How Childhood Emotional Neglect Impacts your adult romantic relationships

[@amiblack8294]

How many of us grew up hearing "STOP crying or I'll give you something to cry ABOUT!!!" This channel and those like it help to identify what is wrong, steers us in the right direction, provides answers and help so much. Thank you for what you do :)

[@davidesponge4809]

When I grew up I always wondered why my reason for crying wasn't valid 😢

[@Laura55sere]

I remember that saying, looking back ,I can’t remember my parents ever cuddling me, they probably did but I was the same way with my own children, lots of cuddles when they were small, not so much as they got older.

[@TheTVSol]

Thank you for writing this! I never met anyone who wasn't allowed to cry as me. I heard multiple times after being mistreated "Don't cry! Why are you crying?! (I wasn't supposed to answer that)". It was so suppressing on so many levels. Bad thing is that I feel ashamed to cry publicly if being offended. Good thing is I got used to not crying publicly when I am hurt and am able to better keep the facade, so I won't give pleasure to my offender by looking vulnerable and in tears.

[@yuppers1]

This never made sense to me since I was never faking it. It basically told me to hide my emotions.

[@BL3SSed-Bliss]

I used to say they already had. Then I'd get smacked _and_ punished for "talking back". I HATE that we all experienced much of the same damaging 🐂💩. I LOVE that many of us care enough to try to understand, heal, and discontinue for future people. 💙

[@winning3329]

Because of my family's disrespect and bullying towards me i ended up tolerating alot of disrespect and bullying from my relationships. I thought disrespect and bullying was normal. Im learning that I deserve respect and nobody should be bullying me.

[@SibyllaCumana]

I feel you

[@shreyamishra916]

U absolutely do u strong brave human

[@markflierl1624]

Same here. I have no idea what a healthy relationship is.

[@TheOtherKine]

I just gave up on humans. People suck

[@AngelicaHutchinson1]

@@TheOtherKineawww if you consider yourself a nice/kind person then definitely know that someone else is prolly over there thinking humans are all bad while you feel that you are kind. You are not alone and you are loved by the One who created you and long to be in a relationship with you and that person is Jesus Christ. He longs to heal you from every wounds that humans have caused you & put you through. Jesus Christ loves and cares for you; He died so that you may be able to come back to Him and get to know Him as your Heavenly Father. Go back to Him as you are but allow Him to heal you and change any ways in you that is unpleasant/mean to others and that does not look like Him🥺❤️

[@runawaytruck8870]

I have a partner who grew up in a very emotionally stable environment while my parents were emotionally vacant due to my mother suffering from severe abuse as a child. I find myself doing all of the things in this video. I also tend to respond to anger by being afraid even though my partner has never been abusive or violent and neither were my parents. I feel like growing up in an environment were your parent has severe trauma ends up inflicting this sort of secondary trauma on you.

[@RioGirl16]

Same here. Gabor Maté speaks on this subject as well; how the parent’s trauma gets transferred in families 😢

[@alfictabla5215]

I have a similar experience and also react to fear or threat by putting out my prickles to keep people away even though I want the closeness. My therapist said once “it’s hard to hug a hedgehog” so I am working on this.

[@tonywright8342]

Generational trauma keeps moving through the families. That is until someone says no more, and does the work needed. Most won’t admit they have issues. We all do.

[@OpinionatedBrunette]

I grew up being everyone's caregiver..my parents were drug addicts/alcoholics..they were happy drunks..they would laugh for hours at nothing..but not helpful..at times..sometimes..they would get drunk & high together..as a kid..there were empty bottles..all over the house..my dad worked at his job..long hours..I literally cleaned up after my parents..my siblings..every day..I would step over my mom every morning.. check her pulse to make sure she was alive..step over her..she was passed out..snoring..step over her..pack my sister's lunches..get them ready for school ..I felt like my siblings parent..instead of their big sister ..I'm so used to handling everything..I would cook at my grandma's house from age 5 on..I'm annoying..I will ask if you are hungry or thirsty or need a massage..😢..I'm so annoying..I get on mens nerves..😢..I'm used to taking care of people..I'm the big sister..men tell all the time how annoying I am..😢..

[@michaelengland6534]

I am sorry to hear that about you. Since I was forced I to retirement. I have wondered how many people had traumatic events while they were young. I hope your life gets better. God put your partner in your life to help heal you. Let his goodness erase some of the bad feelings gs that you have had.

[@sarahfaith6531]

It affects all relationships. It’s hard to communicate when you’ve never learned how. I’m 40 and only now learning how to actually communicate - still learning!

[@chai848]

Me too 47

[@Yologism]

Same, it’s bloody hard work and sometimes i forget and revert back, but i have faith it will be worth it!

[@raspberry_dreams]

Thanks for sharing and appreciate the comments on your comment as well. I’m somewhat near your age and have felt disappointed many times that just now, well into adulthood I’m learning these skills but reading your comment made me feel at ease that it’s ok to learn later on in life as well.

[@michaelengland6534]

I am 67. Only child. My older brother died at birth. For that reason, my mom sheltered me. She kept me in a lot, which made me more alone in life. Now that all my family is gone, I lived my life to work and go home. I think I have been broken since I was a child. My parents worked a lot, so they did not notice how sad my heart was.

[@BeardMan01]

I'm 40, and my father died when I was a child and my sister died of heart failure shortly after. I was in a very similar situation, until I learned independence. Once I rejected being sheltered, my mom decided it was party time. What instigated the separation between us, was the OJ Simpson trial. During the verdict, my mom's friends were having a "verdict party". When OJ won, everyone danced around yelling f those white m f ers. They would constantly come around and try and reassure us that we were "one of them". I was 10, and it was the. Most racist thing I had ever experienced. I lost my childhood friends overnight because we no longer went around them. I got into cycling heavy after and once that happened, I was gone. I learned independence and also how manipulative my mom was. That shit broke me. To make things even worse, she was murdered by her cop boyfriend when I was 18. Learning to be a functional human took me forever.

[@michaelengland6534]

@@BeardMan01 I hope I did not open up old wounds for you. I am sorry if I did.

[@BeardMan01]

@@michaelengland6534 Nah, I just know that it's a bit of a relief knowing that it happens to many of us. How we grow past it and make something out of it says even more.

[@chai848]

I’m so sorry you went through that sadness alone as a child. God was always with you. We see you here. ❤

[@RobetteRodgers-dq2vl]

Michael I understand but I would like for u to know that this can be a new beginning for u Sir. God loves and He cares what happened to us and that we can live beyond that. Yes beyond the heartbreak and sadness. Jesus helped me. I didn't and couldn't carry that burden any longer. He gives us grace and He'll show u how to give grace for yourself to try new and healthy things 🎉🎉 Take Care

[@chai848]

I’m 47. I feel so sad for the childhood me. To this day my mom and family minimize my feelings, especially if I’m upset. I became avoidantly attached. I’ve never been married and had very few serious boyfriends. Though therapy I’m learning how to validate my self. And see and feel my own feelings. It’s been a slow but healing and liberating process. My mom also was emotionally neglected. So she never had the tools to show or give me. Life can be beautiful when you start to see and support yourself and heal. Through this I’m forming a solid and authentic identity. At 47.

[@blank_page]

[@echase416]

Dr. Marsha Linehan calls that chronic invalidation.

[@ratelhoneybadger]

You are privileged to have the chance to form your own identity. To have feelings of your own, to exist FOR YOURSELF. So many of us don't get to. I wish you well.

[@PeaceofLyli]

Thank you for sharing a bit of your story. Knowing that there are people like you in their forties still healing and trying to get better inspire me to not give up. I'm 24 years old and I'm also trying to forge my identity away from all the trauma that my mom inflicted on me. It's a liberating process, it takes time, but when life ends we can say we have lived for ourselves not for our parents or the people who tried to force an identity on us and that to me means the world.

[@jazziew2148]

🤗🤗🤗

[@Eric.T.Cartman]

I’m so grateful that I’ve met my wife 15 years ago. She’s the one who healed me and learned how to love myself and love life. It took her a lot of love and patience but it was all worth it! You are the love of my life and I can’t thank you enough for being here with me!❤

[@oscarleyva6485]

💜

[@ghizlane770]

I am in this situation with my partner. Could you please give me information about how you dealt with It? Any therapy?

[@cht2162]

I'm 84 and have spent my life being invisible.

[@consideritalljoy7960]

🫂

[@junob3095]

❤

[@jammyjay917]

Big hugs ❤❤

[@nataliejademermaid]

You are loved ❤ I’m 35 and feel the same way this whole last decade.

[@shannonbest106]

You got this… you just became visible… thanks for reaching out and appreciate your courage. 💕

[@egl3369]

I grew up in a horrible environment, and trust no one as a result. People tell me I should ask for help more. They don't understand that I don't know how. My parents never helped me with anything, and if I asked I would get told to go away. So I learned to do everything myself. I don't know any different.

[@mikemcmillan5482]

Same here. You knew not to ask for things. Cloth, shoes, blankets, you knew you are not getting them

[@oscarleyva6485]

yup. started working at 11 years of age for the clothes on my back.

[@michaelengland6534]

Even if you asked, they might not heard or listened to you. Don't give up. Try each day to move forward even if it is a small step. Then build on it. I hope God helps you in the time you wish so you know he is listening to you.

[@livkim-fj7is]

Same

[@tina8796]

This is so TRUE. My "parents" didn't want us, didn't want to be bothered with us and were very abusive. We basically raised ourselves. So, I learned to wall off my feelings all my life for survival. I've had people tell me there's something wrong. I didn't understand what they were talking about. But it's because I show very little emotion and try not to get too attached or invest too much in the relationship. It's sad what parents to do their children. I wish most people wouldn't have any for various reasons - i.e. can't afford them, emotionally, mentally, physically unable to care for a child(ren). But people have them anyway. I never had any and don't want any.

[@tonywright8342]

I get what you’re saying as it was the same for me. I have recently found JulienHimself on KZbin. I’m finding him very helpful. All the best to you Tina.🌈

[@rickspalding3047]

Through my own investigation, I've come to a similar conclusion. I'm not sure how it's been over 400 years or longer, hard to compare..... But marriage is a sacred bond, a covenant with God. There's so many people who just get married because they had a child first. I don't consider this normal nor the fact that many consider a child like a pet. If I ever get married, I'm sticking to christian family living based off the Bible. Those children need to learn God comes first.

[@tulip811]

​@@rickspalding3047 THEY ARE ALL CHRISTIAN AND MARRIED . PARENTS WHO ACT LIKE THE ONES WE TALK ABOUT IN THE COMMENTS. stop living in a fantasy world . This isn't a Christian novel, it's real life

[@pinkishdiamondz]

This is EXACTLY what I've been trying to get people to understand. We don't value our children's feelings enough. I grew up in a culture where children are to be "seen, not heard", "speak when spoken to".... Just toxic and degrading. We fail to remember that these are our future adults, and we have to encourage them to speak their mind RESPECTFULLY.

[@lauraboyes6345]

Also the sense of having to explain to your partner the importance of feelings - it's so much to have to convince not only yourself but him of the importance of our feelings. My childhood taught me that feelings were awkward, unnecessary and embarrassing - for instance - I was overwhelmed with my response to beautiful music. I would spend most of a concert in agonies of feeling and responding to the music and being deeply embarrassed if anyone most of all a family member see me weep. So having to convince myself to express and allow those feelings out and to also speak to my partner of the necessity of prioritising our feelings especially in our relationship is a mammoth undertaking!!

[@createone100]

Yes, I completely agree.

[@DanielaRosenrot]

I think my Disorganized att. developed because of the alcoholism of my mother. She was kind and supportive but also threatened to put me into childrens home, stomped drunk into my room at night, sometimes took away my phone or room key, feel asleep drunk in the kitchen. when drunk she could also be very intrusive and tried to make me talk about feelings but i didnt do it - she often tried to blame me for her problems - typical for her own trauma response. She probably still is a functional alcoholic and tends to have tantrums when I don't aswer her text within an hour or two. Im so glad that I have my own apartment - lots of time for me in a calm place. Isolation is peace for me but I also feel lonely sometimes. I am good with imagining things because I have learned that when i was a child - I often looked at my fantasy puzzles on my wall with landscapes and unicorns and thought i can go through a portal in the wall to my fantastic animal friends.

[@nicholaswittenmyer1]

I have lived most of my life now. I am retired and resigned to living the way I always have. I grew up in chaos and fear. No one ever hugged me or said I love you. I raised myself. My father was gone soon after I was born and we moved constantly. I learned to try to be invisible so I could avoid trouble. I learned very very early how to take care of myself. I have always preferred to be alone to avoid conflicts. I can't really relate to normal people.

[@kimmarieburt1313]

Although my dad totally ignored my feelings and my mom accused me of overreacting, said “don’t be a cry baby”, etc, I never lost touch with my feelings. I knew they were valuable and I let them guide my life. My husband never seemed to have negative emotion ever before therapy. You might think that’s good, but it’s like living with a robot. He didn’t seem real and looked down at me for having emotions. Ugh! I’m so glad we are both over that!

[@sophieyyyhh0057]

As a child emotional neglected by my sisters and mom dad ..and here i am still trying to heal myself spending my time and they r teling me im crazy 🤣 for spending mee tym

[@saint3356]

I’m too afraid to get into a relationship. I’m 31.

[@h.s.l6875]

Same. As a child i was told i needed to change some aspects of myself or i would not be wanted. Now, as an adult, i can't bring myself to go on dates , because i truly believe I'm not good enough.

[@saint3356]

@@h.s.l6875 🤗 I’m so sorry.

[@dextrous1]

Same same same! This is sooo sad!! I feel sorry for us all !!

[@ratelhoneybadger]

There is no rush, take your time and make sure to love yourself first.

[@saint3356]

@@ratelhoneybadger 🥺 thank you

[@silviavousden3316]

I am trying to become a foster parent and during an interview the assessor asked why I never got married. Without hesitation, I said that despite loving the father of my children very much, I could not trust anyone enough to marry. She wants me to go through therapy, but I don't understand what she thinks is wrong.

[@brendensangster3571]

Because you have trust issues and are projecting them mto everyone

[@erickaepworth6257]

You can't model healthy relationships for foster children when you don't have a healthy, long-term committed relationship. Children really need two balanced energies in a home.

[@Lucien234-i2z]

My parents were teenagers when I was born so early in my childhood they were both emotionally unstable going through emotional angst that young people go through, it ruined my life and this is why teenagers should not have children, they are just not emotionally stable enough to give a child a safe environment.

[@oscarleyva6485]

💜

[@wilhelmvonn9619]

I grew up knowing that my parents were happy when I was happy, but couldn't seem to see when I was unhappy. I felt I was the only one who cared about me. I can't connect with anyone.

[@Jennifer_Leigh1]

6. You are needy and constantly want your feelings validated because you feel ignored still as an adult. My ex had the first five, and we had similar childhoods. For myself, I am the one who wanted my feelings heard and validated and he didn’t understand feelings. We ended up breaking up because of this.

[@melkerner]

I need physical affection (I received little consistent attention, affection or care as a child), My wife doesn't think it's that important (after 8-9 years of marriage she decides this). She grew up with a cold, distant and critical shrew of a Mother who was unsupportive and emotionally absent other than anger and derision. The last 15 years or so have been an ever decreasing situation of pending marriage breakup due to her walls and inability to allow herself to give to the relationship outside of words of affirmation and intellectual discussion.

[@Jennifer_Leigh1]

@@melkerner I can relate to this so much. I am the same way! You deserve all the physical attention you want and need. I’m sorry after all this time your wife feels this way. It’s so hard to not get that attention from the one you love. I don’t wish that lonely feeling on anyone.

[@rh5273]

Hey, i can relate to this. Just left an engagement because he cant see where he goes wrong. I am now doing self internal work with my therapist. I still have a long way to go but i know i will get there someday.

[@Jennifer_Leigh1]

@@rh5273 you absolutely will. First step is acknowledging you deserve better and your feelings matter ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@husnaliyana8393]

Video summary of signs you're emotionally neglected as a child 1. Walled up feelings 2. Don't know how to express your wants and needs 3. Over-attending to other people's wants and needs 4. Lack the skills to express feelings 5. Conflict-avoidant P/s: A kdrama called "queen of tears" portrayed this well imo Good to know one of the reasons (or maybe even the sole reason) I find it hard to open up

[@resolutestarman8318]

“It’s not your fault”….man that broke me

[@idk-ill-figure-smn-out]

Constantly being told I was crazy and having had my feelings invalidated as a child caused me to be incapable of genuine emotional connection to most people. I'm still emotional on the inside, but I keep those feelings hidden. The emotions I do allow myself to show are part of the mask I wear to make me fit in socially and seem more approachable. But the version of me that people know is mostly fake, and the few people who've been unfortunate enough to have seen behind the mask know exactly how much of a miserable sack of sh** I am. It's why I can never have deep, fulfilling relationships or even children. I'm just not capable of giving a child the emotional nourishment they need. My mindset is also almost entirely selfish, likely because I never had certain needs fulfilled as a child. Any empathy I do have comes from a place of mutual victimhood. I'm very aware of how screwed up I am, but I feel very little guilt over it, because at the end of the day i'm just a product of my circumstances. While I may be a selfish person, at least i'm not selfish enough to traumatize a romantic partner or child with my mess.

[@juliafru7522]

There's help out there for u, and the fact that you took the time to watch this video and write the lengthy comments speaks volume of how much you're willing to accept some help; l hear you, just don't give up on yourself

[@historylover9890]

You are not selfish.

[@1legend517]

I know exactly how you feel.

[@lloyannehurd]

Anyone as aware as you are is not selfish, just practical. Too often we take on more than we can manage and burn out and end up helping no one. “Know thyself” is a hard philosophy to choose but it’s a necessity to a healthy life.

[@DianeRyanONeill]

You are wayyy to hard on yourself 😢 here's some love ❤

[@KellyHalil]

I just know about this today, thanks to you. Most of this applies to me. Now i know why its hard for me to have a relationships.

[@melkerner]

What about emotional neglect coupled with intimacy / physical intimacy withholding? Seems to go hand in hand, walls go up, distance is maintained so the withholder feels safe from the vulnerability of the relationship - still wants to maintain the facade of a marriage - but also withholds physical affection - just unexplainable.

[@johnbell-yn5xe]

I grew up hearing the words STOP STARTING No wonder I grew up confused

[@billyLego4855]

Childhood is so over used it fails to miss the importance of where its trying as the professional are respecting others wishes, failing to notice that they are tolerating the course instead of teaching others that other people need respect too.

[@booksteer7057]

Well, I was bullied as a child because I was a cry baby. If got physically hurt, I was teased if I reacted to the pain. Once when I was little, I broke something of mine out of frustration. My mom instantly turned to me and said, "Well, that was stupid." So, yes, tears, pain and anger were all repressed. And I was raised Catholic, so don't get me started about all the things there were to be ashamed of.

[@Greydawg]

My problem is being stuck as my partner who has CEN & consequently has a tremendously effective defense mechanism to not think there's a problem worth dealing with or facing on their own so we're stuck being roommates really for 8 years now instead of connecting or even getting married. Definitely feeling stuck the last 5 years but not sure what I can do, tried couples therapy but when we finally made progress my partner cried & we never went back & they never agreed to looking up anything new to try to deal with it so just stuck wishing we could be best friends even though my partner thinks everything is fine.

[@scottbaldwin47]

Everything in this video applies to me. Now I know more about why I have had a hard time getting another relationship going after my ex-wife abandoned me and our children. I will work hard to encourage my children to express themselves.

[@BlueBeeMCMLXI]

Incredible how much you got into that short address, Doc. Amazing.

[@philipadam7870]

Thank you so much for your books and these postings! Not knowing how to express oneself, or ask for what one needs is extremely challenging as you stated, especially when confronted by an emotionally charged situation. To proceed in a calm and gentle way takes practice. Your books have helped me and my partner tremendously!

[@Chelseacoastmaine]

This really resonated with me on a deep level and opened my eyes to some things I needed to see. Thank you.

[@dmt0430]

Thanks. I described us very well. I bought your book when it first came out and it really opened my eyes. Ive healed so much since then I don’t exhibit many of these traits anymore. Thank you for your work.

[@jaywalker3087]

Thankyou so much ...... I'm now 65 and been single most of my life..... I thought it was me all along..... I know what I grew up with but didn't realise it had any significance.... Wow.... I'm now going to try and take that in .......

[@paraynikisku]

I have been neglected, bullied and abandoned by my family so much that i ended up dating people with the same tendency. They would provoke and trigger me and when i would have meltdown or get angry at them, they will call me spoilt and ill-mannered! Although, out of 2, 1 did not bully me but took me for granted and I just realised when my family isn't taking me seriously, why would he!? I just walked away and don't feel like dating anyone anymore. I just turned 28 and although it's not that late but I am not naive anymore to not understand how someone is treating me and honestly I feel much better now! Imagine, facing bullying and neglect from both sides, I faced that and it's a terrible, terrible feeling!

[@rhondajones6219]

THANK YOU FOR THIS! I would LOVE to have an hour video(or more!) on this subject, it'd be great if you could go into more detail about how to help in a marriage. My husband and I both have CEN, and we have moved on to sharing our "gripes" with each other. However, he especially, is not aware of what he wants and needs. Please help!

[@february14]

I second this!

[@SWS1493]

I am 61 years old and have never had a real relationship. I have two brothers who haven’t been able to have relationships either. They are 57 and 65 years old. I am still not ready to give up on it,am still trying to inhabit my body and mind and open up. Both of our parents were emotionally removed. I feel sorry for mom. She was so shut down, repressed and angry in our earlier years. My father was highly narcissistic and lived with a false persona totally removed but he was a good provider. It’s unbelievably difficult to even feel connected to my brothers. I thought I had a question,but maybe you answered it. It feels almost impossible to be a full human. Is this a common human experience? Is it just benign neglect of the fifties as they say? Thank you for your post.

[@Wendy-xv2pg]

Your childhood situation sounds very similar to mine. I also have two brothers and one died at age 43. We all have big challenges and I sometimes feel broken and unlovable and afraid to reach out to people or unworthy of it. I have tried so hard to heal and have made strides but I still have huge challenges when it comes to romantic relationships. My father is also a narcissist and my mother has suffered greatly.

[@chai848]

I’m 47 and raised by boomer parents. Father a Vietnam vet with alcoholism and ptsd. I also have 2 brothers. All in our 40s now. None of us has ever been married or had a very longterm relationship beyond a couple years. We are all single still with no kids. After my dad passed my mom never remarried. I think she has secondary ptsd. My parents were both emotionally detached. I’m so grateful for this coming to light now. I’ve been healing through therapy and learning to emotionally support myself. Being seen and heard. ❤ anything is possible

[@DwightStJohn-w1l]

Your fathers generation (mine as well) being married was a serious check off in the respect they saw society giving them. Unfortunately, when my dad passed (he kept very accurate records, tax, letters, files) I found out his false persona engaged in gaslighting me behind my back for decades. When I "delivered" this information and asked MY two brothers to explain why they never told me, they had NO comment. I've gone no contact: once you understand, you either accept or reject. I reject. Moving onward to some really beautiful people in my life. We don't do stuff like that.

[@mmorrissey41]

I just happen to see to see the post, and what a wonderful surprise. I wish I had this type of information growing up in the 80's. Thanks so much!

[@lucia789]

Thank you!! Also for your clarity in such short time!!

[@glendalorenzojames]

All true! Thanks for verifying my actions. Good info.

[@marvinthemartian6788]

This is definitely me. Mom dealt with cerebral palsy, manic depression, and alcoholism. Dad pulled away from the family. I was alone all the time. Trained to be a caregiver

[@AlanNash-r1j]

With my wife for 15 years, I have great difficulty with holding hands or any touch at all, feels very uncomfortable for me. No emotion or affection in childhood from either parent. Mother told me as an adult, “sorry about your childhood, I never wanted to be pregnant with you and never wanted you.” She said this while eating dinner at a restaurant. Not a shock she said it because I already knew it. Still struggle with accepting love or affection.

[@TAHAJOD426]

i don't know about u guy but this video brought me in tears even though i never been in a relationship, its hard to know that u were growing up normally like other people, I'm trying to change but it took me soo long because i had alot of other problems to deal with, like there wasn't a single thing that didn't happen to me in my childhood, teenage years i only started to have a normal life in my college years

[@carolineburdette316]

You were very strong even tho you felt very weak, you saw a vision, the word of God reads that man will perish with out a vision, so you amwill have a great life because you had a vision, you could have went many wrong directions, but you saw something more than what you was going thew, that's Amazing, keep looking ahead, there is great love, peace,& joy for you continuely in your feature, & continue to share your testimony, because it is a great one, 👍

[@RobetteRodgers-dq2vl]

THANK you for this. It's HEALTHY AND HEALING!!!🎉

[@vajee5]

You described my husband. He was raised by both parents who hid their emotions and couldn’t deal with their kids’ emotions. Now we’re divorced.

[@mallorystewart6125]

Both I and my husband have suffered from child emotional neglet and abuse. It jas taken me years to learn to express my emotions and communicate properly. He still has troubles in doing so, I try to help him in this while we struggle to grow together.

[@harshitakalsi2837]

I don't feel feelings at the very moment.. I feel them after a few minutes

[@robh5695]

Thanks Dr. Webb. I've recently learned about trapped emotional energies and how to release them using The Emotion Code. It is helping a great deal.

[@NKRAIEM]

Thank you. Definitely feels lonely a lot bc I i wasn't validated... And often feel invalid. Esp living as an adult without the necessary life/relationship skills.also I bought your book over a decade ago and realized I need to review it. Thank you! Completely forgot about it...

[@roberttruman8444]

I can relate to this in some way. I feel now that the current climate we're in with cost of living crisis and the housing crisis make this situation potentially a whole lot worse, and in ways that arenn't getting talked about.

[@joegarrick2760]

My parents didn't neglect my feelings, they were openly hostile to them.

[@houndmother2398]

65 years old, grew up in an emotionally abusive alcoholic environment. I gave up on romantic relationships about 30 years ago. Just doesn't seem to be something I'm any good at.

[@Mercyme57]

The way I went: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mpXOgKaQebyeZ5osi=iWCREvxWdnPkv6Hy

[@fasho7709]

Thank you for this. I really needed to hear this

[@youtubecommentator6023]

This reminds me of the children's book, Quiet Wyatt. In the book there's a boy named Wyatt who keeps asking people if he can do things with them (wash a car, fly a model airplane, cook an egg, etc.) and every time he asked they'd tell him to be quiet. After being dismissed so many times he starts getting angry that no one is listening to him so he starts shouting and being loud. But then people kept telling him to be quiet even more now. So he decided that if everyone wanted him to be quiet, he'd be quiet. Even when he noticed something and could've prevented it, he doesn't say anything because people just wanted him to be quiet. He finally speaks up at the end in order to save a puppy from getting ran over and people finally stop telling him to be quiet but imagine what Wyatt would've went through if the story hadn't been resolved?

[@Johndoe10007]

I get what you are saying however as I have get older I think matters are more simple …. Anything you go into figure out what you want and choose a partner who wants the same from life and just live it while being nice to each other

[@LesleySASMR]

You just described my last relationship perfectly

[@strongmomma4u]

My dad was very bipolar and on lots of meds. My mom left the 3 of us with him when i was 3. My grandparents and dad were not emotional people. I had to grow up fast and being the only girl besides my grandma I had no real female role model. Not once do I ever remember having any meaningful conversations with any of my family members. I try to think of good memories and only have a handful i can think of. My dad passed away at 51 and he had sent me to live with my mom when I was 14, I was 19 when he died. I get upset when I think about my childhood. I never really new my dad at all. I didn't really know my grandparents as people. My worst memories of when I got in trouble would be brutal belt whipping, knuckles to the head, stonewalling, shunning and no say in anything. It was always do what your told or get beat. I am now emotionally suppressed. I can't cry freely, but when I do it's long and hard. I have a hard time sharing my feelings with my husband of 20 years and our relationship if going down the drain. He too was emotionally neglected and I feel he has no time for me, to do things for me. He can be everyone's hero but not mine. I think he stays so busy because he doesn't want to feel the guilt and shame he has for not being present for me and our 2 highly disabled kids. I am now seeing a psych. Therapists and doing emdr for my sexual traumas of all the things I got exposed to for not being taught to value myself and my body. Also doing emdr for my ptsd from my upbringing as well. I hope it helps. Just started emdr a month ago.

[@missddly]

Wow... spot on!

[@bendyjr.1032]

This is my problem!!!!! I think my husband suffers from CEN too!! So we have a mt. everest swept under the rug!

[@lauraboyes6345]

Yes exactly - any feelings talk is deeply embarrassing, overwhelming and extremely messy and horribly awkward and exposing. Good description - Mount Everest. Where to start?

[@annaburns2865]

This! I have explained to my husband until I’m blue in the face. Then I explain again and again. It’s getting so frustrating that he doesn’t understand what the problem is.

[@husnaliyana8393]

Maybe show this video to him to help him understand?

[@bradleywesterford3587]

I can only fully access my feelings and express them clearly when I get angry.

[@MzTeriberry]

I actually came here to laugh at your statements...thank you for saying what you did i hope everyone here follows your advice

[@gturcott1]

Wow this is great!

[@jogordon1530]

How it affects your romantic relationships - THERE ARE NONE PERIOD!!

[@Jatay-hg7qcft]

Im 29 and i got married very young . And my husband is older and i now feel at the age i am today im very ready to ralk about my wants and needs but when i first got Married i didnt know how to do that . But i messed up so much in my marriage my husband could care less if i wanna talk or not . So hey scrood either way .

[@LeuthauserAnnibale]

i really enjoyed this video, it brought up some important points about childhood experiences shaping our adult lives. however, i can't help but feel that not everyone who faced emotional neglect will necessarily struggle in their relationships. some people seem to thrive despite their past, which makes me wonder if it's more about individual resilience than the neglect itself. what do you all think?

[@wayneelliott1180]

The unfortunate thing is that the neglected child often grows up to find themselves in a neglected partnership because its what we know. Also, there are predators out there who can read the need in our damaged selves and can entrap us into destructive and controlling relationships. Its a confronting journey to delve deep within oneself to recognize and understand all the dynamics involved - but it needs to be done.

[@NoName-zb1gm]

I was thinking the last 2 women I liked were part of large families and likely the youngest and by the time they came along their parents were old and tired of raising kids. Both had serious attachment issues both too eager to be with someone and regretting it or too afraid to be with someone and can't let go when the person wants to leave.

[@WhyYoutubeWhy]

It's so annoying because everytime childhood emotional neglect is brought up, it's always about hiding your emotions when you are older which I really don't get ans I am not like that. I got emotional neglect from both parents but that made me very dependant because emotional comfort never got satisfied.

[@michelledevey511]

Thank you ❤

[@iamjustsaying4787]

The biggest impact is that 10 years after leaving home I still ended up marrying someone just like them

[@faithmariee8487]

Is there another term for neglect that’s emotional but also physical? Like going without doctor visits for your whole 18 years, dental care, a dirty living environment, not providing shoes or clean clothes, etc, food etc

[@JaYfizz0]

Running on emptyyyyy fooOod review!

[@jw4620]

Well that explains a lot.

[@caleuxx9108]

I come from a culture in central Europe that rejects emotions as part of normal life (expression of emotion) - so so many people are arrogant, haughty, condescending, unempathic, hypercritical..... Lack of respect for humanity and human differences.... I wonder if its like that everywhere....

[@artisticagi]

Nope it’s definitely not

[@KAKTUS_1991Son]

I had a very neglectful childhood but I’m the complete opposite to this.. I wonder why .. I’m very emotionally giving and very self aware , I’m very good at expressing emotions etc I do crave a stable sort of love but I never recklessly try to find it

[@kravenmoorehead7927]

I grew up emotionally neglected and abused, but because of it, I am more caring of those I love. I guess it is a question of how weak your mind is.

[@kimmarieburt1313]

What looks like caring and love can actually be doing what you think you have to in order for others to love you. Maybe not, but look into it. It’s very common after abuse to inappropriately put others first. A good indicator is if you can ask others for help or favors. If you can’t you may believe your worth lies in giving others love.

[@raktimnath8205]

Thank you doctor 🙏

[@peterjohnson6273]

Thanks.

[@roxana2912]

I grew up at my uncles place and parents never show up till I got 16, that's when I got to know them. I always get envious with people getting love and care from family specially parents. Hugs, love and caring from parents is something I am unfamiliar with. Now that I am married, I struggle with all this. But I am trying to be a good mother for my son.

[@haticehatice6930]

Wow.. you just describe me ... Greetings from Brazil.

[@storeymark]

Believe me. She's right. I was neglected early on and I haven't been able to have a date let alone a relationship in over 40 years. I have given up.

[@ikeameltdown8012]

Me too.

[@MzTeriberry]

The only thing that hurts me is my mom is gone and she never loved me and I loved her .. everything else I learned on my own 9yrs single after 2 failed relationships on the 10the yr now I've met a man he didn't deserve me 10yrs ago but he does now

[@Vickey-b5t]

When we are reared by the unconsciousness of others, we are at high risk to become what reared us.

[@DVolvoguy777-x7o]

This issue shouldn’t excuse your partner from treating the other like trash.

[@maragirl1658]

You just summed up my whole life. I’m grateful that I found a wonderful husband somehow. My relationship with my family is cordial at best but we are far from close.

[@krishnabrahma395]

I am 23 female...how to tackle this problems ...what is the appropriate and effective way to heal from it ...I mean what measures should be taken by me

[@K-Effect]

What are feelings?

[@RockyAllPurpose]

I would say something confidently and they act like I’m doing it for attention being the youngest. And then it would just be crickets after that. No response or reaction that’s a trigger

[@forho2]

Not me, having my whole life broken down to a molecular level and being and analyzed by this random Woman.

[@lauriekennedy226]

Messed up my life!!!

[@sulphurPete]

I'm 69 Only now finding out why I'm so screwed up and unable to have a lasting relation with anyone. Most of these stories I can relate to. Mean people just plain suck. Children carry the load forever.

[@badcooper235]

Very true

[@redroversk]

what adult romantic relationships?

[@crishaye]

I have all five 🥺😢😭

[@petersack5074]

Correct. i am 68,..mother died when i was 7, she was around 37, or 38. (She had rheumatic fever, as a young girl )) She was a teacher, grade 6. Taught our oldest brother. Dad farmed. Married, 2 years later. (November 65) I was, emotionally l o s t. No same relationship, with step-mom. She often times, gave us hell, for playing with frogs in the cattle water trough. Wandered around the fields, pastures, shooting gophers ; knocking over old dead trees. Rafting on a very large slough..... Failed grade 1. Had 2nd highest class average, in grade 5. (1968). Got engaged, in mid 1977. Broke up, April, 79. Went trucking ; day and night, for 5 years. Had 2 semis ; but not at the same time. Never ever married. Had a few relationships, from 1981-83. Failed at all. Still single - probly don't have those ' skills ' you mentioned. Poor dad, worked his bu* off, to provide, and he D I D. Just never had time, for us kids. I am , in age-wise, 4 of 5. 3 older, 1 younger. Your probably correct, on ALL those points. I don't / cannot ' blame ' anyone. Life happens, death is PART of it. Please, folks, GIVE YOUR TIME, TO YOUR OFF - SPRING - BE THE BEST LISTENER, YOU CAN BE. Just keep your ' mouth shut ' = They'll l o v e you, alot much later. Thank - you, Dr Jonice Webb '' what the world, needs now, is l o v e sweet love.....''' old song. Good Morning Starshine....etc. ....A huge, hug and thank - you, to all watching / listening / learning about this - most of the planet, NEEDS THERAPY.....one version, or another. '' Out of rehab....but....still in denial. ''

[@rol407]

Yeah screw life screw everything I'm just waiting for my end. Didn't ask to be born in this evil and ignorant world

[@mariea.1015]

You are so loved and accepted by God and he sent you here on purpose

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Ditto.

[@1legend517]

​@@mariea.1015Now that's a laugh. If he truly cared about any of us we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!

[@randi.blue.cherai511]

​@@1legend517 In Revelation the things that are happening in this world are listed. What's happening doesn't have anything to do with God's hatred or neglect towards us.

[@1legend517]

@@randi.blue.cherai511 If he truly loved us we wouldn't have to endure this pain and misery. But he either doesn't care or doesn't exist. I've reached the point where I've realised he doesn't exist.

[@vickimann3262]

It is amazing how another empath Christian instills confidence in you and there can be differing vibes than from a narc.