If Noah's Ark Happened in 2022

"We're being boycotted for deforestation, PETA is furious, OSHA violations left and right, people are protesting us for not including trans animals...it's been exhausting." - Noah, if the ark story took place in 2022.
John Crist is standup comedian. For more more live tour dates, bio and more information visit www.johncristcomedy.com

[@theshypersistence]

Can we appreciate his dedication for building an ark just for this skit?

[@juicerbythedozen1083]

ur trying to trigger me

[@squirrelydan3]

I want to visit but it's about 4 hours away from me (I think).

[@richardmahn7589]

ALL CGI! ALL! NO ONE HAS EVER BUILT AN ARK MUSEUM. EVER. :)

[@shiminowind]

@@richardmahn7589 joking right? This is real and it is a themepark in kentucky Called "Ark Encounter" And there has been several other life sized replicas of the biblical vessel in the past and more to come

[@meg-jesuswins-pro-life3506]

ago @Richard Mahn it’s not CGI… i visited the Ark Encounter in Kentucky and it was amazing. definitely wasn’t fake.

[@Guadyco]

The fact that he actually got close to the kangaroo and was talking to him made it so much more hilarious! 😂😂

[@klo5126]

Here in Australia, it’s the roo 🦘 that goes near to humans! Lol 😆

[@Anonymous-km5pj]

roo was chillaxed about it.... love it....

[@jenmack9566]

It's a petting zoo 😅

[@nicolewalker6894]

Also came to comment on the kangaroo. 😂

[@julireid9574]

At the Ark encounter (where this was filmed) the zoo is what you saw. The roo’s are out on the grass and no barriers between you and them.

[@coffeeshopgirl]

"I have a 40 day forecast and it's like Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain" that's gold! 🤣

[@Tinyfurball]

The thing is, it won't rain Water again. God will use Fire and cast the wicked into a Furnace. In other words, he'll roast them. That's why, you must Repent.

[@hadyrome5574]

Sounds like Pacific NW.

[@annieseaside]

Seattle & Scotland can’t stop laughing!!!

[@ameliajones3636]

I lost it when the Amish guys walked by. “If anyone knows how to build, it’s the Amish.” “Me, Hedekiah and Zachariah built it.” 😂

[@crownedmelaninqueen]

Same !

[@Ax.DaEdge]

😂😂😂😂😂 Just as I read your comment, he literally was saying this.

[@theresagomez2605]

That was good!😅

[@ceddyhofer14]

​@@kelseyyoder2108I bet they're Hutterites.

[@vanessajanik4623]

“We need a non binary.” “I don’t know why y’all are out here looking at this ark, none of y’all are gonna be on it.” 💀😂

[@dangiesbrecht1529]

He identifies as black as a black furry transgender.

[@skinkly]

True 🤣

[@ceasar7830]

The stories are not Christian stories exclusively

[@dragoh7102]

@@ceasar7830 they are

[@pamelanelson4817]

FYI: The ark was a one time thing. Read your Bible. You will enjoy it. God bless you!

[@angelabrennan2271]

In all seriousness I was on that ark the day it opened. A huge storm rolled in with 60mph winds and the staff locked the doors and told us to shelter in place. It was quite surreal. When we were finally allowed to leave it was still pouring rain outside. We had to purchase plastic make shift rain coats in the gift shop in order to leave. 🤣

[@honesttruth986]

That is the truly immersive experience lol

[@markgreene6349]

The best part was the ark was damaged by water !!!it's supposed to withstand a flood !talk about irony...😆

[@grapeven2895]

So animal crossing? 😂

[@KimiCruz]

That's so legendary, sign from God yo

[@FamilyFlippers]

Seriously? If true that is funny.

[@an1539]

I love this! Your roots of Christian/biblical comedy is where you shine! More of that please!

[@PettyPaigetastic]

Completely agree! He is great at Christian comedy

[@k33k33]

@It's not looking good what

[@monke2457]

@It's not looking good he is Christian

[@tommyl5319]

Ha, I agree it's hilarious, witty, and inspired by Christian themes and stories, but if we're being real, it's not really that "Christian"

[@djsherrard8904]

Yes! More, please!

[@GloriaW888]

The more you meet people, the more you understand why Noah took animals instead of humans.

[@LC-fq4cv]

Exactly

[@kimbuoy1]

Animals followed God's cautionary instruction while human beings mocked it.

[@omairkhan9167]

Yeah humans didn't took god's warnings seriously!!!

[@DIDisguise77]

True!!!

[@narutohuntmendemon6354]

God's warning through another human and not himself

[@angie7164]

Absolutely hilarious. I've never seen someone so uncomfortable in work gloves

[@MrGlendonwagler]

😂😂😂

[@RJ-mw2gw]

Lol. Kinda looks like Mickey Mouse hands.

[@jeanbean1390]

You can tell those gloves have not been used. Like a new pair of white tennis shoes.

[@millmill67]

All the hand gestures seem awkward in gloves for some reason 😂

[@angie7164]

@@millmill67 yes, that maybe it

[@benmontey3438]

"Doppler 40-day forecast" that was clever 😂

[@JDRusse11]

John you’re looking pretty good after taking 120 years to build that ark 🚢

[@denischabriddell986]

Exactly 👏🏼 😆 🤣

[@eviea6897]

Food for thought..His 3 sons and 3 daughters' in-law were responsible for repopulating the earth after the flood, which means, Noah's grandkids married and procreated with siblings or first cousins. Then their offspring procreated with siblings or second cousins, or first cousins/aunt,uncle combinations...Then, for the first 4 or 5 or 6 generations, you get more of the twice removed, three times over stuff and it gets really confusing before becoming more of a spreading tree. We're all Noah's greatX1,000 grandkids.

[@ebenezeramare1]

@@eviea6897 most have agreed that great flood was only mesopotamia

[@Bugsy0333]

@@imperatorxz Just don't tell us prove it ok ?

[@ClassicAudiobooksInspirations]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@smallsavage1297]

When I first went to the Ark, it literally started raining right when we got there, and I was like "ooh, is this a sign? 😬"

[@gina8652]

As someone who's ex-Amish, I appreciated you putting them in the video and the commentary 🤣

[@margaretqueenofscots9450]

Yep, me too 😁

[@rumblebird9888]

Don’t forget to eat your veggies, especially carrots

[@cjlive5182]

I want to be neo Amish

[@gina8652]

@No Worries It's has it's interesting and challenging parts about it 😅 All of it is normal for me. My parents, grandparents and 6 out of 10 siblings are still Amish so being around the community is still very normal for me. Although there was a lot of disappointment with my decision to leave, there's been "acceptance" to a degree and we now all spend time together on a regular basis 💕 I wouldn't change my upbringing, but you definitely know and see things the rest of the world doesn't know about haha

[@duckymomo7935]

What’s wrong with being Amish? Can’t you be Amish without being Amish-Mennonite?

[@caramia4483]

😂😂 But seriously, that must have been mad hard for Noah to get all those animals to comply 😅

[@mariannehanna8071]

Hahah the animals actually came to him in 2 by 2 :)

[@caramia4483]

@@mariannehanna8071 😮 I had to do some quick research just now to confirm…I never knew that!! But makes so much more sense 😂 🙏🏽

[@mariannehanna8071]

@@caramia4483 Yh it made so much more sense to me too hahah

[@aprillsloof8542]

With God all things are possible 😁

[@LukeMaps]

@@mariannehanna8071 👌The clean animals came in sevens, unclean by twos🐷🐷. (School House Rock really disappointed in that respect, but I suppose the sevens table is not "Elementary, my dear." Great song, though! 😊🎵)

[@martinhughes2637]

“A new gender reveal gone wrong every day…” Oh my gosh got me laughing so hard!!

[@AP-qr8en]

Noah: “I’m going to bring 2 of each animal, one for both genders” Twitter:

[@rfe8nn2]

Noah never heard of non-binary and the many genders the left pushes.

[@jrcook927]

Would've loved to see you shopping at Home Depot for a tape measure that measures in cubits! LOL

[@jlwwillis]

Hilarious

[@iieshacarter]

Yes!! My ears were itching for that! 😉🤣

[@LukeMaps]

I need one of those because sometimes I'm too lazy to hold out my arm to measure elbow to fingertip. 😂Also, I doubt the accuracy of my own cubit because I have longer-than-average arms.🙋‍♂️ Then again, perhaps people were taller (and hence had longer cubits) before The Flood since many people lived to be more than 900.

[@emilymenjivar6138]

🤣

[@imageisn0thing]

😂😂😂

[@AprilGodsPrincess]

"6 feet apart! 6 feet apart!!" 😂😂😂😂

[@jnbplaysgames]

2:25 fun fact: there's no indigo in the LGBT rainbow (6 colors), so that's God's _legit_ covenant rainbow (7 colors, representing completeness e.g. 7 days in a week)

[@Tara-cv2kz]

oooh cool. if I ever need to paint a rainbow, I’ll be sure to include indigo

[@luzrivera1353]

Interesting 🤔 I didn't notice that

[@xg6hpyk]

I heard there is no indigo in the LGBT flag because flag manufacturers didn't have that particular color material to a put into the flags they made, so it was left out

[@-.Ren_Ren.-]

FACT

[@michaela.754]

6... that checks out

[@whoislenka]

I'm a Christian and I love this video, it's very funny and I appreciate your knowledge of the Bible. I'm very glad that God has created you, He has wonderful sense of humor. God bless you🙏🏻❤

[@tabzhodge3509]

Consensually inviting the animals 🤣🤣🤣 I'm dead ☠️☠️☠️

[@PerkyBird]

This is so funny as someone who’s actually visited the Ark Encounter and noticed some of the same things!

[@nicolehish]

Haha I have it’s great

[@SRose-vp6ew]

Who built the Ark? Ken Ham, Ken Ham. Who built the Ark, father Ken Ham built the Ark. Yep, I bet Ken Ham fought for the pumping of 2022 guest sewage right out the top of the ark vent system for a more authentic Ark bathroom experience, but lost on that one and a few other things. In all seriousness get a 3 day pass and plan on staying 4 days in the area. Pay extra for the VR that a 3rd party helped bring in and enjoy all the free animal encounter classes making sure to sit in the front row and stay after to talk to the zoologists and handlers. Answers TV is also only 3.33 a month and has all their DVDs.

[@thedoctor4637]

It’s amazing. I’ve been twice for an event. Hoping to go again this year!

[@jenmack9566]

The ark encounter is amazing!

[@alewisscott]

I agree with Perky Bird. My family and I visited the Ark Encounter and it's so neat to see how John put a humorous spin on different parts of the exhibit. Great video!

[@EM-sz4hk]

Your Christian humor is the greatest please keep it up!!!

[@Danny451]

"Christians" are hilarious.

[@inspiringbuilds]

Hilarious and accurate at the same time! I lost it when talking to the kangaroo. 😂

[@chrisjan1703]

Apart from saying they need to keep the animals safe for 40 days. It rained for 40 but they were on the ark waiting for the waters to subside for approximately a year. Still a funny video

[@jmckendry84]

Accurate, as in every single popular culture war straw man was methodically ticked off (non binary! Trans! LGBT! Animal rights activists! Health and safety! Tik Tok! Influencers! Social distancing!) John's a funny guy but he knows what buttons his audience wants pushed and religiously (pun intended) sticks to that.

[@annamanz7652]

Hi. I agree John is funny, but there’s not need to argue with the whole comment section

[@TeachersOnFire]

Noah is so woke it hurts! I was waiting for you to be spotted by tourists ... thanks for including the outtake at the end.

[@ashleyshenk7948]

"I am not part of the exhibit!" So glad you kept that in. lol

[@Julian_Bertsch]

"We need a nonbinary animal" and the part where he tried to convince the cangoroo were hilarious 😂😂

[@angelaporto5753]

This is one of the best John Crist videos I’ve seen in a long time! Love it! Keep up the good work bro 😎

[@susansmith493]

The Portland show was my fave, by far. Funny as usual and BRAVE!!

[@nvae7252]

He came ᑭᖇᗴᑭᗩᖇᗴᗪ with the outfit 💀😂😂

[@emilycashman8191]

i love how an Amish guy walked by and looked at you when you said "it's Amish people" hahaha

[@rustysworldofentertainment850]

I'd imagine the sabre-tooth Alaskan parrot would have survived most situations, so it probably didn't need the Ark anyway.

[@susanfanning9480]

Brilliant!! I so very much appreciate this interpretation of Noah's dilemma for today's challenges. It's funny but true.

[@doncomputer5931]

Noah didn't build an ark, he waterproofed his house and put his farm animals in it so when the flood basin filled with water he could float to the Arabian peninsula on his makeshift houseboat. Fairly decent woodworking probably went into it, but It can't be verified since The remains have most likely long since decayed into dirt.

[@Chococat_Ariana]

@2:43 Me, Hezekiah, and Zachariah built the thing 🤣🤣🤣

[@firecrackerninja08]

The part with the Amish dudes made me die laughing

[@Rosie_C]

Me, too! Hey, they’re good!

[@garyherndon4722]

R.I.P.

[@JonesDi77]

John’s brain is a national treasure. I couldn’t, in a million years, think up this stuff. Too funny

[@lukesams3349]

Pepsi machines on the Ark, because product placement is exactly how to fund your large boat project

[@reds0l0cup50]

"Doppler 40 Day Forecast" is GOLD

[@awcrosby]

@2:14... Doppler 40 day forecast... Rain... Rain... Rain... Rain... I love this "2022" rendition of Noah's Ark!!!

[@amycarter8497]

“But I’ve been watching Joe Rogan and he’s given me a lot of carpentry tips…” 😂🤣

[@grantsiders1680]

"can we get these sprinklers turned off" 🤣

[@debijacobson8822]

I'm dying! You forgot emotional support tea cup dogs

[@lanngunn6512]

That wld have been perfect!

[@A.N.G.3.L.A]

Its so good to have you back John Crist. More grace for more

[@tammyhagger9791]

The gloves: I couldn't take my eyes off them...they remind me of Psalty the Singing Hymn Book.😂

[@Silver-cl2bd]

The Amish bit had me cracking up!

[@BigfootBreaks]

“I do have Doppler 40 day forecast and it’s just rain, rain, rain.”

[@Lady_ETHNE]

Imagine if the ark had wifi though... Noah: "Son, I need you to feed the giraffes" Japheth: "Not now Dad I'm watching Avatar the last airbender!"

[@anyanyanyanyanyany3551]

Replace ATLA with Steven Universe and you have the perfect progressive 2022 Ark.

[@natasharostova5186]

love all the satire John! Thank you for this piece!😆

[@sreace723]

The Saber Tooth Alaskan Parrot 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@stephaniesnider8386]

Dead . This is gold. I love when he puts the commentary in when someone recognizes him! Pure joy and honesty happy to be un-canceled Lolol

[@pinkdryad]

This was amazing! I've been to the Ark a couple times, so seeing it from this perspective is hilarious! Great job!

[@doolyxsanchez]

You're channel no doubt is gonna soar. You're hilarious, and so much more polished than alot of other youtube comedy channels

[@chattphotos]

Peta has been out here repeta'dly... We'll just not be able to get the saber-toothed Alaskan parrot

[@ginamcgrew9955]

"Concentual" gathering of animals🤣 plus, John's hand gestures with the white gloves...the BEST!

[@cjlive5182]

He’s ready to land planes!

[@ginamcgrew9955]

@@cjlive5182 it's my favorite thing about him 🤣

[@NellYoungling]

Him begging the kangaroo to get on the boat was great. 😂

[@irenenzioka4570]

"We need some nonbinary animals " 😂😂😂😂

[@StephanieBogart]

This was hilarious!!!! I’m gonna watch again 😂

[@banjopawmaville6736]

What do you mean you weren’t part of the exhibit??? You were playing the Biblically accurate Noah!!!

[@oldsoul1765]

At 1:39 that kid was zooming

[@patricianaughton9702]

Funny, creative and awesome as always - enjoy all of your skits and your amazing wit!

[@mira85jc1]

Hezekiah and Zechariah … 😂😂😂 hilarious

[@lauriedonaway6523]

Great video! …”we need a mental health day.” 😂 1:20

[@LetJesusTouchUrLife]

My dog just passed away three hours ago and I am heart-broken. I can’t sleep right now. I needed a laugh so I started watching his videos. The 40-day forecast part got me 😂🤣🤣 Thanks brother.

[@charlottesmom]

(((hugs))) I hope you are healing, losing a beloved pet is very very difficult! 😢

[@earlymorningtwilight9119]

So sorry for your loss. Our pets are a true gift.

[@LetJesusTouchUrLife]

Thank you@@earlymorningtwilight9119yes they are. I miss him so much. A reflection of God's love indeed.

[@karamayernik28]

I love how there is a full 4 mins. Very well done, as always.

[@svelez8399]

Rofl, John Crist is a genius! Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard!!!!

[@drewwhitehead6567]

That was great, thanks John !!! Loved the weather forecast.

[@mackenziemohnacky7465]

Sabertooth Alaskan Parrot...🤣 You're creative, John. This was amazing.

[@sharonjohnson8423]

So funny!! Love you John. Keep ‘em coming!! :)

[@dangleesak1026]

You never disappoint 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@clintmiller23]

Those amish dudes were definitely within ear shot Hahaha

[@gypsyrubbertramps3487]

You are hysterical and I love how you put together your humor!!!👌👌👌👌👌

[@NicoleOlivia]

You made this skit WORK 😂. I appreciate it.

[@rumblebird9888]

2:27 surprised that you didn’t mention that the rainbow 🌈 is a symbol of God’s promise to Noah so that he wouldn’t destroy the Earth with a flood again

[@longllamas]

That's the joke. Obviously Noah would not think the rainbow was a pride symbol

[@Tara-cv2kz]

but I dont think Noah knew about the rainbow until after the flood?

[@eviea6897]

@@Tara-cv2kz It didn't appear till after the flood

[@dustinclouse6888]

Wait, theres still people that believe this actually happened? 😂😂😂

[@eds10blue79]

@@dustinclouse6888 Yes

[@timspenser559]

Best comedy version of Noah's Ark since Bill Cosby.

[@laurabeane8862]

"RIIIGHT!"😆👍

[@samantham3967]

You cracked me up. Haha! Our family visited the Ark in May on our way down to Florida and it was by far my favorite place we visited on our trip. It was fascinating. I could have spent days there if it wasn’t for our kids. Lol

[@miat8264]

I need 40 days and 40 nights more of this.

[@jackn5581]

John you're awesome. I can really appreciate how your brain works. Funny stuff brother!

[@brycekennedy5935]

"We gotta put this rainbow up here for pride month. We gotta be inclusive and everything" 😂😂💀

[@alyshamorris6275]

“I mean none of y’all are gonna be on it” that was hilariously intense 😮

[@katie7674]

This is hilarious 😆🔥 I heard about it on your podcast and could not wait to see it.

[@tiffyb364]

It’s insane how we’re all descendants of Noah and his family 😭❤️

[@killhannaah]

This is hilarious, man. And to hear the background story on the podcast is just an added layer!!

[@Mindgoop]

hahahaha that was fantastic thank you for cheering up my day! x😆😍

[@ahilbilyredneksopinion]

I haven't Laffed this hard all year.THANK YOU SIR!!!!!

[@1maripaul]

Dude! SO funny!!! Love what you do💖

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Loved that museum! It was fun whilst on a road trip. Also saw for the first time a lot of Amish folk. Wanted to ask them questions but I didn’t, cause I’ve been told not to. I know it’s not always the case but idk. 🤷‍♀️ Love seeing him do more of these types of videos!

[@godsgirl7201]

I was just thinking this morning Noah was the first engineer to make a model cruise ship

[@l82theparty4]

Just listened to your podcast about this!!! I couldn’t wait! 👍🏼👍🏼U R the best!

[@tgrishim5379]

This dude humor is on a whole nutha level.. Salute!!

[@billybob-wx2re]

you know john crist gonna get recognized at the ark encounter

[@carolinelvsewe]

Always the best. Love your podcast!

[@bolotabr12]

Thanks for sharing this video. You’ve made my day! 👍

[@lorimills7372]

Those gloves are lookin pretty new there John. 😂😂 I bet Hezekiah and Zachariah’s gloves are well broken in. Gotta love those Amish. 😆. Truthfully though, I hope you enjoyed your time here in northern Kentucky!

[@WindyRidgeTrapper]

This is funny stuff man! Love the wise crack about the passing Amish fellas.

[@stressedtaco]

my goodness... we were here a day after this was filmed. beautiful construction, exquisite work. amazing. also, i love all your videos.

[@kellyblade5744]

Thanks, John! This is so GREAT!!! Love the gloves!

[@anyanyanyanyanyany3551]

I know you're just joking about building codes, but restrictive building codes and regulations make housing much more expensive than it has to. People talk about affordable housing without mentioning that unnecessary regulations and codes make them much more expensive to build in the first place.

[@DankusMemicus]

In Ontario, Canada, it takes roughly 2 years to approve new building construction... no reason it should take so long. Some regulation is understandable, but not to this extent.

[@jacquestuber628]

@Naruto Uzumaki is there no middle ground with where we can acknowledge that current restrictions are too restrictive?

[@dfwridinglessons]

Actually the Chinese company Blackrock has been swooping in to buy houses at 20% above cost to deliberately hype up the prices to keep them unaffordable for families. This in my opinion is what needs to be outlawed. I’m pretty certain it won’t be for the lobbying money alone would stop.

[@blue8093]

This is hysterical! I loved it! Man, you did it well! Hats off.

[@tinabanst378]

One of John's best for sure!

[@majusaret9443]

OUTSTANDING! Humor is known to be the best way to get hearers to listen. WELL DONE!

[@karitavella6007]

You are SO funny!!!!! Favorite comedian of all time