Joe Biden Is Making Donald Trump Nervous

Joe Biden kicked off his 2020 campaign with a rally on Monday. And Donald Trump was watching.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@tuckerbowen4626]

y'know the irony is that even Robert E. Lee didn't think he should get a monument

[@johnnywhite58]

really ? that's interesting: and hilarious

[@Zarastro54]

John White Yes, he was specifically against memorializing himself and the Confederacy because it would keep the National from healing. And here we are, 150+ years later and those monuments are still massive wounds on the country.

[@jsmith5212]

You at least have to respect the craftmans work

[@Herehear49]

Lee jeans?

[@magnummax78]

John White, and TRUE. The man, basically, encouraged the South to MOT hold a grudge and just move on. Of ALL of Lincoln’s mistakes, how he dealt with the South after they lost the war would prove, over time, to be his WORST idea. I TRULY wish that Lincoln had hardened his heart (for all of our war-dead) towards the South and simply killed as many as he could. It would, literally, be as if the US wanted to befriend ISIS AFTER a series of terror attacks. You’re asking for a knife in your the back. However, the died before HE got the stiletto the South would have thrown at his back, so the country has been dealing with their continued rebellion ever since. I know it seems/sounds cruel, but we would have less citizens and a more united nation.

[@ifihadahammer7856]

This is all just another one of Trump's reality shows. It's called... *The Biggest Liar!*

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

Almost as good as Joe Biden’s reality show it’s called... *UHHHHHHH I FORGOT WHAT THE TITLE WAS.....*

[@jeffs6090]

I've always loved West Dakota, beautiful state.

[@samonetaz]

aka Montana?

[@MAllen-ng8pl]

"we choose truth over facts." -joe biden

[@fear5735]

"I have the power to defeat Joe Biden." - Joe Biden

[@adamkuestner2961]

"Who shit my pants??"- Joe Biden

[@couragekarnga8735]

Curse you, Stephen, don't ever leave like that again!

[@chuckfarina2733]

Yeah why did you come back nobody wants to see your sorry ass or your sorry-ass show or anything you got to say go back to Hell yajima spawn of Satan

[@fisherking7798]

@@chuckfarina2733 apparently there is a incoherence in your statement since YOU watched it

[@Sorenzo]

It's still really funny to think anyone at Charlottesville was like "I know there are swastikas everywhere, but I am not sure whether I joined a Nazi rally."

[@jimmorgan21]

They were Nazi's? That wasn't the Buddhist heart symbol? I thought we were marching for an independent Tibet! 😞

[@cheriecullum9489]

"...well, just remember...What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening." -Trump

[@fracturedhearts3734]

Trump is as nervous about Biden as a Pit bull is about a hamburger.

[@tyrannosaurusburke]

When "The Late Show" takes a break, I experience withdrawal symptoms, especially when I hear about Trump's tweets in the news.

[@RayToutuver]

I hear ya, ol' cod Didnt know- went on a bender...wtf when woke up Tue??! 10,001 !!

[@tonyplow9219]

Dan, That's TDS you need help!

[@couragekarnga8735]

Stephen Colbert withdrawal may include anxiety, a crushing sense of doom, and eventual insanity.

[@RayToutuver]

@@tonyplow9219: you poor demented typical 1/3 of Americans No concept of anything outside of Bumfuck County, USA...hyuk

[@tonyplow9219]

@@RayToutuver 1/3 your dreaming Trump did not win on that margin! Poor baby Hillary LOST!

[@eatyourveggies_]

Colbert makes Monday easy to deal with especially after the show takes a break.

[@Mr.Eternal966]

Mondays doesn't sucks your life does...

[@stabbymcpokey5901]

I'm not a trump supporter and your life sucks lol

[@stabbymcpokey5901]

@Emmett Hardie your life sucks like my broken vacuum cleaner

[@GameTimeWhy]

@@stabbymcpokey5901 so not very much? Or not at all? Bad analogy.

[@stabbymcpokey5901]

@@GameTimeWhy perfect description

[@ebybeehoney]

I can NOT get excited about Biden, but I will vote for just about anyone who is not GOP or GOP-adjacent.

[@anasha1647]

Biden is funded by corporate donors and will be owned by them.

[@ebybeehoney]

@@anasha1647 - I said I'm not excited, but anything is better than what is there currently.

[@hruiz3308]

@@ebybeehoney That's what I said when I had to pick between Trump and Clinton.

[@PraiseTheFSMonster]

Anythings an upgdade from trump, be we CANNOT elect a child molester.

[@PraiseTheFSMonster]

@Colin Cleveland Riiiight, so lets get another one. Thats OBVIOUSLY the answer. Jesus christ 😑

[@MiamiViceNarc]

I'd be nervous with Creepy Uncle Joe and his wall street backers too.

[@davidpringle8089]

Well with trump in office, millions aren't nervous, they're scared to death.

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

David Pringle yeah the Democrats certainly are

[@flashseason82ndbestericdid]

Creepy A.M

[@palsp666]

We missed you Stephen. Hard to survive a week without your monologues.

[@tonyplow9219]

Pals, I guess TDS is better dealt with around other sufferers?

[@katiekane5247]

@@tonyplow9219 get a new hobby dude!

[@timiadetona]

Very hard

[@AlBundyFan365]

I didn't miss his Democratically biased, malicious, propganda-filled monologues and I survived. I guess that makes me a jerk who should just shut up because my opinion doesn't matter to anyone reading it.

[@guiyomelangloiz2483]

@@AlBundyFan365 right your opinion doesn't matter. Anyone who come to a channel just to whine should be ignored.

[@JJ-kl7eq]

Joe didn’t announce he’s running right away. He was simply Biden his time till the right moment.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Couldn't resist?

[@mookeyantoine488]

Nice

[@judioregan4210]

Baddum tissch! 🥁 I trust you'll show yourself out...😏

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

J J you say that like he’s some kind of hero! I’ll take lying orange man over sleepy hair sniffing Joe any day

[@WhooFlungPoo]

Joe biden isnt making anyone nervous, bernie is.

[@cesareantonio8833]

This aged well

[@sivas5823]

Not American.... Don't live in America.... Don't even live on the continents..... haven't even been there as a traveller.....But this is one show I watch and enjoy thoroughly... Because, there are some shows like yours on the international arena that give the tiniest wisp of hope, feeling included, United in their feelings / voice against their national leaders or groups. Not every nationality has the privilege to have one of the best medicines for their soul every night just before bed or just before starting their day next morning. Thank you Late Show, The Daily Show and Jimmy Kimmel live ! And last of all........ Maaaan that was one week?? It felt like a gruelling life sentence !! Plz give us all a heads-up before you take a break next time? Will need to hoard up on something(S).... 😉😉

[@Kelz_X]

The separation anxiety was at a fever pitch Colbert. Please don’t do that again to us

[@tonyplow9219]

KelZ, TDS hurts! Reality can help!

[@imperatorvictix.444]

You must have a safe space. Pitiful fragile creature, incelism is amusing.

[@Opus313]

Welcome back, Stephen! We missed your humor. I can't believe 2020 might come down to a sniffer and a grabber!

[@wandabutler5769]

Opus 313 Good one A kisser & A grabber...

[@tonyplow9219]

Opus, I bet you miss Stephen being funny he has been nothing more than a crying bitch for over 2 years!

[@heythere9371]

or we could always elect Bernie, since he's done neither and he's actually trying to help the average American and not just wealthy donors

[@ichigotrillonator2812]

Well if the president can fuk hookers, and receive no negative consequences? Not even from his current wife. I dont wanna be president. I want my bae😍

[@jyi5506]

Debate: "Sniffy Biden with the wandering hands! Hide your females!" "Well, at least I'm* not a p**** grabber!"

[@MarcoPolo1299]

"Hawaidaho" idk why but that's fucking hilarious. 😂😂😂

[@dr.trixiecp5651]

BERNIE2020🕊~Power to the People✊Honesty and Integrity!

[@seanmcelroy9738]

@William Kahley Define "power" there. If by power, you mean the ability to have a small voice in the future of the country that was made so serve it's people, then you are correct. If, however, you mean the freedom to do what non-felons can do every day, like the ability to apply for a job without having their resume thrown out the second the check the box marked 'felon,' then you are incorrect. It is also worth noting that most of the felonies committed in the US are non-violent, so relatively few murders would get the right to vote.

[@seanmcelroy9738]

@William Kahley The Boston bomber would be 1/138,847,000 (in 2016). Even if every felon in the US was allowed to vote, that would only be about 2.5% of the people eligible. When you factor in the fact than even if they could vote, many wouldn't, and the fact that most of them are non-violent, the number of truly evil people with the right to vote would be negligible. Practically speaking, there would be little negative effect from what Sanders proposed and I could sleep soundly at night knowing that no one's voice in democracy was suppressed. I don't like the idea of the Boston bomber chosing our president any more than you do, but I am willing to let one evil guy vote if it means 500 other people, who made a mistake and just want to have a say in their own rule can do so.

[@seanmcelroy9738]

@William Kahley That's fair. I'm not sure that I agree with you but it is certainly a valid position to take. That said though, even if I agreed with you 100%, I'm not convinced that that, in and of itself, is enough of a reason to vote for 'corporate' Joe Biden over Sanders.

[@hadara69]

@William Kahley That was a TOTAL smear question about the Boston bomber designed to be lose/lose for Bernie. There've been others about reparations, etc. Why does it bother you? Does it appeal to your sense of "justice"? In what way? Republicans have been suppressing legit votes (from free citizens who happen to be black!) for ridiculous reasons. Combined with gerrymandering and other dirty tricks. Bernie's policy is pro-democracy. You know damn well there's still a ton of people in jail who merely smoked a joint. There's going to be lots more carefully crafted smear questions like this for him that WILL NOT be asked of Biden. There were confirmed plants at the first network townhall for him as well. What does that tell you? Biden will lose to Trump.

[@hadara69]

@William Kahley Nope. They treat establishment Dems with kit gloves. And Republicans don't even show up to their town halls usually, but when they do, they get their ass handed to them. Just ask Wilbur Ross...

[@ShravanParthasarathy]

Colbert: ... Audience: cheers

[@daviddoughton5938]

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives you an orange, you don't re-elect him.

[@tonyplow9219]

Atten, Did you vote Trump in 2016? Well don't worry Trump is stronger now! MAGA! and KAG! Hill Dog!

[@danarzechula3769]

Ha! Funny! I need a laugh right now.

[@danarzechula3769]

@@tonyplow9219 MAke me GAg. America has always been great and still is. Too bad you can't see that

[@youreterriblemuriel5903]

When life gives you an orange, you stuff it inside a dead duck, slow roast it for a couple of hours and throw it in the trash when it's done.

[@youreterriblemuriel5903]

@@tonyplow9219 KAG ... Keep Americans Gullible???? Amiright, amiright???!!! Hahahaha! Yeah - I know it - I'm too funny sometimes!

[@donaldtrumpwithasmallloano8666]

Nobody makes me nervous but myself.

[@elishmuel1976]

Talk about Bernie, Stephen. His ideas resonate and needs you to make sure we hear them

[@kylecoucke943]

His ideas are shit.

[@korteyeo1696]

Agree... Unfortunately Stephen is part of the problem now. Super bummer. Used to love this guy

[@AndiDuck]

"America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without the guns ? (Recommended )" ---- Chris Hall

[@danarzechula3769]

No. We need the guns to defend ourselves against would be dictators. Unless you want to is garbage can lids as shields like the Venezuelans or get run down by tanks ( see Tiananman Square)

[@AndiDuck]

@@danarzechula3769 Idiot !

[@jesterssketchbook]

Dana Rzecghjajwtmcowowcowfuk ......RIP English

[@boseklaus3697]

@@danarzechula3769 i agree with you . Keep in mind that liberals are satanic imbeciles , they don't believe in God and because of that , they became instinctual animals with no clear judgement , very easy to manipulate .

[@fairystail1]

@@danarzechula3769 always found the would be dictators and guns to protect from the government part weird. If the government wants to do anything to you, well whats stopping them? A group of untrained civillians with guns? Against trained proffesionals, great equipment and the ability to launch drone strikes? yes your guns would be so useful.

[@melodychest9020]

Can't get any work done with you gone for a week Mr. Colbert! Now I am feeling equilibrium, thanks!

[@SiymPai]

Haha, I feel the same. I need this in our real life reality show going on for the past two years.

[@MargaliMorwentari]

Trump likes General Robert E. Lee. I prefer generals who DIDN'T fight against the United States.

[@joecushley7167]

...and lose...

[@virginiaoflaherty2983]

MARGALI good one!

[@jannetteanderson3962]

@mike force Your Racism is showing lol.

[@duhmzdaih]

@mike force "that's because you are stupid"

[@musicproductionsvp-compose177]

mike force buddy, there was no slavery in the north. And slavery completely ended after lincolns emmancipation proclamation.

[@scottdickson1473]

Bernie is making Trump and giant corporations nervous.

[@chedderburg]

James Mara look at how both democratic and republican’s and the donations they are getting how how many puppets they are throwing money at to fight Bernie. Biden and Trump have the same donors, so clearly it’s the citizens vs corporate candidates and that’s why people say we don’t have a choice. But with Bernie we do

[@deluxebasketballanalysis2198]

Scott Dickson pretty sure it’s the other way around bud... dems don’t stand a chance without Biden, and if Bernie gets out of the primaries, his communist ass is gonna get burned Election Day. This country is NOT communist nor ever will be

[@FannyBandit4Life]

No please no. Do not go for Biden..... I hate Trump as much as the next guy but you are handing him the presidency if the Democrats choose Biden to put all their support behind.... and... i dont think my heart could stand 4 more years of trump...

[@janeryan2709]

Bernie 2020!!

[@almamyers4]

I really want Bernie to be president

[@kaivickers166]

The problem is the Bernie supporters are louder than anyone else and are very vengeful. A huge number of them voted for Trump to “stick it to Hillary.” /sigh

[@janeryan2709]

@@kaivickers166 Well, I didn't... And I won't this time either. But we really need a progressive in office.

[@janeryan2709]

@@bubblebryan Wouldn't go that far...

[@ThreadBomb]

That one lone clap for "Erwin Rommel Middle School", you are my soulmate.

[@joshuaking7470]

Rommel was complex to be sure but he certainly was nowhere near the villian Hitler was. He's similar to Oscar Schindler in my view i.e. at some point he made the conscious decision to resist Hitler after a period of time following the marching orders of the regime.

[@kolokatana1291]

@@joshuaking7470 Exactly, Rommel was actually respected by the Allied forces since he respected the prisoners of war and refused to participate in holocaust activities.

[@judioregan4210]

@@joshuaking7470 - Rommel was also found to be part of the plot to assassinate Hitler. Rather than see his whole family die, Rommel took a cyanide capsule before the Gestapo got to his house. Rommel was never truly a Nazi. As well as being a devoted family man, he was also first and foremost a soldier and, as Churchill somewhat grudgingly put it, one of the finest tacticians of war the world had ever seen. Rommel and his British counterpart Montgomery had great respect for each other.

[@Wish-and-Hope]

Isn't that basically what people say about Lee? At least the "respectable military genius" thing. They both still fought for the wrong cause, regardless how "honorable" they fought or how they felt about it. And even if Rommel had been part of the coup (as far as I know, there's by far not enough evidence for it), the conspirators were mostly anti-democratic. They may have been the lesser evil, but they still fought for the wrong cause (after having fought for another even worse cause long before that). Rommel was made the hero the allies needed to build the myth of a clean Wehrmacht so as to build the Bundeswehr on top of what remained of it. This distorted image of Rommel was used to protect Nazis and War Criminals, just because there was a new enemy to team up against. Please stop spreading these myths and heroizing people simply for being slightly better than the racist and/or genocidal maniacs they fought for.

[@SanDeezyBreezy61986]

Judi O'Regan no, Rommel was given three options: appeal to Hitler personally, go before the People’s Court-which would have been a death sentence- or choose a quiet suicide.

[@raulaguero1492]

Political thinking is so slow in America that they are still talking about Biden as a possible presidential candidate.

[@sufimuslimlion4114]

Its beautiful seeing america crumble and Americans destroy themselves

[@hollins2341]

The way that Stephen reads Trump's tweets is hilarious! No one does it as well as he does! 😂

[@nancysherry9088]

you need time off, but it is awful without you. welcome home.

[@dHolbach77]

Impeach, remove, charge, sentence, and jail 45* for crimes against American citizens, liberal democracy, the rule of law, the Constitution, and humanity in general.

[@justjoddat]

that's kind...he deserves to not be breathing...keep hoping those burgers will give him a fatal heart attack!

[@telectronix1368]

The 'republicans' in the Senate will not impeach their guy.

[@dHolbach77]

@@justjoddat I don't agree. I know he's a monster, but I'm incapable of that kind of hate and I don't wish to see anyone suffer. Probably because I firmly believe that most of who we are/what we do is not up to us (even assuming we have any freewill at all).

[@dHolbach77]

@@telectronix1368 Probably not. But that's no reason not to advocate for what is morally and legally unassailable.

[@anotherworldviewispossible]

off-guardian.org/2019/02/27/regime-change-is-urgently-needed-in-washington/ Conspiracy to Commit (thousands of counts of) Kidnapping - seems solid. The USA has poor record of prosecutions - for the criminality of our "leaders". There's even a "Hague Act" which demands that we invade the Netherlands - if anyone ever tries hold ANYONE involved in our crimes accountable - much less any members of "our" political class. You live in a Rogue nation... And Trump is merely the latest symptom - of a much larger disease. fair.org/home/nyt-trumpwashes-70-years-of-us-crimes/ www.strategic-culture.org/news/2019/02/20/international-rogue-nation-america.html

[@Nonn0n]

glad I graduated high school so I don't have to study this presidency.

[@Girlinmanhattan]

i KNEW you were out for a week and I still checked in pretty much daily.. Just to make sure. Don't just leave us like that Stephen. I watch you while cooking every day after Twitter freaks me the f**k out all day. Really need the laughter Sir. Thank you.

[@kenc2257]

What a great bit--I'm happy Colbert wasn't too soft on Biden...

[@cgates2]

Member A. I. F. Marxism huh? I don’t think that word means what you think it means.

[@adeer87]

Member A. I. F. Marxism? Seriously?

[@jesterssketchbook]

did this idiot just say "Marx"? omg the right are stupid asf

[@TheGrumbliestPuppy]

@@russgreyson7524 Nah, any liberal who has researched Biden at all doesn't support him. He wants lenient taxes for the rich, he's against marijuana legalization, he was pro-segregation and treated Anita Hill like crap during her hearing, he authored the New Jim Crow bill (the one that target blacks for harsher drug sentencing and a huge part of the current "war on drugs" failure). The list goes on and on, we don't need a Hillary 2.0. I like all of the Dem candidates more than Biden.

[@stabbymcpokey5901]

Likewise Biden sucks

[@notsure1969]

And then there is Trump who is a "young and vibrant" 73 year old man who bathes in chicken grease and uses Cheetoh dust as talc.

[@danarzechula3769]

@onlyfacts so true. I've never been traitor to my country for a real estate deal. Nor molested women. Nor been divorced twice. Nor had multiple failed businesses. Busy guy.

[@danarzechula3769]

Don't knock Cheeto dust. Yummy!

[@BradCozine]

73 ISN'T old... if you're a tree.

[@223Drone]

@onlyfacts Except Trump hasn't gotten much done. He's only had a few successes, most notably his tax cut for the rich.

[@bugeye8749]

U Americans eat so much shit 🤮.Thank god for u gluttonous beer bellied heifers, useful fat fks that basically fund the pharmaceutical industry

[@amirs.3323]

Welcome back......I miss you guys....I watched all the KZbin and it wasn't enough

[@mariesmith8454]

'Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.''---philosopher George Santayana

[@sarkastikleader4708]

Damn it’s been a week?? Feels longer....just like Trump’s presidency

[@Romanticoutlaw]

deceptively short, not unlike something else of the potus's

[@couragekarnga8735]

I feel like my brain has aged ten years!

[@MarcKloos]

Because of the trump presidency

[@PepoGuerrero12]

You’ll have to wait until 2024😉

[@whatevermeansnecessary9006]

@@PepoGuerrero12 lol enjoy joe biden bitch

[@JacquelinecRudd]

Missed your Shows!💕💞

[@heygirl6386]

Imagine if Abraham Lincoln knew that a future president of the united states would be praising Robert E Lee...

[@lamaxe749]

I respectfully disagree How is he praising Robert E Lee? Us Republicans hate racism any of any kind and think it doesn't belong in our country. Trump denounces racism.

[@karsten9895]

lamaxe 69 whatever drug it is you're taking; go easy on it, because that's some heavy stuff!

[@heygirl6386]

lamaxe haha! funny joke

[@kadsl123]

Biden, aka Clinton 2.0? Pass.

[@maxsmart9116]

1)the soul of America 2)the backbone of America 3)bring America together = No policies. Just empty platitudes. NEXT.

[@sanbetski]

Need my colbert fix!

[@kinngrimm]

Trump couldn't tell you the number of states if you held a flag in front of him.

[@LochNessax3]

kinn grimm I doubt he could, even with the flag in his own arms.

[@JeffarryLounder]

You are clearly very ignorant. All you people do is lie, manipulate and throw insults when you can't find a valid point against someone. It's honestly pretty pathetic, isn't it?

[@kinngrimm]

@@JeffarryLounder no valid point against Trump? He is a person of public interest and making comments and opinions of such is allways fair game .Having then to deal with people like yourself who attack the commentators is a bit different though. Trump will most likely never know all the comments made "about" him, meanwhile we read when someone reacts on our comments which makes it a lot morepersonal. Sofar annonymity is a privilidge, one which will be taken away because of how far personal attacks here on social media are often have gone. So lets see valid points - starting with "biggest inauguration crowd ever" to now 10000 lies counting the Washington Post has a database with sourced and fact checked lies of Trump. But hell for Trump cult follwoers the truth doesn't matter. - starting with "i have all the best people" to the highest fluctuation of administration personal in US history if you don't count WW2 generals being fired, to not many places in government not being positioned and thereby provoking the government to fail so republicons can make a point it seems. - starting with "mexicans are rapists and some good people" to "there are many fine people on both sides" yet this may not be a valid point for you, but when you look through NYT articles from the past 20 years there are several instances where Trump was shown to have racist tendencies, again that may not be relevant for you ^^ Those were valid points if you had a moral compas without getting into Topics like Evangelicals and Stormy Daniels, now to where it comes to the Mueller Report. - *there are still 14 investigations on the way based on the mueller report. There had been 7 indictments,5 prison sentences and the general conclusion that there was russian interference*. - *collusion was not 100% ruled out* but not proofable. That is not the same as being able to say *"I am totaly exonerated"* - there are *10 listed concerning obstruction of justice* and while we may never know the reasons behind them, these are documented and when it comes to the law *even trying while failing is still a crime*. All that while Trump continously tried to publicly obstruct as well or didn't you notice from the start it was said to be a "Witch Hunt", no it wasn't, but truth doesn't matter with this occupant of the WH and his cultists. First Mueller was a good choice, said so by everyone, then Mueller called in the president for questioning and suddenly the republican Mueller was biased? WTF. Meanwhile instead of answering like anyone else Muellers questions Trump needed to be excempted and instead his lawyers prepared a letter with the answers to presented to Mueller. Arround 34 times within that letter answers were "I don't recall/know/remember". Yet that is somehow counted as "I fully cooperated" really? You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't give me that crap. Trump stinks and that is the understatement of the century.

[@JeffarryLounder]

@@kinngrimm You can believe what lies you're told. I don't care. Trump will probably win 2020, anyway.

[@Pyxis10]

Why would I vote for Biden when Warren or Bernie exist?

[@juliebee4841]

Herufaia Bernie’s not a Democrat. Let him run as an independent like the grifter he is.

[@korteyeo1696]

Love them both. Tulsi needs to be in that debate as well though

[@korteyeo1696]

@@juliebee4841 except it's not possible to get elected as an Independent because that's the design of the corrupt 2 party system

[@spammyhell6566]

You're back! Don't ever leave US alone with that bad man again! (And seriously, you and Seth leaving at the same time is cruel and unusual ... can't y'all coordinate your time off so there's someone sane and funny w/US at all times?)

[@thesoundsmith]

Well, there' Trevor and Sammi... And Bill Maher... John Oliver? Him too has gone missing...

[@ok4412]

This comment just sounds so needy and desperate.

[@hoodfella166]

David Kempton who’s Sammi?

[@a.e.jabbour5003]

@@ok4412 It's perfectly correct!

[@spammyhell6566]

@@thesoundsmith ~ Yep, don't care dfor Maher, but like SamB and Trevor a lot. JO was off this week as well, the traitor. :-D

[@trevorbrianhassell]

A shame the crowd did not really get the Erwin Rommel joke ...because that was 10 out of 10 joke

[@maggierezac5820]

@Trevor Brian Hassell, IKR. Perhaps more name recognition like... Mengele Middle School? Alas, these kids nowadays! I'm only sort of kidding! After calling the pharmacy yesterday & replying with my DOB as 4-2-61...& hearing the clerk ask, 1961????? Facepalm!

[@jaspeb9553]

As a proud graduate from the Adolf Hitler High School, I agree (ok, they did rename the thing after WW2)

[@frankniedermayer3569]

@@maggierezac5820 Well Mengele wasn't a general. Rommel was. Btw he was involved in the military resistance against Hitler. That's why the ss came to him and ask him to kill himself, then they would say he died in action and get a state funeral. If he would have rejected it, he would have been put in front of the terrible people's court and it would have had awful consequences for his wife and son.

[@chinookvalley]

Desert Fox = Mar a Largo Pole Cat

[@MDMetal]

You all do realize that Rommel wasn't a member of the nazi party, right? He was in on the plot to assassinate Hitler and was forced to commit suicide because of that fact. His strategies and tactics regarding armored warfare are still taught in armed forces around the world, including the United States military. He literally wrote the book on how tanks win battles.

[@traviscutler9912]

No to corporate Joe! Bernie has the only record of standing up for the working class.

[@chedderburg]

Travis Cutler yea I’m always surprised when the crowd cheers for him. Like what do you think he is going to do for us. It’s all platitudes. He takes money from corporations, right there is a disqualification, then you look at his history and without the “D” next to his name it would be hard to tell he’s “the most progressive candidate”

[@brianking9215]

Plus Bernie promises free stuff can't beat that. 👍 oh wait EVERY socialist country had failed!!! 🤔

[@devinw5150]

Travis Cutler Bernie won’t be standing up for anything much longer. He’s almost 80 and trying to do the most high pressure job in the world. He needs to retire.

[@traviscutler9912]

@@brianking9215 actually most of northern Europe is socialist and they have the highest living standards in the world. Universal healthcare, free university, daycare and old folks homes.

[@brianking9215]

@@traviscutler9912 you said most of Europe, there's a huge difference in some of these countries economically! Can you be more specific? And universal health care isn't really done well there! Please please prove me wrong!!! I'm not at all happy with out health care system but that's laughable saying Europe has better health care. The couple small(usually Nordic/Scandinavian ) countries you guys like to point to with generous social programs got to be wealthy and generous from capitalism!!!

[@aaronbrungardt6603]

When it's all over, Trump shouldn't get a presidential library, because Trump doesn't read.

[@PSYCHOBEVO]

It will be a library of all his misspelled Tweets.

[@DavidJ222]

Welcome back Stephen!!! I could really use a caravan dance with theme music if you don't mind.....it's been awhile.😄

[@eveinaz6517]

I love that turn he does! Back in the eighties my mom used to pull that move at the club! Lmfao!!

[@timothykang7216]

the late show has the best session men out of all night talk shows

[@a.e.jabbour5003]

God this was great. Stephen is so fantastic. And so perfectly on point.

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

James Mara it’s to late to save him man

[@patstone3259]

Let’s be fair. Joe Biden doesn’t suck. He Sniffs.

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

And blows

[@TheHelpful2]

To be fair, Joe Biden has the voice for a narrator of a movie if being president doesn't work out.

[@Lazarus1095]

Alternatively, he could just coast by on Comcast and Wall Street's grateful donations to the Biden Foundation or whatever equivalent he sets up. Trust me, a man who kisses that much corporate ass will never need to worry about money. Just ask the Clintons.

[@couragekarnga8735]

I like him, but I really don't want him to be president.

[@d.p.4919]

Sure if you like they way he accents how old he is by the way he pronounces his words

[@danarzechula3769]

@@d.p.4919 I don't think the Dems learned anything from their past mistakes

[@rawforreel3384]

He’ll never win lol

[@shotjohnny]

Without those stupid hats... seriously, where do voters keep their beliefs? 😂

[@somebody355]

the part about the balloons to be one of the funniest things ive ever seen

[@louisechacon9836]

Someone speaking clearly and in full sentence makes Donnie nervous LOL

[@godonlyknows13]

Bernie Sanders is the Leader America needs. And he is the man America deserves. Bernie2020

[@beckys7876]

America will no longer exist if self-avowed communist Bernie was to somehow defeat one of the greatest presidents America has elected

[@korteyeo1696]

Agreed...and I love. We need her in the debates to push the envelope. Go Bernie Go Tulsi

[@pm3203]

The orange boy who cried wolf finally made it to ten thousand lies. Congratulations!

[@Lazarus1095]

I think that is a little unfair. One may presume that at some point there might have actually been some boy who did in fact honestly believe that he had spotted a wolf somewhere, at least at some point in time. Trump, on the other hand, never did an honest day's farming in his life!

[@tonyplow9219]

The Washington post lied 10,000 times reporting that but that's TDS FAKE NEWS! for you!

[@223Drone]

@@tonyplow9219 Like the Trump supporter that you are you can't back your claim with evidence and you can't refute any criticism made against Trump so you just call it "TDS" instead.

[@danarzechula3769]

Is there a cash prize

[@wardoc0435]

And what was it that put him over the top, past the 10,000 lies mark?! 171 lies told in one weekend! I repeat, 171 lies told in 1 weekend! Lies, half truths, misinformation, disinformation, falsehoods, lies by omission, etc are all he knows. He has not one redeeming quality. He is sickening beyond comprehension.

[@davidpar2]

How-by never leaving his basement and refusing to debate him? 😂🤣😂🤣

[@RedroomStudios]

DT: "I tell the best lies, the biggest lies, the most amazing lies... believe me!"

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

*COUGH* CNN *COUGH*

[@diydunder3377]

That would be the DNC's motto.

[@luvmibratt]

Reversed mortgage🤣🤣🤣🤣 I missed you Colbert

[@davidcwitkin6729]

The balloons didn't wanna show up for 10,000 lies worth of Nazis. LOL

[@Shelora]

“WAIT! I can explain . . . It was HILLARY! HILLARY USED UP ALL THE BALLOONS! Assange, if you’re listening, find those 30,000 missing red, white and blue balloons!”

[@giovannivella5528]

"Get rid of Trumpo !!! Trump is a lying, narcisstic weenie just like all his lackeys: Fred Flintstone- Barr and Huckabee -Sanders and Steve Miller

[@autumnmeadows4079]

Thank you for not really having balloons. Due to the fact that balloons do not recycle, we need to come up with something that is festive but eco friendly.

[@m.j.cicero276]

@Autumn Meadows: hmm... what about inflated condoms? Are they recyclable? If not, then I'm thinking we should drop lizards - many people would find that lively and invigorating, if not overly enjoyable. And then the lizards can be set free to roam the city and consume bugs. Everyone wins. Except the bugs. And the lizards who don't survive the drop. Hmm... on second thought, we probably shouldn't drop lizards. CATS!! Cats can easily survive a drop like that. And then we can round them up and drop them at the next celebration. A renewable commodity. No need to thank me.

[@greatdaneacdc]

10,000 lies ? Should have counted the times he told the truth .... less counting!

[@araceligaetamartinez7016]

Welcome back Stephen Colvert the one and only

[@gregoryashton]

You might wanna check your spelling there.

[@DarkSoulSama]

Oh, that Rommel joke was exactly the follow up I had on my mind XD

[@timothyamaraobrien]

I thought about that before I watch the show. I love these people defending Lee because he wasn't pro-slavery and Rommel because he was not a Nazi. Unbelievable. Is there missions were to support those ideologies. This whole thing about Confederates being seen as patriots in the South is so ridiculous. Ask the black people who live in the south if they consider Lee a patriot. This is just a form of white supremacy.

[@CoachingHigher]

Why isn’t Stephen more excited? He’s been waiting for this since Nov 9, as have we!

[@beatrixrotarasu3991]

Man, this aged well

[@jammyjoo1186]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN STEPHEN COLBERT!

[@no1nestandsalone387]

I think Bernie is making Trump more nervous!

[@Chris-MusicTheoryAndFretboard]

Yeah, Biden is not making Trump nervous at all!

[@cbeaucrawford]

Bernie is so far ahead the DNC is trying to stop him so they can lose the electoral vote again in 2020.

[@korteyeo1696]

Agreed. No idea what Stephen is talking about, Bernie's ads are HAMMERING Trump

[@korteyeo1696]

@@cbeaucrawford sadly true

[@terminalvelocity1412]

Delusional Socialist much, bro? Weekend at Bernie's couldn't even stand up against a woman who COULDN'T STAND UP, numbnutz! OMG!!! LMMFAO!!!

[@TunTheOfficial]

Welcome home Colbert! I missed ya ☺💙

[@angelp.5224]

Glad to have you back Stephen!

[@walterzamalis4846]

Happy 10,000th lie day Trump, and Happy 10,000th birthday Joe Biden. Lucky you both could celebrate in the same millennium together

[@AusieGamer834]

You are one of the reason I love American people.

[@g0679]

Ausie Gamer Stephen would make a fine ambassador - if we still had a State Department.

[@Himexxdollxx21]

Caravan dance 💃 plz for the one ☝🏽 time

[@NathanGreenberg]

"The Fightin' Desert Foxes" Hahahahahahaha!

[@kmaru80]

I'll take a big pass on Joe Biden. We don't need another anti Trump candidate. I want a candidate who stands on his own policies even if they are policies that Wall Street may not like. Joe is 100 Wall street approved But props to Stephen on calling out the mainstream's. 'Bernie is too old' hypocrisy

[@peacheswilliams4539]

Thinking like that is how we wound up with Trump. If who you prefer doesn't get the nomination, get behind who does. If they don't work out they can be voted out too.

[@youtubeyoutube6341]

kmaru80 🙄

[@kmaru80]

@@peacheswilliams4539 are we not talking about the primary process? Now is absolutely the right time to speak out against candidates that don't support the things you care about. As to getting Trump, the Democratic party chose their candidate long before anyone else and pushed her at every step. Americans were clamouring for something different, something that wasn't politics as usual and the DNC offered up... H. Clinton. Now I fear they are gearing up to push Hillary 2.0 in Biden. I agree with you that people should get involved in the primaries; it is the only way to get any real change in a 2 party system. But the party then has to listen and stop stacking the deck. If the party keeps worrying about finding the most 'electable' candidate, they will lose. Their track record of predicting 'electability' is not great and people are more savvy than ever. If you give them the, polished, prepackaged, politibot 6000 that comes preprogrammed with all the 'right' answers they will smell the BS and they will stay home. People who voted Trump will vote for him again. People who voted Hillary will probably vote Biden. We need new motivated voters to swing things. So yea, get involved in the primaries. Get motivated. Support the person who stands for what you care about

[@AnexoRialto]

I really want a younger person in the WH. I'm an old guy and I believe it's time for a new generation because we need someone who is going to be able to also win reelection and help keep the House from flipping in 2022. It's going to be really really difficult. And Trump's not going away in 2020 even if he loses the election.

[@SpaceForceCommander]

Trump’s 10,000 Lies - which took longer to achieve than I’d imagined!

[@g0679]

Space-Cadet David 'Spanky Bonespurs' Dennison : No one was counting the sweet nothings he’s whispered in Melania’s ear since the inauguration.

[@vartikagaur2922]

really missed you Colbert

[@InformationIsTheEdge]

Only 10,000? That's barely over 13 a day for 2 years.

[@CodeRed99911]

Those are just the lies that have been released to the public. We're still missing all the lies said while he wasn't on camera.

[@InformationIsTheEdge]

@@CodeRed99911 That is certainly true! Still, I thought the number would be higher.

[@stefanniacamero7945]

Ahhhhhh missed youuuuuu❤️❤️

[@rogue8050]

Joe Biden makes me nervous, can't blame trump on that one.

[@jsmith5212]

Would a backrub help

[@rogue8050]

@@jsmith5212 absolutely! Haha, wait... that you breathing down my neck? Nvm just Biden lol

[@edwardmaximus5439]

Where the hell have you been?! I needed some Colbert humor

[@cosmoslady]

Forget Biden. I want Bernie!!

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

TOO LATE

[@mikelouis9389]

Old bone spur Donny is afraid of a sick kitten.

[@neehaa]

Haven’t you heard, apparently he is a “young, vibrant man“

[@tonyplow9219]

Mike, Did you serve in Vietnam?

[@timduggan1962]

@@tonyplow9219 Tony Plow, did YOU serve in Vietnam? Let me guess: You are a snivelling Gen-Xer who wasn't born yet and has no idea of the sacrifices involved. AND for the record I turned 18 AFTER the fall of Saigon. So of course I did not serve in Vietnam...but Donald Duck tRumpski WAS of draft age, and used wealth and influence to LIE and evade service, coward that he is.

[@mikelouis9389]

@@tonyplow9219 I enlisted in 73 one day after I turned 18. Got stationed in the wilds of the North Carolina coast. I always took point at the Atlantic Beach clubs. The fighting was fierce but I endured. Look dumbass, I had a fucking heart murmur, flat feet and a slight curvature of the spine, but I still got in, still served and if the USAF, in their infinite wisdom decided I was better suited to be at a GATR sight then the luck of the draw was with me. But still, I served. That shit weasel dodged. Fuck him.

[@mikelouis9389]

@@timduggan1962 Tony got Plowed is a typical trumptard, all sound and fury, zero ball balls. Probably pulled a Nugent to escape......and there's another fine example of conservative badssery. All talk, zero walk.

[@baoboumusic]

I generally am not a fan of Colbert but "if Trump would have a dollar for every lie, he'd say he has a billion dollars" is the best I heard all week.

[@Herehear49]

Not a fan but you checked him out. Good for you!

[@bullrider2515]

If Joe had a dollar for every women and girl he fondled he could fund his campaign.

[@RedroomStudios]

how can you not be a fan of the best late night show host on the planet?

[@DanSk451]

@@bullrider2515 Hi Bull! Odd that those women have said they didn't feel it was sexual in nature and none have brought charges. Unlike the 19 that have brought charges against Donny for assault.

[@Lumby1]

@@DanSk451 Yeah, but that's all 'fake news' ROFL. 'A little knowledge is a dangerous thing', my dad used to say. Some people don't know enough to know what's real and what's 'fake', unfortunately.

[@BitterLime90]

Frankly I care more about affordable health care, education, and a fair wage than I do about what Trump says. So I wonder if any of Biden's policies actually fix any real issues?

[@jeremybeau8334]

NOPE, and anyone with some little inteligence is already aware that that lame ass Biden has no chance against Trump. Sanders is the only one that could fix that, but the democrat party doesnt want him cause he could trate the billionairs weatlh.

[@gatchywatchyentertainmentb2090]

Jeremy Beau Lame ass? Don’t you mean sleepy ass?

[@josiahbaker7811]

I'm really, really tired of them trying to belittle and ignore Bernie

[@hruiz3308]

Because nobody can take him seriously. He got shafted by his own party last time because of Hillary and did absolutely nothing. He's a coward. This country does not need a coward leading it.

[@edwardmitchell2613]

Bernie or bust guys we don’t need the same old establishment

[@pranav3848]

Andrew Yang.

[@katiekane5247]

Put my car sticker on yesterday. I live in an ultraconservative county in Georgia, hope I dont get shot at!

[@guyarrol9801]

Bernie or bust is a vote for Trump

[@edwardmitchell2613]

Guy Arrol well Bernie should’ve been the candidate back in 2016 anyway if the left wants to give us joe Biden I’d rather sit out than vote anyway

[@jootai]

Biden represents the old politics. It's not gonna be him.

[@SuperKing604]

Yeah i like biden but not sure he’s the guy maybe bernie

[@drcb8]

@@SuperKing604 But as long as his candidacy keeps trump nervous and distracts him from Bernie's advance it's fine by me.

[@amailman1409]

I voted for Bernie the last time and I will vote for Bernie again this time.

[@xXfrazzzXx]

SuperKing604 so you dont really care he sniffs and touches children?

[@drcb8]

@@xXfrazzzXx That is called twisting things around with hypothetical paranoid possibilities.

[@rrosaseconda]

Remember Anita Hill!

[@earuption]

I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee and thought, oh God, Trump is still president. No joke. That happened.

[@NewMessage]

He should be scared.. Donnie's base might like the idea of switching to a guy who looks like he could be selling them catheters on a FOX News commercial, instead of him... a guy who looks like he could be in a wacky discount electronics commercial during the local news.

[@thatsamore8869]

Hahahahahahahahahaha good one!

[@danarzechula3769]

Wow. You really have a way with words. And we are really in trouble...

[@xXfrazzzXx]

New Message stop it you sound like my english teacher your probably 70 yourself get ready for the Zoomer generation

[@xXfrazzzXx]

Emmett Hardie another cat lady old hater go watch the ellen show and try to lighten up

[@shenanikenz]

I’m honestly genuinely surprised Biden got that loud of an applause after his weird scandal...

[@JamesHarris-]

Hey let's not shortchange Donnie, the record of 10,000 is just for the past few years. We need to celebrate his life-time achievement totals.

[@a.e.jabbour5003]

Which, honestly, aren't that impressive. I mean, he started out with a huge donation from his dad. He cheated people right and left.

[@louisechacon9836]

What would that be? How many times Donnie signed his name on meaningless executive orders? Or how many times he tweets and golfs?

[@JamesHarris-]

@@a.e.jabbour5003 : Sorry I was being facetious. What I meant was let's recognize all the lies he has told throughout his entire life; surely well past 300,000 @ 5,000 / year x 70+ years... FYI: Someone said recently had he never gone into any business at all, and just sat on all of that New York Real Estate he would have been far wealthier than he is now. No by any measure he is a financial failure. He is also a pathetic human failure as well.

[@a.e.jabbour5003]

@@JamesHarris- I see that now. Sorry about that. I was very tired, and thinking straight. :)

[@gelmann2]

My uncle was one of the "fine people" who was protesting taking down the statute.......and he is not a racist or bigot or kkk - he respects all...he was not one of those carrying a torch. So yeah, TRUMP was right , not every Anti FA was a bad person and not every Trump supporter was a bad person. The bad ignorant people were chanting and carrying torches. But Trump was right.

[@Screenfunfacts]

Right. If you are a guy who protest the taking down of a traitor, you're not a good person. Nazi or not.