When To Say NO to Marriage Counseling and What To Do Instead

[@olivialam3746]

I love what you said about not being able to build trust with someone who isn't willing to admit to what caused the broken trust. Same deal here.

[@adamslaura768]

Same…😔

[@marriagepartnersministry5942]

It seems to me that a husband that steps out has no justifying excuses but does have lots of reasons. When you give a week person reasons then you are complicit in the bad behavior and marriage destruction.

[@sandranovakovich688]

Leslie, God has truly given you deep wisdom and discernment. What you say makes common sense and rings of truth. I am learning how to stay in my marriage which really hasn’t been a marriage for as far back as I remember. Thank you for ministering to all of us hurting women.

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

I now pray for him with a heart of compassion for his soul. That he will conquer his addictions, get right with God, and learn to be the man I know he can be in God's eyes.

[@vanessamatodes]

Deception and lies are personal character issues, the sink hole that the person himself has to address instead of living in denial and blaming the partner

[@zuuumbaaa]

We did a 5-day marriage intensive with Focus on the Family ($$$$$10k) because they have some great articles about emotional abuse but when we got there, the counselors didn’t know much at all about abuse and were giving us cookie-cutter tips on better ways to communicate. 😡 What a terrible thing they are doing - unintentionally, I get it, but once people call it out (I gave them feedback), things should change!!!! Bottom line: FOTF offers hope for your marriage but not all their counselors know about abuse, so spare your money and your time!!!!!!!!!

[@marriagepartnersministry5942]

That program and others are set up like a business to generate income. I think they should set up the programs with the primary purpose being to heal marriages and then statistically follow couples after the program for years to be sure their program is working and doesnt need to be adjusted.

[@vickihogan8207]

@@marriagepartnersministry5942 it's all atrociously expensive! There should be some kind of refund policy LOL...

[@debrabowman8750]

We went through 4 counselors, epic failure each time. My husband, turns on a tear or two, says he loves me and the counselor, says 'see, he loves you'. One of them was furious with him and scolded him like a child, made him so angry he drove like a crazy man home, that was our last visit there. I will not, I repeat NOT ever go to counseling with him, EVER.

[@politereminder6284]

Sounds like they were not well trained. ,☹️ They say marriage counseling doesn't fix abuse. The abuser has to stop abusing.

[@emiliaa6175]

Abusers don’t stop. You can’t change them. Leaving is the only way. Separation and learn to love yourself and get healing.

[@bethgwin1921]

it's not about sides, neutrality, it's about truth! How can one counsel well if you're not allowed to call spade a spade. It ends up being fluff. i think this is why I always felt something is off with mainstream counseling.

[@vanessamatodes]

Repeated addictions ie porn, adultery, alcohol addiction are not marriage problems, but cause marriage problems. It's poor morals and poor self control. The relationship is broken, trust is broken.

[@jitterbug8215]

Me and my husband have a couples counseling appointment Monday and I do feel this has helped me to prepare for it. I know what should happen with the counselor and where my focus should be. Thanks so much!

[@reenarai6118]

Really helpful, eye opening teaching . Thank you. God bless you always.

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

I love the guy and have been with 2 females in the same office, the last one who gave me your book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage.

[@carriehyun9615]

This is SO GOOD! Thank you!

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

Not sure how to join the webinar next week. Can you give instructions somewhere in the comments?

[@faithoye-akinpelu127]

We went to marriage counseling but it was of no use

[@helenpadilla7018]

I had to learn how to have God Confidence. Like David and Goliath

[@coralcastro5168]

Where can I find the one you did this morning about tactics abusers use? thank you.

[@marriagepartnersministry5942]

Be careful. It's real easy to demonize our spouse and consider them a narcissist or abuser. Its super hard for us to look at our own behavior and except that we are abusing our spouse to some degree. Our own abuse is extremely difficult to see and accept. The best thing to do is to hand the signs of abuse worksheet to our spouse and say what do you see on this sheet im doing.

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

Failure, nothing changed. In and out of it the last 12 yrs. He's still going to same counselor for his addiction. I'm done with his counselor for the most part. I'm counseling now with my pastor.

[@dianeashpaugh3865]

One session together. After I went alone he wanted no part of it

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

What time for fbk live tomorrow?

[@Star-dj1kw]

The whole video was really good 👍🏼

[@jenniferwarhawk7301]

I was watching a video that you were doing today and I didn't get to finish it. When I went back to finish, it was gone. I think it was a live video (after the fact) with a pastor and it was discussing what must happen in counseling when dealing with abusive relationships. What happened? I would really like to finish listening to the video.

[@mf5799]

Don’t feel comfortable saying IN FRONT of counselor that spouse is abusive - we are in again

[@junedefelice-smith2447]

Hi from Florida

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

Good stuff. Thx!?

[@marybaker1644]

Leslie, are you answering questions in this KZbin chat? I have some questions to ask you if you are.

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

What page to go to for fbk

[@rascallyrabbit]

what if a person cant get out...financial issues, other blocks. remember the film the burning bed. he may hide all the $ .

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

Thx

[@cbak1819]

That is light in the darkness

[@louisewolfe8442]

So far not good - still looking for a “therapist”

[@mkosachuk6530]

Multiple times...Each a different approach. One with male pastor only/us together. One with Pastor and wife/Neuthetic/both are sinners/no victims.

[@dottyfinley3034]

Hi!

[@taylorrepenn7751]

Good morning

[@Kristy-jf9ki]

Hi

[@PB-oe7gm]

Didn’t help. Made things way worse sometimes.

[@kayakins1709]

Yes and they are only going to prevent the consequences… sometimes whether it be the female or male . Both are capable of affairs.

[@ladyesther]

I appreciate a lot of what you do Leslie. But I feel that some of this is shaming and does not seem to be trauma informed therapy. I just want you to know that sometimes people do not know when they are being abused and you can't blame them or hold them accountable for that which they do not know. Would you tell that to a child? Some of this video is really good but towards the end I don't agree. Seems quite shaming of the victim. Not all stories have a happy ending, Just because you try and prayer really hard and makes changes and read book from famous authors and go to seminars and do the check list does not mean that your marriage will make it. All. you have is God. He is the rock and look to him not gurus. If you have God you have everything!

[@ThePossumone]

Very true If you are struggling and feel abused you get tired of some of the advice you receivev😢

[@teacherAV2004]

Leslie your content is great. Thank you! I will also say that you need to let your guests speak more. I am surprised how you interrupt them and take over when they are talking. It feels almost like bullying... I feel uncomfortable watching it, to be honest. 🥺

[@Star-dj1kw]

They are not are her guests; they are her employees.

[@Spring-ko3nn]

@@Star-dj1kw I disagree with your comment. Its not bullying. I enjoy listening to Leslie, she is very gifted in her communication. I wanted to hear her talk thats why I watch the video.

[@MendedAndWholeLife]

Are we watching the same video? I’m in minute 13 and the guest is doing most of the talking and Leslie is just nodding or affirming. Leslie it’s a great communicator and has no problem with turn taking. She’s easy to listen to and follow. ☀️

[@judysteed3335]

Hello