Jurassic World Dominion - Hilariously, Incomprehensibly Bad

Jurassic World Dominion exists to prove one rule: however bad the last Jurassic World film was, the next one will always be worse. It is astonishingly awful, in all the ways. But hey, at least it has a lot of dinosaurs!
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[@TheLittlePlatoon]

The script for this was recorded a couple of weeks ago while I was suffering from the Rona, so apologies for the scratchy voice and abundance of angry F-bombs.

[@thecountryboythreat5273]

Hey we're always patiently waiting for you

[@agentsmith2378]

Awesome stuff buddy

[@darrengordon-hill]

How your better

[@jayhep8392]

Velocipussies lol Outstanding work again friend. I saw this abortion just to have frame of reference for the review and you are correct, there’s way too much to dissect. Honestly not worth the time or brain cells either. Everything from “ehem” the plot, to its treatment of legacy characters, to the function of the new world and the stupid dynos in it. How Starlord made it to the end of this movie without having his hands bitten off is a mystery. Ugh that stupid force move is so fkn cringe. We are living out “Idiocracy” in real time. From politics to movies and everything in between. These “”””filmmakers”””” know this, i think, and just dont give a shit. Make the popcorn munchers entertained for a couple hours and get that money. Simple as that. Anyway, great script, great editing LP. The irony here is that the real entertainment is the content that the reviews of this shit creates. Thanks again bud

[@Fridaey13txhOktober]

This was Post-modernism: the movie.

[@MP197742]

All of the dinosaurs respond to Owen’s hand being held up to them, because when they were created, they filled in some of the gaps in their DNA with the DNA of a school crossing guard named Mildred from St. Paul, Minnesota. So they instinctively understand putting your hand up means “stop” and don’t attack people that do that. This is just science, people.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Now it all makes sense!

[@lemelony6417]

@@TheLittlePlatoon sarcasm?

[@vandanacasm]

r/shittymoviedetails Loved it 🤣

[@supernintenjoe8911]

@@lemelony6417 It was satire poking fun at the reason why the original Dinos were all Female and suddenly were able to reproduce on their own.

[@Dovah21]

The specificity of this comment is its funniest component 🤣

[@slyaspie4934]

"They were so obsessed with whether or not they could make a sequel, they didn't think about whether or not they should" :- Dr Ian Malcolm

[@mattpurvis9873]

Hollywood producers are a lot like politicians. They'll bullshit people as much as they can, and do as little as humanly possible as long as people keep supporting them.

[@LimitedCheetah]

'Give me the check" Jeff Goldblum

[@mikeskirk]

The suits find a way

[@initialdeeznuts8614]

Wise words.

[@NGRevenant]

you can thank the force awakens for the "remake a popular movie, collect those nostalgia bux then make hamfisted nonsensical sequels until the franchise dies" schtick

[@mikedicewrites]

Trying to save the dinosaurs instead of the men, women and children they're trying to kill is one of the most PETA-level lines of logic I've ever seen in a film.

[@witnessfox3509]

At this point Jurassic Park has a solid history of killing people to save the poor innocent 3 ton murder machines. It's honestly what I hate most about the franchise.

[@billmiller8945]

People are animals too!

[@patchmoulton5438]

Well not quite. PETA would kill the dinosaurs themselves. 95% shelter kill rate, remember.

[@mikedicewrites]

@@patchmoulton5438 😂😂😂True

[@anarchy_79]

Well on the other hand there's almost 9 billion humans on the planet and 0 dinosaurs if you exclude birds, so kind of exchanging a few humans for a few dinosaurs I think is fair dinkum.

[@JakobNorthblood]

Owen doing the Force hand thing kind of made sense in the first JW film because HE had been TRAINING those SPECIFIC raptors to follow commands. But, now it seems like it works on every dinosaur because Universal wants to make nostalgia call backs to a 5 year old film as well as a 29 year old film.

[@juliancaraveo5700]

You know J.A Bayona scrapped a deleted scene in Fallen Kingdom that had Owen hold up his hand up to the Indoraptor once it escaped the Lockwood Manor. But it was cut since he felt stupid and made no sense.

[@inventgineer]

Let's be honest: we all have a very grave need of someone splicing Owen and his dumbass hand gesture into Star Wars scenes (especiallly from the Disney tri-lol-ogy) -like Owen looking all serious, throwing his hand up, and then seeing Daisy Ridley get flung into a wall or something, lmao.

[@MoonwalkerWorshiper]

@@inventgineer No I want the next step to be him holding up a sign that reads "do not eat me" because he has trained the raptors to read and respect what they read.

[@Moosemoose1]

The force motion was created and kept for all 3 films because Universal wanted a catchy, Instagram pose to symbolize the Jurassic World franchise which kids would instantly recognize, Star Wars style - it was literally just about trying to make a trend in order to make money using brand recognition.

[@JakobNorthblood]

@@Moosemoose1 Lol. Seems likely

[@samsmith9315]

My "favourite" part was where four men with guns had laser guided dinosaurs set on them and instead of opening fire they just turned and ran away. They really, really wanted to push the idea that laser guided dinosaurs are more effective and practical than guns.

[@dubuyajay9964]

People still use dogs in security, law enforcement, and warfare. Why not use other pack hunters if you can tinker with the genetic code to imprint the same loyalty? Problem is they are not being used like their canine counterparts and are being used irl. And the wrong types are being used (large predators instead of much smaller Raptors, because Hollywood fixation on big monsters).

[@jonhg92]

imagine the meeting between representatives of generic evil company and the united states air force. i would love to see the reaction as the dumbasses pitch the idea of flying dinosaurs as a valid tool for the air force. A slow flying dinosaur without any offensive capability outside of melee or crashing into you, up against a supersonic fighter jet with ICBM's.

[@chigbungus1154]

this too was my favorite scene just standing there guns in hand pointed at the dinosaurs

[@redpillnibbler4423]

Hahaha it’s like a javelin thrower making his run up then instead of throwing it he hands it over to someone who runs up the field and sticks it in the ground 👏

[@pockyboi6699]

Dr. Evil did it better

[@kichmadev]

Fun fact: Insects have a limit in size - due to the amount of oxygen their bodies can circulate without lungs. So if you genetically modified a bug to have larger size, it would just die due to lack of oxygen going through its body. Don't know if this was addressed in the movie, probably not. :)

[@songbird7450]

Maybe they gave them teeny tiny lungs

[@kathleenhensley5951]

There were larger insects at one time... in the Carboniferous age. It was before the Mesozoic era ( The age of dinosaurs) . Their large size was due to more concentrated oxygen in the atmosphere and the moistness, swampy climate of the fern forests. circa 340 million yrs ago.. (it was an age of the earth and therefore a very long period of time. In contrast, the age of dinosaurs was started circa 200 million yrs ago after the extinction event that ended the Triassic.

[@HoChiMints2007]

@@kathleenhensley5951 I love how this crappy movie brought ACTUAL biologists out of the woodwork

[@NoHateLikeChristianLove]

@@HoChiMints2007 Well they commented because 99% of the country gets all their knowledge second hand from entertainment.

[@c.m.9369]

Why would they address that? The original Jurassic Park never bothered to explain how dinosaurs can survive with an atmosphere that doesn‘t fit their requirements either… and nobody cared. Lots of legitimate nonsense to critique in this shit movie. This doesn‘t really seem like one of them.

[@marwansobhy7050]

Love how this guy just fucking refuses to call the Jurassic World characters by their actual name, just "action man" or "generic evil man." Just to hammer home how generic they are. Fucking brilliant

[@anarchy_79]

It pains me that he needs to say it, because that means there are people out there who think this is good film. Probably a fucking shit ton of them.

[@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access]

My favorite is “generic reformed corporate bint”

[@Dr-Alexander-The-Great]

It’s just like when Critical Drinker says, Diverse female character.

[@HammerHeart3229]

Thanks to RedLetterMedia Chris Pratt's character in these movies will always be Owen Thunderguns to me.

[@jacquelineking5783]

To be fair, though definitely coincidence, that is the one aspect the JW movies keep the spirit of Michael Crighton. Man was an entertaining author but characters were not his strong point.

[@itemwizardd]

The T-Rex doing a "mostly peaceful protest against exploitative bioethics" line is golden.

[@Matty002]

fun reminder about when JP came out: people complained that raptors opening doors was basically magic level intelligence. JWD gave us a raptor that not only understands human speech, but the concept of a promise! this makes door opening raptors look natural

[@dash4800]

lmao. The writers of this series are truly retarded.

[@italianspiderman5012]

Huh,I never thought that figuring out how to open a door was beyond raptors,it’s not that complicated,people often underestimate animals,like that bird that throws stones into a bottle of water to be able to reach and drink,that’s far beyond opening a door. But oh well.

[@brightwafi1291]

I've seen videos of big snakes and cats opening doors

[@JohanKylander]

My friend's rats have opened their cages sliding bolt a couple times.

[@bryan81584]

shit, my cat knows how to open the damn doors, cute little bastard.

[@swagwolfgang]

The director for dominion said the gigachadasaurus is “like the joker he just wants to see the world burn” and the gigachad was only in the movie for maximum 15 mins

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

To be fair, the world *was burning* in those 15 minutes, but only because of the fire locusts. (I still can’t believe that’s a thing.)

[@diegozizumbo-ortiz6427]

Not to mention the GigaJokernotasaurus didn't even do anything wrong once you think about it. At least with the Indominus Rex and Indoraptor, they killed a buncha people so at least their deaths are somewhat justified. The GigaJokernotasaurus just stole some prey from the T Rex and scared the main characters. Yet we're supposed to cheer when it gets killed by the Chadosaurus Rex and the Chadozinosaurus

[@Palemagpie]

Says a deep point about the director not understanding the point of Jurassic park. In the first movie. The raptors weren't the bad guys because they were smart. They were terrifying because they were smart. But they were still supposed to be animals. They weren't hunting humans out of any kind of maliciousness. It was basically a cat playing with a mouse. None of the dinosaurs were evil. Even Rexy. And she bitch-slapped 1991 Jeff Goldblum. And that's basically a Cardinal sin. But we love Rexy. Rexy is a bad bitch.

[@nataliemusilova1755]

That's wierd, when they made indominus the bad guy it kind of maybe made sense...she was abused, put in a very small space to live and maybe was crazy or something but giganotosaurs was not a bad guy! Yet the film acts like it is , he never did anything a t rex wouldn't do. The one that should have paid by their death is not the poor giga but the person that decided to put two large predators in small space. When giga died it was just sad but the music is heroic ..it doesn't make sense it's just a poor animal

[@alethiamillner5603]

@@diegozizumbo-ortiz6427 the giga went out ruthlessly and unnecessarily like Zara the nanny in jw

[@hooligan9794]

The t-rex staged a mostly peaceful protest. That cracked me up.

[@lordrath9674]

The "evil mega corporation" triggering a flash of the Universal logo is a stroke of genious, and I applaud you for that lmao

[@adampohlen2133]

As someone who didn’t watch this movie I was consistently floored that these decisions actually happened in the real world

[@redpillnibbler4423]

They didn’t really happen,it’s the Mandela effect.

[@Ett.Gammalt.Bergtroll]

The best part of the movie was in Malta when a group of armed CIA (FBI?) agents get surrounded by the lasor-raptors and just let themselves get torn to shreds without firing a single gunshot in self-defense. We've gone beyond the point of these movies thinking the dinosaurs are bulletproof and arrived at the point where people don't know what their guns are for.

[@gorillone86]

Especially considering if those were CIA operatives, it means they are from the SAD (Special Activies Division) and they get selected from top tier units of the armed forces, like SEALS, Green Berets, Rangers, and so on. People who survived being in the grinder of war scenarios. They would have obliterated the raptors.

[@redpillnibbler4423]

They all jammed at the same time.Pure coincidence.

[@societyproductions]

Yeah and don't forget, Blue, in Fallen Kingdom, nearly died to a single bullet wound.

[@jdraven0890]

TBF, current day Hollywood writers do not understand the concept of ranged weapons (guns are icky, anyhow) and constantly preach about the efficacy and downright manliness of hand to hand fighting.

[@Ett.Gammalt.Bergtroll]

@@jdraven0890As a fan of classic action films, I can’t really argue against the manliness of hand-to-hand combat - but usually that’s reserved to human opponents (or humanoid aliens à la Predator 😅).

[@patrickkelmer6290]

I really love how the previous Jurassic World movies turned Dr Wu into a moustache twirling villain while this one turned him into a Emo

[@clamcrewcarclub6017]

He went from scientist, to capitalist, to activist real quick lol

[@anarchy_79]

Mustache twirling emo = hipster

[@ZimCrusher]

Love how, in so many movies, humans (who are one of the slowest animals on the planet) seem to outrun things that are designed to outrun much faster things. Humans outrun collapsing bridges, dogs, dinos, lions, floods, and even explosions, yet every time a hooded killer is WALKING behind them, they trip and fall.

[@MoonwalkerWorshiper]

The movies try very hard to show how fragile humanity is.

[@ZimCrusher]

@@MoonwalkerWorshiper "The movies try very hard to show how fragile humanity is." Strange way of doing that. All the humans can outrun a lion, or T-Rex, when normal humans have trouble outrunning a snake. So they can outrun almost everything, yet they fall if the story needs it. Every time a person falls they should hit the ground, grab their leg, and say "Damn! Stupid Plot device!"

[@MoonwalkerWorshiper]

@@ZimCrusher I'm sarcastic, I don't know why the moviemakers refuse to make human characters relatable. Outrunning those animals is not how a human deals with the situation.

[@Willowy13]

That pesky plot conveniences.

[@ZimCrusher]

@@MoonwalkerWorshiper "Outrunning those animals is not how a human deals with the situation." as said in Tremors: Running's not a 'Plan', Running's what you do when a Plan FAILS!

[@LukeLovesRose]

Remember when things were so serious and dangerous, our hero Malcolm actually got seriously injured by the T-Rex?? Well, WHY has that never happened again since?? That one incident created more tension than more deaths and more dinosaurs.

[@LuaanTi]

Funnily enough, he died in the book, and was rather unlikeable. Crichton brought him back to life for the second book, since he was so beloved in the movie :D "Monster killing loads of people" doesn't elicit much emotional response. Especially when there's no exploration of what it means, and is clearly there just for spectacle, or worse (and common), a cheap laugh.

[@dangerousdylan6262]

Because its already been done and he was never the hero just a piece of nostalgia... why do it again?

[@ParkRanger2000]

There's was that time in Jurassic Park III, when Billy got brutally pecked by the Pteranodons. And in Fallen Kingdom, Claire getting stabbed in her femur by the Indoraptor.

[@ssjpanda8417]

During the giganought scene when the groups unite I was hoping one of the cast would get eaten or hurt. Some kind of callback to the original T-Rex scene or similar.

[@sasaki999pro]

Unfortunately the T-rex can't hurt good guys any more because its now a mascot for the BRAND. The almighty BRAND. People won't want to buy products of things that kill their favorite characters! tHiNK oF tHE fRanCHiSE. Aworwarowahwarwah

[@lpsmadgirl23]

What pisses me off most abt This movie is that it has a heavy handed environmental message yet refuses to talk abt the environmental impact dinosaurs would have on ecosystems around the world, some local ecosystems can’t even handle a invasive plant let alone whole ass apex predators, this movie desperately wants you to both fear the Dinos and see the Dino’s are harmless creatures and fails immensely, our world evolved without the dinosaurs in mind thus meaning that nature as we know it would disappear, Dino’s that size would need to eat hundreds of pounds a day and I’m pretty sure that would mean they would kill previously apex predators and prey to extinction and herbivorous Dino’s would leave no food for other species meaning our very delicate food chain would simple be destroyed and only the Dino’s will survive, so that ending where they are magically coexisting with no issues makes my blood boil bc anyone whose taken a basic science class would know that

[@Watcher-pt6uq]

Before the trailers and teasers came out I thought that they were going to do something that the effect of dinosaurs coming back would have such a drastic effect that they literally start transforming the ecosystem into one more suitable for them, and that the film would be about some military force going in to poison the dinosaurs or wipe out as many as you can without having to use napalm to potentially wipe any threatened species in the location.

[@aninternetuser4306]

One of the reasons they were so big was the higher oxygen levels millions of years ago. The plants and insects were likely more suited to that ecosystem so these modern dinos would likely run out of food quickly if they even survived the low oxygen levels we have now. Maybe they would be sickly and need special enclosures. All in all it would be a disaster.

[@HoChiMints2007]

^this

[@boneman9751]

The irony is that, canonically, all these dinosaurs (at least the original t.Rex who is potentially the most dangerous of the predators) can reproduce via sex change. So as long as there’s 2 on the planet, they can reproduce and spread like wildfire I mean we’re talking entire cattle farms wiped out over night. And that’s assuming we’re talking about large carnivores, imagine the pack herbivores. We’re talking about literally screwing over a massive industry. Imagine that pack of stegosaurus from the second movie steam rolling middle America, and no one can stop them unless they have military grade equipment. They’d out compete literally everything and slaughter anything with the balls to attack them. What does the government decide to do in this movie? Treat them like endangered species and protect them… which means you couldn’t kill these things even if they completely bulldozed your house and will merc your whole family if you try and get close. God this makes no sense

[@lpsmadgirl23]

@@boneman9751 this 100%, not to even mention omnivorous Dino’s like Gallimimus, they would absolutely kill most things before either herbivores or carnivores could

[@yamochanchan]

"Everyone can use the force now. Thanks Ryan" Was the line that killed me. I couldnt stop laughing from on out.

[@bobcat529]

I think it's more about grabbing the attention of the dinos especially when all 3 of them doing it, when they move to the sides of blue baby

[@MegaCygnusX1]

I'd like to take a moment to thank you for inserting Universal Studios' logo whenever you mention "GENERIC EVIL COMPANY". I laughed every time.

[@Jabberstax]

Your review is more enjoyable than the actual movie.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Glad to hear it! Mind you, if it wasn’t, I think I’d have to quit.

[@doubtfulhenry]

This review is so good it convinced me to never watch this shitty movie.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

@@doubtfulhenry Then I’ve done my job!

[@doubtfulhenry]

@@TheLittlePlatoon Eloquently and thoroughly, sir. Thank you for quality content

[@meti326]

I would pay to see this Review's in Cinema than watching the actual Movie

[@jonathanfrost8767]

I can't wait until all movies start calling their characters by titles: Corporate Guy, Corporate Bint, Action Guy, Clone Girl. Such good writing!

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they had drawers full of vague character ideas labelled “strong woman” “male lead” “bad guy” and applied names later.

[@odysseusrex5908]

Don't give them any ideas!

[@darrengordon-hill]

"Bint" made me put on my Union Jack boxers!!

[@darrengordon-hill]

@@TheLittlePlatoon ON GOD!!! There's a "spreadsheet" that has cast members "categorised" most would baulk at if released!! My fave is "non threatening black guy" Woman in this film looks like even her own mother didn't name her!! "Unconventionally attractive nerd" is her listing on that spreadsheet

[@darianstarfrog]

@@darrengordon-hill jeeez!

[@chrissennfelder7249]

The build-up to the T. Rex encounter in the first one is one of the finest examples for suspense in movies. In the new movies, there's no suspense. There's only spectacle. I was 8 when I first watched that movie and it led to me being obsessed with dinosaurs and paleontology for years. It conveyed this sense of wonder and awe that really inspired me.

[@anarchy_79]

"every single frame has so many things going on!" / Rick Berman

[@stuartmacaulay962]

Your editing was perfect in this video, you showed clips that visually described what you were saying. Most other KZbinrs just loop the trailer constantly.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

I can see why - it’s so much easier! But this way is more fun.

[@Random_alias_JP-tl5xz]

Since blue is a Philosoraptor there is of course no problem that blue understands everything.🤓

[@MrTwille]

Ur done loooool

[@inventgineer]

Great reference, internet buddy 😄👍

[@AnAmericanMusician]

To answer some of your questions: The giant pterosaurs, also known as quetzalcoatlus (ket-sull-coh-atlas) would most likely live in canyons or forests judging by the fossiles. While it's body was coated in fluffy fibers, it wouldn't have been able to survive long-term in the arctic, nor would it have enough food. It absolutely wouldn't have attacked a plane and would most likely flown away from it considering it's alien nature as well as the loud sounds coming from it. Even if the creature did go psychotic and try to destroy an airplane, the bones of pterosaurs were 90% air and would easily shatter if they tried attacking a metal vehicle.

[@aninternetuser4306]

Hollywood: Your logic and facts are unwelcome here!

[@LuaanTi]

So are the bones of swans. They can still easily break your leg with a swing of their wings. Quatzalcoatlus is a bit larger than a swan. I wouldn't hazard a guess about what kind of damage it could do to an airplane such as the one shown in the film. I'm pretty sure noone working on the movie bothered to consider it, really. But it would be ludicrous to imagine it would just splash harmlessly against the hull of the plane - sure, it might kill itself in the process, and I wouldn't expect the plane to be torn apart... but damaged enough to lose flight capabilities? Absolutely. Airplanes move quite fast; the birdosaur still has a lot of mass thrown against the plane. Small birds are enough to do serious damage to airplanes (yes, even outside of being sucked into the jet engines) - though granted, in the scene, the hit wasn't head on. A more realistic scene would be the plane hitting the dinosaur at full speed perhaps as a result of some distraction, or trying to stay concealed in flight by moving close to the terrain and just not seeing it before its too late (of course, generic Hollywood planes can manoeuvre better than tiny acrobatic fliers, but oh well...)... heck, it would even reinforce the _purported_ theme of the movie, which was teased as "even though dinosaurs aren't evil and don't particularly care about humans, they would still be very dangerous". Of course there's no reason why the dinosaur would attack the plane (even in a territorial display, it would not just crash headfirst), having it as a chance collision would be much more impactful and reasonable.

[@aninternetuser4306]

@@LuaanTi A swan cannot break your leg with its wing. While swans are aggressive, especially in the area around a nest, they are not able to break your bones, that is a myth.

[@johannesseyfried7933]

@@aninternetuser4306 However, they *do* have apparently a mean Bite. I remember a Friend once telling me how he went for a Boat Ride on a Lake full of Swans, one of the Swans came towards him, apparently believing that he would get Food-and when he didn't, the Swan apparently hit him in the Lnee with it's Bill and swam away again, disappointed.

[@darkonyx6995]

@@aninternetuser4306 Yeah, because there's something really cool that a lot of people seems to forget which is ~Suspension of disbelief~, a movie isn't obligated to be a realistic documentary.

[@licmir3663]

I’m from Brazil, I saw the film in theaters when I was young and the scene of Alan Grant’s looking in awe to the first dinosaur appearing on screen was shared by everyone watching the film. Now we take special effects for granted, but back then, dinosaurs had always been portrayed unrealistically. In 1993, they were brought back to life.

[@rooplespooples]

and the fact that, almost twenty-something years later, those dinosaurs STILL hold up; they STILL look so real.

[@andrewsammons9643]

There is no traditional villain, but Jon Hammond is a classic anti-villain where his intentions and actions are good or neutral, but his presence and choices provide antagonistic counterbalance to the heroes

[@Ett.Gammalt.Bergtroll]

One could argue that Nedry is an actual/traditional villain though. 😅

[@anubusx]

What about Dodgson? "We got Dodgson here."

[@andrewsammons9643]

@@Ett.Gammalt.Bergtroll my only issue calling nedry or Dodgson a villain is that they play complimentary roles and don’t have to be defeated for the heroes to succeed. Hammond’s choices and machinations have to be overcome to save friends and family

[@lewislabuff8862]

The moment Charlotte monologues the ending like she is John Hammond is ridiculous, I actively booed in my living room

[@aaronflowers8881]

Why

[@XShadOBabeX]

I really have no horse in the race, but to be fair, Therizinosaurus being mean despite being a herbivore is not shocking. Some of the meanest animals on our planet are herbivores. Hippos for example. They kill people all the time. So we have a 20ft territorial theropod with sword fingers and the disposition of an angry hippopotamus. YIKES.

[@theangrysuchomimus5163]

Even then, hippos don’t attack everything. *Sometimes* you see them chill with each other or other animals. Therizinosaurus on the other hand, seems to want to kill anything that moves except the tyrannosaurus because JW logic.

[@Notorious_G.O.O.S.E]

I thought Hippos were Omnivores

[@darkonyx6995]

@@theangrysuchomimus5163 Because it's his territory, male Hippos will also attack anything that isn't a female Hippo inside it's territory

[@chebikitty5566]

@@theangrysuchomimus5163 the Theri is blind which could play into it being more aggressive. It is attacking everything because it doesn't know what is a predator and what isnt. The trex thing is just movie fantasy but Claire going underwater removed her scent and there was no sound.

[@aimanrashidi2426]

bruh imagine living in same zip code with some of the most vicious predators on the planet. if you're not mean, you're dead. that's the reason why we haven't been able to domesticate zebras even after hundred of years trying. they live in constant trauma and anxiety of being eaten it makes them extremely cautious around humans

[@griffinsalmon5798]

its so nice to finally hear someone talk about Crichton's views on complex natural systems.

[@DemitriVladMaximov]

The worst part about the failure of the Jurassic World Franchise (as far as good storytelling and accurate dinosaurs go) is that it has now ruined any and all possibility of a Dino-Riders movie in the near future as the Jurassic World franchise delayed that project into oblivion.

[@zephyr8072]

"I hate Jurassic World" Ah, a man of culture I see.

[@thehumblepotatoreborn9313]

I like it - it's better than JP3 at least

[@SinAster_19]

@@thehumblepotatoreborn9313 but thats not saying much is it

[@gojigiante]

JW is the best thing to come out of the franchise, best movie of all time along with KOTM.

[@zephyr8072]

@@gojigiante Being Objectively Wrong any% speedrun.

[@gojigiante]

@@zephyr8072 Ikr, I don’t know how you managed to do it tbh.

[@sneakaboo3486]

I have never hated a character more than clone girl. Despite her actions directly killing hundreds, wrecking global ecosystems, and almost causing a worldwide famine, she feels no remorse whatsoever. If the shoehorned "clone solidarity" motivation made any sense, I would understand her not liking humans, but she doesn't even seem to care about the dinosaurs. They were too lazy to make her upset about the other clones she set free getting poached, farmed, and put into dog fights. The most we get is "oh look she help tall dinosaurs walk away and talk to baby blue :D" She is the most unlikable character I have ever seen, and the worst part is she didn’t have to be. Imagine if the film had established her guilt being the reason for her standoffishness. She goes on missions like Claire because she realizes the pain her actions caused both dinosaurs and humans, but, being a clone, doesn’t feel like she fits in with Owen or Claire, so she doesn’t tell them. Maybe she feels inferior to her mother, who was praised for being a world-saving genius. Clone girl feels like a disappointing copy who almost caused an apocalypse. She gets kidnapped trying to make up for that-boom, we have a reason to care about her. Instead, she’s unnecessarily rude to anyone stupid enough to be kind to her, gets kidnapped because she’s a moody teen, refuses to help prevent a global famine, and never apologizes. They didn’t even make her worry that Owen and Claire might not come for her because of how mean she was to them. She just sits around and whines. Again, she could have been interesting in so many ways, but they were too lazy to try. Her being an unredeemed asshole is supposed to be charming, I guess? It worked so well that whenever the film reminded us that her well-being was the core of the story, I wanted to laugh(that being the only emotion I felt during the whole movie). anyway 12/10 movie, best thing since Sharknado 3!!! definitely buying the collector DVD 😊

[@hothotheat3000]

Holy shit, that actually would’ve been far better than what we got. As it stands, she’s just a little bitch who we don’t care about.

[@alanthomas8748]

the only way they could have made clone girl more irritating was if they actually cast greta thunberg as her

[@IndominusRex-wc1ey]

You want to hate a character more than Maisie? Watch Pacific Rim: The Black

[@crims0nfire991]

@@IndominusRex-wc1ey which character? I certainly found the sister annoying

[@IndominusRex-wc1ey]

@@crims0nfire991 yes the sister i fucking hated her

[@caffineandshiny]

Man if that generic bad lady had only had a gun instead of a lazer pointer maybe she would've actually killed someone.

[@Ett.Gammalt.Bergtroll]

Or if instead of lasor-raptors she had goons with guns likewise trained to attack whatever she pointed at.

[@jaxkommish]

Oh the gut punch when you said Jurassic Park was the first film you remembered watching. I am so old

[@carltonwagner]

This movie really had a staggering amount of poorly though-out elements. One that I haven't heard anyone mention is the flaming locusts. They were a great visual, but I just kept thinking that the first thing to burn up, in like a split second, would be the insect wings. They just kept on flying, for like half an hour. And then, (earlier in the film) giant swarms of locusts would have eaten all of the world's crops. But they looked delicious. The bad guys might have actually solved world hunger by accident. They should have just devised a way to use mind control to send flying (cooking en route) locusts to whatever part of the world needs nourishment. Instead, the locusts went to waste, and they're probably still flying around, on fire, to this day...

[@matteomastrodomenico1231]

They do say that they are more durable than normal locusts.

[@fionnaitsradag5152]

😂

[@Willowy13]

Not flying. Gates collected all of them by now so we can eat insect protein.

[@miaferrari958]

The moment studios realized they didn't need to make an at least decent product in order to make millions, it was over. This is cinema now. On a side note, Everything Everywhere All At Once is being re-released in cinemas on the 29th, in case you want to throw your money into something actually good and show the industry that well-written movies can make money too.

[@pyropulseIXXI]

I found that movie crap too. It was just less crap, so people are starting to think less crap == good, now. If that movie came out 15 years ago, it would've been a big MEH

[@GuineaPigEveryday]

@@pyropulseIXXIyeah EEAO is not as bad as Jurassic World, but man is it mediocre, but thats the best we have, and it was covid so all of us wanted anything decent. If EEAO is the best thing we can aspire to, then modern-day cinema really is at a downturn, when shit like Jurassic World and F&F and Minions makes a billion each, and EEAO is the best thing we have to offer in return or as defense against that

[@flappyturtlesnatch]

I'm really late to this but I just wanted to say thanks for giving Crichton's real life work a mention. The guy was way ahead of other current day fiction authors regarding relevant science.

[@jacquelineking5783]

Man always made me feel a little bit more educated after reading him. Maybe I wasn't but I feel like he wouldn't have been a half bad teacher.

[@voicemonkey3886]

I love these sort of reviews. Long format talks about the movie scene-for-scene and discussing the issues along the way. Ahh, relaxing.

[@Belltown]

I seriously came so close to walking out at the scene when the Blue Raptor tried saying “thannnkyouuu” in that creepy screechy voice when Owen returned it’s baby

[@kawadashogo8258]

God that is so many times worse than the talking raptor in Alan's dream in the third movie.

[@godhimself478]

@@kawadashogo8258at least that was a dream and not that

[@matthewmcbride778]

Wait WHAT Blue Fucking talked in the movie

[@berge.5275]

It didn't even do that though? 😭

[@leahcimwerdna5209]

The Dodgson character was like that creepy lonely man who drinks wine on his yacht and only talks to the boys

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Lol. Spot on.

[@LightofJoshua]

When he met with Ellie and Alan for the first time I was like is the acting bad or is the character written to be some bumbling autistic guy. His sentences and way of speaking did not in anyway come off as intelligent nor charming

[@Nebulous_Neuhaus]

A combination of L. Ron Hubbard and any plutocratic globalist of today.

[@mallorycarpinski1160]

I can't tell you how much I love every shot of the Universal Studios when you say "genetic evil corporation". Thank you for that.

[@EvilExcalibur]

Michael Crichton, while not infallible as a writer, was several leagues beyond modern writers both in writing fiction and understanding the sciences be they mechanical, sociopolitical or otherwise.

[@Lootbot90]

What made the original great was how it made hubris and scientific curiosity into the villains. In fact there are several moral sins that are characters at play. Greed and gluttony are Ned's sin. Muldoon was arrogant, Malcolm is lustful, the lawyer is a fool, Dr Arnold is angry and bitter. All of these traits work against the characters as they fight to survive. We can relate to every one of these people and have empathy with most of them because for the majority of them, they do nothing wrong except being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

[@AV57]

I can somewhat recall there being a bit of a moral awakening around the late 80s and early 90s around bioethics. There were a few very high profile cases in which research labs were experimenting on animals and it seemed to bring out high emotions on all sides. I think Crichton was playing in that here, but remaining somewhat neutral by shifting the discussion to a sci-fi level by bringing in the dinosaurs. You still have humans asking themselves just how far they can manipulate other animals before they’ll admit they’ve gone too far, but we’re thinking about it without crucifying present day researchers who were torturing dogs and chimps.

[@Lootbot90]

@@AV57 yes I recall cloning being especially high on the list because many people thought it was "playing God".

[@Horrormaster13]

To quote Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park (1993): *"That is one big pile of shit!"* Seriously, after Dominion I came to the conclusion that Jurassic Park shouldn't have been a Franchise in the first place. It should have been a one and done film and that's it. The same goes for Jaws and Highlander.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Definitely. Sticking closer to the book would have made for a better sequel, so you could argue that The Lost World didn’t *need* to be bad. But yeah, quitting while you’re ahead is usually wise.

[@spencertherren6806]

Yes, but. Money.👌

[@theminecraft2516]

Nah

[@lunathekuduruk1311]

delete all except lost world

[@darkonyx6995]

No it should.

[@62LeftyBlues]

This is not a movie, its just a montage of scenes the director thought would look cool. It looks good, too bad they forgot how to tell a story.

[@kawadashogo8258]

Same thing that destroyed Game of Thrones, and which ruins so many movies and series now. Storytelling seems to be dying, replaced by empty mindless spectacle. There's no place for art in the capitalist film industry anymore; it's being drowned in pursuit of the relentless need to maximize profits. Movies are made not to contribute to the human experience, but to exploit a market for the maximum possible amount of money. This will continue for as long as the film industry remains in private corporate hands.

[@MoonwalkerWorshiper]

@@kawadashogo8258 Movies without storytelling will eventually flop, so no money will come.

[@normadgarmez7026]

Indeed. The premise of this movie should've been survival, man vs dinosaurs. Who would win... of course man should win because otherwise they end up being squashed or dino food.

[@massengill96]

The writers were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.

[@ryanelliott71698]

I only got half way, but something I wonder if it’ll be mentioned is how from about JW/ JP3 dinosaurs now seem to be invincible to damage. It feels like a kid is smashing his toys together without the slightest hint knowing that the club tail of an ankylosaur would have at the least broken the I-Rex’s leg. Since ya know… the tail was designed to break bone!

[@LateralTwitlerLT]

Designed?

[@S3Cs4uN8]

I'm reminded of the old documentary series Walking with Dinosaurs from back when where in the last episode a mother T. Rex tries to scare off an Ankylosaur because the latter had wandered near its nest, which was currently occupied by its juvenile offspring. That confrontation ends when the Mother T. Rex tries to chase it off only to take a full force swing from the Ankylosaurs tail club straight to the thigh which breaks its leg, it then limps off with its children in tow and dies of internal hemorrhaging on a volcanic flat. And with that in my mind I'd pay to see the Indominus Rex try something similar with an Ankylosaur just to take a solid smack to the head and just fucking die then and there.

[@MeltyZombie]

@@LateralTwitlerLT he obviously meant it was evolved to do so as a protective instrument

[@LateralTwitlerLT]

@@MeltyZombie Why is that obvious? If someone says _white_ , then it's somehow *'obvious'* they actually meant _black?_ And why did you feel you had to answer for him? Or is that a sock puppet-account, and you're actually Ryan?

[@krustylesponge647]

@@LateralTwitlerLT basically that part of its body was evolved over time as a defence mechanism, it is made by evolution to beat up other dinos

[@silvernova354]

The little girl is now working as a lumberjack? Seriously?? I don't think she would have the strength to even lift one of the chainsaws they use. Also, this is after she has "gone missing". Because she is a clone, they must have endowed her with the same camouflage abilities as the Indominious Rex.

[@c.stegenga607]

You didn’t even watch the film obviously. I hate this film don’t get it twisted but this guy low key be lying the girl was not a fucking lumber Jack a key point of the film was that she has to hide away from society. She was just passing by through the lumber yard

[@silvernova354]

@@c.stegenga607 Of course I didn't watch the film. Where, in my comment, do I say that I did? I knew it was going to be another Hollywood stinker and stayed away from it for that reason. I was commenting on what was said in the video. Hollywood has sunk so low now in my opinion that I would be surprised if there were more than 2 movies a year from that place that I would want to see. Even if the girl was a lumberjack in the film then that would be slightly less stupid than the swarm of burning locusts.

[@bigtechisbigbrother8690]

@@c.stegenga607 She may not be a lumberjack, but they did show her splitting wood with one chop. A little girl would not be able to do that. Most full-grown women can't. Just not enough muscle. It looked so silly.

[@Jamie_Pritchard]

@@bigtechisbigbrother8690 I'm not even sure I could split wood like that 🤣

[@youvegoneincognito2421]

It’s funny when people criticize a film they didn’t watch

[@themollymachine]

my mom took me to go see Jurassic Park the first night it came out at midnight showing for my 10th birthday. no matter how much they destroyed Jurassic Park I always have that amazing memory

[@amazingkris]

I personally would love to hear you give your full recount of the original Jurassic Park. Your pitch just as it is made me want to watch it with the same child eyes I had in 1992.

[@Bonko78]

That hypnotic trick that Chris Pratt uses on dinosaurs is actually a real thing. I saw it being used once before, on a buffalo in Crocodile Dundee. Come to think of it, stretching out your hand is probably the best way to stop any dangerous animal.

[@blacktainfalcon7097]

True. The animal will definitely stop. Because it will be busy eating you.

[@ColorFun4Me]

Didn't Crocodile Dundee hum a bit while using the force? U gotta hum a bit.

[@Bonko78]

​@@ColorFun4Me Well of course! How could it possibly work otherwise?

[@rpm6085]

Yeah, and you have to tilt your head sideways a bit too. Worked in Dundee on a bull and on dogs.

[@ColorFun4Me]

@@rpm6085 😆

[@kyon_designer]

The cloaking device is actually taken from the book The Lost World, where two Carnotaurus capable of doing this.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Oh yes, you’re absolutely right! I’d forgotten about them.

[@daverobson3084]

I just loved how our group of "heroes" divert power from the rest of the facility, never worried at all that that may endanger the hundreds of other people that are there, hiding from a forest fire and fleeing hundreds of potentially dangerous dinosaurs. Not One Thought.

[@kylefrank638]

I had questions about the animals' behaviors too, mainly the quetzal hunting and poking holes in a plane of equal size 15 seconds after the quetzal was even *able* to escape the bullshit flight-restriction field. After watching trailers, I had wondered if that scenario would specifically be explained as an example of even the more neutral/docile species becoming aggressive due to food limitations. But this movie really glosses over the changes the world would be facing with this explosion of new inhabitants.

[@cunjoz]

the thing I'm grateful for is that the shit age of movies has given us the golden age of movie criticism

[@foff3804]

I love that the idea of laser guided raptors is totally reliant on the premise that they are immune to modern small arms fire.

[@kuhanblock9380]

What if it's in a jungle setting

[@saucyb3585]

@@kuhanblock9380 so small arms fire doesn’t work in the jungle? What about laser guided missiles? Tanks? Airplanes? Choppers? Drones?

[@kuhanblock9380]

@@saucyb3585 most of that didn't do too well in Nam against regular folk. If the dinosaurs can kill the enemy quick no one can report back about what's going on because they'll be out of sight and out of mind

[@saucyb3585]

@@kuhanblock9380 hard to fight in the jungle when there isn’t one.

[@kuhanblock9380]

@@saucyb3585 but when there is one...

[@lilquaso7429]

I love how everytime he says evil company the universal logo appears

[@lightningmonky7674]

This generations critics are the best. From an article to reviews that cover literally every aspect, I'm more of a fan of the reviews than the movies themselves 🤣🤣

[@abemartinez9623]

Same i don’t mind bad things anymore bc the reviews are so entertaining! Lmao rings of power was great example

[@medbii]

My issue with the whole Charlotte/Maisie thing is that they, for some reason, made it so she discovered her disorder after getting pregnant. Like why would she want to have a clone baby otherwise? Just for fun? If they made the genetic disorder her reason to create a healthy clone of herself then yes, it would have worked. Also... Why on EARTH would Wu need the DNA from Blue's baby to synthesize the pathogen?? If he really needed a clone, why didn't he just get a monitor lizard that he himself stated is capable of asexual reproduction?? That he himself said is in Blue's genome??? The genes for asexual reproduction are literally FROM THE MONITOR LIZARD WHY WOULD HE NEED THE DAMN RAPTOR IT MAKES ME SO MAD

[@daverobson3084]

He also tells Maisie that she was not just her mom's experiment , but that she really just wanted a child. Meaning, if he were telling the truth, that Charlotte bypassed all of the safer, easier, cheaper, less time consuming, ( and probably much more legal) methods of obtaining a child( find a mate, invitro fertilization, adoption) for the more dangerous, more complicated, more expensive, more time consuming( and, probably, illegal) method of performing parthenogenesis experiments on herself. But she was ( by far) the smartest person he ever knew.

[@asmrjeweler9237]

So right. I have no idea why he needed beta to figure out how to fix the locust. Seemed like the missing tool was figuring out the proper viral vector to distribute the new DNA (which is not a big deal in actual modern day science). Beta's dna would not have been helpful to solving locust DNA.

[@haku8135]

@@asmrjeweler9237 They're fucking locust, he should be engineering a disease to kill them as hard as possible, not trying to FIX anything. The only reasonable fix is genocide, these things are a menace.

[@matteomastrodomenico1231]

I'm pretty sure they say that Charlotte cloned herself to cure her disorder.

[@daverobson3084]

@@matteomastrodomenico1231 No. They said that she cloned herself, then later said that she did the ( probably more difficult) thing( which would not cure her) and developed human parthenogenesis( basically she got pregnant without a male sperm donor, so her offspring is haploid instead of diploid).

[@miguelnovais3878]

39:01 in nature, if a bear intimidates a wolf, or if a lion intimidates an hyena, (even trough physical contact) they often run walk/run off. They don't necessarily kill the competition. I think that part is realistic. Am I missing something?

[@linkofvev]

What annoys me about this film is that the basis for it has been my dream film for decades now... a dinosaur apocalypse. If they had just leaned into that a bit more (and led up to it better with the previous films), we could have had a walking dead-esque style film with dinos instead of zombies.

[@kawadashogo8258]

A dinosaur apocalypse wouldn't really be possible though. Not because dinosaurs can't be brought back to life, but because the existence of human civilization has long since passed the point of being vulnerable to animals. If dinosaurs were brought back to life, even if they spread all over the world, humans would still be a much bigger threat to them than they would ever be to us. Yeah, lots of individual humans would be killed, but there would be no apocalypse. Countless species are being destroyed by the actions of our own species. We can still be destroyed by nature, by climate change or an asteroid impact, the collapse of the ecosystem we depend on, perhaps by diseases (bubonic plague and smallpox once stood a solid chance of eradicating us entirely, and who knows what new diseases may come about in the future), but we can't be destroyed by animals. Even if every dinosaur on Earth was intelligent enough to wage a conscious and organized war on the existence of humans (which would make no more sense than wolves, lions or tigers doing the same, and with similar chances of success), they would lose because humans have guns, planes and bombs. And because there are over 8 billion of us. So a dinosaur apocalypse movie would still be dumb, though probably less dumb than this movie.

[@dr.pepperbiggestfan]

im all in for a dinosaur apocalypse horror film, that’s just such a fun concept and if executed correctly could be the closest we get to recapturing the vibe of the original jurassic park. i’d rather it stand on its own but i’ll take a proper recapturing of the film over this bland corporate garbage

[@Duchess_Van_Hoof]

That is the point of the title isn't it? Jurassic World: Dominion, Fallen Kingdom's ending and the short film all set up a dinosaur apocalypse.

[@matthewcollins4773]

This deserves many more views than it's currently gotten. Insightful, engaging and amusing. Plus the inventive visual editing is on MauLer levels. Wonderful.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Very kind! And yep, MauLer is a big inspiration. I’d not be doing this if it weren’t for him.

[@seanledden4397]

Very satisfying review! - I'm actually willing to put up with a lot of foolishness in order to see dinosaurs chasing and eating people. But not this. Why can't Hollywood just give us a fun 90-minute fantasy adventure? Why the long running time stuffed with empty characters and meaningless plot complications?

[@darrengordon-hill]

Trying to watch "Predestination". Thought it'd be cool time travel/pararox6. But it's just a monologue about "greatest trannie ever" "Big Corp shitting on "Big Corps""; kill me

[@albatross4920]

I feel the same way. As much as my buddies and I love dinosaurs in media, we just couldn't bring ourselves to take this one that seriously. Those that did watch said what this analysis said, just lot's of "what the fuckery".🤷‍♂️

[@bryna7]

Money

[@sadork4014]

yeah

[@ShredderPeek]

Because the last time they gave us a fun 90 minute fantasy adventure people called it shit and the franchise went dormant for 14 years.

[@duffthimblespork8371]

You have my heartfelt gratitude for being one of the oddly few KZbinrs to correctly identify the city in JP2 as San Diego and not Los Angeles.

[@SexyCripples]

"It's as futile to compare Jurassic World Dominion to Jurassic Park as it will be to compare vaginal warts to the concept of Norway." I completely broke down at this line. This is fucking genius.

[@mobbs6426]

I made the mistake of thinking these cheap imitations were misguided homages to the original movies. I remember seeing this and TFA and thinking, "alright, not the worst for a sequelboot, where will they take it from here" I should have really realised "this is obviously the best they can do"

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Yup, definitely true with TFA. Happily (or unhappily) I never rated it - and in the case of Jurassic World, I hated the first one. So some of the shock was lessened when the next films turned out to be abysmal - though, in the case of TLJ, it was still shocking. Fallen Kingdom just felt like a logical extension of the first film’s faults.

[@JimJamTheAdmin]

@@TheLittlePlatoon TFA set the tone for me and I was pleasantly surprised when I enjoyed several minutes of TLJ, and not surprised when the entirety of the RoS was dookie.

[@actaeondiomedes4270]

Great video! I’m actually going to throw out a controversial opinion not related to JWD, and that is that I actually quite like the first two Star Wars sequel movies, 7 and yes even 8. I think The Last Jedi, while faulty, gets a lot of criticism that would apply to the whole franchise but that gets glossed over so people can soapbox about how it’s teh wurst movee evar. Thant being said, 9 made me feel stupid for ever liking it and kinda ruined a trilogy that I actively used to defend cause I genuinely liked it. It took every single thing I liked and thought worked with the other two movies and lit the whole thing on fire. And then just forgot? To resolve anything? Including the fire? Hello? Someone should really dial 9/11 someone left a trash fire burning.

[@mobbs6426]

@@actaeondiomedes4270 I didn't mind them myself. They didn't hold a candle to the movies they were recreating, but they fit within the universe. TLJ seems to forget it was the middle movie and wrapped up a trilogy one movie early, and as mediocre as the JW franchise is, they're still delivering hungry dinosaurs, and Chris Pratt is still likable. I can't hate the JW movies, I just nothing them, they exist. I do have to hard disagree with TLJ, but I am a bit of a movie snob. There were bits I appreciated, but I'm pretty sure I actually said at the credit, and I quote "IIII... Did not like that" The delay was to decide if it had done enough to earn some consolidation, but that's where I fell. I did want to, but there's only so much bad movie you can take. When the cherry they put on the crapcake is the "her time" narrative being shoved down your throat to the point of resurrecting a character who's actress died during production, I couldn't bring myself to defend it

[@GrailOfHipHop]

kkmk kom

[@neonsponge37]

I just listened to an in depth spoiler review and...I still have absolutely no idea what is going on. I could go waste my money in a cinema, bore myself to death while watching it AND still feel like I haven't got a clue what the **** is going on. Do these writers need help? Is there a hotline someone could pass on? I think this is a cry for help.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

I fear they may be beyond help at this point.

[@michelelyons9410]

Excellent video. your dry wit is always entertaining. The first thing that I thought when I saw clips of this movie was all the dinosaurs in the snow. Dinosaurs were basically warm or warmer weather critters. They would die in climates cold enough to snow. But in this movie we have a tropical dinosaur in the snow, others running on the tundra like reindeer. Except that reindeer have fur to keep them warm, and a small body size that is easier to keep warm----and dinosaurs have neither of those things. There were so many WTF moments in this movie.

[@JaredQueiroz]

In my opinion, JP1 got one scene wrong, but in a right way (the final entrance of the T.rex). It's cartoony, but it's epic, so we can't help but love it. Then, JP2 also commits the "mistake" of cartoonizing things. Remember when a deadly raptor is killed by a little girl doing a flip? Damn bad, but the rest is serious enough. After that, we had JP3, and I can forgive the forced plot, the extreme redesign, and the weird idea of Alan tricking the "ultra-intelligent raptors with a fossil flute." BUT A TALKING RAPTOR????? GOD, okay.... ok, fine.... Once again, the traditional cartoony element. What is that on the horizon??? Wow, is it the long-awaited JP4?????? No. It's Jurassic World. A franchise that decided to make whole movies out of the previous mistakes I mentioned. This time with more explosions, more crazy moments, more crazy ideas, and completely ungrounded scenes. It got so cartoony that they even decided to make an actual cartoon and call it canon. CAMP CRETACEOUS IS FUCKING CANON. OOOOH GOD, DID THE WORLD REALLY END IN 2012???!!!!

[@lookbothways5104]

the entire time I watched this movie I was just praying for it to just end.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Same! I scripted this video as I was watching it. 10 minutes in and I was regretting my life choices.

[@Jabberstax]

🤣

[@Mr_Bones.]

For future reference you can get a refund if you watched less than the first thirty minutes in most theaters.

[@alethiamillner5603]

@@Mr_Bones. is that at the box office only or does that apply to online purchases as well? Hope so

[@redpillnibbler4423]

So you could go take a dump.

[@GeneralSecura]

30:48 The location of the generic evil company's base was in the Dolomite mountains in Italy, not the Arctic. Flying there from Malta would take maybe two hours tops.

[@Rolf97]

You'd think that at this point people would learn that trying to keep 3 ton murder machines around is a bad idea.

[@jacquelineking5783]

That sadly is the most accurate part of the movie. We have bio weapons, gas, and nukes still around.

[@TheRodentSama]

2:36 you mention Scale And Scarcity... and funnily enough, used the shots of the Brachiosaur as reference. There's a video called "Scale and Framing" that shows exactly why the original movie blows the others out of the water... and it used that same shot of the Brachiosaur as reference. They shot JP on a different aspect ratio to all of the other sequels, and it gives the dinosaurs a bigger presence on screen. The sequels used widescreen, and it makes the dinosaurs look underwhelming.

[@cydelegs]

I’m surprised at how much I don’t remember about that awful film. I was so disinterested I was just waiting for it to end.

[@HappyAspid]

I cant even imagine how much editing went into this video. Great job.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Four months ago I was telling myself “the editing will get quicker as I get better”. No. Nonono. Now I spend 10 minutes looking for 2 second facial expressions. But I’m glad it’s enjoyable!

[@danielteixeira3417]

​@@TheLittlePlatoon Its brilliant

[@sabsndi5099]

Please take this extra thumb-up as a gift for all the short Jeff-Goldblum-Clips you brought into this 👍🏻

[@ronisin710]

I saw the previous two 'films' and I honestly couldn't tell which movie you were even talking about b/c they've all devolved into an amorphous melange of excrement piled higher than the one in which Ellie sunk her arm.

[@andrewhoffman1087]

Your description of emotions, when watching this movie (which I agree with), was my entire thought process watching Star Wars: The Last Jedi. I have never been so bamboozled by the pointless, absurd, laughable, and downwright insulting decisions of a movie before, and thus I treat it as the bar for what constitutes a 1/10 film. Jurassic World: Dominion was close, but I would need to watch it again to be sure (an action I REALLY don't want to take). Great review, by the way!

[@actaeondiomedes4270]

Really? I actually genuinely believe that 9 is worse. Waaaaaay worse. Like the only reason it’s not my least favorite Star Wars movies is that the Padmé/Anakin romance is physically painful for me to sit through. 9 just made me feel hollow and stupid for having been so invested.

[@supernintenjoe8911]

@@actaeondiomedes4270 The reason why it made you hollow and stupid was because 7 and 8 laid the foundation of the bullshit that was coming.

[@frankhorriganfromfallout2]

@@actaeondiomedes4270 attack of the clones had waaayyy to much of that Anakin padme stuff.

[@aaronsmith1474]

That's weird because TLJ was pretty awesome and definitely the highlight of an otherwise pointless cash grab trilogy. JW never got a high quality entry in it's trilogy... All of them were quite forgettable.

[@Dinoslay]

Maisie: ”Okay, I’ve been brought here basically so my genes can help get rid of these locusts that threaten the survival of everyone on Earth. I can be actually useful. Nah! Hey, Beta, wanna get out of here?” WORST TIMING EVER! 🤦‍♂️

[@Marines_Memelevolent]

I’m amazed, not in a good way, how Jurassic Park has completely made a transition in genre. At first, it was minor-sci-fi in which the sci-fi elements were small and existed to provide a basis for the otherwise grounded story. Now, it is literally more high-fantasy than my weekly Call of Darkness game. I should ask my Game Master if she’d add dinosaurs.

[@CanHazDeezHandzBOX]

grats on 80k! i suspect your channel will soon be many times larger than it is currently, which is well deserved. all the best.

[@briandain8432]

The Preacher at the church I grew up in, surprised all the youngsters, & took all of us kids to see the Original JP. Very good childhood memory.

[@jamiebull5732]

My favorite part was, they made a freaking rainforest climate in the Arctic circle and nobody in the movie blinks an eye. This movie gave me a headache

[@alexandresobreiramartins9461]

As Campion Bond said very well in League of Extraordinary Gentleman 2, "Why would we have Moreau create brute animal soldiers who can barely speak, when we already have human soldiers who are far more efficient and can both read and speak perfect English?" (*paraphrasing)

[@henrymccoig2440]

Laser guided velociraptor gets funnier very time I hear it. 🤣

[@cadenadelreino1442]

I lost it at velossopussy 😂

[@diondorsey3376]

I finally saw this movie maybe 2 weeks…🫤 Jurassic World - Basically The Force Awakens Fallen Kingdom - Definitely… The Last Jedi Jurassic Park Dominion - T.R.O.S 🤷🏾‍♂️ In a Nutshell 🤦🏾‍♂️

[@positivetakes5592]

If Fallen Kingdom were TLJ it would be good though and have something new to say (jk I don't care what you think about it)

[@gzz8551]

Absolutely

[@kjdWHU]

Please keep doing these reviews and never think they are going to be too long!! I could listen to you critique a movie for three days no problem 😄

[@Blahblah-il2dv]

Seriously if I saw a 100 million dollar movie about killer cats that were guided by laser pointers I would go see it multiple times in the theater.

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

"OMG dinosaurs are running wild!" -Californians "My taxidermist is going to need a bigger shop." -Texans

[@Hb2N]

“To critique Jurassic world dominion as a film, it would have to be a film to begin with.“ 😂😂😂

[@batboy9997]

Jurassic World should have never happened, and the sad thing is the movie hinted at self awareness of this. JW was a shameless cash grab based on Hammond's original idea, the same way it was also a shameless cash grab based on Crichton's original idea. Then it just gave up and threw all the shit at the fan. Dominion really was soulless.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

There’s even a meta joke in the first JW film about people not being satisfied with “just dinosaurs” anymore, people always want bigger and flashier. As though joking about it excuses them doing it!

[@leeparker9457]

@@TheLittlePlatoon I would have been fine with JW being MORE meta and jokey about how dumb it all was. They should have gone full Gremlins 2 with it!

[@darrengordon-hill]

@@TheLittlePlatoon IT DOES, EVERY TIME!!!! Framed as "self awareness/deprecating" but it's just a slap in the face about their disdain for the audience Same when they bash "corporate activism", while making their logo "rainbow" for Pride Month...

[@darrengordon-hill]

@@TheLittlePlatoon "Matrix Resurrections" comes to mind

[@mirimarina6387]

Your reviews feel like the unholy love child of Mauler and the critical drinker, I can't stop laughing😭

[@10secondsrule]

I have completely given up on modern “movies” and cinema. The amount of stupidity is truly depressing. I honestly believe human kind is getting more and more stupid by the days if not hours. Have you made these videos in 4k I’d probably watch it instead of the feature movie 9 out of 10 times.

[@darrengordon-hill]

Ain't lying!! Sat in my studio waiting for him to roast Thor4 so I can watch on my big screen TV, sod staring at my tiny phone!! Coherent script, theme, plot, jokes etc - what's not to love?? I feel appreciated as an audience member that my time isn't wasted on "panoramic shots" or "B-roll"

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

I’ll have to upgrade!

[@darianstarfrog]

You seen' Everything, Everywhere, All at Once ' mate? That gave me back the faith there are still good movies being made.. Top Gun, The Northman also are good.. ;)

[@TheJarman9]

@@darianstarfrog why? Don’t know. Believe That!

[@darianstarfrog]

@@TheJarman9 why what mate!? Just listing some actually great films is all ..lol

[@KirstenMarie_MS3]

The first Jurassic Park movie scared the living daylight out of me. I was 5 or 6 and my dad had put it on, thinking my brother and I were asleep. I wandered out just as the the danger was starting to ramp up and the tour cars stalled. The appearance of the T-Rex mad me scream and crawl behind the couch, lol. I have that movie for prompting me to read the books. I went on to be a fan of Michael Crichton.

[@Nico6th]

I like the first half of the first Jurassic World movie. There was that sense of wonder when the boys explored the new park. Did it look too clean? Yes. Were some of the characters to swallow? Yes - Massrani was wasted potential and the military man was a caricature of a villain. The rest were at least enjoyable. Not unique or so one would remember them as outstanding, but enjoyable enough. And then it all went south once the dinos escaped. Too much CGI. The dinos didn't feel real. The Indominus as a psychotic animal (eye-roll). The stupid helicopter crash. No one used any guns when they should have. Way too much action. And then the mosasaur saves the day by jumping out of the water - what did we need any human characters for in the climax? The second and third Jurassic World movie... yeah they are bad.

[@ponyboy696]

Sharknado is a sincere attempt at an academy award and nobody recognize it's brilliance.

[@Drackor]

I - I just can’t. I don’t know if I have the strength to finish this review. Is this to be the continual fate of modern cinema? The sheer amount of mind-numbing, dumb-f@#&ery in this movie alone is astounding. I haven’t watched a modern movie since Endgame and have simply grown tired of current entertainment. It all feels like the same bland formula pumped out again and again… I think I’ll start checking out the classics all of these modern franchises are based off of: Terminator, Jurassic Park, etc. I’m too young to have seen these movies when they came out, but I can’t take anymore of my generation’s dumbed down media…

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

Same! Terminator was my mum’s generation and Jurassic Park had been out for a few years before I saw it. I’d wholeheartedly recommend any of the originals, and not just because they’re good by comparison. Obviously you have to forgive certain aesthetic hallmarks of their day, but - along with Alien/s, Predator, Indiana Jones, Jaws etc, it was a superb era for film.

[@Drackor]

@@TheLittlePlatoon I’m not so turned off by generational hallmarks. Quite the contrary, I usually find them amusing if anything. In terms of starting older films, I sat down and watched Back to the Future with my family last Winter. I found it enjoyable despite being a time travel film.

[@TheLittlePlatoon]

@@Drackor I know it’s basically blasphemous to admit it, but Back to the Future is one of those I’ve just never been able to get into!

[@Drackor]

@@TheLittlePlatoon I wouldn’t think it blasphemous. We’ve reached a point in our global culture where there’s simply too much entertainment out there and we must pick and choose what we want to invest our time in. Edit (post note): In part, I think this is why a more critical view on entertainment isn’t strictly a bad thing, despite what the more casual consumers around us think. Because, why waste our time with sub-par media?

[@deepspacecow2644]

Wait for Oppenheimer