I’ve Never Felt Sexual Desire for My Husband

[@RickysPlums]

She is the kind of woman every man secretly fears marrying

[@isabella6075]

lol

[@BD-1-And-Only]

@@isabella6075You belong to the sewers isabella, quit commenting and go back to being a bitter fatherless astrology girl. If you want a man, which you do, hence why you’re so bitter, then you need to quit being a sexist pig online and become the woman a man actually wants. Otherwise you’ll die alone with your cats and with zero friends.

[@Bucks797]

@@isabella6075You’re beyond gross isabella. Not just in appearance, but also in personality

[@leafyishereisdumbnameakath4259]

​@isabella6075 *one of the kinds of women.

[@jayviktor6130]

And she's the kind of person most men get stuck with because they're all deceptive and insidious. Bait and switch.

[@brynleyjones2674]

This is why it's better to get rejected instead of getting someone to give you a chance. It will hurt at first, but it will save you from an empty and miserable relationship for both people.

[@FrostyBob99]

Absolutely. Take the hit and move on.

[@ONETimothy2.12-14]

This is true but an inaccurate characterization of this situation and this woman. It's apparent that most commenters here haven't been in a long term relationship for over a decade because news flash. Her situation is way way more common than people think. Every couple I've ever known has gone through it including myself. Difference being that people generally get passed it having at least as much good sex as they have bad. Despite internet users applying unrealistic and inexperienced context to everything, this woman represented herself VERY well by expressing that she sees the value in her marriage and her family and that she's not even considering leaving it. The extremes in her case of 30 years have more to do with playing catchup to an oversexualized culture that isn't her own. If not for that she'd have had the conversation with him a long time ago instead of imagining some hypothetical pleasure that's too difficult to obtain. Imagine as a man having to play out some novel every time you have sex with your wife.

[@openranks4519]

@@ONETimothy2.12-14relationship dynamics change overtime. Can’t expect a spouse to fk you at age 25 the same at age 45.

[@ONETimothy2.12-14]

@@openranks4519 I would agree. Was there some disagreement with my comment?

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Classic Chad widow case. Once she got the dopamine ups and downs by the fboys, there is no return. Also shows how much neurotypical women hate neurodivergent men like on autism and ADHD spectrum.

[@godislove4540]

I feel bad for her husband. I never want a partner of mine to keep something like this from me.

[@Melissa.712]

Good luck😂

[@Ralph_Kreutzberger-Blumenfeld]

@@Melissa.712 modern day women are like this...

[@Zwird]

@@Ralph_Kreutzberger-Blumenfeld He's lucky she didn't cheat

[@Zwird]

Losing attraction to someone is not a crime or a bad thing. If you have a small one or you gain weight, chances are your wife won't be as attracted.

[@Zwird]

If he was satisfying her in bed she would clearly be more attracted. He's clearly not so this falls on him.

[@Coupal1]

When I lost respect for my significant other, I lost complete and total attraction to him.

[@kmariamv]

That part

[@annomalli]

Have you told the partner this? They deserve to know

[@mightymouse1005]

For me, being physically attracted to someone isn't about their physical appearance. It's about their heart and soul, how they treat me and make me feel.

[@KFontLab]

@@mightymouse1005and you wouldn’t be shallow if you did care about appearance.

[@juanvaldez5422]

You were cheating… I know y’all’s code . You ain’t fooling anything

[@GeekyGizmo007]

It isn't about her "not wanting to hurt his feelings" it's about her not wanting to feel bad for hurting his feelings.

[@cosmictreason2242]

@@Austenfan177you think she's not gonna take half of everything when she can?

[@KingPorter]

Perfectly said👍🏾

[@jayviktor6130]

No, it's about her losing her easy life. It's about her having to go out into the world without his support. She's a lazy gold digger.

[@ngpdreamteam2k4]

@@jayviktor6130bingo

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Classic Chad widow case. Once she got the dopamine ups and downs by the fboys, there is no return. Also shows how much neurotypical women hate neurodivergent men like on autism and ADHD spectrum.

[@l-train7876]

I feel so bad for her husband. I can’t imagine how lonely and rejected he must have felt for the last 30 years. Poor man deserves someone who truly desires him.

[@oambitiousone7100]

Imagine how SHE feels going through with sex to someone she’s not into?!

[@OopThereItIs77777]

She basically said she doesn’t like him & we don’t know why. There’s more to this than

[@jeremym8490]

@oambitiousone7100 If she didn't want to have sex with him she probably shouldn't have married him.

[@l-train7876]

@@oambitiousone7100 why would she have sex with him if she wasn’t physically interested in him? Why did she marry him? This is on her.

[@oambitiousone7100]

@@l-train7876 she was attracted when they were first together. Also, we don’t know her background. Maybe nobody looked twice at her and she figured he was the best option. Maybe they raised kids together and she stuck around to make sure that job was done. You all act like she strung him along to torture him. Rather she tortured herself.

[@sarahsbakingcreations]

This is why I say "Don't ignore the physical." This is why I would always roll my eyes when people would say to me "The physical isn't the ONLY thing that matters!" Duh. It's not the only thing that matters. But it cannot be ignored.

[@il-conte]

True. Without physical, it's not a romantic relationship, period.

[@beyondthesacrosanctbreeze]

Exactly, your just friends. I like how she said hes her "best friend". You know what best friends dont do? Lie and gaslight you into destroying yourself.

[@michaelgay6553]

An honest woman with a brain !

[@disco4535]

Physical is a massive part of you determining that youre attracted (or not) to someone. Absolutely should not be ignored

[@karenaskenaze5298]

@@il-conte , yep with no attraction the person is just a friend!

[@elpusegato]

She's not attracted to him, she's embarrassed by him, and she's been lying to him for 30 years. What a lucky guy.

[@wordysmith]

happy to take the money along the way though

[@hbadge22]

Exactly my thoughts. Selfish and money hungry.

[@hv2328]

:/

[@SobrietyandSolace]

This is why we need to stop condemning women for rejecting men or being the ones to most often instigate a breakup. She has unknowingly done him cruelty as well as being unhappy all this time because of societal expectation. She feels more mean for saying she doesn’t want to be with him or leaving than she does for staying but acknowledging all his flaws

[@leexiong5545]

​@hbadge22 some people would rather be with someone they don't like rather than be alone. Not about money

[@pupplylove3003]

I like how everyone is saying don’t marry someone you’re not sexually attracted to!! I’m 30y single and when I tell people a man that has his stuff together, is nice, check all the boxes, but I wasn’t physically attracted to him they always tell me to give them a chance… bruh I will NEVER force a relationship or feelings. Worst advice lol

[@Zwird]

Society has convinced some women that looks don't matter when they do matter a lot.

[@Gabster1990]

Women aren't as picky with looks compared to men though.

[@mikew.5286]

​@@Gabster1990incorrect. Women are more picky on looks. Only 20% of men are attractive to women.

[@mikew.5286]

People that are guided by feel-feels are destined to be alone. 🤷🤷🤷

[@alishavogel7926]

​@Zwird looks aren't everything and sometimes attraction doesn't come from just physical appearance. However, looks can be a turn off as well.

[@JBSRCS]

“Your sexual dysfunction.” I wish this had been discussed more. I think this is less about the husband and more about her.

[@Gloriagal78]

Asexual for sure

[@steeleheroesmedia4699]

Duh!!

[@elettramia6380]

@@Gloriagal78a sexual for sure? Says who? This woman said she’s Not sexually attracted to her husband, she NEVER said she wasn’t sexually attracted to other men

[@Lja310]

Maybe

[@LateNightRewrites]

​@Gloriagal78 nah she just doesn't want to tale accountability for lying to her husband to preserve her cushy life

[@stephd.4574]

I’ve listened to calls where John is talking to people about pedophilic relatives, serial cheaters, horrible abusers, and THIS call shocked me almost as much as those. Just can’t imagine giving 30 years of my life to someone and allowing them to be my spouse and finding out that they’ve hardly liked me the whole time. That betrayal would cut me to the bone. I also couldn’t believe how little reflection the caller had engaged in - it really felt like she had never sat down and thought about her sexuality, her happiness, or her interests.

[@citrustaco]

This is far more common than you think. It's just that people don't want to talk about it. For women, they may like what the man brings to the table. He may be a provider and pay all the bills or even be as far as giving her a life of luxury. She may not like the man, but she may suck it up to have an easier life and lie than struggle. Especially if she is low wage earner and struggles with underemployment. This is a main component of hypergamy. Also for women, a man may constantly pursue her over and over. Just keep pursuing her until she gives in because this is what we teach men to do in that men should chase. She could get to a point where the man loves her, she's not feeling it, then he proposes and she'll feel the pressure to say yes to not disappoint him, especially if it's in public, only to disappoint herself where she felt she couldn't say no. Her family is congratulating her and all kinds of stuff and she just goes along with it. Women can lie a lot about their attractiveness to a man that goes above just faking orgasms. Also for both men and women, sometimes one will just take whatever is there. It may be their only option and they would prefer that than being alone. For both women and men, sometimes religion can play a factor too where they fake their sexuality and take one for the team or else they are committing sin. And there have been many couples who have faked it all the way to the end of their lives all in the name of righteousness.

[@otrebla8944]

​@@citrustacovery well said.

[@bigcraig79]

She's not a sexual person. Just like I don't like coffee.

[@iloveallah3519]

I can’t even believe i listen this

[@eff9266]

yes. it has been pronounced. "i want to do what's right". "i don't want to disappoint him". maybe it's about how religious her family was. or childhood trauma of consequences of you disappointing someone. and lots of other fears. you close up inside yourself and never let anyone in your soul deep enough. you just try to meet the requirements you were once told and expected to and you stick to it. never feeling freedom to find and even think about the real you. you become everything what surrounds you. anything except the real you amd your desires. which you even can't formulate because not let. who ever let her say what *she* wants and needs? in her childhood? has anyone of her parents?anything what she needs, not must do and stick to.

[@anthonypassarelli5534]

Her response to any question that could provide some clarity: "I don't know"

[@grndouwn7338]

even now she can't be honest

[@quietestkitten]

It's really difficult to know these answers when your sexual orientation is different than the mainstream. Because everybody tells you that you WILL fall in love with the opposite gender and enjoy sex with them. I don't know if she's gay or asexual, but there's something going on that she doesn't have the words for.

[@1Icyman]

Gaurantee she was promiscuous when she was younger and he was The Back-up Plan

[@1Icyman]

At least she didn't cheat. That's the go to cure for unhappy women.

[@Veracityseeker7]

​@@quietestkittenEither that, or the guy has a ton of money. She just wants a comfortable life. It's really hard to know, because she is dishonest.

[@joziewales1965]

I’m that guy after 27 years of wondering. I finally divorced her and have had the best 10 years of my life.

[@beyondthesacrosanctbreeze]

Happy for you brother, and glad you made it out alive! 👊🍻

[@gforce97]

if this were me, i would sleep around

[@cloudmatik]

Peace be with you bro 🙌✌️

[@alineted108]

​@@gforce97and get diseases?

[@jroark101]

No you’re not

[@bitcoinmaster3634]

Don’t do me no favors, let me know. So I can go else where I’m wanted. No hard feelings.

[@randybobandy9828]

But you have money and security.... She doesn't want to use those things when you go elsewhere... 😂 That's her entire problem.

[@hillsideonly]

​@@randybobandy9828absolutely brutal out here.

[@Crazyced]

There is no favour done to him, that's an illusion. She doesn't want the cushy boat her marriage is.

[@user-kp3rc4eq8x]

Most men will end up in a dead bed room eventually. They usually turn down the woman who loves them and chase after the one out of his league

[@sjejsj7615]

@@user-kp3rc4eq8x that’s literally the opposite 💀 men end up in dead bedrooms because women want stability from the man they aren’t attracted to and cheated with the man they are attracted to

[@Regansaidso]

This has nothing to do with her husband being objectively physically attractive. This is about how she feels about him and this manifests in her sexual desire for him.

[@thelucariamonarchs4889]

She could have said that but no because she knew it was gonna be game over but still keep at it, lying

[@Regansaidso]

@@thelucariamonarchs4889 yes it seems like she resents him

[@texasdazzlers]

I agree. Once she really got into the nitty gritty of her feelings towards him, it’s clear she has no respect for him, and that will absolutely affect sexuality. John said it best: “You don’t like him.”

[@franziskani]

It is possible to like a person very much and not FEEL DESIRE. Lack of desire could be caused by hormones, by childhood trauma, etc. etc.

[@franziskani]

@@texasdazzlers John did "not say it best" - he was fishing for a reaction. She had said before that she liked him and he provoqued her - it is a way of digging into the truth. Her protest was not very strong but she did not agree. Also: she likely is nervous when calling, so harder to connect to the innermost feelings.

[@Mirro6112]

That sounds like she just doesn’t have any sexual attraction at all. Like she just doesn’t feel it. She said she tried everything and she’s scared to have NEVER felt it. That’s a deeper problem.

[@questionablehistorian9335]

She's asexual, but aromantic.

[@frfr202]

Not necessarily a problem. Some people just ain't got it. Only a problem if you lie about it or refuse to accept it.

[@Mirro6112]

@@frfr202 It’s a deeper problem for their relationship and her. Not a problem as in “bad”. She is probably asexual and beating herself up for it and making herself do things she doesn’t want to do. That can be traumatic.

[@frfr202]

@@Mirro6112 facts

[@Rainer125]

She will be extremely sexual once she matches with 6,4ft Chad instantly :) just like all women

[@marchosch3876]

There's something she's leaving out. She's not telling the entire story.

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

Yeah, is she a lesbian? Unless he's both physically and psychologically a monster, I don't see how it's possible that she's never had even a shred of attraction, unless she isn't capable of attraction to men. Honestly this doesn't sound fixable. Either they need to acknowledge that this will just be platonic, or move on to find more compatible partners.

[@name9601]

everything, it's never been her story.

[@WilingtonProductions]

Yea one of 3 things, all bad, because she is a liar. She’s not attracted and has lied about it, she’s lesbian and has lied about it, or she’s already cheated and she’s lying about it.

[@holdonC]

Especially when asked if she would be attracted to a different man she said no. Sounds like a her problem.

[@Doin_the_Absolute_Most]

@@holdonCShe was lying about that because it would allude to her cheating. It’s over for buddy.

[@darrisprice9311]

“Maybe I’m afraid of the consequences”… She said the quiet part out loud. I feel for her Husband. You don’t wait 30 years to be honest with your “best friend”!

[@wordysmith]

yes being on her own and having to pay for her own stuff in life. Poor man, carried her for years and got nothing back

[@melkerner]

Yeah, now that she has used him up - she is looking to cash out and trade up on his dime.

[@tbe0116]

John drives me nuts. There is no amount of romance that is going to change her mind. That’s a red herring. Any ‘roadmap’ she comes up with is just going to frustrate that man even more because there is nothing he can do to fix this. She fell in love with the idea of a husband. She didn’t love him. She wants what he gives her, but she will never want him.

[@Fitmom312]

John just believes in the sanctity of marriage.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Classic Chad widow case. Once she got the dopamine ups and downs by the fboys, there is no return. Also shows how much neurotypical women hate neurodivergent men like on autism and ADHD spectrum.

[@tbe0116]

@@Fitmom312 Are you sure? He told this woman to tell her husband of 30 years that she’s never been attracted to him, doesn’t really like him, and to give him a ‘roadmap’ for how HE needs to fix it. This is HER problem to fix (since she created the problem) and John told her to dump the entire thing on her husband’s lap. That kind of behavior is not going to save that marriage.

[@Blackpill149]

He is bluepilled. Two decades with no sexual desire, no love. Means it's dead relationship. There is nothing alive in that relationship. Dude wasted decades of his life for this dusty

[@nickdiggerz]

@@tbe0116 They do that a lot on these Ramsey channels, they always put the woman's problem on the man. Regardless of whether the man had any input in her bad decisions or not. There is no fixing this situation, if she was never attracted to him there is no cure for that. No amount of counseling, prayer, spiritual healing or any of that useless crap will magically solve this.

[@felisleo101]

This woman stole the most precious thing a person has: time. She stole 30 years of his life. And she threw away 30 years of her own. Because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

[@sonderexpeditions]

They both played a role. So many people delude themselves.

[@tentrickspony8925]

She doesn't actually care about his feelings. She has no respect for him and that's why she could lie to him for so long

[@LeonLindProductions]

​@@sonderexpeditions What did he do??

[@annomalli]

@@sonderexpeditions no they didn't. It's ALL ON HER. He asked her about it and she lied to him. He noticed and asked her and she lied. She said it herself. Dont bring the man into this

[@neechee5150]

@@sonderexpeditions He asked her point blank if she was sexually attracted to/interested in him, and she flat out lied to him. She needs to be held accountable for her lies and purposeful deception.

[@shawnlove4502]

Women were told they didn't have to be attracted to their husbands, but its just not true. We all want an attractive man, it is what it is.

[@GameOnShanny]

I've been told this a lot.

[@shawnlove4502]

​@GameOnShanny Yup and now it's backfiring because women see the light.

[@shawnlove4502]

​@@Melissa.712Ask your mom

[@Yourenotsmart1999]

@@Melissa.712I’ve been told this plenty of times

[@angelica7236]

This is true. Your husband doesn't have to be a 10 but there has to be some level of physical attraction. This woman is a prime example of what not to do !!!

[@ajackstrades8513]

The “I don’t want to hurt him” is absolute bs. She likes the security he provides.

[@theeviltwincrisis6980]

exactly she is a parasite

[@johnjone965]

What she means is I don't want to hurt him because I don't want to deal with the consequences of my husband who wants to be desired finding out I'll never desire him.

[@therealdarrell282]

@@johnjone965I agree. If the caller is not attracted to her husband, she needs to admit it and accept reality.

[@unwokeneuropean3590]

We have a winner here, Johnny. Ofcourse it's all about safety. This woman doesn't want to lose her meal ticket. She hates him but she never had the better tree branch to hold herself to. If she had found the better higher branch she would have dropped her husband 20 years ago.

[@imenehaddad2860]

I hate how when men don't find a women attractive, it's taken at face value and the man just gets to move on with his life. When women don't find a man attractive it's analysed like a problem to be solved and the women is vilified. This is why I don't give anyone I don't feel intense sexual attraction for a "chance". I just keep it moving and save everyone time and heartache

[@warrensloan3467]

“He’s my best friend but I’ve lied to him, don’t want to be out with him around people and have denied him basic attraction from his wife for 30 years.” What a wife, and what a friend.

[@Gunotforlyfe]

😂 if this is how she treats her BEST friend I don't even want to imagine what happens to her enemies! ☠☠

[@Zwird]

He probably gained weight or has a small one. She can't help her lack of attraction.

[@Zwird]

Don't gain weight or have a small one. She can't help that she doesn't find him appealing anymore.

[@Zwird]

She can't help that she doesn't find him appealing anymore.

[@WillIam79-c7f]

​@@Zwirdshe never did. She should regret saying "I do" and taking a huge part of marriage for both of them.

[@teresacrow7578]

I lied 24 yrs. I finally told him. We are now divorced and he now has a beautiful wife that loves him. I am so thankful that he finally has what he deserves. He hates me for it. But I'm ok that I got right with God, myself, my kids and him.

[@geo865833]

I am a 29 year old man, not married. This lady's entire behavior and immaturity is my absolute greatest fear when it comes to love and relationships.

[@Zwird]

Make sure to be attractive to your partner and satisfy them and this won't happen

[@roathripper]

fake news has become a motto to live by in this twisted modern world.

[@WillIam79-c7f]

​@@Zwirdor tell your sisters to stop taking resources from dudes and lying.

[@as2223]

Don't live in fear just learn about character traits and pay attention to the signs! She likely hasn't dealt with past trauma and took it out on her husband the past 30 years. She chose to live in a lie and that was likely her comfort zone. I'm sure there's much more to her story, usually is.

[@ashleysalazar2012]

She said he knows she isn't attracted to him. She lies to him. I think you would know if someone isn't attracted to you. A lot of these phone calls are similar. People know the truth, they just feel better being lied to.

[@kiesh82]

This is such a fascinating show. So much of my life I thought that people only got married if they loved the person, the relationship was healthy, and at minimum they found them attractive. The reality of getting married just to check the box is shocking to me.

[@geofferypmeyers]

I truly think that many marriage have been built on a farce because of societal norms. I mean, we’re basically just now figuring out that asexuality is real. And women have only had the right to their own bank account for slightly over a generation and the norms are just now catching up. Marriage has been “checking a box” for people for a very very long time

[@Berserk1Manga]

Its actually insane to me how many people irl ive met and they told me being attracted to the person isnt necessary for successful relationships. Im glad to hear you say this.

[@sjg5994]

Me too. It's amazing to hear women say that they never really loved him.

[@sonderexpeditions]

Arranged marriages....

[@michaelh2282]

Most people throughout human history didn't get married for "love." It was just something you did because it was expected of you to be a proper "man" or "woman" in society.

[@gap2376]

I can not believe that her husband doesn't know this. You can feel when somebody is not attracted to you. Very strange situation.

[@name9601]

or shows why he doesn't do it for her if he can't pick up on things.

[@brendanconlon8292]

To be fair, he kept asking her and she kept lying to him. It sounds like he does feel it but also doesn't want to believe his wife would lie to his face for 30 years.

[@hmmm2564]

​@@brendanconlon8292 you don't even need to ask if you know what it means when a person is sexually attracted to you

[@natashadickson4819]

She's faithfully doing her duty. He should be grateful that she didn't divorce him and take half of everything.

[@JT-rx1eo]

​@@natashadickson4819Yea but she is also no doubt delusional. She is older now so her sexual market value has no doubt declined, whereas his probably has not. That's the way it works. Aging means different things to men and women in terms of sexual market value. I bet she's no sex object at this point, after 30 years. Go ahead woman, insult him by telling him she has found him sexually repulsive for 30 years. He'll dump her. She'll collect cats and be embittered for the rest of her life.

[@tripleekitchen...6676]

She definitely lied to Dr. John, when he asked her, “ are you find yourself attractive to other people ?

[@jamieseto4435]

I can tell you are not a woman. We are not wired the same as men.

[@pearlg3468]

Most likely

[@crazeekids9744]

It sounds like more than a lack of sexual attraction. From what she says, it sounds like a lack of ANY attraction.

[@JDAfrica]

Bet when he leaves her, and other women want him … she will feel instantly attracted to him … oh, and of course, when she has to pay her own bills … she will question whether her feelings were worth the gutting of her marriage.

[@Alnava-ml3wn]

The husband is probably a nice guy and she secretly wants a bad boy.

[@scott4825]

She doesn't want to be around him socially. I'm guessing he makes good money.

[@IAMHERE486]

Attraction matters to women and people need to stop saying we’re not visual.

[@whatthe3504]

Your really not look at f2f relationships bunch of whales or unattractive females the type dudes wouldn’t give the time of day but with girls they have a chance.

[@reggiestockton8166]

Y'all are the ones always saying that BS not us 😂 everytime I tell a girl that looks matter they always say they hardly matter and just be nice and have a good personality 😂 meanwhile when i was less attractive I got treated like dogshit and now that I'm better looking I get treated 20 times better by women now 😂 its women that perpetuate that because you want to act like angels that aren't shallow. But no men denies that looks are very important to them.

[@TheRealHerbaSchmurba]

Why do y’all keep assuming its purely physical attraction thats the issue when she explicitly states that his adhd and his social incompetence is the reason she feels she doesnt like him. It’s not that she isn’t physically attracted to him, she doesn’t respect him.

[@IAMHERE486]

@@reggiestockton8166 We don’t say that for the most part.Ugly men tell women we shouldn’t worry about looks so we can deal with them.

[@reggiestockton8166]

@@IAMHERE486 I literally had a conversation with some ladies at work 2 hours ago and that's what they said to me 🤣 stop lying. Ugly men that can't get women are invisible. Nobody cares what they say or think they hold no influence in the dating scene whatsoever. Their complaints fall on deaf ears 🤣 I've only ever heard women say that being nice and having a good personality and being emotionally vulnerable and all that bullshit is attractive and what women truly want 🤣 stop lying

[@TheRealMusic4Life]

To be brutally honest, it's selfish to consider finally being honest after 28 years. Take it to the grave at this point. SMH

[@therocinante3443]

Yeah right, she can't miss this chance to create an insane amount of drama.

[@unwokeneuropean3590]

But the guy feels this. No way he is blind to her behavior. It could be good him to finally talk about it.

[@SergioKoolhaas]

I disagree. He should know the truth. The truth shall set him free.

[@rmsfootball63]

Then she gets to run off and get dog pounded by the whole neighborhood while poor guy tries to put his life back together.

[@ManuB3581]

Yeah. Better not to tell now.

[@janaeg3523]

This is exactly why people should stop trying to guilt women into dating the "nice guy" that she doesn't feel any attraction towards. You could be the best guy in the world but if there is only one-sided attraction, it's never going to work. And keep in mind that attraction has way more to do with chemistry than physical appearance.

[@demonvictim]

The reason why people tell women to date the nice guys is because follow your instinct leads to countless horrible experiences and multiple baby daddies since its easy for women to lose attraction during ppd as well as knowing every single imperfections that you know about them. Now how likely is the guy who got her going not going to care for her and ditch her for another women. Now you have multiple broken homes because of this and can't get anyone married. Marriage was never about love it was all about stable growth of family.

[@theprodigalson4003]

Or, you could encrourage them to give those people a chance, looking at their good qualities above chemical reaction of attraction and have the introspective the and guile to leave if that chance doesn’t spark anything! Not lie for 30 years

[@loganjackson675]

Women should take accountability for their actions. It’s possible to date men who treat people well and are attractive. For every story of “settling” for an unattractive nice guy, there are a hundred women who end up single moms because they got knocked up and abandoned by an attractive scumbag. Give nice people a chance and have the guts to say goodbye if the attraction isn’t there. The options aren’t between marrying assholes and marrying platonic bffs.

[@sucram1018]

​@@theprodigalson4003 Nice guys usually lack understanding of how relationships work. They usually have to go through nonsense just to become maturer for a relationship.

[@frannybanny9683]

As an attractive and smart 36 years old woman I've been single mostly of the time...With every relationship I learned a very valuable lesson: being alone is not as bad as feeling alone while being in a relationship for rational reasons and without true connection and sexual desire. In my late 20ies I felt "left out" because everyone around me was getting married and having kids...now a lot of them are getting divorced and I must admit...I'm somehow happy that I didn't settle down for some random guy just to be a wife and mother.

[@Disappointment12907]

This woman doesn't even really like her husband. That poor man, she stole his whole life.

[@kramer1372]

..sucks…yeah, he should have left years ago…my only regret with my own divorce, was not doing it sooner, nothing can make up for lost time…and u will never talk someone into being sexually attracted to u…

[@sonderexpeditions]

I mean, so many times people say looks and attraction is superficial. That it's not important. It's very common in arranged marriages.

[@DudeTastic13]

I don't know about that. If she didn't lie, I'd say she's also confused about what this roadmap to her own happiness is. Maybe she came from a home that bottles that stuff up. In another words, she doesn't even know because she was never taught to ponder it. She just accepted that she's a wife and she needs to do A B and C, but these A B and Cs aren't fulfilling for her. And I think her hubby is also, as she said, a little ADHD-ish, maybe a little dense when it comes to reading her feelings correctly. Men aren't built to decipher women's wants and needs automatically. I'm sure when she lacks desire for him, there are signs that he's missed, which in turn builds that resentment even more. But I'm also perplexed as to why her counseling didn't work. A lot of that is geared towards discovering yourself, who you are, your past, what you desires are, etc. So, some things don't add up if she said she tried everything and they didn't work. The only thing left is she's wired as a asexual who just doesn't like intimacy. The longer we hear the call the more question marks for all, that's for sure.

[@bignickenergy723]

And the thing is, he may say that he's out. He may say that he's wasted 30 years of his life and he doesn't want to anymore. What I thought was really unfair of John to do is sit there and say that she needs to give him a road map to her heart. What's he going to think of that? Oh boy, you've lied to me for 3 decades. Every romantic thing I thought we had has been fraudulent. And now I have to follow a road map to your heart?! WTF! This chick stole 3 decades of his life when he was at his prime that he can't get back. He may not want to waste another second of it.

[@antmanselector]

@DudeTastic13 I've seen myself itbhas nothing to do with the man. Thr ma. Can do everything to gmhelp women like this but no amount of help will change a narcissist who doesn't want to change women like this don't realize or care how their actions negatively effect others so wen u have a woman like this is time to run ur sanity will depend on it.

[@luke53285]

You can hear it in John's voice. This woman got under his skin. How he talks with people like this without losing it is a testament to his patience

[@dyoung3648]

Because as he said, he is ADHD

[@heatherchandler1184]

@@dyoung3648how does that have to do with getting upset at a woman who wasted 30 years of a man’s life?

[@TheAutuitiveSings]

@@heatherchandler1184you can Google information like that ❤

[@shawnaaustin3396]

Men separates sex and live but women don’t.

[@gg_ingy]

@@heatherchandler1184 Because she brought up her husband had ADHD and it was embarrassing to her.

[@slowrunn3r88]

I dated a very sweet woman for a few months and she fell really hard - I’m not sure what happened but I lost interest very quickly, but kept going with it (I guess hoping the feelings would come back - they did not), she kept falling harder Eventually I decided I had to cut it off immediately, and not make it worse for her Needless to say she was confused and devastated, but a week after, she contacted me and thanked me for ending it when I did, and appreciated me for clearly at least caring about her Our society puts too much pressure on getting into a relationship and “attraction doesn’t matter!” (Yes it does), and doesn’t encourage truth and honesty

[@protoman2260]

💯 and Jane’s husband was correct when he said you either have it or you don’t. That wasn’t a lashing out or sign of frustration, it was simply reality. If you don’t have that “I’m gonna jump your bones” mentality with someone from the very beginning you will never have a relationship. Merely a friendship, if even that.

[@chattingman6777]

Bro you soical like a simp. The majority of women are to be used for or sexual pleasure. It's not that complicated we smash thots to bust the dump them. If you find a decent woman with great qualities then make her your girlfriend. The women who think looks matter are obviously dumb are they ready to be replaced in several years. When a newer better model is out.

[@randybobandy9828]

Wtf do you mean "fell hard?" Like falling off or falling in love?

[@slowrunn3r88]

@@randybobandy9828 she fell hard *in love*, she started loving me more everyday while I realized “dang.. :/ I guess my feelings aren’t coming back”

[@sittowardi6781]

@@slowrunn3r88why do you think that happened? I am in a situation where I feel my fiancé isn’t sexually attracted to me, but he loves me for my other qualities such as same values, same interests, I bring him peace, etc. I am way more sexually attracted to him, and it makes me feel insecure. He says he’s never been “all over” any one of his previous girlfriends, so he says it’s not just me. Your thoughts?

[@susanalbano1153]

She has suppressed her real feelings from him for so long that she can't articulate what she needs.

[@JDAfrica]

She needs to be grateful for him paying for her life and for giving her kids.

[@staceyk2274]

@@JDAfricahow do you know she's not the higher wage earner? Also "giving her kids" is an absolutely ridiculous statement. If there is anyone giving someone kids, it would be her sacrificing her own body to create those children.

[@JDAfrica]

@@staceyk2274 statistically, no ur incorrect. YMMV

[@Ddx629]

​@@staceyk2274So women can father their own children without a man? Gotcha. I love when people who buy into the B's that feminism sells don't understand how biology works.

[@JustBeing_Mell]

I feel bad for the husband. I definitely don’t want to use colorful language to express myself, but she waited 30years to tell him. She is really selfish, that she stole his life from him; in terms of him finding someone who would love him for him, and who sexually attracted to him. Damn yo, these are one of the things that makes people snap. Like omg, that’s trifling. Period.

[@highlovevibration]

Very true...what a waste

[@hell2thennnaw]

Idk why people love being victims. All humans have the power of intuition, discernment and free will (not counting cultural/religious duty/madness, cults and imprisonment). I'm sorry i don't feel bad for people who refuse to take control of their lives due to fear of being alone or simple cowardice. Unless shes the greatest actress he knew there was/is estrangement (which she said). And no I'm not absolving her for her lack of honesty. The way i view life is its up to me as an individual to recognize bs and remove myself from it then to wait around for someone to do "right by me". Only for it to be 30years later and a mf still cant do right by you 🙄 no thanks id rather be alone. Truth is most would rather live a lie then accept the simple truth in front of them. No sympathy!!! Man the f up and direct your life accordingly but nope people submit to cultural and societal pressures. That's on you!! Welp that's the result, Congratulations!!!

[@iamjessie.b]

Right! I know he’s felt the rejection from her and she didn’t have the courage to leave 30 years ago? This makes me so sad for that man. This is heartbreaking for him and trifling of her

[@ogolden8315]

@@hell2thennnaw100% agree with you. Also, I’m tired of people acting like many males don’t prefer to live of “deliberate ignorant bliss” when it comes to certain things in their marriage. For many males, as long as they are getting their needs met (even if not as frequent) then they are okay with the rlsp being the way it is.

[@oambitiousone7100]

If she had told him when it started , she’d be accused of being shallow and not committed. She can’t win with anyone here.

[@Newday288]

I don’t think she’s alone. I think MANY MANY MANY women are not sexually attracted to their husbands. I think this is kind of normal

[@chinneynz7861]

Thank you!

[@GettinJunkDone]

Is it normal for a man to not be attracted to his wife? Is that ok?

[@Manifesting_Secret_Sketchbook]

Yes it is. It's normal. ​@@GettinJunkDone

[@Boosted_aj]

@@Manifesting_Secret_Sketchbookit’s not normal. It’s common but not normal. Nor is it a good thing for either side.

[@n.8899]

That's why you need genuine sexual attraction from your spouse /woman /girl

[@kiki11974]

The caller is one of those women who didn’t want to miss the train to the middle class. As a result, she decided to settle for a man who she doesn’t want to be with because it allowed her to live the life she wanted. A shame because 30 years of wasted time makes no sense but I think it happens more often than we think

[@digthewarmth]

Women do this for less than a middle class life too. If they're socialized that they're supposed to get married, and they're told to focus on a man's goodness and ignore attraction because only immoral women care about sex, then this is what it can lead to. This is more common than people think.

[@kiki11974]

@@digthewarmth ok, I’ll give you that. Either way, zero logic to spend 30 years with someone who doesn’t make you happy in all ways

[@martinamccline1314]

Exactly what I was thinking!

[@supernova11711]

Or sometimes it’s just that people change and fall out of love. Then they’re in it with two kids and a house and realize they’re just repeating the motions. Even harder, sometimes you just don’t know. I’ve heard the saying “You’ll both fall in and out of love with each other over the years. All you can hope is that you don’t both do it at the same time.” That’s normal I think but…where’s the line and who makes it? And of course things are going to annoy you sometimes it would be impossible to spend that much time with someone and that not happen. Life and marriage is messy and complicated. It’s not the fairytale most people go into it thinking it’s going to be.

[@franziskani]

@@supernova11711 She loves him it is DESIRE that is lacking.

[@ruantristancarlinsky3851]

She spent 30 years tying this man down while somewhere out there, there exists a woman that would have spent 30 years adoring him.

[@14catsand1human]

This! Allow the man to receive love and admiration from the person who desires him. Be so considerate that you let them free.

[@bignickenergy723]

Yes, and she stole the prime sexual years of his life that he can't get back.

[@floatingsidewalk1]

Exactly

[@lyndawest923]

That is the sad part of it. He deserved a woman who really does love him. Something beyond a partnership.

[@sopranosd]

But HE also has a responsibility to sit her down and say what is going on. And to get therapy and take care of himself. He could have left and he stayed in a mom/son relationship. He totally deserves better AND he is also responsible for looking for it.

[@respectabletampodcast]

I am speechless. She needs psychological help. Romance is not the source of the problem. This goes way deeper. The fact that she let this fester for thirty odd years, despite him trying to address and resolve the issue, is wild. Either it's truly not safe for her to express herself, or she feels trapped due to family, religious, or societal pressure.

[@bigcraig79]

She doesn't like him or even love him. She likes the marriage and not being a wife. She likes the lifestyle and not the provider

[@greenAbbot]

@@bigcraig79 How did you get “lifestyle” from this? And how did you decide who is the “provider”?

[@user-kz1kb1wk4m]

​@@greenAbbot lifestyle means the "idea of being married" if you're not sexually attracted to husband you no longer see them as your husband and you're just stringing them along to fulfill your "perfect marriage" fantasy.

[@user-kz1kb1wk4m]

The real victim here is the husband. He's had a pretend wife for 30 years. If you don't see her behavior as psychopathic your insensitive and bias.

[@BarnzTT]

​@@greenAbbotBelieve me no woman would support a husband that she is not sexually attracted to. This is a very dumb question.

[@bernicehatsu3022]

Don’t marry someone if a behavior of theirs puts you off It may seem very small but it becomes worse in marriage.

[@frankiewillis1772]

That is very true.

[@RachelSings21]

THIS!!! It absolutely magnifies

[@WoodyJ98]

Well some people are put off by an oz of fat on the stomach. This is a problem. Everyone wants a unicorn

[@DAce-vu5ct]

No one's gonna hit every box sadly

[@xavier7666]

I’ve never heard someone so unsure of what they want/don’t want. The entire conversation was “idk/I guess/maybe” and often sounded put out by even being asked to specify. How the hell do you intend to fix anything?

[@stephaniwagner637]

Perhaps she just doesn't know herself very well

[@lilolmecj]

It seems maybe she has some childhood trauma, or something that has her in a relatively asexual state.

[@ReginaMcNeish]

⁠@@lilolmecjyes, trauma for sure!! But also cowardly as a result of the trauma. She doesn’t even really know what she likes/wants DUE to the trauma (I blame her mother. She did poor job of teaching her daughter not to let a man you don’t like to get access to her like that.) To be honest BOTH of them are cowardly. He knows she doesn’t want him but he stayed.. I just wonder how she mustered the courage to allow him to get on top of her FOR 30 YEARS!!!! Even if it’s once year I COULD NEVER!! Then again I’m not a coward………👀

[@oambitiousone7100]

She’s a people pleaser. She’s put his feelings above her own.

[@tinalove8197]

This is actually a very common issue Many women aren't sexually attracted to their spouses now or when they met. But got with him anyway because he was a good man and hoped the attraction would kick in. I almost married a man not sexually attracted to 2xIm glad I didn't and waited. The problem is many good men are physically undesirable unattractive. Being a good man isn't synonamous with being a physically desirable man. The two aren't mutually inclusive. We need to have the discussion of how to make good men physically more attractive. Theres this myth that women aren't as visual or mens looks dont matter. Thats not true. Women are simply TOLERATING UNATTRACTIVE MEN.

[@SassyL62]

my parents both shows major signs of adhd all that she stated time blindness, over talking, talking over other people, verbal diarrhea lolol but they are the coolest people ever and perfect for each other true soulmates. They shine together 🌟 love them

[@user-il2oy5kb7f]

Yes but both those people have ADHD, that’s very different.

[@laserbeam-fx9qv]

She is not sexually attracted because she doesn't like who her husband is as a person. She has been continually annoyed and displeased with him for 30 years. Yet she has never had the courage to be honest with herself and with him.

[@ilykepink]

Basically

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

Perfectley stated.

[@minoozolala]

She says they’re “in sync”. She likes him overall but doesn’t like aspects of him, especially the ADHD aspects. I had a super good friend once. We really liked each other, loved each other. He was brilliant and funny but also had his quirks. We later became lovers and I quickly realized I had zero attraction to him as a lover. I really didn’t want to hurt him. So I see how it happens. But I ended the lover relationship pretty quickly.

[@name9601]

@@minoozolala except you don't see how it happens, as you didn't marry mr quirks.

[@minoozolala]

@@name9601 You missed my point. I was brave enough to be honest and risk hurting him. I can see how someone else might not be.

[@lisabrightly]

I suspect this goes on a lot because when I look at some couples I really dont see any type of enthusiasm or excitement between them. You can just tell that there's no fire or flame between them. Not to mention how so many people let themselves go and don't seem to care about their physical self at all.

[@tbe0116]

Lack of sexual attraction kills most marriages. Especially for men. If the husband is no longer attracted to his wife, there will be no affection, etc. Friend zone.

[@TEM14411]

So true. It isn't about lack of attraction...it is about repressed /unacknowledged trauma (often sexual). It shuts women down. They don't want intimacy. They will use their body initially to attract and secure the "provider". This is often what they were "taught" by the abuser. The woman perpetuates it in her marriage and lives a lie....blaming the man. Men do this as well. I am just speaking from a female perspective.

[@eljoshsfgaming6335]

She’s straight up just lying to Dr John here. When he asked if she’s attracted to other men, she purposely avoided the question. It’s not that she didn’t understand, she chose to not understand so she could skate being held accountable for not being attracted to her husband.

[@thelifeofmaryd.2494]

EXACTLY! Ive heard of women not finding their husbands "attractive," but NEVER heard of a woman not knowing *why* . Shes trying to preserve her reputation.

[@Jaco3688]

No doubt she married her husband for his wallet. This is what happens.

[@kari25nov]

In my opinion she just wants attention and create confusion. She is not serious or genuine, but she is playing a game with Dr Delony. I will suggest that this video is removed from the Podcast because Dr Delony deserves better:)

[@alberttang6955]

@@Jaco3688 She couldn't lock down the hot guy to provide for her 28 years ago, so she settled for a guy from her Friend Zone rather than risk being alone.

[@Jaco3688]

@@alberttang6955 🤔 A well-worn storyline

[@peanutnickels9448]

This call reminds me of the wisdom an older person gave to me. I expressed to them that I couldn't believe someone I knew as being a somewhat quiet, shy, and very sweet person was in such a mess of a relationship. And they responded "many people that don't speak their minds, get away with their own bullsh*t. They can think and hide the worst thoughts and feelings about others without anyone ever calling them out on how horrible it is". That has stuck with me since. It even helped me because if I had a mean or nasty thought about something I would think, "what if I HAD to speak this thought right now?" and I was shocked at the shame I felt. I started auditing my thoughts this way and has made me a much better person, genuinely.

[@monicabatt9430]

Omg you just blew my mind with this comment thank you.

[@diamondrain260]

I'm single and there's pressure on me to basically settle for a guy I'm not attracted to if he has a lot of other good qualities. But I refuse to do this to myself and a man. I would rather wait and be single until I meet a guy I'm very attracted to. But yeah there is a TON of people telling me to find a good man and don't worry about looks/sexual attraction.

[@digthewarmth]

This!! I'll keep waiting too. Guys with both good character and good looks are out there. There's so many people trying to call women foolish for wanting attraction too. But lack of attraction leads to disaster for everybody involved.

[@xxx0ox0]

I agree but at some point if your lucky both of you will be in your 60s and most people are not attracted to elderly people. It's a fine line to navigate

[@Diashi1267]

The problem seems to be that women judge physical attractiveness in men much more harshly than vice versa. That is, women find most men unattractive. If only say 20% of men pass the looks test, how will women en masse find long term relationships? They won’t

[@BeeTimesTwo]

One hundred percent!!

[@coconutwater4531]

Exactly, we’re shamed for wanting a good man who is also attractive and pressured to get married young. Those men typically aren’t in a hurry to settle down so if you wait to find the full package it’s usually not going to happen by any deadline. This is the result of pressuring only women to rush to marriage. Yes, they will marry the one who is available for marriage even if he’s not a good fit. And he seemingly benefits from this arrangement by getting a woman who is out of his league, but then he’s surprised she’s not as into him as he’s into her. You can’t have it both ways!

[@CanadianLuvCrush]

This is a result of the societal pressure to get married and settle down. People end up marrying people they don’t really love. It’s a tragedy.

[@thelucariamonarchs4889]

Its still her fault lmao

[@kellya3162]

People end up marrying people they barely even like.

[@brandonprice1301]

@CanadianLuvCrush I don’t necessarily think you’re wrong about that, but how could you possibly be so naive to blame “society” for a decision like marriage. How about we emphasize taking responsibility for one’s own decisions instead of assigning blame to this often imagined “pressure”

[@name9601]

@@kellya3162 to hate.

[@jbug884]

@@brandonprice1301 it’s 💯 society’s fault. It’s seen as weird to remain single and childless as a woman. There’s pressure from parents to date, then get married, then have kids, and in that order. A lot of people don’t want this, but when you’re in your 20’s and naive, you just get swept along with society.

[@fatgreta1066]

Couples therapist here, great clip and HEARTILY agree that not hearing that from a therapist previously is brutal.

[@Nipponsuki]

She probably had a family that taught her to people please and be a good girl. Put everyone else's needs above your own. It's hard to speak up for yourself and use your voice when it's been shut down . I think figuring out and working on her boundaries will be so important. There maybe deeper trauma here that needs to be healed. I wish her the best with love and compassion. The journey to healing , self awareness and emotional maturity is a hard one. Also there are So many misogynistic comments saying she is a gold digger and all this crap, these are the same guys that want women to be their wife, mother, lover, maid , take care of the kids and also work full time it's like heaven forbid she is unable to do all of these things. People are complicated and there is more to life than money besides most women are in fact working full time or are pursuing higher education.

[@marcusj5135]

One of the difficulties with women is that their sexual attraction is completely separate from their platonic attraction. Sounds like she married someone she has a lot of camaraderie with but that doesn’t contribute to sexual attraction with women. Most important thing to have from a woman, romantically is her respect and admiration for you as a man. Friendship should be the cherry on top.

[@RepentImmediately]

She said she was attracted to him in the beginning. Women tend to lose sexual interest in their partner over time.

[@kayjeffs3741]

​@PLD.608 no we don't. Not unless it was never there, or he stops taking care of himself...or he changes in a negative way.

[@kayjeffs3741]

Wrong. The best thing you'd want to have from a woman romantically is sexual attraction. We can respect and admire you and still only see you as a friend.

[@fatemad4012]

​@@jayak8217so women should shutdown sexual desires why you don't offer that to men also?

[@ineedhoez]

​@@RepentImmediatelythat's not true. She lost attraction to him because he became her child.

[@Giofasho]

This is more common than you’d expect. Usually women settle with a safe man (she doesn’t desire) when she is around 30.

[@TLPWRlifter]

It's called hitting the wall.

[@Mint-kj9kw]

​@@TLPWRlifterSays the Redpill loser...

[@JackMason-oq8lf]

Women find a huge bank account very desirable. Money is sure sexy to lots of girls. Get in line toots.

[@FreshFlamingo]

@@TLPWRlifterfound the incel

[@TLPWRlifter]

@@FreshFlamingo Yes the 6'3 athletic 270lb powerlifting incel. My profile pic clearly shows I'm hideous. The word incel has lost all of its sting because feminists use it for anyone they disagree with.

[@zachary949]

You should regret never allowing your husband to find that connection

[@anneshirley9560]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I feel so bad for him.

[@jbug884]

Why, she’s not French you know!

[@brianring-nu9dw]

He should have strived to be attractive to his wife.

[@ilai7893]

​@@brianring-nu9dwhow exactly? He tried and she tried but this is on her, she didn't feel it and there might not be something that he can do to change thqt

[@jbug884]

There is no perfect partner. If you think that there is, you will just pick and pick until you pick shi#! Do not be honest with him unless you’re prepared to break up with him and are financially secure. Remember the advice he is giving you is from a man’s point of view. Do NOT tell him until you are ready and feel it’s safe to do so and he won’t blow his top. It’s all about the correct timing.

[@rebeccashifflet8843]

I would much rather someone hurt my feelings than string me along for 30 years!!!!! I don’t want to feel disliked by my spouse I’d rather him say I don’t like you any more. I grew up in a house where my parents resented each other and it really negatively effected both of them and me.

[@nathaliebasile6168]

My husband who passed away had ADHD and YES he was the greatest lover !!! What makes me sad about this lady is that she blames him for her lack of desire. Desire is so connected to other realities … how respected do I feel , how understood for who I am , how receive with my imperfections do I feel ? How comfortable was she to share who she was and be vulnerable?

[@minoozolala]

She’s not blaming him for her lack of desire. Did you not listen to the long list of things she’s done herself to solve her problem? Yes, she talked about his ADHD traits too, but she is definitely not blaming him for her lack of desire for him.

[@cxkelley]

@@minoozolalaShe literally never said once “it’s 100% my fault” this is 0% the husband, he is literally the sole victim here lol

[@josephnorris4095]

Attraction is not a choice.

[@sherryd3299]

A woman is never attracted to a man-child. She said his manners/behavior in public are so bad she refuses to socialize with him when other people will be there. When I woman has to tell a grown man not to tell inapproprate jokes, not to interrupt others, stop arriving late etc. she become the mommy to a grown baby. This is why she isn't attracted to him. She sees him as a child and she the mother.

[@datheamore6395]

My husband did that too me recently and we are trying to communicate better, but I have to say that it isn't fair to either of you to hold back on stuff like this to avoid "hurting their feelings." Trust me when I say it hurts way worse to leave behind a career move to a new location for the sake of the other's career, have a child together, and be totally isolated and dealing with past trauma and then find this stuff out. He didn't realize how he felt until looking back on the last six years and avoiding his own feelings. It hurts more when you put all of that time and effort into a life together and then find out that the person doesn't want you.

[@brennanleyen]

I’m on this same trip. My best to you!

[@Aristaifly]

There is no way there weren't signs or your intuition screaming

[@otrebla8944]

​@@Aristaiflyyou're right. I wonder if there were any red flags that were missed.

[@leanncrittendon3673]

@@otrebla8944 even if there was, the red flags are easily missed when going through motions of life, and not practicing self-awareness on top of living with "it will get better when ____" like I did when I was married.

[@Fx_Explains]

​@@brennanleyenso your husband said he didn't love you?

[@gphillips3775]

Society confuses women- looks aren’t important, focus on the character. When in reality it needs to be both looks & character to make a marriage work. She probably bought into the message that physical attraction isn’t important for a good marriage. And now having tried everything she’s realizing it will always be like this. It’s a trap for both of them.

[@Dansyoung]

Physical attractiveness changes as you age. If a man marries a beautiful women, let’s face it, that certainly changes with age - but he is married to her and devoted his life to her. He can’t just go “meh you didn’t age well…. Onto the next”, and neither should she.

[@thelucariamonarchs4889]

Im tired of people saying that it's always "society's" fault if women have shortcomings, could you imagine if we used that card as men verytime we fucked up? People would laugh at us, instead we just own our mistakes, try to fix them and carry on but nooooo, with women is always someone else's fault smh

[@elyse443]

A lot of women’s attraction to a man isn’t based as much on looks as men’s. I think that may be why people say that because a hot guy who doesn’t treat you well or who you can’t respect will become a turn off so I just think people are saying pay attention to his character so you can be attracted. Women just aren’t looks-mainly attracted as bang men are.

[@gphillips3775]

@@Dansyoung a man started a relationship with a woman he found attractive at the beginning of their relationship is a foundation among other things he built his marriage upon. he can later remember the spark he had for her. He can glean from that from the past but in this woman’s case she never felt attracted to her husband. Probably kept hoping that one day will feel attracted to him but it never happened.

[@gphillips3775]

@@elyse443 seems to me she not only isn’t attracted to him physically she also doesn’t like his personality at least in part. As she said he embarrasses her in public with his words and over sharing.

[@demisavage77]

I spent 20 years with someone who never liked me/loved me and it nearly killed me. I blamed myself. I got too thin, I did everything he wanted. It was never enough. However, there was abuse that build over time. I have no idea what is going with this cold detached selfish woman

[@MaxiellCaminero]

Yes. I have too ... I've been in bad relationships. I agree with you .. the toughest part is the lost time .we can't get those back

[@szilvi.]

Congrats to this lady for robbing off this man from his prime years. Lying to him constantly. I wish people like her would be able to sued for emotional, psychological damage, soul and mind raping. We are not talking about a couple of years. It is nearly 30 years. The entitlement some people have over others lives is absolutely mind-blowing.

[@Zwird]

The dramatics haha. As a man maybe society should stop trying to convince women to marry men they aren't attracted to, looks matter at the end of the day.

[@Zwird]

He could have done more to make their bedroom life better, unless he doesn't have much 😂

[@larissagonzales6075]

He should have left though. If someone didn't have sex with me a month or more I am done!

[@anneshirley9560]

@@Zwirdshe said that she was attracted to him in the beginning.

[@roathripper]

women - it's their DNA. that inbuilt homing device seeking protection, comfort, stability.

[@PersistentPatriot]

She's nervous and fearful because she knows when she tells the truth that this man is going to walk away and end the relationship leaving her alone and vulnerable as an older woman who can't find another husband at her age. THE TRUTH HURTS

[@carlitosbrigante6889]

The wall is undefeated 😂

[@therocinante3443]

If he doesn't walk, she'll lose even more respect for him and treat him even worse.

[@lisa-pz2px]

Of course she can, older women can still find husbands

[@lyingdogfacedponysoldier5746]

@@lisa-pz2px can and will are very far apart. Good luck though

[@lisa-pz2px]

@@lyingdogfacedponysoldier5746 for sure but that's a HER thing, she can if she wants to

[@kimsteinke713]

She's not in love with him. Being in love matters It makes all the difference in sex. ❤❤

[@witwicky735]

I don't think she's capable. She's asexual as a textbook case.

[@Alltagundso]

Not for some neurodivergent people.

[@alenaadamkova5322]

Man would notice if she is attractred....especially if he is talking in flirtatious way and doing gestures holding hand or something.... if she pulls away after holding a hand or giving some gift... its strange he wouldnt notice it for 30 years.

[@mimiplay20]

I think I understand what this lady's talking about. I'm in love with my husband and I was attracted to him very much while we were dating. But after we were married the sex (we waited for marriage) wasn't great and I wasn't satisfied. I tried telling him this for a year but it didn't reach him until one night I was direct as possible. And we were honest. Apparently, he's not close to his dad and he never had "the talk" with him. Unlike me,who had great parents and they were very open and honest with the "talk". So basically, I had to give my poor husband the talk and yes, he was mad I didn't tell him sooner but he was happy we could be so honest with each other. Since then, our sex life has been awesome and has been growing every time. Though I have to be also honest with myself. Sometimes, I'm not in the mood. I've been touched by children all day and sometimes I don't want to be touched anymore. Or sometimes we're doing it and I just have to be honest and let him know hey, and want this connection we have but I'm too mentally occupied right now with the kids to be able to come. And we're both OK with that and I'm still able to enjoy it even though I don't get physical pleasure but I get the emotional bond I want. I don't know. I guess I just felt like kinda understood what she was talking about. But man!! Keeping that in for 30 years seems crazy to me. I was getting fed up by the end of just one year. Tell your husbands ladies. Be honest. I promise the sex is so much better when you're honest with your husband.

[@markkelley8067]

My wife and I had this hard conversation in 2020 after 15 years. I initiated it. It was hard but was the best thing for our marriage. We were both able to admit things and work on them. It was well worth the effort only wish we did it sooner.

[@ThhVkk]

How do you work through your wife finding you ugly and unatractive?

[@Fx_Explains]

So, what happened next?

[@markkelley8067]

Marriage went from something I was ready to walk away from to something I’m happy with again. It no longer seems like I’m the only one who puts effort in. The sex is the best ever. Of course it’s not perfect, but now that we have opened the lines of communication we freely express our concerns as they come up instead of letting it build.

[@garyshepherdly9357]

Are you still together??

[@markkelley8067]

@@garyshepherdly9357 going strong

[@dddasilva9634]

Attraction is a non-negotiable for me. Single, but I thankfully came to learn that it’s not a shallow thing to want that, contrary to what so many people in my formative years seemed to convey. It’s wise and honest.

[@sueblack5794]

It is why I hate the advice gurus & some therapists give of "look don't matter or attraction fades" as a way to say marry the best you can..... which is some BUllsh*t. Physical attraction I00 percent matters. It is a massive part of a healthy and good relationship.

[@reggiestockton8166]

Yes to a certain extent I agree with you. Attraction is a non negotiable for me too. But I think the problem is that women are only attracted to the best looking men despite being average themselves. The average woman is not attracted to the average man. Men generally find 40-60% of women attractive, while women only find like 20% of men attractive. If women understood that they are a reflection of their male counterparts then they would be more reasonable. But even a woman like Lizzo thinks she's a 10/10 and not humble about it 🤣 as a man attraction is non negotiable for me, but its easy to qualify. You just need a pretty face. You can be short, tall, skinny, athletic, a little chunky, poor or rich I don't care. Just be decently pretty and not obese and the personality would handle the rest. But now you have below average women saying their man must be minimum 6ft tall, handsome, in good shape with a good job. Either that or be a complete loser with no job or hygiene that beats up women 🤣 losers do surprisingly well. Its the average men that are struggling because they are seen as boring or second options to be settled for 🤣 If you guys don't have a problem sharing 20% of the best looking men then keep doing what you're doing (which I think deep down women prefer). But if you want a meaningful long lasting relationship and you're average looking then you need to be a little humble and find a good looking guy that treats you right, not the best looking man you could possibly find thats way out of your league 🤣 and no being reasonable is not settling. I do agree with what you're saying about attraction being mandatory

[@Themrine2013]

@@reggiestockton8166 yep

[@frostcube3845]

Why are you putting so many laughing emojis

[@frostcube3845]

@reggiestockton8166 I don’t think it’s that women only like the best looking men, I think it’s just that men are inheritly and statistically uglier. It’s easier to walk around in public and see beautiful women, but seeing a beautiful/handsome man is very rare. Women take better care of their appearance. Mainly because society pressures them to do so. But men will be looking ugly and busted with eye boogers in their eyes and fat and short and think women should be attracted to that. Men just need to start taking better care of their appearance. And society should not telling men that they can look like a monkey/gorilla and it’s fine. No, it’s not fine, men should upkeep their appearance just as much as women do. Self care, skin care, hair care and vitamins, better attention to fashion, and so on

[@MrHCify]

I sometimes wonder if this is the majority of marriages out there

[@WWEGamesClub-t8v]

It is, she’s not uncommon whatsoever. Been blaming her problems on him for 30 years.

[@Zwird]

Yeah this is what happens when society convinces ladies that looks don't matter.

[@larissagonzales6075]

The amount of married men that hit on me is staggering.

[@ashleypiper2558]

I don’t know but it’s definitely not the case with mine. We are both extremely attracted to each other. 14 years together. I still think my husband is the most attractive man I’ve ever seen.

[@MrHCify]

@@ashleypiper2558 check back with me in 15 years

[@astridgruber9316]

That was the best counceling you ever did on air, i feel. Big respect.

[@Sarah-xd4zi]

I’ve been here with an ex. Our vaginas (when not attracted sexually to our partner) will literally close up in order to reject intercourse. The vagina will close and dry up and try to push out the penis, which makes sex constantly painful and uncomfortable. Sex feels forced and we just pray that it’s over as fast as possible. I realized that I was not in love with my ex, only that I had plantinic love for him. I couldn’t handle this uncomfortable sex for 2 years, I can’t believe she’s gone through this for 20+ years.

[@danbenz6362]

Was it a physical thing, like his penis size or physique, or was it his personality?

[@fatemad4012]

It can be all his looks body and personality ​@@danbenz6362

[@slevinlindsay3624]

If that's true, I wonder how porn stars "open up."

[@ladybug3380]

So sad what we put ourselves through.

[@lisad56]

I agree with you. Faking it for over 20 years 😵‍💫 When a woman isn’t attractive to her partner it becomes painful to have sex. Exactly what you explain happens to the body.

[@kayjeffs3741]

DO 👏 NOT 👏 MARRY 👏MEN 👏THAT 👏YOU 👏ARE 👏NOT SEXUALLY👏 ATTRACTED👏 TO!!! Don't care what society says. You'll end up unhappy and wasting someone else's life. Not cool

[@chrislim7976]

😂

[@coconutwater4531]

Do you have the same smoke for all the people calling women cat ladies for not getting married young? Can’t have it both ways.

[@redesignedlife777]

The sucky part is even if you have hot attraction at the beginning. It can still fizzle out years later and still be in the same boat.

[@CrystalM1917]

​@redesignedlife777 its better than not being attracted from the very start

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@coconutwater4531why on earth would you care what random people think? I don't even give a damn what my family thinks.

[@nickalton]

I wonder how many wives out there feel the same way about their husbands? My guess is more than one would think.

[@elizabethconroy7665]

Many

[@saeedhossain6099]

7:38 she got a lifestyle out of it, she can't admit it, but there's your answer....

[@GyPsychic_BYU]

As a counselor, I come across this ALL the time and it is usually the female who is struggling with desire. It’s not always sex specific, but since the introduction of viagra the sexpectation has become lopsided. I remember doing social work at the ICU where a woman asked if her husband could stay in the hospital for a few more days because she was enjoying her autonomy and celibacy. They were older and she was post menopausal, but there was apparently nothing wrong with his libido.

[@triplecheesemac]

interesting. I never thought of it from that stand point. The societal impact of viagra must have both good and bad. It is always nice hearing from a different perspective.

[@Billy-bc8pk]

This sounds awful for men -- basically they're just there as a platform for resources while being denied any form of grace when it comes to being loved.

[@GyPsychic_BYU]

@@Billy-bc8pk She was a retired property manager and I am pretty sure she made more money than he did. This is also something I see in my hospice practice. When an older man’s wife dies, they often return to trying to find a new companion fairly quickly, old women are usually not nearly as interested in doing so. I once heard an old woman say she had no desire to date, because old men are just looking for a nurse or a purse. These men then try to find someone younger with the prospect of getting laid. Unfortunately, not only do they get used for their resources, but they wind up abused in other ways as well. They think they are in love, but once these women have taken everything they own, they leave the older gentleman with herpes and heartbreak. You would not believe the family drama I have seen happen in end of life care.

[@heathertaylor5155]

L😅

[@jewleecos69]

Yes. Viagra has the “playing field” imbalanced between older men and older women. Before Viagra, it was balanced and not overdone. HRT “helps” but will never be what viagra is to men.

[@jacalyn153]

We’ve been married for 53 years and I can’t even name the changes in our sex life. Through sickness and children and poverty and impotence But honesty is essential. We had to find a way to be close and skin touching ,connected ,sometimes without a goal in mind or expectations. Just close but more than conversation. My dear husband is not a romantic soul but the loyalty and love and history we have said to me it was always worth busting through the delusion that everything was ok. Like busting through a wall but then the flood came and washed away the resentment and plain old disgust that one might feel at not being heard We always found that the compassion we felt for one another started up the old desire again and again. It often is the unmet expectations that ruins the act .believe me that at 73and 79 we all need closeness and intimacy in whatever form we can come to We both liked sex but damn. Life just gets in the way just try to move around it ,kick it out of the way and return to love I often grab back that feeling of him kissing me on the front porch Wow

[@davidcox3076]

Someone once told me that it's very difficult to have passion without compassion. Sounds like you and your husband figured this out a long time ago. God bless you both.

[@timewithruby]

I feel so bad for her husband. She should of told him before things got too serious. I'm guessing she married and settled for him because she didn't want to be alone. She robbed him of him finding love and creating a family who loves and cares for him. I hope she lets her husband go so he can still have time to find someone who will love and cherish him for the rest of his life. ❤️

[@alexanderbearup9709]

as a young man looking for marriage, this terrifies me. ive been dumped a few times (im adhd as well) but i would rather have that short pain than live and build a life with someone for 30 years and find out the woman i love and gave all my heart to and married never really loved me and isn't attracted to me at all. that would ruin me as a person, and i would absolutely blame myself. Im so sorry for the husband. i have no respect for this lady.

[@alessiadannertentrus8586]

and she says to be friends with him..... who has friends like that does not need enemies

[@Alltagundso]

30 years ago people were hardly aware about how neurodivergence influences some people when it comes to xxx.

[@nicolefollett7387]

Look, you don't get the full truth from a 20 min phone call. If it helps you in any way here is some advice for your future marriage: - look after yourself (I mean hygiene - very important for woman!) - be a MAN, that doesn't need a woman (for washing, cleaning, cooking...) - no Video games (So off putting for most woman) - Don't ever let your parents/mother get involved in your marriage - be funny, make your partner/wife laugh - Show her that you want her (i mean in a manly way, could be strong and rough) Best of luck! 🍀

[@joelthornton6527]

Dealing with this exact issue as a husband of more than 5 years. It has been an interesting and dramatic last few months of me FORCING this issue to the front. I get why she lied. She sounds soooo much like my wife ….. did. It is brutally painful and complex to deal with from both sides. The part that makes it so difficult is how my wife really has expressed that she does love me and she really is scared to death of losing me. What has been most effective in dealing with this is my practice of making her feel that she has lost me. I hate doing it. Super complicated. I am so glad I didn’t let this sit around for three decades like this guy did. I get what happens. But I can guarantee that he actually will not be shocked at all if she were to be honest with him… he already is quite aware. And he hates her for the years of lying

[@mia_f]

What do you mean practice making her feel like she lost you? And how you guys managed to fix the issue?

[@sundown6748]

So you an ugly man playing games? Yeah that’ll work out.

[@niram4107]

Information on the husband's actions/behaviour is missing. I am not blaming the husband only attempting to convey the message that they both created the environment that they are in. Why has he let the situation go on for as long as it has? Does he hear her? Does he dismiss her - she did say that he constantly interrupts her? Might she feel as though she has no voice? She did infer that maybe he is not willing to work on his flaws by him saying that is 'who he is'. How does he handle conflicts/disagreements between the two of them? Does he shut her concerns down? Something must have happened in her past for her to feel unable to be vulnerable to him and his behaviour towards her is reinforcing that behaviour of not feeling safe to open up to her husband. She did say that she sought out counselling but it is not clear whether the husband also sought out counselling for himself or whether they did as a couple. Once again, I am not blaming him as I believe both went into the marriage desiring a wonderful, long-lasting marriage. She did say that at the beginning of their relationship that she was sexually attracted to him. There is a severe lack of emotional intimacy between the two of them, and this is impacting on her sexual desire. Every one of us comes with bruises and wounds to our hearts as a result of life. Yes, the onus is on her to deal with those bruises and wounds. But, it is also the role of a husband and wife to attempt to intimately know the soul of their partner. Marriage requires a mindset of 'what is best for the cherished marriage relationship that exists between us' and not 'what is best for me'. That means a husband and wife working on themselves and also working to know and develop an intimate understanding of who their spouse is.

[@joelthornton6527]

@@mia_f What I mean is this…….let me give some embarrassing and unflattering backstory in as discrete a manner I can. The only reason I going into this here is maybe people are in the same position and perhaps my story can help. Remember, I can go through a brief sketch on the comment section of a KZbin video. For clarity, I will use phrases like, “wife was having sex for me”. What I mean by that is simple. I mean no orgasm (for her) nothing that physically comes for the women when her body is a part of the act. ******** I am six years older than my wife. We met through church, our parents got us to go on a date. I lost 100 lbs after college (was always big until then) I did not have much experience with sex before we met (but was mad about the fact that no Christian girls in my age bracket seemed to be equally yoked in this arena. When I met my lovely wife, she was beautiful, sweet, innocent, had come from a broken family but loved the Lord. (She is still all of those things) And……. She was a virgin. While we were dating and engaged. She was never affectionate (even her dad warned me that she had not been since she was a little girl). She wanted to wait for marriage. While my body was ready, I glad accepted this because I respected the virtue of waiting. She had other quirks about nervousness and anxiety that were kind of out of the norm even for a woman. (Her dad once said to me that he was against medication but his daughter was a little different on this front) Nothing to bad, it was always kind of cute anyway to me. ****** We get married, I could not have been happier. On thing seems to bother me though. I have not brought her close to orgasm, or even done anything for her that she seemed to enjoy. Now here is the issue at this point: 1. I am not super experienced (but that should be ok. We both wanted to wait) 2. She really wants us to keep trying to get her body to respond. 3. We are newlyweds, I am not gonna sit there and get mad at her…… it “will all work out” (lol mistake) They say to “not put to much pressure” (bad bad bad advice btw) I did what a young experienced loving husband would do. I kept trying to build a life outside and inside the bedroom with my lovely wife. Perhaps we need to see a doctor, if she can’t I am not gonna hurt her for it. ******** The trying gets more difficult overtime by the way. The longer in the 1st year I can trying with no results, not even the slightest sign of where to go,… the more difficult attempts get. No matter how much I tried it was destroying my confidence. She assured me that she that she was attached to me, and that she loved me too. She told me she had never masturbated. One time, after I had had a great time, she asked me in the most sweet and innocent voice, “what does it feel like??” I wanted to do whatever I needed to fix the issue. But as time goes it affects the man. The problem was that she was holding back and lying to me. Attempts to talk about it were either lies to me, or some weird type of test. I’d get determined that we go see a doctor just to rule it out, and she would say no….. we are gonna figure it out. And I love you and I am attracted to you and it isn’t the end of the world if we don’t figure it out. ******* Year two we make a beautiful boy, followed by year 3 3 1/2 another beautiful boy. Life gets busy ************** This all changes about a year and a half ago. Frequency of us having relations is what seems ok to me (twice a week). Off course it is ALWAYS for me. And of course I am developing a physical disability myself from all this . But through a miracle of confidence I decided that we needed to try for her again and drive to a sex shop and have to get some old 85 year old lady explain toys to me, (lol) my wife refused to get out of the car. I buy basically the most expensive thing in the store. We get home, I tell my wife, we gotta figure this out. She tells me that she had been dishonest with me. She had lied about having never master-bated on her own. She told me she was embarrassed and nervous, that is why she didn’t want to tell me. She told me that she reads these stories (literally porn, as degrading and less healthy than porn guys watch I can tell you that) and that she had been able to do that by herself since she was a girl. I was both frustrated because she should have been honest ….yet happy because I thought we were gonna find it that night. Turns out we were unable to have any success in the area for the the next month of trying. That’s when it got dark for me. I stopped wanting to talk to her, I didn’t want to have sex with her, I was repulsed by her for most of 2023. Long story short for most of 2023 it just felt that I had a Christian obligation of an extra mouth to feed (that didn’t respect me). I made an attempt in October to start taking her out on a monthly date (17th of every month set aside for a date with us) October 17 she made love BEFORE the date (which occurred because sec was for me and she wanted to get it out of the way). The date went well, I missed my wife but I could not sleep that night because I realized I had repressed this issue so much. That she had never really completely given herself to me, and I was bitter about it. The 19th of October I was led by the Lord to read the book of Hosea. The book alot more anti feminist that the summaries people give. If God says that the husband is to the wife and Christ/God is to the church then I came to realize He lead on His own terms (look up the Hebrew terms found in Hosea 2:16) ************ The next month was interesting and worth it. I prayed everyday that the Lord would guide me. It was hire painful for me to endure (reading the nasty stories she read all day long….. so that I was prepared to call her on her BS that she was feeding me in this area) It definitely hurt, but I took charge of my marriage and family. Leaving alot of details out but we were trying with …… better results. However, my conclusion, is that like this lady sounds. Part of her wants to have that relationship with her husband and the other part will not allow herself to be vulnerable with her husband enough for it to be erotic. In the case of my wife, what she wants for us in the bedroom comes at a loss of control she doesn’t want to give up. She was choosing to have her cake and eat it as well. Let me be sweet husband who loves and cares for her and she can fulfill her own desires in the bed by herself and she can be the manipulative leader of our home. Through great focus and me fighting through much emotional pain….. I made it clear that she was not gonna have me the way she had me before. I wasn’t tolerating this. About a month after that October date it led to me rearranging the kids playroom. Me putting a bed in there and telling my wife that I would still make sure she was fed, protect her from an intruder coming in the house….. (basics husband duties that I was morally obligated for) But that I was done being her husband until she would give herself to me. I told her I loved her and wanted to wait as long as I could for her to come around but I wasn’t gonna be the husband who she wasn’t attracted to in that way. It was more dramatic than that and I am leaving much out but you get the point. I was willing to lose her and telling her that she had lost me. I didn’t want to lose her. I loved her. But I needed to be strong and not let her bully us (passively) anymore. It took about 4 1/2 minutes later that night. I got to see a side of my wife that I had yearned so much for…. our entire lives. It was beautiful, and it was worth the pain and the risk. I do not blame her as much as the other men (especially in the church) around me. Since then the issue in the bedroom has almost completely resolved. I have instituted a three strikes rule. Basically if we are trying and somehow I fail (the years of what happen still have an effect on my confidence) I only get two strikes. Two consecutive misses from my performance and I withdraw emotionally and physically until she guarantees me a base hit, lol. Still work to do, but I am so glad the Lord guided me through this impossible maze. It really was a miracle. My wife really deceived me. There are very dark parts of this and I think the main guy of this podcast handled the call really really well and was on top of this one. What she says sounds a lot like where my wife was and what it would have been like had I not given all of myself to the painful process of fighting through this. I feel for the guy because it is hard to explain what it is like being the guy in that spot. A good loving guy can easily never get out of a position like this even if he is capable, attractive, competent, and loving. Because she is doing this to her husband and he is not Skilled enough to understand just how much she has simply used him.

[@joelthornton6527]

@@mia_f Answering you directly. My wife physically responds to me taking charge and not allowing her to describe what she is doing in “nice” terminology. It doesn’t matter how much of a pro the bed or attractive the guy is if deep down the wife thinks she has gotten away with thinking of her good husband as a weak loser who is not capable of seeing through her fraud. Her success at misleading him (or what she perceives as her having mislead him even if he kind of knows) is almost itself a way mocking him…. Bringing him down to level where it is not possible to feel attraction to him. So the best method for me is to look at her and call her out for the disrespect she has held in her heart and almost gotten off to in her mind. I have to reiterate that i am not accepting sex for me as acceptable and that I would rather be alone than that. That she is gonna follow my lead, that she is gonna trust me, but God made her with free will. And that I choose my wife, but if she insists on doing this dark and mean game, then perhaps I would be happier with that single mom I know from work who probably would take the offer, or the other single mom from church who is probably sick of being alone at night. I tell my wife that she best learn to get hot and heavy for “good guy”. Because if she insist on having a “bad boy” in the sack then she may end up turning me into a real naughty boy. But there is nothing naughty about a loving husband and wife getting it on. A husband getting it on with someone else on the other hand is very very naughty, lol. So through this process I have been having to remind my wife to tell me again if I need to be a good boy or a naughty boy??? Which one does she really thinks she wants, lol

[@roathripper]

how is it possible to create sexual desire where it doesn't exist between 2 people who have been together 30 years? You can't re-heat a souffle but in this case there's no souffle.

[@in2worship4ever]

When you’re alone you gotta deal with yourself, but when you’re married😮, the issues multiply exponentially. Sad but true.

[@ttturner68]

So ......he is an ATM. I am absolutely heartbroken for this guy, she robbed him of the chance of experiencing passionate connection with another human being. And I can tell she isn't going to set him free; she is going to continue to use him as an ATM because she is comfortable with her life.

[@sydguitar99]

Not only did she waste her own time, but she wasted his as well, unforgivable imo.

[@oambitiousone7100]

She’s suffered enough. I hope she gets out.

[@sydguitar99]

@@oambitiousone7100 the problem is her lying has affected not only her but her husband that's felt inadequate his whole life because of her

[@tikka300wsm5]

​@@oambitiousone7100How the hell has she suffered? She is the one prolonging this situation. She is the problem.

[@Gunotforlyfe]

"It's cheaper to keep her" has officially been DEBUNKED by this call! All the money, energy, attention, and time he has spent has been a complete waste!

[@Zwird]

She was the one keeping him around with his small pecker

[@thelucariamonarchs4889]

There is nothing worse that choosing the wrong woman for you, even the bible says so

[@ianclose123]

He has at least one child with him and she said he is a good dad so he clearly loves his child. I'd argue any relationship you come out of with a child that you love can't be considered a waste. Life could've been better, but it is not a waste.

[@karenmassey8354]

This is why women shouldn’t be pressured into marriage. Her story is probably very common which is probably why men often complain that their wives stopped or won’t sleep with them.

[@RepentImmediately]

Or maybe this is why women should think critically instead of letting other people think for them.

[@karenmassey8354]

@@RepentImmediately This is such a ridiculous and dismissive response. Many women are taught from the time they are small that they must be married and have babies. If you want to help fix this problem teach your daughters that they don’t have to nor need to be married if it isn’t what they truly want for their life. Also, teach your sons to be better men.

[@chinneynz7861]

HALELUIA!!!!!!! They go along with it to have children and then stop cos they're really not into the guy.

[@EadsB7002]

So true. I think this is a major issue couples face! And so many women were pressured to marry young & to “settle” if you will. It’s unfortunate

[@abor1males]

Facts this all contributes

[@chilo8187]

I feel like this happens in more marriages than we realize😢

[@staceysteele5064]

It’s interesting that so many of us marry the wrong person, because we haven’t cleaned up our own stuff enough to be clear, and then we have sexless marriages. It’s something not talked about enough imo, as it starts so far back. I LOVE that this is being addressed here! I wish I had addressed this too, many years ago with my ex husband. We may have saved ourselves both a lot of pain for ourselves and our children.

[@rrickarr]

Could marrying the wrong person be a symptom that no one ever teaches people about love or even about fulfilling relationships. In school we learn to read and write, parents teach us how to eat, clean our teeth, tie our shoes, shave...yet no one ever sits with us as children and talks about love and loving relationships! This is why society is so unhappy.

[@nicolen3146]

She is a very selfish woman. This goes beyond people pleasing/“not wanting to hurt him”. 30 years? That is really shameful. And she’s still only thinking about herself, “I don’t wanna be 80 one day and feeling regretful” like how about you don’t want your husband to continue wasting his life with you, lady???

[@BarnzTT]

She loves having "wife privilleges" but not wanting to provide wife duties.

[@oambitiousone7100]

@@BarnzTTshe’s been providing- unfortunately she’s hated it

[@BarnzTT]

@@oambitiousone7100 Obvisouly you are very naive. NO Woman will ever ever support any man that they are not attracted too. Women have very high standards as even average women think they are 9's but are between 4 to 6 but has a long list of demads from a man. So please stop the cap.

[@fatemad4012]

​@@BarnzTTNo women don't know how to express sexual desires it comes with shame men are very relax they know what they want like big boobs or anything but women don't know until experience it it cause disaster for women and men in relationships

[@andrewsnyder9262]

I’m a firm believer that when it’s over it’s over. We should normalize honesty in a relationship and make it a positive experience when it’s time to accept that two people aren’t right for one another. As we have all found out, it sometimes takes years or decades to realize you are with the wrong person. Sometimes you may find happiness and contentment on your own without a partner. There is such a stigma with accepting that a relationship has gone sour and it’s best for everyone to move on and heal.

[@BabyGators]

It is normalized. Divorce hasn’t ever be more normalized and the utter lack of commitment and morals in society is the problem

[@andrewsnyder9262]

@@BabyGators I’m not referring to the act of divorce. I’m referring to the acceptance that two people have become far too indifferent and are no longer in a position for positive growth with one another. I’d argue that most people are miserable and know deep down that things are not heading in the right direction many many years before agreeing to divorce one another; but they aren’t always honest with their partner or themselves for a plethora of reasons. I’d say being selfish and keeping an advantage is typically the main reason. If you don’t feel right in a relationship after attempting to communicate and compromise for a period of time but you continue to stay, you are a selfish and inconsiderate human in my opinion. You are either in or out. Stay in the grey area for too long and you should have been out. Commitment is a fairytale. It’s not at all always best to put commitment and spiritual morals above your health and happiness. There is an expiration to commitment. Try to convince me otherwise.

[@hell2thennnaw]

​@@andrewsnyder9262This whole reasoning of marriage is a commitment is a scare tactic at this point ( to keep people in check). Because commitment is literally what people choose to make it. Because how is lying and cheating fall under commitment or marriage and people still call it that?!?!? People are delusional!!

[@tinalove8197]

This is actually a very common issue Many women aren't sexually attracted to their spouses now or when they met. But got with him anyway because he was a good man and hoped the attraction would kick in. I almost married a man not sexually attracted to 2xIm glad I didn't and waited. The problem is many good men are physically undesirable unattractive. Being a good man isn't synonamous with being a physically desirable man. The two aren't mutually inclusive. We need to have the discussion of how to make good men physically more attractive. Theres this myth that women aren't as visual or mens looks dont matter. Thats not true. Women are simply TOLERATING UNATTRACTIVE MEN.

[@brendanconlon8292]

@@andrewsnyder9262 Meh. I think you are actually pretty naive. First you assume that being "out" will actually result in greater health and happiness. Being alone can suck to. Additionally, assuming their a children their are just other people to consider. Putting your health and happiness above others is literally the definition of selfishness. I don't think their is an easy answer in these situations but, bailing just because things got hard or the spark is gone is definitely not always the correct or ethical thing to do.

[@SuperHappyNotMerry]

part of me wonders if she's not attracted to him or just…men in general. if it's the second one, i hope she finds the answers she's looking for because i understand how difficult that process of self discovery is like in the world we live in. it's not fair to either of them that she has lied about this for so long, depriving them of the liberty to seek out people who will satisfy their needs, but if she has been dealing with shame around her real desires, she still deserves compassion for that. not saying that's what she's going through and i can't speak for her, but, well…whenever i hear a story like this one my spidey senses can't help but pick up lesbian vibes

[@tuftys575]

Crossed my mind strongly too.

[@cherrypieforbreakfast1499]

After 20 years I finally pried the same thing out of my wife. She's now my ex-wife. Men, do not let yourself suffer a dead bedroom for years or decades. Life is way too short.

[@JDAfrica]

Bet when he leaves her, and other women want him … she will feel instantly attracted to him … oh, and of course, when she has to pay her own bills … she will question whether her feelings were worth the gutting of her marriage.

[@CE-do2vm]

There's a way thru this! I can relate. She has a fearful avoidant attachment style. Her inability to be aware of, express, and assert her needs is precisely the reason why she doesn't feel attraction to him / "like" him. If she begins to become conscious to and honest about what she likes / dislikes/ boundaries, he has the ability to address those things, and as he does, he will become more attractive. I was very oblivious about how much i was just "tolerating" my partner until he offended me terribly one day and all the things that i was just tolerating came flooding out 😢. I felt mean, but oddly he felt relieved and happy that i voiced them. He seemed to know what his "flaws" were and was actually befuddled that I never voiced any issues about them. Ironically, he actually enjoyed learning that i cared about the issues and working to improve himself - it's as if it gave him purpose as a man. He's super motivated when i express a need, which is counterintutive to me who had learned from childhood to repress all my needs. Because he trusted me to not intentionally hurt him, he was willing to hear hard truths that he normally got offended by by others. She doesn't yet realize her power and how she can improve the relationship for the both of them by recognizing her needs and being honest. My man finds me sexier than ever, he is growing and becoming more and more amazing everyday, where he is becoming proud of who he is, and i feel more and more in feminine rather than maternal energy with him, increasing my sexual attraction to him❤.

[@greenspark101]

I KID YOU NOT I was thinking the same thing- fearful accident and not authentically connecting. Asleep and scared at the wheel.

[@chattingman6777]

Naw. She just a gold digging thot. This is why men can't simp for women. Because you wind up in terrible situations like this one.

[@aselyne5631]

As a F.A you are wrong whose done alot of work,but even before the work, if am not attracted to you,I will not bother wasting my time or yours or even pretend to like you,and I'll be very blunt about it.

[@randybobandy9828]

She's trash and he should leave her... Your advice would make sense if this was only happening for a few years, but it's been 28 years and she ruined it.

[@smithFam1205]

Great comment

[@simply_sophia]

(I’m 8 minutes in) Damn… this hit hard for me. I’m in this situation with my boyfriend right now. I got into this relationship 2 months post breakup and he was a comfort in a time of sadness. I mean I did tell him from the beginning that I was not ready for something new but he insisted and I liked being doted over so there it is. Well it’s been a year now and I don’t think I like him anymore than I did at the beginning. Never really physically attracted to him. But his persistence and how loving he is has kept me here, like I ought to love this man too. But somehow there’s just something missing me for me. I would say in my case the difference is that I’d be the one to bring up the fact that I think he’s fallen in love with me faster/more than I have with him. But I never actually broke it off out of guilt. This video gave me the push I need to call it quits, he deserves someone who’s truly into him and I don’t want to build resentment and wonder “what if” in the future.

[@michaelh2282]

Classic rebound relationship. He treats you so well because he knows that you're out of his league but that will never give you real desire knowing deep down that you can do better than him. I have nothing against a rebound relationship so long as you were openly honest and you end it after 3 months. Having someone dote and praise you can boost your confidence and healing after a recent breakup, but you should have hit that "eject" button after 3 months instead of having this drag on for a year to avoid crushing this guy.

[@Rad86..]

Lying to a dude that you’re not attracted to for 30 years is crazy diabolical! Even after he sensed it she still lied..He missed out on 28 years of being with someone couldn’t get enough of him

[@phipsdeus2]

Lying to him is a violation of your vows where you promised to honor him. If there is no way to be sexually attracted to him, go your separate ways so both of you can be made whole.

[@texasgina]

Amen! I agree with you I've been divorced for decades and there's a guy that I met at my Christian singles group and he's an amazing very very kind man. But I just didn't feel any romantic or sexual chemistry with him so I told him that I just didn't feel a romantic spark with him after several dates and I didn't want him to continue to spend money on me and waste his time if it wasn't going to go anywhere and now we are friends.

[@Zwird]

This is why women should only marry men they're attractive to. Looks matter.

[@annabenscoter6230]

At no point to she say anything that indicated she was not acting honorably towards her husband or has violated hers vows in anyway.

[@Zwird]

Looks matter. She can't help that he doesn't look good to her.

[@phipsdeus2]

@@annabenscoter6230she’s been lying for 30 years. If he’s not good enough for her, she should not have married him, or lie to him. He’s good enough for someone. He should be with that person.

[@Shay-yg7nm]

The truth is.. if the chemistry isn't there, it never will be.

[@ae3209]

This is so devastating for the husband. They are just roommates. He deserves more than this. I'm sure he has faults too, but the problem lies with her.

[@kingstonlion73]

This has got to be one of the most cruel things to do. Why waste 28 years of this man's life. OMG that is EVIL

[@cassielawyer87]

I was in this exact same place, high school sweethearts, married 14 years, no kids. Finally I broke, I wanted to want sex so bad, I knew I was missing something big and honestly, he was too. He deserved to be wanted. I finally had the courage to move on and now I have a partner where that spark is clearly there, even a few years in and with a newborn. It’s night and day. A life changer. Was seeing in black and white and now I see in color.

[@marthajackson1388]

The problem is not your lack of attraction but the resources that he invested in that relationship, including time, and the resources he lost when you split. It easier to replace a woman than replace a house you paid off.

[@cassielawyer87]

@@marthajackson1388 well lucky for him he got the house.

[@jeremyfree2fish586]

The lack of God is the problem there honey

[@naomigates30]

WOW this is probably what I'm going through as well. He complains about me not desiring him, and it's been because of things that have happened in the past and me understanding his personality type more. I feel so bad because I don't want to divorce, but I see stories like this and it makes me feel like I want someone I desire soooo bad, but I'm terrified of what will happen. I'm definitely seeing in black and white, and I want to see colors :( .

[@arianollie5496]

@@jeremyfree2fish586your god doesn’t want to get involvedok

[@oambitiousone7100]

Shes got a history with him but she’s not in love with him. He ignored her needs. And she didnt assert herself. She asked for a little romance, maybe? Indicates he’s oblivious.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

Or he doesn’t care. Doesn’t know how to. But yes, you’re so right

[@MarkTrueblood]

“Jane” is incredibly selfish. Husband would be fully justified to divorce her immediately. And I’m not surprised her past therapist told her what she wanted to hear. Deloney did a surprisingly good job of holding her accountable though.

[@Zwird]

She can't help that she doesn't find him appealing anymore. If he looked like you i'd get it.

[@boston312]

crazy thing is that she can financially rape the husband in divorce court if the marriages goes that route

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@Zwird This is sadly common with women. They marry a guy because of the lifestyle she believes he can give her but maybe not out of love or actual sexual attraction. Then they try to play victim (like this woman) and act like their man must be lacking something and that is why she isn't attracted to him. No, what happened, sweetie, is that you were using him all along for what he brought to the table for you, and then after you have grown accustomed to the lifestyle he provided (and STILL provides) you now feel entitled to what he gives you but are growing weary of providing basic wife benefits that he is also entitled to. And now she is attempting to weasel out of her end of the bargain while still receiving all that her husband provides. Women like this were the ones who made the relationship transactional from the very beginning, yet act like the victim when their husband says, "we are either having sex or I'm divorcing your ass" and acting like HE is the one who is making it transactional.

[@iloveallah3519]

Is she cheating or what?

[@JoshC-End-Abortion-Fear-God]

What if it was a guy who called in and had porn induced erectile disfunction? What if he said he was lying to his wife pretending that he wasn't looking at porn. You red pill people seem to have this imagination that any immaturity on the women's part is a red flag. The reality is that everyone is human. Marriage is hard work that many people just phone it in for. It's easy to judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.

[@randomusername3873]

Imagine being told your wife pretended to be into you the entire time and then being told "now you need to do this to fix it" as if it's on him in any way😂😂

[@bignickenergy723]

That's what's crazy about this to me. After 30 years, she needs to continue faking it and stop the gatekeeping. She made her bed. She needs to lie in it. This is 1000% on her. Quite frankly, I don't care how she feels. She had her chance 30 years ago! She needs to do what he wants sexually at this point. If I were him after this conversation, I would immediately divorce. I would probably never be able to trust women again. He was lied to for 30 YEARS unbeknownst to him. I would spend my days hooking up and having flings that were sexually satisfying but never committing. The person he thought she was didn't exist and never did exist.

[@lesliesantos8595]

Id love to be desired and for me to desire my parrner too. Like i want it to be a mutual relationship cmon yall wtf. 😢that could only happen if both are compatible in alot of areas of their personalities i feel. Like its possible. I had that until my ex lied alot. Literally made me lose interest and sexual desire 100%

[@lesliesantos8595]

​@bignickenergy723 exactly !!! I hate how this video makes me feel. Because its literally what i lived 4 yrs ago. Since last month that i left him. Gosh once ur lied to . Its like who tf is this person???!!! It makes me feel like throwing up.

[@lesliesantos8595]

​@@bignickenergy723that last thing this guys said. "WHAT ELSE ARE U LYING ABOUT" omg kills me. Cuz thats exactly what i felt like. Omg

[@aprilq1]

lol!!!!!😂😂😂 it’s horrible