When Learning About Narcissism Stops Being Helpful

[@karenwill4825]

I did a "deep dive" into narcissism for over two years. It's only recently that I realized I don't need that information to feel better about what I went through. During that time though I needed that near constant validation that I did nothing wrong, that the verbal and emotional abuse from my father and scapegoating by my family had nothing to do with me. Thank you - your videos have been a life preserver when I felt like I was drowning.

[@evarogalsweiss9621]

I feel the same. I'm only now starting to get strong enough to feel my own self.

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

Thanks for sharing. Sounds similar to my experience.

[@Andrea-lp4bb]

Completely identify with needing constant validation….. I have been the same. It’s the only thing that’s kept me sane in this head wrecking situation

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Very well stated. ☺️ I agree, Jay is a lifesaver ❣️😚👍

[@JessAnonymous]

That constant validation and reaffirming you did nothing wrong is the same with me. Its much needed and appreciated. I was the same. Deep dive (or dove) into narcissism heavy until I stopped for a while, dove back again, stopped for a while, now im back ready to heal frfr because im definitely not healed at all. Just thought I was. Wishing everyone the absolute best and here again to reaffirm you that it wasnt your fault

[@eyeonrecovery8319]

This is bold take for someone who's immersed in helping others heal from narcissistic abuse. Thanks for being selfless and objective, Jay! And thank you again for another great video!

[@charlesp.8555]

This type of truthtelling is what separates you from self-styled experts who only seek to fill their own wounds.

[@5gx673]

I appreciate your tone of compassion for the survivor, rather than castigation of the abuser. I don’t need any more bitterness or cynicism. Thanks

[@sage9836]

Yeah. It's onward and upward.

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

FINALLY someone made this video. After you understand the dynamic better, it's time to focus on yourself. "Narcissists" don't have power over you. YOU have power over you.

[@PassionateFlower]

That's actually not completely correct. If you're being abused by a narcissist who you are conditioned and groomed from an early age to be financially dependent on and also then shamed for that very same financial dependence and lack of real world skills an abilities then the narcissist absolutely has power over you because without their assistance you would be lacking the basic resources necessary to stay alive.

[@irishfairytarot5674]

Not just financial - there are other things worse - like controlling your human rights. ​@@PassionateFlower

[@fanofmansbestfriend]

@@PassionateFlower omg this is what happened to me! Even other sufferers can't understand that either. Thank you for being compassionate, you really are a com-passionate flower 😆

[@bridgettetraveler658]

My parents never taught me how to take care of myself & my children. I learned how to be a parent by watching other parents who I admired & reading books on parenting. Many of the schools my children went to gave parenting classes. I tried to attend all of them. I read books on nutrition. Thank GOD I have great taste buds & learned to cook by tasting other ppl's cooking. My family stole my dreams when I was very young. When I finished school I didn't know what to do. I just knew I wanted to get out of that family. GOD helped me when fam wouldn't. Being on my own is freeing & peaceful. GLORY to GOD!!!

[@Freda-c7c]

It took until I was over sixty to realise that my mother was a narcissist. Thanks to utube. Because I could never please her I worked really hard at school and was top of the class nearly always. Still didn’t work. Problem was that I always chose the wrong partner, three times. I wish I’d known before. Understanding also took a lot of the blame off me. Thank you.

[@JonasSalomonsson]

I took me about 40 years to realize my dad is a narcissist, I always felt that something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. I’m so extremely happy that I found friends in my teens, and suspect that I would be dead if I didn’t. Today I love my self and are proud of my journey, and the last step is taken to just walk away.

[@hansonel]

This is important. I tried to learn everything I could about narcissism when I realized my father was one and also that there was a very unhealthy family dynamic going on within my family. But trying to determine if he had a malignant cluster B disorder or grandiose narc traits, etc... too energy and attention away from my own healing and growth. And it also gives him more of my energy than he deserves letting him live rent free in my head trying to figure out his issues and such. I finally realized getting caught up in learning everything about narcissism was getting in the way of my recovery and the job of figuring out what was going on with him is best left to a professional. Who he'll never see though, that's not my job and he'll never change so it's wiser to spend time focusing on recovery and self growth anyway.

[@johnkennedy1242]

Very important video. It's easy to get stuck in focusing on them and ignoring our own progress. Good point. Thank you.

[@lindab6974]

I needed this .... I've been immersed in reading/watching NPD stuff for a decade, and I'm finally sick of it. In one video I watched, they said, "they're out of your life now, so why are you letting them live in your head." Time for me to move on now. Finally

[@BronwynneBessette-v7s]

That’s very simplistic. There are very well researched reasons why your childhood abuse still harms you and every other abused person.

[@bbjoyce-je1vx]

I was seeking information daily about what I had been through in my family of origin. My entitled mother and entitled sister treated me the way "Cinderella's stepmom & stepsister behaved. Every good quality about myself, they denied by trying to extinguish my self esteem. The sibling tried to become "me"... appearance wise, hobbies and my goals. Sibling tried to steal my identity. I finally reclaimed my identity. I feel happy. It took applying the 3 pillars you teach us. Thank you Jay, I have taken back my life and have regained everything my arrogant sibling and mother tried to destroy in me.

[@Psychodynamics-With-Martin]

Thank you for this video! Learning about narcissism is like the boat that gets you from one shore to the other, but once you reach the other shore it's time to leave the boat behind. In the beginning you just want to understand what happens, but eventually you just have to decide to move on and leave the pain behind. Let the past be the past.

[@pennyp7382]

Great analogy. Going to take this with me. ❤

[@bchristian85]

Another aspect of this is increased shame because you realize what the narcs are doing, yet you are still powerless to stand up against it and feel you must conform otherwise you'll have nobody. Finding safe people has been the most difficult aspect of this in my experience.

[@jessebelanger9753]

This video really hit at the right time. Focusing on myself, and new safe people now.

[@diatribe5]

IMO, another risk of dwelling on it after learning from it, can be bitterness.

[@moirabijker]

You have described me exactly in this video. It's been years that I have read books, watched videos and learned about Narcissism everywhere. I still find it difficult to make new friends. It's hard.

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

I’m kinda stuck on information. This is helpful.

[@elizabethf8078]

I have seen channels that focus and ruminate on the narcissist, giving the narcissists even more time and attention than they've already taken. I like that your channel provides solutions for recovery.❤ it's also been helpful to gain understanding and compassion for the narcissist. I've also been able to identify narcissistic traits I have demonstrated in my own pain from a lifetime of scapegoating and want to cease. Demonizing people and calling them evil is like blaming an amputee for not being a good runner. I just know now that expecting them to emotionally walk, much less run, is not a realistic expectation. I need to walk and run for myself and accept the8r state as a static fact. It won't change.

[@wisdom_may]

this is so incredible..the good powers that be,... have gifted you with such a way of translating our experiences and putting it plainly..and I always gain so much from your direct honest teachings.... ...because I was such a good person and respected outside of the house my parents hated me for that.. I dont know if this same thing happened to anyone else but my parents demanded me to accept specific lies about myself..and if I tried to speak reality to them. they would gaslight, rage at, punish me if I refused to accept delusions about myself. they broke me..they broke my spirit and they enjoyed the challenge of tearing me down.. I don't ever hear those specific lies that they demand we accept ... ----otherwise we feel pretty alone..even in healing... -- the solid truth for me was ..I never heard.. ' we say you are...' bad ',and..' less than us' and "inferior'...you are "worthless' and you better accept we say you are..' bad" .... I just never heard them say any of that to me... ---for scapegoats that are young or still controlled by their captors.. I think it would help them be able to break out of the confusion and fog of shock, if they could just hear specifics.... accepting a total lie about yourself that has feigned stories to back it up is a lot more powerful to find flying monkeys than... 'well we just say she or he is 'bad' so you need to accept we say our child is bad".. of course they use specific lies... ...I hope you can see why it helps ....thanks for your work it's amazing...

[@heathercampbell8625]

Thank you so much for this ❤ I feel as if I have been standing on the edge of a cliff and terrified to make the jump because I'm so afraid that my hang-glider or parachute won't open. I've been petrified to rejoin life after the horrific smear campaign by those I loved and trusted most. For some reason I thought before that my parents and sisters couldn't do me harm anymore as 40+ adult, but I was wrong. Being the scapegoat never ends, but I'm trying deal with it much better. Thanks again for the encouragement 😊

[@geetallygee5089]

The fact that you’ve made such a video says alot about your ability to care about others..much respect ✊🏻 Bless your precious heart❣️ you too Breezo 🐕 🤎

[@geetallygee5089]

Pretty sure I spelled the good boy’s 🐕 name incorrectly 😆 it’s just that I have this thing about spelling correctly, or as my sister calls it, the grammar police 👮 🤣

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@geetallygee5089very nice that you like Breezo and can thank him too- and his name won’t come up on spell check! - I hear you on the spellings

[@imnoel8214]

Thank you for this video! It is an apt description of my own healing experience. Two years or so of hundreds of videos and several books later, I've got a foundation of understanding narcissistic abuse. These days I don't watch as many videos, feeling the need to focus on myself. It's a tough transition to make, the three A's Jay speaks of do crop up. He is right about the compassion and patience with ourselves, these take courageous defiance, one small step at a time.

[@charlesp.8555]

God bless you Jay.

[@Pukeyray]

Only the real ones will say "turn off my channel if it is causing harm." Watched one channel ran by a doctor who I believe is trying to trigger people purposely to buy her products. I use to watch vid every morning and noticed how it went from being a place to feel safe in understanding with validation into really downing my mood. Putting myself in a place where I'm replaying my difficulties repeating throughout the day. Jay, this channel is one that helps and kinda soothes. There's a channel called Vital Mind Psychology and the therapist there talks about the dangers of being too focused on narcissism videos. Awesome creator there. I cut down my narc channels from like 15 to 5 and rarely watch until I get started on my day.

[@daileythompson5232]

Thank you for making this video, this is something that I’ve been teetering towards for the past month. It’s comforting to realize that there is a word for what you internalized for so long that watching videos and reading about the topic becomes a sort of pacifier. I’ve been transitioning to watching content about how I can gain the tools that will help me reach the life I want to live. Thank you Jay for all of your videos, you truly helped me navigate such a confusing time in my life 🤎

[@sweetcd47]

Intentionally "forget" special holidays after confrontation to hurt us

[@AnneAKAZ]

Great video. I noticed that I was starting to feel worse about myself after my deep dives into video content and books about narcissistic abuse. I didn't understand why, but I knew I needed to try something different to feel better. Thanks for articulating so clearly how my behavior was essentially just continuing unhealthy patterns and keeping the focus on my narcissistic family members.

[@MariliaCoutinho]

This was really necessary. I hope the other popular therapists with YT channels on family abuse follow your lead. I have recently checked out and even joined a few online groups on adult children of narcissistic families. Honestly, most of the posts were disturbing, obsessive, fixated on "them". The generalizations they make, the entitlement over "the field" (none of them have educational background in psychology), the hatred, the stereotyped interpretations - that is far from useful. It is actually very toxic. At least two of these groups are on their way to becoming cults. Their language is already pure sectarianism. So yes, absolutely, this obsession on obtaining selective information to feed their preconceived notions about not only narcissism, but even neurology, is not only bad for them. It is bad for society because they are loud and they are probably causing harm to folks that need healing and recovery.

[@everyonehasincommon1216]

Thank you Jay❤❤❤❤ it's like you know EVERYTHING about what survivors go through. It's hard to believe how well!!!

[@katieg7679]

I didn’t watch this video because I knew exactly what he was going to say. I’ve been down this rabbit hole, as well as various self help books, websites, KZbin channels, etc. for years and years. I’m learning that understanding your own trauma and what happened is not as important as learning how to take the reins back on your life and at some point, when you are ready, grieving and letting it go, in the past where it belongs. This comment is meant for me.

[@BronwynneBessette-v7s]

I hope everyone can “let it go” as you say. My abusive mother told me a million times that I “should let go” of the SA, physical abuse and emotional abuse she inflicted upon me. Yes, “let it go” indeed.

[@katieg7679]

@@BronwynneBessette-v7s I understand it's a triggering thing to say, but it's meant to be self empowering. This difference is we grieve on our own terms, and your abusive mother or anyone else telling you to let it go is an invalidation of your right to have your own process. You 'let it go' when you're ready, or never, it's life on your terms now.

[@yanx007]

Jay, you are giving such essential infos on narcissism that yes indeed, it turns out that you don't need to check out any video anymore and just do the work.

[@hildieharu]

Thank you for this video. A few years ago I also did a months long deep dive after learning that both of my parents were narcissists, one overt and one covert, and I was blown away at how accurate the descriptions of growing up were. Suddenly it all made sense. I was so grateful to understand what all the craziness in my childhood was. But after a while I grew unsettled at how much time I was spending watching videos about the topic, especially since some channels churn out 1 or 2 videos a day, which got repetitive and felt like they just want views. The comments were often also disturbing, with people referring to “MY narcissist” in an almost romanticized way. I purged my feed of all those channels except yours and Crappy Childhood Fairy, because your channel focuses on recovery. Thank you for your integrity and honest effort to help others! ❤

[@Amylyn..]

Thanks so much for all your help❤❤❤

[@le_th_]

I think it's important to learn enough to be able to effectively learn their thought patterns, behavior patterns, and the common view they hold and espouse so that you avoid these people. For each person, this will take varying amounts of time, depending on how quickly they are able to integrate new information and retain it. This is not so much to obsess on pathological narcissism, but rather to learn how to recognize the many manifestations of pathological narcissism so that you can identify these broken human beings and avoid them (at work, in friendship circles, in social organizations, and in politics and communal groups). In my subjective opinion, this information is valuable so that you can edit the people in your life...and learn to assess behavior and thought patterns so you recognize the new narcissists that will cross your path. Personally, I went a step further and learned how to differentially discern all the cluster b disorders from one another so I can (hopefully) keep all the toxic, dangerous individuals out of my life. Lastly, I learned how to also have empathy for what the narcissists endured as young children & how their crappy parents really damaged them almost irreparably and left them hollow shells of human beings who constantly need re-inflating because they have no true sense of self outside of what they achieve. So for me, this deep dive was longer than most. Mine was not just YT videos but also reading various theorists from Kohlberg, to Masterson in psychology, listening to post-doc lectures on characteroogical disorders is psychiatry, and even from reading criminology with FBI behavior profilers like Joe Navarro. I did my undergrad at UC Berkeley, and I consider the education I gave myself, from a multi-disciplinary approach on Cluster B disorders, far more valuable than most of what I was taught at Cal. The exception would be that I owe my ability to find this information from a variety of reliable sources almost entirely to what I learned about research at Cal. I would also say that, for me, it was extremely important to counter all this time spent learning about psychopathology (especially at the more toxic end of the spectrum i.e. malignant narcissism/sociopathy/factor 1 psychopathy) needed to be countered with time engaging in positive, healthy people and activities, innocent and empathic people/babies/puppies/animals, etc. Otherwise, if you are a decent human being with a healthy degree of empathy for ohters, spending all your time focused on narcissistic psychopathology can really suck the joy, healthy optimism, and beauty from life because once you realize how to spot the thinking patterns and behavior of these individuals you begin to understand that you can find them all around you (if you really know what to look/listen for). I also learned a lot about trauma, PTSD, trauma-trained therapists versus trauma-informed therapists, and how collapse differs from fight-flight-freeze-fawn. All valuable information I hope to retain and to continuing deepening as time goes forward.

[@lcbirkner]

I needed to hear exactly this. Thank you so much.

[@jreid-heal-narcissistic-abuse]

You are so welcome

[@Jay-kk3dv]

People are ADDICTED to these narcissists. The best thing you can do is forget about them and move on with your life. Stop talking about them stop thinking about them. There are other people in the world

[@hannahlang4703]

This is where I’m at! Perfect timing! Thank you

[@10Hags5]

Good video Jay... I am lucky to have a safe friend who has showed me that I don't have to work for friendship or love or to be perfect to be loved. He has made things easier for me. I hope all other survivors find such people. But also I encourage the survivors to get a lot of knowledge about narcissistic abuse on their own through reading and binging on you tube videos..it honestly helps..

[@amberfuchs398]

I find listening to people such as yourself, helps me fight against denial. I have cognitive understanding and my visceral understanding needs a lot more examples of healthy behaviors. You demonstrating compassion helps us give ourselves compassion. It's like training wheels for validating ourselves.

[@benrees8797]

Your videos have been instrumental in my recovery. I imagine how meany people you have helped heal. The years of ingesting information has been a challenge but with time I have been able to reflect and reintegrate back in to a life I can call my own. Thankyou for the priceless support Jay. 💫👍😊

[@jreid-heal-narcissistic-abuse]

You are so welcome

[@fairygurl9269]

You Are Not Wrong Sir. Therapy is Necessary to Break Thru Your Own Triggers & Defenses *Safely I Retraumatized MySelf Trying Which Was Another Aspect My Therapist Had to Help Me Work Though. Much Respect & Resourcefulness, Pay It Forward in Appreciation of Those that Gave Me a Leg Up On this Journey.

[@Lawproto90]

In a sense, wanting to learn more of "narcissism" or "scapegoating" can often mean repeating the narration of the same old, painful story. I wonder, what about a new story instead, where the old labels do not apply anymore and do not even come to mind as often? Thank you for your video!

[@user-uh5tb9er4o]

thank you for posting about this topic

[@jonathanreynolds3667]

After taking the course was eye opening. But early stages of healing these videos are valuable to me. Jay reid really gets it. Thanks Jay reid

[@stacykelly7651]

Thank you as always for your videos. I have spent over a year and a half learning about covert narcissism. The most difficult part for me was making sense of what happened. I literally spent 14 months sobbing. I started seeing a therapist in January who specializes in these issues. She's amazing and I'm so grateful I found her. However, I don't think I would have been able to get as much out of therapy if I hadn't spent so much time learning about what happened and understanding it. I believe I had to grieve and sob to cleanse my body and nervous system. Now my focus is on resetting my nervous system, setting boundaries (and keeping them), and communicating my needs in relationships. Thank you Jay

[@johnpinheiro6211]

Até 48 , i give up !!! I Lost all hope that my parents would Change. I need peace. Thanks for your videos, keep it up !! Love from Portugal 🇵🇹🇵🇹🇵🇹🇪🇺👍🙏

[@waltherburgwinkel6759]

You know when you got enough from this topic??If dont have to look for them ,you know when one is infront of you .Then they do you a favor and proove it!😂Universe shows always up!

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

The timeliness of this is succinct ❤Ty 🙏😌

[@DH-dl3ll]

So many ah-ha moments for me in this video 🙉 thank you

[@tmking7483]

The Italian Groups CMT Model is the BITE Model

[@le_th_]

I think it's important to learn enough to be able to effectively learn their thought pattenrs, behavior patterns, and the common view they hold and espouse so that you avoid these people. For each person, this will take varying amount of time, depending on how quickly they are able to integrate new information and retain it. This is not so much to obsess on pathological narcissism, but rather to learn how to recognize the many manifestations of pathological narcissism so that you can identify these broken human beings and avoid them (at work, in friendship circles, in social organizations, and in politics and communal situations). In my subjective opinion, this information is valuable so that you can edit the people in your life...and learn to assess behavior and thought patterns so you recognize the new narcissists that will cross your path.

[@dark7angel456]

These kind of still help me even if I don't like to watch them because it is painful even with just general narcissistic people music videos help me keep me put together instead of losing my mind

[@mryan4719]

"Terrence had no memory of his father seeking him out to spend time with him or find out what was going on in Terrence's life."

[@dark7angel456]

I always feel like they get hostile at me for no reason and want me to be stupid and useless but they can read my mind and it's really hard to live how I want I have no privacy and never feel good

[@juneelle370]

you’re amazing ~ thank you … it’s true, sometimes you don’t even want to think about it, to move beyond it, live entirely in today ☀️ I trust my intuition about it, for when I need a reminder or a new lesson(s). Cute doggie 🐕

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thank you so much! ❤

[@mianoel24]

Technical suggestion: maybe there is an option to lock the focus on the filming device? I used to have the same issue when filming when I left my phone on auto focus mode, the film kept refocusing every 5 seconds. Super important and helpful content as always, thank you 🙏

[@menotyou6254]

Thank you I think I resemble this video thank you it’s time for me to get living and loving.

[@lascosasporsunombre8991]

Nothing works or worked for me, I've been living more than 20 years in the same situation of anxiety, going through a lot of therapys, and finding myself in the shamelesss and helpless connection to others. I was too young when I was abandoned, I thought I was going to be taken care, but the first time I tryed to reach for help the narcissist father decided to leave me on my own. I believe that is the worst bightmare a kid can think about. I was 19 and I was going through a lot of anxiety so I reached out for help talking to my father and he just decided to take my things, and leave me alone, just like that, in one day. never could back to home, my home. and tryed everything. there must be people that are worst than me, I'm sure. but to be honest, I have nightmares very strange nightmares, but when I wake reality is worst than the nightmares because they are true

[@lascosasporsunombre8991]

I used to be normal, I wish for someday I can be in peace for some time. hopefully to be loveful with myself, and d¿then die if it's the case, is not worth living in this state, not that I am saying that I want to die, not at all, just want some peace and understanding, and balance with my youthness, because is going away, and is painfull.

[@carlorizzo827]

Your comment is very VERY poignant. I totally identify, while my story is very different. I'm old, 70, it is a miracle i did not succomb to self distruction. First: Our sufferings cannot & must not be compared. Forget about others. Yours is totally as bad as you think. Second: The rate of change is glacially slow, much slower than mere listening or reading. Or thinking. 20 years seems long, yes. YET, after 40 yrs, 50 yrs, you will see some things shift. It doesn't get better, but it gets easier. Those injuries forever hurt, and that's as it should be, cuz to slip into denial just delays suffering. My life has been a perpetual requiem. I learned to grieve creatively. Seriously, The Arts saved me. Art is where we learn transformation. Yes death is awaiting us. Folks like us need never fear death. I'm kinda looking forward to it. But i did forbid myself from causing it. It lets the abusers winn. Can't have that! Keep finding detours & distractions💔💙🕊

[@lascosasporsunombre8991]

@@carlorizzo827 THANKS, I wish these kind of abusement were recognised by society, and stop the abusers to ruining lives. I know what you meant about not comparing my suffering, but I cannot keep looking at people and feeling sorry or in their foots because I was always like these, I do believe in taking care of people. but when you are in a bad situation and nothing seems to get better, nobody can save you, is like being hit by a car and threw away in the highway with injuries but nobody sees the injuries, they only see what happened, and keep gossiping about it. as I got alone, my own family started slowly to stay tuned to the last news of what was happening to me and turned against me at the point where I was still a teenager living on my own, and having to pay atention to the not so close family wanting me to sign documents about the belongings of my mother, just for interest. as for the abuser, he put everything illegally to his name and never shared my mother belongings which I supposed I was going to receive, as a sucesion, but nothing happened, lawyers calling me and saying bad things to me, like I owed them money (not my lawyers, my father's lawyers) at the same time, my brothers forgot about me, my father and my brothers were like, we are us and you are the enemy, and what did I do, or what was I was doing against them? NOTHING, I reviewed and I keep reviewing what I did wrong or where I was against them, and things like that, also when people fingers at me, I ask myself what did I do? where I am wrong? I am not perfect, but I did nothing like to deserve something like this, is just like "oh his father kicked him out of home, he must have done something". No, I was doing my busines, knowing that I had a father that was in some way strange as I have always known that he was different, because of being constant pointing on others being not worthy, I didn't knew nothing about psychopaths or narcissists, I was studying, having fun with my friends, having what a teenager or young man does at that age, and I was good at that, when I became anxious, I didn't knew what was happening to me, it was always him, he was trying to get me to abandon university, not sending the money to my studies or to pay the rent. I struggled with this anxiety for like 8 months living in another city where I was studying knowing that asking for money to live and pay my studies was a big deal because it was about talking to him, and finding him always not accesible, so I had to have the "talk" one day to say to him that I couldn't sleep, and what happened? he said, "you are going to ruin us" WHAT? it was difficult to start talking about my anxiety but I was worried about my studies, and what did I have to do to feel well, and he was the parent, ruin them, that was his answer, I had to go back to the other city and find a cheaper room or appartment to live and the anxiety got worst, and then, came the final kick where he went to take all of my stuff, I had a bycicle and a pair of furniture and my clothing, he tooked away all from me, with a van, I was crying why? I was only 19 and I was already in the final years of architecture, with good marks. he lied to the people around us that I wasn't studying. I WAS AN OBJECT, always and object, his excuse for doing wrong things. there are many corners and stuff around what happened to me, but the begining of this painful situation was being alone, I was young what I was going to do? is the same thing now, what am I going to do alone?

[@tsukigalleta]

This was really insightful, thank you so so much!!

[@nataleecharlton7607]

I’ve been reading about narcissists after a recent breakup and realized I’m in the first pillar. It seems they manifest so differently.

[@hollymadison6721]

The narcissist is my apt. manager. She has let drug activity, threats and harassment go on for years. She refuses to do anything about it and manipulates me. Need to take them to court, to shine a light on the truth. Please help!!!!!

[@hermestrismegistus4283]

It's eye opening about the other. But for us hypervigilant, hypersensitive, people pleasing, empathetic people we need to figure out how to fix our toxic traits.

[@davspa6]

I think I see what you're saying... Once you know the facts, step one, now it's time to move on. Don't dwell on it. It's in the past, nothing you can do about it. Then you need some space from narcissistic people in your life, and relationships with healthy people... And like you said in step 3, then you go away from that behavior and live a healthy life.

[@lexbest]

Thank you

[@adrian-vu6gt]

I'm 58 and while it is great to understand what my mother did to me, my life is so messed up that I have to live with my parents. On top of the narcissistic abuse, I have ADHD, which has caused it's own world of difficulties. I wish I could get out but I am in a situation with no escape. I'm broke and haven't worked in 10 years. I wish I would have learned about NA earlier in life. Maybe I could have had a life. I know I'll never get away. I'm just too broken.

[@michaelgarrow3239]

I had just blocked what the parents had to say.

[@riyajacob2909]

@JayReid,will you make a video on - Signs of Healing from N- Abuse? Thank you in advance.

[@sweetcd47]

Thank you for your videos. They really help me cope. Was wondering if you could post a video on after confrontation and why they feel they need to hurt us after confrontation(withholding love /gifts on special days like Christmas and Birthday after)

[@gracesunshine6716]

I’m free, sweet!

[@newnormal1841]

Maybe the older generation is the precursor to what we now know as autism, dyslexia ? Maybe in some ? 🤺💐

[@marinajones7614]

It’s just not useful in the end for me to find out more how awful narcissists are(as most of these kind of videos are covering)- I know already how bad they are but the survival strategies have been immensely useful; like grey rock radical acceptance and looking for others that can show real empathy.

[@BronwynneBessette-v7s]

I myself am not interested in the diagnostic “narcissist.” I don’t need for my abusive parents to have psychiatric or medical diagnosis to help me think it wasn’t my fault and that they couldn’t help abusing me because they’re “ill.” I’m pretty exhausted of people’s need for this. My parents were horrible people with very poor characters. They made a choice to abuse and they knew they were doing it. End of story.

[@emiliodiaz3927]

Can you make a video about the invisible child recovery

[@treysmythsandtunes]

Thanks. Part of the shadow work is facing getting too immersed in the shadow work! I might have succumbed to this issue - if I had never left Santa Cruz, in your ... State full of these types, especially as a hermit. Sorry to say, but the inimitable Richard Grannon 'beat you to it,' last week on his KZbin live video: He was saying, 'It is not healthy to sit and stare at a screen all day, "GO OUTSIDE into NATURE."🤣 ❤‍🔥 🌳

[@rinahgberg312]

❤

[@cairosilver2932]

But what is our culture? There seems to be no general media recognition of being orphans with living parents. All we have is our parents being wounding and if we ignore that...what do we go to? All we have to go to is a society that doesn't recognize our origins, so we feel like we 'vanish', not even a ghost left. Have to crouch around the wounding place to keep a sense of identity rather than general societies 'All parents are fine and every parent makes mistakes sometimes' culture that basically gaslights us and turns back our healing process. Of course, crouching around the wounding place is what the narcissist parent wants, as it gets them supply. But what alternative culture is there to go to?

[@MA__]

They rule our culture so they aren't going to address the problem in the mainstream.

[@sarahdouglas5851]

Respectfully...PLEASE stop assuming that it was "a parent" that was the narcissist. Mine was my 2 older siblings. It's better to just say "the narcissist in your life" so we can relate our own situation. Thank you

[@cyny6305]

Why does your video 'go dark' every five seconds or so? A technical problem? Some kind of technique? I'm sorry, but it's very distracting (and making me a bit paranoid).

[@emilianolopez4289]

I thank you for your content, however please dont use AI generated artwork in the thumnalis images of your videos (if that is the case) since it is affecting the income of millons of digital atists out there, me being one of them. We all have the right to make money on our chosen profession, no matter what that might be, Ai generated art is ONLY made thanks to AI generator capacity of stealing the geniouses of digital artists that the need to necessarily upload their artqorks to the web in digital format. People who agree to use ai image generators are agreeing to ruin digital visual artists careers, because people dont want to pay for visual art (but they want to use it for free) and AI tech companies has given them this chance in virtue of the money they have , not morals..These companies are beeing sueeing right now for billons of dollars due to digital theft Please dont colaborate.(I can quickly tell when an artwork is AI generated). thabk you.

[@laurahenry3562]

I love shepherds, I have a furry friend too🐶

[@kuibeiguahua]

See you later Jay, you’ve been a lifesaver 🥲