Learning to Love Being Single

[@devidaughter7782]

wow- I so admire how brave you are with your heart! for me, being single has always been the safe place, the place where I feel most in control of my life, and my 'happy zone' where I feel most myself. in my romantic relationships I have tended to lose myself, get enmeshed, and my over-caretaking has kicked in, jeopardizing my own wellbeing. breaking up has been a relief (the hard part was getting to the strength to break up). so it's interesting to cross-compare very differnt responses to similar childhood traumas; thank you for sharing! it's wonderful to see and hear how self-supporting you are now! :)

[@WillowGardener]

I've been single for twelve years. I wish I could say I've learned to love it, but the loneliness becomes... abrasive. Like sandpaper wearing down my heart. I do the same thing you do--I get attached too easily. But I've gotten caught in a positive feedback loop where every time I start dating someone, I start panicking about them leaving or hating me, which ends up driving them away, which ends up making the anxious attachment worse. I keep trying to work on loving myself and being okay with solitude, but the weight of loneliness gets worse and worse and the practice of self-love gets harder and harder when the world keeps telling you that you don't deserve that love.

[@cameronvansant2108]

This is a great video, and the stuff you bring up is so important! I really like your idea of having seasons of relationships and singleness and working to make sure that time feels valuable, that's a good perspective for me. I'm in a relationship but I'm working on similar things, I also definitely have a tendency to give up a lot for a partner (thanks, childhood trauma, lol) and also am very afraid of being single... I realized this year that I let that fear get in the way of being really honest with my partner about relationship problems (related to me, uh, giving up too much, lol) but finally had a really tough conversation that was very scary for me, but my partner responded well and things are really improving. Its like, oh yeah, hey, I deserve to be happy too, and it's not going to happen if I don't advocate for myself. :) Best of luck on your self-love journey!!

[@featheredskyblue]

The feeling like you're missing out on the special things a partner brings into your life can be rough. Several years back, I was intentionally single after a bad relationship ended. In addition to getting back into old hobbies and healthy habits, I tried to treat it like dating myself. I went on walks to the park. I went to movies ($5 nights were the best), community theater plays, burlesque shows, and shadowcast productions, sometimes with friends but mostly on my own. I got myself small treats like my favorite tea when I was feeling down. Showing myself the kindness and engagement I would show to a partner wasn't the same - there are no surprises when you're buying your own treats - but it did definitely help.

[@Sisterofthemoon76]

The best thing about being single is that you can fall in love with yourself. You can get to know who you are and find out what you really want and what you will not put up with. Take this time to date yourself. Take yourself out to dinner or a movie, become okay with being alone with yourself.

[@laurenconrad1799]

I think what is especially great is that you are not beating yourself up over feeling a certain negative emotion. That can be huge. ❤❤ Also, sorry if you don’t like being single. I feel you. lol

[@archivist17]

Being single can be hard. I missed touching when I was alone. But it does bring a lot of autonomy, and what we learn about ourselves when single can serve us well when we enter a partnership. I think you have the right mindset, and I hope that you are able to reach a position of contentment very soon. On another note, I see your sister hasn't posted a video for a long while, and I hope she's doing well.

[@3vaniamaria]

❤

[@broscosmoline]

"lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is a healing if you make it so". This from a video called "How To Be Alone" by Tanya Davis. I bet you will find something to ease you in its observations and kindness kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnTGmYSdr5x5psk

[@snelganex]

Hugs!

[@gurgleblurgle7345]

Im 40 and I never had a partner that did those things for me. My internal narrative asks a slightly different question. What's wrong with me that I can't find someone like that? I know logically it's probably not my fault, but it's still a thought I have to squash.

[@laurenconrad1799]

I’m purely curious: what kind of workplace were you at where you met your husband? Was it like a barista job? Office? Just curious. 🙂

[@KaisaA-j7r]

❤

[@blazingstar.design]

❤