Is This Your Real Personality? (5 Childhood Trauma Personalities)

[@RLFinTX]

For everyone confused, this is a podcast, which is just audio, it’s not a video.

[@rheinhartsilvento2576]

Yeah ok, so why are pictures being mentioned- that we can't see....?

[@inthenebula92]

@@rheinhartsilvento2576 Because the audio is from a video he did a few months ago

[@scatterlienatalie9873]

You can see the original video, including pictures, if you scroll back on his channel about 3 months ago. With the same title...😊

[@veggiet2009]

It just doesn't make sense to do a simple conversation from video to audio, without removing the references to the images or describing them differently. Some KZbinrs will record podcasts intended for both and they will say "let me describe this image for people who are only listening

[@ayyalicia]

5 Personalities Timestamps: The Do-er: 5:05 The Hostile: 11:32 The Darkness: 20:13 The Ghost: 27:18 The Are We Good?: 34:04

[@EsotericWisdom33]

Thank you!

[@preston-blake]

Ghost, darkness, and are-we-good type here! I find that connecting isn’t hard but once that connection becomes broken for whatever reason, it’s hard for me to want to fix it. My marriage is a great example. My wife has allowed her family to disrespect me, and she herself has dissected me and betrayed my trust. Wanting intimacy after that is like wanting to hug a cactus.

[@yamlwoz]

Same here. 90 percent ghost with a bit of the other 2. I run away when I've been hurt. My husband was a flying monkey for my mother for 47 years, but finally saw what she really is. Thankfully, he was lovely between the monkey business times. Being a ghost is very frightening and powerless, if yours manifests in the same way as mine. I'm terrified of anyone being angry, even when it's at someone else, and I'm too terrified to tell people if they're hurting me. Except hubby. I've always managed to tell him, even though he used to get defensive. He's finally realised where I'm coming from. I guess I had a rotten childhood, but an intermittently good and bad adulthood. I'm sorry for what you've been through with your wife.

[@jcortese3300]

Do-er when I'm at work, and happy to be one. The second it's 6pm or I have a day off, it's Darkness/Ghost all the way until I'm back at my desk.

[@aprylakakadance460]

I thank you Patrick for 42 minutes of the best understanding I've listened to in a very long while. Many things I can put to rest because of it. Sad to see so many comments circled around not seeing the few pictures you mentioned in the beginning. Sadder still, with so much valuable information, THAT is what they came away with. You are here for us all. Personally, i didn't need to see an image of you at different stages, I recall the same description of myself there also. GOD bless you and your precious viewers also.

[@Morncreek]

Some of the above comment is unkind, to say the least.

[@ann18o96]

Incredibly insightful, thank you! I'm a recovering ball of anger, I know a worker and an "are we good".

[@anonymousprivate6814]

Got a lot out of this and I am mulling it over. I am autistic and have CPTSD and major depression. Very interesting and helpful. I am much more aware of my legitimite anger about how I was abused and am much less people pleasing. I love learning about this stuff. I live like a hermit and have some support but I am aware I actually do need a lot of time to myself to process the last 50 years. I like social contact in small doses. I am grieving a lot in my life and uncovered shame. Videos like this really help. Thanks Patrick.

[@roughroadstudio]

Hello fellow neurodivergent depressive CPTSD person! I feel like my depression comes from being repeatedly re-traumatized by people who I've let into my life because they seemed familiar, but that was just because they were toxic in the same way as my family of origin. I'm finally separating from my partner after over 20 years of being misunderstood and blamed for all of the damage he's done to me. I spent the relationship expecting honesty and trustworthiness. I never got that in my family so of course I picked a dishonest untrustworthy partner. Talk about death from a thousand cuts. And he wonders why I'm depressed. Keeps telling me to look at how blessed I am. Well I'm feeling lighter already knowing that he is moving on so that I can finally have peace in the house that I worked my whole entire life for, maybe a few years worth before I die. I think the depression is a result of the abuse we take because as children we are undiagnosed neurodivergents. We don't have the tools to navigate the normal world, and the normal world never recognizes that. They just say there's something wrong with us. That's a really hard place to grow up in as a child. By the time we're adults we're stuck there. It feels pretty awful. I don't want to be around any people anymore. I have my dogs and they are AMAZING, and bring me so much joy!

[@sheilahapted1568]

Thank you Patrick for such an insight into healing and the evolution of our personality types as a result of toxic formative years. After following you for quite awhile, I finally confronted my 74yr old brother (via text, he lives thousands of kilometres from me), that I remembered when I was 4yrs old, he sexually molested me and sexualized me in his bedroom, in our home while he was supposed to be minding me. He has always been manipulative, has narcissistic traits and will not only sabotage his own life but that of others. I know he also was deeply affected by our toxic and dysfunctional family. From observing many of your KZbin topics I am learning how to heal, to know triggers and am at last finding the real me once again. Thank You again can't wait for your book.

[@cyndiburns7932]

I found it helpful that evolving from one trauma based personality to another can be part of the process. Wasn't aware of that. I certainly have changed, but unfortunately, have not always been sympathic to the changes at times. Recently, I have been challenged by lots of family drama and loss due to illnesses and death. So my triggers have blossomed in not a comfortable way. , I am definitely learning and letting go of more issues through this process. It never seems pretty or easy. Simple, yes, but not easy. Thank you so much Patrick for your continuing to reach out and helping so many of us.❤ God bless you in your thoughtful and kind help.

[@appletherapy]

That's brutal. As a lonely person. I don't like it when people are degraded and told they're not worth it. I want friends and these people who are gone, could've been my friends.

[@UnMoored_]

I always find it stunning to hear someone describe early childhood memories since I only possess less than a dozen fleeting moments of memories prior to the age of seven.

[@stephaniegraham3774]

It's the same for me.

[@UnMoored_]

@@stephaniegraham3774 Hopefully you have managed make progress. I now understand a great deal about what happened in my family and how it has affected my life, but where I am completely stuck is grieving. I don’t have a way to open my heart without processing the heartache and loss. My disassociation is like a concrete wall.

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Me too and mostly not positive ones

[@jessicatorres3679]

Same here. Has anyone done any work to try to recover memories? I really dislike not having any good memories. Sometimes I see old family pictures and wonder where that memory went.

[@Nibiru3600X]

@@jessicatorres3679 Since I have isolated to do major healing work away from all the toxic ppl…and since I’ve researched narcissism & all it’s effects, I’ve felt a surge of memories pouring back in!!! Some good, some bad, but I’m sitting with all of them & pondering deeply to see the memory clearly & more deeply. All the noise & abuse or harshness, (gaslighting especially!) will cause memory loss because your mind wants to disassociate with that pain, but it doesn’t have to be permanent 🙌❤️‍🩹

[@reneepatton3654]

Okay actually I think I've been all these things. I am much less hostile now than I used to be when I was still in fight or flight mode as a single parent. I think what continues these patterns is that, being neurodivergent, even though I've worked through so many issues from my childhood, stuff keeps getting triggered. I'm still feeling rejected, unloved, and unseen when I make a social blunder, which triggers a lot of shame. At the same time, I think part of the problem is that I don't feel safe showing my authentic self (how many times have I been shot down for showing my authentic self?). Thank you for these insights. I feel so seen and safe watching your videos and hearing your words.

[@no-dg2vl]

This is fantastic. I feel seen and find myself in a lot of these types. Also, it is evolving. Thank you for sharing this and doing this talk. I am going to find professional help. Just recently I found my way out of a very unhealthy coping mechanism.

[@alyssajost4027]

You should do a video about maladaptive daydreaming

[@m.maclellan7147]

Second !

[@sharonnelson3209]

I’d love to see that!

[@heatherluman7619]

Thanks!

[@chriswoolum8955]

Thank you for all you're doing, Patrick

[@Aetherfield]

Developmental Darkness + Real World Events = Depression. It’s difficult to value a life and efforts to see beauty feels unauthentic and dishonest.

[@lilakihn3688]

yep i have this expereince

[@sierradaun5389]

Primary “Are We Good” with some secondary “Ghost”. Crazy how accurately I felt described. So entirely true that I did not recognize what was happening to me & what had happened was abuse. If someone hadn’t told me & I hadn’t seriously considered it, then I would still be ignorant of it today. It strikes me how affected I get by learning new things about myself like this. I recognize that I have begun healing, but I still have a long ways to go.

[@Star10864]

Wow, this is amazing. So helpful!! Thank you.

[@courtrae7167]

I believe I am in the realm of hostile and darkness, but ghost resonated as well. I’ve definitely been all three at various stages in my life. I’m so grateful for your channel! It has helped me give myself grace with some of my behaviors, but also made me so aware of them that I feel I’ve been able to actually work to change them. (Still in progress). Thank you Mr. Teahan 🙏🏻

[@Lore788]

Unlearning and learning. Former doer. 😢This information is incredible and helpful, thank you!🙏❤️

[@joanaborrellsanchez9225]

"They aporoach connection like other things in their lifes, as having something on the 'to do' list". This is what I do and I didn't even knew that. Thanks Patrick for all that information.

[@Joy-30]

I’ve been both ghost and are we good in my relationships. I’m working on being more expressive and not holding onto feelings.

[@sydneychambers]

Darkness and Are We Good is a hilarious but tough combination 😅

[@laurenl720]

I see myself as a doer and possibly a ghost, and are we good. Great podcast.

[@KareolynnJewole]

So far I think I’m all 3 that you have mentioned The doer who helps me avoid people The hostile I get very angry when I’m screamed at The darkness absolutely I’ve been negative. And suicidal my whole life However I’m still here Havinb both parents die by age 5yo and been used by an abuser I never wanted to live Nothing makes me happy I can pretend to be happy but it’s fake

[@QueenHalo]

I’m still getting out of the “are we good” trauma response 😅

[@David-eu1ms]

It seems like we all go through the same sort of things.

[@margaritajohns7907]

This is a great study of personality studies, I am very interested since their was no interest in the 60’s and 8 of us siblings grew with not much throughs about us each individually missing our special gifts. Later Divorse made everything worse for us all last children. Parenthood is a serious job and a gift. Looking forward for more pot casts.

[@stephaniekelly3223]

Wow Patrick, this really hit home. Thank you!

[@vidoxi]

really accurate. it's scary to not know who you are without these things.

[@PixxieHaxx]

Got to say that I'm a little bit surprised the two that I'm most associated with are hostile and are your analysis insinuates that those are not compatible... I've been looking for a therapist for months and haven't found a good match and I'm in so much pain and intense crisis and I cannot seem to find the help i need

[@kimberlygabaldon3260]

Thank you, Patrick

[@maddigan13]

I find this really interesting and accurate. I was a darkness that became an all good (with a bit of the doer). Where I disagree is the "finding anger" about how we were "set up." I don't think we need to be angry to heal. I think anger stunts healing. Our parents had their own factors (genetic, childhood trauma, mental health, style they were parented with etc.,). That lead them to behave in the ways they did. I think understanding why we developed some of our less healthy patterns is useful but I don't think the anger towards our "narcissistic" parents serves a purpose. I don't think therapy should feel like a battle between good and evil and this is what turns a lot of people off of therapy.

[@sarahlongstaff5101]

He always talks about these group therapies he got to attend. I wish such things existed for everyone. I’m 56 now and lived all over the country and have never been able to find one. Al-Anon and CoDA just don’t compare bc they eschew professionals and science. It makes me sad. A real support group sounds terrific.

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

It seems I can be all of these at some point in time. Not all at once, but I can go through spells, especially darkness

[@jasmined9607]

Thanks patrick. Love your channel. You really hit me with the first and last types. I'm trying to get back into therapy.

[@illumintent]

holy cwap... I cannot unhear this

[@gingercurlygirl6943]

I've always struggles with the American concept of an "Irish Goodbye". I don't know if you're being ironic or sarcastic. As an Irish person living in Ireland, there is no such thing as a quick exit during a family gathering such as a wedding. You need to srtart making your preparations to leave at least an hour before you want to go. If you miss out on saying goodbye to one great aunt, they will hold it against you forever! Anyway I digress. I've been a hostile, especially as a teenager, when I raged against the unfairness of how I was treated in relation to my Golden Brother, and how my Flying Monkey sister aided and abetted my mother. A darkness as a young adult at Uni, when I was probably actually depressed. I am now probably more of a do-er, although I struggle to get projects started due to perfection procrastination, and I hate giving over projects to others as I see it as a personal failing on my part.

[@rubberkiwi1]

I'm the ghost! 👻 ..I have a lot of work to do on getting better as I am still much a loner kid.

[@mikelobrien]

Thanks, Patrick. This is so helpful. I see myself in a couple of these personalities. Definitely worth a re-listen and note--taking session! 🙂

[@cnoor30]

This is very helpful. Thank you very much ❤❤

[@josefinemilo]

I'm a ghost and are we good.. 😱😅

[@whiteumbrella9344]

I would be interested in hearing about a related topic if you have not already discussed it. What are the "worst" or "most difficult" or "unworkable" combinations in your opinion. I understand it would be based on your experience and studies so not 100% citable. To explain more: I think I am "Doer" primary and "Ghost" secondary. My mom sounds like a "Are we good?" type and that fits because she experienced a lot of physical punishment and fundamental attitudes (i.e. sexism) as a child not just from others but from her parents. Anyway, my mother drives me crazy. We have no relationship because she is infuriating. So I am wondering if we are opposite sides of the spectrum and if that leads to more relationship issues. This example is an example of the topic. What types have the most issues dealing with each other which leads to more difficulty resolving issues in counseling?

[@cosmichouseofrose9788]

Excellent! Thank you!❤

[@lenaackerman2499]

yay, i realize i do not relate to any of these. i’ve outgrown some of these traits. guess i am more healed than i thought! praise God 🙏🏼

[@raisa_heaven]

An are-we-good, plus a doer, plus a ghost. Definitely old or sometimes present me. Definitely getting angrier, asking for help, demanding respect. Learning how to disagree aloud.

[@TheLove1Makes]

Good lesson thanks

[@nelliefoxx133]

What if we are a bit of each. I guess it depends on my day where I am an overdoer, are we good and ghost when my energy is just drained from being around others. I work in healthcare, so I am around people all day everyday. But then again, I’m very blunt and can be a hostile. I was with a hostile for 10 years and never was before being with him. I’m wondering if I picked it up from him. He was very abusive and narcissistic. Does that mean I am poly-type unicorn? Your videos are actually eye opening for me. I never wanted to blame my parents for my trauma but the facts and evidence are there. It’s good to know why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do. Thanks!

[@yonitznkc]

Mostly, my life has been The Ghost, with lesser extents as Hostile and Are We Good modes.

[@lilakihn3688]

the all good, i believe came out in me as the 'easy child' , people pleasing never actually worked, so I also for sure, and I think even as a teen said, I choose darkness this all fucked. (i used horror movies as very young child to deal with my family patterns as well). i got jealous the fighter types because it looked better to me and usually they were boys

[@inairby4freedom]

I’m up to the dark and honestly I think I’m a little of everything is that possible???? Half way through the podcast. I have to keep listening but this is how I feel at this moment 😂

[@onni_mafia]

What do I do if I relate to all of them😅

[@toota9125]

Therapy

[@PupFinn]

What if someone identifies with all 5? Would that relate with a disorganized attachment style?

[@patricksicard_psy]

Photos aren't visible.

[@Nibiru3600X]

That “spark” I have always been able to see in people’s eyes since I was very little. I’ve learned the Thai call it our “Original face”… the YOU before the trauma ❤️‍🩹🙏💫

[@shadowolf9659]

💫💯💫🐺

[@kahlodiego5299]

The darkness is like Lydia in Beetlejuice.

[@lilakihn3688]

my mother used to say 'hey that's you'

[@yumildarodriguez1175]

Do you do therapia

[@fussyfissy]

I feel like all of these but more so the do-er/are we good

[@veggiet2009]

It would be nice if there was a link to the original video somewhere, like in the description

[@phyllisandpaullenz4461]

Is the "doer" the same as advoidant?

[@B1gGMoox_DaKiiD]

I feel more myself when Im drunk. Which is dangerous lol

[@naturalist369]

No childhood photos can be seen. Just the one photo of you grown up stays up, so you know .

[@Mira-qk9cl]

I still don't know which one I am

[@Mira-qk9cl]

but I'm pretty sure I'm not a are we good 😅 and not the hostile

[@bluemoony102]

27:16 🤚🏼🐺🕸️✂️🍄🌻🐞⏳🕯️🌕🩰

[@bluemoony102]

28:27 30:30 31:48 🤚🏼

[@yonitznkc]

The Ghost!

[@naturewitch8687]

I feel I’m a doer

[@peacerun]

I’m not seeing the photos of you as a child, etc

[@inthenebula92]

Can't see my comment, might be because of the link. But the audio is from a video he did a few months ago.

[@RLFinTX]

This is just audio.

[@peacerun]

@@inthenebula92 thank you. I thought it sounded like a video I watched before.

[@peacerun]

Thank you

[@patricksicard_psy]

Got it. Thanks.

[@georgerobins4110]

Realizing I was raised by two hostiles lmao No wonder I was so angry…

[@MKp-ij4ph]

All of them😅😅😅

[@devoradamaris]

🫂sharing🫂thankYOU 👑

[@georgerobins4110]

Tfw you’re kind of all of them… Just DID things, I guess lol

[@TheLove1Makes]

Good lesson thanks