Is it ok to say 'queer'?

[@MouseWhite5]

Jessica, I am a 70 yr. old female who 'loves' being able to use the word Queer. I am happy to have a word that serves as an umbrella to encompass all the feelings I have. This was a wonderful video. 😇🙏🌈🐭

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Thank you so much ❤️🌈🥰

[@llliiimmmeee]

It's great to see you older LGBTQ/LGBTQ-supporting people here. I hope you have an amazing day.

[@ash_rock]

Your continual acknowledgement of asexuality and aromanticism makes me so happy. Thank you for being so inclusive when covering queer topics 💜

[@divergentdreamer]

Yes! I feel like I use "queer" for myself (cishet ace) because I don't want people to question my place in the LGBT+ community. It's also self-affirming that I'm part of it (while recognizing that I have not experienced the discrimination many in the community have) .

[@1901180108]

@@divergentdreamer Hello, fellow cishet ace! I feel exactly the same way. :)

[@jdot_fightme7770]

literally this

[@corasgrove3474]

Yes, it feels so nice being seen :)

[@speciesmg7537]

@@divergentdreamersame again. cishet demisexual, it's just easier than explaining the nuance, especially when writing articles

[@caskillet]

I'm just a guy. A Gen-X dude. I do very basic guy stuff and like feminine women. I have a trans sister, however, and although I may not inuitively understand the nuances of gender identity, I am infinitely appreciative of discussions like this. It makes me happy to know that my beloved sister is included, appreciated, and understood by many, and ever more, through the existense of a video like this. Thank you for bringing this to the world.

[@sawyersweetart1042]

Thank you for supporting your sister and seeking out knowledge. You sound like an awesome brother. You and your sister are lucky to have each other.

[@catdragon2584]

I use queer to describe myself for similar reasons, it’s easier to say than LGBTQ+, it’s not inherently a bad word, and it’s taking the power back from the bigots. But when describing the LGBTQ+ community, I use that phrase (or LGBTQIA+) because not everyone in the community is comfortable with describing themselves as queer, and that’s okay.

[@Junierox]

I use queer because I fall into a bunch of the groups that are under the umbrella and it's just a lot easier than naming them all.

[@LeafyK]

I agree 100% with everything you said. I do the same

[@LuckyBones77]

I’m the same. I say LGBT+ for the umbrella term when I don’t know how the person I’m talking to feels about it. At the same time, I refuse to stop referring to MYSELF as queer. It feels like a good compromise, as it doesn’t invalidate either of our identities.

[@SageK253]

I tend to use both LGBTQ+ and Queer as Community terms, but with some differences, as there's sometimes some political and ideological differences. I think there are two communities, and while there's significant overlap, sometimes they're in opposition to one another. So, sometimes I'll say something like "the LGBTQ+ and/or Queer Communities", and other times I'll highlight one side or the other.

[@krissyskulls]

I call myself queer, two spirit and polyromantic. But if someone from the community didn’t like me saying it around them I wouldn’t.

[@saraquill]

I’m both strange and don’t conform to what society demands regarding gender, romance, and sex. I’m queer in both senses of the word and I embrace the term hard.

[@Reed5016]

As an autistic sapphic nb, I agree.

[@stargirl7646]

Saaaaaame

[@LuckyBones77]

Big same!! People have already called me ‘weirdo’ and ‘freak’, it’s like reclaiming two birds with one stone lmao

[@MichaelACurtis]

I feel the same way.

[@chadfalardeau5396]

Same here

[@miraaa19]

In Germany 'queer' is used widely within the community and also by organisations etc. without much of a negative connotation (as far as I can tell, I'm only 24). Like many loanwords from English the original meaning or literal translation gets lost and it's just used in the modern sense of the word. So thank you to all the activists who reclaimed the word and gave us an easy way to describe the vast LGBT+ community in 1 word!

[@louisbates673]

It's not an umbrella term. Most gay men find the term offensive. Doesn't surprise me that you're young and I'm willing to bet you're female too- you won't understand it's history or the experience many have had with this vile term.

[@anyakimlin6702]

I started using queer when my wife came out as trans ten years ago. I'm straight but it's really too much hassle to explain how a straight woman ended up married to another woman so saying I am in a queer relationship felt like the easiest way of describing our situation.

[@erin6945]

You are technically not in a queer relationship though. Your wife's biology didn't change, therefore, your relationship status didn't change.

[@mael2039]

​@@erin6945pretty sure she knows more about her relationship status than you... I'm not sure anyone's biology has anything to do with that

[@erin6945]

@@mael2039 If we're going by the definition of queer, then yes, biology does matter.

[@PeachNEPTR]

@@erin6945 You may be surprised to learn TRANS PEOPLE DO ACTUALLY CHANGE THEIR BIOLOGY, to the point that it may go unnoticed to medical professionals depending on the depth of examination. If you would like to continue spouting off transphobia I’m sure myself and others will be glad to clarify any misinformation you decide to spread.

[@erin6945]

@@PeachNEPTR I'm not being transphobic. Their hormones change, and there can be physical changes. Their sex is not changed. If her wife is a biological male and she is a biological female they are not in a queer relationship. Words matter. Definitions matter.

[@Just-aNerd]

I feel like queer describes me on a much deeper level than my sexuality. I am bi, i am a woman, but deeper than that i am Queer and that word feels all encompassing to the many complex experiences and feelings I have and will continue to have.

[@Codeexcited]

I like it because it is one word that covers both multiple relevant labels for one person, and the labels for multiple people. My wife is a trans lesbian, and I am a bi cis woman. But we are both queer, and our relationship is queer. Most of our friends are queer, including some who don't really identify with any specific "letter" in the LGBTQ+ umbrella, either through ambivalence or because nothing quite fits (oftentimes this can happen with people whose partners transition, and don't really feel like they fit any label)

[@gwendolynrobinson3900]

I (cis/het) and my trans friend have used "queer" in our personal discussions, and while we've never used it in a bigoted manner, this was very affirming about how to be sure I'm using it respectfully, even just between the two of us

[@cherrywilson6267]

😂😂 cis/het why TF do you need to clear that up? Werid

[@gwendolynrobinson3900]

@cherrywilson6267 for context? Because I'm not someone that falls under the "queer" umbrella term, but still using another community's reclaimed slur and explaining why 💀 I don't see why you think that's an issue or why _you're_ being weird about it, you okay?

[@gwendolynrobinson3900]

@cherrywilson6267 nvm I've seen your other comments, you're just a bigoted troll 🤮

[@thombruce]

@@gwendolynrobinson3900 I think Cherry is probably a transphobe who has gotten lost. There's this common idea in transphobic groups that if you're cis or heterosexual it doesn't need to be specified because it should be assumed to be "the norm"... which just seems to be a way to force the onus onto LGBTQ+ people to state their gender and sexual identities, even in conversations like this where LGBTQ+ people should be the main voices. It's very silly, but it's also very nasty. It serves as an attempt to _other_ LGBTQ+ people even in conversations about themselves, about the LGBTQ+ community, and is one of many attempts to erase some of the language that enables those conversations. Basically, pay no attention to Cherry. They are probably a transphobe, and of course it makes sense to supply the context that you are cishet in a conversation about LGBTQ+ terminology. Of course it does. I'm cishet too, and if I just replied saying "I call many of my queer friends queer too, but only if they use it themselves" you'd have no reason to actually assume I was cishet. In fact, you might assume I were LGBTQ+ because it is more common within the community than outside of it (which is where you and I are; outside of it, even though we have friends within it) and also my KZbin profile pic is the colours of the trans flag 🏳‍⚧ (I just really like the colour pink though). So yes, I am cishet too and I'd generally refer to a lot of my friends as queer but only because I know those particular friends prefer it. Those friends come from all across the LGBTQ+ spectrum and what they tend to like about it is that it provides a sense of collective identity. But in general, I wouldn't use it to describe anyone I didn't know unless it were clear that it were their preference... and only if it's relevant, but I think that goes without saying.

[@feikedejong5247]

Thank you for doing so much to preserve our gay, queer, and trans history, and to strengthen our culture

[@m0061]

I really appreciate the inclusion that queer isn't the right word for everyone!! My identity feels so solid to me that if someone uses the word queer, feels sort of like it's "just easier" than my preferred labels. It can accidentally erase people's preferred labels. So I appreciate bringing that attention!!! Even though I'm from gen z, it reminds me of how people can accidentally say "oh but sexuality is fluid!" And I'm like, "mines not, my asexuality is solid as a rock 😂"

[@itspinebro]

Haven't thought of that, thank you for your perspective

[@SailorDisco]

I’ve always been a bit uncomfortable with the term "sexuality is fluid." It seems like to much of a generalization. I prefer to say "sexuality CAN be fluid" because I’m right there with you when it comes to mine.

[@WAMilyFamily]

As a Gen X Queer person who absolutely had the term targeted at them, I am proud of the progress we have made and I'm proud to call myself Queer. I hear Millennial/Gen Z people reclaiming f@&&0t and I did have a very visceral reaction to that word at first but the more I hear it, the less the reaction is. I feel like it will be reclaimed, too.

[@sunshineonmars-]

I am a gen z queer and the f word has been used against me too. It makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time i am angry that just words can hurt that much. Maybe i will reclaim it one day.

[@SageK253]

I hear some younger people (mostly Gen Z) reclaiming the f slur, but I agree, it's way too fresh for me to do so. I have this mix of emotions when I hear it. Part recoiling and part joy that these kids don't feel any fear or discomfort in using or hearing the word. I feel like each generation of the community is doing work to make the next generation's life a little safer, and little more joy-filled.

[@troopersjp]

I'm a Gen X Queer person...one of those queer elders, I guess...and that means I'm part of that generation that was wearing motorcycle jackets and being militantly queer in the streets protesting...and...we didn't just reclaim queer, we also reclaimed F@ggot...and Dyk3...and a number of other slurs. So that reclaimation is part of our history. Dyk3s to Watch Out For, Dyk3s on Bikes. And as for f@ggot...Queer Nation had lots of plakards and T-Shirts with people loudly proclaiming themselves as f@ggots. If you look at queercore bands of the 90s it is all over there as well. Jessica, thanks for bringing up Queer Nation, and not forgetting Gen X. I was watching a different KZbin video essay on the word queer, and it went from Oscar Wilde to the 1950s...to today...just skipping over Queer Nation completely. But then, the thesis of that video essay was mostly, "Old queers are conservative and assimilationist and that is why they all hate the word queer, whereas we young'uns love the word queer because we are all radical." Last note: the 1980s/90s definition of the reclaimed word queer is not the same definition as the one people are using it today. Today it is an umbrella term that basically refers to almost anyone and everyone. Super broad. In the 90s, it was an umbrella term that referred to people who were radically oppositional to heteronomativity. There was a saying people'd would say back then sometimes: "He may be gay, be he's not queer"...and that was not a compliment. So Log Cabin Republicans were not queer. But also, back then we would often see straight leather people as queer. So...the term queer has gone through lots of definitional changes over time.

[@AurinneA]

Oh wow. As an older millennial I have always seen that queer has been often used as a slur but it never had a deep effect on me. But as soon as you said fa88ot my gut twisted, even though it never applied to me. Not that I ever failed to tread carefully when using queer, but your comment really made it hit home just how taboo that queer must feel to some people if they feel the way I feel about fa88ot (I don't really like typing it even).

[@jennoscura2381]

I knew a guy that self identified as a "big ol f(a)g". So some reclaming of the term has already happened. At with in regards to British cigarettes. But not as much in regards to British meat products made by Mr. Brain.

[@jennifers5560]

Jessica does such a great job of presenting sensitive topics. I was in my 20’s during the 1990’s and I had no idea that is when the reclaiming of “queer” started. How did I miss this? I thought it was just the past few years that it happened. This is exactly why videos like this are so important. It is easy to forget the path that got us to where we are today.

[@zhenia2511]

As someone who's a lot younger, I can't obviously know, but I think it may be because terms like that firstly get reclaimed in very radical, political circles and most queer people - especially, teenagers - don't hang out in such places.

[@jaspersgrimoire]

Actually I’ve found the exact opposite- queer is actually *less* popular than before the last few years. Despite using the term Queer for myself for my whole-ass life, suddenly around 2015 I started getting yelled at that queer was a SLUR, ONLY a slur, could only be PERSONALLY reclaimed, and was NOT to be used as an umbrella term. Quite a moment of “getting ‘educated’ by people younger than me about things that I lived through and can personally remember pretty well”

[@jennifers5560]

@@zhenia2511 true, I definitely was not in radical circles back then.

[@jennifers5560]

@@jaspersgrimoire wow! What a terrible experiences you’ve had. It is so interesting how things are different for everyone. People like that are hard to convince that we all don’t have the same feelings about things. One way is not the right way for everyone.

[@jaspersgrimoire]

@@jennifers5560 eh, there’s always been some pushback against the term from exclusionists who don’t like that it includes more people than the acronym, I was just confused why the opinion was spreading like mildew. (The answer to that was terfs learning to pipeline better, unfortunately.)

[@bexbagan]

I'm a queer identified therapist and I have been using the word queer in my therapeutic practice. I make a point to give a brief disclaimer on my use of the term in groups or presentations because I think it's important. I appreciate you highlighting the part about "gender critical feminists" and I plan to incorporate this information into my next big presentation where I use the term queer. Thank you!

[@ewbrainwormies]

Thank you so much for always educating and speaking on things most people may not even think it's important to discuss. Much love from a queer disabled human🖤 you help so many people learn, grow and just love themselves too.

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Thank YOU so much for your comment - this has made my day 🥰

[@alexnikander6353]

I love the word but for some reason I have a hard time pronouncing queer, both in English and my native language so I don’t really use it in conversation ☹️

[@FutureCatNZ]

In New Zealand we use "the rainbow community" when talking about our communities - it nicely avoids the issues with using the word queer, and everyone knows what it means. Personally, I think of myself as queer, but it depends who I'm around whether I described myself that way or not - I'm very aware that many people my age have had it used against them.

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

I really wish “the rainbow community” would be popular in the US! I think I’ll start using it myself and see how it goes!

[@annikabrechbuhl3237]

That would be such a cool term to use in my language. I do not speak english in my country and I always struggle with describing or talking about the LGBTQ+ community because I never know if I should use queer. Because it's just shorter to say. But a lot of cishet people don't know the term... i also always say queer when talking about lgbtq+ folks and this video made me realiesed that while yes I may identify with queer not everyone in the lgbtq+ community does. So I now really have to think about what I will say instead. I don't want to hurt people.

[@missnaomi613]

I've said "rainbow people" and sometimes "Skittle Squad." But I call my bisexual self queer.

[@natashabonica4205]

Kia Ora! I love that term, too. It also really upsets the Christian conservatives.🌈

[@FutureCatNZ]

@@natashabonica4205 Best thing about it ;-)

[@lilirose72]

I've proudly identified as queer since the mid 80s and have spent that entire time explaining to fellow LGBTQI+ people that I get to choose what I want to call myself and that I will afford them the same respect. I like the word for the reason you mention- it doesn't go into detail, it lets me keep my sexuality and gender private.

[@aliceinwonderland8314]

My first introduction to the word queer was completely outside of any reference to sex/gender etc. It was in the book "A little Princess", the first book I was able to choose for myself for reading at school. I'd been dealing with some ableism the year before (overbite + wonky teeth therefore physically couldn't speak properly so assumed to not have reading comprehension and only allowed access to the basic reading books), so it's got some emotional significance to it. The main character in the book is described as queer meaning strange/odd, and her being odd is one of her greatest strengths in that book, so in way I've found the word to be quite a bit comforting. I now identify as queer, partially because trying to explain both asexuality and aromanticism can be complicated and time consuming and there's no word other than queer that's both as conveniently understandable and accurate. And the other reason is I genuinely like the word.

[@Codeexcited]

I also self identified as one of the "weirdos" in school. And I like that queer has the sort of vague nonstandard meaning with needing to be entirely specified in every parameter.

[@IsNotAYeagerist]

I really do appreciate this video! I use the word queer to describe myself as an AroAce person, mostly because I find that people who experience romantic and/or sexual attraction *even if they are allies* find it hard to understand and grasp what it means to be AroAce. I use queer as un umbrella term, because it makes me feel more comfortable talking about my queerness to other people.

[@hexonyou]

after all, often these words were negative because society deemed what they were describing as 'bad'. When we reclaim these things and wear them proudly, we're basically just saying "Yes, we are this thing, -I- am this thing, and I am not ashamed of what I am/who I am". I do remember queer being used in a very negative way when I was younger- and as a closeted queer kid, it feels pretty good to proudly say YES, I am a queer person (of various flavors of queerness). My presentation and identity are not necessarily as uncomplicated as you want them to be- and that's fine.

[@hexonyou]

side note: my lil queer friend group often jokingly uses "that's so gay" about things, solely to set each other up to go "yeah, I know" lol

[@mochriademia]

I have found “queer” very helpful to describe myself because it quickly communicates “not straight/heteronormative” in a way that doesn’t necessarily invite specific questions-especially those I don’t have clear answers for yet, myself. Even as I lean more into identifying more specifically as a lesbian somewhere on the ace spectrum, I still find “queer” fun and useful, especially to identify with a broader community of LGBTQ+ folk and refer to friends who also like the term. I have been deeply unaware of my sexuality for most of my life, so really didn’t get a lot of bullying about it growing up (of course as a millennial I certainly remember “that’s so gay” being thrown around). So “queer” is not traumatic for me personally, for which I’m VERY grateful, and certainly do not take for granted. I am also so grateful for people who take the time to educate and who share their lives so publicly, like you do, Jessica. Thank you for being here!

[@stargirl7646]

HANG on! When I came out last year, I started my social media post with “I’m here! I’m queer! And YES I’m sincere!” I had no idea I was quoting older activists! I guess a good rhyme is truly timeless haha 😄this makes me happyyyy

[@Codeexcited]

I definitely think that the fact that queer generally sounds good and is easily adapted into catchy slogans is a significant factor in its popularity. Like I would never use the word d*ke except in reference to dykes on bikes, because that sounds good enough that it has stuck around but otherwise d*ke just sounds really harsh and negative even without the specific negative associations.

[@Codeexcited]

I definitely think that the fact that queer generally sounds good and is easily adapted into catchy slogans is a significant factor in its popularity. Like I would never use the word d*ke except in reference to dykes on bikes, because that sounds good enough that it has stuck around but otherwise d*ke just sounds really harsh and negative even without the specific negative associations.

[@stargirl7646]

@@Codeexcited yeah I think you’re right!

[@qs-ii1872]

Me personally, I just ask any given person if they’re okay with the term. I used to hate it, as I often got called it growing up with the upmost hatred targeted at me for various reasons, mostly focusing on my queerness as well as my mental and physical disabilities.

[@astridmyst]

I'm here disabled and queer! and I love your videos

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that 🥰💜

[@astridmyst]

@@jessicaoutofthecloset :) thank you for all you do with your videos and everything

[@sturmykins]

Hello fellow queer, disabled human!!

[@astridmyst]

@@sturmykins lolo Hi how ya doin?

[@catrinahorsman1637]

I find it fascinating that you referred to younger people using queer, and older people finding it too traumatic, because I've always heard it the other way around. I've seen many discussions on Tumblr which started with a younger person (millenial or gen z) saying that queer is a slur, and we all need to update our language and stop using it. Then an older person (boomer or gen x) will explain that they use that word to describe themselves, because they're old enough to have fought to reclaim it in the 80s and 90s, and that it upsets them to be told the labels they identify with aren't good enough anymore. That usually leads into a discussion about younger people not knowing their LGBTQ+ history, due to the disconnect between the generations, as you mentioned in the video. I suppose the fact that you've heard it in reverse is yet more evidence that our community isn't a monolith!

[@seto749]

Being on the older side, I was neutral about the word when I was young but now it has picked up various implications that I absolutely oppose. Even the idea of "community" is problematic. The part about "old labels not being good enough" works both ways. Young Qs are drawing all sorts of negative inferences about older Ls and Gs.

[@catrinahorsman1637]

@@seto749 I've always liked the idea of us being a community, having something in common that brings us together. Celebrating the good times, and relying on each other through the bad times, though I know it doesn't always work out that way. Honestly curious, what in your experience has made it problematic?

[@seto749]

@@catrinahorsman1637 As the group included expanded to gargantuan proportions, our interests became far more often directly conflicting and it became clear than only being able to share one space would force it to be so bland that nobody would find it affirming. Simply destroying the mechanism that privileges people who aren't any of us doesn't work; the mechanism will just work in a different direction. A large conglomerate of smaller communities might operate sufficiently closely to what you want to see.

[@Alalea17]

​@seto749 yeah but that happens automatically if enough people feel that way, yk. I dont know what huge differences in needs there might be Accept... people who hate trans women don't what to have them around. But yk, spaces for asexuals don't just erase spaces for allo gays or something like that. The thing is, that what the lgbtq Community is all fighting against is norms about Sexuality and gender/Sex we ALL don't fit in. And incidentally gender, Sex and Sexuality can't be seperated completely from one another. Yes, you could imagine a world where there is no homophobia but transphobia, but homophobia actually just exists because society had an Idea that humans must be devided into two genders which shall not sleep with one another. It was ingrained in what a woman or what a man is. I think it's erasing history by not seeing that the struggles have historically exact the same roots. And nowadays cis homosexual people just have a little more privilege over trans people that it's often a thing of privilege not wanting to acknowledge that we were once all treated the same. And that's upsetting. Trans, inter and a-spec people were always there, you can't say that now where they are noticed, they suddenly have different goals.

[@Alalea17]

​@@seto749that is to say: the group is not expanded because it has a broader range of things under the term but because more people can openly show themselves and there are new words to finer describe more nuanced experiences... so don't jump on the lgbtq phobic train in deviding us even if you might not be the one and only seemingly dominant experience narrative any more. It's easy to confuse that with being oppressed... but it's not the same.

[@AmandaNievi]

The closest I get to the LGBTQ++ community is to consider myself an ally, so this video was very clarifying for me! I'm an older milennial and English is not my first language, so when I saw the term for the first time it was only in a positive way by people labeling themselves as queer - I had *no* idea it had so much nuance and could be so contentious! This is the type of thing they don't cover in English classes... However, now *I* am an English teacher and I try to make sure to include as much of the culture around the language in my lessons, so I'm very grateful for this video!

[@edisonlima4647]

Just out of curiosity: as a teacher of English as a second language, do you teach the singular pronoun "they" in grammar classes?

[@AmandaNievi]

@@edisonlima4647 yes, I do! I use it myself pretty frequently and I teach it as well! It's pretty difficult for my students to learn though, not because of any ideology or anything like that, but because their first language is gendered (Portuguese).

[@cherrywilson6267]

@@AmandaNieviso you’re confusing them…what a winner you are

[@AmandaNievi]

@@cherrywilson6267 oh don't worry, English is already pretty confusing for them, it's not my doing at all! It's a feature of the English language that things (nouns) don't have a gender, and in Portuguese they do. So even if I chose not to teach that specific part, they'd be confused already... They use "she" to refer to things as a spider or a table because in Portuguese these are female words. Yeah, I'd say I'm a winner for guiding them through learning a new language with a completely different way of classifying words indeed!

[@itspinebro]

@@AmandaNievi PERIODDDD

[@shimblock]

This is s really interesting topic. Im asexual and also somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, but I wouldnt use the term queer for myself. This is mainly because I do not feel as connected to the broader queer community. Im aro-spec, but definitly hetro oriented. For a large part of my life I have seen myself as straight, and while realising Im ace/ aro. I still do not feel very connected to people who are gay for example. There are definitly some shared experiences, so I totally get why other aroace people identify as queer, but my person experience and the way i view myself is not what I would see as "queer".

[@Peg06]

You're always so loving, Jessica. This is what drew me to your channel in the first place. You always seem to know when to use humor, too. These are gifts, and you use them to make the world a better place. Thank you.

[@jennifers5560]

She is so good at talking about hard issues without alienating people.

[@jessreallywantsitall]

This video is great. So informative and really nuanced! I completely agree that people should use the terms/labels that are comfortable for them and we should follow their lead. My wife and I use queer to describe ourselves as "not straight" bc we're not interested in being more specific than that. I use "queer community" among other LGBTQIA+ friends who I know don't mind the term. With strangers I use "LGBTQIA+ community".

[@StraylightWintermute]

The only people I've interacted with who are LGBTQ+ and have a problem with the word "queer" are Gen Z. As an elder millennial, kids on the playground didn't even know the word "queer." Appreciated that you mentioned that for us, "that's so gay" is what we grew up with. My read is that young people who reject the word want to make clear that they don't want to be part of the existing community for whatever reason.

[@ThomasSturm]

That's mostly the fault of those folks mentioned at the end of the video; the "drop the t" trash and such. They're great at making the most ridiculous stuff to sound reasonable, and since younger folks haven't yet found the community they're easier to manipulate.

[@ffarff]

​@@ThomasSturm100 percent. Don't be loudly out/be conservative looking / Don't complain or ask for more messages to the young lgbt+ members before they can get a good community around them is damaging.

[@SabrinaPlaza1031]

I enjoyed the dynamic with Jessica asking questions and informing one another Both hairstyles are beautiful

[@jennifers5560]

I found it amusing that straight hair Jessica was “straight” 😄

[@Danischmell]

Thanks for this! It was very interesting and informative! And something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately! I have 2 LGBT+ kids, 16 and 13 yrs old… one is a transgender male (and not really expressive of any kind of sexuality) and the other is more genderfluid/nonbinary (and very openly bisexual). Also, my younger sister, who lives with our family, is asexual/aromantic. So, I used the word “queer” a couple weeks ago as an umbrella term for these dear ones which is how I thought of it, and how I’d been hearing it used for quite a while) and the 16 yr old seemed surprised and asked me if that was an okay word for me to use (since I’m a straight, cis woman).

[@loriy8345]

I’ve always had lots of queer/LGBTQIA+ friends and in the past year discovered that I’m also queer. The word queer allowed me to not have an answer to what my sexuality is and still find a sense of community🥰 I’m still in that journey of figuring myself out, and it is confusing enough to come out to people once, let alone having to correct myself and be like “oh actually I was wrong I’m not bi I’m $&@%…”😂 However I definetly feel so much more educated in this word after watching this video and thank u Jessica for always be our LGBTQIA+ story telling parent🥰

[@Codeexcited]

It can help to instead of framing it/thinking of it as you having been "wrong" before, to instead frame it as being more accurate and up-to-date now. If I used to say my favourite colour was blue and now say it's teal, that doesn't mean that I was wrong before, I'm just using a different label now. And It might mean I don't like navy any more, or it might mean I like shades that other people might call green, or it might mean that I like all sorts of shade of blue but as different shades become more common(in fashion and design etc) I realised that I particularly like this kind of blue. 🤷‍♀️It might help, but also it's totally fine to like all sorts of colours and/or not have a favorite too😊

[@MissJazz004]

this is a genuinely fantastic resource for actual information on the history of the word. i’ve personally always used queer to describe myself (probably from around the age of 14 or so) and while i had a base understanding of the history, this was super informative, and helped fill out the gaps in my knowledge as an aside, ncuti gatwa’s name is pronounced “shooty.” when he was first announced as the next doctor, i had a really hard time figuring out how his name was actually pronounced

[@dianabishop138]

this was a lovely video!! i love the word "queer" to describe myself but i've always been aware of others who don't -- thank you for specifying the difference between people who find the word a reminder of past trauma, and people who try to ban it for exclusionary reasons. (also, very entertained by the fact that the cishet ally that was asking all the questions had Straight(tm) hair, lol)

[@lilypudd]

Up until my late 20s, queer was just another word for weird and gay meant happy or was someones name. I didn't hear these used in reference to sexuality until I was an adult. My Mum always used homosexuality or lesbianism to describe non-heterosexuality so those were the words I learned. She didn't even start using the word gay this way until I was in my 30s. My Mum didn't like using slang too much, so that might be why. Thank you for this video...made me think about how I was raised and how lucky I was to have a Mum that understood that the world is not just straight.

[@bonnietelocole6777]

I personally use it because the conversations I've had with people have always, without fail, brought up how exhausting the acronym can be at times, and as a queer person, I have to agree. So I use the term 'queer' in place of the acronym for two reasons: 1. People will know what group I'm talking about anyways, and if not it's easy to clarify, and 2. Saying "LGBTQ+" so often slows my speech down to a near halt, and that upsets me since I like to keep a consistent pace. That slowing down is also why the acronym is often brought up as a problem in my conversations, mostly from the other party noticing the pace going from 100 to 30 almost instantly and taking the opportunity to bring it up. Me and my late mom always wished we had a simpler way of referring to the community because we would talk about my identity and the laws surrounding it often, with her not quite understanding and me trying to explain it to her, but there seemed to be a sort of wall that didn't allow all knowledge to reach her. I personally think it was the generational gap, "it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks" and all that.

[@emmasabat5926]

As a bisexual woman with a complicated relationship with my sexuality, I find the term queer to be an incredibly helpful way of referring to who I am. Many of my friends and family members are LGBTQ+ as well, and using the umbrella turm queer is a frequent occurrence. I am also an autistic person who has many strange or untraditional interests and characteristics, so the word works doubly for me.

[@squashylove]

the little note about labels made me so happy bc when I was questioning my sexuality I always worried that I was just “trying to attach myself to the community” and “faking it” and that I was overthinking the labels. Even if I don’t know my exact identity I feel comfortable enough to say “I’m queer” or arospec ace and be okay with fluidity :) also thanks for being so inclusive of nonallosexual people in your videos they’re always so welcoming and fun to watch!

[@ninjakitteh9095]

I am loving that because of the net (here, Tumblr, fb etc) i am finding and/or talking to people who are my elders in the community. Not too long ago, i only saw them if they came to the local lgbtqia center. Or if i saw them in a documentary. (Comment quasi related.. you were mentioning about how we don't get our data passively. We have to go hunting. Its super true, and i look forward to that changing. It has to change)

[@gracelarmee]

The word queer has been super helpful for both myself and others I know when they are questioning their gender or sexuality and aren't sure what section they fall into. They know some part of them isn't cishet but they're not sure whether for example they are bi or a lesbian. It feels validating to use queer in those cases because it allows us a sense of community and belonging without putting pressure on people to choose certain labels or figure out who they are prior to being ready. I personally have been trying to figure out my sexuality for many years now and am still very confused so I often just use the word queer to describe myself because it's easier than getting into the long story of why I actually have no idea

[@tomgreen5890]

I have a bit of a weird relationship with the word queer as It was used to beat me down but also has been a helpful shorthand for me. I really like this video and look forward to more of your content.

[@ookamiblade6318]

It’s quite similar to the reclaimation of the n-word in the black community. The in group can use it, the out group uses it as a slur and those like me (white passing) with shaky n-word privilege often opt not to use it without checking in first.

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

This is an important video! I especially appreciate your sensitivity for those who struggle with the word!

[@RiverWoods111]

I love your channel, I have a gay child, and I tend to watch as much content as I can about the LGBTQIA++ Community to learn as much to be an ally for my child and their spouse as I can but also for the overall community. Side note my adult kid also watches this channel. We both love your channel! Thank you for what you do, it does really help us outside of the community.

[@kdougan98]

I love the word 'queer'! I'm cisgender (female), but my sexuality is extremely fluid and I'm still figuring it out. So when I'm coming out to my friends, I never know what term to use. I usually say I'm gay or queer because it's a lot easier to identify myself using those broad terms. I'm also disabled and neurodivergent. The disabled community, as Jessica has talked about before, have reclaimed multiple derogatory terms, including gimp and cripple. I personally don't use gimp or cripple (unless I'm trying to be funny about how disabled I am, like 'omg, I'm such a cripple!), but I know many people who identify as one of these terms. It's the same idea in the LGBTQ+ community as it is in the disabled community. Some people prefer to use the once-derogatory terms to describe themselves or a group of friends. Some people don't use these terms themselves, but they aren't offended by it because they know that some people use it. And for some people, these terms are offensive because of how they used to be used. And if you're not a part of the community and you're not sure if it's appropriate, just pay attention to the words the person uses. Or better yet, ask them what word they would like you to use to describe them. Disability, special needs, crip, etc.

[@SageK253]

I'm also Queer and Disabled and use Cripple sometimes for myself. Usually with humor and around people who are comfortable with it. Also I've stolen "you're harassing a Cripple!" from the "gay pirate show" recently around my family lol

[@allanjmcpherson]

Jessica-by-the-door sure has a lot to learn! Thank goodness Jessica-sitting-in-a-chair is so knowledgeable and eloquent! Great video!

[@sarahwatts7152]

I like the version of Jessica holding onto the door and asking questions, she's a good foil for Real Jessica

[@LeFouGallois]

As a teen in North Wales in the 1980's. I often had kids I did not even know run up to me, calling me ''Queer!'' before I had even understood my own identity. One lad even walked right up to me in the street to ask, ''Are you bent ?'' (which was another slur used for homosexuals). I imagine he might still be stood there, scratching his head in confusion, after I replied, ''No, I'm perpendicular !''. :) I am glad we reclaimed the word Queer as an umbrella term that can mean whatever the individual wants it to mean. When it comes to using negative connotations for words, I was quite annoyed when, for many years it was quite common for youngsters to use 'gay' for anything that was not good. For example, ''That coat is so gay.''or ''His trainers are so gay.'' (I wrote this comment half way through watching the video and when the moment I continued to watch, you spoke about this very topic !) :) xx

[@MsStBoom]

I honestly love the word 'bent' as a very literal way of saying 'not straight'. I used it for myself for a long time because I didn't have a better term. I knew I wasn't gay or lesbian, nor exactly bisexual, and didn't learn the words (or concepts) asexual or biromantic, (or nonbinary,) until I was in my 40s; but I knew I wasn't straight. I still think it's the best overall description of what I am, although I usually use queer when speaking to other people. I don't think there's a term for LGBTQ+ (including LGBTQ+) that hasn't been used as a slur in some way, so I figure why not just pick the one you like for you.

[@Alalea17]

As a queer person with severe scoliosis I find the word bent quite funny to use for myself now. Sadly I live in a not English country xD

[@LeFouGallois]

@@Alalea17 I like that you have retaken a negative word on two different levels to find your own descriptive. I guess that we all have our own personal journeys with words and phrases. For example, back in high school in Britain in the mid 1980's, Duncan Norvelle was on TV with his exaggerated flamboyant persona. One of his most famous catchphrases became the bane of my life, as I had kids of all ages running up to me during break times, frequently shouting, ''Chase me, chase me !''. I hadn't even realised or figured out who I was, myself at the time. Years later, I went to a theatre production he was in, and I could only feel contempt for what I felt his portrayal had instigated others to put me through. (Those were just my feelings at the time.)

[@hali625]

Omg Jessica, I've missed you! I lost you for a while, but I'm so glad I'm back. You were the first person I remember watching on KZbin. My brother showed me one of your videos when I was 11, and I loved your voice and clothes first, and then I found out you were married to Claudia, and my little mind was blown! 😂 Thank you so much for all you do, you have been a constant inspiration in my life for 5 years ❤❤❤

[@pnkgrlxo05]

I love that you did a video on this topic! Ive used queer for the longest mostly because when I was younger I associated it with being strange (which I thought I was at the time). Now in my 30s, I still just use queer as opposed to bi since I feel like it just fits. 💜

[@ColeR-i_live_in_the_forest]

10:27 i’m currently i’m high school and here’s a list of words/slang i’ve heard that mean the same thing as “that’s so gay” (TW) : zesty fruity homo “GAYYYYYYE” people straight up saying the f slur queer skittles zesty besties bent girly pop fem boy and many more

[@alifowler1405]

So incredibly proud and happy for you and your magnificent channel! Congratulations on 1M subscribers!!!!!

[@rudetuesday]

"Queer and Questioning" is so much easier for me to use for myself in certain contexts than a shifting variety of specific labels. I understand why other people don't want to reclaim Queer for themselves, though it can be very useful and flexible for those who choose to use it.

[@matteahayn]

This was super interesting! I've known queer used to be a slur, but it's never felt like one to me. I'm pretty young (20) so it's always been very normal me for me and my friends to use it, to the point that I forgot that not everyone may be comfortable with it. I personally love it, it's fun to say, easy to use for a group of noncis/hetero people, and it encapsulates my gender too! (I'm bi, which is technically gender neutral but I'm also gender queer so I feel like queer reflects that more!)

[@cindabearr]

I'm a cis-het girlie who has no business deciding these things, so I'll tell you a story instead. Way back in the 70's, I was given a book called, "Something Queer is Going On" and since I was a voracious reader, and the cutest little 7yo nerd, I was very interested to read about these "queer" things. I was quite disappointed to find out that, in fact, they meant "strange” and no one at all was gay in the story. I'm proud to say that my mother raised me to understand that people are people, and that we are all just trying to exist peacefully. The ones who aren't trying to get along are the problem...

[@raylea72]

OMG, JESSICA... YOU'RE GAY? I have watched for years (love all the queer history, chronic illness, and adorable family content) and never knew you and your wife were gay. I am totally betrayed!!! Why have you never said anything to your audience? /s of course. People are so weird. Love y'all and hope all is well this week.

[@moony_alittle]

i'm not gonna deny, i'm subscribed cuz of her way to speak, like, sometimes i'm just not listening to what she's saying BUT THE SOUND OF IT i'm always in love with

[@cnelson574]

I really like your commentary on how we are divorced from our own history and culture. I’m a historian (not of queer history specifically, but I identify as queer- and as a historian!) and I think about this issue a lot. We’re like a diaspora that exists everywhere, but with a mix of culture that isn’t universal and means different things to different people. I’m very happy to hear that other people are grappling with these issues!

[@QueenAngelCakes]

Hi Jessica! I loved this video and it mirrors so many conversations I've had! (Quick note that's hopefully helpful: the C in Ncuti Gatwa's name is pronounced with a soft sound like "ch" or "sh")

[@dunkel429]

Thanks for this breakdown. I do say queer about myself/friends/family, but I did find myself hesitating to use it in conversation with members of my LGBTQ+ group at work. I suppose subconsciously the word queer still carries a bitter taste.

[@AndrewTaylorPhD]

I really liked this video ❤ Nice to see a shout-out for the gender census, too. My take on "queer" is that I actually kind of *like* that it was a slur, just because with something like LGBT+ (eg) the transphobes like to ask "what does being trans have to do with being gay" and when you just say "queer", if anyone asks "why do you need a word that covers all these things" you can just answer "I don't know, you invented it"

[@ottopaul6269]

I really appreciate your nuanced discussion of this topic. I am one of the folks who grew up with queer being the ultimate slur towards me, even moreso than the 3 letter F word (or 6 letter if they're going for the full version). While i have put work into "getting over it", and for a while now i've fully accepted that this term is our reclaimed umbrella identifier, even still to this day, every time I hear the word unexpectedly, it still catches my ear in a heightened way and triggers a mini fight or flight response. Ya know like how when you hear your name, it catches your ear and brings you to attention if you were only passively listening? It does something like that, but in a negative way. So often lately, when i see this topic discussed, there tends to be a really dismissive attitude towards anyone who struggles with the word, so I appreciate your grace on the subject

[@dolphin325]

A definite must watch! Sharing this video to give others some insight. Never too late to gain knowledge of something you might not understand. I use either lesbian, gay or queer. Shows like Showtime’s Queer as Folk and The L Word were big for me and my cousin. We had our own form of code to talk to each other about “queer things”. Now as an adult I talk freely and with no need to hide.

[@crysbay5428]

Thank you so much for the specification of queer as an adjective and not a noun, this is something I’ve been saying for a while and I’m glad to see people agree

[@mattiethemongoose3rd]

This video has convinced me to subscribe. Really love this careful discussion about the use of a word I've had to argue with TERFs about on twitter, but also knowing an old gay man who finds the term difficult. I was a child of the 80s which means I grew up with it becoming a slur, then being reclaimed, so I know the history of it better than many and have felt comfortable navigating that with TERFs in particular, but it's good to see a longer discussion of the kind you can't have on twitter.

[@clancyalexander6192]

I think this is a great video. It does a wonderful job of explaining outward that has been controversial at best. I'm a 55-year-old gay man and I grew up at a time when there was an actual game called "Smear the Queer". However, as I've gotten older, I have allowed that word not to hurt me and I don't have trouble using it to describe someone who prefers to be referred to that way. I think her main point of respecting others and being sensitive to their feelings, is a good takeaway to any instance

[@marshatolbert154]

This video is super helpful! Thank you so much! 🤩

[@nalee5233]

Haven’t had a chance to finish the video but thanks for talking about this, it’s definitely a tricky one. I understand why some people like it and use it, and as a community term I’ll use it, but I hate being called queer as a person and have been met before with confusion from people who don’t get that I dont personally want to be called queer

[@jhakama]

I absolutely ❤❤❤ listening to Jessica speak about LGBTQ+ and other topics! Keep the videos coming! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@lucindadebolt8841]

Thanks for this - I hadn't really realized how damaging it could be to use "queer" to describe people without thinking about it. For myself, as an aroace lesbian (more or less), I get a little frustrated with LGBT+. When I first figured out i was asexual, it had expanded to LGBTQIA+, which was even more of a mouthful, but which included me. And while I know that not everyone gets a primary letter, I'm not fond of being relegated to the +. Using "queer" for the community as a whole doesn't make me feel like a rare afterthought the way LGBT+ sometimes does.

[@alimon89]

It's been interesting to see the transition of the use of the word. As a heteroflexible person I'm not comfortable saying it, and it was an adjustment as the word was reclaimed, but I do like the reclaimed meaning of it a lot.

[@roarmaus]

13:23 I shall borrow this when attempting to educate healthcare providers. I had some unpleasant dealings with a few and want to try to explain to them why they can't act the way they have.

[@lorienator]

I am an elder millenial - born in 1983 and I remember the first time as a teenager I came across a gay person calling themselves 'queer' (by having a badge on in a club that said 'QUEER'). I was really shocked because it had been used against me to torment me mercilessly for years. He was so bad-ass (the teenage me was mesmerized). i felt a shift in me at that moment and started calling myself 'queer' to my friends and such - it was shocking for them, and continued to be shocking for a while. I felt empowered by using that word. When I told people I was 'gay', it sometimes felt like I was apologising for being so. Saying 'I'm gay' felt like an admission, while saying 'I'm queer' felt like statement. Thank you for this video, you explained it absolutely perfectly. Great job :)

[@logo9470]

Jessica! 999k!! So exciting! You’re almost there! 🎉🎉. Thank you for another educational video ❤

[@manicantsettleonausername6789]

I'm from the Netherlands, which is a country that doesn't have English as a native language but where especially young people speak a lot of English to each other because it's the language of popular culture. This also translates to LGBTQIA+ terminology, and a lot of people use English terms to label themselves, including the word queer. I was recently speaking to some elderly lesbians and they felt it was a shame young people spoke so much English and used terms like queer to describe themselves rather than using Dutch words. Also on the topic of reclaiming slurs, I have a story of the opposite happening with a Dutch slur being used in Ireland. In Dublin there used to be a gay bar called 'flikker' which is a Dutch slur for gay people that has not really been reclaimed. Even though the bar is long gone, it's still a symbol of Dublin's queer history. Imagine my shock as a Dutch queer person when I walked into Dublin's pride hub and was bombarded with merchandise with the word 'flikker' on it. This was supposed to be a safe and comfortable space for me, but instead I felt wildly uncomfortable and I wasn't really able to talk to anyone about it. PS: I lit up when you mentioned non-binary lesbians! As someone who has only been using the label since relatively recently I felt so seen.

[@zhenia2511]

I'm queer. My identity is fluid, it alienates me from the majority of people in Eastern Europe and I love the radical, political edge the word possesses. P.S. Regarding reclamation of slurs. My friend sometimes calls himself "підор" or "підорас" (basically, post-Soviet F-slur) because he thinks it's funny and is not ashamed of his identity as a bi guy.On the other hand, my other friend - also a bi guy - is uncomfortable with the term and never uses it to describe himself or other queer men.

[@silverjade10]

Is that term related to the same root as 'pederast'? It reads like it might be, but cognates are so tricky sometimes.

[@zhenia2511]

@@silverjade10 Definitely, Wikidictionary says it stems from USSR-era prison slang.

[@WynterDragon]

I appreciate you so much! I'm a Xennial and I grew up a "tomboy" and eventually identified as bi. More recently, I've switched to calling myself queer and gender queer, interestingly gender queer was easy but romantically queer took more consideration as I'd always been bi. I see it as a more open an accepting term when I'm trying to describe what romantic partners I'm interested in and "yes" isn't usually an option. Lol!

[@dragonflies6793]

I do identify as Queer, but I also identify as Mad, and I understand that just because reclaiming a term feels powerful for me does not mean it's an option for everyone or desirable, and those terms definitely make some people uncomfortable. It's good to adjust language by context and the people you're speaking with/to. Sometimes clarifying how and why we're using a term can help as well.

[@angryotter9129]

I self-identify as queer, because I’m an agender demisexual panromantic person and that is a mouthful.

[@juliamartinez3775]

Honestly, as an almost 60 year old, my brain is having difficulty remembering all the new terms being used within our community today. To me, “queer” feels like an all-encompassing term and I use it comfortably within my own queer bubble. I think your video will help many heterosexual folks see how using that term may be a slippery slope and they should tread carefully. I live in Deep South Texas and I kind of feel a bit scared now using “queer” outside of my home (especially with folks who can openly carry guns and are no longer keeping their hatred quiet 😩). I sometimes feel as if “the closet” is trying to beckon me back, so I don’t get killed for being who I am. Thanks for putting yourself out there to try and gently teach the world about us ❤️🌈

[@nataliesirota2611]

Great educational video, thanks! While I do have family that use the term, I do not feel it is my place to do so, because I want to be respectful.

[@MrSchimpf]

Me looking up at the screen at 10:35 in shock when she said "Nathan!" like Jessica directed that specifically towards me, even as I've never been in the UK and was and always have been an ally. 😂 Imagine being that Nathan...I would run!

[@jennyhorner]

Excellent explanation 👍🏻 I like the fluidity of just being not-straight, cisgender but it’s good to point out that some people better fit specific, fixed labels.

[@xtrff2024]

i love using the word queer to describe myself and the lgbtqia++ comunity. I'm so happy re-claiming it. Tho I'll be more vigilant of not using it whe it's hurtful. I use it as a generic term, or when i'm not up to saying i'm aro/ace and having to endure the inevitable questions that follow that statement. Loved this video!

[@EM_1989]

Thank you Jessica ❤

[@mrpocock]

Great to see that you highlighted that queer as an umbrella identity also gets kick-back from within a particular segment of Radical Feminist philosophy that uses a very constructivist model of gender, as they see it as hiding or denying distinctions between male and female, and so hiding or supporting legacies of heteronormative power built upon these distinctions. I was really confused by this when I first found myself in a space where I thought the understanding was queer theory but was actually gender critical.

[@jimjones7912]

I am Queer! Love the word❤! I'm 79, Disphoria has helped me embrace Queer!

[@kaseydexter9736]

I define myself as queer because I feel a sense of community outside of the cisheteros as well as being bi. But mostly commenting to push down the homophobic/transphobic comments. 😂

[@aprildawnsunshine4326]

I've tried on the other "more acceptable" labels like bi or pan and even "questioning" over the years and none felt as good a fit as queer. My sexuality ebbs and flows, sometimes I'm open to anyone and sometimes it's just one gender and I've had periods when I've had no interest in anything, even a relationship. So I just felt like I was lying half the time or was still figuring it out and considered immature for that. Queer is the only label that feels right 🤷🏻‍♀️ For context I'm an elder millennial/Gen Xer who came of age in the Washington, DC ( USA capital) metro area. My dad's gay and my mother is pan and my eldest daughter is trans. 😊

[@oceanfloop]

Great video! You're so close to 1m good luck and grats! \o/

[@marry632]

I find the term queer useful as a label for when you don't know what specific label would fit (or you don't want one) to describe yourself. Your video was helpful :) in Germany there are some politicians who had said something along the lines of they're gay but not queer and it currently high in debate, I feel like your video might be helpful to understand why they said that (?) Because before watching your video I thought of "queer" as just an umbrella term and didn't really know about the history.

[@DestructionGlitter]

For a long time, I used the word "queer" to describe myself. I'm an elder millennial, but I didn't have strong emotions about it from either side. In the past year or so, I just went back to lesbian. Don't know why. I guess it fluctuates. I assume there are other people that, despite knowing exactly who and what they are, switch between words to defind themselves. Language is cool and it's nice to have options.

[@Lucy-z8h5g]

Thank you for such a nuanced, educational video, Jessica :)

[@tazdragon]

What a great video! I am Queer! I use the word Queer to describe my gender and sexuality because it feels right! I reclaimed queer for myself and cishetero-society can pry it from my cold, ded fingers.

[@nkanyezitshabalala5256]

Cisheteropatriarchy is now a new word in my vocabulary. Before I thought it was okay for cisheterosexuals to assume that very one they encountered was just as they are (they are the majority), but I have now come to realise that it is extremely exclusive of different persons.

[@jennifers5560]

My wife tries to counter this by assuming everyone she meets is gay. Like if a guy at her work says they are married, she will ask “oh great! What’s his name?” Most people take it as a joke, but once and awhile someone gets what she is doing.

[@nkanyezitshabalala5256]

@@jennifers5560 That is very nice of her. 😄 Reminds me of how I have to assume every guy I meet is straight as making a move on a straight guy would be awkward.

[@dancing_drake]

When I (32) was growing up in Australia I regularly heard the therm gay being used in derogatory ways. Even when not, I always felt awkward using it for myself because I was male presenting growing up (and still sometimes feel I have to be), it meant cisgender heterosexual people presumed I was only interested in guys and see myself as a guy. I worked out I was bisexual pretty young but it was a while before I worked out I was nonbinary or maybe trans or genderqueer (only started exploring this during the 2020). Queer just felt more comfortable to me. I get why others use gay I just struggle with it on me and hence can completely understand why others would struggle with queer. I prefer it and like it but that doesnt mean others have to. Thanks so much for your vids ❤🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[@kriscox4019]

Thank you for another informative, nuanced video ❤️

[@rae·tetza1999]

Also, i have this exact same cardigan. I also have it in 3 or 4 other colors. It's super pretty, soft, & lovely! ❣️

[@AurorXZ]

Thanks for the compassion with this. I don't say I'm queer or LGBT+. I'm just gay. Queer has always sounded so hateful, and it also has a lot of political baggage. But, I get that for many it's the simpler option. I use it occasionally, too.

[@Amoechick]

I am an AFAB genderfluid/ genderqueer nonbinary person who happens to be lucky enough to like femme gender presentation often enough to have a good amount of passing privilege. My partners are cis-het men: I have the same option that, for instance, bisexual cis folks in heterosexual relationships have, to just keep my head down and not be targeted. Identifying, and loudly, as “queer” is important to me BECAUSE I have so much privilege. It feels like cheating, to let people who will not or cannot “hide” take the brunt of the various -phobias while I skate by. Shock, mom and dad- I AM one of “those damn queers.” I’m not as brave as I want to be, so I don’t always live up to this. It’s still Important to me. Self identifying as queer feels like a tether reaching back to the LGBTQIA+ generation before, saying “This is who I stand with; these people you despised and treated with derision. These are my people.”