KARL PILKINGTON SAYS THE FUNNIEST THINGS EVER

HOPE YOU ENJOY

[@RandomTXDude210]

3:12 "Fuck off!" I laughed my fucking ass off. I love Karl, that dude is my hero.

[@Sammydancingsir87]

grot

[@moved9134]

"You didn't even give them one chance!" "'Cause they've done it before." i can't feel my sides

[@jtwb9793]

underdog -MOVED- gy gby yvgyhtin

[@jtwb9793]

underdog -MOVED- uñbubbu

[@owenrussell2336]

Funny as fuck

[@RubinRudeboyCarter]

Quick as fuck that from Karl

[@americanslsta8888]

My favorite Karlism of them all, that is -- closely followed by his assertion that his parents don't even remember him at the age of two

[@joycewible8816]

"She's weak anyway."

[@TonyEnglandUK]

You are so gorgeous with such a terrible name lol

[@joycewible8816]

Tony England Haha thanks for the compliment. What's wrong with my name?

[@blackdildoboywithdiabetesl2559]

Maybe having the surname "Wible"

[@ghoulbuster1]

wible wible wible

[@ripdangerdolanunsubbedbutn8902]

Lmfao 🤣🤣

[@bigbowlowrong]

Why do people put vanity cards at the beginning of videos they didn't create or own?

[@orangejoe204]

In the hopes that the original creator will lose track of their intellectual property and he can then monetize the video without it getting disputed and earning him a copyright strike. It's a cottage industry in several countries. Tl;dr to follow, but it's worth it. Much like cyber-squatting used to be (until it was largely legislated out of existence by the UN) KZbin copyright hijacking is now a standard 3rd world business strategy based primarily in India, Russia and China (these are all 3rd world countries which have 1st world Internet access but millions of people living on $5 USD a day or less). In these places, much like the "Chinese gold sellers" scam on World of Warcraft, there's literally thousands of people who do nothing but try to steal, rebrand and monetize "viral" videos that the real owners uploaded hastily to KZbin and then didn't bother (or were unable) to claim official ownership of and then (most importantly) protect the ownership against a barrage of fake copyright claims by these foreign scammers. If they succeed (usually because the actual owner never bothers to check their KZbin), they get declared "the real owner" and it's a fat payday (by 3rd world standards) that may go on for years until somebody with more resources (or a better backstory) decides to challenge them for it. But the nature of KZbin is that once they've determined ownership, it takes an act of Congress (and upwards of a year) to get it turned around and back in proper hands. That whole time, the money keeps flowing into the scammer's bank account. What makes "Shaun Jowett" (lol, nice fake British pseudonym) into a stupid fuck is trying to apply his 3rd world "cybersquatting" strategy to something owned by Gervais, since Gervais' post-The Office career is 90% Karl Pilkington and he'll shit down your neck the moment you try to steal his Karl money. The effort is totally wasted with an active owner still prowling around with a proper legal team cutting "cease and desist" notices on his behalf. Still earned the little turd an instant thumbs down. Plus I'm using Adblock so "Shaun Jowett" (lol) gets no money even if he does monetize. I chop you dolla, mugu. Go the fuck back where you came from and try again.

[@bigbowlowrong4694]

It’s a little bit fucking trippy re-watching a video you last saw (and commented on) FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO and seeing it this far up in the replies.

[@aminm4652]

@@bigbowlowrong4694 Has your opinion changed?

[@archieworthington6717]

@@bigbowlowrong4694 Lmao

[@reverseengineeredbot3387]

😂

[@Gj23jk2]

The ep in which Karl proves himself to be a highly ruthless and efficient administrator.

[@troyking464]

Gj23jk2 He probably got advice from Stephen on that one.

[@salsamancer]

I bet he was just glad to tell off Ricky

[@Dentzah]

Was crying when he said fuck off

[@joshbennett2221]

Same. The way he says it 😂😂😂😂

[@jackjackson-moore5848]

True 😂😂😂

[@barringtonfisher87]

Jack Dent thing is he gets into it as if it actually happened. Then says they'd done it before & how it annoys him. His mind is incredible

[@omgitsrobsandy]

"You're not coming back 'ere, FUCK OFF!" gets me every time. Karl and his 'no nonsense' attitude would make a top boss!

[@johnnygat1818]

"But I tell you what, you're not coming back here. Fuck off!" Crying

[@sneezydeezymcdeluxe7015]

"I'm not gonna make it in today son, so erm, I'll see ya tomorrow alright boy?"

[@DlcEnergy]

3:20 "well you didn't even give em 1 chance" "no because they've done it before"... xD xD the imaginary characters have done it in the past... lol

[@thepontiacbandit7874]

DLC ENERGY Like Karl’s ‘husband’ Harry. ‘Who the fuck’s Harry??’ 😂

[@LordOfNothingreally]

So Karl starts to say "If *I* was gay..." and they cut off that fascinating avenue of discussion to mess about thinking up dirty boardgame puns? Missed opportunity there, mates

[@thetramp123]

I know. Now I'll forever wonder what gold we were about to hear from Karl.

[@ufoash440]

Tbf they have to interject sometimes otherwise people will realise they don't really need to be there hahahaha

[@moonmannd7501]

I can only dream about the god-level tangent he was certainly just about to stumble into. With a lead-in like that I can only imagine that the conversation would have inevitably devolved into a series highlight.

[@amg2718]

@Josip steve is qaulity alot of the unanimated xfm shows and podcasts he is hilarious

[@kaymuldoon3575]

I suggest watching the video of Ricky, Stephen and Karl watching a scene from Brokeback Mountain. It’s hilarious.

[@allys744]

I can’t even get past “Mr. Dilkington” 😂😂

[@callumlamb1923]

ALLY S Rickys wheeze writes me off each time😂😂😂😂

[@MattCrawley_Music]

karl's face in the last frame is priceless

[@TonyEnglandUK]

That cartoonist used six lines to draw Karl's face and he absolutely nailed it.

[@jackhoward10]

"No because they've done it before" Ricky just made them up 😂😂

[@Kjernekar]

since when was "I'm scared of the ice" a legitimate reason to not come in to work?

[@MrClickity]

Well it depends. If we were in an area that hardly ever gets snow and it's a freak occurrence, I'd probably let it slide. The area probably doesn't have a good plow service and most people might not have had any experience driving in the snow. Better to be understaffed for a day or two than risk my employees getting in wrecks and losing even more productivity. However, if it's an area that gets snow regularly, then tough shit. You should know how to drive in the ice and snow by now. Leave a little early, drive slower, and get your ass to work.

[@ralphybfc]

MrClickity You do realize its not a really phone call haha

[@MrClickity]

Jordan Ralphs. No shit. We're talking about a hypothetical situation.

[@ralphybfc]

ok. i just didnt see the point in rambling on like u did.

[@MrClickity]

Jordan Ralphs. It's in response to a video where people ramble on about hypothetical shit. What's wrong with continuing the discussion?

[@itzadamisnoob771]

“So go round to Shiela’s then and let her slag me off, but you’re not coming back here! F*** OFF!!” 😂😂😂😂

[@cabuscus]

"U bald headed wanker!"

[@TreeBeardNero]

cabuscus Manc Twat

[@pheebsbee1280]

Every time I think it can't get any funnier - it does!

[@americanslsta8888]

"that me name was Brett" best Karl/Ricky reaction ever

[@TonyEnglandUK]

"They just catered for like if you wanted a bit of knob action"

[@alexicrenin657]

LOL , fuck. your profile pic had me.

[@DIEGOSHAY]

Damn you. that profile pic...

[@lessevdoolbretsim]

I swatted my screen.

[@isabellemccrudden5998]

fell for it nice one m8...wanker

[@edens933]

I got a TV, I though a giant fly was on my screen!

[@chanilkadesilva5895]

7:15 "If you're gonna have this wheres a bit of the other? " LoL

[@kingofracism]

😂😂😂

[@EL-pl1jj]

"No 'cause they'd done it before" 😂

[@chrisbarnett6362]

"Look at this, it's free!" lol

[@ElZilchoYo]

i love how serious karl takes role playing. I bet he can act well

[@karlkirschenmann1808]

"you have a bit of this, where's a bit of the other" lol

[@adamliddle2060]

please rate comment and subscribe to see more stuff i have stolen and put my name on

[@stevequinn631]

he doesnt say subscribe..... watch it again and wait for the fake production slate at the end

[@MrJambot]

"Sucribe" mong

[@captain_hat6247]

7:16 "If you're gonna have this where's a bit of the other?" That's probably one of the most pleasant G-Rated ways you can ask for magazines w/ nude women.

[@MrJoshMetcalfe]

Karl: FUCK OFF... i laughed too hard!

[@matthewblastland8790]

Karl doesn't even have to speak to make me laugh

[@moonstarr8053]

"one chance....give 'em one chance". lmao

[@andrewpheasey3477]

moon starr "well you didn't even give em one chance". "yeah cause they done it before!" lmao

[@pivotmaster861]

"She's weak anyway" He's a genius

[@elis__nbnb]

i love the effort karl puts behind his characters

[@jamesR43031]

I’ve been listening to the podcast while playing cod and i get on a decent streak and Karl hits out with something funny and it puts me off constantly man he’s fucking hilarious🤣

[@peronkop]

"Knoberation" My sides!

[@kribz4576]

“They just catered for, if you wanted a bit knob action” 😂😂

[@DlcEnergy]

3:11 "i'll tell you what... yer not comin back ere... fuk off..." xD xD best way to phrase it...

[@himdotcom]

"Tell ya what.... You stay at 'ome an' I'll replace ya." I've done this almost in the same tone as Karl.

[@gabrielpatten6939]

Is it weird that I got really emotionally invested in the "K.P. plumbing VS Sheila" bit?

[@NoodleCollie]

"Let's have a game of chess...cock" is my favourite stupid joke out of all the series.

[@josephmarrison4606]

Karl is my favourite out of the three men.

[@skeetorkiftwon]

"If you're going to have this, then how about a bit of the other?"

[@vantheman12welshman66]

I don’t want to big myself up! 😂

[@marcusl2301]

I always wonder what we miss from Karl when he is talked over by Ricky and Steve.

[@zenchannel_]

Karl is way funnier

[@HardAsNailsTony]

3:05 "You're not coming back ere, FUCK OFF" 😂😂😂

[@FeelinErie]

''Fuck-a-poo!'' XDDDDDDD *dead*

[@nicolaroberts4823]

My boss told me once in the snow ‘ get the transport ‘ 🤣🤣🤣 made me laugh!

[@Brooker0013]

Love it. The podcasts are so funny✌

[@todd1896]

I completely agree with Karl about the plumbing business story. It's nobody's *fault*, but Karl is the one suffering the consequences of Sheila not making it to work. He shouldn't be forced to pay people who don't do their job, whether it's that person's fault or not. It's unfair to make an employer suffer the consequences when the weather is unfair. He pays Sheila for her work, if she can't work, she shouldn't be paid.

[@atnasomfg]

What about vacation leave, and pregnancy though? Sickness?

[@todd1896]

Atnas Who are you going to hire to get your job done the most effectively? The guy who's always sick or wanting a vacation, or the guy who is always motivated and ready to work? Obviously the second one, because you're always going to want the most reliable person for the job. I don't think it's fair for anyone to take that power of selection away from you because it's your business and your money. Now, if the employer turns down a woman because she could become pregnant, and the other employees find that offensive, I believe they should have the right to go on strike in her defense, which could convince the employer to hire her regardless, which would be a fair solution in my opinion.

[@mfenn7325]

Todd "I don't think it's fair for anyone to take that power of selection away from you because it's your business and your money." Well, I have a heroin processing plant. I paid for the equipment and the drug mules, why should I not be able to sell my product? It's hurting my business! If one of my drug mules accidentally OD on what he was transporting in his rectum, so be it. I don't think I should help pay for his burial. He and his now widow knew what they were getting into when he took the job! Laws are created for a reason. "Fairness" is highly relative. Laws in democratic countries are created to help establish a system that is as right and "fair" as possible (usually). I believe it was a common argument FOR SEGREGATION that people could say who else could go to their child's public school because they paid taxes. Don't see a problem with your logic yet? What about self-fulfilling prophecies? For example: "All black people are lazy. Just look at how many of them are unemployed and collecting welfare. I'm not going to hire them." Thus contributing to the number of black people that can't get hired, but have to subsist on something. So they sign up for welfare. And the circle continues. Or how about I make money prospecting and selling oil. I found some in the endangered Everglades. Why are you stopping me from clearing the land and wildlife and pumping for oil? It's my business we are talking about! And nothing is more important than MY money!

[@todd1896]

M Fenn The drug mule who accidentally overdosed took a job that he was well aware of the risks involved. He's responsible for his actions. Maybe he should have stayed in school or worked at a grocery store. You're acting like the jobs people apply for are completely out of their control. As for fairness, look at what labor is. It's two people agreeing upon exchanging a set amount of work for a set amount of money. Both involved are always free to cancel that exchange at any moment. Nobody's ever being forced to do anything against their will. That's fair, right? I think so. Now let's add laws. The employer is no longer allowed to cancel the deal unless he has a good reason he can prove. The employer is forced to keep his employees diverse and meet quotas regardless of which potential employee is fit for the job. The employer and employee are required to agree upon a price for the work that meets a government-determined amount of money regardless of whether the job is worth that amount. When law meets business, law takes away the fairness and creates its own pseudo-economic nature that has to constantly adjust itself according to what popular opinion thinks is fair and isn't fair. When in reality, you're just forcing others to make their own personal exchange of labor or money to fit your own personal standards of fairness. The workers don't complain because they're the majority and thus allowing themselves to earn more money. The employers complain but nobody listens because they're rich so they're probably greedy assholes, so fuck 'em.

[@fenhen]

Todd People who don't take holidays will probably be less productive in the long run. People who are never sick actually are ill sometimes, they just come in anyway. Not only are they not working efficiently, but they are likely to infect others and make things worse in the long-run.

[@ethanwebster7340]

“No cos they done it before” comedy gold😂

[@hyperionman420]

Incredible. This fictional ruthless version of Karl could run Hyperion at this point.

[@blackdildoboywithdiabetesl2559]

Karl is the king of timing

[@billlombard9911]

Love Karl and his northern accent , this is just brilliant, classic stuff

[@xJohnnyBloodx]

My favor part is the legend gamer very basic title card

[@llukmanhalimi2543]

Karl is fucking funny also because he actually puts himself in that situation as if he is actually there :) love me some karl :)

[@mikeg3923]

That Karl Cartoon is AMAZING his arms Hilarious!!!

[@dornravlin]

Karl Pilkington always make me burst a gut

[@rickewilde]

The music when he says BOYZ magazine 😂😂😂😂

[@Moopix1]

"Sorry, mate, I don't have me phone license, and the public transport is down."

[@julianisaac6004]

What makes this so funny to me is that I don't quite get the English accent the first time through but Ricky's laugh is my cue to rewind a lil bit and listen harder and when I put it all together I giggle stupidly.

[@lauriecook2399]

are you American? or are you a southerner 😁😁

[@Darthlicious]

idk for my money "have I told you about the immune system" is pretty far up there

[@flannelderek]

Tears are rolling down my cheeks funniest bastard ever

[@AlanAHAPartridge]

Knoberation 😂😂

[@craigdx4182]

I fucking love karl lol

[@TheJovialBrit]

"If you're gonna have this, where's a bit of the other?" lol

[@shamaramen]

What a true legendary gamer

[@dnmcfall]

Ricky's laugh cracks me up!

[@deanjordan6045]

How about a game of connect 4skin

[@emer157]

Only Jews can play that one

[@emer157]

Con 0 duh, are you not aware of jews (amongst others) of having their foreskin removed, it's called circumcision

[@steveparish4209]

How can you not love the Karl-toon that is Pilkington?

[@Hulan92]

When Ricky laughs he sounds like a fucking parakeet

[@thinkboutit]

I died when he said fuck off

[@ChordsForU]

Karls quick whittedness is amazing here the 'no coz he'd done it before thing' is one of those things you'd think of days after the conversation

[@EugVR6]

"They've done it before"😂😂😂

[@Treshet]

6:14 "It was just, uhh...uhh...just all..jus-just cock." LMFAO

[@madzangels]

Never heard Karl say fuck off before, that was GOLD

[@JPMJPM]

OMG. This is so funny! When I was 24, I worked for a cranky old man in his 70s at an ad agency. One day we woke up to a foot of snow on top of ice. I called in, and the boss answered the phone. I asked if the company was going to be open, and he got angry and threatened to fire me if I didn't come in. Mind you, all the schools were closed and the local news reporters were urging people not to get on the roads because they hadn't been salted, and they weren't clear. But I dug out my car, which took an hour, and I drove to work. Two and a half hours later, I finally made it to work. Guess what? The parking lot was empty except for the boss's great big Cadillac. I go inside, and the power's out. I go to my office and sit in the dark until 5 pm, seething.

[@RideBikes_Walkplaces]

So it was possible to make it then? 😂

[@ajshaw1179]

“So umm, I’ll see you tomorrow alright boy.”

[@allan4386]

"Look at this, it's free!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@bigj8949]

This was a blessing

[@SteveWHU]

the u bend trophy lmfao

[@hankheavy]

KP Plumming LMFAO

[@Bruce1983]

keep pressing 4 and 9 for ricky nd stev laughing

[@hattiethykier221]

10/10 such calm vid

[@HnTr_VDH]

Who animated these?! Ive never heard of this XD Have to say Cartoon-ified Karl and Steve look spot on but Rick looks like a long-lost flinstone

[@Nero-ox5tw]

x HnTr VDH x HBO

[@johndalenino]

I think a cartoonist named ‘Andy Bialk’ did some character designs for this show. Not sure if he designed most, if not all.

[@FrostFire1987]

god damn it sir...we have the same intro *jumps out window*

[@ONIscrooge]

God damn is it great to hear Karl say, "Fuck off".

[@romanrose4982]

Agreed. I recall ejecting a mouthful of soda thru my nostrils when I 1st heard that.

[@WhiteSleevedStu]

Reminder that Karl once didn't turn up to an XFM show because he put wet jeans on.

[@barberino182]

The video title jst makes me think of karl sitting on a high stool with his feet dangling down with Michael Barrymore asking him questions.

[@sisyr5615]

"no cus he'd done it before" hahaha, fucking genius

[@zaccohen1317]

Karl pilkington is so funny and this was on my birthday

[@metallicbunny9595]

Thank you, legendgamer9731. Very cool!

[@christopherhaines2492]

Karl's punchlines are absolute GENIUS; he doesn't even know he's doing them 😂😂!!!

[@CliveWarren69]

Top class Banter from the legends

[@solargamer6415]

He says please rate comment and sucribe 👌🏼pro

[@richardquinn682]

HE SAY FUCK OFF DOWN THE PHONE!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! 😃 😃 😃

[@Swordtee40]

Lost it at f*ckaroo XD

[@Duskaria]

"You're not coming back 'ere, fuck off!"

[@lscasuals4262]

"You're in fuckin trouble then!"

[@lorettamisura8512]

Karl is too funny Screw Ricky, it should be called The Karl Pilkington show-it's about him anyway!

[@mrlozmoore]

+Loretta Misura Ricky got Karl where he is today; i think you're missing the point of the show format.

[@SpitfireFortyFour]

It was supposed to be called the Karl Pilkington Show. But they ultimatley chose Ricky's name for recognition. Karl wasnt really known before this unless you were an XFM listener.

[@BT-kc3ee]

It wouldnt be anywherr near as funnt with out Ricky and Steve

[@roundabout468]

​@@BT-kc3ee yes it would, Karl carried An Idiot Abroad all by himself

[@aswadsaswad1759]

LMAO at this 😂😂

[@danfromtheburgh]

i sucribed