Jake and Amir: Table Read

Oh sheesh y'all... We are rewatching all of our episodes on / ja ! Also Amir's speech at Jake's wedding. Some animated shorts. Video podcasts, and more!

[@dynaboyjl.4220]

People love the acting in this, but really, props to Vince here. I loved how positively stressed out he looked reading the stage directions.

[@Winteramen]

Vince: “...Okay” Amir: 1:10

[@dylanjwebmusic]

Comedic skits are made infinitely more hilarious when there's a contrasting straight man. Also love how Vinnie starts out polite reading the directions then gets progressively more stressed

[@scepteredisle]

@@Winteramen i caught that too lol! love the nuances

[@VMP666]

That's his secret. Vince is always stressed out.

[@RKatz121]

i love how emily's hair goes from jet black to buxom blonde to red as a green apple

[@neontime8507]

I didn't notice the red as a green apple one lol

[@MCPretzelM999]

That's not what "bucksome" means.

[@dixiecronin7791]

I guess her real hair color would be brown, since that's the only one Amir didn't mention

[@danielbrown3048]

Who’s Emily? Oh wait, you talking about pussy sandwich

[@granthawes7719]

Technically, black hair would be as red as a green apple, not at all.

[@ashley-px4qt]

I don't know why but I think the funniest thing about this video is that Amir wrote into his script, "I look at you and I wanna know more about you. Are you a foodie?"

[@Patronizable]

Rossi the Bossi Not funny

[@Kascaded]

JBronz that's actually a quote by Amir...

[@Patronizable]

Rewatch the episode

[@yousefal-otaibi150]

Buxom and blonde.... I thought they said she had jet black hair like a jet

[@brycenelson987]

I'm late..... but the funniest part to me is literally the first 3 seconds

[@thebigmanbpmb]

Emily's deadpan delivery of "Julia and then p***y sandwich" paired immediately with her concerned "No.." is the funniest thing to me

[@Laf92]

"Jet black hair, like a jet" oh god I lost it

[@gunzakimbo]

As red as a green apple. Lol

[@shadowsoulless6227]

Also golden

[@DavesDime]

"Dogs from around the city start sprinting toward McMexican's apartment. We hear thuds. Barking. Pounding. These dogs want to get in and see what's what. They know it's coming from Pussy; what they don't know is how or why." Might be the greatest line ever written.

[@smokejc]

+Dave Consolazio I can imagine them laughing their asses off writing that script. "High pitched queef" is amazing.

[@wesley2936]

The delivery of "what they don't know is how or why" was just incredible

[@MrMuel1205]

The emotional crux.

[@arabwaluigi5248]

Both of the Table Read episodes have some of the best writing in the whole series

[@impooping69]

"Interior, doesn't matter" definitely the most underrated line in this

[@70sman]

Every line in this episode is gold.

[@BlueHundred1]

Emily and Murph weren't together during the shooting of this video and now they're married!

[@FudgeCakeShanker]

They are what

[@CreeperDroppings]

90% sure they were dating

[@NicoleSmith-sb1xi]

Wait how do you know? (Just asking)

[@CreeperDroppings]

Tessa Leslie Just based on the timeline of videos they were at least on the tune.

[@TraxisOnTheLines]

It's been said on reddit by Jake and Amir, they weren't together for the Table Read skit, at least the first one, but they started dating shortly after.

[@EvilApple567]

Sad to see so many of the best lines in these get swept under the rug. "My heart, it's cold. I can't breathe."

[@Aomicplane]

That's because the whole episode is a series of great lines lmao. It's easy to miss a few haha

[@dixiecronin7791]

Yeah, you're improvising...

[@Alienpromqueen]

Dixie Cronin first of all you said I could

[@wintermute8315]

What rug, exactly? Who's sweeping? We can all just watch the video and, y'know, laugh at the parts we find the funniest.

[@mattb2704]

"Yeah, you're improvising." "Okay, first of all you said we could. And second of all, I'm not improvising."

[@Gabeghouls]

Matthew Brazel That seems like such an Amir line, but it’s Jake now lmao

[@thomasd3104]

Emily was totally Lady Macbething him at the end there

[@Davidgandara10996]

Hes never seen mr mcbeth

[@Secretelover12]

DEFINIETLY!!!

[@ChocolateAsian9000]

"A 3 hour shot of an empty room--We can't do that." "We'll see" :D

[@Milklover-p4g]

*;)

[@YasaiTsume]

I truly believe that Emily married Murph just because she enjoys angry Murph too much

[@ebadkhan7649]

"I look at you and I want to know more about you, are you a foodie?" idk why all these years later this line just cracks me the fk up

[@Souleater787]

This followed by Murf restraining himself is so choice

[@wyattritter14]

Heart of cold🥶

[@MrSvs99]

He’s also asking that to his girlfriend lol

[@NateWild]

Interior: I don't give a flaming fart

[@TheRealFacemanguy]

somerandomguy365 southern twang?

[@the-boring-car-guy]

Fucking nort

[@jacktumbleweed]

Murph and Emily are the REAL relationship goals.

[@zuzanabartekova4823]

And they weren't even actually dating while recording this video

[@coffin7904]

​@@zuzanabartekova4823its very cool seeing this moment frozen in time before they got together :) hope they have a prosperous whatecer the funko pop

[@beadymore]

​@@zuzanabartekova4823that's so fucking funny to think they weren't even together yet 😂

[@DVSPython]

A high-pitched queef.. Oh fuck, that whole segment.

[@gideonji3690]

Uh uu

[@AmeenAhmed1105]

I love how Amir practically insults Emily to her face and Murph's looking at his phone, yet Jake reads his part with her and Murph beats his ass.

[@ehill1536]

He was improvising.

[@SerraPontosSoc]

It's a goof

[@johnnyvivic8730]

@@SerraPontosSoc the biggest goof here is that you responded to an 11 year old comment. Lol

[@SerraPontosSoc]

@@johnnyvivic8730 Excuse me I have very thick skin, but that was a low blow.

[@johnnyvivic8730]

@@SerraPontosSoc My apologies.

[@JayMiV]

Skip to 3:00:00 for the video to start.

[@callummcdougall998]

Jay Milligan You diva roach

[@shannonjilbrooks7439]

Callum McDougall Hahaha!

[@JeremyHoffman]

Took me a second. And then 10,799 more of looking at an empty room

[@everettlogan2433]

I bet Amir wrote this.

[@purpin7661]

+Everett Logan I think they improvised a bit

[@Slashatopia2]

+Purpin Yeah but you need to stick to the script!

[@OhplsAndrew]

No shit, it's his script.

[@Ash_C128]

Everett Logan I

[@plokijum]

None of their lines were “interior: I don’t give a flaming fart”

[@spaghettibird5135]

“Jet black hair-like a jet” and “are you a foodie?” are the best lines of this one for sure

[@70sman]

This episode has non-stop incredible lines: "My hair is as red as a green apple" "My heart. It's cold. I can't breathe" "Your ass is mine, McMexican"

[@vinnya.1139]

First they said she had jet black hair. Then hair blonde as the sun. Then fucking red hair as red as a fucking green apple.

[@brucebanner9856]

Kevin It's art. Amir is a fucking genius.

[@yousefal-otaibi150]

Sin City vibes

[@tylermcauley3584]

the high pitched queef is hands down the most funny thing that I have ever heard

[@cruzanassassin]

i was dying!!!!!

[@psuley1977]

Wish I could have heard it. Too high pitched for my coward ears

[@mevicky100]

@@psuley1977 even so, we all know it’s there, for sure.

[@dropout]

Try and tell him he's not... because we won't...

[@TheDeathlessPrince]

Did Murph shave off his sanity with his hair or something?

[@fruithoops4532]

All he knows is ball and good.

[@timetravel_0504]

1:23 omg i love the fact that jake has to look at his arm after buff is mentioned.

[@EndOfSmallSanctuary97]

Him very briefly accepting Amir's compliment is so cute

[@dewbs815]

I like how her hair color changes 3 times in the story and the simile in the last one makes no sense.

[@thecaffineman]

5 actually lol! Black, Blond, Red and Green lol!

[@Keepsake66]

listen carefully. the color never changes. 1. jet black hair. 2. blond as the sun. the sun reflects all colors. so, in effect, it is the opposite of color, loosely making it black. (this is a stretch but i make it work for the sake of this). 3. as red as a green apple. red is the color opposite of green. This makes her hair black. i love this sketch simply for this clever writing. (and murph freak outs are awesome!)

[@dewbs815]

Keepsake66 Blew my mind. You could also consider "red as a green apple" to mean "not actually red at all," which means it could be black.

[@PaldBenis]

Keepsake66 You are so incorrect...

[@andrewlee999999999]

Keepsake66 pretty sure it's supposed to make absolutely no sense, for comedic purposes

[@WerewolfGuyyy]

That shot of Adam conover looking for what page they're on 🤣

[@Th3IndianNinja]

I have a friend who's Italian from Mexico, NY and I call him Darrell McMexican and he has no idea why lol

[@BaconManProd]

I lolled

[@justinz9225]

Would make more sense if he was Irish.

[@Strummie]

Ya blew it.

[@brandonse167]

"Amir wrote it" "Amir, what's going on here!!!" "He was improvising" *Continues to flip his shit I laughed so hard

[@zachattack5742]

YOUR ASS IS MINE, MCMEXICAN! YOUR ASS IS MINE!

[@michaelramsey82]

I love how, in the heat of anger, Murph forgets that Jake isn't actually Daryl McMexican.

[@zachattack5742]

Your ass is mine, McMexican! Your ass is mine!

[@azmin92]

jet black hair, like a jet. blonde like the sun. Red hair like green apple.

[@lilycarolinesings]

It’s so weird seeing old episodes with Emily, Murph, and Jake after listening to Not Another D&D Podcast

[@eliparker7151]

Wait what happened?

[@AndrewPonti]

AND YUGO MADE IT ALL CRAZY!

[@astphaire]

@@eliparker7151 The died

[@Rylee_G]

Emily is always the star of the show

[@logicaloverdrive8197]

This is undoubtedly the woman behind operation slippery puppet

[@jazzy4830]

It's you! the D20 clipper girl

[@Rylee_G]

@@jazzy4830 yes i am rylee

[@jazzy4830]

@@Rylee_G You are my preferred way to consume Dropout content, just the hits.

[@neontime8507]

"As red as a green apple." So...not red?

[@Ekvitarius]

No, it's jet black like a jet

[@Katloft]

No, it's blonde as the sun.

[@joeybob4337]

Collegehumor should make this skit.

[@amphetaminedaydream]

Joey Bob 3 hours of an empty room

[@ChuckNorris-qe5lo]

Tyler Durden better than most of their stuff nowadays

[@TheNattiemaddie]

This is my favorite Jake and Amir it's just fantastic

[@Arkitrax]

1:44 "81 years young, jet black hair, like a jet." 2:01 "I'm blonde, as the sun." 2:49 "My hair is as red as a green apple." WTF

[@sinancothebest]

Omg I really really love these Jake & Amir + Murph & Emily ones

[@Muha11B]

"My hair is as red as a green apple"

[@AndreCrema97]

I forget that Murph was the heavy to Jake in a lot of these... Listening to NADDPOD is easy to forget that they've worked with each other for like 15 years

[@pratyusha.97]

This is exactly why bullying Jake comes so naturally to Murph. He's had years of practice 😂

[@Think_legit]

I have literally been to a table read like this with a guy like this and it’s killing me oh my god 😂😂

[@toddchavez8274]

Nooooo please don’t tell me this is real

[@Treyworld]

Wow... Murph is fucking crazy...... and I love it.

[@mrsuperman2003]

It's a character he plays, listen to his podcast on if I were you show and he said he is strongly against violence

[@drsupermonk7831]

Seth Tward How ironic

[@mrsuperman2003]

Joseph Cano Ikr

[@yellowcougar18]

+Treyworld Girls like crazy dudes-which is why Emily and Murphy are now engaged. (Nope, that's not a joke. That's genuine. Google it). They weren't dating when this was written, however.

[@toddchavez8274]

Murph and Jake trying to keep straight faces is easily the best part for me

[@FeudalMoon]

81 years young LOL

[@necessarydebates6484]

"I am the weakest link. Good night!" GTFOOOO !!!!!! HAHAHA

[@joshuaburchh]

You know it's an awesome episode when Murph is in it! :)

[@darkartsdabbler2407]

A buff and a cool

[@Gabeghouls]

Dark Arts Dabbler Jake is flattered by it.

[@baljot1231]

Whatever

[@PeachBeef]

Before Emily was the central figure at CH.

[@JuiCeBoX19]

This is slowly becoming one of my top 5s

[@Enzombie]

this sketch is a little too improvise for my liking

[@judeconnor-macintyre9874]

"81 years young, with jetblack hair, like a jet"

[@draconicvoid3608]

"Jet black hair, like a jet" "Blonde as the sun"

[@rurouniraphael]

Emily and Murph are perfect for one another. They are both fucking crazy and just pure jokes. LOVE THEM.

[@munjee2]

I've seen this a dozen time over the years I just now picked up that Emily's hair changes colour every line

[@ryanhealy9026]

She was Lady McBething him.

[@MagownBand]

My knees, my tiny knees!

[@zacharyyates5209]

oh jesus, this is literally perfect

[@MCPhatman]

I came here 11 years later just to see that look on Murphs face again 😂😂😂😂

[@TheSpecialsauce96]

This is the funniest name and Amir ever made. I just laughed so hard I couldnt breathe and this is my 5th time watching this episode

[@95Jemo]

I don't even know what happened after high pitched queef, I just fuckin lost my shit right then and passed out . and somewhere in the middle wrote this comment.

[@Bobbleheads56]

A buff and a cool 😂

[@zelafary8283]

What they didn't know.... THIS WHAS THE SCRIPT ALL ALONG!!!!!

[@breascott4367]

I’m cryyyying because I’m pretty sure they filmed this before Emily and Murph were a couple😂

[@derekfloresofficial]

Brea Scott in an AMA this was confirmed

[@richardmiddaugh9749]

The genuine concern in Emily's voice for the "No..." at the beginning completely misleading how insane her character is from that point onwards

[@riedstep]

crazy murph is the best murph

[@riedstep]

Holy crap I've been watching these videos for years

[@sadas3190]

Now im imagining the actual table read for this sketch

[@starzandearth]

This is the peak of college humor

[@dedacadeb]

I don’t have normal interactions with darrells because of this episode

[@xxsniperkittykatxx]

3:14 I'm pretty sure that's the moment real Emily fell in love with Murph.

[@GameMastersKip]

And thus, Murphy entered his final form.

[@A_Dopamine_Molecule]

Fun fact... Murph and Emily first met each other on the set of this sketch.

[@jesusthroughmary]

there is no way this is true but I want to believe

[@mn46842]

I love how murf is suppose to be the intimating character in their sketches

[@MKHsma]

That made me laugh so hard xD

[@chriscraft0424]

Amir looking smugly around the room while the queef scene is being described, as if he thinks some of the people in the room will be impressed😂 and Jake’s “whatever” to “he looks just like Jake; a Buff and a Cool”

[@Jonathan-nb9lc]

Murph is so fucking awesome

[@MarQu86]

The cheek shaking made me shake, quite a convincing.

[@chilldude30]

I'm married to the script. But I'm willin' to cheat 😉

[@cheeto4sure]

haha cracked up at Jakes face at 0:23 cause you could tell he was about to correct Amir on his joke haha xD

[@GiGi-yk4xn]

Jake is way too handsome in this video

[@SimpsonizerForLife]

agreed

[@Gabeghouls]

He’s a buff and a cool.

[@TimmyT1234]

I never realized how well they wove that improvising bit into the sketch, fun on it's own but its all just a setup for merf to loose it

[@TheAllomen]

I DEMAND A MOVIE! :P

[@Asb20334]

That have one it's about an hour long

[@jeffbarrett3344]

arsh bull Half hour

[@TheOmegaLeaf]

Bob Lasso fired

[@shaneebahera8566]

arsh bull too short they need to have a 3hr long shot of an empty room

[@katelynnemece581]

I love how everyone else is just sitting there being really confused

[@kayleytarantino6442]

I kinda want to hear the rest of the story XD

[@CZnoob]

thanks! video cut right off on that part and turned back on after it! so thankful that some lucky person whose video worked pasted it here.

[@uub12]

Not an offensive name

[@dewbs815]

I subscribed.

[@hayderimran7]

yea, you were just improvising.

[@florian8218]

Screw you McMexican. Your heart is cold and your name is offensive.

[@uub12]

***** Go to hell McMillionaire you poser.

[@olivias1212]

the best comment thread in history

[@KameariKillScreen]

watching Byron murphee trying not to laugh makes me want to drink curphee

[@bikermark666]

this..would be a fun job to have

[@DRChupacabrah]

I like how when she's not reading from the script she sounds exactly like shes reading a script.

[@justinz9225]

How can she be Darryl's girlfriend, yet he doesn't know any thing about her? I'm suddenly perplexed by this.

[@torealreality4207]

Murph laughing at "are you a foodie?" is so good

[@huswsimonbla]

I just come to these vids to stare at Emily.

[@MrGoutetsu]

I'd posit his performance in "Jake and Amir: Rap Teacher 2" to be his most riveting yet.

[@TheDoctorOfWho]

I hate murph but by god am I jealous of him

[@General12th]

TheDoctorOfWho Murph's character in J&A really bothers me. He's a great actor though.

[@thomaswilson769]

listen to if I were you episode 99 violence

[@seangannon6005]

+Jordan Shank what? why? I find him very easy to identify with

[@smokejc]

+Sean Gannon If you're a sociopath, yes.

[@seangannon6005]

smokejc it's not nice to infer that people are sociopaths

[@mainscoop250]

dear lord... I DIED at "high pitched queef"

[@Marr0wgar]

2:34 Adam :D 2012

[@Johann757]

Lol this feels like some kind of transition period between the old "hardly working" times and newer CH...

[@ArodoraaLP]

Da.

[@mynameisnotjoshua645]

Da.

[@worstrapper10]

murph never gets mad at amir, but always at jake LOL

[@pepperdrone9824]

CH used to be so male white