The Acolyte is TRASH Part 2

[@JLongbone]

The things I do for you people... Uncensored version: rumble.com/v5ep5z1-the-acolyte-is-trash-part-2.html ►Streamlabs streamlabs.com/IrreveRANT100/tip OR ►Donate! www.paypal.me/BoneyLong ►Rumble rumble.com/c/c-2367322 ►Twitter twitter.com/JonsLongs

[@rileywilcox7577]

Love the Chasing Amy reference.

[@starlimitz2]

You are still too damned funny. That Frosting his Dick comment had me pausing the video to get the giggles out.

[@glen9593]

Have you tried watching with subtitles? It's even worse.

[@kelp7060]

Thanks so much for the uncensored version. Can't believe KZbin are this pathetic now.

[@jacktheleper4468]

Watching your content is awesome. Your race isnt your identity. Im sure it contributes in some manner - but youre a multilayered human with depth organically

[@chrisfraser5088]

People wrote this. People filmed this. People spent 180 million dollars on this. Those things…happened.

[@CAPT6875]

Remember when Joker burns all that money in Dark Knight? Same thing.

[@chefboiardeeznutz9881]

​@@CAPT6875what's the message, phallic imagery? Probably 💀

[@MrAlcazar]

Worst part of it is, people are petitioning for this show's renewal!

[@Ron_Jambo_]

Worst part about all this is that The Acolyte might be the least evil thing Leslie Headland did since she started working at Hollywood

[@chrisfraser5088]

@@Ron_Jambo_ that’s scary, because it’s probably true 🫣

[@VinnieMF]

"Hmm, why do you smell like burned hair? 🤔"

[@VOLUMEnightclub]

Qimir’s abs teaches to mask burnt hair smell 😂

[@vernonhampton5863]

​@VOLUMEnightclub the smell of burnt hair was masked by Quimir's BuDussy.

[@eddymadison9655]

"And when did you get that tattoo on your forehead ?"

[@seenkyle5591]

remember when they said star was was a kids show about space wizards

[@Dragblacker]

They assume kids already know about sex "from the street" because that's a joke that's been pounded into audience's heads for decades.

[@seenkyle5591]

@@Dragblacker or they want kids to know about sex without overtly showing it the bitch that made this is harvey weinstein ex assistant right ?

[@ninjanibba4259]

Where did it state it was kids? Bodies burned and limbs cut off is for kids?

[@Ron_Jambo_]

​@@ninjanibba4259Patrick Willems, a retard, said "This is a movie about space wizards intended for children" to explain why The Last Jedi was a good movie. Thatls where it comes from 😅

[@swirlingabyss]

@@ninjanibba4259 George Lucas himself has said that the target audience was 12 year old boys.

[@jjjmadness8306]

Oh, poor Jlongbone. Nobody should suffer watching the Acolyte.

[@scottski02]

She suffers so we don't have to

[@smbd1234]

At least she is saving us

[@DannyKnightblade45]

She can take it. She suffered through multiple seasons of Batgirl!

[@samoz6865]

@@jjjmadness8306 Wokealyte which is around the block from 'Wokekanda'.

[@osmanyousif7849]

Hey, I’ve seen worse….. Try sitting through 24 hours of Barney and Friends.

[@KelShu]

Osha and Mae have no conviction. They keep switching motivations so easily, especially Osha. Her friends died yesterday, and she's okay with getting comfortable with the guy that killed them as soon as she saw his "lightsaber".

[@613-shadow9]

this show is very realistic. that's not a joke either

[@Adamguy2003]

And yet, we are supposed to somehow see her as "Heroic" and "Enlightened" for this and everything else she does.

[@kaykutcher2103]

​@@Adamguy2003 She's a heroine like actual heroine is heroic and is so enlightened she's blind.

[@cam5816]

@@613-shadow9 he’s such a bad boyyy 🤭

[@TheRoflcer]

Occupation Health & Safety: "You killed Jecki!" Smilo: "So what, where do you think that was gonna go, why love someone who (Occupation-wise) could never love you back?" OSHA's brain: "That's a fair point." Because the worth of a teenagers life is what they can provide you. Write what you know, eh Lesly.

[@goddessofchaos7754]

The lightsaber haircut could have been cool but they still somehow managed to fuck it up

[@crypto66]

There was a scene in the original Clone Wars that showed the knighting ceremony; Yoda does the saber-on-shoulders thing like the Brits do, before ending by slicing the padawan braid off in one motion. Cool AF. This scene is not that.

[@ProjectRedfoot]

I want to see a force user hairdresser with lightscissors

[@KendrickEdits]

At least Batwoman was funny bad while Star Wars Acolyte is PURE CRINGE that makes you angry

[@ComradeCommissarYuri]

Obligatory Disparu “Throbbing sound bite 😂

[@cynicalperson161]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds her hair unflattering 😂

[@ProjectRedfoot]

For real! They had so much hair to work with and they did THAT

[@californiavirus3566]

It's hard to imaging essualizing her as much as he does. With that hair. She should have gotten rid of it, put on some denim shorts and rammed her c in his face, while whispering about how mad she is. That's what's up

[@able3331]

Omg the ship does kinda give those same vibes as those stupid mopeds from Boba Fett. Nothing ever looks aged in Disney star wars

[@kaykutcher2103]

The audience does. Watching it is so draining that ages you.

[@VisibleToeHead]

This whole show is the part you don't want your parents to walk in on

[@gruvee9334]

JLongbone watching this makes this brick bearable.

[@philipcallado5693]

After seeing the lightsaber/whip and then seeing Amandla looking like Willow Smith, I now have “I whip my hair back and forth” stuck in my head. Thanks a lot. 😂

[@VOLUMEnightclub]

Definitely gonna tell a girl to hold my lightsaber and turn it on 😂

[@blacksuperwoman1837]

I think there’s a porn that starts with that line.

[@TEFFTPATTERN]

The worst part about Kathleen Kennedys statements is that they are all an attempt to shift the blame and the burden of failure onto the people who actually have to interface with the public, the actor and writers/directors. Those people just had an idea and submitted it, or a role offer and played it. Every bit of this only appeared on our screens because of Kathleen Kennedy. Stenberg did herself no favors by making that music video, but even she was manipulated into believing the fault was on her by Kathleen Kennedy. All of the attention for this failure should be on Kathleen Kennedy. Focusing on anyone else is letting Kennedy get away with it.

[@MajorSmurf]

This entire show gets even more funny when you find out he has fcking mind wipe powers. HOLY OP POWER TO HAVE! You could have just mind wiped Mea or Osha or anyone else to forget about anything and everything about you. Mind wipe powers are insanely broken in any world. Like you could wipe someone back to a toddler. Hell he could kidnap any random force sensitive person, wipe their minds and claim they are his acolyte if that what he cares so much about.

[@arantarisu_yamu2414]

As an artist im cant help but face palm that we have Hollywood protecting people who arent nearly or close to being qualified for a job in entertainment but they have no problem firing/ignoring those who are......and after doing that they still get the pikachu face on why no one likes it

[@InJuRiOuSbEaTs95]

She stole thundercat’s hair. 😂😂

[@LadyBits2023]

just remember that this show had a budget of over $200 million with a $37 million marketing budget... With that money, if these people actually cared about women or people of color or people who are disenfranchised or anything like that... They could have sent over 65,000 kids to the best Ivy League schools in the entire world and then paid for them to get masters on top of that while simultaneously opening over 10,000 shelters for homeless or abused women.... But instead... They spent this absolute embarrassment of riches on a mentally ill women abusing, narcissist, self insert fanfiction🤣... Just let that sink in

[@wetzel4806]

But it did save lives! Millions of young woman could have killed themselves because they needed to be represented. Imagine the mental scarring of not seeing a woman holding a funny lazer stick on a screen!

[@gypsylee333]

😭 por que?????!!!

[@Adamguy2003]

Good point!

[@AnimaVox_]

So hiring former personal assistant of Harvey Weinstein Leslye Headland to kickstart a show in a franchise that's supposed to be FAMILY-FRIENDLY was a... choice. An odd choice, but a choice, nonetheless. 11:08 And handsome (sorry, I had to). Speaking of, it's really weird how they're trying to portray the Sith as attractive when this isn't usually the case both in the films and in the old Expanded Universe. Sith often tend to be ugly because the dark side literally corrupts their physical appearance the more they immerse themselves in it. Darth Malak, Darth Malgus, Darth Sidious, Darth Vader... all of them were pretty strong, well-known Sith and none were handsome. It's like the showrunners are trying to manipulate the women they wanted to watch this into finding evil men sexually alluring. Massive fail, if you ask me, and very telling that it's coming from the perverse mind of Lesbian Headlamp.

[@Adamguy2003]

That last point is terrifying but accurate, especially considering that the show came from Headland. She became rich and successful in large part from knowingly helping a corrupt, perverse, evil man to ruin the lives of God knows how many women in the name of satiating his own lusts, and she is clearly feels no remorse at all for this. She is as evil as her former boss, and made this show largely to corrupt others.

[@uuddlrlrbas9904]

Just when she thought she got out, they pulled her back in

[@snartshack]

that lake minnetonka callout felt personal lmaoooo

[@hawkward957]

Minnesota gang

[@snartshack]

@@hawkward957 ayyooo

[@starlimitz2]

Johnny Longbone! Don't forget, watch too much of this and you'll be vomitting corn, chicken, bell peppers... *sigh* onions...

[@Adamguy2003]

Great reference! Wise man, that Johnny Longbow. He had good theme music, too! Oh, and a food/ pop- culture blogger actually made a straight- up recipe for it!

[@spinb]

The sacrifices you make for us...

[@shocked-by-your-nonsense]

"Directed by Hanelle M. Culpepper" makes me crack up because my state, Virginia, has a place called that. It's like if a director was named "John Newyorkcity."

[@Ron_Jambo_]

"Just New York, thank you." -Sterling Archer

[@Seth-eq2ot]

8:52 The jokes had me rolling 😂

[@CLDStasis]

Homer saying “just smack the dog” 😂

[@jpjammin1876]

"Suspect the dog." I believe.

[@keithkoganeislife3144]

Remember when we thought the Phantom Menace was the worst of Star Wars?

[@sheerbeauty]

_sob_ The good ol' days when even a bad movie had standards

[@keithkoganeislife3144]

@@sheerbeauty the existence of the Acolyte and most of Disney Star Wars at large should serve as a reminder that you can always fall further.

[@VinnieMF]

Those movies were bad, this is terrible.

[@Lawlaliet]

Still is, never changed and all Lucas apologists can eff off.

[@iivin4233]

We had a point.

[@testdep]

thanks the acolyte, I found this channel few weeks ago! and I'm not the only one seeing ph*llic symbolism literally everywhere in this 1esbian-made TV show

[@wolfy1987]

Whenever I hear Osha I think of the federal safety agency OSHA, so its very hard to take this character seriously

[@expandapantsii341]

13:10 the Batman who knocks⁉️ I am the danger selina 🗣️‼️🙏

[@danielafernandamorales493]

Listen; I don't mind a little bit of "sexual tension" in the Star Wars universe (when it's well writen). But this is plain CREEPY (like former Harvey Weinstein's assistant). They tried SO HARD to make this the next ship a la Reylo meets Pride and Prejudice...But this """ship""" sank faster than the Titanic.

[@cmc5394oparva]

One thing I do appreciate about this harlequin romance novel of a TV series is that it shows even a bunch of supposedly "queer" women still love a bad boy.

[@kingbreadmaker]

I used to think that The Acolyte was a tragedy, but now I realize it's a fucking comedy

[@Ron_Jambo_]

"What about another joke, Leslie ?"

[@KingoftheBashful]

Can't imagine having a show that expensive turn out to be so bad and unprofitable, and then blaming bigots and racists for what happened. The absolute state of SW.

[@californiavirus3566]

Star Work is real work.

[@gypsylee333]

​@@californiavirus3566🤣👍

[@mentvltrillness]

The amount of defenders this show has is just embarrassing. At least 3 of them told me they didnt even watch it, they just defend it for no reason.

[@BrokenCornholio1537]

They defend what they're told to. Useful idiots.

[@cassiopeiid]

You are my favorite hornball on the internet. LOL

[@Grrk_Jr]

Isn’t it amazing how this episode is 30 minutes and NOTHING HAPPENS for the entire thing? How does that happen

[@catiel8978]

50 Siths of Shade

[@kaykutcher2103]

50 Siths of Gay.

[@angel8fingers]

Every time you think your out, they pull you right back in!!!😂😂😂

[@LunarAscending]

"star wars is a ya romance novel now" i deadass heard that mindtrick explanation in a PadmexAnakin ship fanfiction years ago

[@BrokenCornholio1537]

Unfortunately it is now....And yes, it is somehow more sleazy than a hentai plot.

[@Ron_Jambo_]

​@@BrokenCornholio1537Most hentai plots are better written than woke movies/shows nowadays anyway

[@kevo-o-o]

Careful Johnny, those psycho's who love this garbage will be after you too now

[@Marinealver]

It's MORBIN Time!

[@mxvega1097]

Jeckie: /screams like a 7-year old harpy, gets immediately stabbed 3 times There's a metaphor there somewhere, just can't place it.

[@kyewilson7837]

I can't wait for j"s reaction to episode 7

[@MsSwthrt102]

8:37 😂😂😂😂 SEDUCED BY THE DARKSIDE

[@SallinKari]

I love the realization that... this is indeed going *that* way, and that the writer literally went on record in an interview that they thought of the lightsaber as a phallic symbol.

[@LeviAckerman-cb5ji]

A group of Star wars Acolyte fans have just filed a demonitization complaint against JLongbone!

[@anthonyguidas2012]

I’m hoping you do a video on Amandla Stenberg’s response to the Acolyte being canceled.please

[@kaykutcher2103]

She's no great Dane.

[@tadsgirl]

Thank you for going in the belly of the beast!

[@samoz6865]

Every time I see Amandla's acting prowess, combined with the character's costume design, all I can think is....'I'm Rick James, bitch! '

[@philipcallado5693]

Dave Chappelle has way more acting chops than Amandla. He was great as Ah-Choo in Robin Hood: Men in Tights

[@samoz6865]

@@philipcallado5693 Half Baked is still my favorite.

[@strydyrhellzrydyr1345]

You definitely thinking a lot of the thinks all of us thought... Which is why i wanted to see your reaction... It is beyond INSANE how much... They messed this show up. Its insane how many contradictions they kept putting in

[@blueriver2443]

8:00 were those elephant birds frotting?? 😭🤢🤢

[@lusasedoux479]

brb, rewatching the first part.♥

[@EpicJasonX9000]

Disney Wars is like an untalented person performing badly at The Apollo, and can’t stand being rejected by strict judges who can’t stand their atrocious performance.

[@I_dont_understand_25]

Sole acts like he should have his white window less van parked around the corner 😮

[@Bigotsandwich1995]

The darkside holds many secrets some might consider... phallic

[@RP-mp4ow]

Man, you were right about the credits. When you did the comparison I found it so bizarre that they made the credits enter the screen in that silly sci-fi way vs the simple and direct Law and Order Dick Wolf kinda way.

[@dandy269]

I really hope “Barber” is going to be a class in the next Star Wars game

[@ZehnWaters]

The Jedi don’t teach there’s only one way, only that using your emotions is unhelpful.

[@MaggotCupcakes]

CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY TODAY

[@EpicJasonX9000]

Ewww! 🤣

[@Khaled-bs7zc]

JLB, your last edit in the end with the breathing gave me shivers. Which is a lot to say for anything related to this show. Well done

[@RobertSmith-gn7hf]

The innuendo is strong with this one...

[@XX-ri1me]

You hungry? She looks thirsty

[@HellsAsylum]

Pretty awesome of J to keep going with this show even after it was cancelled.

[@McForkCoverup2005]

The worst thing Disney Star Wars has ever done is honestly making people think that scrawny dopey-looking tools like Kylo Ren and now off-brand Ezra Miller in this are actually sexy. Say what you will about the prequels, at least Hayden Christensen was actually handsome and did not look like he belongs in an unsuccessful emo band.

[@Adamguy2003]

As bad as that is, the WORST thing it has done was this series's use of twisted moral relativism to try and justify pure evil. Unsurprising that it was made by a woman who had previously made a nice fat living off of acting as an accomplice to pure evil and undoubtedly justifying it in her own warped rats' nest of a mind.

[@AoRArchAngel]

I love that jecki has "calm and mature for her age" in the first paragraph of her wiki, but we see her full angry child tantrum swing at the sith lol.

[@AaronRobinProductions]

It's so bad it's you can't look away lol. It's like a comedy

[@gnarpow]

Bro. Literally. Built. A. Career: shipping Leslyle hahahaha

[@Ragifex]

Jedi Uncle Bad-Touch

[@Shuxy]

JLongbone enjoyed this way too much 😂😂😂

[@darthcaradhras55]

J!!! Your edit at the was SO MUCH BETTER!!! I'm watching it again...

[@harleyplus]

The Acolyte wouldn't have failed if Disney casted Steven Seagull as the main lead lmao, Space Ice would be so happy to watch that lol. 😂

[@JustTooDamnHonest]

Now you know why this sh*tshow got cancelled. Also I would like to put in a request for J to get together with Carl and do a review for Interview with a Vampire S2 next.

[@thechosenone2514]

I've watched all of your acolyte coverage and holy cow, I've freaking crying laughing 😂🤣

[@Jodie-G198]

I don't know how you do it, but you managed to make.. whatever episode this was, hilarious to hear about again.

[@hope-cat4894]

Somebody at AO3 needs to sue Disney for ripping off their smut fanfic. 😂

[@rfhextra]

Time for a fantastic entertainment

[@Orkillester1]

You know I really did not pick up on all the phallic imagery in this until you pointed it all out lol

[@mikeywilliams4136]

This is the second video I've seen. The first was the pt. 1 of this video. You're very entertaining 😂

[@RunKnitCoffee]

McFeely powers is now canon.

[@patrickkelmer6290]

9:42 Pen is Envy

[@achildnamedhotchick1739]

all lesbos have it

[@neogamest123logic2]

50 shades of Jedi.

[@Slif1988]

In one of the credit scenes they play a crappy pop song

[@UC32UC32]

lmao the joker who knocks 🤣

[@blueripper1558]

The force is truely female, we are making romance again

[@Adamguy2003]

Re: The lightsaber- whip- thing, remember WAY back in 'A New Hope,' when Obi- Wan described a lightsaber as being "Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age"? That lightsaber- whip does not meet that description at all; It would in fact be even MORE clumsy and random than a blaster would.

[@Sarahonwheels]

I really wish that we could go back to “I don’t like sand” and Darth Plagues the wise, I’ll even take the gold bikini, than the outlander mommy 🌽 in that lake scene that is only there for the women who barely understand the IP. George, take it back

[@MrAlcazar]

This shit cost 180 MILLION dollars!? WTF did that money go!?

[@becky3983]

I'm going to stick my neck out and say I *like* the sparrow elephants. They're cute. The rest of the show... I'm not feeling so much

[@chefboiardeeznutz9881]

Penis birds* 😂

[@californiavirus3566]

youre not going to be feeling the sparrowphants either when they're through with you. well you will. just not in a way you like i think that might sound so much darker than i meant

[@hope-cat4894]

7:56 The baby sitting next to the parents was pretty cute even if their design is off putting.

[@Nabinut]

4:17 If you think that's bad, turn on the audio description and it sounds like a trashy romance novel, the Star Wars version.

[@blu3chav3z8]

Phallic references, bahaha!

[@ShadowKillerX]

Yes, i was hoping you came back to this train wreck

[@jameshurley6513]

Jlongbone I am suprised nick cage and Keanu reeves and thomas Jane turned down being in Disney’ Star Wars then again they were smart

[@AaronRobinProductions]

My favorite episode of the Acolyte!

[@DNOJ]

Frost his… damn

[@robinthrush9672]

All the sex jokes are so easy because that's all Leslie thinks about.

[@strydyrhellzrydyr1345]

Yayyy... Im so glad you did.. i made a comment.. like idk, a few weeks ago now. On your other vid of Acolyte. And i loved your take. And was sad you said you werent going back to it. I remember wanting your take on what comes after you left off