My Husband’s Weight Gain Is Affecting Our Sex Life

My Husband’s Weight Gain Is Affecting Our Sex Life
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[@steelcity4581]

A couple of men have called into this show complaining about the wife’s gaining weight and I’m glad to see John handled this the same way and isn’t biased against men

[@random-nz7dy]

To a degree but if a man had emailed in making jokes about his wife's body "She's fat, looks like Michelin man" John would have been very very stern to call out how cruel that is. And here he kinda just said "Maybe don't call him that" In other words he did point out the same principle issue of where she has erred But I believe it was on far more gently than it would have been done the other way around

[@WPwillsavetheworld]

@@random-nz7dy and then apologized for it for 4 minutes

[@mobutter2879]

*Wives, plural

[@jeradkiester698]

As usual John is wrong here too.... obesity in marriage is grounds for divorce as they don't give a F$&% about their partner.

[@ambertorres5358]

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I think John is too hard on both men and women who call in because their spouse has had a massive weight gain. It's more than reasonable for a person to no longer be physically attracted to someone that they love and it's an act of love to be honest with your spouse to give them an opportunity to fix it. People are allowed to have physical preferences, it's not that serious. In fact, I would venture and say that it's an act of dishonor to your spouse to completely let yourself go. I understand sometimes problem can be depressed etc but typically people get comfortable in a relationship and gain weight then get depressed afterwards because they don't like who they have become.

[@ek5384]

It is extremely rare for people to genuinely admit mistakes publicly, I really appreciated this intro! Excellent example Dr.!

[@peeonthe3rdrail414]

I don't even see the mistake...

[@nonosfavorites]

I just listened to the call and I’m trying to figure out why he felt like he had to apologize? The call was a good one!!

[@Emy53]

I understand the wife's concerns over his weight. Men have the same concerns about their wives or lovers. Maintaining a healthy life is important. A few pounds never bothered me, but there's a limit to what I will accept. They both need to work on the reasons why he is depressed and help try and get him to a healthier lifestyle. He's possibly going through something. If you love him, try and help him get help.

[@Emy53]

Woman change too, after marriage, children, jobs, health...it happens. Recognizing where you are and what you want , is so important. It's easy to get consumed in earning a living to have things that are not important. We should always come first.

[@subhotoshchakraborty6023]

@@Emy53 But the fact is when you marry someone, you vow to stick with 'em through thick and thin (no pun intended) ....and you can't change someone, you have to be able to provide a loving and nurturing environment where one would want to change themselves. This wife is berating and belittling her husband, if my spouse did that, I'd be constantly in a defensive mode and it wouldn't allow me to take a look at myself let alone want to change. There is a right and a wrong way to go about things :)

[@maylynbayani]

My husband used to compete in pageants in college. He was hot. Then we got married, gotten older, had busier workloads and he gained weight (as did I). Hence, we signed up ti the gym and I actually take time planning our meals, making sure he still enjoys our food but that he remains healthy. Marriage and love is seeing your spouse in different stages of his life and choosing to love him regardless.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

How much weight did he gain?

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

💯 ❤

[@AnonymousGameWarden]

You're hot, don't let him gaslight you

[@maylynbayani]

@@AnonymousGameWarden thank you? I dont see it as gaslighting at all. I had suitors before him so I am honestly confident in that area. My point is, we all age and lose our physical attributes but the whole point of marriage is seeing the beauty in our spouse while still encouraging them to be at their best.

[@AnonymousGameWarden]

@@maylynbayani no need to thank me. Thank God for spending a little more time on you.

[@Dd-760-]

Respect you did what you needed to do. When men call women fat we get scolded. You actually scolded a woman for making fun of her overweight husband. Good stuff brother keep it real no double standard.

[@FrankS111]

EXACTLY! No apology was needed. Had a husband said the exact same thing he would be accosted by John and the womanists in the comments.

[@Starnote16]

I totally agree.

[@billylee5335]

Yeah JD missed on this one

[@adamwalker2377]

​@@FrankS111 that was my thought. John even joked at the beginning that his show was done, because he was about to be cornered into criticizing a woman.

[@kellharris2491]

60lbs-70lbs is a big difference then some baby weight after a few kids. This guy has an addiction called gluttony. It's food and drink. He might as well be an alcholic or playing video games all the time. She can't even go for a walk with him or have sex with him. I think that email was her venting in a low moment. It would be one thing if he was working on it but he isn't he refuses too. Does she have to sit back and watch him kill himself with diabetes and blood pressure?

[@Hiker2110]

I'd rather John be honest and take accountability about calls he's not proud of than see an edited version. We all have bad days that we learn from.

[@nonosfavorites]

I just listened to the call and can’t figure out what his mistake was?

[@firefly9838]

@@nonosfavoritessame

[@RN-xn7et]

@@nonosfavorites I hear it. To me it seems like there’s a disconnect between what she’s saying is applicable to her and what Jon is saying. To me it sounds like she’s making a complaint that he’s personally dealt with and is answering her questions with his personal issues, rather than the objective problems between them as a couple.

[@annstewart8506]

I only subscribed because doc is real and raw! Keep being honest John!

[@Veracityseeker7]

​@@nonosfavoritesYou can't see where he got personally triggered?

[@TuBui2]

Complacency: the reason why many relationships fail is because spouses FAIL to continue dating their partner. "Dating" means not only communicating and going on dates, but also being your best self for the other person.

[@juneelle370]

Agree… it takes two people to be in it to win/win it

[@lhughes6656]

Exactly. Good advice!

[@Aisha-ej8lj]

Yes I agree ! Why do people find it so offensive that a spouse wants to pull up their partner on these things . Why is being lazy and overweight and not making any effort , acceptable?

[@JAB2010]

@@Aisha-ej8ljif the roles were reversed, you’d feel the opposite way

[@MrDeano-eu9rg]

​@JAB2010 why?

[@jennys999]

I was sort of siding with the husband until I heard 1) how much he drinks and 2) that he wanted his wife to go to a strip club. Dealing with addicts is a whole other ball game and pressuring your wife to get a lap dance from a stranger is disgusting.

[@ivywildwss]

I was surprised more people didn't factor that in too! His drinking and him wanting her to go to a strip club, um yuck.

[@benfranklin3638]

There is nothing wrong with strip clubs. Most strippers are students working their way through school so I figure I'm just helping society. Note: At least that's what they tell me :)

[@jennys999]

I stand by my words. It's wrong to pressure someone into going to a strip club. Pressuring anyone into sex-related acts is disgusting. @@benfranklin3638

[@kimberlylepine5115]

It's a porn addiction. Poor woman. It's not her fault.

[@lookingforwhiteprivilege9330]

@@benfranklin3638I hope you’re joking.

[@cashway0420]

It's okay if you have stuff going on in your personal life Delony, we're here to walk along side you this season.

[@bernadettehuff2984]

He sounds depressed and eating and drinking are a form of self medicating.

[@bluecat2741]

I never cared about my husbands weight, because I loved him in every shape and form. But I should have cared. As he gained more and more weight the "bad gene problems" really started to kick in. As soon as one problem like high blood pressure was under control the next health issue came to surface. And at a certain age some damage to your health can't be undone. On the other hand, our husbands/wifes are adults who are responsible for their own well-being and it's not our job to coach or set them on a diet.

[@hikerhobby1204]

Perfect! You’re right, we’re not responsible and/or tell adults how to think, feel or act, They’re adults and will do as they please. It’s called boundaries.

[@brianal7143]

And, the truth is if your spouse is willing to just let themselves go, it's a guarantee you'll end up as their caretaker when they develop a chronic condition. We should all try to take care of ourselves, not just because we want to be desirable for our spouses, but we don't want to willingly become a burden due to poor health either.

[@lhughes6656]

You're right, its not our job to coach them or set them on a diet, but it absolutely is the job of a loving spouse to hold them accountable. It's love to let them know they are hurting themselves and you with not caring about their health. Marriage is no longer me and you, it is we. And when one is unhealthy or going down a bad path, that weakens the team and could end in severe health problems, early death or like someone else said, a caretaker situation. Not to mention it strains the mutual finances with medical bills. All of which is possibly avoided by holding the other person accountable and letting them know when they're slipping. They are responsible for their own well-being yes, and in a marriage, we are also responsible for their well-being by doing our part to encourage them and ease them in the right direction. To not do so or to ignore it is not love. People who buy bad food for severely obese people like 600lbs is a prime example. They claim they are loving them by giving them whatever they want but by not holding them accountable and making better choices for them both, they are slowly killing them. We are here to love and support one another in marriage and at time that includes some tough love.

[@tihigreen]

@@hikerhobby1204 except as their spouse you have become one with them... A person should take into consideration what's important to the other. If you love and care about someone you would do what makes them feel happy and loved that goes both sides.

[@hikerhobby1204]

@@tihigreen Whatever you think. I don’t tell adults what to do.

[@80sriceman]

When wife and I married, one thing she made clear to me, I don't like fat guys or pot bellies! 😆 At 49, I'm doing my best to keep in shape, I lift weights 5 to 6 days a week, and I try to eat healthy. She helps by cooking me good tasty clean meals.

[@carriefawcett9990]

I like chubby guys with pot bellies, especially tall guys

[@SuzanneQuew-vc4us]

@@carriefawcett9990oh yes, me too! Men a little balding or bald too. You take them to bed and they take care of you!🎉😂

[@rosedevereux2391]

@@SuzanneQuew-vc4us 😆🤣

[@Dewayne-ij3pg]

While you imagine you are with someone else ​@@SuzanneQuew-vc4us

[@fairyshades]

Men that have a little pot belly are fineeee 😊😊

[@easyenglishwithrachael1931]

So her husband drinks at least a six pack a day….and she’s the problem?

[@starlingswallow]

My mom is dealing with this, too. Our whole family is scared for my dad. He is overweight, he had a heart attack back in 2016 and he just doesn't seem like he cares about himself. Anytime we try to talk to him, he makes jokes and giggles, deflects. 😢 We want him around for as long as he can be....I wonder if his childhood trauma is causing this as well as his arthritis issues. One can't _make_ someone else care about themselves. I wish it were possible but we have tried. 💔

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

Sorry you're in this situation, I can relate. A lot of people think their behavior is okay because they see other people eating unhealthy foods too, which we tend to do at family get togethers and holidays (what they don't see is the thin people eating much less the rest of the week). If you lead by example he might notice how bad his eating is in comparison to everyone else in the room.

[@antoinelyons5323]

Pray for him

[@my_slifestyle_2667]

My dad has the same issue we all hope he gets better but he loves using excuses. I tried my hardest to get him healthier tried taking him to walk try doing stuff but he'll say he's in pain. He's constantly at Dr appointments trying to get a solution from a Dr but never accountable for not taking it into his own hands and taking better care of himself.

[@jackdeniston59]

Why do you want him around as long as he can be? Why really? To continue to use him? or because you like him? Tell him.

[@andrewjackson9948]

Try to engage in activities he enjoys. Not force him to do more things you all wanted like he has for decades. Dude broke himself down into nothing.

[@kamarwashington]

Wife didn’t do anything wrong. This dude wants to be perverted and lazy lol

[@erismana2105]

@Mr St. Croix Did she choose to be an alcoholic like the guy in this vid?

[@mojojojo8213]

No the lady last week gained weight because she had kids. This guy is fat and has ED.

[@kamarwashington]

@Mr St. Croix I didn’t see that video lol. Both spouses should be healthy for the other

[@MissUnderstoodOfficial]

@Mr St. Croix are you talking about the women with whom he had two babies/very very young kids and going through post-partum? Opposed to these having their kids raised and just themselves again? Very very different scenarios

[@billylee5335]

🎯

[@CharletteG]

Worrying and caring for your partners health and weight gain is normal but the way she talks about her husband like he’s some kind of slob or pig is disgusting, way to uplift your husband. She puts so much negativity towards him when the man even raised a child that wasn’t even his, she sounds very cruel and cold. I could never imagine speaking of my husband in this manner.

[@kellharris2491]

She wrote out an email. I think she was venting in that moment.

[@nancydrew1102]

I was looking for this comment👆🏾you nailed it . She has got everything thing left out of him, he is now nothing but a “fat ,gross eww “ . Narcissist devaluation turn a physical fit man into one that turns to booze to numb the control nagging wife ; who constantly puts him down for what he’s not. Instead of encouraging him . The way she talk about him is awful , bet she’s worse to him at home . Poor guy. Every woman he married used him.

[@HuesoAmarilloAfricana]

There’s a book series called “Why Men Marry B****es” … more and more I see why the book was written for we “nice girls” because a lot of men, seem to truly marry mean women. If these women are not mean-spirited, it may be because some of these men were so traumatized by a mean ex that they better appreciate the kinder women… 2.5 kids later and a bit paranoid about women in general… super annoying.

[@CharletteG]

@@kellharris2491 which makes it worse because those are her true thoughts, I’ve been with my husband 15 years and we have had ups and downs but I’ve never thought of my husband in such a dispicable way which leads me to believe her issues are more than just his weight.

[@ambertorres5358]

He's telling her to get lap dances from strippers, something she's not comfortable with, instead of working on the real problem which is the fact that his weight gain is affecting their sex life and quality time together. It's not okay to completely let yourself go just because you are with someone who loves you. He needs to go see a doctor to make sure it's not medical. I can't ever imagine dishonoring my future spouse by letting myself go.

[@rds9872]

I don’t think John did anything wrong here. I doubt there’s a medical problem, when you eat fast food and drink a six pack a day you get fat. Most of this is on the guy’s bad habits and asking his wife to go to a strip club and get a lap dance is incredibly insulting. Probably she can do at this point is work on her self and try to inspire him.

[@parksoo-kim6908]

It's not because of society and media forcing unrealistic beauty standards on him?

[@rds9872]

@@parksoo-kim6908 Why is it unrealistic?

[@Trudloops]

A possible medical problem is erectile dysfunction. A visit to a doctor could identify this.

[@KC1up]

⁠@@parksoo-kim6908why is society & media to blame? We are all in charge of ourselves & this dude can make the choice to eat well, exercise & stop with the porn … but he chooses to do those things. He is an adult & he makes those choices.

[@murdahmammiez]

The médical problem could be depression

[@KS-md3uj]

It's a very real fear for some people that their spouse will get very unhealthy and have a heart attack and die. Also....it's not necessarily her fault that he is 'giving up'.

[@Mushroom321-]

I agree !! 🤔👏👏

[@harveypolanski755]

I don’t know why we have to pretend that attraction doesn’t matter. There’s a word for two people that have a close bond without mutual attraction: FRIENDS.

[@katiem82850]

It isn't that attraction doesn't matter. The point is that 1. There is a universe where attraction is not anchored to a person having a relatively static physical appearance,--- where the attraction sustains even when the person ages, goes through health challenges, gains /loses weight etc 2. If the attraction is anchored to something which makes the love conditional, it's not a love that can last very long because conditions change --that is the nature of this human body and this life. If you are anchoring your attraction to a conventional notion of hotness that's fine, just understand that maybe that isn't the best context in which to get married, have kids etc because you will do a lot of emotional damage to everyone involved when the inevitable changes come. You may be better off as a serial monogamist who never marries. For the sake of humanity, just be sure to date other people like you to limit the harm.

[@mweathers79]

I feel into this trap. Allowing myself to be tired, fat, and over indulgent. My wife seemed fine with it, but I wasn’t. So at 40 I started to work out, 3-4 years later I’m in the best shape in my life and my wife is the one out of shape. She’s working on it and I’m pushing her (lightly) to be better. It helps to do it together. This lady should ask her husband to go to the gym with her and they do it together but he’s got to put the beer down.

[@erismana2105]

Tried , fat and indulgent can start one on a cycle of being tried , fat and indulgent .

[@ragingphoinix9144]

I've tried being supportive. I've tried being blunt. I've tried being pointed. Does not matter. If they're not ready to do it for themselves, they're not.

[@thematrix3663]

The woman tried toml make him go on walks

[@workhard801]

He wouldn't even go for a walk with her. You can't out-exercise bad eating, certainly not drinking.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

Wow! I love how you took Charge and changed. She tries to get him on walks and he refuses. John is way odd on this one. This man is destroying his marriage and it is NOT right !!

[@CMM726]

Have him get his testosterone checked. It’s probably low now that he’s older. That causes weight gain and depression which can lead some men into heavy drinking. My husband was miserable and he wasn’t even 40 yet. Turns out he had the testosterone of an 80 year old man. Getting treatment has been life changing

[@easyenglishwithrachael1931]

It’s probably because he drinks like a fish and eats fast food..

[@kellibuzzard9431]

I was thinking low-T also. Wrapped up with depression and kink that he really isn't proud of. Tough combo.

[@FaithShorthouse]

THIS

[@FrankS111]

When I was 27…right before I met my wife, I was in peak physical shape. 6’2….185lbs. I was running marathons, doing intense workouts…etc. I met my wife, we got married, bought a house and had 3 kids. Now I have to prioritize caring for my children, wife, dog, and house … then myself. I still workout but now I’m back to 230lbs at 37 … where I was before I started working out hard. I’d be curious to know what kind of shape she’s in.

[@chocovanille5809]

You and wife first sir, then the kids. The kids will see how you care about health and copy from that. If they see a 230 lbs man, that is what they are going to think is normal

[@workhard801]

@@chocovanille5809 I agree. Parents have to take care of themselves. Drag the kids out with you to be active. Letting the kids stay inside to play video games will produce grown kids that never leave home. You want those kids to leave the nest so you and your spouse can get back to focusing on each other and still be in good enough shape to enjoy life.

[@chocovanille5809]

@@workhard801 agreed

[@pimaggot]

Get back to the gym in the morning. You can get there and back before anyone else wakes up. Get down below 200. You can do it.

[@thezu9250]

I mean you didnt even give birth. But some weight gain is different than excessive weight gain due to heavy drinking.

[@blakeharrison3972]

I mean it’s a massive amount of weight, so he’s clearly going through something, went from weights to booze, same issue I think

[@2daFull]

Contempt is the number 1 indicator of an impending divorce. This lady oozes contempt for her husband. I think John said exactly what she needed to hear. Sadly, I don't think she listened.

[@greenAbbot]

I agree with you about the problem with contempt, but I also heard someone who was aware this was a problem and was working on it. I think she was listening, but I also think she disagreed with Dr. John's overall pessimism about the relationship.

[@toxigenic]

@@greenAbbot Yeah, I felt like she was trying really hard to shoehorn what he was saying about her life but it was missing the mark a bit.

[@chada75]

Women don't listen period.

[@blueblack4035]

She has contempt after he helped raise her son. He got ripped off.

[@BAKER22-l4u]

EXACTLY

[@gilligan1350]

He didn't "put in the effort to take care of himself and be healthy" when he went to the gym in his previous relationship. He was prepping to put himself back on the market.

[@rosannarichardson7951]

So much this

[@leeretaschen231]

This. 100%

[@graceosullivan1367]

For certain. Still says he doesn't value his current partner enough though...

[@xwinwinwinx]

His ex wife was refusing to have sex with him so maybe he was working out his frustration at the gym.

[@pinkpugginz]

​@@xwinwinwinxhe was probably cheating at the strip club and the ex wife was done with it

[@lucidrogue1734]

I empathize with the lady. My SO once said to me that he no longer found me attractive because I gained weight during the lockdowns. So I put forth the effort and lost the weight; but he didn't. I'm sorry, there are no excuses. We don't have children, he works less than 40 hours a week, he hasn't suffered any injuries, or had any pregnancies. He's just gotten lazy AF in my opinion. His whole personality changed with the weight gain. We used to go out together every weekend and have sex frequently. I can't get him to pay more attention to me vs Facebook. He doesn't even drink and his belly is disgustingly huge. If someone doesn't like who they become they need to do something about instead of ruining the enjoyment of people around them.

[@antoinelyons5323]

So true indeed

[@sarcodonblue2876]

I agree. That is a really tough situation.

[@cristiano7ronaldoTHEGOAT]

Overweight wives should also have to lose weight.

[@Freshprankstv1]

Dang yeah it’s also sad when ppl don’t have any more respect for themselves too and they get that way

[@pepper1188]

These men with their bellies?! can they even SEE it? How sad.

[@DodgaOfficial]

Here's the thing, I'm realistic, and while I know marriage vows are forever, lots of people don't find fat attractive, and while they can choose to love you, if you choose to allow yourself to get fat, you're also choosing the consequences, and you can't blame your partner if they lose some attraction for you.

[@hayley179g]

Not getting fat takes more and more energy the older you get, sadly.

[@DodgaOfficial]

@@hayley179g it just takes some self control and discipline, I mean if you don't even have kids in the house anymore what's the excuse? It's a choice at the end of the day, I know it's not easy for everyone, but it's more than possible.

[@JoeJohn-ww1du]

​@@DodgaOfficialeven with kids in the house you'll have plenty of time to work out and eat right.

[@Michael-vc2cs]

@@hayley179g Some would argue the issue of getting fat is an energy management problem in itself. Metabolically we are easily switching from fatty acid oxidation to burning glucose at will when we’re young, unless you are like me and so many other pudgy children whose metabolism was just wacky. I finally found out how to lose weight when I started learning how to pattern my carbs following a ketogenic type approach for two weeks. Putting my body into ketosis started the signal to go into lipolysis. Cycling the carbs and fats while keeping protein high allowed me to lose 50 lbs in 2 months, a feat many fitness friends of mine say is impossible. What I expect happened in theory was my mitochondria were programmed to uncouple and consume more energy on a daily basis. You can do this when you’re older and I’d say it’s imperative if you want to be fit into old age. If you address the energy management problem first, the need for intense exercise reduces greatly.

[@katcihealer]

I could feel compassion for this man. But I lose compassion when the solution is strippers or any other third party scenario. Sorry , but we need to expect more from men then "Oh well they don't hit me and have a temper" We have set the bar so low now.

[@clovemartin]

She's not crazy. This is a total normal reaction if your partner gains a lot of weight.

[@cherissef5297]

Totally. I think everyone knows their spouse (and themselves) will gain 15-20 pounds as they age MAYBE. But 70 pounds is a deal breaker. Bait and switch. 61 yr old female

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

Yep!

[@emmarose6590]

@@cherissef5297 15-20 is not much onetime. 70 seems excessive but most people don’t weight 15 pounds more since age of 21 lol.

[@ludoludo80]

she lack compassion and understanding ... if she dispaise him so much and is disgusted by his lack of willpower to lose weight ... she should live him. Do we think he doesn't perceive her disgust towards him? i would hate myself if I was alloying myselself to be married by someone that looks you with disgust and contempt ... I totally feel for him

[@supernova11711]

I agree and actually feel that couples should discuss expectations on this matter early on. It should be part of the “agreement”. It matters more to some than others. It’s not shallow or “fat shaming” but people can’t change what their attracted to and it’s a completely different lifestyle. Severely overweight people usually just don’t have the energy to do all of the same things a fit person does. It’s a big part of being compatible and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t care if people want to be overweight. It’s their life. My partner’s health effects my life though a vice versa.

[@knaudi86]

I'm only about 2 minutes in and I already appreciate how raw and real Dr. John is here. That's for being real and sharing it with us, JD!

[@zumurudlilit]

Well, i hate fat. Like it is disgusting 🤢 to touch fat wobbly body. Are you offended? Do you call me shallow? Tell me I don’t really love my husband? Well, imagine we are talking about rotten teeth… for me it is the same.

[@charliedeegan1598]

You're absolutely shallow.

[@emptysoul5057]

I liked his advice. When a man says his wife is too fat to love everything stops like how dare you say that....well it's mean when a woman says it about a husband too

[@thezu9250]

Usually the men are made their recently pregnant overworked wife has gained weight. She’s annoyed hes drinking a six pack. Come on.

[@emptysoul5057]

@@thezu9250 irregardless you promise to love your spouse in sickness and in health love should make you see your spouse as a human person worthy of affection not just a body that has the sole purpose of turning you on living life together needs to be deeper than appearances

[@UnknownUser-nu8ny]

@@thezu9250that’s not an excuse to disregard weight. The same could be said for the man maybe he’s going through something internally you never know. Truth is both men and women need to stop making excuses if you have a partner pick up the weight.

[@caramelese8520]

It us though 😂. Do you know how much the body changes after pregnancy plus she has to take care of the babies especially for the first 5 years​@@UnknownUser-nu8ny

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@thezu9250 Strawman.

[@KennedyIvy]

I personally thought you handled the call very well. Wish more were like this. Straight forward

[@kimberlylepine5115]

I am so glad that John recorded this intro. It's important for people to recognize that therapists are human, and a call in radio show is not therapy- it's entertainment. John does put a lot of himself personally into the callers' situations, esp. those he identifies with more than others, but that's probably all he can do in the short time frame that the show format runs.

[@dantesanders693]

Moral of the story, get/stay in shape fellas

[@mattr918]

Yup. You need to hold your self to a high standard. If you do it your partner will likely follow.

[@jzenlasaar7558]

Ok but here’s my question; if it was the other way around with the husband complaining about the wife’s weight gain, would it still be socially acceptable?

[@psyience3213]

It’s a common story. Woman married rich man for money but deluded herself about the reasons and the suddenly finds him unattractive after she’s gotten everything she wants.

[@vivienleigh1361]

Doctor John, why didn’t you address the drinking problem? 6 beers a night is an alcoholic! Period. Asking to go to a strip club is infidelity as far as I’m concerned. Asking her to get a lap dance! Shameful. This is much bigger than any weight issues. What are you people listening to this all focused on weight, there are much bigger problems happening here

[@Snappypantsdance]

I sit here teary eyed. I was so frustrated with my husband for the same reason. My hubby attended the Air Force Academy, so he was no slouch. Over the years he gained over 350 lbs. I was so frustrated at the beginning, because I thought he was causing it. He wasn’t. I lost him 2 years ago at 48 years old. I can not regret more losing him and not being more kind. Long story short, yes, we saw many doctors and went to counseling. The consensus was that I should feel free to leave. I didn’t. We had a beautiful healing and such a sweet last 6 months together. I cant wait to see him again. It does make me not sweat the small things (I believe) now. Blessings to those of you who still have their spouses, who can still work through small things(not all things are small). 😊

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

May I inquire as to the cause of his drastic weight gain? Was it metabolic?

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

And I'm sorry for your loss.

[@sensimania]

What condition was causing his weight gain?

[@Snappypantsdance]

@@jenniferlloyd9574 it was as simple as lymphedema. Which is just a build up of lymph fluid. We went to the best of the best MD’s and Naturopaths. At the very least, we didn’t catch it in time…

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

@@Snappypantsdance You were there for him and that's what matters.

[@Allisoninspirations]

I'm 47 amd started working out 4 years ago. My husband still looks good but I'm a big believer in just being healthy and getting in movement daily. He hasn't worked out consistently but has remained somewhat active but had gained a little weight. I started praying for him and praying that he begins a healthy life with working out but I continued my healthy lifestyle with out nagging him. Just a couple weeks ago he wanted to get back to cycling again. He purchased a good bike and he has been bicycling. I might even go with him. But ladies, pray for your husband in all areas. Encourage him, thank him. You have more influence than you realize. Most importantly, love him where he's at!

[@sarahm.7081]

Yes, guuuuuurl !❤❤❤❤

[@breezeh1127]

That's what I'll do, pray my husband thin 🙄 I think I'll pray for you instead. To focus on bettering yourself and to be able to see your husband through Godly eyes.

[@chocolatewolfe]

This says much more about you than your husband.

[@MoxyVerve]

That’s extremely pathetic! You ACTUALLY prayed to God about that??

[@lexie02jones25]

Yes you are Allison and I think sometimes we gave to be the role model in order dor that person to follow. Great advice, I'm going to do that as well

[@Love-bo3df]

My husband gained weight and the idea of having sex grossed me out (I never said anything of course). One day I asked him who he no longer respected, me or him? Turned out he had lost respect for himself. I told him he needed to turn it around because he was disappearing and to his credit he did. That’s all that was ever said and all that needed to be said.

[@workhard801]

Would JD say you were rude or insulting to your husband? Good for you and your husband! I'm glad you got your husband back. I'm sure he feels better and is happier, too.

[@Love-bo3df]

@@workhard801 I wasn’t rude or mean when I asked the question, I genuinely didn’t know and my husband knew I was asking with serenity. I was sad and my fear was he had lost respect for me but I didn’t know why. Yes it worked out but I think it’s because I left it up to him to decide how he wanted to handle himself with no shame, no argument.

[@rarajean]

Amazing

[@OopThereItIs77777]

@@workhard801no because that’s exactly what John teaches. To ask about respect

[@margo3367]

To have sex with a man with boobs would be disgusting to me.

[@DemonRuby]

People, stay in shape!!! Yes, you may definitely still love your partner BUT physical appearance is crucial for sexual attraction. Just because you love someone it does not mean you are sexually attracted as well. Take responsibility for your own appearance! People gain lot of weight and then they are surprised that their partner no longer finds them attractive.

[@austinallen1797]

Spot on

[@Michael-vc2cs]

Yes absolutely!

[@neechee5150]

@DemonRuby Do you hold women to that same standard in every aspect and dimension? Women tend to view any comments or feedback about their weight as being taboo, calloused, sexist and misogynistic. However, women do not hold themselves to that same standard for ethics dequorum and manners when they talk about men who are overweight. The majority of women have no problem with body shaming men who are overweight (or for hair loss, an other things) and they feel entitled to do so. Women get [pretty ugly and mean about it as well. The body positivity movement has not been applied equally when the criticism and body shaming is aimed at men compared to women.

[@jewel6799]

​@@neechee5150 Some women tend to put on weight when they have kids. What is a man's excuse? Men lose weight much faster than women. So what is their excuse ?

[@DominickSpano]

I get the impression that the overweight husband is probably a good man who got lost somehow or lost his way. We all lose our way at times. To me the wife should be more supportive or the husband. I can tell it can be hard, but isn't that what marriage is? It isn't always sunshine and rainbows and fat or buff, you have to be behind your partner and help them to be a better version of themselves. And yes way way way easier said then done.

[@kellharris2491]

They can't go on a walk together. They struggle to have sex. And he is not willing to work on it or to try to change. So if all of that stoped how would you feel?

[@DominickSpano]

@@kellharris2491 Yes. I do understand it is a tough situation. I get it. But she was more combative to her husband then being supportive. He had bigger breast then me now. Come on, that is pretty dreadful to say! And again the husband from what I can gather isn't putting in maximim effort, that is for sure, but she is acting more as a bane then a boon in this situation. Basically they need to have a heart to heart and both make changes here. I understand this is all easier said then done.

[@workhard801]

@@DominickSpano You assume she hasn't tried to be supportive and kind. She sounds like she's tried for a long time and is frustrated. I've had the same struggle. I finally convinced my husband to go to the gym with me. We worked out together. Immediately after leaving the gym, he would stop at the nearest convenience store and buy beer. I told him he's undoing everything he just did. He said he worked hard and deserves a beer. I gave up. I do my own thing now, trail runs. I'm not his mother, but I don't need to join him and be unhealthy.

[@arcblaze1844]

Sorry man, but it's impossible to not have contempt when your own husband personally asks you to go to a strip club. That is disrespect of the highest order.

[@kellharris2491]

I am going against the grain here but there is putting on a little weight and then there is 60lbs-70lbs. Constently drinking and eating junk and he doesn't want to get help? And then lets go to a strip club?That sounds more like an addiction then anything. I think the email was in an angry moment. I can understand her frustration. It's not that much different than an Alcholic or someone on video games all the time. He is not there anymore. I mean there is sympathy but people need to take responsability for themselves. I say this as someone with crippling mental health. He has to want to be better and he doesn't. And it's exhausting to carry someone who doesn't want to help himself.

[@CharletteG]

She sounds so disillusioned imagine how he must feel after raising another man’s kid with her and having her speak of him in such a disgusting manner. They both need to work on themselves because it seems like there is way more wrong with their relationship beside weight gain.

[@zachwallace8274]

I agree. She seems nasty. He shouldn't be drinking that much but I guess being married to her is that tough.

[@undecidedtoystore3003]

Thanks for the transparency! Appreciate you, Dr. Delony!

[@per_growth]

As a guy who believes feminism has gone way overboard - I believe the guy should get his act together. If we expect the wives to keep up their looks and stay attractive for their husbands - we husbands have to do the same for our wives.

[@tony.9363]

He's letting himself go I don't blame her

[@LesleyLamb-xq8op]

Letting yourself go to that degree communicates that you take your spouse for granted. He not only is disrespecting himself but disrespecting her as well.

[@AimeePoppinBabies]

If you aren't taking care of your body & neglecting it then YES its a problem!!!

[@Beniamin6665]

It’s the reason Aimee… The reason.. The why… My recent ex made me feel like I’m nothing just because she would not touch me, hold me, look into my eyes…

[@wintercame]

Somebody who's drinking a 6 pack a day, every day, is probably not in good health. That's where the weight is coming from too. Delony missed that, and went off on to wild made up psych stories about their marriage. He's right, she deserved better and I hope he called her back later.

[@BlueNelso279]

Asking his wife to go to a strip club really has me questioning what type of man he really is. I appreciate John responding to her the same way he would to men, but I do feel bad for the lady to an extent. I have a hard time respecting a guy who wants to take his woman to a strip club and won't even go for a walk with her. Sorry if that's your thing.

[@lyndaslocs]

The drinking is another important issue.

[@jsevakis]

There’s a look on Dr. John’s face on this call that I’ve never seen before. I can tell he’s struggling and trying to keep it out of the call, but something in this is personal for him. I’m thankful that he felt the need to preface this call like that, but his advice was actually quite sound imho.

[@tamarasherley]

It is not abuse to ask your spouse to drop a few. It abuse not to. Dont you want to be happy

[@YesJellyfish]

I think the point is that people gain weight for a reason. To ask a spouse to drop a few, without exploring the reason and supporting them there, it’s like saying “I don’t care about your problems, just solve it” it’s ok to want to solve it, but I think John is encouraging to do it together as a team

[@neechee5150]

@tamarasherley How you "ask" your spouse to drop a few can in fact be abuse. It would be very revealing to ask the man how his wife treats/has treated him and whether she has been emotionally physically or psychologically abusive towards him. There is aq high probably that she has been and currently is abusive towards her husband. Then there is the other side (huge double standard) of this equation. A man wants his wife/GF to lose weight-he is automatically shallow, a misogynist, mean and does not love his wife and is just hung up on physical things. Women en masse gang up on him and he would be their designated SOB. You are going where angels and devils fear to tread when you talk to a woman about her weight. When women talk about weight they want men to be "body positive" when men put on weight women are just "expressing heir feelings and their opinions" and allegedly caring about their husbands/bf's health. Huge double standard here. Women can be and very often are just as much if not more more ugly, mean, cruel and abusive towards men when it comes to weight

[@genuinetrueblue]

I enjoy listening to the callers but the show host gives absolutely terrible advice

[@SuperPancake20]

i kinda agree i've watched a few eps where i really like what he says but othertimes it feels a bit performative

[@genuinetrueblue]

@@SuperPancake20 Specially when adultery is involved

[@Danijean85]

This country is sick. And obsessed with weight. I understand being healthy but when did we stop loving our spouses for gaining weight and being at their worst. Don't get married if your love is conditional.

[@marysaltlife1427]

For better or worse.... I love my husband so much and over 25 years of marriage, both of our weights have varied. Neither of us has had an issue in the bedroom. Maybe we are just blessed. I hope this caller can see past the extra 60 lbs. to see it's still her husband in there.

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

Same ❤

[@juniper1982]

I’m 5’6 128 pounds and still too fat for my husband. I’m working hard to get back to 118 pounds that I was when we met. It’s so hard after kids, but I wish he was still attracted to me. :(

[@striving1]

​@@juniper1982 Your husband is a butthead. 10 pounds shouldn't stop 🛑 anyone from living you. I could see if you were 218. He is being ridiculous. And you had children and continued his family's legacy. He is a clown! 🤡 How much does he weigh? I'll bet he weighs more than when you 1st met too.

[@audrajeanrussell8066]

For all his going on before this call....I honestly didn't hear anything that sounded out of line. I think the caller needed to hear every word he spoke to her - however he feels about it after the fact. This woman's husband needs SOMEBODY to say these things to her since he can't/isn't able. And I speak from experience - my mom did the same thing to my dad.

[@CharletteG]

Yeah she speaks about her husband like he’s a pig or slob, idk how fat your or better gets that’s NOT how someone who loves someone speaks of their partner

[@katwilliams2950]

Exactly. While he may have missed the fact that he should have told her to encourage him to get medical help, he wasn't wrong. She's woe is me and just resentful. This call was probably a wake up call because gently showing a different pov like Dr JD did initially, wasn't working. Might not have been as professional as he'd liked but I don't think he was wrong. She'd probably be upset if he wrote about her, like she did about him. Hopefully things work out

[@greenAbbot]

I don't know...I really felt like he was jumping to some big conclusions here about how this woman felt about herself and about the marriage. She didn't want to contradict him, but I don't think she was buying it either. I'm more optimistic about this couple than Dr. John, but I think they could benefit from some basic ideas about how to start wanting to be better and more interesting partners for each other. This starts in non-sexual and less emotionally-charged ways, but it can spread.

[@VianeyRodriguez-qj8hf]

First, the husband that wants to go to a strip club is an unfaithful wicked scoundrel. Who told ya'll that paying for prostitutes isn't being unfaithful ? He's defrauding his marriage and stopping on his wife. What medical condition?? No sir, that's sinful behavior not medical behavior!

[@v.m.4453]

I've had multiple partners who were overweight (i.e. boobs bigger than mine.) Sometimes it feels like they have given up. Sometimes it feels like there is no discipline. I work out religiously. I make goals and try to reach them. That said, sometimes it is harder with a very overweight partner. Even the attraction diminishes. I've never said anything. I offered walks and the gym, but that didn't work. It is sad and leads to resentment. That is all I will say about that.

[@rosannarichardson7951]

Be with a healthy person inside and out. They don’t have to be a model, but they HAVE to take care of themselves. It’s important to you so it should be important to them. They should already come to you that way and be part of who they are and their character. They aren’t being healthy for anyone but themselves. That’s who you need

[@elonr1018]

I love Dr.John’s honesty

[@iPervy]

I like his hair!

[@justi353]

He is an idiot , I would never trust or hire someone who cant empathise with others , thinks that people with no kids don't have deep love when literally you have men with kids living childfree life and women who cant connect with their kids.......

[@dustinadair7893]

I like his rump.

[@alannajm]

@@iPervy me too!

[@mmmmlllljohn]

Yes, kudos for his honesty. But the husband’s choices are his choices and now he is an alcoholic. Not her fault.

[@ivanvargas2425]

If I ever become sick and disgustedly fat I hope my partner tells me. Just like how I will tell her to lose some weight.

[@workhard801]

Do these jeans make my ass look fat? 😆

[@52253825]

OMG you think your advice blew because you didn't recommend she tell her husband to go to the doctor?! You literally blamed this woman for her husband's apathy, gluttony and indifference. Lady, give him a timetable and then get out if he doesn't turn it around. He may have given up, but YOU don't have to.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

It would suck to be married to an overweight man. I can’t be attracted to a man that gives up. I’ve been through a lot and I never gave up. Gaining weight and drinking and eating is HIs choice and not fair for her now that they have time to go do fun things. This man is selfish and lazy. I disagree with John on this one and I am saying this for BOTH sexes. Man or woman , continuing to gain weight and the sex life going downhill and there are no activities they can do together is NOT ok. She doesn’t sound bitter , she’s just laying it out honestly. She’s allowed to be disappointed! God forbid her husband actually care about her , themselves and their marriage enough to get up and make a change ! He is selfish and that sucks terribly. In a marriage, we have to care about our spouse and their needs! Period. He doesn’t CARE JOHN. You were way off on this one , why? A weak man that gives up is unacceptable!! Again - same for women. Anyone that lets themselves go is selfish!!

[@knightfox4121]

That is such a ridiculous take. Gaining weight can be a sign of so many different things. He can be depressed, anxious, etc. To call him selfish because he does not look like your ideal man is frankly narcissistic af.

[@workhard801]

@@knightfox4121 Or it can simply be too much intake and not enough movement. Alcohol always adds on the pounds, more so as we get older.

[@jenniferwildflower4249]

Right. (Or maybe mentally anguished/ill.) But regardless it's not right to blame another person for a grown up choosing a 6 pack per day which is textbook alcoholism.

[@delightschwartz2155]

Great! Let's see how you plan to lose the extra pounds of entitlement found in your self centered fat head. If you are incapable of seeing a person's true value, which is entirely separate from physical attributes, and you take obvious pleasure in shooting them down, you're just as much a part of the problem. This guy has both an emotional problem and a health problem that he needs to address, but all your skinnier-and-therefore-soo-much-better-than-thou attitude does is magnify his pain because he's had the effrontery to be an imperfect fallible human being and make a mistake. Condemnation does nothing but hold him back from making any effort to improve his life. He is discouraged and overweight, but when he gets the emotional support and encouragement he needs, he'll do something about it. But there's no diet and exercise program that can fix self-centered and mean. Good luck with that. Would it have killed this wife to tell him "I see your worth, I will not condemn you for being human, let's take small steps every day to get better, you help me and I help you"? Probably.

[@chasepflueger2594]

Why does this guy always make excuses for people making poor diet choices and gaining weight? Stay healthy and in shape for yourself and for your spouse. It’s not that complicated.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

It’s not that simple. It’s mental. It is psych centered. That’s why super overweight people always have a backstory of abuse, poor home life, etc. there IS a reason & it’s not as easy as eating healthy/working out. It’s the mind

[@estarr86]

​@@OopThereItIs77777your both right unfortunately...

[@Michael-vc2cs]

@@estarr86 I agree, even if it is mental, we are all responsible to get help or do something. If you’re married, hopefully your spouse would help you get started on the right path by gently and graciously nudging you.

[@d011p4rtz]

I'm not sure what to think...on one hand, she's really shallow and kinda insulting, but on the other hand, as a woman, when a guy tells you "I want to see strippers" that doesn't exactly paint the picture of "commitment" for me (personally, because that type of stuff is *off limits* )...like, who does that?

[@kathyb1011]

John is not listening to her. He is superimposing his own issues whatever they are over what she is saying. I think he is describing how he feels and not giving her the advice she is looking for.

[@TheeStarlight]

But that’s why he admitted in the beginning he handled it wrong

[@richarddrapeau7599]

And his job isn't to give advise people want, but the advice they need.

[@AnnLaustsen87]

I wasn't married on paper. But I was with a guy for 7 years. It got to a point where he was like, "Honey, both of us have got to lose some weight." I did all of the studying. I read Eades and Taubes. I cut out the carbs, stopped drinking alcohol. And he did nothing to improve his own health. It wasn't just his weight. It was his view on the United States. It was denial of the holocaust happening. It was saying slurs right out side of the lecture hall about our openly gay professor. She's not just frustrated with the weight. She is frustrated with the alcoholism and all of the problems that come with it. Near the end of my relationship, I felt all alone. He called me one day yelling about something, and I told him it was over. It was a painful decision, but now I live a single life. I don't want to EVER get married again. It was complete hell.

[@bitchmittens99]

Glad you didn’t marry that psycho

[@sarahalderman3126]

That’s sad.

[@AmazingRebel23]

Damn i did not expect that twist!!

[@johniii8147]

You're much better alone than that mess.

[@ReginaMcNeish]

That’s a trauma response and and an excuse to not try again for love. I’m not being nice nor your friend I’m just speaking truth. You sound like you would be an awesome catch for another person who is a go getter such as yourself and it would be a crime to have you spend the rest of your life alone and not sharing your light with someone that’s compatible. That being said because of what you accomplished in your life if you found someone who had the same energy as you, I highly doubt you would let them pass. You may hold them around and not marry them but to not experience an energy that matches you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE….I doubt that will you would let that pass. Basically your saying this now and maybe for a few years more but most likely you have learned your lesson in what to look for in a life partner and you will be faced with marriage again …..DO IT! You have to learn to trust yourself again. I have seen this story too many times .. don’t let your trauma rule your life. You seem too good of a catch to even ponder being alone but I get it.

[@giannameza5659]

I disagree with how this “Dr” treats the caller as she is so despicable for being honest, she cares enough to try to seek help for her situation, all the people commenting they would never talk to their husbands like that is because they don’t have an overweighted partner that is telling them to get a lap dance from a stripper in order to get excitement… this Dr basically shamed this woman for being honest on how she felt and it felt to me as he even blamed her for the husband’s situation, him giving up on himself for reason he brought on upon to himself and sadly nobody would change or lift themselves up if they don’t have the desire to do so, this call for me was pointless at the end he made the caller look like an resentful evil person where was the insightful advice! And yes he Looked good before but gets the unhealthy overweight version asking her to go to the strip club come on! I am with her on that.

[@flippintobyland7257]

Husband should eat right exercise and get in shape. Be a good example for your family.

[@JoeJohn-ww1du]

But when moms fat you all scream about dad needing to accept her and be sexually attracted to her no matter what. For shame. He should react no different than most American women; do nothing about being obese, blame it on the kids and stress, and guilt his wife into pretending he's still sexually appealing...😂

[@flippintobyland7257]

@@JoeJohn-ww1du agree 100% it goes both ways . Americans get married , gain 80lbs and put on sweat pants and live a lethargic life.

[@lisahinkofer2085]

Just beware this is a health issue. She can talk to him til she’s blue in the face about his weight gain and plead for him to go to a doctor but it’s up to him to take care of himself. As for their sex life yeah that sucks. Talking may not be the answer because he’s done. He’s no longer interested in you or the marriage or him self. Sounds like he’s not happy depression. She must move on. Make a life for herself without him even though he’s still your husband. Do the things you like to do and live wonderfully and let him go. It’s hard but if you can leave then go. It’s up to her.

[@Jugoplastika7]

A man will move mountains for a woman he loves. He doesn’t love her. He’s quit.

[@trifectamarc6705]

Well he let himself go, and she is sick of his crap. When you are married, you still should take care of yourself.

[@ronaldnichols9945]

For over 60 years, we've been taught by the government, medical and food industries and some religious groups to avoid meat and animal fat. Now, people eat for comfort and not nutrition. This has led to increasing rates of heart disease, type 2 diabetes and Obesity because of the amounts of sugar, processed foods and alcohol. He needs help. I workout generally 5 days a week for 2 hours a day. I'm 70 years old. I eat carnivore. He can change his life but only if he wants to.

[@ArmOr_of_the_Alpha_and_Omega]

💯 seed oils, sugar alcohols, dyes, etc. So many things in our everyday "food" that it's no longer food. It barely sustains us. It's poison that is chronically killing us because healthcare is profitable. It should be illegal to profit from medicine. It should be rewarded to cure disease (because they can). Instead, they have to make everybody sick, treat them with meds to keep the healthcare profits up. It's sick.

[@redpilledwife4701]

Yes!

[@Michael-vc2cs]

Amen!

[@MCknowledge]

If its a man complaining about his wife he is wrong and a bad husband. If a wife complains about her husband she is in the right and the husband is still wrong and a bad person

[@AmandaErrrrr]

You know what, you totally could of edited it all out, it never could of seen the light of day. And none of us would be the wiser. But thank you, Dr. John. For being human and transparent with us, and being able to say "Hey man, I could of done that better lemme circle back real quick" its really awesome to see people in your position just be human. Hope things are going better for you now

[@genxx2724]

I disagree. He didn’t say what advice he should have given.

[@Sarahbananna2]

Yeah he gave no real good advice

[@veronicatorres608]

As a fellow counselor I appreciate the transparency. We have bad days for sure and owning up to it with clients and ourselves is crucial! Let’s not ignore the elephant in the room and model accountability and vulnerability!

[@9liveslisa]

If he used to go to a gym and she wants to do something with him, maybe they should both go to the gym and work out together. And sucking down beers doesn't help a person mentally or physically.

[@markg999]

Highly doubt his weight gain is health related sitting around eating bad food and drinking beer is recipe to alot of weight gain for anyone. My biggest issue is if a man makes this call they definitely get anger from women but not ok for a man to get fat. Same thing...likely low self esteem and depression going on. Both husband and wife should take care of themselves. We all gain some weight with age but 60+ lbs is way to much.

[@warmarmot1]

I'm glad you admitted you being in a bad place, cuz that was horrible. The caller sounded genuinely concerned and wanting help and you kept kicking dirt in her face and putting words in her mouth. The husband sounded like he was slipping into alcoholism, which is not her fault. I would never bother seeking counseling again if that was supposed to be helpful. Yikes.

[@genxx2724]

A lot of therapists just regurgitate the same amorphous generalizations and are no help. Or they just listen and after the client pours their heart out they say, “And how do you feel about that?”

[@workhard801]

People get upset when their doctor tells them they're fat and need to lose weight. That's kind of their job. It's wrong to state the obvious?

[@warmarmot1]

@@workhard801 Absolutely not. I'm not sure what argument you're making pertaining to this video or my comment. The husband is said to be having a 6 pack of beer plus drinks to top it off. Which is alcoholism on top of growing obesity. Nothing is good or okay with that.

[@workhard801]

@@warmarmot1 No animosity intended on my part. Our society seems to now say you have to be careful about people's feelings and not state the obvious, that obesity is unhealthy and bad, just like too much alcohol is bad. People have even started being offended by their doctor stating the obvious. People are now demanding to not be weighed at the doctor's office. Even if a woman gains 60 pounds while pregnant, that is a lot and can lead to gestational diabetes and have serious consequences. We shouldn't tip-toe around the obvious.

[@warmarmot1]

@@workhard801 I agree. And I really hate that Delaney always attacks the healthy partner in the relationship. Especially this one when the wife's voice is cracking asking how to help him because she still loves him. He scoffs at her and tells her it's her fault he's checked out of the marriage. It's so wrong. Delaney seems to repeatedly tell the healthy partner to give up on their spouse. Either accept them fat and unhealthy or move on, instead of trying to help/support them.

[@Valdrex]

60lbs is a shitload I don't blame her.

[@juliemoore6957]

I think they need marriage counseling. They're at the empty nest stage which couples need to get know each other again. This wife's still committed. He sounds depressed. She needs to get counseling herself if he won't go. They'd give get tools to deal with the situation better. He needs to get checked out medically. He may need some anti depressants.

[@sl33ptilldawn]

Tbh, I think it's obvious that the husband is going through something emotionally. The woman on the call seems like she did genuinely care. I don't know if she's aware that his mental state is the one affecting the relationship.

[@gualhawelti1229]

Easy to judge people even on the street with over weight , we never know what’s going on in their life. No body wants to be over weight if it was by choice . And by the way un planned weight lose should be concerning too / not exciting . Got your self checked with your medical doctor

[@kamarwashington]

In most cases it’s by choice there’s no reason for the majority of the US to be overweight

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

What’s going on in 99% of cases is they’re in a caloric surplus and making excuses for that only does the following: 1.) Reduces their lifespan. 2.) Reduces their quality of life. 3.) Encourages gluttony. 4.) Increases the cost of my healthcare.

[@ineedhoez]

True. There is quite often so much trauma that is packed in there.

[@seadragon1456]

It’s mostly by choice! The health problems USUALLY come AFTER they’ve intentionally eaten themselves to that point. It’s easy to over indulge. Those that maintain a healthy weight are living in the same time period as the enormous people. We have the same temptations. We see the same foods on the shelves. We are exposed to the same restaurants. The difference is the enormous one just eats and eats because it’s good and the other eats to satisfy hungry. Y’all need to stop making excuses for those that are clinically morbidly ob€s€. It didn’t just happen. It isn’t caused by disability or bad health in most cases.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

When I was in the Marines we had guys who would gain weight while we were in the states... Then when we would go overseas, magically they lose the weight when their diet is restricted. Weird how that works

[@gsquared2394]

John makes his fair share of mistakes and at times gives overly emotional advice. Being super empathetic has a price.

[@user-xi8zo4nl9b]

My husband gained so much weight from alcohol he developed sleep apnea and went into heart failure. he went into rehab and excersizes daily now and lost over 30lbs. we are all responsible for our health.

[@katysummer9418]

I think its very important to do the best on both sides to be healthy and look good for your partner and not to get lazy once you are in a longtime relationship.

[@Imagine_thaaaat]

I’m curious did you call her back and apologize? And not leave her with the wrong advice? And or explain? Edit: (based on the context of his intro to the video. Because I didn’t personally find it that bad of advice, but I’m also not a counselor or a licensed therapist.)

[@jhughes7165]

The advice is free. Take it as a perspective.

[@DannyD-lr5yg]

What part of his advice was “wrong,” though? Harsh, perhaps; incomplete; sounds like it was biased (according to his apology). But “wrong” isn’t a very helpful metric for something as subjective as free call-in radio show advice..

[@Imagine_thaaaat]

Sorry, I meant that in the context of his intro. I’m curious to what he would’ve said to her because from his intro, he made it sound like he gave her the wrong advice. It didn’t seem wrong to me, but he said he wasn’t supposed to become personally involved. From his perspective that would be wrong advice according to him. I didn’t personally have any issues with the advice that he gave her. He was just very hard on himself because I’m assuming there’s silent rules for people that are counselors or therapist, that I, and or the public are not aware of. He was just very critical on himself and I watch that video as you did and I didn’t see it being that bad at all so I’m just curious to know if he followed up after the fact.

[@ineedhoez]

Yeah... I am confused. I thought the advice was great.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@ineedhoez I though it was good too but on his IG live before this episode came out he said he was disappointed in his response because he emotionally reacted to the call and got in the middle of all the drama instead of staying neutral and advising her as a professional.

[@jennyf308]

Displaying disgust for a fat person is one of the cruelest ways to kick someone when they're down. I have zero respect for it.

[@colinbradfield72]

Best show I’ve seen , dude you were already in a crappy mood and it’s obvious, and this woman wasn’t helping and I think you actually got pissed off at her because she is such a selfish person also because roles reversed, we would be so demonized as men if this was about our wives. So I’m kind of glad you handled this but yeah, you should definitely also worry about the health of the guy I guess . I think you straight up didn’t like this person and I don’t like her either. what’s messed up is that I’ve said that to my girlfriend that was hot while we were separated for three months and then gained weight back after we got back together. So I understand her frustration too. Anyway great episode.

[@taylorb6469]

There’s no problem with having issues with your spouses weight gain. It signals laziness, unhealthy lifestyle, and flat out selfishness. Not taking care of yourself while in a relationship while your spouse does spells an unhappy marriage.

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

What if the husband gets into such great shape that he can do a lot better than you? Would it be selfish of you to still try to hold on to him and prevent him from getting someone hotter than you? (I mean, as long as you started down this road, let's see where it might end...)

[@murraybeachtel8585]

Coming at this from a position of contempt is going to poison the marriage whether the person stays overweight or gets physically healthy again. Ask yourself how much love is worth to you when it is contingent on appearance. Much better way to go about this would be a desire for your significant other to be healthy so the years you live together can hopefully be long.

[@ragingphoinix9144]

​@Michael Jones If that's his point to being fit, then by all means. But health should be a two way street.

[@katwilliams2950]

I have no issue with her wanting her husband to be healthier, but the way she worded that letter in particular, is not healthy either.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@murraybeachtel8585 love is 100% contingent on a variety of conditions being met, appearance being one of them. I can tell you straight up I could not love an overweight woman no matter how kind or upstanding she is. It’s a basic requirement for me that a woman isn’t overweight. If you’re one of these people who believe that love isn’t condition-based, I implore you to research divorce stats.

[@Paul-xw1lx]

This guy is off his rocker. There is an obesity epidemic in this country he's always on the side of the person who gained weight its mind blowing.

[@jamoeclopton1939]

Body positivity and telling someone that they should get their spouse to lose some weight for their health or two different things Paul people get fat that doesn't mean that they're dead and it doesn't mean that you walk away from them 😂so that means you talk to them about their weight and try to get them to lose their weight marriage is work he's not saying except the fact that he's fat and just deal you should stay off the internet you're starting to see problems that don't exist because young people are doing things 😂 bro weight problems in marriage has been around since the start

[@steadystackin7250]

It's okay to want your partner to be healthy. It's another if you're upset solely because of the physical attractiveness aspect, that's straight up wrong. Anyone at anytime could get into an accident and lose any physical beauty they might have. Also we grow older and our physical appearance changes anyways.

[@flippintobyland7257]

His is a choice.

[@nancydrew1102]

@@quietmomcooking8053 no one owns you or you body but you .

[@tracemagace8434]

It's not wrong per say. It just is what it is.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

You can't compare an accident to someone over eating and not exercising by choice.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

@Quiet mom cooking “Give your body to your spouse?” I believe in bodily autonomy as what you lay out primes a situation for abuse. Plus exercise is best when intrinsically motivated. You owe it to yourself to be as healthy as you can be.

[@Mew__]

To be honest, both of these people seem quite insufferable. The wife seems alright during this call, but the way she talks about her husband in the email, combined with him asking to have a stripper dance on her... This has nothing to do with interpersonal issues and everything to do with personal issues.

[@bethmiller7544]

My husban and i dated for three years. We didn't include our children into the relationship untill we set a date for the wedding. We agreed in our dating getting to know you phase that we neither of us was attractive to overweight folk. we both gained weight and decided the gym and personal training were going to apart of our lives. It's the best gift you can give yourself feeling fit and healthy and it spills into the rest of your life. I have many obsese friends and dont care about their weight in an way. For myself and spouse we're very happy being able to workout, hunt, and fish, experience life as a spectator sport.

[@supernova11711]

I feel you were way off on this one. You assumed a WHOLE lot and also put a lot of words in her mouth. You were plain rude. No wonder some people don’t believe therapy works. I’m not trying to attack you but I figure if YOU can be honest, than so can I. You straight up judged this woman and that’s not helpful. Especially after knowing her a whole 3 minutes.

[@WPwillsavetheworld]

Does it to men all the time

[@workhard801]

He said he read the bottom of her e-mail. Why not the entire e-mail? Maybe he did leave something out. It is also wrong to attack men for not being attracted to an obese woman.

[@WPwillsavetheworld]

When men call about their girls gaining weight, John is offended. Let's see how he treats the women when calling about their man.

[@primetime412]

Lol he gone be on her side

[@WPwillsavetheworld]

​@@primetime412 he did ok, and was hard on a female for once. Hence why he had a 4 minute apology to start the video. Simp John finally got real and had to say how sorry he was for being real.

[@DrManhaten94]

@ivans3778 I agree! When she wrote in the email about his 'boobs being bigger than hers' I was upset for him. If a man talked about his wife and her 'fupa' there would be a bunch of Karens calling this guy everything in the book!

[@2daFull]

What he told her was exactly what she needed to hear. Why apologize?

[@WPwillsavetheworld]

@@2daFull because he got real with a woman. John isn't allowed to do that.

[@bryanfrombuffalo7685]

My now ex was 45 lbs heavier ...when we met...it never changed how I felt...she lost weight on her own...I still feel the same

[@Jasmine-kills]

I don't understand your comment but I hope your in a better place as I'm sure she is for taking control of the weight .

[@guerrita6878]

So a man chooses to be overweight because he doesn’t like himself, but a woman is a victim of stress if she gains weight? I see where you went wrong here. Thanks for pointing out your bias. I can tell you were trying to not take it personally but this woman has some issues too

[@MAMP]

I don’t hear anything wrong here. No one likes watching a partner fall apart

[@96s40]

If he was “hot”, then gained say 64lbs (4st), yes that’s a lot but the way she’s talking about him- he can’t “go for walks”- it’s as if he’s morbidly obese (which of course would be an enormous turn off; whether that’s a man or woman). Yes weight gain would make him more laboured and less attractive; but it’s kinda baffling how she basically suggests they're housebound and can’t do anything besides sit together- that’s almost the way you’d describe someone who’s obesity is debilitating. It’s kinda jarring 🤔 Maybe he’s drinking more and not leaving home because he’s slumping into a depression... Didn’t get the part about the strip club? But oh, what a mess.

[@workhard801]

He doesn't want to go for a walk, but he wants to take his wife to a strip club. It sounds like he is mobile, but would rather sit and drink.

[@pamelavesey6381]

He is an out-of-control alcoholic who violated his wife of 12 years by suggesting she participate in sex which he already knew is of NO mutual interest to her...just for his own sake. Yeah, i wouldn't like him either as I would feel degraded by that being done to me. She can man-up, divorce him and move on to enjoy what's left of her life, or remain his enabling codependent so he can kickbox her emotionally, while she goes to therapy.

[@yvonneerrend8217]

This guy is putting words in her mouth, and I would have to totally disagree with him!. As a wife for 27 years, I think she cares about him and loves him, but she just doesn't understand why he gained 70 lbs???. I would wonder the same thing, why did you gain 70 lbs, and you don't care about your body??. If the roles were reversed, it would be the end of the world. Most men don't like their wives to be overweight!!. I think she's just very concerned, and I don't think it has nothing to do with her, I think he doesn't like himself and he has no purpose.

[@neechee5150]

@yvonneerrend8217 said, "if the roles were reversed, it would be the end of the world. Most men don't like their wives to be overweight!!" Your comment is very one sided and disingenuous at best. If the roles were reversed women en masse would be accusing the man of being shallow, accuse him of being a misogynist (a word that has been abused and misused so much over the past 20 years that it means essentially nothing and at the same time whatever user wants it to mean), accuse him of not loving his wife and then brutally criticise him for being hung up on physical appearances. Once again a huge double standard that women rarely have a problem with.