I Catfished My Unfaithful Husband . . . and He Fell for It

I Catfished My Unfaithful Husband . . . and He Fell for It
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or reach out via this page: Ask a Question - Ramsey (ramseysolutions.com) We want to talk to YOU!
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- DreamCloud - dreamcloudsleep.com/delony
- Hallow - www.hallow.com/delony
- Thorne (25% Off Orders) - www.thorne.com/u/delony
Resources:
• Building a Non-Anxious Life - bit.ly/3EL5ubR
• Anxiety Test - bit.ly/460QXUp
• Own Your Past, Change Your Future - bit.ly/47q7Skm
• Questions for Humans Conversation Cards - bit.ly/472lIKd
• John's Free Guided Meditation - bit.ly/3MAGpEV
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( johndelony/)
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at www.betterhelp.com/delony and get on your way to being your best self.
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Watch and subscribe to all the Ramsey Network shows here: / @theramseyshowepisodes
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy - www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...

[@andrea6053]

I’d rather be alone than married and wondering who my husband is sleeping with.

[@kimgotaway6264]

Exactly!

[@MT-yx5cu]

Yeap, thankfully many women are waking up this. Single life isn't that bad considering the alternative

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

​@@MT-yx5cuBoyfriends cheat too😁

[@MT-yx5cu]

@@TheAustrianPainter87 I said single. What boyfriend are you speaking of?

[@dr.jenniferma3914]

Alone for life over that form of hell. I've been there and believe me, three years later you wake up with cancer and regret all of the time you wasted on a loser.

[@kctexan]

"Don't let a man tell you twice that he doesn't want you." - Steve Harvey

[@charlesmoneyham2873]

That man also has divorced multiple times. So be careful

[@noneya1238]

​@charlesmoneyham2873 Well he should know.

[@GriBlanco]

@@charlesmoneyham2873then he knows exactly why he says it.

[@rottenejl1]

Biggest moron I can think of

[@wendy1479]

THIS!! Every single person needs to hear this. Man or woman, if their behavior says they don't want you, believe them. Find someone who does. BE that person who cares about you and find a kindred who does too❤

[@NotSoEntertaining.]

“Is my marriage fixable?” It was so painful to hear that. Girl, run. Run as fast and as far as you can.

[@courtneyschwab4301]

But not before she prints the evidence from the dating app and takes it to an attorney that helps her file for divorce. In many states from the US; an affair during marriage is grounds for full custody of the shared children and alimony. Plus he will need to pay court costs and lawyers fees.

[@mendaciousreality8459]

⁠@iamdragonettatooremember to thank god for this entire situation in this first place too. Thank god for putting this lady through hell and heartbreak…. What is she being thankful for exactly you delusional moron ?

[@paulinecraft244]

This is just sad hop in that car and never look in the rearview

[@mendaciousreality8459]

iamdragonettatoo why thank god for the harsh truth when god’s the one did this number on her in the first place ?

[@ChristisFaithful]

If she's that dedicated to building something new and getting that trust back, she needs to find out if he wants to be married and if he does, why. I've been there and with a 2yo & 1yo. We tried the move away, after he gave me an STI and tried to play like I was dumb and got it from a toilet seat at his sister's... that's another story and hammered home the importance to meet the other family before sealing the relationship. It seems much harder for us women to divorce, with kids, and move on. Those guys cheating manage to get into something fast but I know I worry about my kids, gave up my income to take care of the babies so was financially hurt, but he disappeared the afternoon prior to us moving, I went with the babies. Paid a phone for him to call the kids for 2 years and he never called 1, while they were awake 2, if he was "doing well". Finding a good man who is interested in a woman with now teens, it's hard. At least in the area I live in. If it's meant to be, t then I trust the Lord God to put him in my life.

[@kristenkaz3080]

I want to share a glass of wine with this woman! One of my best friends did this to her husband. Even met him at lunch & she SERVED HIM HIS DIVORCE PAPERS IN THE RESTURANT. My bestie is LEGEND.

[@brightpage1020]

👏 🙌 👏 🙌 👏 🙌 🎉❤🎉❤🎉😂😢😅😊

[@skerdycat]

PERIODT

[@JaxLittles]

This is the only outcome that should be expected from a test like this. Even if her husband failed, she should be serving divorce papers for trying it

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

Him: “what’s on the menu, babe?” Her: DIVORCE

[@janet7804]

When you have to stoop to his level by catfishing your husband.. it's time to move on...

[@digitatissue8502]

Janelle, Your husband left you a long time ago. When you are emotionally ready, please move on. Be ready, you’re worth it!

[@katz734]

OmG Jenelle deserves so much more. She’s such an incredible woman and needs someone who will treat her like the queen she is.

[@MrDeano-eu9rg]

Calm down...we only hear her side here. She might suck.

[@mrsmayes7545]

​@@MrDeano-eu9rg or she doesn't and that's the husbands problem 😂

[@katz734]

@@MrDeano-eu9rg no I think you and your comment sucks. 🤭👎

[@MrDeano-eu9rg]

@@katz734 you're just agreeing with the narrative set forth by the presenter. Basic

[@user-mm1jh9zp7j]

Unconditional tolerance is NOT unconditional love.

[@theworldaccordingtoallie1176]

This comment needs to be added to a plaque and passed around.

[@Lieze-nz]

Yes! This!!!!

[@millyardopeacecraft9778]

Pattern Of Mistakes > Mistake. A mistake is fixable. A Pattern of mistakes is not, unfortunately.

[@denisekennedy3099]

Perfect. Just perfect.

[@denisekennedy3099]

@@theworldaccordingtoallie1176 Absolutely. I’m circulating this to friends and tattooing it onto the inside of my own eyelids!

[@WildnUnruly]

12 years is nothing when you can have a whole lifetime with someone who is worthy of you.

[@kassassin_brahgawk]

Preach!!! I stuck around for 4.5 years with my kids dad who cheated on me, broke up with me constantly, and would steal money from me. It was sunk cost fallacy and I was completely unstable BECAUSE he intentionally kept the ground from underneath me. Leaving and finally being done felt like the HUGEST mountains off of my shoulders. Had one more terrible relationship and then found the love of my life who fulfills me in every way, every day, and loves me entirely for the mess I am. Everyone deserves someone who loves them as is. Nothing less.

[@dianapatterson449]

I love this. it is so true. I spent 20 yrs with someone who didn't deserve me. Been married to a wonderful man for almost nine years. I feel so fortunate to have found someone worthy of me.

[@junbh2]

Or even alone. It's so much more lonely to be with the wrong person.

[@chipdiesel9788]

My dad remarried in his 40s and that taught me alot

[@lq6424]

I was married 7 years to a cheater, divorcing him was the best thing I did for me and my kids. I have now been married to my second husband for 8 years. he's sooooooo much better than my first husband, so mature, and loving, and loyal, and my best friend.

[@talienanaquin7445]

Janelle, baby….. he’s only going to therapy to keep you on the leash so he can keep doing what he’s doing. He has no plans to stop. He’s manipulating you.

[@vaska1999]

🎯

[@ScottishTerrorsInLA]

🎯

[@brightpage1020]

Agreed.

[@shethewriter]

We’ve romanticized being “strong enough” to tolerate abuse.

[@gardenofdeedensub_confirmation]

Yasss and I’m tearing that paradigm down in my life. We have been hoodwinked into accepting toxicity as strength.

[@MrsBee-uo2lc]

What!?!? No, it's the exact opposite. The second people feel unhappy or come across the smallest of problems, they quit and give up. 🙄

[@mandaJt]

@@MrsBee-uo2lc Some do, and some stay no matter what. There are many varieties of situations out there.

[@Bianca0414]

You can grow together though. I had a friend and they had a semi abusive relationship with their partner but after years together they finally had kids and they've both grown allot from having children and settling down. It really just depends. I don't recommend someone staying in an abusive relationship,but abuse can look different for every couple.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Say what? What planet are you on?

[@hazelmill20]

Stds aren’t the only safety issue. There are a lot of murders that happen because the side chick gets knocked up and decides she doesn’t want to just be the side chick anymore. You have no idea what kind of insane people that man is bringing into your and your kids lives

[@auemmjee]

More often the man kills his wife to be with the side chick or if she gets pregnant and he doesn't want to destroy his marriage he kills the side chick. Chris Watts killed his whole family to be with the side chick.

[@FL-CourtReporter]

So true. There’s a lot she doesn’t know. Remember the movie Fatal Attraction?

[@rebeccaspratling2865]

When I was 11 in the '90s one of the teachers at my school was murdered by the mistress. It's really not worth it.

[@FL-CourtReporter]

I’m a court reporter and seen a lot. when I was betrayed I realized I was lucky to have not ended up in a bad episode of dateline 😂! This woman was total opposite of me. Nope, total nut! She was a drug induced, gun selling to felons Scary felon! Geez! He was an idiot. In an odd way, I could see a younger better version of me; not even close. They both got in real trouble. 😂no words. Broke my young son’s 30s hearts even with a namesake. They were so proud of their dad. 😢

[@kYA00h]

for real.. he could also be bringimg angry dudes around because he messed with their woman

[@Coffeetime1991]

If he’s over protective of his phone he is cheating

[@healup3796]

AMEN

[@heidikickhouse-]

My niece got cuckoo when I picked up her phone - at first I thought, is she cheating on me with a fake Auntie? But no, she was just talking serious trash about me, making fun of me being clumsy and, oh yes, stupid, on IM with her husband. While I was visiting. I was leaving shortly, couldn't she have waited a little bit?

[@Ellely143]

He keeps cheating because he knows how sweet she is and he knows how to manipulate her. But at this point nothing is salvageable because he clearly doesn’t want to make their relationship work. He broke the foundation of that relationship and trust is completely broken.

[@mogx2586]

Janelle you sound like a fun, lovely person even from this short call. I'll pray for the Lord to give you the strength you need.

[@danielperea6211]

The “Is my marriage fixable?” question, broke me omg 😥

[@edgardominguez8678]

I don’t know, can you lose like 89 lbs?

[@y2ksurvivor]

​@@edgardominguez8678you first.

[@ashleighedwards3575]

Sure she can go to the gym and while she’s at she can regain self confidence build strength and character and win the affections from healthy, in shape, better disciplined single men at the gym. Or she can pick a physical hobby like martial arts where she will get in phenomenal shape create a social network and find in shape men there with healthy mindsets and libidos to better fit her needs. Thank you for giving a healthy suggestion that will benefit her physical and mental health and send her in the direction of a building an extended social network(which may help with getting better employment) and a better fit, friendly, disciplined and overall better caliber man. BTW for all u know she weighs 89lbs but she could still enjoy getting out of the house and again finding better caliber men. Men will sleep with other women bc they are the other woman BMI issues or not. Plenty of stories of men cheating on wives with the uglier and even more obese mistress. Some men do prefer women who are bigger.

​@ashleighedwards3575 or maybe don't look for another man. I think she should just work on herself and if by chance a man, or more, introduces themselves then great and go from there. Good luck to all.

[@rebeccaspratling2865]

​@@edgardominguez8678I'm so sorry your partner is obese. 🙏💛 I hope she looses the weight and you guys can fix your relationship. 🫂

[@marysaltlife1427]

This woman is my sister! In her circumstance and behavior. FINALLY her husband ended the marriage. My sister was messed up for a while because she still loved him in spite of everything. Years later, she is fiercely independent, self-respecting, and normal again. She says now the pain and loneliness while getting over him was worth it to come out of it in better mental shape. Please, caller, RUN from this man, please!

[@blueseptember2174]

I'm two years out and feeling more peaceful but I went through it let me tell you 😅. I was crying 24/7 even though he got more and more awful. I understand this woman 100 percent.

[@isay207]

So happy for you both😊

[@MonaMona-cn5zw]

Did her ex tried coming back after she was feeling herself again?

[@marysaltlife1427]

@@MonaMona-cn5zw No, but he told others he really messed up treating her that way.

[@ivywildwss]

Right! Not to mention he could've already given her a STD and made her sterile if it went untreated leaving her unable to ever have more children.

[@wendyf1165]

When someone shows you who they are over and over again. BELIEVE THEM!

[@lesliem5617]

Her health would crumble in other ways from pretending. The body takes all that stress and implodes. You're ill, and he moves on.

[@javiermorales365]

This woman sounds so beautiful and loyal I hate husbands who treat these precious women like this. If you hate commitment then don’t get married

[@kind2423]

Exactly, her husband is heartless

[@danrobinson5444]

Well honestly folks there's always more to the story. Have to hear his side, why did he lose interest?

[@auemmjee]

​@@danrobinson5444doesn't matter why he lost interest....if he wants something else he should have the balls to leave

[@DeRocco21]

why is it that SO many PEOPLE complain about this, "why is such a good person treated this way??" because theres something in human nature that likes the excitement of taboo, and the grass is greener on the other side, well grass is always the same color

[@somethingclever2]

And stay abstienent

[@carolc.1334]

My husband of 25 years gave me gonorrhea from a stripper/prostitute. I am numb and trying to figure things out. Thank you for this call and advice

[@user-qo7zp4pq6x]

I’m so sorry….. praying for you right now…❤❤❤

[@2intriguing1]

I'm so sorry.

[@Taylor086]

It's s3xual assault in my country, you can sue him for damages

[@nowyouseeme3402]

TMI

[@Mewa-tv6qc]

Don’t let that idiot get away with what he did to you

[@RG-hf4et]

The husband deserves to be catfished. Get a lawyer quick.

[@Ashly304]

He will never stop because he knows she ain't going anywhere. It's not fixable because he doesn't love her and will not stop.

[@ED80s]

Yes unfortunately she is enabling him because he knows there are no consequences.

[@evaswritingvault3066]

Feeling the need to Catfish your husband probably tells you all you need to know.

[@dabd8175]

💯 females set the trap and then blame the guy it's crazy😂

[@crashtestdummy1972]

​@@dabd8175i dont think you should be setting traps in a relationship thats toxic, but if you fall for it, you are probably a scummy person too. What a wild call though!

[@misstrinity5329]

Are you serious? So her husband been a serial cheater is nothing but the catfishing is where you draw the line

[@Emptytopfloor]

@@dabd8175even more crazy is that the males FALL for it 🤣

[@216trixie]

​@@dabd8175you're blaming all of this on the female? Way to turn the whole thing around on its head and invert reality.

[@orangesplaylist]

Someone who serial cheats, accuses YOU of cheating, then makes you feel stupid even when you have evidence I don't think loves you, ma'am. This one might be a wash.

[@Erica-wz8yv]

Exactly. She’s just taking out the trash at this point.

[@talyahr3302]

Might? It is trash garbage rubbish

[@shannonfritch8313]

Gaslighting at its finest

[@thefirm4606]

Sounds narcissistic

[@LaJuera25]

Gaslighting. We call that gaslighting

[@Fenty003]

She sounds like a lovely woman. I hope she heals from this.

[@suzieq1704]

I was married to a serial unfaithful man. I didn't walk away. I ran.

[@leannepenner7806]

You go girl. Go find people who deserve to be around you

[@liannebenn2097]

I catfished my ex husband too. It was so funny to see him rush all excited to the computer.

[@citrustaco]

So this is all a game? Why not say all the things to get him excited from the real you instead of the fake you?

[@talyahr3302]

​@@citrustacoobviously he didnt want to hear it from her. Hence the cheating which is why she catfished in the first place.

[@simoneXox]

🤦🏾‍♀️

[@mandaJt]

@@citrustaco Because the issue is the cheater, not the cheatee. There is so much nuance here, it's not a matter of "just." I'm guessing based on the situation that there is likely one or more types of abuse happening in this relationship.

[@Wealth_Wisdom_Discernment]

@@citrustacoexactly, if woman spent that much energy making their marriage amazing, their husband wouldn’t be out looking

[@igit4ever558]

I’m glad he addressed her health. When a person cheats, they jeopardize your life. HIV/AIDS etc. are still real. Oftentimes this is something John usually don’t address. Glad he did.

[@TulipsNTattoos]

He addresses this quite often, actually; and, even on the Ramsey show.

[@shachede6828]

he addresses often

[@rgeorge8618]

For me, this would be over (not because I can’t forgive and move on), but I don’t want to spend my life battling preventable diseases and I can’t let my children become motherless because of my husband’s negligence, selfishness, dishonesty, etc. & my own inability to cut my losses.

[@MrsMathews]

Yup people don’t like to talk about it, but this is how too many women end up with HIV and other STDs.

[@dennykeaton9701]

​@@TulipsNTattoos Dave Ramsey?

[@d.s.28]

Poor wife has no self esteem or self worth. Prayers for her healing.

[@billie-ocean8286]

She’s in denial poor woman she sounds so sweet and hopeful he must’ve never wanted to be married

[@olesmokey394]

He probably didn't I hate it for her but she chose the wrong dude kinda on her.

[@GrantTravels23]

People do the honeymoon stage too soon and then women withholding sex from men as a weapon and then get surprised when they go outside of the marriage to get their needs met when all the guy wanted to do was come home to someone who showed him she loved him. Comes down to a gender miscommunication. Men are just as guilty in not researching up on what women need. But point being, keep him fed n fked, and he's not going anywhere else cuz he has no reason to

[@opendoorproperty]

My heart broke when she asked,"Is My marriage fixable?"

[@2intriguing1]

I broke down so bad. My God. I hate she has babies, I would have prayed she left.

[@aliciarobertson4979]

Such a sad state of mind and heart. 💔💔💔 Poor Janelle …hope she got added strength to move on.

[@pamelawilliams9574]

John was so gentle, yet honest with her. I divorced my cheating husband 4 years ago. Best decision of my life. I could never let my daughter think that it is ok to be treated that way by anyone. Her and I are closer than ever and happy as can be. YOU GOT THIS, JANELLE!!!

[@Jkaye13]

My sister continues to live with her cheating husband of 28 years, and the damage it has done to her two daughters is devastating.. both are single, at 26 and 30, and one doesn't date and has said that she will never marry because of her father's cheating abuse of her mother that she witnessed her whole life.. he was emotionally and verbally abusive. This has a huge affect on the children who witness it.. and as this caller shows, it's easy to become the doormat wife that tolerates this abuse when it's what you've witnessed in your parents growing up.. my sister's husband had a father who cheated on his mom.

[@selfmaderish4690]

Kids watch everything from the time they’re born and whatever you allow, they think they should allow

[@pamelawilliams9574]

@@Jkaye13 this is so heartbreaking.

[@pamelawilliams9574]

@@selfmaderish4690 100%

[@Mushroom321-]

​@@Jkaye13 Way too sad !! 🥺☹️😬

[@godmadesam]

He doesn’t want you girl, RUN!!!!!!

[@user-lr6kj1xt6i]

Don’t give her false hope by saying that they can come back from this. It doesn’t matter how many stipulations she needs and he agrees to. He’s a liar who is going to lie. It’s not easy to change your life but, my gawd, you have to find a new life that is safe, and won’t kill your soul.

[@1740ryguy]

The fact that she catfished him and seeing for herself what he’s doing and the fact he’s done it before and she’s literally finding receipts! And she still finds a way to forgive him?!? This woman deserves soo much better. This guy is taking advantage of her insecurities and making her look like the villain. Insane call. I understand she wants the marriage to work but enough is enough.

[@Mar.....O]

Hope she this is it for her?

[@katelyndefreitas2810]

Sunken cost fallacy

[@TH-eb5ro]

@@Austenfan177 The problem is that many are taught what to settle for not what they deserve, it has a lifetime of repercussions.

[@summerdowlig]

Sadly she already knew what he's like she knew he's a cheater. Probably hope he'd finally have some morals and not take the bait.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Most likely she can’t afford to raise the kids herself and is just stuck for now. Hence the reason so many of us have to wait until the kids are grown.

[@striperkid]

She needs to file for divorce and pronto. This dude is NEVER going to change.

[@paulaprice6949]

Getting an STI from this would be so scary. She deserves better.

[@donnasearch1]

Janelle-when I was living in Atlanta my husband cheated and gaslighted me. He had a seminary degree. I walked away with my three children. It was challenging but God protected us.❤ I pray God’s favor and protection over you. “For I know the plans I have for you, Janelle-declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.”😊

[@SherryONeill]

Amen !!!

[@s.maisonave4789]

Girl RUN, don't walk, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

[@susanhill3100]

Run run run 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️

[@10tepeyac]

You can tell she’s a good woman. I feel so bad for her

[@PepeDeezNutz]

She’s naïve

[@10tepeyac]

@@PepeDeezNutz I think she’s in denial

[@EmpressMermaid]

Unfortunately, she's been made to believe that "good woman" equates to forever putting herself in the background and that she must support and blindly accept him no matter what. A "good woman" never challenges her man, never confronts him, understands and forgives all his shortcomings. I know, I was raised with these beliefs and these beliefs led me to stay in an abusive marriage way too long. After all, I was a "good woman".

[@PepeDeezNutz]

@@10tepeyac nah she’s just dumb AF

[@ellencox8415]

She's in love with the man she thought he was ... not who he actually was. This is very very difficult with two kids. People are flippant with the "just divorce him" comments. They don't realize they are asking her to be the one who "destroys the family". She has two young kids, she's not going to tell them that dad can't keep his 🍆 out of randos... they are only going to know it from Dad's "your mom broke up our family" perspective. You are also asking her to be a single mother to two children when she probably can't afford to be. Literally telling her to put the family into poverty. It sounds good on paper. It is completely different in real life.

[@anastasha3411]

Coming from a true friend saying these exact words " You don't want to say it out loud because you don't want it to be true and I love you enough to tell you it's true." is what we needed to hear as another wake up call.

[@angelawingard5561]

Dr. John, when you ask a mother "Do you work?", please say "Do you work out of the home?" Mothers WORK all day long! Love your show! Thank you for all you do!

[@hopishadow]

so true!

[@melonie_peppers]

He obviously meant financially smarty pants. She can't support herself if she decides to leave

[@annelynch9217]

⁠Not a hard conclusion to come to. I don’t know why this comment was even necessary. This man HARDLY degrades stay at home mothers, but it doesn’t pay the bills.

[@susancassels5887]

🤗

[@victoriaporsiempre]

@@melonie_peppers why calling names? don’t be rude! 😡

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

When someone cheats, youll never be able to truly trust them again. I just cant imagine a relationship ever being healthy after that happens.

[@spectatoryoutube]

Right, it always stays with you in your mind and in the back of your mind. I would lay in bed and imagine both of them together, hugging, kissing, caressing and making love to each other....it was haunting and tormenting.

[@stevepierce227]

I know of a story of a pastor who's wife cheated on him and got pregnant from the cheating. She repented, and he forgave her and raises the child as his own son. Without the Lord true forgiveness wouldn't be possible, but with the Lord there can be healing no matter how broken it may seem.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

@@stevepierce227 Yes, with Lord Vishnu anything can be accomplished. Even getting an entire congregation to believe in your lies

[@stevepierce227]

​@@Ryan-wx1bi Are you saying that because you think I am lying, the pastor was lying, or that the idea of the Lord (by Lord I mean Jesus Christ, in case that wasn't obvious) is a lie?

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

@@stevepierce227 are you saying the religion of Hinduism that outdates Christianity is a lie? And yes, I'm saying your pastor is lying about the situation

[@aina3387]

She needs to leave him. She obviously loves him, but it isn't worth it.

[@saraliburd7752]

The question is what is there to live-he treats her like crap-this is codependency

[@brooklin_bernek]

This is the EXACT reason I am filled with regret for leaving my career at the post office to have another baby , being without a job /income keeps women/men stuck

[@InvictumLupus]

I married someone,too, after a brief period of dating. After marriage I found out that I couldn’t compete with a porn addiction and dating websites. I walked away. A marriage with a serial cheater is NOT fixable.

[@katcraig7525]

This sounds like my story. Janelle leave. He won't stop. He's probably a narcissist or suffers from HPD; mine did. Life is sooo much better now. You can do it Janelle. You're worth it sis. Believe me YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

[@marysaltlife1427]

Please forgive my ignorance... What is HPD?

[@aislingobrien5485]

@@marysaltlife1427Histrionic personality disorder - part of the cluster B personality disorders group - it’s characterised by hyper sexual behaviour and other traits that tend to make for a difficult partnership..

[@chitlinjuice]

Not every man that doesn't like you is a narcissist. I think he's a coward and married a woman he really didn't want to begin with, but narcissism is on a whole other demonic level of craziness.

[@marysaltlife1427]

@@aislingobrien5485 Thank you so very much. I greatly appreciate your explanation.

[@TheJulithegreat]

Yeah, I don't think he is "suffering from hpd". Rather, he's enjoying his cluster b traits! What part of doing whatever you want and being 100% selfish is suffering to an evil person?

[@getinthespace7715]

Infidelity is a deal breaker, time to move on.

[@bonitajolie9341]

Depends.

[@getinthespace7715]

@@bonitajolie9341, no depends. The smart move on. The weak bargain.

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well maybe women should have sex with there men then we men wouldn't cheat

[@shaylagoogle3097]

There's a reason why Dr. John has his own show. Woman need to hear the truth from another man. This woman's smart. I like the way she cat fished him. I enjoy this show.

[@sophiag2348]

He has so much compassion for her, what a gem. Pray for this lady, how sad!

[@Brianna_Little_Apple_Mama]

Oh Janelle, when you asked if your marriage was fixable… my heart broke for you. I pray you can move on from this. You seem like an amazing amazing woman!!

[@gaypreator8547]

She wants so badly to not accept the situation. She does sound amazing, big hearted and generous of spirit.

[@daisycano4542]

Her husband probably gaslit her. My ex did that all the time telling me I’m crazy. But what do you know? He had an affair for six years. I finally left him and I feel so happy, free and healthy. It’s scared to leave at first but the peace that comes with leaving is worth it all!

[@anneshirley9560]

I am so sorry that happened to you. That's horrible. I'm glad you found peace.

[@daisycano4542]

@@anneshirley9560 thank you!

[@kclarke2971]

You have that right, I didn't think I could stand a week without him. It's been 8 years now. I feel so free, it's so nice. Stay strong.

[@daisycano4542]

@@kclarke2971 so happy for you ❤️

[@meforme833]

I love his no sugar coating, just raw , honest advice. 😊

[@AG-iu9lv]

"Choose the difficult path that leads to freedom" 🤯

[@user-hr1ql2fu3f]

I have been in a relationship with a serial cheater. They don’t quit! And they make you feel responsible for their cheating. Your husband may also be a narcissist. He has proven over and over that he does not respect you, or love you, imo. You can’t forgive someone that doesn’t want to be forgiven. He only wants to be forgiven til the next time, and then he wants to be forgiven again. I’ll bet he even tells you that you don’t know how to forgive. He sounds like a master manipulator and gaslighter. That is why I mentioned narcissism. You deserve better and more. Your children deserve better. A father that abuses the mother is not a good father, and certainly not a good husband! You are being abused mentally and physically. Your husband doesn’t even care about your emotional and physical well being. You already know he is a cheater. And after 5-15 times, how ever many it’s been, he has no interest in stopping and will not stop! I’ll bet you are exhausted with trying to keep track of him, and figuring out what he is doing and where he is at. But then when you are together in public settings at family events, he probably acts like husband and father of the year. You know the drill, and have been living it your entire married life. Do yourself and your kids a favor. Leave him, and make a safe and loving environment for you and your kids. I’m sorry this hurts so much. It’s not going to stop until you leave him. Don’t give him the opportunity to ruin your physical and mental health. Trust me, he will always be grooming his next victim, so that when one finds him out he’s got plenty of supply on hand. Your husband is a suck wad! I think you already know that. I wish you the very best and will be praying for you and for your strength.

[@zarahsgarden2097]

I could never trust someone again after betrayal like this

[@lisasunshine773]

When I was first divorced i had a guy pursing me that creeped me out. He was stalker material. I would see his truck parked on the corner watching me come home and one night when I was out with friends left me this urgent voice mail to meet him at my house something was wrong. I couldn’t get rid of him and he hadn’t done anything in the eyes of the law. I went out of town and when I got back I knew he had been in my house. I do not it drink coffee and there was a coffee make on my counter. I hired a reputable private investigator with my concerns. When he investigated him he told me that he had stolen plates on his vehicle and other things and they contacted the police with what all they found. I thank God that I trusted my instincts early and while I wasn’t able to prove anything on my own the P.I. Was able to find things out. I never heard from this guy again. I feel very blessed that it turned out the way it did in that it was taken care of and I was safe. The Private investigator told me that if you think you need a PI you probably do and run. This reminded me of this. I trusted my instincts right within the first weeks of meeting this weirdo.

[@name9601]

always trust your gut

[@TheTeresamori]

Please he’s treating you like the doormat store.

[@dancingmama3134]

Well there it is, when he asked her why she feels like her feelings don't matter and she said her parents are still together after 45 years but her Dad has cheated on her mom the whole time. Her Dad was a horrible person and her mom accepted it and didn't see her worth and so the cycle continues. Please people don't tolerate serial cheaters! Don't let your children see that that's acceptable

[@annstewart8506]

This woman is in a powerful position to break the cycle of generations of infidelity. Stand tall. I divorced my ex of 23 years as I believed I could easily get a sexual disease first hand and not have a cheating spouse bring it home to me. I too was in a public couple image where everyone envied our marriage. Time to call him out and divorce him. Your kids don't need a toxic role model. Good luck and stay strong.

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well women shouldn't give men reasons to cheat

[@janetbooth798]

Oh how her story resonates with me. I am fifteen years on the other side of a divorce after surviving my ex husband’s infidelities during our 22 year marriage. I am living proof that there is a joyful and fulfilling life after this level of betrayal, emotional abuse and verbal abuse.

[@smears6039]

You inspire me. I’m making my plan to leave and regain back my joy for life, and to try and love myself. Thank you for sharing this.

[@webistebi8310]

Thanks for sharing… I am in the process of divorce and I know I should have let him go decades ago… 💝

[@Meangirl22]

Are you remarried??

[@janetbooth798]

I have not remarried

[@brightpage1020]

Thank you for sharing. So many women suffer for like ever... not realizing how much brighter it could be outside the household of misery.

[@LizJoyDolan]

The deafening silence when he told her she needed to tell her friends 💔 it’s so hard to be transparent when you’re just grasping to try to hold your broken marriage together. 😢 but with a serial cheater whose passing around STD’s isn’t a relationship you can hold together. I tried for 4 years to make a relationship work with a man exactly as she’s describing. 😔

[@EMbee7]

She may find out that they're not as oblivious to her reality as she presumes. When I told my inner circle the truth of my daily life of abuse, each of them said how relieved they were that I finally realized and could speak the words for what I was living.

[@chris-gx7rs]

If a woman leave that shows that she doesn't love her man unconditionally or for real cause facts women don't love there men unconditionally

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well maybe women should have sex with there men everyday then men wouldn't cheat

[@vaska1999]

​@@chris-gx7rs Of course. It would be immoral to love an adult unconditionally.

[@JakeDrives1]

The scheming husband cannot be rehabilitated. He’s had enough chances and still lies. I hope she finds peace. ASAP!

[@TAMMY0220]

FYI....Everyone knows your relationship is not perfect, he cheats too much ,your friends and associates dont know how to tell you they know about it.,he probably has tried to cheat with them.

[@thecramptons]

Wow..ur probably right

[@christinegraham2579]

“He cheats too much”? Cheating once, is too much

[@Ressa9]

You are right! I wasn’t on social media much until I got divorced. I was amazed at the amount of married men who messaged me 😢. They are by far the most persistent and you have to block them. I really am not sure I could trust a man again. I understand this isn’t every man but it’s really hard out here

[@IamtheAllison]

I cried with his response, I think she never really heard someone say: “you are enough.” Subscribed just because of the kindness and just amazing advice he gave.

[@symonelovesJesus]

Enough for what?

[@kayabe856]

This lady has too much optimism.

[@marybarton7027]

My daughter had an idea to try and catfish my fiance because of suspicious behavior on his part. She set up the profile, sent him a friend's request and a really nice comment about how handsome he looked. He fell for it hook, line and sinker! I was gone on a flight the next day! What a POS! I dodged a bullet thanks to my amazing daughter who is also my ride or die!

[@nnyv0040]

she's awesome and so bubbly - I love her vibe. I feel so bad for what happened to her, she does not deserve this. She's too kind and beautiful to waste her positive energy on this trashy man. YOU DESERVE BETTER JANELLE! WE ARE ALL ON YOUR SIDE.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

She should have never done this. She has issues to be even messing with it. A sane woman, that is mature would have said she wants counseling or she’s out. High schoolers do this stuff, not grown women.

[@CJ-ft9yo]

@@OopThereItIs77777for pity’s sake listen to yourself, you’re blaming her, a smart feisty woman for doing this and she has issues but only for putting up with this creep she’s trying to stay married to. Interesting you don’t mention the creep she married to.

[@privacyplease1556]

Fixable??? Why does she WANT to fix this?

[@indymj383]

“Who taught you that what you feel in your guts is so wrong?” That’s called female socialization

[@davinasquirrel7672]

aka 'doormat training'.

[@lovelace8702]

Not necessarily accurate. Could be but women Ive heard usually say listen to your gut. And the parents and or spouse makes you question yourself. Just dont question yourself period who ever might say otherwise

[@vaska1999]

Yup.

[@annelynch9217]

That is not something that’s reserved solely for women. It’s intended for anybody who opens themselves up emotionally to other people. Having that attitude is what turns women into doormats. There’s no such thing as “female socialization“. Feminism is the worst thing that ever happened to women. This may shock you, but men get cheated on too.

[@BIBLE-a-s-m-r]

My mom always told me to listen to it. That’s not average momming?

[@janetginty1847]

Run girl as fast as you can and don't look back you are beautiful and better than that ✨️

[@nope7560]

You can't fix a problem that's not yours.. You just can't. All the years of counseling, talking about it, getting caught.. That's indicative of a person that won't be changing. Why should he? He's gotten everything he's wanted. He knows he can keep doing it. However, you can change your life. You can find people who make you feel good all the time, not just some of the time. You can find a partner who realizes your worth all the time, not just when he's caught. It's not easy, but I really wish that you'd at least take a break from your marriage and free yourself from the daily burden of wondering "what the hell is my husband up to."

[@Ella-Bella2024]

"You can't fix a problem that's not yours." - well said.

[@kayn2756]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Throw away the whole husband. He has never been faithful to you from day 1. Nasty nasty nasty

[@kiki11974]

🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@Veracityseeker7]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@sharoncrawford7192]

I feel so bad for women who get cheated on. I grewup watching my mother go through that, and I cant stand seeing anyone being cheated on. My mother stayed with him until the day she died, and was a very good and faithful wife!😢

[@MrsJFJ]

Having been there myself, yeah, it’s a loss, and I was exactly where you are 12-13 years ago, but fast forward…my husband and I just celebrated 9 years of marriage. Do the math and see that it’s my second husband and truly the best man I’ve ever known. We have a beautiful blended family. Praise God! You and your kids are worth it, Janelle!

[@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom]

_~sigh~_ Ladies, please know your worth and value. You deserve fidelity and respect. Yes it’s hard to find men like that now days, but even if you can’t find that, it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who cheats on you.

[@abbyxiong3931]

The "sigh". 😂 Thank you. I get it.

[@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom]

@@abbyxiong3931 😬🤭 Yeah it’s just frustrating & heartbreaking when women get cheated on and ask if their relationship can be fixed… no it can’t, and you shouldn’t want to fix a relationship with someone that has betrayed you… not beyond what’s required to coparent anyways. Thanks for the comment… & the giggle. 😁🤙🏽

[@coolaunt516]

Four words: Run like the wind.

[@hanashable95]

Omg I was in the same marriage and what he said is so true, 3 years in as a single mom and being in poverty is quite literally killing me. I can’t keep going this way I am not living just existing

[@jikan-tabi-1888]

Her kindness and easy-going nature were taken advantage of for 12yrs. Plus her parents dynamics planted the seeds. Take care and best wishes.

[@youheartmel]

Janelle, girl please leave him. You deserve better. There are good men out there who serve and protect their marriage and family. I’ve been cheated on and *not once* did I think, “what did i do wrong?” I left the day I found out… Don’t catfish him if you’re going to just stay. You’ve seen it play out with your parents. Find your dignity and FREE yourself of this misery.

[@rubyx2102]

She’s just like me fr

[@KissingTheCook]

​@@rubyx2102Then wake up baby. You are gonna be 10 years down the road and looking back knowing you're in exactly the same place you are now.

[@rubyx2102]

thx girl but it was just a joke since she catfished her man @@KissingTheCook

[@gwenj5419]

It's not that easy when you have children and you are talking about totally disrupting their lives too.

[@schokococoa575]

@@gwenj5419are their lives not already disrupted??

[@cathyosullivan718]

It’s sad that people think it’s okay to have a spouse and family and have side pieces. How would he feel if she had partners on the side?

[@user-jw1bl4hq9j]

U would be surprised how many individuals on the internet are teaching men to cheat …..I found them …it’s unbelievable.

[@ServantOfYHWH]

Best comment ever. PREACH!!!

[@WomanWithHISPlan-un4rp]

They would feel how Morris Chestnut felt in The Best Man! When Terrace Howard told him, “You’re ALWAYS stepping out, how would you feel if she got something on the side?” They can NEVER take what they dish out! Some men REALLY believe that no one else will want their wife SMH!!!

[@vaska1999]

Data show that 75% of American husbands and 50% of wives cheat on their spouses at least once.

[@haybay120]

Stay single, at least you can sleep peacefully knowing you’re not being cheated on. 🤣🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ but that also doesn’t mean sleep around.

[@Justthefurofus]

Yep he said it. I’m worried for her for STDs. I knew a lady who was married and had two children with him and because he wanted a boy (and had two girls) he cheated and gave her an incurable disease. It was devastating for her and of course he eventually left her and that’s when she found out she was sick.

[@stephanie579]

I never thought my husband was an amazing man with so much integrity … after being together 35 yrs I have recently found out he was in a 2 yr love affair … I now look at him as a very selfish, shallow and insecure man … he wants to workmen our marriage but I told him I will let you know my decision after I heal from your lies, deceit and betrayal 👍👍👍 I love me way more than him

[@stephanie579]

I meant I never thought my husband would cheat on me …

[@nadirabajramovic7456]

My goodness I thought I was along but I see this happening everywhere after so many years of marriage I am at same situation trying to fixed my self first and go through this painful time starting therapy kind angry more at my self signs where right in front of me I just ignore them busy with other things and I believe his lies when I would ask a question Thanks

[@elettramia6380]

He had a 2 year love affair that he got caught participating in. There nothing to heal from at this point besides the divorce. He is still probably having that affair and if Not it will be with another woman in the future. Also you only know of this 1 affair, who knows how many he’s actually had. Divorce him and leave!

[@1Icyman]

A man can cheat and still love his wife. He doesn't want a divorce. He still supports and protects his wife. When a woman cheats its a wrap. It's 100% done. The difference is the motivation and intentions. Men and woman are wired differently. Women can never fully understand what's it's like to be a man.

[@chris-gx7rs]

Why do you say that you love yourself more than your husband 😊

[@ginnyf5931]

Shes needs to be careful because chances are she is an emotionally abusive relationship. This same thing happened to me- once I started saying I was going to leave or fix this, the physical stuff started. 12 years later I am happily remarried with the best man ever. took awhile to mentally heal because he gaslit me on the texts and dating sites just like Janel.

[@blueseptember2174]

Cheating husbands do tend to escalate to abuse

[@Price8903]

True

[@ShaareiZoharDaas]

He will hit the wrong woman and be a statistic.​@@blueseptember2174

[@elettramia6380]

Cheating on your spouse IS emotionally and mentally abusive to begin with. Especially when you are a serial cheater, that is the greatest form of abuse

[@vaska1999]

She's definitely in an emotionally abusive relationship: her husband cheats on her, lies to her, gaslights her, weeps tears of convenient momentary remorse, makes false promises. All of which constitutes pretty severe emotional and psychological abuse.

[@andreack9983]

John, John, John. What makes you think a man like that can change?

[@crystalwaters9935]

I would assume she is probably still with him from the sound of it. So sad, hope she gets rid of this dirtbag…he’s just going to teach their kids how to be a sh*t human being

[@Anniefawesome]

Let the trash take itself out! Girl you deserve better!!

[@rgeorge8618]

Dr. John stole the words right out of my mouth. I was immediately concerned about her health.

[@christinamartinez8132]

I've never been married but I came real close twice but my intuitions told me not to before I found out they were cheating on me.

[@Stingrayflame]

RUN FAR FAR AWAY.

[@IslemTav]

I lived through this. Wow. Incredible how similar our stories are. I left in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic and never turned back.

[@simoneXox]

I hope you're okay now ❤

[@IslemTav]

@@simoneXox Thanks so much! ♥ I am, and I've never been better. My family were incredibly supportive throughout the process of getting back up on my feet again. I could not have done it without them!

[@aprilm4423]

Wow! You go, girl!!💪

[@simoneXox]

So happy for you ! Xx

[@deeh5126]

There are so many of us who lived this. And we felt so alone and ashamed. But we were not alone and the shame belongs on the cheating/abusive party. I was fortunate and left just before the pandemic. Moved in with his parents, where they gave me and my kids a stable, supportive and safe place while I got on my feet.

[@gogogadgetgore]

The divorce will be hell and healing will take time,but it will absolutely be worth it.

[@nancyferguson6011]

Girl let him go. It is the best thing you can do. He has already told you what he is going to do. If he is cheating after MULTIPLE counseling why would ANYTHING be different????? He doesn't care about you OR your kids keep moving

[@d.j.guillory8731]

Holy Cow!!!!! I never dreamed of this kind of support when I went thru a divorce and am a DV survivor !! I wish you love, light, peace, and a promise that Joy is out there for you dear!!

[@deedeeblanscet4433]

My little sisters name is Janelle and her first husband was an absolute nightmare! He could charm anyone and had all of us fooled as he did and sold drugs, was involved in all kinds of illegal activity and on top of everything, had affairs and even has a son that is nearly as old as the beginning of her marriage. He ended up in prison, they divorced, and she’s been through so much but now she is married to a real man who remembers her from 3rd grade. He makes her feel so safe and he loves her unconditionally. I’m so glad she’s out!! And that’s what I hope for THIS Janelle. It won’t be easy but this is unbearably hard! God be with you and your children, Janelle.

[@andudontstopyo]

Her husband is for the streets!!

[@garrettray3695]

"Is my marriage fixable?"... Heart shattering.

[@satiashaw1857]

"He has an issue with attention and validation." When he cheats on you, what exactly does that do for *your* validation?

[@rfpnc]

Your husband's actions and his gaslighting should speak LOUD and CLEAR to you. He doesn't love you. He uses you. He is NOT a good husband or father. HE DOESN"T LOVE YOU OR RESPECT YOU! Don't put yourself or your children through this. Figure out how to do life without him. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE. Been there, done that, didn't even get a tshirt.

[@Mike_Cosentino]

This woman is simply awesome for this clever move and I wish her all the best. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

[@garypeters2827]

Who hurt you?

[@Mike_Cosentino]

@@garypeters2827who hurt YOU, good sir?

[@carllo3764]

​@@garypeters2827cheater spotted😂

[@texasgina]

Mike you're right. It has nothing to do with the person they are with it's all about what's inside of their brain that causes them to constantly need attention from the opposite sex. They don't change. They will deny it until there's receipts to prove it. And then they will promise to never do it again and once the other person gets comfortable and starts trusting them again they do it again it's called the honeymoon phase. I've watched my daughter go through this and I've begged her and begged her to leave but she thinks it's her fault and she's gorgeous and she's super intelligent🤷🏼‍♀️

[@venuselectrificata]

@kanajingly8957I’m an example. I cheated on my first husband. Was immature in my early 20s just horrible decisions. Now I’m 40 in my second marriage and treasure my husband dearly. Learned my lessons for sure!

[@suzannelarocque1902]

I love and cringe how bold and honest John is. When I went through my divorce my support system tried to cushion and protect me instead of telling me what I needed to hear (I will always love them for that) and it would have saved me 5 years of total heartache! Way to go John!! ❤

[@Melmelba]

This is both heartbreaking and disgusting. I hope she leaves and rebuilds her life without him in it. That will make room for a truly loving relationship when the time is right.