Left Alive (Zero Punctuation)

[@snarkmarx]

Yahtzee: "If I gave you money would you go away?" Square Enix: Awkward silence Konami: "WE WILL GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMME!"

[@rumplstiltztinkerstein]

EA: "We will take the money, but we won't go"

[@angelevans4950]

Isn't the idea to stop giving them money so that they will go away?

[@th0rn1337]

"I could tell you what it isn't. It ISN'T very good." Gold star, still makes me laugh after the hundredth time hearing it.

[@jedediahhopkins6051]

This is the first time I’ve even heard about this game.

[@carsons5750]

Then you need to watch Giantbomb's look at it kzbin.info/www/bejne/gqjFoYZvi7OLhZI It gets really good at ~10:30

[@archivehans]

I saw it at my local gameplay store while buying 6 copies of bayonatta for the swtich. I saw the MGS art on the cover and thought it was some kojma remake

[@Xatzimi]

It hasn't had good promotion nor a memory title, which is fine all things considered

[@Ignorethisuk]

@@archivehans only 6?

[@ovalos383]

@@archivehans oof that must have hurt in the soul

[@JustAnotheNeoSilver]

Fun fact: This is actually a spin-off of the Front Mission series, that rarely seen Square strategy franchise about giant robots and geopolitics. "Left Alive" is a good way do describe its status in the US; it's just kinda there.

[@Seipheris88]

Give me back my X-Com with mechs

[@HaloInverse]

...so a more fitting title might have been "Left Over"?

[@ArcaneAzmadi]

Front Mission is probably Squeenix's most sadly abused franchise. The last PROPER Front Mission game, Front Mission 5: Scars of War, was on the _PS2,_ and despite being considered THE best one in the entire series, wasn't even given an English release because... well, because Squeenix don't really give a fuck about Front Mission, if we're being blunt. Then it had the shitty online action game, and this execrable piece of garbage, and apart from that it's been left to rot. A heinous waste of IP.

[@ZaydinTTV]

@@Seipheris88 just play harebrained schemes battletech instead.

[@Mathmachine]

I think Yahtzee feels Left Alive would be better off dead.

[@ProfRainestorm]

You deserve a solid amount of credit for this. I hope you receive it!

[@francismakoni1526]

@r/punpatrol

[@exxon3411]

Nailed it.

[@Hermititis]

"I want my two dollars!"

[@bobbuilding7264]

where's my 2 dollars?

[@TheObijake]

I can only imagine Yahtzee in his office writing the scripts for his episodes: "alright which obscure animal, no ones ever heard of, will I use today in one of my famous zany metaphors."

[@SPM0717]

What, a lark...?

[@pajamapantsjack5874]

It’s a shame that amazing artist from the metal gear games had to work on this. Honestly the art of this game is the only quality thing in it

[@StinkyPoopyMcFartFace]

Pajamapants Jack I agree, I thought the game was pretty great looking... but it’s like an apple that is rotten in the inside. The outside looks fine but the gameplay was just... not fun. Though your Pfp isn’t a shame, so that helps. Also I like your artwork, I forgot I was subbed to you and I saw a bunch of lewd stuff in my youtube home.

[@MooMissle]

That and it's another shitty attempt at "reinventing" Front Mission, when the originals were just fine game play wise.

[@brapmaster]

Yoji Shinkawa.

[@pajamapantsjack5874]

Joshua Thomlinson i can’t believe I forgot his name

[@brapmaster]

Pajamapants Jack I forgive you.

[@eljoel89]

By your powers combined, I am Daikatana!

[@davidgantenbein9362]

Carnage7209 Thanks for the hint, completely missed that it was Mr. Greens face ... and yes, Daikatana would definitely also get a spot in that team.

[@mattg6106]

I watched someone playing this like a week ago and completely forgot what it was called, that it was a Square game, and just about everything else having to do with it until seeing this. It literally took about a week to forget it existed. It wasn't even *bad enough* to be memorable...

[@BJWeNeedUDefendingUsWithZeMG42]

Left Alive? It probably shouldn't have been...

[@alexlee4154]

BANG That deserves an early lunch!

[@averagebritishguy7082]

AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY.

[@thegoldencaulk2742]

It should've been... Left 4 Dead YEEEEAAAAAH!!!!!

[@Vicous528]

@Joel Schembri Probably both. 🙃

[@merrittanimation7721]

​@@Vicous528 The situation probably went like this: When given the game, the marketing team realized there would be no way to market it so killed themselves to avoid being forced to, which the executives took as a sign and decided to hope no one would notice it instead of replacing them.

[@trickyricky4731]

- Bad AI -Greedy business practices -Frustrating controls -Underdeveloped mechanics -Crap story and game play With your powers combine I am Captain Shit game!

[@saltypumpkin927]

I feel like underdeveloped mechanics falls under crap gameplay.

[@dannybeane2069]

You mean Captain John Remaro's Bitch?

[@Freestylinbran]

Sounds like Anthem

[@chillhour6155]

Looks like a checklist for every modern AAA release

[@trickyricky4731]

I forgot bugs and glitches

[@39Chevy]

Well, if Romero is Captain Planet...then I'd assume David Cage is "Heart".

[@tomasparant8901]

In this metafore, I think cage would wield the "Ring of Awful Writing".

[@billveusay9423]

But the problem is he would also wield the "ring of quick-time-events". Congratulation Cage, you have acquired enough power to wield two of the rings. Also, who could wield the "ring of cover base-shooting behind chest-high walls" ?

[@Loldino897]

@@billveusay9423 A shared ring from all spunkgargleweewee?

[@nathanclark2424]

@@Loldino897 with every COD, BF and MOH protagonist trying to fight over it?

[@ericrollin2331]

Nah, he'd wield the "Ellen Page" ring.

[@Vulkans]

When the only good thing about your videogame is the box art.

[@d9fred95]

Is the box art legit though? Big Boss is on it...

[@b3rz3rk3r9]

Honestly, I did find the cover very enticing. It feels like it's trying to invoke a theme similar to Metal Gear Solid, but it felt different somehow. I don't know why, but I can tell you one thing: any sucker who buys this game, thinking this game is good from the cover, has my pity.

[@zainlookboonmee]

I believe It’s Yoji Shinkawa who does all the character and art designs for Metal Gear Solid games who did the art here for Left Alive

[@KILLERONROAD]

The cover is why I got it. It was in a 4 for 20 deal at GameStop. Never heard of it, figured of if it was bad, whatever, it's 5 bucks. Oh boy, was it bad. It's like peeling an onion made of shit. Did you know that you have to jump on top of tables and shit to pick things up from them? It gets worse the more you play.

[@nikitaivachtchenko6375]

"The money the mentally disadvantaged's schools and workplaces give them if they promise not to show up." Damn.

[@jayarby8494]

*THE ENEMY ARE APPROACHING THE GENERATOR TO OBTAIN A SAMPLE AND HES A MAN NOT A GOD*

[@derrinerrow4369]

wrong reviewer

[@derrinerrow4369]

FOOOOOUUUUUUURRRR HOOOOOOUUUUUURRRRSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

[@jayarby8494]

*FLY OFF TO THE RIGHT AND EXPLODE*

[@igorthelight]

... Common, comrades!

[@mtnman6762]

Hey Yahtzee, you wanna play a zombie game?!

[@vietnow4611]

"... which is as quiet and subtle as a hippo using a porto-loo" lolololol Yahtzees 10 years into this, how the hell does he keep coming up with these? Fucking incredible

[@KrisKbob_Gaming]

I’m on a binge of these videos and I think the “if I gave you money will you go away?” line to SE killed me 🤣😂

[@Norrikan]

_"Sir, we have this much beloved tactics series in our portfolio that's been doing nothing but gathering dust. It's called *Front Mission*."_ "Oh, I think I remember that. Didn't the last few games sell poorly?" _"Yes, indeed. Mostly because we made a bunch of shitty mobile games and a shitty shooter. But I'm sure with some care and a return to the roots we could revive this series."_ "Very well, go ahead and make a new game in that franchise. Be sure to put it in a genre that has nothing to do with the original." _"Uh..."_ "Oh, and make sure it's as shitty as you can make it."

[@LuffyBlack]

*Cries*

[@brettfitzgerald6280]

@Grima the Fell Dragon it's rare af to find anyone mention those games, good on you. One of my favorite series.

[@richardpreston7333]

It's quite heartbreaking when Yahtzee stops being snarky and just pours his heart out

[@markmclean9640]

Stellar writing this week Yahtz, even more so than usual. Loved it.

[@metaljay77]

Pretty sure someone tried to axe this project but some executive was afraid they weren't hitting their monthly quota of questionable moves and made them launch it. Meaning this game was nearly dead but then Left Alive, according to Yahtzees review the game was as bad as that pun.

[@PikaLink91]

They made sure the artwork was at least up to snuff so they could lure people in.

[@Thule-ob1vm]

Left Alive: The best argument for remembering to double tap.

[@xmm-cf5eg]

Don't have to double tap if you use a bigger round.

[@RegretfulDeadMan]

Do we have another contender for "Lifetime Achievement For Total Abhorrence"?

[@RegretfulDeadMan]

@@Klontruppe what are you talking about, most current world leaders have been around for years.

[@Smithy082]

Nice memes man. Hope one of them gets heaps of likes! That’d be sick!

[@sulacoblack6288]

The most accurate and informative reviews to be found on the interwebs. Yet again thanks for taking the bullet.

[@Noneadidal]

I have never heard of this game before in my life

[@vantablack6288]

i have

[@demark8262]

And you never will again

[@PrinceSilvermane]

When I first saw it at a game show last year I thought it was going to be neat. I'm actually kind of sad it turned out to be so shit.

[@AR-rk9nn]

Funhaus played it

[@Garrus1995]

You aren't missing very much.

[@brainflash1]

"In Soviet American-accented Russia, Alive Lefts YOU!"

[@CyberLance26]

It often feels weird to me when people complain about characters in foreign countries having the wrong accent because if that kind of stuff is so important to people should they not want everybody in games and movies to speak the language of the country they are in with subtitles instead of making everybody speak English?

[@miamiwendigo]

@@CyberLance26 it's just more immersive imagine metro 2033 not having russian accents or imgine going to Australia and people speaking english

[@xmm-cf5eg]

"It really makes you feel like the FSB is trying to assassinate you!" -IGN

[@CyberLance26]

@@miamiwendigo Yea but the reason why people complain about accents like that is because they want it to feel more realistic right? If they want it to feel more realistic they should want to play it in the language of that country with subtitles.

[@miamiwendigo]

@@CyberLance26 that's what I do I'm just making a point if they have the ability to let you use said sub titles

[@iainjames03]

4:53 Bless you, Yahtzee, for reminding me of the existence of Five Alive. If indeed it does still exist...

[@Ignorethisuk]

Let's all clap at Yahtz for not having a dozen adverts. *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

[@jennymckenzie5304]

This game's plot summary hits different these days.

[@tonismilesnow6706]

I'm surprised yahtzee didnt mentioned just how similar the cover art styles are between this and metal gear solid 3 just to really drive home what genre its aping. Go ahead, look it up if you dont remember.

[@l0stndamned]

I'm glad these end up on youtube because the videos keep fowling up on the escapist site.

[@quiettimegaming3642]

“Still Alive” was also the song from the first Mirror’s Edge. Also awesome 👏

[@LaDeCR]

Found the problem - Ilinx, Inc. is the studio who solely developed this game; SqEnix just published (probably favour for a friend of a friend of a girlfriend). www.mobygames.com/company/ilinx-inc According to the games database MobyGames (www.mobygames.com/company/ilinx-inc) Ilinx, Inc. has only made one other game by themselves: Black Clover: Quartet Knights (published by BandaiNamco). But that first game was using the CyberConnect2 beat em up engine frequently seen on manga-to-game adaptations currently on the fame roulette in Japan (a la Naruto, One Piece et al), so Left Alive is the first game Ilinx, Inc. have ever developed without a pre-built engine of any kind. This is probably the studio's last game, too. The PC port has such terrible technical issues even when played on GTX 1070Ti exceeding the recommended spec (see ign video review). I struggle to accept the MGS devs who worked on this game did so because they found new jobs within Ilinx, Inc. - I hope it's because they're on a retainer with SqEnix and brought in to salvage this dumpster fire where/if possible. I feel sorry for any Front Mission fans who have been waiting 9 years for a sequel or similar... EDIT - this game was made using the Orochi 4 engine which was developed by Silicon Studio www.siliconstudio.co.jp/en/news/pressreleases/2018/en1811final-fantasy/en1811final-fantasy.html

[@BugsyFoga]

Left Alive: just when you thought Metal Gear Survive was the worst thing trying to be Metal Gear 😒

[@Megaspartan23]

At least Spy Fiction was a better MGS clone. and that game was made be Swery. (The guy that did Deadly Premonitions and The Missing: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories)

[@purvdragon-sensei]

Nathaniel Foga Don’t be a fucking tard, it’s a Front Mission game, although it’s very poorly made.

[@theguardian8317]

yeah. When a game's artwork is desperately trying to look like a different game from a different company to you know it's not a good sign

[@purvdragon-sensei]

The Guardian Hey. You do know Yoji Shinkawa, the concept artist and mech designer for Metal Gear Solid is working on this game, right? Not just him but two other prolific mecha artists are on board too. This game is a mish mash of their collaborative efforts. It’s not trying to look Metal Gear, that’s just his artstyle.

[@hamsterhuey3880]

I have absolutely no memory of hearing about this game for its now three years of existence

[@stynger02]

This review seems like a 2019 version of Ride to Hell. I approve!

[@the_flaming_tree_troll9380]

Another lovely review as always Yahtz, love it hate it i don't care, you make it funny and your wit and wordplay always make me smile, looking forward to the next review

[@xkvhi4385]

Rescuing survivors in the original Dead Rising is great fun. I would play a whole herding game like that.

[@DiabeetusPrime]

Yahtzee has made some obscure references in ZP over the years, but I never thought I'd hear one to A.J.P. Taylor of all people

[@namor357]

DNR: Do Not Resuscitate Didn’t think there could be a harsher review than Yahtzee gave Anthem. I was wrong, very very wrong, oh how wrong I was.

[@SadButter]

What about Hunt Down The Freeman? Or are we just not supposed to talk about it?

[@demonintellect9834]

Anthem didn't really get a horrible review... he just said it was boring and repetitive. That's not really scathing for him.

[@2Scribble]

@@demonintellect9834 - He didn't even really suffer Which sucks He's hilarious when he suffers

[@weredig0]

Never underestimate the criticism of The Yahtzee

[@MajesticDemonLord]

'Boring bits of the Hunt for Red October'?!? That's fightin' words....

[@t_k_blitz4837]

Ho, you talk about PUKE!!

[@fricken99]

Yahtzee is like a fine wine. He gets better with age.

[@paradoxacres1063]

Knowing that Yahtzee will one day review *HuniePop* it fills me with determination!

[@E1craZ4life]

Paradox Acres Oh good. You’re back. I’ve been meaning to ask what your avatar is supposed to be.

[@spacebear4742]

how many years has it been?

[@E1craZ4life]

Space bear The weekly requests started with Yahtzee’s review of DDLC, where he used HuniePop among other games to explain the mistake that led to him reviewing DDLC.

[@seanurbik2689]

well, time for my (now) usual: KEEP GOING!!!!!

[@spacebear4742]

E1craZ4life thanks

[@NeoMorphUK]

One of Yahtzee’s best reviews! I was crying....

[@ralphbarnes9335]

Every time a new Squeenix game comes out I now hear in my head "if I gave you money would you go away?"

[@ProfessorH]

It's like packet of Salt 'n' Shake crisps where the salt packet has been replaced by a small sachet of anthrax

[@TheDJBabuta]

Finally a Yugoslovenian reference, proud to be Serbian lol

[@xmm-cf5eg]

I love my M72 and M70b1, you guys make good ak's.

[@iancanaday3730]

"Explosives hurt the enemy as much as a yelp 3 star review" now that is a line.

[@GermansLikeBeer]

Didn't think I'd hear a Slobodan Milosevic reference today, but OK

[@ThrottleKitty]

Every single aspect of this game feels so cobbled together from other games, I'm already questioning if it was a real game I saw or just an amalgamation of memories twisted together.

[@laser8550]

Big waste of the Front Mission universe A franchise based on mechs and ignores that but focuses on another franchise's signature gameplay instead Some people at SquareEnix need to be fired after this and The Quiet Man

[@MultiBoxingKid]

Wait, this is a "Front Mission" spin-off?

[@wolfgangervin2582]

@@MultiBoxingKid Yep.

[@Xatzimi]

I wish they'd re-release FM like they've been doing with FF

[@DinosaurFan88]

One gaming franchise with mechs prominently featured in it aping the gameplay of another. It'd be like if FromSoftware made a new Armored Core game that was tactics-based in lieu of Battletech.

[@antsache]

I think it's kind of an awesome idea to take a franchise known for its giant, grounded mech combat and show players what it's like to be on the receiving end of that on the ground. How utterly terrifying and unstoppable these weapons could be (especially when they can move as fast as Wanzers can on straight streets). Obviously it'd be great to get another classic Front Mission, but I don't hate the idea they had for this on its face. But they definitely needed to do something with that idea beyond just badly rip off Metal Gear Solid. They needed to have some novel, good ideas about what to do with the "you're a mostly-irrelevant foot soldier/spy on a battlefield dominated by three-story killing machines" setup. I played all the numbered entries in the series, and seeing all that destruction from a totally different, dis-empowered perspective sounds cool to me. It's just a shame the execution turned out so aggressively horrible.

[@solofox9426]

A quick piece of advice. Next time you are making lasagna, try substituting the dog shit with ricotta cheese. It might not seem like it but actually it makes a big difference to the flavor.

[@greenfolder2437]

I thought this was some kind of sequel to "I am Alive."

[@JohnSmith-km4sv]

> two parts of Russia As a Ukrainian, I am offended. Joke's on you, I'm much more offended by the mere fact that this atrocious game takes place in my country.

[@xmm-cf5eg]

It feels like 2014 all over again. I think the worst (and funniest) part of the Crimea conflict is that Russia basically invaded so they could get access to a freshwater port that wasn't "blockaded" by NATO. America and the UK invade countries for Oil, Russia does it for warm water.

[@nazar606]

@Evi1M4chine and your point is...?

[@michaelbetteridge4131]

That AJP Taylor reference was very humorous

[@Kaefer1973]

Wait 2:35 is that sheep a Llamas with Hats reference?

[@mossypotato9899]

Little did yahtzee know that document on the sewer was what they needed to make a ceasefire with the other city.

[@scotthurr5925]

You keep getting Better. I really appreciate your reviews, as well as your humour. Even when you lambaste the games I Adore I cannot help but agree with you on their inherent flaws... While laughing. 🙂

[@SnuSnuDungeon]

No truer words.

[@quickattackfilms7923]

“The explosives damage the average soldier about as much as a 3 Star yelp review” haha

[@Renegadebane]

Like accepting the matrix but no martial arts, the agents glitch into the nearest object as soon as they appear, and it's battle royal.

[@ManoredRed]

His metaphors are so good.

[@Craxin01]

Props for the Short Circuit reference.

[@demark8262]

As of this time on the 27th Mar 2019 3 people LOVED "Left Alive" and 1.3K agree.............It's the worst

[@demark8262]

Evi1M4chine and this video is a huge departure from the billon of others he’s made! Guess it's about the game then. Also stop shouting

[@roberte.o.speedwagon6043]

"A Quiet Man" was "Left Alive" as the enemy played their "Anthem", which to me was a total "MindJack" because the "Fighter Within" me just wanted a "Ride to Hell", but I couldn't because the "Dungeon Keeper" left me "Alone In The Dark" in "Agony" after I was stabbed by a "Ninjabread Man" for claiming the sky was infact "No Man's Sky" and thus he cannot have it for himself. I had to eat "Tunnel Rats" while setting up a "Night Trap" incase a "Trespasser" was coming into the jail from the "South Park" to try and challenge me to an "Extreme Paintbrawl"!

[@Deuzen_FIN]

If the Front Mission franchise wasn't dead and buried before, it certainly is after this.

[@ExeErdna]

It's so sad to see the legendary series go to shit like this. Since the first game is borderline criminal to not have a modern remake.

[@RaKaNiShU117]

The hedgehog line killed me

[@elgringo4923]

This was one of your most hilarious episodes yet

[@YunsAvatar]

Wait... boring bits of "The Hunt for Red October?" Those don't exist. Oh, wait.. they're tone deaf.

[@aiboffin295]

There are no boring bits in the hunt for red October.

[@BushidoMauve]

The release time of this video is fucking impeccable

[@TheTriforcemonk]

That lightsaber was fucking clever as hell

[@commandervulkan]

Fun fact this is a Front Mission Game. Remember when Front Mission was good? Remember Front Mission 4?

[@theburningman5047]

Even the cover art is heavily inspired by MGS, it actually looks, when you look at the case alone, like a Metal Gear game

[@Dogbold-Rue]

Now I just wish he'd play & review FRONT MISSION 3. Good classics always eases the pain of modern gaming hoopla. Good ol XCOM like strategy, large multiracial cast, country hopping stages, large varying giant robots, 2 routes to play, etc. There's just so much to love there...

[@Nothing-sl5ro]

A laugh every few seconds, my favourite yet.

[@urbanshadow777]

"Explosives are about as damaging to an enemy as a 3 star yelp review"... Your patter is top of the line.

[@Sjono]

When somebody mentions Still Alive while some may think of that Portal song, I usually think of that Mirror’s Edge song

[@nawf4372]

So on why Squareenix published this thing. Left Alive is technically TECHNICALLY a Front Mission game, and Squareenix has a contract to publish all of the Front Mission games. So this is either a case where a publisher wanted the company to take an old series that they wanted to bring back and told them to make a version that would be popular with a more contemporary audience before the company could restart the franchise proper, or this was the company trying to get in with the cool kids WHILE getting some money from their old audience and then failing hard. Given that Squareenix tried to mostly sneak this under the radar, it's probably a case of the latter that Squareenix was contractility obligated to release. And that's the reason the game has random mech battles. The proper Front Mission games where turn based strategy games involving giant robots, so they were had to put them in there. Just like the bad guys had to be from a nation that was part of some other nation once, though usually the good guys are an already existing nation. Though one they they didn't feel they had to do was give people accents, which is something they usually tried to do (read try).

[@LoliiShota]

I honestly thought the game was called still alive too, I just searched for yoji shinkawa to see if it pops up...it did. (The artist for the cover)

[@15oClock]

This is gonna be in the Top 5.

[@samuelsmith2707]

Yahtzee you should review the classic old games and see how they stack up to modern standards. I'd love to see you do thief 1 and 2.

[@brolo7234]

Can't believe this game is the latest installment of the Front Mission universe.

[@prcervi]

so apparently this is a spinoff of a preexisting series, Front Mission prior installment was released in 2010

[@wobblysauce]

Still alive... something I say to my self every day.

[@Heardy_Junior98]

It's nice to see a gaming review channel that focuses less on praising and forcefully recommending the game in question and more on pointing out what the devs could've done to make it better and will recommend the game in question if it's actually worth recommending.

[@DJstarrfish]

This is Yahtzspeaak for "I'm not done with the Sekiro review yet"

[@Unownshipper]

Now we know what Yahtzee's breaking point is: office memorandums

[@noahtownsend9800]

what is the red object at 5:01? yahtzee uses it in a lot of videos but I've never understood what it is.

[@TheManOfManyNames373]

1:02 Don't forget Mindjack!

[@r.j.lombardi111]

I'm stealing the Adolf Action and Slobodan Stealth jokes, thank you!

[@Kytetiger]

This review is... So... Beautiful !! *.*

[@RevantheBlack]

Red October was a good movie, also is it just me, or would a retro review of a Warhammer 40k game with Yahtzee and Archwarhammer be absolutely awesome?

[@rtsons9367]

1:43 I was holding the same type of remote when I was watching this

[@bigdaddy-chan8467]

Look up Outward seems to be flying under the radar. Also it is can be single player with no drawbacks ;)

[@PokecrafterChampion]

You know, I was a little disappointed that this wasn't dmc 5, but after seeing this... I understand why it took priority. At least you have good games to look forward to after this.

[@marknugent7505]

does anyone know what that robot at 2:53 is from ?

[@lewis9574]

This is the best ZP in a while, made me laugh out loud xD

[@bananaman8124]

What is a man, but a stack of confused hedgehogs in the shape of a man?

[@DavidAnderson-cw7oq]

2:47 so, out of curiosity, what would the other rings be, and who would wield them?