"How do I keep up with life?" | ep.202

On Ask Kati Anything ep. 202 licensed therapist, Kati Morton answers your questions about job-related trauma, medical trauma, and managing life and expectations when we struggle with depression and bouts of suicidal thoughts. She then digs into some tips for opening up in therapy, what it really looks like to ask for help, and explains what eldest daughter syndrome is.
AUDIENCE QUESTIONS
1. My question is about job-related trauma. I’m a school crisis interventionist and work with students who can become really dysregulated and physical. Could this physical aggression towards me be considered traumatic?
2. Could you talk more about how to handle life if you struggle with chronic bouts of depression and/or suicidality but you still need to achieve goals and keep your job? It's one thing to take time off when you're acutely struggling, but an entirely different one to you struggling for years on end and even with the perfect treatment (in my case, at least) still often have many hours, days, even weeks when you can barely get anything done.
3. Any tips to open up in therapy? I feel like I tense up every session and no words come out, so I end up just not talking all session even though I want to. I trust my therapist so I know it’s not that, yet I still don’t feel comfortable talking and don’t know what to do about it.
4. Please Kati talk about medical trauma while battling chronic Terminal illness & how to beat it..I'm currently in This situation..I honestly want to give up having meds, seeing drs or even eating.. I'm exhausted from so many appointments for so many years to end up sicker than expected & on top of it being treated badly due to my rare illness..I'm very unwell mentally more than physically, there's no known cure for my diseases and I even lost my ability to speak as a result...
5. Hi Kati, for those of us who couldn't rely on anyone as a child. What do people mean by asking for help or asking for support? What would it mean if I asked for help? What could someone do to help make it better? What are the options? As a child, I have learnt that if I freeze, it will work itself out. But if I were to stand up, I would get hurt...
6. I was wondering if you could share your thoughts on "eldest daughter syndrome". Is this something that can happen even if your parents weren't uninvolved or unable to show up for important aspects? Is it even real/factually supported?
#podcast #therapy #mentalhealth
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room. MY BOOKS (in stores now)
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? bit.ly/2s0mULy
ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @katimorton
PATREON www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
YOU CAN SUPPORT THE CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS
Instacart: www.instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB
Amazon: www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton
PARTNERSHIP
Linnea Toney [e-mail]
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[@Lemonady]

Timestamps! Q1 - 0:37 Q2 - 6:47 Q3 - 15:17 Q4 - 23:57 Q5 - 28:24 Q6 - 35:05

[@Katimorton]

Thank you @lemonady :)

[@Lemonady]

@@Katimorton You're welcome, Kati! ❤

[@holliefitzzz]

For audio versions of AMA style anonymous work stories, search our weekly podcast, What The Hell Is My Job?! 🎤 ✅

[@AngDevigne]

Yes, Kati, please do a video on medical trauma! I would love to see the topics of self-advocacy, the grief of losing our capabilities/mobility, hopelessness, helplessness, support systems, lonliness, alienation, the guilt of needing to rely on others, how to talk about it, how to find balance... Any and all things you can think of surrounding this topic. The thing I struggle with the most is the ongoing nature of needing to continue receiving medical care when interacting with medical professionals is often re-traumatizing.

[@candaceion9622]

Or being turned away constantly and re victimized by the head of Mental Health at a hospital. It has stopped me from ever asking for help again, and I have a Ling history of Trauma. CPTSD, PTSD, Treatment Resistant Depression, and chronic anxiety

[@Inug4mi]

I’d love to see a video on medical trauma. My daughter has a lot of physical disabilities that required a lot of surgeries when she was a baby and a child. I’m always looking for signs of medical trauma especially because she’s also nonverbal so any insight would be appreciated. Thank you.

[@MrsParksIsInTheHouse]

Your thoughtful replies are touching and refreshing. ❤ Thank you for making everyone know that it’s ok not to be ok… encouraging us and reminding us the important of some basic self care, encouraging us to talk to a therapist, and even think outside the box. You are one of my favorite YT humans. ❤ Keep up the great work! 🫶🏻

[@tiffanykraft944]

Wow... I feel as if I had eldest daughter Syndrome....parentified child...and I'm the youngest of 2 girls. All those "conditions" you "linked" seem as if you were reading the playbook of my life. Thank you for more food for thought. You are a blessing. ❤

[@suhailasabah425]

I don not know how to express how much I am grateful for you , for your kind and soothing words and ideas , for this knowledge and time you spend with us and for being my virtual therapist and 'kind of the wise and loving sister' . The title of the video hit me and I can relate to a lot of these conditions , you helped me as always.I wish you feel good and satisfied and may all the comments cheer you up and make your awesome heart happy 😘

[@brookels66]

This is my #1 question, generally keeping up with life+daily functioning!

[@catesc9367]

I would love to here more about parentified child. This was so informative. I also see a strong conection wit anxiety and eating disorder, even a lot of other health problems (could be anxiety induced). I think for a lot of us we still dont really know what would have been "parentifiying" in the past... and dont feel recognized/validaded as such they went to this trauma basicly.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

At age three i was diapering my 2 yr old sibling..helped raise 5 younger siblings..emotional support to my parents..did well in school, extra- curricular activies...helped a lot in the home. perfectionist, eating disorder by 13..depression hit me later. now, reparenting myself, healing from traumas, abuse. Pray, eat well, sleep, rest, work responsible, have a friends. Doing good - think about writing my story.

[@dixiedobbins]

I definitely had mire responsibility as the oldest girl. I felt invisible. I feel like my mother resented me and still does to this day because of issues from her own childhood and her sisters. She merely projected those feelings onto me. And I too felt invisible. When I heard you say that my eyes widened, and I exclaimed, yes invisible yes! I definitely am a people pleaser and I definitely go way above and beyond. I’ve heard this is called FAWN. I’ve heard about fight or flight and freeze but I had never heard until recently about FAWN. My motto was killed them with kindness. You know how some dogs when they first meet you they will lay on their back and expose their belly and I’ve heard this is a social thing that Passive canines will do to show they are not a threat. And I definitely was a person who would convey and make it very clear I’m no threat, see I’ll bend over backwards for you. I’m the nicest person you’ve ever met and I’ll prove it to you over and over again and I won’t require you to reciprocate in anyway until yearswhen I’m so drained and exhausted and I finally snap one day and say out loud that I’m tired of this dynamic and I need something too and then they accuse me of being crazy and abandoned me. I’m 60 years old and I’m just coming to terms with this within the last year.

[@DogMomCMF]

As a previous EMS worker, we loved what we did on the ambulance, but it was fellow employees where we formed our own CISD team was what hot us through some calls.

[@calestaiezu214]

Thank you for talking about medical trauma!! I was just diagnosed with PTSD and my psychiatrist thinks it’s from a lot of my medical problems. I have nightmares about dying and leaving my daughter all alone! So much of my health problems were casually dismissed by doctors for decades m, and they made me feel like I was just weak and pathetic because I was “making it up for attention,” so I grew up thinking everyone had pain daily! I thought I was being a huge baby because everyone else was dealing with it just fine, why couldn’t I? I started masking my pain and now have an extremely high pain tolerance. My husband and I recently had an argument about how he didn’t give me the emotional support I needed when I was going through some of my serious health problems, but he jumped at the chance to help a friend through a similar medical scare last year. He told me that she was showing how much pain she was in, and whenever I talk about my pain, I talk about it like I was talking about the weather. I had to explain to him that I have been dealing with it for so long, that it sort of is like discussing the weather. It changes and is different from day to day, and even hour to hour sometimes. If I’m talking about it, or speaking up, that means I’m at my limit of tolerance, I have to be in a lot of discomfort for me to speak up. I have had to learn how to do this before things get really serious. That’s hard for me because I have actually learned how to shut the little pains out! It usually has to be pretty bad to grab my attention!

[@Sarah_Sunshine1]

Yes to medical trauma. I had another horrible experience last week. The person seemed to be extremely aggressive or even drugged. No compassion for me and irregular/paranoid behavior. It was a dentist.

[@Patricia-xw3ns]

Thank you for another great episode. The last question especially resonated with me although I am the youngest child. because we had to take care of our grandma who was in need of care.

[@JonLopezOfficial]

I love you Katie. Keep keeping on ❤

[@lisastella458]

I would love to see a upd ated version of ECT treatment and it's side effects. I've have had 12 treatments whist in hospital and was wondering about any long term effects. Thanks

[@saltiestsiren]

Please please please speak about those of us who have been in treatment for years on end only to experience little or no relief. You could talk about reasons why people like me fall through the cracks, how practitioners tend to "give up" on us or label us as difficult, and whatnot. I've tried many medications, levels of intensive treatment, several therapists, and TMS. I won't claim to have tried everything, but this has been going on for the latter half of my life and I've all but given up entirely. I'm pretty much, by defintion, disabled (can't work, parents take care of me). I know I'm not alone. But so many creators and mental health websites like NIMH and NAMI say almost nothing about these "challenging" cases. We are all but forgotten.

[@WisconsinWanderer]

i’ve been to many therapist over the years and i struggled with finding a therapist who could help me with body dysmorphia which was chronic acne and lymphoma’s since my teens. It’s been a huge part of my depression and suicidal ideation i’m actually surprised i’m still here. Do you have a source? thanks Katie 😊

[@keturahspencer]

Finally, a therapist talking about not knowing how to therapy! I feel like this is a topic that is chronically overlooked.

[@laurelosborne8984]

Ive been on antidepressants for 20 years. I’ve been on all the SSRI’s, SNRI’s, one for bi-polar and seizures then 2,3,4 SNRI’s for the past 5 years. It all helped a little bit but the depression and suicidal thoughts never went away. Finally last year, I spoke with a Pyschiatrist. The first thing he did was give me a few tests, one which was for ADHD. It turns out that, I have mild-moderate ADHD. (Which was overlooked as I was a high achieving female growing up in the 90’s). Since then I have settled on another SNRI which is used to treat ADHD. The awesome part about it is that my depression and suicidal Thoughts have largely disappeared, I can think more clearly and I have an improved self image. Katie is totally right about getting the right meds/combination meds as well as finding out the full extent of your mental health and which condition is primary (if not co-occurring).

[@juliasmith960]

Add my vote for a video on medical trauma, please! I had multiple surgeries as a small child. Back in those days children were treated like smaller adults - the rooms were all white and sterile, and no one explained anything to me. I was just expected to do as I was told. Now I have chronic health issues but I put off seeing a doctor as long as I can. When I do see one, I get chastised for not coming in for regular checkups. Also my blood pressure is much higher at the doctor's office than home or other places that check like the optometrist's. I saw the doctor put 'WCS' (white coat syndrome) next to my BP on my chart. So at least they take that into account?

[@BPCado]

Thanks Kati, this podcast is part of my weekly selfcare ❤

[@Katimorton]

Wonderful! You are so welcome, thanks for letting me know. :)

[@harvey1115]

I needed this. Thank yoh

[@g795]

In my country, therapy and other mental health support is very expensive and therefore completely unattainable for someone like me. I'm a full time university student, and in order to pay for therapy, I'd also have to work every day on top of my studies. Needless to say, as a person who struggles with severe mental health issues and can barely get out of bed in the morning, it's completely unrealistic for me to achieve that. Therefore the "find the best treatment for you" isn't very helpful. I'd love to hear any tips on how to manage life for people who can't get professional help.

[@80sbrunnette]

I am the eldest daughter and o my daughter and man… I can’t even start my career because I have to cook, clean, take my brother from and to to school… like I don’t mind doing chores, but yes my mom does make me do a lot more than my brother… and we are both adults …

[@esennka]

❤

[@Jason-xq5xx]

Katie not sure if your in California but is there a way to get therapy (for ADHD) through medi-cal? I recently got laid off shortly after starting treatment for my mental health. I was seeing a psychiatrist for about 4 months and I feel just the medication was not helpful.

[@eloisemarie5219]

Yes!!!!! Ask for therapy and they should give it to you. Medi-cal definitely pays for therapy and psychiatrists. I have both.

[@amandaalford1980]

Thanks for this. I have 3 boys and 2 girls. The two oldest are boys on 17 the other 14. I struggle trying to set proper chores and watching siblings. I often wonder if it's a bad thing or if they are going to be good parents one day because of the experience of this. They have siblings that are 12, 7 and 5.

[@domepiece11]

Where do we submit questions?

[@BPCado]

She ask for them each sunday. You will find a post in the community tab here on YT(you can check the previous and see how they looks like, but will have to wait for this Sunday new post if you want to submit a question). If someone asks a question similar to yours or on the same topic you can comment on that question and if it get picked, Kati answers to the related comments as well.

[@Eshrimpski]

Medical trauma…right up my alley…I’m scheduling my 33 surgery. I’m literally in the hospital right now because of a massive nerve pain spike in my legs…I recently went to an Endodontist for a root canal. I was in panic mode and had random flashbacks. The same thing happened to me before a colonoscopy and endoscopy…

[@ladysparkymartin]

I’m the 5th of 6 sibs and am the middle sister, a “little girl.” But primary financial manager/caregiver/supervisor for my 90 +yo parents. I’ve stopped crying for help bc when I do, my 5 sibs deem me overreacting. So I hear your theories but they are just that, theories.

[@haileycassidy4877]

Is it possible to self induced hypomania? Simply curious to know.

[@deannwagner9961]

Nothing to do with this specific podcast, but I don’t think I’ve heard, “Jesus, Kati! Get it together!” for a long time. I hope all your unspoken self talk is more positive. 😊

[@tommymann815]

can you reverse memory loss from cannabis?

[@candaceion9622]

I have tried everything! Inpatient, outpatient, meds, 21 ect's. Nothing has worked.

[@Exodus26.13Pi]

Supplements: Magnesium glycinate, iodine, salt, creatine, amino acids, *methylene blue Recovery: Inclined Sleep Therapy is free & an ancient practice CPAP Exercises: Rebounder, kettlebell, & gymnastic rings Food: Poultry, onions, almond butter, & sweet potatoes replace unhealthy calories Dentist gum cleaning TENS for soreness & vagus nerve

[@Andre-qo5ek]

oldest daughter syndrome sounds like when the youngest son is left to be the care taker of the family elders. ( this son is sometimes referred to as the Benjamin )

[@ResortDog]

Fry & fly.

[@kathythureen9341]

I AM INSANE ICANT EVEN KEEP UP WITHLIFE IN EVERYWAY.

[@YargGlug]

Hey, Kati. I just wanted to thank you. Every time you upload I can't help but run to the bathroom to celebrate. I always have 🥜 batter to deal with whenever I see your face. 🤤

[@indridcold8433]

I quit trying to keep up with life. None of us will be able to do it for long. At the end, life will leave us far behind and we will die, our essence becoming nothing, and our bodies becoming a putrid mess. Everything positive we do in our lives will mean nothing after we die. Why even bother to try to keep up?

[@slr4092]

Damn Kaity just gave the micro dosing people validation... Be prepared for more Facebook comments from them

[@SurferJoe1]

Normally these are soothing to me but this week I'm gonna have nightmares about battling 64 angry pregnant women. Yikes!

[@TheLaureea]

Do you even think when you respond? The person saying I m single Mom and can’t talk and can’t do anything and no social support, do your ver ask yourself so who does are for the baby?! Little bit think Katie