Why are so many disabled people gay?

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[@oliviawolcott8351]

how many of us who are disabled, queer, and neurodivergent?

[@Struudeli]

o/

[@lionrence]

These 3 things are connected in some way, no doubt about it.

[@TheGreenDee]

@@lionrence what do you mean ?

[@missalwayswrite]

💁🏻‍♀️

[@gillb9222]

Me and my 4 kids are neurodivergent, disabled and LGBTQ+ so in my family it's 100% lol

[@birgitteandersen5886]

The only thing that scares me about this connection is the people who will use it as an excuse for eugenics. The diversity of the world is what makes it better. I am autistic, nonbinary, and bi. I am unlearning my own biases, and learning to accept myself slowly.

[@ithinkiknowme6450]

Exactly.. homo/trans phobes already apply this eugenics bs to prime suffering from gender dysphoria disorder.. We need to consider that this could be the result of under diagnosis of the underlying conditions in heterosexual people.. since lgbt+ people are already at risk of homophobia, maybe they take better care of themselves.. That’s why get checked out more and hence are able to discover their conditions more..

[@TheLucyblades]

I agree, diversity is a good thing. I wish you all the best.

[@rachelthehomosapiens]

Have you seen anyone using it as an excuse for eugenics?

[@max_the_mantis5173]

Same fellow autistic and lgbt being here. Any time we see people, rightfully, bringing up the correlation between disabled people and the lgbt, we our afraid to see eugenics or similar kinds of discrimination in the comments. Since it is so deeply intersectional, and common for us disabled individuals to be faced with seeing. It is genuinely horrifying. Our heart goes out to you, much safety, and wellness wished your way.

[@jtw-r]

@@rachelthehomosapiensyes. the holocaust. queer & disabled people were not seen as “aryan” and therefore were treated as inferior. this is one of the core tenets of fascism.

[@randomripoff123]

when i mentioned to my therapist that i not only had eds but likely had an autoimmune disorder, she simply said, "yeah, that makes sense. basically every other lgbtq client i have also has an autoimmune disorder. seems to me it only makes sense when you're subjected to so much trauma." (she is also queer, btw, so it was said lovingly/caringly lol)

[@lisa_wistfulone7957]

I find this relatable, and kind of humorous because my story links them in a different order. I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD a few years ago. My also autistic therapist was unsurprised when I then started re-examining my sexuality (I’m in my 50s, it wasn’t a question we typically asked ourselves in the 80s). She also helped me know about common links with autoimmune disorders, which led to proper diagnosis of my hashimoto’s, and probably hypermobile EDS that I’m currently seeking a diagnosis for. (I’m officially diagnosed with joint hypermobility, but no one will seriously look at the multiple problems it causes.)

[@albinnibla]

😮 wow- 4 commonalities! 💜

[@user-of2od5zd8e]

My asma watching from behind 🌚

[@amandamccallum6796]

I have EDS as well and endometriosis which is a common comorbidity with EDS and an autoimmune disorder. The link with trauma is interesting.

[@user-of2od5zd8e]

@@amandamccallum6796 WHaT, I have endometriosis too , is it linked with trauma!!??? My doctor said that stress causes gastric problems and that causes asthma, with can be worsen by traumatic life ... I'm transgender man , 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈 pansexual and autistic.... so you know that I have being bullied all my life and lonely... I I'm not a English speaker , sorry if I made a mistake ...

[@Chronicallyiconicgay]

In my friend group of 4, 2 of us have physical disabilities, 4 of us have mental illnesses, 4 of us are neurodivergent, and 4 of us are queer with 2 of us being trans as well. And we didn’t find each other through lgbtq+ or disabled groups, we all found each other organically separate from our identities. So everyone saying its rare is very silly

[@jk-jl2lo]

it feels like we always find each other just out in the wild or through something unrelated to our disabilities, queerness, neurodivergence, etc. both i and most of my friends in college are queer and even though i'm the only physically disabled one (at time of writing), all of us are neurodivergent and mentally ill. we met purely because we're all involved heavily in the music department at our college and either had mutual friends who introduced us or we just kinda started talking one day since we saw each other so often around the building and in rehearsals.

[@foxesofautumn]

This was my experience too! Most of us met at the University anime society. I guess that tracks 🤣

[@jennifervasquez]

There have been studies to back the idea that queer ppl often accidentally befriend other queer ppl n neurodivergent ppl also often accidentally befriend other neurodivergent ppl so w such a massive overlap of both identities its bound to happen that queer neurodivergent ppl will have mostly queer neurodivergent friends which is why i make jokes abt the fact that im an anomaly as a neurodivergent queer whose friend group is entirely made up of neurotypical cishets

[@moimoi-dl2st]

​@@OfficerZlocksorry , I dont think a p*dophile's opinion on anything has any legitimacy. Go back to jail please.

[@JasperisCasper]

the only person in my friend group who doesn't have some sort of disability is the one cishet guy married to my bestie. lmfao.

[@tinkergnomad]

😂 Doctors don't seem to care about my trauma, so I (AuDHD, Pansexual enby/agender woman) started telling them *exactly* what the "accident," that caused my injury was. I genuinely love how uncomfortable it makes them. TW: DV A guy I was dating picked me up by my neck and threw me across the room into a wall. It really screwed up my spine. I genuinely love making doctors uncomfortable with that because (here in the US at least) we're taught to keep quiet when we're abused, and that the victim of that abuse should be ashamed for having been abused.

[@jennifers5560]

So sorry that happened to you. ❤

[@tinkergnomad]

​@@jennifers5560I'm not thrilled about it, or the ways it's impacted my life, but more than anything I'm genuinely thrilled that I have zero shame about it, and will tell any professional who might be made uncomfortable by it. It's far to prevalent in women's everyday lives, and I don't think it's fair so many of us have to live through these things, but can't talk about it. To be clear I'm not trauma dumping (talking about it in detail), but it happened, as have many other things. People need to know this stuff happens a lot.

[@saraperpetua1093]

uu

[@jennifers5560]

@@tinkergnomad yes, I 100% agree, people should know that it happens a lot more than they think. And yes, you should not have any shame about it, it is not your fault, it is the fault of the perpetrator! I appreciate that you speak up about it. Every voice counts and shows other people that they are not alone.

[@kristine9823]

I started doing that with doctors harping on my weight (unrelated to any of my health issues). It's hilarious if infuriating how many obviously know they're prejudiced and it's not okay but are banking on you not calling them out.

[@tiramisunsun]

Ah yes, that reminds me that one time I came out as asexual and my classmate was like "but isn't that because you're autistic ? Autistic people don't like sex" and boy, I really wanted to yeet him out of the window.

[@frocktopus9429]

As an autistic person that has banged a LOT of other autistic people, he’s wrong, you’re right (you know already but just to back you up) also solidarity hugs, my nesting partner is asexual and they’re awesome 💜

[@missnaomi613]

I know folks in various places on the autism spectrum (including myself) who like sex very much, thank you!

[@tiramisunsun]

@@frocktopus9429 yes! Autistic people are full of different individuals who have their own sexuality, it's crazy how disabled people are always desexualized... Lots of hugs for you too!

[@mylene_b]

That classmate's comment is so stupid. There are many autistic people who love sex and are very sexual beings. There's no correlation between the two. Besides, even asexuality is a spectrum too, people falsely assume that asexuality equals to 0 sex and 0 sexual desire whatsoever.

[@keylimetea]

I’m an autistic person and I love sex 😂

[@americanbookdragon]

I’m bisexual with crippling C-PTSD. 🤔 I never really thought about this. Do you think people with disabilities also end up with a “I don’t give a damn what people think.” Trait that takes them out of the closet? Because I definitely see that in myself.

[@Eibarwoman]

I also came to same conclusion particularly with certain neurodivergencies that it's easier to just come out than to live a lie and fear the impulsive side outing you and ruining a relationship if one tried to exist in the closet.

[@saskia6648]

That’s always been my theory, also that maybe we’re more used to having to look confusing/difficult stuff in the face, rather than just ignoring it, so more likely to realise, acknowledge, accept etc. our queerness

[@jk-jl2lo]

i think that's the case w neurodivergence especially, though i can see neurotypical people w other disabilities feeling that way too. i think for ND people, we just don't understand social norms anyway and/or we already often feel excluded from life in general since we're different, so why not also just be openly queer?

[@kristine9823]

I don't think it has to do with disabilities so much as everyone has their breaking point. There's some point of stress where worrying about what other people think just becomes too much work. Look at all the little old ladies who just don't give a hoot. Some people just reach that point much earlier because a lot more has been packed in to their life.

[@hannah-lk3oc]

@@saskia6648 I totally agree with this. I think there are a lot of non disabled, non marginalized people that maybe would be queer if they were put in positions where they had to really get to know themselves. Being disabled has led to me being uncomfortable for most of my life. If I wasn’t open about being queer that’d be one more discomfort I have to manage and I just don’t have the spoons for it. Maybe if I wasn’t disabled I’d be able to ignore the nagging feeling that something was off in my life and not address it. I also don’t know because I can’t put myself into the mind of a non disabled person. Just a thought

[@sianthesheep]

Even when Prides and LGBT+ events say they are accessible they can often mean it in a really narrow way. They have disabled toilets but don't have ones with hoists, they say there aren't stairs but it's up a big hill or there are cobbles. I'm chair of Exeter Pride this year and I'm determined to make it ACTUALLY accessible!

[@kellyu3702]

Last time I went to a Pride event the police parked in all of the disability parking spaces..... That doesn't send any sort of message at all....

[@0racle.sunrise3570]

Don't forget not having paper towels so we won't have to worry about deafening dryers in the bathrooms and loud speakers so the volumes & vibrations will be overwhelming (which is why I often carry sanitizers, stim toys & earplugs in public).

[@Kaeinlya]

Accessibility at our Pride this year was abysmal. They blocked off the accessible entrance to the park and made everyone get checked in by the steps, they were confiscating and making people pour out water on an 80+ degree day. And the one thing they normally knock out of the park--the sign language interpreters on the main stage during all the musical and drag performances? Half of the songs didn't have any interpreting, and aside from one drag act that incorporated the interpreter into the number, was in a little hidden area at ground level visible to like 3 people in folding chairs with some printer paper taped to the partition reading "ASL access".

[@maxalberts2003]

@@Kaeinlya This was done deliberately.

[@gaelle4328]

My personal experiance is that if there are handicap bathrooms see that the wheelchair can go either side of the toilett to make it possible to transfer and not have a bin or the bog roll screwed to the wall so that people can’t get to the toilet.

[@imafine1]

To help people at Pride events, look at how Disney World does it. I once visited Disney World while using a wheel chair. I have chronic fatigue and can’t walk or stand for long periods. Disney had personnel specifically trained to help the disabled. For instance, when my party approached a ride, we were escorted to the front of the line (The glares!) When we entered a small theater to view a video on a large screen, they literally ordered people to move so I could see from the chair. These service personnel were stationed all around the park, and seemingly came out off the woodwork to assist. With a little training, volunteers could make events accessible and enjoyable.

[@StrangeStartrackerArt]

I love how accessible Disney is, too bad it's so expensive. Now the other theme parks need to follow suit! Busch Gardens is a close second, but I can't ride anything there, Hershey Park requires you to get out of your chair to get on rides but they do have charging stations.

[@Daisythepage]

For all my the problems with densely I do like this idea! :3

[@maxalberts2003]

This is great to hear.

[@FanStoryVideoStudios]

Once at Disney one of my relatives was having a bad Plantar Fascitis flare-up, someone noticed and offered to bring her a wheelchair. She declined, and was fine after sitting for a little bit, but it def made us all feel better to know that we were being looked out for :)

[@theothertonydutch]

YOU HAVE A PLANE???

[@floopyboo]

I got bullied out of a rural queer group for pointing out the inaccessibility of the majority of the pride activities. Also for being bisexual, fem-presenting nonbinary & therefore not visibly queer. But mostly for saying stuff like 'um, you know that stairs are not even remotely accessible, and it's not like this town (flat as a pancake btw) has a lack of accessible venues for pride events' and 'could you possibly do more low-stim events than the annual picnic, because that cuts out neurodiverse members and it's not so family-friendly'

[@shadow_song]

i'm sorry this happened to you. people take constructive criticism so personally! like no we're not criticizing YOU as a person, we're pointing out how this event is not accessible and it should be changed in the future. simple as that

[@miipmiipmiip]

A lot of people are only against oppression when it affects them personally and will otherwise gladly take the side of the oppressor because they enjoy their privileges. It's sad and enraging.

[@thecatlurking]

The person who told Jessica straight up that she "hasn't gone through any trouble in life" so she's just making up ways to be marginalized.....can you IMAGINE being that silly

[@user-kg3tm7ue1s]

Lol

[@absolutechadd8895]

I think I have an idea for why people say silly things like this (very prevalent among conservatives). People like this tend to think that we all already live in a fair and just world. So, when they see people (minorities) talking about injustices happening to them, their kneejerk reaction is to invalidate their experiences by saying that they're seeing problems where there are none, and that they're being oversensitive. This probably also has something to do with the media representation of minorities in recent years, which gives the illusion that minorities are not marginalized anymore, sometimes even thinking that they have more privileges (which is a pretty stupid and easily debunkable notion). It's very similar to how people talk about 'modern feminism'. Y'know, about how it isn't needed in the west anymore n'all that, and that feminists are just making up problems, pointing to words like 'manspreading' and 'mansplaining'. The words sound silly, but the meaning behind it all is pretty interesting to think about.

[@margaretwordnerd5210]

@@absolutechadd8895 I think you're onto something. I have a brother who seems offended when any marginalized persons complain. He is surprisingly unbigoted, didn't have any problem when one of his grandkids brought home a trans fiance. He and I clash when he is blind to injustice. This fits. He wants the world to be simple and just, a place where anyone can succeed if they try hard. He doesn't say anyone deserves fewer rights, he just can't abide being told that equality isn't already a thing for everyone. I've been his big sister 65 years, and you just helped me to an epiphany. Thanks!🖖✌

[@emmanarotzky6565]

I have the same feeling but not to the extent of denying reality, just to the extent that I don’t like when people don’t pursue something like a lawsuit against discrimination even if I know it’s not the best thing for that person to do in their own life. Like I know life isn’t fair yet, it just pisses me off when people get away with it.

[@maxalberts2003]

@@absolutechadd8895 I think you're giving conservatives too much credit. They're actually suspicious of a fair and just world because by definition it means that they lose power.

[@marymac3572]

I really feel you on being careful where you discuss your same-sex partner and how your kid refers to their parents. My wife is trans, I'm cis, and because of our living situation during our son's first few years he calls her dad. Because of the area where we live, I catch myself saying "my spouse" and not "my wife" frequently, I'm careful about asking our son where dad is when we're all out together depending on how safe my wife is feeling. It's exhausting and unfair that we have to constantly think about how we present ourselves when we're not doing anything wrong. We just want to live our lives and not deal with bigots.

[@jennifers5560]

Yep! Exactly!

[@saraperpetua1093]

Oh

[@mylene_b]

It sucks that you have to do all of this just to protect your partner. I'm saying this because I know trans people are often attacked, harassed, murdered, etc.

[@marymac3572]

@@mylene_b we've been lucky so far. My sister's boyfriend (both cis) went to get a haircut and was harassed by a group of older men because he has long hair and an undercut. My sister was ready to throw hands when she found out.

[@shadow_song]

congrats on your own little family ❤ i hope to one day find (healthy) love as well. wishing you guys more safe days! ❤

[@BastionMarshall]

I ended up physically disabled while gaslit and discriminated against for being an AFAB neurodivergent person. I almost died at 22 from a tumour the doctors refused to scan for because "it was women's problems" or "probably just a burst ovarian cyst". I got sent home from the ER twice while barely able to walk. I was lucky my dad's neighbour was a doctor and snuck me in for scans and he found a grapefruit sized tumour and massive amounts of inflammation and needed immediate surgery. If I'd been left another few weeks he said i could have died. So now i have an autoimflammatory disease and a number of other health issues instead of that promising future i had ahead of me. AND after they found the tumour i got tested for pregnancy so many times even though i told them i wasn't having any sex with *men*

[@noneofurbusiness5223]

Hope u didn't pay for pregnancy tests. You can refuse tests

[@dynogamergurl]

have a similair myself and autoimmune issues. its soo great when doctors are dismissive...😡

[@clownbag]

I'm just glad you are alive. I'm in a similar situation rn and it's scary.

[@averagedemocrat9546]

That kind of thing would lose a doctor's license. They broke their doctor's oath

[@terranovarubacha5473]

@@averagedemocrat9546in a perfect world

[@ulytia]

Pansexual, non-binary, vascular EDS, dysautonomia, autism, ADHD, celiac, Hashimoto's thyroiditis *Wooo* (I have bucked no stereotypes ♥) Growing up in Texas as a queer atheist was... sure something. C-PTSD is awful, but I am now an immigrant in Canada and it's so lovely sometimes it's surreal. I watched an interview a few years ago from a Russian lesbian in the face of their government discrimination - and she said something about fleeing Russia that stuck with me after the harassment in Texas; "You get either a sense of home, or a sense of safety. You don't get both."

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Hurrah for Canada! 🇨🇦

[@Sweet_Tooth_Art]

Hello fellow pansexual Nb with eds and adhd!

[@tejaswoman]

As a Texan (one with ADHD, in fact), I hate that you don't get to have both here. Daily events in news and politics in this regard don't exactly do wonders for my tendency to major depression and anxiety. I'm not even the one directly affected - straight, cisgender, European-American, white, upper middle-class, raised Christian evangelical, etc. - and as someone who does everything she can to be an ally, it hurts and angers me seeing all the different things my state presently does and historically has done to shit on people who don't happen to be in all those categories. Not to center myself here, because how upset I feel about persecution of others pales in comparison to what the people actually persecuted have endured. More a case of trying to say 🫂 about what Texas put you through 🎉 that 🇨🇦 was an option for you and is better to you

[@blortmeister]

Welcome. Glad you're here. Please accept this virtual hug in your welcome packet.

[@blortmeister]

@@jessicaoutofthecloset Uhm, nice of you to say, but it does make us a bit uncomfortable to hear....

[@teazen_tea]

As a queer disabled I saw the title of this video I saw "Oh of course" most of my friends are also LGBTQ+ and disabled. I've been talking about the intersectionality of disablity and everything I can for years (espechally LGBTQ+ issues). This is a really important topic and i thank you for talking about it!

So important to give the message of TELL AN ADULT about bullying and keep trying 'till someone stop that. Thank you, Jessica!

[@saraquill]

First day of first grade, the teacher gave me a lesson which took years to shake off. “Reporting bullying makes me the true villain.” Unfortunately, she and other adults were keen on enforcing this concept.

[@saraquill]

@@OfficerZlock Who wouldn’t choose to be fabulous?

[@judebrown4103]

​@@saraquillgreat response but it should be reported as bullying. It's all through this comments section...🥺

[@niencat]

​@@saraquillwow😢. I am shocked.... I dont get that kind of mindset that teacher did display.

[@MeeshT]

@@saraquill Unfortunately this is the case often, but I do belive in what Jessica is saying. 5 teachers may believe so, but keep trying and you'll find someone who DOES care. Took me way too long to realise that in school and I really wish I'd opened up more as a kid instead of believing those few.

[@tinkergnomad]

A reason that doesn't seem to be considered here, but that might explain a lot... The kind of people who are homophobic are also typically abelist. Perhaps it's not that there's more overlap between disability and the LGBTQ+ community, perhaps it has something to do with the homophobes being less likely/willing to identify as disabled. I've seen plenty of them (whatever category you want to put hateful people in) who clearly had serious physical/mental/emotional struggles, but would never admit it. Kinda like how malignant abusive narcissists rarely seek mental health services because they don't see anything wrong with themselves. They're clearly mentally ill, but they aren't included in mental health statistics because they don't get help.

[@jwb52z9]

In the US, for example, that might be due to the perpetuation of the idea that says, "You should do everything alone or you're an evil lazy vagabond who deserves whatever misery you get because failure is only ever your own fault".

[@carly6107]

I definitely think this is a part of it-maybe not all of it, but certainly a major factor.

[@tinkergnomad]

@@jwb52z9 am 'Murican. Can confirm.

[@frocktopus9429]

Omg the “well I have a bad back/have seizures/insert any other very obvious disability here, but I’d don’t go around claiming to be disabled” double-think some people come out with is so hard not to just rage at 💜

[@frocktopus9429]

Can they just like, kept the internalised ableism internal plz!

[@josiejose]

I grew up playing wheelchair basketball and most of the lesbians I knew were from wheelchair basketball. I know that's hardly a random sample, but it always made me wonder if disabled women found other women more accepting and not put off by disability in a romantic/sexual partner.

[@alisonbarker3862]

I just want to know where all youwonderful women are. x

[@miipmiipmiip]

@@alisonbarker3862 Apparently wheelchair basketball, lol!

[@lisam5744]

My sister was gay and had medical disabilities starting in her early 20's. And when I started watching this video, my brain starting thinking about her friends, partners, etc. who were gay and had medical issues. Yeah, a lot of them did. I never connected those two things before.

[@tejaswoman]

My brother was gay (closeted in [and during] most of his life) and had congenital disabilities with physically noticeable features. I think the fact that in some ways he didn't fit in was a big part of why other aspects of his identity where he *_could_* fit in were such a big deal to him. For example, here in Texas, it's a huge deal whether you were born here or not, and lemme tell ya, he loved to rub it in that he was and I wasn't! Never mind that he spent half his childhood living outside the state, whereas our family moved back here when I was 1 month old and has lived here for all the 56 years since. (In fact, according to my mom, the only reason I _wasn't_ born here was that she wasn't willing to drive to Texas on her own with her nine-year-old son while nine months pregnant 🤰.) Big brother good-naturedly teased me with "Yankee!" for liking sweet cornbread instead of only the Texas kind, and for little pronunciation things like pronouncing "route" as "root" in some cases rather than universally pronouncing it to rhyme with "out" or "spout." Our family is now on its seventh generation of native Texans, and out of the 10 members of the sixth generation, I'm the only one not born here😳; it's why I never refer to myself as a "native Texan," lest someone discover my out-of-state birth and call me out 😉 , but rather as a "lifelong Texan" and as "from a family that has lived in Texas since 1846, one year after statehood," with that latter detail coming in handy any time some online troll wants to go the "take those Commie ideas back to California" route. Full disclosure: in that last sentence I did mentally pronounce it as "root." Think it's also a big piece of why it was important to him to identify with our parents' politics, as well. They were _moderate_ Republicans, a category my mother laments has basically been run out of the GOP, and I can recall my brother occasionally making a point of sticking up for some mildly- conservative stance he felt our parents probably agreed with, whether or not we never heard them express an opinion on that topic, and without them in the room for me to ask. If anyone's wondering why I don't give an example, it's because none come to mind all these decades later. edit: added some paragraphing here and there for legibility

[@anothergirlonthesubway]

​@@OfficerZlockhush now sweetie, the adults are talking

[@kayew5492]

As someone who is both disabled and gay, and also - let's just say somewhat past my ''best before'' date - I have also started to worry about elder care. I am lucky in that I have some family members who are understanding and accepting, but also others who are emphatically not. Since I'm single it's probably a moot point, but part of me still wants to be acknowledged for who I am regardless. My biggest fear is that I develop dementia, or otherwise become unable to live independently at some point and end my days being preached at. I have warned my family that I will come back and haunt them if they make my twilight years a misery by trying to force me to repent.

[@bioluminescentlyunfolding5716]

I think there is going to be a growing need for co-housing options for our community, and I'm hearing more conversations around it recently. We don't want to have to closet ourselves just to have basic support as we age, and we shouldn't have to. Likewise, the historical lack of research into autism and ageing/the fact most older autistic people have not have (and often still do not have) access to diagnosis is really starting to raise some concerns about whether care settings are remotely equipped to meet our specific needs. I would love to spend my later years in a retirement community with other queer and disabled people.

[@sarahwatts7152]

I'm really hoping to see more of these cohousing spaces pop up in the future, as I'm also likely to want/need that kind of support - but I worry that these resources will not be accessible to a lot of people in the community

[@kayew5492]

Cost is likely to be my biggest obstacle. I'm currently living in a council flat, with only minimal savings and since my options are a) leave it to my kids or b) travel while I still can - I'll let you guess which one I'm opting for!@@sarahwatts7152

[@dees3179]

I’m hoping I go utterly Gaga because if I’m still aware of what is going on living in care will be like being tortured. I will have no family who can help me so it will be dependent on paid staff. Hopefully I’ll know little about it. Even the noise of a radio drives me mad. I live on my own in silence because it’s all I can tolerate. Maybe I should take up bomb making and blow myself up when things start getting dicey!

[@kagitsune]

Good point. Something for some of us to start while we have the ability.

[@hannah-lk3oc]

I’ve been queer, medically disabled, and autistic my whole life. I think about this question a lot. I sometimes come to the conclusion that when you’re different in one way, you might just be more likely to be different in others than “typical” folks. I agree with everything else you said too.

[@TinyGhosty]

@@OfficerZlock BEING IGNORANT IS A CHOICE!

[@emellisor7167]

The amount of people that have told me I don’t “look blind” because my kind of blindness doesn’t look the way that people think blindness should look. And then they’re even more surprised when I tell them I’m also trans.

[@marQP2]

I haven't met any blind people in person to be honest but my god I am in a improv group and everytime someone plays a blind character by just looking at the ceiling I want to yell. Like dude, I have to explain every time you don't always know or see, and it's as diverse as anything is. People have so many false idea on how blindness or deafness should look like.

[@emellisor7167]

@@OfficerZlock whatever you want to believe. Except, I’m not gay. So…

[@JordanSullivanadventures]

As someone who's queer and experienced different forms of disability/neurodivergence throughout my life, I feel like part of it is the fact that when you're *already* ostracized or looked down upon for one aspect of your identity, you're a lot more likely to embrace those other aspects of yourself which aren't considered societally acceptable.

[@VickiLovesDoctorWho]

I think one possible explanation is the same phenomenon that happened during the lockdowns - people trapped in their homes with nothing to do but have existential crises about who they are, what they want, and who they're attracted to. And realising that they're bi, gay, trans, non-binary etc simply because they had the time to really think about it. I have a severe disability and am housebound and I 100% wouldn't have realised that I was bisexual if I didn't have so much time to sit around and think about it. There's a lot more time for introspection when you're chronically ill.

[@GhostIntoTheFog]

After decades of running from my autistic identity, I began to explore and embrace it during the pandemic. Later found out I was an ADHDer, as well.

[@thelemon5069]

This is what happened to me the stress and world anger actually caused my chronic disability to manifest

[@jennifers5560]

You covered many heavy topics in this video. I had to watch it a couple of times to get all of it. What struck a cord with me was having to assess if it is safe for my family to say “my wife” in public. Something so simple that my straight married friends can say without a second thought, is something that literally can be life threatening to us. It is getting better, but it is still there…☹️

[@judebrown4103]

I determinedly say "my wife" at every opportunity now, even though we're still "only" civil partners. For one thing...brevity...and for another I like to watch people being "cool" with it... They're not helped by the fact that I'm very easily taken for a chap given my non-binary nature. So I get even more of an internal chuckle while I watch them try and work it all out in their minds. It's so easy to tell which slot they've dropped into as well...the "oh yes, they're gay girls" (in our sixties) or "oh well perhaps it must be a man then..." I have a perverse and wicked sense of humour and it never fails to tickle me 😂

[@jennifers5560]

My wife is like you, she says it whenever she can, I assess the situation more. We are older 52 and our daughter is 28, so it is way easier now. We were more cautious when we were all younger. And for the most part it is fine. Most people think we are sisters, so when they hear “wife”, you can literally see them trying to process it!

[@judebrown4103]

​@@jennifers5560that's lovely that you have a grown-up child who will carry the flag into the future. Being that bit older children were never really an option in our circumstances although I was recommended to have a child with my then husband by his mother, as the cure! I suppose that makes us lucky to have not had those awkward and hostile experiences although of course when we were young "queer-bashing" was a thing we experienced, but only the once in our local small community. As soon as we left for the metropolis we learned how to be more scary to any hostility, I held a good belt in karate, and was fit (oh for those days!) and my wife was just scary, still is if roused, a terrifying glare!😅😠😂

[@jennifers5560]

@@judebrown4103 Looking scary and knowing how to defend yourself, nice! Sorry you were bashed. ❤️ Back in the 90’s when my wife and I were first dating, we would go to the lesbian bars so we could hold hands, dance together and be around our own people. We always felt safe in the bars, but leaving was a different story. If you were seen coming out of the bar, people knew why you were there, so you ran a risk of being targeted. We had to be ready to run or stand our ground if any of the verbal threats we got turned physical. Luckily it never got that far, ignoring them and moving along was our standard response to their words. It is so messed up that just living our life can put us in dangerous situations. It’s the haters that need to go, not us!

[@judebrown4103]

@@jennifers5560 oh it certainly is mixed up, but hopefully times are changing. Lovely people such as yourselves raising children in happy homosexual households (sorry the alliteration was irresistible!). Delightful friends that we have loved over the years whose children have also been brought up to love and respect and defend us have finally started to create a society in which we are more safe. There are more people who will speak out on our behalf if we need it. What I also like is the fact that so often our presence is unremarkable now so we don't have to think of ourselves as any different to any other couples and not just with old friends but with everyone. We celebrate forty years together this year along with our friends, a straight couple who've raised three girls to whom we are aunties and great aunties to their children. We will go to the local pub run by a thirty years old friend, daughter to our neighbours who are friends and we will celebrate loudly and publicly all together with not a funny look from anyone in the village, just good wishes from all. 💕

[@ixykix]

Wonderful local LGBTQ+ cafe near to us, when they took over the building, specifically put in a ramp (one that is there ALL the time, so you don't have to ask for it!). The ramp was there from opening. They host many fantastic meetings/socials each week including one for neurodivergent LGBTQ+ people and one for disabled LGBTQ+ folk amongst others. Appreciate them so much! (They are also lovely!)

[@youareherediversity7321]

Totally understand the self consciousness as a parent in front of new people. My wife only socially transitioned to woman, I can feel the difference when we were out as a family as compared to when people assumed she was a man.

[@zhenia2511]

5:37 God, that's so true! I've hidden my low mood and bouts of intense self-hatred due to internalised homophobia from my parents for years, because I thought they would validate my discrimination towards myself and disown me. Turns out, my mom thinks that my tendency to doubt and blame myself is unhealthy and is really supportive of me when I'm too hard on myself.

[@TheMadhouseOfficial]

Being disabled within the gay male (or AMAB enby) scene is a lot of fun too. It's a community with a heavy focus upon body image and perceived ideals of physical attraction, and many of us cannot or will not fit those molds. It can make networking and dating incredibly difficult when you don't look a certain way and when certain traditionally gay spaces such as gyms, saunas and clubs are unaccessible for so many. It's exhausting trying to balance the need for self-care and the need for companionship, and I have yet to find a way to make it work in a world changed by COVID.

[@judebrown4103]

Yesssss read the paper in front of you docs!!!! LGBTQ+ disabled older person here but disabilities started when I was around thirty so I have fitted in the young and the older categories 😏 This was another one of your special ones Jessica, you are one very wise young woman, bless your heart ❤️🩷💙👍🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[@SassyWitch666]

I love that you encouraged bullied kids to keep talking when they're being bullied. My daughter has ADHD and she's a member of the LGBTQ+ community. She was ignored when she was trying to tell the teachers and staff at school that she was being bullied. She wanted to quit school at 12 years old. I was so angry when I found out that the school wasn't listening to her and even more angry that they didn't tell us what was happening. My husband and I immediately took her out of public school and I homeschooled her. She just started online college this week for Game art and she got a Momentum scholarship. She's doing so much better now and her mental health has improved dramatically since I took her out of public school. It's so important that we listen to our kids and the kids in our community.

[@GhostIntoTheFog]

You did the right thing. While it’s important to include neurodivergent students in mainstream education (for their own benefit and that of their peers), allowing a child to just endure relentless bullying for years is traumatizing and untenable. I quickly learned as a young, undiagnosed AuDHDer that reporting bullying to my parents and teachers was useless and suffered in silence for most of my childhood. That trauma will always be with me.

[@mononeo]

I was at a gay bar once and noticed that no one was talking other than the friend I brought and myself, and then we realized that everyone else in the entire bar (seemingly) was deaf and they were all having conversations in ASL. It was honestly amazing and a beautiful sight to see so many people have a sense of community where they otherwise perhaps wouldn't fully.

[@nyves104]

I'm bi and nb, and also have chronic illnesses (and I actually watched this video while laying on the floor bc I got too dizzy)

[@thelemon5069]

Dizzy gang

[@robinhahnsopran]

Bisexual with hEDS here! Had the same reaction when I started my channel about opera, disability and LGBTQ+ issues - "that sounds like a really small niche!" - but it turns out that not only are there lots of LGBTQ+ folks out there who are disabled, there are lots of us in the arts, too!

[@kagitsune]

Hi Robin!! 😊

[@chey7691]

Now I want to know the art connection in all of this, seem interesting what draws many different people towards a concept like that. If I'm to take a gestalt guess it's likely the freedom of media and expression of feelings separated from reality. Perhaps a stealthy way to express sentiments not commonly said out loud about the lives they live invisible to society. But I know nothing of art really, maybe I can learn what makes it so appealing in the future.

[@sapateirovalentin348]

There is someone on youtube (i think the name is patricia taxon but i dont remember)that recently made a video about furries which seem to adress what you are ralking about and may interest you.and if its not as relevant as i thought its still well worth a watch

[@ForgottenPixelz]

I think accessibility isn't generally at the forefront of your mind a lot unless you personally know someone who needs those options. For example, I have a disabled parent who generally needs access to ramps and lifts to get into places but someone who doesn't know anyone who needs those accommodations may not think of them.

[@kellyu3702]

Which is totally fair. However when someone brings up those accommodations, having the knee jerk reaction of "we can't do that" is ignorant and not-constructive. Especially if the person has specific examples of what would be helpful. I've been trying for 2 years to get even a kick plate with a foothold on the door to my apartment complex. It's not just for me, we have a lot of elderly people, mothers with strollers, and even people with their hands full of groceries! But I keep getting told "it will affect the integrity of the door"..... No, it won't. But because it's not something immediately beneficial to the people on the HOA board, they won't even consider it.

[@phedran]

My mom was the one who first said "I think I might have ADHD", which sent both of us on an exploratory journey. She's in her 60s, I'm almost 40. She just discovered CPTSD and I'm like yeah.. yeah. Queer, neurodivergent, disabled, chronic illness, history of trauma, and treated as if all my problems are mental illnesses or moral failings that I may or may not actually have, or may just be symptoms of everything else. And yes, I was like this before the Internet. 😂

[@cpm9747]

Girl, reciting The List is such a thing. I have to "prove" I'm still disabled in order to keep my disability coverage, I just schedule time for after the renewal interview so I can cry out all the relived trauma nasty feelings of how many things I can't do for myself. It's fucking depressing... On a more positive note, understanding how to allow myself to cope with that FUN bi-annual event (every two years) has helped me improve my overall mental health. TIP! Learn what you need to do to help yourself feel better (and don't close yourself off to new options to help yourself just cause you found something that works), oh, and ( I know, this is a lot, but I'm almost done, Promise!) don't let unhealth coping mechanisms lock you into self destructive cycles. You are stronger than you think you. You can do better and you do deserve something better.

[@lalaillustrator6295]

Thank you for opening up about the struggles with being lgbtq+ and disabled! Makes me feel less alone ❤️

[@13myrrh]

I've had issues with how disability is portrayed in LGBT+ media - specifically RPDR. They had 3 disabled winners. Jinkx has narcolepsy which is played for laughs. Yvie's a Willow Pill's disabilities are used as Emmy bait. The production didn't give Willow a box cutter so she couldn't collect things for a challenge and I was literally screaming at the TV. It was beyond disrespectful. It was exploitative.

[@babymilksnatcher]

in the UK version, they mocked Ginny Lemon for not wearing heels, even after Ginny disclosed they can't wear it anymore due to their fibromyalgia, and during the same season, they didn't let Joe Black talk about his Tourette's. seems like all franchises led by that person have that little aftertaste of ableism....

[@13myrrh]

@@babymilksnatcher I didn't know that. That's awful. They treated both of them so poorly. No wonder Ginny walked out. Good for them

[@kagitsune]

Unfortunately, I’m not surprised. Ru Paul is a ruthless person when the cameras are off.

[@frocktopus9429]

Not surprising it’s the amount of cripping up drag race stars, both on and off the show, have done x

[@niamhl6964]

I'm bi, and I am physically disabled and deal with a lot of mental health issues. I've always felt bad that I couldn't attend protests or even pride events because standing and walking for long periods of time causes huge amounts of pain AND being in crowds with lots of different levels of noise is incredibly triggering. This video really made me feel less guilty and upset about my circumstances, so thank you

[@nicoler1183]

Demisexual (sapphic-leaning) EDSer here! Jessica, I love your look, I love your sass, I love that you address this "niche" intersection so many of us live in. And I especially love the phrase "my ankles are pathologically incapable of holding me up." I gotta use that one. :-D

[@libbyallen2566]

as an autistic pansexual person, i have literally never thought of this. 🤣🤣

[@thetheatricallinguist]

As a person who works with medical students, I think they're taught to ask the patients about their condition in an attempt to be more patient-centred, I.e. by allowing them to explain it themselves you get their perspective and not whatever the last doctor they saw wrote down. However, I'd never thought about how traumatic it could be, so I'll definitely bring it up with the tutors I work with!

[@FoxrosePettipaw]

Honestly I think a lot more people queer or not are disabled than they report or tell others. But coming out as queer is already such a mental hurdle that once you push through it coming out as disabled is much easier. Like in my friend group most people who are queer and disabled have come out as both, usually around the same time.

[@kiniabb1159]

omg!! thank you so much for making this video; as someone who studies special ed at uni and thinks about writing final thesis on the correlation between queer studies and studies on disability this video is so SO!! important

[@missnaomi613]

That would be an awesome thesis!

[@Noel.Chmielowiec]

I saw this short and thought 'no way there's that many of us'. As a bisexual disabled woman I wasn't interested in intimate relationships until I met my husband, yet mum's reaction was 'I always thought that you'll come with girlfriend' (don't worry, I thought it was hilarious, because I was always more interested in girls). But I said, yeah, could happen, but somehow we're doing this 😂 However no one in my husband's family other than my brother-in-law knows I'm bisexual. My own family doesn't know either, only my mum. I face enough stupid questions regarding my disability (I have both mental and physical disability) that I don't want more. I also would never tell my doctors about my sexuality. I don't trust them with that information in this country (Poland). And I don't think that's its necessary for them to know, too many of them thought that everything is 'only in my head' because yeah, bipolar disorder and BPD are in the head, however not the way they think they are. And for my whole life I've heard that I can't feel pain everyday because I wouldn't get up from bed, and when I really couldn't everyone blamed me for being lazy. Last year when I finally started going to pain management clinic my doctor (who is absolutely the best one I've ever met) asked me how on earth I've managed to live like this for so long. She herself has herniated discs and no one wanted to help her with her pain, so she understands when patient says than no one listens to them, she had to suffer through the same thing. She mainly treats my migraines, but painkillers also work for pain caused by my spine. She couldn't believe when I told her that neurologist refused to prescribe me anything, because I don't need it and I 'can live like that'. And I was sick because of the pain many days a month. It's not 'oh, my head hurts once a month, I can take acetaminophen and it goes away' it's serious issue, I can't even stand for long periods of time. But in his words, I wasn't 'disabled enough' for him to give me papers to disability office (and I just needed the diagnosis and treatment info on special form that I bring to the appointment). And he saw my spine MRIs, when she (my anesthesiologist from pain management clinic) saw them she said that he's insane. I even went to orthopedics surgeon with them and he said that if physiotherapy can't help with the pain I will have to get surgery, because it's serious, and as he said 'what can I tell you, everything here is not how it's supposed to be and I can absolutely understand why you're constantly in pain'. But yeah, I can live like this. I had to tell that neurologist that I'm not coming out of his office until he gives me those papers. Then suddenly I was disabled enough. There is enough discrimination against disabled people and queer people if it's not combined, but I can't imagine what happens if someone is disabled and their doctors are aware that they're queer. Even my psychiatrist has no clue, I mentioned it to my therapist, but we talked about it only briefly. I know that my psychiatrist wouldn't question it for a second and it wouldn't change anything, so it's not like I'm not telling her on purpose, it just never felt right to say 'oh and btw I'm bisexual'. But no other doctor ever. She can be trusted, they all know that I have a husband because he's my emergency contact, and they don't need to know more. And I know I'm in the more, let's say privileged position because I'm in heterosexual relationship, but if I would be with another woman or NB person I wouldn't tell them either. Just to be safe.

[@JacksenRose]

the 'not that kind of gay best friend' line. because what they want is a femenine, flamboyant, attractive, 50% homosexual 50% in love with only them and no other women, Cis Man.

[@sarboomer8379]

There also seems to be a very high trans population in the autistic community. I first started coming to terms with and becoming confident in my identity as an autistic person in college, when I started hanging out more with other trans people. It just so happened that a lot of them were also autistic which I feel like makes sense. Given that autistic people have a harder time understanding and conforming to social norms, it might be easy for us to realize our trans identities (not to say that we aren't still impacted by transphobia which influences one's coming out journey)

[@gypsydonovan]

This is really interesting. I was raised by a Wiccan mother & a Catholic father. I had peers in each group. When I was a teenager I noticed that the Wiccans were, at least at that age of experience & experimentation, in a fairly liberal area, well over 90% lgbtq+, while in the catholic group I knew only one openly gay male. I was all 3 & I didn’t feel like I was one because of another, but I did feel like the ostracism had to have a part. We’re already considered abnormal for religious practices, so we’re not going to put as much value on conformity & we’re more able to explore other aspects and stumble across the fact that gay & straight people are the very small minority. The majority are somewhere on a scale in between. Aside from some minor hearing issues from birth, and an autoimmune condition that was very easy to hide, I wasn’t disabled until my 30s when I developed degenerative disk disease. I’m less in touch with either religious community these days, but again, I noticed the overlap. Again I assumed that if you’re already disabled, you might be more accustomed to being “different” & therefore more accepting of your own sexuality. I do think a lot of “100% straight” people are very uncomfortable with the idea of stepping out of an expected mold. Conformity is more important & if you’re “75%+ straight” leaning, it’s probably easy enough to live with. It’s the “45%+” gay people who struggle to reconcile who they are with what they feel is expected of them. Because I realized that I’m about 52% straight long before my health made me unable to accomplish what I wanted, I didn’t think it was connected. I haven’t looked into studies myself but I trust Jessica enough for me to put some weight onto this. I haven’t even finished the video, I’m just excited to hear something I haven’t heard before. I’m skeptical. I feel like we’ve become dramatically more accepting of the lgbt+ community over the last couple generations & if being gay & discriminated against caused disability, I think we’d have a much higher population of disabled people in the history books & among the older generations, with disabilities becoming less frequent today. If you have something that makes you unable to fit in, I can see it being easier to handle things that otherwise could be hidden due to social pressure. But the brain is powerful & the body can suffer from emotional suppression. I don’t know, I’m just excited to learn about the topic.

[@SenailCooledge]

We WOULD have more people in general (at least in the US), but a lot of them died during the AIDS epidemic, or just died from their disabilities without ever getting help. There's also the issue of history being written by the victors. You don't see a lot of queer history, because it was destroyed before we got here. It IS better than a few generations ago, but we're quickly backsliding into the dark ages. The handling Covid Pandemic by the US government mirrors how they treated the AIDS epidemic "It's only affecting the undesirables, if we don't do anything we'll kill them off" it wasn't until it was hitting EVERYONE that they did something about it, and even then, the response was lackluster.

[@KAITLYN-wq2rq]

I think those who want to still be a part of spirituality convert to religious groups who accept them more.

[@tetsubo57]

When I was an adult I bumped into an old teacher I had as a kid. She revealed to me that she had suspected I was being abused but hadn't said anything because, 'it just wasn't done back then'. I had to restrain myself from punching her.

[@jennifers5560]

❤

[@jessicarousseau6001]

That is horrible I'm sorry for your experience. Not knowing where/when you grew up and only speaking from my experience, I know all states in the USA are required to have mandatory reporting laws since the mid 70's. Essentially, people who work in schools, health care, child care, law enforcement, and social work (among others depending on state) are required to report suspected child abuse (or elder abuse and other abuse/neglect of vulnerable adults in some states). It is anonymous, and there needs no burden of proof. To hear a teacher say she knew you were probably abused and did nothing is appling and can be grounds for someone losing their license/job. Good on you for resisting physical violence and being a better person then she is.

[@violetcurran5086]

watching this video laying on the bathroom floor (again) ((chronically ill life)) so I wanted to pop in and say that your videos are really intensely comforting to me as a young person with a plethora of health problems that no one can explain

[@DB-sc2hg]

The statement you made “keep going until you find someone who listens”, is what teachers use to push when Personal Safety sessions were taught in schools many years ago.

[@kohiko_art]

Probably because a lot of medical equipment doesn't fit in a closet ;)

[@jennifers5560]

😂

[@Eibarwoman]

And a lot of medical equipment that can fit in a closet is used often enough we don't keep in there ;)

[@kohiko_art]

@@Eibarwoman true! :p

[@unicornbaby8588]

Ha!!!

[@sallyjordan4869]

Thank you, Jessica! That was very informative and enraging (in a good way). I really hope you’re not having any lingering Covid complications. 🎀💖🎀

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Thank you so much, we are mostly better now 🥰

[@sallyjordan4869]

@@jessicaoutofthecloset So glad to hear that! I was so worried that you’d get the dreaded Long Covid.

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

​​@@jessicaoutofthecloset , re: 4:25 - trauma is indeed disabling. This Ted Med talk about the health effects of childhood trauma is enlightening and enraging in equal measures: kzbin.info/www/bejne/b2bSp3yAaMmmhM0si=AYP4is4Olvx3mvWj

[@MadameTamma]

I think at least apart of why disability and queer intersect so often is that if you're disabled you're probably more likely to second guess how you feel about a lot of stuff. I have met plenty of people who, when they spoke about their experiences seemed certain that what they felt was universal. "Girls check out other girls all the time. It's normal." "Everyone's at least a little bi, right?" "It's a common phase, loads of people go through it." Most people with disabilities on the other hand are very much aware that the way they are feeling in their own bodies is not the standard for most people and that leads them to being more open to questioning what else about them is generally not the standard for most people

[@evrypixelcounts]

I'm a closeted trans person, and I've never really considered myself disabled. However, the more I think about it, I guess able-bodied people don't usually have a list of chronic ailments. I was born with clubfoot of both feet, and they were corrected before I was old enough to remember. I am not built for running. I've had crippling anxiety my whole life, am a chronic insomniac, and mental illness runs in my family I've been in and out of doctors since my freshman year of highschool (I'm 22 now), and I'm still struggling with the same health problems I have a long list of food allergies (dairy, egg, soy, wheat, nuts, peanuts), and got teased for it a lot. I got so tired of other people making such a big deal out of it. I've been so hard on myself for the individual issues. Putting them in a list really provides some perspective.

[@Sarah.reads.sometimes]

My best friends & I are all disabled/chronically ill, queer, also have spicy mental health/are neurodivergent. We did meet through a group for disabled women but broke off from that original group & bonded because we all identified with each other. Needless to say we’ve had many many heart to hearts about our traumas (medical, disability related, societal, personal) & saying “OMG me too!”

[@Sarah.reads.sometimes]

@@OfficerZlock bless your heart ♥️

[@ixykix]

Really detest having to rake over my medical history. I have CPTSD from medical trauma. I actively avoid some medical appointments and have to halt some appointments and procedures part way due to trauma. Disabled, (a systemic vasculitis), wife, mum, LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent here.

[@eternalenigma1628]

The infantilization of people with disabilities so that our families don’t see us as adults is so real, and definitely leads to internalized homophobia/transphobia that you have to unpack through therapy later. I’m 27 with epilepsy and wasn’t able to explore my identity (I’m a trans man and pansexual) until I was completely and totally financially independent. Any time I did anything that made my mom uncomfortable, she would do something to take away my independence, including making my boss fire me so I have to stay at home, making me go to virtual school before it was a thing, and taking away my healthcare once I was at college and didn’t live at home. She also got my extended family to bully me at family reunions about potentially being trans or gay but I saying was too sick to date anyone at all because I would just be a burden on them. Basically they saw me, but pushed my identity back down into submission. I definitely got to “I don’t want to be here anymore” levels because of how controlling she was over every aspect of my life, under the guise of caring about my health. If this is happening to you, please persevere, you’ll make it and it’s worth it on the other side.

[@shantichislon4129]

Thank you so much for covering this and even including how biased a lot of the information covering relevant statistics for being disabled and queer can be.

[@gen_li7725]

Childhood consisted of me and my friends figuring out techniques to manage ourselves so we could survive adult society. Adulthood is all of us one by one finding out that our brains and bodies do things that are different from the norm and we are all queer and oh that’s why that is so much more difficult to me than it seems to be for anyone else… 😂

[@IAmOneSickPuppy]

That was a heavy and important video to make. That you got making that and sharing it on your platform ❤️

[@eclipse_eternal8178]

I think it's because, if you're already discriminated against in one regard, you're more aware and less likely to tolerate other forms of it towards other people. Most of the people in the lgbtq community I've interacted with have been the most kind and respectful people I've met, it just seems like 20 less steps and stressors when interacting with them.

[@CrayolaVerde]

4 of 4 disabled here. My family of choice includes my wife and two other lesbians. I was born with disability due to hEDS and other stuff, and my wife has suffered from Idiopathic Hypersomnolence/CFS since she was in her teens. One of my friends has developed CFS in her late 50's, and the other friend is now affected by CFS due to long Covid. Three of us are on Federal Disability(SSDI) and the other has to limit work hours. I believe some of the disability is related to the incredible stress we've all suffered being gay. Growing up in a very religious, and/or abusive parents really took a toll on our physical and mental health. Life hasn't been easy for any of us. I am very grateful to have these women in my life.

[@SB-ez3dw]

I just love Jessica. I could learn anything and everything from her.

[@danabuck6461]

So, I am 59 and heterosexual. However, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have a sassy lesbian best friend! I just live your channel, mainly because your humor and joie de vivre is so contagious. Also, I experience chronic health issues and some days you are the only person who can make me smile. Much love from Texas, USA

[@logo9470]

Yes! “Read the front page of the note” PLEASE!! I more time for the doctors in the back!!

[@womandragora_]

The comment that said to stop pretending lgbtq+ people are marginalized because "the lgbt community have been accepted for decades and now are celebrating" even though a woman was killed a few weeks ago for defending the pride flag on her shop, and a young Black man because he was voguing. Is that a joke?

[@TinyGhosty]

When it comes to autistic people it makes sense why more of use are queer, trans, gender non-conforming, ace/aro, etc. Our brains are not wired for what is consider the norm for socializing and communication and the way we make friends and enter partnerships can look significantly different than allistic people. While masking is definitely a component that can make coming out difficult, the idea that we need to reject ourselves and act like other people is exhausting and painful and will lead to burnout. I wonder if there is any correlation for autistic adults that have experienced a significant burnout in their lives and being more likely to identify as queer, ace/aro, and/or trans. I was comfortable with identifying as queer from a younger age, but it took past burnout to fully embrace and accept being ace. I myself am autistic, adhd, ace, and queer💜

[@TinyGhosty]

@@OfficerZlock BEING IGNORANT IS A CHOICE!

[@jenniferbailey1580]

4:14 I always, when asked for my list of diagnoses, manage to forget the one that will be most pertinent to the appointment

[@arlecchino4004]

This is so funny because I am part of a friend group that is almost fully queer and neurodivergent, and some of us have serious health issues (also now I thought about is and realized that it is almost full crossover, especially with the neurodivergency (specifically ADHD, but not only))

[@ragnkja]

Leonardo da Vinci’s mirror writing was almost certainly because he was left-handed and writing right to left made it easier for him to not smudge his notes.

[@pmbluemoon]

Thank you Jessica! I was just pondering this the other day about my being disabled and queer/trans. I was wondering how many other people might be out there with the same experiences in life. I'm in a very small community where I'm trying to find my place but coming up a bit empty-handed so I've turned to the internet to find my place. Much love to everyone out there!

[@helenboal27]

Thank you for this video 😊 I’m in my thirties, have chronic illness, mental health problems and am neurodiverse (only diagnosed at 27 years old, which was ridiculous as I had some much traumatic from not being diagnosed as a child). I identify as asexual but am still exploring and learning about my sexuality. I found this video interesting as it’s something that I have been thinking about for a long time. Thank you for delivering it in a positive and insightful way. It made me feel more confident ❤

[@Matt_The_Hugenot]

I'm plurally disabled and straight however learning just how disabled I am led me to reinspect my sexuality. I think the level of introspection we are forced to undertake naturally leads us to reconsider other aspects of our identity.

[@kaisoep]

As an aroace nonbinary autistic young adult, this video really speaks to me. I have often felt that pride and most queer events and spaces are excluding people like me, who are not good with loud and crowded spaces and do not feel the need to do or see anything sexual. I want to feel like a part of the community, but going to pride is so exhausting that I have to plan in at least two days of just doing nothing in my bed after. I want to see people being sexually liberated, but I also want to be liberated in my asexuality. I am so happy to see all these people being themselves and living their best lives, but I know I'll never be able to do that the same way and it makes me feel quite lonely in this community.

[@Alexa-kw7bq]

I would love if you could post a new video on PoTS and how it affects you now, or any tips you have for dealing with it (coming from a potsie) 💗

[@Harlez]

How do all my favorite creators seem to know exactly what I need to hear when I need it most. Bless you.

[@jillianlea9690]

Wow I've never looked at my chronic illness /disability in relationship to my sexuality. Thank you

[@queerulantin6431]

Hi Jessica! The gay Museum in Berlin (schwules Museum) had an exhibition this year called queering the crip, cripping the queer. It was about Icons and activism and Nazi History. Maybe that would interest you?

[@noneofurbusiness5223]

@queerulantin64 Wish I could go.

[@fe0emmm]

I 100% agree with your take on why do doctors need to keep asking about some traumatic symptoms instead of just reading the letter/medical report. As a physician finishing my last year of formation I can testify that we are taught not to read or trust in information we did’nt organize. This is done to help prevent missdiagnosis and a snowball of errors beeing pilled upon by mindless reading. That being said I think that there are better ways of comunicating and create safer spaces where people feel more inclined to share traumatic experiences about a condition and also offer better mental health support to those who live with cronic conditions. Anyway, loved the vid and discussion Sorry for the bad english 😅

[@titichartay7216]

As someone who is disabled ( due to chronic illness & spinal injuries resulting from police violence) another great video ! A point I would make is that many of us are in constant pain that can be exacerbated by access issues. Pain also means that I have a low tolerance for being polite to stupid & ignorant people. HIV is also a disability. Within some sections of the LGBTQI community there is also an emphasis on stereotypical physical beauty which results in some not very nice, shallow people body shaming and excluding those who present differently. So much for inclusion ! As a disability consultant some things are getting better though sometimes it is just a shallow exercise to appear inclusive - very annoying. Respect is how we should always embrace everyone in our community. One accessible porta loo just doesn't cut it.

[@MiljaHahto]

About what makes people follow you. I originally found you because of some vintage stuff (hairdos, I think). Stayed because of your marvellous personality, and as I can relate to being chronically unwell. Didn't think I belonged to any of the categories you do, though. It's indeed not needed to be loving your videos! Well. Now I've found out I'm neurodovergent - counts even as disability, officially. And overmobility of joints and araknodaktylia, which makes me wondering if I actually have a mild connective tissue disorder as well. What irony! At this age I'm pretty positive I'm not queer, though. Still I find your videos about the queer community enlightening and interestingly.

[@rubelite]

I am so happy you mentioned drag syndrome I went and followed them and got the sewing inspiration I needed 🙏 I adore creative queens

[@dizzisliving2355]

C-PTSD is something I've had to deal with since I was 8 and it has been a significant constant drag on my life since I was 12 or so. I dont call myself disabled but it has hindered my life greatly. It has lead to severe depression and past suicidal ideation. Ive even has such extreme stress from it that my immune system bombed so hard that in my 20s i managed to get a virus that my doctor gad never in person seen someone my age get because typically only young children get it.

[@ladyicondraco]

My ARO/ACE association has zoom craft meetings, where we all just chat and work on our different craft projects. It's lovely and many of the member have disabilities that don't let us meet in person.

[@Eibarwoman]

I know I am. And I have multiple letters in the LGBTQ+ and multiple neurodivergencies not mention a probable hypermobility mutation. Definitely far from the only one out there.

[@cijmo]

I think they ask people to sum up their own health issues to see which words they prefer. I have epilepsy, some people are more comfortable with seizure disorder or just seizures. Likewise, here they call them seizures, in the UK they call them fits. I'm UK born/Canadian raised so it doesn't matter to me but if you call them fits here, some people are offended. Even something as simple as "I have painful periods" ... some would rather use the word menses, that time of the month, 'that week' etc etc.

[@sagesufferswell]

Physically disabled, mentally ill, autistic, adhd, queer, trans, wheelchair user here who's been following since before either of us was diagnosed with EDS. I love you. Thank you for talking about this.

[@hive_indicator318]

If my homie can't wheelchair dance away from the flashing lights and loud noises, it's not my revolution. You're doing good work

[@fourhand13]

I don't think there's a single fully able bodied or non mentally ill/ ND person in my main cirlce of queer friends. Also on the topic of pride events many of them (London centric) have been particularly inaccessible as someone who cannot walk a long way and has to sit down regularly. Thankfully this year's Brighton trans pride had an accessible route and it was the most pleasant pride experience I've ever had all thanks to the hard working organizers who had multiple challenges but still pulled it off for all of us disabled folk 🥰

[@bioluminescentlyunfolding5716]

I've never clicked on a video so fast! I think that, as well as the reasons driven by minority stress, the statistical rise may be significantly related to the growth of late autism diagnosis/self-ID in recent years. Research has found that as autistic people, we're more likely to be lesbian, gay or bi than neurotypical people are, and especially more likely to be trans. And while there are issues with stereotyping us all as being asexual, we are also more likely to identify as ace. So I think that there's a ton of LGBTQIA+ people who might not previously have identified as disabled, but who have begun to since either being diagnosed or self-identifying as autistic. There's a lot of theories about why so many of us are both autistic and queer/trans, notably that our autism may simply make us less concerned with societal norms and therefore more likely to embrace/be open about a queer/trans identity. I have mixed feelings about that because for me it worked the other way: having been disabled most of my life, I worried about being doubly a target. But I may not be representative!

[@lynxlynx6685]

Being noise sensitive (probably ND). I have found night-clubs and similar to be the worst posible setting (panic inducing!), and all I heard about lgbtqia places when I came out (enby) was "gay bar" :(. Thanks for mentioning that issue also, I did feel seen. :) Edit: spelling

[@Neophoia]

I love answering with "these things are not mutually exclusive." As somebody who is ace, non-binary, and disabled (7+ disabilities in this case).

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

I’m disabled and aspec (demisexual/demiromantic), but otherwise straight. Does that count? But I definitely have felt the discrimination aspect of being Pagan, and of family and friends telling me to go get married and stop being so “picky” about dating, etc. So yeah, I can attest to the fact that stress, mental and emotional fatigue, bullying, abuse and whatnot has definitely attributed to a lot of my health issues that started in my teens.

[@kristine9823]

Yes, aspec counts! I'm telling you because I'm deimsexual and still feel awkward about going to queer spaces, like I'm somehow appropriating the space, and lots and LOTS of queer people (friends and strangers) have been trying to train me out of it. Do as I say not as I do.

[@marQP2]

On that front I am of the opinion that's it's entirely up to you. Some aspec straights don't feel or don't consider like lgbtq spaces are their spaces because they are straight, which is fair. But it's also totally fair to consider it your space. Ace is part of the club ! So it's as you feel it. I am lesbian aspec so it's easier for me^^ i am in the alphabet mafia either way

[@beitheleaf8221]

Fellow Demi over here, heyyy 🖤 I agree with @marQP2, and that it should be up to you. Can totally relate to worrying whether one can feel part of queer community whilst aspec. You’re not alone. You deserve to feel happy, safe and feel you belong in a space too. ❤

[@kristinasasnauskaite5092]

Hi Jessica us disabled queer women your video helps me a lot. Can I quote you in my Social work management lectures?

[@morrisstanforth3278]

I am so with you for doctors asking people to list what is wrong with them. It feels like half of my appointments are just recounting all of my conditions to the latest doctor who also doesn't know what is wrong with me.

[@bendeywendy8065]

I'm very proud to have played a tiny part in this battle. I helped set up a LGBT+ Disability support group in the city where I used to work and also gave disability access guidance when the city started Pride. This was all when I identified as straight and non-disabled. Now I'm in a gay relationship with a disabled person, as well as having a disability myself. I see how high the correlation between disability and sexuality / identity really is. The challenges each group face overlap in many ways too. But being in one group can ostracise you from the other, which is frustrating. Just think how loud our voices would be if we shouted together ❤️

[@curiousfirely]

OMG! Frustration at having to explain too much medical history to every doctor is REAL. I carry a laminated list of my doctors and meds in my wallet, bc goodness knows I will miss something every time. 😂

[@Catlily5]

Most of my doctors don't ask my medical history in the USA.

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

Yes, Jessica! Yes, this! Entirely this! Thank you for this!😊