TOP 10 TIM DILLON RANTS - PART 1

[@JokeWRLD]

PART TWO: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jWPPYqh-fZqNo9k

[@williambridges3449]

I can’t handLe part 2 for like a week 😂😂😂😂 to much truth at one time 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@ottomannikko]

@@williambridges3449 se

[@ottomannikko]

@@williambridges3449 ja

[@ottomannikko]

Hyvä

[@thetavibes9021]

Late capitalism.

[@dnooup9807]

This is literally a gta talk radio station

[@ronniemouser9752]

I would love for this to be in gta 6

[@corywelsh5609]

I wish I could vote this up more than once cause its absolutely true.

[@jefforious2000]

figuratively....

[@apridham14]

"Lowest caliber of human being to ever draw a breath" about cruise people gets me every time 😂

[@HolyOseph]

It might be the funniest phrase ever uttered

[@DANGMOE]

Tim Dillon - master wordsmith 😂

[@milesdalessandro1857]

"That's a vacation for somebody who's FUCKED" 🤣

[@SH1FTYSmokes]

My dad is a Cruise ship person and I can confirm this is true 💀

[@JG-zs8tr]

Tim Dillon tells me to lie. Jordan Peterson tells me not to lie. Why do I think that if they debated this head on, Peterson would get absolutely steamrolled by Tim? 😂😂

[@MrShysterme]

i'm a fan of peterson, but there's a much better chance of him being on the spectrum than dillon aspies are more likely to say whatever is on their minds and it causes all sorts of social problems for them so, they are a decent test case for extreme honesty

[@sabbeyroad]

I would become a patreon member so fucking fast if I could see JPete and Tim go head to head. Thanks for instilling this podcast fantasy in my brain lol

[@healthyhomesoflubbock3985]

Umm,don’t believe either too much. At least Tim is funny

[@amvmaker6993]

@Tom Henesey tim dimlon show #249

[@skidstoleave]

I dare say Tim would steamroll most in a heated debate, he literally give zero fucks.

[@timo4938]

The Sonic employee was such a good sport and super respectful despite the lunch rush.

[@mrjackelbox4418]

And getting paid 5 bucks on hour

[@gavinbrando8255]

Do I have to know how to cook!?.... No sir, not at all!

[@gavinbrando8255]

@@mrjackelbox4418 Plus tips and free food!!!

[@thefinestgames]

He sounded like his brain was pretty fried and without the ability to even feel panic.

[@uriah9559]

at a job like that the phone ringing is a gift from the lord

[@ryandunnlives]

I genuinely have a hard time understanding how fucking good Tim is at composing himself while Ben is crying laughing during that Sonic call.

[@JamesBond-nk4rq]

This is probably my favorite tim Dillon clip kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y2WVo5ZqbrhphsU

[@stokesseegers5012]

Its something you learn in elementary school

[@JG-zs8tr]

“Telling the truth is like not wearing deodorant”. Mind absolutely blown.

[@DavidLopez-nr7wp]

I don’t get it

[@snsnsbsssns]

@@DavidLopez-nr7wp it's inconsiderate most of the time to tell the truth. Only tell it when it is necessary

[@johnd2149]

@@DavidLopez-nr7wp he’s saying that being true would be like not putting on deodorant and your armpits will stink but if you put on deodorant it will smell good but it will be bullshit so you might as well lie and have everything smell good

[@megja1812]

He’s so right what a comparison. If your wearing deodorant your lying lol

[@RedditStoriesAITAH1]

@@megja1812 no you missed the point

[@margaretpritchet]

This man cures any form of depression. God bless you Tim

[@BradVicious]

If you haven't already seen him live, do so as soon as possible. He's so damn good

[@realhawg]

He passed away didn't he?

[@lauravf3708]

Seriously agree completely!!

[@airmanjoe]

Real Hawg Gaming Yeah but he’s still gonna finish his tour, same times and locations there will just be a funeral service instead of a comedy set. They’re spraying his body down with isopropyl alcohol to try to preserve it through the rest of the tour

[@issabradshaw2877]

Love this comment - it’s so true!

[@nicholasjones2175]

Hope that kid at sonic sees the clip and understand he was a part of history.

[@Trollinskyy]

Tim went to his Sonic and tipped him!

[@Alex-dk1um]

Jenny Slate rant is the best of all time hahaha. “And the death penalty is NOT off the table” lol

[@GritsAndEggsPod]

“We’re gonna go in with a suitcase nuke and Jenny Slate will be publicly executed” 😭😭😭

[@MrSchn3ll]

@@GritsAndEggsPod I can't argue with that

[@stuartfoster5819]

"GOD DAMN THEM!!! GOD DAMN HER!!!" gets me every time

[@GritsAndEggsPod]

@@stuartfoster5819 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I’ve watched this clip so many times

[@SkeetSystem]

@@GritsAndEggsPod I'm so sad that part didn't make it in 😭

[@Edgehead991]

Imagine being in the middle of your shift at Sonic and Tim Dillon calls asking about applying for a job and how much food he can steal if he’s hired

[@seanclark390]

Eventually he will be recognized as one of greatest of all time. He has a tremendous amount of original material that is fucking amazing!!

[@jZamora87]

Almost as good as Brendan schaub

[@goatsnightmare7076]

@@jZamora87 Don't compare someone as good as tim to brendan schaub lol

[@tmo42]

He is the George Carlin of now, with a different flavor of charisma, I cannot wait to see what his future holds. A gift to all of us.

[@baxinst4102]

@@tmo42 Idk hes sub-reddit got pretty heavy attention alot of dark humor. Hes now the gayest homophobic right wing anti-woke bigot out there some how atm. Not sure how it happened but its brought some rough attention on him

[@calmafterdark912]

@@baxinst4102 He says in one of his other podcasts something akin to "I sat next to Alex Jones so now I'm blacklisted from Hollywood" He's effected by the people he's around instead of what he says.

[@alexandrawalton1392]

Tim makes the decline of the American empire funny, but also even more sad. Very talented

[@mattasticmattattack8546]

The episodes with Ben were something special, its like Tim purposely got crazier with a rant to make Ben laugh just to tell him to stop laughing 🤣

[@roomwithapointofview]

$109/week x 52 weeks = $5,668/year. Stop giving people welfare, just send them on cruises.

[@SnapCrakleD3ath]

Send all the sonic workers as well

[@ShredHouseGaming]

Everyone works one day a week and it basically pays for itself with its own economy

[@csebesta84]

I actually think it’s $109/day but thinking it’s a week is way funnier.

[@roomwithapointofview]

@@csebesta84 " Cortney 19 minutes ago I actually think it’s $109/day but thinking it’s a week is way funnier." No, you are way funnier, pretending to know something, and with such bravado and confidence. 9:00

[@TheRealJaded]

@@roomwithapointofview she's correct though

[@ryanparsons8977]

I could watch 2 hours of Tim calling places asking about jobs.

[@dylanmoore6146]

Fake business

[@michaeloftaoism]

I wish he would call my business.

[@RaisedEyeBrew]

I'm not sure why but when Ben laughs at Tims "opinions" it makes me happy inside. 🤷‍♂️🤣

[@personatthebay]

Hes a golden retriever in a human suit

[@fadedcharacter8481]

I’m right there with you

[@marleeeden250]

saaame

[@Kpt.Krunch]

@@personatthebay better than a sheep...

[@chmick50]

Same.

[@markpriore3151]

"But you need cooks, do you have to be good at cooking?" "No no sir, not at all."

[@MagicUnicornAttack12]

Listening to Tim defend $11 an hour at Sonic is fucking spectacular. Dude unintentionally (or intentionally) outlines everything wrong with society in the most hilarious ways.

[@rockyevans1584]

Yikes if you think its unintentional lol

[@StatusFX3]

Sarcasm is my first language. If you need a translator let me know. I charge $11 /hour, but sometimes I just work for insults and occasional sexual harassment. Non negotiable, I know my worth.

[@DonDon-fs2tl]

Can you imagine Tim as your high school history teacher

[@jody2swole]

💀 wouldn’t miss a day

[@gavinbrando8255]

He'd be exactly like Sam Kinison in Back to School

[@chrisbennett5589]

My 8 th grade homeroom teacher was a history teacher and instructed us if we shot someone in our front yard to drag him in our house. Because its legal? Anyway great guy. Gotta love long island ed

[@GordonChaffin]

Yes. My HS history teacher was remarkably similar to Tim. Used to rant that we never got Blue Ribbon status because our mascot was a Chieftain.

[@jackdriscoll8387]

@@gavinbrando8255i came here to comment this

[@jasonsilva197]

Tim a character straight out of it’s always sunny In Philadelphia

[@Plague_Doc22]

gay out of always sunny*

[@MiguelGarcia-vj7oo]

@@Plague_Doc22 😂

[@Plague_Doc22]

@@MiguelGarcia-vj7oo lol

[@julianritchie947]

No he’s way too smart to be on it’s always sunny

[@adamwyatt1902]

@@julianritchie947 nah I can see him being the double-sided, over-opinionated asshole. So pretty much the rest of the crew in It's Always Sunny.

[@davidmartin7163]

Tim’s rants are the best. No one puts a rant together better than Tim Dillon

[@Nyjetsfan1289]

Yoooo why the fuck why was I under the impression a cruise was like 5 grand a person? 😂😂😂

[@Nyjetsfan1289]

@First Last lmao good point.. I always assumed a cruise was some baller type shit

[@redfo3009]

The good ones are; water in the hallways, noro virus, food poisoning is on the cheap ones 😝

[@John-mf1sz]

They aren’t that cheap. I don’t know what cruise is 150 for a week but I was checking and just to Hawaii from Baltimore was 2500 for 15 days.

[@nickysantoro314]

His ability to just go off completely extemporaneously is second to none. Genius.

[@spoj3922]

Dude I'm so happy you put the cruise ship rant 😂 I tried leaving a comment about it on your post praying you'd put it in

[@JokeWRLD]

😂

[@sa.8208]

That's just a vacation...for someone..who's FUCKED

[@therealwilfreddierkes9980]

One of my favorites! And ANYTHING about boomers or people/loser friend stories from Long Island.

[@sa.8208]

@@therealwilfreddierkes9980 any history hyeans episode lol

[@caleighhraee]

“Cruise people are the lowest caliber of human beings to draw a breath” that is a fucking BAR 😂

[@joelsterling3735]

Ben hyperventilating with laughter was my favorite part. 😅😂🤣 I was too.

[@nicholasbrandoli2736]

Predatory loans is the best rant of all time

[@JoshSDshot]

"Kelly we got one!!!!"

[@RamnaViaz]

"Sign this piece of paper for Christ!!" destroys me every time 🤣

[@kevinblue1976]

I just now started watching Tim and my god he cracks me tf up😂😂 “im sorry Joe rogan I’m sorry comedy but I got a trick too”

[@jarjarbooty600]

The Jenny Slate rant is still by far one of his best. “ITS NOT ENOUGH! DAMN THEM! DAMN HER!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭

[@NikiBechusWTF]

The first clip about the fat chick at her bachelorette party was absolutely classic. I haven’t laughed so hard in years. This man's a fekkin legend.

[@Sniperboy5551]

He must’ve been drugged up on that podcast because he was wearing sunglasses inside lmao

[@andreranch6161]

That drinking and driving line was wild but true

[@kevinblue1976]

Tim sounded just like Alex Jones when he said put her in jail

[@nzneo643]

🤣🤣🤣 👍

[@nobsrc]

Tim dillon is alex jones.

[@sprintkillshalo8455]

if Alex Jones and Chris Farley had a child

[@jZamora87]

Don't compare that grifter with Tim Dillon, have some respect for a real performer not a guy who makes money off the idiocy of the right wingers

[@supremebuffalo6322]

"theres something fucked up about being on a vehicle thats on another vehicle" hahahah I've never even thought about it

[@marcusmiller948]

The Arby’s bit is an ingenious social commentary

[@bottomlinebassin2001]

Tim's the type to do a rant on Facebook, disappear for a year, then reemerges in a blurry photo of himself on a mountain with a bible quote in the background".

[@brendanduga3353]

Him saying that was so accurate it 🤣

[@bottomlinebassin2001]

@@brendanduga3353 dude I was so dead 🤣

[@toddworley2803]

It makes me sad Patrice isn't alive in this podcast era. He was the funniest man ever. But TIm Dillon and Theo Von have reinstated my faith in funny people.

[@jakej2680]

I think patrice would have loved Tim. Idk why I just get that feeling.

[@NecronomThe4th]

He would have for sure.

[@HughMorristheJoker]

No

[@bestplayeralive]

Theo is an npc compared to tim. Hes going to be this generations larry the cable guy. His entire shtick is pretending to be ignorant and telling fake stories.

[@agnosticmanquestionsall2409]

Love listening to him. He is so good at portraying our sick society.

[@APR944]

The Jenny Slate bit always cracks me the f up 💀💀

[@Petroness]

See this is the gem we’ve been waiting for. Tim Dillon is the pod 🐐 right now his rants are top notch

[@McCandlessMike]

I remember the Jenny Slate rant when he first did it, and I was dieing 🤣😂🤣

[@josephlittlefield2313]

What’s the deal with airplane peanuts

[@brandonf3695]

Keeps you full for the ride

[@sumboy6183]

who says that?? sounds like the nose

[@josephlittlefield2313]

@@sumboy6183 Seinfeld

[@sumboy6183]

@@josephlittlefield2313 thanks mate

[@edvfya9922]

"And up and up and UP and up!" - Austin resident mid takeoff

[@timothypruitt4578]

Tim Dillon is the avant-garde artist of rant.

[@jeremyguerrero9932]

I used to be a Sonic cook which makes this 20x funnier 😂

[@ronmo671]

I can remember exactly where I was the first time I heard the Jenny Slate rant. "Put her in Jail!!!". I had to pull my car over from laughing so hard. Its been true love ever since. God bless you TD

[@Kpt.Krunch]

That rant when he threw the mic was glorious

[@bileductable]

5:20 Ben fighting for life laughing makes everything 10x better

[@TheMightyDevilLuis]

Funny as hell. 30 minutes of comedy gold.

[@Strickthedude]

Tim Dillon rants got me rolling on the floor at work laughing so hard! To bad my coworkers don't think its as funny as me but its ok ill turn it up enough for them all to hear his greatness.

[@anthonyb.720]

that phone call with Sonic was fuckin hilarious lol

[@Sunshine-cd5su]

The kid was nice.

[@Dep_-]

I come back to this once in a while to realize everything i was taught about lying as a kid is a lie

[@tobymcgroby8967]

Ben's laughing is my favorite part lol

[@IrishCapone]

The fact that Jenny Slate still hasnt been brought up on charges makes me lose faith in this country

[@YoJohnnyO]

The way Ben acts during the show is how react in public while listening.

[@clayongunzelle9555]

the dude at Sonic actually proved his point you just need to be willing to learn

[@olknoxlo]

To learn how to grill burgers for cheap

[@morganneher8643]

That fellow at Sonic had literally the upward potential Tim was talking about lolololol He’ll be the CEO someday, he was on point 💪💪💪

[@ProfessorBYU]

The Tim Dillon lore is expansive

[@WBOMBS1232]

The best part of these rants is Ben laughing

[@constantdoodle32]

Tim clearly hasn't cleaned his room

[@jmass4207]

"In war-time, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies." It’s always wartime people.

[@isthismikeon]

I just figured it out- He's Cartman all grown up.... This guy is hilarious!

[@B1055BH]

Man I loved when Tim was this funny.

[@danielmehok5720]

His last podcast about the grammys was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard

[@Officialmryuck]

His "Jobs women shouldn't do" is genius

[@imthepopcornman]

really appreciate the work you do

[@Kpt.Krunch]

Coming back after the Ben Avery split does hit different. His job was simple and he was terrible at it. You will be missed. RIP Ben 'heavy drinker' Avery to Corona

[@mattbauer6242]

Ruined a perfect thing because his little feelings got hurt. And he expects to make it on his own in comedy with thin skin. Silly Ben.

[@JOHNGRAVES369]

Ironically enough, Tim isn’t lying when he says everything is a lie 😂😂😂

[@mcw-lg2dm]

Tim's sonic rant is ironically identical to the older generations telling us how lucky and fortunate we are, and that we're just lazy for not putting in 36 hour work days, 9 days a week for 20k a year.

[@sonytoprano5183]

The “Put her in Jail” part was hilarious 😂

[@ChefBurns1]

I couldn’t stop laughing for this long ever? Holy shit 😂

[@MattOriginalP]

That Arby's unfolding was so great

[@2FastNSX]

Hes right about secrets. My gf thinks im an honest and nice guy, which i am. But she doesnt know last friday and saturday i wasnt sick. I was just enjoying 3 grams of semi decent blow and a bottle of whiskey (By myself like a loser). We all got secrets

[@Audiofatuation]

Exactly!!

[@ADPax10]

Not me. Never told a lie in my life.

[@strxdn1125]

Relatable

[@nachomansandyravage2346]

I miss them days not gonna lie

[@weebtrash6119]

L m f a o

[@CRAiCED.]

His greatest rant/riff of all time is against his Aunt. Don't think he'll ever top it

[@peaceblasterr]

Tim is pretty much the human version of Bender

[@CharlieL292]

Big Uk fan of Tim, who is bender please?

[@elcapitan9141]

@@CharlieL292 a robot from a cancelled adult swim show called futurama

[@CharlieL292]

@@elcapitan9141 cheers mate will look into it

[@aleksanderkeca3110]

@@CharlieL292 one of the best animated shows around

[@jesseberdowski3148]

@@aleksanderkeca3110 yeah no

[@harrisstutzman1850]

he needs his own talk show on GTA 6 radio

[@wrdcreative492]

“Stop laughing you white pig” Yeah That’s some next level on the spot comedy

[@salnavarro2943]

Tim is right! I drive high every day and I'm good at it! Dillon for president 2024

[@JamesBond-nk4rq]

This is probably my favorite tim Dillon clip kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y2WVo5ZqbrhphsU

[@kingjames7904]

I love tim and so glad i found him 2 yrs ago

[@BIGMONEYPLAYER1]

Chill bro, end the comment after i love tim

[@kingjames7904]

@@BIGMONEYPLAYER1 get some bitch then talk

[@Schedule1ne315]

When I was in sales, 99% of my job was lying to people and it works

[@codyglasco188]

Dude you're the best keep up the good work. Tim Dillon Rules

[@bobbybolan5516]

Tim will casually tell you to google something so dark you want to throw your phone out the window

[@billyjean5934]

life in the big city...

[@LarryHotd0gss]

The complexity of the stories that Tim comes up with in his head is insane. I love it.

[@johnsybob9694]

Tim might just honestly be the funniest person I've ever heard 😂😂😂😂

[@antonvarhenmaa9462]

"we need a military tribunal" XD hahahahah

[@peugeot120]

Ben’s mustache is grotesque

[@zulucharlie1794]

Jenny Slate for Jail 2022

[@hb9149]

Thank you, Tim, for mentioning health care and clean drinking water.

[@rareform6948]

And this mass shooters gonna go “ya know, sorry comedy, I got a bit too” I’m dying lol

[@Litboy_skiddit]

That poor sonic worker 😂😂😂 fuckin hell 😂

[@coltonjones2253]

You're doing God's work brother! 🙏

[@rocky13m]

One of the best

[@XAvengedXSopeX]

I need Tim as a "Fast Food History Teacher" XD

[@jakey7813]

If you drink and drive every night you’ll get better at it 😂😂😂

[@bentoomet8805]

Tim absolutely seethes at bad liars. It’s the funniest thing ever 😂

[@blackdynamite_5470]

Tim Dillon should get casted as the real life Cartman

[@thecosmicgay5551]

I am a withered and angry man but when I listen to Cheek Clappers I feel young and happy again..

[@DJHeadshotHunter]

The bit with the bachelorette singing "UP" is one of the single funniest rants in comedy history

[@mcjackspaz]

Omg the sonic expose at the end END OF TIMES 😂

[@ThatCircusShow]

Dude.. went through a few vids in the catalog - the material you gotta sift through to get this shit *chefs kiss* blessed be the fruit

[@innerlude]

She should of all ready been jailed for being rude to Norm McDonald. 🤣💩

[@gozimusable1]

Tim is my new favorite podcast. Joe rogans show just makes me depressed... we get it jo Ro. Your life is awesome

[@huntmine2343]

The stand up Alex Jones everybody 🙌