How to NOT Be a Victim of Your Circumstances

[@blueseptember2174]

Single parenting is very lonely because at the end of the day you have no one to make decisions with, an adult to talk to and share with. No intimacy after a hard day. Got to find joy and create joy in your day. Doable but not easy. Ashley you are not alone my dear!

[@Whiskey_Jane]

Often forget this about my mom, thank you. ❤😊

[@arlene4jp]

Yes, I agree with you!

[@sidneybristow815]

It beats the hell out of having untreated chronic pain. I'd trade it for a kid. Find gratitude through the suck with perspective, lucky ladies.

[@blueseptember2174]

@@sidneybristow815 huh? I have untreated chronic pain and single parenting. It's not like it's either or. Of course our kids are amazing so you're not wrong there.

[@lynebynd-wd5zz]

I know a lady, divorced, worked 2 jobs, put herself through grad school, purchased a home, bought vehicles---all the whole raising her son to adulthood. The ex husband and father would visit every six months for 1 week until the son was 16 yrs old,-- then went mia (due to father says the son is grown and did not need visiting. Also the father had another child out of wedlock when the son was 16 yrs old). The Mom, functioned and did well. So, you can too. if you are struggling as a single mom emotionally---seek counseling!

[@TracWokSe]

John talks with a very strong intuition. It’s awesome

[@patriciaegan7244]

To the caller, congratulations on your nursing degree. That’s a huge accomplishment. I wish you safe and happy travels! Enjoy each day, they go by quick!

[@latenitehvac868]

You hit it right on the head with the first caller. Jeez that is me… thank you for practical advice

[@leslienelson438]

I wish Dr John was around when I got married so young the first time and with an abusive angry husband the second time who recently died.

[@pejisan]

Jo! Recovering Catholic here too. I love the values I got from it but there is a price. I am also an achiever and people pleaser and solve everybody's problems! It is exhausting to be me. GO! GO! You'll be so free - you can go visit them.

[@willbird1]

Dr JD… love how real you are, brother… I think that’s what makes you so good at what you do and are making such a difference for people. Your experiences have brought you to where you are and your awareness coupled with your knowledge and keen ability to read people is greatly impactful. People connect with you within minutes. Keeping it real and Keep helping people my man!

[@babydollkincaid4584]

You don't have to stay there, period it's time for you to go do what's best for YOU! don't let your parents or parent guilt trip you. Ive seen this happen to people and it made that person miserable and they regretted it.

[@kamiw5864]

36:35 I absolutely relate to this sweet woman. I'm in a similar position and lord knows I empathize. I wish her all the very best and that she succeeds on her own in great ways. Dr. John, I would love an update on her!

[@ambernelli7791]

I know its me being nosy but I wish we had the details of Ashley's situation. Ex was in law enforcement and didnt want to be involved with the family after what the brother had done. There was a lot underlying in that sentence. It sounds like the ex had to put boundaries down and she wasn't ok with that. None of that actually has to do with the question of her being ok being single. I just would love to know the full story.

[@Sadielady21]

I feel the same. I want to feel peace, laughter, and loved!

[@arlene4jp]

Yes, peace is so important and being happy with whom you truly are.

[@megzipperer7645]

These help me soooo much. It gets me to empathize with people AND with myself...

[@beckielee8989]

Single parent here🖐 Just sayin, it sucks!!! Loneliness and Noone to talk to! Doing everything by yourself is not the worst of it . The finances the working budgeting on one income paying for daycare is not the worst of it! ,When the house winds down its bedtime. And you do your first exhale of the night look around and see it's only you at that table. You have Noone to talk to. About how your day was. You highs your lows. You tuck them All in your mind. Crawl into your bed put a pillow beside you so you dont feel so alone and play some noise in the background just to fall asleep. And say okay another day accomplished and do it all over again .

[@kamiw5864]

I can see myself, alone at the table after the night is done night after night just like you. You described it well! It took me right back to 1997-99 and teh '00s. I did that for what seemed a long time and remember how hard it was. Being a single parent is tough and I fully respect and admire those who are out there doing it and winning no matter what that looks like. My baby daughter was my driving force, my sunshine. Being her mother was pure joy despite the struggles and the most important, best thing I've ever done in my life. I wouldn't change any of that still, now that she's and independent adult. However, I wish I knew what I know now and I'm moved to share two of those things with you. The loneliness is not for ever, this is a difficult time but it's a small part of the journey, amazing things are coming. I'm strong, resilient and pretty awesome and I have me so I'm not alone really. 😊 I really feel for you and I know through reading your comment that you will be ok before you know it. This is temporary, brighter days ahead!

[@princesskimby]

You Learn a lot when you Travel / Move alone!! Don’t have Regrets!! Hopefully, she try’s to go!! You can always move back! 25 times I moved! 😊

[@YesWithYesse]

Dr. John Is good!

[@elijahwilliams3186]

Such a good man John is ! He could make the devils day better

[@megalopolis2015]

The only joy the devil has is to make us miserable. John's doing the work of God. As we receive more Joy, the enemy is more miserable. I'm here for it.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Yes!! He’s amazing! Having met him I can tell you he’s the most down to earth, kind public figure you will ever meet. He is the real deal!!

[@MarinaM-o6p]

People should pounder over what means to be married before getting married ….marriage is NOT for the faint of hart ….marriage is for SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY .

[@kmb5678]

Agreed. I wish i had done this and verbalised the boundaries clearly. I think this is why over 10years he did lots of bad things as i didnt communicate not too

[@megalopolis2015]

There will be plenty of challenges in marriage for sure, whether people have talked about them beforehand or not. But a lot more people need to discuss their expectations, fears, doubts, boundaries, and everything else regarding marriage before their vows, so they won't be as surprised when stuff comes up, it won't be as difficult when they do, and that each person will state their vows after full disclosure, so they'll really mean what they're promising.

[@mitty2575]

Marriage is not easy regardless, life throws you a bunch of things and you need to deal with it as you go regardless. It’s just life

[@trish87563]

You say this as if single life is for the faint of heart. No matter our calling, doing life well is just HARD. The difference is that marriage and family are hard with other people, while being single is hard being alone. Different hard.

[@MS-ns4ki]

I'm having horrible grief

[@wonder12374]

For the last caller.....she needs to find herself before entering into another relationship...the husband left because she depended on him for her identity, her happiness, and to reassure her constantly that she is ok....thats a lot of responsibility to place on someone's shoulders especially when they are the singular bread winner and co parent to children who also need them. Otherwise she is going to keep dating to find a man to give her ...herself which is insane...

[@theexecutivefarmer4327]

Does anyone else have to run to Spotify and listen to the song John reads? I was really brought back with this one, I saw Firehouse/Tesla at Redrocks over 30 years ago, it was my first concert and I’ll never forget it!

[@carnivoreRon]

Caller number 3 sounds like the basic problem of lack of communication which spiraled leading to other problems.

[@Dixie8642]

BRENE BROWN reference: Fitting in vs belonging.

[@indrarampersad5781]

Congratulations on your career. Go with love.

[@lifesfluff]

I needed this one so bad

[@deanc2322]

Family is more important than a job.

[@lucretiasulimay1968]

You sound amazing, you can do This girl!!

[@garrettholtz8379]

21:40 Freudian slip!

[@nicklowe_]

I feel so bad for all those people who spent above their means, thinking that they would be handed free college, and that the rest of us would pay for them. I’m literally crying… how will i sleep!??

[@chessieturner7742]

Rude

[@genna_analog]

Dont

[@somethinggood-sy1ed]

Like when we paid for people who took PPe loans

[@michele21auntiem]

The loans of today the past decade are not structured to pay off. You need to look up how they changed accrual on these loans before you comment so facetiously.

[@nicklowe_]

@@michele21auntiem Youre right!! I should really read about this before I comment! How foolish of me. Good thing this was only a KZbin comment and not something more serious! Could you imagine if I made some kind of financial agreement without reading up on it first?? Think about how foolish that would be!

[@pamelathorne]

I need that Thorne tumbler!! ❤😂

[@CourtneyArnaud-gr2hi]

Yes social d vinyl this time! My favorite band. Awesome sauce John 🤙🏻

[@truckdriver3737]

I can totally relate to the first caller hang in there man

[@marshareed1438]

My mom died when I was 22. Before she died she told me that I honored her bcz I did whatever she told me to do. What she didn’t know. I was afraid of her rath! So I was obedient out of fear, right?

[@Nonya12608]

Be sure to talk about who is blocking student loan forgiveness. There is no reason to wish upon others a hardship that you yourself had to endure.

[@MisterNightfish]

It really sounds like Ashley put her (birth) family before her marriage and kid, which eventually caused her husband to grow resentful, pull back and finally divorce. Note how vague she was when she said her husband didn't want anything to do with her family. Probably for good reason.

[@jovitarich7078]

I did the same thing always putting my siblings and their kids first and also other people for that matter. My kids and husband were always the last one…after my mom passed and my husband left I realized something was wrong with me and got help thru a program that teaches about traumas….3 year program….I wished I knew all that information before, oh well, at least I know now and I can have peace in my old age..

[@RosannaRS]

@@jovitarich7078how is that program called?

[@kristinaolson77]

I love when catholics call a protestant church a cult. My parents did that too!

[@France149]

I have nothing for you, been very busy 😅 thank you &+God bless ❤️ Goodbye

[@mmkvoe6342]

I'm going to make a guess that on top of everything else, the second caller joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and that she is finding out how hard it is to have joined a church that she might have some beliefs is the right thing, but that those you love and have seen as decent or correct people don't have that belief and in fact have prejudices against anything to do with that church. Whether that is the specific church she has joined or another one, just know that you are part of a world full of many people who are experiencing the same thing in this generation, and it's never easy, but yes, you will want to get as many supports as you can in your new congregation (and that can be hard too!), and be prepared to learn how to have a different relationship with your family as they feel you have betrayed them and you feel they are betraying you. But I am confident that whatever religion you have chosen as an adult, it is important for you to stay with your own choices and let family practice accepting you and your choices as they choose to.

[@sinner89_]

LOL I'm a nerd that likes to be in bed by 9 o'clock 😅😂 and that's why I've been in an open relationship for 5 years I wouldn't change one thing about it "my man" sees me once or twice a week makes time in his busy life for me and leaves me alone too 😊😊😊 best of both worlds over here being "single/in it"

[@Nonya12608]

Be sure to talk about who is blocking student loan forgiveness. There is no reason to wish upon others a hardship that you yourself had to endure. And NEVER EVER EVER marry a cop. Don't do it. EVER.

[@kissed_by_sunshine_10]

Yes, you are selfish. You got married too young. However, the mess was done and now you could potentially ruin two lives. So yeah, I'd say you're selfish. Grow up. You're not lost. No one is - ever! We all know who we are and no one is lost. Those are stupid terms coined by those who need an excuse to do badness or to make themselves feel better about being selfish. That unfortunately, is what the world breeds now, ppl who do not take responsibility for themselves. Sometimes, when we put ourselves in situations like marriage, it's better to make it work. Especially a man! And that's bc everything must come from him first; love, peace, kindness, goodness, protection, etc. A small percentage of ppl, especially men, will understand this.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

Am I the only one who hates the word "obedient"? So triggering, seemly only used for keeping children and dogs inline.

[@57andstillkicking]

Yes.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

@@57andstillkicking Ha! : )

[@57andstillkicking]

@@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat 😂😂😂

[@jennifermarie8707]

No

[@courtneyriley185]

Listening to this after the plandemic 😂 "It gonna kill us all" oh whatever 😂 no one i knew died from covid. Grandmas didnt die , it was the cancer that go her two years later 😂

[@pejisan]

my cousin died😢

[@LOOKING-FOR-GLAZE-GALAXY]

bad advice telling her to leave her mom we dont value our parents in the west as much as we should.

[@mara84959]

Moving to a different city does not mean she will abandon her mother.

[@karaa7595]

Some of us have abusive narcissistic mothers. We have no choice but to cut ties.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

She is doing at 28 what some of us have finally realized much later.

[@ranaeid2390]

Different cultures and different social standards for children and parents

[@TechnoThumos]

Nah man, it’s not about value. It’s about experiencing the world on your own and making decisions on your own. Every single person should move away and experience at least 1 year in the real world by themselves. Codependent/toxic family should not be valued and not be encouraged. How will you ever find yourself and what you want out of life if you’re too busy people pleasing?