Border Patrol: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

[@andrewstrongman305]

I love the way John bounces in his chair when he gets excited.

[@stablegenius2389]

He does it for the jokes. He isnt actually current on events

[@KelniusTV]

@@stablegenius2389 this isn't a current events program. It's a comedic journalism program.

[@stablegenius2389]

@@KelniusTV it's very much current events. Comedic is questionable

[@playgroundofsound7683]

andrew strongman get a life NPC he’s incredibly unfunny and extremely unamerican

[@playgroundofsound7683]

Stable Genius he doesn’t do jokes tho

[@gothicfairy2407]

To anyone complaining that John Oliver isn't American or patriotic or any other such notions: One of the duties of Americans citizens are to be well-informed and have the ability to come to our own opinions about what the government is doing. It is our job to criticize poor decisions, outdated systems, social inequalities, etc. That is American patriotism. America as we know it (or at least the basics of what make up what we generally perceive to be American) more or less founded on immigration and undermining a government that was doing things we did not respect nor believe in. So yes, John Oliver is very patriotic.

[@cherokeewarcry]

I find it very sad day for 'Merica that your very clear and well thought out definition of patriotism only got four likes. I would give you many many more if I could. Respect. From like # 5

[@katiekane5247]

@@cherokeewarcry up to 19 on 1/2/19

[@nominus1138]

46 on 1/22/19

[@Bluswede]

58 on 1-26-19 Now, let's talk about Patriots...the ones who defended their beautiful lands against an invading force of illegal immigrants that had far superior weapons and, in the end, far superior numbers. A group of patriots who had lived in a relative paradise for 10.000 years before the invading force ever thought of leaving its home lands in search of MORE. Yup, those of you who have had a history class have probably realized that I am speaking of the 500 nations of Native Americans that were the victims of nothing short of genocide during episodes like "The Trail of Tears". Now for double-down patriotism and bravery...the "Code Talkers" of WWII. There were patriots from 16 different Native American nations in this program, (you hear mainly of the Navaho) and they served in all theatres of the war. They created a code using their native languages that was never broken by the enemy...and they had front-line positions as it was they who gave tactical information to those troops that were in the thick of battle. But, yeah, John Oliver is doing OK too...in trying to hold up a mirror to show us how stupid 37% of America looks these days...a bit different sort of Patriotism.

[@danielcornett3587]

Very well said

[@stever1705]

The car says "It would be great if you understood this, because having a good level of Spanish is essential for this job."

[@Ramsey276one]

!Bravo! XD

[@FoxMcovitch]

my friend is a border patrol guy and 70% of the time he just plays Runescape.

[@LinkleMcA]

An odd coincidence that a Border Patrol man plays a game that has "Run Escape" in its name. In all seriousness, im not too surprised. Boredom is one of the worst parts of any job. People have to find ways to keep themselves entertained, otherwise they quickly come to resent the job.

[@jonhawk117]

Dustin Johnson Great now every time I hear Runescape all I'll hear is Run Escape.

[@50shadesofskittles9]

Dustin Johnson haha. Good catch!

[@Skull35]

Fox Mcovitch what's his woodcutting level?

[@Masterrunescapeer]

I thought that was the title when I first played it. :p

[@jvsweet177]

Story time. I went to high school in southern Arizona around the time of the last Border Patrol hiring surge (from 2007-2011, to be exact), so we had a lot of recruiters come to talk to us. I remember one guy in particular. He was on the younger side, and he showed us a recruitment video he put together. Said video featured a LOT of footage of agents rounding people up while holding rifles, a fair amount of flashing lights, and was set to death metal. Next he started ranting about how Chinese people were trying to cross the Mexican border (I have no idea why that was significant to him or if it was true), and that he loved rounding up illegals. Then he starting talking about how we shouldn't go to college, because the Border Patrol was so much better, and our principal had to swoop in and get him off of the auditorium stage. A week or so later, the agent's boss came in and explained everything to us in a more rational manner, with actual facts, and it was pretty clear that he didn't approve of the agent's behavior. Still, the fact that people like Death Metal von Shoot-a-Man were getting hired at the time...that's pretty fucking unsettling.

[@bradleyogilvie8869]

John Wedig I'm liking this not just because of the story, but also because of the excellent nickname: "Death Metal von Shoot-a-Man"

[@MrEdwar084]

John Wedig chinese crossing through mexico is a thing, tho most get in through sea, ships.

[@detectiveshaft9990]

"Death Metal von Shoot-a-Man" is hilarious, up vote for that. But in all seriousness that is probably a symptom of what happens when you're not careful about who you're hiring. That agent sounds like he needed to get another job. Unsettling story for sure.

[@ruedelta]

Chinese crossing through Mexico? Huh? Most are just going to use tourist visas and overstay because the vast majority of Chinese nationals are coming to the US with tourist or student visas.

[@apologist.mp3]

Bradley Ogilvie I came here to post that

[@taylorfaith2320]

the back of the truck says " it would be really cool if you understood this, cause having a good level of spanish is fundamental for this job" just in case y'all were wondering

[@GlennDavey]

Those "don't speak Mexican in my country" so-called "patriots"' would have their heads explode meeting one of those Border Patrol fellers at a barbecue. "Thanks for what you do to protect our country, friend." "De nada!" "Excuse ME????!" I feel like some Americans are distinctly uncomfortable with the idea that they live on Mexican and Indian land. Like if they can make everyone speak English then they won't have to think about it.

[@tiffanypaulsen5334]

Omg you’re so right

[@kozhedub]

one mind boggling fact about the Spanish language is that the United States has more Spanish speakers than every other country on earth except for Mexico. that means that we have more Spanish speakers here than there are in Spain, which the language is named after. As there is no official language in the USA, Spanish is essentially the secondary language in this country

[@kozhedub]

I live in El Paso which has the greatest percentage of Spanish speakers out of any city in the USA at 70% of our population. if you lived in my city you would not find it to be an uncommon experience to have to order your food or whatever in spanish. In fact, it's common to hear "wow, you live in El Paso and you don't speak Spanish?" it's considered the norm here to be able to speak and understand spanish

[@jaylegend9780]

That's why I love John Oliver. Doesn't pause for applause just gets on with it. Fast, Informative and fun. Best show of the decade!

[@pop5678eye]

Number 1 thing all law enforcement needs to learn: all these people are human beings too.

[@BUSTRCHERRI]

Not all of them.

[@sylvernale]

But that'll make it harder to brutalize them

[@romandarius6041]

pop, go move to Mexico

[@ericmiller4803]

They already know their people if they're that worried about being brutalized all they have to do is not cross the border illegally go to a legal Port of Entry not give thousands of dollars to criminal organizations to smuggle them across the border. It's a really simple concept if you want to enter someone's house you go to the front door and knock you don't sneak in the basement window

[@obliviousotterI]

@@BUSTRCHERRI What are some of them chihuahuas or something?

[@Chomuggaacapri]

Me: Alright, it's about time to go to sleep. **Last Week Tonight Posts** Well dang... guess I'll be awake for 20 more minutes.

[@chriswatkins2410]

Chomuggaacapri I was just about to turn on VSauce and go to sleep, then i got the notification.

[@yoman785]

Chomuggaacapri I need to be up in 3 hours to work. Very understandable.

[@AlexJoneses]

Chomuggaacapri wow this is an original comment!

[@unrulycrow6299]

Chomuggaacapri Meanwhile, from my point of view, the video got uploaded right when I woke up! :D

[@someguywithatomahawk8058]

Same

[@TheJanabeke]

Here is how stringent our government really is about its hiring: My mom worked as an ICE agent for many, many years. Before that: She was a swing manager at McDonald's. She had a GED and went to Votech to be a secretary. I'm not sure she graduated from Votech or not. Almost all of her previous careers were fast food, then suddenly she is working for the government, jetting around the world and making good money all because one of her McDonald's coworker's husbands worked higher up for ICE. My mother is someone who is alcoholic and never should have been around a gun, but she had a GOVERNMENT ISSUED gun. She was FINALLY let go ... after almost 20 years. There they gave her ANOTHER government job until eventually, she was working at Dollar Tree. And for most of her time there she was obese and out of shape for the entirety of her employment. She was supposed to know Spanish ... she knew less than a toddler that regularly watches Dora.

[@BUSTRCHERRI]

Wow. That is an incredible story. Not sure if I believe it or not but it's probably true. Shit like that happens once in a while I'm sure but I think her story is rather unique.

[@Wolvilax]

Only in America.

[@seahawkdragon9355]

ICE has only been around for 16 years, since March 1, 2003.

[@Sc0ttPrian]

@@muscularcatholicism What does that have to do with propaganda?

[@Lichenroc]

@@BUSTRCHERRI Unique? One in a while? You're kidding right. It's not just ICE or border control but even other law enforcement groups like local police they're infamous for their poor vetting in many cases and there's a plethora of evidence of the poor hiring in the border-related enforcement in particular. Sorry bud but that's reality.

[@3MolesInATrenchCoat]

Will Arnett even makes that goofy-ass border patrol video sound badass.

[@erfanmanouchehri7999]

Devin Giltner last season of bojack trailer dropped today, im actually sad

[@MegaGamer1006]

I 'knew' that was BoJack speaking at the end haha

[@Canada1994]

I thought it was him.

[@jwelch5742]

This episode won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Picture Editing for Variety Programming.

[@lucarvee]

jwelch5742 tell me this is real if it is, in fact, real

[@rajyavardhansingh4491]

Real?

[@harrybriggs2586]

I don't think we can ignore this any longer. Guys, I did the math. If that agent smoked 20,000 joints over a 10 year period (3652 days, 2 extra days from leap years included) then that means he would have smoked 5.47645126 joints per day. That's between 5 and 6 joints a day for 10 years solid!

[@imrcreeper1714]

harry briggs That's alot of joints......but that's also alot of dedication for those calculations. holy shit

[@danielbelda4349]

Lol ur the man

[@wesley5nipes]

Just to clarify, the story didn't say 20,000 joints. It just said 20k times. Granted, that's still a lit of weed, but in the world of all day every day smokers it's fairly regular. Translates to about an ounce a month.

[@royalewithcheese7]

harry briggs kids, THAT'S how you have with math. With a shit ton of blunts .

[@KeepoKreepo]

It's not that much per day but the effort of keeping it up

[@fishpreferred3322]

Guys, the ineptitude of the polygraph test is not the point. The point is what they confessed to after failing it (7:35 - 8:15).

[@TylerBaraby]

No, the ineptitude of the polygraph is absolutely a point that needs to be made. John explicitly expressed concerns in the possibility of shortening the polygraph, which means he believes it's a valuable tool; which it ISN'T. It doesn't happen often, but Last Week Tonight is spreading false information here and it absolutely should be addressed if people are actually getting behind it. Furthermore, the idea of supporting the polygraph because "look at what they admitted to while under the impression that it's accurate" is so obviously flawed. That means that it's a useful tool for coercion when the person being tested is misinformed into believing it works; which means beating it is simply a matter of keeping calm, which obviously means none of it's results can be trusted. You are an idiot. A really, really, unforgivably dumb person, and your presence has clear negative influence on other people. Take a break from speaking your mind, and take some time to actually develop it first.

[@jlambuth]

Claiming the polygraph isn't the point is like claiming the falseness of psychics isn't the point despite being shown their foresight is totally bogus.

[@ninaasf-ck]

Even assuming the polygraph is useless...if one could make the argument that the potential positive consequences of it outweigh any negatives... what's the harm in keeping it? (I really don't care, just seems like a weird thing to obsess over.)

[@modothegreat108]

​@@ninaasf-ck If polygraphs were just used to bluff people into a confession of crime, that would be one thing. I'd still argue there are probably better ways to get confessions out of people, but that's not the point. The point is that these recruiters actually believe in the polygraph themselves. People can be hired or rejected based on their polygraph results even though, as mentioned, the polygraph is deeply flawed.

[@ninaasf-ck]

@@modothegreat108 then I guess the real question here is: what does it say about the people that organization has hired if the recruiters believe the polygraph is infallible, and who would want to work for such an organization? (This is semi-rhetorical in that the entire point of this episode is to illustrate there's a lot wrong in these govt/public service organizations, polygraph notwithstanding.)

[@J4mb099]

Wait, that guy smoked marijuana 20,000 times in 10 years? That's an average of almost 5.5 times a day. Wow.

[@jessieb9384]

Joshua Chmelik thats not that much if you think about it

[@billy-joe4398]

Joshua Chmelik me I'm a about 13 times a day but I'm an academic

[@elgordo2162]

Did you take leap years into account?

[@danicemalone7460]

And it ALL CAME FROM MEXICO...🤣😂😂😎😘🤗😁🤣😎😎😎😱😱 HAHAHAHA!

[@MS-it9vv]

Joshua C That guy was trying to set the high score. Eh? See what I did there?

[@omarmaach3494]

"Don't finger the armadilos"? We in Florida are like "hold my beer"... We actually have signs in our parks and lakes that say "please don't molest the alligators". I wonder what happened there. 😂😂😂

[@aaronthedude8787]

you could put anything after Florida man and i would believe it

[@highonheroin5352]

Lol molest can also mean “to bother”

[@highonheroin5352]

But also, that’s like an archaic definition of molest.

[@ultrasupernectar]

Everyone should go on at least one hot ride with the village alligator bicycle

[@theneekofficial8829]

High Onheroin “please don’t to bother the alligators.”

[@brianholmes1812]

After seeing this, I am legitimately interested in joining the border patrol. Speaking long periods of time on my own, and occasionally giving humanitarian aid and fighting crime sounds like my ideal job

[@sapnupua5]

good luck!

[@hephaestusjosephson2054]

How did you go?

[@jaysleeper264]

I do enjoy being alone but that lunch break looked incredible. Better than the cold case files reruns blaring on the TV and dead pigeons out of the window of our breakroom.

[@thomastakesatollforthedark2231]

Come on, man, don't leave us hanging. Did you join?

[@brianholmes1812]

​​@@thomastakesatollforthedark2231 Nope, I ended up following a lifelong passion and becoming an archaeologist. Spent my summer excavating some Roman ruins

[@the_dead_poet7829]

people who equate John Oliver with other late night show hosts don't understand the kind of research which goes inside making a segment like this... on the other hand ,every other comedian has TRUMP.

[@michaelasheppard7863]

How have I never seen this show before today?!? What started as an ad has turned into a two hour long binge watching season complete with gay bunnies, Brexit/ EU go ‘f’ your self songs and Weird Al playing the accordion. Love this show and the charming British host playing Steven Colbert 😜Seriously keep up the great work 👍🏾

[@elaineb7065]

I'm on a binge-sesh too. Taken quite a few days while crocheting a blanket... & I'm going backwards!!!

[@mksabourinable]

"because I don't do fruit" I thought that was the VP....

[@oncoucharrest5910]

Kye Talks lol, underrated comment, thanks for the laugh

[@conortierney3583]

14:50 For those of you who aren't from the US, one of the pivotal points before our Revolutionary War was the Boston Massacre of 1770 where American colonials were throwing rock-filled snowballs at British redcoats, leading to the shooting death of 5 colonists. We regard it as a paramount part of our history, and a point where we said, "Enough is enough, it's time to fight back." So it's all the more ironic when these "true American" patriots see the shooting of a 16 year old for the same reason as a perfectly valid response.

[@AnselLeveque]

It’s amazing that it’s almost 2020 and this episode is still relevant

[@tiraichbadfthr6454]

why would it not be there are always drugs and illegal immigrants coming through

[@MasterArchfiend]

Honestly every episode is still relevant to some depressing degree and I don't expect that to change in my lifetime. I'm only 26 and currently not suffering anything that will kill me anytime soon.

[@wanderingpoet6350]

@@tiraichbadfthr6454 ok

[@SethTraplifeGLO999]

@Jaxon Healey you gotta be a tween to write a comment like that for no reason lol

[@SethTraplifeGLO999]

I've been rewatching legit every single episode on youtube and I haven't discovered a single episode that was not still relevant no cap. A couple were slightly less relevant but not irrelevant

[@nigelvansuspicioussalmon7824]

It is weird that the government still uses the polygraph test, even though it does not work at all.

[@Kyle_Schaff]

*Nigel Van Suspicious Salmon* It’s a year late, but I gotta give my hot take. Generally speaking, polygraph tests seem to be reliable enough. Can they be trusted beyond a reasonable doubt? Absolutely no way: they should never be admissible in any criminal justice setting. But can they be trusted enough to screen for psychopaths on a job application? It appears so

[@jak8714]

I suspect that a large part of why polygraph tests are useful is because they worry people. Make a suspect uneasy about a 'truth-machine', and they're more likely to let something slip.

[@dillonschickel8846]

@@Kyle_Schaff one of the major problems shown with the polygraph test is the fact that psychopaths can lie their way through it simply by convincing themselves that they are not lying to not raise they're heartrate. Theres also the problem of false positives because people tend to become nervous when subjected to polygraphs. The primary problem, to me, with the polygraph test is that it is a tool of coercion and many people take the results of it too seriously. Just my take on it

[@Kyle_Schaff]

*Dillon Schickel* I just don’t think that a problem of psychopathy exists here. The disorder is so rare, and I don’t think that psychopaths would be attracted to such a boring job. I also think that it could be a useful tool if we were honest about its faults/shortcomings to ourselves and those being tested. That it’s a useful indicator but can never give concrete results. If our barrier for what tests can be used is nothing less than certainty, nothing can be used to screen people. I can accept the system’s faults since its use has been demonstrated to be much better at preventing bad actors than it not being used at all.

[@Grubleafeater]

It absolutely doesn't WORK, but on the other hand, the sheer belief that it DOES probably goes a way to ensuring more honesty DURING a polygraph test.

[@FizzleFX]

This show is "Adam Ruins Everything" combined with the "Tonight Show" XD

[@jpheitman1]

And with nore research. I've grown disillusioned with Adam Ruins Everything. There's often very little nuance or deep dives like this show has. It seems like they just go with the story just below the surface, then move on to the next topic.

[@galacticbreadboi9796]

@@jpheitman1 true but to be fair, this has about 25 minutes to go in depth with a single topic while adam ruins everything has to cram multiple topics into a similar time frame

[@TrueGamingVault]

I see a John Oliver video. I say "today is a good day"

[@srquack27]

TrueGamingVault I see a new GoT episode I says "today's a good day"

[@unrulycrow6299]

Darth Hitler It'll truly be a good day when Winds of Winter will be out. Or just announced.

[@willdean6256]

See, I say the exact opposite.

[@TheGsGClan]

I see a John Oliver video. I say "FUCK it's monday already"

[@nadiamccall4311]

oh fuuuck it is monday and now my day is ruined

[@ethanplague1618]

Isn't the poly-graph really unreliable or something?

[@dumpsterdog879]

Ethan Plague but with 50% people failing, that's still a terrible sign.

[@ethanplague1618]

Very true

[@shademonki13]

In the video Oliver refers to it being used as a placebo effect, basically spooking people into being truthful.

[@fumarc4501]

Ethan Plague it was such a small part of the video.

[@ethanplague1618]

Guys chill out.

[@sergiomelendez285]

I never considered how much of the Border Patrol's work is humanitarian. It must be incredibly difficult to deal with not only drug traffickers, but families with children as well.

[@kylestubbs8867]

15:54 Used that line at a dinner party last night. Learned this morning that “fingering” does not mean “giving the finger”.

[@aishx]

Senor Chang is a Spanish genius. He can teach Border Patrol staff good Spanish. Ian Duncan might not agree

[@alexanderguerrero347]

I love your reference it's just amazing

[@alanbrad4564]

Border Patrol training: 2 hours of exercise 4 hours of learning Spanish 10 hours of playing chess with an elderly person who never fully understands the game, and every now and then, they mention stories of their life, or how you remind them of their kids/grandkids.

[@TheBretDark]

Please don't finger the armadillos.

[@krummholzsonny5833]

Zeppelin ♫ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIT

[@surgeland9084]

Indeed. Don't be like Daniel. Don't finger the armadillos. Don't eat the garbage. Don't flirt with the orangutans and most importantly, don't get end up under the zoo keeper's back garden.

[@swampmarsh2792]

YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!!

[@NextLevelEntertainment]

Zeppelin ♫ It makes ya think about which finger we’re really talking about. Is it the bird? Or is it you know what. Haha

[@elgordo2162]

Thanks for that helpful psa XD

[@cooperjudson4616]

John Oliver should talk about how polygraphs are bs in our interrogation system

[@Artyomthewalrus]

While results from polygraphs aren't all that accurate, they are often quite effective at getting people to be truthful about things they otherwise might not be, thus they are somewhat effective in interviews. Of course they should never be used as evidence in the judicial system

[@infinitysalinity7981]

Waldo Yeah who the hell cares about accuracy? You fucking worthless rotten shit.

[@xanderzmartini]

Polygraphs should be used by the person using it, only if that person doesn't know that they are bullshit. Case n point the guy who said was incredible if he committed any crime during his 3 hour blackout.

[@Oblithian]

I thought he had... someone did. Was it Adam Ruins Everything?

[@billy-joe4398]

Cooper Judson I hear if you clench your ass cheeks it throws off the lie detector test

[@farischugthai5598]

This won the emmy for outstanding picture editing for variety programming!

[@cyberlord64]

I am hugely enticed by the being alone part of the job. Any job where I am alone 90% of my workday is a dream job for me...

[@shelbytheworm9363]

The real question here is, can you really finger an Armadillo???

[@amittoibis]

You can try

[@iamjacksyoutube5375]

Please Don't Finger the Armadillos, you can get leprosy. Now you know! 🖒😉

[@otakon17]

Shelby Hansen Probably, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[@jackyoung5965]

If you try hard enough, anything's possible.

[@gorillaguerillaDK]

Yes you can! Don't ask me how I know it!

[@infinitysalinity7981]

Polygraphs aren't particularly reliable either

[@btw3344]

Lol if your a sociopath like the few serial killers that passed just makes the agents look worse

[@btw3344]

And there are a plethora of confessions!

[@randy1280]

Omfg, I can't be the only one that was absolutely cracking up when he said that part of the armadillo 😂😂😂

[@mysteryman7877]

Randy there's a Florida law specifically against fucking hedgehogs. What happened?

[@RE-de4wi]

So tired of the hate and stupidity......this disaster of an administration cannot end soon enough.

[@jurisprudence6549]

You're aware that most of what he is talking about right here is old information that didn't take place under "this disaster of an administration"? Most of this info he presents is from the Bush and Obama administration.

[@romandarius6041]

R E, stop crying racism or hate. America need a border fence to keep people like you out

[@TheRazorTongue]

@@jurisprudence6549 and if this administration does the same thing they'll get the same results. Despite this information they don't seem to understand the problem they're trying to solve.

[@TheRazorTongue]

@@romandarius6041 and he'll use a ladder and rope to get over the poorly trained understaffed wall. Most illegals are people who overstayed their visa. If you want to discourage the ones coming for work then go after the people hiring them (and I mean the people at the very top like CEOs). When job scarcity increased during the Recession many went home because they were here to work. The lowest paid job in America pays more than a factory job there and it's less dangerous.

[@romandarius6041]

@@TheRazorTongue she would take down the wall around you home? Someone can easily break through you door. By the way, he wall works in Israel.

[@7Lace77]

That job actually seems awesome, just chilling in a desert all day.

[@obliviousotterI]

Not very fulfilling, but I'd probably improve my Civ 6 skills exponentially

[@XiyuYang]

Chilling, desert. Mhmm.

[@cadmiumtelluride2245]

A Cubone would enjoy that.

[@gracechristine863]

I have seen this personally many times. The BP was clearly forced to choose quantity over quality, which was their previous high standard. Thank you for bringing this to the attention of people who do not live near the border and have no idea of what happens here. My prayers are with the agents who serve with kindness, firmness, and integrity.

[@mortiswell]

Whenever I hear "drug smugglers" I can't help but say "drugglers" in my head.

[@0Yazz]

adding that one to my vocabulary xD

[@PsionicMonk]

Dang ole Drugglers

[@Capjedi]

Outstanding! Oliver makes a strong argument for proper training of Border Control Agents!

[@MOLLYDOLLIGHT]

I live in a border city and one time I was out in the desert for a field study and border patrol found my friend's iPod. That was nice. Also one time the remains of a mother and child were found on our school's research land so the students were allowed to test the decomposition. That was awful to find out about.

[@boo-xp7dg]

John: * takes the easiest circus move on the list and calls it the difficult one *

[@landypaule]

Border Patrol? More like Boredom Patrol.

[@shabarish2727]

you are not funny

[@britneewashington4106]

SR TALKS no u

[@udayveerbhadauria1659]

*Ba dum tiss*

[@HaveanOreshnik]

@@shabarish2727 and?

[@KelniusTV]

@@shabarish2727 what about Bored-er Patrol?

[@fidorover]

While perhaps not John's intended reaction to this episode, I could _really_ go for some Chipotle.

[@fidorover2]

I think that's the appropriate reaction.

[@erniellerena]

Chipotle is disgusting but I did get a similar reaction when I saw Super Size Me. After watching half way I went to McDonalds.

[@JohnDoe-rw4hl]

Y'all have got to see +Hush Whisper's video. I was not disappointed. Absolutely hilarious!

[@bockbock2121]

fidorover I

[@dorisdominick966]

10 Habits To Manifest Your Dreams Using The Law Of Attraction >> t.co/BpgKa1SnQ0?eHHasq3edfh

[@Happyface45678]

How come it isn't called the BOREDer Patrol then...

[@TheDwarvenDefender]

Your bad pun is appreciated and is bad enough to be a good pun, but it would be both better and worse if it were phrased as, "The Border Patrol? More like the Bored Patrol, am I right?!"

[@Pablo360able]

It is, everyone else just spells it wrong

[@Happyface45678]

+TheDwarvenDefender bad enough to be a good pun xD

[@FallenOne669]

The Honda part was absolutely perfect.

[@RepKyle95]

To be honest, I wouldn't mind being border patrol if I could go herping or fossil hunting to pass the boring time.

[@jessicacreed7773]

*Approaches migrant family with a snake I found earlier wrapped around my neck like a scarf*

[@channelforpositivitylunder9385]

*MORAL OF THIS VIDEO:* The job for border patrol ain't sexy

[@snigdhajyotidas3057]

Yeah, too many jokers seen movies like Sicario and Cartel-land and Narcos and thinks they would be the one that brings down a Fuckin' Cartel.

[@PitLord777]

Most jobs for the government aren't sexy. Those that are are usually dangerous. And by 'usually dangerous' I mean you have a decent chance of being First Blood. You know, that guy who gets hit to let everyone know that the action has begun. P.S. BTW, the military is a mixture of both.

[@yolkonut6851]

real moral: Don't finger armadillos

[@dannygherzgiher8430]

Channel for Positivity l Understanding l Justice Vigilance is important. Needless to say Border Patrol needs to purge some people off the list in order to evolve into the force that it needs to be to guard our national borders. But just because the chances of direct action are rare does not mean you should you should slip in your quality of vigilance. There is a reason why the ads for recruitment have a martial and vigilant look to them. Because the quality of those rare moments of direct action are the make and break line between success or failure as a potential agent since they are meat and potatoes of the raison d'etre of the Border Patrol exists in the first place.

[@Floxxoror]

stoner job #1

[@turkeynuggets4450]

Are they giving them blankets or getting ready to put them in the toaster?

[@monkiram]

LOOOL Those are thermal blankets that are engineered to keep heat from escaping, but that was a hilarious comment

[@Ch4pp13]

monkiram they're bathed in sunlight, in what looks like a semi dessert. I think escaping heat is the least of their problems.

[@javierrico1996]

Yes.

[@paddle_my_mad_laddle]

19:20 "It'd be great if you could understand this, because having a well understanding of Spanish is fundamental for this job."

[@thedigitalodometer945]

Christ Almighty, it's 1:32am right now. Oh well. At least I don't have to pay for the HBO subscription!

[@hyperion1028]

Anakin Skywalker should have been given the title 'master'.

[@aaronhall3602]

Take a seat.

[@logansmith7517]

Hyperion Anakin deserved a seat, a seat on the Council, that is.

[@aaronhall3602]

Logan Smith He was on this Council, but we did not grant him the rank of Master.

[@hyperion1028]

Aaron Hall what? How can you do this? This is outrageous! Its unfair! How can one be on the Jedi council, but not be given the rank of master!

[@Skullair313]

The jedi are scum! They tried to do a coup against our beloved chancelor (he is the senate)

[@samanthagarcia99]

I live near the border and it's kind of scary going to historical sites in the area because all of the border patrol. Is it weird that I actually do not feel safe seeing them watch me and my family have a picnic?

[@ravenshirwood5201]

No, not weird at all. As mentioned in the video, many agents have itchy trigger fingers and a disregard for who they scratch it on.

[@KyleRyanFilm]

I recently worked with law enforcement on the border in Texas and there were a lot of BP agents asleep in their trucks. A lot.

[@the_dead_poet7829]

the most patrotic American Late night show host is British.

[@thandie67]

gabor and yet here you are being moulded

[@elliottkillian]

An argument for immigration

[@deprogramm]

"patriotic" you have a very pathetic view for patriotic.

[@Tay775]

Octpka, saying the asshole who just curses at people for literally the smallest of things...

[@Cyberspine]

It's almost as if people who travel thousands of miles at great expense and are willing to deal with the bureaucratic hell of the immigration process have a great love for the country.

[@LackeysLack]

Well, if nothing else, I have learned that Cirque du Soleil is Canadian.

[@coochiewhspr]

I love this show so much. It's my favorite thing in the whole week

[@CassielTrismigistus]

JOHN I am a 25 Y/O male in WASHINGTON state, and I !love! your show. The realism combined with fun and jokes is perfect. You are TRUTH; How we should act. Take it with a grain of salt or for you a pound of salt! HAHA Favourite man and yes I spelled that the Brit' way just for you! HAHA Much support and faith for you keep it on! You're more American than most of us! Post Script: I am flooding this comment for your support! #1.0221365 FAN lol

[@oskartheguy2105]

OI, LINUS AINT A JUNKIE!!! He is a good man, he helped a woman with cancer and gave hope to those who needed it. I will stand by Linus through anything so don't you dare insult him...

[@ButteredCalamari]

"President gravy-drugs" lol

[@shouldercake3437]

John, I am a huge fan. But the polygraph is terrible. It senses "blood pressure, pulse, respiration, and skin conductivity" You could just be afraid of failing the test, and you would fail the polygraph test. Passing could be easy to, if you just keep your calm you could pass the polygraph test, and of covered your kitchen in blood. Other then that keep up the good work. :D

[@godminnette2]

Griffin Monte OK the polygraph is bad, but it's not that bad. If you're afraid of the polygraph then you'll also fail the base questions that must be a yes, and they'll know it won't work. It's not like they assume you're always lying.

[@beancheesedip8337]

Griffin Monte I think the point he was trying to make is that the Border Patrol stopped vetting employees the way they normally do to meet the hiring policy. I don't think he was trying to say that the polygraph test specifically needs to be there, he was just using it as an example to show how the policy affected their hiring standards.

[@Tearakan]

Godminnette2 Dude the polygraph test doesn't work. There is no scientific paper that has ever confirmed it. Even our courts don't allow it in there because it doesn't work. Hell most serial killers and hardened gang killers would easily pass the polygraph tests. Stop peddling pseudoscience.

[@tackyholidaysweaters]

Griffin Monte i believe i heard somewhere that a lot of the time people tend to tell the truth when being administered a polygraph even when it incriminates them.

[@katie3867]

Griffin Monte they don't use it to actually see if people are lying, they use it because people being monitored by a polygraph are less likely to lie if they believe it works. The point is that they confessed to crimes out of fear of being caught lying. They don't actually pay attention to what the polygraph says, they just use it as motivation not to lie.

[@ravenrose5712]

At 18:53, the family is looking at each other like "Is this country really worth it?"

[@lukasmiller8531]

I would have thought that you would know, the polygraph doesn't work at all. It just measures stress, which can be caused by a multitude of different thing. Also one can cheat it easily

[@blackearl7891]

Kinda goes to show the point that hiring methods should be improved.

[@ziggystardust1973]

It doesn't work, but it seems some people here admitted to crimes, so it at least had some use

[@TomasCyr]

"Anyone" can cheat it, the vast majority don't. You don't put a lock on your front door to keep out a determined minority of criminals, you put it there to keep out the more opportunistic less dedicated majority of criminals. Same applies with polygraphs, yes a mastermind can beat it, but mostly criminals are just folks.

[@lukasmiller8531]

True, but the problem is you also get a lot of false positives.

[@hedgehog3180]

I think the point is that most don't know it's unreliable. So you can with maybe some cold reading probably get people to confess to most things. Maybe just for the sake of this video the team at the show wanted to keep it that way or they figured they didn't have time to really go into detail about it and explain its short commings. That could almost be an episode in itself.

[@bananaman1069]

John Oliver is a hilarious man and I support almost all of his opinions but I can't get over the fact of how much he looks like an owl 😂😂

[@homework4206]

Banana Man xdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

[@onelessavergegirl]

Like a nervous owl who wants to ask you to prom

[@SAFbikes]

isn't it funny how this argument is used almost word for word about programs that force a certain number of POC teachers or women as firefighters or in the front lines of the military.. i'm not saying I'm completely against those things but its literally the same exact argument about lowering standards to quickly get whatever arbitrary number makes your organization look good

[@libbybollinger5901]

teamSAF bmx people are forcing a certain number of POC teachers or women firefighters because they look like owls?

[@bananaman1069]

Libby Bollinger hahahaha

[@Vrig]

Best ad ever.

[@VampireSquirrel]

Next do one on why polygraph tests are BS

[@darlinqq9846]

Hello fellow person with a Lucky Star profile picture!

[@collollo]

Love the show and I love Will Arnett doing the voiceover at the end!

[@ExiledinElysium]

Gob can make anything sound both awesome and absurd at the same time.

[@alexvasquez5053]

I'm always up for hating on red delicious apples

[@masjos7103]

Alex North What's wrong with red delicious apples?? Apple racist!

[@TimBaoht]

too gritty, f red delicious apples!!!

[@mrinalganash4725]

John Oliver is basically saying hire capable people and yet there are people in comments who find that difficult to understand, possibly because they refused to watch the entire video

[@CrookiNari]

Hey, isn't that the horse from Horsin' Around doing the voiceover?

[@iandaley2295]

CrookiNari yes, Will Arnett

[@kibble24]

Ironically, this made me want to join the Border Patrol.

[@lunasmoon12]

Kate D Hopefully you'll do better than the guy who ended up with a bloody kitchen.

[@shadowdemon1375]

Kate D so I'm not the only one, though the chances of me doing it are low.

[@Wasp_Y4]

me too

[@MrHubbabble]

+curiosityuniversal Yeah, never considered that first point, I guess some of the views would be pretty great as well.

[@murphythompson2571]

Pretty funny.

[@abasso5498]

No need to subscribe when it's always f**king trending lol

[@yura50597]

The polygraph is not good at detecting lies.

[@goldengoose386]

Justsomeguy asking a question, then waiting for the applicant to tell you the truth, can also be inaccurate.

[@DamianReloaded]

They are when the border patrol agent is fking tripping balls and you ask him scary things, like: _have you ever considered that everyone you love is gonna die someday and while it happens you'll be border patrolling? I think there is a horrible monster behind you??_ XD

[@craiglewis-owen1132]

The justification wasn't that it detected lies, the justification was that after introducing what amounts to a placebo, a lot of applicants admitted, in detail, to committing crimes.

[@prideguy3233]

A Man is No one Which you can't actually use in court.

[@gkys111]

Pride Guy well then it's a good thing they were hiring people for law enforcement positions and not gathering evidence for a prosecution.

[@simonhoel2704]

can we take a second to think about all the money wasted so cops can play cowboys on horses everywhere they "protect"

[@RB-mk7ph]

The comment section is just the opposite of Alex jones videos comment sections lol

[@misskobeyoshi2500]

Full of hypocrite yep!

[@comingupooo]

Infowars comment sections are a cancer, but like a fun type of cancer that makes tumors in funny shapes.

[@ingibingi2000]

C'mon John you're better than this. Polygraphs are a hugely contentious issue and they have been shown to cause more problems than they fix

[@mmacleod312]

ingibingi2000 Except look at what the machine got people to admit. 😐

[@squib3100]

Mira the Optimist One could argue that it's coercive to pressure someone into possibly giving a fake admission.

[@mmacleod312]

t.w.s // squib Perhaps, its been known to happen, no doubt. But this was an interview process, not a life changing admission of guilt that could send you to prison. Seems less likely that they would get that kind of information as a result of pressure when they are going for a job interview. But hey, you never know.

[@Nick930]

Exactly. It's used when hiring police officers as well. I went through the process myself. It's effective enough to help weed out a large population of applicants. Is it a scientific and practical method? No way in hell. But that's not what hiring committees care about. They care about dropping 90% of the applicants off their email list.

[@zombastiongw5824]

Mira the Optimist polygraph machines can be really easy to pass, many murderers passed the test because they were simply laid back

[@freediugh416]

When you build a wall but the cartel has tunnels #JustTrumpThings

[@freediugh416]

or a ladder

[@ErinFisherMusic]

LOL! That ad is GENIUS!

[@shadowdemon1375]

Don't go down here. It's not fun. Save your eyes.

[@ar1adne586]

15:58 I was going to the bathroom in a museum and there was a sign: no artillery I n the cubicles.

[@zedayy5635]

Oh my god Will Arnett! I knew that voice was recognizable!

[@rodolfolazo7638]

Border Patrol video at the end: [Plays] Me: Is that the Horse from Horsing Around?

[@sagunsingh7415]

Good video, but the polygraph test is complete bullshit.

[@friendlyboatman2030]

Correct

[@apfeltree4464]

The polygraph can't tell, if someone is lying and because of that this is no longer its main purpose. But people often confess under a polygraph just because of the stressful situation and because they think the polygraph would find out, that they are lying. Like you also saw in the few examples in the video.

[@denibani1897]

In fack polygraph has a 90 to 95 % of being right and the only reason it doesnt get used in courts is that 5 Or 10 is too much of a risk in a single persons life but in this large numbers if only 90 percent of them did shit it is still the same

[@bryansanchez6352]

Completely agree

[@maniesh]

10:48 birdperson (rick and morty)

[@alex95s7]

Maniesh Ramanayake found the comment. I knew someone would notice ! Nice m8

[@slavesforging5361]

i really want to watch Bojack horseman now. That advertisement was spot on. i feel like you should make more for the US military.

[@slockhrt]

Bootsy (/Bootsie) is so adorable! ...but even kittens don't readily pee outside of a litter box.

[@lukehenderson4814]

So are we not gonna talk about the fact that polygraph only work about 60% of the time?

[@technoholican]

Luke Thomas although inadmissible, large data about many people failing polygraph can present statistical significance.

[@DangerouslyFast]

Luke Thomas 60% of the time it works every time

[@MS-it9vv]

That guy who smoked pot 20K times in 10 years must’ve been trying to set the HIGH score.

[@BUSTRCHERRI]

Maybe if he tripled it. Its not really that much.

[@mikefixescars]

I thought we were past the point where we were judging people based on them smoking marijuana. I understand the feds have to do it but do we?

[@fresommer5651]

Had to use my calculator to find out how many joints the one person was smoking. 5,5 each day on average, nice job.

[@MPSpecial]

I saw a sign in a zoo once, it said “Please don't traumatize our porcupine by hitting it with your umbrella or cane.” and I was like “what the actual fuck”

[@tamarbeker1701]

Yeah...

[@jimreily7538]

19:29 "It would be great if you understood this, because having a good level of Spanish is essential for this job."

[@AgeingBoyPsychic]

Umm.. I thought we all agreed now *that polygraphs prove nothing, are based on bad science, and aren't even admissible in court?* Like, even when the use of them supports what you're arguing, bunkum is bunkum.

[@maxrichards3881]

Its not bunkum here, because they were tricked into confessing these things because they thought these things worked.

[@steveinkentucky]

I work with a fellow who has a BS in criminal justice. He has been going through the application process for well over 6 months. This includes at least 120 pages of paperwork filled out, background checks, polygraphs, medical exams, and multiple interviews. I couldn't believe it was that difficult. Fortunately, my friend has a great background, fluent in Spanish, education and is a person of good character! As for training, the police officers in my state have a 21 week academy before any additional training.

[@ideitbawxproductions1880]

Did they get Will Arnett to narrate the commercial? I approve 👍

[@airandres24]

Here before trending!!!

[@heydenleekley4757]

AndresAmMx here before this is top comment

[@universiTy_YT_]

8:00 Seriously?! That must mean he smoked 5,5 times per day, nearly every 4,5 hours!

[@pieter_kok]

Around every 4 hours and 20 minutes by my estimation.

[@SpiderCenturion]

Conservative, Trump voter (but not necessarily supporter) here...can't really disagree with Oliver here. The border patrol has a hard job. If we are going to swell their numbers, we need good people on the line.

[@eringalligan4481]

I honestly wonder how anyone can see fault in his argument here, why shouldn't we hire quality people who are not corrupt to serve on the boarder and why should we cut training for them? Still it's nice to see someone from the other side actually listening instead of outright dismissing it. Kudos!

[@Monkey-wn3iz]

fer04i You are part of the problem, you are why trump has as many supporters as he does, because us Liberals are only good at the shaming of people. This person could vote for whoever he pleases, he could have voted along party lines, or he could have agreed with trump policy, he could have been helped by trump in the past, or he saw trump as being more charismatic. Regardless us liberals will continue to lose if we ridiculously insult people for no good reason.

[@MrSlowestD16]

+fer04i You have no idea what you're talking about. ""Party before Country" No, the reason Trump is in the whitehouse is 100% due to the left. People are sick and tired of being called racist pieces of shit (literally those exact words) because they don't agree with some liberal policy. Believe in voter ID? Racist piece of shit. Believe in regulating entry? Racist piece of shit. Don't believe in the glass ceiling because the way they obtained the numbers was skewed? SEXIST piece of shit. If you end up not agreeing with Liberal agenda then you end up getting defamed & brought down in public humiliation. Trump was the anti-establishment, he didn't represent ANY of that bullshit. THAT is why he got elected. It had nothing to do with "party before country" or any other fun quips you might have. It has to do with people running with their vote from an oppressive group. gamerboy said it best, you are the reason, because people only want to publicly shame, and most of them are liberals. So when faced with an ever-tightening society of PC culture where you're publicly humiliated for disagreeing, of course the person who represented the anti-establishment won...

[@jovianblue]

I've used the name Benji Vulao for several years now. It's an anagram of my main alias but I suppose it sounds vaguely Hispanic because, *just since the election* , I've been told I should be deported upwards of 10 times. One guess which party these people ascribed to, which they had readily admitted to in the _conversation_ or confidently alluded to in the majority of cases. I also struggle to see how this is not somehow racially motivated. I think a lot of Republicans completely fail to understand the liberal POV on immigration and we don't do ourselves justice by not elucidating it. We haven't had a serious attack related to border crossing. We have CIA, FBI, NSA, border patrol, basically surveillance beyond our knowledge monitoring the border, not that it cannot be made stronger, but I think many people fail to understand the surveillance systems we have in play, which I won't discuss because I don't want a knock on my door. One good example, however: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tethered_Aerostat_Radar_System More lives are torn apart by deportation than by crossers. Yes, there are rapes. But we have a criminal justice system to handle that and these (few, actually) people that commit rapes cannot be sent back to Mexico, they have to stay here and serve their time. So we are EFFECTIVELY keeping all the bad people and sending many of the _good_ people out. Of course, these people aren't actually _good_ because they're here "illegally" so there is really no reasoning with someone that holds such logic. These same people will swear up and down they are model citizens that have never jaywalked or gotten a speeding ticket. I find it VERY HYPOCRITICAL that conservatives are quick to address the cost to reward benefit on border security EVERY TIME THE ISSUE IS MENTIONED, yet these same people don't want to even discuss the cost to reward benefit for gun control versus self-defense. I have no real opinion on gun control and don't want to actually discuss it, but still.. I find this hypocritical. And you can pretty much count on conservatives to have an unsolicited opinion ON EVERYTHING. An article about Miley Cyrus will be filled with their millennial despise. It is some form of psychotherapy for them, I guess. But the problem is that if they could push a button they would FORCE people to stop listening to Miley Cyrus because it's "bad for America". Nevermind their own anti-intellectualism. I guess conservatives really believe they should be able to say anything they want without eliciting any sort of counter-argument. They seem incredulous at any riposte. "How dare you judge.. our judgement!" What you call "shame" is ONLY that and which the moral majority projected upon us for years. But it was actually much more than that because people's rights were infringed upon, which should not occur in any free society. So, if you feel shame, I'm certain there is some article about the Kardashians for you to opine about. Feel lucky that you were never FORCED you to dress like them.

[@nicknevco215]

as with anyone that is given a gun.

[@surtu9221]

Can the Border Patrol please use this as its recruitment material, because it's perfectly amazing XD