Is This Gears Of War Ripoff Talking Down To Me? (Squirty Play)

[@GamerAddict7796]

Gears of War would've been 10x better if Marcus Phoenix had a thong sticking out of his fridge armour

[@labtec514]

Dom, I keep alerting the locust because I'm dummy thicc and the clapping of my ass tips them off

[@helila]

maybe in the remake

[@jingbot1071]

More like GE-ASSES-EARS OF WAR AMIRITE

[@lnsflare1]

Rated PEGGING-13. Wait, no- *Sirens start blaring in the distance*

[@pinkgregory4365]

"WhaleTail" Carmine

[@L0LWTF1337]

All the voice actors do their best text to speech impression.

[@FlavarOlonar]

are you sure its not text to speech?

[@WhichDoctor1]

I want her as my Siri voice!

[@DubberRucks]

Give the job to TTS, I'm sure they'll have a better end product! 😆

[@CrossfacePanda]

It’s genuinely sad that Stephanie isn’t more commonly known as the inventor of the word Chungus, when that is literally the truth. At least it’s aknowledged on its “Know Your Meme” page, though. However, somebody should probably update their name on the page.

[@jamesrule1338]

That's a military standard issue thong. Finally, realism in video games!

[@Explodington]

The standard issue battle thong only comes in OD Green. Immersion ruined.

[@BrandonGagne]

@@Explodington I expect that was the urban camo variant. You know, for when the Evil Enemy Forces invade the nightclub.

[@archelonprime]

The devs had to compensate for all of the shortcomings of this game somehow! :D

[@ddjsoyenby]

can't fight aliens without it.

[@BenedictMHolland]

If a military issued thong is in cammo then can you still see it?

[@BrianGeers]

Doctor Evil Lyn: (dumps expository technobabble at Warp Eleventy-Million). Also Doctor Evil Lyn: We... Must... STOP...them. Fol...low. Me.

[@radordekeche947]

Could be an interesting character trait. Really low opinion of the military grunts, but get her talking about her work, and, well.

[@aidanklobuchar1798]

@@radordekeche947 Yeah, I could see socially awkward scientists talking like this. Seemed accurate to me!

[@Invariel]

Clearly the voice director for Emma Lynn's monologues said, "All of your voice lines have to run for twenty seconds." That's why you get hyperspeed technobabble and really drawn out game instructions.

[@AegisAmaranth]

I totally lost it when she went: " weeee muuust stoooop theeem"

[@bificommander7472]

My head canon is that Emily is a shut in nerd who assumes everyone who isn't a fellow scientist, like those soldiers, is functionally brain damaged. So she tries to make sure to explain everything like she's talking to a toddler... until her research comes up. Then she just can't contain her enthusiasm, so she starts rattling off techno babble at light speed.

[@JohnDiGrizUkraine]

Was the first thing I thought too

[@TheFaintofHearts2113]

Evalynn may be my favorite videogame npc ever. Just when I'd have thought the humor in her voice acting had to have run it's course, she'd speak again, and nope, still f'n hilarious.

[@misterprickly]

They should have called this "REARS of war"!

[@bagandtag4391]

This should be pinned

[@ebenezeryubblesworth8717]

Massive Arses Running Sexily

[@StandardGoose]

Mammaries And Rears Simulator

[@furonguy42]

All the voice acting in this game is cracking me up, but I think my favorite moment is at around 27:33 when Dr. Emma Lynn just yells "DOOOWWW" and is cut off by the map transition.

[@lobstarooo]

Holy shit this is gold. Imagine an entire game of patronizing NPC escort missions and we'll have the best content KZbin has seen in decades.

[@BenedictMHolland]

What game? All I see is a store with some wierd shooting thing stapled onto it.

[@Mad_S]

This seems like the most realistic interaction between a scientist and a soldier. I think it's all the other games that got it wrong.

[@FirebreathXIII]

Steph: "Those are big ants!" Me: "When did this turn into EDF?" Steph: "Just when I thought this game was bad!" Me: "I wonder if they ever played EDF..." Steph: "EE! DEE! EPH! EE! DEE! EPH!" Me: "I guess they did!"

[@arisenpawn425]

Didn't think it was possible to like them more. EDF EDF EDF!

[@teddyharvester]

You must be new :) Welcome.

[@Zuriki09]

TO SAVE OUR MOTHER EARTH FROM ANY ALIEN ATTACK ♪

[@TranScripting]

From vicious giant insects who have once again come back! ♪

[@Roadent1241]

Ah, so that's an official EDF chant? I thought Ashens was just wierd when he did it, knowing no-one else that knew it XD

[@PunkRockMohawk]

"It's GEARS of War... but with a thong sticking out of me pants" In other words, it is SUPERIOR in every way to GEARS

[@flexican5399]

no, just, no

[@PunkRockMohawk]

@@flexican5399 wuss

[@flexican5399]

@@PunkRockMohawk bro, Delta Squad already thicc

[@audioish]

Doctor Emilynn is just wonderful. I want her in every game.

[@jeremiah1293]

Amen. She might be my favorite exposition character ever.

[@gutterlang2322]

Oh god i lost it when that AI-companion just slid/crawled away

[@jonathankent1517]

You can tell Emma was voiced by the dev's mum.

[@daffyphack]

I hope so, because that's adorable.

[@soyborne.bornmadeandundone1342]

Not nearly as good as resident evil 1 voice acting but close. I can dig it : )

[@7Write4This9Heart7]

My theory as well! X'D

[@kurtofcambridge]

18:00 to 18:15 - I appreciate that Steph shooting one turret operator, only for another to pop up, has about the same energy as "Oooh, a piece of candy! Oooh, a piece of candy! Oooh, a piece of candy!"

[@1111-e4p]

16:19 is where the highlight of this game Ema Lynn makes her debut.

[@Thoran666]

Thanks so much for your help. 🤣

[@bf1701]

23:54 - The League of Nations?! Is Woodrow Wilson going to show up for a cameo? Will his character model also have a thong riding up above this trousers?

[@urbanarmory]

gotta say, I love the stripper squat of the main character when picking up a giant box

[@matthewmcneany]

Can we talk about the 8" heels on litterally the first NPC you see in this military base.

[@Crawver]

I mean the player character is wearing a high rider thong as standard. It's honestly not surprising from the get go. At least those heels looked decent.

[@Superunknown190]

You Want This Ass, Dont you, Player? - The dialogue I expect from this trash heap.

[@matthewmcneany]

@@Crawver Both just seemed like a really odd design aesthetics considering the rest of the aesthetic is like gritty near future realism. I also think the camera angle has been made specifically worse just so we can frame the protagonist's arse for the sake of getting the thong in shot. During the mech section there was a genuinely better camera angle for playing the game bc they weren't also trying to titillate.

[@matthewmcneany]

Further observation: I don't think the writer who wrote the nanobots section understands what _nano_ means, those are just regular sized bots.

[@lnsflare1]

@@Crawver Can't say that isn't on brand for Massive Asses, Runny Sphincters.

[@fisticuffs12]

that sudden infodump fucking took me out, this is a comedic masterpiece even if it's a shit video game

[@Jackalblade9]

Right? She's talking so slowly and patronizingly and suddenly LIGHTSPEED TECHNOBABBLE!

[@ddjsoyenby]

at least this looks like ya can get enjoyment out of the jank.

[@Morinashi]

Quite positive i played this exact game back in 2012 with lesser graphics, and without the cutscenes lol, could remember that first map quite precisely.

[@forrestomintero5553]

I actually feel bad about criticizing this game. The effort and production quality that went into this is leagues above the normal trash we see. That dude doing the voice acting in the first scene wasn't even universally bad. If this was a ps2 game we'd be saying it was fairly average

[@MasoTrumoi]

It seems like a hasty localization of a F2P game. I don't feel bad about Steph shitting on it as soon as I saw it had 4 different F2P currencies.

[@steik6414]

Really? You feel bad for the game that has a female character model with a thong visible above her jeans? She's a soldier for fucks sake

[@oldm9228]

It has serious 2008 Xbox 360 rental game vibes. Well, except for the f2p bullshit

[@forrestomintero5553]

I'd just like to note for the record that I wrote this comment before seeing the part about the ridiculous cash economy

[@ohnoagremlin]

@@forrestomintero5553 its a higher level of polish than normal for sure, they're just laboring for evil rather than love

[@starrgazer9]

"Is he one of the legendary members from Alpha squad?" sounds a lot like when Carmine asked Marcus "Are you _thee_ Marcus Fenix? From Aspho Fields?"

[@GrandArchPriestOfTheAlgorithm]

The Church of the Algorithm officially certifies this video in the ones and zeroes of The Recommending Holiness.

[@paraducks3948]

let us take part of the holly communication I shall read from the scripture: "LOL FIRST"

[@benkemp2179]

You know you're in for a treat when the main character has the fashion sense of Hardy Boyz era Lita

[@jgirdley93]

wait was there another era lita?

[@jparbiter1972]

Okay, we now need PEGGING to be a standard issue Jimquisition meme alongside SKELETON WARRIORS and pictures of shrimp.

[@MasoTrumoi]

We can use it as a censor word whenever Steph isn't allowed to say something

[@jparbiter1972]

@@MasoTrumoi I'm down.

[@LFPGaming]

Jim, if you like dog-water-tier voice acting, and even worse gameplay, you gotta do a squirt play of 'Nero the Sniper'... it doesn't have thongs, but it does have bullet-time :o

[@RoCK3rAD]

Who tf is Jim? Weirdo

[@GrahamChapman]

@@RoCK3rAD That's the owner of this here KZbin channel: James "Jim" Stephanie Sterling.

[@Roadent1241]

@@GrahamChapman Ent 'Jim' for the Quisition though, they prefer to just be called Steph or James Steph etc?

[@RoCK3rAD]

@@GrahamChapman they go by Stephanie bro

[@jonmorgan6812]

@@Roadent1241 Jim is short for James

[@lostintechnicolor]

Emma’s line readings remind me of someone doing a humorous impression of a Norwegian accent. Like an SNL character.

[@lnsflare1]

"Now you must help me load up my hoverboard with these eel specimens."

[@Bozzyshy]

Emma Lynn is my new favourite video game character seriously

[@Secret_Takodachi]

This voice over feels like MST3K but with bad games instead of B movies 🤣 Fantastic video Steph, love your commentary! 👏👏👏

[@DanJaguar]

The voice acting makes it feel like an Intro To English educational game, which is honestly vaguely endearing

[@SpoonyMcFork]

Glad I'm not the only person who immediately goes to "Suffer like G did" when impersonating House of the Dead 2. Gods, I love the voice acting in that game.

[@harpuia1379]

I was gonna say Massive Asses Routinely Shitting, but that works too!

[@timothymckane6362]

Soldier: *is injured* Steph: *tries to treat injuries* Soldier: “I am speed.”

[@mikethegrunty5968]

0:40 I think it’s past time for Jim to take back Chungus

[@strigoi_guhlqueen8355]

Just wanted to say, that i watch you for years now. And i Love your stuff, and wish you all the best for the future.

[@zerwif]

Oh man, I think I technically worked on this game. Had some contract work with YingPei in 2018 and MARS was one of the planned next projects that got delayed.

[@Solus749]

congrats, that was one fo the stalest shooters I have seen since gears of war and I honestly don't think subtracters like yourself could save it. Granted it isn't a 2 or a 3 which would be bad and buggy. 1-2 is buggy the the point of unplayable at times and this was to smooth for that so I settle for a 4-5 as slightly below standard. So if you are one of those that made it smoother well done you saved it from a 2-3

[@CatComixzStudios]

I was almost so distracted by the Dev's grandma being a primary voice actor in this game that I nearly missed that the main enemy appears to be the Future UN. But it's okay; it sounds like the Other UN has things under control.

[@Kobolds_in_a_trenchcoat]

I do love how it seems like the UN is fighting the UN. Was there some kind of two pope situation with the united nations in this weird future?

[@CatComixzStudios]

@@Kobolds_in_a_trenchcoat Oh, I'm sure these two go at it all the time. It's probably more like the American two-party system: one party is actively trying to kill you, the other does minimal AT BEST to stop it.

[@pavlotverdokhlib7627]

Dr. Emma Lynn saw a fresh recruit that showed up to a military orientation with a whale tail thong and realized she'd need to speak extra slowly.

[@thatpebbleinyourshoes260]

Is this not just Z.M.R?(zombies monsters robots) it's literally the same game, right down to the tactical thongs and the pop ups that happen when you shoot someone.

[@vetreas366]

Best armies are historically the ones with uniform dress codes that allow visible thongs and bras sticking out of their soldiers skimpy clothes. I have a good feeling about these MNU guys and gals!

[@rayceeya8659]

Wow when the voice acting sounds phoned in 10 seconds in you know your in for a good time.

[@radiobob1908]

I once had an English teacher who sounded like Dr. Emma Lynn. She also reminds me of how I perceive audio in languages I don't speak very well.

[@Urza26]

They should include a dlc or microtransaction that gives the characters human voice-acting.

[@fusionspace175]

The sad thing is, if it weren't for the monetization crap I'd be happy with a t&a filled gow clone for like ten bucks. I glitched out in the campaign of 5. Pretty disillusioned with gaming as a whole right now though. Standards are low.

[@DustMan2704]

Yeah, the multiplayer actually looked really fun ngl. And if those were Bots... that actually pretty amazing, how often do we get those these days.

[@ricardofunes9407]

Yep, standards are pretty low, with some exceptions (most from the japanese industry, but even they have their own crap you have to deal with). I would advise to play older games you haven't played. I'm actually doing that and some of them are pretty good.

[@DefinitelyAPotato]

Honestly if this was single player and didn't have all that shit in it, I'd play it.

[@ddjsoyenby]

this game could be fun.

[@sonnybits5810]

“They’ve shut down…. power….to the….briiidge. It’s that flat bit you cross on.”

[@hansnorleaf]

I sat in bed watching this alone on a thursday morning and giggled uncontrollably at the “he came of as more annoyed at being blown up...”

[@morgancreamer1391]

That little Omochao floating across the screen is genuinely one of the funniest things I've seen all week

[@evillecaston]

This looks amazing! I like Gears, but I feel like it's always been missing something. Turns out, it just needed a patronizing Dr. Antonia Johnson!

[@guitarsimon1]

‘Ok thanks Emma Lynn that’s great’ ‘Wait you were recording? I was just practicing my lines’ ‘And it’s perfect thank you, cheques in the mail, bu bye!’

[@MrJohndoakes]

Nobody has called this "Whaletales of War." Fantastic voice acting from Dr. Emily Lynn.

[@oceanstar3349]

"I know that feeling 'old gay and tired'" and that is why JSS is the best in the let's play buisiness.

[@kohp]

I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Thanks Jim. Thanks Justin

[@Keyfur91]

If you ever do a Top Five Funniest Games of 2021 at the end of the year Jim I absolutely demand to see this game in that list.

[@kamil151]

I dont understand why have people un subscribed from Jim/Stephanie content when he came out, this still the same crazy (in good way) and funny Jim as ever and I love it. Sorry If I have misspeled the right genders, I am not really sure what is preferred.

[@viper37650]

You can't just throw a House of the Dead reference out there all the sudden, I wasnt ready XD. I was drinking then "Suffer like G Did" *spits tea laughing* lmao!

[@6inTruder]

I feel like Evilynn would've been perfect if when you complete objectives or do the stuff she tells you to do, she'd say "Good job!"

[@Tempusmon]

And if you complete an achievement she gives you a star sticker.

[@Roadent1241]

When she started introducing herself, my first thought was "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?! WHY HAVE YOU STARTED NOW?!". I mean I like the fourth wall breaking but still.... Not 10 minutes in.....!

[@ZONEACE]

Steph's humiliation kink was piqued by the dialogue in this game.

[@MrPooleish]

I think Emma Lynn knows protagonists get shot in the face too often to be intelligent.

[@MrPooleish]

On second thought, maybe she's caught too many bullets with her nose...

[@wheatsale]

I have seen a lot of Squirty Plays, love the series, think this one might be my favorite. Thank you for introducing me to Dr Emma Lynn, oh glorious queen of M.A.R.S.~

[@ianbonanno6778]

Oh my god! I laughed SO hard at the voice acting. Amazing! Please make another video of this game.

[@colinf2920]

A strange, but warm sense of glee enveloped me when the name Chungus was chosen. It takes so little to make me happy sometimes.

[@JordanKidd14]

That Chao image was perfect.

[@ohno8398]

The sheer glee at the patronising voice acting had me giggling the whole way through

[@boogerparty]

So did they mean to name their organization after the comically sadistic and evil corporation in District 9, or was that just a hilarious accident?

[@eclipsefx]

Is this supposed to be in the same universe as District 9? As the evil corporate entity that Wikus works for is called "Multi-National United" / MNU as well. Different logo, but still...

[@lewa3910]

Every game now needs an Emma Lyn to deliver all their game's lore/backstory to get it out the way

[@LightBrownRecluse]

I wasn't getting notifications for your content for months now. I'm glad to see you've been chugging... chungusing... continuing on.

[@Shadowman939]

I think this it the best voice acting ever! (Insert Sarcasm)

[@NinaFelwitch]

40 seconds in and already the first problem. Gender selection is a check box. Check boxes are used when you can select multiple options, or none. And I don't think that's what's intended here (or is it? Can you actually create a character that's male and female or neither? Probably not. But if you can, that would be awesome!) If you're supposed to only select one and you have to select one, then you need a radio button. Basic GUI design 101.

[@nottoday9182]

If you are injured in the MNU, do you go to the MNUER?

[@lyingpancake95]

I love the idea of this scientist bouncing between patronizingly obvious and non-stop jargon.

[@rhodan74]

That revive was the highlight for me.

[@clemdelaclem]

all these voice actors sound like yu-gi-oh TAS voices

[@pain7958]

This game came out in 2012 and really wasn't bad for being a F2P multiplayer shooter for its time.

[@thepolarphantasm2319]

OG big chungus in the house

[@regntonne]

This door is Jaaaaaaayummmmmd.

[@chiyanapink]

It took concentrated effort not to howl with laughter in the middle of work listening to this

[@devilmikey00]

It sounds like Emma Lynn's VO was doing her lines phonetically half the time.

[@captainredmaw]

OG Chungus!! Honestly when "big chungus" blew up as a meme I thought for sure it was a Jim Sterling reference

[@megatron6713]

The visuals are actually ok.......but some of the animations, (such as the one for picking up ammo,) are lifted wholesale unaltered from Gears of War Edit: EVEN THE RELOADING MINIGAME MECHANIC IS LIFTED FROM GoW!!!!!

[@twitchfixer1344]

OMG Bless the voice acting

[@0_e2289]

I can't wait to get home, put my feet up, and play a nice game of Massive Asses: Runny Sphincter. Been waiting for this one for a while.

[@redjed100]

Honestly, this is one of the more competent “squirts” I’ve seen. The shooting seems passable, the graphics are fine, it shuttles you to the action pretty quickly… It honestly might’ve been fine if weren’t for it being too easy, bad voice acting, menu presentation being too snappy, if anything and the awful microtransactions.

[@wariodude128]

"I'm old, gay and tired" Mood.

[@FizzleFX]

Is this *MindJack II* ?

[@88Opportunist]

Honestly back in the day when I didn't have a backlog yet I'd have put a good few hours into this game, it looks fun in an incredibly low budget janky sort of way.

[@jingbot1071]

God, you got that acronym wrong. It's MASSIVE ARSES, RECON SPHINXTERS dude. KZbin wouldn't let me spell sphinxters correctly...

[@JB-fp3fb]

"It's like Gears of War, but adorable because they tried." Boom! Got 'em. Love your work, Queen of Mars.

[@AngelBeeps]

I love how Emma-Lynn goes from Dora the Explorer levels of dialogue to super fast talking techno babble at the drop of a hat

[@yeetleslaw8529]

oh god. The return of waist-high thongs. I thought we left that behind in the early 2000's.

[@rileyhogan5676]

Whale tale is a truly essential component of the Space Marine uniform!

[@Roadent1241]

.... Now I'm seeing a Whale Tail as part of an outfit but I've probably just given DLC/buyable-customisation ideas, haven't I? But I can see it so clearly! You can melee with it as well XD Just Tail Spin and WHAP them around the noggin.

[@Pyreleaf]

I see tactical g-strings and stilettos are still a thing.

[@johneverimanne3986]

Best title yet! I laughed a lot, just at that. Thank you Steph :)

[@Godemperor420blazeit]

“Aren’t we all surrounded by guns on the floor of society..” I felt that

[@badp]

I love the reckless abandon with which Stephanie lets her collar ring throughout the video