangel67able]

Truth! The more we use these words the more they become smaller in meaning

[@specimendaze]

As a therapist I agree. Therapy is awesome, however it is being used as society’s “duct tape” for everything. This has a double sided problem of pathologizing everyone and everything, which then in turn clogs the system for those that need help, yet can’t get it. The hope is that if we all make a change, this can even out.

[@HylianFox3]

I've found that best way to help myself is to get out of my own head. I'm alone most of the time and can't help but feel that I've become my own worst enemy. Being with others isn't always easy, but it helps make me a better person.

[@johnstanczyk4030]

Actually, the administrative assistants for Catholics are the saints. It is like a call center. If you are planning to go sailing, please pray Christopher." "If you have a particularly lost cause, please pray Jude." "Para continuar en español, por favor recen Iago."

[@functionalpatterns]

Absolutely phenomenal video. One of the best I’ve ever seen. I suspect it won’t go viral because of that 😢.

[@InfiniteEnergyTheorem]

Just realize that trained therapists have a master's degree for a reason, and how that influences the very way they speak to their clients. Tik tok users, on the other hand, lack those things.

[@tyleredge5349]

Not only a masters degree but at least 3,700 hours of supervision and training which can vary on state.

[@carissashley]

It’s really hard to deal with the word trauma being used when someone had a difficult day at work. I have CPTSD from growing up in a cult. There was a point when I completely lost my memory, a point where I couldn’t speak at all, and continual re-traumatization, conquering of triggers, and beginning to heal. I think some people don’t even realize that the word trigger means what it means, because it’s like standing with a gun to your head. It is that much stress on your body and mind. Your favorite yogurt being out of stock at the grocery store is not a trigger. It just made you mad/sad/etcetera. The more people exaggerate their situations, the less they understand about strength, value, and normal reactions to hardship. Words like hardship and difficulty are not less valid. You aren’t less valid for not having trauma. You are blessed. We cannot learn from life if we never tell the truth. Or, only tell “my truth”. It’s okay to be less broken than others you know. That means you can be there to help lift them up. This needs to change. I hope people will see the truth with time.

[@taffitteal]

This issue seems a lot more complicated than a 16-minute video can address, but I'm glad that it is being discussed. For the individual I'm glad that open communication is more widely available and learned. The first step is communication. Always has been. We're a social species. Unfortunately, it seems like nobody has the time to sit and talk to one another face to face anymore. Many of us are lucky to have the time to watch a few TikTok videos while we're busy making some other person more money, just hoping they'll throw us enough to pay rent this month.

[@bazzfromthebackground3696]

Somehow... *Somehow* every other person is an "empath." None of those empaths can tell you what one is, but...

[@WisecrackEDU]

Most people who describes themselves as "empaths" . . . are not.

[@bazzfromthebackground3696]

@@WisecrackEDU facts

[@mikaelarschibald]

Thank you thank you thank you thank you for this video!!! I've been thinking about that / trying to talk to my friends about that for YEARS and no one seemed to understand what I meant. I thought I was the only one being concerned with this topic!! :)

[@paulos0805]

My favorite word that completely lose it's original meaning is "archetype", now is being used to express something with similar characteristics

[@grantdillon3420]

Something something Jordan Peterson

[@SkodaUFOInternational]

ah yes the disappointment archetype

[@MaxIronsThird]

isn't archetype basically something like the original where others are based on?

[@dontmisunderstand6041]

@@MaxIronsThird The archetypical [whatever] is the quintessential example of [whatever]. It can be the original that is then copied, or it can simply be such a perfect example of a thing that future iterations reference it instead of the original. An archetype is a template of sorts.

[@michaelarsenault1744]

I recently started getting active in a student advocacy organization. It's made me less depressed and anxious to hear from other like minded people and work together to make a change. I think that working collectively to address issues at a local level is the some of the most rewarding stuff I've ever done. Going to therapy helped me to cope with feelings of despair, but untill I started to work in a group to address an issue directly impacting me, therapy could only do so much.

[@robertgeorge8096]

Thank you for making this video I’m glad someone has noticed how although in many positive aspects helped society, but at the same time this new popularization of mental health negatively impacted our social circles in today’s world - It feels like it’s harder in today’s world to be different because we all police each others mental state to an extreme when in reality 90% of us don’t actually know what we are saying

[@TheBilgepumper]

The slow zoom during the confession story at 5:27....... I'm laughing so hard I had to rewatch it. Excellent cinematography.

[@WisecrackEDU]

Check for us during the 2024 Oscars.

[@JonReing]

What I learned studying to be a therapist is that what we believe are official diagnoses are really best guesses. We owe it to ourselves to analyze what about our own thoughts and behaviours might be lending us into misery. A disorder, speaking as a therapist, is someone that is “out of order” meaning, they are not falling within the lines of proper social conduct. A mental disorder is only diagnosable in relationship to others, it can never be done in a vacuum, and what we consider as suffering is largely based on the relationship between individual and the collective to which they belong

[@draegonnn]

Thanks for talking about this! At different points, tik tok rabbit holes have seriously convinced me that I may have ADHD or Autism. I find people will list symptoms that can border on normal just to get tons likes and comments. But then after talking to professionals, I realized all those symptoms are also just symptoms of anxiety from living in a very chaotic world.

[@M00PSY]

Or you may have had a shitty doctor who doesn’t know what autism & ADHD looks like in adults. Particularly masking.

[@historylover9999]

I've tried therapy for two years. I'm not really into it. I feel like the therapist always validates me. I know I can't be right all the time. And sometimes it's like they ask me how my week has been and I don't feel like bringing that all up. If you're just going to listen. Because I have to feel all those negative emotions again. I've just seen in the movies where the therapist helps you acknowledge a pattern of self destructive behavior but maybe that's just the movies?? I've been diagnosed with SERVE ADHD ( I am further on that spectrum than the average ADHD person). and they hardly even touch on how heavily it affects my day to day life. EDIT: I don't have the best insurance. So maybe that's why. (I live in California) I'm a incredibly vocal person about my needs. I'm an incredibly blunt person And I have had two therapists. And I let them both know if I just want someone to talk about my feelings I can call my mom for free. This style isn't benefiting me at all. I need you to give me constructive criticism and when I complain or have issues with other people please don't just tell me I'm setting boundaries and doing the right thing that's impossible that someone is always in the right.

[@blandedgear9704]

Therapists seem to be a very varied bunch. Do you have access to switching therapists? Also, have you talked to your therapist about these concerns?

[@luminouscali]

Tell then and if that dorsnt work consider switching!

[@missnoneofyourbusiness]

Fellow person diagnosed with ADHD that dropped therapy/treatment: Reminder that the notions of adults having ADHD and not just children are from the late 2000s and everybody involved pretty much has little clue (I was diagnosed exactly in 2010 at 18 and I'm not in a first world country so I had to deal with that). If it's severe you probably should get proper treatment but in the meantime, a positive effect of what's mentioned in the video is that there's helpful resources everywhere. I don't mean people to talk to but advice, tips, systems and even tools. Sometimes it's true that it's you who knows what's best for yourself and in that sense there's happily a lot of stuff you can test to see if it helps you, I for one would have liked therapy but through self reflection and research I've reached conclusions that I would have probably reached had I had a therapist, like the patterns of self destructive behaviour yo mention: For example, it's kind of logical that your self esteem is poor if you're constantly feeling stupid for screwing up.

[@historylover9999]

@@blandedgear9704 I'm a incredibly vocal person about my needs. And I have had two therapists. And I let them both know if I just want someone to talk about my feelings I can call my mom for free. This style isn't benefiting me at all. I need you to give me constructive criticism and when I complain or have issues with other people please don't just tell me I'm setting boundaries and doing the right thing that's impossible that someone is always in the right

[@historylover9999]

@@luminouscali done that. And I switched insurance companies too

[@goatfromhell666]

As someone who had endured years of psychological abuse, subsequent therapy, and keep it to myself and strive to be a happy and decent person, it pisses me off how often I see people using this or that self diagnosed mental condition as an excuse to be shitty and dismissive to other people. And if anyone calls them out or doesn't coddle them, then that person is instantly insensitive, or a narcissist, etc. I blame social media for that 100%, and I see that wayyyyy more than I see people with legitimate problems getting the help they need. You said it best when you called it pseudotherapy, because it helps people develop pseudoillnesses. Sorry people, being an insufferable asshole is not a mental illness, and mental illness is never an excuse for being an asshole, and last but most important A PERSONALITY DISORDER IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS, YOU WERE RAISED BY IDIOTS!

[@purgxzur1]

personality disorders aren't mental illnesses? (genuine inquiry)

[@goatfromhell666]

@@purgxzur1 there's no organic basis for them, they're developed through behavioral reinforcement, not illness or heredity. They are disorders, because they are abnormal functioning, but they are not an illness. There's no drugs for them, but they can be treated through counseling, although most types resist counseling because the hallmark of many personality disorders is the person's belief that they are always right, and everyone else is wrong; try to convince an asshole that they are the asshole. In short, personality disorders are nurture, not nature, thus; not an illness

[@gsogymrat]

Good video. As a licensed mental health counselor who works in community mental health, the "social" piece of the biopsychosocial model is what is ignored in American society.

[@Otto-Webb]

My father who is a diagnosed cluster b narcist has a whole new arsenal of ways how to gaslight everybody around him after he went to therapy

[@branan6935]

I am a teacher, I always give my students a chance to talk about random issues through five-minute presentations at the start of each session. When a student chooses to talk about depression or any psychochological disorder, I always remind them that they cannot diagnose themselves. Only a certified professional can do that because teenagers tend to dramatize their issues.

[@badspeller101]

Hello everyone. Take care of yourself and stay hydrated

[@WisecrackEDU]

Hydration is #1

[@shybard]

When I want self-discovery, I take online personality quizzes. They're highly scientific and 100% accurate.

[@JP-ve7or]

So are you a Griffindor or a Hufflepuff? I'm a Miranda and also an INTP.

[@Celatra]

hate to break it you but this is false. they're maybe 70% accurate and they are not scientific.

[@matarax]

Mental Health is no joke and really needs to be carefully diagnosed. I received my Bachelor's Degree in Forensic Psychology, had family members with mental illness, and had my own issues, but I will be the first to say I don't know even about the tip of the iceberg on many, many issues. I noticed that it seems a majority of people come off like you either take care of yourself, or you sacrifice for the greater cause, but that kinda comes down to a false dichotomy. Life is way more complicated than what a video or one book can tell someone. It's also messy because there might be multiple factors causing someone anguish, or not. We're very susceptible to hearing something we like, and ignoring things that we don't like or understand. I just hope we all can get better informed while being patient with ourselves and others, while still pushing for systemic changes where needed.

[@michaelestrada2772]

Agreed. As a psych student, it wasn't until I took my research and stats classes that I realized there's way more empirical grounding to psychology than most people realize.

[@HaughtyToast]

I find a lot of therapy speak is used incorrectly in that the stuff talked about in therapy is supposed to help you identify issues with yourself whereas people online seem to want to weaponize it against other people to make their assumptions about others sound more plausible. Also it may be a good idea to follow up with video about self diagnosis and how that can mess with finding actual results. Much like with medicine if a professional suspects one thing because a patient suggested it then they might be turning away from finding the actual issue in order to investigate the patient's suspicions which can lead to them finding things too late or giving improper treatment.

[@Sin355]

Although I agree that some people use therapy talk to avoid “introspection”, we have to also be ready for a world changing one step at a time. Expressing ourselves, supporting each other, calling out abuse, standing up…etc all of these skills are developing in someone taking therapy. They don’t always sound perfect and that’s ok. Someone using therapy talk is still someone expressing themselves and I care. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I embrace this change and look forward to seeing how it will benefit our planet as a collective.

[@LIMSAkaRiorulz]

Had a good long cry ranting to the KZbin ads about this same thing today, glad to see KZbin still has our back

[@stenchofjustice]

It personally helped me explain how I feel better to people, but I can see how it really gets overused and kinda leaves some of it's actual meaning behind.

[@Alaskan-Armadillo]

I have been talking about this for a while now and to be honest it is just frustrating because I think as a society we've gotten to the point that if there is something wrong with someone we rarely give them the opportunity to vent and instead ask if they're in therapy. I am not saying that we should all become everyone's personal therapist but I do think that we need to be more willing to lend an ear to others instead of immediately try and 'fix' them.

[@vilmariehernandez1189]

I'm so glad you made this video I've been doing a lot of reflecting and in general I don't really like people but I came to the conclusion it's that I haven't been around the right people and that what I'm missing in my life is actually a sense of community.

[@ulisses18]

As a brazilian clinical psychology and researcher, I think the video has a fundamental problem. Clinical psychology and collective, social, gender, class problems are not two separated sides that you can only chose one. In my clinic, with CBT, all this questions are important and present. Yes, we focus big part of our work with things the client need to change now, and most of the time, with little external help (like anxiety). But this is because that problems can froze them, or make so much pain that they could not access the important social infrastructure to make collective change. As the Brazilian Psychology Counsel says, Psychology is political. So, for many of us, everything that is not individual, is important, maybe the most important. We are bio-psycho-social beings, and a good psychologist have this in mind all the time.

[@momopb]

outro brasileiro!! :D concordo contigo completamente. acho que um dos grandes problemas é que na américa do norte a prática da psicologia tem uma influência neoliberal tão forte que é como se fosse uma área completamente diferente da psicologia que a gente faz no brasil, e o vídeo meio que critica a psicoterapia vendo ela por essa visão da psicologia individualista norte americana. nos comentários aqui têm alguns alunos de psicologia (provavelmente norte americanos) falando como a psicologia é ensinada para eles como se o ser humano existisse em um vácuo. acho que fica difícil colocar tanta nuance em um vídeo, mas é foda ver a psicologia como todo ser reduzida à prática norte-americana.

[@ulisses18]

@@momopb pois é, se ele tivesse feito este recorte, minha resposta seria muito diferente. Mas adoro o conteúdo do canal e tenho certeza que não foi por maldade, apenas uma visão muito colonial, hahaha

[@Mistical1982]

Exactly. We’re blind to societal issues until we understand and address our own psychological problems. It’s the opposite to what the video is saying. The evidence is there to see.

[@catsmom129]

Good point. I got my psych degree in the U.S., and we did talk about the bio-social-psych model. I just don’t think it’s permeated the larger culture here, which is deeply individualistic.

[@hypnokitten6450]

So much this.. omg so much this. First time I noticed it was years ago with an ex that was going through a lot of therapy. She discovered non-violent-communication and her communication became so passively-aggressively violent that it felt like every conversation about anything was a courtroom drama / fencing match. And since then I've had a lot of friends and partners in therapy and they never seem to get better. If anything it always seems to make things worse, as they re-tread the same things over.. and over.. and over.. until it become all they can think about. They have no time to heal or improve or enjoy their lives because they're constantly obsessed with what maybe happened one night decades ago. And I'm not saying what happened wasn't sometimes terrible. Or that I haven't had terrible things in my life decades ago. But it just seems like its always making things even worse for the sake of making things worse, until they have trouble functioning in society and.. yea.. many of them become quite selfish about needing accommodations around them. Which would be fine but they start taking it for granted that (here's my therapy speak) 'other people owe them emotional labor'. Which not only isn't true, but the person who'll happily lift you up once will very politely walk away if you ask for it non-stop and take it for granted. Which then sends these folks even deeper into their spirals and endless sessions..

[@MaxIronsThird]

Similar impression from me, most people i know that go to therapy seem to get worse, not better plus add sprinkles of moral superiority and thinking they're never wrong, they get so used to talking about themselves and everything that happens around them that they start thinking they're the main character.

[@johnathanrhoades7751]

There are definitely bad therapists. There are also really great therapists that really do help people walk through healing and acquire habits and tools that can help manage certain conditions. I’ve had both. Unfortunately it takes a bit of awareness (self awareness and awareness of what your therapist is doing) to differentiate between the two.

[@alex434343]

For all that we think we're the best in the world in all fields, in our culture understanding of how the mind works (and thus how to help/heal the mind) is still very much in the stone age for a lot of reasons. If you really want to understand how the mind works Buddhism is just about the most sophisticated and practical model anywhere in the world that I've found. It really is amazing without a lot of Western assumptions getting in the way.

[@paokalexthes]

If you want to read a book on that, The Burnout Society by Byung Chul Chan is pretty good. It's somewhat complex at points and also doesn't cover the whole thing, it too focuses on the individual a little too much. But it's a great book next to Capitalist Realism if you want a complete picture on why people have so many psychological problems in the 21st century.

[@WisecrackEDU]

We love that book.

[@XLuxiosfantasyX]

"Our culture simultaneously shifted revolve more around individuals than larger societal forces and morality transitioned from being more about THE COLLECTIVE than being about the self. People turned to therapy for things previously offered by religion. Therapy replaced confessionals as spaces to aliviate guilt and to reflect on existance. Self affirming mantras replaced prayers, communities with the same diagnosis replaced church groups and self actualization replaced salvation." Beautifully put

[@chaddcordell]

I love "Midsommar". That scene is how me and the boys unwind.

[@Meauxluv]

My girl actively lies to her therapist and she won’t ask or answer the tough questions.

[@beanbrewer]

What's the point of her going to therapy then?

[@Meauxluv]

@@beanbrewer I asked her. She really didn’t give a straight answer. I think the one thing she learned is how to rationalize her selfishness.

[@beanbrewer]

@@Meauxluv kinda sounds like she's communicating with you the same way she's communicating with her therapist. I'm sorry bout that

[@Meauxluv]

@@beanbrewer which is why I had to let her go. No disagreement could ever be solved because she was unwilling to admit any fault. She self diagnosed herself with autism and recently started taking adhd meds and had the nerve to question my thought process. She would say and do whatever not be be blamed.

[@Telveryon]

Have to disagree here a bit. Religion has indeed been about believing in something greater, but it's really been about the community, but rather the religious institution itself. It reinforces a message of "If it's good for the church, it's good for the community" regardless if it actually is good for the community. As for the confessional... Yes... It does alleviate guilt... By simply asking for forgiveness from someone that was not wrong in any way shape or form and encourages you to do nothing to actually fix the wrong you've done in any meaningful way. It is fundamentally selfish.

[@BennettYancey]

I want to add that a point made towards the end is very important to me. In a country where it’s still hard to afford therapy (depending on your situation), it almost makes sense as to why so many depend on the internet and social media for therapeutic advice.

[@Gruesome420]

I recently had a fallout with my closest friend and she used this type of language to push me into a guilt that I had no reason to feel. It was the first time that we disagreed about something and I wasn't doing mental gymnastics to justify her being right this time. I did everything I could to be calm, kind, and understanding while doing my best to express to her how this disagreement didn't mean that I was in any way against her or wanting to end our friendship, it was just us not agreeing about something for once in the years we've been friends, which is normal. She dismissed everything I said and acted scandalized I would even stray from being the person she wants me to be. She told me that I lacked empathy and understanding to her side of it and has since refused to talk to me. After years of us being friends and me being the person she trauma dumps on while I try to say what I think will help her heal from past traumas, she's decided that once I start being an autonomous person I'm suddenly a heartless asshole who has betrayed her in some way. I can't cushion my words and minimize myself around her anymore. The very terms that help me more aptly express how she treats me is also a set of vocab words she's using to manipulate me into feeling guilt. The truth is that when you spend your time around toxic or abusive people, you're probably going to pick up a lot of their tactics even as a means to navigate your relationship with them, even subconsciously. You're not above unlearning these things and as much as you deserve love and respect so do the people in your life. This "me first" mentality can help you heal but it needs to be done with a heavy dose of checking that you're not enabling yourself to be an asshole. Also how you respond to being hurt and when someone disagrees with you is a huge part of who you really are. You are going to be hurt and butt heads with people in this life, so you better learn how to do it with grace, dignity, understanding, and without losing your self respect. I won't be friends with her again until she reaches out and apologizes and I hold no resentment to her, just sadness over our loss. But I am doing all I can to show that I am ready for us to move past this, and I am constantly double checking to make sure I wasn't actually being an asshole in hindsight. This isn't about winning or control for me, this is about not being bullied into never speaking my mind. If our friendship in incompatible with my honesty, I am not going to blame anyone. Sometimes that just happens and things may change for us.

[@ayanabeads1614]

I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you. She actually sounds like a narcissist, and I say that non-ironically. Only cares about what you are to her, expects to always be agreed with, and when you assert yourself, she tries to pull the attention back to herself with the trauma dumping.

[@Gruesome420]

@@ayanabeads1614 it hurts to say that you might be right. I know her mother has similar issues and she's talked about how many people in her family behave this way. I just would like to think this is a learned behavior that she can break free of, but I can't be the one to do that for her. I appreciate your perspective, I'm surprised I'm just now seeing this!

[@lucymaybe]

“Individualizing a societal problem” - you’ve put into words what I’ve been trying to piece together recently. Capitalism loves to keep us focused on our ego and constantly looking for individual betterment. I’m a victim of that trend in many ways. It’s actually harder to think about the collective or even feel it around me. What collective? People on their phones on the bus? Neighbors who barely speak? And all that mental-health-focused capitalism is just disarming. I’ve been to a few mindfulness courses and other “alternative therapy” things and I’ve been shocked to find how they’re shamelessly convincing you something is wrong with you and you can’t handle it on your own, you just need THEIR help.. all in order to get you to sign up to 10 “biodance healing” sessions, cosmos master training course or a chance to meet an enlightened-shaman-from-Luxemburg who will teach you about non-toxic self-love. Spirituality attracts me but most people I meet that are interested in it are just delusional and cogs in a horrible and unstoppable wheel.

[@DaffyDuckTheWizzard]

1:56 Not gonna say what I thought it was, but You made me break a SWEAT right when the talk about C.B.T. started!

[@anthonyanduiza1857]

This is easily the best video you’ve put out in a long time. You’ve had other thoughtful videos, but the impact of moving from religion to individualism and the system issues that are a byproduct is something some have been trying display, but y’all have done it here very succinctly.

[@theonealexyoung]

Michael seems like he might be working some stuff out in this video. I'm here for it.

[@WisecrackEDU]

Listen therapy is expensive and I need to talk to someone.

[@niiii_niiii]

​@@WisecrackEDU 😍

[@schadowizationproductions6205]

shouldn't we like not be here for that?

[@me0101001000]

I have ASD, and I think because of the way my brain is wired, I register words with extremely specific meanings. I often have trouble with double meanings. If two words have the same meaning, I tend to register them as having some kind of nuance that should distinguish the two. Therapy has been extremely helpful for me to handle the things I deal with. But the idea of misusing academic and clinical jargon is just confusing to me. I understand that neoliberal capitalism and social media both push for this, but in spite of that, I find it incredibly strange that you'd use terms with extremely specific definitions for something where it doesn't apply. Is it an attempt to sound smart?

[@Vicky-ke4es]

I think it just sort of happens when something becomes popular. People don't look up for the definition of the new word they just found out, they just derive the meaning from the context in which they heard the word,in this way recurring contexts determines what the word means, I've had the same trouble as you have, I've even found out situations where my literal interpretation of a word is not at all what they mean on the social context, they just use them recklessly and say I didn't mean it.

[@Mathias-bz2kr]

@@Vicky-ke4es I agree, with your interpretation. I see many girls "mean girls" type girls, in my country which say: "nørder" as a verb, meaning "to nerd it" when they talk about playing a game a lot, or studying something, example "ej du har nørdet det spil helt vildt meget" an reaction to someone who has gotten too interested in a mobile game. or "jeg skal virkeligt have nørdet det engelsk" they did not study at all and it is time for exams :D (they will study so they can pass the exams) "at nørde" is seen as a temporary state of focus, obsession or time waste. Which is in reality not a spurt of excellence, "nerding it out" is an concise interest and hard work, also in a playful and open way to experience the world. it really just is "having fun and experiencing with something because you are passionate" -> "using a lot of time on one thing" They see the symptoms, but not the source, the girls just see that someone uses the word a lot of time on something specific and guess its meaning by dumbing it down. Also I'm probably on the autism spectrum, but no relatives are willing to go with me for testing, will do when older. What I do for words is have a broad definition and subdefinitions for context, example: to fish: is to wait for something to happen in the correct moment. Referering to or to waiting in water for fish. or "to wait" = "being ready for a change in situation" This was way to much text: TLDR: people don't read and like to appropriate other things to seem exotic,hip or good in any other way, without investing time in using terminology correctly. It is basically word fast fashion.

[@deantaylor6128]

Like you, I instinctively register words as having specific meanings. It took me a while to get, but most people simply use language as a means to an end. For example; if you don’t like a food you’re still expected to eat it, but if you’re allergic you’re not, so people commonly claim to be allergic to foods they simply don’t like.

[@Boardwoards]

It is an attempt to control.

[@GhostGlitch.]

Often it's because they don't properly grasp the nuance of the language. Sometimes people hear a word, think they understand the meaning, and then go on to repeat it without checking if their assumed meaning is correct.

[@kirksanders4132]

As an upcoming mental health therapist, this is an incredibly important discussion. Some words need to have their meaning and impact but are sadly over used. Speaking more intentionally and accurately to your specific experiences when you don't have some of the popularized mental health buzz words can really help. It helps by showing validation to those who are truly struggling with some of those topics and it also helps you. It helps a person to clearly articulate how they feel and hone in on their personal experience with reality. Additionally, it's very important for therapists to advocate for social change AND for therapists to help clients stand up for themselves so that they can begin to change the system that they are a part of. Teaching coping skills to lower anxiety and depression does very little if the sources of anxiety and depression are systemically rooted. Therapy shouldn't just be the next opium for the masses. It should be a tool to help people grapple with existential meaning, change themselves, and change the world.

[@Reed5016]

I think that one of the main reasons GenZ is so anxious is due to fear of lack of job security. The economy is going to hell, and the teens and young adults know this. They fear that they won’t be able to achieve the middle class American Dream that they were promised from a young age. They fear that they might succumb to poverty, or even become homeless. While therapy is good, and dealing with trauma is invaluable, the state of the world, and the access to information makes it practically impossible to be free from anxiety and/or depression, no matter how many wounds of the past are healed. This was a great video.

[@vladtepes1047]

I didn't hear it mentioned - maybe I missed it - but I feel like "mental issues may be socio-economic ones" dovetails nicely into Carl Jung's theory of "Collective Unconscious" because he conceptualized it specifically by watching a collectivist society and juxtaposing it against and individualist one and realizing that our current way of living is an infinite steamroller that will crush you if you're not in the driver's seat.

[@getnohappy]

While I'm normally happy to lay blame at neo liberalism, can't help but feel LW post-modernism and its focus on "the only truth is your own experience" hasn't exactly discouraged this behavior.

[@robertbeste]

They don't say THE only truth is your own. It says YOUR truth is your own. There is a difference. Everyone filters life through the lens of their own understanding and experiences. That interpretation is their truth until, hopefully, presented with new information. Yes this is a definite departure from the RW which claims THE truth in the form of religion. They are the other extreme of "the only truth is our ("God's) way" can lead to just as much depression, suicide, and corruption. IMO both sides take things to an extreme. And while the two sides fight each other over what are essentially bragging rights... the people have no energy remaining, nor power sufficient to force actual changes in the systems around us.

[@schadowizationproductions6205]

Thank God there's no Betterhelp ad in this one.

[@ajwc137]

You guys never miss. This exact subject has been on my mind a lot. Everyone has learned the language, but not the actual lesson.

[@HylianFox3]

"Triggered" is overused to the point of absurdity. It's basically the new "lol, u mad?" You can't express dislike, criticism, or make a valid complaint about anything without being accused of having been triggered...

[@februaryschild0216]

Idk, I was raised by people who believed in suffering in silence. I was severely abused and was therefore taken advantage of because I thought shoving down and being "strong" or just praying was all I needed to do. Therapy taught me that what I believed about myself was wrong and to recognize abuse when it happens. I'm glad my kids are aware of "gaslighting", toxic, abusive behavior and are not ashamed of seeking help. We still have faith and are politically aware. I think many things can be true at once.

[@thelasttellurian]

Excellent video. Therapy blames you personally if you can't adjust to a mentally unhealthy world (watch Gabor Mate). It helped me realize the problem is not me - it's the environment I was raised and the current world. I am the result of everything that happened to me, and in fact, I am very well adjusted to this world by choosing the stay alone.

[@MaxIronsThird]

Every therapist to every client: "the problem is not you, it's everybody else, you're perfect"

[@masterculturedunkerque7918]

​@@MaxIronsThirdlol this is not true, if they don't challenge you a bit, there's something wrong

[@MaxIronsThird]

@@masterculturedunkerque7918 no sheet

[@OdinzSun]

Omg that Freud joke had me crying laughing and I had pause 😂🤣😂

[@EarlofSedgewick]

Excellent use of Midsommar to showcase collective coping. That movie was so great and weird

[@kaelemvoncamper]

The idea of coping together being more effective than coping alone is a powerful thing and I love that you ended on that. It’s definitely helped me. Much love and respect 💯

[@jeremyyates1026]

I wanna add onto the tiktok part. They honestly infuriate me they make the stigma even worse. I have a disorder known as borderline personality disorder. Most of them dont even have it, and they'll either make stuff up, go with the stigmatized version, or romanticize it. That disorder isn't fun. it's straight up hell, imagine craving love, but your brain can never trust someone to get it. You think everyones gonna leave you have outbursts that you cant even control half the time. Then youve got a whole group that unfairly hates you because theyve met one bad person with bpd, Therapists refuse to treat you. Im no genius, but that's not some cool disorder. i want to do anything to get rid of it.

[@MaxIronsThird]

Also, what's the deal with the longer one goes to therapy, the most self centered they get? I don't know if it's a huge coincidence, but from the girlfriends and colleagues i've had, whom have gone to therapy the most, are usually the worst ones. me me me, "i'm fragile, please don't hurt me" "i hate him, i hope he dies", that's most likely than not, the same people, they're super special and everyone else are just nuisances.

[@SuperheroWannabe]

This uplifted me a lot. Sick of talking about my mental health with strangers when they aren't using the words right.

[@fredbowers5580]

This is spot on!!! 👏 Masterfully illustrated with strong examples and fair treatment of the issues without blame, only observation and numbers. The contextual flow helps one understand how we got here, but better yet, where we're headed if we don't change our course. Thanks again for a job well done!

[@rtyrtyrt5]

love this page for calling out gross consumerist practices masquerading as "culture" culture isnt found within your wallet, its found within yourself and the factors that drive you, and without via the communities we are able to create.

[@Jehayland]

“Individualizing a societal problem” word.

[@TheKitsuneOnihane]

This is such an awesome turn of perspective. It really has gotten annoying how common or overextended some terms like adhd, autism, or triggers have gotten. It lessens the importance of helping those who need it, and encourages brushing over issues "because everyone has it."

[@Daxtahfakenham]

Great video. But, to nitpick, at 9:16 lets also note that many young people will struggle with ADHD. I certainly did, and still do. Overdiagnosis may exist in some areas. However, in my experience, diagnoses may also be missed or not taken seriously by parents due to the fear of that same overdiagnosis, and the fear that (relatedly) medication will do more harm than good. Misdiagnosis is a problem, but that includes young people with ADHD not being diagnosed at all. Unrelatedly, I'm glad to hear someone speak about the challenge of concept creep. I know I'm guilty of having too much confidence in my own understanding of mental health. I think that, funnily enough, people who watch informative content like yours also have a responsibility to reflect on the limits of what they learn, myself included.

[@chiton361]

A lot of people claim over-diagnosis, but I never see any proof. If they're going to make the claim, they should back it up with sources.

[@WisecrackEDU]

Hey sorry if that comment came off as dismissive! I'm an ADHD guy myself so totally understand that and having a diagnosis has been clutch. I think the thing we were trying to point to was TikTok's that convince everyone they have ADHD so they can then get pushed to apps and companies that just want to sell them pill rather than treating them.

[@dangerfly]

It's similar to how LITTERALLY is used incorrectly by the average person to the point that the meaning changed and now the word is useless. Only a small minority uses it correctly.

[@RoundHouseDictator]

Here's my thought on deception v gaslighting. In scenario 1, we are close and you ask what I have in this box. I lie and say nothing, because it's for your surprise party and I'll own up to lying to you then. That's deception In scenario 2, we are close you see me put something in this box. You ask what's in it and I say there is nothing in this box and you've been doing this recently where you think you see things you should trust me more with your choices, that's gaslighting In scenario 3, you hear something as I put the box down. I deny you heard anything because I like messing with you, that's gaslighting In scenario 4, you hear something in the box. I'm ashamed of it and it doesn't matter to you so I say nothing. This is deception but who cares

[@momscastle]

The betterhelp sponsorship conspicuously absent from this one lol

[@jwomackandcheese73]

I have degrees in psychology and criminal justice (basically sociology with a CJ emphasis) as well as minors in politics, economics, and philosophy. I conducted research for 3 year's, got published a few times, presented my research. I've worked in mental health for 3 years, currently in grad school becoming a therapist. *NOTHING I SAY IS MEDICAL ADVICE* For the most part I agree with the video. I think where people miss is that people can be shitty without having a mental illness or disorder. People can have characteristics or "tendencies" of a disorder but not be diagnosed with it. No one should self diagnose, anyone who does that is an idiot and shouldn't be taken seriously as a person. Same with anyone who calls themselves an "empath". I don't mind people being more mindful and emotionally aware to support themselves and their friends. With that said it has gotten a little nutty and as someone who is qualifies to speak on it it drives me nuts because it becomes the blind leading the blind leading to negative outcomes. I don't want to discourage people from talking about their mental health, but a lot of people have made it a large aspect of their personality. In my experience people with severe or debilitating mental illness feel a lot of shame, they don't wear it as a badge of honor or pride. Those who cope well accept that it is an aspect about themselves that they probably don't like, but they do the best they can with it. They also tend to advocate for others to seek help. I think there are 3-4 groups of people. Experts in the field, those who use serveices and benifit positively from them, those who have even more commodified the field, and those who need/use the services but make it their personality. Honestly I think the aggressive comodification has what made things worse. I firmly agree that without incorporating understanding sociital and systemic/institutional influences is super important. Feminist theorotival orientation, I think, does this the best as of now. Both theories and practice now are putting a larger focus on cultural considerations. I don't think there is a unifying theoretical approach. I think they all offer insight and can be helpful, but all fall short in at least one aspect. It be rough out here.