Therapy & Theology: The Part Emotional Abuse Plays in Silencing Women

In this episode, we want to talk about the part emotional abuse plays in silencing women.
Join Lysa TerKeurst; Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress; and Proverbs 31 Ministries' Director of Theological Research, Dr. Joel Muddamalle, for a conversation about therapy and theology.
Helpful resources from Lysa TerKeurst and the Proverbs 31 Team:
- Download Lysa’s free resource titled “Where Do I Go From Here? Six Ways To Start Healing Even When You’re Still Hurting” here: proverbs31.org/read/resource-...
- Get your copy of Lysa TerKeurst’s book “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” here: www.p31bookstore.com/collecti...
Ready to take a personal next step in finding a Christian counselor? The American Association of Christian Counselors is a great place to find the right fit for you and your circumstances. www.aacc.net
#lysaterkeurst #proverbs31 #therapyandtheology #therapy #theology #womensissues #mentalhealth #emotionalabuse

[@---wu3qj]

Something that happened to me was that when I went to my husband about his bad behavior, he would do two things: 1. Turn it around and make ME the problem! 2. Punish me for it by the silent treatment and ugly words. So, I would get MORE abuse! The result was me never wanting to have those talks ( silenced) because I already knew what would happen, and it only made my life harder.

[@jenniferdavis3483]

I really applaud you for covering this topic. Married to an emotionally, spiritually, and mentally abusive man for 27 years I did not know I was being abused. Though I never wanted to be divorced, when he left me for another woman, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Christian churches and Christian counselors have failed many women in this area. I am so glad that you’re willing to speak out in truth about this, and pray that it will be helpful for people like me that may not have to suffer for so long, alone.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Jennifer!

[@franmcdonald4702]

I have a similar story. The church I was in used proverbs 31 to beat down women and force them into their view of what a godly woman should be. It was 10 years before I could even look at that proverb again.

[@OHBuckNow]

Christian churches and Christian women have jointly abused "good christian men" for far too long. COVET IT please!!!!

[@sharonnichols1998]

You aren’t alone it happened to me as well. Now he’s doing it to another. I vow to help other women with the Lords leading. God will get the GLORY!! Stand up & be heard!!! Get OUT of abusive toxic relationships. I didn’t believe in Divorce either. He turned the tables on ME! ❤Learning as much as I can to teach! I see the same thing happening to the other women. Praying she SEE & flees! Blind eye OPEN! Amen Psalm 91

[@tvcater1]

This sounds so much like my story. I was married 28 years to a emotionally abusive pastor husband and I finally got strong enough to separate and understand this sick thing that was a lie from the beginning would NEVER work. Here’s to the best years of our lives going forward❤

[@liesl7485]

"There are two sides to every story." Yes - and sometimes one of them is a total lie.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Liesl.

[@gingerbryan2920]

Thank you! I used to tell my ex (who supposedly is a born again Christian) ‘you do know the Lord hears you. I know you’re lying and He definitely knows your lying’. And my ex for over 2 decades would stare at me, take a big breath, and repeat the lie as being fact. The last several years of an abusive 31 yr marriage I was scared of him. Why didn’t I leave? Why did i know for a fact he wanted me dead (because he clearly told me and even said it to our counselor) but I stayed? When I left a friend asked me why I was scared and I said because only 3 of us know who he really is. Me, God and the ex. Everyone else thinks he’s a good guy. And that’s very scary. Thank you so much for opening up this major issue, not just major in the world, but major in the church. And secret. I’ve learned many people who claim they’re still friends with their ex and they just divorced them because they were more like siblings or friends, are hiding the truth. And many don’t even know they were in an abusive marriage. They know it sounds crazy so they hide what was really happening. I looked crazy to many people. I couldn’t prove it because I came to realize he was good at only revealing who he was when even our children weren’t around. So they had no idea, plus i came to realize he had been training them on what a loser I was (him being the winner, me being the loser). He is an expert deceiver. To the extent where i feel there must be demonic influence. It’s just too scary and weird. But I’m out. And unwrapping all the layers of slavery he tried to wrap me in. Slave to his need to diminish me into nothing. But i knew and know who I am, who the Lord made me to be, and I told the ex i would never let him get me to believe any less than who Gods word says we each are created to be. I am His and He is mine ❤

[@MKHall2014]

He is demon possessed! I have dealt with the SAME thing! I believe you!

[@brittanyb5942]

Absolutely!

[@sheilacobb3375]

Have a heart and try to understand 💔🙏

[@candacebrandt8211]

Refusing to talk and ignoring another person is also abusive and hurtful. Invalidating someone is very painful especially if it is a spouse or family member.

[@karenh2886]

Very true! In some ways it is even more painful

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend.

[@ThatgirlisonHolySpiritfire]

When you work for a Pastor that does this… good times.

[@candacebrandt8211]

@@ThatgirlisonHolySpiritfire how disappointing! I’m sorry. I have been a work situation like that. Remember, it is their issue and not you! (Much easier said than done!)

[@dnk4559]

Yes this is my siblings and we are all grown women.

[@debbiericker1723]

I led a support group for emotionally abused women, for 6 years. When an older woman in a leadership position attended my group, the church shut down my group. It is so incredibly sad that Christian churches encourage this abuse by not educating the abused women, and by insisting that they stay married.

[@jackieellison639]

We have a lot of religious jezabel spirits in churches

[@BellaGrace622]

Wow 😥

[@miss.kingemery1]

That's exactly right, many men are carrying jezebel spirit everywhere with them in these false religious systems ​@@jackieellison639

[@victoryamartin9773]

After being verbally/emotionally abused for a week for asking them to leave, I went no contact, hoping they would leave. They were quiet too for several months, yet they continued to financially take advantage of me. Lately they have been milling around with lots of activity, going through rooms they have no business in, and I'm worried they might be gaining momentum to wage another attack on me. It's true like you said, being quiet doesn't make things better. During this moratorium, I've been trying to get outside help from both my pastor and theirs to mediate communication between us. The 2 pastors spoke together and concluded the people in my house need to leave. Since then, no one has taken any steps to confront them or to help me confront them. My pastor has told me I need to die to myself and carry them as my cross. The church has tried to advise me on crazy things I could do to make them want to leave, but I am afraid those things would only escalate their abuses. Barring that, the church has gone silent, even as my family has, and other than asking how I'm doing, they are completely ignoring the issue. I feel like I've been abandoned to a dangerous hostage situation in my own home by a bunch of smiling church people who want me to pretend that everything is ok. It is definitely not ok. It's the Twilight Zone. And I don't think I can afford to get professional help, because I am being forced to support these people financially on my meager income. I was hoping that going no contact would give me time to regain my healthy mind so I could make a plan to get them to leave, but the zombie inside me trudging through the daily chores is only barely keeping me alive. I can't resolve this by myself, and at this point, that is all I've got. Help me cope Lord. Help me not to become bitter.

[@So_them2]

I am starting a support group outside of church. Do you have any pointers for me?

[@lhelms2850]

The pastor who married us told me to “grin and bare it” when i reached out to him. A total disappointment and betrayal to me and my children. Finally i filed for divorced husband just served paper and it’s still in going forward. Thank you Jesus.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're praying over you right now, friend!

[@rosetaylor8426]

Just like how my spouse mom told me to ignore him when he constantly ignored me n acted like I didn't exist,I eventually realized realized that she was the reason he was like that ,she enabled him so he was damaged,n she was just like him,he's never wrong for her,n might I highlight that he's 50 yrs old n a son husdband to a mother who has a husdband which is his dad

[@minitea4315]

That just sounds like ignoring him for ignoring you…a toxic cycle passed down in a family that has a history of handling relationships and conflict poorly. Clearly he learned this somewhere…!

[@lydiapetra1211]

Instead of getting involved as a true Shepherd should do the pastor just put everything back on you.....wow.... I'm so sorry.....may you find a good support group....🙏

[@franceshaggitt3104]

good for you

[@yvettebennett6170]

Wow! Favorite thing Lisa said was, "Create enough distance between you and the other person that if their continued pattern of behavior never stops that you can forgive from a distance and not be destroyed in the process." I needed to hear this. Thank you. Blessings to you all. Learned so much from each of you. 🙏

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Yvette.

[@brightpage1020]

Praying God gives you the strength through Jesus to find the support you need to achieve this distance.

[@lilyflower1168]

Obviously something is very amiss in the church and how men are allowed to behave...there are too many women on here saying "me too." Keep fighting for your/our voice to be heard loud and clear

[@bonniebundle6692]

Unfortunately my ex husband had instilled his problem into daughter who is probably worse that he was towards me. It’s been aweful

[@kimberlyisme]

@@bonniebundle6692 That’s so hard 🥺 Praying for you 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@1286cassandra]

“If she opens up nothing will change!” Darn. This is so true and so painful. I cannot even exist in the relationship. If I speak my feelings and thoughts on a relational issue it ends up a tornado.

[@Minnesotayankee]

Yes I have been dealing with the same, for 5 years. We are separated right now. I haven’t spoken to him in a few months. I can feel myself stressing less and smiling more. Praying more listening to what God has to say. I knew it was happening, but didn’t realize just how oppressive it was. I have been afraid to tell anyone, because of judgment.

[@KK-sv7pc]

+1

[@pamelaprivette5361]

Cassandra: you are only a prisoner if you CHOOSE to be! My prayers are with you!

[@virginiapaigelewis1523]

same here

[@pamelaprivette5361]

My comments, based on truth, are not being allowed---I will no longer engage in watching this channel. God does not condone ignorance. Love & Light to All!

[@changeme8035]

Twenty-seven years in an emotionaly abusive marriage has left me with a deep wound.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for healing!

[@carlottajames3869]

I am 27 years still in and tring to get out, but it is hard

[@sica812]

I didn't stay silent when I realised it was emotional abuse. I became furious as tremendous hurts were taking place periodically until I had to say 'pack and leave' after 2 years and a half...To all women who are silent and afraid to talk, psalm 23. Apply faith; the Lord is strong and mighty to restore your hurts and confidence. Lean on Him, and make your intimate time with HIM.

[@dracarys-lh6ku]

So much of this is going on, and no change ever happens. 10, 15, 20, 30 years of bitterness goes on. The love of Christ is a picture of love. How can the church demonstrate Christ's love when instead of "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her," there is constant ripping down. Women are often accused of henpecking husbands. And that is real. But a husband can also utterly destroy his wife emotionally. Most wives victimized by this abuse "die" in silence. I'm glad to see someone addressing and confronting this again.

[@Honeyinthecountry]

Your comment touches close To home

[@msdee2905]

My husband caught in adultery was very mad at me for reporting his adulterous and emotionally abusive behavior to our church. He filed for divorce and I showed the church the divorce papers because they were not believing me. He later resigned his leadership position at our church because the other leaders finally finally questioned him about it. People don’t want to get involved in domestic affairs and scandals.

[@busyv3124]

So sorry. God sees your courage and you did the right thing.

[@kaywisseh]

I have a similar story. My husband was mad at me also. He said that I was exposing him and that I was being a bad wife. He got upset and left the church. I finally got sick and tired of being treated like crap and I filed for divorce. Best decision I could ever make.

[@rachelmelendez9255]

yes .. my husband even went to a leader for help told him he was emotionally and mentally abuse... and nothing

[@BejaeLoves]

Silenced NOOOOO more! Be strong brave soul!!!!!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're saddened to hear what you've walked through, friend. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[@vicwei4302]

God gave me the strength to end a 48 year marriage rife with betrayal and abuse and codependency. The hardest thing I ever did in my life.

[@ed000]

First timer. I am a survivor of emotional, financial, psychological , sexually abused gaslighting, smear campaign etc. I am nearly 3years post divorce and still on the healing journey. I absolutely adore this topic,glad I heard this today and I hope all the churches will teach this every Sunday.

[@pamelayoung3496]

These people are so SICK MINDED!! THEY ARE NEVER IN THE WRONG!! ITS SICKENING

[@tearthangel373]

Ongoing psychological abuse that sex addicts use to hide their affection, damages your mental and physical health.

[@GraceandFaith9]

Sounds like you were married to a narcissist. Prayers for you

[@kimberlyestes3978]

Sounds very much like my situation. Currently in the middle of a divorce. It’s taking its toll, but not as much as if I had stayed. He would notice what upset me and then use it later to devaluate me.

[@LisaValentine1]

I’m 3 years out as well this April and you sound like my twin. ❤

[@jean-mariehendricks7399]

God, I made so many excuses for his behavior, blamed myself and refused to acknowledge, for so many years (14 years to be exact!!), that I was being emotionally and verbally abused by him. And the shame, Lord, I was so ashamed. I can't tell you the number of friends and family who said, "I had no idea you were enduring this." And it's because out of shame, I hid it from everyone. 😢

[@duskybrowning614]

I was in a mentally abusive relationship for 29yr. Left him 7 months ago I allowed him to keep me away from my family our children will not have anything to do with him. They are so glad I got out. We have a daughter that is still not talking to me and keeping my grandchildren away from me because of the things I allowed to happen but she says she's seeing if I meant it this time. I'm not giving up on her coming around. Please keep us in your prayers.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@elizabethy2912]

I'm in a similar place. Except we have an adult daughter who requires 24/7 care, which I have taken over the care of. My younger daughter is SO angry at me for allowing something that I didn't even know was happening!! We're staying married but living separately for financial reasons. I understand the abuse now, and feel such wondrous freedom just bc I've emotionally detached from him. I gave him up to God, and got out of the way!!

[@nancyellen8006]

@@elizabethy2912 You sound like you’re handling this new season of your life in a very healthy way. Obviously, your daughter has not gone through everything that you have and she is still judging you for what her father did. I would suggest allowing her to come around slowly and perhaps even go for counseling if she feels that might help. Maybe the two of you could go for counseling together. It can’t hurt and it might help. Of course you have to leave that up to your daughter. Good luck to you. I’m praying that things will continue to improve with your family relationships.

[@Steelmag321]

I got "out" (divorced) but I am still scared. I was even afriad to respond to the post. Thank you for being transparent with your story.

[@SurvivorC]

@toniharperreeves it looks like you're using your name to comment. You can change your user name (like I have) to not show your actual name. It's a setting in Google I believe. Be safe

[@Steelmag321]

@@SurvivorC how do I do that?! Thank you!!

[@dominique7490]

It has been my experience that women in abusive relationships think that their spouse or boyfriend will change and they don’t want to miss being there for the changes. They literally are victims of their own hope. Even though the evidence points to the person never changing.

[@mrs.kayg.4892]

😭 so much truth.

[@nisse6952]

I'm going through this right now. We have perpetually hurt each other, and I keep hoping for my real husband to come back. I think I'm just fantasizing at this point, though I do hope he will be my husband again. No matter what, Jesus has me in His hand

[@siddharthp4260]

Its with men too

[@kristinrmurray]

This is me! Wanting to be thee for the changes because I believe God can change him. But I also know this can’t happen without my husband wanting to heal.

[@user-dr3rv8sg6b]

​@kristinrmurray many times, God will not force a change into ones behavior without their genuine or sincere consent for a change.

[@4883rita]

I was emotionally abused, gaslighted, and effectively silenced for years by my husband and his family. I was hospitalized time after time over the years and Never so much as received a get well card or phone call. The Lord has removed me (permanently, I believe) from that situation.

[@conniewilson2366]

I’m 71 and have been emotionally so many until 3 1/2 yrs ago. I’m finally coming into my own and feeling like I know who I am

[@Janeintheok]

I'm so happy for you. I'm 61 and I feel born again 🙌

[@miminee4721]

I’m 69 and been married 48 years and just starting to figure this out !!!

[@capase2132]

Thx. Gives me hope

[@exploreroftruthandbeauty599]

My heart is so happy for you! ❤

[@thisgirlslife3002]

This is so true. I made excuses for years for disrespectful, negating, emotionally abusive behavior. I allowed my children to be hurt by this. They are adults now but I stayed. As a Christian I was told to support, encourage and nurture the relationship. I have left and taken my voice back. How do we care for our bruised souls after we choose to leave?

[@CarolR823]

Me to 😢. I look forward to seeing answers to how to heal our souls after such abuse

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Hi, friend. Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. We recommend connecting with a trusted, Christian counselor to continue processing your specific circumstances and working towards healing. Check out the American Association of Christian Counselors at aacc.net to find a counselor near you.

[@sandranovakovich688]

Yes, she is a great help.

[@shani411]

Im in this same situation . with tiny kids.

[@shani411]

Ill rather be poor than live like this. Emotional abuse is not benifica to my health

[@christinewagner1722]

After a 30 year marriage to my narcissistic Pastor / husband, he left me… never to return… And six years later I divorced him. I’ve experienced true freedom in Christ as well as learned much from Natalie Hoffman‘s Flying Free and Flying Higher programs!! 🦋

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend, and for sharing some of your story with us.

[@busyv3124]

Oh my word! So sorry for your tragic experience, but I am glad to hear how you have picked up the pieces and created something new.

[@savitriguard1497]

Incredible 🙏🏾

[@laurarahz12]

Love flying free 💕💕🦋

[@lydiapetra1211]

Why did you wait 6 years?

[@Mmistyharber]

This is so right on! I was told that EVERY man ״hurts his wife's 'feelings'l and that I should just go home and deal with it. It took me about 16 years to give myself permission to believe that the pastor was wrong... because he's the pastor...and a man.... I should listen to him. More emotional abuse on top of abuse.

[@RC-eb5hq]

I was told by husband that good marital relationships and mutual respect are unrealistic. It's "only on TV and in movies", and that I was idealizing marriage. I was told that if a man treats a woman with respect, he's "pu__y-whipped". Fortunately I escaped that entire culture (and that miserable, angry loser) at an early age. But through the years have been plagued with some health problems that are a direct result of PTSD. Abuse: the gift that keeps on giving....

[@JKshandle]

I am so sorry this happened to you.

[@akeishaharris]

Most pastors are narcissistic. I'm learning a lot of men are also.

[@rltreasure]

Just because they stand in the pulpit, it doesn't mean that they are godly!

[@OrchidTingz]

We Stay As Sick As Our Secrets & Silence!! 🙏

[@gogogadgetgal72]

I think it’s important to realize that in abusive situations, trauma bonding often happens. Emotional as well as hormonal events experienced from highs and lows of abusive relationships make it so difficult for the victim to break out of the cycle. Ultimately, the abuser is the person that both causes the pain and relieves it. He abuses, then apologizes and makes the victim feel loved and relieves the emotional pain. It’s a vicious cycle and is often why victims stay in abusive relationships.

[@ginad5697]

Yes

[@ginad5697]

Please pray for me and my daughter Ember

[@tammy1190]

​@@ginad5697 🙏

[@gracehood7211]

@@ginad5697 🙏🏻❤️

[@naledijabanga2269]

Profound

[@tracy7380]

Emotional abuse is 100 times worse than physical abuse. I was emotionally abused for 15 years and I'm still messed up.

[@branver1172]

Physical abuse is always coupled with emotional abuse. It’s never separate. It sucks to have emotional problems from emotional abuse while *also* having constant throbbing headaches and a permanently injured back and shoulder. In serious debilitating pain while also working through emotional pain and ptsd. Emotional abuse alone is *not* worse.

[@user-dr3rv8sg6b]

❤

[@tracy7380]

​@@user-dr3rv8sg6bthings people have said to me hurt me worse than any punch and it was a laating hurt.

[@Brianna-yh7iy]

When asked, “Why do I deserve to speak?” and the guy answered “because you are a Daughter of the King.” 👑 I started crying 😭❤️ Thank you for covering this topic.

[@catmations5631]

“ you do not have to show up to every drama you’re invited to” yes!

[@Nelikaful]

That's exactly why I stopped showing up in church. As sad as it makes me to have lost my spiritual home, I had to leave the place where little girls are still molded to be silent little mouses and little boys are encouraged to be "strong", meaning abusive to everyone considered to be lower to them. Pastors are not being encouraged to be gentle, they are encouaged to be holy macho-men with perfect meek little wives and perfect children to play their parts in the church. And the congregation wants to have it like that. Beware some pastor behaves differently! This whole community is making me sick, when I only try to sit through one sunday service with all the false perfection on display. The Bible on the Altar being the only thing in the room speaking truth, speaking of a gentle Saviour, who died on the cross, carrying all imperfections, lies, shame and sorrow there is on earth to redeem and set us FREE. Just to have his diciples create a church of surpressing children and women and celebrating toxic masculinity. Well, I was privileged as a child to get to read the Bible as well as Pippi Longstocking. 😊Luckily I met a Pastor, wise and gentle, who married a woman who was never afraid to speak out. These two helped so many people to find their own path. But it must have been hard to swim against the stream, to be ridiculed among fellow-Christians. I was too young to see what happened, but now I cry because I miss these two so much that it hurts! They got me out of my abusive Christian familiy, they got me develop a very good asshole-radar in regard of choice of partner. I even stayed in church UNTIL the elders tried to manipulate and shame my daughter into subversion. Then I had to leave for my child's sake - and for my own sanity, because I was not strong enough to fight the "system", I was not eloquent enough to start a revolution. But I keep on teaching little girls, that they are worthy, that they are the daughters of the King of Kings and that they are allowed to feel their feelings and speak their truth, get an education, not marry too young, before finding their own path, be educated about the Bible and have their own thoughts about scripture. So probably the next generation of women will reform the church as profoundly as Martin Luther did 500 years ago. It's about time, because the GOSPEL ist too good to be hidden behind a macho-culture. Jesus is too good to be overpowered by Peter and Paul. Our Creator is too wonderful to be reflected only through the eyes of men. Ding, dong, the witches are not dead! Ding, dong, our Saviour is risen and we rise with him, change the world with gentle power, with little seed-bombs, our children, that will overcome! Halleluja!

[@suzannafaagau9823]

I’ve been shamed and silenced by the church so much! They don’t want to get involved! It’s too messy! Especially when it’s a Christian man they would have to discipline for the ongoing abuse. I’ve got to the place where I’m afraid to tell anybody! I was made to apologize to my life group for asking prayer for my abusive marriage. It was too much for them to hear!

[@tinabunton8678]

I under stand

[@juneelle370]

I’m so sad to hear this is STILL going on. I remember even as a little girl going to women’s groups with my mother, playing in the corner… and all it was was women acting as mouthpieces for the sick ideology of the men… making excuses for men, for their lust, for their abuse… and praying for them. You can pray until you’re gray but nothing and no one can change a person except if that person allows God/Love in and allows themselves introspection. All they get in the church is validation for their abuse-lots of handy verses to use. I AM GLAD AND GRATEFUL that these folks her are doing something about it 🕊️ this kind of education/awareness/Spirit needs to be in every church!!! Women and children are being ABUSED! And the principle of forgiveness is weaponized and also-many women don’t want to divorce bc of the toxic principle that you can divorce but NEVER remarry… so they STAY and just PRAY… and make the kids just pray too… and if you don’t just let it go and keep taking it as it comes, we’ll then “you’re not being a good Christian”

[@lw8356]

There are a lot of good videos to watch by Leslie Vernick. She's written books and has an online support group for women,

[@Webbgurl2000]

You have a right to be seen and heard. You don’t need their permission to protect yourself. Go to the authorities if you need.

[@shelleyd9910]

I understand that. It is just plain cowardice. Rev 22. 😡

[@ivanamiranda234]

Finally. Thank you. After 10 years of abuse and 14 years of recovery, this is a balm to my soul. 🙏🏽❤️🙌🏽

[@prophetesskrishacheatem-cl8666]

Amen

[@brittanycamille6460]

For me, I believe something is broken early in childhood & is continuously broken down emotionally that leads to low self-esteem, that leads to accepting this kind of behavior continually. I had to re-learn what boundaries are, I had to learn how to have self-respect and learn to be able to USE MY VOICE TO DEFEND MYSELF. I experienced emotional abuse by numerous people in childhood & adulthood & now I am able to see & discern the deception and manipulation of an abuser because of the Holy Spirit, my own experience as a mental health professional & seeking therapy for my own healing. Thank you for EXPOSING THE EVIL THAT THE ENEMY USES TO DESTROY US!! God can deliver us, we must be brave enough to walk away from the evil deception of abusive individuals, blood-related or not!!❤

[@belindaalderson7209]

Absolutely finally some sense thank you

[@nancybrantley9694]

Still impacted today by the total disrespect and awful treatment by my first husband and father of my three children. We divorced 41 years ago!!! It just doesn't go away!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@margaretrussell2615]

You are right! I am 73 and have just been told I have PTSD from mental and physical abuse in my 16 year marriage.

[@newlinsa]

8 Mins in and I'm already sobbing uncontrollably! I feel heard and seen. I've never been able to articulate some of the things I internalized. The analogy of the bruising...broke me.

[@jld4870]

Joel: you are worthy of the voice God gave you. You are a worthy child of God, who has a voice that will bless you and others as you learn to walk in this truth. God bless and keep you. 🙏

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Summer, and for sharing part of your story with us.

[@zuuumbaaa]

Check out the marriage recovery center you tube videos…they specialize in emotional abuse and narcissism. They have videos about covert abuse that are very eye opening!

[@sandranovakovich688]

You are not alone, dear. After seeking help through books and Bible studies, prayers for help, I’m doing much better, most days. KZbin videos by Leslie Vernick has been a great help. Also a book titled Hurt People Hurt People.

[@carolejackson8357]

Oopps wrong location for my comment.

[@indianagirl500]

I won’t be silenced I will spread awareness towards helping others

[@vell5052]

This is so powerful I listen to these with my children because we are under narcissist abuse and I want them to know it’s not God it’s peoples choices to mistreat others the Bible doesn’t support abuse.

[@godsbeloved2938]

Your right. God does not support abuse. Leslie Vernick has a ministry to emotionally destructive marriages.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Chavale. We hope this video can be helpful for you and your family.

[@shirleentilya1240]

I grew up in a highly emotional & mentally abusive home. As a child I quickly learnt to normalize the abuse and I sadly have grown up with a lot of fear, shame, guilt & hidden trauma ‘neatly’wrapped around my being. As a grown up married woman, our first years of marriage were quite hard. God in His love & mercy has been helping me one layer at a time to begin to see & understand the truth, more importantly His truth that is freeing me. It’s not an easy journey, but God is helping me & bringing me different forms of help as tools in this healing process. This is a journey that we can’t do it by ourselves & need help outside from us into the process of healing. The problem with silence is the noises get louder inside your head/mind and distorts reality & truth. The Accuser of the brethren on the other takes advantage of the situation and adds on with his accusations. But we have been given victory & tools in the Bible such as 2 Corinthians 10:3-5. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Amen.

[@karengeers3338]

These paragraphs “mirror” me. But I have not found the help I need in others… only through my relationship with God. It is an agonizing process.

[@minitea4315]

Woman and man were made to share life. If you are listening to this right now, I pray you find the loving union God intends for your life.

[@visionvixxen]

I pray this happens for all of us that havebeensaddenedbythis and closed down. Time for all who grew up w dysfunction. To be freed and live and beloved

[@francesprice7945]

Exactly!!!! Amen !!!!!! I believe the heart of the human problem is the problem with the human heart !!!!!

[@Mutasis_Mutandis]

Singleness is a gift. Embrace it.

[@Meandyouisnus]

Hmmm women are better off without men

[@akeishaharris]

Amen

[@kins1332]

For the first time in a long time, I feel validated just listening to this. I've been struggling with emotional abuse from my spouse for almost 30 years. When I finally got the courage to say something to a church member I was told, "there's no way that could be happening, no way". I sought counseling from my church but my spouse was feeling exposed and refused any support or ultimatum to change, presented it as i was the reason for why they are angry and volatile, and both agreed I was being unfair. I felt so hurt in that moment, i was crushed. The emotional abuse continued and actually worsened as time went on. I was isolated and didn't realize I disconnected and functioned in survival mode for years. I walked on egg shells in my own home. It was not until my spouse had a fit of rage at church in front of members and leaders that I was finally believed. But even then, I don't think the church (at least in my area) is equipped to handle this. At first I was advised to stay, then to just pray, and years later to leave if I felt unsafe. I don't know, looking back, I did not realize I was so bound by this that I was waiting or looking for someone to tell me or give me permission to leave. My spouse has gotten better, but i still suffer and in silence, because I've also been told I'm the problem, like, "if i didn't ask them to do something then they wouldn't need to blow up at me and threaten to leave me. I absolutely believed the lies: won't be believed, I'm to blame, it's my issue to deal with, or I deserve to be completely dismissed and disregarded. Thank you so much for sharing this message, I strongly believe it needs to be heard and talked about.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, friend! We're praying for you!

[@americanpatriot7247]

Kins Wolfe - Ma'am, God gave you... you. He made you. He doesn't make any trash. God only makes beautiful things and wonderous people. (Humans are the ones who change that for any worse.) His opinion of you is more important than anyone else's opinion of you here on earth. When He looks at you, his daughter, He sees a beautiful, gentle lady, who was made by Him in His own image. (I am assuming you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?) If so, ask Him to send you some way to receive some peace and a good feeling within your circumstances at the moment, and ask Him to guide you and your husband toward a healthier marriage. Ask Jesus what He wants you to do for your future. People mean well in the church, but most don't know how to handle issues from members of their congregation. They get uncomfortable many times, not always, because they don't know what to do. Just pray for them. God / Jesus is The One you really need to please. Turn to Him and ask Him for His guidance. Ask Him to communicate with you in a way you will understand. May God hold you safely in His great, mighty hands and watch over and protect you. Things CAN change in your life. I know that for a personal fact. You are Not less, you are Not at fault, you did Not cause your spouse's unhappiness. Your unhappy spouse does this all on his own. Blessings, sister in Christ. I will pray for you.

[@kins1332]

@@americanpatriot7247 thank you so much for your words of support.

[@kins1332]

@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries thank you so much for your prayers.

[@americanpatriot7247]

@@kins1332 Blessings, ma'am. It's tough, I know.

[@rochellecaffee1417]

I have been gaslighted for more than 30+ years, and other abuses, and it is still going on. I now have C-PTSD.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

We're praying for you right now, Rochelle!

[@avoiceinthewilderness9864]

Me too. It's terrible.

[@kimberlyeder4162]

Get out no matter that you’ve invested 30 years. Between now and dead, how do you want to live?

[@tiffanybluetarot]

You are not alone. You are loved. You are important.

[@rosetaylor8426]

Get out ma'am,u deserve the best

[@myjoyisCHRIST]

You're definitely not alone, because it happened to Me Too! I was with him for 30 years and I thought there was something wrong with me. But then I learned about covert narcissism and gaslighting and manipulation, and what counts as abuse. He made me feel like I was crazy, and, like you say, when he finally left me for the other woman, I felt like God used her to deliver me from my tormentor. I didn't realize I was being abused until after he left me for the bottle and the other woman, and I eventually took some therapy. I feel that the church pressures us as women to stay in abusive marriages, and we have to remember that God our Father does not want us to be abused, and anyone who says otherwise is misguided.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for sharing part of your story with us, Jennifer! We're praying for your continued healing!

[@lorrainemead2292]

Well said ❤

[@BejaeLoves]

“This is not a spectators sport. People are being devalued! There aren’t 2 sides to every story” Thanks, Lysa!!!!!!! The church is NOTTTTTT advocating and often turns the cheek because people don’t want to or don’t know how.

[@rivcol21jc]

I stayed in an abusive marriage with a man who gaslit me and allowed everyone in his circle also verbally and emotionally abuse me , for 16 years. I still feel condemnation for setting boundaries with him, which led to him divorcing me. He has moved on and I’m still alone trying to heal from the devastation.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@bariniagumbs2522]

Sorry for what happens but all I can say is this person has the characteristics of a Narcissistic, they don’t love or care for anyone, and trust me they not even love themselves

[@lydiapetra1211]

He sounds like a narcissist.... sadly the church leaders are responsible.... because it's still a good ole boy church.....it's so despicable....look you need to move on....i know it's hard....but you need healing... please seek the help of a good therapist....and start living... your ex doesn't care. .. neither did your jerk of a pastor... ..🙏🙏🙏♥️

[@belindaalderson7209]

These guys don't change, he has moved on to wreck another women's life. Lucky he set you free.

[@loriemoore8554]

If only this existed 45 years ago. I’m just starting this process of healing at 63. No more need to be silence. Marriage counseling was not an option for me 45 years ago. I was so financially poor . I went to the church only to find out it cost for 30 minutes of counseling. 2nd my spouse did feel he would have been exposed. Just hearing that emotional abuse that happened to me was wrong on the perpetrators actions was helpful.

[@mariethompson6711]

Freedoms Way Ministries is where I got my emotional support and help. It's free .

[@sherikeen8362]

I have a personal story to tell on this topic !! Only looking for an outlet to share it. I know that the enemy would want me to CONTINUE to keep my mouth closed. Been considering writing a book so that it’s out once and for all. May God bless you for exposing the darkness. “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

[@monicaswavel6074]

This is so good. I'm now married to a real Christian for 20 years and even though it was hard at first it still didn't come even close to the abusive marriage I came from. I'm a whole person now and I'm very thankful I got out after many years of prison.

[@Kaylin_h]

@monicaSwavel Good foir you..that's one thing hardship does is help us appreciate average! [Boring] can be fantastic in comparison!

[@AstrOT6Stars]

Thank you. God bless you. God is writing my story, too. I hope for my happy ending as well.

[@someone_u_used_to_know]

8 years I spent with a man who treated me and what I think is amazing weather 90% of the time problem must have 10% sneaking out once a year on a relapse always includes other women. Even my loving night

[@someone_u_used_to_know]

I didn't matter

[@someone_u_used_to_know]

Wedding

[@raveled8953]

My husband and I are both on the autistic spectrum and are used to feeling invisible. This made it easy for his parents to emotionally abuse us for years. Having children finally gave me the strength to stand up to it after my MIL tried to make decisions for my son that were not hers to make. The Lord (along with our pastor and videos like this) worked on my husband's heart and helped him realize the toxicity coming from his parents. Thank you for the work you're doing 💗

[@sonicmainiacs]

Thankful healthy conversations about this. Ive lived 25 years with emotional verbal abuse.

[@jenn_jean_kent_artist]

Thank you for bringing awareness to this. Looking forward to the church abuse one. Many women have been devalued and silenced or shunned or gossiped about when they have the courage to share, when they are walking with such deep pain trying to be brave and authentic, and trying to reach out for support, and get met the opposite of support even over time. I’ve been that woman of being in the receiving end of this.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend.

[@jenn_jean_kent_artist]

@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries You’re welcome. Fun fact. When your ministry was first getting started, someone from Proverbs 31 came to our church to speak in Lenoir, NC at Lower Creek Baptist Church for a women’s meeting(I don’t currently attend this church anymore). But I sang before your speaker spoke for us. I think it was Lysa, but not sure…very early stages of the ministry, maybe mid 90’s? I do remember that I sang the song God Loves You, by Jaci Velasquez.☺️ I’ve loved your ministry ever since.

[@starlingswallow]

Me too. I was looked at as if I had 10 heads when I opened up in my small group and shared the less-nastier stuff I was dealing with in my last marriage. It closed me up! Who wants to control share when you are met with this response? I was told to pray harder, to read scripture, to give him more sex. If they knew what kind of sex he demanded....they wouldn't have said that. 😢 I was getting abused at home, a place that should have been a safe place, and then re-abused by my church's response to me being vulnerable and sharing more surface abuse to test the waters to see if it was safe to share... It wasn't. My church wasn't safe. That is also a travesty.

[@PraiseNPaint]

Same… 😢 I have been told to “honor my husband”.. even though he didn’t honor God or me as his spouse. I just left 2 weeks ago, it’s rough. Thankfully, God has connected me with the RIGHT people who understand and are standing with me. ❤

[@nicholelesassier1799]

Whitney I hope you keep seeking help for yourself and any children. Those scars run deep. I go to Celebrate Recovery. Best thing I ever did for myself and my family.

[@aprilc8869]

Thirty years and I accept that I have been verbally and emotionally abused now😭

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@sharonsperry1976]

First, thank you for making these videos. Emotional, mental, and physical abuse needs to be addressed in our church's. It is real, it does happen, and Christians who are the abusers will twist scriptures, and messages to beat you up with. Pastor's will also turn on the woman and that is devastating. What they say in private to the woman, they won't say to the man and the woman becomes a liar. One day I would like to speak, write a book, or even have a movie made exposing the reality of a victims life. When the abuser is a full blown narcissists (many are) it becomes a living hell. Living in a toxic environment will also affect your health.

[@starlingswallow]

If you write a book or something, I'd love to share my story ❤

[@yauchg]

I would love to share my story too

[@Webbgurl2000]

TRUTH!!!

[@Webbgurl2000]

@@starlingswallowMe Too.

[@sharonsperry1976]

Through the healing process, I keep reminding myself of a message I heard years ago. God keeps the books. God knows the truth, and he has the FINAL SAY. Each and every one of us will be held accountable for our lives. While the abuser appears to be getting by with how they abused us here on earth, they will not get by on judgment day. God is a just God. He knows our pain, he sees the tears, and he sees the bruises on our heart that no one else can. So remember, God is for you. He loves you, and at the end of the day, he is ALL we need. He is your provider, healer, friend, husband, and everyone to all of us. He is one who we can trust with everything and anything. If it wasn't for God, I have no idea where I would be today!

[@Mea_Davis]

I'm so glad I discovered this channel recently. I have been in therapy for almost 2.5 years dealing with this very thing. I didn't understand what i was walking through and kept silent for many years until I was in the brink of losing my sanity it seemed. Never understood narcissistic/emotional abuse before. I'm now divorced but he continues to torment, gaslight, and smear but I've never felt more free on the other side... but the trauma is real and that's why I'm still in therapy and have a few safe close confidants to walk with me. Thank you all for this channel🙏🏽

[@mariethompson6711]

I was too for 15 years we have been separated for 3 years. I am also in therapy myself and have been for 1 and a half yrs. My heart is heald and I am finally free from the pain caused from the abuse. Freedoms Way Ministries.. This is the ministry that I am a part of now. It was the best decision I ever made for myself next to excepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. God bless you.

[@PottieMar]

Thank you so much for this video. Married to an emotionally abusive, alcoholic husband. Depending on what happens in my life, the level of drinking and verbal abuse fluctuates. Financially I'm stuck here. But on another note, after the loss of my child, a family member had some pretty nasty stuff to say over a period of a couple of months. I talked to her but she just kept on pushing boundaries. When I asked for advice from our minister, he said to forgive her and to allow her back into my life. So many relationships went south after the loss of our child that it almost feels like whole other life, including the church. Heard too much unhealthy/abusive/what-are-you-thinking advice there. People are using the Bible and God to abuse their members and we sort of allow it when we don't know better. The death of my child opened my eyes like nothing else ever did.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your child! I can't imagine the pain and grief that you've gone through with that. Praying for healing and continue strength in this season.

[@rezkerry8809]

I’m very sorry for your loss, I cannot even imagine. Not all churches and pastors are equal. Do you have the option of reaching out to a different church?

[@andreasartin1471]

Lysa!! I have heard that so many times, "Well there are two sides to the story". It upsets me so much. Thank you for the validation of my hurt. The other re-victimizing statement I heard was "Well we are all a little selfish".

[@margaretprusan895]

Such great talking points. Especially in a narcissistic relationship (family members not spouse), sharing the abuse can cause being alienation and treated as a liar or one who overreacts. One has to be prepared to be outcast.

[@alexisrallo9610]

I loved how Joel talked about how disfunctional relationships are evidence of disorder in the relationship and he listed the disorder categories which were power, influence, presence of addiction, disordered affection and self obsession. How he said," are those the fuels that are underneath the individual that is trying to control you. That was eye opening for me. Thank you all for this great talk. Lysa you are such a strong woman of faith and I thank you for being a model for us women who are going through betrayal trauma.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching!

[@graftme3168]

My husband falls under all those categories.

[@raebtfl]

Love this conversation. I was scared to share my story for a long time for fear that no one would believe me or would even care.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, friend!

[@niquelogan663]

💚

[@sussannekeith5676]

I believe you wholeheartedly. …

[@graftme3168]

I got nobody to tell. Anyone I could tell wouldn't believe it. There are a few people who would believe it, but they wouldn't be of any assistance at all. All I have is the Lord, who has literally kept me from going insane. If it wasn't for Him I would have ended up in a mental institution with no hope left. He has literally showed up in my worst state and brought a supernatural peace and security that I would never have gotten anywhere else. This is probably the reason I have stayed. Sometimes I want to give up and run as far away as possible but I keep coming back to trusting God. Maybe I'm trusting God for something that might never get better but I am still hopeful after 36 years! Am I ignorant?

[@hispoiema]

We moved 55 times in 35 years so there were always new people. I sometimes think I could have talked to someone if we stayed at a church long enough to get to know and trust someone.

[@starlingswallow]

Lysa and group~ thank you for addressing this incredibly important topic! I wish this new tide that's rolling in about abuse would have come about 18 years ago ❤ I'm out, free, healing, remarried and so blessed by God. He walked with me through it all and got me OUT of that hellish existence. If you're reading this and find yourself in an abusive marriage, please know that God loves YOU more than the construct of marriage. My ex tricked me into marrying him by telling me he was a believer...and I trusted his words over his actions. 😢

[@chelinaahrens5631]

I did not recognize it as abuse until I told a therapist I felt like my marriage was bipolar… she drew the circle of abuse and wow that was enlightening

[@cindymdreams7757]

I was very recently in an emotionally abusive relationship - with my adult son 😢 It is spiritual, mental and emotional and I had physical effects in my body - lack of sleep etc, fear etc. A couple times I was terrified. I began to feel low self esteem and all of my friends and family started avoiding, ignoring and silencing me. Everyone needs to be educated about this. Thank you for sharing so openly

[@SavannahElizabethG]

Can you do an episode about being emotionally abused by parents and family? This was a good conversation.

[@blahblahblah4544]

This is a sad topic because children often compare their parents to their idea of a deity. So it's difficult for a child to have healthy spirituality if their parent was abusive. I'm a mother and I make sure to let my children know I am flawed and that we are all learning and it's okay. We will all learn. Some parents act like the deity and scramble to gaslight and hide their imperfections. For myself, I decided honesty is the best policy. Because my life was destroyed by lies. "Honesty solves problems. Lies create them." I tell my children. Hopefully that takes me out of the "deity" role and more into parenting role. Then hopefully I encourage prayer to God the right and healthy way. To where it's my children's choice.

[@melnelly5918]

I second this. Would like to learn more about Mother's specifically. Am on a road to recovery from abuse from Mother and haven't spoken for 2 years, God lead, while I heal. I have only just discovered this channel and plowing through them all. Valuable teaching. So simple.

[@graftme3168]

I thought this channel was specifically about marriage, not necessarily parenting.

[@branver1172]

Thank you for making this. Wanted to add about the physical abuse. It’s rare for physical abuse to be separate from emotional abuse. And sometimes physical abuse Doesn’t just leave bruises. There are ladies going around with permanent internal injuries that Cause physical pain, but no one can see them.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Brandie.

[@cr.6752]

I am so happy you spoke on this. Unfortunately there are so many silencing tactics in the church. It may not be the intent but that's what happens.

[@rltreasure]

Wow, so powerful. My parents and siblings verbally and emotionally abused me all my childhood that led to me making poor relationship decisions later on. The man I married was not as abusive but was very manipulative and deceitful. I was regularly accused of being all the problems in our marriage. The final straw was his last betrayal and death. With the Lord's help it has taken me decades to recover and finally discover how sick abuse is.

[@lsisak7651]

This was so good to put words to a recent experience. After 31 years of abuse including gas lighting God is rebuilding me, but it's hard to even have the words to understand my past especially when people deny it when you talk about it.

[@visionvixxen]

I’m just scared that because I have autism and other stuff ifI get out of this I’ll just get into another one I have been “working on myself” all my life, so….

[@brightpage1020]

The women I’ve met in relationships like this silence themselves because telling anyone would bring punishment when - not if - their partner (or whoever is emotionally abusing them) finds out. They’re sparing themselves or people/things they love for the moment and taking the little pain they might see as reasonable or manageable (after all, life in a fallen world is not promised to be comfortable) rather than risk a big eruption of rage boiling over. Plus, they are honest and don’t feel comfortable with secrecy against their partner and they know they won’t get the partner’s permission to tell (because the abuser knows it’s wrong or they wouldn’t care if their partner told) so trying to organize support or confidence in anyone else requires deceiving the partner and - rightfully - feels like a betrayal against the abuser, or at least a disrespect of the confidence of the relationship.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching and sharing your thoughts, friend.

[@devorahrose782]

Oh my goodness! I've seen this in my spiritual community so much! And the abused being counseled to do the work of forgiveness and staying for the "sacred " relationship

[@jasmineharris6376]

This is crazy that this popped up because I have been going through this and I knew something is wrong because I haven’t been able to speak to anyone about the emotional abuse I’ve been going through although I’ve wanted to. I keep thinking it won’t matter, nobody cares and how it’s my fault.

[@summerrichards5407]

I had a pastor tell someone in front of their husband that their PTSD from the emotionally abusive 20 year relationship that their PTSD will prevent the wife from see the transformation of the husband. The anger felt by the victim was also discounted. This information is necessary for the pastoral counselors to get hold of!

[@valeriewithers2391]

All Ive ever heard is that I nee to submit,I need to keep quiet,dont rock the boat,dont speak,keep your mouth shut.ALL ADDICTS ARE ABUSIVE ALLCRIMIALS ARE ABUSIVE>UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE

[@lisajohnson4744]

“Pastoral.” What a farce.

[@Webbgurl2000]

Spiritual abuse at it’s worst

[@visionvixxen]

Many pastors are emotionally waaay behind the normal world…. They never faced issues themselves so turned to religion. We need true counselors who have lived it and are able to be likeChriat..

[@jeanettelpehl2834]

Being quiet in abuse is survival. If you speak it is taken to a new level. Also, an abuser thinks they are in the right and what we could say has no value or they attack and discredit it somehow even when it sounds stupid or makes no sense. Quietness will help in ending conversation.

[@sheilacobb3375]

Sometimes and sometimes it doesn't matter what you do

[@savitriguard1497]

Get out. Period.

[@savitriguard1497]

Prayers 🙏🏾

[@1948rambo]

Severity! Yes! I’m seeing the impact of NOT KNOWING the truth of what was going on behind my back for years while I was waiting, excusing, forgiving n praying!

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks for watching, Fran!

[@emilee930]

"The body keeps the score". Truer words were never spoken.

[@cherylland5305]

Thank you so much for bringing emotional abuse to light! This is so important! Thank you! 💜

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Cheryl!

[@donnebonne]

@about 14:00, you said if I open up about abuse nothing will change... or it WILL change... for the worse because he's now getting away with it, he'll be more brazen. I learned after 26 years that I had to work on ME without his knowledge and plan my escape...I acted like nothing was different and left while he was at work. Thank God almighty, I'm free at last. It's been 9 years and my job is still to work on me. I walked out work With next to nothing, but my sanity and serenity are priceless. No vows to say "never again", but I keep my eyes wide open for signs of gaslighting. No more second chances.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Hi friend. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. While we can't speak to the specific circumstances you're facing, Proverbs 31 Ministries offers topical and study resources to help you continue working through what you're walking through for free in our Resource Library at proverbs31.org/read/resource-library

[@Job2317McIntosh]

This is feeding my walk with Jesus so much. Thank you.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thanks so much for watching!

[@GretchenHoechner]

I experienced this at work in a very unhealthy toxic environment when I was the only female. I was outcasted and had serious health issues. So glad I’m out but this made me feel very validated 🙏🏼

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching and for sharing your story, Gretchen.

[@irmielam5192]

I'm experiencing it right now in my office, but more from my female manager than a man. She's a classic narcissist, I finally reported her, and the owner said, she's just firm, not abusive. She can do no wrong in the owner's eyes...she's brilliant, young and super confident. I'm much older and am made to feel like a stupid has-been constantly. She lies and gaslights...and has the men eating out of her hand. I've been physically ill from this abuse. I need my job...I'm 65...

[@laurae8324]

@@irmielam5192 in general women are worse than men, especially if they have the envy gene. And some are envious even if you think they have no reason to be. I have to set a boundary with a friend who is starting to seem more like a frienemy.

[@melissagonzalez5437]

You just said some thing that really touch my heart and my mind. My husband comes from a background where everything is about respect for the man he was raised in a Christian home he is from Chile and they have a certain standard. I’m a Christian as well and I hear often regarding your husband and I totally get it. But when my husband decides to nitpick and be really mean and it’s very persistent almost on a daily basis. And I try to express to him it’s unfair or not right and then he turns a table on me and screams like I’m in the wrong or like I’m being disrespectful I’m realizing that that’s abuse. He is just very unhealthy not that I am not but I think the Lord has healed me in a lot of ways that has yet to heal him.

[@visionvixxen]

He needs to listen to Holy Spirit and take time- IF he is a believer and not just a religious person.

[@acrylicgodoy]

Dear friend, I also have a Chilean husband, and we are processing our separation for the very same reason

[@ashlynn4245]

I recently realized after 13years that my spouse is emotionally abusing me nd my kids by im aware nd I'm filing for divorce bt i praise u for setting me free of guilt cause I always feel like I'm failing in my marriage bt i need to do it for my kids

[@danielaspitz3052]

I've been raised by a covert Narc mother and had various Narc partners, but only a covert Narc I was with for two years at 47, broke me the way she did. The emotional abuse I've endured wasn't even verbal

[@theultimatefoodie2666]

Thank you all so much for this video. I am an emotional abuse survivor and I have felt everything Lysa describes. God bless each of you! ❤

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you, friend!

[@adelesuda3329]

This was incredibly insightful for me, I spent 20 years in an abusive marriage being silenced with emotional abuse that when the marriage finally ended I was so traumatised and diagnosed with complex PTSD which is taking years of christian counselling and prayer to work through...SO what I want to share is that there comes a time when you NEED TO LEAVE the emotionally abusive partner or you will pay a very very huge price for staying out of loyalty, hoping they'll change, constantly listening to them saying their sorry but they don't change...I would never want anyone to do what I did and stay in an abusive relationship and be damaged for years to come...get support and help now, there is no shame in leaving the abuser if they are not going to change. God will show you the way...bless you xxx

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, Adele!

[@gracekennelly8534]

❤❤❤

[@sharonproctor3085]

Adele..I lived the same thing. It was my church that wouldn't allow me to leave. 30 years of verbal and nasty remarks. When he died, I was diagnosed with PTSD.. I won't even leave the house. Milage was taken on the car if I went to my daughter. Not allowed to have friends..

[@lydiapetra1211]

​@@sharonproctor3085 IAM so sorry....I don't understand why you cared about the opinions of a worthless church...this is the problem when an abusive marriage with an evil abuser means more than the suffering daughter of the Most High ...no wonder that especially women leave churches. They are treated less than trash! May the Lord heal you and restore you 🙏🙏🙏♥️🌹

[@kimlaurinda261]

Im always silenced by this person im my life. Ive stood up for my needs finally. Took a huge step back from this person. So much more peace in my life.

[@lee12she]

I honestly felt hopeless for such a long time, I've been verbally abused by my stepfather my entire life, who always tried to get me kicked out of the house for as long as I could remember. He would start fights, he would make sexual comments about my body, he would something check me out infront of my own mom, he would act possessive or controlling. I couldn't wear things if I did I always got locked out of the house at night in the cold. And everytime he turned my pain against me and said I was the one who caused all of it, and he cheats on my mom and always gets away and this year I'm struggling so much with depression and my self-image because of him. Honestly I don't even know what to ask of God, but I know I might not see the situation changing I still declare Jesus as lord and savior of my life. He's still aggressive towards me and quite literally to the point I'm not even sure if I'd wake up alive or still have my dignity attached. But I trust God. I'm trying to stay strong. But as a child who had to mature quickly at the age of 10 to learn to depend on herself because she had no parental figure still stings. I'm trying to change but idk what to do..

[@annaperkins5818]

It sounds like you may not know what to do all the time mentally, but that your spirit it guiding you and your faith is leading you.

[@SS-co3wl]

Can you reach out to a Counsellor at school? Try calling teen help lines or mental health (google free help lines in your area). You can also try going to a local church or confide in trusted family members?

[@Webbgurl2000]

Remember true change happens over time not overnight. Abusers are clever! Starting therapy to keep you with them while remaining unchanged.

[@shellyj7536]

I agree, there's no such thing as "two sides of the story" As an abused wife the emotional & verbal abuse is the worst !

[@graftme3168]

I never understood that phrase! Sometimes one side is telling the true story. And, it seems like the truth is the least likely to be believed.

[@meagaindoingme2682]

We stay as sick as our secrets ❤❤❤ Salute

[@Cassal27]

Everything here is SPOT ON ONLY thing I’ve seen on KZbin that makes perfect sense!!!!!!

[@LG-wm1nw]

I was severely abused in every way, except sexually by my mentally ill narcissistic mother both as a child and in adulthood. It devastated me. For years I lost sight of who I was as a person, I had no personal boundaries, and had a lot of self-hatred and very, very low self-esteem and worth. I'm 51 years old and finally, healing has begun to take place. Thank you for sharing. God is indeed faithful.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for healing, friend!

[@thenannywoodforest98]

I'm only half way through and you all are hitting this out of the park!! Thank you for the validation and encouragement.

[@msdee2905]

When I tried to report to my church the adultery and emotional abuse by my spouse who is an elder, they tried to silence me and told me it was a private matter. Now I don’t really attend this church anymore.

[@Thankful305]

Exactly what happens over and over! I too reported abuse in my home and was told to submit more, respect more. pray more and have more sex! Basically sweeping it under the rug will make it magically disappear ⚠️😣 Nope! Never happened irregardless of what I tried… he came out shining and I was the trouble maker/crazy one--Because of the mask he wore at church and with his friends at church

[@busyv3124]

Oh my sister, bless your heart. Your boldness is not fruitless even though your desired outcome didn’t come to be. You at least made it public, so when others come, they will be held more accountable. God will not be mocked.

[@reenajacob256]

My heart goes out to you!❤ First, you have suffered the trauma from your spouse and second you have suffered the trauma from how your church responded. These are tremendous traumas that should never happen in the church. God sees your pain and He feels it with you. You are so loved and valuable. You are not defined by what has been done to you but by what has been done for you on the cross.

[@godsgirl724]

“All good, healthy and self-care boundaries require grief.” 😮 This makes sense!

[@sashagomes754]

Thank you, thank you for sharing. I know I was not crazy. This really helped me and I am more confident now hearing this as I recently I moved away from an emotionally abusive relationship. God's continued blessings to you all.

[@CarolR823]

I’ve dealt with this so many years and trying to recover from the trauma, gaslighting and continued truth not being able to be listened to. I find once I open up my vulnerability to another believer they get stand-off-ish. I’ve also had hurtful dismissal from church leaders. Hard to find healing in this journey from Christ followers. Because of this I’ve had hurtful name tags put on me which are believed. It word be SO helpful to be believed, encouraged and loved through this. I want to overcome and find life again

[@bila8362]

I believe you and I pray for you!

[@found-it0620]

Carol, the fear others will not support you if you share is called the Cassandra Syndrome.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Thank you for watching, Carol, and for sharing part of your story with us.

[@gloriacoleman7012]

Dr. Les Carter is great also The royal we on KZbin are both Christians and very helpful.

[@shellric4538]

Wow, Lysa- always appreciate your insight. Feel like Christianity ( counseling) well intentioned as it was actually encouraged codependency- behavior, since Christianity and being "nice" were the answers instead of saying, no this is not ok- stand up. My kids are so hurt, by me doing the "right" thing. Wasn't the better thing. 😕 Also, see how your scars have actually become a healing valve for others. How can I be there in my own situation?

[@julieb7877]

Stockholm syndrome really is an aha moment for me! My child has treated me terribly when I talked about CSA, I always thought it was victimising, but I think it’s more stockholm!

[@Thenextperson]

Shout out to Holy Spirit for keeping me grounded most of the time ❤

[@truththatmatters]

My dad would ignore/not speak to my mom unless necessary, for weeks or even months, always threatening that he would divorce my mom in order to get her to do or be what he wanted her to be. This life of abuse and fear was traumatic to watch and experience. So sad. Just beginning to understand how it has affected me. Praise God He is helping me understand and heal.

[@OfficialProverbs31Ministries]

Praying for you today, friend!

[@abigaledavis1223]

This is the very best I’ve ever heard from any Christian . I sincerely thank you for all the nuisances you covered. Very well done. Praise God for what you shared. You have helped a lot of women.

[@stephcoker]

Difference between privacy and secrecy - amen!

[@LuvinmyAdonai]

This is SO GOOD!!! Oh my goodness! I needed this today! Thank you. Around the 5 min mark when you talk about our body’s reaction to pain. Wow!! 😢

[@projectqueen610]

OH MY WORD!!! This is ALL so true. I was not heard in my church. I have been blamed, I have been told do more. I have been reemed in Christian coulpes counseling. Yes We are forced to stay silent...As I get friends and share my frustratioms and suddenly get ghosted....The good news is that with prayer God sent me a friend that affirms and nurtures my spiritual growth and HEARS and validates me. God is so good.