Milton Jones' BEST One Liners | Stand-Up Spotlight Compilation | Jokes On Us

[@christopherflux6254]

I’m not saying that comedy shouldn’t ever be offensive or make sexual references; but the fact that Milton Jones can be genuinely funny without being crude or offensive shows how talented he is.

[@Secretname951]

He’s a good Christian

[@jayeee2756]

The nuns of the world love his stuff.

[@Craigs_Veritas_Bullet1n]

He's a born again Christian that's why....

[@bengibson3955]

So that was all too crude and offensive for you, snowball? I’m amazed by how little of that was offensive on any level I could perceive. The world must be a difficult, terrible place for you.🤔

[@comedyfish]

I first saw Milton at the comedy store like 30 years ago - he did that lard downhill joke and I’ve never forgotten it. One of the most amazing jokes I’ve ever heard even now.

[@jfern1969]

Yes, that's the one joke I can never forget 😊

[@goldenagenut]

He has you laughing before telling the first joke, and the laughter doesn't stop! 😂

[@brucemoose9587]

cuz he comes out like robin williams, scruffy hair and strange clothes

[@Blind-Ghost-1980]

His presence is just spectacular. Love him.

[@universalfleece]

That downhill pretty quickly joke is one of the greatest ever 👌👌🤣🤣

[@tim7052]

Both his l trio of the "lighthouse keeper" and "movie title trailers", are some of his unbeatable classic jokes!!

[@ghomerhust]

ive seen some of his open stand-up, and he weaves his one liners into a full blown story. milton is a brilliant comic!!

[@j.477]

,,, g0tcha ...

[@USERID412-k7n]

I can enjoy hearing the same jokes from Milton at least as many times as his number of grandfathers.

[@lisamccarthy6969]

Me too...😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@AnneDowson-vp8lg]

How many grandfather's does he have? I've tried to work it out, but I soon lost count.

[@USERID412-k7n]

@@AnneDowson-vp8lg The longer he keeps performing, the more new grandfathers he will describe. No other limit on the number that may yet emerge. Thankfully.

[@JK-ox8vn]

My other grandfather disagrees

[@johntupmam4078]

​@@USERID412-k7n😊

[@daevanpatel4207]

Milton is the only comedian who is worth this comment hats off hands down he always makes me laugh . Thank you Milton Jones 😂😂

[@Music-oi2nf]

Nah, he’s third rate at best

[@barryvyner1161]

There's amusing, there's funny, there's hilarious and then, several thousand feet above all of that is Milton Jones. Genius.

[@ordinarybear7037]

If you latin-ise it you willl see more in what is SAID !! Regards good One & All

[@davidscott1052]

Don't forget the other one liner king ..Gary Delaney

[@ferise1]

Not funny

[@tom.tom501]

​@@ordinarybear70370😊❤

[@mylovesongs2429]

​@@ordinarybear7037iloilo olOhio 3:15 >

[@bensheekey1399]

Love his deadpan delivery. The king of dad jokes

[@MrDaiseymay]

I always felt sorry for the other's, standing there trying not to grit their teeth.

[@KAF128]

​@@MrDaiseymay actually, I've heard them say that Milton's material causes most delays in filming because the others can't stop laughing

[@CasaErwin]

When I first read this comment I thought it said "The king of bad jokes."

[@movarvo1217]

My 15 Yr old daughter does not concur....today's youth ehh..

[@biggusdickus5986]

​@@CasaErwinShould have gone to Specsavers, they do deaf aids as well now, thats true by the way.

[@johnsutherland6808]

I love this guy, he could read the phone book and have me in tears, in fact I'm half pished and half way there, so talented, pure dead, brilliant

[@remaincalm2]

Milton is best watched on KZbin because if you're not laughing after hearing a punchline you can keep rewinding by 5 seconds until the penny drops. The issue is usually with the user, not the equipment. 😂 I love this guy's humour, clever play on words and imagination. It's still true that you don't need vulgarity or profanity to make people belly laugh.

[@jamndunk]

My friend nicked my fiver... thank you that usually doesn't work... don't get it!

[@BeaCuffe]

​@@jamndunkit was a joke earlier in the show, I think it might have been Sean

[@juancardona9440]

The topic is safety….brilliant! 😂 I’m in the U.S. and never heard of Milton Jones before. He has the face of Al Bundy and the wit of Robin Williams. Absolutely genius!

[@bl3df0rdays]

Yes, he does have an Al Bundy look about him.

[@NiToNi2002]

Inspired by the great Steven Wright 😉

[@gordonmcmillan4709]

"Downhill very quickly" is one of the cleverest things I've ever heard.

[@universalfleece]

LOL..I just made this comment and then found your comment 👌🤣 His greatest ever gag is his hangman joke in Lion Whisperer

[@gordonmcmillan4709]

@@universalfleece Ta, I'll go have a look.

[@tomharrison1849]

I think you need to get out more.

[@David-hq4lq]

​@@tomharrison1849 Iwas just about to type your exact words !

[@LaraTang]

Lee Mack had a similar joke. My friend left our skiing trip early in an ambulance. You know when youre doing alright but you to hospital and then you go downhill very quickly? It was a bit like that but in reverse

[@ianstewart6021]

I love the reactions of the other comedians laughing. What a class act!

[@ivaneames4354]

I don't think any of his jokes will ever beat the absolute gem he did in one of the 'Scenes We'd Like to See': "This dish is so simple anyone can make it. You can't, Beatrice. Sorry, you can't beat rice!" Classic.

[@AngelicusImmortus]

There is an outtake where Dara has lost his earpiece and makes a comment about getting old he thought he was getting deaf Milton says "you'll be losing your hair next" and Dara misses it but it gives Hugh the giggles.

[@pwuk]

They're all good, my favourite is "ABBAs greatest hits", something like unusual Christmas gifts .

[@deborahjanes3706]

Or the one about growing up with hyenas "it wasn't easy... but we had a lot of laughs" 😅

[@Master_Petes_Theater]

Or, to the topic of "Things You Wouldn't Hear at the Vet: "Welcome to the bakery!"

[@Music-oi2nf]

About as funny as getting chilli in your eye.

[@craigfowler7098]

The hosepipe ban hit us hard - lol

[@nonesterj8152]

Oh dear, I have a really bad cough and I shouldn’t have watched this. I’ve coughed so hard I can’t swallow. So funny 😂

[@catherinewilliams3850]

Your not alone, just lauhged myself to an asthma attack😂

[@steveelliott5643]

you ve bin married too long,thats all love

[@johnwickenden5643]

Best comedian I've ever heard, brilliant delivery, incredible jokes, and I like the fact they're clean. Well done ! Much appreciated.

[@loridancer9378]

I like that the other comedians seem to relax a bit and just enjoy the heck out of Milton; he's like a treat for them 😊 🎉

[@stephenwoehr6500]

He's showing the young kids how it's done. And I love it when Hugh Dennis can't hold back his laughter.

[@JK-ox8vn]

Always gets a laugh simply for walking to the microphone. Because punters know he's funny.

[@Sequekhan]

Could also be the wild static hair style and stare combo

[@hawkpaul8735]

A comedy genius. He makes it look so easy.

[@RichardRhodes-r5q]

You are a comedic genius. Wonderful. Thank you for making me chuckle

[@dabedwards]

The master of the dry left field gag. When I saw him in Glasgow, he apologised that he had not had time to change because he had only just arrived from the train station. He was wearing a magician's cloak and a turban with a large ostrich feather.

[@SirCorneliusPeregrine]

Saw Milton at a comedy club around 10 years ago, and this joke cracked me up... After 9 days of walking to Torquay with my 7 year old nephew I suddenly realised that what he really wanted for his birthday was a walkie-talkie

[@Golo1949]

Believe it i have never heard of this guy, he is BRILLIANT. Definitely be looking out for him in the future.

[@Hereford1642]

Go searching for his radio series as broadcast on radio 4.

[@diannebrook7183]

I'm currently listening to his podcast series 😅😅😅

[@tanyablakelock9361]

Seeing him live tonight for the second time

[@gkm3838]

What a funny guy. I've never seen him before. Probably because I'm blind.

[@AnneDowson-vp8lg]

That's exactly his sense of humour.

[@zorankp]

You should see someone about that mate.

[@adreenal]

Christ! I didn’t see that one coming!

[@biggusdickus5986]

I think you're bluffing about being blind,... Geddit ? Blindmans Bluff ah c'mon 😂

[@lorenanders702]

I see what you mean!

[@ShakilAhmed-qd3vc]

I have watched this numerous times, this guy is superb, straight faced! Mr Milton you are one of a kind,keep it up! Bless you and your Entire Family and All the One's from The Auctioneering Background, Over there,there,!

[@nicholasturton9267]

One of his best jokes for me is the one where he took his wife to an orchard for her birthday only to find out what she really wanted was an apple watch

[@oliverknowles4217]

18:10

[@FrankFurther]

37:00

[@ianhowlett4682]

6:56 Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels is my all-time favourite joke!

[@Showmetheevidence-]

I think his “my other grandfather” routine is one of his best 😂

[@jestermoon]

His other grandfather?

[@davidranson3797]

Didn't you know, Milton has 18 grandfathers

[@waynecarter2169]

The joke about his family of Jeans not getting into the nightclub was brilliant. I love the fact that he paused and let the audience assume that they knew the punchline, thinking it was going to "sorry, no jeans" and then he switched it up to "you're all wearing trainers" 😆😆😆

[@hennersss]

Yeja it's a very old technique, but a good one

[@Music-oi2nf]

@@hennersss as old as human language. Nothing Jones ever says is original.

[@hennersss]

@@Music-oi2nf I disagree strongly.

[@Music-oi2nf]

@@hennersss he’s hardly the first one liner comedian using puns, is he? The silly hair and Hawaiian shirts don’t make him any funnier either.

[@skyblazeeterno]

I think the follow up with the grandfather being called Jean with the French accent

[@AngelicusImmortus]

i love how he makes Ed Gamble both panic & break in the prat fall for "safety"

[@Bigkevy1970]

Love Milton Jones. Absolute genius!!

[@mariocurtis2208]

Every other comedian gives Milton total respect, because his humour is just so funny. For me I am imagining the 'set up' actually happening - hide and seek in the oven! 😂

[@Jeff_Vader]

After a show in Liverpool, a bloke approached Milton and said "Eh listen, I wanna talk" to which Milton replied, "Well keep practising". That is by far my favourite joke, seeing as I live near-ish to Liverpool but far enough away so that I can speak properly, there is always banter when I meet a scouser.

[@rickyclarkson]

Ah, Liverpool, where the.. AA was founded. A town that'll steal your heart, wallet and phone.

[@Jeff_Vader]

@@rickyclarkson Aw right, calm down, calm down.

[@danielblaxill7649]

You know you have it when the crowd laughs before you even open your mouth. Pure genius

[@Ron-d2s]

Said the light house keeper.

[@TheTruthKiwi]

Love his bonkers and quirky comedy that is also endearingly wholesome.

[@scottlarocca]

25:54 Milton's response to "Safety" is priceless 😂

[@Anglomachian]

The genius of Milton is all in the delivery.

[@jestermoon]

35:45 💯 😂

[@shanefoy3720]

His face helps, too 😂😂

[@pdrg]

Honestly I think most of it is in the material - a trove of great one-liners

[@ordinarybear7037]

No its the complete package.....

[@sidscrote7570]

Bit like our milkman,..................

[@leonboois5414]

I have no idea how this clip appeared in my video feed, but I have been enjoying it since this morning before going off to work! What a serendipitous find! My favourite was the mother telling the kids that a train was coming. On a different note, where did he buy all those psychedelic outfits of the hippie and disco eras?

[@aaronpincus6095]

Milton's 'Call Back' to other comics jokes is hilarious. They don't show them here but we all know them. "Goes Strawberry' is my favorite.

[@ThatCoalSoul]

They're more 'quick-time~references' and you're not the flavour of the comedy night if you do them ...I speak from particular experience.

[@ghomerhust]

watched an Apollo special of his, laughed for 20 minutes straight. he tied his one liners together with silken thread, and then unleashed it on the audience. absolutely brilliant. to the people who don't get his comedy, it's more layers deep than you can comprehend.

[@seanhuxter6724]

“My uncle worked at the security desk at the o2 arena…”

[@aemelnick]

"Thanks. That doesn't normally work."

[@tompage6421]

Just like Tommy Cooper. Gets a laugh before he opens his mouth. Class. 👍🇬🇧

[@derekday4832]

Tommy Cooper. Now there's a funny man who never corpsed on stage.

[@biggusdickus5986]

​@@derekday4832he missed his last curtain call 😂

[@Burnersforvanlife]

Compared to Tommy this guy is funny, but not as funny.

[@elizabethmcloughlin1984]

At least Tommy cooper was funny. Milton Jones? My radio gets switched off as soon as he comes on. So boring.

[@derektoms8296]

I was at a disco in Tehran and all the women were dancing around their handbags singing Iranian men, hallelujah! BRILLIANT

[@mattdl1983]

Every time he steps up, the audience are giggling in anticipation and he never fails to deliver.

[@Scribble336]

Taped laughter.😂

[@worstuserever]

​@@Scribble336Not true, live audience right there in the studio.

[@Scribble336]

@@worstuserever I get that but nearly all TV shows have taped laughter even with audiences.

[@edopronk1303]

​@@Scribble336that would be interesting why they only do it for Milton. I know about QI that Jimmy Car said that the audience there laughed so much that people at home think it's a laugh track but it isn't. Life audience laughs more than homeviewers would expect.

[@astrecks]

@@Scribble336 British audiences don't need prompting with taped laughter! That's a US thing.

[@AngelicusImmortus]

Love the P.E. teacher gag, particularly as my P.E. tutor was also a Geography tutor.

[@newforestpixie5297]

so was our schools’ girls’ - Miss Mennie . i saw her after 30 years & she hadn’t changed. ( that’s a joke possibly but she wasn’t smelly…) 🙄

[@grabannon]

I will add Mr Ashby to the list. PE and a little bit of Geography.😅

[@matthewmason3316]

Just come across this. It's absolutely brilliant. Very clever and very funny. Not rude and no swearing , how rare is that. Proves a point, though, doesn't it!!!

[@kevinmothers904]

He's a practising Christian and doesn't need to be potty mouthed to have people in hysterics.

[@DavidMartin-gx8yl]

Undoubtedly one of the best one liners comedians of all time. 😂👍

[@jonny5352]

Saw Milton a few years ago and he did a joke for a guy at the front in a wheelchair, he said did you hear about that pub that's only for people in wheelchairs? It's called the over developed arms lol.

[@juskahusk2247]

His grandfather was a G.I. and in the RAF and was a submariner. After the war he opened a pub called The Combined Arms.

[@cryptogcrypto]

The guy thought it was wheelie good

[@juskahusk2247]

Did you hear about the pub with no chairs? It's called the Stand and De-Liver.

[@gullybull-rx2ng]

I DONT KNOW HOW HIS BRAIN WORKS BUT ITS GENIUS

[@ryanhenro7649]

Never gets old 😂...brilliant stuff !!

[@keefsmiff]

it's the lard gag that gets me every time pmsl

[@AndrewCharnley]

Non stop and continuous sheer entertainment. A very tilted fellow with a mind that could be many things in this world but he decided to take the hard road. BRILLIANT... thanks...

[@OldMod67]

Never watched Mock The Week. This guy's one liners are amazing!

[@DavidOHara-t4b]

Never gets old . Effn funny 😂.

[@1710brett]

I love Milton jones he's hilarious

[@CaptainSpock1701]

I can remember every single joke that he tells in this video... as he is busy telling them... Then it's gone! How he remembers all at the drop of a hat is beyond me!

[@coolcat6103]

Lmao he doesn’t!! It’s all scripted, everything is weeks in advance and he has tons of co writers…..how people think this live off the top of his head is beyond me

[@tomharrison1849]

Rubbish ​@@coolcat6103

[@biggusdickus5986]

​@@coolcat6103Think you missed his point, he still has to remember them on the day, besides which I've seen him in Wales and he improvised all night. I think you're just projecting. 😅

[@coolcat6103]

@@biggusdickus5986 projecting what?

[@UldisBiz]

How come I've never heard of Milton Jones. Man is a legend. Truly funny oneliners.

[@jmcallion2071]

A great comedian who can do comedy without crude language!

[@biggusdickus5986]

Yep very hard to do nowadays.

[@MartinThomas-m1g]

Fuck! You're right!

[@ridefast0]

Milton Jones and Tim Vine would make a great show!

[@heli-crewhgs5285]

My two favourite comedians.

[@liamrowbotham2069]

This guy is so clever and downright hilarious hes like our generation of tommy cooper him and tim vine are unique

[@DaFrontMan1]

Imagine getting your first opportunity to do the standup challenge and your opponent is Milton Jones...

[@catherinewilliams3850]

The amazing mind of Milton, love this guy he's so quick with these one, liners on' 'Mock the week'.

[@crystalclearUK111]

My favourite British comedian, looking forward to seeing him on tour in October

[@Master_Petes_Theater]

Is he back to touring? You're lucky! Enjoy yourself!

[@jennifermcateer1689]

I saw him last month, left the place with a sore stomach as I was laughing so much 😂

[@soullessbunny666]

He doesn't even have to say anything and I'm laughing!

[@michaeldillon3113]

I would love to see Milton in conversation with Tim Vine 🙂.A one liner off ! Surreal to say the least 😅.

[@jimgilmore7391]

Truly brilliant. A genius of stand up!

[@TonyLee-r6k]

Russel Howard looks on thinking I could never be this funny … and Russell you are correct

[@johnh1252]

Miaow

[@TheSiameseDreamer]

The only thing funny about him are his teeth

[@sandragrosvenor9665]

Nah! Love him too! Down to earth and Honesty!

[@cutice]

Russel is insufferable

[@jswaggart01]

Milton is my hero. He’s a funny guy but I really like his fashion choices.

[@louislandi938]

His creative speed is amazing and unmatched!

[@rxb364]

That was a great compilation of videos! ❤

[@zilefn9212]

Milton is simply brilliant. His timing, his look, his accents ... just fantastic.

[@michaelhawthorne8696]

Old school comedy but no bad language..... great to hear....👌

[@streetsoundselectro124]

How's your lucky pencil case now then! Still makes me laugh

[@MATT-xv4bh]

Me wife and I nearly cacked ourselves laughing last night.

[@chrisofnottingham]

The sign of a good comedian is when people start laughing and he hasn't even started :-)

[@derekwoods4026]

I think his PE teacher bit had a hidden joke. He says, "being a PE teacher," then proceeds to grunt like an A PE.

[@skyblazeeterno]

Well spotted

[@kennyhagan5781]

This man is pure gold. He's part Jim Ignatowski, part Shakespeare, and I suspect that his wardrobe is going to be in a museum one day. He is truly funny.

[@INKI_teh_Rogue]

I love how everyone always focuses in for Milton 🤣🤣🤣

[@patconnor9529]

ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE COMIC.👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@smithasureshholisticnutrit6287]

Thanks for this...golden!!!

[@257ian]

Milton is brilliant 😂

[@chockydog6960]

I hope I never get tired of watching this

[@NaomiCook-vs2gl]

This was one of the best stand-up routines I've seen in a while! Keep it up!

[@gwae48]

killing me. 🤪🤣 Best laugh in years.

[@TJW-t6f]

Always really funny in a very obscure way. Love it. 😂

[@RobertKetteringham]

He is a good funny man i like his One liners absolutely fantastic 😊

[@tomharrison1849]

The Vision Express joke is one of his best. Very clever.

[@disposablehero4911]

That SAS question joke is so dang smart...and funny.

[@williamdeluce5466]

Absolutely brilliant. 😂😂😂😂

[@rootytuners]

The “O2 security guard” gag doesn’t make sense without the rest of the show.

[@ghomerhust]

his real gift is those long running gags. his actual shows will tie early jokes to the later ones in very clever ways. he's one of the best one-liner comedians out there. absolutely brilliant.

[@Mayaman67]

That's why I didn't get it

[@gumusluk05]

I once fell asleep on a train ! The bride was furious 😵‍💫

[@gelandres]

I love that people start laughing before Milton Jones begins telling jokes. He looks funny and we already know he will be funny.

[@michaeledwards2333]

Seen Milton at the MICF a few years ago, laughed for the entire show, like when watching these videos

[@thisisanfield7085]

Great improviser not just a great comedian. Legend

[@emilschneider9974]

I didn't think I would watch the whole thing but I did🤣

[@darkdolores1]

I love his material - unlike anyone else's; very funny and never crude.

[@ifstatementifstatement2704]

This guy is too good LOL LOL

[@patconnor9529]

SUCH AN INTELLIGENT COMIC.

[@robertheinrichvonseyfenste267]

UNBELIEVABLE.. the speed he finds his jokes...

[@PeterPonomarenko]

Pompeii. Too soon? 🤣🤣🤣 Milton is f-ing brilliant.