How to Deal with a Mentally Ill Parent | Kati Morton

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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[@ellie2041]

Anyone else feel like your trapped by the love you have for them sometimes? I love my parents, but sometimes it feels like an endless cycle of forgiving and trying to be understanding, explaining to yourself and others why they do certain things and at the end of the day it just repeats. And I still feel kinda guilty by writing this. I love my parents and I know they love me, but somehow that makes it feel even harder.

[@missychrissy8328]

This is the perfect explanation of how it feels.

[@LiftingPhilosophy]

Yes, that is exactly what I'm dealing with

[@bilebily294]

Yes..in my case its repeating for 34yrs

[@shola7987]

driving me crazy

[@mimo-bine]

I’m 18… You’re not alone, I know what you’re talking about… and I have no clue what to do about it !! Help

[@MyLifebyJuliaIRL]

my mother has always leaned on me for emotional support, so i had to grow up fast even though i was the youngest.

[@Katimorton]

That can be a lot to deal with as a child.. I hope you have found someone to talk to about this so you can heal :) xoxo

[@iamtheresa5056]

My Life by Julia same 💔

[@odetteaful]

I can relate.. hope u r ok.

[@janakiramr7631]

Hi. I'm only 13 and my mom and dad fight all the time, she always assumes things like he wants to kick her out and hes going to ruin me. Shes bipolar and everytime they fight she leans on me for support. She sobs for hours and just walks away when I try giving her advice like taking her medication, to her, medications are like poison, she hates it when we ask her to take it or lie to us saying that she took them. She never listens to me and always cries to me and then immediately calls me a faggot (I'm bisexual). I dont know what to do. I'm suicidal and have ADHD which was very difficult for me because I was never medicated nor given treatment, only a medical card saying I need special care. Which i obviously never get. I dont know what to do. Please help.

[@tildethomsen5563]

wow i relate, especially when i was younger, thankfully its getting better now, hope you are okay :)))

[@Yousra.ahmed2023]

What if they refuse to admit they're mentally ill

[@bekind9187]

Like. My mom LOL

[@Emma-gj5pk]

@@bekind9187 same

[@pn1188]

They see it as a weakness but instead the problem just grows bigger.

[@charityjung9989]

@@bekind9187 Same 😢💔

[@skyeisthelimit6531]

Best advice, don't waste your time on them spend it on you

[@maxwhitehurst1704]

holy shit this was so well timed i am seriously struggling with my mom right now. i am basically her therapist and it’s getting exhausting to always have to help her in her needs but also try to stay true to myself

[@tigeralliance8429]

maggie whitehurst if possible maybe ask her to seek help. Or even journal. It may sound a bit rude to tell your mother what to do but just encourage things she can do for self care. Stay strong ❤️

[@briannaward2607]

This happened to me and I had to learn assertiveness strategies to tell her I didn't want to listen or couldn't listen. It's helped me massively.

[@Potato-yn9sl]

max whitehurst I am going thru the exact same thing💓 I hope ur mom gets better soon💓 prayers for u~~

[@MeleenGames]

My mom's bipolar and so easily triggered and starts yelling from the smallest thing not being done and hasn't gotten a job in 7 years living off of charity.

[@mickalliester3842]

That's crazy!! My dad is the same way. I must say I feel so much less alone after stumbling on some of these comments, but it's still so hard when you love your parents and want the best for them and they want to challenge you on it, or worse, twist it up later to demonize you because they can't see clearly for themselves. It's very stressful when it doesn't need to be.

[@cnroth]

Kati: “Moving out and moving on does not make you a bad child. It makes you resilient.” Me: *tears* ❤️

[@nigelscanvas]

❤️❤️❤️

[@rayjay1543]

Yes but now I'm just struggling to deal with the visits.

[@triple0verkillz45]

My mom is bipolar and right now I'm trying to keep her calm I dont know what to do. I really just want to be away from this I'm 14 and I always have to be the parent. I feel like I'm the parent and shes the child.

[@Lucy-hs4nx]

yea, i know exactly what you're talking about. im 18, and i take care of my whole family since 13 (or something). because my mom is bipolar and my dad not particularly stable. And my older Brother is not able to handle it, because he's way to sensitive. so there is just me :) but i can tell you that you will learn to deal with it. so stay strong, you can do it!

[@azeiutalie5941]

Aren't you worried about your future and for your younger siblings too... I'm really worried of what I should do for both my parents.

[@ranmaaaa]

I feel you.

[@randomthrowaway249]

My mom is bipolar too. Its been 5 years, my dad starved me and my sister while also showing much gore and sexual content. We've been in a battle in court for a long time. She wasnt like this before, I was 8 when it started. Since then its been getting progressively worse. Shes yelled at me and my sister, randomly in the middle of the night having outbursts and taking away anything we enjoyed or used like our devices, even getting mad at me for an A instead of an A+. This is getting out of control and I'm tired of not only seeing my sister go to bed crying, but my mom then crying and going to her for support, not only to yell at her again.

[@shivigupta163]

Yes you said the truth the same thing is happening with me

[@Marceline22240]

“Don’t let their illness get in the way of you being able to live the life you deserve” I really needed to hear that and thank you so much

[@tatumelisha]

nothing has ever described my life more

[@user-ls1uf8xo6j]

So sad but so true 😔

[@pinklion26]

Same here. My mom is 79 and has been depressed for so long and refuses to accept she has a problem and is now basically a shut in and never calls anyone and never wants to go anywhere. It’s beyond draining and impossible to deal with.

[@Therollingpanda]

Same

[@tatumelisha]

@@pinklion26 Sameee, my dad is 40 and literally has his windows boarded up and almost never leaves the house

[@pinklion26]

@@tatumelisha oh wow. Sorry to hear that. Hopefully someone will be able to reason with him to get the help he needs. He’s a lot younger than my mom and there is less stigma around mental health for my generation. So hopefully he gets the help he needs.

[@p.a.7075]

Holy cow! I grew up in the '70's. Rest assured there was NO diagnosis for my mother who was very likely bipolar. When she was up, she'd be painting the walls at 2 in the morning. If she were down, she'd be sobbing uncontrollably and saying things like "nobody loves me. I'll just kill myself [or] end it all". Her actions could also be terrifying. She enjoyed scaring me. Mom would declare that I'd been "bad" and would lock me in a storage unit in the basement for hours. I can still feel the spiders crawling on me once the light waned. And she would abuse me in so many other ways. I never felt safe. She even came into my bedroom as I lay sleeping and smothered me with a pillow. She must have thought she'd killed me because I awoke buried in the flower bed. She was unburying me as she was sobbing. I have a very hard time dealing with those who cry. I have no children for the very reason you stated. I am not bipolar, but my sister is. I live with depression. That's not fun, either. I'm still afraid of spiders and the dark. I was responsible for my sister from the time she was born until she entered kindergarten. I changed her diapers, fed her at all hours of the day and night, bathed her, burped her, took her wherever I went and loved her unconditionally. I still love her as my daughter. Mom died in 2016. I'm glad she's dead. Your video touched a nerve and demonstrated, once again, that I am not alone learning to deal with this crap. And Dad? The 2 of them had a tremendously tumultuous marriage. I was glad when they finally separated. My childhood was scary and loving, which was confusing. Yay for counseling. I'm thrilled many family members have said I'm nothing like her. It means a lot. Who wants to be like that? Thankfully, her sister would let me stay with her all summer. This went on for years. Mom seemed relieved and angry that I wanted to stay with my aunt. Aunt Betty was a Godsend.

[@Katimorton]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am so sorry that you had to grow up like that.. but I am glad you mentioned counseling and I hope you are finding some relief and support through that. xoxo

[@p.a.7075]

Absolutely, Kati. Counseling has helped a lot.

[@gabiklw]

Patricia Araujo I am so terribly sorry this was your childhood. I am glad that you are now safe. Please stay safe- you are clearly a well-rounded (something you achieved completely on your own and against all odds), remarkable, intelligent person and the world is lucky to have you in it.

[@p.a.7075]

Thank you, Gabi. I appreciate the compliments. Growing up was no picnic, but also could be. I've been trying to figure out how to forgive her. Maybe I'll start with acceptance and see where to go from there.

[@belindacarter6872]

I can relate - the parent dies and it’s such a relief - for me, a new life can begin.

[@ellielindsey7454]

The empathy that you develop as a result of growing up with a parent that relied on you emotionally can stop you from ever actually cutting them out of your life/moving away. No matter how much your therapist tells you to! Especially if there's not other family around, and you feel like there isn't anyone else who could help your parent in the way you can. This is quite a complex topic, thanks for addressing it!!

[@Shamlon_photography]

Ellie Lindsey hi there, just wanted to say moving away from my family is one of the hardest things I had to do. I made a very good friend in the months before I left my family so I knew I could count on my friend. It took me three years to build up the courage to take the step out the front door of the house and close it for the last time. That was 7 years ago I’ve never looked back. The further away from the nest I’ve got the wider I have spread my wings. Bottom line it takes a lot to walk away and mental fortitude to stick with the plan but it is able to be done. Sometimes you need to save yourself before saving others. Stay strong and best wishes

[@wuestion9473]

I feel such guilt about leaving even as bad as it is.

[@bullbasaur1987]

Damn exactly. I am the youngest sibling. I am living alone with my mom and I love her so much. All my sisters are gone and I don’t know I feel as if I am a bad person if I don’t try to help my mother. So if she has a really bad phase, cries all day, hides in her bed and throws stuff around! I feel like I can’t just go in my room and do nothing like I believe my siblings would do! I always feel so responsible for her and I love her more than anything. If she isn’t at home I am scared and hope she is alright! Damn I am scared!

[@carrieann6800]

i could cry cause of your reply...me and my 97 yr old grandmother are the only 2 who help her and once nana is gone i think of what is going to happen to my mother

[@Spiritual36]

@@wuestion9473 Me too. But I think the guilt is keeping me in an unhealthy relationship

[@arianadaisy4805]

"we may even feel that we have to compete with their symptoms in order to receive the care we need" - that was accurate af

[@elenalockett7226]

My dad suffers with depression, and I found out last year that he tried to take his own life. It left me on edge and I felt like I couldn’t get angry at him in fear that it may be the little thing that tipped him over the edge. It’s still something I struggle with. Thank you for this video! ♥️

[@briannaward2607]

Elena lockett the same happened to me. I felt so manipulated and controlled because it felt like I could never say no or not pick up the phone or anything like that. I'm so glad it isn't just me that's gone through this

[@melvinturner4327]

I'm in a similar situation I don't know what to do

[@ellie2041]

Neither of my parents have ever attempted suicide and my dad told me personally that he knew he never would, but my dad has chronic depression and my mom has anxiety, is bipolar and other issues related to these mental illnesses. It hurts when my parents get depressed and say things about life being pointless and that they should just kill themselves. It’s awful to be angry at the situation because as the kid whether your an adult or not you feel helpless like you can’t take your anger out or express your own frustration because your worried it’ll make their situation worse. It’s an emotionally complex situation and the only thing we can do really is learn to adapt and get through it. If anyone else has any suggestions for solutions I’d love to discuss them.

[@erin-tz2lc]

@@ellie2041 aw i totally feel u! my dad is currently struggling with depression after having it in the past and my mum struggles with anxiety and depression. i feel like if i told them about my self harming and ocd, then they will think im doing it for attention. i would always come home from school terrified that he wouldn't be there, but you just need to do anything u can to make them feel better. If they want there own space, then give it to them, if they need help, then help them. U might feel sad yourself whilst doing it, but just think that it's for them and in the long run it will benefit them!:)

[@ellie2041]

@@erin-tz2lc I agree with your reasoning in a sense, but at some point you need to chopse yourself too.which is why I liked this video because she talks about how it affects your own mental health which is really hard to maintain of your putting all your energy into helping your parents. You also mentioned you self harm which I wont judge you for, but that fact alone is concerning because it means you need help with your mental health too.im not saying we should stop helping our parents, but more so try finding a way to balance our time with our mental issues as well as theirs.which isnt something a child should have to worry about,but thats why its nice to have these conversations with people who get it. I also self harmed once the night of my graduation party and I rember it as being a way of letting out my frustration while having a meltdown. A friend of mine said he used to do it to stop the pain he felt at home..so im still trying to understand how self harming works for different people. Can you explain that to me?because I just want to understand it

[@johndunn6516]

My Mom is 80 and I am the primary care giver. My therapist said that is one of the hardest things you can do. I agree.

[@Katimorton]

Yes it can be SO hard to be the primary caregiver for a parent.. I hope you find some support and time for yourself too. xoxo

[@PeteS_1994]

John Dunn It sure is. I don’t know why that title seems depressing to me. It’s like I feel that you don’t get to live your own life being a primary care giver. I’m not judging you though, it’s a great thing you do.

[@GG-xc6uf]

@@Katimorton I am a wife of a primary caregiver and i feel my marriage is affected in a way we cant have privacy at home what do i do?

[@nittyarizza]

Im in the same boat as you. My dad is 80 and I just found out he probably has bipolar disorder. My whole life has been dictated by his erratic mood swings and manic episodes. Now, as a caregiver it feels impossible. His grandiose plans and ideas are dangerous for both him and my mom, and exhausting for me and my siblings. They’ve all managed to get away, but I haven’t. I’m stuck here and I want to run away but I feel guilty. It’s so hard.

[@nittyarizza]

@@GG-xc6uf get a “sitter” and make some time for yourselves and your marriage. Set clear boundaries and reinforce often through both words and actions. Follow through is important. Remember that no matter what your partner is “allowing” to happen, it’s not their fault and they are doing the best they can. Often people in the situation feel like they don’t have a choice when it comes to caring for their parents.

[@Lillie-mae.Edwards]

It’s scary when mental health runs in your family. Bipolar runs in my family and my mum has it. I liked looking after my mum because she needed it and I liked helping look after everything. She was unpredictable but she just needed love and attention. I think the hardest part of living with my mum was that she knew bad things were happening but because she was unwell she didn’t know how or have the motivation to stop it. Ive made sure my little one never knows how I’ll I’ve been, she has no idea. Thanks as always Kati. I’m so glad I found your channel. ♥️♥️

[@Katimorton]

It can be so hard... thank you for sharing your experience :) I hope the video was helpful :) xox

[@Lillie-mae.Edwards]

they always are Kati

[@Ayyypril97]

I am in the same boat as you. My mom refuses to get help or even admit that she is bipolar. She can also be very delusional...

[@rachelsnapp5825]

It’s really scary

[@monithompson9063]

My mom said it was always my fault and I liked it.... omg!!! I was in a coma for moths when I was 2 years old. I feel out of our balcony find myself playing with bubbles and fell in to rock street made out of rock. (The first time). Then when I was 8 now I know my mom was on the phone like always all day. I was always on her way of what she really wanted.... She married my dad and made him feel guilty cause she got pregnant with me.... There is so much more... S.A.D.... the concrete stories high and was in a coma for like 2 1/2 months

[@Partycitybaex]

My father has bipolar disorder and doesn’t believe he has it, but he’s been diagnosed many times. He was always abusive with my mother and us, violence and calling the police was the normal in our home. My family and I would lock ourselves in one room while he was banging on the door violently until the knob would loosen up. Worst of all he would refuse treatment. Very black and white. There were days where he would be in a great mood, laughing and I would immediately approach him to joke along. But this could quickly escalate into irritable behavior, ANY small mistake we would do would turn into an unforgettable episode of the night. Could be anything from leaving the car door unlocked to leaving our room messy. He has this tendency to pick on one family member for months until he moves on to the next. Thanks to god though over time he has gotten better and finally has accepted treatment. I NEVER thought this day would come. Doesn’t mean our problems magically disappeared because we still have them from time to time. At the end of the day I still love my father an try to tell myself that it’s his brain chemistry taking it out on us and not him.

[@MrAsymmetry_]

I have a lot of experience with this. I had suicidal thoughts at age 15 and I never made the connection to my parent until I processed it later. Since I moved out and became independent my happiness and general mental health have never been better. So important for children/teens in this situation to know you it's not your fault and if you address the problem appropriately, it will get better.

[@isaacadkins2344]

My mom has a depression and that made me feel so lonely, and made her destroy me sometimes.. but now i just realize that it's not her fault

[@WestLakeAngel]

I had never heard of covert incest. Learning more every day. Thank you!!

[@Katimorton]

So glad I could be a helpful and informational resource!! xoxo

[@briannaward2607]

Didn't realise this was happening to me oh my lord

[@badgirlgonegood4015]

this made me cry...someone who explained my whole life. Thank you.

[@linksey]

I can’t wait to move out. I’m so tired of the screaming to crying to being nice to apologizing to screaming cycle.

[@fros3d_over65]

Same for me she has bi polar

[@soriah_princesscharles7018]

I'm 12 and I have a mentally ill mother and I have been dealing with it since I was 5 and I'm still gaining my strength and patience with helping her defeat it. It means so much to me to look after her.This video has helped me in life thank you🙏❤👌😵

[@theananyo]

I've been through this for as long as I can remember- and I'm not empathic, compassionate or resilient. I'm just super fed up with life and developed some symptoms of my own.

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

I totally understand. I hate it when ppl say things like "oh now you're resilient". That means I am able to suffer more than most ppl with out bothering those around me.what the hell dose that do for me!!!? That's another side effect not a benefit! Same with compassionate and empathic.

[@theananyo]

exactly. If you've been through similar situations you'll know how frustrating it can be. Now, you might try your best not to let that frustration out, and people are gonna see that and say "oh now you're resilient"- but they don't know what this method of suppressing feelings is doing to you! This is one of the key things that lead to trauma, depression and other problems in the future- all this frustration building up and eating you up from the inside, yet you don't see any way to let it out; anyone to share it with- and you're getting praised for that!

[@kathrinjohnson2582]

You are absolutely right! It's amazing how even professionals that deals with this can be so blind to the difference between what you get out of a circumstance and what others can get out of you! I have mostly cut ppl out of my life with a few exceptions for this very reason.

[@faeriesmak]

I feel this way too.

[@AnimeReference]

There are some things it does for you. You can probably endure mental illness in a child or spouse, financial hardship, and other potentially family ruining situations. Compassion is good karma and stops you from getting cocky / complacent when things are going your way. Empathy is good for reading people (which offers direct financial return when bartering or job searching, for example). Obviously it's still not worth it, but what do you expect people to say? "Shit happens" ~ Tony Abbott.

[@ImIrisPop]

My grandma was that kind of parent to my mom and her siblibgs. She never got treatment and still suffers from anxiety and depression, she kind of lives in another reality and has the need to control her children lifes and blackmails everyone so she wont be left alone, even tho its impossible to have a conversation with her because she always says something negative or hurtful. Being around her is tiring and drains everyones joy. But she wont go to therapy and refuses to take her complete dosis of meds. We've been told by doctors that her situation will only get worse and we are a bit scared and desperate. I guess im not even asking for advice i just needed to vent. Is someone going thru something similar?

[@cmc4443]

Iris Bt I am 37 been dealing with this all my life always scared for my mom's life. Very draining sometimes I just cry because I don't know what else to do feel alone. Because I don't know if I am saying the right thing to her.

[@carolpeters2001]

This is the story of my life! Tired of being the blame for everything wrong in her life...and no matter how hard I try it's NEVER enough!! Drains the life out of me!

[@rejoanbary2155]

I'm dealing with this.

[@stephencurtin9038]

My mother has bpd. I had to go no contact after trying everything else for years. Can't deal with the abuse splitting or projection anymore

[@carrieann6800]

im going thru that right now... even tho i washed my hands of trying to help she showed up our doorstep other day because she didnt pay her electric then i investigated and found out for a year... its too much im getting over cancer and taking care of my 97yr old grandmother... and i always think and stay positive but shes only negativity in my life...even had to call the cops earlier and shes still here...too much

[@Spiritual36]

@@carrieann6800 Please look after yourself. The cancer journey is a tough one and you need the energy to recover from treatment. Treatment side effects can last years so you don't have the health to rescue your mum right now. I realise having gone through treatment and trying to resue my Dad is too exhausting and unhealthy. Relearning healthy boundries and getting counselling to help me stick to them.

[@carrieann6800]

@@Spiritual36 thank you and your right.. due to recent things i told her shes not to enter this house for the sanity of myself and my 96yr ol granny, who thank God is aside from proud decently independant...i appreciate your comment :}

[@yourhomie8883]

My dad has bpd and refuses to take his medication

[@venusmariemakesart444]

@@carrieann6800 you are so strong. I hope youre doing okay darling.

[@adinabudacov9669]

How many people suffering...thanks for the video, very relevant as usual.

[@thebookthepen5421]

I need this tonight. I feel like dying dealing with this situation. No one to share the confusing, sadness, difficult times

[@atharvakatariya]

If u feel u can vent here.

[@justinesimone5343]

Thank you Katie! I am an older woman who didn’t even realize that playing Mom to my Mother caused my path to multiple PTSD! Love your short, informative and eye opening videos! ❤️

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad it was helpful! And know that it's normal to not even realize it's happening..because it's really normal to us. You know?? I hope you are able to get support to work through it. xoxo

[@BrandyPricegoogle]

@@Katimorton I can echo this whole string of comments of the kids who have a bipolar parent. Mine just wants me to give her money when she's broke, we've helped her in the past but it is the same cycle over and over. I just want her to leave me alone, that of course brings me more guilt. I've spent thousands of dollars and hours on personal dev and therapy and do really well when she's not in my life. But every time I reconnect it becomes more and more difficult to stable myself. The blurred line for me is when and how much to help or if it's ok to let go of helping when nothing ever really changes unless I take her in as my kid. When is right to just cut ties?

[@Sleepyembers]

What if you have younger siblings who still need someone to play the parent? How can you justify leaving them to the same fate as you? But you can't ignore your own needs either.

[@odetteaful]

I can relate... still trying to recover

[@MK-fg6xg]

YOU have to be the parent

[@ameliao.8196]

You should get your own life together. I'm going through the same thing. It's so hard. Feeling guilty and responsible.

[@clairerogers179]

my brother didn't move out until I did at 18, he was 27. leaving me with her wasn't an option but that was his own decision

[@tierramccaskill2975]

Don't leave them I didn't live my sliding you got them

[@beckypaul1495]

This is a great video. Thanks, Kati. The part of this video that made my stomach clench was when you said that children of parents with mental illness can sometimes try to be unseen and unheard. That really resonated with me - I call it “making myself small” or “not taking up space”. I’m working through that tendency in therapy right now. I didn’t think of it as a way to stay safe, though. That’s a new perspective - I’ll need to think about that.

[@Katimorton]

I am so glad the video was helpful and gave you something new to consider. It can be so hard dealing with a mentally ill parent.. and I hope some of the tips and ideas I offered are helpful as well. xoxo

[@beckypaul1495]

They definitely do help! You know what else helps? Knowing that I’m not the only person in the world who feels like it’s important to make myself small - I’m glad that other people are also working on this because it means we can find one another and support each other. That’s pretty cool.

[@triple0verkillz45]

I'm currently 14 years old. My dad has depression and my mom has bipolar disorder. So she has mood shifts and can be paranoid and irrational. I'm honestly just venting here because I feel like my mom may get violent again and I'm nervous. As a result of this I have PTSD of loud noises like if I hear parents laughing or something I get a chill and become really nervous for no reason and I usually get really shaky. Just a few weeks ago my mom went crazy and started swinging a 2 by 4 at my dad while I was watching from my window. She got arrested and of course my dad got her out of it. She went there for around 2 weeks and came home and seemed like she was better. Today she lost some small thing and got completely irrational and when my dad tried to help find it she just yelled at him. I really hope she just stays in her room. I'm worried this will escalate. It also sucks because I'm an only child so I have no one to talk too and I feel like I'm alone and trapped. My only outlet is my friends house who know the situation and let me stay sometimes but I know she will get mad if I do. Also since I'm fourteen I cant go anywhere by myself basically. Sorry this was long and also not structured just needed to vent.

[@chriswong10855]

I can relate so much. Thank you for sharing. I feel so powerless when my mom is lashing out for no reason or blowing things out of proportion and attack me. I get super sensitive with any noise, esp loud noises.

[@nodus7853]

My mother has depression and she is always angry and she always hits me and I hate it because I seriously can’t remember the last time I was told I was loved.😣

[@mujjuuu]

@Gigi Barak same bro keep going 💯

[@ebun_lav]

You are loved💖

[@lightstationaudio]

you are loved

[@anobody5195]

You are loved❤

[@toadieodie100]

As a parent with Bipolar, this is why I strongly advocate that our first responsibility IS stability. If we can't take care of ourselves, then we are NOT taking care of our children. Period. I have three boys who also have diagnoses of their own. I have to set the example. Every day. They're not going to comply with their treatment plans if I'm not complying with mine. When it comes to teaching children, actions very much do speak louder than words. It saddens me to know that there are people out there that have difficulties understanding this. Stability is hard but so is parenting. Why did you sign up for that if you weren't willing to do the work? I speak as someone who grew up with parents that refused to admit they had a problem until after I was an adult. Growing up, I promised myself I would not be that parent. I strive everyday to live up to that promise.

[@myanichols3446]

That's the thing. Just because we have a mental illness it doesn't automatically mean we are bad parents. There are a lot of us who work very hard on our treatments etc to ensure that we are good and stable parents for our children. Keep up the great work :)

[@faeriesmak]

You are pretty amazing!

[@toadieodie100]

More like stubborn? lol I didn't know I had Bipolar until after my third son was born. I was treated for Post Partum Depression all three times. It wasn't until the third time the doctor recognized the treatment induced mania, which is what got me diagnosed after a history interview. I won't pretend I'm perfect either. I've made my share of mistakes. It's part of being human. I really don't want people to think I'm perfect or superhuman in some way. It's just I want people to know that we can be good parents but we have to put in the work. There are no shortcuts to this. There's no faking it here. Either you get it done or you don't. There's no middle ground. And to all those people who have parents that fail in this: you have every right to choose to wash your hands and walk away for your own safety and wellness. Mental illness does not give anyone the right to be a jerk or abuse another person. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to put up with it because they're family. As much as it sucks to say, there comes a point where you have to walk away if they continue to refuse to get the help they need. If the building is on fire do you jump out or do you burn with it?

[@toadieodie100]

I don't think Kati was addressing those of us who are striving not to be that parent and are crushing it. I think she was trying to explain why it happens and what to do when it happens. I just felt the strong need to voice that this is exactly why I do what I do as a parent. Because sadly, I've seen this happen and not just in my own family. Kati skimmed the surface of this because it depends on the diagnosis and the personality of the individual, such as outright financial ruin to the home, and there is also something known as functional poverty (where the person earns enough money, but manages it so poorly they put themselves into a poverty state). There's infidelity - chronic or otherwise - that can wreck a home. The list goes on. None of these behaviors are even parenting related, but they certainly do have an effect on the children, that sometimes don't occur if the person is stable. My mother has chronic depression and most of my childhood she pretended nothing was wrong. My father had a serious drinking problem right up until I was 16 years old. Infidelity and verbal/emotional abuse played a major role in our home until after my dad quit drinking. I've seen far worse scenarios in other families growing up while moving around in the military. In every case as far as I could tell, the adults would pretend nothing was wrong even though me as a kid saw otherwise. And heaven forbid if you brought it up.

[@Katimorton]

Thank you SO much for sharing your experience and insights on this. I agree... you have to prioritize stability. I am so glad there are parents out there like you who lead by example and strive to take care of themselves and their mental health. xoxo

[@danip2476]

It’s really hard having a mom who has depression and I feel like I have to keep it a secret bc nobody I know can relate to this :(

[@thatoncer]

You’re not alone

[@75sadiegirl]

As a parent myself, with CPTSD I feel that being in therapy, seeing my mental health nurse and staying on meds is crucial for breaking the cycle with my own child. Also, having him in therapy gives him the tools he needs that I may not be aware of as I didn't have those modeled for me as a child.

[@PRoseLegendary]

I grew up with a dad with an intellectual disability, and a mum who struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. They are also both Deaf. I'm the oldest, so while my parents coped with physically taking care of me and my brother, they often relied on me to interpret and explain the world to them, defend them, and be an emotional support to them and to my brother. It took a long time for me to recognise the trauma I'd experienced being parentified, but once I moved out of home and to another state it forced my parents to stop relying on me so much, and it helped me recognise what had happened and heal from it without blaming them or expecting too much from my parents. I still love them, and they love me, but I have learned that I'm never going to get what I needed emotionally from them, because they just don't have the capacity. I have learned to re-parent myself, and give myself the words and the comfort I needed when I was a kid. I still help them out occasionally, and see them regularly, but moving out was the best decision I ever made.

[@blaccmoon6664]

My dad has a personality disorder, it's so hard to deal with because he gets worked up over nothing, one minit he's happy and the next he's angry for no reason 😔

[@anabelleb9919]

Emzy moo what does he have ? BPD?

[@blaccmoon6664]

anabelleb17 I don't know but I have BPD I'm starting to think it's genetic

[@anabelleb9919]

Emzy moo hmm BPD is generic sadly so maybe he does have it again idk stay strong tho !!

[@blaccmoon6664]

anabelleb17 thankyou 🤗

[@Katimorton]

That can be so hard!! It can feel like we are walking on egg shells all the time :( I hope some of the tips I offered are helpful honey. xxoo

[@faeriesmak]

Thank you! This was very validating. I grew up with a Father who had paranoid schizophrenia. I am also an only child. Because my mother was always dealing with him I was mostly left to fend for myself. It forced me to be very independent and mature at an early age but I also felt and still feel responsible for my Mother. Even more so now that my Mother is older and my Father passed away years ago now. Actually she lives with us now which is working out pretty well. Living with him going off his medications and relapsing when I was a teen has also left me with a pretty hefty anxiety disorder myself and I feel like I am not at all resilient. I still feel pretty isolated because it’s an experience that none of my classmates or friends were going through. They were all concerned about the prom and dates and I was wondering what I was coming home to after school or if there would even be food in the house. (My Mom didn’t work at at times my Dad was not well enough to work. He had other physical issues as well as the mental ones, thus the early death). But anyway thanks for putting this out there.

[@neverhaddachance]

Also the oldest daughter of a paranoid schizophrenic... I relate to everything you said, except that I had 4 younger siblings to look out for... I will always feel responsible for my mother, even though she's fading away the older she gets. Don't feel alone, there are so many out there that do really get it. I find myself gtrying to make people's day better when I'm out because I worry that someone else may really really need the boost of happiness I found in clerks and strangers. Smile always:)

[@faeriesmak]

Thanks Julie! My parents decided not to have any more children because of the fact that my Dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia and my Mom didn't think that she would be able to take care of any more kids plus she didn't want the to take the risk of bringing any into the world that would possibly also have mental illnesses to deal with themselves. It sure was lonely, though, and sometimes I think that having a sibling may have helped emotionally...BUT I guess there was always the chance that I would have been taking care of siblings as well. Have a great weekend and thank you SO MUCH for the reply.

[@rejoanbary2155]

My dad is also paranoid.

[@TallynTech]

I didn't ask to have all of these mental issues that I didn't even know I had until I was 30... I had my son at 22 and had no choice but to raise him on my own because his mom left us. But my son also inherited my high functioning autism as well as, OCD, ODD, ADHD. I would be terrified for him to see this video and think that he needs to get out as soon as possible =/ hes all I have. I have been watching all your videos ever since I found you a few weeks ago and I cry so often because your the only person I have ever come across that seems to understand how I feel and could really help me. God why can't I find someone like Kati who can help me instead of constantly misunderstanding everything I say and do -=/ Life is so so hard and I feel like I am not apart of this world or this species... like I was born into a world on accident that is so much meaner and angry and selfish and judgmental than I am. I keep coming to that same conclusion that I am not apart of the same human species =( and that you would understand that. I'm not angry with you or your video Kati, it just scares me because I've saved in a play list that I watch every day about 8 of your videos that are ME for the first time something that says THIS IS YOU. I am so happy to have found you, I just wish here in Bakersfield I could find someone as kind and understanding towards the way I am like you would be.

[@maxim3830]

phatlewtz82 Nobody said that people with MH issues are by definition unfit to raise children. But if a parent’s MH leads to physical or emotional abuse, or the care for a parent starts to impair normal child development, it’s important to reach out for help. If a parent becomes unable to put their child’s interest first, it gets problematic.

[@Jackie-no3zu]

Thanks for this. It wasn’t until a year or two that I realized that my mom has bipolar. It’s so hard to cope around her because I never know what mood or temper she will be in because it always fluctuates. She has hit me on several occasions, thrown objects at me, shoved me, and flipped a table with food, glass etc. onto me. My dad tells me to just ALWAYS be nice, patient, and never say one word that will set her off. As a 14 year old Human being I cannot possibly always be the parent and never say a single word that is against what she thinks. My mom will leave our house to go to the ‘store’ most of the time over 5 or 6 hours. She never answers my phone calls and I just cry with worry and sadness because she takes my baby sister with her. And the sad part is that I can’t do anything about it because I have no custody over my little sister. Every time she goes off on one of her shopping sprees she buys alcohol and things that we don’t need. I think that I hold the most resentment towards my mom’s side of her family because they always take her side and say that I’m a brat, depressed, have anger issues, and too controlling, behind my back. They also never told my dad that my mom has bipolar disorder, so he even told me that if he knew before they had me that he would have left her and I will never forgive them for that. They never tried to understand my situation and don’t feel the need to support me emotionally or let me stay with them during my moms episodes. I feel so alone and I feel that I always have to keep it a secret. It’s been bottled up inside of me and I’m scared that my anxiety, depression, and ptsd will stay with me even after I leave home, for my entire life. Does anyone have advice please I’m suffering so much.

[@gummybearviolin]

Thank you for this reminder! Guilt is something I've struggled with everyday since I left home. I'm living with a family member now. My mother threatened to throw me out several times since I turned 18, and I just got tired of it. She threw me out around Easter, and when I didn't beg to come home like I usually do, her threats got worse. She said she'd call 911 and tell them I'm autistic, missing, and having a meltdown. She's used my autism against me my whole life. She yelled at me one day, "I swear to God I sometimes think you're half retarded." And after that, she would imitate me by rolling her eyes to the back of her head and flapping her hands when I said something she didn't agree with. If she had the right audience, she'd yell at me for not being a good enough daughter. Nothing I did could please that woman. She was zero to a hundred in a split second. I still get nervous around people who aren't obviously happy. I try to make people laugh now, so they can't be angry. She doesn't feel like I can be independent even though I lived on campus at college for three years. I feel guilty sometimes for not going back when she said I could, but I can't save up money when she's taking all of what I earn (she felt entitled to it). I'm working now and saving up to move out on my own and go back to school eventually. Things are getting better. I've found music helps calm me down, and I've started surrounding myself with more positive people. I was scared to leave home for good. I know I'm not ready now, but in the future, do we ever have to reach out to our mentally ill parents again? I know mine was toxic, and I don't plan on giving her that chance to hurt me again. Again, I really appreciate the reminder. While I still live with a lot of fear (my biggest one being that I might have to go back to her), I feel a little better knowing that leaving home is okay for an adult in her twenties to do. And for the final time, thank you for this video. I've been subscribed and watching nearly every single video for a few months now, but this is my first comment on one. This one just hit really close to home.

[@taylornpickle]

thank you so much for touching on this topic. i was hoping to find a video like this. this is something i've dealt with for 24 years and it's nice to hear the reasoning behind what has made me the person i am, and the emotional incest thing shocked me because i have never heard of it but i think i have experienced it. thank you so much again!

[@gabbiefulton8604]

Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand my emotions about my family who has mental illness. Especially my mom.

[@nadinejohnson96]

My mom has an extremely agressive form of schizoaffective. She was not correctly diagnosed tell earlier this year. The combo of her illness and my dads anger was a horrible environment for me to grow up in. She was very attached to me and told me things you dont tell your daughter. I definitely have some form of anxiety and depression which I'm positive is a result of my dads physical/mental abuse and my moms own indirect form on mental abuse. I think my biggest fear is to become like my mom and my dad. I'm just grateful to be a functioning adult even with my own issues. I'm capable of living on my own and contributing to this world.

[@misscelinateloexplica0001]

Kati, I have a mental Illness and a personality disorder. I'm 35 and I decided 5 years ago to not have any children. I'm going to schedule a surgery in order to never be able to be pregnant. Which kind of therapy do you recommend me. I want to do this in the less emotional painful way.

[@foolgazer]

I never knew there was a name for the kind of relationship I have with my mom. Feeling responsible for her happiness and being her emotional support growing up has effected me to the point of not feeling like my own life is worth living. I'm 22 and had to move back home due to an injury, and living here has made me incredibly suicidal bc of my moms juvenile behavior, but i can't move back out until my credit score is high enough, and the reason my credit score isn't high enough is because my parents refused to teach me about any of that growing up. They never taught me a single useful thing for thriving as an adult, and it's made me sulk into a pit of hopelessness because i feel so far behind in life. This video gave me hope, just knowing that there is a name for this kind of situation. Thank you

[@93parasol]

I really wish I would know if my parents are mentally ill or not. I wish I had that privilege to be able to say that I grew up with mentally ill parents, but I don't have that, they both show so many signs of illnes but I have no idea. They treated me so bad but it was covert that I still to this day have an extremely hard time even saying what happened. I left when I was 18, only leaving a note on the kitchen table. Best thing I have done but everyone in the world except my two closest friends blame me. They think what I did was unforgivable.

[@mickalliester3842]

This is a great video. Thank you. I'm 23 and still feeling all of the same feelings about my father as I did when I was a teenager. My behaviour as an adult makes so much sense too. Everyone always assumed I'm a lot older because I had to grow emotionally so deeply so young. It's important for kids to identify these issues because I had no idea and it stunted me and it was embarrassing.

[@angelicadesjarlais485]

This whole comments feels like I have people who understand. And what better understand what we’re all going through is us. I feel like people finally get me in the comments I wish everyone keep there sanity while dealing with an ill parent. Trying not to lose yourself in a process of cat and mouse with a parent especially if your the oldest child. I hope everyone heals and gets out of this situation love you all, be strong

[@daniellas999]

thank you. I grew up with a pretty toxic father who always played the victim, and would manipulate everyone. He pushed everyone away, even my brother and I, my mom, etc. So he has nobody anymore. I wrote him a letter about a month ago, saying how I felt, and how I want space from him and would prefer if he didn’t contact me. Anyway, he got off the phone with my mom earlier today saying how there’s no point of him living, he hates people, hates social media, hates living. Hearing him say that on the phone broke my heart, I feel like it’s my fault that he feels this way ( even though my mom says he’s been that way for a long time). He might have leukaemia, and says he would refuse treatment, and would rather die. That absolutely broke me, because knowing that he hates living as much as he does is just beyond terrifying. He’s flying out to my city to get his dog, and I’d feel like such a bad person if I didn’t go see him, when he comes (He only comes like once a year). I feel so guilty and like a terrible person for not wanting to see him, but at the same time he’s my dad.

[@peccatrix6135]

Oh my god! I cried while you explained how the child feels. I relate so deeply with this.

[@Twistery927]

Wow I would've benefitted from this so much as a kid. I hope young folks can find this video and get the help I wish I had ❤️

[@theukeconomist6518]

I grew up with both parents who are mentally ill, I was diagnosed with psychopathy, lack of empathy, calculated personality but also calm and collected. This most likely is part of the reasons why I'm successful in business as I had to learn to raise myself from an early age when I moved out for university. Good video 👍

[@naturefleur2062]

This describes so much of my childhood. Very accurate description in a brief video. Sadly, we were estranged from most extended family, who also had their own mental health issues anyway. My parents tightly controlled the family and if anyone spoke up, they were kicked out of the house. I was the oldest daughter and tried to help my parents and siblings the best I could. Years later, by reading mostly, I discovered my mom was BPD with narcissistic tendencies and my dad was an absent parent who also was narcissistic. I wish this video would have been around when I was growing up-I was shamed for noticing the problems. Getting healthy has been hard because it means that I need to accept I will not have a healthy family and I’m on my own. But the plus side is that I can be healthy emotionally and can raise my kids differently than I was raised.

[@chloejung609]

Wow thanks for making this video 💖 Both of my parents has been having anxiety and depression, and myself and my sister suffer from different mental illnesses. I agree that getting out of that environment is the first thing you should do, as my family were financially stable I was able to live abroad since I was 15 which I'm very happy about, but my sister hasnt been able to do that as she didnt want to move out of her hometown. I'm so worried about her especially bc she has a mild form of eating disorder and I would hate that do go severe and out of control..

[@Anyhoodle7]

It explains a lot about how I dont like to draw attention to myself, im 28 and all my life my mom would be so unpredictable and would throw things or just say terrible backhanded things to us. My oldest sister took care of me when I was super little and I think resents us both for it. And i had to take care of my mom in my late teens early 20s . Sometimes i find nurturing people through coworkers or friends or a doctor and find myself starting to cling to them for comfort i dont feel with my parents. Were ok but I wish had parents that didnt feel like roommates

[@catdeluxeatday]

Anyhoodle :( same.

[@alyssalombardo4626]

So happy to have seen this video tonight, this has been my life taking care of my mother with bipolar disorder. Mental illness runs in my family and it has been tough. I have truly benefited and learned so much from you! Thank you so much for making videos, you are the best! Xoxo

[@binteshabir08]

Same condition of my mom

[@susie7336]

I’m a new sub. My mom has a lot of symptoms for mental illness but she refuses to go to the dr. She’s 74, otherwise healthy and active. She is paranoid and sees people that aren’t there. How can I support her?

[@StarDMC26]

Susan Freeland look up community services for mental health. it helped my mom and I out also try therapy it can be good as well it helps!

[@dominikad1921]

Sometimes it can be the side effect of some medicine your mom is taking-is she is, maybe just check the side effects and contact her gp about it. If it's not the meds, it's obviously a hard situation and I really don't know how to help you other than trying to gently talk it out with your mom, but remember if she is in danger of harming someone or herself you can apply for mandatory psychiatric help for her, at least that's how it looks like where I live. I don't know how bad the situation is, obviously that's kind of a last resort. I really doubt it does, but I hope this helps somehow

[@lilywilliamson7728]

Hello. Im sorry to hear that your mother is struggling. I would say that it's important to help your mom to know that she is not "crazy". Helping to remove the stigma can make it easier to reach out for help.

[@nessuhhg6305]

The exact same thing my mom goes through..we ruled out medication and she got her brain checked and eeg etc..she suffers from hallucinations due to having 4 strokes

[@Katimorton]

Hey Susan :) You can help her get to see a doctor for a check up and stay in the room to let he or she know that she is seeing things that aren't there... but other than that we really can't force people to get the help they need (unfortunately) but you can let her know you will help her get to those appts or find a mental health professional etc. xoxo

[@markogolemovic7101]

It is so easy to talk, but it's completely different to live with it.

[@marleehoffman2958]

I found myself taking care of my parents not only because my parents have mental illnesses, but because they both at some point were physically not able to. My dad has had two double lung transplants and my mom has a connective tissue disorder. Because of that, I’ve had to grow up sooner and take care of them. I’ve had to give up nights out with friends and just normal kid stuff I could have done to take care of them. As a result, I really struggle with not only letting others do things for me, but also I struggle with emotional overload and taking time for myself. I let things build and build and build until even just tiniest thing happens and sets me off. I don’t like taking care I myself because I have, and always will, see others peoples needs and desires as more important than mine

[@unluckipox1932]

Wow! This hits the nail on what I’ve been working on as the oldest sibling with two parents with mental health issues. Thank you so much for sharing this!

[@anyasilka2325]

Oh my word! This was me! Now the Mother is "away" and I am messed up! All types of abuse and so much fear and I suffer with no help, system denies I am damaged and I feel like ending it all! So many scary flashbacks and palpitations and nausea and terror and cannot live in the present! Sweat pouring off me in these feelings! Both parents emotionally unavailable as well!!! Thank You SO much for your videos, you ARE AN ANGEL Katie! God Bless You!😲🙏

[@TigersLullaby125]

Hiii Kati😘 Thank you for all your help! You have the most beautiful smile and we love you❤️❤️❤️ I missed the last few vids because I’ve been talking with a woman haha! I’m in love☺️ Have an awesome weekend🌸

[@Katimorton]

Congrats on the relationship!!! That's wonderful to hear :) xoxo

[@xPeckhamm]

THANK YOU!! This video helped me so much! I sent it to my ex boyfriend too, who struggles with the same issues. Thank you for doing what you do.

[@Katimorton]

You are so welcome :) xoxo

[@ellevs1601]

Thank you so much for this. It helps so much to clear things up, especially things that came up last night in therapy.

[@jamiesmith5391]

Thank u, I have wanted this topic! I have anxiety, depression, grieving and ptsd. It has hurt my children because I withdraw from the outside world (we use to be just the opposite), I keep them in a bubble from fear of them getting hurt, I don’t want there friends over to see my messy house, and me glued to the couch. I could go on forever. I see my daughter has picked up some of my anxious behavior and it makes me feel terrible. As if I could feel any worse. I’m trying so hard and my children see that, I have been blessed with them and I gotta get better! They need me!

[@Person3855]

You just spoke my life for the last 8 years. It’s reassuring to know that I’ve taken the proper steps to heal.

[@adamesser6056]

wow i didnt realize how much i needed this video

[@jenniferloudiana231]

Thank you for this video. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and grew up in a household with multiple people with mental illnesses. You nailed exactly how scary it is.

[@dondashall]

Thanks for this. I wish I had seen this years and years ago. I moved home again after a depression and it really hit hard then, though there's always been stuff of course but it really got horrible. I can mention that I also have a diagnosis, a different one from my mother (and I definitely was neglected in ways because of both mine and hers). And after finding my place again we definitely have drifted, I need to find therapy again to properly deal with the hurt. The thing you said to manage expectations of the parent (and to discuss that with your therapist) really hit for me, because I never thought of discussing in that way, but that can be a way. Thank you for this video.

[@sakuramankaii]

I find this extremely helpful and eye-opening, thank you! There is though one factor that always makes me a bit too sad when discussing about these things, as when you set out to make your own boundaries and leave their immediate presence, that doesn't mean their need for care also ends there. The burden you've taken on yourself for now will only shift to other people around them like friends and other relatives, and you end up only feeling twice as bad about that, now that you're not straight away there to take care of them, especially if we're talking about a parent with a mental illness that includes self-destructive and socially destructive behaviour. So what to do?

[@tamiaprescott7434]

omg i love that you said this yes im struggling with my mothers mental health and once i left hom ethe burden went to my aunt and now is primarily on my grandmother and i feel so terrible about it

[@tasuki199]

"GET Out" yeah... great. Until that parent is elder and due to our crap economy you have to help take care of them later in life... reality bites, lady. Sometimes we are thrust back into these situations ... especially when you're an only child.

[@iamtheresa5056]

Aimee Gray Same 💔

[@OKell2]

I've been thinking about this a lot, my father has bipolar disorder and depression and he got the boot by my mother. My brothers dont keep in touch very much with him, making him feel worse. He doesnt have much and he has to pay child support taking more away from him. And he can scrape by now but one day he will be unable to work, and unable to do much. That is the day I cant stop thinking about, it's so sad that he cant enjoy life now, and probably wont later. Makes me real upset I cant help because he deserves to be happy.

[@dddeathmannnn]

Dillon O'Kelly What a lucky dad to have a kid like you. It’s sweet you worry but he wouldn’t want you to, no matter what, the only one who can help him is him. I kno coz I am like him. Just do what you can(like little catchups & phonecalls) it means a lot, but focus on getting your life awesome- that’s what any parent wants most. I just want my kids to have a better life than me, I try, but I can’t stop my crippling rage & depression & bipolar shit. Only I can fix me.

[@HopeShreves]

I got out when I was 18 and now I feel more at peace with my mother’s situation and know how she acts. Personally I feel the need to help my mother because she’s done so much for me and I feel like she needs me now. It’s such a hard situation

[@LuliLovesYou27]

Same I'm crushed right now at 22 :(

[@Jordan-kd3jc]

This video describes my life.I finally feel like I'm not alone I always thought my dad was just mad because of his work but then I started seeing other things.The abusing,the pain he caused me and my family,the unusual change of his mood, never knowing what mood he is in and when he is gonna switch it and start abusing and hitting me.I've lived in fear for the past 14 years and I'm still young to move out.I've always wanted my mum to devorce my dad and live happily,but then he is gonna abuse us even more so it's not worth it.Thank you for making this video.I would come back one day when I move out to tell you guys how it is going!

[@vianhdo2606]

My mum has been dealing with really bad mental health issues for the last 2 months and they have felt like hell, hearing this is really refreshing as it always feels like nobody can understand what I would feel but his actually gives me so much help so thank you so much

[@MH-ys2cx]

I like the information & i will look into it thanks\

[@MH-ys2cx]

ok

[@jpjpvds]

Great video and SUPER important advice! Wish I'ld seen this video 35 years ago!

[@Katimorton]

So glad you liked it!! I wish I could have created it 35 years ago!!! I hope you have talked to someone about it just to process through it all and heal :) xoxo

[@MsLaurithaa]

This video hits home, thanks for talking about it Kati! So important to look at the psychiatric family history of a patient!

[@chazitybontempo2681]

As I listened to the words she’s speaking in the video, I resonated with everything..to the point tears started pouring from my eyes because I finally felt understood and fucking validated. I’m that oldest child who has to take care of everything... it’s so so hard. Soon as I started balling tho Kati says *BUT IT CAN GET BETTER* 🥺 *wipes tears*

[@yungshitz1363]

My mom has some form of paranoid personality disorder or schizophrenia and it's just so tiring. It seems to show in episodes like once every two weeks, resulting in screaming, horrible accusations, the police getting involved, etc. but she is usually unwilling to get help once her episodes are over. Is there any program or something I can use for her to get help, It's not to the point where she can't support me yet and I have family who will be able to take in me in, but it's still very scary. Anyways, if any of you guys have been through a similar situation can you please share some words of advice that help you got through it or is currently helping you through it, just to know I'm not alone will help a lot.

[@majaexploring3801]

My mom has schizophrenia, it was hard for me growing up. Get help from a support system, call as many people or services as possible. People that can convince her to get help. My mum was given the choice to either take medication or be hospitalised and since then she been on meds. You can contact me if you want to chat

[@yungshitz1363]

@@majaexploring3801 @Maja - Thank you for the reply, I wrote this when I was extremely anxious and just needed to vent, the situation is much better now as she is now willing to get help, and I have come to terms with the fact that I will just have to deal with this until adulthood. If I ever need advice in the future I will be sure to try to reach you.

[@fadingtwilight7682]

I love your videos Katie but I feel you failed to mention something important here. I absolutely agree that anyone living with parents who are abusive or neglecting to meet their child's needs, should seek and get help and support, and move out if necessary. This is a very important message, and I do realize that this video is directed towards young people who are in bad situations. However, I think it's important to also mention that a parent having a mental illness, does not mean they are automatically going to abuse or neglect their child. I find this to be damaging. A parent can suffer from, let's say, depression and anxiety and still give their child the love and support that they need, as long as they are aware and are actively working on their issues.

[@shannonjaffray225]

Actual tears for this video- just the introduction alone 😭♥️ Thank you so much kati

[@EchoCatAFK]

This is very true to my life. Oh my goodness. I’m going to save this video. I have lived with this for many years, I didn’t even know there was help for people like me.

[@FindingoutWhoIam]

Can you do a video on this? Not referring to a psychiatric hold...How do you or other therapists you know help Clients who refuse treatment? Or need a higher level of treatment without breaking their trust you have built?

[@FindingoutWhoIam]

Bc I know sometimes when I could use more help... but I dont know how to ask for it I know I'm 28 years old but I'm too afraid too.. I've been through too much... and I feel like even if I do if I did need it no one would listen.. so I wonder if it's better to let problems get worse for others.. too ?

[@Katimorton]

It's really hard... because as a clinician you have to think legally first. So their safety and making sure they you aren't leaving them out there while they are a danger to themselves or someone else. So if they need a higher level of care and refuse it, you can try to talk with them about it and let them know what they next steps have to be, you can enlist family or friends to help, and then you will be forced to 5150 them.. it totally sucks, but if you don't and they harm themselves or someone else you can lose your license and be fined a lot of money :/ ugh.

[@PrimroseFrost]

Hey, could you maybe also make a video about how to raise a child healthily as a mentally ill adult? I don't want to sound too harsh, because I realize this video is going to be very helpful for a lot of people, but it was really hurtful to me as a person with a chronic mental illness (bipolar II) not to hear anything about the other side. I don't have kids yet, but I would really like to be a mom in the future. I feel like I've missed out on so much in my life because of how long it took for me to get a proper diagnosis (I was 24 and struggled since I was 19, I'm 28 now); I don't want my mental illness to take this away from me, too. Aside from working towards my own stability (I've actually benefited tremendously from accepting that I'll never be 100% "better"), what else can I do?

[@loverrlee]

Okay I literally relate to everything you said in this video. Thank you for making this video Katie. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone in this. Thank you for giving me the information I want to get the help I need. ♥️

[@meyawhite5839]

Thank you for everything you do! your videos really help keep me grounded when I feel lost

[@napoleonsgarden5162]

Great video! I’ll definitely be bringing this up in therapy because I knew this had happened to me but didn’t know much about it other than your parentified child video. I’m newer but love your channel as extra therapy, thank you Kati!

[@joycooper4023]

Thank you Katie. I really appreciate this video. Thankfully I had some wonderful grandparents down the road while I was young. Now, as an adult, I am facing all sorts of new dilemmas with boundaries and my role as an adult child. I’ve really struggled with isolation and not wanting to be seen or get any attention. I’ve been weighing out Alanon vs going back to therapy. Thank you again!

[@25offcds62]

Oldest child here. This is so true. thank you for this video

[@Riyaaaa__621]

This video speaks to me. My mom is having bouts of depression. It's been more than 6 months. I pray everyday for her. If anything or anyone can cure her and deliver from this illness😢

[@johnrutledge3892]

Your strength and compassion is very cool - thank you.

[@lavenderjane2963]

Thank you for this video! Explains A Lot* You are the best! I look forward to your videos each week.

[@emanne7470]

You’re so great - love your attitude. My mother had early radiation exposure and caused schizophrenia. I had complex PTSD for over a decade. Had to stay in the house till I went to college. Years of therapy and hard work- now I’m a teacher and soon to be clinical professional counselor.

[@allywatson1555]

Thank you Kati for this great videos I always look forward for you videos on Monday's and Thursday's thank you for your hard work.

[@aryashah2386]

i feel like my mom doesn’t really look at anyone as a human, but as someone to do work with them. i’m so afraid of her words and everytime she walks in, i feel like she might just yell at me. i’ve lost so many friends because she’s had anger tantrums in front of my friends and i have had to take care of myself mentally. but her and my dad just expect me to take the insults and the blame everyday and they don’t understand how much it’s destroying me. everything i do must circulate arounds my mom, and i feel like i don’t have a life anymore. i’m just scared everytime i come home and i hate school so much but i’d rather take a whole day or bullying than go home. thank you for the video, and for helping me with these strategies, and for everyone watching i really hope this helps in the long term.

[@Zaina292]

Thank you so much, I needed to hear this

[@rosey4exclaim]

I was twenty-four by the time I could get out, and that was only with the help of my boyfriend and his family. I'm so grateful for them every day. I've been reading a book you recommended in another video, The Emotionally Absent Mother, and it's been a great help, if only to open my eyes to everything my mom did RIGHT. Yes, there were some (very big) needs of mine she couldn't fill due to her own mental illness and how she was raised (those needs being unfulfilled in her own childhood), but she filled a lot more needs than I previously gave her credit for. The book gives me hope that, having depression and anxiety, I might be able to raise kids who are not totally fucked up. So anyway, thank you for your videos because they're helping me.

[@---rc9kn]

everything that you said in this video is so accurate. my dad is mentally ill and he’s at a hospital, my sister moved out so it’s only my mum and i living together. my dad has anger issues. i always feel tension and fear that he might lash out and mentally or physically abuse my mum and/or me. what’s even worse is that i feel like in just like him.

[@XeaRae]

I needed to hear this. I felt overly responsible for my family for the longest time (abusive bipolar sibling and codependent family, with me being the only golden child). But then thanks to Kati and other youtubers and books I learned about emotional incest and parentification and realized I was unjustly burdened by all this. I realized all my relationships so far were enmeshed. I'm soon to move out of my family's grasp and I'm in therapy and slowly working on setting boundaries and tracking my feelings and learning to like/love myself. I can see healing will take a lot of time, but I feel like I'm actually living and in charge of my life for the first time. So thank you Kati for your wonderful work! You helped make my life so much better.

[@Julia-qp2hh]

My mom suffered from depression and burn outs a lot while I was younger. She and my dad and my grandparents still definitely took care of me very well and when I look at what other people went through with their parents I'm so grateful for mine. The difficult part was that I am hsp, and I took over a lot of the sadness and anxiety she was feeling. That has also impacted my own mental health.

[@jennythompson7513]

Thanks for talking about this Kati. My dad has Bipolar depression, and it can be hard at times. He's never really been abusive or anything, and for the most part he has it under control, but at times it gets in the way of me having the relationship I want with my dad.

[@ClefairyFairySnowflake]

Thank you for this video! It was super helpful!