Sex Conversations With My Wife Are Uncomfortable

[@Why-Censor]

PARENTS: Tread easier with your daughter because the streets will lay claim to her. She is angry, embarrassed and crushed and your choices have left her vulnerable.

[@00_DJS]

Such words of wisdom! Hear hear

[@melindamenard4028]

Very wise advice .

[@sarahalderman3126]

When I was 12 I was groomed into a sexual relationship with a 40 year old man. When I was found out, I was aggressively shamed by everyone. Laughed and ridiculed by everyone including the 40 year old. I had thought he loved me which was apparently hilarious to everyone around. A week or so later my father left my mother for a teenage stripper and I didn't speak to him again for over 10 years. Listening to John today...😭 That is EXACTLY what I needed from my father then. It is what I STILL need from my father. Unfortunately he is no longer here and it is far too late, yet it is obviously still what I longed more than anything to know.❤

[@denisenewnan4098]

That is so horrible.😢 I'm sorry you were let down by the people who should have helped you.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

@sarahaldermam3126 I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️

[@dana102083]

Im sorry that happened. Victim blaming is so cruel espwcially when its a child :( I hope you get peace with help🙏❤️

[@CamperEra]

So sorry 😓, I get it. It wasn’t your fault. You were a Child without understanding and afraid. The Others are what Evil looks like. When you encounter Evil don’t engage with it, turn around and go away from it. Call out to God for help 🙏🏻

[@carried98]

I am a fully grown, emotionally mature adult. But damn, it was healing to hear him say the sexually active daughter is begging for connection, and not getting it. She sure is.

[@Skyler_Rain]

Literally same. I almost cried while putting my son to sleep.

[@00_DJS]

Taking away all this from a 15 year old girl pushes her into the arms of whoever she’s having sex with anyways. The stricter the parents, the worse it gets.

[@randybobandy9828]

This is false

[@00_DJS]

@@randybobandy9828 you must be the father

[@sabias3932]

Or it makes her feel disgusting and rejected and destroys her self esteem. Former teen girl here talking.

[@00_DJS]

@@sabias3932 Yeah I agree! This only makes her shame worse, potentially she will feel ashamed around sex for the rest of her life.

[@firefly9838]

@@randybobandy9828 I can tell you as somebody who was with a lot of girls through HS... that is absolutely true... the harder they clamped down... the easier it was for me:) stay mad

[@karij8113]

Dr Delony’s insight on the second call about the 15yo girl really hit home with me!! I wept at the end of that call. It answered so many questions as to why I looked for connection in my teens, 20’s, and even now as a 61yo woman. Thank you Dr Delony for your straight forward but very loving guidance with these calls and the issues at hand. You give me hope!! ☺️

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

Yesss. Dr John is a gift ❤️

[@Riyaanreality]

Almost cried listening to it. His children are lucky to have a father like him.

[@karahupp4589]

Same here ❤ it healed something inside of me explained so much.

[@AliciaMcIntire]

If those parents keep going the way they are, they will never see her again after her 18th birthday

[@antonioiniguez1615]

That's on her. They'd be doing the right thing

[@DuffyGabi]

Third caller: My proudest moment as a father. After sitting in jail for two days, our youngest, 18 year old freshman in college, called from jail. Yet one more screw up. At 8:30 PM I got in the car and drove 1400 miles straight and posted bond. She walked out of jail looking like one of those sad dogs from a dog rescue commercial. She smelled worse. I asked her what she needed. She said deodorant, toothpaste, and McDonald’s. After that I drove 340 miles to her campus. The worst thing I ever said to her regarding this incident was, “Honey, it seems like the people you pick in your life all have sad stories of abuse, alcoholism, depression. How’s that going for you?” Her response- “Not very well.” Anyway, what she did not need from me was “You f’ed up again!” She already knew that. In fact that’s the glasses that she sees herself through. What she needed was a father that says I am here to walk alongside of you and I love you despite your screw ups. That hellish year including the real possibility that she could’ve gone to jail for a few years was 2021. I’m still hoping for a “Thanks Dad. You were great.” Someday I bet I’ll hear it. Until then I take comfort knowing that a letter I wrote her that says “I love you, you make me a better person, I will never be embarrassed by you or abandon you” hangs on her fridge 1000 miles away.

[@SweetlyHome]

This brought tears to my eyes. You're a great dad.

[@alexisballard1459]

My parents decided to take away my bedroom door after my first suicide attempt at 13 😅 definitely was the OPPOSITE of what I needed in that moment. This woman’s giggles about how hugely they BLEW this is sickening

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

I'm so sorry. I hope you are OK now 🙏🏿❤️

[@Riyaanreality]

I’m sorry that happened to you. Growing up, I never had my own room and privacy and it was understood that our parents could march in and out of our rooms anytime. The first time I had my own room with a lock, my parents took off the lock because they didn’t want me locking it. And now they wonder why I’m somewhat of a recluse. It’s because I value my alone and peaceful time which wasn’t granted to me in my childhood.

[@gc4161]

Because for them is a game

[@terreceshannon9008]

Maybe they were afraid that they wouldn't see or hear you if you tried again.

[@angelspirit525]

​@terreceshannon9008 They acted like jaillors and made it about them when it should have been about their child. They cared more about their feelings than what their child who no longer wished to be alive was feeling. So many parents never bother to actually learn how to parent and end up punishing their children for their own shortcomings and failures as parents. It's very sad, and I feel for this person who was made to feel even worse for crying out for help by attempting to leave life.

[@brooke9847]

That poor girl. Lying and sneaking in her boyfriend is wrong but shaming her about sex is not the way to go imo. Especially taking away extracurriculars after school that could affect her future. The fact they had a family meeting with the older sisters just to shame her is crazy and then the mom asking how to get the daughter to start the conversation with her dad when he's the one behaving like a child. I just feel so bad for this girl.

[@tundeterez]

I feel so bad for this girl as well! These are control freak parents. The event should have been discussed in a private conversation between the daughter and mom. It is so bizarre that teenagers are shamed for when natural biological functions kick in. Instead, they should be guided through how to be responsible. Thank goodness this happened in their home where she must have felt safe and can call out for help if in case she needed rescuing!

[@firefly9838]

Control freak parents. That Dad had the response as if a piece of property was taken from him... makes you wonder what he thinks of his daughter as...

[@tundeterez]

@@firefly9838 ...probably as an object, like she has smeared their reputation as good parents. She attracted a deceptive/sneaky boy, so I wonder if the dad has some of those traits...

[@jghetto85]

Father… total idiot! And I’m not sorry to say this 😊

[@antonioiniguez1615]

She should be shamed about sex. Sex before marriage is shameful

[@LuDivineTube]

Maybe it’s because I’m French and there are cultural differencies but I’m so chocked by the parents’ treatment… I love this show by the way, makes practising english a pleasure !

[@VV-er3zg]

How would they handle this in France?

[@fromheaventoearth5779]

When girls decide to have sex you cannot stop them. Parents have been losing this battle for millennia. ​@@VV-er3zg

[@dcunited01]

Les incompetence. -home alone

[@helianabanes4875]

Could be. This is definitely not how I would have handled it.

[@gvintage]

The man that was addicted to porn has a need to gratify this addiction with his wife. He wants her to enjoy what he saw those women enjoy but that isn't realistic. The porn stars may not have really enjoyed whatever that is. He needs more help. Using terms like vanilla. He is bored. She likely feels degraded and disappointed that she isn't enough for him and is only supposed to try whatever just to make him happy. She may actually enjoy what he is suggesting but it's the way he is thinking about her that makes sex annissue. Just my thoughts.

[@makethereaperfearyou]

She probably feels like he doesn't want her, he just wants sex. I feel bad for her. It must be a tough spot to be in.

[@karahupp4589]

No. John was a absolutely correct in what he said. This is a good guy who just wants to be more adventurous. But she seems to relate being adventurous to porn. I feel bad for her, and hopefully she can get some help so that she can relax and enjoy herself. The guy isn’t into watching porn now, he hasn’t been in a long time. I think it’s been years… She is still stuck back there, because it’s what SHE thinks about when he wants to try something different.

[@user-rc2fj9nx1l]

THIS. There was little discussion of what "adventurous" means, but the hints are that it's some BDSM nonsense that she wants no part of. There was almost no concern for her comfort, feelings, or sexual preferences. And he essentially told the guy, "You're not an addict. Stop going to group. Stop having your wife go to her group. And then slowly coerce her into more of this depraved behavior you learned from porn." 🤢🤮

[@user-rc2fj9nx1l]

​@@karahupp4589Define adventurous in terms of sex in a way that doesn't end with one or both people being or feeling degraded. That's the issue here. And I wish he had forced the caller into definitions or descriptions of what specifically was going on. Vanilla sex to him means boring. To her, it means connection and true intimacy. If he's talking about trying a position other than missionary, that's one thing, BUT she is AFRAID to look at what he wrote on the cards. To me, this says he has a kink and is coercing her to participate. So, whether it's spanking, tying her up, getting her to do role play, choking, foot fetish stuff, etc. IT DOESN'T MATTER. She is NOT into it, and he won't let it go. And this is stuff he looked at from 12-40. So, yes. It's deviant. It twisted his sexuality, and he needs to heal from it.

[@melstarr1864]

@@karahupp4589Even though he is no longer watching porn, the imagery never goes away. That’s one of the reasons porn is so detrimental. Further, I don’t know if his motivation is so much to do something that gratifies her, as it is to do something that gratifies him. He may believe that she will actually enjoy these acts because the porn actresses seem to enjoy them…..but they are actresses.

[@RightSideMama]

My gosh I wish my parents would have received advice like the second caller got when I was young and dumb. Please lord let my remember this when my kids turn into teenagers ❤

[@user-ig9ri5er1c]

As much as I don’t agree with what the 15 yr. old did. Shutting her out and doing the silent treatment does nothing to help. Eliminating social contacts does not help. More family activities, yes, more contact with sisters, more love from parents would be more helpful. I’d take the phone away, the door off is ridiculous. The silent treatment does NOT help. I was parented that way. The communication with my parents was killed with that. Silent treatment is just an indication you don’t know what the Hell you are doing with parenting. Wise up!!! You are losing your daughter.

[@makesnodifference]

The silent treatment is abuse.

[@archivist_of_dragonstone]

My experience is really similar to the third caller. My ex was cheating for the last year of our marriage, but giving me the impression that we were working on our relationship the whole time. He strung me along for months before I finally forced him to end it. I trusted him 100% to the bitter end and only found out about the affairs when one of the affair partners came forward and told me what happened. My guy, your marriage is toast. Respect yourself and move on to the relationship you deserve. Or just be happy being single, it's easier.

[@jacalyn153]

The twelve step for my son was good for a short time but there came a time that he had to stop calling himself an alcoholic. And move on with a different identity.

[@healthybalance5748]

I feel so sad for the last caller. I hope he walks away from this marriage. These are the cases that he has found out. Surely there are a lot more he has no idea. 💔

[@bffoxjr]

Regarding call 3: If your wife asks for an open relationship, you end the relationship.

[@TCAPRecipes]

Run away fast

[@moirabaker458]

It's called wanting your cake and eating it!

[@jacobkennedy1065]

The end!

[@carolyn9961]

I had similar parents in high school. I never trusted them again after a series of punishments. It was the moment I realized they were just people and had no idea how to actually parent. This lady has most likely already lost her daughter to some degree.

[@arlinedidier7766]

The worse men in bed are the ones who got their understanding of sex from pornography. Woe to the millions of women who have one.

[@jacquelineess1141]

Yes, you can always tell when a man has had "hands on" experience. They know what to do and how to do it effortlessly.

[@LoveMarshieCharlie]

I would be afraid to pull the envelopes that man wrote on too with things he saw from watching porn. Poor wife, he needs to approach this from starting over from basics and earning her trust and comfort with intimacy again.

[@makethereaperfearyou]

Preach! I've been saying this for years! When I was a more promiscuous gal before finding the Lord, it was immediately obvious which men watched porn and which had real sexual experience.

[@JustBeingAwesome]

he's probably suggesting things she feels very uncomfortable with because they feel degrading or not focused on her pleasure. Have seen this a lot with female friends, were husbands demand to tie down their wives and shove a v*br*t*r in their rear end, etc. (if you're in to that, all good for you, but those are very specific desires) And those men also call their wives "vanilla". And from my own experience: men who are into porn make very selfish lovers.

[@wmluna381]

You can *always* tell the with moves of a guy that watches entirely too much porn. 😂

[@karahupp4589]

This was the hardest one I’ve listened to. It took my back to my teenage years and my dad acting like I didn’t exist. He didn’t speak to me for years and now so many things make sense. I know that he now regrets it and we have a very close relationship, but it was the first time I had heard it spoken about in this way. My parents were married, we went to private schools and had nice things, but I was alone in the world. Thank you Dr Deloney for this episode. Very healing.

[@marilynnelson3559]

Same here, never heard it said this way 😢

[@patriciac7146]

The first couple would benefit from attending counseling with a secular sex therapist. We have no way of knowing which activities are being requested/denied or how much sex negativity/ religious sex shaming is playing into this conflict. An expert may be able to help facilitate constructive communication on this issue.

[@aprilwashington3150]

I agree, BUT.... He's been wacking off to p*** since he was a teenager and he's 31. You really think he only watch once a week? 😑

[@yvonne4978]

I completely agree that he needs to quit talking about being a addict cuz then his wife will feel like I better not do anything kinky or he's gonna start doing porn addict stuff. In her head it's probably like giving a former alcoholic a drink, like it could cause them to totally fall off the wagon

[@sEaSoNaLMiLk]

I was thinking the same thing. This could be formed into something healthy for both of them.

[@sarastrange5282]

That teenager is going to rebel even more.. taking down her door? That's nuts, my parents were very strict when I was young, never let me go out (very rare) they were trying to keep me safe but I just wanted to have friends, connection and a social life, it made me become a very introvert, shy, reserved kid who was scared of everyone and everything, I ended up experimenting with drugs anyway, you always find a way, luckily I didn't get trapped in those experiences but my parents being super strict did not help me grow and home felt like a prison, talk to your kids, you never know what they're going through

[@audreyoberg5931]

Guarantee that first caller was LDS. That program was so harmful to my husband and we didn’t realize until we stopped going. My husband went and heard nothing but “you are not enough. You are a terrible person…” I went and heard stories from women whose husbands had abused their children and neighbor kids and I had in the back of my mind that my husband was capable of that as well when he had just been looking at porn once a week-if that. John is right, stop thinking of yourself as an addict. All that does is put you down. Focus on the good. Focus on the goals. Stop beating yourself up. Your wife has been conditioned by this support group to distance herself from you. I know because that’s what they did to me. The only way to fix your relationship is to grow closer, not for her to distance from you.

[@kylaluv8453]

I can only imagine how bad the guilt for having normal human thoughts and wants being LDS, cause I know how bad the guilt was in my watered down progressive church made me feel. I mean, if everything you think and do is gonna be punished as sin anyways, might as well do it anyways. The hard part is realizing I wasn't going to lake of fire cause I had wet dreams as a teen. I broke the cycle with my kids and raised them secular. They walk around so much mentally healthier than I ever was.

[@mikegarbett4800]

My thoughts exactly. These people are definitely Mormon. Here's a tip, when you realize it's a made up religion and these people have no "authority" over you, all the guilt suddenly goes away. 😮 This guy has no addiction, he just wants to get freaky with his prude molly Mormon wife who has been brainwashed into thinking her husband is an addict. Blows my mind 🤯 Listen to me brother, you are not broken, you are not an addict. You're a good person who just wants to connect physically with your wife. End of story. Wish you luck, it's a hard battle to fight against indoctrination. I've walked that path.

[@YouMissedBro]

Latter-day saints?

[@00_DJS]

@@kylaluv8453 I am very proud of you breaking the cycle. If your kids want to believe in God, it should be their choice; not one you force upon them. Great reading your message in a sea of scummy replies.

[@AZMR240SX]

100% agreed. I also immediately thought LDS. Just imagine, trying to correct a behavior driven by shame and isolation, by intensifying shame and guilt and unworthiness and isolation… Dr. Deloney was absolutely correct. And the guy’s wife will have a really hard time reconnecting and trusting if she follows the inevitable advice to maintain distance and be suspicious. The only way these two will be able to succeed is through mutual vulnerability and real connection.

[@user-st2ex2tu3s]

A lack of love from parents makes teenagers grap way to fast to sex.

[@themodernmrandmrs]

In terms of the first caller in recovery from porn and masturbation.... if you're reading this Michael, one question is how did she respond when you came clean to her? Was she okay with it or was she devastated and now is recovering from betrayal trauma? Betrayal trauma recovery has two parts around trust: your part in earning trust and her part in learning to trust herself again. This is a behavior/addiction you said you had since your teens, probably before your wife, so it's important for her to know this addiction is not a reflection of her if she doesn't already know that. When John said sex is a dangerous thing, that is true in Early Recovery - most times the betrayed partner doesn't feel safe engaging in it. As you both move through recovery, you can both build a new fulfilling healthy passionate sex life if you both are in a place to and choose to. John hit the nail on the head with getting to the root of it - what led you to start using porn in the first place and then asking what is leading you to use currently? Many porn addicts fear being truly seen - the real them - because there's often an inner belief that if you saw the real me you wouldn't love me. That belief comes from somewhere in the past and can be a good journaling exercise. If you need resources Michael, check out Your Brain On Porn . org for the science of porn addiction. John also was dead on about using her to fulfill the porn brain in sex by requesting things you saw in porn. Part of recovery from porn addiction and betrayal trauma is figuring out what YOU like, not what porn or society taught you. Figuring out what you enjoy outside of society/porn messaging is really important. Dismantling what certain sex acts may mean societally etc. can be important to begin to feel safe enough to explore those things. There's often shame on both sides - recovering addict and betrayed - as they discuss sex, sex acts, what their sex life would like to be. It sounds like she may need to do some work around this as well as John is right in terms of her needing to be open to even have this conversation with you for things to move forward. Keep up the good work and don't give up on yourself or your marriage!!

[@Hillside-Hive]

Brilliant response

[@naomi-so5sr]

Best comment!!

[@themodernmrandmrs]

Thanks, I work with recovering porn addicts and betrayed partners so that's how I know so much@@Hillside-Hive

[@xDiananas]

Thank you so much for your comment. Betrayal trauma is a huge obstacle for sex. Like REALLLY REALLY huge. And no it’s not because the betrayer stopped doing the thing that the betrayed will magically be healed and will want sex. It absolutely does not work like that.

[@themodernmrandmrs]

@@xDiananas You're welcome! I'm always looking out for content discussing porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma as not many specialize in it and can miss important nuances. Sex is one of the things that can take a while to heal/come back after D'Day (Discover/Disclosure Day) depending on a variety of factors. Recovery (DIY without therapists, coaches, pastors, etc.) averages 7-10 years vs recovery with professionals 3-5 years to hit stability/maintenance/connection. Trust takes years to earn and seconds to break...

[@livquin8557]

DJD I think we've all noticed you're really doing your best with active listening & finding more nuanced solutions with each caller. My one suggestion for the show is the follow ups. They will be hit or miss as most practitioners know it will get worse before the healing or the changes really happen.

[@JoyleiaJo]

🙏 no condemnation, just PRAYERS for these dear people

[@TheSarah89]

Who ignores their daughter for MONTHS for dying their hair????

[@glitterstarbeau]

A gross dude. I have hope my husband will be cool no matter what (not permissive, just loving)

[@weenunu]

Mine! Lol didn’t stop me though 🤣

[@talyahr3302]

​@weenunu I can see that from your picture 😁

[@talyahr3302]

And she only dyed the tips

[@fudgesickle352]

Yeah really that was the least of his worries at least she wasn't doing drugs, big deal she put a little purple color at the bottom parts of her hair, she wasn't running around braless or tripping out on acid or sticking needles in her arms etc etc etc!!!!!

[@robertchapman4866]

Listening to the punishment this poor child is going through shocks me… the poor child. Your child will leave one day and you will not see her again… she will end up hating you. 101 on how not to parent a child.

[@Ciera_Banks]

Finally someone with common sense!!! I was saying this to myself the entire time! I was in a VERY similar upbringing and my relationship is strained with my father bc of this type of childish behaviour he exudes.

[@Avogadros_number]

Makes sense why her sisters are in the military

[@blueseptember2174]

I wonder why some teens are all in the dating and intimate world yet i was still watching pokemon. 😅

[@PinkRose0910]

It depends on several factors.

[@PeaceBeStill-]

Same 😂

[@MirjanaPucarevic]

Back in the day people got married at 16 so it's not do odd.

[@thebigredfish]

Please do that second call on "what is appropriate reaction for a sexually active teen". That call was heartbreaking, and I feel like a dad like THAT dad would hear that call and still not know what to do because there's no consequence.

[@tomlisa555]

I would love to hear an episode on what is appropriate responses and disconnection in times of chaos and misbehavior of preteen and teenage kids. The lack Of resources and tools leads to much disregulation and overwhelm. As a parent who is acting as a cycle breaker, we need these tips!

[@corissab]

Oh my gosh. Just me casually listening in getting better insights to my childhood in an hour that in 29 years. What the heck. Was not expecting that. Thanks Dr Delony!

[@asyabey]

That first caller sounds like he's been damaged by purity culture

[@annalau2596]

Yes, and he does not at all sound like an addict. Just this idea regularly looking at porn equals immediately is an addiction.

[@ZombiePinupBarbie]

Last caller- that wife is a greedy manipulator, shes prob going to start getting defensive when you bring it up instead of fake sorry. And shes still going to make selfish choices, hide them, and gas light you. "Open relationships, " shes looking forward to cheating. Shes got FOMO and cares most about herself.

[@abbyxiong3931]

I agree. He may still be living in their teenage years and not wanting to believe that she has hurt him and was being unfaithful. She has not changed for the better. I don't think so because she is still asking about being with other people. She is done. Please move on and find a better person.

[@jazzye_92]

I can definitely relate to Michael's story, also 31, had parents wprking in the church, dealt with pornography as a woman for almost 20 yrs and carried around the wrong identity since even before then. I was trying to formulate counterfeit connection while also keeping up the what I believed to be the expectations of what people always said about me, "she's such a sweet girl... A good girl... She's so innocent" meanwhile I felt far from it. I felt I needed to be perfect to gain acceptance and be lovable even though I had amazing parents who never taught me that, I honest dont know where the mindset came from. As a Christian what set me free was first finally telling my mom at 25 yrs old and asking for help, then learning who I am in CHRIST. Replacing that former identity with the one HE gave me. Constantly calling yourself and identifying as a slave when you've already made the decision to leave that prison cell is only going to keep you enslaved in a worse way, because even if you went years, even decades, not acting on those former things, you'll still be a slave in your mind which will always hold you back from truly moving forward to fully live in freedom.

[@cathyosullivan718]

I know 15 year olds shouldn’t have sex; a few of the girls got pregnant at that age when I was in school. She made a mistake though. They should speak with her. What’s the point of cutting out her after school activities?

[@sometimesising1016]

Because she can skip and hook up. They're trying to limit her opportunities

[@talyahr3302]

Punishment. Taking a girls social life is like taking away a boys video games (but worse because social interaction is a human need).

[@tomnohmy1273]

I find it hard to talk to his wife about sex too

[@hansonallie]

😹🤪😅- Genuine lol!! Thank you, needed it!!

[@TCAPRecipes]

Keep trying lol

[@AZMR240SX]

You’re trying the wrong wife, you want the one from the third call.

[@May-qb3vx]

Me and my first boyfriend talked about sex (I was 25 and he 28), but only enough for him to criticize and judge me for not having any prior experience. Yes, I’m clueless. Yes, you’re having to teach me things. No, that doesn’t mean I don’t really want to have sex with you. No, it doesn’t mean you then have the right to tell me to break up with you and go have a bunch of random partners just to learn sexual things

[@glitterstarbeau]

Not the dude for you.

[@AuntGrace]

😮so sorry you were treated like that instead that you were a special precious partner. Don’t see how he could be a keeper. Just my opinion.

[@May-qb3vx]

@@AuntGrace he wasn’t. I broke up with him anyway

[@fudgesickle352]

You deserved a much better boyfriend!!!!!

[@May-qb3vx]

@@fudgesickle352 thank you for saying. It definitely left an impact and had me insecure

[@24kGanksta]

I would love to hear updates on past callers.

[@dunklerkaiser1]

Once a week? This is like going to a AA meeting with people with liver failure and confessing that you once in a while drink a wine cooler and are so ashamed.

[@Will-ef2tw]

😂😂😂😂

[@scoobydewbie]

lol thats what i thought also

[@AZMR240SX]

Yeah. And the comments here are full of people who are convinced that the dude wants to do all kinds of horrible, humiliating, degrading things “to” his wife… really unlikely. You don’t get to be that way from looking at porn once every week or a few weeks. More likely, he just wants an active partner in bed, and his wife isn’t interested in being that and shamed him for wanting sex for the fun of it. It’s not an excuse, it’s not OK, but to jump to conclusions like he wants something disgusting isn’t helpful to anyone.

[@tentrickspony8925]

I agree...he's not an addict. he just wants good sex and his wife isn't sexing him good and beating him down for his sexual desires.​@@AZMR240SX

[@karahupp4589]

@@AZMR240SX there are definitely an interesting mix of opinions out here😂

[@sharonkrzyzanowski2283]

This really hit me hard! ...like a lightning bolt! I have a food addiction and a terribly dysfunctional childhood. I couldn't figure out how they meshed until I listened to this! Thank you, Dr. John!

[@jennacook2505]

If they really want what’s best for her future like they claim they do, they don’t take away extra- curriculars that could help her future and she can add to a resume. This is clearly about their ego and not concern for their child.

[@peggybaby0894]

Consequences for lying yes, consequences for sex no. We as adults can’t make sex a shameful gross thing. It will mess them up as an adult. 😢

[@xxsniperkittykatxx]

Considering their reaction to her having sex it's not surprising she lied. They're not safe, to be honest around.

[@TheEquiss]

Yah mine got into the porn and it became perverted and disgusting. Gross acts he demanded. It got worse and worse. I had no say. Everything he wanted was just what he watched in porn. Divorced now and I will never ever deal with anyone ever again. I’d rather be single. Otherwise I’m stuck dealing with another pervert. Easier to be alone.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️

[@00_DJS]

That’s sounds awful… it must feel disgusting and shameful, even though you are not the one that wanted this. I don’t want to give unsolicited advice but I think it might be good to go to a (female)psychologist that you feel somewhat comfortable with. I do not know you but I do already know, you are worth to much to isolate yourself like that forever. Please try to heal from whatever this pervert did too you! Who knows, maybe in the future you will find a good husband, and if not that’s fine too! At least you will feel a little less awful after therapy, I am sure of that. I wish you well in this bad situation, kind regards from the Netherlands 🇳🇱

[@ElizabethSotiria]

Last guy is broken, he’s too forgiving and that’s why she will keep doing it.. she doesn’t love him, or herself, she’s moving so recklessly it’s actually scary. He needs to give her consequences, something is not clicking here.

[@YouMissedBro]

Been there, highschool sweetheart 3 months before our wedding was banging a coworker. It breaks your brain as someone who was "if she cheats, send her right to the streets". 2 weeks after confession, I tried everything to justify it was my fault and to get her to stay. She wouldn't just leave and kept seeing him behind my back. Made me be the one to pull the plug when I found the pictures. If you really love someone, that level of betrayal breaks even the strongest men.

[@mckenziemorris5414]

Imagine fully sabotaging your daughters life because you feel disrespected lol

[@sometimesising1016]

Imagine thinking a kid should have a sex life. This comment section is gross. Is this a white American cultural thing?

[@K_M.G]

They are saving their daughter's life. People like you create single teen moms who end up struggling through life. You are not your child's friend, you are a parent.

[@jacquelineess1141]

She is FIFTEEN. 💀

[@wonder12374]

Last caller - Sounds like your wife found a safe place in you but didn't really want to be with you so she cheats to get the men she really wants and come back home to her "safe" marriage, with her "safe" husband to raise her kids with and live a stable "safe" life with but she has absolutely no respect or attraction to her "safe" husband what so ever.

[@nicme]

The silent treatment, especially to your child is abuse. And why describe your daughter as promiscuous for sex with her bf?!?!?! Thats not promiscuity. Her dads ego is hurt, not his feelings. He got shown that his parenting wasnt sufficient enough and so his ego is hurt. I think parents forget that sexual desire as a teen. Your on fire down there. In a good way. And that wears off and we forget how strong that physical feeling is. Its hard to accept that our children are entering into having that sexual desire. Get over it. They are people too.

[@bz3548]

My sister knows this 15 year old who have loving parents, she’s very close to her father and she can talk to both of them about anything. Right now all she talks about is having a baby. Parents don’t know if she’s sexually active, but what they do is give her advice. Explaining the consequences of becoming a mother at her age. They are worried, but always are showing her love.

[@nt3833]

Trying to live your life with a spouse that cheated on you sounds like pure torture and misery. They can change all they want and those images will still pop up in your head. Don’t need that toxicity in my life. Cheating is so unfair and not worth it.

[@RealRickCox]

You manage to find so many interesting and diverse relationship situations.... I don't even know how you're able to help some of the people who call in.

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

The parents... harsh. This is not the way to handle that situation. If you have mutual respect with your kids and not be so dang controlling all the time, kids don't act like this. YOU created the problem by trying to control every aspect of her life, not showing you trust her and not genuinely connecting with her. You are pushing her away. She will leave and wont come back for years. You're burning your bridges with your own child.

[@DownHomeDavis]

The parents of the 15 year old are going to absolutely destroy their relationship with their child. So sad…

[@tinam761]

At least mom is trying … hopefully she follows through. There is some hope here. Dad … doesn’t look real hopeful right now …

[@glockbell]

So, the first caller is Mormon, right? Almost certainly not an addict, but John is always good about accepting people's beliefs as they are.

[@tundeterez]

It seems like this guy is using the word "addict" as a word that relieves him from guilt and removes the shame. His voice has a kid tone to it, as though some sort of trauma happened to him in his youth - sexual trauma - and he turned to porn as a result because it was familiar teritory, just a theory.

[@CRobinsonpk]

You are more than likely right. Nice guy syndrome.

[@ArkansasDeerChaser]

100 percent

[@todddarbyshire7944]

From the couple who had the porn situation, you seemed to take the point of view of the male. I guess you couldn’t hear me yelling at you, that he is expecting her to jump into his black whole. As a male, he thinks of her like the actors in a porn, that she will really like it. He thinks of it as sex, often and robust! From a female, who was a virgin when married, her expectations, were that she will be cuddled, gently kissed, and, simultaneously, move to the next step. It’s not sex to her, it’s love making! We know her children are young, with new laws in the USA, she knows that she may have more children than she wants. She may work in a busy career, do all the house work, cooking, garden, drop off, pick up, sleep overs, birthday parties, shopping, gift giving, accounting, money management…etc, etc, etc! He wants to see everything through her eyes, because his Addiction, which is uppermost in his mind, is not hers to join, it’s his to FIX!

[@karahupp4589]

Um what?? First of all it’s hole not whole. But that is beside the point. And thank god we couldn’t hear you yelling while he was talking. The man wants to be more adventurous in his sex life with his wife! News flash, lots of wives are have crazy fun sex with their husbands and it has nothing to do with porn. And there is such a thing as birth control. She doesn’t have to get pregnant every time they have sex. Tell me the truth…Is this real or are you just trolling? You sound like someone who’s mom told you that you just have to tolerate sex for the sake of your husband, and now I feel bad for you. Sex is a normal, vital part of marriage. And trying different things keeps it exciting. If the guy were depraved or deviant he would not waste his time calling into this show to figure things out. He would be out in the world acting them out. He sounds like a kind, decent young man who loves his wife. But that comment made me feel like I was in the twilight zone.

[@Love_cats584]

This!!!!!

[@kylieky7]

I had the same experience with my parents when I was a teen and it did exactly that, pushed me further to look for connection outside because they shamed me and pushed me further away. But now as an adult if I was put in their position as a parent it would be a really difficult thing to know how to properly handle, but I think at the end of the day more connection really would have helped me.

[@DonardoHenry]

My parents were super strict (mind you i think i was a good kid, good grades, never even had a gf until 19, and had no behavioral issues)!and i keep everything from them. Its not thay i think they're bad people, i love my parents, but id rather not deal with the potential backlash. That being said, the 1t year old girl is absolutely wrong (i dont even know how to begin punishing that) but i think the punishment is juat going to lead to resentment.

[@glitterstarbeau]

I tried to share some things with my parents recently (I'm 40). It didn't go well. I feel you. Sometimes our parents don't want that kind of relationship

[@twinmama16]

That first caller, I wonder what he's asking her to do and why is he judging what she wants so harshly? It feels like it's all about what he wants

[@tiredtreasurestore]

Probably nothing that bad. Just laying there with no interaction. Don't cut it anymore ladies. It's not the 1950s. Men want participation..

[@sarahjaye4117]

@@tiredtreasurestoreProbably not that bad to who

[@makesnodifference]

@@tiredtreasurestore if your partner is just laying there, she literally does not want to be there. How did you find yourself with an unwilling partner and how can you even want to be with one?

[@galaxythree4653]

There is a REASON it is called FANTASY.

[@asyabey]

I called it.The first caller came from a religious background and was probably raised with sexuality being a sin. It seems to me that he has a dysfunctional view upon sexuality.

[@sandicook10]

The porn guy it doesnt matter if it is once a day or 9nce a week the point is he admits he cant stop. So yesit is some form of an addiction

[@Gjheexhigddc44]

To the parents of the 15 yr old sneaking her boyfriend in, this was me and my parents acted just like you ……they don’t get to have a relationship with me or my children. So you may want to change how you are handling things.

[@brannonlittle718]

New listener here love your videos bro. Keep up the great work!

[@ericworley4361]

She has already solidified her perception of him as an addict and his interests as being of that addiction. If shes already less than sex positive and is just a "duty sex" kind of wife there's not a whole lot that is going to change this unless her whole attitude towards sex changes on her own terms.

[@Will-ef2tw]

Why would he choose her then. If he is adventurous why did he marry a prude?

[@robinw360]

She's not a prude, he's a pervert. He violated her trust, chose porn over his wife, and participated daily in an industry that abuses men, women, AND children. The question isn't why won't she do these things with him, but why would she?

[@0ctoPop]

First guy sounds like LDS and that makes things so much more complicated. Forbidden things are actually FORBIDDEN.

[@amaragrace94]

These are his beliefs as well. Don't blame her. They are Christians. That is why they waited until marriage. Porn is considered a sin because you are lusting (imagining sex) with people outside of your spouse. That is why the bible calls lust, adultery of the heart. As a fellow Christian, the Lord has forgiven him. She needs to leave behind the distinction that he learned xyz from porn. She has underlying resentments that need addressing. I think they should look into non-pornographic resources that has explanations and illustrations for different acts and positions. Start fresh. They need to be able to be vulnerable with each other without judging what the other person would like to try. I would have her pick one new thing a month that she is comfortable trying. Same for him. What are each of their green lights (that looks hot/absolutely want to try), red lights (absolutely nots), and yellow lights (the maybes). They need to discuss "why" that thing appeals to them. For example, in cow girl he gets to look in her eyes, kiss her, play with her boobs, admire her beautiful body, touch her, and this resource says women are likelier to orgasm in this position and seeing you and feeling you in pleasure excites me. They need to be mentally/emotionally intimate first. Rebuild that safety/trust first. Then ease into daily physical affection just because. Discuss what physical and sexual intimacy means to each of them. Discuss love languages. Intimacy is about connecting and understanding each other, not using each other's bodies.

[@ginadow3375]

This. I can totally relate to the idea that a partner thinks of me as just a convenient body to use. And that is an impossible place to be vulnerable in.

[@naomi-so5sr]

First call: wife doesnt wanna feel like an outlet for his pornified brain, she doesnt wanna feel like a porn star

[@rachel4339]

They have no real understanding of what they’re dealing with because of religious trauma, it has nothing to do with his brain being “pornified” nor her being an object…

[@SolorockinOne]

Unless, of course, it’s someone she genuinely desires sexually.

[@ruthirwin8222]

Yep exactly, she wants connection to him by seeing the whites of his eyes

[@Love_cats584]

Yes. she was a virgin and it’s probably just content to have normal sex because it’s all new to her. He’s been doing it for years and years and years and this is the first time for her. I can speak because I’ve had experience as a virgin with a husband, that is a non-virgin, like this. It doesn’t mean that they’re not adventurous. It just means that they’re still getting used to normal sex and intimacy and creating a connection. He already has a decade on her of having sex. this is her first decade in reality. It really does mess up normal intimacy. He probably has problems with emotional connection too.

[@ArkansasDeerChaser]

I have a feeling this dudes envelope suggestions were some crazy stuff. You jump off armoire and land on me!

[@CrystalM1917]

😂

[@coachclaudiawith_hope]

That call with the 15 year old sexually active was tough. Mine are still tiny. I can not even imagine the emotions. I can not Monday morning quarterback but I commend the mom for calling in. In her doing so, she will change for the best outcome. I pray for the best.

[@dc2894]

Why is the mom laughing? She strikes me as a bad person. Her daughter did something natural and her parents lose their minds and to make matters worse the mom is talking about her daughters business for the whole world to hear. Mom sounds like she married a little boy.

[@iraklisspainhower3465]

For the last caller with the cheater. John went through a lot of stuff when all he had to say was divorce her. End of statement. End of everything. And no, they can’t build something new. That would still make him the guy putting his hand in the bag to get bit.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

If you watched John for any length of time he doesn’t suggest divorce UNLESS there is abuse involved. If somebody wants to divorce a person, he will compassionately support them and walk alongside them but it’s clear this caller isn’t interested in ending his marriage!

[@ladycactus110]

I agree. Pushing for a continuation of this sham marriage is calling for the emotional abuse (on both sides) to go on and on. It’s irredeemable at this point. And we really can’t tell who is to “blame.” What contributed to the wife’s weird and desperate actions in the first place? Was the guy a craven dud? A milk toast, passive, oblivious partner? I hate to think of what the kids are seeing/feeling.

[@sarahalderman3126]

This first caller, his wife I think may be the single luckiest wife ever. A man who actually WANTS, desperately so, to be faithful to his wife is literally one in a million! She has no idea how blessed she is.❤

[@PrincessHVHHDSSS]

I highly recommend teaching your children about anatomy and physiology, around age 10, with a medical book, explaining where babies come from, menstrual cycle, sperm, eggs, etc, and also teaching love, care, service, kindness, morals, marriage, ...and remember that a healthy parent wants to educate and be available, ... ... not curse, control, and lock up their children, from life. Such good luck. I believe in God and that He created a safe place for sex, in holy matrimony of marriage. The Holy Bible teaches to "keep the marriage bed pure". Keep reading The Holy Bible, and plead the blood of Jesus Christ Son of God, daily. Love in our Lord Jesus Christ, Princess Holly 🕊🌿🌳🍀🌱☘🌴🍃📯🥁🕊🌿

[@miscellaniac3367]

A once a week masturbation habit does not an addict make. This is what severe religious indoctrination does to people. Damn.

[@nikkita1688]

Clearly this is something he deems immoral, yet he goes back to it over and over. So, he is calling it an addiction. It has nothing to do with your biases.

[@lelamaciolek1166]

This once a week activity can make a man act weird when he interacts with women. He may act like a man that already has someone and it attracts women that feel low and short term settling.

[@hunternichols6273]

​@lelamaciolek1166 would you mind elaborating a little? I think what youre saying is likely true but I dont fully understand. If not no worries have a greay day :)

[@hunternichols6273]

You're right, however I got the sense that he was downplaying how often he did it. People with that kind of addiction can easily do it more often because they will take any chance they can get. Every time they go to the bathroom is a chance, every time their partner is asleep and they can sneak to another room. Every time their partner is out late with friends.

[@amaragrace94]

​@@nikkita1688 exactly

[@annamineer2521]

This was the most interesting and enlightening take on addiction that I've ever heard.

[@AbidingHopeMentalHealthCoach]

The identity with the addiction is my #1 reason for being hesitant to join a 12-step program. I don’t want that identity. I want identity of Overcomer, not Addict. And I am finding that through other ways. I’m glad John is challenging that right out of the gate.

[@jenniferparadise4987]

This was such a sweet response to the husband. He needed to hear every bit of this. And the response to the mom with the 15 year old made me emotional thinking about my own childhood. 😣 pleaseeeeee do another video on appropriate responses from parents. I’m from a very broken family background with abuse and need all the parenting help I can get.

[@yvonne4978]

I can guarantee that daughter is daydreaming of running away

[@orntelove]

I’d love update episodes if possible

[@Charamanur]

I'm sorry John. This is the first time I will disagree with you on a first caller. He sounded a lot like a pervert, and I'm afraid to imagine what he was pushing his wife to do for him. It might have been very disturbing things for her to do. I'm afraid after this call he might start manipulating her to do things that will mess up her physic 🙁

[@TheEquiss]

Yep I dealt with that perversion. It got very disgusting and would become violent if he couldn’t live out his nasty porn scenarios. I got divorced. I will be single rest of my life because I won’t put up with the perversion and degrading mess. Not worth it.

[@USpatriot741776]

I mean it can vary for everyone. My wife was hesitant to try anything that was not missionary so who knows.

[@ginnydavenport3303]

I love Dr.Delonys insight. Wow amazing all calls.

[@SMH610]

First caller: Your wife is setting boundaries. accept that. Saying Im not comfortable with that. Is her saying NO! No is a full sentence. I hate that this conversation was two men trying to convince a victim of abuse to do things in bed she is not comfortable with. NO IS A FULL SENTENCE. YOUR WIFE IS NOT YOUR PLAY THING.

[@jzenlasaar7558]

Not what he said. Your projecting your own emotions onto that man. You don’t have all the context to say that he thinks of his wife as a “play thing.”

[@johalexa2010]

Sorry John, but I don't think you handled the first caller correctly. I understand what you were trying to say as far as what might've caused his addiction in the first place and the fact that putting labels on himself will not be beneficial in his recovery process, but the way you almost completely disregarded his wife's feelings and trauma wasn't right. She's a victim of his addiction, she has the right to go therapy as long as she needs it, you made it sound like therapy was not that necessary for her. Who knows what he fed his mind with all those years and you just gave him a green light to go to his wife and ask her to do whatever he wants. After the betrayal and pain he's put her through, she's the one who has to fulfill his sexual desires? How about encouraging him more to approach her in a non-sexual way and try to connect with her emotionally so she doesn't feel like a sex object? How about him learning the difference between making love to his wife and having sex?

[@Love_cats584]

YES AND she was a virgin and it’s probably just content to have normal sex because it’s all new to her. He’s been doing it for years and years and years and this is the first time for her. I can speak because I’ve had experience as a virgin with a husband, that is a non-virgin, like this. It doesn’t mean that they’re not adventurous. It just means that they’re still getting used to normal sex and intimacy and creating a connection. He already has a decade on her of having sex. this is her first decade in reality. It really does mess up normal intimacy. he probably can't emotionally connect either.

[@MessagesFromAurora]

1st call 3:00 2nd call 27:00 3rd call 50:05

[@slk1451]

To me that first caller is closeted.

[@CRobinsonpk]

More than likely he’s a “nice guy” . He puts all of his aggression into porn as a stand in for his day to day woes. Most Women don’t get turned on by agreeable men.

[@hunternichols6273]

What do you mean? A closeted gay man? If so, is this because of his voice?

[@YouMissedBro]

Lol George Santos pic, he would know 😂

[@Imaginarysonics]

The word addict doesn't have a meaning anymore for Christians in regards to porn. There are so many nefarious grifting organizations in the Christian world surrounding "porn addiction" - what's clear is that the sexual hang-ups and repression Christians have surrounding sex leaves them wholly unprepared for marriage or to view sex as anything other than filthy, dirty, and sinful. It's no way to live or be married, and when things break down, porn becomes the perfect scapegoat so nobody has to view their church or ideology as the real reason things went south.

[@tylerdean3489]

I don't know about general Christians, but I have had good experiences so far with solid Catholic teaching but not great experiences with general Christian teachings. Catholic teaching is that the reason porn is bad is because it isolates the fullness of the act. The reason it is wrong is because sex is so good. It is the way in which we partake in the life giving love of the Father and the closest thing on Earth to mirroring the perfect love of the Trinity. Porn is bad because it takes such a good act and distorts it where instead of loving the person, you use the person for your own benefit. It's an intrinsic evil because of how it uses people instead of loving, takes away the life giving love, and ultimately is unfulfilling. Knowing this has been really good for me because I know that it is good to have sexual desires but I must use discipline and love in order to save myself to give myself to my spouse. Church teaching has been deviated from and Christians don't openly talk about it that way which totally leads to the problems you've mentioned. I agree with you that it's a problem, but I don't think Church teaching is the problem at all but rather the lack of understanding the Church's teachings.

[@ashleyduckworthyt3224]

@@tylerdean3489I disagree with you only bc I converted and Catholics policed the conversation around sex SO much more. I was told that being on birth control and having sex other than to make a baby wasn’t what god intended. 😅 so it’s pervasive everywhere.

[@tundeterez]

Both are a catalyst for chasing a high.

[@SomeBody-ce3gq]

100%! Even I who am not religious, have had to unlearn a lot of shame and guilt around sex, not only from religion but from society in general. I am aware though that most of this podcast's viewers are religious people. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this mindset here!

[@Imaginarysonics]

The Catholic view surrounding sex and childbirth doesn’t even make sense from a biological viewpoint, which goes into how repressed that church’s stance is. A woman can only get pregnant under a very specific set of circumstances while she’s ovulating. And there’s also the quiet shame surrounding miscarriages which never sat right with me regarding the pro life viewpoint considering plenty of babies die in the womb which doesn’t back up a view of a God caring about the unborn. I disagree that there’s a misinterpretation of the Church’s teachings on sex and porn, I think their view altogether is the real culprit.

[@marthabergin9023]

Great conversation John. You've answered questions for me. Thank you. Hope that guy and his wife can sort out their relationship or non connection.

[@mitsubachi6865]

2nd call : I totally understand that the parents got furious because their daughter let a stranger into the house without their permissions. She has to be punished. But the sexual part, they're doing too much. They'd better be sure the young people have been using condoms instead. Least they might face even more unpleasant consequences. Forbid teenagers to do a thing, they will crave it even more, especially sex. No more intimacy at home? No problem she'll do it outside. In less safe conditions.

[@hansendesigns]

I don’t think once a week is an addiction. I believe he needs to rethink the whole situation. Sad he wants to have fun and will never.

[@ryansack5198]

Totally agree with people making being an addict their identity is awful.

[@SelmaAymara]

But if his son was sneaking to a girls house at 15 the dad would give him a high five 🙄

[@fudgesickle352]

Not a father with good moral values that really doesn't want his teenage son to be having sex and possibly get a girl pregnant only dumb Dad's without good moral values would give their son's a high five and they probably cheat on their wives as well!!!!

[@tanyahylton3354]

The problem with expecting your partner to mimic what you saw on TV & became your fantasy is that the porn industry thrives on the objectification of women. There are a lot of things done to women in porn that is demeaning and borderline violent and leaves them feeling used. I agree with John that your interest is in intimacy with her had to be they key- not just pushing to copy what you saw on tv.

[@TheCata82]

That first caller is no sex addict.

[@mitsubachi6865]

Once a week doesn't seem like an addictive behaviour

[@Love_cats584]

not necessarily. He is in a way. He is depending on that for fulfillment. she was a virgin and it’s probably just content to have normal sex because it’s all new to her. He’s been doing it for years and years and years and this is the first time for her. I can speak because I’ve had experience as a virgin with a husband, that is a non-virgin, like this. It doesn’t mean that they’re not adventurous. It just means that they’re still getting used to normal sex and intimacy and creating a connection with each other. He already has a decade on her of having sex. this is her first decade in reality. It really does mess up normal intimacy. He probably has trouble with emotional connection too.

[@d.c.d.8985]

I had a father and mother exactly like this. It took me years to get over what their poor parenting did to me. My father died almost two decades ago. I love my mother but I resent her deeply for never protecting me from his rage. I still have trouble making connections with others, romantically or otherwise. These people shouldn’t be allowed to have children and of course they brought three children into the world to ruin their lives. It’s not surprising BOTH older sisters went off to the military as soon as they could get free. I also left my parents home as soon as I graduated HS and didn’t look back.

[@Skyler_Rain]

I got caught sneaking my boyfriend in Jr. year and my dad also ignored me, so did everyone else in the house. No phone, or computer, could still play soccer but thats cause he wanted me to go pro one day, immediately was taken to my first gyno appointment, dad asked the lady if I was pregnant or if she could tell if I had a past abortion, never really had a talk to me about it. Just shamed me. Continues to this day every once in a while and Im nearly 30.

[@deborahgrogan1919]

First caller - that poor woman is in a "damned if she does, damned if she doesn't" situation. If she concedes to her husband's "needs" she's fueling his addiction. If she doesn't she's frigid. One of the takeaways I've gotten from these podcasts as a woman is the concept of need vs desire - the difference between being a mom vs woman to your partner. I wish Dr. John had suggested that the husband focus on his wife more - things he could be doing to help her feel wanted and desired; to ask her how he can pleasure her, rather than "I want this or that" and "she's too vanilla". There's a big difference between switching up positions and BDSM. He needs to put his focus on her rather than himself. There was no mention of romance, holding hands, or other types of foreplay - without the end goal of sex - that this relationship seems to be lacking. She might surprise him over time as she grows more comfortable with feeling desired and her needs being met!

[@Love_cats584]

YES. AND she was a virgin and it’s probably just content to have normal sex because it’s all new to her. He’s been doing it for years and years and years and this is the first time for her. I can speak because I’ve had experience as a virgin with a husband, that is a non-virgin, like this. It doesn’t mean that they’re not adventurous. It just means that she is still getting used to normal sex and intimacy and creating a connection. He already has a decade on her of having sex with no connection. this is her first decade in reality. It really does mess up normal intimacy. He probably doesn't emotionally connect either.

[@HopLowHops]

Caller 3, if you stay with her, you will never get over it.

[@AZMR240SX]

And he shouldn’t try to. I’m sorry that they have children together, but that is some crazy deceitful, incredibly self-centered behavior. He’ll have a hard time trusting anyone ever again.

[@michaeldodd9260]

When guys like Jeff can’t answer this issue for themselves I am not surprised it’s happening.

[@brendalhunt9720]

What a great show where have you been my whole life? Thank you.

[@AndiAlexander1]

Excellent advice to the parent.