Legal Immigration: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

John Oliver explains how our legal immigration system works, and how it often doesn’t.
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[@BeeFreeland]

I remember in middle school we had a library aide who broke down in tears because she finally received her green card after SEVENTEEN YEARS. Our immigration system is a complete and utter joke.

[@isabelled.4799]

It's less than that. It's a damn travesty, is what it is

[@tealmacfarlane]

I know an Army veteran who is constantly worried his wife will be deported because she still doesn't have a green card. They got married in 2003. They have kids.

[@isabelled.4799]

@@tealmacfarlane Wish them well from me, if you can

[@fangal12]

@@tealmacfarlane God be with her, I couldn't imagine living in constant fear that any day the gestapo (ICE) will be dragging me away kicking and screaming in front of my children

[@AlexZ-lc6nl]

Yes, being born in the US is a gift many Americans take for granted. So many people come here wanting to make America better and have a better life. Most immigrants work harder, pay taxes and follow the rules (and don’t even get tax returns because they are illegal). afraid for the SS system isn’t done by illegals lol, it’s usually done by white US born Americans.

[@Marconius6]

If you're a rich Norwegian, why would you even WANT to live in America?

[@MrGlenp24015]

@Marconius to escape 70% tax rates?

[@Marconius6]

@@MrGlenp24015 Which form of tax would that be? Income tax is 38%, down from 40% a few years ago.

[@phantomspaceman]

Considering what happened in 2011 I doubt Norwegians think they're immune to shootings.

[@queenofthewhores]

@@phantomspaceman 1 mass shooting that u can point out 8 yrs ago...there was probably on in the U.S. 8 min ago

[@applesandoranges1624]

As a Finn, I'm wondering why I came here at all. Of course, Trump wasn't POTUS back then.

[@danevd9463]

As a Maltese person I can confirm that our country was shipped in a box to New York and was showed on John Oliver's show.

[@Shadowdoc26]

Did he offer you a hotel accommodation while they borrowed it?

[@maryalicefike4704]

was it a bumpy ride? did john say hi?!

[@liamhall1744]

It must’ve been very frightening and exciting! You guys are on TV!!

[@spiketheguy7091]

I hope the shipping travels didn't shake up your place too much

[@TheMan00007]

"These countries give us their worst people". Did he just refer to degree holders with professional licenses and years of experience who lived on low salaries while supporting their families as "the worst people"?

[@hikaru1675]

He also referred to young people who came from a First World country, who have no criminal records, who have ideas & ambition, who have high English skills & who just got their highschool/Bachlor's degree as "the worst people". Trump only supports rich people immigrating. Bad for the US, tho :x

[@kamatariedgar3603]

And his wife.

[@eboo925]

He's talking about all of those illegals in California ,Texas,Florida,Massachusetts,Connecticut,Arizona everywhere low-skilled workers that don't speak English out number you by a very very large margin that's what Trump talking about. Trump2020🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@yupadej4361]

He talked about the lottery system

[@benjaminmonsterovich2687]

@@eboo925 Believe me, those illegal immigrants do low paid jobs to survive and improve their lives. Without them, the cost of products and services would be much higher. And I am pretty sure you are a bot created by Kremlin. Say hi to Putin and Prigozhin.

[@bersekovitch]

"Our country is full !" Local native american, circa 1587.

[@Alexa-Raine]

Go learn history, sheep..

[@Lalo3g1]

@@Alexa-Raine Go learn manners, pig. Why don't you just correct him on what you think he got wrong

[@valley5285]

@@Alexa-Raine no

[@lvigilful]

🙄

[@Alexa-Raine]

@@beyourselfth Also wrong. Go learn history..

[@flemes9615]

Hey maltese guy here... Can you put malta back pls we're scared we are gonna get shot here

[@benalves1386]

lol

[@wsharp23]

As long as you're not suicidal you'll be okay

[@AbradolfLincler]

Always wondered.. do Maltesers come from there?

[@allthingsunimportant]

valid concern.

[@__Stitchy]

Don't ask Americans to put you back, they'll just blob you down somewhere near New Zealand, just have them give you to Canada or Mexico, they know where you were.

[@Rockhoppr3]

GOP: "We want more *legal* immigration!" America: "So are you guys working on streamlining the process for legal immigrants?" GOP: "Oh hell no, we're making it harder for legal immigrants."

[@mafiaps31]

If anyone tries to argue that we should make it harder at really wouldn't make any sense because you're getting more of what you don't want I wonder why people don't b**** about why isn't immigration system fixed

[@AnIridescentWolf]

Honestly, a GOP talking point is how illegal immigrants don’t pay taxes. But you’d think they’d like making the system easier to become a citizen,, you know, so they can pay taxes. Also, native born citizens cost a country much more than immigrants. Shaun the KZbinr made a good example: Imagine two people: an American, and someone born in another country, who eventually immigrates to the US and gets a job in the exact same position as the first person. They pay the same taxes, live in similar circumstances, and die. Who is more beneficial and who is more of an economic drain? The immigrant didn’t get his education and childhood from American funding, they got it from their birthplace. So technically, an American born in the US is more of an economic burden than the immigrant in this instance.

[@marcosspinola2773]

I'm currently waiting for my green card. Came to the US under an "L" Visa. It means you were transferred by your company. In my case, my wife was transferred. My visa allows me to work in the US without the need of sponsorship whatsoever. However, I still need a document called EAD - Employment Authorization Document. You have to apply for an EAD and, depending on your visa type, you have a different set of documents and rules. It took me about 4 months to get my first EAD. And another year and a half to find a job in my area of expertise - IT. Before that, I walked dogs, did Uber, worked as a photographer... The problem is, when the USCIS grants you an EAD, it does have an expiration date. Mine was 2 years from the issuance date. I applied for a new EAD in september 2019. By December, I had to quit my job, because the new EAD weren't issued before the expiration date of my previous EAD. Sooo.... I lost, because I had to quit my job; the government lost, because they weren't collecting my taxes anymore; The company I was working for lost, because they had to go through the hiring process from scratch once again, train a new employee once again. I understand the US has a lot of different issues to address when it comes to immigration. I know it's a challenge to accommodate all of the people who want to live in this country... but there's no other way to put it: Current immigration laws in America are as dumb as America's current president.

[@crimsontowers]

It's the party of paradoxes, logical fallacy as policy and xenophobic jingoism You know what's really ironic? Not only is their rhetoric copy pasted from every shit power monger all the way back to Rome.. The major crisis that precipitated the fall of Rome was mishandling immigration (alongside corrupt rich dicks dictating policy and pocketing money, as well as shitty emperors) For near 1000 years they would make them Roman citizens, bring them into the fold, contribute to the empire and not be seen as outsiders Then attilla the hun chased a shit ton of Goths into Roman lands, and they made a deal to become Romans But Rome had a lot of xenophobes, ethnocentric dicks and alienated the Goths, demonized them, gave them zero aid to the point they had to eat dog and horse meat bought from soldiers..so it all crumbled, they got super pissed and instead of becoming massively significant allies, contributing to the empire, it all crumbled apart These cunts don't know shit about history, and they know the cult of personality around them and the followers are just ignorant as fuck too, they don't see the patterns or historical context

[@kawaiidoggo]

@@AnIridescentWolf actually the GOP talking point about how illegal immigrants don't pay taxes is wrong. They do pay income taxes, sales taxes, property taxes, etc. In fact, 12 million illegal immigrants contribute $11 billion in tax revenue annually. This is at the same time illegal immigrants can't use single welfare programs and Medicaid. Only service they can use is emergency Healthcare service.

[@Jesse-cy7ws]

Tried for 20 years to enter legally. Started with an H1B1 visa. After 10 years and $10,000 in legal fees, got a green card. After another 10 years of lawyers, applications, dead ends, start overs, and more dead ends just gave up and moved back to Canada. Degrees up the ying yang. Wife and I both worked in hospice helping precious veterans die.

[@spidermonkey8430]

Looks like it’s tough for u whites too

[@samuelthornton9179]

@@spidermonkey8430 it's hard for everyone.

[@thekub32]

That's crazy. I never realized it was this hard for Canadians too. We're neighbors!

[@dominiclarratt9968]

Why would you want to leave Canada?

[@wiggl3s_821]

Isn’t canada like the second best rated country in the world after Switzerland or something? Stay there my guy...

[@svhmj3918]

I thought John cam in to the US on a P-7 visa. The protection of endangered species (talking owls).

[@davidhollenshead4892]

Nope, Mr. Oliver is a Toucan...

[@bryanmontes1374]

Have some respect for Mr. Oliver! He is obviously a Hornbill (Zazu)

[@donotlike4anonymus594]

hell no idiots don't go extinct.... idiotcracy is coming....

[@JustusWilcox]

How many licks does it take...

[@mchoffner8497]

The owl is wise.

[@ButterflySoju]

He forgot to talk about how Melania worked illegally on her tourist visa and then got an "Einstein" visa and had an anchor baby.

[@mattb6528]

*married an anchor baby.

[@isabelled.4799]

@@mattb6528 He certainly looks like he weighs about the same as one lol

[@jeromeevans8501]

He's talked about it in a previous episode

[@sethbritton6970]

@e fred Poor thing; backing a hypocrite, tries to 'deflect'.

[@mashamitchell9574]

And used chain migration to bring her parents to the USA.

[@Lucien_Noland]

Telling and immigrant to just “get in line” is like telling someone with asthma to just breathe.

[@4philipp]

Not really, you must breath but you must not be an immigrant. One is a choice

[@StrazdasLT]

Utter nonsense. If you are a normal human being you will have no problem getting in line. If you are a lawbreaking asshole - no country should want you.

[@StrazdasLT]

@@Maria-yb5qk I watched the video and it showed that the system is as usually - broken. Instead of selecting people based on their skills and beliefs you are having stuff like green card lottery and emotional appeals to statue of liberty (which by the way was written when there was 5 times less immigration). Im not sure what trump has to do with it, but i would prefer if that con artist was in jail. Does not mean i like the Putin ass licker in chief we got right now.

[@Maria-yb5qk]

​@@j_k7769 I don't even know who Don Lemon is.

[@Maknassar]

@@4philipp USians dont seem to understand the concept that every person can becone a refugee once in their lifes. More unlikely in North america and western europe than in other parts of the world. But the chance is never zero

[@theamazingheidi6822]

Wyoming: *EXISTS* Trump: "OuR CoUntrY iS fULL"

[@elgordo2162]

Wyoming is not real

[@DeeJayFM]

@@elgordo2162 it's an illusion

[@jamesscannell7951]

The Amazing Heidi Wyoming: Am I joke to you

[@DeeJayFM]

@@jamesscannell7951 yes

[@mirillis6083]

Bitch Wyoming is a void of darkness our country is always open let's throw em' in

[@Ometecuhtli]

- You killed my father, prepare to die. - Oh, yeah... so where's your father now?

[@a_fine_edition2746]

Anyone: dies Trump: wHeRe ArE tHeY nOw?

[@micmccond7]

All I can say is...yikes and oof

[@komemiute]

Most underrated comment- ever.

[@suflex91]

Honestly, if you listen very carefully then you figure that the word "killed" sounds like "kept" because of her accent.

[@memegazer]

lol this reminds me of a movie

[@SuzanaValenca]

I now expect a Ted Cruz poem on every show thank you

[@malekmohamed1918]

Suzana Valenca agreed said every one

[@ericsmith116]

Ted Cruz, a Texan representative Ted Cruz, needs to take a sedative Sleep young Ted sleep So we may never have to see you creep. A day ago you hated Trump Now you dream to be a Drumpf Proudly written by Eric Smith (a native Texan living in Cali).

[@ksukallie]

Roses are Red Michael Jackson sang Thriller Ted cruz is the zodiac killer

[@theGhoulman]

Fear the Ted! There was an article during the election in 2016 where a reporter was doing routine background on Ted and called his respective universities (Yale and Princeton I think). The reporter didn't even ask for anything but basic info and people OFFERED just how everyone HATED Ted. Thaaat's a bit telling.

[@BermuAlex]

I hope so!

[@liampedersen]

I came to the US on a scholarship, and attended one of the best grad school in the world. The US has done a lot for me, and in turn I have given back my best (and awarded the public service medal by the US govt). I am profoundly grateful to this country. Yet immigrating here took me almost 20 years despite support from elite institutions and a member of Congress. The legal path to citizenship is tortuous and capricious. We can and should do better.

[@standowner6979]

May I ask, which area of knowledge did you do research?

[@sqrcorp]

Now, if it was difficult for you, imagine how much harder it is for a person of color.

[@liampedersen]

@@standowner6979 Sure thing Stan. I studied robotics and spent a decade at the space agency.

[@liampedersen]

​@@sqrcorp My point was that it is hard even with the help of powerful entities. I don't know how those less fortunate manage it.

[@kingace6186]

Thank you for your (public) service.

[@FlowerThePot]

My mom came to the US from the Philippines during the nursing shortage. When she finally got her citizenship...it was better than a dream come true!! Most US citizens don't understand how scary and difficult the process is.

[@billbill6094]

"I have no problems with immigrants as long as they come here legally." Immigrant: *comes here legally* "Wait no not like that."

[@varana]

Immigrant: *isn't white* "Wait no not like that."

[@npc6817]

Immigrant: applies for visa No, that's not how you play the game!

[@Neeroking]

Sadly, this is extremely accurate

[@apedin]

It's not that we hate immigrants. We need a land for ourselves - what's wrong with wanting the country to house predominantly our people?

[@moviemattluman1675]

Builder Who’s “our” people? All the immigrants or their grandkids, which would be us ? 🤔

[@mickymcbryan4814]

"Our country's full." Did he really say that at a Jewish coalitian meeting after America said the same thing to Jewish people fleeing Nazis who were then subsequently killed in death camps?? What am I saying; of course he did!

[@Maphisto86]

Holy crap. You just made me notice that he was speaking in front of a Jewish organization. Good point!

[@emiledwards620]

@@DigitalDaydreams no. His grandfather died in 1918. Long before all the events that led to the Nazi party's rise to power.

[@salenebrom6476]

mickymc bryan bruh🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@jeannie1renee2]

@@DigitalDaydreams, his family was from Scotland. Not too many Nazis in Scotland.

[@xxdarkslayerlord1922]

Digital Daydreams did you just try to link Trump with the Nazis

[@glennattard7209]

As a maltese citizen i can confirm that the map shown of malta is actually to scale

[@Onigirli]

I knew micro people existed!

[@wta1518]

@@Onigirli They're normal sized people, they just have to carefully balance on top of Malta.

[@msspelled]

@@wta1518 yup, we also have an obesity issue, so its a really tough job to stay on top 😂

[@helios24601]

"In one of Trumps more reflective moments..." shows Trump staring longingly at Ivanka. PURE GENIUS.

[@rock-n-rollfoodie]

Seokjun An ... Trump is disgusting

[@oldrrocr]

Sadists don't give a shit about you; extreme sadist like trumpski get off on your pain.

[@4philipp]

Give Trump a break, can’t an old man just look at his daughter and get a boner without being crucified?

[@harrybarodawala3588]

time stamp please?

[@tobbs5003]

Democrats are also right leaning. Try harder loser.

[@swampThaang]

He forgot one pathway: being rich. If you invest $1 million in an American business you also get a visa.

[@robobrain10000]

Not many people in that category though.

[@anonymoususer2086]

@@robobrain10000 Not many people in any category, is I think the point of this entire episode. Of note is a distinct lack of category for people who are already here illegally, and who have been for many years.

[@dark3rthanshadows]

RICH norwegians, sumerises that. Millionares form any place have free pass and if u are a big star( which John Olivar wasn't when he was trying to get here) u can also come really quick . Or just transform into a sexy eastern european , fly to US with a "vocation" visa and see if u can manage to get someone to sponsor u in the 3 months u are allowed to be there

[@commonpeace5595]

Which is a totally valid way to get in....

[@rakeshpillai2173]

I think it is $5 million now..

[@meghandenny6922]

I love how progressively angry these have been recently. Feels good to see people still care.

[@couragekarnga8735]

The world is going to shit, and we have John Oliver to tell us all about that.

[@juanhectorgarcia6]

Aww fuck you but fuck you

[@tps64]

i always said i liked to fall in the middle, but lately ive definitely been more conservative, only because the left has gone insane with what they want. the debates are literally just about who can give away the most. the right is about shat they want to limit and keep to themselves. we absolutely need to get away from tbe strict 2 party system (i know the response is gonna be vote independent, but thats not realistic the way it is right now). i really wish the 2 sides could come together and take care of everyone the way they need/should be taken care of. i have no political science training or even follow it that much, but that would be great to see the country I love come together in ways you only see after ttagedies.

[@petercarioscia9189]

I know right? I can't wait until 2020 when all the progressives blow a gasket again.

[@petercarioscia9189]

@raserianfald no, it's as honest as it gets. Andrew yang being the distillation of all the lefts bullshit; 'i'm offering you a Free-dumb dividend!" The left offers you 'stuff" without any solutions, or any tangible policies on who they'll deliver.

[@mushnoodle]

Trump: "its easy to come legally into the USA just use this door" *points to a door painted onto a wall*

[@biancaolfert1498]

This is underrated

[@donna_piranha]

Most of our ancestors who "came here legally" actually didn't go through any screening process beyond "survive a journey of several weeks across the Atlantic in an overcrowded boat," so we can get off the high horse now.

[@GhostManCrisis]

Dear John Oliver, Thank you for coming to our country.

[@brettquiggle2859]

@@challanj get bent, you butthurt boomer.

[@alvarohernandez4557]

@@challanj as if you capitalizing now is gonna make him leave any sooner

[@Hekilikaua]

@Brenton Lewis Sorry, we don't understand the congealed ramblings of the town idiot. Please do calm down and try again.

[@whoRwe02]

Any known country got a government system and laws. All have created and recognized laws for implementation. Break their laws then it is your own risks. You must adapt to their environment.. else hire lawyers to defend your own created problems once caught as lawbreaker. It is always a burden to anyone who are ignorant of the laws , who disregard the laws and who neglects the laws. Genius and practical? Never make a comedian or a commentator a reference.

[@robertnett9793]

@Brenton Lewis You are aware that there are levels between 'Build a Wall and let no one in' and 'no borders at all'?

[@plazmotech5969]

Took my parents some 18 years. The ceremony was only the second time I'd ever seen my dad cry

[@lilpicyfreh4257]

Thor Correia What was the first

[@Nostalg33]

@@lilpicyfreh4257 his birth

[@Username-or9nr]

Antoine Burcklé 😂

[@bunny_smith]

That's a nice story.

[@stefanocas1982]

Thor Correia there is no ceremony for green card, are you talking about naturalization?

[@spookyactionatadistance6108]

I nearly burst into tears at the thought of Sir Oliver *not* making it.

[@vinny9868]

When people say they want legal immigration, what they're really saying is that they want white European and Canadian immigration. Immigrants with more money and education who really don't need to come to the States and would live comfortably in their country. It's no secret that the U.S. prioritise these people to get in first, and thus having everyone else having to wait those ridiculously long "lines".

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

They pay a lot of taxes. We want taxpayers. We don't want welfare queens.

[@jak8714]

Selfish Capitalist yes, but the ‘welfare queens’ need the help more! What’s the point of living in the best country in the world if we cannot share the wealth!

[@arturotrejo6814]

Selfish Capitalist my parents are ILLEGAL and both have been paying taxes for over 20 years my dad has already paid enough to earn SS retirement and received letter from gov but unfortunately he still can not receive a green card until the imaginary LINE moves along which he has been on for over 20 years as well let’s just say we got tired of waiting on people who don’t care about us

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

@@jak8714 If everyone gets to take out of the system, nobody wants to pay into the system. Other people don't want to pay for your lifestyle.

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

@@arturotrejo6814 Sad to know, but the law is the law. America is a country of law and order. You want to come in, you gotta come in legally.

[@stirlingstewart]

"Our country is full, we cant accommodate more people" "NO ABORTION!"

[@kempkennedy5068]

Wait, are you implying by that post that aborted fetuses are 'humans'? And that equating not letting someone into a country is comparable to murder? I'm sure you are not, but your words in that post betray you.

[@mytj1803]

I can't speak for Stirling Stewart, but my interpretation would be that he was comparing fetuses to non-Citizen. Although it's possible there was an afterthough about "increasing population", I beleive it could be a good metaphor for the "yearning to be free"... fetuses could become human (or not, there are natural miscarriages) … and non-Citizen could become great Citizen (or at least working for low wages). Life is not always fair (outside forces can mess it up), but at least it gives some opportunities once in a while.

[@JohnDoe-sw1sm]

@@kempkennedy5068 not really that hard to understand. The reason why right wingers say they are against immigration is because the country is full and we can't accommodate them but that reasoning falls apart in that they want to criminalize abortion and exploded the population with a bunch babies that we have to accommodate because they can't work like a immigrant worker can.

[@stirlingstewart]

@@kempkennedy5068 John got my meaning bang on. Right-wingers insist that the country is full and we should accept no immigration, but that mentality is not commensurate with the comorbid right-wing belief that there should be no abortions because if the country was truly in a population crisis, as they suggest, it would be even more justified to insist upon abortions than it would be to reject immigration because babies are an 18 year investment before they can give back to the economy in any meaningful sense of the term whereas a migrant can begin contributing to the economy even before they become a citizen.

[@mytj1803]

@brajamtho757 : Define human… A Landmark case over here (Tremblay v. Daigle, [1989] 2 SCR 530) focused on the viability of the "to be born child"... so I'll focus on that and that alone to try to show how it's not a simple black or white issue… and it should not be limited to a Yes\No question. Medicaly speaking, before 28 weeks, if the child is born, it is in the severely premature category, but it can technicaly be viable. There are records of at least a child born 21 Week and ketpt alive, however, it is rarely the case before 22 Week. In addition, there are usualy (85% of the time according to a september 2004 study published on the American Academy of Pediatric's website) some serious side effects from the techniques, or neonatal care, used to keep them alive while they finish their developpement (such as occular muscle developpement). I won't comment on "should we impose those side effects on a person?", because that's not a question for me to answer (I've been born about 3 weeks early, or about 35 Week of gestation, so in the fully formed category). As the science progress, the threshold for viability shortens… however, it does not exclude any of the social issues underlying your comment and/or percieved position. I won't address any of the social issues underlying your comment and/or percieved position.

[@giovanni89ification]

"They kill my mom, my brother" Trump : "Where are they now?" We have low expectations of you but, HOLY F*CK!!!

[@zimzimph]

tbf, she did not pronounce the word well. I knew what I was listening for, so I heard it

[@floydthebarber71]

Trump is an asshole of the highest order but I hate seeing this as an example. Her accent was pretty thick, not easy to understand

[@TimedRevolver]

The whole point was her family is dead. He couldn't give enough of a fuck to even know WHY she was there. Don't fucking try to defend this piece of human-shaped garbage. Trump doesn't give a damn if this entire country burns to the ground. As long as he has his money and golf, he'd kill us all himself.

[@sunshine3914]

Sander de Veth - that was the second time she had explained it to him. He’s just an Ass.

[@DieMenja]

@@floydthebarber71 I understood it and I have English as my second language. He just didn't listen as his name was not involved.

[@realbot]

Why would i leave Europe to go in a third world country?

[@CutieZalbu]

Bot sponsor me? I wanna leave here.

[@ninyaninjabrifsanovichthes45]

Because uhhh You have freedom to have gun in Merica and uhh stuff

[@chross0911]

Maybe for their schools that can teach you proper grammar.

[@ninyaninjabrifsanovichthes45]

@@chross0911 Shut the fuck up. No one cares.

[@realbot]

@@chross0911 no thanks, i like my two first languages more.

[@jneff88]

My wife is a Business professor from India with a PhD from UW. She had an H1B visa and would have had to wait for years for her Green Card if she didn't marry me. When she got her Green Card this February her happiness was dampened severely knowing her sister and many of her friends might have to wait decades to receive theirs. I consider myself extremely informed but I had no idea how terribly unfair the immigration system was until I started dating her.

[@thereilway]

I can assure you that we Norwegians are quite happy where we are, you know, with our free health care and education, and paid maternity leave, and semi-functioning welfare. Imma stay right here thanks

[@joetrunk7234]

please do

[@nuclearbiologist]

Remember not to engage with trump supporters as it gives them a platform. they want you to argue with them.

[@Supernoxus]

@@nuclearbiologist Isn't cutting off communication with political opponents a bad thing to do? You know, since it makes you live in a little bubble filled with like-minded people and never have your own beliefs challenged? Engage with Trump supporters does not just give them a platform, but you as well. If you give people some credit, then they surely will side with the person who brings forth the better arguments, right?

[@rottenmangoes]

@@joetrunk7234 where do you live? Trunk?

[@wolfwoodphreak]

@j G they still have it so im sure they dont care how so your retort is moot

[@robertbelardo7087]

I guess the country wasn't too full for Melania's parents

[@ingridp4457]

robert belardo two elderly folks that may not speak english

[@owlredshift]

haha nice you got that joke too eh

[@sandrajones8774]

Ashley Janit family sponsored immigrants aren’t illegal. So what’s your point here?

[@ToxicAudri]

@crow Context is important, the topic the OP stated was dealing with family migration, or a form of legal migration, to which moron number 1 responded to stop crying about illegals, completely off topic if I'm to believe you as to what moron number 1 was talking about, then someone within the context of OP's comment dealing with legal migration responded as such, then we've got moron number 2 (that's you) playing the semantics game of "oh they didn't say anything about such and such" you don't have to, the context is there in OP's comment dealing with legal migration, why the fuck would you go off topic completely in response to that, who the fuck was crying about illegals anyway? No one was talking about them at all. The overall point here is this people are fucking stupid and many don't understand what is legal and what isn't legal migration, we have moron in chief who's basically saying that all migration is illegal if he deem's it so, except for those nice rich and white folks, then we've got moron's who worship his every word as if it came from god himself, then we've got morons like you who play semantics and excuse the absolutely idiocy of these morons that have infected the country and taken power over it.

[@Zargabaath]

@crow Nice big rig, big boi. Keep out the illegals! Breed in the family?

[@RandolfLycan]

"I'm glad that story worked out well for India". Has that ever been said by a British person before? Lmao

[@VinyZikss]

who cares

[@animeneweablet]

@@VinyZikss I do, because I quite get it. Don't say you didn't ask.

[@alixnevermind9507]

I measure how new these segments are by how gray John’s hair is

[@psyclops973]

I'm loving these rhymes roasting Ted Cruz. Please make them a regular trope on your show

[@CaptainSweatpants90]

He should get Eric from Internet Comment Etiquette to read the next one, and simultaneously tweet it to Ted Cruz. It won't happen, most likely, but it would be fucking amazing.

[@DanArnets1492]

Yeah, nothing like mocking someone's body on national TV! That's the best stuff!!! Can't wait for LastCuckTonight's episode on bullying and how it's bad... unless you're insulting "literal nazis" or whatever.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Yeah, they have to be a thing now.

[@Chris1111116]

Sounds like the poem of Jan Böhmermann towards Erdogan... hopefully this won’t led to an international diplomacy crisis ;-)

[@CaptainSweatpants90]

@@DanArnets1492 uhm... Mocking his body? He didn't do that. He mocked his character, his political views and his asskissing of the President, whom Cruz had a heavy feud with during the campaign. Sure, there was one line about a boxy head in there, but if that is enough for you to call the entire thing body shaming, then MAYBE you want to live in a country where free speech isn't a thing and people get locked away and whipped for saying kinda mean things.

[@Frost-kh9mg]

My Aunt and Uncle are chemical engineers and they've been waiting for over 14 years to get processed. Frankly I think they would help this country more than a lot of Americans would.

[@mandolo100]

Frankly I think many immigrants would heklp the USA much more than many Americans. Especially more than the ****** sitting in the oval office....

[@thomaswikstrand8397]

What's Dumpty the Orange Blimp's approval rating? That would be the percentage, at a very minimum.

[@sniper-guy827]

@@mandolo100 why the fuck are you so mad

[@moubhattacharyya1141]

@e fred Imagine that coming from an original native American at some point in remote past. Many of the only white american wouldn't have even made it. It is always like, ppl who have weapons can rule in the u.s of a But then ppl are forgetful by nature, esp when they are well off.

[@mamba101]

I mean they gave birth to Jesus, if they can't get in what hope is there?

[@reinardharmse4375]

Cuccinelli: "Give me your tired and your poor, as long as they're not tired or poor."

[@petermcgill1315]

"stone cold killer... in most cases." Hysterical. And sad.

[@oldrrocr]

and yet there are millions of chumps who hang on his every utterance... SMH

[@DrLove-uc2ek]

"They killed my family." Trump, "Where are they now?" Some Stable Genius.

[@bigdawg3683]

Not even as bright as a burnt out light bulb.

[@jesseharrold1812]

Trump's inner voice sounds like an AOL dial-up tone.

[@jessikat56]

Jesse Harrold Omg totally pictured this with sound and all 🤣👌🏽

[@esarts6744]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@MrSlowestD16]

Just proves that he wasn't listening to a word she said....sad...

[@izaskumanchustegui5892]

They claim they want legal immigration, but let me tell you... a close friend of mine got her visa to study in LA, graduated from school here, then she got her working visa... Enter Trump... she went to renew her working visa after living here for 7 years... guess what? she got the renovation of her working visa declined and she was sent back to Mexico. She had no criminal record, she's about to lose her job because her company can't wait for her any longer, and she spent 200 dollars on that process. Yeah, I can see you truly want legal immigration when you're making it impossible.

[@dan_hitchman007]

Under Trump, her problem was that she was from Mexico. The unspoken part of Trump's new rules of the immigration road is that we only want Rich White People... especially Hot Norwegians.

[@jimc8428]

Why was it declined? Whenever they kick something back in the immigration process they give you a reason. What was the stated reason?

[@izaskumanchustegui5892]

@@jimc8428 that her job wasn't that essential. Literally. That she should have no problem finding the same job somewhere else. This is not a joke. She's a practical effects make up artist. She has worked with Marvel/Disney and not even that saved her job.

[@dan_hitchman007]

@brajamtho757 Misinformed silly person.

[@MichaelSeven7777]

@@dan_hitchman007 Hello Dan, that would be wrong if that is the case but there is no evidence that there is discrimination based on race. We have a company and because Trump got in it has made getting people from the phillipines more difficult but from what I have been told this is simply because Trump is trying to change the process and whenever you change something, expecially if it is the governement, it takes time to get things moving well again... that is what I was told and it makes sense.

[@benjaminscott8198]

My mother passed when I was born. My father needed help with me, my 18mo old severely handicapped brother, and my almost 5yo sister. He hired a woman from Mexico to live with and help us. She was a big part of our family and even at 43, I still call her Momma. Because she didn't speak English well, I grew up speaking English and Spanish. We also helped bring all her 8 kids over in the 1980s and 1990s. They are our family.

[@DoctorPortal_IX]

“I do not like that man Ted Cruz” needs to be made into a children’s book. I also know that’s not the only rhyme of that he’s made, though I forget which episode the other one is from.

[@Feasco]

Idk a children's book about a serial killer seems like a tough sell

[@ultimatehawkeyefangirl]

He did another one in the Filibuster episode I'm after a clip where Ted Cruz read Green Eggs and Ham to filibuster a bill.

[@cameronwulff]

He had done 3 or 4 now I believe. They are great

[@simoneidson21]

@@Feasco How about a CEREAL killer?

[@minitoffee]

Maltese citizen here and cannot believe my tiny country just got mentioned by John Oliver

[@twilightgardenspresentatio6384]

Elsa Cassar good seeing you!

[@byronp2311]

Well, at least you've got your falcons :)

[@nikkibee187]

I am pretty sure it was also him who did a story (on one of the regular segments last season, or the season before, that do not make it on KZbin) about a journalist in Malta being assassinated. I cannot think of any other show that I would have been watching in the U.S. that talks in-depth about international current events, so I am 90% sure it was a story on Last Week Tonight.

[@alejandram.c.5064]

Did they give your country back after the show?

[@Seb898]

Hi maltese person :D Same here I got so excited :D

[@rufusjustrufus8213]

"They killed my mom, my six brothers..." "Where are they now?" Remember over a year ago when John said, "Trump doesn't understand a single thing," and everyone (probably including him) thought he was exaggerating? Those were good times.

[@jsphmyr2949]

You should watch the whole clip. Not calling you out at all....I assume that you haven’t by your statements. But context is key my friend. And both sides only push agendas unfortunately

[@stevencleere4912]

Imagine how it must feel to tell the President of The United States your heartbreaking story, and know that he's obviously not listening to a goddamn word you are saying, and not be able to tell him to fuck himself.

[@franxx941]

@@jsphmyr2949 And the fk are you talking about?

[@hanaomer4419]

Jsphmyr I genuinely want to hear what you think context will change. Like what do you make of that moment?

[@crispincain5373]

@@jsphmyr2949 That's right, Trump wanted to know which cemetery they were buried in so he could go pay his respects, NOT!

[@noraberry323]

Something he didn't get around to discussing is making that transition from a green card holder to an actual citizen. Which is an incredibly difficult, long and expensive process. Not to mention that until you are a citizen there are certain rights that you do not have.

[@gevansmd1]

It's SOOOOO difficult that my dirt poor grandparents were able to get legal citizenship, as millions continue to do LEGALLY.

[@jorgegomez3224]

@@gevansmd1 Same my grandma just became a citizen and she doesn't earn a lot. These people have no idea what they are talking about.

[@KLx2789]

I can’t be the only one who teared up a bit when he mentioned how he nearly cried when he got his green card. My own personal experience aside, hearing the sincerity in his voice about how relieved he was when it happened honestly moved me.

[@AlfredTortelloni]

If it was terrifying for John Oliver, imagine what it must be like for someone for whom being here is life or death.

[@AlfredTortelloni]

@Ben A cool story bro

[@avatarwan5824]

@Ben A Aight, I'll kick you out of America when you scream, okay?

[@stclemmons1969]

@Ben A Then why do you fear them coming here? YOU are unpatriotic sir Ben and your citizenship to the bully USA has been revoked. Wimp.

[@stclemmons1969]

@Ben A What was your thesis about anyway? Why does it make us un-American to be against it?

[@stclemmons1969]

@Ben A Then why don't you want them here. Discussion is ongoing here, so no bad logic yet.

[@wizzyone1555]

I will like to request a new Ted Cruz poem every week

[@ardilla82]

I would like to second this request. Please and thank you! 🙂👍

[@josephcollar5987]

Scrote! 😂😂🙋‍♂️

[@SirAlexOfTheGuitar]

Same, i vote for this to happen

[@edwardblackwing7434]

As a Texan, I whole heartedly agree.

[@lait3967]

I’ll just jump on board for this.

[@shadowdemon1375]

“I’ll let the President explain, so you’ll know exactly what it isn’t.” God am I so happy this isn’t the case anymore, yet constantly worried we can get back to that point.

[@the-renegade]

12:05 _"I'll let the President explain, so you'll know exactly what it isn't."_ 😂

[@TheLevenon]

man i wish i could have a cup of tea with john and talk about poetry....

[@FreemanicParacusia]

For five years I've known a Syrian woman living in Turkey who had begun studying for her medical degree there before the civil war began back home and who hasn't been back since. We met by chance through Facebook after I got involved with a charity set up in my hometown for people displaced by ISIS. This woman speaks four languages and spent years studying for the US Medical License Exam. She was approved for an internship at a medical school in my city, UNMC, one of the best in the country (I took a day off work to deliver her CV and was CC'd in on the email correspondence between them). She worked in the emergency room in the wake of the October 2015 terrorist bombing of a peace rally in Ankara, and two car bombings the following March. I flew over there to visit in person in the wake of her graduation after two years of correspondence and got to spend a week with her and several members of her family who were able to attend (they live right on the border). She would be a credit to any nation willing to take her in. Trump's travel ban (red meat tossed to a voting base that's scared of brown people, doesn't know shit about the immigration system and can't be bothered to learn -- I know this because I'm surrounded by them) shot down her dream, and I got to tell her when it happened. All those years of hard work and preparation on her part down the drain because she was born in the southern half of a city bisected by the Syrian/Turkish border. I wouldn't piss on the man if he were burning to death right in front of me.

[@christiandauz3742]

She should go to Scandinavia, Western Europe or Uruguay Maybe Lebanon, South Korea or Israel

[@21972012145525]

If she’s single i hope you propose to her and marry her. You sound like you understand her and her sacrifices and appreciate her gifts

[@tanishqsagar3440]

@@21972012145525 This is about immigration, what the fuck are you talking about

[@abbassalman8855]

tanishq sagar he is a sweet guy chill

[@abbassalman8855]

s21972012145525 yes

[@EmmaYaBasta]

The fact that you can BUY 'legal immigration' in the U.S. says everything about the nation's ruling class values.

[@Hiekokuchiki]

I had a rich friend from china, who was here as an art student. She doesn't work or contribute in any great way. As soon as she finished school, she married a dude who doesn't even like her like that, and she had a green card within less than a year. Her parents paid for everything. She still doesn't contribute anything worthwhile either and has no plans on future education. Its frustrating.

[@AA123TD]

Almost all countries do it.

[@antenna_prolly]

I recognize the art style in your avatar and I so very much approve.

[@macmcleod1188]

You can buy legal immigration in New Zealand and many other nations. I'm a liberal but you sound soft-headed. Obviously we want wealthy people to move to the country and bring resources and create jobs.

[@macmcleod1188]

@Charles Crandall it's a global practice. If you look at many countries immigration policies there are explicit Provisions that have you can create a few jobs and are bringing in a million dollars than you were fast-tracked. That's because it's obvious you're going to be a positive gain for the society. It's just hard-nosed reality. The number of cases compared to the total immigration load is miniscule. It may feel unfair to you, but it's no more unfair than picking the best players first when you are starting a pickup game of sports. If you want to lose, then go ahead and pick the people who you know will be the worst players first.

[@SiRenfield]

Have an online friend from Europe (which country I’m not sure and I’m respecting their wishes to not be identified by it) whose family might be living here, who might be moving to the US with his family; sincerely wishing them the best after remembering this piece

[@xXpallinnXx]

I realise that we in Europe are extraordinary lucky that we have the Schengen area now. The fact that you can just not be allowed into a country to live there boggles my mind.

[@rlee1231]

They killed my mom, my family. Trump: Where are they now? 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@ichijofestival2576]

Listening comprehension isn't his strong suit. Could you present your story in the form of a meme?

[@CosmicGaijin]

And people still think he’s a good president...

[@feha92]

Normally I would give the benefit of the doubt, and assume the "they" in both sentences refer to the same group. But with that personage it is probably more likely he hasnt watched enough anime to know that *people die when they are killed*.

[@bettywith2girls]

@UCvHBfwyoJL5m3c_rzVuRh9Q Yea, I'm a Democrat and don't necessarily like Trump...yet, I didn't understand her at all and probably would have said the same thing...it was tough to make out what she was saying, exactly. Sorry.

[@DoctorZacharySmith]

Exactly, it was very hard to make out, I think Trump honestly didn’t hear it properly. Not to say that Trump is a great guy but it is ridiculous to assume that EVERYTHING he does or doesn’t do is automatically evil.

[@mrogan6627]

god i love Johnny Owl's Ted Cruz poems.

[@BraxtonShaheel22]

I really want to believe that the Ted Cruz poems are written by Daniel O'brian.

[@lawrence_z1992]

Better believe, one day it will be a book..

[@felixfischer312]

I know last week when i saw that he read the book i couldn't believe it and that noone jumped out the window listening to all that time

[@niceguy2171]

Really believe they are J'O's favorite thing to do each week anymore, and the only reason he shows Cruz at all ;)

[@couragekarnga8735]

Someone should make a compilation of those!

[@lunayoshi]

19:01 I lost it at "Sad Zazu."

[@AccidentalNinja]

That bit where he asked where her parents were when she just told him they were killed... I have no words...

[@rorajoey]

Okay, new theory: Melania's parents coming here is one reason he's trying to curtail "chain migration." He wants to deport his in-laws.

[@ninachang8829]

Payton Dean wow. I’d like to watch that

[@tourniquette8303]

I mean...what? They're citizens now. That was a big part of the joke. He made them citizens.

[@CymonTempler]

Tigris Sapien kzbin.info/www/bejne/j5CwqKOXnLSKpZI

[@YOTUBE8848]

@@CymonTempler nice

[@et34tt]

I think it's actually because he's racist and reactionary and just doesn't like foreigners, but I guess your theory is equally valid.

[@jhonshephard921]

I love that John Oliver, an actual immigrant is covering this. All we hear on mainstream media about immigration is Americans who don't know anything about the immigration system.

[@GusOfTheDorks]

Yeah! I mean why should we care about the oppinions of the people represented by the American citizens? Obviously they talk way too much about it. I mean its not like it's going to affect their country or anything.

[@condimentking3395]

@Gus Of The Dorks All he said was it’s nice to hear an opinion from someone that went through the process. Chill out

[@GusOfTheDorks]

@@condimentking3395 Sorry, I just get testy whenever the disingenuous liar named John Oliver puts out a propaganda piece and I see people who believe it. It's like nails on a chalk board. If the nails were made emotional manipulation.

[@dvguynn1]

I agree. It would be nice if he proposed solutions though. Anyone can do commentary complaining about the problem.

[@ciaranosullivan9352]

As a legal immigrant of 27 years I can attest to the accuracy of the segment .A lot of Americans don't know much about the legal immigration system simply because they have not had to encounter it ever.So a lot of lazy assumptions float off the top of the head .

[@wonderbugone]

Yaaaaaassssss the boys made it into Last Week Tonight! This ARMY is proud 10:17

[@GSBarlev]

For those who haven't heard the full poem, it's worth knowing in full: “Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all - And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard - And sore must be the storm - That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm - I’ve heard it in the chillest land - And on the strangest Sea - Yet - never - in Extremity, It asked a crumb - of me.

[@nafseltaeb]

I really appreciated hearing about your own personal immigration story!

[@TheaHFrancis]

Me too! It makes me understand the process and struggle better

[@madjidguerouad8096]

@@TheaHFrancis And I am sill trying to go to the us

[@CommaanderTaaco]

Yes it is more impactful to hear a personal story, but when it comes to statistics or scale, personal stories don't mean anything. When someone is told that 100,000's of people are affected, but they need to be told about a singular story, to help other empathize with the struggle, it may backfire and mislead. Someone could tell you a personal story of how they got in thanks to their father and now they are bringing their children, ending the story with 'legal immigration is rather easy, I don't understand why anyone would immigrate illegally.' But yeah his story is a bit sad, others are heartbreaking, others will give you depression in high doses.

[@pkerguy]

I was a Diversity lottery winner for the year of 2017, and I was still not able to or receive a green card. I was given a number of 41694 (basically your order in terms of how far you are down the list), for those who don't know, there are 100 thousands picked each year, but only 50 thousand (or less) that receive their visa, normally with my number i would be guaranteed an opportunity to be vetted etc, but that particular year they only bothered to continue the process with 39500 people instead of the usual 50000, and so I was denied even the opportunity to go through with he process (and that was after a year of waiting). I'm a college graduate with high education (and currently in a good job) so it didnt really affect me, but I know other who had everything planned on going (and some even got married with the hopes of taking their SO with them) only for something as unusual as this to happen to them as well. The Immigration office's response? "Sorry pal, better luck next year" (literally one response by phone before hanging up)

[@CarlosSchultzMusic]

Madjid Guerouad why the fuck would you want.

[@pranavghantasala6808]

"OUR COUNTRY IS FULL!" Macao: *cries in 55,270 people/sq.mile*

[@michael_bullard]

Pranav Ghantasala and Montana and Wyoming are nearly empty

[@bararobberbaron859]

Tbf, Macau is a city, it doesn't really compare. But Bangladesh with over 3000 people/sq.mile opposed to the US with 87 would have a good case for crying.

[@crossocean5663]

Full also means what the society can handle on an economical basis.

[@MarcoTalin12]

The metropolitan area of my country's capital, Metro Manila, isn't too far behind at 54,000/sq.mile, but it's also 239 sq.miles with 12 million people. It's an area about 80% of the size of NYC with 50% more people. It also contains 4 of the top 6 most densely populated cities on the planet, with #1 being the city of Manila itself, which is twice as dense as Dhaka, Bangladesh, which is #2 on that list Trump doesn't get to tell me that his country is full.

[@collybeans586]

Cross Ocean Yeah but mainly potential issues are mentioned in the show i think.

[@shivangitomar7110]

The fact that it was so difficult for him given his employment and also that he's married to an American veteran is baffling.

[@Nails_By_Kimberlee]

"Chain" migration was somehow fine for Melania's parents though...🤔🤔

[@LeonardLuzon]

Anything for his love although Melania looks like she want something else from him.

[@JustinAzzopardi]

Hey, I am Maltese. And I can confirm that the map of Malta is actually to scale :P

[@roguishpaladin]

I'm glad you escaped the infographic box before it disappeared, eradicating Malta forever. Also, I think half the population of Malta has posted in this comments section. Do you all know each other? Like, do you see someone else's post and say, "Hey, that's my neighbor Bill!"

[@davidrgrech0]

@@roguishpaladin nah, not neighbours but we definitely have at least 30+ mutual friends and family

[@JustinAzzopardi]

@@roguishpaladin Well first and foremost thank you for your good wishes regarding my escape :P As for the population of Malta, the native population is around 410,000, which I'm sure you realise is a small number compared to that of other countries. There is only one country with a smaller population in the European Union and that is Iceland with a population of roughly 340,000. As for the size of the country, it is 316 square kilometers. Just as a comparison, that is roughly almost double the size of Brooklyn (which is 183 kilometers squared). So yes, we small. As for all of us all knowing each other, when you are maltese and you add someone on facebook, you can be sure to have at least 1 mutual friend :)

[@BlakeFaeMorton]

@@JustinAzzopardi I live in Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex and both of our biggest cities are over 900 squared km each. I think I would have claustrophobia there.

[@spaceonisorceress4406]

My grandmother's late Maltese was probably larger than your entire island. Probably.

[@sholem_bond]

False. After I accidentally walked into my dishwasher door one time (which really hurt), nearly fell, and started crying, my house cat came over to meow-squeak at me concernedly. He also nearly attacked my dad because he (my dad) was pretending to roughhouse with my mom one time. My house cat is more concerned about human suffering than Donald Trump.

[@gorillaguerillaDK]

shulamithbond It was only checking if you were about to die! 😜😈

[@dragoncurveenthusiast]

When I was a kid and felt down, our cat sometimes came to cheer me up. I swear she knew and tried to make me feel better. Our dog did that, too, but nobody seems to doubt that in dogs for some reason.

[@DeTuks]

that is a pretty low bar my friend..

[@DeTuks]

@@gorillaguerillaDK so he could eat him!

[@gigistoner8004]

@@DeTuks lol, reminds me of Craig Ferguson's fear of cats for this reason

[@girlfailurecaughtin4k]

Thank you so much for speaking up for us foreign workers!!!

[@riebenzahl-524]

_"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free"_ Maybe france has to demand back the statue of liberty!

[@riebenzahl-524]

If that is your understanding of liberty I have to quote your so called "president": "saaaaad". A bigger one? Maybe a golden one of mr Trump? You know the word "hubris"? It is a key topic in greec play for example and it never ends well. Without immigration and refugees the USA wouldn't be the powerhouse it is now (still). But your society is in decline, and the more you try to isolate your country, the worse it will get. Examples of that had been shown here, like the Indian business guy. At least you admitted with your reply that you lost the moral highground.

[@commonpeace5595]

Look at the catastrophe that immigration created in France...

[@riebenzahl-524]

@Ethan Steel _"Thanks to immigration the US is in a constant state of inner chaos and bloodshed."_ You mean due to your gun regulations? >ou know that most gun shootings had been done by american citizens, not refugees or immigrants _"Communities separate by race and origin"_ A problem adressed in this show and much older than recent immigration, thanks to good old racism _"That european countries are starting to get a taste of us thanks to them opening themselves up to mass immigration."_ 1. apples and pears, europe has complete different frame conditions, such as population density 2.) Mass immigration is not our fault, but numbers dropped massivly I don't say it is not a problem, but it is a problem that can be handled 3.) again here is the same difference to be made as in the US between legal and illegal immigration _"We aren't great because of immigration."_ So, your ancestors didn't migrate to the US? Or take Henrey Ford....an immigrant Tesla Even good old Einstein Or, well the Nazis that build your rockets ^^ At least most volunteered to go to the US, otherwise they would have ended in the USSR _"WW2 gave us an unfair economic advantage that we capitalized upon."_ No doubt that this is a major factor, but without immigration your country wouldn't even exist, and wouldn't even have been a major industrial power back BEFORE WW1 already And sure that your military ensures your global position, for now. But china, india, brazil are growing fast and the influence of the USA shrinks, especially due to a loss in "soft power", aka diplomacy.

[@riebenzahl-524]

@@commonpeace5595 Have you ever been to france? I doubt that. If you think violence and crime are everywhere due to immigrants, you also believe that all of the USA must look like Chicago or Detroit

[@riebenzahl-524]

@@commonpeace5595 Paris had problems long before the migrant crisis, which we (in big parts) have to thank the USA for. But hey, it is all the muslims fault and Paris is everywhere in France. Nope, I doubt that you ever left your country, let alone visited Paris

[@neerajamb]

As an Indian who went through various trials and tribulations for her green card, and who still has friends who have been waiting 10 years with advanced degrees and a job here in the US, thank you for throwing some much needed light on the legal immigration issue and the ways in which Trump is jamming the works. Unfortunately the liberals and democrats have not turned their attention towards this issue either, leaving a large swathe of people in the lurch, waiting in a line that just hasn’t moved. Literally

[@ephy9590]

I think they're too concerned with the supposed illegal immigration problem at our southern border. There are atrocities happening there; it's as much a distraction from the general issue as it is something we genuinely have to focus on. And they're not entirely unrelated issues. It wasn't always illegal to come to the border seeking asylum and it sure as heck wasn't always a genocidal trap.

[@salabhsg]

But there is a country that might need your help and could use your advanced expertise.

[@AA-sm8uy]

I think a major reason for lack of support is the abuse of H1B by the Indian consultancy firms. So many of my talented Indian colleagues had to go back or move to Canada but below average IT guys, who work on sub par wages, get in by hundreds every year.

[@Zer0-0]

@@salabhsg Unfortunately India does not value such degrees nearly as much as other nations. Think about the number of unemployed engineers...

[@hv1817]

I've always wondered why these professionals don't stay in India and help grow their own economy instead of opting for Europe or the US. Mind explaining the reasons behind the obsession with migrating?

[@soldiaz7261]

another fun thing: you can become an illegal immigrant if a mistake happens with the visa renewal process. someone i knew almost had to move across the world [and then come back] because their renewal came a week late and they were undocumented--and if the government deports you, you can't get a renewal, even if the only reason you're illegal is that the visa renewal got delayed by a typo.

[@transmasc]

Didn’t think I’d see a BTS reference on a John Oliver video about legal immigration but here we are

[@johnascurry8100]

"I do not like that Ted Cruz!!" ''I do not like him in the news!!"

[@isabelled.4799]

@@austinkamp8048 I sincerely hope you're just doing that sarcastically, otherwise you have walked into the wrong saloon, compadre.

[@austinkamp8048]

@@isabelled.4799 the "tolerant left" at work again. Are you going to boycott my business now? Or perhaps release my name to the public to be shamed or worse for being a Trump supporter? You know, some of us like yo be informed of how the other side thinks. That is what I'm doing here. You should try it sometime.

[@austinkamp8048]

@@isabelled.4799 gopd one. Can you name one example, or has CNN not given you one yet?

[@isabelled.4799]

@@austinkamp8048 Are you kidding? I'm sick of being "tolerant" towards people who support putting kids in cages, turning away people coming from violence, and killing off what little integrity this country has left.

[@isabelled.4799]

@@austinkamp8048 and you want an example? Look at Charlottesville. Look at the concentration camps in Arizona. Look at the woman whose family was killed, and the President didn't care enough to even pay attention

[@16Chavin]

Ah yesss. Our concerned Englishman has once again dropped another fascinating poem about Ted Cruz

[@rgwak]

Make this a recurring thing...yes please!

[@uncomfortablecat]

•Internet Comment Etiquette has joined the chat•

[@kimberlys8422]

Dr. Suess has nothing on that.

[@NJ-wb1cz]

Why are you calling an American citizen "English"? Is it because he's white you racist?!

[@couragekarnga8735]

I wish we could have him for president!

[@SevenTheJester]

The line "As corny as it sounds, America at it's best isn't about who you are when you arrive, it's about who you want to become. The yearning part fucking counts." gave me fucking goose bumps. It may not be quite as eloquent as Emma Lazarus, but sometimes points need to be made emphatically, when making them elegantly for years hasn't succeeded. Hats off to you, John Oliver, and all the other writers on this show, for remembering what this country is supposed to stand for.

[@pnealiv7443]

0:50 That look of utter lust 😂😂😂

[@susans654]

"Your chance of winning the visa lottery is the same as your chance of being shot once you get here...1 in 285." Damn that's a BURN!

[@adamhansen2121]

Susan S to who?

[@couragekarnga8735]

Sad but true.

[@JuQui228]

Adam Hansen this fucking shithole of a country, sis.

[@cezarcatalin1406]

Adam Hansen Step1: Wear the american flag Step2; Look in the mirror.

[@mertgarbonite9307]

I think that gets a bottomless pinocchio. There were 15k people shot in America in 2017 and the population exceeded 300 million..that's less than 1 in 20,000 odds. Where does he get his facts from.

[@SkylerGrahamHenry]

John Oliver is a sassy toucan.

[@Herobrine-xc5xk]

A sexy sassy savory toucan

[@strifera]

Hornbill. He's a sassy hornbill.

[@trevorz459]

Those statements will "Scar" me

[@FlamingoVlogs]

SkylerGrahamHenry more like a chupacabra 🤪

[@dr.floridamanphd]

He’s more of a mockingbird.

[@shivramkarthik2882]

1:19 That poem was absolute perfection

[@EnVec0]

This show is so great, I've even considered paying for it.

[@safir2241]

As a certain black dude has said: “Don’t boo, Vote!”

[@isabelled.4799]

Yes. This and more, please! Run for office, donate to campaigns, help any way you can!

[@joyl3926]

Ahhhhhh My favorite black dude & president forever!

[@yvonnedunlap5305]

Permanent Residents CAN'T vote, duh.

[@isabelled.4799]

@@yvonnedunlap5305 Seriously, with all the voter suppression coming from the right, it's a wonder we still call ourselves a democracy

[@yvonnedunlap5305]

@@isabelled.4799 One has to be a citizen to vote. Permanent Residents are not allowed to vote, only to pay taxes. This is not suppression. It's the immigration standard. Although I agree with suppression from the right this is not one of them. Permanent Residents are not citizens and do not have the same rights as citizens.

[@AdlyNdlovu]

"Chain migration" sounds like an evil practice from the 1700s involving ships - and chains.

[@couragekarnga8735]

Oh, they did something very much like that.

[@Inquietuss]

I see what you d8d there 8 want to laugh but its fked up..

[@Twocrudedudes]

@Mylech XI neither have you, dickmouth

[@rynemcgriffin1752]

Adly Ndlovu We did that for a while, but then we decided it was wrong and instead allowed our immigrants to stay on big farms where they could find work guaranteed!

[@damp2269]

yeah the term wasn't picked at random and it wasn't trump who though of it... it was make to evoke that very same comparison you make and transfer the feelings form one to the other.

[@doverpetersen8098]

My view, Why not bring them all in? Bring more people to the PARTY!!!

[@sallyj1456]

Bravo John Bravo

[@aricaine5024]

I feel like the Ted Cruz rhyme is gonna be a tradition, like business daddy lol

[@dematar]

I think eventually well be able to string the verses together into a sonnet or other type of poetry

[@isabelled.4799]

@@dematar oh I sincerely hope so

[@OlEgSaS32]

John Oliver needs about...8 more versions of the ted cruz rhyme before he'll have enough material to publish a Dr Seuss esque book about Ted Cruz

[@DaDunge]

It's better.

[@knowahhestetune8775]

It's what the Zodiac Killer gets for reading green eggs and ham.

[@liderc1589]

I enjoyed the parts where John discussed his own experiences with the immigration system

[@emmaier4306]

"I know what you're really thinking deep down... and FUCK YOU!"

[@Maphisto86]

It starts at 8:41. It's priceless.

[@thomasharris7459]

There isn't enough toxic attacking on this comment. Allow me. No you're wrong, you don't like that and you're dumb for believing that you did.

[@thekub32]

@@thomasharris7459 Are you for real?

[@xxxdumbwordstupidnumberxxx4844]

@@thekub32 I think it's a joke, but honestly, it's hard to tell on the internet.

[@Fr3nchee]

I'm a "good immigrant" according to anti immigration supporters in the UK... mostly because I sound British and look British. They tell me how bad immigration is and when I tell them that I'm an immigrant, they suddenly can find a million reasons why I'm a good one. EVERY TIME. "You sound British" (Because I have lived here long enough) "You have English ancestors" (Yes, but my dad doesn't, is he bad?) "You were educated here" (Yeah... because I was allowed in) "You aren't refusing to be part of British culture" (No... Do you think those moving to a country move there to avoid the country?) "You've lived here most of your life" (again... because I was allowed in) "You pay taxes" (Yeah... because I was allowed in and have a job) "You don't abuse the system" (Yeah, because people leaving their country still have pride) "You're not a refugee though" (Yeah, because I don't NEED to leave my country, those who are being shot at, bombed, murdered and massacred probably deserve a little bit of safety more than I need to move for a slightly nicer life) People hate immigrants when they don't understand the real world. They are in a dream land where everyone is as lucky as them. They would be the first dead or the first to run if their entire state was razed to the ground. No water, food, electricity, violence, looting, killing over basic necessities with their kids in tow. People have had it so good, they forgot what real suffering looks like and so they only associate with those that look the same as them as long as the differences can easily be hidden and ignored. i.e. Me.

[@missmindy3803]

This team has so much talent

[@TheStrGzr-zq1qq]

Yeeeah I'm in the same boat: Met my wife and son on deployment to their village. Stayed good friends for the last six years. I study aerospace engineering now, and left the military, so money isn't great. Her family has no money cause 60 years ago, their town didn't exist. Her grandparents were as indigenous as pocahontas. We were approved for the fiancee visas for her and our son. They got here safe, we got married, but no one told us we needed to file the 2000 green card application in the same 90 day window we had to get married. That's too much to get on top of rent and food and gas and utilities and insurance, and taking care of my medically retired mother ... so when we found this out at the DMV and social security office, we asked what happened and they just said you're illegal immigrants now ... so even when you get in line, they kick you out if you're poor. And thanks to the new federal aid law they just passed, we can't even rely on federal aid when money gets tight cause then they won't approve her green card when we do get the money. So now I'm the only one working cause I don't want her working illegally, our son is 10, and my mom is medically retired AND what's worse is I can't even get my veteran benefits because he shut the government down for his wall and they still can't catch back up on that process ... Soooooooo basically .. FUCK TRUMP!

[@anthonyramirez1341]

I'm stressed out just by reading that situation damn.

[@TheStrGzr-zq1qq]

@@anthonyramirez1341 appreciate the love. We're not giving up though. Just cause they wanna do things wrong doesn't mean we will. That's not the real American way. I'll get my degree soon and start making real money building space craft. Then I'll go to the moon, and I'll build a BIIIIIG wall lmao it'll be a beautiful big and strong wall and you can't get in unless you know how to read. This way, Trump will never get in, no matter how much money he makes off our misery.

[@Paul0000]

Ever thought of going to Europe? Aerospace engineers are kindly welcomed, at least in The Netherlands, there's a family emigration and a health system in place as well...

[@siddharthmalhotra3036]

TheStrGzr9000 stay strong man

[@lorigoshert6667]

I sincerely hope all works out well for you.

[@HarshRajAlwaysfree]

_This comment was deported due to expired visa_

[@kawasakiwhiptwo5821]

Loop back around comment,get in (a respective line) and we will welcome you with open arms (eyes ready to read you) and read you with open minds. but until then...

[@FiXato]

maybe you can find a Dad Joke to sponsor your immigration via the family path? ;)

[@SleepyCatBeats]

Feelsrelatableman

[@alexgreen4112]

@Harsh Raj Always free No, this comment would like to propose marriage so that the comment can stay💍

[@TheeBigChungus]

😯

[@Neloch4]

"WHERE ARE THEY NOW?" i would have actually lost it.

[@WESTSIDEP707]

I love how many Americans don’t even know the laws of the country they live in it cracks me up but also scares me

[@4philipp]

How well do you know criminal law if you are not engaged in that field? It’s the same for immigration. That doesn’t prevent people from having opinions. And similar to being sick, you may not know the root cause but you can clearly identify the symptoms.

[@WintrBorn]

I work with a guy from Ecuador. I absolutely adore that man - a hard worker, fair to work for, great English, just an all around great man. He got his wife her citizenship , his adult children ( who are educated, or working on it) and finally himself. It took close to 20 years for a guy not on any sort of assistance, working hard, and completely legal. It’s insane.

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

That's a good thing. We want hard working perseverant people.

[@TheNinthGenerarion]

Selfish Capitalist the point is, the legal systems take decades which makes illegal more easy to consider. If legal systems were easier to use there would be fewer demand for illegal immigration.

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

@@TheNinthGenerarion America takes more legal immigrants per year than any other country. No more.

[@TheNinthGenerarion]

Selfish Capitalist your system is a mess though, and I’m talking about getting a green card or full citizenship, that system doesn’t work efficiently enough to deal with the amount of people who want to be there which causes illegal immigration to sky rocket

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

@@TheNinthGenerarion American citizenship is not a right. Only the best of the best should get it.

[@hjpngmw]

Let's have more Dr. Suess-style Ted Cruz rhymes. They are hilarious.

[@tdearsan]

i choked on my salad!

[@nique32j]

Ted cruise is scary.... Is he even real people?

[@hjpngmw]

@@nique32j Who knows?

[@tylerhackner9731]

We need more of these 😂

[@alw87642]

One of the best openings in John Oliver history

[@jamirimaj6880]

Very underrated lesson I got from here: HOUSECATS REALLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

[@TheFlyguywill]

John Oliver could seriously publish his own book of short slam poetry