It's okay if you can't do it anymore

[@mewnboy]

“Waiting for them to finally understand” god yeah. you’re hitting a lot of notes for me. thank you for sharing this, I’m still going through it.

[@corriemcclain7960]

It always surprises me how often someone else who is estranged from family says the same things I have thought. The justification we put ourselves through is awful. My situation is completely different from yours, but the trauma is so similar. It shouldn't surprise me at this point, but it does and it also remind me, it's universal not a personal failing.

[@FabulousKilljoy]

I haven’t spoken to my dad in almost 2 years, and my mom in almost 3. Best decision I ever made was to tell them I couldn’t do it anymore.

[@mqbirkholz]

This video popped up in my feed right as I'm dealing with some pretty intense devolution of my relationship with my family over them non-stop harassing me over my decision to get a trans affirming surgery. My experiences are definitely a bit similar to yours. I left when I was 17, moved to another country, and it's just been a decade since of trying so hard to make things work, putting up with lots of queerphobic abuse and being deadnamed and misgendered and taking a huge psychological toll from the emotional labour to justify your existence to them. And yeah, it's that thing, where they always say they love me and that I'm the difficult/selfish one when I temporarily block them or try to establish boundaries etc., so watching this was really exactly what I needed to hear, thank you so much. 💛💛I don't know yet whether I'm estranged, but just hearing that it's okay to distance myself even though I love them is so helpful.

[@Shartreuse1312]

I want to tell you that you do not owe any of us a full detailed description of something that we know was very traumatic! I wouldn’t want you to go through making that video unless you felt it was necessary for yourself! 💞

[@rocketraccoon98]

Agreed. 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

[@finn4647]

thank you for sharing this, i've always found it hard to give myself permission to feel upset about how the actions of others (especially family) impact me, so it's really nice to have someone say it for me. i love these videos so much, and i hope you're doing well ♥

[@ghoulnamedsarah7714]

this video showed up randomly in my feed, and im glad it did. i saw you knitting and got out my cross stitch project to stitch along. i like what you said about not knowing if this relationship will be over forever or come back. i believe anyone can change, but its not up to me to wait here and take the abuse until that happens. i dont want to build up habits mirroring my father's by not making the big choices i need to make for my peace and safety

[@instcofelovr4]

You're incredibly brave for trying again and again. I'm in a similar position currently. I will be meeting with them to retrieve my personal documents; like birth certificates, and passports but that will be the last time I'll feel comfortable seeing them again. Your voice is really important to me, and this video came at such a needed time. Thank you! I will always tune into what you have to share

[@milkydoesstuff1828]

Your voice is so relaxing and enjoyable to listen too. I also have estranged myself from close family members.. nasty experience but overall positive for my mental health better out than in has never been truer

[@echelus]

This just popped up in my recommendations and I'm so glad it did. It hit close to home because I am also a 22-year-old lesbian from an immigrant family (albeit in Australia, not the UK). I have not yet managed the courage to run away from my parents' house. I also care so, so much for my family and it has stopped me from living the life I want to lead. I am glad you managed to get out of there and I hope someday they can understand. I wish you a safe journey from here on out. From what I can see of it your crochet is delightful.

[@Izzytreyvaud]

This really hit home, on a very deep level. I wish I had let myself give up when I was at my limits. All of the trying just ended up being re-traumatizing for myself and didn't actually let me see them and accept them for who they are and their own limits as humans on this planet. Thanks for this video.

[@ramyachandrasekaran6340]

Thank you so much for sharing all of this. It really speaks to the current position am in right with my family. I really appreciate being able to hear someone else share their perspective on such a resonating matter. As i thought about it, i realized this felt so lovely to watch because i have been feeling so alone in my venture to run away from my family. Nobody i know has done it. The ones that have done it, aren't people i know in any form so i hadnt had the chance of hearing the actual experience of another person who had a similar experience as mine. I always felt like i dont have a blueprint for this path i have chosen. It feels like every step ahead the fogs clears as i take the step. Your video made me feel like someone else understands and has taken this path before and i feel slightly less alone.❤

[@elspethfougere9683]

So glad you got clear. It's the hardest thing to recognise that it's just not going to heal. When asking you to "come home" is actually about them saving face, and not about actually welcoming who you really are. Sometimes those family circumstances can just add to the family control, and the enmeshment, and insistence that that's just how it has to be.. it doesn't. You do have the right to be safe. You do have the right to heal, have support, away from coersion and control, and inherited trauma. It's truly ok. It has to be ok. Yeah, it is so much more nuanced than mostly gets shown. I'd love to listen to your thoughts on that experience and journey. Take care ❤️

[@ThatFlamingFroggo]

I'm not estranged, but contact is limited. There is a thread of commonality in that as I am Queer, and biracial, (Black and white [American[), there are some challenges I experience with family on my dad's that feels uniquely colored by the ways older Black folk cope with all the isms which can be unhealthy, that just doesn't lend to Queer and Trans identities. Hell, mental health too can be a tedious subject too. While I love them so much, and long for a closeness that is clearly lacking, coming to terms that it's not just me who is responsible for a relationship has been hard but also a relief. And I'm over a decade older than you. I've come to terms with this, with different members at different times. I'm tired of being made to feel I'm a burden, or some screw up, and every time I see them, something happens where my emotions are diminished and dismissed, and I feel responsible for explaining the same things about my Trans identity, on repeat. Workin on a letter actually, to get a lot of thoughts and emotions out and it has been really therapeutic. It's taking a while since it's full of a lot of things that need to be said.

[@emilyb.8222]

i'm also estranged from my family. it makes life so difficult and strangers make really cruel comments when they find out. i never try to explain myself, though. i admire you for looking out for yourself like this 💛

[@soliloqvy]

thank u so much for sharing ur story and for ur videos, they are so relatable and help a lot. (thank u sm for the subtitles lately too!!) oh and usually i knit or crochet while watching your videos but today i was eating

[@Bi_scotti_5]

this is what I've been needing to hear. as nice as it seems, I'm kind of tired of hearing the found family pleasantries. being given permission to stop waiting for my parents or keep trying with them is all I needed. thank you so much

[@hodgeh]

I was knitting along with you and as I all too often do, considering going no contact with my family. thank you for speaking openly and sharing on this subject

[@asmrearthchild3315]

Everything you say and the way you talk about this topic really resonates with me. Thank you so much for being brave enough to talk about such an important and somewhat taboo topic. You’re amazing ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@sevikasstar]

thank you for sharing this, as a young lesbian hearing experiences from other queer people in general is so important for me and many other people. i hope that youll continue making the decisions that are right for you in the future and i’m sending love to every queer person who is or has been in this kind of situation. may you all find safety and peace. 🤍

[@Moon_beams96]

I am going through this right now, and I feel that you are a couple of years ahead of me in the process and are able to put words to this experience of not wanting to give up on making them understand. I am unsure if you would make a video on the topic, but I struggle with missing/morning my siblings because I had to stop contact with them too since being estranged. I also left a note before leaving. How difficult was it for you to leave your siblings in this way? Do you still have contact with them at all? Thanks for making these videos, they are really healing for me

[@sonofmaroons]

yes yes please make the video about breaking the cycle. your voice is so soothing and you speak about this with such tact and nuance. thank you for being here ❤️

[@UndeadGirlCyber]

I am lucky to have a good relationship with my parents but parts of your video reminded me of an abusive relationship I was in. Specifically the part about it being my fault if I give up and feeling like there are not enough words in the world to explain myself in a way where I would be understood (because the other person can't or doesn't want to understand). Thank you for sharing.

[@sobers8105]

This is very scary. Because this came at just the right time for me. I actually rlly needed to hear this. I’m trans and I’m gonna tell my parents soon and it’s not going to go well. So u have helped me thank u

[@outoftheoven7388]

absolutely love your hand tats wow

[@Aboutsata]

Right video. Right moment. Thank you.

[@stephenie44]

What weight yarn do you use? Your vests are phenomenal You’re allowed to have boundaries, no matter your family background. Great job saying this isn’t working, I know how hard that can be.

[@raetrillium]

This has really comforted me, I needed to hear this. Thank you

[@starberrysweetee1495]

That sounds like a very important video to make, I really do hope you’re the one to make it

[@illuminatiCorgi]

Those knitting skills though!

[@Luke-zv6bb]

This is a very complicated subject, great job!

[@hibaa8929]

sorry to comment before finishing the video, i’ll do it eventually but i was reading the comments while watching and started crying. I just wanted to talk to someone who might have the same experience as me but without having to resort to reddit lol, anyway i’m 30 and still living with my parents, but i tried running away when i was 15, 18 and the last time was when i was 24, but i always manage to get dragged back and at this point i’m thinking the only way out is dying, but i still care enough about them to not want them to find me so now i just feel really stuck, and it feels like i shouldn’t because at my age people are able to have jobs and can be independent but i only managed high school and a few months of jobs before barely being able to leave the house and i don’t know what’s wrong with me. sorry if that was all unrelated to the video but i don’t really know where else to put it

[@lonely_lucifer4770]

Thank you for making these videos. I know in the future i will likely be in your same situation so thank you beacuse now atleast i know im not alone.

[@Hu...uh.101]

You are a gem

[@BooksUnstitched]

Some grown up ass adults are too fragile to recognise the wrong they’ve done and apologise 🙃 my parents are the same

[@talkswithtea4746]

❤‍🩹❤‍🩹