We’re Married But He Doesn’t Want To Move In With Me

[@thefoodwench4848]

This is a scam marriage. He’s shady. She should get an annulment. Besides the fact that she had no business Marrying a guy that doesn’t like her kids.

[@adrianjeffrey2897]

He is not a scammer he just likes peace and quiet nobody wants to hear all that noise that five kids make especially kids that aren't his

[@DH-wf5kr]

????????????????????????????????????

[@susanfudge1737]

@@adrianjeffrey2897 So why marry?

[@DrFrankenschtein]

What’s the scam, exactly? Marry a woman, open yourself and your assets up to her, and then… profit? What?

[@Mral236d]

She’s broke as hell working 3 jobs just to get by and she has 5 kids. What exactly is he scamming her out of? 😂 Sounds to me like she just wants to be a part of the life insurance policy and a man to pay for her. She took it upon herself to start the process without even asking the husband who she is trying to syphon it from

[@crazeekids9744]

Bottom line: he may want her, but HE DOESN’T WANT 5 KIDS.

[@grizzlybear2702]

5 kids from how many different men

[@welshhibby]

I don’t blame him !

[@Lesh004]

@@grizzlybear2702 she said second marriage. Most likely those kids are from her first husband. People have any amount of kids they want. And sometimes those people get divorced

[@JustActNormal]

@@Lesh004 exactly

[@ivanvargas2425]

@@Lesh004 I know plenty of women who have kids with multiple men who never got married.

[@Kinksgalore]

When the title of wife is more important than the actual marriage. 👰💒

[@erikcampen8276]

Right?! I would have LOVED to hear the circumstances that surrounded them getting “married”. How old are the two of them? How long were they “dating”? What was the context of one proposing to the other? What were the previous marriages like? Etc Etc I’m guessing that she desperately needed to be able to tell others that she is “married”. WTF?!

[@erikcampen8276]

Just did a bit of research. Turns out the LDS faith (she has 5 kids and lives in Utah, so I did the math) teaches the you can go to their version of “heaven” as a single person, BUT it is “strongly encouraged” per the “Leadership” to be of “husband and wife”. There we go!

[@peekaboots01]

​@@erikcampen8276the fact Delaney didn't ask her all that. Very bizarre.

[@peterteixeira2893]

Not only does he treat your kids like crap but he had his own kids taken away from him as well. At what point did you think marrying this guy was a good idea Jill?

[@salma_Nella22]

The most logical comment.

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

She is stupid.

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Exactly. This is why people need to stop feeding into marriage being the end goal. To be married just to say you're a wife/husband is extremely silly. For the sake of her kids, she needs to wise up... because this is insane.

[@jackiemyers2773]

Right. I can't wrap my mind around it.

[@amyeastman8764]

She’s a complete idiot.

[@yahwehisontheway5094]

She must have been in a really low place to settle for something like this. This makes absolutely NO sense.😔 Ladies, let's not be so desperate to get married that you'll settle for just anything.

[@LastKnown800]

She has 5 kids. She isnt going to have great options unless she meets a extremely desperate guy.

[@cbyt8759]

She has five kids and is already on her second marriage, even if she’s young and attractive that’s still a hard sell for anybody. The poor woman was probably desperate to be loved and get attention from somebody else since she’s the one who always has to give her attention away when having three jobs and five kids

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

@@cbyt8759 even still... who deserves this craziness?

[@cl5193]

Those five kids could have five different dads? Any woman with 5 kids, and their daddy didn't die, is a mess of a woman.

[@Guts318]

Except she already did (settle) by letting some loser (maybe the same guy, probably two different baby daddies) impregnate her twice.

[@Strawn149]

“He has anxiety and depression” yeah so do 60% of Americans. That is no excuse.

[@jeremyvanb821]

Word. I have some mental disorders and made the right call for me to not get married. I also have zero desire to live with another person. I’ve always felt like a lone wolf from as early as I can remember

[@michaeloneill3797]

Great post!! Perfect post

[@pappas610]

​@@jeremyvanb821 Good for you. Are you happy with your decision? Truly?

[@jeremyvanb821]

@@pappas610 no but better than the alternative with the people I’ve been with. I’m not completely opposed to it if the right one came along. So it’s not a closed door, there is a crack left open.

[@karenmassey8354]

When you’re desperate to be able to say you’re married.

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

Exactly what I was thinking. Those kids don't deserve this.

[@face-in-the-crowd]

So true

[@erikcampen8276]

Utah, huh? Just putting it out there……. Is she Morman? Not sure what the faith’s attitudes on divorce, and single mothers are. Anybody know if according to Scriptures, can a single mother get to their version of “Heaven”? Just asking.

[@KrystleLaughter]

It’s dangerous when you start making excuses for people. Not wanting to be judgmental will cost you when it comes to you and your kids. Trust your intuition. You already know the answer.

[@Angela-ne9cy]

So this man doesn't want to live with her and is hurtful toward her children. Why on earth did she marry this guy????

[@texan903]

Initially she likely thought the separate living arrangements would be okay until actually marrying, at which point she thought she could pressure her husband into living together. From the sound of it, he was firm on his stance from the start. Since things aren't going her way, she wants a third party to intervene and help her get what she wants.

[@WidgetWW]

@@texan903 those are a a whole lot of assumptions to go out of your way to put this all on her. If I liked a woman who had 5 kids but I didn’t want to be around her kids then I probably wouwouldnt marry her. Terrible decision making all around

[@texan903]

@@WidgetWW She's the one with all the kids so naturally, their lives center around that fact alone.

[@slinkiegirl2001]

Desperation

[@amyeastman8764]

She’s insanely desperate with that many children and no father

[@eurekahope5310]

Wow! How does one marry without planning where to live and with whom? This is what happens when people "follow their hearts" instead of using their brains. If she had no children I would probably be more gentle, but she brought five kids into this chaos.

[@greenfly0917]

My guess, she got excited that someone wanted to marry her with 5 kids. It's tough out there to find a partner willing to take that on.

[@pimaggot]

Yeah they should have just stayed as weekend hookups when she didn't have the kids

[@junbh2]

​@@greenfly0917But she'd be better off officially single than this.

[@markeayers]

She has 5 kids and is married to someone who can't be around her kids? I'm not sure this situation can be resolved in a happy way.

[@joyaustin6581]

I’m waiting for her to say how old the kids are

[@mollynash2597]

I was curious about how long they dated, she never said.

[@rachelgee7894]

So many red flags, she should have never married him

[@girlygirl1890]

@@mollynash2597 From the sound of it, probably about 2 minutes.

[@kingasif9265]

Are the 5 kids hers from previous marriage?

[@girlygirl1890]

I can't believe she even CONSIDERED marrying someone who is annoyed with her children. Like WTH???? If my kids annoy you, then it would be difficult for me to even be your FRIEND, let alone - Marry you. Kids are innoscent and don't deserve that and I sure as heck wouldn't put MY kids through that.

[@susieq8008]

Exactly...if my children annoy you then get the heck away from us.

[@RepentImmediately]

Most kids are pretty annoying; parents are just biased.

[@kristinanewman9123]

Then he shouldn't have married her.

[@Pilled_red]

Her 5 kids probably act like wild animals. He was the one with everything to lose. I’m surprised the man even considered marrying a woman with 5 kids.

[@jlmoses16]

Honestly, the comments about him and the kids were ambiguous. It's hard to take too much from them without knowing more details.

[@nancyt6895]

The biggest red flag of many came at the end of the call. His kids can't/don't want to be around him. Huge.

[@eurekahope5310]

Bingo! Admittedly, courts can get it wrong, but it takes a pretty bad parent to lose all parental rights. Even abusers sometimes get supervised visits.

[@dbloyd2]

I like the concept of Red Flags. It is a great tool to avoid problems.

[@texan903]

Most likely they tried living together until the husband was fed up because of the lack of discipline the mother failed to instill. She probably wouldn't allow him to discipline the children either, finally got fed up and said enough.

[@dbloyd2]

@@texan903 True, a lot of men have that happen when they marry a woman that has children from another relationship. It should be a "Red" flag for the man to not get serious with the mother in the first place. Probably was just overcome with lust in the moment.

[@nancyt6895]

@@texan903 if you listen through til the end, it mentions HIS kids.

[@d.c.d.8985]

I pray to God that I never become this desperate to say I have a man.

[@Temuville]

You speak the truth! Yes!

[@MaletinaClarke-rq9ds]

😂😅

[@sugarmagnolia33]

This call made me really sad. Dr. John is definitely the first person to give it to her straight like this. She probably feels like as a single mother of 5, she should take whatever partner she can get, which has led her to lower her standards severely. That breaks my heart. Both for her and especially for her kids who did not sign up for this.

[@musicessexx]

It's sad but there are literally no men out there who are stable, and mentally healthy enough who would take on a woman and her 5 kids unless he thought he should take whatever partner HE can get.

[@sugarmagnolia33]

@@musicessexx Unfortunately for all the mothers of 5 out there, I don't disagree with you. Moral of the story...don't have 5 kids.

[@fitzyglamyt]

You hit the nail on the head. So sad

[@rithvikmuthyalapati9754]

@@sugarmagnolia33 At least don't have 5 kids if you are in an unstable relationship. If your relationship is very strong, then by all means go to town lol

[@aimeeglatt3299]

@@rithvikmuthyalapati9754 . Your partner could still die and leave you with 5 kids, though! 5 is pretty ridiculous

[@pamt3915]

The time to meet in the middle is BEFORE you get married.

[@Thats_MarieHoney]

Too many women love the idea of marriage versus seeing the person as an actual person.

[@LivingQuiteSimply]

My husband and I were 22 when we got married- no children, first marriage. When we were dating we talked about how we saw our lives. How many children did he plan to have, how many did I plan to have? I knew I planned to homeschool, so I laid that out on the table. He was never willing to have a car payment; he laid that out on the table. We really tried to determine if our lives could blend, objectively, based on our separate visions for the future- not based on feelings we had for each other or a fantasy that things would just come together. I can’t imagine how on a second marriage with 5 children, this wouldn’t be a priority. Clearly he wanted to stay on his ranch; clearly she likes her children’s school district- was this conversation never had, or did she think that somehow these separate visions would come together perfectly even though they knew there wasn’t agreement? He doesn’t treat her children well? Why even consider him?! This is an unfortunate situation, as sad as it is for the adults, it’s a lot worse for the children who don’t get a say, but need to live in this chaos.

[@naokihasegawa9243]

Damn you were some mature 22yr olds!

[@Helloworld-ko1hd]

Ok u laid out plan. He wanted 6 kids. If he just leaves you after having all these kids??. I feel sorry for these ladies.

[@ChristinasHome]

I agree, My husband and I were only 18&19 when we got married (17&18 dating) and had all these same conversations BEFORE marriage to decide where we stood, emotions aside

[@shb8212]

@@Helloworld-ko1hd you're still SIGNIFICANTLY more likely to be successful in marriage if you have the hard conversations first. You 100% can't make it being as cynical as your comment.

[@LivingQuiteSimply]

@@ChristinasHome 👏👏Yes! I really don’t understand how someone could think things would just magically work out! People are so different in character, in purpose, and in vision, and entering in blindly to the most important relationship of your life is pretty short sighted. Just wondering, do you know your Myers-Briggs? I’m starting to think that makes a huge difference in decisions like this.

[@amandadean3948]

What did I just listen to? Did this lady really marry a man who chooses not to live with her, seems intolerant of her kids and appears to have his ex wife setup better financially than he does her??!! 🤔

[@drea4195]

To be fair, the ex wife is owed what she is owed. She and his kid is technically his first obligation. Wife # 1 and kids from first marriage are always priority, expecially if he hasn't adopted the kids from wife #2. The caller knew all this when she married him, she made a bad deal for herself and her kids in the process.

[@l-train7876]

I suddenly feel way better about my own situation.

[@Thats_MarieHoney]

This is why I watch this show lol

[@jewelchamberlain1714]

I still feel pretty crappy 🙃

[@elainebmack]

Being single feels REALLY good now, better than ever in fact.

[@face-in-the-crowd]

I don't have a situation but I'm feeling alright 😅

[@MaletinaClarke-rq9ds]

😅😅

[@araineacutebrownnurse7315]

I feel like some single mothers feel they have to accept certain things in men because they have multiple children. But that should be the very reason why you are very careful about choosing a partner. Why in the world did they get married?!? How bizarre ! JILL WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

[@bensondentalassociates8690]

Yeah they don’t have as many options because of her past for sure. I agree I hope she was careful

[@jeromehenry4484]

There's a good chance she would qualify for an annulment versus a divorce. Realistically, they have not lived as a married couple, separate residences, no life insurance policy with new wife as beneficiary, wife's name not on ranch's deed, they have not commingled their finances or bank accounts, etc. At this point Caller should ask to see the actual divorce decree from husband's 1st marriage and read all stipulations about assets. Is he really divorced or just has a Separation Agreement but is still legally married to 1st wife? His side of the ledger is very sketchy and he has a perfect excuse for all his bad behaviour & actions, depression. She needs an attorney ASAP, especially one that is familiar with annulments.

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@texan903 Please re-read my comments, I said she should get an annulment because she is not on anything and 1st wife is probably still on the deed for ranch. I suspect husband is not really divorced from 1st wife.

[@grizzlybear2702]

Your a single mother now a male supermodel thats 2 meters tall making £1M a year wont marry you. The only reason she ended up a single mother is because she prioritized looks and height over loyalty. I bet her entire dating history has been full of tall models pumping and dumping her only now she gives an average height guy the time of day.

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

I feel like she is stupid.

[@JustinCase780]

He also didn't tell her about the other wife that lives in his barn.

[@girlygirl1890]

Justin Case LOL. Thanks, I needed that. 🤣🤣😛

[@ElizabethTerese]

Hahaha 😂

[@BaconMountainMan]

There are more red flags here than a carnival. 😳

[@kathylovesmk]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@metroidfoosion73]

When he completely shut down that whole depression excuse she made for her husband, as if that somehow is even comparable in importance to the situation they’re in right now, I let out a sigh of relief. I’m so tired of people acting like the world needs to stop and acquiesce to their mental health needs. Taking care of your mental state is YOUR responsibility, and ONLY your responsibility, and no one should be expected to make your mental state their problem!

[@jennyberger6688]

Preach!!!

[@boxelder9147]

Absolutely. You have to do the groundwork by first admitting your sick and need help nToo proud to seek professional help but not too proud to emotionally leech off others while making them anxious and miserable while doing so. Completely selfish. You're sick, get professional help

[@Thats_MarieHoney]

Yep and half of them don’t even know what depression is. Lol

[@dulceaidavp9716]

Yes, yes, and yes!

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

Your comment is VERY naive. You can't dig yourself out of depression alone - it requires social connection (which Dr Doloney acknowledges on the call). Depressed people already tend to assume they're a burden on everyone else, and that makes them feel worse about themselves. Confirming their frars by telling them 'you need to sort this out on your own' only exacerbates the problem. Sure, they need to help themselves, but they also need loving support from those around them to recover. When you sign up to being someone's spouse, you sign up to supporting them when they're down. It means working with them to overcome their health problems. I doubt you'd say something so ignorant if we were talking about a physical illness. How would you feel if you had cancer and your partner told you 'your cancer is YOUR responsibility and it's not MY problem'? Depression can be as debilitating as cancer, and it takes a village to help someone heal from it.

[@Teachloveandkindness]

I am sorry...she is another lost female that seems to have an extremely insane idea of what a marriage/pathership is. I can't believe that they got married without having serious conversations about all of these really important matters. Smh...so truly sad...I feel for her badly but at the same time I want to ask where are the adults in her life to guide her?

[@sheila3936]

Ok by the end it sounded like her kids wouldn’t even be safe to be around him in his current state. How does a single parent not think of their kids first before jumping into a marriage. I’m so confused how this union happened.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Are they both Mormon? That's the only explanation I could come up with why she even considered dating this guy, much less marrying him without pre-marital counseling (both having prior divorces).

[@amde8554]

Unfortunately I have an extended family member that didn’t consider her kids either in her second marriage and it’s not fair to them. It happens; parents make bad choices for their kids and it’s sad.

[@texan903]

She married him with the intention of her husband changing his mind and moving with her but she failed to state that or have a conversation with him about it.

[@annasimons389]

she's a single mother with 5 kids she already has shown poor judgement.

[@edithtierce8209]

She says he doesn’t have patients with them. I cannot imagine 5 kids being raised by a “single mother” are picture perfect, absolutely well mannered and respecting of HER and each other tbh… Let’s be real. Sadly. She isn’t used to having a father figure for her kids and he is most likely a no nonsense country man like my dad…

[@jackieyoung3359]

I feel so sorry for those five kids.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Shouldn’t that have been worked out before you got married ? There are so many cases where people shouldn’t get married and here’s one of them .

[@d-nise6364]

I’m wondering the same thing. He’s doing whatever he wants and she’s tolerating it smh

[@c.edales740]

So right

[@ASmith-jn7kf]

@@d-nise6364 how is he doing whatever he wants?? He's just living in another state. You act like he has another woman living there, she should have thought about all of this before.

[@Keeks492]

She sounds like a yes man

[@raizinboyz]

I’m trying to figure out what about this guy she thought would make him a good life partner. When she said “his kids were kinda taken from him and he doesn’t have much to do with them”, that would have been a big issue for me. Kids don’t kinda get taken.

[@Matt-cr4vv]

I am simply going to make an assumption since we don’t truly know. But my guess is that the end of her prior marriage left her hurt and devalued to an extreme level. That or her attempt for a relationship after the end of her marriage. As harsh as it is to say asking anybody to step into a role where they raise five children is a big ask and requires a true and immense love to do that. A man who steps up and loves those children and his wife like they deserve would be a modern Superman because that would be hard to do. And I think it is realistic that this has presented a major road block in any attempts she had made at building a true relationship up until now and maybe it had led to her believing she only deserves whatever she can get. And because of that I could see that she finally landed with someone who didn’t immediately abandon ship and that the events leading to now has shaped a willingness I accept what little he is willing to give her rather than rightfully demanding to be treated the way she deserves. It’s sad but if she’s been without a partner for an extended period of time she may be at a stage where anything is better than nothing and that deep down she didn’t expect him to ever be a truly good life partner.

[@starlingswallow]

Someone who truly loves you and wants to be with you will be delighted to be with you, move Heaven and earth to make that happen and welcome those kids with open arms! ♥️♥️♥️

[@kingasif9265]

Hell no!! No guys should marry someone with kids!!

[@aimeeglatt3299]

@@kingasif9265 . What if the man and woman both have kids at home?

[@texan903]

@@aimeeglatt3299 they need to date at least until the kids are grown.

[@texan903]

Those kids of someone else can never be yours.

[@kingasif9265]

@@aimeeglatt3299 if they both have one each then I would say okay but in this case she has 5!

[@kengy1991]

I think that there are issues going on with Jill she is not telling us about. There is no good reason she should marry a guy who does not enjoy being around her kids and does not want to commit to a life with her. Why was this decision not made before they got married? Even before they got engaged. They should not have gotten married in the first place without them nailing this down. SO MANY RED FLAGS!🚩🚩🚩

[@texan903]

Jill's husband likely attempted living with her initially. My guess is that her children lack discipline, and she doesn't want anyone else disciplining them, causing a huge rift. Her husband decided the pace of life and temperature were better living at the ranch than with her. He's trying to wear her out until she files for divorce.

[@azavala33]

His pause then “whaaatt?” Made me laugh😂

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

Man, they both really didn't think this through. About what life is going to look like once married. Wandering through life is never a great idea when it comes to 1) where do we want to live and 2) with whom.

[@NeccoWecco]

i face palmed so hard when she said shes not even in his will.

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

Of course she's not. And she settled for that. I feel for the 5 kids. The "husband" sounds like a nut, too.

[@JS-tv8sf]

It makes sense that his life insurance would go to the ex for their child. His first obligation is to his child and the woman who mothered and is raising his child. If he marries again he needs to be able to afford two families.

[@olfab1]

Think before getting married. Think before having (5) kids.

[@jet4415]

Honestly!!!!

[@boxelder9147]

Please please please people

[@murdahmammiez]

She probably never thought her first mariage would end. She had 5 kids with previous husband. I agree about thinking before getting married but not the kids part.

[@QuiverofArrows]

It would be understandable if she was sleeping around, but that wasn't the case. She had children from a previous marriage that she probably thought wouldn't end. Kids are not a burden.

[@BethanySchwarz5678]

@@murdahmammiez that's what I was thinking. Like she could be a widow for all we know, but still should've never married this dude

[@pinklobelia2389]

This happened with my dad and his wife. Married but didn’t live together for like 10 years until her house foreclosed and she didn’t have a choice. I know people don’t want to end up alone but it’s ridiculous.

[@texan903]

Some marriages might actually last if more people lived apart from one another. Familiarity breeds contempt as the saying goes.

[@pinklobelia2389]

But then that’s just a marriage in name only….

[@kikiisabeast2575]

@@texan903 Not if it is done correctly

[@texan903]

@@pinklobelia2389 most marriages are that anyway.

[@texan903]

@@kikiisabeast2575 what's correct though? No one has been able to figure it out, especially in a day and age of minimum 40% divorce rate.

[@AngelaMastrodonato]

These circumstances seem to make the perfect case for an annulment.

[@wavynaturalista]

Them 5 kids had her feeling desperate so she settled big time. She deserves better and can do better!

[@bufficliff8978]

Unfortunately with 5 kids this is about as good as it can get without risking p3do interest. I'm sorry her life has been so severely difficult and hope she's able to raise wonderful children who will forgive her for chaos and love her the rest of her life, but single women with 1 child have an immense difficult time getting a date with a man; have 5 kids is infinitely more difficult

[@tracygaluszynski1868]

Three kids is too much. 5? Damaged goods.

[@mirosDV]

People are not goods and no one is a finished product

[@SoulfulVeg]

This is a lesson in bad judgement and desperation. It's okay to stay single. She's single while being married.

[@starlingswallow]

This is a mess. Caller: find your self worth and self love and leave ♥️ You are worth being loved, worth being prioritized, worth being WITH the one you're with, worth being a marital TEAM where things are all y'all's, worth being with someone who *actually* _wants_ to be with you!! You are worth it, my friend! You ARE! Life is too short to settle for this! You are married on paper but still single with a boyfriend who doesn't want to be with you 😢😞

[@pimaggot]

I agree except she doesn't need to be married. Best to just focus on raising those 5 kids and coparenting with the kids father(s). Maybe find someone to go out with on weekends you don't have the kids.

[@erikcampen8276]

Oh, she absolutely feels she “needs” to be “married”. Bet she DESPERATELY tries to put it out in the world that her marriage is “absolutely great”. Her brutality low self esteem and desire to “look good” to the world is going to absolutely destroy her kids. And she’ll eventually bottom out psychologically. This is a heartbreaking call.

[@xoxomercii]

If this woman doesn’t straighten out this problem, those kids are going to be in a world of hurt if she keeps excusing his actions with his anxiety and depression. As someone who grew up being mistreated by a stepmom and having her actions be excused by her alcoholism, I have a lot of resentment towards my dad because anytime she did anything he excused her because of her alcoholism, when he should have been taking us out of the problem.

[@Lianne459]

She married the wrong person.

[@dendren0]

So did he. 🤷‍♂️

[@xhaltsalute]

Boy howdy

[@Nah-ah]

OMG… I couldn’t think of a more dysfunctional situation than this! Please, someone prove me wrong!!!! 😩😩😩 This can’t be real!

[@DigiMyst]

If that's the case, sounds like a short marriage...

[@bffoxjr]

If I were a betting man, I'd gamble that he wants "weekend hookups" with her without the work of taking care of her kids. Her being a single mother of 5 with 3 jobs probably makes her very reliant on him and you can see it took a a year for her to even get the courage to bring it up. I don't buy the excuse that he needs an empty room for his son when we're also hearing that he almost never sees him.

[@gailainsley6939]

Why marry her to begin with? That’s the part I don’t understand. Loads of guys marrying single mothers then complaining about it. It makes no sense.

[@bffoxjr]

@@gailainsley6939 no kidding! I think a lot of it is lack of confidence or the idea that "well, I'm a single dad now, so I guess I need to only date single moms."

[@gailainsley6939]

@@bffoxjr If his a single dad then I do agree dating women with children is much better. He also doesn’t seem to want to let his ex wife go or want to pass the deeds onto a new wife either & I just do not see any single childless women wanting to sign up for a deal like that. Most of them want their own families to start with security for themselves.

[@bffoxjr]

@@gailainsley6939 if the guy owns a ranch, then he's got money which means he has the potential for more options.

[@gailainsley6939]

@@bffoxjr For most women, what he had wouldn’t matter if he isn’t willing to share his resources. Most child free women in my experience are selfish. They typically hold out for the better deal and If he could have done better. He wouldn’t have needed to entertain her to begin with.

[@nualanicghearailt8011]

I love when Dr John‘s face is registering surprise and he is trying to work out what the caller is really saying!

[@scullyfox4271]

Sounds like he wants to lead a double life. It wouldn't surprise me if he had another girlfriend.

[@jeromehenry4484]

I think there is a good chance he is still married to his 1st wife but has a Separation Agreement. Does not sound like 2nd wife has seen his actual Divorce Decree with Asset Settlement Agreement.

[@sassyempress7916]

WHAT??? Did they not have this discussion before getting married? So basically they thought they would get married and everything would work like magic. I am so confused about their definition of marriage.

[@cathyosullivan718]

Something like this happened to a friend of mine. They got married and she went to a medical school in another country and he went to med school here. He used to visit her a couple of times a year. Then she graduated and he kept resisting moving in with her. He wanted to live with his mother instead.

[@emmarose6590]

😂😂😂😂😂😂OMG

[@superblump87]

Why did they get married?

[@starlingswallow]

😳🤯 Sounds like a son-husband!!

[@cathyosullivan718]

She moved back to the US after graduation. After a lot of resistance, he eventually moved in with her. I never could understand the situation either.

[@cathyosullivan718]

They were from the same culture and she said they were in love. I think they wanted to be committed to each other while they were both busy with school. Maybe he started getting cold feet as the years passed? She’s the type to put on airs so I may not have been getting the full story. The situation just seemed super weird.

[@foxjacket]

How... Did they ever get married without discussing these things first... 🤦

[@cabayern9416]

Army family here.... We move often and children can thrive if parents approach moves in a positive manner.

[@larissaalcorn3406]

The guy doesn't like her kids. That's the real reason the haven't moved in together.

[@leviacronym6770]

@@larissaalcorn3406 Army brat here. My dad was in the army, and had a previous wife. He had to pay child support (the wench lied to her kids saying he didn't pay anything which is BS because the military was strict about making you pay for your kids), my mom worked a joke, and he sometimes had a second job. My mom also had two daughters from other relationships, and they lived with us, and moved with us whenever we had to move. I think you're right that he doesn't like her kids. My dad has always had a lot of patience and as far as I know, he always treated my sisters with respect.

[@coolaunt516]

His eyebrow going up was really funny!

[@cjlive5182]

After 18, I had to sleep on the couch when I came home. Message received.

[@pinchebruha405]

Good work doc, thank you for being so gentle with your honesty, I love that you gave her an option to save things rather than just saying dump him. The first thing every successful married couples tell you is that it wasn’t easy but they never gave up on the marriage. ❤

[@chronicleabsolute]

A minute and 30 in and my response is "WHAT?!" The commitment of marriage is so serious. Compound that with 5 kids and it an even bigger responsibility for a new step dad. I'm thinking living situation should have been an up front priority. Alright, I'll unpause and listen more.

[@Jane5720]

It only took me 30 seconds And I was doing the eye thing.

[@Ajay4kay]

For real…I audibility gasped lol

[@stevenporter863]

Sounds like a marriage of convince for tax status, etc.

[@KrystleLaughter]

We have to be smarter. Don’t hold onto something because of what you hope it could be. This dysfunctional at best. Run an get out now.

[@9liveslisa]

That is just plain bizarre.

[@Chosen302]

Wow I seriously feel so much better being single 😢

[@Spaceman99966]

I always wonder if any of these callers have said these things out loud and heard how crazy they are

[@greenfly0917]

And I'm not against people doing marriage however works for them, even if that is having 2 separate residences but DISCUSS, DISCUSS, DISCUSS before getting married. Seems like she dropped the ball here and in all the excitement of maybe meeting someone willing to marry her with 5 kids (I know it's hard to find a partner willing to take that on) she rushed into this and didn't ask any questions.

[@jasonrodgers9063]

Good point.

[@jocypare6019]

Both. Not only her. Both.

[@greenfly0917]

@@jocypare6019 Both sure but I put more on her because she's the protector of 5 kids. She's their guiding light and she dropped the ball supremely here.

[@dalidzucheredi2495]

But he didn't take it on.. this isn't a marriage

[@greenfly0917]

@@dalidzucheredi2495 Where did he take anything on here? She says he barely tolerates those kids. Seeing that before marriage should've been the biggest red flag. Even still had she asked questions before marriage she would've seen the red flags here.

[@sagepirotess6312]

Sorry your wrong. The emepty bedroom is probably court mandatory from first divorce. Child must gave own room. His kid is more a priority then wife. I do think we are missing much info.

[@zeal4god402]

This is her second marriage, but with this situation, she easily setting herself up for a quick 2nd divorce

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

Even quick, divorces are expensive.

[@firefly9838]

Too many people get married way too fast.

[@cg741graf5]

She is setting a horrible picture for her children. Put an addition on the ranch: 2 bdrms and a bathroom. Either you are a family or you are divided…guess which one will stay married down the rd.

[@hollystiener16]

I thought the same thing about an addition.

[@kschrop]

Hell to the NO!! People have no common sense I swear

[@greenfly0917]

This entire thing is ridiculous. The guy isnt 100% of the problem here either. Why didn't she ask these questions of where they would live BEFORE getting married? Why not ask about how they would finances BEFORE getting married? Why didnt she observe how he was with her kids BEFORE getting married? How about some pre-marriage counseling? Again BEFORE getting married! She had 5 kids to look out for and it appears that she didn't do her due diligence before just running off to get married.

[@victoriaquetel2822]

Exactly!! Preach!!

[@kyrieteleison3009]

I bet he wants her, but not really the kids that come with her.

[@eurekahope5310]

Could be, but that just proves they are both fools. Custodial mom comes with her children as a packaged deal. We need people in our lives who love us enough to caution us when we let our feelings override our wisdom. It is sad that either no one cares enough to seriously discuss these problems or they ignored sound advice. People with children need to do better.

[@MsSimpleMovies]

Dude doesn't want to go through the marriage ringer again, but wants to have someone in his life. He did marriage, doesn't want to play house again.

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

I love the awkward fact that, if Jill's husband were to pass away, Jill would own the house with his ex-wife.

[@KetoCookingwithKids]

Why would that happen? The life insurance beneficiary is his ex, but she didn't say that about the house/ranch.

[@texan903]

@@KetoCookingwithKids Jill isn't on the deed or loan for the property.

[@mamat1213]

@@texan903 are you the long distance husband? Lol 😂

[@texan903]

@@mamat1213 are you the batty, poor decision making wife?

[@jomay4871]

As always, Dr J nailed it.

[@mcannonsr]

Makes perfect sense. He has his own kids to support and she’s probably getting support for hers. Why should her marriage entitle her to HIS kids’ inheritance off the bat?

[@lindsaydeviveiros5533]

Am I the only one wondering what the hell possessed this woman to marry this man in the first place? For Gods sake you don’t figure out living arrangements AFTER your married , that’s one of the things you figure out together before you even propose. I get the sense she doesn’t require anything from him and he most likely never actually proposed/gave her a ring. This is insane 😰

[@gailcole9913]

Exactly!!!

[@jamiem2444]

I would love to hear how this all turns out.

[@sandrasimplytoday7772]

My heart goes out to this lady and her children. She probably had a desperate need of belonging to someone and settled for this man. I pray she got out of this situation and finds someone she deserves who loves her and wants to provide for her and those kids in every area of her life. I hope she knows she deserves better than this.

[@kroenkeout708]

Their father?

[@kristic4472]

get an annulment/divorce. he wants you for entertainment, not for a Friend/Wife.

[@CarolynnMarkey]

John has gotten much better at hiding his face LOL. I love it. your face expressions are perfect. I wish we could see the caller too

[@astrea79]

This is reoccurung nightmare of mine, that I still live in my parents house and I need to find a way to move in with my husband...but we've been married 2 years and living together since 2014. 🥴 This scenario is so anxiety inducing it literally haunts my subconscious 🤣

[@bh5082]

“It’s better to be happy alone than miserable with someone else.” -Dr. Phil

[@madisonandthefarm]

Sounds like wife #1 is still #1 in his life

[@franciskeys9810]

This is just tragic. Where is the father of her five children? Nothing about this makes any sense at all.

[@ohmygodyouknowwhatweshould2496]

I knew a girl this happened to. She married a guy from overseas and he moved out and started living with a roommate in another state. Won't call her or answer her calls, yet she's inviting people to a wedding reception he has refused to attend. (Legally married for 4 years already.) I was surprised to hear she was marrying at all because back in college the only thing worse than her taste was her judgement.

[@starrjohnson1327]

Some people get married just to say they're married!

[@genxx2724]

@@starrjohnson1327 That’s what I need to do. Lol

[@ohmygodyouknowwhatweshould2496]

@Lizzie Beth That was exactly my take on the situation. I told her she need to cut her loses, but she thinks she'd be giving up too soon. It's like, hun, there's nothing to give up on. Even before they were married and she took a month-long trip to visit him in his country, the guy wouldn't return her calls and refused to meet up with her. I and others have tried talking sense into her, but she's on her own planet and refuses to see the situation for what it is. It's unfortunate.

[@aprilgonzalez7893]

Was he trying to get citizenship?

[@linhaton4957]

Put your KIDS FIRST!

[@mollynash2597]

I feel like they didn't think this through BEFORE they got married.

[@kara2162]

They are most likey Mormon and got married to justify sleeping together.

[@jenica1388]

She's also responsible for his debts if he dies and the ex gets the money.What a mess

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

She would not be responsible for his debts.

[@hollystiener16]

@@carylhalfwassen8555 yes, the estate would, but that means she would get less money if she sold the ranch or would have to sell the ranch to pay for his debt.

[@firefly9838]

@@carylhalfwassen8555she likely would actually

[@RepentImmediately]

You're assuming he has debt

[@bkucenski]

Anytime a guy has "woe is me" stories and isn't wanting to live with you, you're the other woman. His sad sack stories are just pick up lines if he's not seeing a therapist and actually modifying his behaviors. This marriage is doing nothing for you. You could probably get it annulled. You don't need to bring an idiot into your life. You're rocking it on your own. If his ranch is 45 minutes away, that's a commute, not a place to live. He can go there when he's working and come home to you and the kids. If it's decreed to his ex wife then his ex-wife owns it. He needs to just sell it and split the proceeds.

[@MR3DDev]

I think is likely he don't like her kids and also dont wanna take care of them

[@slinkiegirl2001]

not many men would tbh

[@JoeyTheProdigal-pr2xl]

Great advice on the separated marrriage

[@ad6417]

My boyfriend comes to my house everyday and takes care of it for me. Yardwork, repairs, garden...everything. Buys groceries for us and drives my kids around. I never asked. He just wants to take care of me.

[@iistrawberrimuffinzii]

Boyfriend isn't the same as husband if y'all decide to get more serious then most would move on together orr wait till marriage to get a apartment/house.

[@Black_Samurai-fish]

What a simp 😂

[@calliecrider2475]

Jill, you need to get an annulment immediately

[@valerieosborne16]

Why didn’t she and her husband talked about this way before walking down the aisle?? When I was living in my car my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time hated it. He helped me get a place to stay.

[@trilljj]

Truth is she don’t really got much options unless she can focus on herself and be happy with what she has.

[@dalidzucheredi2495]

This marriage is yet to start

[@jeromehenry4484]

Yes, she needs an annulment, not divorce.

[@Wuznoturbiznis]

This is worse than a shut up ring, this is a shut up marriage

[@Melissa.712]

1:14😬 what was he thinking🤦‍♂️

[@iwilpraiseu]

what is it with people that marry people that mistreat their kids?

[@slinkiegirl2001]

i can not stand women who knowingly allow there partner to abuse her kids these women are trash putting a man above there own kids

[@_zina9054]

She sounds like a sweetheart I hope and pray she finds her worth specially for those kids

[@keric3730]

A lot of ranches don't make a lot of money, but I've known people that keep them up because they love animals or being away from other people or having a wide open space or perhaps it's just part of his perceived identity

[@lmcg....]

5 kids + ranch = free labor, high yields, food security.... space to build cmoooon

[@greenfly0917]

True. But she also said she doesn't want to move the kids out of their schools in her town.

[@crystalglopez91623]

She said she was willing to do the move

[@miketheyunggod2534]

I am sure her kids are lazy asses.

[@dahliaherrod4301]

@@crystalglopez91623 How is she able to move her kids out of state? Doesn't she have to have permission from their dad?

[@itsmikac8777]

This feels like an unsafe marriage that will end up in forensic files! Sad!!! Run girl

[@mikemcbeth3216]

Yes it does bad