SBFC 209: Pat Watches The Emoji Movie

[@justinacosta6212]

for woolie to react like that, apparently he has not heard about that beyblade episode where they say that moses parted the red sea with a beyblade

[@darthnazgul]

Justin Acosta No way, did they actually write that? Did they animate that? Voice act that? Give it the greenlight for broadcast?

[@smugalice6206]

Justin Acosta You're a liar. A goddamn liar. Edit: No you're not. I can't believe what I saw.

[@justinacosta6212]

a guy was talking about how beyblades were used throughout history for miracles or some shit, and they were showing a picture of moses parting the sea with a beyblade photoshopped in

[@dantr14]

That sounds amazing

[@dudejoe24]

I forgot about that and omg its worse than i remembered. its just so amazing.

[@EggBastion]

*_" S O N Y P I C T U R E S N E E D S A M O N E Y ! ! ! "_*

[@Mr_Meatbox]

*I T S N O T A B I R D*

[@CaptainDemo779]

*This fuckin’ movie division S U C K S !* Edit: Time Stamp for the 2 quotes: 7:43

[@CaptainDemo779]

Shaun Zafar *I T S A F U C K I N’ B I R D ! !*

[@Gungho73]

I still use "needs a money" when I want to actively mock a big company.

[@eldsberryscott1284]

"Twitter is not a bird." THERE... ARE... FOUR... LIGHTS!

[@god47398]

should go right up there with "there is no war in ba sing se"

[@princevegeta699]

well it sure as shit ain't a bird now

[@Abdega]

16:55 "I would love to see the leaked emails that this is part of a quadrilogy" Don't put that evil on me Woolie *DON'T YOU PUT THAT EVIL ON ME!*

[@goodninji8]

Truly Mr. Darlington knows the dangers that lie in the hearts of men.

[@josephlien8875]

You know you've found somebody special when you can watch shit movies with them. A few years ago I had a girl in my apartment and we watched The Room. She never spoke to me again. It was worth it.

[@TehNoobiness]

Crazy Talk Requiem: Pat successfully becomes so wrong that the universe itself becomes wrong. This drags all nearby [Stand] users into the Shat Pants, a world where Pat is always *right* because the world itself is always wrong. Victims usually shoot themselves.

[@maximedelice6691]

This hit me in two waves of pure insane laughter.

[@goodninji8]

@@maximedelice6691 And you will NEVER reach the end of those waves.

[@DrErikNefarious]

And yet this is the same Pat that said "I understand people have different tastes, and some people like the taste of shit in their mouths"

[@balrogdahomie]

Dr.ErikNefarious he never said he wasn't part of that group

[@cristianl1516]

Dr.ErikNefarious you do know he said he didn't like the movie right?

[@sigh824]

Zero Spineslash he knew what he was getting into tho and he still paid actual money to see it

[@cristianl1516]

sigh824 yeah because he wanted to see a bad movie

[@dudejoe24]

sigh824 people watch thing ironically or just want to watch a bad movie example the room.

[@Mugwise]

Pat said "Emoji Shuffle" and i slammed my head into the wall behind me because i recoiled my head in cringe without thinking. My head throbs and there is a visible dent in my wall.

[@benjaminsequeira5502]

the twitters logo isnt a bird freak out had me dying

[@Combustible-Lemons]

I T S A F U C K I N G B I R D

[@Pabloxio28]

I´m thanking Pat for wasting his time and money in Foodfight 0.2 and just telling the most embarrassing parts. Bless you, you canadian man-baby man.

[@Comkill117]

Direseeker foodfight with a budget

[@Whatevsman27]

Terry R. And arguably better casting

[@psycholuigiman]

Oh God! Why does that bit about the hieroglyphics hurt so bad? I can't comprehend the complex emotions that gives me.All I know is that it feels super bad, you guys.

[@TheJaranggigi]

psychologyman Here, use this animated emoji to help express your feelings! Only $9.99 each!

[@TJR93]

Probably because it devalues mankind.

[@TheGrayMysterious]

Probably cause it devalues intelligence

[@WordoftheElderGods]

It’s true though

[@KrytenKoro]

@@WordoftheElderGods they didn't charge money to use hieroglyphs

[@Whatevsman27]

That hieroglyphics=emoji bit just leaves me violently ill

[@InchonDM]

It smacks to me of a teacher who's on the verge of giving up. Not the movie writers, mind. I can absolutely see a teacher making that comparison. But it's a guy who's approaching the end of his rope and is desperately trying to get the class to engage again.

[@Fjarhultian]

"4000 years old badfeel" culd have been a podcast-title.

[@gaiden8066]

Fjarhultian 4000 year bad touch

[@thisisaformality]

*should have been the podcast title

[@StealthMoustache]

Best thing pat says... "it tempers my soul with damage". That kills me man.

[@samsonlynard8455]

The word and explanation of "Emoji Shuffle" has etched a face that can only be described as abhorrent, which isn't showing a sign of leaving my face. So this is what gargoyles feel like during the day.

[@Comkill117]

Samson Lynard it sounds like the terrible episode of spongebob "Face Freeze".

[@Chadius]

*Looks at your avatar* Story checks out

[@jamzilla960]

Funny enough he got it wrong, its called the emoji pop

[@ZeGermanFox]

*SONY PICTURES NEEDS A MONEY* - Pat, 2017

[@XxCalypsoxX616]

EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPHICS WERE THE FIRST EMOJIS

[@FryIronicMemeFace]

WE WUZ EMOJIS AN SHIET

[@Anu_Evil_Queen]

XxCalypsoxX616, I felt offended for my ancestors when I first heard about that. It felt like a reverse assassins creed situation, in which my ancestors were looking into my life, and I still some how felt their pain.

[@SomeRandomJackAss]

Kanji is kind of like emojis, right?

[@JeedyJay]

*[Distressed Woolie noise!]*

[@Whatevsman27]

BadAssMutha006 I'm almost surprised they didn't go there

[@RadJordy]

"Of course the first emojis were hieroglyphics" -Woolie Madden, 2017

[@steelblake]

The more i hear these, the more i want to this segment of the podcast be call "Pat´s watches"

[@NavigatorBR]

I want Pat to see "Transformers Last Knight" and walk us through it like this, man is that a trash fire. I went with two friends to see it, because we wanted to see the fire, and we were blown away by how bad the fire was.

[@NavigatorBR]

Most likely, the film would have been vastly improved if as soon as we saw Merlin the Magician, walking to the cave where the Transformers in King Arthur Era were hiding, it just cut to credits. So basically like, I don't know, less than 15 minutes of medieval fighting with zero Transformers, then cut to credits: Better film. Maybe for the end credit scene, we get Anthony Hopkins flipping through the air in front of Stonehenge.

[@EX-Saber]

"IT'S NOT A BIRD." "The bird is JonTron."

[@TeapotBird]

15:08 is the sound of Woolie's soul being forcibly expelled from his mouth.

[@goodninji8]

11:49 *i T ' s n O T A b I R d*

[@123bluesssman]

SONY NEEDS MONEY!

[@jamesjames7868]

123bluesssman Sony needs to start making some good choices

[@Chadius]

"Hey Genndy Tartakovsky wants to make a Popeye Movie" Sony: NO, FUCK THAT SHIT "Hey Lauren Faust wants to make a movie based on Medusa" Sony: BUT WHERE ARE THE EMOJIS THO?

[@tarjet3867]

I have an idea. How about a movie about Sony's rise and fall in the animation industry. Go back to their roots as a shitty electronic manufacturer all the way up to when they got crucified by EVERYONE. Vin Diesel can play everyone. Just put him in blackface and a mustache and, BOOM! *magic*

[@Nightweaver1]

*!PROFITS AT RISK!*

[@WTFisTingispingis]

Sony needs to die.

[@STALKER953]

Also, Jay-Z on a pirate ship riding on a tidal wave through the Spotify stream would be a movie on its own.

[@dmann2152]

You know a movie is bad when it hurts to hear a synopsis.

[@Chadius]

8:08 "It's basically Reboot." This is what the Reboot reboot should have been FUUUUUUUUCK

[@nikkovalidor4890]

Whens the emoji cinematic universe tho?

[@xzenitramx666]

nikko validor 2020 with the meme movie

[@sigh824]

nikko validor coming 2019, a raunchy comedy from the makers of Sausage Party, starring Adam Sandler's empty husk and produced by Seth Rogan's weed dealer: EGGPLANT

[@ccproductions5262]

There's something hilarious about naked, hard shilling

[@Whatevsman27]

JMcoolfriendlyguy i think it's the sheer unapologetic nature of it all.

[@k.-flynn]

JMcoolfriendlyguy hardcore, raw, and uncensored

[@YamashitaTsubasa]

Just fuck my brand up

[@driftingwolf0]

All over that TM

[@crimsondynamo615]

It’s almost like on the level of Adam Sandler movies. Like the mall bits from 8 Crazy Nights or dare i mention jack and jill

[@critterballard8441]

Pay 49.99 for your patmoji dlc

[@metalmugen]

20 dlls for Emoji DLC on Skyrim

[@PixelleHearts]

This is one of the podcasts where you have to go and watch the stream to fully grasp how much disgust and cringe was being experienced during the discussion. The look on Woolie's face amidst his disgust while trying to make a funny refrain @ 18:38 is priceless.

[@LieseFury]

I'm not gonna pay money for video on a goddamn podcast. Nice try, Matt.

[@atticusrex9468]

Soon as I listened to this on the podcast I NEEDED this singled out. Thanks!

[@mcsurge9260]

The Emoji Shuffle makes the Rick dance look like Swan Lake.

[@callmetony4399]

oh god i did not expect to be reminded of the superbowl shuffle

[@LittleMountain90]

I literally listened to this three hours ago why am I here

[@commanderpreacherlocust1439]

because it's funny

[@goodninji8]

Because 『CRAZY TALK』 is telling you to.

[@BbNaB]

TJ Miller is the human equivalent of “Meh.” Completely undeserved fame for him on every level.

[@comingupooo]

Isn't he a pervert touchy man too?

[@avatyler3732]

Isn’t he voicing Luigi in the new Mario movie?

[@LieseFury]

@@avatyler3732 no, charlie day is luigi

[@Joestar96]

"IT'S A FUCKING BIRD!!!" -Angry Pat

[@JVarley9001]

I love Woolie's sounds of actual physical pain at the secondhand cringe.

[@unclebayou53]

To the syrup mines with you, Fuccboivin.

[@Zangelin]

our birdshaped logo for our site themed entirely around bird noises is totally not a bird.

[@letmeshowumypkmn]

21:56 That's a nice out-of-context quote you got there, Pat

[@jtlego1]

Pat. Pat no. Why would you let it set in this way.

[@goodninji8]

But in the end, it has to be this way.

[@the1tomlowson]

Saw it last weekend. I know Pat stated it, but it's as subtle as a Nuke, that the executives wanted the Emoji shuffle to be the next Harlem Shake/next Gangam Style

[@HarpsiFizz]

It's called the "emoji pop" not the "emoji shuffle" Patrick. Learn the lore, _gosh_ .

[@VictorMartinez-dw6dt]

"They ride the twitter to the text app!" - Pat

[@Heavysweating]

>emoji shuffle I wanna die

[@leow193]

12:00 Well apparently Hello Kitty isn't a kitty

[@Samm815]

@@Destilight It's a tiny British girl.

[@TheGrayMysterious]

You know what would have been a bold thing to do for this movie? If the real goal turned out to be turning the phone off and getting the kid to _directly_ talk to his crush. The emoji characters would realize that while their existence is cool and hip and all that, their continued existence is causing their phone's owner to turn off and tune out the real world around him like so many of his friends and forget how to actually socialize with people, and they would all realize this and just get the phone to either shut off or be irreversibly damaged.

[@crimsondynamo615]

TheGrayMysterious that would imply that the writers and executives don’t think that children are stupid and that they can’t handle any story that has depth and are entertained by a fart

[@RevWorkshop]

Woolie losing his shit trying to shill Twitch emojis

[@dangerzone1036]

*WALK LIKE AN EMOJI*

[@thepickles8833]

Dumpster fire, walk with me

[@RainDaemonic]

I think "gene" isn't supposed to be "Genuine" it's supposed to be "Generic"

[@CaptainDoomsday]

So they still failed.

[@goodninji8]

Don't you mean Gene-uine.

[@gbrincks]

Pat's preparing his soul for the Stand arrow.

[@kovulion7777]

"I enjoy being embarrassed sitting there" -Pat Pat Cuckold fetish NTR confirmed!

[@Kinzokugia]

Woolies suffering at the revelation that Hieroglyphs were the first Emojis gives me life.

[@Sora95678]

Oh......oh no....

[@Umberman]

Pat actively paid for the "Meme Movie" that's already in the making

[@kenronald6786]

I Can't BELIVE pat didn't talk about the awful 8 minute candy crush add.

[@jgn]

Just Dance Now had the worse adaptation. The DDR player in me wanted to make all of me die watching that scene.

[@crimsondynamo615]

JGN I’m a fat bastard who would get winded from playing ddr and just dance, and even that moment was insulting to just dance

[@Jasper_Silva]

Pat watches The Product Movie.

[@goodninji8]

Sir Boivin Observes Child Tempation

[@StarkMaximum]

This whole segment is literally proto-Castle Super Beast.

[@upload646]

11:50 it also does the twitter notification noise

[@Firestar4041]

"Your soul doesn't die a little bit?" 1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahah!!!! 2. What soul? 3. Can't kill whats been dead for decades.

[@Katagara84]

The Twitter logo is Jontron

[@benjaminsequeira5502]

ITS NOT A BIRD????!!!!!!!!!!

[@Roachy08]

I'm trying to find the Twitter quote about the logo not being a bird. I need to read that stupid shit.

[@ShyRanger]

Didn't find it in a Tiwtter quote, but found it in this. brand.twitter.com/logo

[@Trashmancer0]

that was actually gross and uncomfortable to read dude :\

[@ShyRanger]

Good thing I didn't read it, just Google search key words the guy wanted.

[@Yal_Rathol]

QUESTION, didn't twitter at one point alter their logo to be a rainbow in support of gay rights? because that's in there as an example of what you're not allowed to do with their logo. so, twitter are a bunch of hypocrites?

[@KingHalbatorix]

Yal Rathol obviously

[@makingnoises2327]

still one of my favorite podcast segments

[@YourAverageUnitologist]

I love how the video is called Pat watches the Emoji Movie and it's 25 fucking minutes long. I'm in for a fucking ride, aren't I.

[@tailedgates9]

The best news about this was that no kid enjoyed it. That's how it should be....

[@crimsondynamo615]

tailedgates9 i work at a school and some of the teachers were showing it to the kids and they were cheering and laughing. Poor unfortunate little bastards.

[@YouSoSpice]

I would have a hard time choosing between Emoji Movie and the Covenant. I feel like I need a shower after listening to this. Poor Pat.

[@RDevilman98]

Woolie: It's not a bird! Pat: WHAT Woolie: IT'S NOT A BIRD Love it.

[@circular7]

Pat has another hard on for suffering.

[@Khotgor]

Coming from the guy that "Doesn't like the taste of shit in his mouth"

[@Osmostrix]

. . . it's not a bird . . .?

[@Whatevsman27]

1:50 Woolie is a more mature man than I, because I very gladly would’ve snatched at that low hanging fruit

[@InsomniacUN]

Pat's support of trash will be the downfall of humanity.

[@FoolishSage42]

Also known as 'The Segment where Pat, someone who has had the gall to call other people's tastes shit, goes on the record saying that he actively hopes the industry becomes saturated with unentertaining barely watchable crap because that's what he likes.'

[@patrickloureiro1403]

"no it's different when it's me because i want it" -Patrick fuccboivin

[@tarjet3867]

wow, what a fuck wit

[@Fjarhultian]

To be clear, that's an actual Pat-quote.

[@DoctorHomicide]

FoolishSage42 no he enjoys the cringe he doesn't want the entire movie industry to be like that

[@FoolishSage42]

I mean, if that was your takeaway, more power to you. But when someone says "It has been the general opinion that the reason this movie has been successful is because of everyone wanting to see the trash fire. But I'm cool with that because I want to see another absolute, brand-infested trash fire." there just doesn't really seem to be a lot of wiggle room in terms of interpretation.

[@brandonsroo4008]

you know unbirthdays? this is an unmovie.

[@RandoChrisYT]

I'm typing this in the drive-thru, but man, holy shit, when even little kids are not giving a shit to even laugh at the lowest common denominator jokes, you KNOW you've got a shitty kids movie.

[@DashWallkick]

I knew this episode was gonna be good when I saw this bit on YT before I listened to the show and saw that it was 25 minutes long

[@moffant4916]

So weird, I listened to this while I was driving in the middle of nowhere at work and whenever I listen to it again, I remember all the country roads to nothing.

[@MrLego3160]

Imagine if Liam had been here defending it.

[@MexicanLeprican24]

7:30 money time!

[@Shayman94]

I Googled the Emoji Shuffle/ Bop.....just kill me now.

[@BigFingerRo]

I can't help but wonder what the reaction of the producers or the directors would be if they sat next to a kid while they watched this and the kid didn't laugh at all. Would it be more on the salty side, like with TJ Miller and the whole rambling he did on twitter , or would it be more of a "you're watching it, so I already won"?

[@Whatevsman27]

wait, TJ Miller got salty cause nobody liked the movie?

[@StellaStarfall]

Jeremy Garner GOOD.

[@crimsondynamo615]

Jeremy Garner imagine being that guy and getting salty over people hating your shitty movie, either they told him to get angry or he genuinely believes it’s a good movie, quite frankly i don’t know which is sadder

[@mattland2998]

I really need an animated clip of Pat demanding a bewildered woolie to watch this film.

[@TheTrueMerrio]

Pat deserved a shot. In the face. And, for that, he'll be Employee of the Week.

[@patrickj994]

I don't think I could ever watch this movie......just HEARING the summary of it from Pat caused me to hurt.

[@Ineedgames]

It's a fucking bird that says tweet

[@orionthefoolish8773]

“IT’S A FUCKING BIRD”

[@FloydYoder]

The shilling at the end is the best

[@ArcCaravan]

Hieroglyphics = Emojis. I need to break SO! MANY! THINGS!

[@furyberserk]

There's a $1.75 theater I go to now. I watch shit movies now when I have the moment.

[@pixelwits7853]

How the fuck was that movie's script greenlit

[@ccproductions5262]

PixelWits soulless corporate executives

[@josephhorobin960]

PixelWits Sony, the dumpster fire of movies production

[@TheIslesShip]

Because marketing. Marketing. Marketing.

[@Dewteliflower]

because money

[@glitchfreak316]

When the script reads "make more money on advertisements than the entire cost of production"

[@DarkTree]

i still think about the term "You paid for it. Currency was exchanged." in my day to day and i have circa 2017 woolie to thank for this

[@SmashBrosOdyssey64]

"I'M LOOKIN AT A BIRD AND SEND TWEETS!"

[@461Dragonman]

*I don't Understand*

[@Comkill117]

Neither do I Mr. President.

[@miscmer8030]

*What?*

[@PwnageofNoobs]

Misc Mer *WELCOME IN OMIKRON*

[@mandridhugh9555]

*nothing special*

[@SniperarrowX]

11:57 What historians now call; the angry bird moment. This is due to the fact it was totally a bird and everyone knew it.

[@WTFisTingispingis]

Hearing Woolie show sympathy for TJ Miller *now* is a smidge awkward. Gonna be less and less embarrassing for him as time goes on, and more like karmic justice.

[@kingluckyday6090]

Can I say thank you Pat for taking this sacrifice.

[@RekuSorrdin117]

it hurts listening to this so much, like there is a rock in my gut

[@TheMechwar88]

So does this mean that if Telltale's Minecraft story mode game was branded out the ass, the Pat would love it?

[@StellaStarfall]

TheMechwar88 Oh I think he loved how fucking awful that was

[@tarjet3867]

I didn't want The Emoji Movie to get ANY money. People went to go see it anyway. Even the people that were AGAINST it. "Let's go see it for lulz! Y'know, just ironically!" NOOO! You fools! Do you not see? That is what they want! IT IS THE END TIMES! ...er somethin

[@gothicMCRgirl]

TAR JET Let's be honest, even if the adults that hated this movie never went to see it, Sony would still make their money back and then some, because stupid parents would still take their shitty kids to see it just to shut them up for an hour and a half. That's the audience that Sony was aiming for, not adults. They couldn't give a shit about what critics and adults think, the money is made from the easily impressionable kids that see all the ads and billboards and beg their parents to take them to see it.

[@joewall8210]

Witness the sickness

[@davidspackagelp]

It's remarkable when it's hard just to listen to a cringy movie being described. Like, I would not physically be able to stand watching this for more than a few minutes.