Jake and Amir Horoscopes

Jake and Amir here... we're now watching and giving commentary on all of our episodes at / ja

[@slipknotfatman]

"You will hurl yourself out the window" "Jesus..." I'm in a fit of laughter here, that was golden.

[@Jeff-mm7zu]

Keil000 he said throw. little fucker

[@elricbarnfleau6367]

@@Jeff-mm7zu why is “little fucker” so goddamn funny?? It kills me everytime.

[@Azimii]

that “jesus” might be one of my favorite deliveries of a line in all of j&a

[@wodey7028]

"make me cluck like a chicken... boy will my face be red" I lost it XD

[@DirectorTaffy]

"Very sleepy master," "I didn't say I was your master,""Didnt have to,"

[@Materazzi73]

She said nothing.

[@felipemontealegre5190]

@@Materazzi73 didnt have to

[@rolandpointoh]

Felipe Montealegre You write again “I love you”

[@rottentea9246]

rolandpointoh I do

[@lohchaosiang6608]

@@rottentea9246 she said nothing

[@martinwhite2792]

lmao "you can do whatever you want on the way down"

[@Kaazikin]

I wish I could've known about the view from halfway down

[@hussain.darwesh]

Coming 6 years later to like your comment ❤

[@chesh1re_cat]

The dialog for Jake and Amir will always be one of the best comedy writing ever. They should hire those guys to write for movies

[@kirbylover37]

Alright, sweet. After like practicing 0:47 for like a half hour straight I can confidently say that the next time someone asked me if I believe in horoscopes I'm dropping this on them: "Honestly, I thought a lot of it was legalese Japanese mumbo-jumbo bullshit; Western medicine meets Western Union; urban garbage yoga yuppie mommy-blogger rag-mag e-zine Candyland cookie-cutter sci-fi wi-fi jai alai verbal diarrhea, but honestly, it turns out a lot of it is spiritual fact." Thanks Jake and Amir!

[@satincartoon2213]

Can you still do it?

[@kirbylover37]

@@satincartoon2213 Yes. That shit is ingrained. Way better than knowing math or some shit.

[@dixiecronin7791]

As a Jake and Amir fan, I love this. As a math teacher, that statement kills me a little

[@ComedyVault101]

@@kirbylover37 Math? Ha. Math was crap. If you wanna know why then steal a HEN. Learning shit is for nerds and jocks, don’t believe me, ask my UNCLE. Green, blue, brown and red. Go to school and you regret it. I got 99 problems but a bitch ate one

[@DoctorX17]

I’m instantly impressed by anyone who can do this. I think Amir just spouts stuff off the cuff, it’s nuts

[@TrebleWing]

As the handbook says. "Every sensei is a master and every student should refer to him as such"

[@mikelor84]

@@m93sammanGod I love this fandom

[@m93samman]

@@mikelor84 I don't even remember making this comment, but it seems as though I was a pimp and a cool. UPVOTE ME TO KARMA HEAVEN, BABY!

[@mikelor84]

@@m93samman ass

[@m93samman]

@@mikelor84 ... That's beautiful.

[@danspitalnik]

Boy, will my face be red.

[@stevenbrule5285]

3:55 So Amir knows Jake's birthday, and Jake knows Amir's birthday. True gullies!

[@someperson5506]

I love Amir's rant of buzzwords he doesn't understand XD

[@ManilMopas]

"Rest assure you can solve them, maybe not though"

[@thewonderfulwizardoftheweb1053]

;$jake tried to kill me 😎 I am not a chicken

[@NoFaceMan6]

Jake is spelled Jjkae

[@K1RTB]

My new password

[@xenasaur520]

;;*hi amir?

[@NateDoggDeMan]

@@NoFaceMan6poetic licence

[@xIKieeranIx]

This is weirdly my favorite episode out of them all.

[@thipan15]

1:38 very smooth

[@chase_saddy]

loved his look. so sexy

[@Welpme69]

"Throw yourself out the window" gets me every time. Should have gotten Amir too.

[@chase_saddy]

"didn't have to" classic! and Amir's look at 1:38

[@Domidod1d]

What episode is "didn't have to" from ?

[@blushingfrieza]

Domidod1d the Tinder one

[@firewarg]

Amir has swag at 1:37

[@pennydesouza]

+W E I shit you're right

[@Dogtles]

thats not swag. that's class

[@jorgelujan9942]

haha I love the look he puts on

[@Mayorofpeepsville]

Has anyone made a gif of this because I has to have it

[@akayysworld]

W E I NOBODY CAN TOUCH MY SWAAAAG

[@Itsgriffeys]

Ive seen this video a million times and i just realized Jakes horoscope fits for the episode

[@anthonyschultz6801]

So does Amir's🙃

[@MonzennCarloMallari]

Maybe not though

[@vickyg1788]

...Jake IS the master...

[@GoOnLaurie]

The pinch is the master...

[@Ephraim32]

Jake was the master.

[@HarperNguyen]

And he has laid claim to The Master.

[@ChrisPMuffin]

***** Raven's Nest is the master.

[@youssefomar6301]

Therefore, he is the master.

[@QuarkGluonPlasma]

"Open the window, then jump" "No chicken" "No chicken"

[@WhatABanana]

“JAKE: Your mind is so impressionable. AMIR: My mind is not impressionable! JAKE: Yes it is! AMIR: I guess it is. JAKE: God, that's fast. Even for you, that was fast.” Gets me every time.

[@elodge1667]

Wow this one got dark...

[@TheManinBlack9054]

This is dark af

[@tommytwobrews]

@hi there no its just funny

[@MrFestante]

Man more i watch Jake and Amir videos more i spot new things: that 1:38 amir cool face is just genius XD

[@MannyNamiro]

I know, right? He's just so confident in that shot. It's like a completely different person.

[@samfoster709]

This might be the best written episode of J and A. Script game on point.

[@PhantasmalBlast]

Seriously this is one of the ones I always come back to

[@JulioFromBoston]

I think one of the best things about J&A is that you find this written under almost everyone of their videos. Speaks volumes about the strength of their content

[@YoZync]

;;*hi amir? if any of you were trying to visualize it

[@DissociatedWomenIncorporated]

;$jake tried to kill me🕶i'm not a chicken

[@beeeeeej]

He send that to his mother

[@yasminelaoi3362]

What does this mean btw? I never understood why Jake said it’s bad lol

[@camerondawson9114]

Yasmine Laoi because Jake thought that his mom sent it to amir, and was laughing at the fact that old people aren’t great at using phones

[@DennisBayazitov]

"He's getting smarter." - Little Orphan Annie

[@revotor8142]

Good to see even old unlisted videos like this one are back! One of my favorites

[@ReidTheRulesGuy]

So did they switch this over from the third party channel it was on before?

[@codyunderhill7439]

I've actually never seen this one

[@severalsedrack]

+harri seward There are many episodes that they just posted on the college humor page and not to youtube

[@lipglass]

+harri seward How does it feel like

[@ricardolutz8964]

Why is this not on collegehumor

[@Psychol-Snooper]

Well, why not watch it? You were here!

[@SvenicusGermainus]

I love the videos where Jake either tries to kill Amir or doesn't do anything to stop him from dying. Really shows how their relationship has grown over the years.

[@jacobb978]

Us Pisces don't believe in Astrology.

[@Kenzaaa123]

Uh huh...

[@joeyrozic1100]

Speak for yourself, ass.

[@jacobb978]

You're the ass, ASS.

[@surelock3221]

I eat ass, ASS.

[@LimLamOfficial]

You're the ass, ASS.

[@anthonyschultz6801]

This is MAAAYBE my FAVORITE episode!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣 Gets me EVERY TIME!!!

[@owen429]

honestly, both the writing and the acting is so next level. The bizarre left turn into a hypnosis murder plot followed by the ultimate conceit that he knew the whole time. It feels like they're going full lunacy but then they bring it back home so well. Also, Jake's acting in this one is superb. The way he sells his intrigue as Amir wakes up is genuinely movie quality.

[@Sessho4]

Lmfaooo “ good guess, down to the minute”.

[@jamespusey7186]

i love all of this video, and the bulk of it gets the praise it deserves but the first 30 seconds works perfectly as a joke by itself

[@monkeyman12981]

Recently i’ve been finding a lot of their deleted jake and amirs that go down the jake tries to kill amir or asks him to die route. I’m guessing they were too dark for the series haha

[@gabrflyan6364]

1:38 Here comes the smoulder.

[@JohnDoe-hk5ec]

Lol Amir looked straight up Dapper for a second

[@StevenRoil]

This whole episode is gold, even the beginning with the texting

[@brycesmith6427]

The opening texting joke was fucking hilarious. Great structure, gotta love it

[@SvenicusGermainus]

This is probably my favorite episode.

[@fanofshrimp]

1:37 Amir is trying to be Stephen Colbert

[@DrJohnZoidberg125]

The glasses trick?

[@samvictoria100]

Stephen Colbert = one of the least funny men in america, Amir: funny as fuck. please dont compare the two they are polar opposites in terms of comedy

[@DrJohnZoidberg125]

King Moka Maybe you don't understand his comedy

[@mrkz69420]

Colbert is brilliant! Amir, too, of course

[@TigressWhite]

Ahem: "Leo is a firm believer in hard work, but tends to get things done through their charm and social skills. However, both Leo and Capricorn are extremely devoted, especially to each other. Although they may seem to be an unlikely couple on the surface, their love will grow as they discover similarities."

[@dweebpatrol]

HA I don't like work

[@writingsongsforfrogs5672]

awww thats actually so cute

[@kmooreside9610]

awwwwww that's so bullshit

[@NDJunction]

Like me, Amir has that cusp wind of Aquarius seeping through (anyone 19-23 of any month can be a VICTIM of this) hence why he's loud, hilarious, random and even more compatible with a leo

[@eagle3676]

ND Junction no he's not it doesn't matter which month will you were born

[@rimjob2304]

i missed watching these. good to be back

[@devin_so_devious]

If Jake wants Amir to jump out the window just put a picture of him in Bo Peep clothes on the fridge

[@jamesgrimes4587]

1:57 Amir makes the Hypnokiller connection

[@paul_warner]

0:44-1:06 is one of my favorite things in this entire series ever

[@virgo3098]

"jesus" the funniest part by far

[@ejoshcoron]

lolol no doubt! I died

[@TheAbigailDee]

SUCH an underrated gem

[@gayvideos3808]

;;*Hi Amir?

[@daryldsp509]

;$ Jake tried to kill me 😎 I'm not a chicken. 3:44

[@TechNeedi]

Feel like watching community evertime i watch jake and amir

[@not_henry_the_fifth]

;;*hi amir?

[@roblemay3329]

:$jake tried to kill me😎i am not a chicken

[@shishsjxnsnzns]

I love the context that Amir apparently operates entirely within the subconcious

[@jurijjakolic6504]

"No clucking, you could do whatever you want on the way down, just be sure to do the important bullet points" Jesus that's dark 😂

[@JRWW_EFC]

God this one was dark

[@bobxyzp]

I love the way Amir says “maybe not though.” I think about it every time I have to give my opinion on something

[@decemberscott1289]

There are so little comments I'm so surprised since they're so amazing

[@tkhiez]

This episode evolves into an apple, because it is that of my eye!

[@Lenn10t]

One of the bests

[@frankiehompson2746]

Omg this is one of the best I’ve seen in a whike

[@steve6767]

The Jake birthday guess at the beginning 😂😂😂

[@vanr9232]

1:39 jesus amir looks sooo cute

[@galatea3484]

honestly after everything i've seen on this show i'm surprised that jake thought that jumping out of a window would be enough to kill amir

[@cl9282]

"Good guess"

[@Wedeliver101]

Woah how have I not seen this episode?

[@HarryRunes]

Why are there no comments on this video? also literally my favorite jake and amir episode

[@sawyerchism8539]

The rights of all the jake and Amir videos were transferred to the If I Were You channel after they bought them, and I guess that doesn’t transfer the comments on the videos

[@tino9718]

peak jake and amir!

[@skuthepoo]

‘Down to the minute’ cracked me

[@Gslickcya]

Finally its up on youtube.

[@CarlosAtwell]

Actually had to root for Amir this time. That was cold, Jake.

[@michaelholtz599]

So was Amir's body after he followed Jake eventually

[@bobxyzp]

Colder than aardvark cum

[@jamesmochoa]

You are my master

[@aashishpriye59]

@ 2:10 did anyone else get the "didn't have to" reference here... cracked me up

[@jesusthroughmary]

+Aashish Priye We all got it.

[@Domidod1d]

What episode is "didn't have to" from ?

[@DeathTheKid10]

+Domidod1d Jake and Amir: Tinder

[@jesuisahmedn]

Aashish Priye I don't think it was a reference to that

[@epicbruhmoment6985]

Imagine if at the end they pan out and there was someone sitting right out of frame listening to all of it and just not caring.

[@WaynesStrangeBrain]

Hey happy birthday Jake! He's 35!

[@DaPingPongKing]

why is this not on collegehumor's channel

[@CreeperDroppings]

Because they didn't think it was gucci

[@jimjones1049]

CreeperDroppings i thought this one was hilarious

[@MartinWasTaken]

+DaPingPongKing Might be because of all the jumping down the window thing with all the sensitive people around.

[@MartinWasTaken]

+DaPingPongKing Might be because of all the jumping down the window thing with all the sensitive people around.

[@CreeperDroppings]

+Mäu Fucking hell its been almost a year but it's cause they wanted to catch up on youtube to where they were on collegehumor so they had to skip of Jake and Amir being posted. All for the finale.

[@naifxiv7706]

"you're not teaching me anything" 😂😂

[@thelifeofpewpew3290]

That's awesome dude!

[@Strummie]

Thelifeof Pewpew You’re a dumbass.

[@thelifeofpewpew3290]

@@Strummie twas the season

[@xmagic2323]

Please yes... damnit

[@fatback1388]

Watching on jakes birthday

[@pedwah]

Happy Murphday Jjkae!

[@micahhepler5207]

How did i miss this one?

[@roblemay3329]

[@KaelWrit]

"you can do whatever you want on the way down"

[@michaelholtz599]

Amir didn't jump out because the way hypnosis works, he cannot be forced to do anything he finds extremely terrible.

[@EhtaZUGGE]

Thanks for the heads up guru

[@michaelholtz599]

Jugetti I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but all I know is that I'm just an idiot who watches game theory.

[@BE-fw1lr]

Considering hypnosis doesn't work, you're technically correct.

[@watersticks5359]

this was the darkest episode

[@ImSquiggs]

Why isn't this on the main channel?

[@WillToWinvlog]

Suicide jokes

[@captainautobots]

@@WillToWinvlog technically murder with suicide as the cover

[@ministickdude99]

“Try not to learn new things”

[@rad1461]

i like it

[@dop3ship]

holy shit jake sounds so much more angry this video

[@garethmcguinness377]

CollegeHumor no longer exists after this day

[@bootstrap52]

Holy shit Jake has the same birthday as me. (just a decade earlier)

[@katyarodriguez1775]

same, twin

[@riverw4721]

why is there no one else in the office

[@jameswood2898]

Shoutout burgundyskymusic.. if you know you know

[@ReidTheRulesGuy]

1:37 this look 🤣

[@brycesmith6427]

Why is this shot so well but uploaded in 360p??

[@ReidTheRulesGuy]

This was re-uploaded and then got moved over to the JakeandAmir channel so it was shot well, uploaded in bad quality, and preserved in bad quality.

[@scytha3721]

I need to learn that glasses trick to look smort.

[@JohnDoe-hk5ec]

Very sleepy master

[@figgledoi]

The conversation at the beginning was actually pretty normal on amirs part, jake was kind of being a diva

[@user-mv8ks8eu9u]

i wonder what mickeys star sign is

[@Hossyboy420]

That's exactly it... Down to the minute... Good guess

[@TheGraphiteCovenant]

"cheesus"

[@Basher.G]

Jake could've at least tried to change Amir's behavior

[@az015]

;$ Jake tried to kill me 😎 I am not a chicken