"Relationships Die in the Conversations that Never happen"

• Are they a Narcissist ...
Relationships cannot survive without one crucial element. The ability for both partners to be honest and vulnerable with each other. Without those, intimacy will not exist. Connection will not be felt, and Trust will erode.
If you ever want to support my work bit.ly/3FWA1Ez
#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Who made it far enough to hear my robot voice? 😂

[@YahushasDisciple]

I’m single (have been 14 years now) and I watch every minute of your videos. 😊

[@sharicoburn5475]

Yes. I heard. Beep boop

[@ClusterB-Magnet]

🤦‍♂️

[@jazzgal51]

I loved it Jimmy! 😂

[@pinalimon]

It was heard from Spain. Thanks so much for your work and effort.

[@TinaMaddoxJones]

LOL when I brought up things and used "I" statements.... he said "that's a YOU" problem.... and yes I finally believed that he was never going to show up for me... AND I stopped making excuses for him and justifying and rationalizing... severing the connection still hurt, but not as bad as when I believed that it meant that there was something wrong with ME ❤

[@lisalambert81865]

Mine too.

[@TinaMaddoxJones]

@@lisalambert81865 ❤️

[@TheMightiestMouse]

I second this. I talked he didn't listen or when he did he purposefully dismissed or would weaponize it after words.

[@88Oleksiy]

or when they make them self a victim when you bring the problem up.

[@Gotoworkkk]

It’s honestly time for you to take responsibility for making him feel that way. Unfortunately, women are in so much denial.

[@charisdonelson3621]

You nailed it, Jimmy. “Thank you for telling me.” “I can hold space for you.“ “I want to know your heart.“ “Let’s be lovers inside and outside the bedroom.“ Thank you for giving us the words!

[@enyaktammy]

I've been saying these things to my husband for years, but... Yeah you know the rest. Since he still doesn't want to divorce me I guess I'm just going to live a loveless marriage then.

[@charisdonelson3621]

@ Oofph, so sorry to hear. I am proud of you for doing your best.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

If only MEN were receptive to this advice. Less divorce. Less breakups.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

@@enyaktammyThat’s why it HAS to be BOTH people. I’m sorry.

[@shawnmida4725]

I am the one who's scared. I am terrible at listening without responding negatively and feeling attacked. I love my wife tremendously, but I'm not her safe place. This video may have just saved my marriage. I have read the Gottman book, but hearing this was so much more impactful. Thank you

[@chimenedjousse2273]

I am happy for your wife thank god you finally understand

[@jacobholm47]

​@@chimenedjousse2273 what a rude thing to say to someone who is taking accountability and growing.

[@chimenedjousse2273]

@@jacobholm47 how come my comment is rude? I don’t know where you see that sir sorry

[@chimenedjousse2273]

@ how come my comment is rude ? I don’t know where you see that sir I am sorry

[@WaifuManchu]

Having the insight to realize that about yourself is really powerful. How are you guys doing now?

[@UncleWalter1]

I feel a slight pang watching this. All of my past relationships were pretty bad from a communication perspective, and for sure a lot of it was on my part, struggling to be vulnerable having grown up in an abusive environment. But it's also highlighting just how often I did struggle with opening up because I felt constantly criticised and punished for opening up with a lot of people and so I shut down. That said, I was seeing someone for a while recently who's really good with this. It felt really easy to talk through conflicts and we were both really invested in each other's inner worlds. We both really leant in, even if it meant having some difficult conversations. Honestly, a real breath of fresh air. I'd not experienced that kind of emotional safety with someone before. Sadly, the timing wasn't right. She'd just gotten out of the long term relationship and wasn't ready to build something long-term with someone. But we've stayed friends. I'm super grateful she showed me what a healthy relationship can feel like. What a gift. That is the standard I hope to uphold in my next relationship.

[@OliHandy2008]

So she friend-zoned you? That's what happened? Your greatful for getting friend-zoned ?

[@cornwallismorgan874]

​@@OliHandy2008 He has every reason to be GRATEFUL for his friendship with this woman. He got a good lesson out of it that most people don't.

[@UncleWalter1]

@@OliHandy2008 I could look at it that way, sure, but I'd be missing the forest for the trees. Romantic connections can end amicably and you can have meaningful friendships with the opposite sex and even exes. This friendship is great because we know each other so intimately. Why shouldn't I be grateful? Why should I throw a good friendship away because the romantic part didn't work out? That's silly.

[@sallyarmbrecht2215]

I feel so moved reading your journey! And honoring her space even though you would have wanted more shows how much healing you have truly done! Blessings to your friendship and to the lucky person you will find to share your life with. ❤

[@majasteinchen]

​@@OliHandy2008 Are you okay?

[@NoraErickson-t6n]

My young daughter and I just escaped an abusive household with a true narcissist. I use your techniques in conversations with her to heal us both and ensure she learns what a safe, healthy, and loving relationship really is. Thank you! ❤

[@andreimircea2254]

You’re an amazing mom for doing all of this stuff for her. Please keep up the good work.

[@bri4170]

Maybe one day I’ll meet the person who is willing and able to engage, learn and grow together like this. Thanks

[@raayaswidler1049]

My single ass enjoyed this video a lot 😂 I think a lot of these things apply with friends and family! ❤

[@agnieszkapiasecka4124]

absolutely, healthy communication and emotional safety is a bare minimum what we should give to people

[@-alyssa88]

💯

[@helenpauline7]

Most definitely, it applies to all relationships across the board.

[@girlwithapickup]

same 😂

[@rozyscozy]

"My single ass" 😂😂😂

[@nealiecruz2532]

This would save a lot of marriages if people actually did this relationship check in with maturity and open ears and problem solving

[@irinaivanovic9792]

Hell, a lot of us can’t even get to the marriage part yet since most men aren’t willing to do ANY of these things in relationships in the first place, as boyfriends! Smh..

[@AngieLyke]

It takes two to do this. And if you don't have that you have decisions to make. Stay together knowing things aren't going to change, healing yourself as much as you can and pray. Or end it

[@ReaveIdono]

Ever heard "For better or worse"? Because I can assure you just like it takes two to do this. The other person likely feels the same annoyances and issues the other person does...

[@AngieLyke]

​@@ReaveIdono and that is why probably a lot of people choose to stay. Realizing that they can only change themselves and not the other person. Like I said that is one of the hard choices. Neither choice is easy. Hopefully you can do instead what he talks about in the video do the hard work to rebuild your marriage. But you can't do it by yourself. That would be the preference to rebuild the marriage.

[@mrss4328]

It definitely takes two and that's where the frustration lies because you can't make the other one participate. When I learned I statements about 30 years ago I tried to use them and everyone in my family, husband and young children at that time said to me why do I care about how you feel? Talk about shutting down a conversation.

[@whitleyrichmond4936]

It only takes one to abuse and destroy a relationship!

[@meredithjackson9426]

My husband and I needed wise counsel like this before we were married 26 years ago. It took us 20 years to learn these lessons through trial and error. I'm sharing this video with my adult children, both in serious relationships, so that they can reap the benefits. Thanks so much for sharing this, Jimmy.

[@spiritwanderer777]

This is a fantastic advice IF (and that's a BIG if) your partner is a somewhat healthy person. Trying what you suggest with a severe avoidant partner or a narcissist or a psychopath or someone with a severe mental illness will only drive you mad and in the end you will walk away heart broken no matter what you do or say.

[@laurahilton8743]

True true true. I will add to the list a man on the spectrum. Not capable or interested in providing emotional vulnerability. Leave the relationship. I just finally did leave mine of 5 years last week on the Aries Full Moon 10/17/2024.

[@spiritwanderer777]

@@laurahilton8743 Congratulations, now you can finally start healing ❤️ I left mine about 7 months ago after 3 years together.

[@VyantQuijt]

Don't see how this is an IF... When you try this with such a partner you'll find out very soon if it will be reciprocated wouldn't you?

[@spiritwanderer777]

@@VyantQuijt Try it, you will see 😂 No, it will not be reciprocated, I can guarantee you. Speaking from experience. Narcissists and severe avoidants are ultra ultra sensitive to any criticism real or perceived, so no matter how much you butter it up they will devalue you or pull away or fight back instead of actually trying to work with you.

[@divineconnectionz]

It most likely will NOT work with a Narcissistic Avoidant Dismissive partner. Tried it for TWENTY years. Had to leave for my sanity.

[@jenadeen]

Foundation: 1. Love 2. Honesty 3. Trust

[@unreethompson8853]

Thank You for this Mic Drop Wisdom /Jewels. I asked God yesterday for help in my marriage, and this came across my screen today... Thank you Brother

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Love this! We’re all in this together! :)

[@irinaivanovic9792]

MORE MEN NEED TO WATCH YOUR VIDEOS. 😫

[@u60188]

This is a great video. When I asked my husband after 21 years, why don't you ever say you love me? He put his fist in my face threatened to hit me. The same thing happened 2 weeks later after years of emotional abuse and gas lighting. After moving out it occurred to me that he seems like he might actually be gay. When I asked my relatives about it they all said they knew I have been married to a gay man! Omg, I divorced him and have managed to maintain an ok relationship with him for the kids and our business despite the fact that he is rude and makes me cry about the half the time I see him. Ugh, Im so sad I spent 21 years of my life in this toxic marriage with someone who refuses to communicate and has an anger problem as well.

[@sherilynn1310]

I'm stunned that none of your relatives discussed this honestly with you but let you go on in ignorance. I also wonder if you feel sorry for any other partners he might try to have relationships with...he obviously doesn't know how to be a partner and he will plant the seeds of loneliness, low-self-esteem, shame and dishonesty in everything he ever touches, including, eventually, his relationships with his children.

[@u60188]

It's sad that I come from a family of people that are very self centered and no one ever seems to help or support one another. It's just really sad, and so I entered the dating world not knowing how to pick a partner that treats me with love. I now have learned to love myself and not choose people who are cruel to me in my life, that I deserve better. It's so ironic that n​@@sherilynn1310replied to me cause that's the name of my exes' sister. Lol

[@Tmlatyoutube]

I'm so sorry that happened for you.

[@sharicoburn5475]

I grew up with loving parents but My dad didn't have the words to verbalize so in my adult relationships I've always been lacking in my ability to verbalize to my partners what my needs are and of course some partners were really bad when I did finally express what I need I would get met with rage or silent treatment. I'm very grateful to finally have found a man who is able to hear me and I feel safe in expressing my needs and he feels the same. It's such a peaceful feeling.

[@diilouise]

Well said. I am glad for you.

[@VenusianLissette]

❤️‍🔥

[@marlene113]

I send this to my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. Hé didn‘t watch it, although I Said it was important for me. Hé appologized for Not watching… but still didn‘t Watch it for another week. Two days of no contact later, I was ready to end thé relationship and mentioned it again. He finally took thé 30min and he understood soooo much and finally I had an adult man in front of me. You nailed it! Thank you so much to find thé right words ❤

[@jmzelaya1021]

Thank you, Jimmy. You pretty much describe my relationship with my soon-to-be ex-wife

[@lazymary2200]

"It's not your job to heal them" thanks❤

[@SehriHS]

"The way we heal is by taking a brick down, handing it to our partner and seeing if they can hold it without hurting us with it" For far to long I've had my walls up trying to protect myself from getting hurt, but once you find that partner that makes you feel safe, you start start taking down that wall brick by brick.

[@cassiem6029]

*Frantically taking notes* You're changing that 50% divorce rate one willing set of ears at a time. Bless you and thank you.

[@richdelaney9500]

It is really sad that the divorce rates are at this rate. I am thankful that this man is encouraging all of us to be vulnerable and to communicate better with one another with our own unique attachment styles.

[@OfficialCharmly]

Love love LOVE this. So many channels surf the same topics and approaches and it feels like you're one of the few who are coming from a place of both personal experience and deep understanding. Thank you for this.

[@eyo397]

man I just had a therapy session where I figured out that I need to have a tough conversation with my partner and I DREAD it.. whats up with this perfect timing, I feel called out lmao

[@brandieschmitt8974]

I’ve found there is no such thing as a perfect time to have a hard conversation, only better circumstances to have them under. Make sure everybody is fed, properly slept, and not already overwhelmed by some other stressor that day and check in first to see if they can chat

[@og8425]

Try bringing up a vulnerability with yourself with your partner and see their reaction. If they use it against you or make you feel bad, you do not have a partner who can grow with you as you heal. We often choose partners we match with and I find that the sense of dread to discuss anything is a red flag in me AND in them. Now if they hold your feelings well once you open up, hug you, and support you - you have A KEEPER!!!!!!!

[@missbooshealinghomestead]

I hope it goes well for you dear. But if not stay strong and make your decision.

[@roosevelttheoctopus]

Probably your best monologue yet. Finding your content and then Matthew Fray, Stan Tatkin, Mark Groves, Julie Menano, and the gottmans, et al. probably saved my marriage. Saved my life. At least the life that I wanted. And I’ve been unabashedly sharing it all with my married male friends. I can only hope they take it as seriously as I did. Thank you.

[@finkydoodle]

Lol, i resonate far too much with the comment about exploring emotional armor and "taking the brick down and showing it to our partner to see if they can hold it *without hurting is with it*".

[@LouiseDenny-u8x]

I'm single. I still like listening to you because you've helped me grow. In a lot of ways. Thanks for all your help.

[@ConsciousConversations]

And if they won’t, when they broke many promises, told your it was your fault, you still believe it to be so, then please allow yourself the realization that this is what YOU NEED. To be free to find you again

[@slightly_irish71]

We’re very early in our relationship and haven’t had any conflicts come up yet. Still watching all of these videos and taking notes so we can start off everything right and build a sturdy foundation for a long relationship. Thanks for sharing your experience and hardships 🙏

[@edwo6648]

The Happy Wife School.

[@misspat7555]

It’s much easier if a relationship starts with honesty and vulnerability from the beginning! Then, if you aren’t genuinely a good fit for eachother, you find that out BEFORE forming a months or years-long emotional bond with eachother! 👍

[@edwo6648]

@@misspat7555 A hard yes on honesty and I would throw in being very clear as to what each other wants. But a big fat NO on the man showing vulnerability. For starters women will automatically loose respect for men when they do that. Not to mention there is almost a 100% chance of it being weaponized against him. And yes I'm right. Married for 18 years to my late wife and dated a crap ton before her. Also currently in grief therapy where the therapist straight up said men should not do exactly that based on the hundreds of examples they have seen to date.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

A big keyword here is “BOTH” people.

[@rikkitikkitavi31]

Wow Jimmy, Good video. I have disagreed with so many of your videos because I was trying to apply them with my covert narcissist wife. Our marriage was like a zombie, continuing forward but dead. Now, we are divorcing. For years, I thought I would NEVER consider marriage again, but the freedom from her entitlement and manipulation makes me start thinking about what marriage could be. Hopefully, if I find someone again, this will be present in that relationship.

[@claudiathorgood8656]

I think you are especially clear in your delivery! I enjoy listening to your serious and not so serious advice. Thank you.

[@patriciakubitz1379]

Good advice for people without self centered and toxic beliefs and behaviors.

[@MichaelKevin-l6y]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@Marianna-e6w]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

[@MichaelKevin-l6y]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@Marianna-e6w]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@MichaelKevin-l6y]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@marcol6363]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/rKGbpYele9tgmKM

[@ShannonP216]

All of the examples on how to say things is gold! Putting thoughts into words in an effective way is so helpful!

[@FlowerShopGirl8]

I wish. 12 yrs w 6 counselors. A dozen workshops, retreats. 20+ marriage books 1/2 finished. Most suggested this method of examples of how to "put thoughts into words." 40+ years he refuses this method saying he doesn't need help & he doesn't want strangers lecturing him as if he's stupid, but still says, "I'm not sure." "I can't put it into words." Which ends the conversation every time. 🤔

[@ShannonP216]

@weddingmom2000 I'm sorry, that's really tough. It sounds like he's not willing to own his side of the street. Hopefully you know you are valuable and worthy of kindness and respect. Communication is key.

[@62Movement]

This is why there is truth in our statement when people ask… We grew apart. * yeah… it does imply that at least one person “did grow” but therein lies a coded message those of us in the know KNOW.

[@gatorssbm]

Yes please push this out because I made it very clear this week we dont have to avoid conversations if anything I encourage it. My partner often assumes I wont try to compromise things/see it their way but Im very pushy for their own wants or troubles they dont want to bring up. I know it sounds like an uphill battle but knowing theyve had very poor communication skills because of their upbringing wins half the battle, little by little people need to make the effort to be comfortable together. I really hope people can find happiness from your advice, everyone deserves a relationship where they feel understood and heard.

[@ElimEx1]

Did you ever ask yourself why your partners believe this about you? There might be something there for you to look into if they are walking on eggshells around you.

[@gatorssbm]

@@ElimEx1 They used to at one point but hardly as much anymore. Granted its been a year and a half since Ive slowly been able to try and help them understand themselves (and to some extent me too). I already know about common pitfalls in attachment theory enough to know how to tackle these problems head on.

[@ElimEx1]

@@gatorssbm That's awesome! So many people can't, it's sad. It least to 70% of marriages being unhappy. Latest stats shows only a 17% chance of ending up happy. Not worth the trouble...

[@mooncll1]

He says "[If] that sounds like a lot of work... relationships aren't for you, go find someone who wants to be in a situationship". After being in a situationship I want to say this applies as much to them as it does a committed relationship. I made the huge mistake of being with someone who dismissed and invalidated me and if that happens (serious or casual) you shouldn't be with them. You don't need to be in anything committed to take another persons feelings seriously and require the same in return.

[@Robotherapist]

We also recently came up with the idea of weekly check-ins and it feels good to see it confirmed here. The challenge for me is to appreciate the times that he remembers rather than to fixate on the times that he forgets. ⚖️

[@Olivias180]

Ugh, dealing with a lot of regret over not having the courage to have the tough conversations in my last relationship. We broke up 3 months ago and I’m heartbroken over what could have been. We didn’t talk honestly until we already broke up

[@Xyver]

I still dissociate to these videos ruminating on my ex from 7 months ago. I wanted a relationship with someone I loved so bad and he wasn't ready, and there's no one else that can compare to him in my life yet. In the end I gave up physical intimacy, any quality time, everything. I asked for words of affirmation and nothing more. I gave examples and was promised the world. I wasn't worth the smallest amount of effort to even think about what I could do better to deserve his affections, and everything I did was wrong. I don't believe he loved me as much as he claimed, and here I am at 6am, still watching these videos and working on our relationship without him.

[@ceceb9082]

Sums up my whole life. Feeling, the endless building frustration wanting these conversations so bad but always being denied. Effing sucks...thank you for shedding light it helps relieve some of the pressure ❤

[@projectanmu4546]

i agree 100%, when i met my wife our first rule was "we talk about everything, with honesty" and i love her so much, and in our time together we never once fought, yes not 1 time

[@nnylasoR]

Yep - “disagreeing” and “fighting” *can* be two very different things. There’s something very beautiful about not seeing eye to eye, and *talking about it,* respectfully.

[@Kritikanbringer]

Conflicts are not avoidable, but quarrelling is. Congratulations!

[@TinaMaddoxJones]

LOVE the outline for how to "check in" ❤🎉

[@melissaphillis7247]

That will happen once .... that's the pattern, we remember it once, then it'll be forgotten, other things planned in that exact time slot.....oops I forgot, you should have reminded me...etc.

[@anniemunn9737]

We’re on the verge of a separation after 27 years of marriage and 29 years together. I am going to send my husband this video and see if he is willing to even try?

[@fotikaratasakis9248]

The brick wall analogy at the end of the video made me cry.

[@PeterMaguire-tt9fo]

Thank you 🙏 Genuine, caring curiosity creates genuine connection 💕

[@ajwright16]

What an Excellent video! You are great at distilling so much clinical information and making it as palatable as possible. I am sending this to my partner in a last ditch effort to see if she will be able to take in this kind of helpful information from someone other than me.

[@edenjennings8395]

Your long form videos are the best.

[@octavia9464]

I loved the statement "allowing us to tell the truth!"

[@relaxationstation7104]

I'm so thankful i found your videos. You saved my marriage!!! Thank you!

[@Shanieceflordi]

Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.

[@Mia1827]

It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.

[@Shanieceflordi]

Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?

[@Mia1827]

His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Mia1827]

he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.

[@Shanieceflordi]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤

[@TinaMaddoxJones]

Amen amen 💛🙌💛🙌💛 When it hit me that my partner just wasn't *interested* in having meaningful conversations that addressed issues it didn't hurt as bad because I stopped assigning levels of "care" meaning to the silence... he wasn't capable of the things I expected and it wasn't his fault... I finally grew and healed myself to believe I deserved more and realized it wasn't coming from him, so I had to change since he wouldnt.

[@missbooshealinghomestead]

Amen is right! I'm doing the same thing right now. Sad but necessary. 😢

[@ReaveIdono]

Hmmm... Most men would rather have an open and honest conversation with their wife that I know. I smell a bit of BS here.

[@lisaward3557]

Even if your opinion is right, clearly her partner fell outside of “most”.

[@PrismZen-b7l]

​@@ReaveIdono I don't think it's fair to assume it's BS if that was their experience. We all have different experiences every minute or every day. I personally am married to a partner who gets extremely uncomfortable having meaningful conversations such as these despite me trying to do everything I can to help him feel safe, supported and validated. We all have different histories and some people have been taught at an early age not to even try to open up. Life long patterns or beliefs are very difficult to change.

[@ReaveIdono]

@lisaward3557 I think the problem lies in woman not communicating with a man and instead talking at him tbh. We don't respond well to that. And also typically we have to have their feelings validated without ours mattering. Ever heard of "Happy Wife happy life?" It's a saying for a reason.

[@RGJRGJ-k4l]

Thanks!

[@kayramsbottom5206]

I wish I could have watched this with my husband 20 years ago. We might not be separated now. I liked your robot voice!

[@whitleyrichmond4936]

Our church suggested this to us 25 years ago. I begged for a year for us to do this together and was always told no. Of course I concluded that was all I was worth. Now after almost 40 years of marriage we are probably going to divorce. It's only in the last 5 years that I realized how I've been abused. If your significant other refuses to do this RUN!

[@M-fw4bo]

Often when I chair my feelings, it is met with here we go again

[@edwo6648]

If you are a woman and engage in the act of "venting", where you basically word vomit all your problems at your husband and require him to just listen and not comment or provide solutions, then further on down the road you can 100% expect that he will hit you with the "here we go again". The act of Venting, that women today love to do, is insanely damaging to a relationship and communication in that relationship. Because when you require your man to just listen and not comment, not provide a solution,,,,, you are not communicating with him, you are literally taking an emotional dump/shit on him and telling him to just sit there and take it. Its disrespectful to him and having experienced it over 18 years worth it eats away at the inside of you. Actual communication requires both parties to express their ideas, not just one party sitting there and getting crapped on. The worst part, as a man, after half a dozen times being told "no, I just want you to listen and hear me." You never know when you are allowed to actually speak, then you start asking your wife if it's alright to speak and give your opinion. By this point you feel inside emasculated and unsure of yourself, because you just want to be loving and not upset your wife. You just want to help, so you let her do it over and over, slowly eating away at your soul. As a side note to the men, as women do this they WILL loose respect for you. I 100% guarantee it. Because the minute you have to ask your wife for permission to give your opinion it is placing yourself under her dominion. It only takes a couple of years of that garbage before you begin to become extremely defensive? Why? Because men do not like being crapped on year after year by the one person who should NEVER do that to them. And guess where emotional openness goes? Straight out the door because you know she will weaponize it against you.

[@beatrizlino8931]

I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you know that your feelings are valid and deserve to be listened to and assessed. Sending you love!

[@christinagibson413]

I get that too

[@MaryAnne22858]

SAME!! My “needs” of communication are apparently ridiculous. I have been married for 33 yrs and he has NEVER come through for me ! Or have my back, or listen to me without being dismissive or defensive

[@edwo6648]

I guess it depends on what you are actually doing. If it's actual communication where both parties express their thoughts and feelings, then being dismissive would be bad. If its engaging in the vile act of venting, then no, he's completely right with the "here we go again" attitude and should tell you to knock it off. I would also add from personal experience that if you have in the past engaged in venting with your husband, the damage is done and it doesn't go away. You will have to work to fix that first.

[@vannarooski8730]

The title was all I needed. I didn’t need to watch the whole thing to know what u say rings true.

[@chelofashion7974]

This is good advice, if your dealing with a narcissist, it doesn't work. I was married for a very long time. When u wasn't aware of narcissist traits, I felt so defeated & beaten down about myself.

[@TheRealDebbieH]

Very true, definitely a real factor in my marriage failure but then he wanted to withhold info

[@BDAILY365]

Same faith helps. My wife and I both raised Catholics. We met each other out of nowhere in our 20s. Lots of differences and little to now talk, but we both are guided by our faith/teaching. We are not perfect and I rarely go to church now (I still have very strong belief in my faith nonetheless), but we still good together. Also, shared bank account. We never check each other on spending. We the most chill and easy going couple like most Vietnamese catholic couples. God be the light.

[@lorengrosse3922]

Thank you to you and your wife for sticking together and growing 🥲

[@hethpadmore4167]

"Love is long-suffering and kind " is our Creator's counsel & summerizes why one must face the pain when aiming for connection. That's why your relationship succeeded in this regard.

[@ms.texassoldier7203]

The advice sounds really good and I really mean sounds good. You know when something sounds good on paper or when it looks good hanging on a rack. It looks good from a distance. However, in a long-term relationship where there has been a history, a long history of boundaries being broken of disrespect, especially when it’s one partner that does most of the disrespecting and after it’s been 10 ,15, 20 years of there’s just a point in time where you just say you know I’ve had enough, there’s too much to keep going further especially when it’s your own mental state ;your own physical state, your spirituality .Sometimes a person has to be away from an unhealthy person in order to stay healthy. I think that this advice is really good for many people that have had shorter term relationships. Relationships that are one, two or even three years, When trust is broken when respect is constantly treaded on it’s it’s almost impossible to go back.

[@MZ-ol6bd]

I want reach out to Jimmy to say thank you, and I don't ever want to take your work for granted, by assuming you will always be on KZbin or available in other media. You have been a huge help in many ways, and given freely, with intense concern rarely found anywhere. I've just received and haven't given back. The only thing I can do is try to live well and give to others who need what I've learned. Many thanks

[@bryanmccaffrey4385]

100%. Mine just ended. This was the root cause.

[@TheRealDebbieH]

I thought it was poor communication but in the end I really think it was willful withholding of information because he just didn't care and was just tearing it down slowly to enjoy the pain.

[@jat2505]

This is one of your best videos, Jimmy. I'm going to be sharing this with many of my friends and family. Having been a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it was expected of us to conduct a type of "check in" with our companion on a weekly basis. There were some weeks where this check in system was vital in resolving conflicts and pent up feelings. I believe it is a must have in all romantic relationships.

[@hurricaneaquatics]

You're exactly right and it's good communication tactics that all adults should be able to do. When you're married to a narcissist wife, this absolutely will not work. I've tried every way imaginable and she will just instantly blame shift and never answer the question. They're impossible.

[@kanderson-oo7us]

If she's "blameshifting" , that means you're leading with blame, while calling it a question. Did you even listen to the video??

[@hurricaneaquatics]

@@kanderson-oo7us Did my comment trigger you? I'm leading with blame? 🤣. The only people who look at things like that are the constant victim. It's never their fault. You have no idea what you're talking about.....

[@rosierose4927]

So good! Thanks for your good work, Jimmy. May God continue to bless you with wisdom.

[@sharonruff3837]

I agree that lack of communication is a major issue. Don't forget to mention that some folks intentionally hide their true selves, something you can do if you aren't living with your partner. But you can't in the long term.

[@earlgreyt123]

This was beautiful and very helpful, thank you. I'm the one who wants to talk but honestly it terrifies me too!😅

[@eduardoarevalo3208]

Thank you Jimmy, this video is gold

[@thedeem7]

Given all of the Videos I have watched and many of yours .... this is the best summary of open communication I have ever heard. I am grateful that you have taken the time to create on line content about relationship. I wished I had heard this before. Gordo

[@mai-tai3466]

Excellent information..... you're so on point 💯

[@artsydog]

your videos save my inner world

[@shebasan13]

Brilliant information, strategies and practical steps to take with clear explanations as to why these methods can work! Thanks you Jimmy for your comprehensive presentation on how to create safety, trust and true loving intimacy within a healthy committed relationship. Love ALL your videos …Your service to humanity is invaluable❤👍😊💫

[@Jen84601]

omg I LOVE "I told her a week ago I loved her. I'll let her know if anything changes." tee hee

[@kristinriley5261]

LOL I love the robot part. Good advice for both people!

[@amycoen176]

This guy is great - insightful and clear

[@TuxTuxGo]

It's hard to do this with a partner that doesn't speak much about deeper feelings or about feelings at all (especially when you're in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum). This can feel pretty disconnected. However, by watching close enough, you might see slight changes in their behavior that indicate they're actually working on caring even though your check-ins aren't verbally mutual. Acknowledging it respectfully without actually bringing it up can be exactly what the partner needs and is capable of handling. It's not ideal but it can work still.

[@ejm922]

and congrats on a million!!! you deserve it!

[@ShimuraSuggs]

This is really good! Definitely need to add these check-ins in early within the relationship!

[@diwakarvaradharajan1360]

Man is it even possible to find people like this? Almost every person I have come across in immature AF

[@hhweidi1924]

I’ve been asking my husband to talk to me for years, he refused. I came home from a very emotional situation with my son, he saw I was crying, he went to sleep. I asked for a separation and he’s now hiding in the basement. I can’t wait to end this marriage.

[@woodrowsmith8065]

Thank you for this very clear, concise, presentation.

[@elizabethrainbolt9443]

I am surprised at how well this applies to my work life also.

[@YomMama]

Honestly the robot fight analogy helps a lot xD

[@sylviaklassen2138]

Bahaha my hubby and I call them staff meetings. 2nd marriage for both of us and still learning lolol

[@EwokyBalboa]

I was complacent for years, there were things I didn't realize, there were obviously conversations that didn't happen, or didn't have things expressed in the "right" ways. I've been trying to better myself and be more selfless and thoughtful, many of the things mentioned in this video... the problem is I'm the only one that wants it to work at this point.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

I so badly wish all the "That's too much work" people would get real about that and either get their match or become the kind of person that relationship-type people need.

[@Louiseatrismegistus]

As a fearful avoidant who after suffering the most abusive relationship and has worked on herself, I’m not gonna say a lot because I’m not sure how I’d measure that but understand self advocating and setting boundaries and communication better. Now I’m currently with another fearful avoidant and yeah with our last conflict I thought he isn’t at that point yet so maybe I just don’t bring up that what he said hurt me even if he didn’t mean to. I had that conversation and I really do feel it’s because I make sure the safety he needs to tell me his feelings, he told me that you make me feel safe and Jm sorry I got overly anxious thinking you’d leave me and I’ll admit trust is hard for me but I’ll work on it. I’m crying even typing this.

[@lisabruni3647]

Thank you for this video Jimmy! I was inspired to compile it into a document that I could bring to my weekly check-in meeting with my partner.

[@rumi885]

It needs a bit of generosity, romantic surprises too (& putting down our phones…)

[@brendafarris7350]

Loved your long 'rant'! ❤️ more plz

[@nej6973]

this is GOLD

[@sarinalight7422]

Lately I’ve been giving your advice to those that ask sprinkling my own experience sometimes. Wait!…… do or will I need a disclaimer too? 😄Thnx for what you do?! Getting remarried is concerning. Having a committed relationship with a friend would be Excellent! Work is still involved on both individuals. Have a Healthy Holiday & New 2025!!🇺🇸

[@blam9360]

I hope to listen to this video with my spouse this weekend. 😊

[@JohnnyRathbone]

I would guess trained therapist find it challenging to develop trusting relationships with clients. Partners with out guidelines have only good faith in love and mutual hope. I found expectations that my wife and sons would listen to my emotional needs when I was troubled were zero. Asking others to listen when I could not, failed. It took me a long time to start by being present and build their trust in me again. I'm not sure they can listen but at least they accept me to check-in and listen. To get the chance to talk I must earn that by listening, then asking.

[@christinagibson413]

I wish my husband could accept this information and help me with our lack of connection.

[@TandiWeirden]

The sad reality is that I did this within my ex during already difficult stressful time. I was going through family court to gain custody of my oldest. This person still would lash out and double down on her behaviors. Honestly, it worst time and may she heal. I’ve learned since then I do have communication and can express myself. What she wanted was a mother.

[@nadinemcmillon8659]

If it's love, they will make an effort. If not, and counseling is not a consideration for them either, it's time to be real with oneself. I walked away after 3 years of trying. Yes, it will hurt, but time heals ALL wounds.❤☀️🌹