Jupiter Ascending Review - YMS

[@bronwynjohnston1669]

Eddie Redmayne probably looked at the script and thought "Well, I'm in for some shit, better make it worth it" and put up the most batshit performance he could do for shits and giggles.

[@joaomarcelo742]

this.

[@murciadoxial8056]

i am certain that was the case, i even read somewhere that he actually picked this movie to rest after the brutal experience that was shooting theory of everything, he picked it to have some fun

[@fredman2640]

Yeah, I just watched Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them 2 days ago and he was much better in that. Not to mention he had a fucking personality.

[@fredman2640]

Yeah, I just watched Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them, 2 days ago and he was much better in that. Not to mention he had a fucking personality.

[@ohdeargoshy6530]

Bronwyn Johnston the moment I realised that Newt Scamander was playing the villain I would've spit out my drink if I was having a drink

[@Axon4000Gaming]

If there's no oxygen, then how is fire everywhere?

[@jeppegivskud5447]

+Tylord The Great ohh yeah this is the only movie that has EVER done that thing. Great job mate you sure must HATE starwars because of the lacking realism

[@Axon4000Gaming]

Jeppe Givskud I love Star Wars because it's actually GOOD.

[@jeppegivskud5447]

So can Jupiter acending be if you didn't criticise it so much

[@krisstasko]

+Jeppe Givskud the problem is you can't suspend your disbelief like with star wars, making the little annoying bits all the more noticable

[@Axon4000Gaming]

kris stasko EXACTLY! You're my favourite person of the day!

[@PokeDude011]

If bees can sense royalty, doesn't that make Nicholas Cage our king?

[@thekornreeper]

Y E S

[@JesseColton]

N O T T H E B E E S ™ ! !

[@williamsapong81]

AHHH, ALL OVER MY EYES!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADKEUKDNEJDKKXMDKDKYHRJJDHD

[@fightingmedialounge519]

If anything, it males him a poor commener.

[@anokage7403]

It does indeed. Nicholas Cage is our one true lord and savior.

[@BloodoftheLotus13]

I had a hard time not bursting into laughter when the bad guy yelled "GO." It's honestly one of the most hilariously delivered lines I've ever seen.

[@stevenrivera9230]

Dude everytime i see that clip I laugh EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I forgot it was coming and spit out my drink.

[@jeremypedersen6894]

DERE HE IS

[@alisaurus4224]

I gotta go for “i creATE LIIIFE”

[@DynoStretch]

"I love dogs, I've always loved dogs." I guess Meg never got over her affection for Brian.

[@Spameggssausage]

I would add a thumbs up but then it wouldn't be 420 anymore

[@TiciTotyTony]

Can't wait for the sequel Neptune Descending 

[@fnordiumendures138]

Followed by Uranus Expanding. It's a trilogy.

[@TiciTotyTony]

Mads Jakobsen omg Uranus Expanding You deserve an award for that my friend Lmfao XD!!!!

[@TiciTotyTony]

Mads Jakobsen then they are going to reboot it with Pluto Arriving

[@fnordiumendures138]

"I... I have more in common with Micky Mouse than I have with you" "But I like Micky Mouse!"

[@TiciTotyTony]

Mads Jakobsen lols

[@rainbowsherbertcandle]

Movie 1: Jupiter Ascending Movie 2: Saturn Descending Movie 3: Pluto Arriving Movie 4: Mercury Extracting

[@ohc1492]

And the reboot: Uranus Expelling

[@dawnproctor7741]

Mars Returning

[@Targisvear]

Mars Reviewed.

[@crabmaster3338]

69 likes

[@corv3007]

Neptune: flowing

[@compedycakemine6960]

This is probably the only movie where I can genuinely say without a shadow on my heart.... "Shut up, Meg."

[@ShroudedWolf51]

Or, just that entire awful show, while we're at it.

[@awesomazinglyepicool]

when the bee scene happened, the ENTIRE row in front of me just left

[@esperswap2349]

No! Not the bees! Not the bees!

[@ids5621]

im sure that actually happened

[@nameguy101]

A C C O R D I N G T O A L L K N O W N L A W S O F A V I A T I O N

[@icanusernamebetterthanyou3853]

Y A L I K E J A Z Z?

[@jonathansefcik473]

That is amazing. Wish I was there.

[@xXxM1LFPOUND3RxXx]

Why isn't Sean Bean a bee person? Why doesn't he have a bee face? Channing Tatum has like dog ears but Sean Bean doesn't have a bee face. Why doesn't he have a bee face? Does he have wings? Is he fuzzy? Does he like flowers? Why doesn't he have a bee face? ?????

[@Jay-Jones]

+Ditcher Lone maybe he forgot to ask for a bee face.

[@Nison545]

+Ditcher Lone That would bee pretty cheesy.

[@MelancholyRose]

+Ditcher Lone Sean Bee.

[@EntertainmentExpertz]

+MelancholyRose lol like that

[@Irisverse]

+Ditcher Lone You seem really bothered by this.

[@TheCoffeeNut711]

Why are people hating on this film? I thought it was master piece right up there with twilight, battlefield earth and catwoman

[@Baamthe25th]

10/10 with rice.

[@ogxbmc]

You forgot Daredevil.

[@OfficialNWS]

Applebloom To be fair, the director's cut of Daredevil is actually pretty good.

[@Trigunnie45]

Don't you dare disrespect Battlefield Earth bye comparing it to this tripe! =p

[@evanbohn]

Trigunnie45 i'm really hoping you're as scientologist, but you're likely not. disappointing

[@armchairtony]

I actually thought that second "I love dogs" thing was the only redeeming quality of the movie. it was delivered as if she understood how wrong it sounded and it was the only depth her character had.

[@murciadoxial8056]

to me it did give the character some depth, the depth of she being a closeted furry/bestiality enthusiast

[@user-xq4ub7qr7t]

I interpreted it the same they like she realized how it sounded what she just said

[@NovemberCrystal]

What exactly was the director going for by making the main character look so disinterested? They should just have made this movie more of a satire of these kinds of tropes, instead of playing them straight. Like, bees can detect royalty? Pffff- Wait... Could this mean Nicholas Cage is our king in another universe?

[@LostTranslation85]

Nicholas Cage is our king in this universe.

[@Tarantel666]

Wait... do you mean he isn't our king in THIS universe?

[@LostTranslation85]

Also, if that bee thing were true, then that would make Nicholas Cage's _eyes_ the royalty.

[@NovemberCrystal]

LostTranslation85 He's our king on the internet, though. When will the world give him his own country? I would so live there.

[@MrPinbert]

NovemberCrystal Yes I also want to life Cageland!

[@nikolaymarinov2043]

That movie is so bad, it failed to kill Sean Bean

[@deancheck1684]

truuuu

[@axiom6031]

That's how you decide if a movie with Sean Bean is good or not. If they manage to kill him, it's at least good. If they don't it's bad.

[@jonnoweb]

Soak In both this and Pixels, he's dead inside!

[@cheeseisherelive753]

// AXIOM // but... National Treasure...

[@alexross1816]

@@cheeseisherelive753 but he got arrested. It's possible, however unlikely, that he was executed by the Freemasons.

[@amanofnoreputation2164]

"It's so dense every single image has so many things going on."

[@OcrimBob]

Locutus Borg This meme is wrong. Stop it. You're in the wrong space.

[@MrJohnlennon007]

Locutus Borg SHUT THE FUCK UP *Plinkett voice*

[@fortblocks]

Stop ruining things Rick Berman

[@Sayquidnidly]

I clapped!

[@DrShaym]

Fun fact: in 2006, Tim Heidecker got stabbed in the back twice while running from his neighbor's kid who was fucked-up on drugs and had his life saved by a bunch of burly men in a gay bar which he ran into because it was the only place nearby that was open that time of night.

[@katrinasis]

oh

[@YouSoSpice]

Holy shit I forgot all about this thank you for reminding me so I can be whole again.

[@WTFisTingispingis]

Those dudes are heroes.

[@superorangecat6937]

I remember the episode where they mentioned that.

[@reuben8140]

This is why he cancelled World Peace He still hasn't forgiven Sam for that night in 2006

[@Saidriak]

"I love horses, I've always loved horses" -Adum

[@Snoke1912]

Moans

[@keesdevries9484]

But one question still remains: did they kill off Sean Bean?

[@WalkOnNick]

Did he died?

[@jakobjurisch8777]

Surprisingly not.

[@DankFrank899]

Ye-actually no! Sean Bean survives surprisingly!

[@keesdevries9484]

SaiyanGoku9001 They couldn't even do that one right? Jeez.

[@JamesyBeanZ]

No way! The curse is broken??? Him being a walking spoiler is broken!? Why couldn't this happen when he was Ned Stark Dammit!! Not this shitty movie

[@TheGreyJayLP]

"From the creators of the Matrix trilogy" Ooohh, might want to remove that "trilogy" thing.

[@guardingdark2860]

+TheGreyJayLP No, actually, because that explains why it's so awful.

[@rowan631]

@BartJ583 They've made several amazing films

[@rowan631]

@BartJ583 Bound and Cloud Atlas are generally considered great. Speed Racer is too depending on who you ask

[@rowan631]

@BartJ583 Box office doesn't indicate quality. Cloud atlas has a 66 on rt with a 6.61 avg score. If we take Letterboxd as a microcosm of the film community its quite a well liked film. The only bad film they've made is Jupiter Ascending

[@rowan631]

@BartJ583 I saw it like last week

[@queankatt3701]

Wait... but if there is no oxygen when everything is blowing up how is there fire ???

[@kei_nishimaru]

Well, ask Hollywood. If you do, please tell them to go fuck themselves.

[@moregasmthepowerful2959]

And how is Mila Kunis screaming?

[@yugiohguyij]

Moregasm the Powerful Oxygen isn't required to scream, any particles in the air can carry sound.

[@raymondhill7837]

>No oxygen >Still there's fire >No spacesuites >Body intact >Space >Sound kek

[@captainforrix956]

look who is directing? they don't science

[@shai-annl.7417]

+Warsmith Honsou Us: Science. Movie: What's a Science?

[@bobochow5]

+Normie here People don't actually explode in space, they just suffocate. so -1 science points fer you

[@raymondhill7837]

^What is blood pressure?

[@june6089]

+Normie here No, actually do some research, bodies don't explode in a vacuum - blood pressure isn't so high that it'll normalise explosively. From Bioastronautics Data Book, Second edition, NASA SP-3006, discussing animal studies - "Some degree of consciousness will probably be retained for 9 to 11 seconds (see chapter 2 under Hypoxia). In rapid sequence thereafter, paralysis will be followed by generalized convulsions and paralysis once again. During this time, water vapor will form rapidly in the soft tissues and somewhat less rapidly in the venous blood. This evolution of water vapor will cause marked swelling of the body to perhaps twice its normal volume unless it is restrained by a pressure suit. (It has been demonstrated that a properly fitted elastic garment can entirely prevent ebullism at pressures as low as 15 mm Hg absolute [Webb, 1969, 1970].) Heart rate may rise initially, but will fall rapidly thereafter. Arterial blood pressure will also fall over a period of 30 to 60 seconds, while venous pressure rises due to distention of the venous system by gas and vapor. Venous pressure will meet or exceed arterial pressure within one minute. There will be virtually no effective circulation of blood. After an initial rush of gas from the lungs during decompression, gas and water vapor will continue to flow outward through the airways. This continual evaporation of water will cool the mouth and nose to near-freezing temperatures; the remainder of the body will also become cooled, but more slowly...It is very unlikely that a human suddenly exposed to a vacuum would have more than 5 to 10 seconds to help himself. If immediate help is at hand, although one's appearance and condition will be grave, it is reasonable to assume that recompression to a tolerable pressure (200 mm Hg, 3.8 psia) within 60 to 90 seconds could result in survival, and possibly in rather rapid recovery."

[@ZayZenBlaze]

I actually used Mila as a major portion of a Project I did in high school about what exemplifies a good and bad Chosen One character. Guess what category she fell under?

[@karinmaria6455]

NintendoPlayerSega Just out of curiosity, who did you use as an example for a good "Chosen one"?

[@catsinburg8626]

maybe harry potter? im just leaving a comment bc im curious too lmao

[@ZayZenBlaze]

Raven from Teen Titans.

[@jeremytewari3346]

@@ZayZenBlaze Oh hell yeah

[@catcher881]

This is ages ago, but is there a chance for us to read it? I'd love to know what your thoughts on the matter were.

[@thomcatt1411]

Whatever happened to the Wachowskis? Is this like M. Night Shyamalan syndrome or something? Where a director or two directors make an iconic classic and then years later they release films that get worse and worse over time?

[@Tamacat388]

They have ups and downs though. Bound and Matrix were good. The Matrix sequels were fucking horrible. V for Vendetta was ok at least and would have been better if not for the source material, Speed Racer was bad, Cloud Atlas was fine, and now back to bad. Whens that last time M. Night made even an ok movie?

[@thomcatt1411]

Thanatos388 Point taken... I think the last time Shyamalan made a decent movie was Signs, but I see your point...

[@Latetothegame]

Blackbullnova69 I must be the only person on the planet that thinks The Village is a great movie.

[@opposite_hedgehog_753]

They did Cloud Atlas.

[@alecdaley6105]

Speed Racer bombing miserably probably did them in... so they started making stuff like this. as for the Matrix sequels, they just succumbed to the good old fashioned "they offered me too much money" disorder, even though they wrote them chances are that they only had one of the movies in their heads, but due to pressure from the studios pulled whatever they could out of a hat and made some movies. I'd like to defend Cloud Atlas as i did love that movie, but the best moments of it are directed by Tom Tykwer, not the Wachowski's.

[@NavidIsANoob]

I have yet to see a film in theaters that makes the whole audience fart simultaniously.

[@NavidIsANoob]

Though 50 Shades of Grey was pretty close.

[@evanbohn]

NavidIsANoob those might not have been farts. there are after all, a lot of stupid women in the world. sadly....

[@Shadowkirby14]

NavidIsANoob I laughed so hard at that part.

[@alkebulanawah4242]

😂😂😂😂

[@stargazer45100]

I hated the movie, but my family loved it. My family (besides my mom and step dad) seem to all be able to love a movie blindly because of the actors and actresses in it, and are also able to ignore all cliches ever. For me the statement "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family" becomes way too true on family movie nights...

[@blarg2429]

I prefer the saying "you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses."

[@L0LWTF1337]

"What's unique about this SCiFi is that it starts off in normal day live..." Like literally every other sci-fi that is not Star Wars or Trek.

[@countdown4725]

And 2001, and Alien, and minority report, and Bladerunner, and Equilibrium, and Moon, etc

[@moregasmthepowerful2959]

+Countdown Nah, minority report is great. It is sci-fi but it is not that far into the future and is pretty realistic for sci-fi.

[@TheCody323]

Star Wars ain't sci fi yo

[@moregasmthepowerful2959]

+TheCody323 Uh, yes it is.

[@TheCody323]

Nope. Fantasy set in space, bud. Science Fiction delves into realistic possibilities that technology could take us to in the future. Star Wars is about space magic.

[@acdc4191]

bees are stylistically designed to be that way

[@wizarddog5049]

Bees are the funniest character we've had so far, if we can get bees working....

[@FinniFaun]

Bees are the key to all of this

[@BreakNebula]

bees are also hip to be fucked

[@murciadoxial8056]

bees are like poetry so that they rhyme

[@100billionsubscriberswithn4]

YA LIKE JAZZ?

[@MilkT0ast]

“And I just realized Milia Kunis is not a great screamer” Wario: “WWWAAAAAAAAAAA”

[@michelleforrester3636]

If they really wanted a hot, sexy guy for the girls to drool over, I don't know why they cast Channing Tatum. I literally forget what he looks like two seconds after he's on screen. He's that forgettable.

[@maybehannahr7052]

The lizards are hotter than Channing Tatum tho. Ears or not.

[@wolfieinu]

You're probably one of those people who collected the full "Lusty Argonian Maid" series in Elder Scrolls, then. It's cool, I don't judge

[@maybehannahr7052]

+Wolfie Inu you fucking know it

[@moregasmthepowerful2959]

"Here, polish my spear."

[@Lishadra]

Freakin' honestly

[@Saidriak]

Should have been the love interest

[@DankFrankTv]

I effing love yms. I've been a subscriber and fan since I started with the m night Shyamalan review. It pains me to see this channel with only like 150k subs. It deserves waaaay more. Anyway stay awesome

[@itube141]

if you feel bad for him, just give him money, right?

[@overlookers]

Adam is The Hype

[@danskyder1564]

If Adam keeps up this quality for a year or two more no doubt he's going to get MASSIVE.

[@ElOchentero]

Only problem is his voice, he sounds like an Italian castrato

[@janglyjohn4635]

You predicted the future. He's on 575K now. Holy shit.

[@smugalice6206]

So apparently Marius Pontmercy got so upset about his friends dying that he became an alien overlord. Seems legit.

[@spencerbean8802]

And then decided to go back in time and have sex change surgery.

[@smugalice6206]

Griefs that can't be spoken do weird things to you, man :p

[@spencerbean8802]

Blake Gilbert I know, right? At least the pain didn't go on and on, as his body rejected the implanted organs and his character died.

[@mastermarkus5307]

#NotMyMarius

[@aidenv2792]

What bothered me the most is that they had things falling down in space and on fire. Fire needs oxygen, space lacks that, therefore fire can appear in space. Also since everything was falling to the ground, that wouldn't happen, because it'd go in one direction wherever it was hit. Like if a ship got hit on its bottom it's probably keep going up, not down.

[@redpotatoes1515]

Explain how in star wars there is gravity in space, they can like walk through their ships on fucking hyperdrive

[@Nephew2077]

+Red Potatoes At least they explain that artificial gravity exists in Star Wars. And yes, FTL is a problem in almost every piece of Science Fiction writing, but Star Wars is GOOD. This piece of shit is not.

[@troodon1096]

What bothered me the most was the lack of any interesting characters or a coherent plot. That numbed my senses too much to get worried about the physics involved.

[@MegaGrip13]

Jupiter ascending more like stupider ascending ammiright?

[@robdillenger4763]

+Emma Kantz counterpoint: yes.

[@wuzi7049]

stupider ass ending! also middle and beginning too i guess. No, actually i know!

[@Trynottoblink]

The door is that way.

[@murciadoxial8056]

more like bestiality ascending lol

[@ShroudedWolf51]

4 out of 10. Come back when you've had some practice and develop some dignity.

[@nicke.424]

I saw this with my father when it first came out and I left hating the film but didn't have the heart to tell him since he usually likes bad sci fi flicks like this. Several years later I asked if he remembered it and he told me: "oh yeah that movie was awful"

[@Joegrowschemicals]

That’s a killer pfp

[@Strospiteri]

You know whats really sad? When I first saw the trailer, I immediately checked to see if it was based on a comic or novel and found out it wasnt. The mainstream film industry has trained us to EXPECT that all films are now remakes or franchised.

[@droopymccool2133]

You forgot to mention the metal at the end and how it shouldn't be on fire since theres no oxygen...

[@gamerbro7721]

Also there is a scene that shows this wolf elf guy controlling his flying boots with his fingers, but in all other scenes he just flies

[@gamerbro7721]

also, how did he blow up a city by flying through atmosphere of its planet?

[@gamerbro7721]

also why did the main parody of a villain wanted to kill everybody on earth if it was like a farm? killing every single animal on your farm and selling their meat instead of getting any future prophet from them seems pretty dumb to me

[@gamerbro7721]

also why is the sgi is so bad?

[@gamerbro7721]

also why would they guys who imprisoned the wolf elf needed to handcuff him before throwing him in outerspace? and why didnt he explode because of the pressure?(same issue with the guardians of the galaxy)

[@mauricedesaxe1745]

A royal family spread across various independent states fighting over their possessions within? That reminds me of a certain Austrian royal family... OH MY GOD. JUPITER ASCENDING IS *drumroll SPACE HAPSBURGS

[@roosh5149]

They even got the incest!

[@Nick-mp1zh]

Ever notice how a lot of the time Mila Kunis has one eye only half open? Once I noticed I couldn't un-see it

[@battlion507]

I guess she was on the verge of falling asleep in the film... just like me watching this movie...

[@heatherfaust7643]

She groaned about telling him she loved dogs because it sounded stupid and cringey.

[@AlexReynard]

I'll say this in the movie's defense: the Wachowskis made this movie to tell a story. Not for money, not for studio pressure, not to retain copyright, not for anything else. They made this because they wanted to say something. And even if they failed spectacularly to convey it, I WANT MORE MOVIES LIKE THIS GODDAMMIT. Even if they bomb, they're a fuck of a lot more interesting than a billion other heavily-focus-tested blockbusters all built by studio committee, all following the Save The Cat structure down to the second. I miss auteur movies. I miss movies that had balls enough to take risks. I miss movies where I have no idea what the hell I'm going to see next. I miss movies that aren't trying to please all of the people all of the time. Much as movies like this, and Catwoman, and Battlefield Earth, and Sucker Punch, and Birdemic get maligned, _you remember them, don't you?_ They get talked about for decades afterwards. And everybody sees them, and everybody tells their friends to see them. I'll take failure over mediocrity any day. I want the extreme ends of the spectrum: either five stars or zero. I would rather watch an absolute trainwreck of a failure than some three-star film that I'll forget the instant I leave the theater. To me, the worst sin a movie can commit is to be boring. And even exasperated confusion or boiling rage are more preferable emotional responses than, "I guess that was pretty good."

[@opposite_hedgehog_753]

Agreed they are better visual filmmaker than Michael Bay and better philosophical filmmaker than Shaymalan. But that's now saying much.

[@zmkdco8956]

Yeah, auteur movies are fun, but this has no character. It's super generic. There's no soul, and that's why people hate this movie and all the movies you listed. Who cares why the Wachowskis made it, because it comes off like a focus-tested cash grab. Peter Jackson movies are good examples of auteur movies that aren't generic, copycutter bullshit. The only thing people will remember is Reddmayne's ridiculous performance.

[@miguelpereira9859]

Oh this movie is supposed to have a story?

[@smitmahajani7663]

I understand your point of view and I too love movies where idk what's going to happen next. But in this movie I had no fucking idea what the fuck was going on *at that moment itself*. And this was me for probably 90% of the film. So yeah, I would take a straightforward but well made film over this one, any day. Also, this isn't something unique or creative. It's a movie with a lot of discussion over set design (given its backdrop), but half of the time it fails in even that. This whole movie is an exposition which leads to nowhere, and one whose story we can guess within the first act

[@Unqualifiedmedicalperson]

I'm surprised that this movie didn't kill Eddie Redmayne's chance of winning an oscar

[@luvahadowsdolls]

+AleqsH Every great actor has that one really horrible role that will forever be a stain on their career. For Eddie it just came earlier than usual. Michael Sheen did the "Twilight" films, Glenn Close did that horrible "101 Dalmations" reboot, you get the idea..

[@leena7961]

+luvahadowsdolls I agree, Eddie has been amazing in all of the films I've seen him in, so this movie really doesn't seem to do his acting skills justice.

[@GuruJudge21]

Twilight was terrible, but I don't recall Michael Sheen being terrible in it. Eddie Redmayne was so bad in this, he detracted from an already bad movie.

[@bluefacebaby9334]

@@luvahadowsdolls Al Pacino in Jack and Jill

[@GrimReacts]

On the topic of how the lizard guy dies, Channing earlier placed that "go through any surface" thing on the ground (the one he used to get into the clinic in the beginning) and when the lizard was going through it he hit the button and turned off the device, causing the floor to appear instantly

[@WinterSteele]

I think the plot of this movie would've worked a lot better in novel form. And about Redmayne here-- some of the best "bad" performances have come from great actors. It takes a special kind of talent to go so gloriously over the top.

[@JoTheCreativeOne]

Jupiter Ascending is like the Destiny of movies. Unexplained, hyped, in space, and manages to be boring as all fuck.

[@rhinoarmor2176]

This is so fucking true

[@terraemotus7044]

Destiny was not a disgrace it was ok, but overhyped.

[@ejkinsella]

Destiny still is fun and has good concepts. Also it had later DLC that somewhat helped the incomprehensible mess that was the story. Whereas Jupiter Ascending is literal garbage throughout, and is ONLY that.

[@murciadoxial8056]

this movie also has a respected brittish actor, liek destiny, and puts it in a role that makes him act horribly... like destiny

[@ironmaster6496]

hyped? i literally didnt knew this movie existed or know someone who mentioned this movie until the nostalgia critic review came out

[@hakan5534]

The guy who played the main antagonist, Eddie Redmayne, is actually a really good actor. But yeah, he was fucking terrible in this.

[@Tamacat388]

One should never judge acting ability in a Wachowski film anyway. Those two made Tom Hanks look bad.

[@No0bT4rD]

I honestly can't agree. I haven't seen The Theory of Everything yet, but in every other movie I've seen him in, he's been extremely mediocre.

[@hakan5534]

No0bT4rD Yeah, he doesn't tend to get very good material though. Nor direction. Unfortunately The Theory of Everything was an awful film, but his performance redeemed it somewhat in my opinion.

[@DarkCyberElf]

He's blood annoying though. His singing voice drove me nuts in Les Miserables. And apparently in this, he finds new ways to make his speech hilariously bad.

[@RandMiller325]

I also think he's a great actor, this was obviously a bad choice from his PR team to have him try to do Sci-fi -- and I guess when you are approached and say "hey there is a Wachowskis directed film and since they... yanno.... did okay with the first matrix, you might as well take a chance here" whoops wrong decision. I'm hoping he walks away with the oscar tomorrow (not even gonna lie)

[@MidoriTheAwesome]

I watched this. oh god. I'm so sorry I watched this

[@rachaeltinker6141]

There's a subset of films I love not because they're good, but because I know that my favorite fanfiction writers can make AMAZING fic out of some of these concepts. Jupiter Ascending is one of those.

[@RandMiller325]

I can't believe that Redmayne decided to do this movie, I mean... Channing Tate-yum and Mila Kunis are used to doing BS films, though I think Redmayne is legit trying to make a good career for himself. I loved Theory Of Everything, and think its very possible tomorrow he will win best actor at the Oscars. Though the Theory Of Everything was clearly oscar bait from the moment the trailer started months before.

[@ShadowSonic2]

Well, he was clearly enjoying himself doing this film with how over-the-top he was.

[@xGothRoseX]

The Solar System series: Jupiter Ascending Neptune Descedning Saturn Shifting Pluto Contracting Mercury Expanding

[@therealMrA]

You forgot Uranus Collapsing

[@dawnproctor7741]

Venus Extracting Mars Returning

[@kinhamid9665]

Uranus swelling

[@noone3216]

And the prequel: Mars in Retrograde

[@killercour]

Ugh why would anyone think that a Sci fi movie with Mila Kunis in it would be good?

[@Arkaskas1]

It's supposed to be from the directors of Matrix...

[@killercour]

that just solidifies my point

[@Taylr4]

LandoCowDelicion haha wurd, after Reloaded everyone kinda figured the wachowskis were one trick ponies and the third matrix closed the coffin. Cloud Atlas was enjoyable though.

[@killercour]

Jolly Trolly Didn't see that myself but might be worth the watch, This movie though had about five minutes of hype coming off the back of Guardians of the galaxy and i think everyone knew it was going to be bad in the end.

[@Taylr4]

LandoCowDelicion Yeah making a scifi flick was a marketing move made based solely on the success of Guardians which happened to have the word 'Sci-Fi' in it's genre. I remember telling my friend that Jupiter Ascending is gonna suck and then i quickly admitted "well I don't know ANYTHING about the flick but i can tell by the timing (january through april is mostly crap movies that are released expecting to do just well enough to make some money back) the poster (which tells more than people would think) The casting and i would normally say directors but after cloud atlas i was half expecting jupiter ascending to be a surprise hit or at least average. Oh well if Shamalama ding-dong keeps getting work I'm sure the Wachowskis will get another chance.

[@henrik6754]

This movie looks awful. I can't believe The Wachowskis still has fanboys defending their movies everywhere i see a bad review posted for this. It's hilarious to read their comments though.

[@Chud_Bud_Supreme]

Of course they have rabid fanboys. They're the ones who popularized those retarded Guy Fawkes masks.

[@MrPinbert]

Just because a movie is bad doesn't mean it has nothing worthwhile about it. I saw it and yeah it sucked but I can understand why someone else would like it. It looks great and has impressive action scenes.

[@thedarkmaster4747]

***** i actually thought eddie redmaine did a great job with what he got. voice and everything.. even dispite the brothers evident horrid directing, and the fact they went to town cutting this movie to peices... he portraid a deeply desturbed truamatized individual who has both "survived" and "flurished" due to the family buisness. 'even though it has cost him most of his sleep and his own mother, who i can extrapalate through eddies proformances... DRILLED THE DARWINION HORROR of the buisness and lifes symaltaneous carniverous realites into the mind of the soft sensitive child' he once was and still in many ways is... everyday of HIS AGELESS existance is perpetuated by the deaths of countless innocents on countless worlds... he is THEE APEX preaditor with a heart of pure compassion. forever TORN between his feelings and his darwinion ethics... (in a simular sence to doctor manhatten and ozymandaius at the end of the watchmen movie....except he LITTERALY BATHES IN THE PROCESSED INNARDS OF THOUSANDS with the same normality of what we do everyday) ... unlike his petty siblings he "FEELS" what he does... he IS AWARE...and the worst part is... i think his mother wanted him to be this way... who her self begged him to kill her because she couldn't take it anymore... so when he is confronted with jupiter HE KNOWS WHAT HE HAS TO DO...but it's beyond agony for him.. but he does it anyway... he doesn't even hesitate. i think this could of been a great film... if those brothers didn't dirrect it into the garbage... after they wrote it into the stars...at the end of sitting through this... delushion of cenimatic grandure... i was near begging for a camera and cast in that psychotic bipolar tone redmaine voice... to do this amazing fictional universe real justice. ".... i want 'a camera..... 'NOW!!!???!!???". there my youtube reply review of jupiter accending... or shiney shiney by the wachowski brothers.

[@akzual50]

Peter Pantsless I know the kids born after 2000 liked it. All they need to enjoy a movie is so much CGI you can't tell if you're watching star craft 2 or WoW in the theatre. But the kids nowadays like these flashy movies (Education here makes them so stupid that they don't even need to comprehend the plot, it's when they try to comprehend it that all the kids will then not like it because they don't know how to.)

[@gelatinousjoe7979]

"It's so dense, there's so much going in every frame."

[@aandwdabest]

I saw Eddie Redmayne a few days ago on Broadway - he was the Emcee character for the Cabaret revival show - Gayle Rankin was performing as well. A couple of minutes after the end of the show he came outside, taking pictures and signing autographs with people. When he walked near my section I screamed “you were great in Jupiter Ascending”, he said “Jupiter Ascending” in a chuckled voice. 10/10 experience.

[@Advent3546]

That fart noise.

[@JonMow]

as usual IMDB rate it as 6/10 and rotten tomato which is more accurate give it only 22%.i only went to rotten tomato for review now.IMDB is Shit

[@YMS]

Metacritic is better. The metascore actually matches my rating for this film perfectly right now.

[@jaroslavkorbel8385]

YourMovieSucksDOTorg RT uses the score of a 100 more critics and it's not far off with their 4.1/10.

[@perspektive42]

That's quite consistent with other IMDB ratings: anything below 7 is pretty much unwatchable.

[@Arkaskas1]

***** Every film after 2010 with rating below 7 and being big budget sucks. Movies like Enemy , Killing them soflty etc., don't

[@PixDDD]

Rottentomato and metacritic uses reviews by professionals or semi professionals while IMDB score is based on normal everyday people. Often metacritic or rt score is low because most of the critics are butthurt, also there are genres where every professional review give a low scores(horror, comedy). You need to find out which type of source fits you better, if you are nitpicky go with professionals, if you just want to have a good time on a fun action movie or comedy-go with IMDB. On IMDB 7+ is good, 8+ is a masterpiece, only watch 7- films if you like the genre or plot or if it's a comedy or horror where 6+ is fair enough most of the time

[@Minerva_Devi]

Oh Wachowskis, how much more pseudo philosophical BS can you cram into yet another mediocre action film. This has all of the tell tale signs of a Wachowski production: stilted, emotionless acting, overblown and pointless action, a hilarious performance where the actor gargles their words like they're choking on spoonfuls of Jello, and, of course, meaningless ham-fisted dialogue that sounds like it was written by a 12 year-old who just read the spark notes page on "Atlas Shrugged".

[@InorganicVegan]

Atlas shrugged. Dear god, that was funny. Have a like.

[@TheMeanMongoose]

It's kind of strange how they direct the actors playing the protagonists to underact, yet the actors playing the villains to overact. "whoa." "MWHAHAHAHA I AM EVER SO VERY EVIL MISTER ANDERSON" "I'm just an ordinary everyday gal who scrubs shitters and I'm going to react to every amazing event with the same face where is my paycheck, oh here it is thx bai" "I SHALL HARVEST THE HUMAN RACE AND RUB A LOTION MADE OF DEAD BABIES ON MY DELICATE SKIN"

[@Chud_Bud_Supreme]

Ninja Assassin was....er, okay.

[@Chud_Bud_Supreme]

Blaze Howard What about Speed Racer? I never saw it, was it any good?

[@Chud_Bud_Supreme]

Blaze Howard Sounds like all style and no substance. Oh well.

[@RepresentWV]

Basically why cast Mila Kunis as literally anything because acting is such a foreign concept to her.

[@guardingdark2860]

+RepresentWV She seemed to act like a high-school drama-queen bitchlord pretty well in That 70's show.

[@keepitlockedtoign6651]

...someone hasn't seen Black Swan

[@RepresentWV]

Keep It Locked To IGN She was my least favorite part in that movie. Honestly I tried to like her because I liked that movie over all but something about her just makes me stop taking her seriously the moment I see her.

[@shannonmichelle3239]

+RepresentWV but she's pretty????? what more do you need idgi

[@RepresentWV]

Shannon Brown Even that's debatable.

[@purpledrank6581]

>4/10 More like 1/10 are you going soft Adam?

[@rosenrot234]

The lizard people probably were worth 2 extra points

[@cibinomin6540]

@D Zuke is he? thats pretty disgusting

[@lisazoria2709]

This movie was like something a 10 year old would write with all the cheesiest SciFi tropes thrown in just because. Also, at 8:05, is that a joke or did you really not understand that part? She wasn't supposed to be horny, she was supposed to be embarrassed about what she said to him.

[@intheraeyne]

Tbh, this film... could have worked if they removed half of the shit in it or made it a 2/3 part series. But as is, there's just way too much garbage packed into one thing and it was horrendous. I have no idea how they went from the Matrix to this.

[@1986Hikaru]

hormone therapy is a hell of drug.

[@jebes909090]

Channing snuck into the landing gear of the spacecraft while it was lifting off so he was protected. The lizard guy got stuck in the floor because channing disengaged that device he used to make glass permiable. So the lizards head got stuck. The evil guy was the unintended 8th horcrux of lord voldemort.

[@MrThuggzBunney]

Adum why can't you just ignore everything like a normal person and appreciate the explosions and sexy main characters - Dank

[@TheEmperorGulcasa]

My immediate reaction even to the trailer bits was: great, another story about the human macguffin. Someone the entire universe revolves around for some bullshit reason even though they are completely worthless dead weights the entire time.

[@jmace2424]

Your description of all these scenes sounds so bonkers, I love it!

[@crlake]

I love this. I absolutely love this. Especially when you called him "Channing Tater-tots."

[@TheSeriousMofo]

You're so good at finding clips of the actors sounding like delusional nutjobs talking about the films they star in

[@markparkinson6947]

8:14 I think the Wachowskis were going for the direction of "Oh my God, what I just said was really dumb!"

[@mcjewgs]

Pretty sure they stole that wedding scene from Shrek.

[@amoghvk5]

this is why i love your reviews...you do better explanations than many others..

[@nukeboy14]

Lmao I love how you slip in bits of interview footage overlayed with the travesty that is the film. Makes it 10 times more hilarious

[@pivotkid85]

it failed at having good special effects? i'm pretty sure the special effects where the only good thing about this film.

[@NitemareMoon]

It was "good" in the sense that it was a clusterfuck of intense, colorful cgi, but the actual visual direction and cinematography was nothing special, and it made most of the special effects look fake.

[@kwastimus]

Ragnorok yeah because you'd totally look at an alien planet, massive spaceships, new species and think "wow that's real"

[@gavi888]

Konstantin K sigh...

[@JesterMereel]

Konstantin K You can if it's presented the right way, don't be pedantic.

[@JohnAjodah]

I agree. I really loved the way the spaceships looked, like flying cathedrals almost. The designs of the ships were wasted on everything else in this movie

[@DrScene007]

Holy shit that "fart" joke was legendary.

[@xXzimoneXx]

Eddie Redmayne is an amazing actor. This script was just horrible.

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

That line delivery was hilarious- I have confidence he was doing it on purpose

[@murciadoxial8056]

i read somewhere that he especifically picked this role to rest after shooting theory of everything, so it wouldnt surprise me that he picked this to jsut have fun and let his poor body rest for a bit

[@keepXonXrockin]

but then they made him slave away in the gym to get a sixpack, which was only in shot for 15 seconds, as Eddie lamented in an interview (he hates working out).

[@troodon1096]

I get the impression he knew the movie was terrible, and delivered his lines that way just for the fun of it. If you're slumming it anyway, may as well enjoy yourself.

[@CERTAIND00M]

You're not saying it right. His name is pronounced: "Candy Taters"

[@ShroudedWolf51]

....that sounds incredibly gross.

[@benschannel9065]

I watched this with my Dad since he has no taste in movies and at the end he said "That was alright wasn't it" I backed my bags and haven't seen him since.

[@the_singular_smith]

That Eddie Redmayne / Angel Boy comparison was pure fucking gold.

[@Greysona]

it's basically Mary sue the movie

[@troodon1096]

That's unfair to true Mary Sue characters that actually DO things. For most of the movie, Jupiter was just somebody that things happened to. True Mary Sues would be like Eragon, or more recently, Rey in Star Wars. Yeah, they're way too good at things, but at least they DO things.

[@silentvhs2835]

I don't think you know what that means.

[@Loe7]

I was on 2 tabs of pretty good acid when I saw it with friends. Oh my god it was hysterical.

[@rkkwc]

THE BEE THING JUST MADE ME LOOK AT THE SCREEN LIKE "are you kidding me this is what we've gone to"

[@killerclericart]

i actually love this movie just because its like someone made a movie about a 12-13 yr old girl's first self-insert mary sue fanfiction of her x channing tatum in space and if u think of it like that its actually perfect

[@ColonialPuppet]

So there's no oxygen in a place where there is fire everywhere? This movie looks sound.

[@kyoyameganebereznoff]

I saw this movie on an airplane and even without sound it was hilarious.

[@squashedshibber2684]

So this is some gay furry fanfiction? Figures.

[@1986Hikaru]

its not, because its not degenerate enough...

[@murciadoxial8056]

furry?... not enough fur... gay? not enough cocks... fanfiction? YES.

[@squashedshibber2684]

Murcia doxial I dunno the creators are both trans and the character is basically a self insert who dating a wolf man.

[@murciadoxial8056]

Seal Girl i will give the movie this... for being a shitty fanfiction it is far... FAR more entertaining than 50 shades of grey

[@squashedshibber2684]

Murcia doxial true, at least they tried and I'll give them that.

[@janermaher]

Jupiter Ascending for Adum & Pals

[@SpawnRevenge92]

YES

[@KendylTV]

This is actually one of my favorite films of all time just because of how campy and incompetently made it is. I laughed so much and loved every single thing about it.

[@Shorty2109]

I was laughing out really loud when Sean Bean said that shit with the bees sensing royalty. Everyone was looking at me like I am crazy. That was the only time I have ever laughed at something stupid in a movie in the theater. At home yes, but not in the theater. The only thing I liked about this movie where the concepts and some of the visuals, but as you said the concepts were never going anywhere or had some sort of significance for the story. I also don't like Mila Cunis. I just don't "feel" her you? For me it seems like she can't act for shoot.

[@fireops]

7:35 Holy shit, in my mind I heard "it's so dense, every frame..."

[@freefall742]

Jupiter Ascending is a ripoff of The Cat Returns.

[@hellohello-cg7lu]

+Gandalf the algebra teacher tell me more

[@feferis]

I don't really see the connection so please explain because now I'm curious

[@ToastyJunebugs]

I've never seen Jupiter Ascending, but from what I see from this video it could only on the loosest threads. Plus I don't think the girl from Cat Returns was a "Chosen One" character as much as she just happened to help the cat princess by feeding her crackers when she was little. … Unless that's what happened in JA, too.

[@gorrow1990]

It amazes me how films like this look like unintentional comedies and studios still release them as serious movies.

[@DavidMFBowie]

Eddie Redmayne deserved the oscar for The Theory of Everything. His performance in that was one of the best in the last decade/

[@friendlywitness]

David Motherfucking Bowie The fact that he won over Michael Keaton is one of the biggest Oscar travesties of the last decade.

[@OtakusRUs2]

Wow, a 4/10? So it was only slightly below average despite having nothing unironically good about it?

[@MR_BRONZO]

is it just me, or does the main character have one HELL of a lazy eye, every time I see her, theres just one eye hanging there

[@battlion507]

She's probably on the verge of falling asleep on set... like how I (almost) watched this film.

[@GingieAle]

This movie is such trash. God almighty.

[@Jrez]

So is Bruce Almighty

[@dandydasyt4766]

Jrezky it was entertaining tho

[@Raw774]

I liked the lizard dudes too. Although I mostly went to see Eddy Redmayne in that space bath. Lizard people were a nice surprise though.

[@pynkmouth]

5:42 "drones on" i don't know if that was intentional, but i like it

[@WINZ0W]

There has to be oxygen, there was fire.

[@cyanmanta]

So remember, girls, you're special and unique and have inherent worth, and if you just wait around long enough the world will be handed to you, along with a chiseled superstud to protect you. Any feminists want to weigh in on this idea? I'm willing to bet this movie passes the Bechdel Test, too. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest to find out that it fails the Reverse Bechdel Test. I'm betting every conversation between two male characters in this film is about a woman (read: about Jupiter).

[@riff5fki]

Feminist here, at least in the concept of wanting equal rights for women and access to affordable reproductive rights and better media portrayals....this fails. The Bechdel Test was a joke. It was never supposed to be taken seriously, and idiots started using it seriously. People who think it's a mark of feminism are idiotic. Example of a film that fails the Bechdel test but I would argue is a great film for women: Pacific Rim with Mako Mori. A woman of color who kicks ass, takes names, has her own fully developed storyline and arc, who doesn't exist to be eye candy or the reward for the other main character. That's how you write a strong female character, strong is not about the strength or how tough she is, strength means that the character has depth and flaws and has an arc. People seem to not understand that.

[@NormalLee67]

I took a film lecture class this past semester. The last two classes before the final, my professor talked about the Bechdel Test and internalized misogyny- unironically. At first I was cringing out of existence, but eventually he just went so far that I transcended cringe and was just struggling to hold in laughter.

[@tenyearsinthejoint1]

Feminism is a poor excuse to act like a sensitive irrational snowflake and get away with it. they're always right.... in their heads atleast. I'm trans and I'm totally against feminism and men who support it. its a disgrace because these men think they can protect these precious women's rights when they don't realize that they can't even fight for they're own rights. it's pathetic. oh well, feminists will be feminists. you guys do whatever you do and enjoy your life. whatever makes you happy then

[@OcrimBob]

A Mildly retarded Crossdresser word.

[@Strife57]

It's a dumb idea. It's about as dumb as the overly prevalent "Main character is a super strong, super cool self-insert for every male in the audience, who gets the extremely gorgeous girl at the end of the movie because he is so strong and cool," crap that's seen literally everywhere. That said, if men can get that kind of dumb, feel-good pandering all the time, I don't see why women can't either. Feminism is all about equality, right? Or did you think feminists would be obliged to condemn the one example you could find of a movie that panders to women and fails the famous "Reverse Bechdel Test"?

[@akikarvonen]

There are flames, so there must be oxygen.

[@XxAppleCrispxX]

"Get really fucking baaaked." Ohmygod that part just killed me xD I was not expecting that hahahaha

[@jmace2424]

“Mila Kunis has wings made of bees” is a sentence I never thought I would hear… but I am so glad that I did! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣