Boundaries - The R Spot - Season 3 - Episode 9

[@knucklehoagies]

This applies to friendships. Setting boundaries will turn off alot of people around you but the TRUE friends are the ones who will understand and respect those boundaries.

[@tanjavoliclifecoaching7569]

Jay P yesssss👌👌👌

[@heatherhafso4219]

Tanja Volic llllllllllllllpplppplppppppplllllplllplllplppplppplppllllllllllllllllpllllplplpplp

[@William_Clinton_Muguai]

Yap! Yap! Yap! I know this first-hand!❤️❤️

[@bucumivumilia247]

Yes!!

[@plutoprincess777]

Boundaries have helped me SO much. I used to be a people pleaser and it was EXHAUSTING.

[@fruitsofspirit6903]

People do what we allow/tolerate. In early years, I did not set boundaries, I accepted poor treatment , I didn't know how value/love me. I use to have constant coversations with God, asking why was I treated in certain manner by some? God express to me the I was responsible for how others treated me. Over a period of time, I began to mature in this area, I began to set boundaries. Once I advised of my standards, if violated, I walk after a second offense, I will put space between us until honored or forever if necessary!!! People should never be important to the extent that, you love others more than self. Love your self enough to take a permenant walk when you're not valued/respected/appreciated/ accepted for who you are!!!!!!

[@gbrieannful]

Boney Dixon so true

[@lisaherring-jones5129]

That's it, people will treat you like you allow them to treat you 💯

[@William_Clinton_Muguai]

"You don't have to do anybody the favor of diminishing yourself in order to please them."❤️❤️❤️

[@jessicagrant335]

Setting boundaries frees those that aren't truly for your good... ✌ 💘

[@Anisha..Alayna]

🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣💯💯🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

[@lilmama60649]

Is it just me but do anyone wish they had her direct phone number, just to talk about your current situation

[@byoutifulmusic]

Antionette Bell lol yes.. I fantasize about curling up in her lap and just having a good big ol babygirl cry..

[@Shadowystoriesunveilved]

Her phone line would stay busy, she leaves her email but it’s probably over crowded...

[@TheArtOfBri]

Antionette Bell I want to call her right now. I’m having relationship troubles

[@Justme-lx5oq]

I want so bad to talk to this woman. OH MY does my family need her help. Of course their are many in the world watching her sees, hears and watches her (theirs are all important) yes, yet being 59 years old now and still in same place as I was a child with my family members need her. I pray that when any of you DO GET TO HER SHOW, get a CALL FROM HER, open your heart and take heed to her advice. Please know FAMILY IS SO IMPORTANT, Life is so important. I so don't know how to reach this woman. Please help me to find her. I would love her direct line as well Antionette Belle' if you received it.Or anyone else can send it to me. thank you

[@Justme-lx5oq]

how do I connect with Miss Vanzant. email or otherwise. I know she is soo soo busy.. need her help ASAP

[@Sunflower__Queen]

I really need to hear this every morning until it sinks in. I am so concerned about hurting other people's feelings when I know for sure that they couldn't be bothered about how I feel. When someone hurts me, I often don't tell them because I don't want them to be sad or feel hurt by me. It makes absolutely no sense I know. But I'm really trying to change and this video's got me thinking about a lot of things. Thank you Iyanla.

[@DOTMH_1]

sandisiwe noholoza I will tell you there are monster out there that look for people like you and me. They see the kind heart and attack. Narcissists love us.

[@yvette6108]

Maat11...you are so right. I am the same way too. I truly don't like to hurt folks feelings and will avoid conflict by not saying how I really feel. It hasn't worked out too well for me so I am now slowly but surely learning how to say exactly what I need to say. Going along to get along is not the right path to take. It took me years to learn that lesson.

[@mzflowerbucket9720]

sandisiwe noholoza you are not alone. I try my best to avoid conflict so I let things slide but I'm slowly learning to set boundaries & stick to them. There's a book, 'The Four Agreements' that helped tremendously not with boundaries specifically but a lot of other areas of my life. I re-read it quite often. It's definitely helpful. You should check it out.

[@lesanye1192]

Michelle Terry holly molly do I need to learn and look at this boundary topic and apply it to my life

[@alliswell.1212]

sandisiwe noholoza you're an empath

[@danidream4267]

She just explained boundaries so well and in depth that it makes so much sense.

[@ebbyc1817]

Listening to this, I can see why having parents that actually protected you is so important. This is so hard to do if you've never been protected and have effectively had to protect yourself from your own caregivers, from the disappointment, the pain, the loneliness. You either have "walls", as opposed to boundaries, or it's just open season because you're allowing everyone to get in.

[@lumumba31]

I second that!

[@sonjakent7981]

So true and well said

[@MissVoiceOfReason]

Currently healing from this...

[@tiffsmith8359]

Yesss

[@browneyez1559]

This comment made me cry. My parents, particularly my mother, has no boundaries therefore I didn't learn any and it is now effecting all my relationships

[@souadabdellahassen6917]

“When you don’t set boundaries, it teaches what people thing you of and most importantly what you think of yourself”

[@alib5074]

Boundaries are so important. I learned this year's ago. You can't let people disrespect or stress you out. I've had to create a few over the years and I will continue. Certain types of people do not deserve all of your energy and time. I'm all about clarity.

[@44Stephieb]

I just had to do this today. I am dating and put up a boundary and the other person wasn't with it. That's ok I feel good about me and that is more important than anything else!!!

[@miraim-b5572]

Stephanie Bullock I am proud of you hearing that.

[@maguiedossantos2925]

Stephanie Bullock proud of you👌👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@mattiethesurfer]

Congrats!!!!!!

[@cynthiaward8084]

Stephanie Bullock Awesome!

[@cynthiaward8084]

I am proud of you.

[@1230yonewt]

As a beaten down woman I find solace and glory in your words

[@YungWittyHoe]

I'm so sorry that you're a beaten down woman, I really hope that you can overcome everyone who is trying to keep you down...

[@lkvalentine4023]

🖤🖤

[@Cat-sx6ep]

Yass

[@sharigetzfit6042]

When u set boundries for yourself people tell you that you've changed and are acting different..well im setting boundries for MY LIFE because it is mine to live and if they cant accept them, they can choose to remove themselves from my life or find a way to respect them to be in my life.

[@mirandasmith8501]

Lay them boundaries down early and stand by them. If they love and care and you they will respect it and abide by them. If not let them GO😃

[@indiahindiah7295]

I agree that's why I choose to do everything in me to give him out ..it's what he wants now

[@jamesjscorpio34]

Boundaries are important. I have to start enforcing mine.

[@Chrys719]

I love how you teach, i believe that if i set boundaries, announce and reinforce them will allow me to not get upset or overreact for an inappropriate behavior. Thank you Iyanla!

[@quathetruth8314]

She is a well evolved Virgo! Love her. I’m sure she had one hell of a journey to be where she is in her spirit to help others get aligned! Just God all around her!

[@classyclark7379]

I have a lot of respect for your wisdom and knowledge!

[@olliesexplorations9532]

This is absolutely beautiful. I’m so glad that a friend of mine shared these videos with me, and now I have meetings with Iyanya in my spirit when I meditate. So much wisdom.

[@ezsmeraldaverduzco2258]

Finally! " A how to" clearly inform others of your boundaries with calm energy & respect. Really helpful when used examples becuase I had no clue how to approach it without feeling defensive. Excellent tutorial :0)

[@Seeingisntbelieving]

I needed this message my soon to be ex husband does not respect or honor my boundaries. I realize I must be clear, set consequences, and be prepared to act on them.

[@mala9880]

😊👍

[@mala9880]

Go girl

[@michelleplaskoff9920]

Boundaries have saved my life and my sanity ❤

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

You can love someone and simultaneously acknowledge that a person who does not have boundaries and does not respect yours, is simply not SAFE for you.

[@KeeNeeSha]

I have a temper that most times I can’t be calm. I realized by watching this that people resist and fight back when the energy received is negative. There’s a way to speak and not to speak to people. At times when we reach the height of being overly upset, it’s hard to find the calmness until the temper is gone. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life. I now have a better more direct understanding of creating my boundaries and that it is ok. I am important. If they respect you enough they will fix it. I love this woman. Stay blessed people!!!!

[@mikalmccoy530]

I needed to hear this lesson today. I compromise one of my boundaries for a friend of nearly 30 yrs. She asked me to make her a hip hop CD of cursing which I call the devil's playlist. After going back & forwards with her for 15 min, I gave in to her request, but was not happy. She could not grasp my point of view. I told her whatever or who has your ear have influence & garbage in garbage out. So, she played the friend card on me, so I told her I would do this just once. Now I'm kicking myself for going against my standards. As a Christian I know better, but I still accommodated her wishes. As of today I will set & announce my new & old boundaries with a stick-to-itiveness. Thanks! Just the insight & the kick I needed.

[@jeanettemorris8472]

Going through a divorce because I did not set boundaries. I WILL set boundaries now that we are co-parenting. Thank you so much and God's blessings to you as you are such a blessing to others.

[@strethy]

Jeanette Morris wishing you happiness and freedom in this new your phase of your life

[@jeanettemorris8472]

Thank you so much, strethy! That is EXACTLY what I am feeling! HAPPINESS & FREEDOM!!!

[@naturalforme]

Thank you!! My mother has been crossing my boundaries for awhile now and I'm finally going to address this

[@icqdestiny]

Thanks Iyanla for confirming my decision to set boundaries long ago...people think I 'm mean . Two days ago I was feeling particularly sad and made a video journal of my feelings and I said the same thing. Your confirmation was a blessing!

[@charlzwill495]

Right on time Ms Iyanla I have been setting boundaries with my neighbour friend and had to set a distance between us as she just kept sending her 2 girls over my house almost everyday and i have a 7year old and a new born. Our relationship has changed hugely because of it but i am more peaceful now! Some thinhs2 have tp.change for ur sanity

[@MissRhane]

Expect, allow, accommodate, and tolerate - boundaries keep you safe! Yup (self love is the best love;stand your ground)

[@adamsribmediatv]

This is a word in due season for me. I've been abstinent for the past 22 years and have had a real problem getting "Christian men" to stop trying to drag me back into sexual sin. Thank you for this posting. It's a reminder to stand my ground with the men I run into.

[@larsandradouglas3119]

22years 🙌🏼TGBTG 👑👑

[@tam3962]

Watching this video is so big for me! I realize that I have actually celebrated not having boundaries all my life... it's time for change. Thank you!

[@tonettaclay8337]

Thank you for creating this video. I've had a difficult time establishing boundaries and expect people to just know. I now realize I have to have clear defined boundaries as well as consequences.

[@beblessed6844]

I was so excited when I saw 25minutes cause I never get tired listening to you. Thank you so much for helping me in my life journey💗

[@KS-sr5tb]

your advices are the essence of many books about boundaries - thank you ANGEL ON EARTH

[@macphallic]

I'm interested in attending these workshop weekends, because I'm so ready to advance the emotional work on myself. I wonder if they are only for women or open for men also.

[@byoutifulmusic]

Mac Morris get in there my dear brotha

[@myrahj1482]

So good to gain all these methods and knowledge while working on myself solo. Ms. Iyanla your wisdom, books and teachings are so appreciated! Thank you!

[@eringray3796]

Thank you for these! Thank you for sharing this! I have ALWAYS ignored and not established boundaries in my relationships and now I am and the power I have make me feel so free.

[@Shechatsalot]

This is very insightful, if I have children(I am in my 20's so I have some time before I have kids) I hope these videos are still around because I definitely would make my kids watch them. It will sure help in building self worth and understand what one will and will not accept in his/her life.

[@gayle2020]

Very good information. I have started years ago setting boundaries but this made me realize they have to be reinforced alittle bit more.

[@happylindsay4475]

Ok, this is on repeat!!! This was so beautifully articulated. Thank you Iyanla- continued love,peace and blessings.

[@hienienguyen6766]

Man I wish you were here right now in my life. I'm very proud that I stood strong in my boundaries against my ex. He was very disrespectful he crossed the boundaries against what he did after we broke up. He was trying to get involved with my present relationship. Nope I'm glad I told him that's unacceptable

[@julierobinson8173]

You are the highest authority on you 🙏🏽

[@hendrickcoward8975]

I love the way she explains things it helps me alot

[@TheChampdeFleurs]

This helped so much that I've written down my values, beliefs and my boundaries. I am truly clear now! yes. I feel powerfilled again

[@mssultryrich601]

Excellent vid! My boundaries were stripped in my childhood so as an grown person, learning too set them has been my biggest Challenge but my voice is getting stronger! And setting boundaries in my life now are very important to me in any relationship that I have whether it is with family my husband and children coworkers

[@labellegene7971]

MsSultry Rich it’s unfortunate that a lot of us have been stripped of our self respect and boundaries in childhood.

[@NaturallyHERS]

Same here. Slowly but surely Im gettimg the hang of it. Wishing you well on your journey

[@sadie9386]

You can't establish boundaries if you don't first believe that you deserve them.

[@maraya61687]

Thank you for this information. I never knew how to recognize why i was feeling so depressed. Everything that this episode has mentioned is how i have been for the past 25 years. Thank you for allowing me to see what i was doing wrong

[@sugasweet1651]

Ms Iyanla i love you so much for your surport and knowledge u r really giving me the wisdom and overstanding that i need to create a happy and healthly life .. THANK YOU

[@jananthony7308]

So wise your word are very powerful may God continue to bless you so that you can continue to bless others

[@nof3424]

this video is GENIUS - BOUNDARIES are a top life skill, inexistent to CODEPENDANTS unfortunatelly, and the lack of boundaries invite to abuse - THANK YOU IYANLA

[@claranorise2467]

Learning everyday. Im also learning to set boundaries i hadnt previously set for myself. I have to tell you feels good.

[@FunintheSun813]

This was EXCELLENT!! My 50 yr old brother disrespects my 75yr old mom daily-- why? She never set boundaries. She loves him too much and allows him to yell at her and belittle her. But i agree with Iyanla i will not allow elders to be disrespected in my presence--if it continues i will report. No more empty threats. Btw he lives under her roof because he is broke and divorced and mad at the world. But this helped me!! Thank you sister❤

[@larsandradouglas3119]

🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Kylestaranimated]

boundaries are definitely needed in a marriage for respect for each other

[@indiahindiah7295]

A friend asked me once how my marriage lasted for ten yrs I told her ..Repect because now that it's been 20yrs with no respect Now I need a divorce

[@barbaraross5256]

thanks for the lesson of boundaries we all need this.

[@rietta1166]

Your words of wisdom are so profound..a godsend to this world. Thankyou for sharing your gift. Aw btw..lov the shirt😃

[@theforeigner6988]

One of the most helpful video on boundaries out there. Thank you very much. Keep up the good work.

[@selflovingsensitive]

Sooo well explained. Ive shared with several people whom I know struggle with setting or understanding boundaries or understanding the benefit of them as I used to. I also loved the answer to the question at the end about the husband asking for advice in regards to his wife calling him to evolve. And how men think the answer and women feel it. Beautiful. Iyanla, you have inspired me since my teen years with the TV program Starting Over. I watched it religiously when I was struggling with mental illness and addiction and I've always felt drawn to you. You have such a healing and peaceful energy. Such wisdom. Thank you for all you do. You make such a difference in the world.♡

[@michelebcombs5016]

Thank you for the example on how to set boundaries. I've often issued idle threats. Now I know how to set real boundaries with consequences. Gurl thanks. The advice that you gave to the spouse is my life. I was writing my thank you. So now I've got tio rewind to see what was said.

[@kirstafort2043]

This was very helpful. I need to start practicing healthy boundaries. Thanks

[@linda9389]

Amen Amen Amen this is so true it creates a healthy relationship

[@kizzymulcaster6057]

I have found your advise crucial in changing my thoughts about relationships i think so much more on a deeper level and im enjoying this journey working on myselfand my relationships improving them step by step day by day

[@bethcollier7738]

I'm so glad that I found you and this channel. You are helping me daily.

[@britneycasey5688]

Ms.Iyanla said a whole word and sermon on this one! I needed to hear this as I’m dealing with in law issues and setting boundaries!

[@CAROLYN143-8-9]

I LOVE IT "WOLF TICKETS"...

[@22HW4Life]

I don't know how I came across this but I'm glad I did. I really just did this and I don't know how. This video is a gift from the heavens for me. Thank you universe

[@diamon1312]

I am so grateful that I discovered you cause I have heard a lot of good speakers talking about boundaries but no one did it like you. Such a great woman 👏the great thing about boundaries is that they allow us not only to recreat a sens of that toward our selvs but also towards others.

[@CreoleKing1986]

Another excellent video Iyanla! Side note: I loved you in Girl's Trip!! When you hit her with 'beloved' after letting her have it, I fell out!!

[@bcvc3365]

1) Define your boundary within, 2) Announce your boundary, 3) Communicate what will happen if boundary is violated, 4) Immediately activate the consequence, 5) Expect boundary to be honored.

[@droy589]

Everything was explained so nicely with examples. This will help me a lot.

[@jesssailes4517]

IV been a people pleaser for so long. Only because IV been scared off loosing other's. But watching this has helped me alot. Thank you. Going too take your advice.

[@SheilainFlorida]

This is the most clear and concise video that I have seen on boundaries, Thanks so much!

[@kymmerialucas2379]

Thank you for this video. Took notes and will apply it to my Marriage and Family.

[@krissyg9736]

Oooh, Miss Iyanla!!! BOUNDARIES. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on this subject, the way you break things down is truly a gift, I MUST learn this lesson, I have had problems with boundaries forever!!! I need to watch this a few more times for sure. Question: When meeting someone new, when and how is the correct way to announce your boundaries???

[@soleildhiver7396]

I needed to hear that. Dont be afraid to set boundaries. Accepting situations that are unacceptable Becoming a chronic victim Wanting to please other at your own detriment. Needed to hear these reminders.

[@Laurenalwaysright]

I apply all these lessons to my day to day life and given how articulate I am, I can happily say that all of this is so effective.

[@dlhunt1024]

I love this! I live my life with boundaries…..but I haven’t in the past! You’re great Iyanla

[@lauraelzey6371]

I couldn’t get past the 4min mark without CRYING. Suffering is One thing, admitting that we are Actually suffering is another. We are Not a Victim, We are not a Hero, we are the HUMAN that lays in wait to be acknowledged.

[@royalladyt.5778]

Boundaries are necessary and essential..

[@francescamiddleton5884]

I love this. It is so useful to me. Brilliantly clear and purposed. One thing though. Sometimes children can look as if they are disrespecting caregivers, but actually they're trying to escape in the only way they know how. Be careful of shutting them down, you could do a lot of damage, unintentionally, of course. Also I would never assume the parental role over someone else's child. Unless it happens in your home, or directly at you, then you don't get a say in the behaviour of someone else's child.

[@indimusiq]

Love her.. so light-hearted and informed! I can be sure to learn something new and to lol with every lesson. Thank you for sharing.

[@teneshiajohnson4212]

Thanks this is going to be hard, listening to this give me a sinking feeling, but I know it needs to be done.

[@yoyolove3296]

Hey Hows it going ..rather have a sinking feeling than to be drowned by others ..how did you do..

[@teneshiajohnson4212]

@@yoyolove3296 It's working progress, but I'm making it happen

[@yoyolove3296]

Im on that journey as well i must say it hurt so good. ..do what must be done and things will get better ..they have too

[@FrugalBeauty1]

Ms Iyanla needs an app. For people like me. I need her in my life lol

[@ceeceeobh2707]

Frugal Beauty1 she had an app now, babygirl!!

[@monyawilliams9778]

Thank you for yet another great teaching!

[@mimi-vh3qq]

Can you imagine. This video was uploaded 5 years back. I saved to watch later about 2 weeks back. I listen to it today and I got the answer to something that has been bothering me, which is not even related to the main topic. Wow!! She really is an Angel.

[@valariecrawford3519]

When the student is ready the teacher will appear. Thank you for this message that I will adopt in my life. I have a 86 year old grandmother who constantly yells and curse me almost on a daily basis. I was recently spending time with her since she recently lost her husband but I recently left her house and went back to my own home. She sees the consequences of her bad behavior now. Thanks again for this powerful vedio.

[@maggiejones5113]

You know what this was spa for the soul! You’ve touched me yet again and I’m beyond grateful I came across this jewel! God bless you bountifully and take good care!

[@starh.5122]

This was so on point!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@sherylh9879]

Love the tips on how to communicate the boundary and it’s consequence. So helpful

[@jeanettemolotsi9688]

Wow so profound and eye opening. I lived my life without boundaries and this is been so frustrating and I have abused myself emotionally.

[@cDerb156]

Came here for help with my pushy religious family, got what I needed. Thank you Iyanla. I’ve been listening to you since I was a teenager.

[@mamaria5781]

Thank you soo much Ms Iyanla. Iam blessed by this.

[@cokamao]

This helped me so much! This video in particular has helped me so much. I am genuinely thankful for this!

[@leilaikusura4904]

You are my teacher. And when I fail to explain something clearly, I just turn to you. I forward them your videos, books etc. Thank you for your Ministry. Always💜

[@malaikaabwonji8760]

Wish I remembered this during the last few days. Thank you mom Iyanla.

[@keneshabrown4193]

Loved this. It helped alot. I now see where I have gone wrong.

[@pahzplace7853]

For some people setting boundaries, especially with relatives and family members can be hard, especially if you actually care for them and want to keep them in your life (because at the end of the day, it's not about other people keeping you)........as healthy relationships are about 2 people keeping each other! At no time having the need for others to want you will have anyone disrespect you, as well as will confirm, there's nothing real here! #next. Setting boundaries can be complicated to a immature mind, but when someones mind is mature and understand the intricacies of people and life.............the importance of taking such steps whether with strangers or family will speak volumes once someone experiences the outcome of what it feels like to not set boundaries. Personally I feel, if you're in a relationship of any kind and someone chooses to call you out of your name, boundaries aren't needed..........they have to go. As a union as such isn't in anyway beneficial in planting any kind of healthy seed. Doesn't matter if it is in the near or distant future. Here one would learn how o let go vs, teach someone someone thing they can learn on their own compliments of another experience with another person. As health doesn't come from holding on to poisonous and unhealthy things and bonds

[@prayerpower1585]

Thanks again.

[@clandestineyan7356]

So good iyanla I wish I knew these early on

[@03lisajade]

Thank you Iyanla. Perfect timing as always xx