Jake and Amir Horoscopes

[@slipknotfatman]

"You will hurl yourself out the window" "Jesus..." I'm in a fit of laughter here, that was golden.

[@JoffWasHere]

Keil000 he said throw. little fucker

[@elricbarnfleau6367]

@@JoffWasHere why is “little fucker” so goddamn funny?? It kills me everytime.

[@Azimii]

that “jesus” might be one of my favorite deliveries of a line in all of j&a

[@wodey7028]

"make me cluck like a chicken... boy will my face be red" I lost it XD

[@kirbylover37]

Alright, sweet. After like practicing 0:47 for like a half hour straight I can confidently say that the next time someone asked me if I believe in horoscopes I'm dropping this on them: "Honestly, I thought a lot of it was legalese Japanese mumbo-jumbo bullshit; Western medicine meets Western Union; urban garbage yoga yuppie mommy-blogger rag-mag e-zine Candyland cookie-cutter sci-fi wi-fi jai alai verbal diarrhea, but honestly, it turns out a lot of it is spiritual fact." Thanks Jake and Amir!

[@satincartoon2213]

Can you still do it?

[@kirbylover37]

@@satincartoon2213 Yes. That shit is ingrained. Way better than knowing math or some shit.

[@dixiecronin7791]

As a Jake and Amir fan, I love this. As a math teacher, that statement kills me a little

[@ComedyVault101]

@@kirbylover37 Math? Ha. Math was crap. If you wanna know why then steal a HEN. Learning shit is for nerds and jocks, don’t believe me, ask my UNCLE. Green, blue, brown and red. Go to school and you regret it. I got 99 problems but a bitch ate one

[@DoctorX17]

I’m instantly impressed by anyone who can do this. I think Amir just spouts stuff off the cuff, it’s nuts

[@DirectorTaffy]

"Very sleepy master," "I didn't say I was your master,""Didnt have to,"

[@Materazzi73]

She said nothing.

[@felipemontealegre5190]

@@Materazzi73 didnt have to

[@rolandnicolai]

Felipe Montealegre You write again “I love you”

[@rottentea9246]

rolandpointoh I do

[@lohchaosiang6608]

@@rottentea9246 she said nothing

[@chesh1re_cat]

The dialog for Jake and Amir will always be one of the best comedy writing ever. They should hire those guys to write for movies

[@martinwhite2792]

lmao "you can do whatever you want on the way down"

[@Kaazikin]

I wish I could've known about the view from halfway down

[@hussain.darwesh]

Coming 6 years later to like your comment ❤

[@stevenbrule5285]

3:55 So Amir knows Jake's birthday, and Jake knows Amir's birthday. True gullies!

[@TrebleWing]

As the handbook says. "Every sensei is a master and every student should refer to him as such"

[@mikelor84]

@@m93sammanGod I love this fandom

[@m93samman]

@@mikelor84 I don't even remember making this comment, but it seems as though I was a pimp and a cool. UPVOTE ME TO KARMA HEAVEN, BABY!

[@mikelor84]

@@m93samman ass

[@m93samman]

@@mikelor84 ... That's beautiful.

[@thewonderfulwizardoftheweb1053]

;$jake tried to kill me 😎 I am not a chicken

[@NoFaceMan6]

Jake is spelled Jjkae

[@K1RTB]

My new password

[@xenasaur520]

;;*hi amir?

[@NateDoggDeMan]

@@NoFaceMan6poetic licence

[@someperson5506]

I love Amir's rant of buzzwords he doesn't understand XD

[@xIKieeranIx]

This is weirdly my favorite episode out of them all.

[@danspitalnik]

Boy, will my face be red.

[@Kgnsbdj]

"Rest assure you can solve them, maybe not though"

[@revotor8142]

Good to see even old unlisted videos like this one are back! One of my favorites

[@ReidTheRulesGuy]

So did they switch this over from the third party channel it was on before?

[@chasesad]

"didn't have to" classic! and Amir's look at 1:38

[@Domidod1d]

What episode is "didn't have to" from ?

[@blushingfrieza]

Domidod1d the Tinder one

[@Itsgriffeys]

Ive seen this video a million times and i just realized Jakes horoscope fits for the episode

[@anthonyschultz6801]

So does Amir's🙃

[@MonzennCarloMallari]

Maybe not though

[@thipan15]

1:38 very smooth

[@chasesad]

loved his look. so sexy

[@WhatABanana]

“JAKE: Your mind is so impressionable. AMIR: My mind is not impressionable! JAKE: Yes it is! AMIR: I guess it is. JAKE: God, that's fast. Even for you, that was fast.” Gets me every time.

[@firewarg]

Amir has swag at 1:37

[@pennydesouza]

+W E I shit you're right

[@Dogtles]

thats not swag. that's class

[@jorgelujan9942]

haha I love the look he puts on

[@Mayorofpeepsville]

Has anyone made a gif of this because I has to have it

[@akayysworld]

W E I NOBODY CAN TOUCH MY SWAAAAG

[@MrFestante]

Man more i watch Jake and Amir videos more i spot new things: that 1:38 amir cool face is just genius XD

[@MannyNamiro]

I know, right? He's just so confident in that shot. It's like a completely different person.

[@dogshake]

I love the little faces Amir makes while Jake rants to him.

[@vickyg1788]

...Jake IS the master...

[@GoOnLaurie]

The pinch is the master...

[@Ephraim32]

Jake was the master.

[@HarperNguyen]

And he has laid claim to The Master.

[@ChrisPMuffin]

***** Raven's Nest is the master.

[@youssefomar6301]

Therefore, he is the master.

[@QuarkGluonPlasma]

"Open the window, then jump" "No chicken" "No chicken"

[@elodge1667]

Wow this one got dark...

[@TheManinBlack9054]

This is dark af

[@tommytwobrews]

@hi there no its just funny

[@jamespusey7186]

i love all of this video, and the bulk of it gets the praise it deserves but the first 30 seconds works perfectly as a joke by itself

[@YoZync]

;;*hi amir? if any of you were trying to visualize it

[@DissociatedWomenIncorporated]

;$jake tried to kill me🕶i'm not a chicken

[@beeeeeej]

He send that to his mother

[@yasminelaoi3362]

What does this mean btw? I never understood why Jake said it’s bad lol

[@camerondawson9114]

Yasmine Laoi because Jake thought that his mom sent it to amir, and was laughing at the fact that old people aren’t great at using phones

[@samfoster709]

This might be the best written episode of J and A. Script game on point.

[@PhantasmalBlast]

Seriously this is one of the ones I always come back to

[@JulioFromBoston]

I think one of the best things about J&A is that you find this written under almost everyone of their videos. Speaks volumes about the strength of their content

[@codyunderhill7439]

I've actually never seen this one

[@severalsedrack]

+harri seward There are many episodes that they just posted on the college humor page and not to youtube

[@lipglass]

+harri seward How does it feel like

[@ricardolutz8964]

Why is this not on collegehumor

[@Psychol-Snooper]

Well, why not watch it? You were here!

[@SvenicusGermainus]

I love the videos where Jake either tries to kill Amir or doesn't do anything to stop him from dying. Really shows how their relationship has grown over the years.

[@DennisBayazitov]

"He's getting smarter." - Little Orphan Annie

[@anthonyschultz6801]

This is MAAAYBE my FAVORITE episode!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣 Gets me EVERY TIME!!!

[@owen429]

honestly, both the writing and the acting is so next level. The bizarre left turn into a hypnosis murder plot followed by the ultimate conceit that he knew the whole time. It feels like they're going full lunacy but then they bring it back home so well. Also, Jake's acting in this one is superb. The way he sells his intrigue as Amir wakes up is genuinely movie quality.

[@StevenRoil]

This whole episode is gold, even the beginning with the texting

[@jacobb978]

Us Pisces don't believe in Astrology.

[@Kenzaaa123]

Uh huh...

[@joeyrozic1100]

Speak for yourself, ass.

[@jacobb978]

You're the ass, ASS.

[@surelock3221]

I eat ass, ASS.

[@LimLamOfficial]

You're the ass, ASS.

[@Sessho4]

Lmfaooo “ good guess, down to the minute”.

[@jurijkaj]

"No clucking, you could do whatever you want on the way down, just be sure to do the important bullet points" Jesus that's dark 😂

[@bobxyzp]

I love the way Amir says “maybe not though.” I think about it every time I have to give my opinion on something

[@monkeyman12981]

Recently i’ve been finding a lot of their deleted jake and amirs that go down the jake tries to kill amir or asks him to die route. I’m guessing they were too dark for the series haha

[@rimjob2304]

i missed watching these. good to be back

[@paul_warner]

0:44-1:06 is one of my favorite things in this entire series ever

[@fanofshrimp]

1:37 Amir is trying to be Stephen Colbert

[@DrJohnZoidberg125]

The glasses trick?

[@samvictoria100]

Stephen Colbert = one of the least funny men in america, Amir: funny as fuck. please dont compare the two they are polar opposites in terms of comedy

[@DrJohnZoidberg125]

King Moka Maybe you don't understand his comedy

[@mrkz69420]

Colbert is brilliant! Amir, too, of course

[@SvenicusGermainus]

This is probably my favorite episode.

[@daryldsp509]

;$ Jake tried to kill me 😎 I'm not a chicken. 3:44

[@brycesmith6427]

The opening texting joke was fucking hilarious. Great structure, gotta love it

[@jamesgrimes4587]

1:57 Amir makes the Hypnokiller connection

[@shishsjxnsnzns]

I love the context that Amir apparently operates entirely within the subconcious

[@Gabeghouls]

1:38 Here comes the smoulder.

[@JohnDoe-hk5ec]

Lol Amir looked straight up Dapper for a second

[@TheAbigailDee]

SUCH an underrated gem

[@tkhiez]

This episode evolves into an apple, because it is that of my eye!

[@steve6767]

The Jake birthday guess at the beginning 😂😂😂

[@devin_so_devious]

If Jake wants Amir to jump out the window just put a picture of him in Bo Peep clothes on the fridge

[@DaPingPongKing]

why is this not on collegehumor's channel

[@CreeperDroppings]

Because they didn't think it was gucci

[@jimjones1049]

CreeperDroppings i thought this one was hilarious

[@minartson]

+DaPingPongKing Might be because of all the jumping down the window thing with all the sensitive people around.

[@minartson]

+DaPingPongKing Might be because of all the jumping down the window thing with all the sensitive people around.

[@CreeperDroppings]

+Mäu Fucking hell its been almost a year but it's cause they wanted to catch up on youtube to where they were on collegehumor so they had to skip of Jake and Amir being posted. All for the finale.

[@virgo3098]

"jesus" the funniest part by far

[@ejoshcoron]

lolol no doubt! I died

[@not_henry_the_fifth]

;;*hi amir?

[@roblemay3329]

:$jake tried to kill me😎i am not a chicken

[@outback11dr]

1:39 Amir’s Face 😂

[@brycesmith6427]

Why is this shot so well but uploaded in 360p??

[@ReidTheRulesGuy]

This was re-uploaded and then got moved over to the JakeandAmir channel so it was shot well, uploaded in bad quality, and preserved in bad quality.

[@frankiehompson2746]

Omg this is one of the best I’ve seen in a whike

[@fatback1388]

Watching on jakes birthday

[@TigressWhite]

Ahem: "Leo is a firm believer in hard work, but tends to get things done through their charm and social skills. However, both Leo and Capricorn are extremely devoted, especially to each other. Although they may seem to be an unlikely couple on the surface, their love will grow as they discover similarities."

[@dweebpatrol]

HA I don't like work

[@writingsongsforfrogs5672]

awww thats actually so cute

[@kmooreside9610]

awwwwww that's so bullshit

[@NDJunction]

Like me, Amir has that cusp wind of Aquarius seeping through (anyone 19-23 of any month can be a VICTIM of this) hence why he's loud, hilarious, random and even more compatible with a leo

[@eagle3676]

ND Junction no he's not it doesn't matter which month will you were born

[@decemberscott1289]

There are so little comments I'm so surprised since they're so amazing

[@TechNeedi]

Feel like watching community evertime i watch jake and amir

[@HarryRunes]

Why are there no comments on this video? also literally my favorite jake and amir episode

[@sawyerchism8539]

The rights of all the jake and Amir videos were transferred to the If I Were You channel after they bought them, and I guess that doesn’t transfer the comments on the videos

[@galatea3484]

honestly after everything i've seen on this show i'm surprised that jake thought that jumping out of a window would be enough to kill amir

[@JRWW_EFC]

God this one was dark

[@Ash_P07]

@ 2:10 did anyone else get the "didn't have to" reference here... cracked me up

[@jesusthroughmary]

+Aashish Priye We all got it.

[@Domidod1d]

What episode is "didn't have to" from ?

[@DeathTheKid10]

+Domidod1d Jake and Amir: Tinder

[@jesuisahmedn]

Aashish Priye I don't think it was a reference to that

[@dexterous187]

1:56 that's when Amir knew the horoscope was coming true.

[@tino9718]

peak jake and amir!

[@vanr9232]

1:39 jesus amir looks sooo cute

[@thelifeofpewpew3290]

That's awesome dude!

[@Strummie]

Thelifeof Pewpew You’re a dumbass.

[@thelifeofpewpew3290]

@@Strummie twas the season

[@skuthepoo]

‘Down to the minute’ cracked me

[@Wedeliver101]

Woah how have I not seen this episode?

[@michaelholtz599]

"Still tried to kill me, little fucker" -Amir

[@WaynesStrangeBrain]

Hey happy birthday Jake! He's 35!

[@epicbruhmoment6985]

Imagine if at the end they pan out and there was someone sitting right out of frame listening to all of it and just not caring.

[@micahhepler5207]

How did i miss this one?

[@roblemay3329]

[@OnionKnight541]

this is probably top 10 J&A of all time

[@Gslickcya]

Finally its up on youtube.

[@naifxiv7706]

"you're not teaching me anything" 😂😂

[@ImSquiggs]

Why isn't this on the main channel?

[@WillToWinvlog]

Suicide jokes

[@captainautobots]

@@WillToWinvlog technically murder with suicide as the cover

[@bootstrap52]

Holy shit Jake has the same birthday as me. (just a decade earlier)

[@katyarodriguez1775]

same, twin

[@Lenn10t]

One of the bests

[@CarlosAtwell]

Actually had to root for Amir this time. That was cold, Jake.

[@michaelholtz599]

So was Amir's body after he followed Jake eventually

[@bobxyzp]

Colder than aardvark cum

[@garethmcguinness377]

CollegeHumor no longer exists after this day

[@KaelWrit]

"you can do whatever you want on the way down"

[@jameswood2898]

Shoutout burgundyskymusic.. if you know you know

[@jamesmochoa]

You are my master

[@dop3ship]

holy shit jake sounds so much more angry this video

[@pedwah]

Happy Murphday Jjkae!

[@rainawareness1495]

Where did you steal this before they deleted it?

[@minartson]

+Rain Awareness Stolen? You can only steal another person's property. Property is a thing, thing is an object, object is something you can see and touch. You can't touch the video, hence it was not stolen.

[@rainawareness1495]

+Mäu It's called intellectual property

[@11HelloMoto11]

+Rain Awareness Here is an archive of all there videos including outtakes mega:///#F!u1p0GDQJ!62FfuQpA06R4qbHGDZLbYA Linked from /r/jakeandamir.

[@ministickdude99]

“Try not to learn new things”

[@yakplateado1923]

so Amir is a Capricorn... it all makes so much sense now

[@scytha3721]

I need to learn that glasses trick to look smort.

[@samweldon8104]

So Sagittarius also need to be on the look out for hypno-killers, as well as Capricorns lol

[@cl9282]

"Good guess"

[@riverw4721]

why is there no one else in the office

[@cobraklipz5969]

Did you guys get the rights for the show?

[@revotor8142]

They did!

[@watersticks5359]

this was the darkest episode

[@Hossyboy420]

That's exactly it... Down to the minute... Good guess

[@ReidTheRulesGuy]

1:37 this look 🤣

[@colevickery6758]

The lighting in these later episodes is darker and more depressing. It doesn't fit the old happy jake and amir :(

[@antonsantiago8487]

AYYYYY Jake and I are both Leo's! Fuck yeah

[@placenamehere953]

that was defiantly the most evil thing jake has ever done. trying to get amir to suicide himself.