Judging CONTROVERSIAL r/AITA posts

[@fynnelizabeth9481]

the wheelchair one: that girl needs to leave him pronto. i understand that’s her husband and she obviously cares about him but from the first few sentences, red flags 🚩 fr

[@froggy5748]

Right?? Never letting her leave his sight and not even letting her see her friends without his constant supervision?? Hell no, I hope she gets the fuck out of there.

[@NiaLouis]

For real… she needs to pack a bag and dip

[@alejandradeleon6115]

Sound like an abusive relationship honestly.

[@katherinemclean1448]

I'm not sure leaving is entirely necessary, but therapy (psychological, physical, occupational) definitely is. I'm guessing the disability is a recent development and he's still learning to adapt to his new way of life and having his wife near to help/support him is like a safety blanket. I could definitely see a world where she's the only one he really trusts to help and care for him properly and he's having a hard time getting around that. He definitely needs help in learning/developing independance (as much as possible) and respecting boundaries. Therapy all around for both of them and reassess from there.

[@littletrebleclef]

They need couples counselling, maybe he doesn't realise how co-dependant he's become of her and has real anxiety about being without her/something happening to her and him being left alone which is manifesting in this abusive behaviour. If that doesn't work she should leave.

[@kathleenuclear]

That first story...phew. Infertility is no joke, and you'd think that someone also struggling with it would understand that. Definitely NTA, I wouldn't give someone $12k if they made me the butt of a joke over something so personal and heartbreaking, it's so insensitive. It's not like a small joke about something superficial, and obviously the person who the "joke" was told to thought it was in poor taste too, otherwise they wouldn't have shared it with OP.

[@viktoriab7812]

also the way she reacted when OP no longer wanted to give her the money was really telling on her character as well

[@kathleenuclear]

@@viktoriab7812 COMPLETELY agree! She felt totally entitled to that money and the friend who showed the screenshot to OP could see that. I don't get why people are saying she's in the wrong for showing OP, I'd want to know if I was about to give (not even lend...GIVE) THOUSANDS of dollars to someone who felt that way about me.

[@harveythepooka]

I agree. The "friend" was using her as a cautionary tale and calling it a joke.

[@danielcooper3332]

I also found it ironic that the husband called the woman who shared the screenshot a "toxic snake" like him and his wife aren't demanding 12k from a woman his wife disrespected.

[@popuri48]

Also it didn't feel like a joke at all. It felt like one of those things you think but can't say to the person in question for being too hurtful so you say it to someone else instead. Regardless, even if it was a joke, it was way too much. The person who wrote the post is definitely NTA, I agree.

[@henninggirl261]

Regarding the white dress. That’s not how traditions work (usually). You can have a tradition that the women already in the family (MIL, her daughters and nieces and aunts and cousins related by blood) have and participate in. It’s wildly presumptuous and entitled to demand that your incoming daughter-in-law drop her own wants, traditions, and expectations to entertain yours.

[@strangerscience3659]

Exactly ! She already had a perfect dress she spent a long time thinking of( clearly ) and she has to compromise and pander to the family cause its their traditions I think they shouldn't havw been this harsh about that tradition yk. The bride could've woren blushed shoes or an accessory, she said she couldn't find the dress and the mil was aware of it sooo why didn't the mil find a solution and express the need for SOMETHING blushed !

[@hnichole]

That's how I feel about this as well, those are traditions that run in YOUR family ... therefore members of YOUR family are the only ones beholden to follow it, it's very weird to expect someone coming into the family to participate in that. I get that traditions are important to some families, but again, it's weird to make anyone but a blood relative follow them. I think honestly the best call would have been to incorporate blush into the groom's outfit somehow, rather than put the burden on the bride.

[@christinedge7627]

I was just about to say this! “It’s the tradition to wear a blush dress” Okay? What about the bride’s family’s tradition? Is it tradition for them to wear white? You are gaining a family member, you have to respect that they will be different from you. I honestly get a little weirded out when family’s expect the new member to immediately just conform to their cookie cutter style.

[@carveylover]

​@strangerscience3659 I was going to comment this. Let the bride wear what makes her feel beautiful and special on her day and compromise. Maybe find an accessory in blush. Maybe the vale, shoes, a belt. Anything. It seems like MIL was being stubborn. This girl was joining the family and I am sure this would have been one of many "traditions" they would have had to compromise on.

[@sin3358]

My uncle married a woman of the same ethnicity, but we are scattered between many borders and every village has their own customs basically. The wedding traditions in my area are VERY different from the ones in another area, even though they have similarities. My uncle and his wife did two weddings for that reason. Not to say everyone should do that, but typically it is good to mix both cultures together if possible. Even if it's your wedding, you should accommodate it to your guests desires. You cannot make the menu full of alcohol and pork when you have a bunch of Muslims coming over and vice versa

[@atlasSchuster]

for the wedding one, to me its the husbands family's tradition, not hers. They can enforce it for their daughters but they don't get to enforce it for their daughter in law. Edit: poor wording on my part. I don't think they *should* enforce it on their own kids but that seems to be their approach to the issue from the post. It'd be more understandable if they encouraged it for their own kids

[@jesalynndoesthings]

Also, why didn't the groom where a blush suit, since it's his tradition

[@mangosorbet]

@@jesalynndoesthings exactly

[@thatgirl_withtheglasses874]

YES EXACTLY

[@bumblerbree]

i think when you marry into a family you accept their traditions - if you have contesting views about those family traditions then maybe you shouldn't be starting a family together. in this case though, i think she just assumed it wouldn't be a big deal and wasn't actively trying to distance herself from the traditions so even though it's an annoying thing to happen on your wedding day it's really not a problem with their relationship at all, just a misunderstanding. edit: to clarify, i don't mean they should break up, it doesn't sound like either of them were upset about it at all and i really don't think it was a problem in their relationship. i'm referring to how everyone in the comments seems to think someone not wanting to compromise something important to them is some crime when, if the tradition on either side was really that big of a deal, you could just choose not to marry them rather than enforcing your own traditions or demanding they give up theirs.

[@5l33pycl0wn]

​@@bumblerbree you're marrying one person not a whole family

[@irishprincessbearlimaloudj8458]

Imagine walking down the aisle and your husband later tells you he was DISAPPOINTED when he saw you💀

[@Ciborium]

Day 2: Call divorce lawyer.

[@ameliaoconnor8734]

If I didn’t call a divorce lawyer I’d commit an unaliving

[@ceecee4729]

Imagine hearing that they are not attracted to you at all after two years of nothingness and still staying cuz u don't know what else to do

[@lianaheyahe]

We are getting a divorce You just don’t say that to each other after such a special day, it taints the memories and your perception of what it meant

[@irishprincessbearlimaloudj8458]

@@ceecee4729 sweetie are you okay?😭

[@marz391]

9:00 If the husband wanted to keep HIS family’s tradition so bad why didn’t he just put on a blush dress

[@Running_Colours]

Jokes apart, that's actually a good idea. The guy could have worn a blush shirt, or even a blush suit if he really wanted to keep his family's tradition, it could look good, and I'm sure his family would have loved the idea

[@flamingwolf8753]

​@RunningColours the problem is she didn't tell him or anyone about the dress, so no one could come up with alternative salutations salutations

[@flamingwolf8753]

​@RunningColours the problem is she didn't tell him or anyone about the dress, so no one could come up with alternative salutations salutations

[@flamingwolf8753]

​@RunningColours the problem is she didn't tell him or anyone about the dress, so no one could come up with alternative salutations salutations

[@flamingwolf8753]

​@RunningColours the problem is she didn't tell him or anyone about the dress, so no one could come up with alternative salutations salutations

[@takemetoyourcats]

The kid not wanting grandma in his room was a wild one to read when it was initially posted. A lot of the highly upvoted comments were saying the Mom was the asshole for making the kid give up their room because apparently, three days on an air mattress was "CHILD ABUSE." That post opened my eyes to how pathetically spoiled some people can be, and how bad Reddit's groupthink can become.

[@monkyznblondz]

Yeah that story was a bit wild for me to hear. Good on the Mom for sticking to her guns -- by doing so she's teaching her kids a valuable lesson, it's called parenting.

[@naomicamacho5674]

Yeah, I feel bad for the mom that she's getting a bad rep. If I were in her position I'd totally tell my kid to suck it up. He needs to learn that he doesn't always gets his way, plus he's a little kid so of course he's going to react that way

[@itschesta]

child abuse !?!? wow 😐

[@Dazzlefae]

Yeah. Like, I totally understand the son. I wouldn't wanna share my room either, it *is* your personal space and it feels awful having people intrude on that. *But* the Mum said before the rooms were even chosen that whoever had the bigger room would have to share when relatives came to visit, and it's three days. He agreed to that term when he took that room. As much as it may feel like an intrusion, the Mum is right not to back down on this.

[@RealGermanish]

fr, when I was a kid my brother and I always shared a room when we had family over - usually mine cause my bed was bigger. Was I annoyed by it as I became a teenager? Sure. That's life, they gotta sleep somewhere. And I had plenty of friends who permanently shared a bedroom with siblings, so I knew I would be a brat if I complained about vacating my room for a couple of days every couple of months.

[@anjalidevarapalli9681]

The gold digger one: The woman was NOT in the wrong here and only standing up for herself. It’s a shitty feeling to be accused of something you’re not, and the fiancée should’ve said something 😤

[@cherrytomato7711]

yeah esp him afterwards saying he was a bystander .... like bro stand up for those you love ? also you're not a bystander because you're the only person in the room who could validate your parents' possible concerns and your silence is legit feeding it

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

@@cherrytomato7711 his family dynamics are based on shaming and degrading others and he seems perfectly fine with it. If she marries him he will inflict the same sickness on her and the kids. If he doesn't realize what is wrong with him and parents, she should leave him and never look back.

[@ArturGlass.C]

For the girls night story: I'm disabled and can't really go out anywhere. I do get depressed about it occasionally. So I can understand it's complicated feelings for him to process. HOWEVER. He needs to actually process this personally so he stops putting unfair expectations on his wife to be with him 24/7. She's entitled to having her own life. They've discussed the possibility of bringing someone to take care of him so she can socialize and he's not even willing to compromise on that when she was willing to compromise her social life to take care of him. He's the asshole here.

[@strange11220]

Came to say the same thing

[@tacobell1299]

Honestly why doesn't he go idk to a group with other disabled people and make friends? He can have a social life and she can too.

[@YeetusTheFetus]

He’s treating his wife like his servant rather than his wife. His behaviour is 100% abusive

[@realglutenfree]

I completely agree with Dylan here. This is a grown ass man who refuses to be anywhere without his wife, doesn't even let her take a dump on her own, like wtf! I work with mentally and physically handicapped people and even the two I work with who are on the stage of maybe 3-8 year olds, they are sometimes alone in their rooms, watching TV and stuff. But we are talking about a fricking adult here.

[@xotennisxgirlox]

Sounds like he’s trying to keep her a shut in because he’s afraid she’ll think she could have a better life and leave him

[@aiashla53005]

dylan's consistent belief that a baby remains in a womb for a year brings me an unreasonable amount of confused laughter and joy

[@starprincessjolie]

this sentence was unreasonably long

[@athanksgivingbaby570]

The sentence is not too long. If you were in a grammar class, you might add in some punctuation. However, we're not in a grammar class so who cares ??

[@FIREcrochethairstyles]

@@starprincessjolie oh I thought this was a silly little KZbin comment section, not AP English

[@sophwitchproject]

I was looking for this comment. I was like, wait, 5?

[@sahraosman2593]

lol it's meant to, it's a joke

[@haleywagner1962]

The woman who missed the FILs funeral....HOLY SHIT. That was completely selfish of her. Was it rude to get different class tickets for them? Absolutely, but it was his FATHERS FUNERAL. It isn't about her! She put her pride over her husband's grief and need of support. It was not the time or place to "take a stand". She was absolutely the asshole. And to the girl that got her gender reveal spoiled, she obviously is still grieving her parents and lashing out at those closest to her. I feel like maybe since she couldn't control her parents deaths, she's trying to control everything else, and when that didn't work out, she broke a little. I don't think she's an asshole, but what she is doing is incredibly unfair and she definitely needs therapy.

[@kaitlynroush6518]

He still shouldn't have yelled at her and called her names. Like holy eff dude your mom was being a bitch. Of course your wife was upset! And if I recall correctly, no on bothered to tell her they'd be sitting separately until they got ToO THE AIRPORT! I don't feel like that's something you keep from your partner unless you wanna start some petty bs.

[@-hayleymc_is_tired-5038]

Totally agree with the FIL funeral however the MIL was petty just get two economy tickets or two first class it’s the distinction. But yes that’s not the time to do it. Also try to talk to the airline to see if you can exchange or trade a ticket with someone. Over all she is the asshole but the MIL is petty. It’s more work to get two separate tickets. So she during grief was petty but yes now isn’t the time to make a stand. But mil is sus too

[@thealarm7057]

Guy could have traded tickets with someone in eco to sit with his wife so she could support them, MIL could have not made it about her but just let the funeral happen. They both choose to be childish, everyone was an asshole basically. But she had the right to not take that shit anymore and her husband should have stood up for her and not be mama's baby boi. He can stay with his mom now

[@jeidei8943]

I don't even see the different ticket as a bad thing for the MIL to have done. To me, it just sounds like she wanted her son to have a really nice flight because his father DIED. That shit is expensive especially with funerals cost added so two might be over budget. But yeah, not the time or place, you can discuss later...

[@-hayleymc_is_tired-5038]

@@jeidei8943 naw man as someone who has lost their entire family the mother in law is being petty as hell. First off it takes more time to book separate tickets. If she wanted him there she has to include her DAUGHTER IN LAW like sorry if you want him to be comfortable having his life partner with him would do that. It’s petty as hell. Your not thinking about plane tickets when you lose someone. And if you are it’s getting them here as fast as possible. It was petty as hell but not the time to stand up. Everyone here is an asshole. And there is a history behind this and knowing mother in laws they can be literally evil. They are all just asshats but like the mother in law was being petty there is no way around that

[@yerinbaekscandlelight]

I feel like no one is talking about the last story, and that is the one that especially upset me. Imagine being the butt of the joke for your fiancé's family and them constantly referring to you as something negative that you're not. Not only that, but your fiancé doesn't even back you up and instead laughs along with the joke like she isn't sitting right there. Like, HOW THE F ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED???? And then claiming that it was "all in her head" after she has the audacity to defend herself. That's literally gaslighting 101. That woman should seriously get out while she still can.

[@cats1970]

bottom line he didn't respect her AT ALL. hope he either got a serious wake up call or she called off the wedding.

[@inescamoes5175]

amen

[@bigribbly]

100% expected more people to be going in on this story. My partner’s family consistently implies that I’m using my partner for their family’s money/using their dad’s money for my things and if my partner didn’t defend me as strongly as she does I would definitely not even consider marrying her. I hope she ended up leaving cause no one deserves to be on the receiving end of that - especially without the support of your partner.

[@alexismena6812]

Seems he’s afraid of his family (for good reason) but he needs to stand up for her and himself. She definitely needs a more courageous and confident man.

[@avibrantcityriot5539]

For the blush colored wedding dress one: if it was tradition in their family for that color to be worn, why not have the groom wear a blush colored suit? That way he would be honoring his family tradition and the bride would be able to choose the dress (and color) that she wanted to wear at her wedding

[@erinaa9486]

Genius! Too bad you aren't part of their family

[@jjk4754]

Or even just a blush coloured tie if the whole suit is too much for the groom

[@taquoriadunlap8407]

Right literally could’ve incorporated it in the wedding colors

[@ForeverFashionGirl21]

That’s too big brain for them

[@caramackenzie7734]

Scrolled down solely to see if someone else proposed this idea - thank you for this.

[@beccarosewriter]

The fiancée's mom literally said "if the shoe fits." The fiancée isn't dumb enough to not have noticed how they've brought up the gold digger thing in the past. He just wanted to save himself from embarrassment. Maybe she should have talked to him about how much it bothered her before revealing he was unemployed, but even if he was clueless, that still makes him look bad for not noticing.

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

Yeah he probably doesn't think twice because he grew up with this type of behaviour before so doesn't notice it. He is still an AH but she should of said what exactly is wrong with what they said, how she felt about it and what she wants to do next if she cared that much. But she is also an AH for revealing a secret he clearly feels insecure about. Secrets are meant to be kept secret especially with someone you love. That's a huge breach of trust it's so simple just to keep it shut. She's the AH too. Both are imo

[@lordvoldemort5580]

@@somebodyoncetoldme2664 The issue with what she did is that she threw him under the bus to prove her own point. She was offended by what his family was saying, so she disproved it by revealing his secret without thinking about how that'd affect HIM. I mean I get it, but it's still a dick move.

[@harveythepooka]

Everyone but the poster in that one are assholes. I can't believe the family would disinvite him from thanksgiving because he lost his job. That's crazy. But given the way the parents treat her and he thinks it's ok, they sound like a toxic family. If you marry into that you need to know what you're getting into.

[@Becky.Ray14]

The thing is i bet she has mentioned it before and hes been like what are you talking about. If its gotten so bad that she finally blew up about it its been bothering her for a while. And it seems from the post its something mentioned everytime they get together with his family. she is his fiance, so its most likely been years.

[@vivreedxx4032]

perfectly said, couldn't agree more

[@supposedlymel]

regarding the story with the teenagers and grandma staying over, I'm SO glad the mum isn't backing down with her son. as the eldest daughter, it's happened far too many times where I have had to sacrifice something because my younger sister didn't like it, or she would start complaining and my parents would give in. it is infuriating, and the older sister's response to it hit too close to home ("you're the oldest so be the bigger person etc etc, like stfu"). kudos to that mum and sister.

[@nathalykim1263]

same, my brother just gets so angry with things that very often my mom and I will take up all the chores and the burdens of certain situations, just because he will complain so much and be lowkey aggressive about stuff although this has gotten much better as he grew up, it still happens sometimes

[@maycarmel8416]

yeah, as a kid, I always had to share or give up my room because we hosted international students a lot and they always took my room. My parents reasoning was that I was the youngest, so it was easiest to pack my room up, this upset me so much as a kid because it was never explained to me why I was always the one who had to move out (even when my brother's room was twice as big as mine). These kids made a deal, expectation were clear from the beginning, there is no way grandma shouldn't come because of that.

[@Ljtaw]

All are wrong. A child should never have to give up their room for visitors. I am the oldest and I always had to give up my room. My two younger brothers shared a room so moving one person to the couch was easier. It always upset me as I didn't have a choice in the matter. For a child your room is your domain and where you can relax. To be forced to give it up because your parents planned a visitor, so now you have to relinquish your privacy and space is bs. A visitor shouldn't disrupt anyone's sleeping habits. For the 10 year old, he was just thinking about a bigger room not the condition that came with it. Also the daughter chose before he could. So one could argue he was given this room without choosing the conditions that came with it.

[@ishhaatt569]

@@Ljtaw bro not everybody can afford having 4-5 rooms in their house. Sometimes you just gotta adjust, what now the mum can’t even let her own mother visit her for three days?? Tbh this is such western privilege problem. Just adjust it’s not that hard, it’s just three days.

[@Ljtaw]

@Ishhaatt shhaatt Ishhaatt Of course the mother can visit. It is just very entitled to kick someone out of their own room in their own house when you are visiting. Especially when that person is way too young to fully understand what he agreed to. I agree that teaching him to share is what the parents should be doing. However, they should lead by example. Why is it a child has to give up his/her bed? Why not the parents? This child is ten! I would somewhat agree if he was closer to 15/16. Then he would be old enough to understand what he agreed to in having the bigger room. Air mattresses are a thing and this family has one. So no need for 4-5 rooms. Plop it in the living room and grandma has her very own space and bed. All without forcing a child to relinquish his/her own.

[@ahuynh52]

for the first story: OP is giving her friend a significant amount of money to help her with something they’re BOTH struggling with. for the friend to then poke fun at OP for not being able to better her own situation is so fucked up

[@tamiloreisT]

Exactly there are no “both sides” the friend was an asshole

[@ayeshafatima165]

agreed, op is not the a-hole

[@Veganjelibon]

My question is if they cant afford IVF how are they going to afford a whole baby??

[@hazelm3002]

Especially so nice the woman lost her husband over it and her husband now has a baby that she couldn’t give him and herself.

[@sweetytweety1671]

@@Veganjelibon That's what I wanted to say!! Are they gonna keep asking others for money once the baby is born? They need to get their shit together before dragging a child into it.

[@aarong19]

I love how the girl who missed the father in law's funeral said the main reason was because she wanted to sit near her husband and support him, but then she goes home? That doesn't even make sense, you can be there for him a whole lot more by being at the funeral with him but not on the plane than just not going at all

[@mitzara25]

shes just selfish and makes everything about herself but wants to phrase ot as if she has only good intentions lol

[@Omar-kl3xp]

Yh I agree what kind of support do you want to give him on a plane ?it is only couple of hours where u just sit down and chill, the real support she supposed to give him is not on the plane but on the funeral ,or just after the funeral and she failed to do that .

[@jimena6194]

That and like she doesn’t even ask if he can swap with someone so he sits beside her barely tried to stay

[@mewantbacon4201]

But is also fact that similar stories have happened before with familes giving the partners different class tickets on trips. Often its been them making small jabs at the partners for being poorer. So like yea is a bit of a dick move to just not go. But it also seems like a family that doesnt like you and husband doesnt seem to care that mother treats her differently.

[@Thoughtsbyme-ts4jz]

He should have stood up to his mom. I’m sorry this type of disrespect didn’t suddenly start on the funeral day. Let’s read between the lines, this has been going on probably

[@lightandleaves3858]

The joke about the infertility was kinda cruel though, especially because OP lost her husband over it, and over something she can't even control and desperately tried to make work, as someone who is also unable to have children, her friend should have understood that it's not something to joke about ? Like dude 💀

[@BeyondTrash-xe1vs]

I don't think Dylan disagrees with that, I think he was just giving her the benefit of the doubt. We've all said or done something bad when we're stressed and anxious. That said, I think this is so far beyond the pale 💀 Like Jesus Christ, don't talk about your friends like that ever, waaay too far imo. Though I think the reddit comments acting like their 15 years of friendship were a lie because of this are silly lol.

[@annabarrett50]

The "friend" had a skeezy moment. You NEVER "joke" about shit, like that. It's tasteless and beyond inconsiderate! Cruel fits.

[@MissZeely]

​@@annabarrett50yep, she had a skeezy moment and deservedly lost 12,000 over it.

[@SvrakaMagpie]

Also $12,000??? Is nothing to sneeze at... I can't imagine being in her position and making such a callous joke at the OP's expense when she was so generous, that's just insane to me

[@Irenemimi]

That funeral one was mind boggling. She skipped her father in law’s funeral…because she wanted to support her husband??? if it was that serious couldnt she use the money she saved by not buying the ticket and upgraded her seat? the husband was right, they could’ve talked about it after! not make a funeral about a seat. Wow

[@aisue]

I think that she thought that her MIL was being passive aggressive, that can be only confirmed by her previous interactions with her, if that is true I think se is not the asshole ( at least not that much).

[@LaCabraAsada]

@@aisue She's still TAH. Forget about the MIL, this is her husband's father's funeral. Her husband is grieving over the death of hisown father and OP abandoned him over her grudge against her MIL. Way to show that you care about your husband when a stupid tantrum becomes more important than showing up to funeral of the man that raised him. And even worse, she says she wanted to sit next to him to "support" him during the ride. Yet apparently, she won't sit next to him to support him during his father's FUNERAL!! Her grudge against her MIL is bigger than her wish to support his husband and that on itself makes her the AH.

[@aisue]

@@LaCabraAsada yeah, I agree, that was not the time to get petty about it. I think the MIL is possibly a bigger asshole thou.

[@LizaGrace97]

also the husband didn't seem to care about the seat whatsoever so she could've just asked if the person sitting next to her would switch with her husband so they could be together, usually if both parties agree the flight attendant has no problem and I'm sure the person wouldn't have turned down a free first class seat like who CARES what class you're in it's an airplane you just sit there, she definitely was just mad she didn't get first class too and made it all about her

[@LaCabraAsada]

@@aisue I think even if the MIL did it to annoy OP, OP is still the worst one of the two. I mean, the worst that could happen is that OP doesn't seat next to her husband, and as Elizabeth stated, this could've been solved by buying a ticket for herself, or asking the person to swich seats. The fact that the MIL paid for the tickets is already really nice of her imo. Ofcourse, if she purposly bought her a worst ticket, that makes her an asshole. OP was still majorly in the wrong, though. even if the MIL stated it.

[@KB_-_]

A wedding day is about celebrating you found a partner for life. If a dress can cause that much drama, then you have bigger problems.

[@hperspective]

Word.

[@filmfangirls9163]

Truth.

[@ForeverSweetx3]

100%

[@sabrinawilson9313]

Nah but she was resonable she said yeah I’ll consider blush, yeah I’ll ask if they can dye it blush…she tried to accommodate to a resonable extent. , its husbands family that let a dress actually get in the way of celebrating the union

[@SkullCrusher-xk5wp]

I kind of disagree in the sense that weddings in my culture are about the union of two families becoming one, rather than two individuals. So in some way you do have to navigate yourself to a middle ground. That isn't to say you shouldn't have any sort of self-expression, either at your wedding or in general, but it's just the idea of being willing to compromise. Which in this case the bride states they were trying, however, from the MIL and partner-to-be's perspective, they may not have seen OP making an effort. OP might have been trying to make a genuine effort, but for whatever reason, this wasn't communicated to others.

[@kllerl]

marrying the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE but he tells you he was disappointed when you walked down the aisle in a wedding dress color different than *usual* is just.........shocking

[@hazel1779]

For the woman who canceled the check... Good for you, that was a terrible "joke" from someone who was being kind, giving SO MUCH money without expecting anything back. I feel so so bad for her, first, a man who promised to love her abandoned her for not being able to have a child and then the friend laughed at her while taking her money. Really, I hope she finds good people in the future, that is just so sad.

[@CaptainPikeachu]

it doesn’t sound like the friend was laughing at her, more just the friend didn’t want to end up in the woman’s situation, it’s a bad comment but it wasn’t said to her directly because the friend clearly wasn’t intending on being mean explicitly about anything. Sometimes people say tone deaf shit. And ending someone’s chance at having a kid over one bad comment seems very extreme. Sure it’s the woman’s money and she can revoke it if she wishes, but if decades of friendship and support ends because of one comment and now you’ve put someone else into same situation that you hate being in, is that really making you the better person?

[@hazel1779]

@@CaptainPikeachu You didn't pay attention, did you really believe that lame excuse? "joke between infertile women" is not an inside joke if the joke is neither funny nor being told to her directly. Of course, she was making fun of her sad situation to other people. This woman was hurt, no one should diminish her pain, and the person who hurt her was someone she considered a friend. The "friend" instead of saying sorry, had the face to pressure her to give it back, the money was the only thing she cared for. Why would she care to keep that kind of "friendship"? She didn't "end" someone's chance to have a kid, if anything she wanted to help. The couple is responsible for having their own kid, if they want it, they have to save money or ask for a loan, but this woman is not responsible, she didn't put anyone in a situation they weren't already in.

[@kyrie9955]

@@CaptainPikeachu there is no argument about "being the better person" bc OP is objectively the better person here. what her "friend" said is some of the most low down disrespectful hateful shit I've heard in my LIFE. "friends" do not accidentally completely disrespect their friends behind their back. that does not happen. my friends would never say anything even a quarter as heinous as that, behind my back or not. would YOU say this about your friend??? like.

[@Black.Spades]

@@CaptainPikeachu The things is, that's how this "friend" sees this woman. She sees her as a miserable, abandoned loser. Thus ignoring all the positive points she should be seeing in her friend. I understand that the negative points weigh harder when this "friend" is stressing out about her own fertility problems. But the fact alone that she has this image of her (forget the fact that she actually told it to someone else), is reason enough not to be friends with her anymore.

[@sleebyfrey]

honestly, also them not having enough money for such a check and then desperately wanting a baby, aka one of the most expensive things ever? recipe for disaster, that person is full of bad ideas lmao

[@barbzthings]

Well, for the dress, I think people forgot one crucial little detail: IT'S HER WHO'S WEARING IT. End of story. She has to be in it, she gets to decide what it is.

[@hanna-writes]

Yeah, and it’s also kind of unreasonable to expect someone who is marrying into your family to plan their wedding around all of YOUR family traditions. There’s going to be a blend of traditions, and not all of yours is going to make the cut. If that matters more to you than your relationship with the person marrying into your family, then you need to reorder your priorities.

[@Uhhhididntmeanthat]

I agree with you entirely about it being her choice at the final product, she has to wear it and it’s her wedding day. But I also totally understand the other family’s disappointment. They shouldn’t have been so outwardly disappointed on the day of the wedding, it’s a party, leave it for one day

[@LexieLouLou]

Would you still have the same view if she was marrying into a different culture and her in-laws we’re disappointed she didn’t wear their culture’s wedding dress?

[@barbzthings]

@@LexieLouLou Absolutely. My home region has a few specific wedding traditions, but since I don't live there, I realise I might also need to compromise on a few things when I get married. Of course, if the Bride agrees to wear her spouse-to-be's cultural outfit, that's amazing. But If she decides to wear something more "her" (even if it's the usual white dress) that is still her choice. It should be talked about beforehand, sure, but ultimately, she's the one that has to wear the garment.

[@sylvisix7250]

Literally, I think this is the only part of the wedding that nobody but the bride gets to decide. And as much as I'm sure she wants to partake in their traditions, it's not their place to tell her what she should wear on her wedding much less get angry at her for it. At the end of the day, she's the one who's going to remember HER wedding the most.

[@LexieLouLou]

The AITA about the couple with the disabled husband sounds EXACTLY like my coworker. It sounds like such a miserable, shitty situation to be in- either you stay in a horrible relationship or you’re “that monster who left their disabled spouse.”

[@TipTheScales27]

I had a coworker like that too! He was up her ass all the time asking where she was. It was hilarious when she was telling us the final straw that broke. He tried to beat her up and she just laughed at him… but better for them to leave. People can think you’re the monster all they want! Better than being miserable

[@Rugrat6121]

the fiancée was definitely telling his family a bunch of lies to make them think he was well off and paying for everything, that’s why he’s mad

[@Blue.1889]

God I hope she doesn’t marry him

[@zion2957]

*fiancé

[@jujud3899]

yes, that's prbbly why but it doesn't excuse the fact that he didn't stand up for his fiancé in front of HIS mother

[@1li6na]

@@zion2957 nobody cares

[@zion2957]

@@1li6na i mean it kinda matters no? :)

[@malthewriterwizard]

I know the internet has basically ruined the term gaslighting to just mean regular lying by now, but that dude saying that because they never outright called her a gold digger it was all in her head is an actual example of gaslighting. What the fuck is wrong with him?

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

He grew up in a sick household and adopted that, plus I think he knew that his parents are shitty and that's why he kept his problem from them bc he knew they will shame him instead of showing support (emotional support). And the fact that he was desinvited in Thanksgiving speaks volume. In my opinion she should give him back his bracelet and run away.

[@depressantdrug]

Hard agree on the gaslighting issue. They continuously _imply_ it with everyone knowing what they mean, but because they don't outright say it, she's hesitant to confront them if she's just overthinking things.

[@sabahk]

she literally said "if the shoe fits", she might as well have straight up said "we think you're a gold digger"

[@lyssah1980]

As a person who has gone through this myself, I can't imagine what man would leave a woman because she can't have a baby! Maybe my husband is a hidden gem, I never thought that he would even think about leaving me. Making fun of people who can't have children of their own is awful, no matter how you look at it.

[@nathangaspacio6128]

fr i feel like the real ah in the story is her ex husband, there is always an option

[@xar1aa]

Some people want biological kids they want different things he’s not the bad guy for that

[@angelichobi__18]

@@xar1aa yes but what makes him the bad guy is for LEAVING his wife over something that can’t be controlled. Yea they want biological kids but that isn’t a valid excuse to break your wife’s heart and leave her for being unable to provide him that

[@Sjfyy_]

@@angelichobi__18 It is absolutely a valid excuse. End of discussion.

[@angelichobi__18]

@@Sjfyy_ so him leaving his wife simply because she’s infertile? That’s seriously not a very valid excuse to leave your wife, there’s another way to have children with her the doctors would explain that. No matter how one looks at it her ex husband is the asshole

[@mackie355]

the woman who wouldn't let her husband participate in girls night seems to somehow be in an abusive relationship with someone who's completely dependant on HER also divorce

[@samevans3296]

Weaponized incompetence is surprisingly common

[@JUNJYR]

I don't usually jump the gun and tell people they should break up over the slightest thing, so when I say that that poor woman should divorce her husband, she should *definitely* divorce her husband and get out of that prison she found herself in. His disability is no excuse. It's one thing to need her for certain things that he can't do himself, but he is *intentionally* isolating her and clinging to her, breathing down her neck even when she goes to the bathroom! She should run for the hills and he should go to therapy ASAP.

[@AntiSoraXVI]

Unpopular opinion, but I’m kinda annoyed it’s on AITA in the first place. She’s fully aware that she isn’t and the situation isn’t okay. It’s quite obviously abusive and I’m sure her friends have said that to her multiple times (obviously assuming this is real.) Call me crazy, but she got forced into a 24/7 nursing job with no breaks and she’s asking if she’s an asshole for not being happy about it? Feels like the time to get advice from friends rather than validation from the internet

[@Blue.1889]

@@AntiSoraXVIwell the problem is she said she doesn’t even get to see her friends often. If she can’t get away from him physically, we also don’t know if he monitors her texts. She definitely can’t call about this concern if he’s always nearby. And maybe her friends didn’t think it’s their place to say something about her relationship, especially since her husband is disabled, people could take criticism the wrong way and it’s not a situation most people would know about (caring for a disabled partner with normal boundaries). So I get her turning to outsiders for opinions

[@katsageexe]

@@AntiSoraXVI the thing is that many people don't even realize they are being abused until they tell people, especially if she had a parent or someone who did something similar to her growing up, maybe her friends finally saw it and told her and so she went to reddit to ask, I don't agree with going online to ask strangers for advice but it's not always for validation

[@Valentina-is3bh]

the thing is for the wedding one is I feel like her attitude was important. Going off of what she said, she mentioned she did try to get a blush coloured version of the dress, and told them in advance respectfully that she was going to wear the colour that the dress that she thought looked best was. If she had not said anything, and didnt bother to accommodate to their requests at all, I could understand the family's side more, but I think her heart was genuinely in the right place, which makes her NTA.

[@ahuynh52]

100%!!! it sounds like she ended up trying to do what they wanted and they were still mad that it didn’t work out

[@erinaa9486]

Also, the argument about "tradition" could go the other way too... Her family's tradition is prob white. And she wants the white one. And it's her body wearing the dress.

[@BloodBlothers]

Not going to say your interpretation is wrong but the way it came off to me is that she was careful in a way that avoided actually committing one way or the other, despite the tone alluding to her not even wanting a blush dress. Like, if she knew beforehand they couldn’t change the color, how come all these people who helped her pick out the dress only found out as she was walking down the aisle?? If you’re going to break tradition it makes more sense to get ahead of it rather than intentionally blindside people

[@bumblerbree]

@@BloodBlothers she definitely wasn't intentionally trying to blindside them, i think it was just a miscommunication from her trying to be polite and consider the tradition but still wanting to find her perfect dress. the family took the 'maybe' as a yes and she didn't think it was that big a deal/didn't want to come off as denying the tradition so she didn't tell them explicitly beforehand.

[@BloodBlothers]

@@bumblerbree Yeah, I get that. But then, when she found out they couldn't change the color, pretty easy to just say that. The MIL was there when the dress was chosen, so was involved at least somewhat in the bridal process. And it's not like this wasn't something at the very least talked about more than once beforehand. Trying but not succeeding is fine, she's not at fault for doing what she wanted. But then saying the other people are at fault for being dissapointed is a bit unfair, considering for all they knew you were just stringing them along to placate them. That's why I was saying communication is the key thing here. If she had told them beforehand and they still reacted like that, then that's 100% on them. Don't give people false hope and be surprised if they are disappointed when you don't deliver...

[@CottageCritter]

My big note that really bugged me enough to have to say something: “I always wanted to have a gender reveal party” She didn’t say why. I lost my dad when I was 21 and this is just like my own vocabulary. I don’t reiterate my dad is dead every chance I get, but he is by far and none the reason for me doing a LOT of things. So if it gets brought up I’ll be like “ya listen, my dads why I do A, B, or C.” I don’t think she was trying to manipulate by any means but just clarifying why it was so emotional for her because people were invalidating her feelings over losing this opportunity. I hope that makes some sense.

[@devilsplayhouse]

I completely agree with this. I feel like she could’ve not wanted to share why at the moment or just like you said it was a part of her vocabulary. Manipulation comes in many forms, but I don’t see it in what she is saying. She has her own grievances and issues and just because she didn’t state the reason behind her gender reveal party doesn’t mean that she is a manipulator. I feel like I can kinda have a say in this as I’ve had some manipulative relationships in the past and can kinda pick up what is considered gaslighting.

[@C0deB1u3]

I agree, there is the possibility that she WAS using it as a manipulation, but that's less likely in my opinion. Plus I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and she has not given me a reason to think she was trying to manipulate. It seemed more like she was trying to explain further why it was so important to her, like maybe the comments at the time were focused on why it was so important

[@v0id_d3m0n]

Agreed, but even if that wasn't the reason, the point is that it was important to her.

[@nathangaspacio6128]

idk it seems kind of sketchy like she was trying to use the thing of a dead mother to make people not judge her since that sounds like something she would mention in the actual post if it was true. also i think she overeacted since it sounds like they felt bad for it so even though it was assholish of them, cutting them off entirely is extreme

[@dinospumoni5611]

Her mom died in the past 3 years. 3 years isn't "always".

[@hannacool27]

For the gold digger story, if my fiancé told me that it was all in my head after that, I would’ve said “well now you can be unemployed, alone, and single on thanksgiving”

[@juliao9479]

No kidding! Such gaslighting. I would be outta there so fast

[@Wawagirl17]

For real. These people GOTTA start figuring out if they can make peace with their future in-laws BEFORE they get engaged and / or married.

[@volkova6209]

@@Wawagirl17 eh it depends

[@dasiah7059]

@@juliao9479oooooi😢o 😢😢😅😮i

[@fandomgirl8928]

Periodt

[@JynxieTheMermaid]

I will comment on one. The bride shouldn't get crapfor her dress. My mother was a bridal salon owner my entire life. Both of us also make custom gowns to this day. That being said, I've seen thousands of MILs try to tell thee bride what to wear. They are always wrong and here is why. Almost every little girl grows up dreaming of what she wants her wedding to be like and her dress is the BIGGEST part of that day. It's a decision that comes from the brides heart and fantasies that decides what she wants to wear. If she wanted to wear a burlap potato sack that day she can do so. It's her dress, she has to wear it, and she will be the one remembering it and always looking back at the photos of that day. If she looks at those photos and sees herself in a dress she didn't feel was right for her, all she will feel is sad and let down. Her husband giving her crap for it is asking for her to want a different wedding with someone who won't do so.

[@dheu]

Not sure we should encourage little girls focusing so much on a fantasy of their wedding that we excuse the grown-up girls not seeing the reality of what marriage should be. As a society we've built up this fantasy of a "perfect wedding" to the point that too much focus is put on it by women of all ages. A wedding may not be perfect, she may not have the perfect dress, it may rain, but who cares, because what matters is having the people you love together to celebrate a union that should last a much longer time than a single day.

[@moethemoon]

@dheu Even if this type of commentary wasn’t the point of the initial comment, I agree 100%. Marriage is sold as a fantasy and it shouldn’t be

[@Anna192g]

@@dheu 100% agree! I would say have a wedding if you really want, but it is really hyped up to the extremes and it is ultimately a quite selfish thing and usually for the bride. Everything has to be 'perfect' for them and everyone else has to comply and walk on eggshells.

[@annachase6036]

@@dheu I'd say the MIL who try to fit their vision for the dress on the bride have issues with the bride. If they were happy their son is marrying this woman they would accept her vision. Because at the end of the day why would you tell someone what to wear? I agree that the bride could have been a little more compromising but being this upset about a color isn't a good sign

[@DogsandPennies]

But does the husband not also get to make a decision about the wedding? I hate how this whole thing is framed as a MIL vs the bride when we all know the MIL's opinion doesn't matter here. The tradition was important to the groom, the bride should have either kept his desires in mind or sat doen and told him straight that she wouldn't do them (then at least that way he could of compromised and had a blush suit or tie or something)

[@paganchimeratunes254]

I decided to post on AITA yesterday and the amount of people telling me I needed to leave my husband is wild. Like damn I just wanted to know if I should apologize or not 😂

[@nooneimportant460]

Lol yeah really. “My husband accidentally…”. All of Reddit - Leave him!

[@missserenity1090]

I mean it kinda depends on the situation. The way people act and react says a lot about them and the relationship you have with them. The situation you’re in might be one where you’re not even the one at fault. I don’t really know you’re situation so I can’t say one way or the other.

[@nathangaspacio6128]

NTA 100% Divorce him and eat his parents

[@ronniejc]

Ok if you gonna talk about it just tell us the full story 😭

[@speedude0164]

People act like they know your husband better from one Reddit post than you do from all the years you've spent with him.

[@musiclover8843]

why do the partners suck in all these stories. is it that hard to side with your partner against your family every once in a while? it’s just baffling to me

[@kriseaf]

To be fair, r/AITA is self-selecting. The people post on there because their partners suck, so therefore it seems like all the stories there have partners that suck. If those the original poster had good, open communications and expectations then they would not be questioning if they suck, they'd trust their partners to call them out on it and trust whatever they say.

[@ghettomarc50]

What is it with all these sons not standing up to their mother for their wife?

[@hd5933]

True, but that’s also bc the people with good partners have no need to post about them on this Reddit 😂

[@missserenity1090]

@@kriseaf Not really, there are a lot of posts on there where the partner will side with op. Usually they get a lot of backlash from the partners family and/or friends though.

[@minisn3066]

Partners who do stand up aren’t going to end up in this sub.

[@madamproducer2102]

I would like to correct you, Dylan, on 1 thing: dress codes for weddings are/should be entirely up to the couple getting married! My husband and I did Steampunk for our wedding but dressing up was optional for the guests. We didn't care if our guests came in sweatpants and a t-shirt, just as long as they were there. If I had told my husband and family that I was gonna wear a batman costume at the altar, trust that nobody would have been able to stop me lol

[@bumblerbree]

that sounds like an amazing wedding damn!!

[@kittypeanut4102]

Cool!

[@ekaterinakuznetsova]

This is what I aspire for my wedding 😂🤩

[@brendav4695]

"You should uninvite your fiance from your wedding" i'm going to remember that for the rest of my life😂

[@mrspreminger]

as an immigrant kid, the air mattress story would never be an issue because the kind of behavior from the son would never fly in the first place

[@jesalynndoesthings]

I don't understand what happened to basic empathy, like that is the kid's grandma. Anytime my grandma came to visit I was the first to offer my room bc I was so excited to have her stay with us.

[@silverkyre]

@@jesalynndoesthings And even if you weren't super excited you go, fine, like you don't have to like it. But you also don't throw a tantrum. The worst one is the husband. Saying she just shouldn't come over. Asshole behavior

[@kenyett7]

My family never had to do this until my Zambian stepmom married my dad. I saw that's what they did at her sister's house, so when it happened to me, I was a bit miffed, but I knew what to expect so it wasn't a big deal, though I still grumbled about it... A slight inconvenience to me for a few days didn't seem that bad of a trade off for somebody visiting

[@monicaenglish2566]

As someone who also grew up with immigrant parents and had guests come over, SAME!! If guests were coming over you want to make sure they feel comfortable even if it means you sleep on the floor or share a bed with your cousins. Also, the fact that he's 12 years old and throwing a fit, you would think he knew better than to whine like a toddler. I'm glad the mom put her foot down. The father on the other hand.. yikes.

[@whalieneffect]

Truly. Like kid you’re at least getting an air mattress, I would get a pillow and blanket on the floor in my sister’s room- no arguments allowed. Suck it up and that first sleep back in his bed in 3 days will feel like heaven.

[@Paradigm7977]

The mom with the large bedroom situation was completely right in what she did. Her son needs to respect her and she is being completely reasonable. Thats how it was when I was growing up, the big bed/room always goes to guests.

[@Artytanium]

I remember reading that post originally and there were a lot of people siding with the son because of his age he needs privacy and I was like wtf? It doesn't matter the age, kids need to learn to honor their word and that they won't always get away with everything they want

[@ilikedesserts]

My dad (from the balkans) grew up poorly with 11 siblings and he often tells me about his childhood and how there was almost never a day were they did not have guests over. They had one big room that was divided in 2 half, full of mattresses. 1 half belonged to girls and the other to guys. If a family of 14 people had enough space to constantly let guests stay in, then a family of four should be able to handle that too.

[@unfabgirl]

@@Artytanium Agreed. I grew up with a relatively cushy room and always had to give it up for my relatives when they visited. Once I got old enough to want to stay in my room for family visits, my parents agreed so long as I shared it. I did until I was a teen and that only changed due to how many kids my relatives had by that point and it was easier to deal with couches and air mattresses. The mom gave the kid plenty of options. He knew the deal when he took the room. The fact that he tried to have his cake and eat it too only shows the kid was in the wrong

[@chiefpurrfect8389]

Also I can't help but notice this pattern in how families socialize their kids where boys will often refuse to make any sort of compromise to accommodate other family members and raise a stink over losing even a little bit of their comfort, while girls are more willing to give up their own comfort even in situations where they have every right not to. The son knew that the perk of having the bigger room full time meant he would have to share it with another family member once in a blue moon and the daughter got the smaller room under the promise that she will always have her privacy. This was the mutually agreed upon arrangement. Also, I've noticed the boys' comfort is often prioritized- I think it's interesting that the dad is the only one supporting the son's tantrum- despite what the rules very clearly were, they now need to be bent and the sister has to get the short end of the stick cause... f you daughter, your brother said so. I've seen this happen so many times. Props to the mom for sticking to her guns and trying to teach the kids that choices have consequences at least.

[@orangeyeji4238]

If it were my brother he would have got his ass whooped lmao

[@lovelyjuliexo]

10:09 nah i agree cause she never promised she’d wear a blush dress and then they all got upset at her and just because she’s marrying into the family doesn’t mean she should be forced to wear a blush dress rather than a white dress…also it’s just a color…relax

[@macyrowles7133]

100% plus, it seems like the MIL was more pushy about it than the husband. For me, if it was such a big deal, surely the husband would’ve discussed it with her throughly before even planning the wedding?

[@sabrinaloizides-merideth9874]

For the gender reveal one... My husband and I planned not to have any idea of the baby's gender until the birth. My mom asked if she could find out so she could buy some things. I said yes and swore her to secrecy. She was allowed to tell only my dad. She was better than her word. While I was in labor she still refused to tell my MIL the gender.

[@cdnde]

Great mom

[@YassiJoon]

@@cdnde unlike that son lol

[@townfool4682]

Yes that's exactly the support you need from family!! and people also forget what it is like to set boundaries with in-laws as a new mom. A pregnancy is basically like a test run for how much your in-laws will respect your parenting style and your wishes as a parent. It doesn't matter if it comes from excitement, because that lack of respect for her boundaries will lead to a lot bigger issues down the line if the MIL and SIL don't learn from this. My sister recently had a child and has struggled a lot to keep her MIL from becoming over-bearing and not respecting the decisions that she and her husband make for their family. She really likes her MIL, but they have very different parenting styles and expectations of family, and her husband doesn't do enough to tell his mom "no" when she is pressuring my sister to do something. Instead, he'll often just try to "resolve" the issue by asking my sister to do what the MIL wants. He doesn't see how that is going to play out in the future, but she does, and it has been extremely important to her to set those boundaries from the jump, for the sake of everyone's relationships. She wants to have a good relationship with his mom, but she knows she won't be able to if they allow his mom to dictate their family life

[@cat4100]

I feel like with the gender reveal story we’re really overlooking the part where OP was last to know. Not only did the MIL and SIL tell people, but it meant that she was basically last to know the gender of her own baby. I think that gives her the right to be really mad about that.

[@ay2537]

Yeah but still she overreacted

[@elsie9939]

@@ay2537 yeah her anger is valid but défi blown out of proportion. Like now she’s threatening the father of the baby not to be in the delivery room. I get MIL, but the dad over this. It’s all too dramatic and a bit manipulative

[@kuroyuki6254]

@@elsie9939 No, I agree with her. She didn't threaten him just because she could, like Dylan insinuated. She threatened him, because he kept nagging her about his mother being there. She's pregnant, during that time her comfort has to be top priority. MIL made a mistake, now she has to deal with the consequences. And instead of doing all this in hopes she'd ignore her own anger, they should instead focus on fixing the relationship with her. First step MIL and SIL should apologize and that's it. Not apologize so they get something in return, apologize because they care about her. And if they do everything with their relationship in mind chances are high that the OP won't be angry at them anymore once delivery comes around and would let them into the delivery room

[@caseymarie625]

It really irritated me how he painted it 😭 cuz this one “mistake” is fucking huge THE MOTHER was THE LAST TO KNOW people just keep ignoring that 😒

[@sormnasticssjs5038]

Umm do u know what a gender reveal is 💀💀

[@elysehyland642]

Omfg, the gender reveal one is SO much more legitimate when you realise that the mum was the last to know. The gender reveal was for her and her husband to learn the gender, not necessarily everyone else. That's a legit reason to be upset. MIL and SIL fucked up. Give her space

[@Makjaoiuewhxkjs]

Yeah, at first I was like, it's not a big deal, besides that they can still have a party even if everyone already knows. But then he read this fragment about the fact that she found out the gender of the kid she was pregnant with from SMS with congratulations. No wonder she was pissed. And also never does it state that the MIL and SIL ever tried to apologize. If they apologized I would have probably forgiven it after some time. But if they refuse to admit they wronged her I would also be hesitant to have much contact with them. And labor room itself is extremely intimate, I would probably not want my MIL there even if I had good relations with her.

[@yolandalee7518]

Isn’t it her first child as well? She’s deff NTA and her husband is dead wrong for not being more understanding.

[@sonofasgard4329]

It bothers me how Dylan was quick to validate the excitement and joy of the SIL and MIL about the gender but continuously invalidates the pregnant woman's reaction to this. At the end of the day, it's her child and she gets to decide how she will know the gender, and it's certainly not through a text message after everyone already knew before she did. And no, it's not power Dylan to decide who gets into the delivery room, it's basic decency to respect the boundaries set by the pregnant woman in her most vulnerable state. Also, he was biased right from the very beginning and undermined the importance of the gender reveal to this person. Bro you can't control how one values an event in their life considering that this is a first time event in her life.

[@carmencurtis2314]

I was searching for this comment

[@lexiohdancer4199]

Not even that. Those parties are to show that the couple is supported by a community.

[@maryamshaaban74]

"I'm just an innocent bystander" to me, this screams "I don't like confrontations and will avoid them at any expense, even yours" imagine them arguing in the future? Having to punish their child? It just seems like he doesn't want to take responsibility and throws it on his fiance being "delusional" again, just to avoid the confrontation.

[@Ray_Vun]

not sure if he's non confrontational or just scared of his parents. the fact that he hid his unemployment from them and the fact they uninvited him from thanksgiving makes me think he grew up with the idea that being confrontational in any way towards his parents would get him cut off

[@maryamshaaban74]

@@Ray_Vun I see where you're coming from but I believe that it'd also lead to someone who avoids confrontations in general, being brought up with the idea that any confrontation would lead to some form of loss. It's really difficult filtering certain values you've learned from your parents to only be present with them, it usually becomes a part of someone's personality with everyone.

[@erika-paigehutch3930]

my dad was like that when i was a kid and it (along with other stuff) led to divorce, after that wake up call hes good now and stands up for me alot against my grandparents and for my siblings against our ma

[@maryamshaaban74]

@@erika-paigehutch3930 sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad your father found his voice and is defending you as well

[@erika-paigehutch3930]

@@maryamshaaban74 thanks my guy, things are much better nowadays which is great for all of us

[@braelinnbjerklie2144]

My thing is about the blush dress tradition, is that even if they don't have a daughter they could've implemented blush into their sons outfit. She's entering the family for sure, but she's not their daughter. It's not her family tradition. She probably grew up with different ideas about what her ceremony could look like. Them shoving tradition on her and being mad that she didn't follow confuses the hell out of me. If they later have a child that wants to wear a dress at their wedding then mil can bring this tradition up but op isn't their daughter so it's a moot point. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@ByzantineDarkwraith]

Yeah, their son can wear a blush dress if they care so much about their tradition.

[@mx3324]

Exactly! What about what she wants? She’s entering that family but so is he to hers. If she truly wanted a white dress for what SHE was wearing then she wears a white dress. Even if she wanted to wear a Batman outfit she could do that, it’s her choice.

[@EmaMalik]

Or they could have even found a different compromise - blush shoes or accessories. They could have incorporated the colour into her outfit another way. But at the end of the day it's *her* day and *she* is the one wearing it. There's no point in staying mad about it

[@jujit04]

Also, she told them beforehand that she respectfully decline, so it's not like they were blindsighted by her

[@Ani-xq7we]

I love the mom and daughter in the room situation! Glad to see that some people still make sense and are trying to raise kids with good lessons in life.

[@anushkaa]

The woman who skipped the funeral had me weak. The MIL was definitely sketchy for getting her an economy seat, but a small separation on a temporary plane ride shouldn't have been enough to make her straight up leave her seemingly distraught husband. She needs to pick and choose her battles and she definitely chose wrong here. The gold digger one - if the male in this situation felt like it was so horrible being unemployed/lacking money and was ashamed to tell his own family knowing the value they place on wealth, why is he ok with them constantly implying that she can't afford anything/is only with him for his money? I don't get how he can blame his fiancé and consider himself an innocent bystander in this situation. The wedding one - the tradition is in the husband's family and arguably, if the wife didn't want to change her dress to fit their tradition, I'm not mad at her. The groom could've worn blush if it's that important or maybe if he had a sister, she could wear the blush dress for her wedding. It's unfair for the MIL to dictate the bride's day and I think the bride and groom could've talked about the dress situation beforehand so they both could decide what works for them as a couple on their day without everybody else's opinions.

[@clementina3350]

> and I think the bride and groom could've talked about the dress situation beforehand exactly! I don’t understand why almost no one mentions that in the comments. sure it’s a special day. for BOTH OF THEM, not just for her. why couldn’t she discuss that with a man she was going to marry to see if that tradition really is important to him? everyone keeps saying it’s her special day so she can do whatever she wants as if she’s only one getting married. it’s their special day. not just hers.

[@anushkaa]

@@clementina3350 I hear you! People tend to always focus on the bride more, but the groom matters too obviously haha We don't know how important this tradition was to him or what his expectations were so I'm also not mad that he expressed disappointment. She said she showed up in white so he could've been thinking the whole time she was going through with the tradition until she walked down the isle.

[@Becky.Ray14]

I also think if the husband had wanted to he couldve had his ticket changed to coach to sit with her. That is the most likely solution.

[@missriot42]

The husband wearing a blush tie would've been such a cute idea

[@emilyglass6625]

@@Becky.Ray14 Yeah, that's the part that weirds me out. It comes across like he just looks at the tickets, sees that she's in coach and he's in first class, and is like, "Well there's nothing to be done, off to steerage with you, my dear." He's devastated and needs his wife's emotional support, but when they're split up, he doesn't work on a solution where they can stay together, he picks the comfy chair.

[@ChloePurcell]

It just makes me laugh the way it says she’s 7 months pregnant and Dylan says that it’s only 5 more to go LMAOO THIS IS HILARIOUS 😂

[@froggy5748]

Ah yes, human women are all pregnant for a full year and not nine to ten months on average

[@harshitawho257]

NAH FR I LOADED AND I CAME STRAIGHT TO THE COMMENTS

[@chloesdeadinside8982]

Lol this is not the first time he’s said something like this. 😂

[@s_beetlebum_s]

yep i was like wait a minute..

[@grantc2854]

was he joking or is he just stupid

[@LizaGrace97]

I kinda feel bad for the gender reveal one, because she lost both parents to something unavoidable and out of her control and is now going through life, a pregnancy and a marriage without almost any of her family. I think maybe the gender reveal was the one thing she felt like she could do to feel in control and honor her parents and the MIL took it upon herself to tell everyone even though there was gonna be a party where everyone would have found out regardless. It's definitely a tricky one to pin down but sometimes the littlest things can mean a lot to people and maybe that was it for her, and that on top of everyone telling her how she SHOULD feel especially with all those pregnancy hormones AND grieving the loss of both parents I think it was probably less about them and more of a last straw for her mentally/emotionally.

[@kamrynmallory2627]

That wheelchair story tho. It seems so clear when reading it but a huge yikes when dealing with the needs of your partner vs the needs of yourself, but when she said she even goes the the bathroom with the door open????? And she hasn’t even seen her family bc her partner refuses to go???? Even with the limited accommodations for wheelchairs in the US, there’s no physical reason to not visit her family, or even go to the grocery stores?? I really hope the wife is mentally okay dealing with the strain of issues like that

[@KateCat420]

That story makes me genuinely afraid for her health, she is his wife not his nurse and he's trying to force her to be both

[@zarahshabs7936]

Even nurses go to the bathroom in peace 🥴

[@aneleh6]

How old is that guy, 3?

[@elsie9939]

Frr, im a disability support worker and being wheelchair bound or even needing support with Activities of daily living doesn’t mean you have to depend on someone 24/7. The work of family and support is to help that person be as independent as they can be and live a full life. She doesn’t need to be tied down at all. That is not her role and this guy is being manipulative and overly dependent when he doesn’t need to be at all. I pray for her.

[@AmberKelly82]

The woman that got in her feelings about the economy plane ticket is 100% the asshole. It's selfish and childish behavior. Also, since it's obvious that she doesn't believe she's in the wrong at all, she's not sorry and not only will her inlaws never forgive her but neither will her husband. Was it really worth it?

[@Fan_Girl-xd8wy]

The MIL was totally the asshole, she went out of her way to disrespect the wife. And the husband has no balls, he was 100% okay with letting his mom disrespect his wife

[@bumblerbree]

@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy 'out of her way' bro she probably just didn't have the money for two first class tickets, and by the sounds of it she probably knew the wife wouldn't be giving too much comfort if they were both in economy.

[@Josy5527167]

If my in laws paid for my ticket, where ever it is, I would be thankful. It was weird she didn’t sit them next to each other though. But maybe let this one pass, her husband just died.

[@AmberKelly82]

@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy we don't know the reason behind MIL's decision. But for the sake of this argument we'll assume that MIL WAS going "out of her way to disrespect the wife". She basically said her husband was almost inconsolable on the way to the airport after losing his father and when she finds out that they aren't going to be sitting together on the plane she makes everything about her. She throws a fit and abandons her husband in his vulnerable state. Anyone that agrees with her decision to do that is probably just as selfish as she is. She's throwing a hissy fit over her FREE plane ticket. She's an asshole in this scenario. Maybe the MIL is too but not as much as she is.

[@kaitlynroush6518]

@@bumblerbree hahahahaha that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard... and you've probably never experienced shitty MIL behavior from the sounds of it...

[@colucloud]

Usually the family is disappointed when the dress ISN'T white lmao

[@SubKween]

Her caring about the dress is NOT superficial. She’s the one wearing it! 10:49

[@reeree4755]

Exactly. If the blush wasn't her colour then fine. Like if you're talking about tradition, white is pretty traditional. What about her traditions? She shouldn't have to look like trash on the day to make others happy

[@Meeretto]

Exactly, if blush is a family tradition then the husband should've worn it.

[@aly5066]

right lol i was confused when he said that

[@rolandhansen812]

@@Meeretto OMG Yes! I'm now picturing this big burly man standing up at the altar in a frilly pink dress

[@cocomuffin4666]

@@Meeretto BEST TAKE ON THIS

[@p1kkuma]

The second last story: Father is an absolute coward, wtf. It’s not that big of a deal to sleep somewhere else in the house for 3 nights. And only 3 nights??? My aunt’s family stayed with us for like a year, and I had to give up my room for them. Sounds like the child is under disciplined, and it sounds like the father is WAY too light on his children. I couldn’t imagine acting that way when I was a child to my mom when I found out family would be staying over for a year. I WROTE THIS BEFORE FINISHING THE SECTION LMAO I didn’t even realize Dylan talked shit about the father, I’m so glad he did lol

[@Peacebunnie]

It reads like the father is spoiling his son behind mom's back :/ That doesn't end well. And as the daughter is so smug, I suspect son has been mocking her about having the smaller room.

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

17:22 just wanna say that it’s not really a power play. No one except the woman giving birth *ever* has a say. If she doesn’t want her husband there because he’s wearing a green shirt, SHE is the one giving birth.

[@BeyondTrash-xe1vs]

This is true, but Dylan is calling it a power play as he interpreted it not as the woman genuinely not wanting him the room, but just threatening him to silence his disagreement. That's obviously incredibly unhealthy behavior between partners.

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

@@BeyondTrash-xe1vs it’s unhealthy that she had to deal with his family. It’s his family… and she’s just telling him to deal with them and he isn’t.

[@-_-ale-_]

I think that she can only keep someone out if she’s uncomfortable, but just because of an argument and spite kicking the father of the baby out is insanely messed up

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

@@-_-ale-_ have you ever given birth? It’s not about the father. It’s about the person actually giving birth. If she is upset at the guy for any reason and he’s making her unhappy, too bad so sad. A woman giving birth needs to be in a healthy head space. If that guy is just stressing her out, he can cry a river. A supportive partner wouldn’t cause his partner stress when they’re about to give birth.

[@jennonfire]

Accident vs Mistake is a very important distinction that needs to be talked about more.

[@Fan_Girl-xd8wy]

Mistake or not, i dont want a dumb b_tch like that in the delivery room. Its common sense to not tell the entire world the sex of the baby when the parents explicitly wanted for it to be a surprise for everybody. The MIL is either dumb AF or a straight up b_tch

[@ayannabranchcomb7535]

Yes! I’m curious what your interpretation is of the two. Mine is basically that an accident is something you didn’t mean to do/was not aware of/had no control over. A mistake is something you meant to do but you regret it or the unintended fallout of your action

[@ahuynh52]

@@ayannabranchcomb7535 that’s exactly it - accidents are unintentional whereas mistakes are intentional but later recognized as wrong. boggles my mind that “i made a mistake” is so often taken as a way to avoid blame lol

[@anm8001]

"A mistake is something that happens due to your action, thought process or perception. Accidents happen when something goes wrong and you had no control over it." But at the same time mistakes don't make someone a bad person. Someone might have pure intentions, then later recognise it as bad. Since they were misguided or perceived something wrong. Could be due to errors in communication leading you to perceive a situation wrong. We all have done things we regret with pure intentions.

[@Artytanium]

@@anm8001 Exactly! Like when you make a joke about a sensitive topic because you're not familiar with it but then educate yourself and understand that you made a mistake. And accidents just happen, they are not necessarily bad or good (there are happy little accidents 🎨)

[@german_hp-fan1104]

For the blush dress thing, the fact that she tried to change the color to blush instead of White (she asked if they can alter it and they couldn’t do it) shows that she was willing to follow the tradition, but in the case of the dress it wasn’t possible. And she wasn’t willing to give up the dress she was happy in, which is completely reasonable because most of the time, the dress is one of the most important things for the bride. Sure, the family has a tradition, but it shouldn’t be held against her if she doesn’t follow it, it’s her day. She tried but shouldn’t give the dress up just because the MIL wanted to…

[@ABigHandsomeMan]

17:49 nta. having a child can be a one in a lifetime experience for a lot of people, and even if it isnt its still a huge, exciting, life changing event. she deserved to not have the gender spoiled for her. she deserved to find out that info exactly how she wanted to and that opportunity was ruined for her by two women who just keep it to themselves for a couple more days, mistake or not, it was selfish. It sounds like in the wording they did know better but decided to tell people anyway.

[@nathangaspacio6128]

I think the MIL is the AH but not big ones bc they did try to apologise and seemed to feel bad and I can understand why the SIL told the MIL so I dont think shes the AH. I think the husband is NTA because he was trying to de-escalate the situation and I think OP is slightly the AH because she used the delivery as a threat to her husband who didn't do much if anything wrong and therefore overeacted regarding him and the family.

[@a.a.2752]

the air mattress story is funny to me because in an asian household it would not even be up for debate lol but the mom is definitely NTA for sticking to something they all agreed on

[@catwantscookie]

Same here, my family would sleep in the smaller room, us kids usually on the floor, so that our older relatives could sleep in a better bedroom comfortably. It was fun, like having a sleepover. Mom NTA.

[@luciakaminski779]

Latin family here, and at least in mine, they wouldn't even have to ask or have deals about it, of course you would give your room to your grandma.

[@kriseaf]

My super white family wouldn't even have this discussion either. Mom says move rooms, we move rooms. Family coming to visit? We double-bunk. I think Dylan hit it on the head--the son was acting out because the dad didn't enforce the household rules evenly.

[@ninaniles3184]

If it weren’t for the deal that the mom said when it started, id have said why not just make the grandma stay on the air mattress When I go visit my parents I sleep on one, or the couch… the air mattress was better then my older bed I used to have so I don’t see the issue

[@chikai.3866]

@Cat WantsCookie right I'm Nigerian, so it sounds insane to me that this would even be up for discussion with a 10 year old that pays no bills.

[@ellie2486]

For the wedding one: if the family *really* wanted everyone in their family to wear a blush dress, the groom should have just thrown it on. It’s your son and your tradition so he’s wearing the blush dress now and I’m wearing what I want 🥰

[@chickenbreast7016]

Exactly. It its a tradition of your family, then why isnt the next blood relative doing it instead of the one marrying in? I think Id understand the MIL and groom more if the entire wedding was already planned to be blush themed, but it sounds like it was just her.

[@lightandleaves3858]

Especially because I looked up 'blush dress' and it's so ugly help 😭😂

[@Sofia-js4xp]

Yeah, or they could have adapted a little, since it isn’t like their family is the only one who has a ”special tradition” that they’ve been looking forward to, the girl has probably been picturibg this day all her life as well🙄Not to mention, she’s the one wearing the darned thing. If the in-laws were normal people (capable of logical thought and able to put themselves in her shoes) they wouldn’t make an issue of it, just have the groom wear like a blush necktie or scarf and give her matching flowers or something. And I don’t care what the context was, words can never be unsaid or unheard and they cut fucking DEEP, I’d never be able to stop thinking about how my husband felt dissapointed when he saw me walk down the aisle. Those words would never ever leave my head, and some ppl might call that petty, but idc, itks not about holding grudges, it’s just that some things you DO NOT say, some things are ”holy”, and that day definitely qualifies. I’d probably try to hear him out, but man, there are some lines that are just un-crossable cause if you do cross them my feelings will start to die right then and there.

[@thockythockthockchom]

You cant lose, if your family's mad, they realize how stupid it is; if they're not, you get to wear a fire ass dress

[@JVNZIIE]

13:19 “I am 7 months pregnant” Dylan: only 5 more to go! Dylan.. there’s 9 months in pregnancy..

[@Sapphirefiree]

I was looking for this comment thank you lmao

[@hannahogunniyi8444]

To be fair I get the ‘heartbroken’ thing cuz imagine some person you’re not even close to messaging you about the gender of your unborn baby, and THAT is you hearing it for the FIRST TIME. I’d be pissed

[@antiirizz]

I would be to, but the extent that she went was kinda unnecessary I’m pretty sure the mil apologized as well and she was probably excited 🤷🏻‍♀️😭 I get her frustration tho

[@TipTheScales27]

I fucking cannot stand him trying to be a devil’s advocate in all of these scenarios 🙄

[@TipTheScales27]

@@antiirizzNah it’s extremely fucked up and the MIL needs to respect her space. She completely trampled over her trust

[@rafi24089]

Plus imagine all the crazy hormones your body produce during pregnancy. Like even when ur on period or birth control, sometimes it just fucked your mood up, something “small” could hurt you deep lol😂 so yeah being more sensitive during pregnancy is also normal i guess

[@J3scape]

I agree, but also, it's not like you're close to the doctor that tells you normally. Ijs 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@dlex8380]

for the wedding one: on a day that is literally MADE to celebrate the couple, i feel like other’s peoples opinions shouldn’t even be a factor. the bride should be able to pick out a wedding dress that makes her feel stunning and happy on that day, and the husband should be able to do the same thing with what he wants to wear. i get that the husband wants to keep traditions as well, but in my opinion, seeing the absolute joy in your partner’s face while they walk down the aisle in something they chose means so much more than just sticking to tradition.

[@treepteepandey1571]

Exactly what I was thinking! They have a family tradition, I get it. But they can't force it on ppl? The daughters of the family can withhold that tradition but the daughter in law doesn't have to if she doesn't believe in that. They need to understand her side too. They can't simply impose it on her. It's her wedding as much as it's the groom's. And so if she wanted to wear a dress she loves then that shouldn't be a problem?

[@astrowolvez]

Not to mention she tried to have the colors changed but the place couldn’t do that,

[@astrowolvez]

@@treepteepandey1571want to bet they expect her to follow a tradition but don’t even ask mig her family has any. (Heck I bet there isn’t even a tradition they just made it up to make her look bad).

[@dlex8380]

@@astrowolvez exactly!!

[@imperviousdonut]

He could've worn a blush suit

[@lucyfry7783]

A wedding isn’t just a traditional it’s the union of two people that usually happens once in a life time. She should wear something that she loves.

[@minus606]

a union of TWO people...her ...and HIM aswell! she literaly addmited she only looked at the dress (look, cut, material etc) and not color (here saying "the dress is the color its JUST GOING TO BE" and "it HAPPENED to be white") Traditions can mean ALOT! And she just sh'ted on his traditions that were clearly important to him! Heck for some people this is a valid divorce reason! Its not even that she woreher mothers dress (like some do), no she bought a completly new dress. And she didn't care for the color either, like she didn' even say she actively hates the color blush! And she really couldn't find a dress that is BOTH blush and would still look nice and make her feel comfortable??? There was reeeeeaaaly NO room for both?

[@sunnyscott4876]

Perhaps she could compromise and find something she loves that also follows the traditions of the family....I'm just sayin'......

[@TipTheScales27]

Right! It’s not even her tradition. His family sounds like a bunch of bullies

[@nathangaspacio6128]

Personally I think the level of butthole that the family is depends on the reason for the tradition like if its ust a silly tradition then they are massive buttholes but if its got a long history and is meaningful for a good reason then they are still buttholes but small ones and I at least understand their perspective

[@tasnia104]

@@minus606 ok and what about her traditions? If her family came in and dictated exactly what he had to wear we would be calling them a family of bridezillas. But his family being passive aggressive over HER dress is ok? Yes it’s her wedding but her dress is not a joint decision and she said it might not be blush and she’s within her right. Tbh this is a grounds for divorce, on her end. The husband is enmeshed with his family and it’s gross. Who tells their wife they were disappointed ON THEIR WEDDING DAY. the family is incredibly entitled and should get over themselves and if they care that much he can wear blush or they should have a daughter for THEIR traditions. U cant push traditions on ppl when they prob have their own family traditions

[@donikakodra]

The last one was absolutely deserved. That guy needs to step it up. Also it was a birthday present of course she wasn't going to pay it herself and the MIL knew that, she just wanted to call her gold digger.

[@Vlogwithyasmine]

What I truly love about Dylan is that he cares enough to post EVERY monday and I mean EVERY monday without missing any.He’s just the best we don’t deserve him!

[@lbierman21]

A boy who runs on a set schedule. One could only wish lmao

[@FIREcrochethairstyles]

@Mickey Holmes hopefully he'll host a book signing at his alma mater!

[@star_astro_]

@FIRE CROCHET HAIRSTYLES 🔥 Ah yes, Dylan's alma mater, the extremely prestigious and renowed Totally-Wasn't-A-Scam College

[@romacoco]

It's almost like this is his job and a major source of income for him!

[@FIREcrochethairstyles]

@@romacoco he's accomplished so much for a 20 year old kid 😌

[@dancestar722]

If this is my first child and I'm excited about partaking in an experience with my family only to have it ruined by the people I trusted most I would be pissed. I think she's rightful to be angry and just doesn't want to deal with the mistrust she has towards them for the rest of her pregnancy

[@touch--]

doesn’t mean she should completely ignore them and threaten to ban her husband from the delivery room because he’s trying to mediate.

[@BeyondTrash-xe1vs]

​@@touch--Yeah, that's not healthy at all. Your partner should always feel comfortable disagreeing with you. Threatening them into silence is crazy unhealthy.

[@snehasengupta1346]

Dylan explaining how IVF works is exactly how Petra got pregnant in Jane The Virgin. 💀

[@loonatic-]

THATS WHAT I THOUGHT

[@cachmoney]

LMFAOOO that scene literally played in my head as he talked about it

[@rrrraquel9314]

YES!!

[@rrrraquel9314]

Wow, you just made want to rewatch Jane the Virgin 🤗🤗

[@snehasengupta1346]

@@rrrraquel9314 yeah, i am going to have to rewatch it too but that Petra scene is etched on my mind forever

[@spacegirl9006]

Damn, the way the guy's parents just uninvited him from Thanksgiving for losing his job tells a lot about them. Obviously the guy here is still the AH but I feel like the reason why he did it was probably cause he knew how demanding his parents are and how they'd react if they knew about him being unemployed.

[@wuramkesvfx]

I also feel like he could have defended his girl and the family wouldn’t even know he was unemployed but since he decided to do nothing that was the only way she could get them off her back. He should have stepped up. He is the asshole

[@naomicamacho5674]

Yh I feel that its partly why he didn't tell his family, but he still could defend her without having to spill the beans. He could simply tell the MIL to just back off and don't talk about her like that, because its disrespectful af.

[@spacegirl9006]

@@naomicamacho5674 def I agree

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

@@wuramkesvfx yes but he and she is the asshole. Everyones the asshole. Don't just call one person the asshole because it seems like you justify the other persons actions. Everyone there is a bitch.

[@wuramkesvfx]

@@somebodyoncetoldme2664 lol yes I justified her actions and that’s my opinion. If you think she is an asshole and a bitch you are welcome to think that .

[@rachaelrahe2183]

For the gender reveal one, how can you not see how terrible the mother in law is there? She’s obviously one of those people who love’s attention so when she got this big piece of news she couldn’t just keep it to herself. Also the pregnant person absolutely can decide to have whoever she wants and doesn’t want in the delivery room when pushing a baby out of her and no one else gets a say.

[@merelbalk1393]

Right? Sister in law gets the benefit of the doubt from me, MIL though… yiesh

[@marlowcram7068]

I don’t think it’s okay to make the dad leave the room though, I know she should have a say in who stays and who goes but he’s the DAD! He has a right to be there for the birth of his son

[@hermitabby]

​@@marlowcram7068he actually has no rights at all. At the end of the day its not just the fact that this mans child is being born but a woman is giving birth. Her comfort is number one and any doctor or nurse would respect the womans wishes above everyone they could have their distant best friend and not a single family member if they so choose. The only person who has a right on who is and isnt there is the woman giving birth regardless of the babies biological family.

[@MauveMimi]

@@marlowcram7068 the only person who has a right is the mom. She can say she wants no one but the staff there. if the husband is stressing her, he gon be kicked out. idk where you live but in the US, you can choose who and who not to let in.

[@Sara-May]

@@merelbalk1393 sister-in-law knew exactly what kind of person her mother is and told her anyway. She sucks too

[@breerutlin3710]

The boy not wanting to share his room comes from being spoiled, if family barely comes over anyway it wouldn't kill you to share your room for three days or to just let her have it. The younger sister in the smaller room offered to let the brother stay with her even though she didn't have to. The father going back on their word and trying to get the mother too, as well enables the son in the long run.

[@erisazeqiri]

I’m literally 20 and to this day i still give up my bed and sometimes even my room when relatives come over .. and they come over at least once a month so yea the kid is spoiled and acts entitled

[@aleatar]

​@@erisazeqiri same, I'm 25, I live in my parental home since I'm not married yet, and if I raised concerns over sharing a room with my relatives for just 3 days, even at my age my parents would make me unliving. And rightfully so. I wish my grandmothers were alive, nothing is too good for them.

[@anne-9235]

Also a grandma should sleep on a normal bed?? The young son prob won't even think its uncomfi

[@gdxnsk]

Why dont the parents give their room tho? even with him agreeing to it before means nothing because the kid is literally 12

[@aleatar]

@@gdxnsk 12 years old is way past the age of mental capacity for comprehending such simple issue, every psychologist will confirm that. Besides, you're saying that TWO people should give up their room (which is NOT what they agreed on) than ONE child share his room with another person (which IS what they agreed on)? At this point you're throwing the majority's comfort out the window for a comfort of literally one person. While also disregarding the agreement. This is a recipe for disaster to raise a spoiled and entitled person. That's also detrimental for a child himself, because once he grows up, the world is not gonna cater to his wishes. So you start teaching that little by little with cases and agreements like this, that's called discipline.

[@jasminehanson9551]

As a nurse who works in a hospital that has a birth center, I'm going to start calling the delivery room 'The Labor Law Room'

[@ForenzaAudio]

In the criminal justice division . . .these are their stories. DUN DUN

[@monicapetras8227]

1. If OP is going to generously give such a large sum of money to a friend in need maybe she needs to be sure that person is a friend. The other girl said something so spiteful and mean. It’s not an inside joke if you’re on the outside. Sure the other girl got her hopes up and is now disappointed/heartbroken but it’s an obvious consequence of her actions. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

[@dayana_atd]

Woman: “I’m seven months pregnant” People: “Congratulations” Dylan: “Only five more to go” 😂

[@TDVeldora]

I was like wait...what?

[@rolandhansen812]

I've heard him say in other videos that pregnancy takes 12 months. I am sure (well hopeful) that he is joking.

[@camiii2977]

pleasee I was searching for this comment, I thought I was hearing things lol

[@winonasue]

I was looking for this comment! 😂😂 people do not have the gestation period of an elephant 🐘 😂

[@maxwellgrimsley]

Was just about to comment this 😂

[@kaybee2199]

1.) If that woman TRULY believes her husband would leave her JUST because she can’t have a biological child with him…I need her to really think hard about the man she married.

[@orangemarissa50]

This comment!!! Exactly 💯

[@mariella2884]

THANK YOU. These women act as if a child will essentially trap their partner in place...why would you want that at all? Also 2. If you have to harass a friend for money before you even have a child you shouldn't have one. Do they have any concept of how much a child is? Perhaps they need a down payment on therapy instead.

[@neibi3900]

Unfortunately, many men are like that. Brad Pitt cheated on an infertile Jennifer Anniston and immediately impregnated another actress.

[@lyssah1980]

My dad is disabled and my mom likes after him through most of her marriage. She couldn't go do anything, not that dad couldn't be alone, but mom was allowed to go do things. This seems really like abuse. She's a prisoner in her own house. Poor lady. Looking after a loved one is really difficult, but added abuse to that is awful

[@hakitouchiha]

At this point AITA should just be switched to “should I or should I not divorce my spouse”

[@nourrris]

to be honest with you if somebody gave me 12k i would never even mention their name outside being with them out of fear i might somehow say the silliest little thing that makes them decide otherwise, cause goddamn 12k is! quite alot!

[@froggy5748]

Right?? And not only is she making a joke about her friend who gave her $12k, she’s making an extremely mean-spirited joke about how the OP is a “desperate” infertile woman who’s husband left her because she wasn’t good enough in the friend’s eyes. It’s fucked up.

[@kathleenuclear]

EXACTLY! It's a really devastating thing and the fact that her friend didn't understand that despite quite literally going through a similar experience tells me everything I need to know. Thankfully she got to keep her money and her dignity and friends who actually care about her!

[@LilBooty]

Also another thing, if you can't afford IVF treatment, maybe don't have a child. Because a child is gonna be a lot more "expensive" than 12.000$.

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

@@LilBooty true! They clearly aren't prepared well enough with 1. how to respect other people and teach proper morals to the kid to be a decent human being 2. support the kid financially

[@HouseMDaddict]

Sounds like the friend was probably keeping other friend around for the money. Probably wasn't the first time the friend made unkind joke about the $12K friend throughout their 15 years of friendship. Sounds like the $12K friend has their out and the leak friend was sick of it too. Like just no.

[@Zephyr1996]

I think the boyfriend was 100% telling the parents she was a gold digger, it's probs why they were so mad!

[@bunnyrabi]

Oh for sure. The fact he had to hide his unemployment said everything. Honestly she's lucky if she didn't marry him, it sounds like the the guy is the problem more so than his family

[@teesandzees]

It is getting harder and harder to keep track of all the jokes Dylan is making while the editor is simultaneously roasting him 😭😭

[@Epatt95]

For the wedding I would argue that the Groom could have upheld the family tradition and worn a blush suit?

[@KateCat420]

Yeah like my BIL wore a salmon suit at his wedding and it looked awesome 👌 you can do it yourself dude!

[@VelvetCake423]

exactly this, its HIS families tradition not hers... forcing her to do it, then complaining and being dramatic that she didn't is wrong imo ESP after she DID ask if her fave dress did come in blush (tho unfortunately it didnt) and what if her own family had a tradition about what the bride wears and she had wanted to uphold THAT tradition instead? i bet they still would have picked a fuss

[@kennedyc0l3man]

The bride is NTA!! One of the parts of women dreaming about the perfect wedding day is finding your dream dress…. No one should have guidelines they have to follow to find their dream dress that they have to pay for themselves

[@SupaSweetKay]

I can’t believe she missed her husband’s father’s funeral because the mom was being petty. Like I get it, and you can talk to her about it later but his father passed and he needed you and you skipped it for something small… that would change my whole marriage

[@froggy5748]

Right? Like yeah I’d be pissed over the MIL being petty but it’s a family member’s funeral, there’s no way in hell I would miss that, even if it’s an in-law and not a blood relative. That’s just crazy.

[@Fan_Girl-xd8wy]

She did it because the husband was also being an asshole for not sticking up for his wife

[@cemyafranks2586]

@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy he was literally grieving. He doesn't want to deal with their petty bs and I get that

[@silverkyre]

@@Fan_Girl-xd8wy He's not not gonna get in a fight with his mom. Her husband, his father just died. It's not about the wife right now.

[@crazy4beatles]

Yup, even if she's had issues with the MIL in the past, this is not the time. If first class was so important she could have paid for an upgrade. The MIL already paid for flights she had no obligation to pay. Heck, son could have asked to be moved to economy. Easy peasy.

[@Neeks]

It's time to judge people, the best time of the day! 1. NTA. You don't mock someone who hands you a $12k check! Especially not where someone can screenshot and expose you. OP may be harsh but I don't blame her. Now she can go get therapy. It was a "joke" but like... "desperate infertile ladies" club is a terrible club to be in it sounds like. 2. I immediately laughed at the title because nothing is funnier to me than mean MIL stories. The potential for nonsense is always so high! Okay so she wanted to be supportive and by his side up until it meant spending some amount of hours on opposite sides of a plane ride? WHAT?! Did the MIL do this on purpose, obviously lol! But OP fell for the trap! You can't fall for the trap! Also, sorry to OP, but last minute flights are expensive as hell, take the free ride. ESH but OP is TA. There is time for petty MIL/DIL war, but not while your husband is GRIEVING. 3. OMG YES ANOTHER MIL STORY! Let's see if she falls in the trap! Okay this was weird and the trap was marriage to a man who said he was disappointed seeing his bride to be walk down the aisle. OH WOW! Also, I may be an asshole because what if OP simply said "well, my tradition is walking down in a white dress." What would the convo have been then? She should be able to wear what she wants on her wedding day and it doesn't sound like she was being a bridezilla or anything. NTA. 4. OH NAUR! OP is NTA. That is all. 5. YES MORE MIL WAR! This one wasn't even fun. The MIL and SIL were just excited. I definitely feel like it wasn't malicious. And I am not ever going to argue with a pregnant woman about who can be in the room while a baby explodes from her biblical gash (gross, right) so, she'll probs let everyone in at the end but she is mad right now. NTA, she is hormonal. 6. Nah, kid needs to stick to his word. The daughter played the long game and won! Mom is NTA, dad needs a backbone readjustment procedure at the Dylan Birthing Labor Laws Centre. 7. Why are there so many stories of husbands/boyfriends sitting by and letting their family berate and insult their partners?! This is... an odd epidemic. SURELY this must happen the other way too? OP is NTA. Idk if this is a "divorce immediately or die" situation but maybe tell him to defend the person he claims to love enough to marry. YIKES. Ah, what a good day of judging total strangers. Until next time.

[@Neeks]

@Subi aww thank you! That was such a random nice and appreciated comment.

[@itschesta]

backbone readjustment procedure LMAO!

[@magivasileva7153]

The backbone thing 😂😂😂 totally there with you, it's alarming how many men seems to lack it

[@maryseptihet]

100% agree, will be coming back these comments if I ever have an AITA question because I feel like I’ll get good results

[@Rhea_Russo]

2. Maybe MIL only found one sit on each category… let’s not villanize her without context…

[@NilahLach]

as someone who has an on and off again relationship with my in laws, it was very disrespectful for the MIL to reveal the gender of the baby. It seems like she may be in the same boat as me and needs to get boundries on what to share or what not to share with her in laws!

[@macyrowles7133]

yeh defo! i also think the family haven’t considered that op was 7 months pregnant so it’s totally understandable for her to be stressed and emotional’

[@evukos]

First of all can we talk about how horrible it is having your husband leave you because of something you can’t control. The person you’re supposed to trust to be there with you unconditionally. Ugh, that’s awful

[@michaelgelleby1441]

Some people just want kids

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

So he should be forced into not having kids for the rest of his life or not have kids that are truly biologically his? The large majority of people want to have a child with their partner that shares the same genetic connection and that's perfectly ok. It's horrible to leave over that sure it sounds like it's a bad thing to do but I wouldn't say it's selfish if you don't want to adopt someone else's kid or surrogate that means only your genetics are shared. It's a tough time for both of them. But I accept the mans decision and he isn't awful for that. Blood relations do matter for the large majority of people. It just does. Having kids matters a lot to a lot of people and not having them is heartbreaking. It just matters.

[@theonewhosthere]

@@michaelgelleby1441it’s beyond me. Having children is my worst nightmare.

[@vaishnavisingh9244]

@@somebodyoncetoldme2664 I can understand that, but if he knew about infertility before it should be on his mind that he might not get what he wished for. Also frankly, he could have a kid through a surrogate, though it might not be hers. I can respect his decision, but I feel it's a d move especially if they had discussed these things. If you want biological children, then sure discuss it with your partner, but it's so gross to see that betrayal of trust to love somebody unconditionally.

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

@@vaishnavisingh9244 the post started off by saying she was infertile but they tried many ways to try and get pregnant but it didn't work so he left and found someone else that he loved and could get pregnant and have kids together. Nothing was said that the relationship started off with her telling him she's infertile or am I wrong? I will say relationships need to start off with do you want kids or not or are you able too. But ig she was too old by the time as he went to marry someone younger. She most likely didn't know she couldn't get pregnant or age caught up with her but we can't assume he always knew in the relationship yknow...even if so he tried but didn't work out so go seperate ways. I think in life you can have multiple love of your lives which is why your loved one can die and you can still move on to marry someone else when you are one your own two feet again. But I think staying with someone and not ever being able to have your kids together is torture in itself. People have goals and marriage + kids is a lot of propels goals in life...spending your entire life without having a couple kids is worse to me than a clean breakup and respectful communication even afterwards and finding someone else. There's some things you can substitute or drop...but not having kids isn't one of them. It's a HUGE deal for many imo so what other option is there but to leave if you desire to have genetically linked kids so much? Surrogacy is only 50% there...not good enough imo.

[@m.moralesandrea]

I only have one opinion: THE EDITING IN THESE VIDEOS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

I want to edit like Dylan one day lol. I wonder how he got so good. Trial and error I suppose

[@carolinaa.4407]

@@somebodyoncetoldme2664 I think he hired an editor, could be wrong though so don’t quote me 😂

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

@@carolinaa.4407 That's so cool tho. That's like the only university choice I'm kinda interested in and career choice lol. W Dylan

[@m.moralesandrea]

@@carolinaa.4407 pretty sure he did and I think his name might be Joe! I vaguely remember Dylan briefly mentioning it in a previous video but don’t quote me on that

[@naomicamacho5674]

@@m.moralesandrea yh it's true. I remember the same thing

[@mazzy_vc]

Adopt. Adopt! ADOPT!! 12k for a single round of IVF when there are already millions of babies and children waiting for a family? Smh 🤦‍♀️

[@ssr8555]

100% agree, but the thing about adoption is that you should NEVER do it just for yourself, you should do it for the child. Always.

[@airikuhsummer]

Isn’t adoption more expensive? Or am I wrong on that?

[@SatchelGizmo]

As for the gender reveal one, I feel like Reddit is letting its hatred of gender reveal parties distract it from the actual issue. Personally, I have no real interest in them, but I also don't have any issue with gender reveal parties as long as they're harmless (you know, not the forest fire causing kind). The point should be that the wife in this post was looking forward to having a gender reveal party, and her SIL and, more so, MIL completely ruined it for her. Imagine how shitty it must feel to start getting excited for the reveal of your baby's gender only to find out prematurely via text. I can understand being upset with the SIL and especially the MIL, but I do think the OP is taking it too far. It's also incredibly shady that she made the edit to the post with that sob story about her mom that contradicts what she was saying originally. It definitely makes it seem like she's just trying to manipulate people into feeling sympathy for her. I have to wonder if she's intentionally escalating the situation in real life to get people feeling sorry for her, too. Some people love playing the victim. So, in this case, I think ETA. The SIL and MIL are assholes for ruining the party (It doesn't matter if other people think the party is stupid. If the OP wanted one, she should have been able to have one.), and the OP is an asshole for escalating the situation way out of proportion.

[@ThisGirlOnFiree]

I agree! I assume (and this is all assumption on my part) that her overreaction is a combination of the grief of losing something that made her feel close to her Mom, and the hurt of being the last one to find out (via text). All that being said, I do think she's taking it too far despite her feelings being valid, but it's probably being prolonged by his family refusing to take responsibility for their mistake and properly apologizing and giving her time.

[@peridavis7709]

I agree with most of hat you said and just want to add that it probably hurt more because all of these people knew the gender before her. So it's not just that the party was ruined, but people are texting her congratulations for a baby boy when she doesn't even know she is having a boy. Imagone the pain when opening those texts.

[@hippiefarts]

Not to mention pregnancy hormones probably making her emotions feel even more intense - not an excuse, but it's just to show that the hurt she feels about it is likely much greater than a lot of people realize. I just wonder what MIL and SIL are trying to do to make it up to her, like are they taking proper accountability for ruining a once-in-a-lifetime (for this particular baby) event, or are they minimizing her hurt and telling her to get over it etc, which would explain why the pregnant mother is taking it this far. But also I think the exaggerated response could just be related to the deep grief she feels about her mother being dead and unable to be there for her while she is going thru pregnancy and feeling betrayed by the MIL who was filling the void of the loss of her mother.

[@laurentcathery273]

About the gender reveal party thing, to be fair i understand why she wouldnt want them to be here, even if its petty. Like she's obviously mad at them, the last thing anybody would want is for people that you're mad at to stare at your privates while you've been experiencing atrocious pain for hours. Like idk, she prepared and planned a party, got it ruined by gossip, got her own surprised ruined by said gossip. I can see why she'd be mad and as a result i can see why she wouldnt want them in the room. I also feel like its super weird for people to just insist at being in the room, like why do you want to see birth 😭 youre not even gonna see the baby at the time of delivery cause nurses take babies right away to take care of them. Weird sht

[@Anita-nw5ts]

Yes, that's exactly what I think a lot of the people don't get when they comment that she went too far in not wanting them at her birth. It is such a vulnerable moment where you don't feel well at all. If they can't keep a secret like the gender of the baby to themselves and instead have to share it with everybody, what's it gonna be like after the birth? Are they gonna watch your body and your reaction to the pain and tell everyone about it? That is private and I can fully understand not trusting them to be there anymore. Also, nobody is owed entrance to the delivery room except the birthing mother, not even the father if it puts the mother under more stress in an already stressful situation. If he is actually helpful that is a different story but only the mother herself gets to decide what is helpful to her and what is not.

[@oxjuliaaaxo]

It's her lady bits, and it's her choice. I'd kick them out too!

[@snoozysnail1068]

Also, if SIL and MIL don't respect her boundaries through the birth and she let's them get away with it, SIL and MIL will absolutely not respect any of the boundaries she sets for her child after he is born.

[@bluexwings]

Gender Reveal: While MIL & SIL were really excited, they were really disrespectful. That's why OP didn't want them there. And her husband being pushy about his mom would absolutely stress her out which can actually prolong birth (that's dangerous to the mother and baby). Birth isn't a spectator sport, it's a medical procedure that requires emotional support. So the threat seems justified to me.

[@hnichole]

Agreed, the husband is in the wrong for being pushy about it and stressing her out, when OP didn't even do anything wrong. She deserves to decide who is in the room with her, for WHATEVER reason she wants.

[@BeyondTrash-xe1vs]

I gotta disagree about the threat. Threatening your spouse when they disagree with you is incredibly unhealthy, and sets a terrible precedent for the relationship. She should've just honestly expressed how this conversation was stressing her and asked him to put it on hold. If the husband can't respect this, then she shouldn't have married him. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she married him for a reason. As such, she should expect him to respect her feelings, and in turn treat him with such respect. There should never ever be threats, or shut Downs of disagreements between spouses.

[@Sara-zl5hc]

Dylan, pls dont ever stop with AITA series. thankyou xx

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

I think he should do other subreddits too time to time but I love these so much. The only youtuber that reacts to these reddit posts well. I really dislike the others

[@filmfangirls9163]

Agreed. I love these so much. I watch them during lunch then come back to work and my coworkers go over it. So fun!

[@naomicamacho5674]

100% agree

[@keychains5806]

I realized not alot of people commented this but do y'all see any differences with the editing or is it just me It's not bad, I feel like it's different

[@somebodyoncetoldme2664]

@@keychains5806 some people here speculate he got an editor and one guy remembers vaguely his name is Joe. I questioned it too but thats really cool he's supporting others like that.

[@CherryJuli]

Don’t give people money for IVF. If they can’t afford IVF, they can’t afford kids. And if your husband leaves you because you’re only a walking incubators to him, good riddance.

[@froufroudeluxe]

“I’m 7 months pregnant” “Only 5 more to go!” Who’s gonna tell him

[@ilovemae1]

HAHA i was looking for this comment 😅

[@bhelliom3]

The kid with the air mattress is ENTITLED AS FUCK and I'd be like "You wanna sleep outside? Cuz that's an option too."

[@SR-zp4je]

Me too! I'd be like, 'we have a tent, fancy camping in the garden for three days?' Mind you a non-spoiled kid would probably love to camp out for a few days, it'd be an adventure for most kids his age.

[@toriamigo]

Even if she wasn't giving her 12k, that is still an awful thing to say. That's not a joke

[@Jaxs3003]

I freakin SPIT out my food 🌮🌮 When the 7 month pregnant post came up and you said "OOOOhh only 5 more to go"!!

[@summerbutler2566]

Sometimes I genuinely think Dylan is really smart, but then he comes in and calls a delivery room “labour laws” 😭

[@English3Muffin]

Labor Laws is nothing compared to “Only 5 months to go!” as a response to someone 7 months pregnant. I needed that laugh, omg 😂

[@NiaLouis]

Blush dress: wear the dress you want because it’s YOUR wedding. But for the sake of tradition maybe get a blush reception dress. The husband is 🤨 for his disappointment in her decision. People who are forced into making decisions about their own lives is not the move.

[@americantoadsarecool]

I was surprised she didn’t warn him that she was gonna break the tradition. I would think they would have talked about it.

[@samueltyler3608]

5:35 I disagree, I think certain topics and struggles and traumas are universally understood to be off limits unless explicitly told otherwise by the person. There’s no way she doesn’t know the deep deep cuts that joke is making, she’s relying entirely on the fact that OP will never see it for it to be a good “joke”, and makes it worse by refusing to acknowledge the pain and suffering of her friend and focus instead on getting what she’s really after from her: the money. No care or thought to OP’s pain and hurt, only her own. I think this situation falls so far outside the realm of normal friendship disagreements and hurtful jokes (the amount of money involved, the trauma OP has from both infertility and being left for a younger woman bc of it, and her friend trying to put OP down to uplift herself despite $12k for nothing) that it’s absolutely something that is a one strike you’re out.

[@rainedroses4291]

That last one irked me. First the fiancee is a bystander to his family bullying his girl and doesn't stand up for her, then when she stands up for herself, he tries to CONVINCE her that it's all in her head and she made it up only to later acknowledge that his family is a bully ONLY BECAUSE he faced the consequences of hiding the fact he lost his job and ADMITS he's an "innocent bystander" which directly implies that he knew his family was bullying his wife and did nothing about it. Also- I do think that the fiancee was raised in a horrible family situation because holy hell he loses his job and his family says, "we're kicking you out of thanksgiving." like there's is definite pressure there in his family but still- husband should have known better and also- why did the girl want to marry him in the first place? He's clearly spineless

[@themeerkat5157]

maybe for his money? nah jk jk

[@alexapearce8994]

and that kids is what gaslighting looks like 😶