The Relationship You Are Having With Yourself - The R Spot Episode 6

/ iyanlava. .
The R Spot - On KZbin! Subscribe to Iyanla Vanzant Channel

[@danya8292]

Shining the light on our shadow...Whew! Every Relationship that you've had in your life is a reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself! Preach Iyanla!

[@misskhan1629]

Thank you Iyanla x I grew up with absent parents, moving from foster home to sleeping on friends sofas. I am now a university graduate with a career I love ... but still, I have a lot of anchors that need freeing and many bridges that need crossing (not burning)..... I thought I knew myself, until I saw your videos and was able to pick up on key points which I could relate to that can take me away from the false image that I carry around of myself in my mind.... I am ready to start this journey at 25..... You have freed me a little of the self doubt and self hatred I have.... rather to accept it and explore it ..... I owe you my gratitude x

[@princesscrystalisnice5417]

Miss Khan Awwwwww all things are possible with God. Know your self worth don't try to please people to be accepted and in the end you might end up neglecting yourself. Keep good dear

[@michelehaney5860]

Miss Khan I'm so proud of you!

[@alinaarachnaphobic]

💙💙THANK YOU FOR YOUR STRENGTH AND LIGHT💙💙💙

[@cynthiamichelelowe]

I am a foster parent my daughter, she came into my life at 9. She was severely abused in every way possible in her younger life. When I expressed a desire to adopt her she refused saying that she wanted a family with a mom and a dad. At the time I was unmarried so I did not proceed. She was later adopted by a white family (that detail is important later). She went off to her new life to live happily ever after. Well it was just more of the same she was sexually abused by the "father" emotionally, & verbally abused by the "mother" and took on the role of and indentured servent. Finally at 13 she reported what was going on and the police called me. I asked if she could come back to my home. She lived here until she graduated from high school. There were then and now MANY problems I took her to thereopy but once grown she wouldn't go. Now she is 26 and a mess. My question to you is how do you handle the aftermath of foster care, and all that comes with it? How can I help her?

[@wandadacounselor3047]

BEAUTIFUL lady. I wish you all the best🙏🏾💞

[@shantamiller5956]

Who am I? What matters to me? What do I value? See yourself without judgment. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Appreciate yourself. Honor yourself.

[@rapethriver11]

And show yourself

[@mars1783]

Amen, Queen!!! Love ya Ladies in our

[@shariangreen2205]

YES!!!

[@tamotiafranks1922]

THIS!!!! Spoke to me on so many levels. Almost everything she addressed, I was having issues with from my lack of belief in myself to berating myself for not being further in life financially, emotionally, mentally than I am. I am so OK with it now for I know that things are moving as I have been on this personal growth journey. Baby steps girlfriend. I'm still making moves. Thanks so much Iyanla!!!

[@nikitanewberry]

I'm on a full journey to finding the relationship I'm having with myself...I'm learning to love me more each second...minute...hour...etc...I needed to hear this...Namaste...Blessings...

[@MelanatedGoddess09]

It’s been 3 years. Any update?

[@sekayiperkins7448]

You have answered a life long question. People for years have said love yourself without definition or explanation or instruction. I m an empty nester in a resting phase with a lot of time on my hands. I know I need to work on myself but I didn't know how until now. I have my homework. I will do my work. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH.

[@margiedaniels489]

this is on time!!!! I hope you are working on a book about the SELF!!!

[@healingypsy]

Thats awesome Iyanla. Perhaps the best way to bring the right person into my life is to really know myself and love myself (not judge). Thank you Iyanla. xx

[@tajaforrester7407]

I often tell myself if I didn't had my son at an early age, I would've had my degree and I would've been in the career that I've set out to be in. This message opened my eyes. Thank you, these are more than words of inspiration it's like a blessing to hear them.

[@sophiandethiu2721]

How correct! The thing ...emotion...in your life..your heart shows up when you meet others. We can't go looking for love,.... from who??? Others enable us to express who we are. Don go looking for love!!!Go out to dish it out...

[@SJawaher]

oh lord ! am gettin' chillzzzz, thank u for sharing this Dear Iyanla, i am honoured to confess that i am having a good and beautiful relatinship with me , it s been a long road, but i feel the connection...

[@SoufulRon]

Hi Queen J Jay I'm happy for you. How did you end up feeling the connection?

[@latoyafleming2992]

Wow... I guess this is what Paul felt like once he wasn't Saul anymore. Thank you. I had a serious epiphany at 7:22 - 7:52. I really appreciate this at age 19. You got yourself a new subscriber. God bless. Thank you so much.

[@nestagassama6744]

My life is changing ! feeling so blessed to have the opportunity to hear your message. God bless you Iyanla Vanzant

[@missbemi3614]

This bring tears to my eyes- thank you, Iyanla🌹😊

[@greyarea7313]

What you said in a matter of seconds open up the flood gates of redirecting my thoughts about ME and not this world! Thank you so much!!

[@ayeshiapowell2889]

Ms. Iyanla Vanzant- I have loved you since "Yesterday, I cried" which I read before I was a teenager and have referred to many times in my life. I am so happy that you have come into your greatness and that you have this opportunity to spread your blessings onto so many people. I consider myself a relatively evolved person by the grace of God and his grace only, however I so needed this...I so needed you and your messages. I so needed to hear God's voice through you. I am so thankful for you and God bless.

[@wandadacounselor3047]

Working on myself is very difficult. Im allowing myself to feel feelings that i shut off for years. Out of sight out of mind.. not true, somehow it surfaces one way or another. Im committed to looking head on at all the painful things that surface. Lord give me strength. Thanks Ms Iyanla im late to this but im so worth it

[@aliyahmisri]

Every word of what you said is gold. Throughout the videos, I took my journal and pen and write down and do some homework- ended up with 4 pages of writing. Thank you so much Iyanla!

[@eileencochran2330]

Wow! This really hit home. I want to share this with my kids.

[@natalyakuzminova6146]

I am a very loyal person, extremely faithful and loyal, but I only attract cheaters and liars? HOOOW?

[@9876543216587]

Natalya Kuzminova same here :(

[@gatumbo]

From what she says at the end, look at who you are and how you treat yourself cause it trains people about how they'll treat you.

[@eleven.22_erica]

Natalya Kuzminova I think sometimes we are so loyal and faithful to others that we put others before ourselves . Be loyal and faithful to yourself first .

[@idiosyncraticparadise1655]

When we don't give and do for us....we cheat on ourselves, we cheat ourselves from unconditional acceptance and nurturing...hope that helps in someway

[@thehoneydeev]

Are you loyal to your own principles and pursuit of happiness though? Do you show up for yourself? Do you love you, do you honor you, do you trust you? - repeating notes I took from the video. More power to you 🔥❤️

[@onwana1234]

You look great Mama...

[@elzanyrichter2757]

wow...I really needed to hear that..it really opened my eyes..thank you

[@amrutasutar3055]

I was badly in need of this .. i was searching for this from so long.. maam i really really thank you for sharing this with us.. since childhood i was not understandin whats wrong with me.. why am i not having great relations even whn i be so good with people.. but now that i know tht i never accepted myself as i am ..i always kept hiding behind the shadows of myself ..ohh thank you so much ..i have written down the episode and i am going to act on it and give you a feedback on this.. this is amruta sutar from India

[@SHicks-lg8hy]

💖Thank You For This Word Of Light, Truth And Love💖

[@djuanjones7854]

I was so down and out 😭 but this really did uplift my spirit. Thank you Ms. Inyanla.

[@denisemalcolm4617]

Really needed this really spoke to me.

[@silviakmavakala5685]

I love your videos please don’t stop

[@elaymarie09]

God speed and more power!

[@lub6021]

What a blessing to hear this when I need it.

[@Tiffany_Channell]

I definitely needed to hear this. Thank you for your inspiration and motivation. Better days are ahead for me!!

[@shannonholbrook1406]

So timely and lovingly presented! Thank you so much. I sorta miss the original theme song it was heartfelt cheesy goodness!

[@samuelmicheal5566]

Thanks i'm so happy with the teaching

[@She_powerful1]

Thank you, thank you! This was the missing piece to my healing! I thank Allah for you Ms. Iyanla!

[@Silkyslim48]

I love this video Iyanla oh my goodness this video stepped on my toes. I gotta do this for my self. Thank you!

[@jrbon4619]

I needed to watch is today. Thank you!

[@beautifulqueen3887]

oo she hits a soft spot so true i love her.....

[@billiebillie678]

This was excellent! Thank you Ms. Iyanla!

[@leefaulmann9259]

Thank you Ms Vanzant 🙏. Peace be with you xx

[@jenniferbergman1465]

I'm confused 😐 every relationship I enter is toxic! They all have addictions with alcohol. I don't even drink . They can't handle their business from money to jobs etc.. I stand on my own. Now I've become bitter and guarded and trust No one. No what? What does that say about me? So I have closed off completely. HELP!!!

[@carriedabbs7823]

Jennifer Bergman. check out Codependent

[@sekayiperkins7448]

You may not be the alcoholic but you accept people who don't compliment you. I hope you don't mind my 2cents. Its not what they do its what they give and what you accept.

[@princesscrystalisnice5417]

Jennifer Bergman Absolutely is what you allow . Example if You allow them to hit you and stay in the situation getting abuse all the time is what you allow and that is not loving your self . A little advice court before you have sex next it depends on way you meet them if you meet a guy in the club it means something as well. Thirdly Ask questions . Hope this helps let me know in future dear

[@ThobekaMhlongo6270]

You're a fixer except you're not getting paid for it.

[@DCKA05]

Thank you! i needed this. Blessings to you! ❤

[@luigitanynano]

Love it! just what I needed today! thanks!

[@rolandataylor2307]

Thank you! I needed this today.

[@mimid8930]

thanks so much! I really needed this mesg today

[@shellzbelle8767]

this is just what I needed to be reminded of as I'm do a soul searching year before I turn 30, my ahhaa moment.

[@donnaambrose1234]

So goooood!

[@one-vv2ks]

Future Reference Ticks 5:02 "Who am I?" 6:38 "What do you value?"

[@Silkyslim48]

I love this so much!!!!!!!!! Thank YOU..

[@genad6615]

I've asked God to give me more love. I given that extra love to my kids but when they return it; it irritates me. Why? Got some deep issues.

[@leilani3070]

Than you Miss. Iyanla, peace and love

[@carmenpopescu4971]

thank u, i love you deeply

[@mcdijkhuizen941]

Thank you for sharing the whisdom. I've got lots of work to do. But I'm so happy i have got a sense of humor about all about my flaws. And remembering what i am 'just' human', with my own craziness. And I'm a child of our creater Jehovah, i will cope. Also thank to you lovely sister. Its a pity that i can not Hugh you, because you are very dear to me. Love you a lot, Marianne from the Netherlands

[@gerishelton3254]

Awesome !!

[@cookiescream6627]

I got this video speeded up and I'm working out. I love this ❣️❣️😊😊😊😊 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[@Mindofathinker]

Thanks you, love this!!❤👌

[@shaquilleorlandoromblay786]

Simply amazing

[@normafrances9535]

That was wonderful

[@soul2soul504]

I needed this!

[@chiquitazola3351]

Gracias definitivamente inspirador!

[@teresaeb34]

Best video ever

[@an-g6919]

At 1:12, I know this episode will be one I will probably download on my phone. I am aware, the connection people have with others, is a reflection of how they feel about themselves or how they view themselves. One's perception of life is a reflection of how she/he perceives themselves in this/their life.. based on past/childhood experiences, relationships & her/his self-esteem. I may be able to give myself a "self-evaluation/analysis but, nonetheless, I am still affected/effected by my decisions. My decisions are made with the basis of my principles & my personality traits-- which are vehicles to how I generate expectations of others, my family, friends (new/old), acquaintances, classmates, co-workers etc. Mmmphh!

[@lenorbradley8549]

beautiful.... love your new look.

[@pamelagregg1062]

I am about to listen to this segment and I would like to know Ms. Vanzant where or how can I get that shirt? :)

[@sarai72]

My husband after 13 years said he doesn't want to be in our marriage anymore.... I thought we were ok until he said he feels there's no connection any more. I have been very patient with he's bad temper and talking down at me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it cause for 10 our marriage had been good. The last three he has changed but I wasn't going to leave him. I know he's is very tired, over worked and stressed at work so I didn't take it personally... now he's the one who says he's lost the connection.... I'm so confused. What do I do now. He's my best friend... I have no one else

[@princesscrystalisnice5417]

Sara I Probably he meet someone. You need to let him know your heart your good side be open to him.

[@irie888]

I should've been done this!

[@destinycampos3565]

did anybody see the orbes at the end of the video?

[@sparklesparkle9352]

I have issues 😢

[@lolitaVonline]

Dope! This is Truthtalk!

[@annettenyabuto6383]

Beautiful 💋💋

[@saquoiasmith7874]

first time viewer

[@ryshemafreeman8687]

omg this sounds just like me 😮

[@AnniesLocs]

As women sometimes we neglect ourselves trying to ensure those around us are loved. then we blame those for not returning the same love back to us. What I have realised about myself from this powerful video was that I was the one not returning the love back to myself, I was my first neglector.

[@jmmartin65]

YES! it is sad and it REALLY hurts ... learning this is my hardest lesson!

[@nataliezuniga943]

Hard to admit thank you for expressing that

[@LRamey]

Organic Locs very powerful observation 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾💕

[@Queen-dg2ff]

Yes ,very true. We expect from people what we actually need from ourselves.That what makes us a needy persons 😕I’ll have a pen and a paper and start to write down 😋👍🏻

[@priyankachowdary3395]

I wish you lots and lots of love! I hope you see miracles happen to you and may you receive opportunities that helps you become the best, I mean the best version of yourself! ♥️♥️😄 Wishing you a very very very good day Organic Locs

[@amaliathatgirl9248]

Excellent. I been neglecting myself to make other people happy for years now.

[@genesiasheree]

Amalia A me too and that has to stop.

[@mshill2406]

Amalia A I think a lot of people have that same issue. You are not alone but just realize your life is your own.

[@amaliathatgirl9248]

Genesia Bush yes hun

[@amaliathatgirl9248]

Ms Hill your right, thank you.

[@princesscrystalisnice5417]

Amalia A Its makes you feel miserable when you neglect yourself for others who don't know how to treat you right. It's very important to know yourself worth .

[@fayetaylor1998]

This right here-------------> How you treat yourself trains others how their going to treat you.

[@Shawnmyrelle]

F. L. Taylor that's not at all what she said.

[@fayetaylor1998]

I understand what she's saying. She's talking about the relationships we have with ourselves. And learning who "we" are. The relationships we involve ourselves in Is a reflection of the relationship we're having with ourselves. But she also mentions how people are trained to treat you based on how you treat yourself. Listen to the video at 11:42. Have a peaceful day!

[@Shawnmyrelle]

F. L. Taylor I heard her saying that we all have a dark side that we don't want others to see- and when we see characteristics of this dark side in others, we deal with them in judgmental and spiteful manner. This is light being shed on our dark side. Then she gave her solution to how to accept this in others by embracing ourselves without judgement and not being critical. I think that's the part at 11:42 where she put it all in one phrase, but without listening to the whole video, that phrase can be taken many different ways. I was wrong for denying your experience and what you heard. I still have to work on me more.

[@shontabennett2842]

@@Shawnmyrelle powerful!!!

[@MP-vf8qz]

My favorite part as well. I need to be better to myself.

[@_heyimbritt]

This was so deep. I'm on a journey of shedding weight and finding who I am in the process. I will definitely be doing this. Thanks so much for sharing

[@monalisasmiles1978]

Brittany Barnett Great Job on both accomplishments. Your journey sounds like mines.

[@ndjubilant8391]

I am glad you call it a journey of shedding weight. So am I, one day at a time, on a journey to shed weight.

[@Wednesday3665]

Dear Soul Sisters Tv good luck love ❤️

[@GinAkiraKun]

Just seeing this comment 5 years later. I hope you found yourself, found your worth, and if you didn't shed that weight, I hope you found a way to accept and love yourself the way you are! All my love to you!

[@ericajohnson5219]

I had to listen to this 3 times so that I can understand what she was really saying. I have some work to do! Thank you Ms. Iyanla!

[@kimturner1963]

Until we realize the power our thoughts and beliefs hold, we remain victims of our circumstances.

[@AahyiSam]

I was connecting with men who show up, start off so well, and then become inconsistent. My aha was that I never show up for myself 100% consistently. For my kids, yes, my job, friends, clients yes. But I rarely finish up little things I state just for me....Eshe kpupo, Iya mi.

[@arielsavon]

Ai Sam OMG yes! After I watching the video and reading your comment that’s my truth too. I’ve been trying to figure out why guys always seem wonderful from the start and then transform into the opposite of what you want. And now your needs aren’t being met. I got a lot to talk about with myself tonight 😩

[@mars1783]

Me too.... womp womp.... they can sometimes be wimp wimpers.... instead of women whisperers..... well, I mean.... AND FOLLOW THROUGH, WITH CONSISTENT NATURE rather than the "show her off" or not NATURE, baby backlash over Kanye West n I.... take a cold shower, apologize to ur mom's n send a great day message or flowers, to your wives n not just ur girlfriends.... I have experienced some trauma, HAhaha..... NOT SORRY LONG WINDED N WINDING UP to concur with my future Clients!!! God bless you

[@clj8360]

Powerful! What's amazing is that many people don't realize these points until much later in life, after experiencing hurt after hurt. I'm so glad I have and am learning this earlier on in life.

[@DAJackson]

Thank you I have my pen and paper to do this. I am the hardest person to myself. I am trying to learn to love me first. it begins today.

[@shannellemorel1859]

How did this go

[@englishcarmouche278]

All this time I've been robing myself from getting to know me but giving all I thought was me to others. It's so unfortunate because now I am in the biggest hurricane of my life. I'm ready to meet me... ☺

[@shaqj.8197]

English Carmouche ❤️❤️❤️

[@kathlenegosselin4742]

1

[@ryshemafreeman8687]

omg I don't know who I am 😢

[@ThobekaMhlongo6270]

ryshema freeman don't worry honey you're not alone.

[@kkbabybratz3874]

i hope you found her :)

[@djchonny]

11:41 eye opening, needed these series so much. Thank YOU!

[@kayalex83]

Yes, that was speaking to me .

[@brentduanefoster]

Me too!!

[@phylliscasey5626]

I'm still suffering with a broken heart from my cheating boy friend. My heart still hurt. Thank God for this beautiful woman's wisdom.

[@TheLovePowerGoddess]

How did you know I have an Aunt Mabel??? She sweet tho, but tough

[@rochelletaylor7960]

Me too lol

[@solinspired4428]

Iya, I wish you were my godmother, I know I would truly heal the wounds I still fight. I constantly do self reflection and I'm hard on myself. "Do I love myself?" I try everyday and it's a struggle.

[@Kawillingham]

I adore you and the time you take to share your wisdom! Life changing 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽 Thank you!

[@Camille_111_44]

Thank you! The Universe is always on time!!

[@christinac9389]

Always can count on you to keep me grounded. Only person I've ever idolized. You've helped me through some pretty rough times! Your wisdom is greatly appreciated!

[@maguiedossantos2925]

Thank you for this video, it helped me in so many ways

[@KatieAJ]

Wow...the way you speak...is so comforting and brings healing. What a gift you have

[@innarlife]

I have heard the saying that "I attract who I am" or they might say "who is attracted to you has something to do with the energy your putting out". I still dont understand that. Its not making sense to me. For example: why dont I attract more men who are indepedent or are exposed to a higher level of education as I? why do the men who wants mommies approach me. I mean the types that see me as the answer to all their issues. where are the men who want a team mate in life. The ones who know their role and are looking for a woman who knows her role. jeez...anybody gets me?

[@starlawinter]

'You attract what you are' is too simply said for what it really means. You are attracting what you are in the sense that you said you are independent and highly educated. So you attracting men that will feed off your independence and your education gives you something over them. So in essence what's in them is attracted to what's in you. Consider this, are you willing to be vulnerable? Are you willing to share your life with someone? Are your emotionally cold? Do you see your education as putting you in a higher level then others? Do you feel it puts you in an authority position. People will always be attracted to something in you that matches something in you. They can be similar or opposites. Look at it as their dependable part could match a dependable part in you, or the part in you that is not willing to be vulnerable attracts there dependable part. Either way it tells you what your energy is giving.

[@innarlife]

+rebeca brown I sorta get it now. The way how you put it,the statement doesnt seem as ridiculous as before.

[@Palmtree6]

C. Sergeant

[@DjHappyscrappin]

C. Sergeant I don't know if you have tried already, but joining a professional business club, or basically places or events that have people with your interests. You may even have to pay to attend a leadership conference, or a professional seminar. Just broaden your social circle.

[@requinremembers]

One way I've heard this put is that you attract in others what you EXPECT others to be. You obviously expect men to want a mama, etc (from what you wrote). Your belief system is now that that's all you ever attract. You might try working on believing that you CAN and DO attract the kind of men you want. Once you change your belief (subconsciously) that you attract the guys you like/want, they will have to appear. By the way, the concept of 'attracting who I am" confused me for a long time until I heard this way of looking at it. Basically it all comes down to belief. Hope this helps! :)

[@LynisaStark]

I felt like she was talking to me personally. Such a great communicator and wholesome spirit!

[@Chideezy]

I love your delivery Iyanla! It's so loving, nurturing and healing. I love you! Your messages are always right on time!

[@ohsnapitspat6270]

the words you speak is a direct reflection of who you are!

[@michelec3741]

Iyanla’s explanation of how people mirror us is the best that I have ever heard. I think it might have sunk in this time! Thank you Iyanla for sharing your wisdom, and the comments are very helpful, too.

[@shariangreen2205]

I took the time to listen WHO AM I? WHAT A THOUGHT INVOKING QUESTION. ON THE JOURNEY TO FINDING OUT WHO I AM.

[@PeteS_1994]

This is starting to make sense. I’m severely socially anxious and socially awkward, I think I have undiagnosed autism. I was just feeling a bit down that my boss at work didn’t wave back at me outside of the workplace although my other coworker did. Although I’m not close to my boss, I realised that I was hurt because I’m not the typical man who fits in with most men and I have felt shame about that. So I like some approval from other men I guess. I attract a weird look from another colleague. This made me uncomfortable until recently. It made me uncomfortable because I see being weird as wrong but it isn’t. If I’m offended by someone it’s because I’m not happy with where I am as well. Imagine if you are happy enough with yourself, it becomes really hard for others to change how you feel. It’s like with music I’m confident enough with my taste that I don’t mind too much if someone didn’t like it or had criticisms.

[@stephanieharmon790]

Who am I? I am a child of the most high God, Jesus Christ! He answers all of these questions for me...who I am, who I belong to, why I am here. I'm so glad I know the one true answer and that is in Jesus! There is no true love or peace without Him!

[@floraazevedo349]

You are my fairy godmother and helping me through a tough time of finding myself again after years of moulding myself to other people. In reality as you’ve said people are a reflection of you and how you see yourself. I need to remind me that I am the prize and I am worth of prosperity and happiness. Thank you so much for yiur beautiful insights.

[@yolireals4992]

God bless you! This was one of the first episodes that i watched since subscribing to your channel. I'm so glad I did because I so needed to hear this message today. You were definitely speaking to me today, and i took everything in. I felt it in my heart, mind, and soul. You are so blessed, we need beautiful strong black women like you around to help encourage us when we're down. I thank you so much, and you now have a faithful listener.

[@francisperez8165]

the more episodes l see the more inspired l feel