How to Stop Bitterness From Controlling Your Life

In this episode, we talk with:
A woman wrestling with resentment toward her therapist husband.
A wife unable to trust her financially irresponsible husband.
A man coming to terms with the extent of his anger issues.
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[@barbarastevens2747]

After listening to this, tears filled my eyes. I was abused, too, by my father, and my mother pretended not to know. It’s still painful 60+ years later. Dr Delony is so on-target, and so sensitive. Just hearing him is bringing some healing. So grateful.

[@fionasheepwash2718]

I am not bitter, my husband who I thought was "the one" has decided he doesn't want to be married. He left a few months after I had life saving surgery. I am a firm believer in karma. Because of him leaving I can't stay in our home because I don't have the income to pay the rent. I have fortunately somewhere else to live and a wonderful support system of friends and family. We where married 16 years, but I am going to be ok.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Amen.

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

Your story touched my heart! I love your outlook💯🩷 on such a traumatic time and experiences. I hope you are healing up and your journey has/is an eye opening learning experience. I hope it gives you much needed insight and strength and you are living, your happiest and best life EVER❣️🙏🏻 I'd love to know. Your in my thoughts.

[@dilaranur-iu8vn]

He is a douche, sorry... women dont leave their spouses when they are sick, its mostly men..

[@user-qp6se2tn4r]

You will look back someday and thank God for everything 🙏

[@lala5061]

Yes u are!! And thank God for family...good family...sometimes it's not all about the 2:18 sexy, romantic stuff that we crave (which I truly u understand 😔) but it's about that real ish that truly matters...God bless u I hope u1 are healthy and have joy on today! 🙏🏽

[@ocean8234]

This is ridiculously hard to listen to, because it hit home. Thank you. Dude. Seriously.

[@catherinenelson4162]

I had an "adopted" grandson who interviewed with a private school. He was told that he would receive an 18,000k scholarship. He was also told that they would help him get student loans for any other expenses. He was a high school senior, just turned 18, and they told him that he would have to pay $1 per semester for that loan. I went to work doing research, and learned that the school at that time was $57,090 per semester, but they weren't telling him that. Yes, I called him and told him what he would owe at the end of 4 years. He went to a state university where, due to his 4.0 gpa, his education was paid in full! He has now graduated college and has moved on with a good life! Things could have turned out so differently! He could have graduated with over $400,000 in debt!

[@sinisterchin1592]

I love that you still listened to this. I’m starting therapy on BetterHelp and it is so difficult, but so necessary to be a better man/husband/dad for my family.

[@Sanlynnben]

When a husband does not back up his wife in front of kids.. when wife does not back up hub in front of kids ( assuming no abuse) .. I think that is VERY wrong. Kids need to see Mom and Dad unified. It makes the kids feel safe. If Mom and Dad disagree- they can discuss it behind closed doors.

[@carnivoreRon]

The woman who discovered the $14,000 student loan is justified in not trusting her husbands parents. They took out a loan and the son did not know about it. The parents were willing to defraud their son. What sort of morality is that? Now, the couple can't buy a house because the money they saved has to go to fix the debt incurred by his parents. Grrr

[@emmarose6590]

The first one… yikes. Parents need to be in one team with their children and back each other up. If you disagree you address it later alone apart from the kids.

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

My husband is a surgeon and from the beginnning I would say, “don’t ‘surgeon’ me.” His entire family are doctors of some kind. I often see them go into “doctor mode”.

[@jawjagrrl]

My husband owned a business. I had to remind him from time to time that I was not an employee.

[@AllThingsSoul]

Wow, Dr. Delony, you are in a metal band? Best of luck on your show! It's so refreshing to see a male therapist who knows his stuff. Regarding Katie, you nailed it when you said she is becoming somebody she doesn't want to be. I'm was her! I lost trust in my husband and I did exactly what you said; I started keeping things to myself, started doing things on my own, started talking to people at work and yes, I talked to that guy at work who was hilarious and thought I was pretty. I never cheated, well, maybe not physically but mentally, yes. I began to hate coming home. It became a daily environment of spontaneous combustion and I decided to end the marriage. You're very insightful, Dr. Delony. Thank you for all of your help.

[@KitKat-qg5cq]

One day we all really want his wife on the show to weigh in

[@7somekindofsomething]

Tyris sounded like a real great, easy to get along with guy. Wish you all the best working on your struggles bro 💪 You got this.

[@7somekindofsomething]

You called in and asked for advice which is more than lots do already. Respect.

[@blueseptember2174]

Oo that second caller was my life. Right down to the in law thing too. 12 years in he cheated. It was his lack of wanting to learn and be a better person. And right on with that secret p@rn addiction. Wow! He just wouldnt learn how to lead.

[@roobeebakes]

“THAT YOU KNOW OF!” Poor girl. She got married and picked up a problem.

[@cindydee8475]

I like how this shows our humanity as helpers which we rarely get to express and get help for because of the work that we do. And yes, us being trauma focused therapists, doesn't automatically mean that there can't be some room for improvement in our personal relationships. I'm super grateful for this call. Thank you Dr Delony

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

💯 thank you for your wonderful comment. May we all be healed,humble enough to be able to drop our ego's, so we can be open to learn how to be better humans to one another. It has to start with OURSELVES!! Praying the world 🌎 ❤🙏🏻💯peace love and happiness to us all!

[@swim610]

Shes so young and about to grow up as soon as she confronts him. I hope she is well.

[@cuttlefishlongbottomtonche3974]

I really needed to hear that first conversation. I was that guy. And it didn't end well

[@kc-il4sb]

This is a marital issue not a work issue. My husband came form a divorced home - I didn't. We are still a work in progress as far as understanding marriage and working together to parent. Regardless of his therapy background- you two are equals in marriage. Therefore- whoever talks to the kid first should set the boundaries and the punishment and the other parent should back them! Set a time aside to discuss parenting and if you are on the same page. Undermining is a passive-aggressive move by your husband. I agree with John- counseling if you can't do this yourself as a couple.

[@sackettfamily4685]

Heavily identified with the 2nd caller, only a few different things.... like somehow being a fairly tight knit family still. But I recently have made a huge step back in seeing or interacting with parents. Because seeing them triggers my enraged internal anger. They failed me and I didn't get justice because they chose for me. I've got good insurance and about to start a longer therapy journey to walk through it. My daughter is coming up on the age it happened and I'm getting even more triggered by minor things.

[@oliviacunningham7633]

Where is your ring John?! Love your show man!

[@rachelt727]

Say it out loud and forgive. It’s SO FREEING! ❤️

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

Poor guy. He was everyone’s secret keeper because he has a big secret.

[@TerriBennett-nf4vb]

I love you Dr John but who's going to sit there and hold a cinder block for 30 minutes .

[@kissed_by_sunshine_10]

Damn. Being a therapist sounds like a pain in the ass but this guy is a beast. He's really good at his job. Ppl suck, especially men. I think, though, that most men are the way they are bc of learned behavior. Stupidity and selfishness are learned. And that's coz I'm a dude but I ain't that dude.

[@mmkvoe6342]

I love how when the first caller did go ahead and finally give a specific example, John got a better picture of what the mom really was thinking and how she is taking her husband's input...and he did turn a bit and make sure to say things like "you're not off the hook either." Yeah, I grew up with a mom who wouldn't take advice or help from anyone and always got angry with what my dad said about parenting, that was more helpful/humane/about real relationship/less Type A/etc. with the kids than her first (read, "set in stone immediately and unchangeable forever") perspective. Honestly, from the beginning of the call, I just felt like there was almost assuredly an element for the first caller of, "My husband always thinks he knows what to do, and whether impliedly or specifically, I feel like that means he's saying I'm wrong...I'll call the relationship guy so he can tell me my ways don't need any changing and my husband is 100% wrong." I hope that if she valued Dr. John so much, then she will go to that counselor and be willing to work with her husband more instead of against him.

[@MB-iu7cu]

How do I contact dr. John delony

[@vickimerritt2832]

Try being married to a cop.

[@susieq8008]

Ugh....open to therapy and anger management is what I'd suggest...

[@beastshawnee]

oh hell no. Acab. And what I mean by that id that the system they work in is so corrupt that they 100% know it is! Problem is some signed up wanting to be heroes but instead have to deal with the irritating and irksome ones…the criminals and crazies… Then they come home and beat their wives and kids down with words or fists. The good ones quit after a while. Some hang on because it’s become their identity. But it changes everyone in the system. They get to where they forget the citizens and their families are even human. Some can still hold on and give as much as they can and hope for some promotion to get them off regular rounds.

[@ladycactus110]

Or a clandess tin opp erative. 🥸

[@n3wbdud385]

Overall I love Dr. Delony's show and I've been binging episodes for the past few weeks. Can you PLEASE either oil your pen or find another fidget toy because those squeaks set my ears on fire..

[@mirosDV]

Wow, I hadn't even noticed.

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

​@mirosDV he's clicking it up and down. I think he figured that out. I have experienced the same thing but I think it's only been on older episodes. I had just heard this on an episode yesterday, but it too was an older one. If I'm wrong, thanks for reminding him either way!!!

[@_JanetLouise]

I am ....exercise .... I can do this ..... mahalo nui

[@carolinebemmhribar7410]

Hey Dude...I emailed (twice) ... called twice...I guess my problems aren't worthy lol

[@ginnyfromdablock7551]

You do realize how many thousands of people call him and the office correct? Try going to another therapist.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

I just want to {{{HUG}}} Tyrus so bad.