Judging MORE r/AITA people

[@Petersauntmay]

The first husband is giving useless parent. The mother shouldnt have to list the nightly routine. He should know it. Leave the mom to have 1 night to herself.

[@Lavender856]

It’s def weaponized incompetence

[@livinthemiddle]

*dads are not babysitters* 👏🏼

[@margggg9703]

How dare this father have to parent his kids 😂

[@MsSamy13]

It’s giving weaponized incompetence

[@MalikaBurievaAtabeg]

literally why is he a father in the first place. if he knew that he was getting himself into this, taking care of his own child, why did he chose to become a father? i got so angry when dylan read the post lmao

[@hazelm3002]

The fourth one is horrible. I can’t imagine what that woman was going through. Imagine facing the idea of dying and not being confident about yourself anymore cause of hair loss. Her husbands family were ignorant

[@hunterwolfgun4967]

the husband is the worst here but the family is not far behind either, like what kind of people are so oblivious, like all of them???

[@sarah-zv8ld]

not just ignorant, abusive. imagine calling someone overly sensitive because they didnt want people to make insulting comments about their CANCER

[@hazelm3002]

@@hunterwolfgun4967 yeah I mentioned that in my comment. They should apologise

[@sumaya8146]

likeee fr little jokes even like you have to draw a line bcs cancer and illness isn't a joke

[@winterfromwisthollow]

unfortunately a lot of women are left by their partners once they are diagnosed with a deadly condition, and that story gave me the feeling that the husband is trying to get her to leave him in order to not seem like the bad guy in the situation :/ (which, he is the asshole both ways, so doesn't matter much)

[@spacegirl9006]

That guy can't postpone his trip for his own child's birth?! All of his other friends postponed it for their own set of reasons, I'm sure they wouldn't mind doing it again for his KID'S BIRTH. This tells a lot more about him as a parent. Red flags.

[@edwardharoharo5701]

Well in the story it says that all of the guys friends are trying to make her feel bad for the situation so I'd say that the husband and all of his friends are the aholes

[@spencerlively3049]

@@edwardharoharo5701 Sounds kind of like the plot of Midsommar. We can only hope he and his friends are also planning an ill-advised trip to Northern Sweden with their friend Pelle lol

[@cynthiamessore4610]

And she's only 21 while he's 27 with a son 🚩🚩🚩🚩

[@GrayCole96]

Everything about that one was gross-red flags from the guy everywhere

[@whyydylanwhyy]

@@cynthiamessore4610 I was wondering why I haven’t seen anyone mention that.. I wanna know how old they were when they started dating… lotta red flags right there 😭

[@Me-wk3ix]

The first story is a case of weaponized incompetence. There was no reason for him to make her come home. He just didn't want to watch his kid.

[@fredericksaxton9782]

@@Cecilia-vx5gv .... it's a baby. What the actual f*ck are you talking about? The baby, the infant, is spoiled because the mother found a good way to put an infant to sleep?? Do you know how many parents have sleepless nights from crying babies, and then you call finding a solution, spoiled?? And infant can't be spoiled by just trying to get them to sleep, they're not even old enough to understand what's going on..bruh..

[@massivelegend7599]

@@Cecilia-vx5gv The 7 month old?

[@mitzara25]

@@Cecilia-vx5gv lmao spoiled at 7m old

[@Cecilia-vx5gv]

@@massivelegend7599 7 months old? What

[@Cecilia-vx5gv]

@@massivelegend7599 ok, sorry. i watched the video and i read the comments and thought they were talking about the story of the father that cancelled the trip.

[@purpleway1713]

For the pregnant woman: guys were pushing the trip for 4 years, mostly for good reason and had therefore no problem with it, but the guy knew his wife was pregnant and still decided to plan the trip for A MONTH??? pushing it a few more months for a birth is a no-no??? like hell it is

[@raquelsanchez288]

A more reasonable time to go on. Trip was way earlier in the pregnancy. Maybe he thought this would be his last chance to gave a guys vacation cuz taking care of a newborn is full time consuming for years. And in his mind she's got a month more before birth, and he's traveling for a month, it's perfect lol. I mean.. he's the assholr obviously... I just don't truly believe his intentions are 100% bad. He's immature and naive... maybe a little dumb. But yeah.

[@Jdhhnsjdjdsn]

@@raquelsanchez288 but he isn't leaving a month before. He's leaving near her due date. So she's gonna deliver during the time he's away. Also, I understand that the trip was long anticipated but once you make the decision to bring a child into this world, you gotta make sacrifices. He's taking his wife for granted. He doesn't view her as her own person but just a caretaker for his own kid and the kid she's pregnant with. Let's not call grown men dumb as an excuse for their actions.

[@ilovem9094]

@@raquelsanchez288 no she’s giving birth while he’s away and will have to take care of their newborn child + her stepson, even if she was supposed to give birth after he was came back from the trip that still would be bad because she has no one to help her and also could give birth before her due date

[@Lucifronz]

I understand not wanting to push it back more, but you've already done it like 4 times, it's fine to do it one more time so you can see your fucking child be born.

[@Chi_Ch1]

Literally all the other friends chose their family & life over the trip causing it to be postponed so the guy should do the same the heck. Family comes over anything, he really has his priorities messed up. It's also trash for the friends to call her a 'wet blanket' when they postponed it multiple times for their issues, like how dare they downgrade her reason.

[@ennie9406]

The dad saying that him sleeping with his son's girlfriend is a family matter but then full out calls his own son ungrateful for not raising kids that he's not even sure are his own is what we in the business call ✨irony ✨

[@hunterwolfgun4967]

exactly, OP of that story is NTA and did the right thing, none of that would have happened if the grandpa didn't try to berrate and tarnish his sons name and reputation in the first place

[@sumaya8146]

both of them are avoiding the dna test, surely you would do that straight away and also it's 2 kids not only one

[@gwendolynrobinson3900]

@@sumaya8146 they really also should've at least taken the mom to court for child support. You don't get to just have kids and dump them on the dad and say adios

[@youngeeneden1594]

@@gwendolynrobinson3900 That was in the wrong, but at least he didn’t leave the kids, he’s not sure the kids are his But still takes care of them. The sun may think they’re not his, but without a test you really should I just leave them, the woman who left is the worst in the situation

[@Lucifronz]

@@hunterwolfgun4967 He's not a grandpa, though. Those are definitely his kids.

[@nasimmason]

I feel so bad for the woman with cancer. Something involuntarily has invaded her life and changed her appearance, and for her family to be so disregarding is heart breaking, saying that she needs therapy? Also, the man in the pregnant one speaks for itself, the trip was postponed by 4 years, i'm sure half a year - a year won't be much..

[@heyitsmira17]

That's what I was abt to say, his friends postponed the trip before for family reasons like ppl dying, so ofc he could postpone it too due to family reasons aka his child being born. He just didn't care for his family as much as the others did... honestly have 0 compassion for husbands who leave their pregnant wives alone during any stage of the pregnancy. Such a delicate and difficult moment for the women to go trough, and yet the guys can't do the bare minimum?

[@linaahmed1428]

I feel so bad for the women with cancer too. If I was her and my husband said something like that to me, I would divorce him on the spot!!!

[@manuela.]

@@linaahmed1428 Not to mention the fact that her in-laws saw nothing wrong with what happened.

[@danielaalbergaria1547]

For the most part I agree but also a new born baby would be sooo much work too, this trip wouldn't be postponed for a month or so but maybe a year. I obviously agree that he should stay with the pregnant wife AND his baby because they will both be needing him, especially during the first year I think

[@astrowolvez]

Jesus I can’t imagine what other emotional abuse she surely has gone though, especially with his entire family saying vile things at her too.

[@zippityzoop1478]

I can’t believe that the husband who made fun of his wife WHO HAS CANCERs hair and somehow he doesn’t realize he’s wrong and his family took his side?!

[@angryviolentwitchqueen6633]

Dude the way my bfs family woulda gone IN ON HIM

[@ripleey1341]

For the gymnast one, I absolutely believe she is not the asshole. She made it clear that she did not like being sexualised (shocker!) and they kept going. It's gross, and it's behaviour that always needs to be called out. The boyfriend telling her to relax is horrible when he's not on the receiving end. If something does not make you comfortable, you should not have to accept it.

[@Lavender856]

I love that last sentence smmm

[@blufluffya_496]

I agree, when someone raises discomfort about a certain behavior, whether you think it's a problematic behavior or not, the kind thing is to avoid doing it out of respect for that person, or at the very least to just try to be a considerate human, consideration goes a long way...

[@Lucifronz]

One passing joke is fine. It's inconsiderate, but people do stupid shit all the time, they're not assholes for one incident. But continually doing it? Then acting like being upset is unacceptable? Yeah. They're an asshole.

[@daynemora259]

Even if she wasn't a gymnast, it is highly inappropriate to publicly speculate about someone's sex life. And, doesn't it kinda break "bro code" to make those comments about your friend's girlfriend?

[@LordMesa]

When you said THEY are not the asshole I thought you were talking about the friends! The they / them gets confusing when talking about past events.

[@basementdwellercosplay]

How could you hear your wife being insulted for her hair loss from a deadly disease and say she over reacting for leaving.... sir stand up for your spouse! (Edit: I relistened and realized *HE* was the one making the joke, which is even worse!)

[@cierasneonrainbow]

He’s the one that DID the insulting so it’s even worse 😭

[@sruthysk3962]

Better question how is someone so unempathetic that they can tell their spouse who is battling a deadly disease to try and look better even as a 'joke'. i mean I love dark jokes but where's the joke in that.

[@lizrose8601]

the fact that he told her that he's done with her 'Bullshit' too. like bitch wtf she had a disease.

[@Bluey306]

and the GALL to refer to her battling cancer as "bullshit" that HE has had to deal with. god damn, throw the whole man away.

[@yoosena1452]

As someone who had cancer twice and my mom had too this is pissing me off so bad! When I started my treatment my hair started to fell off and before that I had a beautiful long hair so we had to cut it ALL off. Even now 19 years later I don't have that many hair as before. I had dark circles under my eyes and I wore a bandana because we didn't had money for wig and I didn't even want one. So yeah I had some stares and people whispering in front of my face and I feelt so asshamed. I still feel that when I go out

[@charkelley]

The AITA subreddit is so funny because every story falls into one of two categories. Either the writer is a genuinely good person who's terrified of upsetting bad people, or the writer is a narcissist without social cues. The titles usually give it away. Like, if the writer is in the wrong, the title will be something like "AITA for wanting my brother to have a good birthday?" And then you find out she's basically the devil reincarnated😭 Or if the writer is in the clear, the title will be something like "AITA for slapping my mother?" And then it's completely justified. Love these videos, Dylan! Thanks for making us laugh.

[@ezriaction8528]

This is so true😂

[@_studiofrancesca]

youre so right narcissists will always frame themselves as the hero

[@kyraezikeuzor]

So true tho

[@jcon2060]

I've been on reddit for more than 9 years and I can guarantee you that most of the posts there are fake.

[@user-vf8qw5od7z]

@@jcon2060 they're still entertaining to read though lmao

[@rjai5003]

For the last story, the whole “it’s a family matter” argument goes out the window when you remember that the dad was perfectly fine with badmouthing his own son and calling him a deadbeat in front of everyone when it might not even be true

[@zarouliaall5390]

EXACTLY

[@reaganeidemiller7132]

Really I can't honestly think of any way it could be true; even if they are technically his, she cheated with his DAD. At that point they both forfeit any right to claim he's responsible tbh.

[@TheStepmonkey]

Nah, those kids are probably from the brother and that guy should be responsable and take a DNA test. Yea, what the father did was wrong but It's even more fucked up that u would let ur old father take care of 2 kids that could possibly be yours, after all the sacrifices he made to raise u and ur brothers...

[@reaganeidemiller7132]

@@TheStepmonkey yeah no, that level of betrayal warrants an absolute cutoff; any good he has ever done for that person is null and void. He betrayed him on a fundamental level in a disgusting way, and so did she; he owes them nothing. This isn't some petty argument, it is more than enough to never see that person ever again.

[@UnicornLove5596]

@@TheStepmonkey Children are never and should never be obligated to their parents for just being a parent. Making a ton of sacrifices as a parent (that includes becoming one) is ultimately your choice, and the child has absolutely no say in the matter. Children do not get to pick their family, or their situation. He chose to keep his children, therefore any kinds of sacrifices he made is not null and void just because of his bad decision, but because they were not something to be of obligation to begin with. His sacrifices hold no weight in that situation.

[@amyb0621]

Finding out that Dylan was called “little D” is the least shocking part of this video

[@andweawamwam]

I cackled so hard for no reason, I had to pause the video

[@lafatte24]

"It's cus you're a fucking elf!" Anyone watched very Potter sequel? Lol...

[@meredithclark6580]

YES! I love the starkid shows!!!

[@Demon_6788]

He ain’t the only one 😭

[@grumpy_bear]

@@lafatte24 Draco: I 🌊a litter of his young…my brothers?

[@angelus8]

Of course we would want a sequel to the last AITA video. Judging others is your best quality, aside from writing novels and being 20yrs old

[@biazparker8659]

Fr

[@jazmarx1902]

He's soooo good at being 20 years old lol

[@SelenaY.1331]

Well if the novel ever gets published lol jk

[@fruitloopsallaround3639]

@@SelenaY.1331 shhh we dont talk about that

[@Sionovar]

And uploading movie commentary Monday Every. Single. Monday.

[@jun9475]

I think there's something we really need to acknowledge: When you marry someone you're marrying into their family. So, if you don't get along with their family it is going to be hell. For me, it is totally a deal breaker.

[@lizziefg10]

This is such a delicate subject! There will be disparities, of course, but each party has to set boundaries with their own relatives... Each relationship is important, and one should not topple the other

[@lolawhiterabbit]

I think as a couple, there needs to be boundaries. If they noticed something from the start, then it should be corrected then and there, the thing is most of these things are presented early in before marriage so if the other partner does not step up, well why marry? Love isn’t the only thing that keeps marriages together, it’s support, understanding, communication, reliability, etc. When your partner starts gaslighting then it’s time to run.

[@nithi9638]

@@lizziefg10 truly tho, like I'm gay if i expect parents to like me I'll never be in any relationship lol. Conservative country and whatnot

[@marleycymon3512]

i get that, but i also feel like if your relationship is strong enough, you can get through that. there will be tension, but setting boundaries is important. if if family won’t respect the person you’re with, they shouldn’t be in your life

[@jennifervasquez]

Honestly i think most of these the reason y the shitty families become a problem in the relationship is bc the partner doesnt know how to communicate or set boundaries w their family bc sometimes if theres tension w ur inlaws u can still have a healthy relationship as long as ur partner is good at communicating n setting boundaries but if they have no backbone run bc theyre probably gonna act like a baby in other aspects of ur relationship

[@max-jc6wc]

About the cake one, At first I was like “yeah this women is clearly overreacting,” but thinking it about it deeper, I think the ability to defend your partner to your parents is a super important one to have, specifically if your parents are in the wrong and you know that. Personally? I wouldn’t have left, probably put my cake on the side and offer it to the fiancé mentioning how much effort I put in and whatnot. So yeah, I do think she could’ve handled it better (especially it being his birthday), but my guess is that she’s sick of feeling belittled by the mother. It’s not just the cake that led her to react that way. My parents had a very similar issue. My mom in particular dealt with so much bullshit from my dad’s mom (she does the same shit to me now) and after 10 years of that, she divorced my dad because she was sick of him, a grown man, never being able to stick up for her and more focusing on “appearance” and “pleasing his mother.” My mom overreacted at times every now and then, especially when I hear from the pov of my dad, but hearing my mom? I’d be frustrated too. Obviously they had other issues, but I just thought this issue in particular needs to be talked about and acknowledged more.

[@hulkaiden6178]

I think the issue just needs to be discussed. I think that if this is the first time something like this has happened then what she did was too much, Especially on his birthday. Otherwise it needs to be discussed and fixed.

[@anara967]

The woman points out that this has been happening for a while and that her in-laws would never eat anything she bakes so she stopped making things for family gatherings. Now she took a day off and baked a cake for her fiance's birthday and fiance just tells her to do as his mother says. I don't think I would be able to stay and enjoy his birthday after that.

[@DulyDullahan]

I agree with you on this one. I don’t think she was mad about this incident alone. It was probably an accumulation from her other experiences with the husband/fiancé’s side of the family that broke the last straw for her. As much as it’s easy to say that she should have stayed and dealt with it then talked it calmly with him afterwards, emotions are hard to control and you never know when someone is at their limit. She probably just wanted to show how much effort she did for him and it can be pretty hard not to be disappointed if the receiver dismisses it and agrees that it should be given to the kids instead.

[@samhawkins4952]

@@anara967 Exactly! Especially because they seemed to have agreed that the cake would be her responsibility. If his mother thought it was a good idea to spend a lot of money on a second cake despite this agreement, well bummer, it should have been her cake to be set on the side for the children. The girlfriend did invest money in her cake too, plus the effort, plus the day off work

[@mkuurban8794]

I agree, plus the husband said that her making a cake was a good idea so why didn’t he tell his mom that they already have a cake?

[@StevieMcQween]

I feel so bad for the cake baker. Having dated someone whose mom hated me, that story brings up SO many red flags. First off, that guy will never have her back - he'll just tell her to hide her feelings so he can appease his mom. It's much bigger than that one scenario, it's more about how he'll side with his mother & family rather than his partner. The cake is one example of a behavior pattern that's probably very consistent and that could only change if he really wanted it to. She can point it out, but ultimately he's the one who needs to work on it and change the dynamic with his mother. Otherwise she's looking at a marriage where her feelings are constantly undermined and downplayed and he'll just tell her to be quiet so his mother will be happy.

[@alexschofield8085]

I can’t imagine what their wedding planning would end up being like! The fiancés mother will almost definitely try to control how the wedding looks and shit like that

[@emaanhasan804]

Ya, I wouldn’t say she being dramatic or making it about her on his birthday. If anything it’s the MIL who is consistently petty towards her as this clearly is a reoccurring theme. I mean I don’t see why both of the cakes could’ve been shared and enjoyed, so the MIL saying to give it to the kids and dismiss the fact that she baked it for her fiancé is intentional.

[@badabingbadaboom7968]

Mama's boy.This is what happens every single time.Loving your parents is ok but to a point where you ignore the way your SO is treated and asking them to accept it, is not ok.

[@esikazemese]

Yasss!! You put it so well!

[@bookjunk]

Yup. Him not telling his mom to back the f off is the real problem there, not the cake. And it is definitely a huge red flag.

[@bch7905]

This really is the collection of AITAs "men fail to father" edition. The first one is baffling on its own- that is YOUR CHILD! Even if your wife has already go the routine down enough to have the baby go to sleep, you learn the routine with her, even if you don't usually do night caretaking, eventually there will be SOME circumstance you'll have to parent the kid on your own. It's just utterly amazing to me the amount of men who treat watching their kids as "babysitting." Also it didn't seem like he was following the routine OP was giving him anyway, given even as she checked on the monitor, nothing was consistent to what she told him and it worked out once he did. Makes me wonder how he intends to handle this child as they grow older and go through more complicated problems than a fussy bedtime...

[@fedem14]

not wanting to have a tattoo of his step son, who still has a biological father, doesn't make him a bad dad.

[@maryseptihet]

@@fedem14 that’s a different dilemma / AITA

[@bch7905]

@@fedem14 I didn't mean him so much lol I don't think he is the asshole per se, but the approach wasn't the best. You can't really just say "he isn't my real son" because he is still your son, but you could have been like I want my blood related children. I imagine he didn't have his wives or other family on him so it isnt like the stepson is left out, otherwise then it'd be weird. But ultimately yeah, it's his choice, and further context said that the other father was part of the son's life anyway, so he really did feel more distant. Maybe in time things will change but this still doesn't inherently make him a bad father/stepfather. But yeah a majority of the fathers in this vid are not stellar at all lol

[@wardrobewings8000]

"Makes me wonder how he intends to handle this child as they grow older and go through more complicated problems than a fussy bedtime..." Oh, the answer to this is very simple: he has no intention to. He will continue to leave taking care of the kid to his wife. And then when the kid gets older and thus "more fun" to hang out with he will get surprise of his life: "sorry pops, I don't want to go fishing/play with you/etc. I prefer hanging out with my friends/mom/mom's family."

[@8symmetreylover8]

honestly bad parenting in general. the one about the cancelled vacation baffled me, the new gf may have over reacted by thinking it was a plot to steal him back but as a mother you should be able to comfort your own child....

[@kphoria1009]

for the tattoo one, i’d say instead of telling his wife “no i won’t get the tattoo because that’s not my kid” he could have said something like “i’ll wait a few more years” or “i want us to bond more first” or something. like no he shouldn’t have to tattoo something he doesn’t want on himself, but his reasoning just made him look like an ass

[@esikazemese]

This is a good one!

[@isabelleokala1457]

yeah, like if they stay together imagine how his step son is going to feel as he gets older seeing all his siblings names tattooed except for his. Like how is that conversation gonna go, "I don't have your name cause you're not MY son." It's such a struggle tho cause it's like he's found a loophole to be weirdly exclusionary, but you can't really do anything about it

[@kaylahuntington7059]

We need more context tbh. Is there even a relationship there? If not, I wouldn't want to tattoo said person's name on my arm, but if there is a relationship, I don't understand why he wouldn't....it just seems exclusive for no valid reason.

[@liebling4069]

Yeah cause as a child with a Step parent, it sounds pretty messed up. That would’ve been a much better response

[@dalell3808]

But he doesn't have to tattoo his name on him in order for him to be a good step dad ... The only two people who r obligated to do that for him are his parents .

[@Travel_with_Gigi]

The one about the husband cancelling the trip is honestly really disgusting... He's been planning this trip since she was 17. He got her pregnant and doesn't want to support her when she had her baby. He has an 8 year old that he doesn't want to care for. He's gotta be left.

[@froggy5748]

I just wish she had been able to realize how horrible he is before she got pregnant, now she has to deal with her baby alone :(

[@megkrish7568]

Yea I don't get how people are advising these women to break up over an easily resolvable issue and then there's stuff like this😳

[@cc97143]

I hate when mothers say “oh my husband helps with the baby” no love he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing. He’s being a parent, he’s not “helping”.

[@tsiong5877]

well said 👏🏾

[@cc97143]

@@iliks4905 no it’s EXPECTED of the mothers to do everything. You don’t need to explain to me how parenting works - I have two kids. We don’t all breastfeed either. People don’t expect fathers to do half as much as mothers, and when dads take care of their children people act surprised that dads “help out”. You don’t applaud a fish for swimming, and you literally missed the point of my comment.

[@naomicamacho5674]

Facts

[@katieb.1184]

the amount of times I heard how lucky I was that my husband "helped do bedtime and overnights" was unreal. Like... at the beginning, I would wake up at 10pm, work and get home at 7:30am, and then take care of the twins until 5pm when he got home from work (and despite my best efforts, they rarely slept at the same time for long enough for me to nap). So I'd usually end up falling asleep at like 6 because I needed a little time to decompress enough to sleep... but I was the "lucky" one. He admitted that he was not hearing the same about me being home all day and tanking any hope of a healthy amount of sleep.

[@katieb.1184]

@@iliks4905 nah, that's a bad take. it starts with toys, where girls are given dolls and compliments about being a good mom to them (and boys are pushed away from dolls, ovens, cleaning toys, etc)... and that trend continues on. when I was pregnant, when I told my co-workers I was having boys, my boss said "at least you don't need to worry about teenage pregnancy, as if they wouldn't be JUST AS RESPONSIBLE if it happened... There were way too many times where my husband and I both went to change a diaper (twins) and he would either need to balance his kiddo on the sink or wait for me to come out and trade because he had no flat surface in the men's room to change a diaper. It's so built into society that women are expected to doing the bulk of parenting that there's not much choice. and I say this as a mother who grew up always wanting kids. I worked full time until they were 5 and now I'm a SAHM... But we're still BOTH parents and as such both can handle being in charge of the kids alone and that should be normal.

[@notbarney6305]

for the one with the kid meal, he should just tell his wife to pay. if she’s gonna order something expensive and then not even eat half of it, she should pay for it. but i don’t think he should’ve forced her to eat something off of the kid’s menu though; that’s just unreasonable.

[@s3raph1ne]

Trueeee I feel like this is an easy and simple solution that creates less conflict compared to the route he went

[@Ashmita-bf5kj]

Sure but as someone who feels the ick when people litter, or don't fill the garbage bag completely before throwing it out hence using more plastic than necessary, etc etc maybe it's not just about the money?? That's incredibly wasteful and once or twice is understandable if you're too full or something but EVERYTIME??? I'd flip out too

[@Jade_lsg]

Yes but when you are married, usually it doesn't matter who own the money. It's not his and hers, it's theirs. When you live together, usually you use one salary to pay the rent, one to pay the food and insurance, it's easier.

[@B1519-k4u]

@@Jade_lsg Is that common where you live? I am from germany even my parents who are married for 17 years dont have shared finances. They are both working though so idk

[@Chris-ln7tr]

or offer the kids menu as a solution but don’t force her bc that’s so weird

[@athenaruby6091]

To all the parents out there that think the children's relationships are their business, Stay the hell out of it. They are adults. If they can't handle the situation themselves that maybe they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. Thank you for listening to my ted talk. I'll be here every time Dylan uploads a r/AITA video.

[@patienceholmes841]

100% agree with the exception of abusive relationships. Totally valid for family or friends to get involved if the victim decides they need help getting out. But if it's an argument about the best colour of potato or whether ducks would look better with arms then yes parents pls remove yourself

[@SasukeUchiha723]

Ok, having family members know is NOT a bad thing. I encourage it, cause I have seen horrible cases of red flag signs in relationships that could have been avoided if they talked to their parents. I dont understand why people wouldnt share stuff with parents. I guess its a cultural thing but in all honesty I would not agree with NOT having parents butt in, because I have seen people who got killed during abusive relationships, which could have been avoided if they told their parents about it.

[@SasukeUchiha723]

@@patienceholmes841 yes

[@esikazemese]

Especially stay out of your kid's partner's pants. Meaning don't shag your kids partner.

[@esikazemese]

@@SasukeUchiha723 Well, they should have been raised in a way that they know these things when they get into a real relationship. The problem was not butting in but lacking parental skills. Sorry. Also it's a different thing to have a relationship TO TALK TO YOUR family about things, but these stories were about total parent manipulation and being a mama's boy. Not the same thing.

[@rachelxu8229]

For the last case, just imagine if they did a paternity test and it turned out that the kids didn't belong to either of them

[@GrungeGalactica]

Messy af how could a loving dad do that to his son. The son bolted pretty quick for my liking but I can see why. I feel like he didn’t wanna be an even bigger ahole so felt he had to step up to the plate. Again. But him and the ex both chose to sh1t on someone they were supposed to love. actions have consequences and he should know how important protection is a his big age, didn’t even care enough to cover his a55 🙈

[@katmarrs7054]

Switched at birth hahaha

[@microcosmos1864]

There's also the chance of one kid being one person's child!

[@katieburkman3981]

@@microcosmos1864 that chance is very very minimal but still possible. holy crap that would be sooo messed up lmao

[@megkrish7568]

Let's hope not lol but they def should do a paternity test. Imagine how this feud is gonna affect the kids who did nothing wrong

[@steph0711]

I feel really bad for the 21F one where she is heavily pregnant and her husband goes on a vacation around her due date... and then his friends calling her a "wet blanket" for wanting him to postpone. Really sad she had to find out what kind of an A**hole he is and how he most likely will be a shitty father after she got pregnant... I hope it'll work out for her and her baby eventually

[@GrungeGalactica]

The fact he’s happy bailing on his partner who’s carrying their first child together. Like he’s more excited for this flaky, holiday than meeting his unborn baby & witnessing them being brought into the world. And he’s happy to ditch his girl in the possible most daunting time of her life up until this point, for a whole month?! If it can be moved for a funeral it’s 100% valid to postpone it for a birth.

[@sowhatphie]

They're married and she's 21 while he's 27 and she's 7 months pregnant. If they met at that age, who cares, but how long have they been together? Was the relationship rushed or did he find someone young and easier to manipulate partner up with? This dude is bad news

[@zoesnortum-phelps1438]

@@sowhatphie Yeah the age gap was an immediate red flag with me. It's awful she rushed into having a kid with this guy who's clearly manipulating her

[@trypotherapy7478]

@@GrungeGalactica To be fair, birth is not a miracle that everyone wants to witness....... especially if they have something else planned beforehand. but that doesn't excuse him for not communicating that to her tho. If that is his problem- he should've said it.

[@katelandcates04]

@@trypotherapy7478 he doesn’t have to look while she having the baby. The fact that he expects her to take care of his son/her stepson(yes I do believe if you marry someone with a child it then becomes your child too) on her own right after she give birth because apparently the sons mom can’t be bothered at times to come and spend time with him and take care of him. That’s crazy to me first off. Second the husband is leaving for a month. I could see like a weekend trip or maybe even a week maybe. It also depends on how far away he’s going. What if something happens during the birth and the mom dies or the baby. The fact that this guy thinks a trip with his buds is more important than the birth of his child is a huge problem in of it self. That’s just selfish. The trip has been postponed a bunch already. Just moved it again but he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t think anyone but himself is important in this situation.

[@lilahjowhitfield]

For the gymnast one: she’s NTA. As a former gymnast myself and was still training when all of the Larry Nassar SA news came out, we didn’t take that stuff lightly. Gymnastics is such a heavily sexualized sport, and 99% of the gymnasts do not appreciate it. We are flexible for our sport, not for your pleasure. She expressed her discomfort and wasn’t taken seriously. Especially given the social climate around gymnastics and SA, those jokes are just plain disgusting.

[@Mona-kf8fq]

I‘m not a gymnast but a cheerleader (I do championships as well, not „just“ sideline even though that’s still completely valid) and I have to agree, the comments I get from men can be absolutely vile

[@kaylin5796]

as a dancer, exactly this. it's so frustrating and disgusting.

[@bobtheball5384]

Even regular women's sports is sexualized by viewers if they ever pay attention to it. It's really sad ngl.

[@English3Muffin]

Totally agree. I’m not a gymnast, but it’s not that difficult to just say, “Oh wow that’s cool,” and either ask legitimate questions to know more or move on. Really gross how disrespectful people can be. I’d have left, too. I’d feel so uncomfortable if people kept insinuating sexual things about me without my consent, and especially after expressly not consenting.

[@kate7152]

i’ve done ballet since i was 3 and can agree with you 100%. i used to have guys always commenting ab my body and it’s terrible

[@Reem.H.A]

The gymnast one: The boyfriend is definitely the asshole, especially because the girlfriend verbally expressed her discomfort with the comments and he chose not to stop his friends.

[@emaanhasan804]

it’s also just so uncomfortable in general to be constantly specialized. Gymnastics it’s difficult and doesn’t get the credit it should because people always make these comments and try to take away and undermine the effort involved

[@TheRocksomness]

the lengths that people will go to to not hold their friends/family acocuntable when they've clearly done something wrong is insane even if it comes to not supporting their partner

[@creamofroach7192]

The last one is rough. The fact that it was a "family matter" immediately becomes irrelevant when the father starts shit-talking his own son to everyone.

[@GrungeGalactica]

He saw an opportunity to have control over the narrative of a mess he helped cause. Trying to convince himself and other’s that he’s not complete trash. He lost one kid and gained two more in the process, karma and it’s wicked ways…

[@Savikelle]

I hate that first one. If you've been a parent for 7 months and can't handle being the parent to your kid for ONE night, you shouldn't be a parent

[@HouseMDaddict]

Or a husband for that matter. I feel like the woman probably does ALL the work and the dude does absolutely nothing to help around the house. He's majorly immature.

[@B1519-k4u]

@@HouseMDaddict We only know her side of the story though. Maybe he is really working the whole day providing for the family and never had the time and energy to bring their kid to bed. Edit: That doesnt defend him calling her but saying he is a horrible husband and father is a bit too much in my opinion

[@HouseMDaddict]

@@B1519-k4u he's immature. Sure, he probably does work all day and nowadays with many families needing both parents to work, you can't just say "I'm too tired to be a parent tonight." Parenthood doesn't shut off because you're tired. You suck it up. "Working all day" isn't an excuse to not be a parent. Yes, I get we're just getting her side but him blowing up her phone after he said "I got it" when she gave him instructions before her night out is immature and disrespectful.

[@B1519-k4u]

@@HouseMDaddict Maybe youre right, I am neither a husband or a father so I was just wondering

[@astoldbynickgerr]

Period. Point. Blank.

[@hnichole]

Imagine telling someone with cancer that they're being "too sensitive" about being publicly shamed for something out of their control, what the literal fuck. Also, for the cake one, he's definitely the a-hole and I think she should be wary of marrying this man because yes, it could be worked out, but the guy clearly has an issue with defending his fiancee to his mother, and that's definitely a problem.

[@noemiepace9020]

For the cake one, I feel no one except the mom was really an asshole. As far as we know, no one knows how much care she put in her cake, to her fiancé, since she regularly bakes, he could easily assume she didn't think a big deal out of it. This issue is more based on miscommunication imo.

[@oogieboogiewoogie9319]

@@noemiepace9020 true and he wasn't really dismissing her feelings just trying to keep the peace because it was his literal birthday party. i feel like she overreacted a bit making it about herself and her cake though.

[@hecatehellfire]

@@noemiepace9020 He might not be the asshole, but his mom very obviously is, and she shouldn't have to subject herself to a toxic situation. I get the perspective that he probably just wanted to keep the peace, but I also get the impression that he doesn't stand up for her to his mom, who has said a lot of really cruel things. No person is worth putting yourself through that.

[@madeleinec147]

@@oogieboogiewoogie9319 I think the cake was the breaking point for her. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a huge deal. However, the fiancee's mom has been toxic all this time. Having her fiancee constantly keep the peace at her expense took its toll. It's never a good idea to marry a man who can't stand up to their mom. Especially when the mom is toxic and possessive AF. It's a weird Oedipal complex. I've seen it plenty of times. The marriage is generally miserable for the wife unless the husband actually grows up and establishes boundaries with their possessive mothers.

[@happyjellycatsquid]

@@noemiepace9020 She took a whole day off to bake that cake, shouldn’t that be enough to show she put a lot of care into it?

[@-brookebugz-]

For the gymnast gf one, I would say NTA, because she expressed her discomfort in the comments, and her bf completely brushed it off and ignored her discomfort in the situation. As a woman myself, this one hits closer to home for me, even though nothing like this has happened to me yet, I constantly see women getting over-sexualized and ignored when they express discomfort. These kinds of comments make you feel unsafe, and are usually said in a degrading manner. If anything, good for her for standing up for herself. The only thing she could have done better is text her bf that she needs some space instead of just ignoring him.

[@alize7689]

agree 100%

[@loreenahansen9776]

Yeah there should be no confusion on this one-a sexual comment made disrespectfully, and then she rightfully left. What is mean about that lol

[@katherine_queen5294]

Fr not only was she being sexualized for her career and being ignored when she asked for it to stop, but her boyfriend defended them over her. I get that some guys don’t fully understand what’s wrong with this but it’s obvious when someone says “hey I don’t like that please stop” and the person doesn’t stop, yoh help them out. I can’t imagine having to deal with that in public that’s terrible

[@i-leean]

I think especially because they were her boyfriend's friends, and not only are these the people he surrounds himself with, he doesn't even defend his own girlfriend when she is being outright disrespected and unwantedly sexualized. It's a peek into how they see and subsequently treat women (aka as if their feelings don't matter when it doesn't align with what they deem to be reasonable and are quickly sexualized for cheap laughs) and really makes you think what these guys say when there isn't a woman around and what disgustingly objectifying comments they make about other women or even what vile actions they may commit or give a pass to.

[@KC-ep6sg]

Also, just as a boyfriend you'd expect the guy to take her seriously and defend her even if it means calling out his friends. A guy who can't stick up to other guys isn't mature enough to be a good romantic partner

[@theamazingenny]

My parents have told me multiple times that if I had a problem in my relationship it's my problem. They said they would listen to me rant, but they would not intervene because it's not their place. I hate stories where parents feel the need to be involved in their ADULT children's lives.

[@kurniaerfan7307]

Some parents really can't see their grown-up child as an adult who can and should deal with their life independently. They only see the cute fragile child that need their parents guidance to even survive. It is up to the children to stand up and set the boundaries with their parents

[@nanalove3819]

@@kurniaerfan7307Even worst, they also don't see the adult partner as an adult, but as a child they could lecture to make them act as they want to.

[@elaazrag3589]

For the tattoo one, I grew up with a stepfather, and when it was time to apply for college loans I overheard him tell my mother he was not going to go in debt for a child that was not his (my mother's credit score was really bad at that time because she had helped out with his debts). I was hurt but I couldn't really blame him, because at the end of the day I am not his daughter. My mom and I figured it out on our own, but I have never forgotten what he said, and whenever he tries to act like a father I remind him of this and tell him to f*ck off (not literally, but i dont obey him like a father). Yeah he paid for our food and home but it was more for his daughter (my half-sister) and my mom than for me. So for the man in the story, he has the right to get whatever tatto he wants and all, but he has to be careful with his relationship with his stepson. Because he can't refuse to treat him like his child but then expect him to obey/respect him like a father. Idk, I guess I just relate to the pain and isolation the stepson will most likely experience throughout his life (maybe the man does treat him like a son in every aspect except this one ).

[@Dariusissocool]

This has also been my experience. That man is just a rando who lives in our house and eats all our food for all I care. Even as a kid I noticed all the small differences. Then demanded respect, I about laughed in his face.

[@heavenlee6464]

I didn't grow up with a step father so I can't really relate but it doesn't sound like he ever treated him like it wasn't his kid he just wanted his bio kids on him not a step kid frankly I don't think the kid will care much anyways if he's not being unfairly treated already

[@arandomladywithabadsleepsc1748]

@@heavenlee6464 That is speculation. Literally how would a child not care that their parents response to not getting them tattooed is “not my kid”. You admitted you can’t relate(you don’t need to, but empathy is a thing, which you clearly lack). As someone with a step parent, it’s not inherently wrong to not get the name tattooed, but if it’s for them “not being your kid” how would the child NOT care? Like, do you hear yourself? And he’s supposed to be his father, he’s failing. He’s supposed to be his dad. It’s that simple. He IS being unfairly treated.

[@heavenlee6464]

@@arandomladywithabadsleepsc1748 It's really unfair considering he's not putting it in the kids face saying your not my kid my father had step kids who never got tattooed and it was just that they never cared or grew up talking about it cause it didn't matter to them that's the experience I'm speaking of

[@arandomladywithabadsleepsc1748]

@@heavenlee6464 This is a different experience than your father though. For all we know, the kid could be attached to their father. He’s MEANT to be loving. If he’s not gonna get their name tattooed, then okay. I’d understand just wanting one tattoo. But because they’re not their kid? That is disgusting. And just because the child doesn’t care doesn’t mean it’s not a gross move. If your father never even bothered to talk to their children, that’s just odd and vile. Just because someone doesn’t rub it in another individuals face doesn’t make it any less sickening.

[@DroppedCroissant]

As for the last story: A paternity test would definitely work. The twins would only share quarter of their genes with the granddad and half with the dad (whoever it is), so it would be very easy to tell the level of relation. I think Dylan should do a live stream reading these AITA and discussing them with us!

[@ashtoncartner]

That'd be cool tbh.

[@emiliacastelli7146]

omg yes

[@jaylaanpough5524]

OOO YESS! would love a live boogie chat 😍

[@mzayas2120]

Oh god, that would be a roasting fest, I love the idea

[@jorilysmatos69]

Apparently it was done but the father doesn't want anyone to see the results. That's why OP thinks the twins are his and not his brothers. Because if they were he would've shown them the results.

[@saumyajhaveri8281]

just putting my opinions here lmao The first scenario: the husband is such a baby, maybe a teen, and honestly she asked for ONE night off and he's all "I can't do anything cause I've been too busy watching football instead of BEING A GOOD PARENT"

[@jessmPS]

Exactly. How does he need such instructions for his own baby? Like you’re not a babysitter YOU ARE THE FATHER. DO DAD THINGS.

[@HouseMDaddict]

The husband is so immature and I feel bad for women who married these kinds of guys. Man children are the worst and you should figure out you have one before you get married. We all can guess this dude was probably "too tired" to help clean the house or make dinner or doing anything helpful prior to the baby even being born.

[@onlyamberrr9635]

@@jessmPS right?? I hate seeing fathers that consider watching their own kids "babysitting" like sir those are YOUR kids 😂

[@Chloe-wu8wl]

It's weaponized incompetence (for the first scenario)

[@Justin-pi8xt]

I’ve been in the moms shoes before dad was wrong unequivocally however if he always answers when he’s out I can understand why he would be mad she doesn’t do the same both seemed pretty childish imo but that’s how you keep the wrinkles away lol

[@miaingraudo8990]

for the cake one, it’s safe to say that she needs to not marry him. in cases like this 99% of the time the mother is completely unwilling to change her behaviour and only stops once she’s driven the woman away. she sees the fiancé as a threat and tries to outdo her every step of the way. the cake was her way of saying “i can do your job but better, now watch as my son takes my side”. if i EVER get into a serious relationship and encounter this issue, i’m running for the hills.

[@captainstupid818]

right- the creepy relationship with the mother and son would be too much. the mother always gets jealous and wants the son all to herself- essentially cutting out the fiancé

[@randikelsey6037]

I'm still not over the one where the husband and wife made a deal when she was pregnant where if they had a boy she could name it and if they had a girl he could name it, each with one veto. She agreed because she was so sure she was having a boy and when it turned out they had a girl, the dad named her with something they agreed on beforehand only to MONTHS later come home to catch his wife and MIL both calling the daughter by a completely different name, which they had apparently been doing behind his back from the very beginning. They then tried to make him legally change the daughter's name and when he refused his wife left him and the daughter to go stay with her parents who all are harassing him to "stop being so controlling and manipulative". The gaslighting in so many of these is insane.

[@JeM130177]

Omg i remember reading that one! I swear adults and their parenrs ganging up on partners is gross

[@mike90317]

Wild!

[@divyanshimishra7915]

I'm sure whatever name the husband came up with couldn't have been that bad. It's just a name, the wife needs to chill out.

[@spacekayse6543]

@@divyanshimishra7915 i read the update and he said she had a breakdown while at her parents’ house, but she’s now getting the help she needs. the doctor said she might have PPD and Gender Disappointment and her father said the family always favored sons and thinks that might have contributed

[@enough2715]

No hate, but parents who do weird little games with their children's names are super childish. Of course this led to a mess. Agree on a name together, no "if x then I get to y" garbage.

[@elliu8495]

the cancer one pissed me off. my mom survived cancer, but had to have pretty much the entire left side of her face removed. she now only has her right eye, and there’s scars along her face from where they had to pull the skin back to extract the cancerous tissue. she’s already not very confident with how she looks now, and we recently went out of state for a family reunion. of course she was meeting and seeing a lot of new people, and she told me on the way home that she had heard many people whispering about how she “looks creepy,” and saying things like “look at that lady’s face,” along with other insanely rude remarks. it breaks my heart that people can be so harsh when you never know how much someone has been through to still be alive today, so the fact that this poor lady’s HUSBAND is commenting about the way she looks knowing damn well his wife could not be alive had she not been such a fighter, makes me so sad. please be mindful, you never know what someone has gone through. don’t stare at people because they “look different.” my mom had to tell her family that the doctors said she had less than 6 months to live, but she’s here and yes, she doesn’t look like your average person or have the most stylish hair but she survived cancer. rant over

[@yourfavoriteoompaloompa139]

❤️❤️❤️❤️!! Thxs you for sharing! Your mom is a fighter, during cancer and after! Ur right it is just stomach turning how mean people can be especially to others struggle that they don’t know half of the hardship the person is dealing with internally. I’m glad ur mom survived and that she is still sticking up for herself even if she doesn’t feel very confident. 💜my love goes out to her and u.

[@elliu8495]

@@yourfavoriteoompaloompa139 thank you 🤍🤍

[@hulkaiden6178]

My dad has had different problems. He is currently fighting cancer and on his 12th year. After being told he has 1 year to live about 7 years ago. Due to the treatments and anxiety along with agoraphobia that has formed he is bedridden and does not leave the house. Due to this he spends most of his time playing video games and watching shows as that is all he can do to entertain himself. Because of this many people have called him lazy or addicted to video games. The people that said this are aware of the fact that he is bedridden and still say this to him. I don't understand how people can be so rude to people for things that are out of their control. In your story those insults I can't even believe. I can understand having those thoughts but expressing them is not okay and I don't understand how some people don't understand that.

[@elliu8495]

@@hulkaiden6178 i’m so sorry, it’s so hard to watch someone you love have to live through that ☹️ people are so quick to judge, and some of the things that people say are so sickening. until they have someone they love go through something like that they will never understand what it’s like

[@hulkaiden6178]

@@elliu8495 Thank you. So happy that your mother survived it.

[@classsass6836]

I hope this becomes a series, it's so interesting when people air out their business

[@Artytanium]

For real. Although I've read some awful and twisted shit in r/AITA that sometimes I just need to get off the internet lol

[@classsass6836]

@@Artytanium true, some people are too comfortable on the internet

[@shi.survives.somehow]

@@Artytanium one thing I've learned... Far too many incest and poop stories on that subreddit 💀 I've been scarred

[@angelabenitiz7241]

I am so confused over the one where the man wanted to leave for a trip that had been planned for 4 years but had a baby on the way... he had 9 MONTHS where he knew she was going to have a baby. Why didn't he go ahead and reschedule around the delivery date?

[@alfredopasta7138]

About the dad’s dark secret: Definitely NTA. The dad has no right to be forgiven by his son, and the fact that the dad is willing to insult him just shows that he is unable to understand what he did wrong. He completely destroyed his son’s trust to never heal, whether he likes it or not. OP did the right thing by calling out the dad for his wrongdoing.

[@tangosparks1111]

yeah and the dad broke the bounds of it being a “family matter” by talking shit about the son in the first place, so op had every right to say the truth

[@christina8866]

@@tangosparks1111 facts i didn’t think about that

[@ruby948]

Also, the dad did do a DNA test (I believe and hope Instagram comments didn't lie) and the dad is refusing to say what the results are

[@vanessrr]

the truth *always* comes out, so i think it was defintely a case of sooner rather than later with this situation

[@courtneykamens797]

“It’s a family matter” the one who called him out is also his son. Is he not a part of the family?

[@Savikelle]

I think the gymnast was in the right. She clearly explained how she wasn't comfortable with the comment, and it stops being a joke the second someone sets that boundary. Saying something is a joke doesn't make it so just because you don't want to be pushed back on making someone uncomfortable. Too many guys don't understand boundaries. It is a joke, they're right, but it stopped being a joke when she set the boundary. They're the arseholes because they showed disrespect by ignoring said boundaries.

[@_CallMeRex]

That and I think it’s common sense that many people (especially women) don’t want their bodies and sex life speculated about, especially in front of their faces, and people who talk or even joke like that are nasty.

[@StevieMcQween]

I think it's also only really a joke if the person it's about also finds it funny. Otherwise they're clearly just making fun of her to her face, and when she tells them it's not funny, they double down on it, which makes them even more rude.

[@tat._7384]

Yeah, also, huge red flag on the boyfriend too. Dime con quien andas, y te diré quien eres. Basically means, "tell me who you hang out with, and I´ll tell you who you are"

[@tanja9006]

Imagine having a baby with a guy only for him to turn out to be like the father in the first story… nightmare.

[@reneeyates5175]

Worst fear

[@johndoecook]

The only thing I'll say to that is, and I 100% agree with you, is that it was his first night alone with the baby and that can cause massive anxiety in the best of people. He handled it awfully, and should have respected her first night out more, but I can understand his fear turning into frustration and anger. As for not helping out with the baby more, I'd like to know what he does because if he works like 50 hour weeks for a difficult job and she's currently not working, then him not helping out as much is completely understandable.

[@emeraldware5343]

There isn’t a reason in the world other than literally being deployed or imprisoned why a man doesn’t know how to manage his own child. It’s not equivalent to working a full time job it’s literally raising your kid. Has nothing to do with his employment. He’s an in-house deadbeat.

[@a.carneirozhu8104]

@@johndoecook True but it is HIS child as well as his wife's and he should at least put in the effort to take care of it. The whole thing about just placing the kid in the crib without even so much as a blanket was so sus to me... if you love your child, don't you want them to be comfortable and happy?? I have a large family and have been around parents with little children (oh, and have done this man's job as a preteen), this is NOT how a loving parent treats their child, even when stressed out.

[@Toasty_Mr.Marsh_]

I’d rather that guy then the vacation guy leaving his pregnant girlfriend

[@amberwolf5371]

The cake thing definitely seems like the culmination of many issues and that was just what ended up being too much for her. Bad relationships with a significant other's family members can absolutely ruin a relationship especially if they don't stick up for you.

[@danbi8885]

for a guy who was scammed by his college, dylan has good judgement

[@sushiimish3580]

this is my fav comment pls

[@virginiafernandez6846]

His tragic backstory is what helped his develop his judgement

[@cray4lay892]

and that's what i call a backhanded compliment, lol

[@leptospiroca]

tell me more about that

[@aerynthompson5761]

this should be the top comment

[@DB20204]

NTA for leaving when BF didn't standup. That's a huge red flag in a partner. If he "tolerates" gross misogynistic "locker room talk" then you also know he spews vile comments himself. And if he claims that he didn't agree with his friends, then he's just a weak willed sheep too afraid to openly disagree with his buddies.

[@jecsibethguevara9819]

Exactly. If they feel comfortable saying that to your face IMAGINE what they say when ur gone. And he allows and defends it?! Hell no, out with him so gross!!!

[@subha2573]

The stepson tattoo thing additional info might help lol. OP later added that he does not share a relationship like that with his stepson. The boy's dad is still heavily involved in his life and the boy calls OP by name. He also said that if he were to adopt the stepson legally(which he cant do because of biological father having shared custody, I think) he would also tattoo the stepson's name So there were definitely better ways the stepfather could've handled it

[@CassidyStarke]

This definitely makes sense. Just because you can love a child and the child loves you back doesn’t mean you have a parent/child relationship.

[@bumblerbree]

oh it's way different if the bio father is in the picture. the kid might even feel weird about that since he may not want to view his step-father as his dad

[@GrungeGalactica]

Every family dynamic is different but you can’t dictate what someone is going to have inked on their body forever. Most people who’ve been happily married for years don’t get partner or even their bio kids names tattooed on them and opt for some cool, meaningless design because it’s ambiguous. If he’s not seen as a father in the sons eyes, maybe cause he already has a good one, he has no obligation to have another man’s child’s name on him permanently.

[@marybell2897]

The post says her son's father isn't involved at all.

[@sudsysoap]

okay see now this is understadable. if the bio dad wasn't involved at all or that much, and kid calls step dad "dad" or he legally adopted the kid but doesn't wanna tattoo the name then yea he's the asshole but since that is not the case then he really isn't

[@wildcatghoulette1822]

12:46 It's always the ones who constantly ignore boundaries that don't like when their actions are delivered back to them. Good on that wife for calling him out for it.

[@rileylarch5417]

I think that the deeper issue behind the tattoo one is that he doesn't view her son as one of his children. They have already been married for half of her son's life meaning he has known him for even longer and has played a crucial role in his childhood so for the husband to not feel that connection in anyway is extremely concerning. It would be different if he was in his teens when they got married or even if there was a single other child in the house that wasn't on the tattoo but instead one of his father figure (and potentially his only) has isolated him.

[@kizi180]

I agree.

[@AdorkableJaja]

But at the end of the day, it is still the father's choice to not get the name tattooed, and the wife shouldn't try to guilt him into doing so. Sometimes people cannot separate biological lineage in their minds, it doesn't make the man a bad father if he can't, as long as he still cares for and respects the child. He doesn't have to view him as his son.

[@Brooklynlamar1]

@@AdorkableJaja she's not guilt tripping him? if he's allowed to not view her son as his son SHE'S ALLOWED TO HAVE FEELINGS AND BE UPSET.

[@AdorkableJaja]

@@Brooklynlamar1 Yes she can be upset, but at the end of the day that won't change his mind and it is still his choice to get a tattoo of the kid's name

[@thunderbolt1013]

@@AdorkableJaja At that point, I don't even think the mom even cares about the tattoo since the bigger issue is that her husband does not view her son as his despite knowing him even before their child together and probably playing a big role in her son's childhood yet he still is indifferent towards him. That probably hurt the mother and it's only natural for her to feel offended and insulted.

[@lukadol6272]

I figured it out about the guy who didnt tatoo his stepsons name: He is nit the asshole for not tattoo-ing the name, he is just an asshole for not seeing him as his son. You dont just marry the mother, you marry a family in my opinion

[@salliejones6002]

They’ve only been together for four years

[@harley69]

I don’t think it was a case of him not seeing the child as his son. It’s just that he’s not connected to that son the same way he is to his own kids. They’ve only been together for a few years and there’s no guarantee it’s going to last. There’s no guarantee he stays connected to this child. He’s always going to be connected to his own kids, regardless of what happens.

[@onlyamberrr9635]

@@salliejones6002 says they were married for 4 years, not together for 4.. people are generally together for awhile before marriage 🙊

[@hunterwolfgun4967]

@@salliejones6002 the are married tho, arent they??? so I don't see how the time they spent married affects what OP said. the decision is made once the ring are on. I don't know why you would marry someone who you know has a child as if you can get one without the other/disregard or separate the enitites

[@cat86581]

@@harley69 They have a literal baby together now, he has married that woman 4 years ago. He still calls that poor child "her kid", like.. dude. He was his stepdad since he was 3-4 years old and met him when he was probably a toddler! He a 100% doesn't view that kid as his own.

[@Fierra2000]

18:58 I don't think she's in the wrong for leaving the party. People are making it seem like she's overreacting about a cake, and that's clearly not the issue. The cake is just the tip of the iceberg. She's constantly being disrespected by her mother-in-law and her husband should put his foot down and defend his wife. He should have told his mother that they were going to eat both cakes and to stop speaking to his wife like that. She had every right to leave the party. Why should she always have to put up with his family's nonsense? My parents don't act like this. They always defend each other when my grandparents step out of line. There is never an excuse, so this situation right here is a huge flag to me.

[@chiefpurrfect8389]

Exactly. You might think it's an overreaction if you look at it as an isolated incident, but there's obviously a pattern of the stepmother treating OP badly/dismissively while her fiance just lets it happen and that instance of it was the straw that broke the camel's back. And honestly, the stepmother isn't so much the problem as the fiance. I get that he probably just wants to keep the peace, but keep the peace for who? Not for his partner, I can tell you that much. It's really telling to me that he would signal his fiance to just "do as mom says" when she arbitrarily decided that the kids should have her cake (meaning he is clearly aware of the tension between them and is trying to mitigate it) but then wouldn't even validate his partner's feelings privately when he went after her (even if he disagreed with her reaction). Even if he does care whether if she's having a hard time or not, he certainly seems to care that he isn't caught in the middle of it more. Oh, and the lack of boundaries where his folk feel entitled in inserting themselves in their relationship and make personal judgments on what his fiance "needs" so that she'll be a better partner to their sonny boy. I don't know nearly enough about their relationship to say whether or not it's ultimately unsalvageable, but boy oh boy are there red flags that go way beyond the stepmom and the cake from where I'm standing.

[@KC-ep6sg]

100%

[@thebookworm5048]

Love seeing Dylan immediately get angry on behalf of a pregnant woman, more understanding than some husbands

[@corneliastreets]

The third one was valid until he insisted on the kids' menu thing. Share appetizers and order her one meal off the menu. Or get a platter good for two and choose your own sides. If there are still leftovers, have it packed to-go and she can eat the rest of it the next day or something. It really shouldn't be that complicated and ordering kids' meals shouldn't be the only option for her.

[@tosinakin2508]

I've seen this story before. In the comments, the OP explains that she refuses to eat leftovers. The kids' menu thing was still a dick move, but she sucks too because she has annoying, expensive eating habits she refuses to compromise on. They need to have a serious talk. She's got to change her eating habits or start paying for her own meals. That being said, I have to admit that I'm biased because I have an issue with food waste.

[@katearcher8514]

Well, I think, the right option should be for her to pay for her own freaking meals and order whatsoever she pleases and leave it whole on the plate if she wanted. Easy as pie

[@miaofthekingdom]

You can’t force a grown woman to eat off the kid’s menu, but I’m confused on whether or not they could just take the food home. I was wondering that the whole time.

[@corneliastreets]

@@katearcher8514 Actually yeah. Some guys really insist on treating or paying no matter how long you've been together, but regardless she should offer to pay for her own orders if she gets that much-assuming she's even self-aware of how wasteful she is of an eater.

[@astrowolvez]

He could have communicated better.

[@celinechase2808]

For the woman that left with the birthday cake, I do understand (from second-hand experience) the frustration of being crushed under a mother-in-law's thumb constantly. I think this birthday cake situation was sort of her last straw and is more so impactful since she had sacrificed so much to do this for him only for it to be belittled; on top of that, he does not defend her. For his side, I understand avoiding conflict, especially with a mother such as that (remember that he has dealt with her character all his life as well and at this point had found it best to just let her be), but he also had the choice to acknowledge his future wife's efforts and show appreciation without denouncing his mom. His expectation for her to just accept this mother's disregard and disrespect without retaliation would be indicative of his role in similar instances in the future, which would just worsen since they intend to marry. This is why I would understand why some comments would advocate for their separation, however, I do not agree. If the thorn in their relationship is another person then you both discuss and decide on how you would both handle that person, it is not probable cause for separation (at least for now). Yes, I do agree that she overreacted, but it was founded upon valid concerns. If his intention is to keep the peace, then just allowing his mother to belittle her is not the way to do it. If he wants to keep on the middle ground, then stand in the middle, not silently allow everything to play out and expect his wife to just go with it, that's unreasonable especially since she'd be expected to do that throughout their marriage, which (once again) will only get worse. Also... what's wrong with two cakes, more cake is good.... right? I'd personally have a slice of both. Then go for seconds.... of both.

[@darianasosa7298]

Though it's true all that you say, I disagree it isn't a cause for separation. That's his mom. Since he learned to just go along whatever his mother wants, he will always expect his wife to do the same. What happens if they have kids and mom doesn't like how his wife parents them? She's going to complain. Mom will always belittle his fiancée. Even if they get married, even if they have kids, mom won't change. If she didn't change for her children, she won't change for a DIL. I'd reconsider the entire relationship if my partner's mom was like that and he wasn't willing to put a stop to her behavior. If he doesn't have her back now, he won't ever have her back even if they get married, and then it's going to cause more issues, ending up in divorce, and potentially screwing up kids' lives if they had any. I would put off the wedding until the situation gets better. If not, I'd find someone with better relatives tbh.

[@AlienZizi]

@@darianasosa7298 i completely agree! never be with someone who enables your abuse

[@Iodhlr]

I've seen some MIL vs DIL drama go down in my extended family. When the son/husband in these situations don't speak up on the behalf of their wives, the MIL takes that as a cue to steamroll the DIL on every little thing. The cake thing, as a stand alone issue, isn't enough to warrant the kind of reaction OP had, but there's a build up to the reaction that wasn't mentioned in the post. Stuff that OP is going through is basically death by a thousand paper cuts.

[@360shadowmoon]

Yeah - I think this the cake incident is part of a larger pattern where the mother in law belittles the girl, and her future husband doesn't ever stand up for her. It's definitely worth leaving someone over.

[@silverkyre]

The fact that he can say its disrespectful to not accept his mothers cake because she payed so much money (despite knowing she was gonna make the cake) but cant say the same to his mom when his fiancee took time of work and put so much time and care into it. Is really gross. I get thats its his birthday but instead of just having her agree and devaluing her time and effort, (and quite frankly love and care) to have the kids have it. He could have made room and moved other things and had the cakes side by side. Not turning down his mother either. (Despite the fact that its clearly an agression towards the girlfriend to order a cake when she knew she was gonna make one and then ordered her to let the kids have it.

[@maryem9225]

the second one about the wife’’s eating habits is a great example of when something is cute at first, but starts to get annoying after a year or so

[@HouseMDaddict]

Which is why you don't have a quick wedding but actually get to know the person first and grow up a bit. They both seemed really immature anyway

[@leonamvinoy3008]

Thats actually so accurate

[@TaraSmallss]

Oh 100%!!

[@felix_a_fiend]

@@HouseMDaddict my parents knew each other for eight years before getting married, and they’re still going strong.

[@AntiSoraXVI]

@@HouseMDaddict Even with slow marriages there are still gonna be these things that boil over after turning a blind eye for years. Evidenced by my parents getting married after… okay I’m saying 4 years because my memory is shit. Been together 30 years and well this still happens That being said I agree and they’re both a bit immature, but I also can’t help that my immediate thought was “the kid’s menu does suit her since she’s behaving like a toddler”

[@thejascam]

For the vacation one: if they've post-poned the trip for 4 years whats several months more matter ??! He should be there to support the woman literally giving birth to his child and the friends should more than understand

[@celinechase2808]

For the guy that doesn't want to postpone the trip, I find it odd that he was willing to postpone the trip for his other friends' troubles but his kid is on the way and THAT's not worth postponing the trip. For him, I guess I can see that he doesn't see this as a big deal because for him it's kid #2, but that is no excuse for him to not see the bigger picture here. His wife is having his baby, her first baby, while his friends are having a guys' trip (that can be postponed once again, unlike BIRTH), it's a clear-cut decision (well, that's if you're not an asshole). There's also the case of his first child being under the wife's care who has no prior experience of being a mother, much less a mother of two (with such suddenness), and no partner there to help, especially within that first month of which he intends to be gone. I wonder if he'd be able to fully enjoy this trip knowing that he'll miss the birth of his child and that his wife who would still be recovering from birth is home alone dealing with a newborn and another child (AGAIN WITH NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE). But I suppose from his point of view, pass a check and all will be grand... utter nonsense...

[@everlynalvera8276]

Usually the husband that want to stay at the wife's side especially if that's their first child together but I guess this type of people exist

[@silverkyre]

This so horrible i hope she finds a way to leave. The fact that she was no other family and he dosnt even consider how much help she needs. Two parents usually can use a ton a help. And her alone plus another child. Shes in a nightmare situation.

[@rhymerisi4709]

Exactly, like why was that even an ask - don't have a baby if you're not going to be there for them - i understand that it would be kinda sad postponing the trip but your partner shouldn't have to ask you to priritise her when you're having a freaking baby

[@kizi180]

Not saying is okay by any means. But maybe they had to postpone it because of his first child.

[@katearcher8514]

The cancer lady and the cake lady have all my support. I just love this gaslighting: stop acting like a baby, don't be overdramatic, while we are going to disrespect your every feeling and do and say whatever we want, but no, you are the bad guy for reacting like a fucking human being with a soul of your own! Just resonates so much.

[@hobog12777]

Cancer lady, cake lady, gymnast lady and pregnant lady who'll need to give birth alone, all have my support.

[@danbi8885]

i love how consistent this 20 year old man’s uploads are

[@bubblegumplastic]

It's very impressive

[@sarahwenger4479]

The issue with the cake one is that the guy obviously isn’t choosing his fiancé over his mom. His mom tries to spite and insult his fiancé every chance she gets and he does nothing. Why would she stay in a relationship where she’s being constantly disrespected and not backed up by the person she’s supposed to marry?

[@bookjunk]

"There is no issue in the relationship, other than the mom needs to back the fuck off." Oh, Dylan. That's a big issue and the issue isn't the mom (unless she's seriously unhinged). It's him. The mom hasn't backed off because he hasn't told her to. If your boyfriend's mom treats you like shit and your boyfriend lets her: you have a boyfriend-problem, not a mother-in-law problem. The real issue gets kind of pushed to the side in the whole birthday cake-debacle, but, yikes, I'd be out of there asap.

[@notthingofnote]

I second this

[@katherine_queen5294]

Personally I think she was justified cus not only was the MIL diminishing her again by saying “we’ll give it to the kids” and “I paid good money” knowing damn well she made that with her two hands, her boyfriend let it happen. He could’ve said “Can’t J eat both?” Or something reasonable but no. Of course she would’ve gotten upset and stormed out who wouldn’t

[@aminaa7035]

Exactly

[@trjinu]

Thank you for that comment! My MIL is a bitch and it took SO LONG for my boyfriend (now husband) tot ell her off. It was always like "you're the more reasonable one, so I'm talking to you." - yeah, but why should I always be the person feeling bad and sucking it up, just because she is somehow too stupid?

[@madeleinec147]

@@trjinu I'm glad your husband finally grew up and established boundaries with his mom. Keep your head up, Queen. My mother dealt with the same BS with my dad's mom. It's fine now for the most part but I don't even call my dad's mom my grandma. She doesn't treat me and my siblings as her grandkids because like our mother, we "stole" her favorite son's affections. Like wtf??

[@DragonHotCoffee]

For the cake thing, I think the cake was just the straw that broke the camel's back because it sounded like the mother was just causing too much strain on her and the relationship. Parents stop ruining your children's relationships

[@8symmetreylover8]

but also the fiancee really needs to learn how to stand up against his mom or it will never get better. the mom clearly doesnt respect his fiancee and he has shown by allowing her to disrespect her that she can treat her that way.

[@AofSpade]

@@8symmetreylover8 Also the fact that she told her fiancee she was going to bake a cake and he didn't say anything to his mom??? I think he set her up for disappointment and didn't even try to console her after the fact or even just tell her to leave her cake at home for them to enjoy together (knowing how his family and mother have reacted in the past to her baking). I def don't think she's the AH

[@TheStepmonkey]

That girl overreacted by leaving the party, she could've just said: Well, now you have 2 birthday cakes, good for u! Then after the party she should've talked with her boyfriend about what happened and that's it. Also, we don't know if the mother in law is a real bitch to her for no "real reason". Maybe the girlfriend has always been disrespectful to her and this is the mother's response to that. An intelligent girlfriend would try to win the mother in law's affection, or at least try to keep everything in peace. If the mother is still a bitch after the girlfriend's efforts, then the boyfriend should talk with his mom and tell her to respect his partner.

[@toffeebrain4793]

mhmm How about the children stop letting them ruin their relationships

[@hulkaiden6178]

If this was the only time this happened then I would say it is fine since it is his birthday. If this is a consistent problem then it is something that needs to be addressed.

[@simp1ymakay1a1ynn]

About the cake one, I feel like you have to take into consideration that the mom obviously doesn't like her and takes every chance she can to shit on her.

[@dancesmokesmile344]

The fourth one really got me mad. Her husband doesn’t deserve her. The entitlement and the rudeness. I can’t. I feel like that could be classified under abusive, if he goes around making her feel bad about herself, and when she gets upset he makes her out to be the bad person

[@ray-zd9hb]

for the tiny d one i think she was really clever with how she came back at him. hes being irrational and needs to see the double standard of him getting mad at her for calling him a name once while hes been doing it for yrs

[@GrungeGalactica]

Also he calls her degrading nick names all the time 😬 I know it sounds harmless but it’s very childish and disrespectful, especially when he knows she hates it. Idk if I’m looking too much into it but sometimes silly ‘cute pet names’ just seem like a guise to subtly patronise and belittle the other… I’m soo sick of this little boy playground tactic of picking on girls they like eg making offensive ‘joke’s’ as a weak attempt to flirt and then gaslighting the girls for being annoyed. It’s literally guys, trying to take a girl who’s out of their league, down a peg in an attempt to knock her confidence and perhaps lower her standards, to someone who’s at least paying her (all beit unwanted) attention. When he doesn’t get whatever outcome he’s expecting, “it was obvs a joke gawwd so sensitive and stuck up and shallow and uptight” nah mate you need to get better at mature interactions with the opposite s3x .if you’re joke’s make people mad/ roll their eyes, you’re probably not as funny as you think- sorry pal 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@Yesitsmedaphne]

These were wild, especially the hair loss comment and exposing the dad💀 Is AITA even the right question they should be asking 😂

[@faithjolley6034]

Sometimes, when you're focused on trying to answer a question, you stop asking if that's the right question you should be answering. Damn you're right XD

[@eugenie8661]

AITA could stand for Am I The Ab*sed in most of these tbh

[@hannahbeanies8855]

@@eugenie8661 man, that is sad and true

[@elisabetstar125]

About the birthday cake story: I feel like the issue is that he didn't appreciate her efforts. She make a custom cake for him and he didn't even tell his mom that "hey I want to try it too" when she said we're giving it to the kids. I mean it's his birthday, isn't he supposed to be the one who gets to decide what happens? Like he obviously couldn't say anything to his mom, because he wanted to keep the peace, which is fair as it's his birthday, but he needs to take a stand once in a while. You don't watch your parent treating your partner like sh*t and stand there not doing anything, just to "keep the peace" or saying "eh that's just how they are, you need to be patient". Nobody wants to be with, let alone marry, the type of guy that would complain about drama between his parent and partner while he sits his ass in the corner acting like it doesn't concern him.

[@kizi180]

Yeah, I guess this was the last drop for her, and I get it. But it was not the time... maybe. I would for sure have said something to the mom about how disrespectful she was.

[@bch7905]

I think it's more about the lack on boundaries between his mother and OP, regardless of whether he appreciates her efforts or not. He most definitely needs to be sturdier and stand up for her because it definitely seems like that has happened more than just her food being ignored at family parties. And I personally don't think he is actually oblivious to it, especially with how open the family was to trash talk her behavior after she left. He probably knows his family doesn't like her and he probably thinks she is resilient or unaware if she hasn't brought it up to him already. Might have been the wrong time, but I think it being on his birthday may have been the wake up call for a serious conversation.

[@No1MCfan]

He definitely missed the opportunity to say that he wanted a piece of both cakes. Then he could tell his fiancé how much better her cake was compared to the other one.

[@lizyconyers7009]

I also think it says a lot that he didn't tell his mom not to get a cake or to make a different dessert.

[@JessicasASMR]

For the tattoo one, I think it would boil down to how close the guy and the stepson is. If they never rly bonded, that’s similar to getting like a significant other’s name tattooed and what if they got divorced? Now if they’re super close and would likely keep contact even in the event of a divorce then I don’t see why not get the tattoo

[@yimmieyammie]

NTA. i read the post and more additional information was given. the kids call OP by name, not dad. The stepson’s dad is heavily involved in his life. OP cant even become a legal stepfather bc stepsons bio dad still has part custody. anyway, it is up to OP what he whats to do w his body

[@wolfhawk1999]

Yeah, at the end of the day if your wife leaves you and takes your stepson you may never see that kid again in your life. You then have a permanent reminder that you were never the kids real dad. Not worth it

[@DsgSleazy]

This, if it's to the point where your relationship is indistinguishable from a real father and son, that's a reasonable ask, but if it's a typical stepdad/stepson relationship, that dumb as shit to ask someone to do.

[@it.comes.around]

@@yimmieyammieyeah, I was wondering what the situation was with the biological father was because as a father himself, I’m sure he would feel uncomfortable with another father figure encroaching on what he believes would be his territory. It’s a respect to the relationship between the father and son, but I could see where she feels her son is excluded from the mix. He probably should have a better way to deliver his side to her if he isn’t purposely trying to keep the stepson feeling left out for not being biologically his.

[@glitzdancer]

I think maybe a solution could be the stepson can help pick a design for a tattoo…that way he’s still included and has his own mark without it having to be his name. Idk that’s how I would go about it at least until they have a close enough relationship where maybe OP would want to add it. But I also think it’s fair to just want his children by blood tattooed on him as someone whose stepfamily of ten years-most of my childhood- dropped me once my mom and stepdad got divorced. Bonds are never guaranteed especially around a marriage it’s not necessarily a reflection of how he feels about the stepson

[@kairos-049]

“It was a family matter” my brother in christ you were the one talking shit about your son to other people and calling him a bad son and a deadbeat dad. On top of lying, you were the one making this issue everyone else’s business.

[@san.1300]

16:44 - aita for making husband cancel trip he's been planning for 4 years?. What is the most shitty thing about this is that they cancelled their trip because "family deaths" "financial issues", so they can cancel it and try to plan some other time, yours reason is "family birth", so this goes maybe even beyond funeral as a reason. And if they were able to cancel it for other friends (since they had their reasons) they can be normal human beings and good friends and cancel it one more time.

[@ariayneh2999]

The one about the mom asking her ex to cancel his vacation to be around if the daughter ever needs comfort, shes not an a hole for asking but she definitely shouldn’t be that dependent on her ex. She should figure out how to handle a situation like that without him otherwise its going to get worse. Im sure if she stuck her ground, the daughter would have calmed down and fell back asleep eventually, and i know its stressful at the time but its parenting.

[@drea-i2y]

That's what I was thinking. I don't know if the daughter has an anxiety problem or something but the parents need to make she she learns how to cope on her own/with whoever is around rather than relying on one specific person, which might make the problem worse in the long run

[@myewzek2913]

Yeah, most should just calm down eventually. But even if they don’t, maybe he could’ve FaceTimed or something as a temporary solution. And if that doesn’t work and there’s no solution and the kid’s just riled up for days on end, then you gotta take them to counselling beforehand. Don’t do some last minute cancel like your kid just suddenly developed an anxiety disorder.

[@ariayneh2999]

@@myewzek2913 Right there was no need for her to ask him to go there in the middle of the night. And it really does sound like there daughter does need some counseling if shes having these nightmares often where she is waking up in so much distress.

[@8symmetreylover8]

came to say the same thing! the new gf may have overreacted by thinking it was some plot to steal him back but she was rightfully mad about the cancelled vacation. any parent should be able to comfort their own child and giving her her dad every time is just going to make it harder for her to be without him, they're literally making it worse and im sure its hard to hear your child cry but she wouldve tired herself out and fallen back asleep eventually.

[@izabellagoebel6961]

17:02 ok so he's 27, planning a trip for 4 years, she's 21 married and pregnant, so did they start dating when she was 17 and he was 23? Confused and concered for her but downright disgusted with him

[@nanalove3819]

I don't think the trip has anything to do with when they start dating. But yeah, she was probably yound when they start dating.

[@jessrambles1]

for me the 2nd story is a classic example of Everyone Sucks Here. I can totally understand how frustrating it would be to keep watching your wife waste huge amounts of food that she knows she wouldn't eat, but I can also understand being upset when your husband requests a kids menu for you!

[@lemongrassarch1432]

Well he is the one paying for the meals. If she slipt the bill or payed for her meal when they went out then he shouldn't have a problem with it.

[@hunterwolfgun4967]

@@lemongrassarch1432 I agree but the way he did it is still diminishing and disrepectful to the other party, and to also do it in public

[@marisponed]

@@lemongrassarch1432 I agree. I don't eat whole meals because portions are too big for me. My bf knows this and it's okay with it because most of the time we eat the same thing and he eats what's left of mine since he has a bigger appetite BUT if I'm gonna eat something he doesn't like I pay for it and take the left overs home to eat later. It's not that hard not to be an ass. If you wanna be adventurous and try all these different stuff just pay for it, no one else should have to pay for your cravings 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@annr.7355]

Would the idea of taking home leftover food for later make the situation better? Don't "waste" money on the food, and the wife can still order whatever she may like.

[@Ponce17]

@@marisponed my husband does the same. He eats what I leave behind but that why I also try to not be adventures with foods I eat if it's going to cost us a good amount. Like if you know you might not like it, try out on your own time rather than using someone else's money to be unsatisfied or throw out a bunch of good left over food.

[@disneynerd8792]

The tattoo dad: they are his tattoos and it is completely his choice what he has permanently inked on his body. However, he should be aware that this could quite seriously affect his stepson. Perhaps he may feel excluded and/or not as loved by his stepfather as his biological children. Maybe the stepson won’t care at all but it seems to me he’s more concerned that it feels like his wife is telling him what to get tattooed and is not at all aware that this could easily make his stepson feel less than

[@feli3051]

I saw this idea. Dont get the name of the step-son tatoo-ed, but instead something that has something to do with him. For example if they went to the zoo a lot watching lions, get a lion tatoo-ed. Or just the food they both love or a cartoon character they share or something meaningful. This way he has a tatoo of him, but also it won't get so weird when the parent would divorce or for the bio father if he's in the picture.

[@iRinnda]

@@feli3051 This. Better yet, don't get your biological kids' names tattooed at all, but tattoo them as symbols. Like stars or flowers, musical notes, diamonds... Then as you bond with your step-son over the years, you can always add him if you feel like it: If your biological kids are normal stars, you can tattoo a shooting star among them, a different species of flower for the step son, a clef in front of musical notes since the step-son is the eldest, a pearl among diamonds... Whatever symbolism you prefer. Why be so set on names??

[@pigeonsoul1672]

If you are as far down the road as married and don't view your stepkid even as an equal to your other children in such a situation, something is extremely weird and off. I would be devastated if I was the stepson and found out my stepdad didn't view me as one of his kids, or if I was the wife and valued my husbands children as mine but he didn't return the feelings about my child. I think it is a red flag tbh... Like, if this was a new relationship, of course. But if you get MARRIED, which means you decide to unite as a family, and are together for a long time.. It is weird.

[@nix_]

Nah, the stepson and he have a clear 'I am not your father' relationship. The stepson still has his dad in the picture, and he calls the OP by his name. Stepson sees him as a step father, and the guy doesn't parent him on anything major. He in no way plays a parental role in his stepson's life (besides the 'I'm your guardian while you're in your mother's custody' thing).

[@mayirisb.9336]

@@nix_ Exactly lol my fiancé has a 4 year old son who lives with his mom. He will eventually move in with us and come to the states. I love him as if he was mine, but I can't imagine tattooing his name. I'm not his mom. He already has a mom But I will not be treating him different than my kids. I just feel like tattoos are something really personal and intimate. He might get a divorce eventually and that is no longer his wife or his stepson. But his kids are always gonna be his kids 🤷‍♀

[@amyb0621]

The “I’m 20 years old” joke is the new “my college was a scam” 😭😭😭

[@mycatisthecutestcatonearth199]

That was sexual harassment And the fact that he perceive her leaving a party she can leave whenever she wants as disrespectful is weird af I hope she dumped him

[@GrungeGalactica]

Lol yeh imma just stand here and watch silently while all my friends gang up and degrade my gf, when I know it makes her super uncomfortable… and then be annoyed at her for not standing for said harassment from his friends. She missed the opportunity to double back flip outta there, that’d give em something to sneer about 😂

[@frederikbrandt424]

Lol are you kidding me? Sexual harassment? Do people this soft actually exist irl? This is embarrassing..

[@gemkitten984]

@@frederikbrandt424 Sexual harassment: "behavior characterized by the making of **unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks** or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation." - Oxford Languages "Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person's sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general." - U.S Equal Employment Opportunity Commision "Sexual harassment is any unwanted comment, gesture, or action that is sexual in nature (aside from unwanted touching of sexual body parts, which is sexual assault), that makes someone feel afraid, embarrassed, uncomfortable or ashamed. The intention of the person doing the action doesn’t matter, it’s the negative impact the action has that makes something sexual harassment. " - Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton I've shown you the definitive and legal definitions for sexual harassment, however I will not bother to explain to you the social morality and ethics of it, as I think you do not care to know nor do you dare to crawl forward with your piteous delusions you clumsily gluesticked on to what you falsify as "moral and individual superiority." Nor do I care to entice you with a fight for you to live out your daily fantasies of wanking off to your own reflection while berating strangers online - surrounded by your iron cage of ignorance. How amusing it is that you spoon-feed your own falsehoods.

[@hinata1ize]

​@@frederikbrandt424 "Some forms of sexual harassment include: Making conditions of employment or advancement dependent on sexual favors, either explicitly or implicitly. Physical acts of sexual assault. Requests for sexual favors. Verbal harassment of a sexual nature, including jokes referring to sexual acts or sexual orientation. (This is what the bf's friends did) Unwanted touching or physical contact. Unwelcome sexual advances. Discussing sexual relations/stories/fantasies at work, school, or in other inappropriate places. Feeling pressured to engage with someone sexually. Exposing oneself or performing sexual acts on oneself. Unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails, or text messages."

[@hinata1ize]

​@@frederikbrandt424 By definition, they were sexually harassing her.

[@NicoleMoonyt]

For the first story, as a mom myself with a helpful partner I can whole heartedly say.... BOO HOO HIM FOR HAVING TO BE AN ACTUAL DAD. I'm glad she didn't answer the phone and I hope she enjoyed the movie.

[@Becksnnc]

For the dad on vacation one, I would understand if the child was acting up there and then and she was desperate for him to come round which is what happened the first time, but making him cancel his trip INCASE it happens again isn't right. If that's the case why doesn't he just fucking live in her house forever just INCASE she starts crying again. Like what no. Get in touch with the dad if he's needed, don't intrude on his plans for something that may not even happen. If it did end up happening she's gonna have to try a different technique. Kid cannot rely on Dad coming over every time she demands him.

[@vlo4829]

"If that's the case why doesn't he just fucking live in her house forever just INCASE she starts crying again. " - That may be her real motive.

[@faizahsthebest2283]

okay but like didn’t the dad choose not to go after discussing it?? it’s not like she tied him down and forced him to cancel it i don’t get it

[@Becksnnc]

@@faizahsthebest2283 the point is he shouldn't have had to make that decision in the first place. The guy is obviously a good dad.

[@faizahsthebest2283]

@@Becksnnc well yeah but he CHOSE to not go after the mother asked him? it’s not like she gave him an ultimatum or sum and the gf should’ve just talked to the dad instead of calling the mom cuz at the end of the day, the dad chose his kid over his gf.

[@Becksnnc]

@@faizahsthebest2283 Well yeah what else was he gonna do? Poor guy probably thought it would look bad if he chose the vacation over the responsibility of his child. She shouldn't have put him in that situation. It wasn't necessary. Just because he chose to stay doesn't mean that she wasn't in the wrong for asking.

[@s3raph1ne]

I think that for the last one, since the dad/grandpa was making it look like his son was a deadbeat dad and was abandoning the kids to the grandpa, and was talking shit about him to other family members, the guy had every right to call him out on his bs

[@joeypotter6051]

And seems like everyone immediately believed him which speaks volumes.

[@that.ll_do_pig]

It's not about the cake; it's about her choosing a partner that is clearly never going to be on her side against his mother. The woman makes comments about her body and cosmetic surgery, and there was no mention that he sticks up for her about that either. Just the tip of the iceberg.

[@army_eris9th]

For the gymnast, I would say "HELL NO RUN GIRL". My father was the same when he was younger. My mother defended him while his "friends" were making fun of him, but he never said anything when they talked about her weight and body hair, and he even dared to say to my mother that he was embarassed to show her to his friends because she was fat. This would be wrong even if she was fat, but I saw the picture and she was not. And my father family are literally the devils, he never defender her from his parents, his sister, brothers and their wifes. In Italy we call this people "the devil's advocate" because he always take the other side when my mother wants to vent (he does this with me too 💀). I love my father, but he is a horrible husband but my mother still loves him. She is not perfect, but he is so bad that I'm terrified to marry someone because I'm worried I end up like them. I always tell them that they need therapy and I need it too thanks to them.

[@nightsaresosstarry]

My father and his family is and are the same way except my mom does not love him anymore and does not excuse his bullshit.

[@Niki91-HR]

wow...your dad really sounds like a shitty husband. Is your mom aware of all that, does she care? I always wonder how women put up with that for years...If that happened to me a few times he wouldnt see me no more.

[@ma-rn8xf]

my opinions: 1. the husband sounds like a nightmare. she just wanted one night off and told him everything to do it's not that hard. 2. i get why it annoys him but he could have discussed it before going out he didn't have to embarrase her like that. why bring the dad into it? this couple has serious communication problems. 3. i think if they wouldn't have any kids together i would have understood. but since he now has four kids i feel like he really is excluding his stepson and it makes it kinda seem like he doesn't see him as a real part of his family. 4. that's so inappropriate i would have started crying if i was her. that whole family seems awful wtf 5. i think the coming over is reasonable and also not really something he should be praisede for that's simply how parents should act. same thing for the vacation it depends was it something really important that was planned a long time in advance? or just a casual vacation. i get why the gf is upset but i think if you choose to date someone who has a child you have to live with the fact that the child and his ex are going to be part in his life and also that parents often have to make sacrifices for their children. 6. i think it's important that she stood up for herself and i hope that she talked to him after taking her time. if he doesn't see a problem in the fact that she felt umcomfortable then dump him that's a big no 7. calling her names? not listening to her when she tries to tell him she doesn't like him? and then telling her to get out?! the audacity divorce him babe 8. she told her beforefhand to edit her or crop her out so idk why the sister didn't do that? also caring more about likes than your sisters feelings is just shitty so yeah the sister is in the wrong here. ok i didn't watch the rest. it was petty but i get it too and i'm still on her side. also what kind of followers does the sister have that one bad pic can ruin her career? 9. does it suck that he has to postpone his vacation? yeah ofc but for the birth of his child?? the fact that he even considers leaving her and letting her go through that alone tells you everything you need to know about this man. omg i thought it was over but no god i hope she leaves that man. the audacity some man have. makes my blood boil 10. the mother is a bitch and i really get why she is upset i don't think it's a good reason to leave though. just go along for now and after the party talk to him. normally adults who don't stand up to their parents for their so annoy me but since it doesn't seem like they talked about it before i'll give him a pass 11. as somenoe who has two little brothers if someone espeacily my dad would talk shit about them i would slap that bitch idc. i also don't care how great he was as a father if he fucked his son's gf that makes him a bad father! i've said this at least twice in this comment but the audicty also no one ever thought of making a paternity test? because that's a thing. i just hope the kids are ok just wanted to say that these were the first thoughts that came to my mind when i watched the video (i was writing the comment while watching the video) and if i would think about the situations longer my opinions might change. also a lot of this are copmlicated situation in which it's hard to say what's really wrong and right.

[@crossenmorgan]

Yeah the step son one was really fucked up. I can’t believe he would straight up say that he’d never get his step-sons named tattooed. Really shows that he doesn’t think his step-son is as important as the rest of his kids

[@hsmorg3640]

3. What happens if they got a divorce?

[@harley69]

My question is whether the step son would even want that though. As someone who has been the new step child multiple times, I sure as hell wouldn’t have wanted any of my step parents to get my name permanently on their body unless we had a secure relationship that didn’t rely on my parent

[@hildeholtskog3361]

About 3. I understood it like the father had 2 children with his ex wife, 1 with his at the time wife, and that this wife had a son from an earlier marriage. Therefor, I feel like it's not that bad to not wanting to tattoo the name of his stepson, unless he is as close with him as the rest of his children.

[@Ponce17]

@@harley69 exactly if the stepson doesn't care then who cares and I feel that the dad might not want the stepsons named tattooed because they either don't get along or he is also like nah if we divorce I don't want his name on me

[@sentientmarshmallow4644]

5:20 as a stepchild this pisses me off. I am lucky enough that both my stepparents consider me their child and part of the family. When you marry someone with kids they become yours too. Of course it’s a reasonable ask to want the stepchild included on a tattoo with his children. Maybe I was just spoiled by my family, but biology doesn’t matter. You chose to add that child to your family, honor it. ps I knew someone who continued to consider a stepchild from a previous marriage his own child even after the divorce

[@ayeshafatima165]

hell yes

[@Dsstiny]

I get this comment becuz i also have a step father but i do have a different opinion on the matter. I think the stepdad isnt the asshole for not tattooing the kids name on his arm bcz thats his arm yknow, but i also do think hes the asshole bcz he is acting like the stepkid is just some kid thats staying with her for a while and that he’ll just go away.

[@traumer9622]

As someone without stepparents, I feel like that should be common sense... I mean, maybe not if the child is already an adult, but otherwise....

[@purpleway1713]

Stepchildren or adopted children for that matter, please, just be human people.

[@sentientmarshmallow4644]

@@Dsstiny good point and I agree. He can do whatever the hell he wants with his arm, but the problem is what it says about how he views his stepchild

[@assimpleasgravity]

Dylan reading about the awful mother of the boyfriend and immediately going "I'm so thankful I have such a anice mom!" is sending me .... Our gigantic walking green flag Little D 👏

[@amelia7501]

i think people do overreact in always jumping to “break up with this man immediately” but i still understand the reasoning for basically all of the partner ones because these people seem to be inconsiderate. also for the cake one it’s clearly a reoccurring issue that he doesn’t defend her so i definitely think that he either needs to support and defend his fiancé or break up

[@atsleepwalkingpace]

I think the cake one is written in a way that it might not be the whole story. Considering she seems very into baking, it may be that she's into making niche foods that not everyone is into. She knows the family doesn't like her baking but she still brought a cake that she knew they wouldn't want to eat and expected it to be the only cake? To a party she's not hosting? Seems sus to me and makes me think it's not the whole story.

[@Lucy_Heart03]

@@atsleepwalkingpace yeah Totally agree I think is just human nature to be one sided and see from your perspective. You’re not going to get the whole story from one person, the person who wrote the post will write it in their favor. The best thing they can do is talk it out. But I also understand from her perspective, they could’ve two cake for the birthday. Maybe her cakes aren’t good? Idk

[@linaahmed1428]

For the cake one, the problem was only the mom but the fiancé should have talked about it with her tho, and tell her to appreciate his girl!!!

[@katinchat8443]

I can't believe that man thought it was funny to tease his wife about her hair! As a cancer survivor, that comment hurt me and its been 10+ years since I lost my hair in treatment. Its already hard enough dealing with the fact that the treatment may not work and you could possibly die, but dealing with the self image issues as well is rough (I was 17 when diagnosed and my hair was my pride). She set a boundary and he crossed it, pure and simple. Wearing wigs isn't always as fun and easy as it seems and I ended up just wearing hats or bandanas to keep covered and I understand her for not wanting to wear a wig. And if she wants to rock a bald head then she should be able to! He's seems too focused on himself and seems to be more concerned with people seeing him with her and her bald head

[@helenfromboston]

Hope you're well 🙏 I'm with Dylan on this: "I would've divorced you right on the spot"

[@melodyisdead6164]

For the one about the dad getting their daughter’s name tattooed, I don’t think it’s about the fact that he didn’t want her sons name tattooed but the fact that he said he only wants **his** kids tattooed on him. He’s a step dad, that’s his son. Also a common thing in notice on these AITA questions is that so many people are married to these immature assholes. I just wonder if these people even talk to each other before they decided to get married/ have kids

[@dalell3808]

Thats his step son , not his son . the child has parents of his own . is the mom getting all her step children names tattooed on her ? , if not then why does she feel entitled to what he puts on his .

[@melodyisdead6164]

@@dalell3808 he married her. He entered her life and became part of her family. They’re a family and to think that her son isn’t a part of it just because she had him with someone else is such a weird and insulting way of thinking. If he didn’t see the son as his family then he should have thought about that before he became his. I literally said it wasn’t a problem that he don’t want the sons name tattooed but to say that he isn’t his son is messed up.

[@beauty-jc9xy]

@Melody Is Dead I agree 100%

[@dalell3808]

@@melodyisdead6164 that is not his son tho , that's his step son And if by any chance they get divorced tomorrow , u think he is gonna have visitation rights or custody rights , do you think im his father Is a statement that's gonna hold weight ? why is such a factual statement so insulting ? If u r so offended by that then maybe that's an issue in u . he married her and entered her life and became a part of her family and he is obligated to love that child , nurture and treat him kindly but what does that have to do with him not wanting to tattoo his name on his Body . they are family but people don't go tattooing everyone who is a part of their family on their body , whether they love them or not . its yall assuming that a tattoo measures his love for his step-son that baffles me .

[@melodyisdead6164]

@@dalell3808 “they are a family” “that’s not his son” ? You don’t need to be blood related to your child from them to be *your child*. Tf do you think adoption parents are? Randos who just picked up someone else’s kid? You also clearly don’t know anything about how marriage works. It’s more then just one kiss and a piece of paper. When you get married there are numerous decisions and contracts that are signed, and there are many about children. They also have a child of their own blood together so that would make it even more clear that they won’t just walk out of each other’s lives. The only way what you’re talking about would happen is if they randomly had a messy divorce, the wife wanted him completely out of her life, and one of them got full custody of their daughter. Except that most likely wouldn’t happen He has a child from another relationship and she has a child from another relationship, so why does he feel the need to be so insulting to her son. How would you feel if you’re step father, the person who you’re mother loves and is supposed to be your family, says you aren’t his son and that his biological children come before you? Hell, how tf do you think he would feel if his wife said the same thing about his kid?? The son didn’t ask to be from another relationship but he is and he can’t change that. The father is an adult and for him to think that he’s not in the wrong for saying that his step son isn’t his son is literally so screwed up in so many ways. It’s you completely ignoring everything that I’ve said so you can act like an idiot that’s confusing me.

[@ashleyhedrick5635]

The problem with the birthday cake story is not the guy, just the fact that he is 31 and blatantly refuses to step up and defend his fiancee in literally ANY matter regarding his mom. Grow a pair and set some boundaries about how the treatment you will allow your wife to receive. If this happened to me, I might not walk out, but we would be having a serious discussion about setting boundaries with his mother.

[@chloewinter6190]

For the cake story I think it’s important to recognise that they are engaged, so her fiancé would know her well enough to expect a cake from her because it seems that acts of service is her love language. Knowing that she probably put a lot of hard work into baking the perfect cake he should have been more compassionate and maybe have told her to save a slice for him so that he can still appreciate it, but I definitely think that if situations like that become more frequent and it comes apparent that he clearly can’t see that his mother is undermining and acting unfairly towards his bride to be, that she should strongly consider whether that relationship is suitable for not only her physical needs but also her emotional needs. Ps. Hope everyone here has/had/or is having a great day :)

[@saumyajhaveri8281]

The second guy, it kinda makes sense from the guy's perspective. Like if she was paying and all, fine. He also offered to order something they both like, which was reasonable enough. here both food and money gets wasted. he could have talked it out, but she also did ignore the guy so

[@livw8647]

I think he is completely valid in his feelings and reasonings but definitely went at it the wrong way. Like you said above, she could pay so he could tell her that or they could just eat at buffets for the rest of their relationship lol

[@lexichantel96]

I would’ve been annoyed too but I also would’ve brought my concern to my partner and found a solution together rather than telling them what they could/couldn’t order without consulting them. You can be correct in your annoyance and incorrect in your actions. Both partners are the as$hole here imo.

[@HouseMDaddict]

He should've had her pay for it herself. Like if she wants to waste food, then have her do it on her own dime. As I said in my other comment, though, they both sound like they were too immature and really didn't get to know each other well before marrying. Sounds like a "gf/bf" issue, not a spousal issue.

[@kendallthompson2027]

I agree. I think they should have talked about it more though. He said that she thought he was kidding so I would have made sure she understood that I was serious, then have the argument.

[@Ponce17]

Well he brought up the topic and she chose to ignore it. Seems like she wants the world to think they've got the money to spend but she wasting money and food. And all the husband did was ask for a kids menu from what he stated he didn't specifically say "can I have a kids menu for my wife" if she feels belittled then that very childish and food is food. She should eat what she knows she'll finish.

[@aniflowers1998]

For the last scenario, let's go through all the main players! The girlfriend: yeah, I'd call her an asshole. Not only did she cheat, but she also abandoned her freshly born children and handed them over to this random middle aged dude that she considered her lover, and than just disapeared. It doesn't sound like she even tried to give them to her ex-boyfriend. The Father: an asshole for sleeping with his sons girlfriend, and than proceding to bad mouth his son while swiping under the rug why said son disowned him in the first place. And if the children are his, than double the asshole for denying that he is their father. The Son/Ex-boyfriend: A bit more complicated, but I'd go with "not the asshole". He had every right to disown his father, and it is understandable that he doesn't want anything to do with him. While it isn't ideal that he doesn't want to care for the kids, it is also somewhat understanable since his ex-girlfriend aparantly didn't want him to have the kids and he'd probably couldn't help but think of that cheating incident whenever he sees them. I would still make an DNA test, just to be sure, though. Especially since, if it turnd out that the father is the actual dad of the kids, he could hold him completely acountable. OP: I'll go with "not the asshole" again. Yeah, technically that situation is a family matter. But the father draged it out in the open first by bad mouthing the son. OP had all right to devend their brother. And at some point you also just run out of patience, and seeing the Father not take responsibility for what he did must have been extremly frustrating. Sure, it could have been handled better, but the truth (or at least what everyone asumes is the truth) had to come out eventually. Better now, where the children are still young and things can be worked out now that the dad doesn't have a safety net anymore, than later when the children are older and get potentialy traumaticed by thr posibility that their "grandpa" might just be theit actually dad

[@stayfrostyroyalmilktea]

i rewatch these reddit videos constantly and every single time i have never once not laughed at “fuckin mother in law” 20:20. it gets me every single time.

[@alliebawdon9550]

For the last one with the dad and son, the question is whether the OP is the asshole for airing out family drama at that event or whatever, and I’m gonna say no, not the asshole, because his dad brought up family drama first and decided to talk shit about his own kid with those people so OP is not the asshole for exposing him, but the crap that is going on between the dad and the other son is just….a lot of therapy, like all of the therapy

[@BeAuTyLoVe17]

For the one with the kds menu they should go to buffets or something so she can take a lot of different small portions - sees like the simplest solution. I understand the guys annoyance there, it's both a waste of money and super wasteful with the food - but he went about it a bad way by trying to be controlling rather than have more communication and find a solution together

[@nbucwa6621]

That's such a perfect solution! I was going to suggest he ask her to pay for herself or decide on a limit together (if he controls the finances) and then give her the amount of money so that she can pay. As someone who has disordered eating that comes out as acting "greedy" (I tend not to be able to pick just one meal/dish to eat because my mind is convinced that i wont get to eat those meals ever again) I can sympathise with the wife(?) but being so wasteful of food is not something anyone should be making a habit.

[@BlckSWANWhtRbbt]

Wasting food is a big thing for me. My mom orders like this lady, lots of food, a small appetite, and no saving leftovers. I wouldn't be able to do it, but there were definitely a dozen nicer ways to go about it.

[@vlo4829]

I don't think he was "trying to be controlling". I think he was desperate to get her to see his point. He didn't REALLY want her to eat off the kids' menu. He wanted her to INTERNALIZE what he told her about her selfishness and wastefulness which she seemed to think was cute. I wouldn't recommend his method, but on the other hand, he DID warn her.

[@Tnicole01]

@@vlo4829 I don’t think it was about “being cute” because I also want variety when I eat.. I’m not sure why but I do. I don’t waste food though, I usually eat the rest the next day. But telling your wife she must order of the kids menu or share with you is degrading.. there is so many other ways he could have went about it. Especially doing it at the restaurant, he was purposely trying to embarrass her just to make a point.

[@Zimuahaha]

I was looking for this comment!!! I totally agree.

[@theirishslyeyes]

"For the most part, this guy is good, right?" No. Just no. I'd run so fast it wouldn't even be funny. I wouldn't have stuck around long enough to get engaged to begin with, but I'm 39 and can see when someone is never going to put me first. This is one of those situations where it's about the cake, but it's not about the cake. The cake was the final straw where the fiancé saw that her husband to be was never going to stand up for her when it comes to his mom, and would always defer to her. If this were a one time occurance, then yes, the poster totally over reacted, but it sounds like it was death by a thousand papercuts and their relationship eroded away by his trying to make mommy happy at all times 🤮🤮🤮

[@cwatkins7749]

100% they need to sort boundaries or not marry. My in laws are difficult. They're vile to my BIL's wife. My BIL is a spineless piece of crap so his wife took abuse for a decade before she had a literal breakdown and only then did he cut off his patents.

[@theirishslyeyes]

@@cwatkins7749 I'm sorry to hear that, that's difficult :-( Boundaries in any relationship are so important!

[@Prior2Popular]

“Death by a thousand paper cuts” Okay, but I’m keeping that one 👌🏼

[@cabreragonzalezviviana488]

22:25 it’s not that easy to deal with your fiancé’s mother, specially when they seem to take the mothers side and not stand up for they’re partner or even try to defend them. “talking it out” won’t do much and, wether people like it or not, when you marry someone, you do end up marrying they’re family too.

[@lenasommer7947]

For the one with the husband on vacation: I remember reading in the comments that she is actually gonna leave him and has already reached out for help. Thought some of you might be interested. And I love those videos! r/AITA is one of my favorite subreddits!

[@juliannerose7174]

Damn, that's the thing about AITA... So often it's definitely about validation, like Dylan said. But in nearly Every Other Instance, it's so painfully clear that these people are in horrible relationships that have destroyed their sense of self worth so much that they basically CAN'T TELL IF IT MATTERS HOW SHITTY THEY'RE BEING TREATED. Oof. I need a beer...

[@Pilapuzzles]

With the cake one, no, she absolutely should call it off. If a man is that old and can’t tell his parents and family to back off, it’s a major red flag, and no amount of talking and negotiating will fix it. I had the same issue with my ex 25, his family bullied me and constantly gossiped about me for 3 years and instead of ever shutting it down or standing up for me he would tell me “they don’t hate you” and then by the end of it was even trying to defend them and justify it after he got annoyed with me bringing it up so often, even though I only brought it up because it was a constant issue with them. It would have been fine if he’d called them out at the very beginning when I told him I had a problem with it but he refused because he didn’t want to make his mom and sister mad 🙄

[@taylorhalders1841]

For some people family comes first 🤷🏻‍♀

[@athenajaxon2397]

@@taylorhalders1841 your fiance is family though they're about to MARRIED

[@fredericksaxton9782]

@@taylorhalders1841 Ew, shut up. Don't get married then if you'll just let your family be as degenerate as you obviously are, for allowing them to be degenerate to the person you're dating. If you aren't willing to defend your partner, then why are you in a relationship? To torment a random person? Lower their self esteem? And then make the brain dead excuse that "family comes first"? Marry your sibling then, it suits you if family matters THAT much that you'll allow them to bully your inoccent partner.

[@taylorhalders1841]

@@fredericksaxton9782 I’m entitled to living my life the way I want to and so are you. You’re the degenerate one forcing your opinion on others, there’s not just your way of living life. To a lot of people, no one will ever be more important than blood family, I guess it depends on how deep a connection a person has with their family. I actually don’t plan on ever getting married though so I guess you’re right on one thing, I shouldn’t. Now bye

[@cyborgrat]

For the cake She is sorta the asshole, she mentions they never eat her food, so she stopped bringing food to their place. The mom organised the party and OP doesn't mention that she told them about a cake. So mom has a cake and OP is surprised that they dont need hers. For the Guy, he could easily solve this by eating a piece of each.

[@fenn__fenn]

Dylan lying about his age has gotta be the funniest running gags in a long time lol

[@jenjoestar.]

This dude is so ridiculous 😭😭👏