"Don't Care What Others Think" is Terrible Advice, Do This Instead

[@bi.johnathan]

If you want to learn more about social expectation can lead us astray check out my lecture series on mimetic theory: kzbin.info/www/bejne/a4LYZ6l4mseqrck If you want to understand how we can channel the desire for recognition towards positive ends check out my interview with Fred Neuhouser: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mJndmGinl72LjMk

[@NoSoulNoToll]

你今年多大, 毕老师?

[@bi.johnathan]

@@NoSoulNoToll 27，本三十了，老了

[@joehufford360]

Chap stick

[@sipay3008]

“We do not want to chase the recognition of just anyone. We want to chase the respect of people whom we respect.”

[@trwn87]

This makes much more sense and that is likely the intended message from self-help. However, it is not easy to express such abstract ideas accurately.

[@aeternaflux]

Your aim is self-defeating. Those worth respecting would not respect those who would chase the respect of people.

[@thienyetan2035]

its weird, cause the most abuse comes the from imbalance in power structure. those you respect can always deny your plea for recognition, without reason, because they just can. This unpredictability calls for self recognition, a comparison of past to present, would be more accurate i would argue. Though i may be wrong.

[@vivienchiang1660]

Seeking recognition from people who share your values, rather than just anyone. This perspective is truly helpful.

[@BSFan-c4j]

Don't you risk just creating a bubble of positive feedback? If you aim to please those who share your values then you will adjust your behaviour and views to those people which may be problematic if it turns out that your values or perspective is severely flawed.

[@SS-kg8rj]

As an older man, not in his "vivacious" years... Believe me, you can be vivacious for the rest of your life so long as you keep a curious attitude and an ability to change directions. Becomes harder when you get married, but if you choose the right partner, not so much.

[@diyEVguy]

Agreed.

[@Mary-Mar]

I live in the PNW where it is cold, dark and raining now. The sunshine of this video is warming my heart! The message is equally refreshing. I too have been part of Buddhist communities, and have found all of this to be true! Wise advice, here. Thank you!

[@jeouseth]

As a historian, I’ve studied human behavior from different time periods and I observe how humans in the modern era behave within society, but the way you explain it is so profound and fascinating, I would not be able to do so the same. Thank you for sharing these videos!!!

[@Thewhiiiterabbit]

Love your channel man. Amazing work you're doing here seriously. When you said “even if I don’t get anything of this path…” That’s money right there. I think that’s a key pillar of finding what you’re truly meant for. Definitely been on my mind lately. Your channel is going to grow. The "right" people will find it… Truth and deep connections that link truths together will never be out of style.

[@terrycondon705]

Amen 🙌

[@terrycondon705]

Loving these videos Jonathan. I Ike them because I like having philosophical chats on a walk. It feels natural and relatable to me. Plus, I find your content insanely relevant to existential challenges I feel and face. Thanks again.

[@user-dx4iy7rz2v]

With this format, your channel is going to blow up in a month!

[@raininseptember]

Your face lighting up when talking about doing philosophy warmed my heart. I never see that look anymore. Bless you

[@Jaketieslercoaching]

Love the idea, you feel like a failure even if you win vs you feel like a winner even if you fail... and the part on validation from people you respect is a good thing - Good stuff bro! SUbbed

[@HermesSoilder]

Genuinely, one of the best channels on KZbin. Greatly appreciate what you put out man. My question for you tho is, if this had never blown up would philosophy still be the virtuous thing you really desired to do for the rest of your life?

[@Alessandro-pb5eh]

Best philosophy channel on youtube hands down. Love from Italy ❤

[@victorias2399]

In simple words, you only need a recognition from people with whom you have similar values and equally you have a respect for them, and what they say / advice / suggest would be valuable to you. This is normal!

[@Flutten]

i stumbled upon this video not knowing much about philosophy at all, and now i’m going down a rabbit hole listening to all your other videos on this topic. thank you for this video, this casual more conversational format of it has helped to introduce me to a topic i might not have taken the time to explore otherwise :)

[@Icosindaba]

Thanks again Johnathan. Very crisp. You exemplify another of those rare people in society who know how to fail successfully. So much of my work as a social worker is to counsel people who think they are failures because they are not popular. However, as much as I share your love for philosophy, when it comes to the really big questions of life we must be prepared for philosophy to be "foolishness to the Greeks" - to use a line from St Paul. I think Rene Girard found himself coming back into Catholicism because the ultimate existential question is the ontological primary "Whose am I?". Not "Who am I?" as phenomenological psychologists would have as find out, but a "yielding to the sacred" as a transcendent "upsum esse subsistence". God is God's own existence or act of being. I understand and deeply empathise with anyone who cant relate to God as such, but more and more as I recline into my anecdotage, the evidence increasingly seems to stack up that in the person of Jesus, and his "re-membering" of humanity by including and transcending the Scapegoat Mechanism, our vocation in life comes to fruition. But it only works if the motive is love, rather than fear or envy. The Christian church and religion in general have not shown that very well through the centuries, and are as much riddled with mimetic rivalry as any other social institution. But "our hearts are restless until they rest in you" as St Augustine of Hippo confessed. Perhaps you can do a chat responding to this?

[@riceball5511]

I like these ad hoc style videos a lot. It will be really cool to see them all build up into a culminating lecture.

[@nathanb3134]

Wow. Wow. Wow. Your whole channel is a gift. Every piece is filled with wisdom and warmth. The fact you film this piece in public in testament to your argument is very smart. I have a feeling I will follow your work and ideas for a long time to come!

[@ANoirsurblanc]

I like your work. Your efforts have my recognition. Keep up the good work.

[@JN-bg9vu]

Johnathan, please do more vids similar to this. it's refreshing and kinda relaxing compared to ur other vids ofc. I still like all of them.

[@adamzaczek6342]

Hey man, my journey is somewhat a mirror of yours. I ended up as a tech founder in my late 20s and I love it. I failed 3 times with different ideas but I managed to keep paying salaries for my 6 person team. Now it seems like we might just make it. Even if we won't I will have no regrets bacause that’s how I want to live my early 30s. Loved the video!

[@thetaingsto]

Your channel is a valuable gem I found in 2024. Especially your take on Nietzsche and Rousseau shook my world. I'm excited for more of your work in 2025!

[@arbitraryostrich]

Making my way through your videos recently, great work many thanks.

[@TheDoubleMvp]

Man, I know so many people who need to hear this. I arrived to very similar conclusions as you have a few years ago, and coming to terms with my own imperfections was very enlightening. Now, I’ve almost become hyper-aware of how others embody the very traits you describe, and can only hope they too take time to evaluate their own behavior and way of thinking :)

[@nathanb3134]

6:40 goosebumps. I feel the natural social expectations I’ve have been lead are similar to yours. Never thought that I am maybe into philosophy but I’ve never felt so exited about some of the topics you discuss. Things that I’m unable to discuss in my environment.

[@benbusinovski2937]

Glad to see this format. Authentic and direct to audience is the future. Universities will become legacy institutions.

[@jamm_affinity]

Although it appears as not caring what other people think, I think that what drives this desire stems also from an imbalance in the weight given to external recognition vs internal recognition. When we value the opinions of others more than ourselves, there’s eventually a tipping point. The “I don’t care what anyone thinks” is the counter measure and a temporary rebalancing in my view. Yes, external recognition is important, but intrinsically recognizing yourself and giving your own opinions and values the weight that they deserve is more important.

[@AaronSmith-u6r]

Ayn Rand's book The Fountainhead is all about this issue. That book led me down a path to become a professional philosopher. I eventually left academia and I now teach philosophy at the Ayn Rand Institute in California. LMK if you'd like to chat. :)

[@GlitchInTheSkatricks]

I care a lot about what you think, brother. Thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work 🙏❤️

[@poplionandrew5803]

Beautiful Blue Round Bound, love those scenary as you are sharing your concept of Right Respect - affirm onself, seeking recognition & value others. Cheers, yeah!

[@Inks_Thinks]

This guy deserves a much larger following

[@hvitis]

Joseph Campbell's PBS interview: "sometimes their eyes open and the face lights up". This video is a good example of that quote.

[@jean_hirtz]

Extremely important video. This is insanely valuable.

[@CalebM-r3k]

Nice video but i think the reason for not caring what other people say about you is not for recognition as people who don't care about whT people say about them but as people who do what they do or love doing without validation from others or appreciation.✅ remembered this from an instance in my life similar to that of ours

[@Patrick-lm6nk]

Well done, Johnathan. Well done.

[@djparn007]

Thank you, Jonathan. 👍

[@tyata.1999]

I have been juggling with this same idea for past few days while reading the courage to be disliked which is based on Adlerian psychology, and there was chapters directly stating "deny the need for recognition". Here is the thing, would you consider recognition even from those who you respect an ends in themselves? That's the part which stumbles me. As of now I think recognition should only be recognized as a reward. I think Aristotle said the same thing about "honor", that we shouldn't pursue it not as end it itself but a reward of good deeds. Maslow's hierarchy of needs also echoes the same idea, after the self esteem needs there is "self actualization" which is devoting yourself to a bigger cause rather than oneself. The problem with recognition is it lies under the self esteem needs and one can never get enough of it, so it can feel like a hamster wheel of pursuit. So for eg, in a hypothetical scenario, if a scientist had an option to make a groundbreaking discoveries in physics but it wouldn't give him much recognition and another option of ordinary discoveries but would gain a lot of recognition, which one should he choose? Idk would love to hear more thoughts on this. Btw I am from Nepal. love your content and interviews man, keep sharing.

[@mrmoeezali]

This walk and talk is the trend, definitely! But I would rather have the talking head videos. The thoughts are raw but also distracted. Much love Moiz Ali

[@vt7629]

Well spoken brother !

[@anitamaniriho1175]

you spoke beautifully

[@LouisLuzuka]

Much love from surrey bc, I subbed when I heard Vancouver 😮

[@concertoinx9070]

This is sorta tangential, but I think it's worth saying, especially if other people can relate. I have a personal hypothesis, that it's natural for a human being to learn by first establishing 2 polar opposites, then zig-zagging their way into a more moderate and nuanced solution, kind of like searching for a word in a physical dictionary. For example, you conformed as a young adult with the startup, failed, then went the completely opposite direction: IDGAF. It was only when that failed too that you were forced to analyze and try to "git-merge" the benefits of each polar opposite into a more mature mantra/philosophy/solution. This happens often in my own life too, not just about caring what others think, but also regarding various politics in different environments, my own educational goals, my relations with parents, etc. I now believe setting up two polar opposites are just part of the learning process, even if they are ultimately inaccurate and should be moved on from. In that regard, I believe you should not be upset at yourself for believing the advice of "don't care what others think" itself, even if it is still bad advice. Not that I'm certain you are upset. Is it possible to break free from this forming of polar opposites when you learn new behaviors or beliefs?

[@diyEVguy]

Well written. Git-merge 😂

[@aeternaflux]

There is no healthy way to pursue external validation. Only self-affirmation, an outpouring of love for oneself-pride-is healthy. Seeking validation from others is for the weak, world-weary, and stupid. The mediocre. The common. The humble. The herd. Thus I demand of you: overcome yourself! Weakling! Wretch! Dolt! How close are you to the heights? How far? Do not stop at just morality like Leiter has! Attack the foundation! We are not meant to harmonize! We are meant to be at odds with eachother! Our strife IS our harmony!

[@booktalk8812]

Love it!!! Keep going!🔥

[@danielbalgobin3115]

When you have a community that's too alike where everyone already understands each other then doesn't communicating becomes useless at some point if they're not working on creating new things (that helps people) or for lack of a better term converting more people into the community. This is really big because with world becoming more and more fragmented everyday, we risk becoming a cult.

[@Icosindaba]

Good point. Paradoxically I feel most comfortable in groups where everyone does not look too much like me. My own vocation has been hugely shaped by going counter to the norms, values and principles of my particular demographic, and going to people on the margins of society. Sustaining that orientation is impossible without something transcendent. Few find it desirable to imitate. But once you are there, one finds exactly the sort of kindred spirits to sustain one. However in such communities, the risk of becoming cultish is mitigated by the extent to which they tolerate and even welcome conflict, but have evolved ways of dissolving/resolving the conflict without going to war with each other. For me it is about sacramental observance and good liturgy.

[@MrJsourouh]

Great video. Appreciate you sharing your experiences.

[@WilliamDurrant-ll8xy]

I don't think that when people say that they mean literal indifference to how one is perceived as you're assuming, but more so overcoming fear of judgement. Those are different things

[@GlitchInTheSkatricks]

Depends on who’s saying it. You’re generalizing in the exact same way that you think that he’s generalizing. Each person has a different perspective and worldview. One person may literally mean not caring what people think AT ALL, while someone else may approach it more practically in a balanced way. There’s no telling what someone actually means when they say it unless they elaborate

[@hvitis]

I often think what desire Girard had. The curiosity derives from the fact that I want to have the same desire!

[@2009kedia]

More of this video format please!

[@duodecimalbear]

You're a wise young man!

[@c100300]

This is way better than the levitation thing

[@asi69420]

love this format of videos

[@tallefjant]

Where is this? Looks so calm and peaceful! Miami? Singapore? The opposite of Scandinavian weather this time of year

[@guilhermemeloadv]

loved the video and the existential/psychological message at the same I was scared of the cyclists almost running over you lol

[@erosamuk]

honey, i love the sound of your high heels. 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[@nurgahaditia]

Crystal clear, ty for insight that you bring to the table, next question is; why the idea of "PRIMA CAUSA" made the universe as we know (now) and our experience (with morality/compiler of value) as learing module that been part of everyone narative? 🤔 Happy adventure... #justupidea... ✌️😁

[@dialogos585]

Excellent! Have you ever read Keith Johnstone? The idea of 'status play' seems well fit with Girard and the nature of all creatures to play with hierarchies. Finite and Infinite Games by Robert P Carse is also a playful model for all this too.

[@rampantknight]

What about confirmation bias?, if you just get recognition from people who share values and think similar to yourself, isnt everyone in that group in a bubble in a way? Isn't outside perspective from groups outside of the ones that have your perspective and values also important for different perspectives , insights, and growth?

[@carlumaliv]

You have to share what camera you are using, these are some really smooth footage.

[@murranz]

Interesting Thanks

[@karileadomaviciute5113]

Ah, love to see some healthy content online🌱

[@sandeepsahu8743]

You are the kind of guy friend i want to be with but can't find. Mindfull, energetic, smart, looking good and can have open conversation on different topics. SUSBSCRIBED BRO!

[@usernamesmike]

Thanks for the video I enjoyed it, I think however viewing the soul as the source for desiring praise is invalid. I think that is more of a mixture of will to power and ego. The soul is the part of you that has some connection to the higher existences. The divine spark within 🔥

[@ashishpandey8309]

Love this, incredible.

[@TheDoomWizard]

Miami will be underwater by 2050

[@saidbakhtiyorov7599]

Brother, love your lectures!! Can I please know where you’re based?

[@bi.johnathan]

new york!

[@lilgarbagedisposal9141]

Excellent video.

[@AntonioHoffert]

Johnathan, an intelectual admirer here. Can you share the gimbal or camera support equipment you are using?

[@bi.johnathan]

osmos pocket 3

[@NumbuhONE]

Thank you for the insight. Question: If the opportunity ever arose, would you be interested in a board position as Chief Philosopher in an AI startup? 🧐

[@gojira2892]

Love the video and your content in general! I don't want to seem like an ingrate, I offer this (hopefully constructive) criticism in the hopes that it will add to the success of your channel. Consider wearing tennis/running shoes when filming these. It sounds like you're wearing dress shoes/boots with a hard sole and when listening through ear buds, which many people will be doing, it's distracting/annoying. Again, I hope you read this knowing my intent is to help the channel, not be a whiner.

[@InfernoG-or4s]

Not bad advice. Not caring what others have to say merely means ignoring people who criticize your convictions especially when it's going to benefit you. As someone who lost a lot of weight i had to stop caring if other people were laughing at me in the gym. Look at me now man!!

[@gaurishorupadhayaya1529]

Come to Nepal again . we will meditate together in the Himalayas.😂

[@nithin1644]

Could not focus properly due to the shoe noise

[@bnjmz]

Thought-provoking content. One shallow complaint / request: wear quieter shoes next time. XD

[@ikinglopez749]

I see the value of being recognized by others in terms of activities we intrinsically enjoy. But the discourse of 'chasing/winning' recognition from others, even those we respect still seems problematic and at odds with a healthy self-esteem. Maybe the relationship can be framed differently, like recognition as reaffirmation (implying you already know it) rather than external validation (implying you are seeking from others what you can from yourself).

[@alexsem490]

Jonathan, can you explain what your parents did/do for a living and how you've managed to do a 'tech startup' without any technical skills and what social circle you grew up around where that is 'normal' behaviour. You sound like Sam Harris - born to a rich parent going around lecturing people on how to live a good life (meditation in his case) without ever mentioning that actually, I was born rich so I don't know anything about the lives of people who work for a living.

[@maronglaze6529]

Great sweaty

[@life-mn5qf]

I love philosophy, I can't care what people think about me, I dropout university, I took admissions an other uni, graduate, now I Ms student but my inner voice can't stop laughing my decisions, fall extremely nihilist thoughs, now think I lost myself, I'm 32 still confused what I'm doing, nothing

[@NoSoulNoToll]

Go back to school and learn some basic grammar.

[@sifisomahlangu3986]

Jonathan you are my friend

[@DemandPad]

Most people who say they don’t care really do, so to use them as a basis for your argument makes no sense.

[@SpokQing]

Does seeking recognition via this means distract your original personality unto wanting to be someone else?

[@coffeedoggy99]

Bahhhh bahhhhh welcome to Miami, I'm going to Miami. You need some loafers for Miami my philosophical dog.

[@AB-kg5qk]

It's lie down, not lay down.

[@DC-uc4sh]

Sure, extreme reactions can reproduce what you're trying to suppress. But you can still scale back caring what other others think without the effects you're talking about.

[@brandonchin7713]

based sigma

[@gnomemarv]

Putting your validation into external things, which is volatile and untrustworthy, is a setup for failure. This topic is really not that deep.

[@MrEast900]

Jonathon following mimetics by copying the style of other Asian KZbinrs who walk and talk which previously was drive and talk. One thing became clear from this is the Girard series was him reading a script as you can tell the difference when he speaks extemporaneously

[@diyEVguy]

Yeah pros and cons to both approaches.

[@UlkuTuncerKucuktas]

Another banger

[@accnhu]

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, as well as other titles.

[@patrickmarshall6594]

Not caring what others think and being completely free just sounds like late stage teenager mentality. Directly to the video creator, I think there are overarching points to a lot of this, and there are so many possible realizations that after a while it becomes distractions.

[@j.l.w9563]

That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Your peers I am sure have their own answers, and we don't desire to be seen by our peers as though they were fans, they don't have to like and agree with all our output. We desire sometimes to be a worthy opponent. Someone of equivalent stature, to the people we admire. The people that it matters if you make a good impression on are the people that may benefit from it. If a lot of people benefit, your income and social status will rise and you will be seen in a positive light amongst those in your social status - for the status itself not from the original ideas. This means that you are noticed by the "tribe" so to speak as having value.

[@C17HNO]

This video has been a long time coming. Jonathan did a great job. I think people generally fall in 2 groups of coping and not caring what other think, or other people who are disturbed with the faults not caring can create. Jonathan found a middle ground in how to not lose one's head on either side of caring. He generally seems to be healthy and in good spirits to naturally gravitate towards caring. Although everyone will have some disagreements, this is a much smoother way to operate with sympathy for ourselves and those around us even if people come from vastly different viewpoints or have different goals. Sympathy can be described as a disease in rigorous efforts, but we need people to care so we have a healthy cooperative society where the most people's needs can be met. I mostly am on your side of caring due to circumstances but I have also tweaked my approach after negative interactions with people on the same and other side of the coin.

[@Diomedes99]

But what if you really don’t care that much what the majority of people think about you? I find people to be exhausting.

[@conlawmeateater8792]

You didn't understand the video

[@jol166]

handsome ❤❤❤❤

[@John-dx8lt]

Yikes

[@aleksandar2046]

That's fine, but are you single? I can hold a philosophical conversation, just saying...

[@a_shf42]

You’re so handsome

[@normanchan2001]

I think you are confused about life and it seems your reliance on philosophy is keeping you from understanding what is most fundamental, .....yourself.

[@NoSoulNoToll]

你今年多大, 毕老师?

[@adentroelviento]

I can't here you properly because of your footsteps 😢

[@BerserkerYojimbo]

He's a peripatetic horse.

[@davidlcaldwell]

Johnathan reaffirmed my realization that academia is a giant circle jerk. Johnathan needs to get a real job, maybe become a carpenter or a plumber.