I Don’t Like the Man My Sister Is About to Marry

[@BrittanyHunter-f6w]

One thing that’s being over looked is that when someone comes from a controlling family, they tend to end up with controlling partners

[@bills1967]

Yea her sister and family seem to want to control her and are upset that they are not having that power over her.

[@jeanniebrodeur2707]

RIGHT!

[@BrittanyHunter-f6w]

@@bills1967 yes! They did mention that she is the baby of the family also. I have to wonder if the fiancé isn’t a different race also, which could be playing a part, too.

[@miz6229]

OP is a stay at home mom and has nothing else to do but analyze, judge and gossip about her sister.

[@Goatcheesemightyfine]

Exactly! The hiding when she talks to her family and him hounding her when she’s with the family and accusing her spending time with them as her choosing them over him. Very sad. I hope she figures out how to own her own life and set boundaries in all directions before she’s middle aged and divorcing with a few kids. 😞

[@Kellyc888]

I really want to hear the sister’s side, I moved out of the country, changed my religion and eventually stopped speaking to my parents after meeting my husband. My parents were extremely abusive to me, well into adulthood, and our relationship was toxic. All my husband ever did was support my wants and dreams and let me make my own decisions for the first time in my life. My parents tell everyone who will listen that my husband is controlling and abusive and has ruined my life, when that actually that’s what they did.

[@kg-13131]

I have a feeling this is what's going on! She didn't start saying her concerns about the fiance not wanting her around the family until Dr. John started to tell her she could be wrong.. and I had a similar experience as you, where my parents went around telling everyone that my fiance was controlling and didn't allow me to spend time with them. When in reality I was choosing not to. In the beginning its hard setting boundaries so I would make up a reason why I couldn't hang out but eventually I was clear with my boundaries and they still refused to accept that they were the problem and that I could make decisions on my own.

[@mgoblue0970]

Are you me??? My wife's family is extremely controlling, manipulates through guilt (e.g., being able to see my wife's sister's newborn is predicated on one's standing -- which is fluid, with the sister), and are mentally abusive. I love my wife and support her unconditionally and regardless of whatever happens always have her back. But my in-laws tell everyone who will listen that I'm the controlling one. SMH.

[@fishercourt]

Your husband has manipulated you so much to the point that you don’t even realize that you’re being controlled and emotionally abused. Any person who doesn’t accept your own family is someone who wants you to himself. He wants to play puppet master and make you think that your parents are wrong and he is right in his choices. I know that you will overreact to my comments, but one day you will realize that you are living a lie.

[@fishercourt]

@@mgoblue0970 You probably are the controlling person who will never admit it to yourself because of your ego.

[@PuolikuuIrene]

​@@fishercourtI think both things can happen. My family supported me financially and grew me up as an educated person, but they were extremely emotionally abusive and neglecting and they themselves will never be able to realise it because they did not mean bad, so admitting it would hurt THEM too much. I left home to study at 18 cause life there had always been an agony, but it took me at least another 10 year to BEGIN healing. All my relationship choices up until then were driven by trauma. Things are much better now, BUT I still live in another country, because it's safer for my mental health, even though I talk with my mum often and normally, but being too close for example would make it too easy for old mechanisms to resurface, or would require so much energies to keep boundaries. Like this, I can support her (she used me everyday as a therapist when I was a child) in her issues much better cause I am not demolished by her everyday. My partner for example is much closer to his family and was surprised by the fact that I am not. Everyone is different, and both stories can exists, controlling family or controlling partner, and it's up to each person to evaluate what's best for them. And mistakes will likely happen until you have healed your traumas

[@oldmcdanelsfarm592]

Everyone tried to talk me out of marrying my husband, but I am still happily married after 61 years.

[@rosietyler]

This makes my cruddy morning so much better. (I left my breakfast at home 😢)

[@jenem9618]

I don't have nearly as many years under my belt as you do-- but when I was dating, I could tell my family and friends didn't like my now-husband, because he can be a little awkward and he is blue collar. We've now been happily married for a decade, and he's a great father, treats me wonderfully, and while we aren't wealthy, we are financially comfortable enough. They've all changed their minds.

[@LookUpYourRedemptionDrawsNigh]

​@@jenem9618🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@JeremiahCharleston]

@@rosietylerI can relate with that pain 😬

[@Lorrowen1]

Best thing I’ve ever read here! ❤

[@bobdog90]

As a doctor I think it's absolutely absurd that people hold medical students to account of like this. Doing 4 years of intense schooling after college and then working 60-100 hours per week for 3-6 years of residency afterwards... this is not some small-fry, spur-of-the-moment decision. This isn't something your sister could've planned for at age 14 when she decided (for undeniably dubious reasons) to strive to become a doctor. People at the top of the class think about quitting medical school, although they don't because they don't want the shame of having to tell normal, reasonable people that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Most doctors aren't happy, and most happy people aren't doctors. Your sister isn't failing you or her 14-year-old self. It is you who is failing to recognize and accept your sister's totally legitimate existential crisis. I hope you'll watch this back and hear how everything you described regarding your sister was heavily loaded with negativity and made little attempt to make sense of her decisions.

[@kam0406]

Yes. This caller was making it all about herself! She sounds selfish and controlling

[@fire12731]

@bobdog90 spot on. In the past I think doctors were happier and it could be a lucrative & fulfilling path. Not anymore and I’m glad you are confirming what I hear constantly

[@avonloma5819]

You’re right. I am married to an unhappy doctor. Thankfully she’s retired now.

[@LookUpYourRedemptionDrawsNigh]

Well said 🎯💯💕💕

[@momof1576]

My main concern is that she needs to ensure that she’ll be supported indefinitely and get half the assets if they divorce. I’m a family lawyer and my domestic violence training radar is going crazy. Male lawyers are notorious for being very controlling and arrogant.

[@sellmav]

I am willing to bet that if we talked to her sister we would get a TOTALLY DIFFERENT account of things.

[@Reshme77]

True

[@firefly9838]

I sense that too...

[@tduck828]

Absolutely!!!

[@michiyodoll9916]

you cannot change until SISTER decided to Free from him.

[@not-even-german4892]

Her sister is marrying rich.

[@meghangantt717]

I dropped out of a very rigorous PhD program, went and got married in Vegas without telling anyone first, and became a stay at home mom. I absolutely love my life now.

[@droptozro]

That's great. Yeah sometimes I wonder as I get older how many women just want to be moms and not have the pressure of a college degree or 10 year of med school. Stay at home moms are highly needed in todays society. Tired of people handing their kids off for everyone else to raise all day long.

[@libbyneefe1075]

There's nothing wrong with that, if that's what you really want to do. The red flag I'm getting here is that the fiancé is Catholic and the sister is not. If you listen to any of Harrison Butker's speech, you'll notice he mentions at one point about his wife, converting to the faith. She was much like the sister I think in that she was planning to have a career, but when they met and started talking about marriage, he told her that she would have to convert and be a "traditional wife" if they were going to get married. They actually initially broke up, because she didn't want to do that. It was only after she changed her mind and agreed to what he wanted that they ended up getting married.

[@peterlee584]

​​​@@libbyneefe1075Exactly. It's one thing to make the choice to be a stay at home wife and mother for yourself. Because, It's truly what you want to do However, It's another thing ti be oressured into giving up your career by a controling and/or abusive husband/or fiance. It sounds like this fiance just wants her barefoot ,pregnant and in the kitchen so he can control her more effectively and keep her econmoically dependant on him.

[@borgirvspitsah7329]

does your hubby put 9pm curfews on you?

[@rachelmaddowswife8713]

Cheers, fellow PhD dropout! My family members are still extremely worried about me a decade later because they only saw me as this hyper academic person, sometimes career paths just aren't right for people though. Better to start living the life you want than to suffer through just to keep up appearances for people. I wish we had the engaged sister's perspective here, maybe her dropping out had literally nothing to do with the boyfriend. Or maybe he had a positive influence, encouraging her to trust her gut and prioritize her own desires and mental health.

[@jonimestas9692]

My best friend Jerome was in his third year of medical school. He finally dropped out to become a master carpenter. He was only in medical school for his mother and grandmother. I was surprised and caught off guard. I am happy for him following his path.

[@lovemesomeslippers]

But your buddy has a path. This girl has a curfew.

[@tessaoshea5697]

I'm catholic. But nowhere in the catachism does it say women should give up their place at university- absolutely the opposite. We're encouraged to use our gifts. Also, he can't be all that traditional if he's having sex before a covenantal marriage.

[@alinapatricia8639]

Exactly. He's a self-described Catholic who does not follow Catholic teaching, just like Biden and Pelosi and the Kennedys. They're cafeteria "Catholics" - they pick and choose the teachings that suit their lifestyle.

[@argiehercules1374]

Unfortunately, every religion has fanatics. He would be a bad and controlling person, no matter what his religion is, I believe

[@tessaoshea5697]

@argiehercules1374 absolutely. But a fanatical catholic wouldn't be having "relations". Not doubting he's controlling but I think he's one of those who use religion for what it can do for him rather than because he wants to be a better person and get closer to God.

[@argiehercules1374]

@@tessaoshea5697 my thoughts exactly

[@oneperson5760]

@@tessaoshea5697 Y'all acting like you personally know the man, when we're getting a description of him like, 4th hand from somebody who doesn't like him.

[@danielr951]

Something is telling me she’s running away from toxic family to new toxic family. These guys don’t sounds much better than the future husband. She has to go to med school doesn’t matter what. You need to life the life we plan for you.

[@sarazink2237]

I think you are right and I haven’t even listened to the whole call yet.

[@sellmav]

@@danielr951 super toxic family vibes. Her WHOOOOOLE LIFE she’s wanted to go to med school - since high school. Oh and after she finished college she changed her mind. So her WHOOOOOLE LIFE is actually 4-5 years. 🙄

[@hiddenhand6973]

If this caller is from a toxic family and wants to lure sister back in to the fam lily cult then you can’t actually rely on her to be giving a good characterization of this man in the relationship.

[@brenttrotter88]

Beat me to it. Sounds like both families are very well off financially but lack common sense.

[@theuzumakis2624]

Yep, it’s a good indicator why she even picked a controlling fiancé.. we go to what we’re familiar with.

[@redrhino732]

I would really like to hear the sister's side of the story. Suspect it would be something like my family is really controlling.

[@texasdazzlers]

@@redrhino732 This was my thought as well. Controlling people tend to dislike other alphas, whether they’re abusive or just take charge. She’s probably over all of them and wants a different vibe for her life.

[@joamigg]

Exactly! And they are so confused why she would choose someone so controlling! Because yall taught her that being controlling is showing love. They didn’t even realize it.

[@not-even-german4892]

He4 24 sis is marrying rich... She's jealous and has lost control

[@theworldaccordingtoallie1176]

I doubt that. Family can see better on the outside, than the person who’s inside the relationship. The man sounds narcissistic, controlling and bordering onto abusive.

[@lauren4078]

Lmao. The caller is here responding to comments.

[@dianebrooks1859]

They all sound so exhausting. Baby sister needs to take a solo vacation to find herself and a backbone.

[@shaunamcilwraith1064]

This is the best take.she needs to take some time for herself.

[@faarfaat8010]

@@dianebrooks1859 yes!

[@Frankie-tc1bh]

A solo walk around the block would be a start.

[@austinh7110]

Best take here

[@brendanmassie9586]

Honestly it sounds like her and the fiancé are fine and it’s her family that’s the problem.

[@robertbrodeur4326]

"He's so controlling of our sister that we can't control her." Caller is soooooo jealous. It's precious.

[@alladreamwedreamed]

Heard that too especially regarding the travels

[@firefly9838]

Probably but this dude sounds like a piece of work too.

[@not-even-german4892]

​@@firefly9838rich upbringing yeahhh

[@momof1576]

She has a curfew. You don’t see that as an issue?

[@ganymedehedgehog371]

⁠​⁠@@firefly9838I mean we’re hearing this from the POV of someone who is clearly controlling. I would take what she says with a grain of salt.

[@debaterforhim]

I feel bad for the callers sister. She is surrounded by controlling people.

[@not-even-german4892]

Left and right 😮😮😮😮

[@kiara4345]

That is what I got. I think she is used to being around controlling people with strong personalities, and now she chose a partner that is the same! That's what I got from the call at least.

[@jenem9618]

@@kiara4345That's my best guess as well. Some people are so annoyed at the caller that they're overlooking the high likelihood that the poor girl went from one controlling situation to another.

[@coriemmett1363]

That what it seems like. 😢

[@shannalee80]

I think two things are true here: 1) The relationship has some MAJOR red flags, and 2) The family is a bit too controlling. The sister needs on off-ramp from this relationship.

[@Katherine-ug5dl]

Yeah, the caller is really bad at identifying the actual red flags, probably because she’s so used to being the one in control. I wish she had been able to focus on and articulate the actual problems.

[@theuzumakis2624]

@@Katherine-ug5dlExactly! People usually pick partners like their parents and put up with stuff in relationships that their parents put them through!

[@sellmav]

@@shannalee80 I think that if the younger sister told her side we’d get a whole different story. Like her saying that their conversation ended with her sister crying and using that as proof that her fiancé is abusive. When it seems just as likely that she made her cry by saying hateful things about the man she wants to marry. The way she never actually talks about what her sister wants for her own life or how she may feel about them being so hateful to the man she loves, are all screaming of a malignant narcissistic family. “Me and my mom and my sister create these stories….” Her little sister may be trying to establish boundaries and get away from a toxic family and their punishment is to treat her as if she’s incapable of making a decision about her life and to slander her boyfriend and his family. Thats how narcissistic families punish family members for getting out of line.

[@justinfletcher7630]

No, it's a traditional relationship

[@justinfletcher7630]

​@@jimsmith8359these are just whiny cry assey complaints

[@patriciareed559]

He's right, its not about you, it's about her. Keep your relationship strong and open. Of you make her feel judged, she will feel that she can't ask for help without a huge I TOLD YOU SO!!! I love the idea of an open plane ticket

[@marinal2705]

As someone in med school, I'll just say that it is kind of common for people to push through premed, do the whole application process and then when time comes to decide on signing up for the path, they back out. Very reasonable bc you can quit premed relatively freely, but quitting on the med school / residency path can be financially devastating. Having kids on that path as a woman is HARD-you're signing up for a MINIMUM of 7 years of grueling training when you're already 25 and there are plenty of studies demonstrating lower fertility among female physicians. So if you are already on the fence about med school and your dream is to have kids AND now you have a potential partner, that is a recipe for med school reconsideration. I would not necessarily pin it on the boyfriend/fiance specifically.

[@AudreyWineland]

🎯

[@angiemendo1219]

@@AudreyWineland💯 agree 😊

[@momof1576]

A lot of people drop out of law school too. As a lawyer I can tell you that male lawyers are notorious for being arrogant and very controlling. This young woman needs to have a domestic contract protecting her. It needs to set out that she gets equal property division and spousal support for an indefinite period of time if they divorce.

[@marie-joseepaulzak1936]

My daughter did the whole path, and became a neuro surgeon. She is an excellent surgeon, and after having worked 2 years, she now wants to quit because it is so grueling and all about money (the hospital she works at makes decision based on revenue, not on patient care). It took her 5 years to get pregnant, and now she is, at 38 years old. She is always exhausted, tired, and aggravated. Totally not worth it!

[@marinal2705]

@@marie-joseepaulzak1936 nsgy is absolutely grueling! Satisfaction is based a lot on if you're in private practice vs academia as well as the non-med dreams you have. I don't ever want kids so I'm sure my experience will be different than those who do. So what is worth it to one may not be worth it to others. I wish your daughter the best!

[@Lindalouise333]

John nailed it when he said you hate her & her life

[@aliciavillagomez9421]

How is he "very very Catholic" if they slept together before marriage?

[@hiddenhand6973]

The flesh is weak. Hope he took his butt to confession. But you’re right, fornication or sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin that will take you to hell.

[@ST-rj8iu]

He is catholic when it benefits him. Waiting till marriage is never included for the men. They only want the women to be pure. LOL.

[@delightschwartz2155]

To spice up confession lol.

[@paytonbarnett8641]

@@delightschwartz2155obviously 😂😂

[@NetSunJin]

Right? People be skipping over some parts

[@jadedelarge]

Her tone of voice worked so much against her. Sometimes, you can tell about a person just by the way they speak.

[@alinapatricia8639]

She's gossipy and sounds very stupid.

[@avonloma5819]

You mean the baby voice?

[@abigailblackstock4928]

Sounds like a spoiled gossiper brat. It's the typical golden child voice.

[@michellecollins290]

Pov when parents pamper their child it seems to result in a baby voice in adulthood.

[@donnaleesalerno]

Yes!! Her voice and tone is making my skin crawl. I too, pay attention to tone.

[@NealBurkard-ut1oo]

"She didnt want to become a doctor, we wanted her to be a doctor so we cut her off financially since she wasnt doing what we wanted. Then his parents step in and help her financially which is extremely alarming because that gives them the control." Pair this up with the major red flag is "he's controlling"... this is wild, they arent even married yet. A man telling a woman that he wants to marry a woman thats a stay at home mom is not controlling, he's just stating what he wants his life to be like before he gets married. Its no different than if a woman says she wants to be a stay at home mom. Imo clearly communicating to see if they are compatible before they get married is probably a good idea.

[@firefly9838]

The dude wanted her barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen with no career or money of her own. Real winner. Chicken dinner.

[@not-even-german4892]

Her sister is marrying rich! ".. And his parents are paying for the both of them.." 😮😮😮 , baby girl please get married 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@patrycjaanna2086]

@@not-even-german4892totally agree. It’s not the sister marrying him. That sister is 24 years old and needs to make her own life decisions and her parents and sister have to stop interfering. I would probably distance myself from my parents if they tried to break up my relationship.

[@not-even-german4892]

@@patrycjaanna2086 i couldn't agree anymore, yes

[@nowandthennn]

@@firefly9838The guy has every right to want to marry a woman that wants to stay at home & nurture the children . The guy has every right to say if he wants to marry a Catholic woman . If she doesn’t want that she should say so right now and let him find what he wants in a marriage with someone else .

[@kateruterbories2692]

I feeeeeel for the girl the caller is talking about. Can you imagine having to listen to this criticism coming at you like rat-a-tat-tat all day, every day! Did she really want to go to medical school? Is her family as horrible as they sound? Her fiance may be bad but they are driving her to him.

[@SamanthaURen]

Right like family sounds like they could be pushing their expectations onto her, and then wondering why she’s steering clear.

[@LolaClo]

They have a 50-point list!!!! Their intentions are good but man are they controlling as well?!?

[@Diashi1267]

Your comment sums it up well

[@aliciacarstensen7904]

My very controlling mother pushed me into my exes arms when I married him at 18 yrs old. She claims she was discouraging me but when she accused him of beating me that pushed me more to his side. She created exactly what she did not want. What's dumb is he got my mom to betray me and help. Him more than once during our marriage. She even called him a couple times to talk about my mental health and pick me apart as a human being I was right next to him and he had his phone on speaker LOL my ex and my mom are equally big big jerks

[@breezyveezy1]

Right?! The sister is so judgy.

[@bigi2747]

This lady’s husband is the one we need to check on!

[@SuperNova23333]

Caller: “my sister is living a life our family doesn’t want her to. Help us make her do what we want” John:” She’s a full grown woman and can do what she wants”

[@ivoryorchidfemme]

Crazy how you completely glossed over the fact her sister wants to spend time with her family but can’t because of fiance. And has a curfew. Yeah those are completely normal in equitable relationships.

[@tduck828]

Yep. This sounds like my mom. Can't handle making adult decisions....

[@ivoryorchidfemme]

@@7RB373great another uninformed person who didn’t get to the actual concerns at the end.

[@meowy4720]

That's really not how the call went. Stop covering for the loser fiance

[@meowy4720]

That's really not how the call went. Stop covering for the loser fiance

[@nate2759]

My mum did this as well and she was right she saw the red flags but, her constantly insulting my boyfriend at the time just pushed me to marry him. The way the sister is going about it doesn’t work. She can say she doesn’t approve but, let her sister know that she loves her and is always here for her. She’s pushing her sister further into his arms.

[@semd92]

Good point!

[@zarahshabs7936]

THIS

[@Rx35uquajvjqhq]

💯 this no adult likes to be told what they can and can't do by their parents or siblings. What they need to know that even when it goes wrong that you'll always be there for them as your love for them is unconditional. You push them to choose them.or us it won't ever go well always do the right thing and be there for those you love

[@scrapykat3028]

My family did that for me! It took months for me to break away… but I’m glad they told me that!

[@kensmith2796]

You got very lucky. My sister ended up marrying a covert narcissist 30 years ago. Her friends noticed something off about him and tried to warn her, but she ended up moving across the country to be with him. He's never worked and been a controlling alcoholic for 30+ years now.

[@texan903]

You have a good head on your shoulders. Many women don't listen in situations like this, doubling down instead to their own peril.

[@momof1576]

My domestic violence training radar is going off with this. She has a curfew. She has given up her career. His family have money and there is a huge imbalance of power. She needs a good marriage contract giving her half the assets acquired during marriage and spousal support for an indefinite period of time. I’m really worried for this young woman. Male lawyers are notorious for being arrogant control freaks. There are exceptions and I hope that this man and his family are the stuff of fairy tales and that she’ll have the kind of life my friend has. I am worried for this young woman though. I don’t like that curfew business.

[@vicade4112]

Goodness me! I am exhausted after hearing this caller! Lord knows how her little sis must feel 😣

[@jennybop17]

She would not let him speak!!!!

[@dannelle17]

They should’ve said, “We think our sister is in an abusive relationship and we need advice on how to get her out” and gone from there. Don’t reputation bash; give facts and actions and people will listen.

[@sellmav]

The only abusive rltnshp that girl is in is with her family. This woman literally slandered that young man and his family. Listen carefully and you’ll hear it. Not once did she even consider her sisters feelings, or that she’s bashing someone she loves, or that her sister may not be as much of a moron as she wants us to think she is. Malignant narcissism to the max.

[@annabelmayo450]

@@dannelle17 This. You are spot on.

[@josephmbimbi]

We also should give grace and patience for those who are not well-spoken. Let's focus on what she is trying to say, rather than how she says it

[@dannelle17]

@@josephmbimbi she needed to get to the point though bc it was clear that Delony wrote her off

[@karlaa5977]

@@dannelle17 Just like the majority of commenters here are; everybody is so skeptical of the caller when it's clear what they're really concerned about is this guy is abusive and controlling, not that "oo-woo we don't like her choices" like they're all making it out to be. "I'm not choosing my sisters over you"?? That's not something you have to say in a healthy relationship that you're happy to be a part of.

[@WWE2KProGamer]

She’s clearly distancing herself from her family and this narcissistic caller has a problem with it.

[@H.R.H-Amina_Bin_Shafiq-SHAKTI]

FACT 👏👏👏👏

[@EyeWYT]

Ummm not necessarily. It sounds like the new bf is the narc isolating the sister from her family.

[@Zach-o6v]

​@@EyeWYT there was nothing in this call to suggest he is controlling or a narcissist. It sounds like the caller and her family are just upset the sister is choosing to make a new life separate from them and they want to control her. She's growing up and they don't like it.

[@mjmccarthy3693]

@@EyeWYTnarc can’t have wifey “outshining” him

[@watermelonlover745]

Why do I see things totally differently?

[@victoriaemerson-ds8du]

I was in the same situation as this caller. I had a sibling who married someone we all had concerns about, someone who was very destructive, manipulative, and abusive. We did everything Dr. John is recommending, before they got married, and they still went through with it. Today I still wish it never happened. It is very painful to see someone you love enter into a dysfunctional relationship, and watch their life start to fall apart. I know people are saying this caller is self-centered but I think she is expressing the heartbreak of watching a train coming and seeing her sister cling to the tracks. It is a horrible thing to see happen.

[@Gerelisf]

My family had a similar conversation with me and then I broke up with him. So grateful for their honesty and bravery. 3 years later I’m so glad we’re not together

[@alyssamurphy2002]

Praise the Lord someone listened to the people who care.

[@biancacaputo7174]

My closest friends met us on a European holiday and told me this guy is controlling. Thank God! I'm so grateful to them for speaking to me, they changed my life

[@MaxJones-dj5ub]

😂 yeah right

[@Trapz4Dayz]

Is your family all single women?

[@sarahmurphy-nf4yl]

You were very lucky❤

[@destined2bebossy]

She quickly bypassed their dad stopping education payments because shes engaged. Did i hear that correctly? Sounds like the whole family is controlling

[@briana1242]

I had to go back and listen. The sister dropped out of med school so the dad stopped ALL financial help

[@StephiBauduhin]

@@briana1242 yikes!!! The dad isn’t helping, he’s isolating her

[@semd92]

If you get engaged and are on the road to get married. You should be able to stand on your own two feet, independently from your parents. Or do they expect their parents to keep a roof over their heads when they do?

[@monichka6]

As a 24 year old grown woman who obviously has decided to make her own decisions I dont see why the dad should continue to financially support her,especially when she has decided to go start her own family. You should be able to own up to your decisions and at this age be able to take care of yourself one way or another. It makes sense that he helped her while she was still in school but now that she's basically doing nothing it is not his liability anymore. Her fiance should take her of her or she should start taking care of herself

[@jh26pt2]

The list of red flags about the caller is much longer than the list of red flags about her sister or the sister’s fiancee.

[@ivoryorchidfemme]

Just say you hate women and didn’t listen to entire episode. Did you not hear about the curfew and the fiance preventing her from seeing her family? But the caller is the worst person in this equation for being concerned 🙄

[@aimeerebecca1]

Hmm, if the sister is hiding in the bathroom to talk to her , I’m thinking the guy is just getting started in his controlling behaviors. The caller and her issues aside, it definitely sounds like the sister is allowing herself to be influenced, shrunk, and dominated in a very concerning way.

[@mjo3275]

@@aimeerebecca1She wasn’t hiding in the bathroom because he was controlling. He said keep it down I have a headache. They live in his friends house in DC.

[@sellmav]

@@aimeerebecca1 probably bc she’s told him how controlling they are and how much they hated him from day one because they blame him for their sister daring to try to live her life outside their control and toxicity.

[@philwill0123]

​@@mjo3275then he should get out the bathroom. He's clearly trying to interject himself and disrupt the conversation. Same way as if your working from home in a office and your partner keeps coming in to talk to you. He's listening in to monitor what she's saying and make sure it's not about him.

[@NCalebWard]

There’s more drama and backstabbing in this call than two seasons of Bridgerton.

[@not-even-german4892]

Med school drop out, our father is retiring soon, medical doctor hopes are in jeopardy, she's marrying rich, his dad is a lawyer..., wedding in Italy, 500 guests.... SORRY the caller is jealous !!!!

[@jjkatz]

@@not-even-german4892wedding in Napa. That’s in California

[@thecramptons]

@@jjkatz😂😂

[@user-yup-you-are-human2]

😂

[@acepilotson3331]

This woman calling in is a nightmare. “I hate that my sister isn’t living the life I want for her and I blame some dude.”

[@not-even-german4892]

Besides her 24 sis is marrying rich... "a 500 peopke wedding" shes jealous

[@theworldaccordingtoallie1176]

I doubt that. Family can see better on the outside, than the person who’s inside the relationship. The man sounds narcissistic, controlling and bordering onto abusive.

[@Circee11]

​@@theworldaccordingtoallie1176The family isn't any better. The sister that called in doesn't listen and just keeps talking!

[@acepilotson3331]

@@theworldaccordingtoallie1176 that’s why people always say, “always better to get information second hand than directly from the source…” 😂 her sister is incredibly smart, capable of becoming a physician even, but can’t accurately assess her relationship. 🤔 even the smartest woman and most capable of woman are powerless against a guy with a couple bucks. 😂😂

[@Sam11747]

All the little remarks the caller made her seemed envious and wants to sabotage it. I'm pretty skeptical of the caller's motives for being "concerned". I've seen women do this quite often when they're envious of another woman, even their own sisters.

[@kristin55watson]

It sounds like she went from a family with strong personalities to a man with a strong personality. Maybe she can't be assertive for herself so she's letting this guy do it for her.

[@theresamc4578]

That's the story of my life. But my husband actually helped me to be more assertive and it was years before I realized how controlling my family had been.

[@Petersnothere99]

She is choosing him, that’s all you need to know unless you suspect actual abuse. She’s living her life

[@rochellefuentes6069]

Just because someone has changed course and doesn’t want to go through medical school to focus on starting a family doesn’t mean they are being manipulated or controlled. I know several people who have gone through medical school who regret it because they literally had to put their life on hold.

[@JudePi-jx7yo]

Yeah but do they have to be home by 9 when in another city?

[@sellmav]

@@rochellefuentes6069 but they start hating her boyfriend bc they blame him for this poor young woman trying to live her life and then say he’s abusive bc he doesn’t like coming around her family. Gaslight much? Someone should check on this woman’s husband.

[@sellmav]

@@JudePi-jx7yo i believe 30 percent of everything this woman said. She’s clearly mad she’s losing control of her little sister and she wants it back.

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@sellmav YOu are either this type of abusive person or you know nothing about abusive people. I grew up in it and that's exactly what was done to the wife.

[@rochellefuentes6069]

@@sellmavexactly! I kept waiting for this lady to give an example of something truly abusive and it never came. She seems like the kind of person to cause a scene at her sister’s wedding and ruin her day.

[@Jennieallen415]

I lost track of the times the caller said "I know". Maybe that's part of the problem.

[@velvetplans5396]

I thought the exact same thing!

[@shaepettit8233]

Guess we know why she’s not the doctor of the family

[@djaeger-k5m]

@@shaepettit8233 LOL

[@KatieAnne100]

Ugh this feels so gossipy and overbearing…

[@hiddenhand6973]

Many protestants absolutely hate Catholicism. She’s not going after him because of any other reason. The sister is adopting values commonly seen in Catholic families And that drives non-Catholics nuts.

[@thomashind4835]

I’m so glad you said that because I’m 6 minutes in and wondering why I’m so stressed out and you just helped me realize why.. I’m turning it off! Thanks

[@oceanbluewaves4918]

If you have not been in thIs situation you would not understand.

[@alyssamurphy2002]

@@KatieAnne100 It does, but when your gut alarm goes off you squawk like a crazy chicken. I wish I had been a little classier with my family, but the LIST WENT ON AND ON. It's subtle and then the ABUSED person gaslights you that it's not as terrible as you make it out to be. Guess what? It's actually worse. I remember a two hour argument about how to slice peppers, so many family gatherings ruined by those conversations that she "had to take in the other room" repeating apologies.

[@hiddenhand6973]

@@oceanbluewaves4918 don’t insult her intelligence by insinuating she can’t pick up on control and manipulation. The caller is clearly biased and a bigot and her word can’t be trusted because of her disdain for Catholicism.

[@lololuv2012]

For the med school thing- just cause now she wants to go to PA school doesn’t mean she really wanted to go to med school all along. Med school is 4 years, PA school is 2. But for medicine, you have to do at least 4 years of residency, being paid like 55k and working 60-80 hour weeks for those years. It’s wayyyyy more work for more debt.

[@AudreyWineland]

Yes!!! Sounds like being with this guy might have given her the breathing room to figure out that PA makes a lot of sense if you want to spend your life as a wife & mother with high earnings vs. MD that requires soul crushing debt, stress & inhumane work schedules.

[@lololuv2012]

⁠@@AudreyWinelandexactly! I mean you can make a good amount of money working limited/normal hours, hell many of the docs I work with said if they did it again they’d do PA. And you make that money straight out of school, plus can change your speciality anytime. This alone is reaching to say that he is controlling her.

[@meesh1002]

I get where she is coming from, but ultimately her sister is an adult and sometimes you have to watch them make bad decisions. Just love and be there for her when things fall apart.

[@alyssamurphy2002]

Nope. Dr. John is right. Sister and parents smell the narcissistic rat. The phone calls in the other room confirms it.

[@meesh1002]

@@alyssamurphy2002 he basically said the same thing as me. Shes an adult but she has to be making her own decisions.. still love her though so she knows she has a place to stay.

[@livingnow7017]

Sounds like a classic narcissistic move...get away from him as soon as possible!

[@alyssamurphy2002]

@@meesh1002 You're right, that is what he said, but if it can be avoided... the fall out is so much more costly and it's hard to understand what that looks like, to more than just the young lady when you are naive and come from a great family. Assuming there is no escalation to the abuse. Your family picking up the pieces to support a single mom and being terrified when that guy attacks her or your old dad. Having no proof because he's wicked smart, never ending divorce and custody battles. Nights laying awake wondering if he's coming for you... But yeah, letting the abused person know that you'll be there for them is about the only way they might come out. It's torturous to watch and be part of. SO much better if you can talk them out of it.

[@MaxJones-dj5ub]

She’s making a great decision.

[@austinbuttenob5251]

“He has a ANDROID and she has an IPHONE! Like, seriously! It’s CRAZY and I don’t know if we can handle that . . .”

[@rachel4339]

😂 thank you, I needed this comment

[@JDWhite84]

Lmao

[@JoanafMoreira]

😂😂😂

[@myriamdiallo4434]

We don't have enough information to decide about the husband. Yes, the signs of abuse can be subtle at first, but this is one side of the story coming from the caller, who sounds an awful lot like my family and the way they view me and my husband. I am in no way in an abusive relationship. They just had a very specific vision for my life that I adhered to until right after college. I got married to a *gasp* conservative Christian and am now focused on my family. Their disappointment in me sometimes manifests in "concern" about my husband and his faults (honestly their evidence against him is pretty similar to what this caller is saying about her sister's fiancé), when in fact he is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[@jenem9618]

I agree. There isn't enough info to tell one way or the other, though I will say I'm leaning toward both the sister and the fiancé being a problem. I have a friend who went through the same thing you describe. She was the youngest in a large family, and her siblings were overly critical of her now-husband, in a way that was completely baseless and uncalled for. They were still giving them issues after the wedding. It's been several years, and they're doing fine.

[@AGL01772]

The caller is a mean spirited gossip. Her sister confided in her and she spills the beans on a national show about every intimate detail of her life.

[@alinapatricia8639]

Bingo! Thank you for saying that.

[@LLandS18]

Yeah, a lot of people say that about family members when they try to get them away from their abusers. Abusers tend to be really charming and really manipulative to the people around them. In fact, a lot of time family members who have loved ones in an abusive relationship and try to get them out. They get called gossipy. Mind your business. You're so controlling. All kinds of things. Everything I see in this comment section. Someone who works with people in abusive situations, human trafficking absolutely everything she's just described about her sister is something that happens at the beginning of abusive relationship. The changing religions the huge life changes without telling family. Controlling money. Controlling how much time you spend with the family controlling your thought process. Controlling where you live. Isolating you from friends and family. Moving away from friends and family. Making sure when you talk to friends and family you're in the background. All of it. Yeah, a lot of abusers have flying monkeys. So you know. Think of that before you write such a comment.

[@semd92]

What a stupid comment 😂 I now hope you’re just young and naive

[@gloriaa.2442]

Wow, good point!

[@lilaworley8935]

Good grief. This woman is WAY too involved and acting like she has some influence or control of her sister. Her sister isnt a child or a teenager. She is 24!!! 😂 "I know, but shes the youngest...." You are not a parent to your sister. You need to learn boundaries and support her and mind your business. Good grief. so Overly involved.

[@Islam-j9k]

She might well be too involved but she obviously loves and cares about her sister and is worried about her. Her intentions are obviously good - johns advice was on the money. Let her know u r there for her period.

[@momof1576]

You don’t have any domestic violence training for you?

[@neededtobesaid4275]

I was on the fence about this until I heard about the 10 or so phone call over & over. He's controlling & needy. That's why he wants her to be a stay at home.

[@sookibeulah9331]

Yes, the 10’phone calls and the incongruence of him having premarital sex with her and then expecting her to convert to a faith he isn’t fully committed to. Desire for a religious conversion should come from the individual, like a spiritual calling, not to satisfy another person who doesn’t even abide by the tenants of their faith themselves.

[@Cafeallday222]

@@jrrizz0563it’s only hearsay if it’s someone saying someone else’s words. It’s her own account and therefore not hearsay

[@rachel4339]

@@Cafeallday222it might not be hearsay as far as we can tell from the information we have, but the first question I’d ask is “You mentioned that he called “like 10 times”. Was it exactly 10 times as you recall it, or could it have been more or less than 10 times?” And she’d probably say more or less, and then I’d ask “and did you hear these calls yourself? By that I mean was her ringer on and audible, or was the phone on vibrate or silent?” And I’m guessing it’s the latter, because nobody under age 30 has their ringer on nowadays, especially when they’re at a gathering with family/friends. “So if the phone was on vibrate/silent, how are you able to estimate that it was more or less 10 calls? Did you see the notifications yourself? Or did your sister tell you the number of missed calls after checking her phone?” 😂 because I’d bet a hundred bucks that her account of the number of calls is bogus.

[@sellmav]

@@neededtobesaid4275 you have no idea if anything she’s saying is true. Don’t be so naive. She’s obviously lying and exaggerating A LOT.

[@AshleyLebedev]

I agree. He’s VERY bad news. I was on fence too until she started telling more.

[@Perma-Gard]

"and my second problem is hes catholic because we're not" dude.

[@wildestdreams_b]

The problem is he wanted her to convert to catholic to “purify” herself from the premarital sex he was having with her

[@christysplaine9779]

Psychological abuse is the most damaging. A "performance based family" is tough especially when her abuser can feed of of that.. Family, Time to be Active Lovers regardless of Your Education Goals. She's drowning to Free herself...

[@Amandapuhlease]

This girl needs to leave her sister alone. Let her live her life.

[@valerieodonnell6764]

My sister had a long term live-in relationship with someone who nobody in the family liked. We all told her how we felt but there is only so much you can do. We let her know but then we had to just wait. And wait. And wait. Eventually she came to her senses and we were all right there to help her move out, get a new apartment, etc. But we couldn’t force her to do it.

[@brigetteedinborough9541]

Just because the sister may be overbearing doesn’t mean her fiancé isn’t controlling and abusive. I promise that the moment they get married he will cut her off completely from her family. He’s already trying to do it because they see his abusive behavior. She didn’t tell her family, this is want I want and yall need to get on board. She said thank you for being honest and balled her eyes out. She was too scared to get off the marriage train so she’s going to go through with it because it’s hard to break it off a month before. I’d love to hear an update in this one in a few months.

[@Pinkythepainter777]

Yep! That man is exhibiting narc characteristics, like isolating her from family, getting her reliant on him, and proposing quickly! He also said that he doesn't come around, cause he's not used to the family. Isn't coming around, the way you get used to the family? The family may be controlling, but he is toxic! I am in the same situation with my bestie. She has been dating a narc for a few years, on and off. He proposed after 3 months, while cheating with multiple women online, and he posted a naked pic of her on fakebook! Plus he alienated me, and has 12 arrests, including 2 domestic violence ones, and doesn't take care of his 2 kids. I'm terrified my friend will marry him, and screw up her 3 kid's lives!😢 I found out she is planning a wedding, and hasn't invited her sisters or me, cause we all can't stand him. So sad.

[@SherryEllesson]

Miss Lauren isn't listening, any more than her sister is. She just has such a fast-moving train of thought, she's sure she and the other sisters have done everything/said everything and John's talking to himself. The sister is probably exhausted from listening to this kind of "we're right, you're wrong, and we told you so." I wouldn't find her family very comforting either if I were the engaged sister.

[@eurekahope5310]

The first "red flag" is showing wisdom if her vision changed. I was pre-med until I got close to my husband. My dream changed from high powered professional to focusing on raising a family. I switched majors and we were able to pay off loans and pile up money so we could start our family in our twenties. I am so thankful that I didn't spend years acquiring debt locking me into a profession that would make it financially difficult or impossible to spend early years with our children. As to the other "red flags," they may be legitimate. It may also be that she wants to distance herself from people who don't understand her new vision for her life. It was hard to go from the honors/AP world to SAHM because it can be viewed as "low class." Once I surrounded myself with other educated women who made the same choice, my personal angst lessened until I could focus on the joy of being a full time mom. He could be a jerk, or she could simply be more attracted to a traditional family dynamic. I hope they really talk with her, letting go of their med school bias, to hear her heart. He could be controlling, or ironically, perhaps they are the ones trying to control the life of an intelligent, grown adult.

[@hiddenhand6973]

You made a great comment and you’re the exact kind of woman. I’m thinking about when I say that sometimes our dreams change when we meet the right person. If you meet someone who is moral and stable, all of a sudden, the idea of having a family becomes more real. Call her wants her sister to be a boss girl and sister might be seeing for the first time a real chance to be a mom. You can work for your man or you can work for a man.

[@NealBurkard-ut1oo]

Exactly, assuming the same choice is set in stone right for everyone is not correct. To that point I find it interesting you viewed sahm as "low class" when I've perceived it as "upper class" (economically)

[@eurekahope5310]

@@NealBurkard-ut1oo Perhaps I made a poor word choice. My upper middle class and wealthy cohorts became doctors, lawyers, school principals, etc. I "gave up" a lucrative career opportunity to live frugally. I am doing something that takes no advanced skills and provides no financial remuneration. I realize it is a benefit to my children and a personal joy, but it isn't the path my previous peers took. Please don't take this as a complaint as I fully appreciate the hard work and talent my husband demonstrates to provide for me to live this dream. I am thoroughly blessed and constantly amazed by the brilliance and talents of other women around me who prioritize raising their children. We don't have flashy cars, European vacations, and stunning homes, but we have wonderful relationships with our children and are frequently complimented on the attitudes and intelligence of our children.

[@rachel4339]

@@NealBurkard-ut1oobeing able to afford childcare for newborns while both parents work is definitely the “high class” situation. Having one person be a stay at home parent decreases household expenses dramatically during the early years of having kids.

[@sellmav]

@@eurekahope5310 as someone who did the same thing and now has grown children and a career I love that I wouldn’t consider “high powered” but extremely gratifying and financially stable, seeing the beautiful, well rounded, well adjusted adults my girls have become I can tell you nothing compares to the joy and gratification of being their mother. In hindsight, a career feels hollow and dull in comparison to the gratification and joy of being their mother.

[@CG-MP]

definitely some red flags with the fiancé... but way more with the sister, which makes it hard to be sure of the red flags she's identified. It sounds like possibly she's running from one set of people controlling her life to another. Pendulum swing. Or, for all the caller knows, her sister has been unpacking issues and trying to escape her family's control. She's been trying to set boundaries. She doesn't want to be a career woman. She doesn't want to be her family's free med care her whole life. She doesn't want him to visit her family. Maybe she knows they'll be rude and sarcastic to him, or maybe she's afraid he'll be scared off by how much they hate him.

[@alluringbliss4165]

That's a possibility.

[@gryffinberner]

Maybe. Or maybe he really is a big problem. I did here some bs but also heard some red flags

[@firefly9838]

They both sound horrible honestly

[@sellmav]

@@CG-MP all according to her. Who knows what ACTUALLY happened.

[@jborrego2406]

​@@gryffinbernerdid u hear the sister

[@Trumblocity]

They had sex? "Haha, they said the rosary." Does the caller listen to the words that come out of her mouth? She wasn't raised in a church so she feels free to ridicule Catholicism. I'm Team Lil Sister. According to the caller, financial and emotional control are okay as long as it's Mom, Doctor Dad and the Sisters doing it. It's better for Lil Sis to take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, years of stress, and postpone her desire to be a mom because her parents and siblings are unhappy? I wouldn't come around that family either. Sounds like she's stuck between a rock and a hard place. Good luck, Lil Sis.

[@peterlee584]

I don't think that's the point. She's not ridiculing the fact thst the boyfriend's Catholic. I think she feels that the fiance is using his religion as a tool to manipulate and control her.. There's a big difference.

[@watermelonlover745]

Because you guys take over the lives of people by marrying them

[@PrettyInnovatory]

​@@peterlee584 Exactly. Telling her she has to do rituals to purify herself after he willingly had sex with her, like what???

[@theresamc4578]

@@PrettyInnovatory A Catholic here: I get the impression this woman is making up a lot in her mind in order to justify her position. No Catholic has ever heard of any "rituals to purify." By the way I may be prejudiced because I cannot stand the way this woman talks and talks, finds terrible things in perfectly normal desires for child birth and a less stressful life. I don't think she is able to talk to her sister in a calm and adult and loving manner.

[@PrettyInnovatory]

@@theresamc4578 she is not making it up. That man is lying to her to destroy her self esteem and self worth.

[@David-wo9un]

My wife’s entire family banished her for marrying me; we have been married for over 25 years and they have been trying to break us up from day one.

[@tyrelkoyle8315]

Way to go!

[@Celwood]

Why? Why don't they like you? That's kinda suspicious if all them hate you...

[@davidp5341]

@@Celwood It's suspicious you're siding with the family wanting a DIVORCE before the man who has been married for 25 years.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

I wonder if they’re anything like my family. They seem livid that I’m finally happy. They were great at leaving me alone while I was in an abusive relationship

[@pascalinelokota2146]

@@Celwood😢

[@maryannenizio5074]

One family HATES LOSING CONTROL TO ANOTHER FAMILY ....lol ....what could go wrong here

[@meowy4720]

You think it's ok for a man to control his wife?

[@sellmav]

@@maryannenizio5074 that poor girl. She’ll be unhappy no matter what path she chooses. There is nothing more important in life than putting space between yourself and a toxic family. Seems like that’s what she’s trying to do.

[@bodaciousmos]

@@sellmav BS who says her family is toxic all we see is that her new bf tells her not to talk to her family and to throw away her life for him and depend on him and his family so he can say I paid for it do what I say of course the family is freaked out .

[@yota8325]

​@bodaciousmos you also can't say that her family isn't toxic. Only the little sister knows

[@sellmav]

@@bodaciousmos I don’t see that at all. All I see is a toxic controlling sister creating stories about a boyfriend she admits they hated from the very beginning.

[@angelaj7229]

If I heard my sister saying this, I would go no contact.

[@joshatkinson1945]

She said SO much, but actually said so little

[@kateruterbories2692]

Rat-a-tat-tat, yakety yak!

[@denisesalles7248]

[@sellmav]

@@joshatkinson1945 like “she wanted to go to med school her WHOOOOOOLE LIFE. Since high school. Then she changed her mind after college.” 😒

[@GodessIsabelRaina]

She said enough. He's controlling and manipulative. He isolates her from family, etc. Unfortunately, baby sis chose him and 10yrs down the line, her family can say, " I told you so." He has all the signs of a Narcissist but it's her choice

[@mo5407]

@@GodessIsabelRaina yes, she said enough. Her sister seems to be in a difficult situation - and needs support before she gets in too deep. Her fiancé is trying to isolate her from her family...he's the one making her choose between him and her family. agree, ultimately, she needs to make the decision.

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

Wow this sister and family sounds controlling . If the sibling is choosing a controlling situation it’s because it’s familiar to her.

[@meowy4720]

Stop making excuses for the man

[@Olivetree80]

It doesn't sound like that at all, her response to it might not be the best, but it sounds like her observation of the situation may be correcr

[@courtneymcfarland8333]

This! The sister needs to get away from both her controlling family of origin and her controlling new fiancé. Poor thing!

[@yota8325]

​@@Olivetree80we will never know the truth unless the little sister calls in

[@straight.no.chaser1708]

@@meowy4720 i literally never mentioned the man. What are you talking about?

[@bigbadjohn7053]

Been on the other side of this. What my sister-in-law never heard was my wife coming home and complaining about how controlling and dominanting her family was. I would encourage her to set boundaries, but she was always too afraid of the confrontation. The result has been a lifetime of tension with her family. I avoid them because who wants to place themselves in that situation. I'm guessing this is the other side of the story that isn't being said. My guess is the sisters will make this offer. She will give a passive response but go home and tell her fiance how her sisters tried to break them up. It won't go well.

[@NealBurkard-ut1oo]

Yeah, that's exactly how it sounds lol

[@lovemesomeslippers]

Well can you see that you’re setting yourself up to be the bad guy? Don’t let her do that to you.

[@rachel4339]

🎯

[@sellmav]

Yep the child who tries to break free from a dysfunctional toxic family. Hopefully as she gets older she’ll become more confident in standing up to them and putting them in their place. It sounds like they’re too used to bullying her into submission.

[@chaundadon2612]

Went thru something similar and it’s HARD trust me !!!!! It’s like you want to protect your wife from them but you can’t over step and say what you want to and tell the truth because that’s still her family. The family will team up and believe their own lies and try to sabotage the relationship. The wife never knows how to just say what she really wants to say because she doesn’t want to upset them but will demonize you because unlike her, her family isn’t your family and you don’t allow them to push you around and control you. It’s crazy …. My sister went thru that with her husband and im going thru that now with my fiancé

[@aartadventure]

As soon as the called started on the first issue, I suspected there were no real issues. I listened to all her items to make sure. The caller and her family are the issue here, and they need to learn that the sister is an adult and she gets to decide things for herself. If your sister is happy, be happy for her! Stop trying to control her life and make her do things that you want her to do.

[@Germania72]

It's the way she says "my little sister". It sounds like she doesn't consider her a competent adult. Maybe (because we don't know the sister's version of the story), they're controlling, and she doesn't do what her family tells her to do to a T and that's why they're flustered. There's always the possibility that the guy is controlling, but with this behaviour, they're driving her straight to him.

[@sw6155]

19:21 wow… what a crazy convos… I’d love to hear a follow up after that meeting in DC… This woman and her family sound just as much controlling as she accuses the fiancé to be… And the “I’ve heard her say such and such on the phone with him” doesn’t cut it… It’s easy to mishear things esse when adrenaline pumps into the system and out heads start to spin the wheels with intrusive thoughts while trying to listen… So yeah… do your family meeting but these women need to accept the fact that she’s choosing a path of her own and let it go, if she wants to keep a relationship with the little sister moving forward…

[@kensmith2796]

It's usually not a good sign when everyone around you dislikes your romantic partner. If this was just the one sister noticing things, I would say it could be jealousy or something else. But since everyone is noticing things, that's a bad sign. My sister married a guy that all of her friends disliked. He also moved out of state with her and controlled her actions and her money. He's been an unemployed alcoholic for 30 years and displays behaviors of a covert narcissist. I truly hope this woman's sister fares better.

[@amandab5222]

Exactly. The older sister is right to be concerned. The description of the fiancé set off alarm bells for me.

[@ruthirwin8222]

And me

[@myriamdiallo4434]

Counterpoint: often someone's family shouldn't count as multiple people. They were all raised with the same mindset around values, family, work, and career. Breaking away from your family's vision for you can be like leaving a cult.

[@rachel4339]

@@myriamdiallo4434exactly. All of a person’s friends vs a person’s family of origin are two different things.

[@nt3833]

@@myriamdiallo4434 I was going to say something similar.

[@Apostylicpoet]

Nothing derails your life like a relationship you’re not supposed to be in!

[@driftingdandelion]

i’m afraid i’m in one rn but i can’t let go

[@alluringbliss4165]

Does not just derail, it ruins you.

[@AmandaJ86]

@@driftingdandelionyou can! And you will ❤.

[@AmandaJ86]

Facts, completely sucked dry and am depressed. Way worse off then when I met him.

[@MiriamBlock-p8o]

Facts

[@mariafaustina5886]

Sister sounds overbearing. Sometimes when you meet someone, your dreams change. You no longer want to be a boss babe, but want to focus on being a wife and mom.

[@adamMjarosz]

#2. “He’s Catholic.” Dear God no! Out of all the things, not Catholic.

[@squoctopus]

😂

[@Wyz369]

Oh dear... not organised ligion 😂....ALL organised ligion is about control.

[@oneperson5760]

When I hear people Catholic-bash, especially in the South, I sense some deep rooted Protestant indoctrination. We're really not that different.

[@ConstructionHoney]

Not super catholic. It's catholic without the super powers 😅

[@dennischiapello7243]

I always get a kick out of the "They're Catholic, but I'm a Christian" line of thinking.

[@jennysjourney117]

So, this is hard....I am the person who's not liked by my in-laws. If you had asked them, they would have said I was controlling their son. They believe this 27 years later. Needless to say, we have had to put many boundaries in place....my husband put them in place, not me. I have stayed out of it as much as possible & he has made all the decisions regarding his family. It truly was about control & their feeling like they were losing control of their son. I does sound like this situation has a lot of red flags....but I will say, again, my in-laws would have said I was a red flag. Sometimes it's hard to know if the person is finally just being themselves after feeling like they never could speak their mind....or if they are really being controlled.

[@sellmav]

@@jennysjourney117 keep in mind every aspect of the “situation” is all according to her. The way she quotes him verbatim as if she heard him say it when they clearly don’t have a rltnshp where that would happen, and the fact that they obviously hated him from the beginning bc they blamed him for her sister’s decisions they didn’t approve of, but then she complains he doesn’t want to be around them. It’s obvious this woman is accustomed to ppl subjugating themselves to her whims and judgement and it’s infuriating her it’s not working on her little sister anymore.

[@shaepettit8233]

@@sellmavexactly- I’m not even sure she’s met the man 😂 she made it seem at the beginning of the call that the sister had only been dating him a few months and then towards the end of the call mentioned she discussed it with her sister a few years ago… which is it then?

[@sellmav]

@@shaepettit8233 right? My favorite part is how she quotes him as if she heard him say things that she clearly didn’t.

[@joea9222]

I saw this with my aunt and 2 girl cousins. They are no good when they are all together. For some reason, when some (not all) women get together, they like to jump on one and drag them down until they destroy their relationship. And she never notices it. She thinks her family saved her. Super toxic

[@alluringbliss4165]

I come from an abusive household. This is exactly what my uncle did to my aunt. Today she is a broken and mean woman.

[@pkhb2606]

This poor sister. Just be there for her. It would be so hard to return to this family. Controlling in both families.

[@Morelove4ever8]

I dated an abusive man and was engaged to him. I remember the CONSTANT texting and calling on the very rare instance where I went out with friends. The isolation is real and dangerous. I’m glad she has family that cares about her. Even if she doesn’t leave now, she may one day and she needs to know people have her back still! The constant emotional and verbal abuse takes a toll on your soul. It’s easy to feel alone and like the worst person on the earth! I’m so grateful for the friends I had during that time who are like family to me! Their support meant everything.

[@lindsey5365]

I’m Catholic and waiting until marriage and couldn’t see myself with someone who isn’t the same religion as me. This is personal preference, and this stuff you need to talk about before you date/during dating and not just late minute crap before when the wedding is like next month.

[@katiefrankie6]

Smart move. First, there are basically no real upsides to premarital sex. Second, being on the same page spiritually is such a strength!

[@oneperson5760]

And let's not forget, the Church requires 6 months of marriage preparation. So it's not like the little sister just impulsively said 'we decided to get married next month.'

[@marki57686]

@@katiefrankie6my friend broke up with her boyfriend over sex. It was great guy, now he is good husband to someone else, good father. He just can’t comprehend that women need something different in sex than men. My friend is very happy she ended up with husband that ALSO makes sex nice. There is your upside.

[@jaciemokidm2287]

The irony of taking away financial support after she gets engaged and strong arming her decision to move in with her fiance, but then implying here how the in-laws are paying for them now and taking away her voice lol.

[@tduck828]

Let the sister live her life. She's making decisions for her life. Too bad if YOU don't like it. Keep your mouth closed and support if your opinion is asked but I doubt it ever will be...

[@JP-hy2ix]

From my, personal experience some family members and siblings can be very overbearing and controlling themselves sometimes without even realizing it. It’s one thing to be supportive and want good for your family , but it’s another thing to continue to go out of your way and make a grown person do what you want them to

[@JustinCase780]

"I was thinking they light candles and play John Mayer in the background" 😅😅😅😅

[@SayconTalks]

😂

[@jdmecarr]

Well that IS intimate lol

[@mgoblue0970]

Right... caller is s**ting on the future inlaw for being Catholic but is embarrassed to say "sex" herself.

[@samanthasmiles9112]

Unfortunately, a lot of people switch from their controlling family to a controlling spouse. The time to stop people from getting into a controlling relationship happens during childhood. That ship has sailed. At this point, the chance of her listening to you is slim to none.

[@JPer811]

I clicked on this video because the same thing is my exact situation… her problems seem minor compared to ours though. My wife’s sister is going to marry someone who is a LITERAL sex offender and has a lifetime registry.

[@lexir7504]

pretty sure he had a video about this but i think it was the mom or dad that called in and their daughter was marrying a sx offfender

[@traditionalgirl3943]

An eighteen-year-old who had sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend can be a “sex-offender” if taken to court. I’d need to have a further explanation before I condemn the guy.

[@yota8325]

I think that's a different situation this guy doesn't sound like a sex offender even tho the big sister is tryna talk rubbish about him

[@Cafeallday222]

Oh man… sorry

[@sellmav]

@@JPer811 yea in this case her sister’s “abuse” is her changing her mind about going to med school bc she doesn’t want to spend another decade in school and moving to a beautiful country while being supported by his family while he is in law school. Same thing as marrying a sex offender. The HORROR! 🙄

[@Chet_24]

This was me last year when my brother got married. The entire family knows his wife is crazy and abusive toward him (has yelled at him multiple times to the point of him crying), but he married her anyway. 1st time meeting her, we had a fight (first one ever). What was worst is i had to be a groomsman because of the guilt trip my dad put me on. I haven't spoke to my brother since. Before he began seeing her, we'd talk a couple hours a week. Now, we dont talk at all. I cant stand her, and i consider my brother gone because it's less tragic than what actually has happened.

[@rachel4339]

You don’t think it’s at all strange that you *never* had a single fight with your sibling before adulthood? Have you considered that maybe your dad putting guilt trips on his children, and his brother refusing to show him unconditional love, and all of the other things that probably happen in your enmeshed family dynamics, might have something to do with why he chose the person he chose?

[@standground7956]

Actually, it sounds like your brother is just living life on his terms. Is there a reason why you can’t do the same? I bet he’s not sitting around thinking about thinking about how much you dislike his wife.

[@niicopanda]

Dude, call your brother. You and him will both be glad you did.

[@standground7956]

@@niicopanda Don’t encourage him to do something against his will, he’d accuse you of guilt tripping him into doing so. I’m sure his brother is very content with him ignoring him and not calling.

[@joshuacade1055]

My whole thing with my brother in laws and sister Inlaw is idgaf how I feel about them. We ain’t gotta be buddies, it’s cool that we are. But touch my sister and I’ll be there in a jiffy, outside of that though it really comes down to are my siblings happy? Do they love them and want to be with them? Of those boxes are checked we straight. Unless there is abuse, if that’s present there are no ends to the lengths I will go to make sure they’re safe.

[@badmontingz1219]

Took me about 10 secs to realize caller Karen is the toxic gossip queen who loves telling everybody how to live her life bc she thinks her life is so perfect n she's got all the answers.. we're ready to boycott the wedding but we haven't talked to her... oh btw im a stay at home mom but my sister has to be a doctor... maybe get a job n u won't be so worried about ur sister living the life she wants

[@michaelschneider9305]

That’s exactly what I was thinking, she’s comparing her sisters husband to her husband, and I think quite frankly, she’s jealous

[@badmontingz1219]

@@michaelschneider9305 the other problem is the younger sister has prob spent her entire life defending n defusing ppl/situations n trying to be the peace keeper instead of telling ppl to fook off n go fly a kite

[@kiatequila424]

She pointing out amazing red flags! Some times dr doesn’t give good advice this is one of them!

[@themulti-coloredcanary5795]

I'm only 3 minutes in and she has not listed anything that I would consider a red flag. If he wants her to be a traditional wife, and makes enough money to support that and she wants to have babies, then her family needs to get on board. If he doesn't make enough money, then that might be a problem. As far as her switching to Catholicism, again not a red flag. Some people take their religion very seriously. Some people take what their parents think about their religious participation very seriously.

[@sarahp8937]

You've said your peace, youre getting the answer..you have to let people make their mistakes, grow from them, and be there for them in the aftermath..

[@SaltwaterTravels-pv8ee]

Great that the family is considering intervening. I’ve known several women in the same situation. If it’s truly a controlling and unsafe relationship, they should do whatever it takes to talk her out of it. Calling 10 times when visiting with family is a huge red flag, except if there is an emergency or something.

[@yota8325]

The family could also be considered controlling and abusive

[@peacetutor2012]

@@yota8325 Agreed. And why should we believe the caller when she says he called 10 times? Dr John called her out multiple times for making up stories about the situation. Why should we believe anything she says after he called her out on this?

[@sellmav]

@@SaltwaterTravels-pv8ee you’re easy to gaslight

[@lhughes6656]

He also may be trying to protect her from her controlling family. If he actually called 10 times, that's a lot. But it's not a lot of her family is a toxic controlling mess and he knows she bends for their every whim. For all we know, she may have told him she wouldn't stay that late so he was calling to check on her. We don't know enough to call it a red flag based on her sisters story imo.

[@EKL-qu7ih]

John gives good advice here. I feel pressured just listening to this woman. If the partner is abusive she needs her sister to feel empowered to leave, that's not achieved by wearing her down with criticism. Off ramp as John says is key. She mentions nothing of actual concern in the beginning but then mentions genuine red flags further into the call? Keep the lines of communication open is all she can do and make sure she refrains from being gossipy and overbearing.

[@PatriciaTennery]

I worked in Houston and Dallas including Louisiana for over 35 years. Love your viewpoints. ❤

[@misskfountain4070]

Run little sister, run!! The caller is more concerned with herself than you!!

[@joetheboy04]

this is what happens when you discuss your relationship problems with your friends and family. They start hating your man.

[@kimdawcatgirl]

Red flag from your comment!

[@keritrimble5824]

The problem is the caller not her sister. The caller talks and talks and talks....people who have to talk that much (while saying very little) are just damn selfish. Caller just wants her sister to do what the caller thinks she should. Selfish and domineering.

[@adrianaSilva-os2pr]

I absolutely agree..

[@ivoryorchidfemme]

Yeah the curfew isn’t concerning at all…

[@ivoryorchidfemme]

Yeah the curfew isn’t concerning at all…

[@nt3833]

It’s possible, although we don’t know for sure

[@firefly9838]

Y'all can't cope with a talkaholic and its hilarious😂😂

[@parks105]

This whole call just feels like total projection. “My sister is making big girl decisions and living her life” She can’t do that. You have to do exactly like what we tell you to do.

[@milakuzmanic3313]

Controlling past relationships with her family prepared this young woman to chose her controlling future husband. Her family prepared her spirit for this man. They kneaded her spirit into a putty mass and so today she can press herself into her husband's mold.

[@sergio760ram]

Big sister needs to mind her business and focus on her own husband 1000%

[@sellmav]

Love how she’s a stay at home mom but if her sister wants to be one, let’s hate her boyfriend until we break them up and she does what we want her to do. Such a sad toxic family.

[@ivoryorchidfemme]

@@anonymouse9833everyone is showing how well they listened to this episode with these gross comments. The fiance has given a curfew and she is being prevented from spending time with family. That’s more than red flags.

[@sellmav]

@@anonymouse9833right…. according to HER. And judging by her vitriol toward the boyfriend bc her sister decided at AGE 22 that she doesn’t want to grow old in college and wait to have a family, it wasn’t really her dream to begin with. Everything that woman said was loaded with toxic energy including the fact that she is a stay at home mom but wants to tell her sister she needs to go to medical school which she clearly doesn’t want to do. I feel sorry for that poor girl they will destroy every relationship she ever tries to have with a man who wants a life with HER without the meddling and control of her toxic family.

[@meowy4720]

​@@sellmavstop pretending to be a w0man in the KZbin comment section

[@meowy4720]

​@@sellmavstop pretending to be a woman

[@KyChargersFan21]

She sounds jealous that her sister found a good strong man. Calling him controlling when her family is trying to take control of this woman’s life is the ultimate hypocrisy. I would love to hear her sister’s side of the story.

[@KEOSHAANEILIA]

13:55 start listening here.

[@andreamaser]

Its very sad for me hearing people don't get along with their in-laws because mine are so supportive and loving. I'm truly so greatful. Wish this was more common

[@tiffanyslibrary]

I’d love to hear the sister side because sometimes your life changes? And sometimes you make choices and decide to change your life path and live with whatever you decide. She is an adult and is able to make these life choices, even to the dismay of her family and their opinions ❤️

[@tylersamuel5021]

This lady is so delusional and annoying. How can she say he so controlling when she’s trying to control every aspect of her sisters life and relationship…. This lady needs to mind her own business and needs to go to therapy.

[@AshleyLebedev]

Nah. We don’t know anything about this. We know 2%. Don’t slam her, she may just have explained it. That family does sound controlling or at least high high expectations. But they are also her family. And they truly care and sense something is very wrong.

[@angelortiz8327]

this is typical in law hate. the worst kind too because she just sounds jealous.

[@ivoryorchidfemme]

Obviously didn’t finish the video. Any adult having a curfew from their partner is gross and abusive. Calling incessantly anytime she’s with her family is abusive.

[@meowy4720]

No, she doesn't. The fiance sounds like a loser

[@mjo3275]

@@meowy4720he’s going to law school. What do you do?

[@OtisFlint]

@@mjo3275 So that means he's not a loser? Plenty of high earning losers out there, and many of them are lawyers.

[@tbw980371]

She is jealous. And looks down on her sister’s fiancé

[@Stoicmind89]

This caller just sounds like a terrible sister! Dr. John should've called her out more.

[@evangelineellington9240]

I disagree. She does come off a bit gossipy to be fair, but the guy does sound very controlling. Isolating someone from their family and keeping tabs on someone is a major red flag. I would be very concerned as a big sister. Granted, I would go about supporting my sister and voicing my concern in a very different manner!

[@lizwiens671]

I also disagree. I wouldn’t like this guy either

[@alladreamwedreamed]

​@evangelineellington9240 maybe she is running away from a toxic overbearing sister and family 😂

[@sellmav]

@@evangelineellington9240 he sounds almost as controlling as her sister.

[@droptozro]

@@sellmav Possibly. People easily attract to relate/marry with their own unfinished business if they don't heal first.

[@HAMZAPINE]

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[@fakiriayoub8087]

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[@BestOffer-ii9ny]

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[@fakiriayoub8087]

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[@socialworkgroupa5256]

Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.

[@fakiriayoub8087]

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